If You Hear THIS From Your Long-Distance Partner... RUN!
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2024
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Long-distance relationships are a tough gig.
You miss each other. You feel like a separate part of their life at times. And you don’t always know when you’ll be together again. So . . . is it worth it? Well, it depends.
Long-distance relationships are tough, but there are warning signs that can help tell you if it’s likely to work long-term. In fact, there’s one thing someone can SAY to you that basically guarantees a long-distance relationship won’t last, and I share it in this video.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:01 - The 3 Relationships
1:01 - 2:00 - Wanting Exclusivity
2:00 - 2:49 - Why LDRs Can Suck
2:49 - 3:31 - Why People Choose LDRs
3:31 - 3:42 - #1 Because That Person Is Worth It
3:42 - 4:11 - #2 We Have a Scarcity Mindset
4:11 - 4:52 - #3 It’s Convenient
4:52 - 5:41 - If They Are Avoidant
5:41 - 7:11 - How Someone Makes Us Feel
7:11 - 7:40 - Confusion Keeps Us in the Game
7:40 - 8:34 - If You Hear This, Watch Out
8:34 - 9:47 - Owning Your Needs and What You Want
9:47 - 11:19 - A Private Letter From Me to You
Vibe and instinct don't lie. If something feels off, it probably is.
111 likes on your comments. The universe is agree and confirmed that.
Nope, those are just biases.
@@sheezy2526, sure, to each their own.
@@sheezy2526biases are in your mind, reasoning. Gut instinct is a deeper sensation that you FEEL in your gut.
100%
I drove an extra 35 minutes after driving for 12 hours and had to see my man, also traveled in bad weather...he says, he would never do that. He wouldn't drive extra just to get an hour of my presence after not seeing me for days. I ignored this red flag...one of many... lesson learned
That is the flag pole falling on you lady!!! Run!
Rule number one! They come to you! We are the hunter not other way around!
A word of advice, if ur receptive to hearing it: don't drive to see a man. Let him invest his time, resources, and energy into visiting you. I was in a LDR for ~3 months & lived a 10-hour drive away. He didn't have a car, and I wasn't about to drive all day to visit. So what happened? He booked a flight to come visit me, bc there was no other way we would see each other. A man who wants to see you, WILL find a way to make that happen; he won't make that your responsibility/problem
Good on you. Some people simply don't see eye to eye with you and you should not bend backwards just to see them or hope that things will change. Whatever they say about themselves or their world views, believe them that they mean it. Hope you'll find a good partner after that experience
As a man I politely disagree with the other ladies/gentlemen in the comments. It goes both ways, as long as both partners make the time and effort. It’s not just a man’s job to do this it’s a relationship it’s both of you guys…
After meeting over the phone through work, then in person three months later, my husband and I maintained a long distance relationship for just shy of four months. He came to meet me then I flew to see him five times before I relocated to his city. We got married a year after we first started talking.
We were very happy together for 25 years. I have been a widow since 2020.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's really wonderful to hear how your long-distance relationship turned into 25 happy years together. Much love to you ❤
@@lonewolfheart1697 Thank you.
My condolences and sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry for your loss, at least you had 25 good years with him. Most people can’t find someone to be around with for more than 5-8 years max because people are so selfish anymore. You found someone completely worthwhile, I’m happy that you did. Still sorry you didn’t get more time with him, that’s unfortunate
Sorry to hear about your loss! 25 years together!
LDR only works if you have the same goals.
That’s any relationship, if it doesn’t aligned you can’t force it to work
@diandrawright9357 Some people just date and see where the relationship goes. Not everyone talks about goals. Especially the young ones. It can work out in the end. But if you're a million miles away, you seriously need to be on the same page from the get go.
I don't even remember anything from this video 😂😂
I think so too, if you want to last longer
OMG. Light bulb moment. Confusion is keeping you in the game and it is you not willing to admit that he makes you feel sad and disappointed. Well that sucks. But it's true 😂
It hurt so bad to hear him say that 😭 buuuut, it's definitely true and advice I needed to hear 😐😅
So true, as soon as I asked if he felt something more for me he said "I know you've been wanting more but I just can't see myself changing my whole life for you" it was brutal but it hit me different, I was disappointed more than heart broken. I guess I'm learning to see things for what they are now. 🤷🏽♀️
yup they keep it vague, confused, etc in order to keep you around.
because at the end if the day he may be mr perfect but 10% of a perfect 10 is just a 1 on the scale. the most amazing person in the world lowers his value immediately if he's only giving part of himself. maybe you're just a 3 but that's still more than a quarter of someone perfect.
Right? A gem piece
When one door is closed possibly a bigger window is opened. Trust the process ❤
For sure a BETTER one
Thanks
Trust the process! 🙌🏼
😂😂 why would we get mad? 😂😂. Find the window and climb! 😂😂❤❤. Let the dating begin! I don’t wait for people as I’m too old and I’m looking for classy. I need to approve the app! Lol
The Window of Opportunity
Long-distance relationship: never again.
