John Vervaeke - How To Deal With Losing Friends As You Develop
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
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From Modern Wisdom Podcast 294 | Creating A Life Of Meaning & Wisdom - John Vervaeke.
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Wonderful channel mate!
Modernity has thrown us so off track from our intended way of living, that it should be no surprise that we are a mess.
You're still the same human iPhone model that was designed to live in small family oriented communities that spend a significant amount of their day separated in order to undertake the tasks required to provide for our mates, offspring and small communities.
Now you live among HUGE populations of strangers that you have no bond or earnest joint survival effort with, that because of that (living setting vs design conflict) constantly creates an anxiety within you because on an instinctual level you dont know if those close quarters humans will be a threat.
You were not designed to be in close proximity to hundreds to thousands of humans everyday thats intentions (relating to you safety) are unknown to you.
Thank you for your channel.
I have lost friends and family members. That is just the way it is....Authenticity and truth is more important to me.
Bravo
Some of us, have no choice. Who we ARE, is a dweller of Authenticity. People fall away.. it hurts. My children are now, at a distance. The pain is constant. However, I can’t, ...unlearn... what is now, My Sense of Knowing. Take heart.
@@lancelotdufrane WEll said.
Losing friends is actually a benefit. People are fake, they intentionally drag you down. It's better to have one or two real friends than dozens of fake ones.
Soon true...
@@Shlogger Fuzz it's ok to be alone it's not the same as being lonely. Get a dog ...much better than humans. Well, I suppose it's ok for me to say all this as I have a good man and he has a good woman...but it wasn't always that way for both us. We were alone for a long time but found each other many years ago. You will find true friendship if you really want to . Just ask the universe ✨ and know you deserve it ...then sit back and let it happen. Good luck..
@@Shlogger OK Fuzz...you're having a rough time I get it , however, you can do it ...but you must stop thinking about the being alone, start being grateful right now ..the gratitude part attracts the energy you need to manifest the friend/ friends you want in your life. Act as ..IF....you already have what you want ...then the universe will act accordingly. In the meantime get a dog ...go out walking with the adorable doggy and along the way people will be attracted to your dog ..conversations start up and before you know it people are talking to you and not the dog. Always remember a dog is for life and will never let you down. Take care my dear.
@@Shlogger 🐕🐕🦮🦮🐕🦺 ..
True often
In my 20's I had a lot of friends, some just casual buds, but also a core few who I expected to be close to for my entire life. I'm 31 and they're all gone now. It seems like everyone got a memo saying to no longer tolerate anyone who has any difference of opinion with you about anything, and if they do to just drop them and run. I didn't get that memo.
Preach! 99% of university friends have gone way off the deep end
@@BadMotivator66 yeah I really don’t get it. Like I went to the same high school and same universities as a lot of them did, but it seems like over the last 4 years everyone but me just fell off and lost the ability to tolerate even mild differences. Differences that have always been a thing, and never a problem until now.
Yeah its insane. Just one difference in opinion even if its not a big deal somehow turns into them finding someone else to talk too. Funny Fight club called this out a long time ago " Single Serving friends" even if you have known them your whole life. Work on yourself , eat healthy and you'll actually feel happier imo.
Yep right with you bro. Removed all fake friends from my life who ostracized me for speaking out against BLM and other evil entities. Good riddance.
I'm 30 and same here. High school friends too. And we can't meet new people in lockdown either. It really sucks. But I feel I have no choice. I'm not one to lie to placate other people.
When I was a kid my dad didn't have any friends by choice and I didn't understand it. Then I grew up, I understand it now.
Same here. Dad only had one friend, and he barely saw him. I understand why now too.
Yup
same here but i dont quite understand it.. I think good friends are great to have. But its so hard to find good friends
That is how my mom was. I thought it was so weird at the time. I totally get it now. In movies and other places, there is a great value placed on friends. I thought I needed friends. I had many friends. Each time I went on, all I could think of is I would prefer to be home alone. Now, I am conflicted because I really don't have friends, but I feel I should.
Cathy Cabral you have family?
There are no friends, just memories
“Have no friends not equal to yourself.” - Confucius
Serious advice.
Far less of a philosopher but I heard Grant Cardone say the other day if you aren't losing friends you aren't changing.
🤔
I don't have any either, and it has nothing to do with social skills ,it's all about how good of a bulls shitter you are ,so ,me ,myself ,and I get along just fine .
