this video is more on the rambley side!!! i recommend watching it whilst doing something else because i feel like it’s a little boring, i hope i can make others struggling with the same thing feel less alone (: because i feel veeeeryyyy alone wauhhh also remember that im not a professional and my videos are made with just my ipad!! so sorry for all of the audio glitches ):
Seriously though- I’m dealing with something similar- just now learning to cope with c-PTSD, coming to terms with being groomed, understanding that I have a dissociative disorder, etc. this genuinely does make me feel less alone :)
You don't know how alone I've felt for a long time. I have C-PSTD and problems with attention deficit, and the truth is, having C-PSTD is something totally unnoticed and very little talked about, even considered a neurodivergence. You feel misunderstood, because people just tell you "let go and that's it", but for people who have lived with constant trauma for many years, it can end up damaging our nervous system to a point where we reach dissociation. Thank you, really, for making this video
I can definitely relate to the daydreaming part. I used to daydream for hours without end as a kid while pacing around and listening to music. it was both a coping mech and a stim. I did it anytime I needed to process emotions or if I was already zoning out, it helped a lot but I also think it had some bad effect as well… anyway, I wish you well in your recovery!
i really really relate to this as someone also with c-ptsd, and bad dissociation thats developed covert DID from all of my trauma, and it took me literal years just to realize i was groomed, or even recover with the friends I was surrounded by. it especially fucks me up in my experience that there are things I will never be able to remember, but still feel the heavy effects of resurfacing in my vivid nightmares, and the panic attacks I get from just thinking about a certain topic. i really wish you well in dealing with this, especially from someone in a similar situation
I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this, seeing you experience it live was genuinely worrying :( But you're gonna bounce back one day and have a better life with ur boyfriend 🎉 you can do this big guy
just watched the full video and i've never related to something more than i have this. i'm so sorry you went through all that and i feel you, it felt like everything in here i've felt throughout my life and it's glad to find someone i relate to. healing is a long road and journey, one with a lot of ups and downs with twists and turns, but eventually you'll get through it, even on the bad days where you don't think you will. you're never alone!
The fact that i can hear your voice cracking on some parts of the video shows me the pain you went through. As another grooming and abuse victim, i am so sorry for everything you had gone through and hope you can heal properly and have a stable and happy life some day
My dad has PTSD and this understand what kt can be like for him and other people. I usually watch videos about other peoples experience with mental health and other things so I can understand people better. I hope you're doing better and can heal from this though, you deserve to heal and get better ^^
this video made me cry dude. as someone whos been groomed and thus have a psychotic disorder and is in the process of being assessed for PTSD, this hit home way more than is should have. Shits rough. I hope you live a hapoy life man. Dear god. ❤
You are strong af man, I'm proud of you for speaking out about this. **insert hug** you are winning at life, I can assure you that you are winning at life.
You so strong to keep going living your life despite your trauma make it harder for you and i'm so proud for you. Those people that keep bugging you really need to get a life, you dont deserve that at all. I hope uni things goes well for you please keep going we cared about you. Making this type of video is not easy to make and im so glad you speak out on this
the feeling of feeling "irreversibly broken" after all the trauma is such a real & hard thing, it genuinely can feel like your mind is in pieces lately i've been having a real bad ptsd episode, i've had them before as i've been through a lot of trauma in my life but this one is specifically about one of the worst (& first) events i've went through at 6 years old. it has started to put me through terrible panic attacks & breakdowns. i've never cried or panicked over it before, i was pretty indifferent & completely apathetic to it for a good 11 years. i can't even remember it fully, a lot of my memory just goes black. it's frustrating, i don't even completely understand what i'm falling to pieces about, all i know is the first part. & trying to remember puts overwhelming fear in me & i don't remember where i learned it from it's been VERY difficult to cope with & stay clean during it, & seeing this video & all the people in this comment section is heartbreaking - knowing a lot of people are going through the same thing. although, on the other hand, it's also very comforting to know i'm not the only person out there like this, & that people who do have similar experiences are keeping a positive outlook & reaching out, talking about it, & opening up. i'm glad there's spaces like this where a community can gather & find safety & comfort in places they couldn't before. especially to those of us who have trouble interacting in person, & are nonverbal in real life around people who aren't family (school is hell, lol) opening up about this stuff is hard, i haven't ever told my own story really yet. but it's inspiring to see others do it:') thank you for this video
watched and listened till the end. You explain things quite nicely and i understood most of it, though i needed to put on subtitles. you are one very strong person. Hugs u virtually :'3
