Here is actually some good news to share with a friend. ;) Dr. Peterson's self narrated audiobooks “12 Rules for Life” amzn.to/2ipaBnQ (US) / amzn.to/2kpdXv9 (UK) / amzn.to/2jTRq67 (CA) and "Beyond Order" amzn.to/31EgIhP (US) / amzn.to/3wyochN (UK) / amzn.to/3EXzGON (CA) are currently available FOR FREE with the Amazon Audible trial program! The above are Amazon affiliate links.
"enabling" so is the pain enabling Jordan Peterson to abuse his pain medication? Man is nothing but an over glorified pretentious junkie that has misled Canadians for decades.
I knew I had a friend when my car broke down around three o'clock in the morning, 25 miles from home, on a cold, frigid February morning in Michigan and he got out of a warm bed and came and got me. Thank you Thad.
Im happy if i have one relyable true frind. Im married to one that are like that. I still need a friend. To share with. My husband are obvious for me to share things with,
I wish my buddy would tell me something to that effect; instead, he told me,” I hurt his feelings,” but I was only trying to look out for him, and I unironically didn't want him to get hurt. I was the only person who told him the truth, but apparently, he just wanted me to tell him what he wanted to hear.
Another thing is: A friend is someone you can say "No" to. You should never be afraid of telling your friend that you don't feel like hanging out, or to advise against them doing something. If they're really your friend, they'll value your opinion and your wishes. They may not necessarily agree or listen, but they will at least understand.
That's good advice for relationships too, I had a girlfriend who wanted to see me every day and when I needed a break and said not today she'd try to guilt trip me for not coming over. needless to say that relationship didn't last very long
This one is really important, and I think I need to remember this one better. There are a lot of times I want to say no, but don't feel like I have a choice since everyone else is busy and I don't have anything else going on. I've gotta respect myself more than to waste my money on movies like Free Guy just cause "I like my friend, he's a good guy"
Summary: 1. You can tell them bad news = they will listen 2. You can tell them good news = they will help you celebrate 3. Surround yourself with people who facilitate your development/are good for the best part of you = If they do not support you or do not try to help themselves, lose them
Same...I felt like...he is scolding me for doing things wrong...I just feel like trash after listening to this..that explains why I eventually get distanced from everyone...
By his definition, I am the best friend anyone can have. But to be honest, I listen because I get bored if I don't. I don't like to talk about myself and I congratulate other people on their success because I feel sorry for their miserable lives. So Prof. Jordan thinks I'm a true friend. what a loser.
@@GhstInShadow I'm a loner as well, I just know a lot of people, and none of them are my true friends, including who used to be my "best friend", and now to me are a bunch of fake friends that I've known once will never see or talk to ever again from one place to another. I am also introverted, so socializing isn't really my strength, but spending a whole lot of time to myself, and literally no one invites me to anything, sigh. Hello other introverts out there! 🙋
Yet walk away If they stop You achieving Your God given goals into Your Heart because of fear in them to live full Life just like God meanted Us to Live in Rejoicing in Him. First I was sad when They left me yet now I am happy because My Dreams are finally coming into reality and God is most certainly the strongest and closest help for Me and everyone Else to achieve those Dreams. I am building a racecar and I know that I will be Good driver in it. No doubt.
@@heavymetalrox268 But the point is they do that because they care about you and want to see you better yourself. That’s the type of people you want to hold close to you.
I knew I had a friend when I got a flat tire on the road coming back from work and it was poring outside. My friend stopped his car on the side of the road and held an umbrella over my head so I could change the tires. That same friend celebrated with me when I had a promotion at work to the same job that he applied for, same friend that takes me out to eat lunch on my birthdays, same friend that always puts me infront on any possible occasion. I am blessed, truly. Thank you Rudy.
Friendships are rare and sacred. Be your own best friend first and then you will align with people who care and love you the way you’ve learned to love yourself. All the best on this journey!✨
@@videostash413 Exactly! It's always good to try to learn and make progress, but things can also be a life long struggle. And... In reality, I think there are more nuance to the topic as well. The imortant thing is what you think - not what other people think that you should think.
That's exactly right. Most people are friends only as long as it doesn't cost them anything (I'm not talking money, 'cost' is time, effort, or anything else that requires a person to expend something).
I ditched a group of friends that I spent 20 years with, a lot for the first 15 years but then not so much as I started to notice how depressing they were to be around. I was worried I made a mistake and cut off a group of people I knew and loved, but came to find that they couldn't have cared less for me... Jordan has only confirmed my correct decision. Life has been much better!
@@bundyboy961 Right? I've had multiple apartments and homes over the last 10 years and my family has never once visited and I've never been more than 30 minutes away. It's always me coming to them. Bunch of assholes.
I’ve done exactly the same, spent 8 years with a group of friends that I loved and still love, and that I respect and will always respect, but it wasn’t the place that would let me explode my potential. I’m glad to know I am not the only one on a journey to find new and productive friends to be around, this realization really does change your life doesn’t it… Salute to all of you going through the same situation or something similar! Keep grinding people.
I have found that being the good friend feels just as good as having the good friend. That glimmer in their eyes when they come back for more conversation is totally worth it. Plus being in that mindset to love and accept others feels great. This is a hard lesson to learn, though, especially if you don’t have the heart to give without the guarantee of getting something back
You start to realise who your true friends are as you get older and you have less and less patience for the ones who aren’t. Someone who is genuinely happy for you when you’ve achieved something is a true friend but they are very hard to come by. Being alone is nowhere near as bad as being with people who make you feel like you’re alone.
"Being alone is nowhere near as bad as being with people who make you feel like you're alone." Such a good line. Thank you, Button Man, for summing it up. Not only does it apply to friends, but personally this has been my experience with most huge parties and dances as well.
I had a friend that always tried to belittle, undermine or devalue anything I (or others) said. It was often wrapped up in humour however the end result was always a devaluing effect. For a long while I ignored it as friendly banter because we did have a laugh. In the end it became too wearing and I kept my distance. We don't speak now and it doesn't bother me. He wasn't a bad person, he just had a superiority complex and social issues. He honestly thought he was the smartest person in the room, his mum and sister were the same. Easier to walk away.
@@person8203 I have the same issue man, someone I went to school with and now play Xbox with. He likes to take the piss a lot and if I post something on social media they belittle me and say someone nasty, if something goes well they bring me down. Probably best if I just have no friends at all and just rock the shit out of it
@Jack and Bt Sandwich respect the words bro! Shame it takes a chill dude on RUclips to get me but there are decent people in the world just got to be yourself and if they find you let it happen naturally don’t look for it 😃 I actually have a girlfriend now who loves me and I love her and I’m starting my own business so putting all the pieces together myself and not telling anyone until I put it out there on social media because I don’t want anyone to pull me back! I’m doing it for myself these so called friends aren’t going to pay my mortgage for me or bills so why not focus on my future right now! 👊 If you’ve read this far and got the time- I once had a best mate 3 years ago, we had gone to secondary school together probably been mates for 10 years. I remember going to a party and getting a little drunk but I meant good and was having fun. I remember telling him that he was my best mate and that I loved him as a brother! Really opened up so he knew. Little did I know that he would completely avoid me after this and throw it in my face 😢 we don’t talk anymore straight after the party. I can’t believe it happened like this- it really affected me and obviously still to this day. 😣 I used to be such a fun chill dude that would say thing like ‘I love you man’ ( I’m not gay lmao) just never had an issue saying it before but then this dude just made me feel shit and worthless and I just became more introvert. The next week I remember him having his birthday at his and me not being invited / wasn’t told about it even though all the people who went to the party where I said it went aswell. Oh well his loss man. He just wasn’t the best mate I thought. Now I don’t open myself up because otherwise people will take advantage (or they won’t) but it’s definitely because of him that I’ve changed. Even my best mate now he tells me I am his but I don’t say it back because I’m afraid the same thing will happen. All the best 😢❤️
You can be friends with someone who is also real with you rather than a bunch of yes men who will only tell you what you want to hear. Someone who will listen to you but also offer real solutions that sometimes show a flaw in your own approach is a good friend. There is no over sensitivity in true friendship
"A friend is someone that knows everything about you, and likes you anyways." I was taught this by my father when I was a young man of about twelve years old and 40 years later it still is true.
Zycho ---- friends all over the world. More wanting to be my friend all the time. What about you? Any friends that you don't have to hide anything from? A friend who has your back in any situation that isn't completely stupid? A friend that would tell you when you are fucking up? Women don't count because they are never really your friend even if you are married. She may act like your friend and like she has your back but, she's only with you for status, cash and prizes. When you no longer have enough of those three, she's leaving. Then she'll act the way she really is and you'll be treated as if you were never a couple and as if you had one, one night stand and you are a stalker for trying to talk to her after she leaves you. If that or a close version to that hasn't happened to you yet, it will.
Zycho ----that can be a hard thing to live with, or it can be a good thing, depending on your personality. For instance, I have many people I can say are my friends and they consider me a friend but, I don't hang out with them very much because as you get older, your lives get busier and almost all of my friends are married with kids and grandchildren and I'm single, no kids,own my own successful business that I put in 14-16 hour days minimum usually six days a week. I make time to hangout with some but all of them know I'll be there for them in a minute if they need something and vice versa. As you get older if you have siblings that you don't hate, they usually become your best friends.
@@mp5249 To me Jordan Peterson just stated the obvious more often than not and people eat it up like wow I've never heard this before 😂 Jordan Peterson says wash your ass Craig well gee he's right my ass is dirty clean your room Miguel he might be on to something what a genius🤯 Watch for more tips on not being an abhorrent slob with no social skills😂
I miss mine too, she died in 2004 when I just graduated high school. She was a Christian woman and I haven't seen her in 16 years almost half my life. It's strange but I have a wife who is very similar to my mother which may sound wierd to some people but it brings me comfort. Stay strong, your not alone and I'm sorry for your loss.
I feel so lucky to have a friend like that. He's like the brother I never had. We've been through highs and lows and everywhere in between, but just being around him fills me with strength and grace. He's always willing to lend an ear, crack a joke, or lend a hand. He's the kind of guy who'd give you the shirt off his back in a blizzard. Even with all the darkness he's dealt with in his life, he's still the kindest most generous and genuine soul I've ever met. I can't wait to go back home permanently so we can go on some more whacky adventures together. Love you, Duncan.
The fact that you are aware of that possibility and the fact that you are not afraid to admit it makes me think otherwise. Your now conscious to the idea that you may possibly not be a real friend when you should be. The fact that you admit it shows you care to be a real friend and the fact that you weren’t aware of these qualities determining a real friend shows you weren’t intentionally being a bad friend. The only reason why you can be a bad friend or fake friend now since your aware of these qualities is by completely ignoring them and doing the opposite of what you know you should be doing. You’ll be alright brotha don’t be too hard on yourself.
That probably IS the most appealing part of you, to other people. That's not necessarily the best part of you for your own interests though. The two are separate issues. You may even disregard your own interests, which is unhealthy long term. There's a fine line between self-sacrifice and self-martyrdom. Only one is noble.
I love this guy. Throughout my life, I've also learned that a true friend will share stories back and forth with you. A bad friend will think you're trying to one-up him/her with your stories.
This reminds me of a friend, she had this tendency to always telling anecdotes whenever any topic was on the table, and it was a bit tiring to talk to her. So, one day I went to tell her about this game I was saving up for and finally got my hands on, and she went like "oh, that reminds me of... actually, nevermind, I shouldn't speak that much about myself, tryna change that lately." Then I could perfectly see in her face how she immediately noticed she was doing that right at the moment, and just moved on from that, told me to go buy something together, and then we played that game till night. It was one of those days of "forget about your problems and just have some fucking fun" What I'm trying to say is that even if a friend seems to be providing a toxic relationship, they're not necessarily doing it on purpose; everyone is open to change, and sometimes all a friendship needs to be fully formed is some faith, hope and patience
Summary: You can tell them bad news and they’ll actually listen. You can tell them good news and they’ll help you celebrate. You want the people who want the best for you. Surround yourself with people who help facilitate your development towards a better future.
Hung around a friend 1 on 1 today for a pic nic, her ex boyfriend got his first welfare check today and after YEARS of having him live with her because he can't look after himself due to depression and they have a few kids together. Gave her a high 5. Now she's moving farrr away to live with her boyfriend. Never knew celebrating a friends success can feel so bad.
This is a video I like to turn to every 6 months to a year now. It gives me an opportunity on the type of friend I’m being as well as a reminder to check who I surround myself with.
