Ever Wonder Why Men Cheat and Why Women Cheat?
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- This week, I answer some very important questions that I continue to hear from those who are trying to heal and wrap their minds around infidelity. Why did they do it? Did they love me to begin with? Why would they risk it all for someone so unattractive? These questions (and many more) plague the betrayed spouse. Without help comprehending the self-deception of the unfaithful, life after betrayal can be excruciating. Today, I’ll explain answers to these tough questions.
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Low self esteem, lack of empathy and selfishness
They care more about the “Lump” of what they’re getting in the moment rather than the “sum” of what they’re losing. Breaks down to pure selfish behavior.
My husband told our boys that the ow "makes him happy." Of course we all know that will not provide long term happiness.
Extremely sad that he said that to your sons because did he intentionally plant the seed for his sons to follow in his footsteps when they become adults. How selfish! My father in law was a serial cheater to my MIL. It was not a justification for my ex husband's cheating but it did lower the moral boundaries and desensitized the harm infidelity inflicts
About to hit 3 years since D-Day. This time of year has been hard, but it’s no longer crippling. Thank you for all the help and the videos. I often wondered if my wife ever loved me, but I now believe that it was that she didn’t love herself. It has been a long road, but we are healing.
My goodness
TOP 3 videos OF THE YEAR
Where would we be without your videos
All the best to everyone for 2021
My ex-spouse cheated with my sister-in-law. No remorse. No desire to repair. No care. Not one "I'm sorry" uttered. He changed from sweet and humble to cruel and malicious within 2 months. Walked out and just said "I'm done" didn't even bother to take all his things. Shut me out 100%. And, even started telling me "I had actually considered canceling our wedding." After being together over 14 years, married 6. Why??? Explain that please. Betrayed my brother and me. Shallow is right. He has left me confused at what love means and what marriage is worth. I tried so hard to make him see how much I love and value him, but walking out was so easy for him.
Sounds like he couldn't face what he'd done so he bailed. I'm sorry you went through this pain.
I am so sorry for your pain. When they become cruel it’s because they have to magnify your “flaws” to justify why they are doing what they are doing. I am willing to bet he is 100% going to regret it . You are a good woman!
Love for them is selfish and they used others to feel good about themself. When you no long of use to them they more on. Love is just a tool to create a face of self esteem so others cant see their lack of Integrity.
They might care about you but they dont love you. You dont cheat on someone you love.
I disagree. Love my wife very much. He explains very well why some men cheat. I'll never do it again. I know where to access help when the need arises.
@@davidbailey1718 correctement
@@davidbailey1718 maybe we just have different interpretations of love..love is sacrificing your wants/needs for the betterment of another. Cheating on and abusing your spouse is about as selfish as it gets. You cant use the words love and cheat in the same sentence..they are polar opposites of each other. Hope you can stay the course and do the hard work to do better now that you know better. An authentic life is a happy one and I think most people really want that. Just pack up your pride and your ego..you wont be needing them for awhile and listen to these videos. I believe the folks here are truly dedicated to the process. I wish you all the best of luck and hopefully your marriage will be one of the lucky ones!
Amen. It's irreparable damage. Especially if he's the one with the problem yet i am the one being transparent and get phone inspections.
I agree with you kim. They might care, but it can't be love! I believe that thinking one can love a wife and still cheat on her is a dangerous lie you tell yourself (and her!) If you believe in the Scripture, it also clearly states that "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking..." Having an affair is absolutely unkind! And it absolutely and without question is very much self-seeking!! So by definition it can't be love.
It’s kind of hard to hear when everything they do just shows how selfish he is and even now it shows that he only cares about saving face and not taking full responsibility. He has done everything listed from minimizing gaslighting shifting blame and lying. So now I’m at the point that even if he dose tell the truth I don’t know if it is the truth. So much damage has been done On his end that I’m not even sure what I’d the truth anymore or who he really is!
I said this to my spouse last night...the damage that he done over the last 12mths had been relentless...my New Years resolution is for me to not listen anymore and not be told that I should just get over it...he’ll be a very lonely old man!
Same. He still tells other ppl lies be cause he thinks he has some great image. But everyone knows.
You can cheat on someone you love and take for granted, but you can't cheat on someone you respect and no you can't take for granted without catastrophic consequences.
you can definitely cheat on someone you respect. It is more about the cheater's issues than the betrayed.
Wow!!..this is powerful! Thank You!
Worth listening over and over again!!
Thank you Wayne for this very helpful advice. I’m praying that God will help to restore our marriage.
My ex husband wanted it so much, he married the OW two weeks after our divorce. We were married 25 years. He met her at the church we attended. They started the affair and claimed God told him I was going to die and he was to marry her. She said God told her the same thing. Eight years later, I’m still alive. I’ll never get over it. He was the love of my life, but obviously, I meant nothing to him.