I'm sorry you've had to go through such horrible things in your life, please remember that you didnt deserve to go through anything like that Even if it doesnt seem like it, I'm sure someday you will properly thrive in life, things like this takes a long time to heal from, and the fact that you are able to be open and brave when it comes to this means that you are already starting to heal You're awesome, Shister, we all believe in you
): I kinda relate to this, PTSD sucks, i was SA'd at six not going into it and then blah blah blah bad friends who weren't friends and shitty teachers- AND MAN NOT MY FAUlt I HAVE AUTISM, I hope that your doing better! It's nice to see someone who's real and makes you feel like your not alone (': But wish i had to be the only one who went through and going through a nightmare no one deserves too In coming form of a vent So, right now in and out of hospitable to see 'what's wrong with me' my therapist has diagnosed me 'catatonia' And my other person is doing everything they can to prove him wrong. honestly i feel pretty shitty about my mum rn because i feel like everything is put on me and i know SH isn't the right thing but it's something to cope ,even if it's bad. after my SA (My sex is girl but they/them) I never really felt the same i didn't want to be known as a girl so i just stopped trying to be pretty and fit in even if i was bullied and friends left, I'm on anti-depressants to help with stress but now i just feel like a husk. i want to die but i know this isn't for ever and other people still need me there. And i'm 13 so i am not ready for 14
I dont mind it being about rambling or anything at all ❤ Be yourself and dont be scared about the judgement. i struggle with ptsd too so watching this video made me feel like im not alone, and you arent either! keep up the good work pal!
YAYYYYY omagaww im so proud of you like the fact that youre starting uni hit harder than ever in this video.. youre such a winnarrrr and so so strong to have the courage to talk about dis publicly :33 so glad you have art as a way to cope and the people who say you're an attention seeker over it REAALLY do not understand the concept of coping through art..... ur rlly just a guy AYUASYA um :3 youve made so much progress in the 2 yrs ive known you ur so epic
A day ago I was SA'd. I was watching a lot of SA vents and psas until a friend reccomended me your channel. You quickly became a favorite. The vents I find comforting as I'm also fighting ptsd. ptsd also ruined my life but I'd be typing forevverr soooo.... That's it :3
I'm so sorry if that happened to you, the fact of being in a situation like that is one of my worst fear, situations like that haunt me, trauma can mentally hurt me a little bit. no matter how far you fall, you never give up.
I get this a little too much. I was g00med by the same too grown men for 12 yrs. Yeah. Sounds wild. Unreal even. I was objectified from the age of 2 years old until I was 14. Which was when I finally cut ties with them. But then I was stuck in an abusive relationship and I was abused in inappropriate ways. But I had already been abused by my grandmother and cousin in similar ways previously so some days I would be completely numb and other days it would make me violently sick. I understand the dissociation part too. Even though I don't have DID I used to share my head and mind with a silly little guy named Giggles. I dissociate on purpose and by accident. I don't eat. I don't sleep. I don't take care of myself. PTSD distracts me from doing homework or self care. I have eyebags that don't go away no matter what I try. I'm exhausted. I have a substance abuse issue. PTSD is awful. I hope things get better. Sincerely.
I'm so sorry you went through any of this, I know how painful all of this feels, I went through something similar. I don't know if you had these experiences because of the countrhumans fandom, but god it's so riddled with terrible people. I wish you the best, I know trauma doesn't always get easier with time but I hope even with each breakdown just being as bad as any other, it gets easier to live with.
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything that happened to you, even if I can’t change anything that happened in the past. No one can tell you how you feel, and no one can claim your feelings as invalid. You’re amazing, and I can believe you can stay strong and keep going. I don’t know you, I don’t know how you feel, I don’t know the silent battles your fighting everyday, but I do know that you can get through this. I’m sorry if this triggered anything or if it was too much to read. None of this was meant in a creepy/personal way. Stay strong!
I can’t really say anything else but I’m sorry. I apologize, i just wish the world had been better to you. I wish you had gotten the things you deserved. Everything that happened to you were sick. Everything that happened to you was absolutely not right. You deserved nothing that happened to you.
WHAT... Honestly not suprised a group of people that support and engage in illegal activity and disgusting morally wrong vile terrible and terrifying activity through fiction would do this and say this to someone, hell, they don't think fiction can affect reality (until they start grooming children and shit).
I’m not try trying to come across as rude whatsoever when I say this, so please don’t take what I’m about to say to you in a rude manner But is this really the proper time to leave this kind comment and make that kind of joke in it? Because it doesn’t seem very appropriate to me considering what the videos material is about…
I'm not scared of being alone anymore, I'm scared of being left alone againshyahsw. My boyfriend is all I have, he's way older than me but I'll have nothing else if I leave, he's all I have. I'm scared of what comes next after this, I have no one else. I love him so much but I don't want this to be my reality forever. I'm a proshipper but I'm tired of living like thiwhsyfwgagsgags I feel like I'm gonna be like you when I'm older...I already know what's gonna happen but if I leave now I'll be just as bad. Im sorry for everything you had to go through, have a good day, even if its not today I hope you do one day.