I think another thing that makes a good friend is someone who you don't always talk to or keep in touch with but when you see each other you can pick up right where you left off.
One of my best friends growing up, Joe, and I lost touch with each other as our lives went separate ways after high school. I hadn't spoken with him in 10 years when he called with a problem on his truck. I went right over and there I met a new friend of his. The new friend observed that we hadn't spoke in 10 years and just showed up when I was called to help. He asked why I would do that and i replied "Because he is my friend." It turns out Joe and I staid in contact regularly until his death a couple years ago at 62 YO. I miss that guy.
That's exactly why they are your good friend. Coz you don't get to be with each other that much.😂😂😂 Spend time together do stuff together and see if you both feel the same. The friend you don't see often, you're less likely to share your deep issues with, you keep it lighthearted and you wouldn't even know if they are in deep depression. That's acquaintance NOT A FRIEND. It's funny how easily and lightly the word friend is thrown around
I saw this the other day when I was experiencing a bad friendship. "The closer you get to excellence in your life, the more friends you lose. People love you when you're average because it makes the comfortable. But when you pursue greatness it makes people feel uncomfortable. Be prepared to lose some people on your journey. "
I've come to a sad realization that my twin brother is like this, he often gets complacent in life but I have ambition and goals. Whenever I feel discouraged I talk about them but whenever I bring them up to him he puts me down actually he does even if I don't mention them it's like we are competing but he doesn't want to win he just wants me to lose.. it hurts because I love him alot and I know he loves me, he is just a little jealous because he likes being content truly and that is something that goes against my nature and he can't stand me being better off then him in some aspects because of it.
The opposite is also true. When I developed chronic health problems, only 3-4 people made a real effort to stay in touch. You really see someone's character when you aren't "useful" or obviously "fun" anymore.
This is mostly untrue though. People love splendor and popularity. Look how much people idolise celebrities when they will never personally know eachother. It's because they have status and success and most humans are infatuated with power and wealth. Where as people low on the social ladder get treated like dirt. Those suffering with illnesses are ignored.
I had close friends who told me their problems & didn't want to listen to mine. Also never were happy for me. I distanced myself starting 2+ yrs ago weeded them all out. I'm no longer depressed or angry. Just happier & I understand now what a good family I have to support me.
As a person with a disabling injury and 2 surgeries for cancer, I love that Peterson's advice is NOT about how financially successful a person is, but rather about their level of complaint and the kind of friend you can be to others and how others are friends with you. So often people who have experienced traumas are in so much pain, they cannot have empathy for anyone else. When you have a disabling injury at a young age, often the people you end up spending time with are older folks because they're not out punching a clock. But there are "retirees" and then there are grumpy miserable able people who only discuss their bowel movements, and with whom anything you try to do is met with, "Oh, that will never work." Dr.Peterson's advice is vital for not absorbing the wrong voices into who I am. Awareness, empathy, and productive thought/action are all executive functions. Practicing these things, and deciding that today is a good day, require conscious choices, changes in perspective that keeps a mind alive. Well-done, Dr.P! And...Thanks!😊
You are good at identifying the problem. I know you care about your friend, let your conscience lead you, not your comforts. Find comfort in pushing on and becoming that amazing friend!
I'm a pro boxer and went to africa with a mate who can't fight, one night a guy pulled a knife on me demanding money, I tried to fight him and my mate jumped in between us and the guy ran. Thats a friend
Na dying for someone else is easy. Many people would jump in front of q bullet for another person but ask them to stick around. While you're sad and you'll see them gone by the end of the week
@@iamsuccess6634 Wich makes it harder. Many people are superficial and won't give you a chance to even show them, who you are. Don't give up please. There a also many people who aren't superficial and take you the way you are. Love what makes you and embrace it. Don't bring yourself down. Head up my friend, I believe in you.
I only told to my best friend the worst time of my life, a thing I never disclosed with anybody else in the world, not even my family. And I even cried in his pressence. We care for each other from a very long time and we both lived the same misfortunes but we decided to live a kind life instead of living in hatred and resentment. Having at least one good friend is a huge blessing.
I once had a friend who had been my best friend over 15 years. The reason why we are not friends anymore- she was happy for me when bad things happened to me and she was upset with me when good things happened to me. I no longer make friendship with those who are jealous, gaslighting and manipulative.
@Evil Jester How can you say op let it happen? They might have been best friends for so long because things weren't always so bad at first, whatever the case is there aren't enough details to say they let it happen.
That's a real common problem. With some it's more obvious, others more covert. I've learned over the years to not show or share my joy over good fortune, and generally don't say much about bad fortune either. People are flawed, I've just come to accept that.
Don't confuse co-workers and class-mates as being your friends, as that doesn't automatically qualify them as such.They get put into the aquatince catogory, unless you interact with them outside of the public forum
Clutch Cargo excellent point!! Extroverts who like to connect with others tend to believe they are closer to coworkers than they really are. It’s a mistake I made when younger.
Yes! People like to call me a friend but I’m like, we’re just acquaintances, despite I’ve been talking for some people for quite some time, I don’t let anyone in my close circle most of the time.
I am so blessed to say that I have at least four friends like this. We all value each other's friendship and we priotize the group before ourselves, and I'm proud to say I find true happiness when I'm with them.
Wow... had no idea that verse existed. Thank you. I have no friends as such, but it's good to see that it's written in the good book. It's comforting. I miss my brother.
I'm in High School and for 2 years I was friends with a group of 3 guys. They ignored everything I said, they were always negative, and like Jordan referenced in this video, I was scared to tell them good things that happened because they would get jealous and not care. FOR ANYONE that is reading this and is going through the same situation, let them go! My friends were anti social and were scared to leave the house. That's not me. As soon as you make the decision to stop hanging around them, your life will get 10x better. Good relevant video.
Christian Schenks ya dude. Even if someone is decently in Getting Marks and Grades by Spending Shit ton of time but Compromising alot of free time . Then just Reduce your time significantly spent with them . Even if you confront these kinda people, they are themself not allowing to come out of their stupid Mind Blocks and Shells. To embrace the time , and People & Opportunity ,etc.
gangsterwarrior X Well , I am open to any kind of Constructive Knowledge or Advice you would have , like ones you give to yourself from future to a past version of you. I would be very thankful , if you could share your Worthy Opinions with Us All .
My best friend knows me better than anyone. I have a lot of anxiety and can be a lot to deal with sometimes. I was going through a tough time a while ago and was constantly venting/feeling sorry for myself. I remember calling him one day and he basically answered the phone with “What’s up idiot? Are we getting sad you or happy you today?” It was jarring for half a second but then I realized it was exactly what I needed to hear. Helped pull me out of a spiral and gave me a little reality check with some humorous tough love. Broke the tension and then we talked and laughed for an hour. Great friend.
"It is your right and responsibility to surround yourself with people who are good for the best in you." You are who you hang out with. It's been proven.
Its a great quote. The people you choose to hang out with can impact you negatively or positively. Thats a fact. So yep choose wisely for your health and wellbeing 😇
@Logic it really depends on who you are; some people believe in others' opinions more than their own, changing themselves accordingly, and some people stay the same and let others change to be like them. You have to have a balance of both.
@Logic Have you ever heard of the saying, "Hanging out with the wrong crowd"? Many people tend to go with the flow with the people they hangout with because they want to fit in or be a part of something even without looking into what they are getting themselves into. They may not be you, but they can influence you to doing what they say.
Let me add onto this: People that actually make the time to spend with you. They'll help you with your stuff just as much as you help them. They don't just call you when they want or need something.
My pick up broke down just after midnight on my way home from a job. Then you think who to call to come and help, and you realize that you don't have any one who will help you. Things like that can be an eye opener.
For anyone who feels they've got no solid friendships, I encourage you to keep being the best friend YOU can be, the right people will come. OR JUST GET A DOG:)
Say "if you are my friend, and you think i'm thinking a bad idea that could ruin me, will you tell me to stop me or let me ruin myself?" People these days thinks that every mistake should be made no matter how many people already did the same mistake... "experience it yourself"
@@Mhats So killing himself is a good idea in their mind because they are heavily depressed... isn't correct to try convince them it's a bad idea? Not because you believe something is good it means it's true that it's good
@@Mhats That's an extreme example of a bad idea... you can easly find this case with somrthing less extreme like... telling his married ex-girlfriend that he still loves her... or becoming the enemy of some powerful dude
Good advice! In addition, I have always said that if you can sit with someone in silence, and NOT feel awkward, then they are officially a good friend, as you can enjoy each other’s presence without the pressure of having to have filler conversation, as you likely would have with a stranger/acquaintance/date etc.
I learned somewhere that a friend is someone who I’m comfortable with when doing nothing. I have 2 guys like that, that’s all that I need. Thank you Sir I do appreciate your efforts & help.
Sitting in silence with my ex-wife was about as comfortable as sitting in a field during an electrical storm! Sitting in silence with my present wife is like puppies in a blanket! Yea!
The crucial modifier there, “enjoy”. While we may feel cozy for not sitting alone, being a friend is not same as being a non challenging or engaging object. With a friend too we can have awful debating or fighting, even split. It is not in agreement that friendship is found, but in mutual recognition.
Real friends call you and ask how you are doing, real friends will want to know and will listen to you without interruption and really cares about the answer. Fake friends will call you and tell you how great they are, and everything is about them. I guess the main word I'm looking for here is "CARE". Real friends still want to hang around you even if you have nothing to offer but friendship.
Key word is caring, as you said. Keep in mind a person with Autism may not take steps to contact you for fear of being an inconvenience, or on the opposite extreme may "call you to tell you how great they are" because that's how they feel in the moment after an achievement and don't know how that comes off. Furthermore, be sure you are doing the same, and not exclusively expecting that treatment.
If you do 90% of the listening, and ask questions so they can talk some more then you are being used. That's not a conversation, it's a listening session. A great conversation is a mutual exchange. Read Dale Carnegie books, but be careful because you can end up just being "the listener", and feel like a stuffed person could take your place if you are rarely in a mutual exchange.
Thank you for your reply. You have found gold when you are with someone pleasant to be with and you have a mutual caring exchange of conversation. Otherwise it's like playing ping pong by yourself. If your doing the listening and asking all the questions
Well... Most woment dont want you too sucseed... I dont know whats wrong with them.... They respect their boss at work more then they respect their husband/parnter... My ex refused to support me in my business, i got rid of her, told her to go marry her boss lol
Assuming this advice applies to everyone, I think a better mindset is not to look for good friends, but to be a good friend while and to avoid bad friends.
Me too. Ive never been happier knowing 2 best friends because i can actually enjoy spending time with them and we go anywhere together. If you have too many friends you connect with no one.
I have a hard time parting from friends who used to be really good friends in the past and now make me feel guilty if anything remotely good happens to me. To the point where I need to hide any joy because it will be too much for one particular friend. It's very sad, but how can such a person stay in anyone's life?
Toxic people. It doesn’t make you a bad person to have self respect and compassion to leave those people behind. Cognitions like that, feeling bad for having joy is probably the worst kind of cognition you can form in life (well amongst the worst). If people are sparking that feeling in you it’s likely because they share that same cognition themselves. If you care for yourself, you’ll naturally find it easy to let go of these people.
AwakeMode You are 100% right. It’s a matter of self-respect and compassion. When others are happy and doing well, no matter how I am doing in life, I feel so joyful for them. I rejoice in other people’s success and accomplishments, it makes me feel good and hopeful. we have the right to surround ourselves with like-minded individuals. People who are good for the best part of us.
Hermetic Kitten in Hinduism, this feeling of happiness due to someone else’s happiness is called “satvic ananda”, means “pure bliss” or “pure happiness”. It’s the best kind of happiness because it’s so selfless! Get yourself around others who share this wonderful loving trait as you do! :-)
Gold K I am no one's frienemy but I am no one's friend either. I don't care about people much and if some of them die I will probably be like "meh" and move on to the next "friend" in line.
I've had a lot of untrue friends. They would act like they cared about me and manipulated me that way to take advantage of me. I thought that's what I was good for till they started disrespecting me when I no longer allowed it. I cut those people out of my life. Then I had the friends who I was friends with when I was in my addiction. I thought they were just helping me to live my best life. Once I got sick of the problems my addiction caused me, I got sober and realized they were not true friends so I cut ties with them. They would give me destructive criticism and insult me and I thought they did it because they cared and were trying to build me up. Then I've had friends who knew I was a good person and showed it and gave me constructive criticism and correction in a loving way. They showed their love, care, support, kindness, and respect by helping me to live a better life and helped me solve my problems. Plus it was rewarding to do the same for them.