💯
I'm in ldr and soon we will move in together ❤ it's very tough but it feels like heaven together
soon no longer ldr for us ❤
Agree. 6 years. With no long term goals. She doesn't come out to me but once a year. I'm wasting time and spinning my wheels
I've said the same thing 2 years ago. Then I met a person in my town. Turned out he wasn't living here... So now here I am. Again. It's terrible, but he's worth it...
P.s. I've seen my ex ldr partner only one time in 4 years, the plane ticket was a birthday present from my mom. He never tried to visit me himself.
The current one is visiting me for a few weeks almost every season, so it's not THAT terrible, but still is
Fr
TLDW: If you feel confused in a relationship it is likely you are getting gaslighted, make sure things are clear and benefit both the parties and if they refuse to then go your separate paths.
Some people don’t even give confusing awnsers. They lie! Be aware of red flags.
Confusion is the first sign to walk away. It seems so obvious, but it being so familiar in family-of-origin, mixed with seeing someone's potential, I really duped myself. It won't happen again.
Secondly, no one is worth a long-distance relationship for me. A relationship, to me, is being together, getting input from each other in day-to-day life, and learning/growing together in the context of actually functioning in life, etc.
Yes!
Great advice! My long-distance partner gives me joy, reassurance, and love. When we are together (which is not often, sadly), I feel like I am the most loved I've ever been. He's never wavered on us being together full time in the future either... it just takes time. Long distance relationships are certainly possible for the right people😊
I had a long distance relationship with a narcissist and lemme tell you that they’re good at making you think they think exactly like you and want the same things. Then they find something else to do and throw you away. I suppose that what they want is just the experience of a long distance relationship, just to say “look what I’m able to accomplish”
Anyway, it hurts like crazy to suddenly receive completely different replies, like all of a sudden “yes I want the relationship but I don’t have time to focus on it” and NEVER have a serious conversation about breaking up, so the torture goes on and on because they give you nothing and then mixed signals, and they also don’t take responsibility and break up with you, no, they keep you there and it’s like they expect you to break up cause they don’t want any responsibility
Wow what a growth you went through! You specifically named the stages of the confusion and sick tricks. I leaves me a lesson to learn how to stay healthy, thank you! Hope you are good and happy.
@@magdalenamaria128 they’re hard to navigate, especially if you trust that person. When these people make you trust them and then start treating you like trash you’re really confused about what’s going on and why. Sadly no, I’m not good, even if it’s been some years after our breakup. I know it may be useless but I tried to talk to him about what happened and other things but he told other lies and so on. It’s hard with these people. And now it’s hard for me to trust men 😂
@@ChocoParfaitFra it's EXTREMELY hard. I also got out of this kinda relationship. He was not even a boyfriend but a very close friend who wanted to take advantage of my skills and business experience. He kept confusing me saying: I really want to work on us but I don't have time, will you be okay with it?" His voice was changing when I was catching him on lies. True sociopath. What I recommend...is to yell get the fu@@ away. It helped me a lot. A LOT. Still I have problems trusting people but well the worst is behind. I'm sorry to hear about your confusion I hope deep inside your intuition speaks and gives you a right direction.
Spinning plates concept. If you’re that upset then have multiple realionships at a time so you don’t get too attached. Be very careful how much you invest emotionally in a person until they show you a commitment! In long distance that is coming to see you but way more that that!
@@Portia620 what’s the point in suggesting this now. When you have your first relationship you don’t know how to do things. No point in saying “you should have” and other things
I always say, "Truth is a feeling and energy never lies"
and you are always wrong
That’s the exact opposite 🤦♂️energy is just a way to outsource your feelings to an external stimuli
Sure, if you live like every decision is a coin toss.
Wise words!
So true
It took me a 15 hour flight to be confronted to that truth, lesson learned! Long distance relationships are quite handy to avoindants!
Truths but make sure soon they are commited. It does work for some people.
6 years long distance relationship... I just wasted 6 years! I was actually alone but I couldn't see it. As soon as I stopped it, I met 2 amazing met who want a real relationship. And I realize that all these six years I ignored many men who wanted a real relationship... I regret it. I was a stupid person.
Marriage to a NPD is similar! Alone
I am so sorry to see you say it this way. Please have patience and kindness for yourself. Sending lots of healing your way.
7 years here. You are not alone
I know someone who is in one for 4 years and she kept the ldr a secret to most people even friends. There is a guy who goes to the same church as her who has been friends with this girl for sometime and wants to date her and when he hinted interest she told me, "if things don't work out she would let him know", especially telling the guy no.
She is unsure if she wants to breakup the ldr and at the same time doesn't want to while her ldr isn't keep promises.
Mind you the guy at her church who she has known for a long time, prior she was always asking if he had a gf, but at the time he wasn't ready, and now when he is, she has an ldr that isn't keeping promises. Even her family sees that.
U r not alone 😢
I've been talking to someone for over 7 years. We are not dating. I couldn't do long distance. But we keep in contact like best friends. He always wants to face time, talk on the phone. He sends video and audio messages constantly. He's asked me numerous times to meet. If he wants you he will always let you know. And be ready to take another step.