Been noticing a very close friend and I have been drifting apart the last few months as I grow and seek things and he doesn't. This was a video I needed to hear. Keep up the great videos Chris! I'm always pleased with the quality of guests you have on.
Lockdown has distanced me from my friends but was surprised to find that I don’t really miss them! A couple are inherently negative and I didn’t realise how draining that was until I didn’t see them. A couple are lovely and I know we can meet after any amount of time and it will feel like we haven’t been apart and we root for each other in our lives. But I have found that I’m actually ok with my own company for the first time ever and it feels very positive 💗
That is a great place to be.
Friends who leave you when you begin to grow were not real friends in the first place.
Often it was their shallowness and love of the inane that pushed you in the new direction.
When we are in the mind of the collective, we are not pure souls but idolators of popular cultural vulgarity. We are blessed when we can see that we too were once addicts of folly.
Rev 22:11
I dont believe that. Everyone plays a part in my life. Some temporary
I dont believe that. Everyone plays a part in my life. Some temporary
@@anitacastelli1321 temporary ppl...all ppl...same same
If you are feeling lonely, remember, you're not alone. There are a lot of fine people out there, feeling the same way.
Me
Me
checkin in! ;D
Yo
Lets all hang out
I’ve walked away from friends I can no longer respect. Once respect is gone, I can’t fake it.
Same here. I lost respect for a friend who moved in with a land whale single mom and had two kids with her. I struggle with finding a girlfriend and his advice was for me to lower my standards so I can be miserable like him. His new friends and whatnot are all white trash. Literally. I have no respect for him and we haven’t talked in years nor do I fell like it. He’s mad because I’m free and he is stuck with a land whale all because he was in a rush to be a daddy. His own mom was a single mom when he was born so I guess the apple doesn’t fall far.
I was not expecting to come across Vervaeke when I searched " losing friends" but im glad I landed here. Been what feels like shedding people, family, acquaintances and recently old friends. Nearing my 40s, some of these losses feel like mourning. Evaluating my attachment to these outdated relations. Losing a sister like friendship to perception distortions from alcoholism as well as wild radicalizaion from conspirituality is heavy on the heart. Growth can be lonely and there can be so much wisdom in the dark. Thank you both for this insightful conversation
26 years old and I've lost all of my friends and cut my abusive father out from my life - but I'm happier than I've ever been. I know that I will find true friends as I continue growing.
Good for you. Something Jordan Peterson says, is a friend should be someone who can celebrate your achievements with you, someone who is happy for you. .keep that in mind. You'd be surprised how many "friends" aren't excited for you when you achieve a goal and feel good.
This is so true. I had a friend who just sat quietly and waited for me to fall. Then shed be like a savior and get to give tons of advice and look better than. Noticed that when I stopped complaining about my life and stopped needing her "support" we had nothing to talk about (except boring embarassing and shameful old memories and nah thanks)
Same big dog, feels lonely for a while but then you feel liberated.
I would rather have 2 good friends that accept me when I tell it like it is, than 10 'okay' friends that I have to kiss up to.
Does that mean that it's "your way or the highway", or is constructive criticism accepted?
@@Caliberx427 No, it doesn't. It means that if your friendship I've held over 20 years magically hinges on a few political developments made over the last 2, you never saw any value in the TWO DECADES of friendship we fostered.
I'm not talking about cutting off ties after doing something heinous, I'm talking about treating me like an extraterrestrial, despite the fact you've known me and trusted me for decades before, all because I suddenly have a red hat on my mantle one day.
Cutting off ties for serious reasons is reasonable. Naturally drifting away is reasonable.
These responses, however, must be reasonably proportional to the offenses you take. And that has NEVER been the case, in my experience.
@@TheHylianJuggalo I had to deal with what you are talking about. I myself was tempted to cut ties because of severe political difference with an old friend. I had to re evaluate MYSELF and realized he was a very good person and had been for many years and I should not value the political craziness above that. I ALMOST made a serious mistake. For my part, I encourage him to remember what we have shared and mostly not even talk much about politics as that leads to disgreements over things we cannot change anyway. Things that have small impact on our lives compared to whether he and I can help each other or not.
I only have one friend. I'm 59. Even that friend I only see maybe once a year. I dumped my other friends eleven years back. Even though I had known them for decades I don't miss them. I like solitude and never get bored in my own headspace. My wife thinks I'm totally weird. Being on my own de-stresses me.