It’s never too early! My dad took me to prisons when I was a kid to teach me about life and the serious side of it, and other things of that nature. They will remember it and have better perspective in this very weird world
ctrlaltbean honestly I think it would just make them really suspicious of everyone and overthinking the concept of friendship which wouldnt be healthy for a kid
Hung out with a guy for years before realizing that he didn't really respect me- I guess I was entertaining or something. If I tried something new he'd sneer at my attempt like I was a fool for thinking I could do it. That insecurity held me back for a long time. Now I know that you can't let the fear of making mistakes deter you from trying things.
We have all been there... hanging with people who are jealous, don't like us, etc.. all our relationships are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. My mother loves putting me down... turns her own. So, for 25 years my best friend did the same thing... I healed and I'm so protective of my personal space and energy. No one is allowed around me who doesn't celebrate me and make me better!!!!
@DanPatterson A lot of has to do with narcissism. For example, you tell him something you’re trying to do and he has to tell you won’t accomplish it. This is what I believe in general terms and maybe not to your case specifically since I don’t know all the details; (1) People call it playing the devils advocate, but it’s him just trying to seem like he’s smart by trying to things you don’t see. (2) He’s insecure. He needs to make sure you’re not doing anything to better yourself because then you will be ahead of him. (3) he’s just straight up negative.
100% I had the exact same. My "friend" was a slave to his emotions and let his mood dictate his life. If he was in a bad mood he'd shit on anyone or anything anyone else said, but when it came to him he was ridiculously sensitive and hated anyone who'd tell him the truth about his behavior.
My experience shows going broke certainly shows who your true friends are, Happened to me in the late 80’s. Looking back it was one of the most influential experiences. Lots of people bailed on me. The ones who did not have since been rewarded because I came back richer than ever in the 90’s and I treat my true friends like gold.
I dont think you need to lose money as the only way to find out who your friends are... just be LESS involved in yourself, and things like money .. and be MORE involved in spending time with others. And its all VERY CLEAR.
Very recently, within the past few weeks, I realized I made almost every sustained conversation I had be about me. I always brought up the stuff I did months ago that made my friends' situations relatable to me. I wasn't trying to bring anyone down, just relate, but when I realized how I was going about it I was pissed with myself. I decided to listen better and ask more personal questions about others. I try to encourage in every interaction. It's going really well and I hope it helps me become a better friend!
It's really awesome that you realized the impact that your attempt at being relatable was having on your friends. But I just want to point out that bringing up relatable stories/issues during conversations doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad friend. Sometimes people (especially those who are neurodivergent) use it as a way to empathize with others and let them know they aren't alone in the situation or difficulty they are facing. I think we need to distinguish between narcissistic friends who derail conversations to make it about themselves and friends who just want to relate to us in a unique way.
@@kalyda211 I must agree with Hank Hill. His wisdom is on point. The points in this video are good and reliable, but it is still dependent per person as everyone interacts and expresses feelings differently.
I face this exact dilemma within my own friendships and struggle to know what the right move is. I am constantly striving to improve myself, and often feel disgusted with how many personal anecdotes I interject as a sincere attempt to empathize or sympathize with someone else's situation. My desire is not to make things about me, but rather to let the other person know that they are not alone in their suffering. I do try to be clear that by sharing my own experience(s) I am in no way trying to say that I understand EXACTLY how another person feels, as our experiences and how we experience then our unique to each of us as a unique individual. How do you establish a balance between inserting personal experience as a means to help vs. not? Is it generally better just to listen, ask questions and then offer advice without sharing the source (past experiences) of that gained knowledge contributing to the advice being given? I spin in circles thinking about this. I will say that I am a good listener, and hang onto each detail as someone is sharing something with me. People are often surprised when I'm able to recall specific details of stories they shared with me years prior, as though they expect people not to truly be listening to them when they speak. I do listen and I do really care.
A friend is one sticks by you when you are at your worst and at your best. Always sticking by you. Because as the saying goes: keep your friends close but your enemies closer. You learn that when you’re diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, cancer and the like
When you are watching these lecture clips out of context, it is hard to recognise them as psychology lectures. By that I mean that to me it sounds like Jordan Peterson is teaching life skills and how to understand your own social programming
The thing about Peterson is that 99.9% of what he is saying is just facts about human nature, if you find yourself getting angry with what he says, its based on fear, fear of being uncomfortable because we live in an era of escapism, that’s why there are so many mentally damaged people around
I can relate to everything he said. My friendship group from high school was toxic throughout our 20s. There was a lot of resentment and enabling. I'm lucky now to have met a lot of good guys through jiu jitsu. People are respectful and we help each other to grow in our training. I would recommend martial arts to everyone.
I’m actually surprised that for me, most guys in my year in high school were actually all decent fellows. But now we are all spread across the globe lol. So right now around me, not really a real friend in sight. I just try my best to help the people around me now, and hope that in return, I may find good friends.
ChangedName _ I was just about to comment this. When I stopped smoking and moved out of my apartment (it was the hangout spot for all of us) I suddenly saw eight people magically disappear from my life. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. I was pissed for a few years but later realized that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Six of the eight still live with their parents and all are 34-36 years old.
Omar Mir wowww!!! That’s wild. It just goes to show who your true friends are. It’s also a great reflection of your growth since that time. I want to show you my respect & give you my applause. I don’t think it was easy! Gotta say though, I’m curious for you to wonder how much more you will achieve and how much further you will have self developed in just a few years from now. Just like before
I'm 22 and don't really have many friends that I look up to or aspire to be like, but they are all very genuine and I know they care deeply about my well being. I can't help but feel like the ideology of only keeping people around that bring out the best part of you or make you a better person is selfish in a way, although I understand it. I feel like the person that pushes me to be better the most is my girlfriend, but I don't know if my friends do that, they are just fun to be around and they're loyal.
Another title for this might be “Why reasonably intelligent, well-adjusted, emotionally stable people end up enjoying spending time alone.” Finding people like he describes is nearly impossible. Most people will watch this and think about how other people should start treating them better because they’re such a good person, while in reality they actually do none of the things they should be doing.
Alan Page “Nearly impossible” I think might be a stretch, but I agree with what you’re saying. I believe that making things too much about yourself and always striving for perfection is a great way to continue dividing people and generations. Yes, surrounding yourself with support and positivity be mondo important, but aren’t pain & suffering the ultimate catalysts for self-improvement? Isn’t it from the things we hate or disagree with that we grow the most if we’re willing to open our minds to the underlying reasons? I think that both growing a thicker skin and practicing empathy are more valuable than having “good” friends.
Agree totally with you, thanks for your wisdom and ironically you would make a great friend, don't ever look past your worth and I hope you realize that you are very important and worthy of love and true friendship. My best friend is my wife and I am her bf as well. I'm 34 and came to the realization that she is the only friend I have ever had and I'm fine with that because many people don't even find that. Be grateful though that you have come to the realization that you have, because it's true. Many people aren't on your level yet, nor will they ever be, because their eyes aren't open to the truth. Take care and God bless 🙏❤️
I don't know how to connect the sentence you've written in quotes to the one you've written following. But I agree that when people listen to those stories they thing they are the good guys, when in reality they are the assholes Which one of those might we be? Lol
if a friend is always sharing bad news and is overly negative about themselves or his life, it is your job as a friend to bring him/her to the light and put things in perspectives.
It’s true that you should never give up on friends who suffer through difficult times, but it’s hard or almost impossible when they’re down that rabbit hole of victimhood. It’s almost always by an intrinsic self-enlightenment that they can UNDERSTAND even though rationality has been presented and also infact often comprehended and acknowledged by the victim himself. But the difference between understanding and comprehension is the salient nuance. It also be hard to actively find a source which would trigger this self enlightment. It could come from fragments of different sources which over time could trigger an sense of understanding, or from a single profound event which may or may not actually be the correct source, but has been attributed to that event because of its explicit nature.
True enough, though narcissism is often rooted in insecurity, and when they do things as described in the video, I'm not sure there is a difference between the two. Someone who downplays another person's successes may be truly in love with their own achievements, as you suggest, but that may only be a symptom of a deeper need for validation which has interfered with their ability to provide that back to others.
Tyler Mod You can have narcissistic traits without going in for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. I feel like you just took Pysch 101 and now you are just looking to argue over semantics.
@Tyler Mod You said everyone exhibits traits associated with a psychological disorder. Logic would follow that you could meet someone with narcissistic traits, ergo, fuck them
"You raise me up to more than i can be" . That is what my friends do for me. I am surrounded by incredible people. We cry together, we laugh together and we are each others' "feel good moment". I have been so lucky in my friends and i tell them so. That song says it for me and i have chosen it to dedicate to my friends at my funeral
I recently had a moment where via social media, I saw my “friends” all going out and I wasn’t invited. This has been a recurring trend and I am tired of it, so I put my foot down and have stopped talking to these people. I don’t find it that hard to send a text message or make a phone call. For the first few days, it felt really weird as I would reach out to these people so frequently. Now, I feel like I’m in a lot more control and my head has been better because of it. The people I have told this to who I would consider good friends have all been very supportive of me, in addition to my immediate family. What makes this hard in the first place is how I have a lacking social life in my hometown, but I am powering through it. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. If there are “friends” who aren’t giving you the time of day you deserve, find people that will treat you the way you should be treated.
I literally just went through this. A group of friends I've had for about 20 years, my younger sister who is 2 years younger is also friends with them so it made it difficult because it's the group of friends I have that's closest to home. But they were holding me back and I put my foot down, not a single one has reached out to me to say hello. I kick myself for being there for them for so long only to find out they were barely friends at all, it started out tough, but I've since met better people, and reconnected with the ones I realized were true friends all along. Regardless of it all, I feel a million times better not wasting my time with their depressing, one dimensional attitude, they barely leave their own zip code and have been doing the same shit for 20 years.
Yeah same I kept asking this guy to hangout for like a year and they'd always say we would but never delivered, plus they said they blocked me and forgot about unblocking me until I emailed them. It's so hard to get a reply from this person I could wait indefinitely and they'd probably never message back. Often times I'd wait like 3 months or more to hear from them but they'd always allude to their problems but never tell me anything despite me telling them everything all the time. I thought they were my friend bit clearly they didn't think the same so I ended up telling them to either put more effort into me or we'd be done being friends and my only reply from them was silence for the whole day. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore and I wish I did this much much muccchhhh sooner cause putting up with their silence, apathy, and indifference towards me for years really messed up my mental health and if I could've I woulda made the change long ago!
Totally relate to that first part man. Always thought it was shitty they’d give me shit and always have something to say about me not driving 15-20 minutes out of my way to come see them (which I did all the time before I noticed how little they actually returned the energy) yet they’d have to drive past my neighborhood every day to go to work or to town and not once would they stop by. So why would I keep going out of my way to see them when they can’t even stop in while on their way?
I became aware in my early 20's that mostly people hated you because you could create good things or had good news. A whole lot of petty people in the world. So, I just kept silent and didn't talk about me. I always found it illuminating that mostly, people just want to talk about themselves and they absolutely resent you if they think you might be doing better than them. It's best not to tell anyone that you are happy and doing well. Everyone is so into their own Dramas, it's like they're addicted to Drama... oh the blame, victimhood and their crazy get even plots when they think someone is doing better than them, as if it's a personal attack on them or something. I learned not to tell anyone around my private life that I was winning awards for music and Art, I just asked them about their lives and they are always too happy to talk forever, funny how they never asked me any questions about myself. You learn a lot about people and their hidden motivations and plots just by listening to what they say, what they're trying to convince you to believe about them. I've also learned over time....to withdraw from people.. it's much safer.
Being alone leads to depression and anxiety. It has been proven that a person who lives a isolated life can have their life shortened in years due to the mental affects that isolation has on the physical health of the individual. Although much of what you stated in your posting is true in many ways, it is also a over generalization of people and unhealthy. I am convinced that there are those out there that are truely "good" people as I have been lucky to have met a few in my life. Sadly most have passed away but this is the curse of getting old. All I can state is that ...keep trying. You will be pleasantly amazed and ...... yes hurt too but this is life.
@@honour123 Thank you for your concern, though, you've taken my words and added your own translation instead of understanding what I actually wrote. We gather knowledge all our lives but only with age can wisdom arrive. My words do not come from depression or anxiety, they come from a lifetime of study, observation, application and experience. I'm probably older than you, by the way.