Lord have mercy. God doesn't send another womans husband to another woman. I am so sorry. She would be called a Jezabel. Pray that God delivers them both and wakes them up. I'll be praying for you. God bless.
You are a gem to the Lord Jesus. Those two are lost. Their choices are sinful. Period. God bless you!
😔
God was nowhere in that, that was that dopamine speaking. Being in an affair has the same effect that being addicted to drugs does so no wonder they both would think of something so delusional and call it God. Shame on them. I pray for your healing, and may God comfort and be with you 🙏🏼
Thank you very much.
This is deep and truthful in so many ways....
So my misses cheating on me for months in an affair, then left me for an affair partner. She then split up with the affair partner and now wants to make it work with me….did she love me whilst cheating on me and then deciding she doesn’t want to be with me?
So good. this summarized most of the major points in a short 16 minutes that you and Samuel spent in so many hours of videos.
I cheated on my wife and I don’t understand why because we had an amazing marriage for 11 years. I cheated with her best friend and I take full responsibility of my actions the guilt I have is so painful. I just watched this video with my wife and she said this guy it’s just making excuses to justify cheating? I’m just researching to try to find the reason because I have no clue why and she needs to know why I did what I did.
The important thing is you’re exploring honesty now, and showing integrity. I can’t imagine how betrayed she feels, but I’m sure these guys can help. Samuel did something like that, too, if I remember correctly.
Not just back stubbed once but twice?
Good luck bro. This is going to be a tough one.
These videos really help you figure out why. Good luck man.
Without understanding neuroscience and attachment theory…you’re going to be blind in finding a reason.
Often, cheating goes way back to childhood. Look at your attachment style, what possible programming/conditioning happened as a result of your upbringing. Delve into any core wounds, and limiting beliefs. Find out about emotional regulation, distress tolerance and conflict management. Often, those who cheat, don’t have good emotional regulation (ties into the childhood things I mentioned), don’t have good distress tolerance, and don’t know how to face conflict in healthy, productive ways.
Too often, people will come up with simplistic reasons for cheating, and it doesn’t scratch the surface to the complex dynamics.
If a person heals their attachment issues, core wounds, figures out their needs, boundaries, and learns how to be emotionally intelligent, and communicate in healthy ways…that prevents so much that leads to cheating. Unfortunately, we live in a society that focuses too much on education for career and not enough for relating. We see, and feel, the ramifications of that, pervasively throughout life, and our society.
Excellent content. Very insightful into the whys. Thank you.
"When they"FALL" into that!?
His taboo was getting with other women. Especially other married women. I am outta here soon. If he loves me like he says, he wouldn't tell me I am pathetic, worthless or braindead, when i have put up with way way way too much and far past the point of staying.
This is beyond cheating. What you describe as happening to you fits the parameters of abuse. Do whatever you can to protect yourself and create a peaceful distance within - or without your relationship with this person. If it has dissolved to this level of disrespect, you might be in a dangerous situation. Not just emotionally dangerous. I hope qualified supporters reach out to you soon to help you make a safety plan to survive what you describe. I care but I’m not qualified. Please get help for yourself as soon as possible. Hopefully, your mate simply had an unreasonable moment and comes around but either way, with help and support, you’ll be in a better position to cope with the affair.
Very good video and so true! This is why I continue to keep standing for my marriage. Thank you for confirmation of the explaining this. 😊
Your presentations are always helpful for me, Wayne. IF my soon-to-be ex-husband ever comes to the realization that he desires true healing and reconciliation, I will be sure to look up an Affair Recovery weekend to get us started on the right path.
What is the title of the video about justifications that you referred to in this video?
So basically he needs to go back to her because he'll never forget her. Right?
Hmm… Good content, but not really what the title suggests. I was really hoping to hear the differences between why men and women typically fall into affairs.
Excellent
It’s been 4 yrs since I found out about my husbands 30 year secret life. Porn strippers and I know of 1 affair I have been in therapy for 3 years and I don’t think I can get past it. I thought if I hung in there it would go away but I still get sick to my stomach every day over it. I never got a disclosure just I don’t remeber and what I red isn’t what happened text say sex but he denies it. How long do you give therapy ? Etc and he won’t do any work unless he is forced but swears he wants to save the marriage
If the affair partner equals “light and color” in the unfaithful’s life, their world within the marriage must feel very dark indeed.
If that’s the case, let them go because they’ll realize the reality even with the AF depends on the light they themselves have to bring to the relationship. Then they’ll learn not to limp all the responsibility for entertainment onto their Spouse - or they’ll have to keep changing relationships to avoid that lesson.
I need help so bad
Your not alone.