I’m also 59 and feel the same
I totally understand what you mean
Same. 59. Went MGTOW at 38 before it was trendy. I live in my head. Never get bored. Everything interests me. I learn new things every day. Only one friend I see every year or two for an hour or so. My ex doesn't get it.
Some so called friends hate you with such resentment if you forge forward to make something with your life. I got news - they are not friends. I had dozens of friends in my twenties, but as everyone finds their own lives and many move away, very few are left and as you do your own thing you tend to drift away, but you find more inner satisfaction from making more in your life and you will then relate to others more on your own level in time. Never be afraid to move forward. It is what you are here to do.
Quitting facebook was the best loss of friends I've ever experienced. I'm so much happier now.
facebook was never your friend, its a platform to boost your ego of how many fake online friends you have that you will never met in real life. its toxic, same as twitter..a complete waste of time
@@jabjabgrab123 I'd argue that it's a publisher.
There are wonderful people easy to stay in touch on FB. But it takes work to curate
I got rid of all socials recently,i started barefoot walking.i can see the benefits already .people may think I'm crazy but I feel liberated .
The more authenticity you seek, the more friends you'll lose along the way.
Sad this is true
My parents had lifetime friends, but they were all from the same geographic area. Things are different now. People move away from their birthplace and live in several regions over our lifetimes now, so that causes people to have different experiences and outlooks. It's nice to reminisce with old friends, but if you both grew in different directions, talking about the old times only fills so much time. We have to have current similar interest and similar values to make reunions be a long lasting event or they become just a short magical moment to look back on fondly.
Friends come and go. Learn what you can from them and teach them what you can also.. The ones who are their at the end are on the same journey as you. The ones that aren't, Are on a different one. Wish them well.
In my first month off the cocaine. Friends are going to drop like flies soon. Perfect timing video. Buddies vs friends is brilliant
good job man, rooting for you
watch out for the friends who come around and want to see the “old” you or in other words bring you down to their level. I’ve seen what this does to people from experience
Good luck!
@@AthenaTheWolf great advice!!!! Ive also seen this.. not with coke but other bad behaviors
After I integrated with my shadow I saw the world in a whole new light. It was like I became another person. I wanted to share that with other people but soon realized that it wasn't a blessing rather a curse. You may have developed but those around did change. Its unnerving listening to an old man say things that you know are absolutely untrue. And it is especially painful watching a friend destroy themselves and not be able to help. I had to learn that if someone is drowning it is often better to just let go than to hold on and let them drag you down.
Sad but true.
I have definitely found the spiritual path to be lonely at times. But I've also felt deeply connected with people with whom I would have otherwise shared very little.
I can relate to this. Since the end of 2019 I have lost quite a few friends or people I thought were friends. I sent a lot of them customised Christmas messages at the end of 2019 and advised them I was spending time off of social media for the first 3 months of 2020. I heard back from almost none of them. The Covid-19(84) pandemic, a good excuse to reconnect I thought, they still didn't bother. Those people are gone. I have also had people with whom I had a polite difference of political opinion turn nasty...whilst they themselves call for tolerance of their views! I do sometimes wish life would "deal" with such people but I know that is wasted energy and I need to focus on moving myself forward. I am disappointed I have lost friends, but I think it has showed they were never real friends despite how much as I there for them. I like to think that clears some space for new people to enter my life.
Wow, but now you know.
Maybe also opens up space for new solo adventures.
@@MichL_71 that's true. for several years if there's something I want to do I am quite happy to go and do it by myself.
You have no idea how much I needed this. Thanks.
Glad to hear it 💜
We mentally, and from an inner energy perspective, fit where we are and with the people we're with. 'Birds of a feather flock together' is an age old saying. As we change (while our friends do not), we should cease to fit with them. Sometimes it's best to know that and just head out on ones own. But old neural pathways take a little time to change. You will no longer be birds of a feather. Actually, I believe one should consider that and do your best to view that as a good thing.
I had a good friend from childhood and I had a big blowout with him at 42. I brought up why I was upset and what I didn't like. There was zero room for discussion with him, so I just said later. He literally said, 'I don't want change' a few weeks beforehand. I had a split with my mother too which lasts to this day.
It was disturbing because I was confronted with the person I used to be and the people I had around me. I wasn't a victim since I participated all those years and didn't articulate what I wanted. Finding my voice and a capacity for self reflection was what it took. We want people to change with us but it is highly unlikely.
I have lost a few friends this past 4 years simply because I liked Trump. I wish them every success but glad they are out of my life now.