I agree with this. Currently 29 and just now finding this out. I am like you said a little withdrawn and my peers can care less about anyone other than themselves. I interact with people but I do not sacrifice my hobbies for hanging out to gossip and such. Congrats on all your awards! I can already tell you get a thrill for accomplishments unapplauded. Still I applaud you. There are people younger than you walking this very same path down to the detail and behind them are people calling them a recluse and being generally negative. Thank you for sharing.
@@DominicChrisitianMom - It's like withdrawal, .... though it is simply the next step to evolvement...waking, it's beyond just observation. This is evolved observation most folks seem incapable of understanding, knowing. Not a detriment, an awareness, a growth beyond, as binoculars are to normal sight to see closer, to see further, a profound growth and awareness beyond the immature understanding of childhood. I congratulate you, there is more astounding awaerness coming for you if ego doesn't hold you up! You are not alone, you are amid others who are not only more aware but more intelligent than the norm. But no, I don't get a thrill... it's an observation. It makes me feel rather sad, very compassionate toward the limitations of so many.
Marcy Carson i have been a withdrawal hermit since i was 12 years old. 26 now. Met my old childhood friend that i had good contact with untill age 16 in the gym last week. Havent seen him in 5 years even though we live in the same town. and he was training together with someone i knew from the gym and consider an associate for a few years. They tell me they know eachother since 3 months. Felt Like i was getting exluded from this friendcircle. I noticed he would contact me less and less and that my “hey pal lets get yucky and go clubbin this saturday” got rejected and he replied “ im gonna stay the night with my fwb” always seems to have other plans etc. And i regarded him as the only true friend i ever had. So yeah i guess friends arent a requirement in life, just find yourself a caring wife and you will be set. U agree ?
WIND 3004 unfortunately that doesn’t always work out. The good thing is you’ll eventually connect with like minded friends and have lifelong bonds with true friends.
I left my my so called friends. They used me. I was too naive. I always helped them, even sacrificing from my own personal time out of my own free will, not because I wanted anything from them but rather that's what a good friend does. They never helped me, or were very superficial and they just verbally acknowledged our "great" friendship. Needless to say, I am my own friend these days. I am all i have. I do wish one day I can make at least one good friend.
A few true friends is really all you need. I have a group of buddies that I occasionally get dinner and beers with, but I wouldn’t call them true friends. Other than my brother and father, I only have two others that fill that role. I think it’s healthier that way- you can’t stretch yourself too thin
I subsect “friends” into 2 categories: 1) true friends and 2) acquaintances. I have lots of acquaintances but only 2-3 real friends and that works for me.
NYC Entrepreneur : I think that is par for the course for most adults and it’s always best to be honest with yourself as to which people fit into each category.
I ended 2020 with one friend, I had a whole group who I realised didn't care about me one bit. Dumping that group was one of the best decision I've ever made. I'm best man to that one friend, the wedding is in about a week. 💪
I have a dear friend who is like this. I look over it and love her anyway. She is a good person. To protect myself, I do not share much about anything. Basically, I talk about the weather, her children, her sorrows, and her health, and how she likes her new car, kitchen, and pool. I’ll inquire about what she is preparing for dinner and where she went to eat. We have been friends for almost 38 years. She was my husband’s childhood friend. She is someone that I can count on to help in a crisis. How many of us can can count one hand a friend that will come in the middle of the night, will drop everything and help by shoveling snow, plowing a driveway, and bringing food? I feel that these qualities are the cornerstone of a true friend. And yes, I would be there for her in an emergency as well. I simply talk to others about my joys and sorrows. We all have friends that support us in different ways. I don’t write someone off because of what you are saying Jorden. We are called to love.
“Surround yourself with people who are good, for the best part of you.” Wise words. Positive people will always lift you up, negative ones will drag you down. I’d rather have one true friend I can trust to be there for me, than a dozen hangers on.
And because we are the pilot we cannot blame others for our mistakes! We take responsibility and fly a different direction in our journey in life. Let the good angels and positive light of our best selves and our creatior lead the way.....
@@csillakaszas7285 Good News: With the right perspective it just makes it a crazy, reckless, fun adventure that few can say they have experienced. Even if you noseplant into the ground, there's still a unique, if terrifying thrill.
Here is actually some good news to share with a friend. ;) Dr. Peterson's self narrated audiobooks “12 Rules for Life” amzn.to/2ipaBnQ (US) / amzn.to/2kpdXv9 (UK) / amzn.to/2jTRq67 (CA) and "Beyond Order" amzn.to/31EgIhP (US) / amzn.to/3wyochN (UK) / amzn.to/3EXzGON (CA) are currently available FOR FREE with the Amazon Audible trial program!
The above are Amazon affiliate links.
I am sad because I found this video too late
"enabling" so is the pain enabling Jordan Peterson to abuse his pain medication?
Man is nothing but an over glorified pretentious junkie that has misled Canadians for decades.
@@matguimond92 could be, yet still millions listen to him instead of you.
@@A2Lettuce millions of pompous and pretentious idiots
So if somebody is at bad state in life and desperately need somebody to hold them for a bit to gain strenght again....gues fuck em right ?
I knew I had a friend when my car broke down around three o'clock in the morning, 25 miles from home, on a cold, frigid February morning in Michigan and he got out of a warm bed and came and got me. Thank you Thad.
I did the same. 200km. 01:00 clock
Glen Marius Manum Bakken LMAOOOO
@@Glentheman101 lol
You're welcome daniel
damn daniel...
Use this, not only to identify your real friends, but also as a blueprint to being a better friend
Most definitely. 😇🍻
Underrated comment !💫🙌
Factual
Some responsibility that
ESPECIALLY that. Almost no one knows how to be an even basic friend, very close to no one...
"I don't have many friends, I just know a lot of people" - Heath Ledger
That’s why he’s dead. A real friend wouldn’t let him go down the drug route to o.d. land
@@Tousanx wow you took that a little too far
@@Tousanx he accidentally overdosed he was on anti depressants and took pain killers with them thanks for making me miss the whole video you jerk
@@samfaul6133 it wasn’t his fault you missed the video. There’s a pause button you know. Can also rewind, there’s multiple options here
@@samfaul6133
How exactly is it his fault that you missed the video?
If you’re lucky enough in this life to have one or two true friends, you are truly blessed. Most are just friendly acquaintances
Amen, truth to that
Im happy if i have one relyable true frind. Im married to one that are like that. I still need a friend. To share with. My husband are obvious for me to share things with,
Amen
A sorrow shared is half a sorrow. A joy shared is twice a joy.
Huh never heard that before, very nice John. BTW if you were in Wu Tang your name would be Inspectah Decker
I'mposs ible sounds like my ex-wife
Can you please not give me half your not money?
John Decker here here. That is as true a statement as I've ever herd
Geteiltes Leid ist halbes Leid. Geteilte Freude ist doppelte Freude.
- same thing in german
My buddy said to me once, "you are my true friend, because you called me out on my shit when everyone else let it happen"
That is a true friend!!! Unfortunately a lot of people fail to understand that concept.
I wish my buddy would tell me something to that effect; instead, he told me,” I hurt his feelings,” but I was only trying to look out for him, and I unironically didn't want him to get hurt. I was the only person who told him the truth, but apparently, he just wanted me to tell him what he wanted to hear.
m_blitz good for you though for telling the truth. It takes courage to do that. Unfortunately most people just can’t handle it.
Sadly I lost "friends" who i called out on that.
My experience with truth telling is scorn.
Another thing is:
A friend is someone you can say "No" to. You should never be afraid of telling your friend that you don't feel like hanging out, or to advise against them doing something. If they're really your friend, they'll value your opinion and your wishes. They may not necessarily agree or listen, but they will at least understand.
💯 nothing worst when a friend makes you feel bad for not spending time with you
💯
That's good advice for relationships too, I had a girlfriend who wanted to see me every day and when I needed a break and said not today she'd try to guilt trip me for not coming over. needless to say that relationship didn't last very long
@@crunchbar777 💯 ... Red flags
This one is really important, and I think I need to remember this one better. There are a lot of times I want to say no, but don't feel like I have a choice since everyone else is busy and I don't have anything else going on. I've gotta respect myself more than to waste my money on movies like Free Guy just cause "I like my friend, he's a good guy"
Summary:
1. You can tell them bad news = they will listen
2. You can tell them good news = they will help you celebrate
3. Surround yourself with people who facilitate your development/are good for the best part of you = If they do not support you or do not try to help themselves, lose them
Good resume, Nice work
Precisely.
Would you like to be my friend?
Thanks man.
This didn't teach me to find good friends.
This taught me to BE a good friend.
What happens when you are a good friend? You can look at others and find the same qualities in them. If they don't have it they are not your friend.
Same...I felt like...he is scolding me for doing things wrong...I just feel like trash after listening to this..that explains why I eventually get distanced from everyone...
By his definition, I am the best friend anyone can have. But to be honest, I listen because I get bored if I don't. I don't like to talk about myself and I congratulate other people on their success because I feel sorry for their miserable lives. So Prof. Jordan thinks I'm a true friend. what a loser.
ThTs how you get good friends
I suspect that in order find good friends, you must first be one yourself.
“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” - words to live by.
I have no friends... but I have determination to succeed.
@@GhstInShadow I'm a loner as well, I just know a lot of people, and none of them are my true friends, including who used to be my "best friend", and now to me are a bunch of fake friends that I've known once will never see or talk to ever again from one place to another.
I am also introverted, so socializing isn't really my strength, but spending a whole lot of time to myself, and literally no one invites me to anything, sigh.
Hello other introverts out there! 🙋
@Centauri A hello fellow introvert 👋
Judan Peterstein has special friends.
Your friends are a mirror of your character
“I’d rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies.” -Al Capone
I apply this to everything. Friends, shirts, vacations, shoes, etc.
Wasn't that a Melania Trump quote?
I fuck with it. Good quote
@KDen ShowEm nothing wrong with throwing some dime pieces in there
“I’d rather have a dollar than 4 quarters!” Beau Limbu
"You have both the right and the responsibility to surround yourself with people who are good for the best part of you." Quote of the day
A wise voice once told me “If you want a friend, be a friend”
Why do you have a picture of a murderous serial killer as your profile picture!?
Aaron Haugh what kind of friend?
One of the last greatest advices I received before the end of high school years ago
Yet walk away If they stop You achieving Your God given goals into Your Heart because of fear in them to live full Life just like God meanted Us to Live in Rejoicing in Him. First I was sad when They left me yet now I am happy because My Dreams are finally coming into reality and God is most certainly the strongest and closest help for Me and everyone Else to achieve those Dreams. I am building a racecar and I know that I will be Good driver in it. No doubt.
This is far from true. I've been a friend to every fucking person I know, this didn't stop them from being assholes though
“The key is to keep company with people who uplift you. Whose presence calls forth your best.” -Epictetus
Jacob Favret Not always tho. Sometimes true friendship is about informing each other of the harsh truths before somebody else does.
@@heavymetalrox268 But the point is they do that because they care about you and want to see you better yourself. That’s the type of people you want to hold close to you.
@@heavymetalrox268 *But that's exactly what that quote is saying.*
*Speaking out the truth is one of the best things a person can do.*
So damn factual to this day, I'll take it to the grave.
@@heavymetalrox268 YO MR ROBOT! GREAT DAMN SHOW.
I knew I had a friend when I got a flat tire on the road coming back from work and it was poring outside. My friend stopped his car on the side of the road and held an umbrella over my head so I could change the tires. That same friend celebrated with me when I had a promotion at work to the same job that he applied for, same friend that takes me out to eat lunch on my birthdays, same friend that always puts me infront on any possible occasion. I am blessed, truly. Thank you Rudy.
I am happy for you. It sounds like you deserve such a good friend in your life.
marry him
Tell Rudy how much you appreciate him hell be so happy 😌
Don’t tell us!! Tell that to Rudy :)
Ur blessed
Friendships are rare and sacred. Be your own best friend first and then you will align with people who care and love you the way you’ve learned to love yourself. All the best on this journey!✨
if only it were that easy
@@videostash413 Exactly! It's always good to try to learn and make progress, but things can also be a life long struggle. And... In reality, I think there are more nuance to the topic as well. The imortant thing is what you think - not what other people think that you should think.
Friendship is overrated
That's exactly right. Most people are friends only as long as it doesn't cost them anything (I'm not talking money, 'cost' is time, effort, or anything else that requires a person to expend something).