@@dammit_larry he's 24 and im 14...We met through a Minecraft server a like two years ago and he's like my best friend, brother and father at the same time now. I'm cooked.
@@dammit_larry he doesn't make me do anything...Even when he said he likes me he's only been nice to me ever since we met. I didn't plan on staying for too long but I haven't met anyone that showed me that much affection...
TW: gr00ming, pr0shippers when I think about pr0shippers I star thinking about my gr00mers who where into pr0ship media and how they hurting me knowing I was a minor at the time and I get a HUGE panic attack
this video is more on the rambley side!!! i recommend watching it whilst doing something else because i feel like it’s a little boring, i hope i can make others struggling with the same thing feel less alone (: because i feel veeeeryyyy alone wauhhh
also remember that im not a professional and my videos are made with just my ipad!! so sorry for all of the audio glitches ):
The quality is pretty amazing for being made on just an ipad ngl 😭
watching this while playing a competitive game did admittedly improve my gameplay for some reason
Seriously though- I’m dealing with something similar- just now learning to cope with c-PTSD, coming to terms with being groomed, understanding that I have a dissociative disorder, etc. this genuinely does make me feel less alone :)
World War I lore
You don't know how alone I've felt for a long time.
I have C-PSTD and problems with attention deficit, and the truth is, having C-PSTD is something totally unnoticed and very little talked about, even considered a neurodivergence. You feel misunderstood, because people just tell you "let go and that's it", but for people who have lived with constant trauma for many years, it can end up damaging our nervous system to a point where we reach dissociation.
Thank you, really, for making this video
I can definitely relate to the daydreaming part. I used to daydream for hours without end as a kid while pacing around and listening to music. it was both a coping mech and a stim. I did it anytime I needed to process emotions or if I was already zoning out, it helped a lot but I also think it had some bad effect as well… anyway, I wish you well in your recovery!
As a OSDD System, we're so sorry, I hope you get better and can heal, stay safe ❤️
Fellow OSDD system, support from us too ❤
@@dammit_larry ❤
i'm a DID system, i support u guys
i really really relate to this as someone also with c-ptsd, and bad dissociation thats developed covert DID from all of my trauma, and it took me literal years just to realize i was groomed, or even recover with the friends I was surrounded by. it especially fucks me up in my experience that there are things I will never be able to remember, but still feel the heavy effects of resurfacing in my vivid nightmares, and the panic attacks I get from just thinking about a certain topic. i really wish you well in dealing with this, especially from someone in a similar situation
I was groomed when I was 10 and again when I was ~15. It took me only a few months ago to realize what happened to me. I’m 17.
I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this, seeing you experience it live was genuinely worrying :( But you're gonna bounce back one day and have a better life with ur boyfriend 🎉 you can do this big guy
i forgot people actually had to watch me go insane in real time ouhhh GAWDEEE
you can officially say you knew shister before he had ptsd
You’re so strong for still going dude, here for you 🫶🫶
just watched the full video and i've never related to something more than i have this. i'm so sorry you went through all that and i feel you, it felt like everything in here i've felt throughout my life and it's glad to find someone i relate to. healing is a long road and journey, one with a lot of ups and downs with twists and turns, but eventually you'll get through it, even on the bad days where you don't think you will. you're never alone!
The fact that i can hear your voice cracking on some parts of the video shows me the pain you went through. As another grooming and abuse victim, i am so sorry for everything you had gone through and hope you can heal properly and have a stable and happy life some day
thank you (: im working towards a better life
@@shister06 yw! That is nice to hear!
My dad has PTSD and this understand what kt can be like for him and other people. I usually watch videos about other peoples experience with mental health and other things so I can understand people better. I hope you're doing better and can heal from this though, you deserve to heal and get better ^^
this video made me cry dude. as someone whos been groomed and thus have a psychotic disorder and is in the process of being assessed for PTSD, this hit home way more than is should have. Shits rough. I hope you live a hapoy life man. Dear god. ❤
thank you ): i hope you can receive the help you need
You are strong af man, I'm proud of you for speaking out about this. **insert hug** you are winning at life, I can assure you that you are winning at life.