They’re probably happy as well
Same here!!!!!! Its shocking how brainwashed they all were ...... Check out cnn propaganda... They have been caught.. I hope all the liberals can see this video
@@brianbailey462 stop labeling we’re all human
@@RicardoCray sorry but there has been soooo many blatant lies by the mainstream media which is 90 percent liberal that they have been basically caught spreading lies and false information on purpose which has led sooooo many people down the wrong path... THat is propaganda plain and simple. I used to believe what i saw on the news too but i slowly figured it out. Its lies designed to sway peoples feelings and beliefs. its brainwashing....
I will label as i see fit sir.
@@Barklord what white supremacy??
Lost my two sister this year and all communication has broken down because of their left-wing ideology . It's very sad but there is nothing I can do about this, life goes on...
Same here. My younger brother, whom I txted a lot on whatapp, simply went batshit mental Leftist...esp in regards to Trump. Trouble is, it's his wife who's de-railed his brain. She's an educated socialist with patriarchy issues. She's poisoned his mind. Haven't spoken or messaged in five months now. He is a total basketcase though.
@@fifthof1795 Calling him a basket case?
@@SKOLAH Me and my other two brothers have referred to him as a basketcase for at least three decades. He's permanently angry...projects his loathing...hates everybody including himself...hate this country...hates being British...slags everything off...He's a complete twat.
Archie Bunker to meathead: you left wing left
Same kinda but it's a excuse cuz i said she shouldnt talk shit about good family or join toxic family make up lies about me she admitted ain't true 🥵 @@rollzolo
Vervaeke is a beautiful soul
The closer you are to the Truth, the fewer friends (or neighbors, or family) you will have...
I always avoided people who seemed not to be genuine, they followed the herd, said what they were supposed to be saying- this is a pretty lonely place to be in but I always had 1 or 2 good friends. Those relationships were very precious and satisfying.
99% of close friends I had at uni have gone off the ‘deep end’ and cut me off. With the worst one- a closest friend- it came to a head when I fervently disagreed that violence against political opponents was justified. Even when the are ‘nazis’. They made their choices, and I stand by my principles. Perhaps one day they will grow up, but they way society has gone so far (exact same direction) I fear the damage they will do in the meantime
I fear the same thing is about to happen with my brother, I don't think he justifies violence (yet) but he loves to argue tye SJW points, won't concede facts and it's just tiring and draining and at some point you think what's the point?!
I don't know why people fall out over minor unrelated political issues
@@THOMASCOLTON1 i wouldn't call advocating for violence against people 'minor'
@@BadMotivator66 difference of political opinion, nothing for good friends to fall out about
@@THOMASCOLTON1 when you start saying 'attack people because of their thoughts' that is not an opinion, that is terrorism
Totally agree with this. I love learning, I love asking questions, I love challenging myself. Most people can't cope with this, and in today's propaganda climate, merely asking questions gets me a toxic reply and has lost me lifelong friends. I am now single, with a few amazing friends who do the same, 2 dogs, being 100% me, yet happier than ever :)
I’m going through a not so terrible divorce right now because of this very fact. I have also shut out anyone in my life who is an anchor, rather than an engine, except the occasional buddy as the speaker stated. It was extremely difficult at first but has become part of my makeup and I could not be more whole and satisfied. I no longer feel alone, sad, and angry.
I lost a friend on 2021 March 15 after more than 20 years of friendship. Beware of the Ides of March, the saying goes.
I have too many times confused my desire for intimacy with my attraction to others. Ironically, the greater capacity for intimacy I am able to participate in through myself, and the activities that are meaningful to me, the less desire I have to enjoy those relationships that lack the capacity for the reciprocity of intimacy and vulnerability. I am though, learning to accept people for where they're at. Having unrealistic expectations of others only brings disappointment and potential for harm.
This hit close to home for me. Iv seen allt of people fall out of my life the last couple of years. I dont think they are bad people, just not interested in true discussion and diving deep into a topic and challenge and try to learn from eachother. Feels soo lonely being at a party with a bunch of people having mind numbing conversations, rather be alone at home. I remember being at a dinner party last summer, and we were talking about movies. and it became a movie name dropping sequence where everybody just named movies they like. which is ok I guess, but it felt like it was an escapism from true conversations that people didnt dare to have so we just kept it at "ah Tom Hanks, whata legend, seen that movie where he talks to volleyball for 2 hours?". I think I dislike myself in those situations more then the discussions or the other people, I dont like who I become. I can feel myself being untrue "Ah Tom Hanks, yeah then you must have seen that Green Mile, whata movie"
Anyways the people you want to talk to will come. Wanting to have "real talks" makes you a magnet to them.