I ditched a group of friends that I spent 20 years with, a lot for the first 15 years but then not so much as I started to notice how depressing they were to be around. I was worried I made a mistake and cut off a group of people I knew and loved, but came to find that they couldn't have cared less for me... Jordan has only confirmed my correct decision. Life has been much better!
Yes, I used this same idea with many family. When no one makes the effort to even call it becomes pretty obvious.
@@bundyboy961 Right? I've had multiple apartments and homes over the last 10 years and my family has never once visited and I've never been more than 30 minutes away. It's always me coming to them. Bunch of assholes.
I feel you…
I did the same, they choose meth while I continue following my goals….
You can’t fix stupid, no matter how long you’ve known them
Good job man, if there's no mutuality it's not worth it. Cut off a really "good friend" too who always used me but never gave back
I’ve done exactly the same, spent 8 years with a group of friends that I loved and still love, and that I respect and will always respect, but it wasn’t the place that would let me explode my potential. I’m glad to know I am not the only one on a journey to find new and productive friends to be around, this realization really does change your life doesn’t it… Salute to all of you going through the same situation or something similar! Keep grinding people.
Everyone wants a good supportive friend, but nobody wants to be the good supportive friend.
Mida Multitool I love being the good, supporting friend, what are you talking about?
thats not true you lead by example till they understand why you are doing it for them. because u care
I have found that being the good friend feels just as good as having the good friend. That glimmer in their eyes when they come back for more conversation is totally worth it. Plus being in that mindset to love and accept others feels great. This is a hard lesson to learn, though, especially if you don’t have the heart to give without the guarantee of getting something back
Mida Multitool you've been my supportive friend since year one MIDA
Speak for yourself
You start to realise who your true friends are as you get older and you have less and less patience for the ones who aren’t. Someone who is genuinely happy for you when you’ve achieved something is a true friend but they are very hard to come by. Being alone is nowhere near as bad as being with people who make you feel like you’re alone.
"Being alone is nowhere near as bad as being with people who make you feel like you're alone." Such a good line. Thank you, Button Man, for summing it up. Not only does it apply to friends, but personally this has been my experience with most huge parties and dances as well.
Amen
I had a friend that always tried to belittle, undermine or devalue anything I (or others) said. It was often wrapped up in humour however the end result was always a devaluing effect. For a long while I ignored it as friendly banter because we did have a laugh. In the end it became too wearing and I kept my distance. We don't speak now and it doesn't bother me. He wasn't a bad person, he just had a superiority complex and social issues. He honestly thought he was the smartest person in the room, his mum and sister were the same. Easier to walk away.
@@person8203 I have the same issue man, someone I went to school with and now play Xbox with. He likes to take the piss a lot and if I post something on social media they belittle me and say someone nasty, if something goes well they bring me down. Probably best if I just have no friends at all and just rock the shit out of it
@Jack and Bt Sandwich respect the words bro! Shame it takes a chill dude on RUclips to get me but there are decent people in the world just got to be yourself and if they find you let it happen naturally don’t look for it 😃
I actually have a girlfriend now who loves me and I love her and I’m starting my own business so putting all the pieces together myself and not telling anyone until I put it out there on social media because I don’t want anyone to pull me back! I’m doing it for myself these so called friends aren’t going to pay my mortgage for me or bills so why not focus on my future right now! 👊
If you’ve read this far and got the time- I once had a best mate 3 years ago, we had gone to secondary school together probably been mates for 10 years. I remember going to a party and getting a little drunk but I meant good and was having fun. I remember telling him that he was my best mate and that I loved him as a brother! Really opened up so he knew. Little did I know that he would completely avoid me after this and throw it in my face 😢 we don’t talk anymore straight after the party. I can’t believe it happened like this- it really affected me and obviously still to this day. 😣
I used to be such a fun chill dude that would say thing like ‘I love you man’ ( I’m not gay lmao) just never had an issue saying it before but then this dude just made me feel shit and worthless and I just became more introvert. The next week I remember him having his birthday at his and me not being invited / wasn’t told about it even though all the people who went to the party where I said it went aswell.
Oh well his loss man. He just wasn’t the best mate I thought. Now I don’t open myself up because otherwise people will take advantage (or they won’t) but it’s definitely because of him that I’ve changed. Even my best mate now he tells me I am his but I don’t say it back because I’m afraid the same thing will happen.
All the best 😢❤️
You can be friends with someone who is also real with you rather than a bunch of yes men who will only tell you what you want to hear. Someone who will listen to you but also offer real solutions that sometimes show a flaw in your own approach is a good friend. There is no over sensitivity in true friendship
True that !
"A friend is someone that knows everything about you, and likes you anyways."
I was taught this by my father when I was a young man of about twelve years old and 40 years later it still is true.
Kenneth Kaiser | do you still have friends?
Zycho ---- friends all over the world. More wanting to be my friend all the time.
What about you? Any friends that you don't have to hide anything from? A friend who has your back in any situation that isn't completely stupid? A friend that would tell you when you are fucking up?
Women don't count because they are never really your friend even if you are married. She may act like your friend and like she has your back but, she's only with you for status, cash and prizes. When you no longer have enough of those three, she's leaving. Then she'll act the way she really is and you'll be treated as if you were never a couple and as if you had one, one night stand and you are a stalker for trying to talk to her after she leaves you.
If that or a close version to that hasn't happened to you yet, it will.
Kenneth Kaiser | I don’t have friends
Zycho ----that can be a hard thing to live with, or it can be a good thing, depending on your personality. For instance, I have many people I can say are my friends and they consider me a friend but, I don't hang out with them very much because as you get older, your lives get busier and almost all of my friends are married with kids and grandchildren and I'm single, no kids,own my own successful business that I put in 14-16 hour days minimum usually six days a week. I make time to hangout with some but all of them know I'll be there for them in a minute if they need something and vice versa. As you get older if you have siblings that you don't hate, they usually become your best friends.
Kenneth Kaiser very wise and true words.
“I would say you have the right and responsibility to surround yourself with good people”
-Jordan B. Peterson
This is a revelation to you? Seriously?
@@mp5249 just noted who else I shouldn't surround myself with..
but do you deserve it
@@mp5249 To me Jordan Peterson just stated the obvious more often than not and people eat it up like wow I've never heard this before 😂 Jordan Peterson says wash your ass Craig well gee he's right my ass is dirty clean your room Miguel he might be on to something what a genius🤯 Watch for more tips on not being an abhorrent slob with no social skills😂
@@Juan800PimpBot 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💯💯💯💯😂😂😂🤣😂😂😂😭😭😭😂😂👍
My true friend was my mom. Gee how I miss her.
I miss mine too, she died in 2004 when I just graduated high school. She was a Christian woman and I haven't seen her in 16 years almost half my life. It's strange but I have a wife who is very similar to my mother which may sound wierd to some people but it brings me comfort. Stay strong, your not alone and I'm sorry for your loss.
@@Gabriel.1985. It is not weird, people tend to Love Other people who Share traits with the mother If you are a man or father If you are a Woman .
A man I'm sorry to hear that. My. Mother's unwell, I hear you
@@ihrkriegtmeinennamennichtf7263 thanks for that...cool. Have a good day sir or madam.
@@Gabriel.1985.
Doesn't sound weird. Good for you. Your Mom did a great job.
I feel so lucky to have a friend like that. He's like the brother I never had. We've been through highs and lows and everywhere in between, but just being around him fills me with strength and grace. He's always willing to lend an ear, crack a joke, or lend a hand. He's the kind of guy who'd give you the shirt off his back in a blizzard. Even with all the darkness he's dealt with in his life, he's still the kindest most generous and genuine soul I've ever met. I can't wait to go back home permanently so we can go on some more whacky adventures together. Love you, Duncan.
I’m watching this to make sure I’m being a good friend 😂
👊🏾😁
On the right track then
Me too 😂
Lmao me too
Must be something you feel guilty about
This made me realize I’m not a real friend when I should be!
Thats awesome ngl
Same im taking notes
I'm kind of in between but i'll now be a better me
The fact that you are aware of that possibility and the fact that you are not afraid to admit it makes me think otherwise. Your now conscious to the idea that you may possibly not be a real friend when you should be. The fact that you admit it shows you care to be a real friend and the fact that you weren’t aware of these qualities determining a real friend shows you weren’t intentionally being a bad friend. The only reason why you can be a bad friend or fake friend now since your aware of these qualities is by completely ignoring them and doing the opposite of what you know you should be doing. You’ll be alright brotha don’t be too hard on yourself.
Possibly one of the wisest comments on this feed
"You have the right and the responsibility to surround yourself with the people who are good for the best part of you"
L. Ricardo Colpari I'd argue the best part of me is the selfless part that doesn't judge my friends.
That probably IS the most appealing part of you, to other people. That's not necessarily the best part of you for your own interests though. The two are separate issues. You may even disregard your own interests, which is unhealthy long term. There's a fine line between self-sacrifice and self-martyrdom. Only one is noble.
Sounds like golddiggers.
I love this guy. Throughout my life, I've also learned that a true friend will share stories back and forth with you. A bad friend will think you're trying to one-up him/her with your stories.
There is a humble warmth when being around true friends. It's a good feeling, the level of care is real.
this is so beautifully said
Partially true...bcs there are cases when you are yet to realise they are not true friends at all (happened to me onceಥ‿ಥ)
@@celine3708 Oh no 🥺. I have an idea what that's like but not full throttle.
@@celine3708 you are absolutely right
It's not a feeling, it's an acknowledgement of recognizing the situation, day to day feelings can change and be inaccurate
This reminds me of a friend, she had this tendency to always telling anecdotes whenever any topic was on the table, and it was a bit tiring to talk to her. So, one day I went to tell her about this game I was saving up for and finally got my hands on, and she went like "oh, that reminds me of... actually, nevermind, I shouldn't speak that much about myself, tryna change that lately." Then I could perfectly see in her face how she immediately noticed she was doing that right at the moment, and just moved on from that, told me to go buy something together, and then we played that game till night. It was one of those days of "forget about your problems and just have some fucking fun"
What I'm trying to say is that even if a friend seems to be providing a toxic relationship, they're not necessarily doing it on purpose; everyone is open to change, and sometimes all a friendship needs to be fully formed is some faith, hope and patience
Very true. People's character aren't statues.
Toooooooooo optimistic ....... Not everyone is good.
That’s good advice. Not everyone is deliberately trying to be toxic. Sometimes people just need feedback.
Well said.
@Adam Tesfai Be careful before people change
Summary:
You can tell them bad news and they’ll actually listen.
You can tell them good news and they’ll help you celebrate.
You want the people who want the best for you.
Surround yourself with people who help facilitate your development towards a better future.
Thanks!
Thank you
Agreed.....that is something so many agree with but do not live..
You can tell that by those with an angry reply...
Hung around a friend 1 on 1 today for a pic nic, her ex boyfriend got his first welfare check today and after YEARS of having him live with her because he can't look after himself due to depression and they have a few kids together. Gave her a high 5. Now she's moving farrr away to live with her boyfriend.
Never knew celebrating a friends success can feel so bad.
@Fat Girl Gone Slim clean your room
This is a video I like to turn to every 6 months to a year now. It gives me an opportunity on the type of friend I’m being as well as a reminder to check who I surround myself with.
I think another thing that makes a good friend is someone who you don't always talk to or keep in touch with but when you see each other you can pick up right where you left off.
One of my best friends growing up, Joe, and I lost touch with each other as our lives went separate ways after high school. I hadn't spoken with him in 10 years when he called with a problem on his truck. I went right over and there I met a new friend of his. The new friend observed that we hadn't spoke in 10 years and just showed up when I was called to help. He asked why I would do that and i replied "Because he is my friend." It turns out Joe and I staid in contact regularly until his death a couple years ago at 62 YO. I miss that guy.
TRUE I can relate 100% to this! Comparable to the feeling of coming home after being away for a while
That's exactly why they are your good friend. Coz you don't get to be with each other that much.😂😂😂 Spend time together do stuff together and see if you both feel the same.
The friend you don't see often, you're less likely to share your deep issues with, you keep it lighthearted and you wouldn't even know if they are in deep depression. That's acquaintance NOT A FRIEND. It's funny how easily and lightly the word friend is thrown around
😂 riiight
Never understood that, to me it sounds they arent really your friend cuz they dont mind about not seeing you often.
"Your true friends help you celebrate when something good happens to you."
Red skull
Marvel villains getting more and more relatable
Lmfao.
Exactly. A good friend sees you as an equal. Not better or worse, equal.