You so strong to keep going living your life despite your trauma make it harder for you and i'm so proud for you. Those people that keep bugging you really need to get a life, you dont deserve that at all. I hope uni things goes well for you please keep going we cared about you. Making this type of video is not easy to make and im so glad you speak out on this
Oh dang.. I’m sorry breh. You’re strong, you got this. It’ll be ok..
“breh”
the feeling of feeling "irreversibly broken" after all the trauma is such a real & hard thing, it genuinely can feel like your mind is in pieces
lately i've been having a real bad ptsd episode, i've had them before as i've been through a lot of trauma in my life but this one is specifically about one of the worst (& first) events i've went through at 6 years old. it has started to put me through terrible panic attacks & breakdowns. i've never cried or panicked over it before, i was pretty indifferent & completely apathetic to it for a good 11 years. i can't even remember it fully, a lot of my memory just goes black. it's frustrating, i don't even completely understand what i'm falling to pieces about, all i know is the first part. & trying to remember puts overwhelming fear in me & i don't remember where i learned it from
it's been VERY difficult to cope with & stay clean during it, & seeing this video & all the people in this comment section is heartbreaking - knowing a lot of people are going through the same thing.
although, on the other hand, it's also very comforting to know i'm not the only person out there like this, & that people who do have similar experiences are keeping a positive outlook & reaching out, talking about it, & opening up. i'm glad there's spaces like this where a community can gather & find safety & comfort in places they couldn't before. especially to those of us who have trouble interacting in person, & are nonverbal in real life around people who aren't family (school is hell, lol)
opening up about this stuff is hard, i haven't ever told my own story really yet. but it's inspiring to see others do it:') thank you for this video
I hope u can heal too ): ur not alone
I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves to go through that. It's horrible that you had to deal with that.
watched and listened till the end. You explain things quite nicely and i understood most of it, though i needed to put on subtitles.
you are one very strong person. Hugs u virtually :'3
I'm sorry this happened to you, and I have seen some signs of your c-ptsd in myself. I hope you will recover from it eventually.
I'm sorry you've had to go through such horrible things in your life, please remember that you didnt deserve to go through anything like that
Even if it doesnt seem like it, I'm sure someday you will properly thrive in life, things like this takes a long time to heal from, and the fact that you are able to be open and brave when it comes to this means that you are already starting to heal
You're awesome, Shister, we all believe in you
As someone with bpd im sorry you went through this, i hope you heal as much as you can
Shister your longer videos always have such a great way of explaining things I really love it
This is sad I'm sorry for yaw and I Hape your life gets better and the ptsd gets less bad :3
my mom has ptsd and spd, I feel horrible for her because multiple times I’ve accidentally triggered her, I wish you luck in your recovery
): I kinda relate to this, PTSD sucks, i was SA'd at six not going into it and then blah blah blah bad friends who weren't friends and shitty teachers- AND MAN NOT MY FAUlt I HAVE AUTISM, I hope that your doing better! It's nice to see someone who's real and makes you feel like your not alone (': But wish i had to be the only one who went through and going through a nightmare no one deserves too
In coming form of a vent
So, right now in and out of hospitable to see 'what's wrong with me' my therapist has diagnosed me 'catatonia' And my other person is doing everything they can to prove him wrong. honestly i feel pretty shitty about my mum rn because i feel like everything is put on me and i know SH isn't the right thing but it's something to cope ,even if it's bad. after my SA (My sex is girl but they/them) I never really felt the same i didn't want to be known as a girl so i just stopped trying to be pretty and fit in even if i was bullied and friends left, I'm on anti-depressants to help with stress but now i just feel like a husk. i want to die but i know this isn't for ever and other people still need me there. And i'm 13 so i am not ready for 14
I dont mind it being about rambling or anything at all ❤ Be yourself and dont be scared about the judgement. i struggle with ptsd too so watching this video made me feel like im not alone, and you arent either! keep up the good work pal!
I'm srry that u went through that.
I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing better please take breaks
YAYYYYY omagaww im so proud of you like the fact that youre starting uni hit harder than ever in this video.. youre such a winnarrrr and so so strong to have the courage to talk about dis publicly :33 so glad you have art as a way to cope and the people who say you're an attention seeker over it REAALLY do not understand the concept of coping through art..... ur rlly just a guy AYUASYA um :3 youve made so much progress in the 2 yrs ive known you ur so epic
I feel bad for you..I don't struggle with PTSD but I have a high probability of having Hypersexual disorder
A day ago I was SA'd. I was watching a lot of SA vents and psas until a friend reccomended me your channel. You quickly became a favorite. The vents I find comforting as I'm also fighting ptsd.
ptsd also ruined my life but I'd be typing forevverr soooo.... That's it :3
I'm so sorry if that happened to you, the fact of being in a situation like that is one of my worst fear, situations like that haunt me, trauma can mentally hurt me a little bit. no matter how far you fall, you never give up.