Yeah, but when that volleyball floats away... It’s like the feeling of losing a friend that once helped you get through some shit. But now there’s nothing you seem to have in common, and the distance just continues to grow between you and that damn volleyball.
@@SpecOpsCM yeah true, but sometimes you gotta let the volleyball float away. part of the reason you feel crazy is because you'r trying to talk to a volleyball.
Doesn’t help that Tom Hanks was on Epstein’s list.
No problem now with losing friends. I thought they were all responsible, well-meaning and would stand up to intimidation. Lockdown proved them to be pathetic, self-centred weaklings, willing to let the government destroy everything, leaving their children and mine an authoritarian hell-hole devoid of joy.
I'm perfectly happy not seeing any of them ever again.
I have a few of them as well. I cut them loose, the rest of us, the majority stand defian and indignant before our totalitarian leaders. I won't have selfish cowards for friends, and won't accept ignorance as an excuse this far down the track.
Ok so he explained the difference between a buddy and a friend, but what about a guy?
What if I have a pal? Is he my buddy too? Thanks for your comment, friend.
South Park :)
😄
I studied what I lacked. Wauw love it 🥰
Yes, I lost so much when I left the Left.
But did you swing to the right, or did you become centrist/independent?
I would say I'm just more Integral in the Ken Wilber sense: transcend but include. So center right Trump supporter. Big fan of Jordan Peterson for years since his debut on TVO'S The Agenda about 2008 ish.
I am in my mid-thirties and have lost my best friend of 30 years. No fights. No differences of opinion. Nothing I can even see being the cause. One day, he just decided to stop talking to me without reason. I live in another country and he has visited me many times. We used to chat weekly. The pain is like a constant knife - not knowing why. I'm married, but no kids. He is in a relationship without kids, so it's not like there are so many things pulling us apart either. I mean, relationships can survive this too. Another best friend of mine has had kids for years and through his children, we are closer than ever. I'm really hurt. Really struggling. It's been a year.
There’s a reason why angels sitting with god in the Bible look like monsters.
It’s because your ascension to truth will scare others away. Others who aren’t worthy.
Truth is by nature exclusive. What is true excludes what is fake. And through that process of ascension, the sword of truth will be doing a lot of culling.
Are you prepared to cull away the filth? Or seep in it?
Friends and family, the people who resist your personal development the most.
Interesting point Xav
Good point
Beautiful, important words. Thank you!
I have changed my life from being a drunk and drug fuelled hedonistic creature of habit haha working miserably as an electrician. I chose to changed things I went to uni and finished a degree in psychology and clinical psychology I also became a yoga teacher and now I work for mental health team in the NHS. I have lost many friends through this process of change and it does hurt sometimes thinking about it. Although I have made some real quality friends and relationships through the new avenues I now participate in like Jujitsu.
As a guy I would say it was hard to admit the fact you have hardly any friends because the things I now do don't collide with your old behaviours and habits. However, there are plenty of people out there looking for meaningful companionship take a leap of faith. In my opinion I prefer the solitude I have now to do me and work on myself and help others than to just stay in a group and go along with the crowd because it's comfortable and not lonely.
P.s this video has way more views then the other videos here, which may suggest a lot of people feel this. Therefore more people for the opportunity to connect with. Great discussion!
Big respect! That's ace.
I've just fallen out of touch with someone I'd known for 25 years. Haven't had contact for over a year. I suddenly realised that the friendship was completely 1 way and that she is so self absorbed I just got nothing out of it anymore, and hadn't for a very long time. I thought why am I even bothering? I stopped making an effort and guess what, she was pissed that I wasn't running around after her anymore. And that was that.
In my experience you won't necessarily have to get rid of friends as you become more ambitious, they'll likely get rid of you and save you the trouble.
This has very much been my experience. I trained as a psychotherapist during my 20s, so inevitably I changed. I found as that happened, I lost childhood friends, but now in my 30s, I have a few but much better quality friendships.