@@edp3202 exactly
@@thenotorioustaha took me 49 years to figure that out.
I saw this the other day when I was experiencing a bad friendship. "The closer you get to excellence in your life, the more friends you lose. People love you when you're average because it makes the comfortable. But when you pursue greatness it makes people feel uncomfortable. Be prepared to lose some people on your journey. "
I've come to a sad realization that my twin brother is like this, he often gets complacent in life but I have ambition and goals. Whenever I feel discouraged I talk about them but whenever I bring them up to him he puts me down actually he does even if I don't mention them it's like we are competing but he doesn't want to win he just wants me to lose.. it hurts because I love him alot and I know he loves me, he is just a little jealous because he likes being content truly and that is something that goes against my nature and he can't stand me being better off then him in some aspects because of it.
The opposite is also true. When I developed chronic health problems, only 3-4 people made a real effort to stay in touch. You really see someone's character when you aren't "useful" or obviously "fun" anymore.
This is mostly untrue though. People love splendor and popularity. Look how much people idolise celebrities when they will never personally know eachother. It's because they have status and success and most humans are infatuated with power and wealth. Where as people low on the social ladder get treated like dirt. Those suffering with illnesses are ignored.
@@user-yo9xs8tl5o You haven't heard of the tall poppy syndrome then.
That mindset is the breeding facility of elitists and people who are full of themselves
“surround yourself with people who are good for the best part of you” - Thank you Dr. Peterson 🙏
So apparently I haven't had any true friends for my entire life. Great
Tim L fuck. :(
I was hoping to find a comment like this.
There's no such thing as a 'true friend', that's just boring.
😂😂😂
Are you a good friend yourself?
Make me your friend and you will have a good friend!
I had close friends who told me their problems & didn't want to listen to mine. Also never were happy for me. I distanced myself starting 2+ yrs ago weeded them all out. I'm no longer depressed or angry. Just happier & I understand now what a good family I have to support me.
@Eaglett so true man thst comment is making me want to appreciate my family more
And for goodness sake people, get off Facebook !
Is Az Excellent move!! All I have are family, our family friends, and my gf and I honestly couldn’t be happier :)
Blind Squid yeah. Sarkasim
😭
Be honest, who has less than 3 real friends?
I have only 1 that I can really call a friend.... no, actually I have 2 if I count my father.
@@kevinkarbonik2928 Same here. Only one person who I've known for 20 years I can call best friend. Pretty much everyone else is an acquaintance.
I don't have 'real' friends.
Shock 44- not counting my wife and family. I have one.
Only myself
As a person with a disabling injury and 2 surgeries for cancer, I love that Peterson's advice is NOT about how financially successful a person is, but rather about their level of complaint and the kind of friend you can be to others and how others are friends with you. So often people who have experienced traumas are in so much pain, they cannot have empathy for anyone else. When you have a disabling injury at a young age, often the people you end up spending time with are older folks because they're not out punching a clock. But there are "retirees" and then there are grumpy miserable able people who only discuss their bowel movements, and with whom anything you try to do is met with, "Oh, that will never work." Dr.Peterson's advice is vital for not absorbing the wrong voices into who I am. Awareness, empathy, and productive thought/action are all executive functions. Practicing these things, and deciding that today is a good day, require conscious choices, changes in perspective that keeps a mind alive.
Well-done, Dr.P! And...Thanks!😊
Realized just by watching this that I'm the bad friend 😭
I'm slowly picking myself one step at a time.
Hey it’s ok, it’s never too late to turn things around.
You are good at identifying the problem. I know you care about your friend, let your conscience lead you, not your comforts. Find comfort in pushing on and becoming that amazing friend!
@@badpiggy2403 yeah slowlt getting there hehe thank you so much! :)
@@jonathanholloway2127 omg I preach this! thank you so much! :)
At least you took your time and thought about it, that’s better than anyone I know, myself included
I'm a pro boxer and went to africa with a mate who can't fight, one night a guy pulled a knife on me demanding money, I tried to fight him and my mate jumped in between us and the guy ran. Thats a friend
True friend
That my friend is a lie
Eddie Yammine you went to Africa? Is Africa a country, you POS
@@side-eyewarrior823 where did I say it was a country.
Na dying for someone else is easy. Many people would jump in front of q bullet for another person but ask them to stick around. While you're sad and you'll see them gone by the end of the week
My advice: dont look for a better person, be a better person and you will attract more people. Then be careful who you let in.
Wise words
I have none. I don't fit in. I am an immigrant. A legal alien.
@@iamsuccess6634 Wich makes it harder. Many people are superficial and won't give you a chance to even show them, who you are. Don't give up please. There a also many people who aren't superficial and take you the way you are. Love what makes you and embrace it. Don't bring yourself down. Head up my friend, I believe in you.
Great piece of advice
How do you know who to let in? Like what are the actual traits
This just proves me that I was right on wanting to act the way I feel ✨energy never lies, this is so true.
I only told to my best friend the worst time of my life, a thing I never disclosed with anybody else in the world, not even my family. And I even cried in his pressence. We care for each other from a very long time and we both lived the same misfortunes but we decided to live a kind life instead of living in hatred and resentment. Having at least one good friend is a huge blessing.
I once had a friend who had been my best friend over 15 years. The reason why we are not friends anymore- she was happy for me when bad things happened to me and she was upset with me when good things happened to me. I no longer make friendship with those who are jealous, gaslighting and manipulative.
@Evil Jester How can you say op let it happen? They might have been best friends for so long because things weren't always so bad at first, whatever the case is there aren't enough details to say they let it happen.
That's a real common problem. With some it's more obvious, others more covert. I've learned over the years to not show or share my joy over good fortune, and generally don't say much about bad fortune either. People are flawed, I've just come to accept that.
Yep! Women do that.
@@MiguelFight men behave like that too. And there is women that are more “manly” than those men, who are cowards.
@@LagiohX3 *Are. And depends on your definition of "manly".
Don't confuse co-workers and class-mates as being your friends, as that doesn't automatically qualify them as such.They get put into the aquatince catogory, unless you interact with them outside of the public forum
Clutch Cargo excellent point!! Extroverts who like to connect with others tend to believe they are closer to coworkers than they really are. It’s a mistake I made when younger.
Jessica LT right. Right. Perfect place to be friends, just most people are trash...
I lived with coworker for 4 years and made him my sons godfather. Does he count?
@@jessicalt4121 is over basically they hate me more since servile
Yes! People like to call me a friend but I’m like, we’re just acquaintances, despite I’ve been talking for some people for quite some time, I don’t let anyone in my close circle most of the time.
I am so blessed to say that I have at least four friends like this. We all value each other's friendship and we priotize the group before ourselves, and I'm proud to say I find true happiness when I'm with them.
In the military we say that, "Friends say good things about you to other people when you're not around, and jump your ass to your face."
Which military?
@@HOTD108_ USAF..
Like that thanks :) or should i say.... that sucks..... im confused lol
@@MrWolfheart111 Friends are honest with you, if you screw up, to your face. Your enemies only talk about you behind your back.
@@Ammo08 that's the same here in Ireland
Proverbs 17:17, "A true friend shows love at all times and is a brother who is born for times of distress."
My favorite verse!
Love this verse
The Bible + Psychology = happiness
Wow... had no idea that verse existed. Thank you. I have no friends as such, but it's good to see that it's written in the good book. It's comforting. I miss my brother.
He is beyond brotherhood my friend.
I'm in High School and for 2 years I was friends with a group of 3 guys. They ignored everything I said, they were always negative, and like Jordan referenced in this video, I was scared to tell them good things that happened because they would get jealous and not care. FOR ANYONE that is reading this and is going through the same situation, let them go! My friends were anti social and were scared to leave the house. That's not me. As soon as you make the decision to stop hanging around them, your life will get 10x better. Good relevant video.
Christian Schenks ya dude. Even if someone is decently in Getting Marks and Grades by Spending Shit ton of time but Compromising alot of free time . Then just Reduce your time significantly spent with them . Even if you confront these kinda people, they are themself not allowing to come out of their stupid Mind Blocks and Shells. To embrace the time , and People & Opportunity ,etc.
Vishal Kumar thats terrible advice
gangsterwarrior X Well , I am open to any kind of Constructive Knowledge or Advice you would have , like ones you give to yourself from future to a past version of you.
I would be very thankful , if you could share your Worthy Opinions with Us All .
Christian Schenks 🙌🏼
High school is an age where you think that anyone you hang out with is a friend. You're finding out that isn't so. good for you.
My best friend knows me better than anyone. I have a lot of anxiety and can be a lot to deal with sometimes. I was going through a tough time a while ago and was constantly venting/feeling sorry for myself. I remember calling him one day and he basically answered the phone with “What’s up idiot? Are we getting sad you or happy you today?” It was jarring for half a second but then I realized it was exactly what I needed to hear. Helped pull me out of a spiral and gave me a little reality check with some humorous tough love. Broke the tension and then we talked and laughed for an hour. Great friend.
"It is your right and responsibility to surround yourself with people who are good for the best in you." You are who you hang out with. It's been proven.
Its a great quote. The people you choose to hang out with can impact you negatively or positively. Thats a fact. So yep choose wisely for your health and wellbeing 😇
@Logic it really depends on who you are; some people believe in others' opinions more than their own, changing themselves accordingly, and some people stay the same and let others change to be like them. You have to have a balance of both.
"Birds of a feather..." What color is your plumage?
@Logic Have you ever heard of the saying, "Hanging out with the wrong crowd"? Many people tend to go with the flow with the people they hangout with because they want to fit in or be a part of something even without looking into what they are getting themselves into. They may not be you, but they can influence you to doing what they say.
what about the lone wolfes?
Let me add onto this:
People that actually make the time to spend with you. They'll help you with your stuff just as much as you help them. They don't just call you when they want or need something.
What should you do with those?
@@orienTube01 the ones that stick around? Keep them around
My pick up broke down just after midnight on my way home from a job.
Then you think who to call to come and help, and you realize that you don't have any one who will help you.
Things like that can be an eye opener.
For anyone who feels they've got no solid friendships, I encourage you to keep being the best friend YOU can be, the right people will come. OR JUST GET A DOG:)
😂😂😂😂
Just get a dog.
Yeah, I’m a just stick with my dog. I know he’s loyal.
I’ve been called a “fake friend” so many times in my life just for trying to talk people out of bad ideas it’s not even funny
Say "if you are my friend, and you think i'm thinking a bad idea that could ruin me, will you tell me to stop me or let me ruin myself?"
People these days thinks that every mistake should be made no matter how many people already did the same mistake... "experience it yourself"
just because it's a bad idea to you doesn't means its a bad idea for them,
@@Mhats So killing himself is a good idea in their mind because they are heavily depressed... isn't correct to try convince them it's a bad idea? Not because you believe something is good it means it's true that it's good
@@BlaxeFrost-X no one said anything about anyone killing themselves. so stop
@@Mhats That's an extreme example of a bad idea... you can easly find this case with somrthing less extreme like... telling his married ex-girlfriend that he still loves her... or becoming the enemy of some powerful dude
Good advice! In addition, I have always said that if you can sit with someone in silence, and NOT feel awkward, then they are officially a good friend, as you can enjoy each other’s presence without the pressure of having to have filler conversation, as you likely would have with a stranger/acquaintance/date etc.
Yes! I frequently say the same, but have never really heard or seen anyone else say it. You are so right...
I learned somewhere that a friend is someone who I’m comfortable with when doing nothing. I have 2 guys like that, that’s all that I need.
Thank you Sir I do appreciate your efforts & help.
Sitting in silence with my ex-wife was about as comfortable as sitting in a field during an electrical storm! Sitting in silence with my present wife is like puppies in a blanket! Yea!
The crucial modifier there, “enjoy”.
While we may feel cozy for not sitting alone, being a friend is not same as being a non challenging or engaging object. With a friend too we can have awful debating or fighting, even split. It is not in agreement that friendship is found, but in mutual recognition.
Real friends call you and ask how you are doing, real friends will want to know and will listen to you without interruption and really cares about the answer. Fake friends will call you and tell you how great they are, and everything is about them. I guess the main word I'm looking for here is "CARE". Real friends still want to hang around you even if you have nothing to offer but friendship.
This means i don't have real friends😭😩
Key word is caring, as you said. Keep in mind a person with Autism may not take steps to contact you for fear of being an inconvenience, or on the opposite extreme may "call you to tell you how great they are" because that's how they feel in the moment after an achievement and don't know how that comes off.