I get this a little too much. I was g00med by the same too grown men for 12 yrs. Yeah. Sounds wild. Unreal even. I was objectified from the age of 2 years old until I was 14. Which was when I finally cut ties with them. But then I was stuck in an abusive relationship and I was abused in inappropriate ways. But I had already been abused by my grandmother and cousin in similar ways previously so some days I would be completely numb and other days it would make me violently sick. I understand the dissociation part too. Even though I don't have DID I used to share my head and mind with a silly little guy named Giggles. I dissociate on purpose and by accident. I don't eat. I don't sleep. I don't take care of myself. PTSD distracts me from doing homework or self care. I have eyebags that don't go away no matter what I try. I'm exhausted. I have a substance abuse issue. PTSD is awful. I hope things get better. Sincerely.
I'm so sorry you went through any of this, I know how painful all of this feels, I went through something similar. I don't know if you had these experiences because of the countrhumans fandom, but god it's so riddled with terrible people.
I wish you the best, I know trauma doesn't always get easier with time but I hope even with each breakdown just being as bad as any other, it gets easier to live with.
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything that happened to you, even if I can’t change anything that happened in the past.
No one can tell you how you feel, and no one can claim your feelings as invalid. You’re amazing, and I can believe you can stay strong and keep going.
I don’t know you, I don’t know how you feel, I don’t know the silent battles your fighting everyday, but I do know that you can get through this.
I’m sorry if this triggered anything or if it was too much to read. None of this was meant in a creepy/personal way.
Stay strong!
hope ur ok!
I can’t really say anything else but I’m sorry. I apologize, i just wish the world had been better to you. I wish you had gotten the things you deserved. Everything that happened to you were sick. Everything that happened to you was absolutely not right. You deserved nothing that happened to you.
I’m so sorry, you deserve SO SO SO SO SO much better
ptsd does in fact suck, can confirm
Ermmm actually you’re an anti proshipper, you CAN’T be traumatized 🙄/j (reference to proshippers bullying them and accusing them of faking trauma)
WHAT... Honestly not suprised a group of people that support and engage in illegal activity and disgusting morally wrong vile terrible and terrifying activity through fiction would do this and say this to someone, hell, they don't think fiction can affect reality (until they start grooming children and shit).
I’m not try trying to come across as rude whatsoever when I say this, so please don’t take what I’m about to say to you in a rude manner
But is this really the proper time to leave this kind comment and make that kind of joke in it? Because it doesn’t seem very appropriate to me considering what the videos material is about…
@@antlerstory05 I actually left another serious comment in case this didn’t come across well lol
@@dammit_larry I have no ide what you said I just wke up lol
Now my life sounds a lot better.
Are you getting better? I mean are you like that one AJR song when he send "no, i ain't happy yet, but i'm way less sad"
shister06, you're not ruined.
Soldier in World War I
I love you ❤
I think you need to talk to a therapist?
ОНА СЛАВЯНКА РЕБЯТА ЭТА НАШ СЛОН
From the Stalingrad ww2
Sup
You're like 14, you don't know what ptsd is.
How would you know that tf
Ur not funneh fck off
Bru they 18 😭
Ew ragebait
I'm not scared of being alone anymore, I'm scared of being left alone againshyahsw.
My boyfriend is all I have, he's way older than me but I'll have nothing else if I leave, he's all I have. I'm scared of what comes next after this, I have no one else. I love him so much but I don't want this to be my reality forever. I'm a proshipper but I'm tired of living like thiwhsyfwgagsgags
I feel like I'm gonna be like you when I'm older...I already know what's gonna happen but if I leave now I'll be just as bad. Im sorry for everything you had to go through, have a good day, even if its not today I hope you do one day.
Is he “way older” or is he a groomer 😭
@@dammit_larry he's 24 and im 14...We met through a Minecraft server a like two years ago and he's like my best friend, brother and father at the same time now. I'm cooked.
@@JoshCaelus OH NO
@@JoshCaelus Dude no cut off all contact immediately omg 💀 he doesn’t love you. He’s using you. PLEASE LEAVE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY 😭
@@dammit_larry he doesn't make me do anything...Even when he said he likes me he's only been nice to me ever since we met. I didn't plan on staying for too long but I haven't met anyone that showed me that much affection...
TW: gr00ming, pr0shippers
when I think about pr0shippers I star thinking about my gr00mers who where into pr0ship media and how they hurting me knowing I was a minor at the time and I get a HUGE panic attack