Spent quite a bit of time in isolation for the past couple years. Going through drug addiction depression etc. Coming out stronger than ever. Starting to hangout with some of my friends again more and this is exactly what ive been thinkin past couple weeks. Just feel like im on another level now and the way they talk to me its like they are trying to push me back down even its weird. Even the exact people who have been rooting for me to get my life together.
it's common, I'd suggest being very careful and trying to meet new people. you need to diversify. don't drop your relationships too soon, but from what you are telling me they are not confortable with you being better, and you cannot allow that to hinder you. good luck nate
The work you’ve done on yourself is a massive testament to your strength and character. Most people will never make the journey that you are on. Do not let them drag you back down. You’re a phoenix, born to fly.
Be careful. I was shocked to find the women in my family rooting and setting up a divorce with my now ex wife.
I've experienced this too. Especially family and friends who have known us the longest time. Stay away from them until you are prepared..or limit your time with them for now. My family (after 22 years) are still judgers. Be patient with yourself first.
going to say this as someone who has been clean for almost 6 years, lost 200 pounds over the time and made myself attractive by lifting. My real friends are still there, i have about 3 of them. everyone else that i tried to rekindle with, rooted for me until i was doing well, then i was cocky. people will root when you are down and when you succeed they are now threatened by you. sad. wish you the best man.
I’m terrible at making new friends. I don’t connect well with most guys. I come across as awkward and I get angry and bitter when I feel on the outside looking in. I don’t doubt that I’m the problem.... I just don’t know how to even fix it. Thankfully I do have a couple of close friends
Currently at the stage of my life where being around my current circle takes so much energy. I’m finding being alone feels better
I wasn't enjoying my female friend buddies group. It fell apart and I now see they were just buddies. That's all I seen to make
He's right . You're going to change and evolve anyway as you get older but if you're on a journey of self exploration this is amplified . You lose the common ground you had with old friends and lovers so you have to let them go . I changed so much over a 25 year journey I have virtually no friends , family or lovers left but the wisdom gained is worth it .
There seems to be an honest convo on speakers exposing their foibles and fragilities. Jordan Peterson comes to mind
Excellent clip. This is how we ‘Center Out-->💚 ‘.
I was feeling very depressed and unworthy in myself last year, and my oldest "friend" took it as an opportunity to criticize my politics and try to convert me to the "woke" tribe. That was the end of that illusion of friendship.
I realized it never was a friendship; rather, it was an implied mutual exchange of attention. (You pretend to show interest in what I am interested in and I will pretend to show interest in what your are interested in.) That's all friendship is, and when they other party stops doing a convincing job of pretending they care about what you're interested in, it's over.
I actually am still interested in following my old "friend's" artistic work because I think his art is amazing. And he always proclaimed that he couldn't wait to hear what I was up to, but I can tell he has stopped following my work now that I am no longer giving him the praise and feedback that was all he really wanted all along. With "friends" like that, we don't need enemies!
My guy here has a relationship with his awesome futon.
It's so comforting to read these comments and see that so many are waking up. This setting of boundaries with those who don't even trying to develop themselves is crucial. Often for those who are expanding realize they are board with old friends. They are still stuck in the childish world of physical stuff and you are living in the world of emotions, ideas, consciousness. When this happens low vibrational people naturally fade away. It's a little hard at first but the you begin to realize how much energy they were taking from you and how much better you feel without them. Stay strong awaking ones. Ascension is coming and it's beautiful!
Have lost them all.
I have a choice set of friends and they are few. I find humans on the whole to be bothersome. I feel this way about family too and even though I have a big family I only talk to about 5% of them.
it might be you
@@bernibeckmann9753 Possibly, or perhaps you’re another one of the bothersome ones he spoke of.
@@Magnus0311 mind blown, good work
Many of us don’t know how to be a friend anymore too. Not sure what happened over the years. It’s like people just get in the way of our distractions..
The bad part about old cliques or friendships falling apart as the years go by, is the loss of familiarity and loneliness while adapting to your new reality. The good part, is the opportunity to take inventory of who you are NOW, and form new relationships of authentic connection, rather than your personality feeling pressured to remain in some performative box of who you were when you were 18 years old.
Assumptions are key. Don't assume that the friends you have now will be the best friends to have in the future. Which friends are the sails that pull your forward and which are the anchors which stop you moving.
Assess your assumptions 🙏
I posted a relevant comment under this above comment beginning with Assumptions are key. It was removed. Why?
Remember, love only the virtuous.
Your friends are just the enemies you have stuff in common with.
Can't lose any friends if you had none to start with. :)
@04:16 A friend, also, is someone who knows everything wrong with you and still sticks with you.