Furthermore, be sure you are doing the same, and not exclusively expecting that treatment.
If you do 90% of the listening, and ask questions so they can talk some more then you are being used. That's not a conversation, it's a listening session. A great conversation is a mutual exchange. Read Dale Carnegie books, but be careful because you can end up just being "the listener", and feel like a stuffed person could take your place if you are rarely in a mutual exchange.
Love everything of your comment, and particularly your last sentence
Thank you for your reply. You have found gold when you are with someone pleasant to be with and you have a mutual caring exchange of conversation. Otherwise it's like playing ping pong by yourself. If your doing the listening and asking all the questions
I love listening to this man. He makes such accurate and valid points.
".....You just have your misery. I'll go off and have my life." Perfectly said.
Mr. Peterson's classes are those rare moments when you actually feel your tuition fee is justified and you’re getting your money's worth. No question.
If you think this is legitimate content your are an idiot. This man is a pseudo intellectual for stupid people.
@@juliosanchez8263 I'm an idiot? Big words for a little man. How about "your are an idiot", idiot.
Sisko the kid Careful with that grammar book, Sisko. There’s a grammar error in your original comment!
Especially since we aren’t paying anything to watch him on RUclips
I’ve found him to be hit and miss; but this was more of a hit.
Makes sense.I had a gf that when I told her something good she would tell me about how her ex did the same thing but was more successful.
Dump that bitch.
H D “Had” is past tense so means he broke up with her, learn to read you dumb biitch
@@terrelljones4953 I dont like you
Oof!
Well... Most woment dont want you too sucseed... I dont know whats wrong with them.... They respect their boss at work more then they respect their husband/parnter... My ex refused to support me in my business, i got rid of her, told her to go marry her boss lol
Assuming this advice applies to everyone, I think a better mindset is not to look for good friends, but to be a good friend while and to avoid bad friends.
That's why I only have 2 friends.
Others I just know.
Smith & Wessie?
@@hundreddollarbiller right hand and occasionally left hand
same
Ppl think you can have so many friends . . . The confuse colleges and ppl you know with friends. If you have 1 thats already a lot.
Me too. Ive never been happier knowing 2 best friends because i can actually enjoy spending time with them and we go anywhere together. If you have too many friends you connect with no one.
I have a hard time parting from friends who used to be really good friends in the past and now make me feel guilty if anything remotely good happens to me. To the point where I need to hide any joy because it will be too much for one particular friend. It's very sad, but how can such a person stay in anyone's life?
quit. you can confront them beforehand. not because you could fix it (your bond is already broken, this won't work) but for their future encounters
Toxic people. It doesn’t make you a bad person to have self respect and compassion to leave those people behind. Cognitions like that, feeling bad for having joy is probably the worst kind of cognition you can form in life (well amongst the worst). If people are sparking that feeling in you it’s likely because they share that same cognition themselves. If you care for yourself, you’ll naturally find it easy to let go of these people.
AwakeMode You are 100% right. It’s a matter of self-respect and compassion. When others are happy and doing well, no matter how I am doing in life, I feel so joyful for them. I rejoice in other people’s success and accomplishments, it makes me feel good and hopeful. we have the right to surround ourselves with like-minded individuals. People who are good for the best part of us.
Hermetic Kitten in Hinduism, this feeling of happiness due to someone else’s happiness is called “satvic ananda”, means “pure bliss” or “pure happiness”. It’s the best kind of happiness because it’s so selfless! Get yourself around others who share this wonderful loving trait as you do! :-)
Hermetic Kitten Your friends are probably other women what do you expect
There's more "frenemies" out there than there are "friends".
I was the 100th like😅
Gold K I am no one's frienemy but I am no one's friend either. I don't care about people much and if some of them die I will probably be like "meh" and move on to the next "friend" in line.
Nihilism awful mindset
@@905silver So what, people use me and I use them. Being nice about it won't change absolutely anything about that.
Jordan Peterson is one of those frenemies. He works for the UN
I've had a lot of untrue friends. They would act like they cared about me and manipulated me that way to take advantage of me. I thought that's what I was good for till they started disrespecting me when I no longer allowed it. I cut those people out of my life. Then I had the friends who I was friends with when I was in my addiction. I thought they were just helping me to live my best life. Once I got sick of the problems my addiction caused me, I got sober and realized they were not true friends so I cut ties with them. They would give me destructive criticism and insult me and I thought they did it because they cared and were trying to build me up. Then I've had friends who knew I was a good person and showed it and gave me constructive criticism and correction in a loving way. They showed their love, care, support, kindness, and respect by helping me to live a better life and helped me solve my problems. Plus it was rewarding to do the same for them.
I just played this for my 8 and 9 year old children. Its important to learn this lesson early in life.
Still a bit early tbf
Cobedizzle true. I think teenage years would be a good time to start. 13-15 maybe
It’s never too early! My dad took me to prisons when I was a kid to teach me about life and the serious side of it, and other things of that nature. They will remember it and have better perspective in this very weird world
ctrlaltbean so 2 wouldn’t be too early ?
ctrlaltbean honestly I think it would just make them really suspicious of everyone and overthinking the concept of friendship which wouldnt be healthy for a kid
Hung out with a guy for years before realizing that he didn't really respect me- I guess I was entertaining or something. If I tried something new he'd sneer at my attempt like I was a fool for thinking I could do it. That insecurity held me back for a long time. Now I know that you can't let the fear of making mistakes deter you from trying things.
Just found this out about one of my friends of 12 years. I think I'm just a token black friend to him.
We have all been there... hanging with people who are jealous, don't like us, etc.. all our relationships are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. My mother loves putting me down... turns her own. So, for 25 years my best friend did the same thing... I healed and I'm so protective of my personal space and energy. No one is allowed around me who doesn't celebrate me and make me better!!!!
@DanPatterson A lot of has to do with narcissism. For example, you tell him something you’re trying to do and he has to tell you won’t accomplish it. This is what I believe in general terms and maybe not to your case specifically since I don’t know all the details; (1) People call it playing the devils advocate, but it’s him just trying to seem like he’s smart by trying to things you don’t see. (2) He’s insecure. He needs to make sure you’re not doing anything to better yourself because then you will be ahead of him. (3) he’s just straight up negative.
Sounds like my dad and I'm far more successful than he ever was.
100% I had the exact same. My "friend" was a slave to his emotions and let his mood dictate his life. If he was in a bad mood he'd shit on anyone or anything anyone else said, but when it came to him he was ridiculously sensitive and hated anyone who'd tell him the truth about his behavior.
"Friendship isn't about who you've known the longest...its about who came and never left your side".
Watching his lectures again after reading his book (12 Rules for Life) is amazing, like watching a movie after reading the book version.
My experience shows going broke certainly shows who your true friends are, Happened to me in the late 80’s. Looking back it was one of the most influential experiences. Lots of people bailed on me. The ones who did not have since been rewarded because I came back richer than ever in the 90’s and I treat my true friends like gold.
Late 80's? Wait how old r u now?
I honestly think if they arent financially well off themselves..they arent bound to help me in times like these
@@hoshizurisuichan6516 Probably above 60 I'd guess.
I dont think you need to lose money as the only way to find out who your friends are... just be LESS involved in yourself, and things like money .. and be MORE involved in spending time with others.
And its all VERY CLEAR.
Depends why you went broke, I'm not wasting my time with someone messing their life up
Very recently, within the past few weeks, I realized I made almost every sustained conversation I had be about me. I always brought up the stuff I did months ago that made my friends' situations relatable to me. I wasn't trying to bring anyone down, just relate, but when I realized how I was going about it I was pissed with myself. I decided to listen better and ask more personal questions about others. I try to encourage in every interaction. It's going really well and I hope it helps me become a better friend!
It's really awesome that you realized the impact that your attempt at being relatable was having on your friends. But I just want to point out that bringing up relatable stories/issues during conversations doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad friend. Sometimes people (especially those who are neurodivergent) use it as a way to empathize with others and let them know they aren't alone in the situation or difficulty they are facing. I think we need to distinguish between narcissistic friends who derail conversations to make it about themselves and friends who just want to relate to us in a unique way.
@@kalyda211 I must agree with Hank Hill. His wisdom is on point. The points in this video are good and reliable, but it is still dependent per person as everyone interacts and expresses feelings differently.
@@kalyda211 wisdom.
I face this exact dilemma within my own friendships and struggle to know what the right move is. I am constantly striving to improve myself, and often feel disgusted with how many personal anecdotes I interject as a sincere attempt to empathize or sympathize with someone else's situation. My desire is not to make things about me, but rather to let the other person know that they are not alone in their suffering. I do try to be clear that by sharing my own experience(s) I am in no way trying to say that I understand EXACTLY how another person feels, as our experiences and how we experience then our unique to each of us as a unique individual.
How do you establish a balance between inserting personal experience as a means to help vs. not? Is it generally better just to listen, ask questions and then offer advice without sharing the source (past experiences) of that gained knowledge contributing to the advice being given?
I spin in circles thinking about this. I will say that I am a good listener, and hang onto each detail as someone is sharing something with me. People are often surprised when I'm able to recall specific details of stories they shared with me years prior, as though they expect people not to truly be listening to them when they speak. I do listen and I do really care.
Man, that is amazing self awareness. Few people are that insightful.
A friend is someone that asks you how you are doing and actually WAITS to hear the answer :)
Luisa3413 i love your profile pic! My fave movie of all time
Or they can just be waiting so they can get the next bit of juicy gossip directly from you, that they can take to share with others later.
Sraye depends on the subject sometimes stupid shit is funny
@@AsemTheAwesome1999 not of all time anyway but the guardians was lit.
A friend is one sticks by you when you are at your worst and at your best. Always sticking by you.
Because as the saying goes: keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
You learn that when you’re diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, cancer and the like
When you are watching these lecture clips out of context, it is hard to recognise them as psychology lectures. By that I mean that to me it sounds like Jordan Peterson is teaching life skills and how to understand your own social programming
Juan kingsly Life skills and social programming are a major part of psychology
More pearls of fake wisdom - I'll give you three more...
The thing about Peterson is that 99.9% of what he is saying is just facts about human nature, if you find yourself getting angry with what he says, its based on fear, fear of being uncomfortable because we live in an era of escapism, that’s why there are so many mentally damaged people around
The Fonz eloquently put
I can relate to everything he said. My friendship group from high school was toxic throughout our 20s. There was a lot of resentment and enabling. I'm lucky now to have met a lot of good guys through jiu jitsu. People are respectful and we help each other to grow in our training. I would recommend martial arts to everyone.
I agree, martial arts bring out the humbleness of people because of how difficult it is. Very good comment!
I am sincerely happy this happened for you.
I’m actually surprised that for me, most guys in my year in high school were actually all decent fellows. But now we are all spread across the globe lol. So right now around me, not really a real friend in sight. I just try my best to help the people around me now, and hope that in return, I may find good friends.
@@toeknee3302 same dude. Just moved out of my country and so did my friends for university and I feel lonely as heck but it’s a new start!
Jiu Jitsu was the best think that happened to me after my 30's.
The best way to know your true friends - stop drinking alcohol.
True!
Facts actually wanna try it
Very true! Same for smoking weed
ChangedName _
I was just about to comment this. When I stopped smoking and moved out of my apartment (it was the hangout spot for all of us) I suddenly saw eight people magically disappear from my life. No phone calls, no texts, nothing.
I was pissed for a few years but later realized that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Six of the eight still live with their parents and all are 34-36 years old.
Omar Mir wowww!!! That’s wild. It just goes to show who your true friends are. It’s also a great reflection of your growth since that time. I want to show you my respect & give you my applause. I don’t think it was easy!
Gotta say though, I’m curious for you to wonder how much more you will achieve and how much further you will have self developed in just a few years from now. Just like before
I'm 22 and don't really have many friends that I look up to or aspire to be like, but they are all very genuine and I know they care deeply about my well being. I can't help but feel like the ideology of only keeping people around that bring out the best part of you or make you a better person is selfish in a way, although I understand it. I feel like the person that pushes me to be better the most is my girlfriend, but I don't know if my friends do that, they are just fun to be around and they're loyal.
Another title for this might be
“Why reasonably intelligent, well-adjusted, emotionally stable people end up enjoying spending time alone.”
Finding people like he describes is nearly impossible. Most people will watch this and think about how other people should start treating them better because they’re such a good person, while in reality they actually do none of the things they should be doing.
Alan Page “Nearly impossible” I think might be a stretch, but I agree with what you’re saying.