I moved away from friends and family for work... very little opportunity at what was home. I used to fly back regularly, but something flipped and I've only been back a couple times in the last 6 years to see anyone. I keep in touch occasionally - at best. This guy is speaking truth. You need to make friends/peace with yourself, or solitude becomes insufferable.
Bringing out the big guns with Johnny V!
Try being ostracised with two children. I was drowning in their toxic sludge and dying. I knew I had to get out but the aftermath of that has only highlighted how dysfunctional they are 😳
Absolutely terrific dialogue and he's correct in my view. However, I wouldn't agree with title description regarding "losing friends" because as we improve ourselves from within we evolve beyond the fake ego "friends" that we surrounded ourselves with prior to our improvement.
“Losing acquaintances” didn’t quite have the same impact 😂
Agreed. I'm reminded of something Joseph Campbell spoke of: the difference in how Western and Eastern religions regard snakes within their respective symbologies. Whereas in the West we regard snakes as bad (temptation, deceit, poison), in the East they're regarded as symbols of rebirth 🐍
@@katiegoetz Terrific information that I wasn't aware of. Ta!
@@ChrisWillx True that........🙃
@@jcronin3155 I learned a lot watching (and was deeply moved by) "The Power of Myth" series of interviews he did with Bill Moyers back in the 80s.
Clips are hard to come by on YT, but here's a starter pack. Enjoy! ruclips.net/p/PLiJELyO9hcAZ_JVEmAI3sByatFwdSy6F7
Great channel. Subscribed.
Don't take life to seriously guys. Then you may start to enjoy yourselves.
Clicked on this so fast
Such a common issue eyh
The more friends you ‘need’, the less self reliant you are.
I have a ‘friend’ who is a member of a swimming club, yoga club, dog walking club (and more). He says he has many friends. I think they’re support groups not friends.
I don’t have many ‘friends’. Like the guy says, I have loads of buddies. I occasionally need them to collaborate with me to achieve my goals (and I’m more than happy to help them achieve their goals,) but I don’t ‘need’ them.
I’m not a loner by any means, but I don’t like having to rely on others. I can rely on me to do stuff. Other people, not so much.
So much polarizing worldwide going in. Does anybody find it possible to enjoy a respectful discussion about differring opinions anymore? Geez, we might learn something!
We are becoming more tribal as things fall apart. It's a scarcity mindset.
I've dedicated my entire life to the truth, since the age of 11 as my family disintegrated. I'm 37 now and I have no friends at all from the first 27 years of my life. I now have many new friends and for each one I have tremendous love and a huge amount of admiration for each other. Full of meaning and kindness and a support for the better parts of ourselves. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I guess some of my closest friends were dead when I first heard of them. Leave enough of yourself, your work, to be a comforting friend to someone when you're gone.
Decadent romanticism - witness my 2 Divorces. . I can't grow enough in inside a romantic relationship without losing interest. Becoming wiser... the ultimate purpose of life.
Normally when the women get involved in lads between 18-35 yrs old that is the beginning of the end of the fun .. life is pretty much just work and missus and kids after that ... always wondering what if .... my advice would be stay away from them and just pay for it once a month .. you will be far happier and far richer
Good video.. I do believe in good people and friendships you just need to find the right people that will except you for who you are.. the search for good friends can take a lifetime. What I mean by that is I have friends that are younger and older than me but the they bring good vibes and up lifting energy to the friendship in different ways.
I can't seem to keep them for long. They come and want to have a good time adventuring and then they leave or just don't like me as they get to know me. I have maybe 2 people that have been there for a decade or so. But dang it is hard
True friends are very hard to come by. Most like the "idea" of friendship and they tell you they love you.. and have absolutely no clue what unconditional, real love is. I make sure to tell those good friends how important they are to me and how much I value them.
Can there be unconditional love when people are important to me , is what I am asking myself . Unconditional love I think is only possible when you / one is 100% fulfilled already !?
@@happylifeSteph The older I get, the more I value sincerity. I don't think anybody reaches 100% fulfillment until they meet their maker. Until then, I need people in this dimension.
Unconditional love is a toxic ideal. It says you can beat me, beat my kids, lie to me, steal from me, disrespect me in ANY way, and I will still give you love.
It's not healthy.
Healthy love, healthy relationships, depend on mutual respect and honesty - and SHOULD be conditional based on those two things.
Conditional love says boundaries exists and cross them, we're done, because self-respect and esteem.
If I am going to give love and support to a person, you bet it comes with conditions - mutual respect being the very first condition.
I'm dealing with this right now. I am no better than anyone because I used to be a big piece of shit who was extremely overweight and depressed. Hardly any of my friends helped me but I crawled out of that and continue to crawl out of that hell hole but it wasn't until I started self improvement and really trying to discipline myself that I realized that these "friends" were no longer worth sticking around. I needed them when I was a lost soul to distract myself but that kind of energy was only ever going to attract these kinds of people.
I hoped my transformation would motivate or inspire them but it only made them bitter and resentful due to their own self reflections. I am happier alone on this journey than with those who bring me down.
Congratulations ❤ that is fantastic for you! You deserve a better friend than what you had. Wish you the best
Negative influences can become toxic, and its important to remove toxicity. But with some people who are necesarily near & dear, we could manage time spent with them in small chunks & focus on keeping to subjects that are still agreed on
Guys - March to the beat of your own drum ... it is your life ..... make your own decisions - live with the consequences of your own choices - go and have a blast ...... life is short
I find that sometimes when you are striving to create the life you want friends you thought were an important part of your support system just want to poke holes in your plans and goals, and that is very hurtful. It is hard to find people that will truly walk with you through these life changes and encourage you. Although I recognize that is more about their own inability to see the use of these things you're doing in your life, it's still hard to deal with. Sometimes you can lose friends not as an event or formal break up but one day you wake up and realize that person's just not there for you anymore.
Jon and Jordan where the biggest factors that drove me to understand myself and why I think the way I do and how the mind is very much a computer that needs constant software upgrading and examination of processing apparatus.
John said something very wise here which is "Don't turn the failure of your relationships into a heroic journey to avoid responsibility for your own shittiness." It's become WAY too popular (especially using "woke culture" as a pretext) to be NON-SELF-CRITICAL about relationship fallouts, and to tell yourself "Well I just outgrew that person.", "Well I just became too wise and smart for them.", "Well I just evolved and matured beyond where they were at." Etc. Sure, SOME of that is true SOME of the time. But if you find yourself chronically having short-tenured relationships often ending in hard feelings, take ownership for that pattern, and ask yourself "Why do I have friends that maintain relationships longer and better, and/or transition out of them more gracefully with less anger from the other party?" Because part of REAL maturity is knowing how to do those things well, instead of using woke-pretexts to uncritically credit the self with a narcissistic explanation for one's routinely brief relationships with routinely ugly endings. That very narcissistic compulsion is likely the REASON one's relationships are both routinely brief with routinely ugly endings.
Very well said.
jokes on me i dont have any friends and im not working on myslf either.
Wonder conversation. Thank you for sharing of yourselves.
Professional life dragerdowners you are one or have one.
Once you start surrounding yourself with winners & visionaries, your mindset will change and you'll start to have faith in the dreams God/Yeshua/Buddha/Allah/Krishna/The Great Spirit gave you, and they will actually come to pass.
The more your circle decreases, the more your peace increases. You're always "acting funny", when you don’t do what they want you to do. You can't take everyone on YOUR journey: it's not your responsibility.
Friends and family are the people who resist your personal development the most. Misery loves company. Be modest on broadcasting your victories successes, because it fosters animosity and jealousy among some family and friends.
Eat well, dress impeccably at all times, exercise, and always greet people with a warm smile. Nothing beats the power of a positive attitude.
@02:01 Mindfulness is the antidote you are looking for. Not only taking part in daily practice, but also taking in plenty of mindfulness theory. It will transform your mind so that you don't keep making the same mistakes. You will be more, significantly more, likely to think before you speak. When you think, you will think of possible outcomes from what you were about to say, and you have at that moment the opportunity to withdraw it before sending it out.
I beat myself up for my last relationship ending and my engagement before that, but I wonder if it was because I wasn’t ‘done’ striving yet
You should never be done striving. You just need to find balance that works for you.
I've had a lot of friends who were cool people, but they were not loyal friends in the end. I don't miss them, but I realize they thought I was cool enough for them to want to hang out with until real life issues occur and then they bail. I'm an INFJ so I don't really care about relationships unless I know they will have meaning. However, I'm divorced after a 14 year marriage and have 3 kids to focus on. I've lived a full life before 40.
I'm an INFP so we tend to be quite similar in our ways of thinking indeed 👍
But you have to.
You are doomed to remain where you are in life, if you are not prepared to cut ties.
You will find much better comes to you, when you choose better for yourself.
Aristotelian definition of a true friend at 4:30!
Many friends means low standards in my opinion.