I believe that making things too much about yourself and always striving for perfection is a great way to continue dividing people and generations.
Yes, surrounding yourself with support and positivity be mondo important, but aren’t pain & suffering the ultimate catalysts for self-improvement? Isn’t it from the things we hate or disagree with that we grow the most if we’re willing to open our minds to the underlying reasons?
I think that both growing a thicker skin and practicing empathy are more valuable than having “good” friends.
Agree totally with you, thanks for your wisdom and ironically you would make a great friend, don't ever look past your worth and I hope you realize that you are very important and worthy of love and true friendship. My best friend is my wife and I am her bf as well. I'm 34 and came to the realization that she is the only friend I have ever had and I'm fine with that because many people don't even find that. Be grateful though that you have come to the realization that you have, because it's true. Many people aren't on your level yet, nor will they ever be, because their eyes aren't open to the truth. Take care and God bless 🙏❤️
😂
I don't know how to connect the sentence you've written in quotes to the one you've written following.
But I agree that when people listen to those stories they thing they are the good guys, when in reality they are the assholes
Which one of those might we be? Lol
Exactly. Also what is the harm in relating to someone else's bad day or story?
if a friend is always sharing bad news and is overly negative about themselves or his life, it is your job as a friend to bring him/her to the light and put things in perspectives.
So true
It’s true that you should never give up on friends who suffer through difficult times, but it’s hard or almost impossible when they’re down that rabbit hole of victimhood. It’s almost always by an intrinsic self-enlightenment that they can UNDERSTAND even though rationality has been presented and also infact often comprehended and acknowledged by the victim himself. But the difference between understanding and comprehension is the salient nuance.
It also be hard to actively find a source which would trigger this self enlightment. It could come from fragments of different sources which over time could trigger an sense of understanding, or from a single profound event which may or may not actually be the correct source, but has been attributed to that event because of its explicit nature.
Basicly, don’t be friends with narcissists.
True enough, though narcissism is often rooted in insecurity, and when they do things as described in the video, I'm not sure there is a difference between the two. Someone who downplays another person's successes may be truly in love with their own achievements, as you suggest, but that may only be a symptom of a deeper need for validation which has interfered with their ability to provide that back to others.
Tyler Mod Spoken like a true narcissist.
Tyler Mod You can have narcissistic traits without going in for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. I feel like you just took Pysch 101 and now you are just looking to argue over semantics.
@Tyler Mod ok, so by that logic, don't be friends with people who exhibit narcissistic traits. Original point is pretty much the same
@Tyler Mod You said everyone exhibits traits associated with a psychological disorder. Logic would follow that you could meet someone with narcissistic traits, ergo, fuck them
"You raise me up to more than i can be" . That is what my friends do for me. I am surrounded by incredible people. We cry together, we laugh together and we are each others' "feel good moment". I have been so lucky in my friends and i tell them so. That song says it for me and i have chosen it to dedicate to my friends at my funeral
I recently had a moment where via social media, I saw my “friends” all going out and I wasn’t invited. This has been a recurring trend and I am tired of it, so I put my foot down and have stopped talking to these people. I don’t find it that hard to send a text message or make a phone call. For the first few days, it felt really weird as I would reach out to these people so frequently. Now, I feel like I’m in a lot more control and my head has been better because of it. The people I have told this to who I would consider good friends have all been very supportive of me, in addition to my immediate family. What makes this hard in the first place is how I have a lacking social life in my hometown, but I am powering through it. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. If there are “friends” who aren’t giving you the time of day you deserve, find people that will treat you the way you should be treated.
I literally just went through this. A group of friends I've had for about 20 years, my younger sister who is 2 years younger is also friends with them so it made it difficult because it's the group of friends I have that's closest to home. But they were holding me back and I put my foot down, not a single one has reached out to me to say hello. I kick myself for being there for them for so long only to find out they were barely friends at all, it started out tough, but I've since met better people, and reconnected with the ones I realized were true friends all along. Regardless of it all, I feel a million times better not wasting my time with their depressing, one dimensional attitude, they barely leave their own zip code and have been doing the same shit for 20 years.
Yeah same I kept asking this guy to hangout for like a year and they'd always say we would but never delivered, plus they said they blocked me and forgot about unblocking me until I emailed them. It's so hard to get a reply from this person I could wait indefinitely and they'd probably never message back. Often times I'd wait like 3 months or more to hear from them but they'd always allude to their problems but never tell me anything despite me telling them everything all the time. I thought they were my friend bit clearly they didn't think the same so I ended up telling them to either put more effort into me or we'd be done being friends and my only reply from them was silence for the whole day. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore and I wish I did this much much muccchhhh sooner cause putting up with their silence, apathy, and indifference towards me for years really messed up my mental health and if I could've I woulda made the change long ago!
Keep treating yourself like your own best friend. The fact that you can enjoy your own company, means others can too.
Totally relate to that first part man. Always thought it was shitty they’d give me shit and always have something to say about me not driving 15-20 minutes out of my way to come see them (which I did all the time before I noticed how little they actually returned the energy) yet they’d have to drive past my neighborhood every day to go to work or to town and not once would they stop by. So why would I keep going out of my way to see them when they can’t even stop in while on their way?
I would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
When times get tough, those that stick around… those are your real friends. That simple.
Exactly.
I became aware in my early 20's that mostly people hated you because you could create good things or had good news. A whole lot of petty people in the world. So, I just kept silent and didn't talk about me. I always found it illuminating that mostly, people just want to talk about themselves and they absolutely resent you if they think you might be doing better than them. It's best not to tell anyone that you are happy and doing well. Everyone is so into their own Dramas, it's like they're addicted to Drama... oh the blame, victimhood and their crazy get even plots when they think someone is doing better than them, as if it's a personal attack on them or something. I learned not to tell anyone around my private life that I was winning awards for music and Art, I just asked them about their lives and they are always too happy to talk forever, funny how they never asked me any questions about myself. You learn a lot about people and their hidden motivations and plots just by listening to what they say, what they're trying to convince you to believe about them. I've also learned over time....to withdraw from people.. it's much safer.
Being alone leads to depression and anxiety. It has been proven that a person who lives a isolated life can have their life shortened in years due to the mental affects that isolation has on the physical health of the individual. Although much of what you stated in your posting is true in many ways, it is also a over generalization of people and unhealthy. I am convinced that there are those out there that are truely "good" people as I have been lucky to have met a few in my life. Sadly most have passed away but this is the curse of getting old. All I can state is that ...keep trying. You will be pleasantly amazed and ...... yes hurt too but this is life.
@@honour123 Thank you for your concern, though, you've taken my words and added your own translation instead of understanding what I actually wrote.
We gather knowledge all our lives but only with age can wisdom arrive. My words do not come from depression or anxiety, they come from a lifetime of study, observation, application and experience. I'm probably older than you, by the way.
I agree with this. Currently 29 and just now finding this out. I am like you said a little withdrawn and my peers can care less about anyone other than themselves. I interact with people but I do not sacrifice my hobbies for hanging out to gossip and such. Congrats on all your awards! I can already tell you get a thrill for accomplishments unapplauded. Still I applaud you. There are people younger than you walking this very same path down to the detail and behind them are people calling them a recluse and being generally negative. Thank you for sharing.
@@DominicChrisitianMom - It's like withdrawal, .... though it is simply the next step to evolvement...waking, it's beyond just observation. This is evolved observation most folks seem incapable of understanding, knowing. Not a detriment, an awareness, a growth beyond, as binoculars are to normal sight to see closer, to see further, a profound growth and awareness beyond the immature understanding of childhood. I congratulate you, there is more astounding awaerness coming for you if ego doesn't hold you up! You are not alone, you are amid others who are not only more aware but more intelligent than the norm. But no, I don't get a thrill... it's an observation. It makes me feel rather sad, very compassionate toward the limitations of so many.
Marcy Carson i have been a withdrawal hermit since i was 12 years old. 26 now. Met my old childhood friend that i had good contact with untill age 16 in the gym last week. Havent seen him in 5 years even though we live in the same town. and he was training together with someone i knew from the gym and consider an associate for a few years. They tell me they know eachother since 3 months. Felt Like i was getting exluded from this friendcircle. I noticed he would contact me less and less and that my “hey pal lets get yucky and go clubbin this saturday” got rejected and he replied “ im gonna stay the night with my fwb” always seems to have other plans etc. And i regarded him as the only true friend i ever had. So yeah i guess friends arent a requirement in life, just find yourself a caring wife and you will be set. U agree ?
"You have both the right and the responsability to surround yourself with people who are good for the best part of you."
Thank you Jordan.
It could be just me, but having good friends starts with being a good friend yourself. Learn how to actually be a good friend!
Exactly
WIND 3004 very true! And it might take a long time
WIND 3004 unfortunately that doesn’t always work out. The good thing is you’ll eventually connect with like minded friends and have lifelong bonds with true friends.
Not true. I only give (very large favours) and NEVER ask (even the smallest of favours). And yet, I don’t even get the basics of friendship back.
And i am sure i am not a good friend
I left my my so called friends. They used me. I was too naive. I always helped them, even sacrificing from my own personal time out of my own free will, not because I wanted anything from them but rather that's what a good friend does. They never helped me, or were very superficial and they just verbally acknowledged our "great" friendship. Needless to say, I am my own friend these days. I am all i have. I do wish one day I can make at least one good friend.
Woah thats my story right there😜
Can relate to this
Im proud of my heart. It’s been stabbed, punched, burned, cut, ripped apart. Yet somehow it still beats.
❤️
Dance to the beat 🌹
So is my heartt
Soft
And trod on and nibbled n spat out! Yeh!
As someone with no friends I can say that, you really never have true friends, just temporary friends till they move on and forget you.
Maybe that is only you because you are a bit weird or something
@@thoughtoflegend1761 yeah because people are just amazing…
Correct, that is the reason I have few friends. I like it that way too.
Tom Jones gets lonely though at times
A few true friends is really all you need. I have a group of buddies that I occasionally get dinner and beers with, but I wouldn’t call them true friends. Other than my brother and father, I only have two others that fill that role. I think it’s healthier that way- you can’t stretch yourself too thin
How's Delilah keeping these days? :D LOL !! Get in..! ;)
My best friend is also RUclips.
Yes same here. I'd rather have few good true friend than having many superficial ones
I subsect “friends” into 2 categories: 1) true friends and 2) acquaintances. I have lots of acquaintances but only 2-3 real friends and that works for me.
NYC Entrepreneur : I think that is par for the course for most adults and it’s always best to be honest with yourself as to which people fit into each category.
I ended 2020 with one friend, I had a whole group who I realised didn't care about me one bit. Dumping that group was one of the best decision I've ever made. I'm best man to that one friend, the wedding is in about a week. 💪
I have a dear friend who is like this. I look over it and love her anyway. She is a good person. To protect myself, I do not share much about anything. Basically, I talk about the weather, her children, her sorrows, and her health, and how she likes her new car, kitchen, and pool. I’ll inquire about what she is preparing for dinner and where she went to eat. We have been friends for almost 38 years. She was my husband’s childhood friend. She is someone that I can count on to help in a crisis. How many of us can can count one hand a friend that will come in the middle of the night, will drop everything and help by shoveling snow, plowing a driveway, and bringing food? I feel that these qualities are the cornerstone of a true friend. And yes, I would be there for her in an emergency as well. I simply talk to others about my joys and sorrows. We all have friends that support us in different ways. I don’t write someone off because of what you are saying Jorden. We are called to love.
“Surround yourself with people who are good, for the best part of you.” Wise words.
Positive people will always lift you up, negative ones will drag you down. I’d rather have one true friend I can trust to be there for me, than a dozen hangers on.
ID rather have a friend shit talk me and tell me the truth and still be my friend the next day like true friends do.
@@SharuezPJL
Definitely, I am with you on that one. 👍😊
Bad news : Time flies
Good news : You are the pilot
bad news: you have no qualification and training to pilot.
And because we are the pilot we cannot blame others for our mistakes! We take responsibility and fly a different direction in our journey in life. Let the good angels and positive light of our best selves and our creatior lead the way.....
@Leide Keine Dummköpfe Goodluck!
@Leide Keine Dummköpfe don't ever give up, you can do it! 🙏
@@csillakaszas7285 Good News: With the right perspective it just makes it a crazy, reckless, fun adventure that few can say they have experienced. Even if you noseplant into the ground, there's still a unique, if terrifying thrill.
So true, the ones to stay away from are those who seem upset/jealous when something good happens in your life