I am russian, he is british and we are in LDR for 3,5 years and met in real only once. He always says "I do not see you in a long-term relationship" 😅 he does not want to meet up more often or propose me or whatever. I decided to call it quit finally.
he doesn’t want cause you’re a russian💀
Feeling with you... Ohhh, those European men shouting from their windows how you as a Slavic woman abroad cannot do anything on your own. Either you need his money or his citizenship or documents or shelter or whatever... Always a similar story. But in the long run... Whose fears are there as well? I send you a peace message to Easter time ❤, I am from Ukraine. Nice to meet you. M.
@@melanalyvka6109hello Melana and nice to meet you here ❤ Have you had long-term relationship yourself? For me it's a painful story. We met in russia just before the war and since then he always says "we will meet again", but it's never happens. Also he said "you may come to the UK to see me if you have money". Like really😂 it's impossible for me! Sending you love from russia and let's pray for peace for our countries 🙏
Sending our prayers of peace to both of your countries from Japan!
By the way, I had a long distance relationship with German and American men about 25 years ago, and didn't work out😢 Now I am married for more than 20 years, and I wish your happiness❤
In the long run it should be not about cultures, but about people... I was shallow here maybe. Sometimes stereotypes help, but another time they can be too much. Thanks for your prayers.
Matthew!! I needed this video 3 months ago! 😂 this described ME. I had a scarcity mindset, was the only one pursuing a man in Texas (I’m in Australia) and he kept me in confusion. When we would argue, and I sought reassurance by asking “do you love me?” He responded “I can’t answer that right now” and would withhold affection. When I was 100% lovely and no needs to ask and no emotions, he’d shower we with affection and love and reassurance…he wanted to get married, move closer (but never made proper plans for that and would blame me for his inaction). I was SO confused, and he called me psychotic and unstable, and a narcissist!! 🤯 for asking him to show effort and getting upset, showing emotions… etc… man, it was crazy. I’m so glad that’s done. Would love more videos on LDRs.
You did everything okay. God bless you. Stay strong. He seems like a narcissist and player to me. Were you videocalling at all?
Must be my ex he is a narc and in Texas now. Lol.
I always wanted a good reason to move to Australia, he was a lucky man to have the opportunity and a fool for wasting it. Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll find someone more committed with less disappointing characteristics.
@@Portia620 all men from Texas are not bad, im from Texas
My girlfriends in LDR for 2.6 years different country now both marride move to the same country , it work if both patient, honest and patience have same goal direction
Depends on person too. Classy peolle as very shallow self absorbed or toxic ones will cheat
Rare is what I mean that is why a time limit needs to be put on realionships
I don’t know if i could handle someone in my face 24/7 which is why i choose a long distance for now. I’m hugely independent and an introverted infj, he is also independent and not hugely social. Also we are exclusive and there is trust. It’s difficult to put into words but it’s an instinct that we’re supposed to be together and despite some conflict we’ve actually grown stronger ❤
When Mathew Hussey says “confusion keeps us in the game… [and] that avoiders thrive on creating confusion,” I related to this. I dated a guy who talked to me everyday and suddenly with avoidant on me. He continued to like my social media stories and send me memes. No direct communication.
I knew what was happening with the confusion. To diffuse it, I deactivated all my social media and deleted the apps. Best quick actions ever because power is coming back to me! 🤣 this guy knew wtf he was doing lmfaooo
I'm in Vancouver, him in LA. When he came to see me, 5 days was always the max amount *cuz he had to move his cars* (street parking). He didn't want to move to Vancouver (too cold) nor wanted me to move to LA (too hot). His compromise... move to Seattle. Only he didn't want to get rid of his LA place. "Nah. Why get rid of it? It'll be my man cave"
2 states over?!? Just 2 of the many reasons why I said goodbye. Took 5½ years. Kinda embarrassed it took that long. Lesson learned!
Stay safe & happy, all you beautifuls💕
Currently in LDR. We are only 1000 km apart. We were friends for 2 years, we were/are in same group where we chat and play games together (games are my hobby for 20 years now, played it since little age). It's only 2 months of this, but I really think that he is MY person and I am really happy. I am planning to see him this summer and then also.
Best wishes, it's complicated to make them work, especially when people have expectations.
I advise you not to be afraid that the relationship will break down trying to keep the sacrifices and advantages in a balanced situation.
good luck!!
I have been in a LDR for 4 years, he recently broke up with me 1 month before by saying LDR has taken it toll on him, also he has started having crush on his office mate. So it would be better if we find someone from our own place. This all started when I asked him where are we heading after this 4 years, coz i wanted to settle down and told him Im ready to marry him, then he said he is not sure about me. And in the end just broke up. Now I'm in wfh situation and an introvert which is why its getting so difficult for me to cope up with this breakup stuff, I was habitual of his messages, day and night which is all gone. I feel this void in my life
I am with you here. Going through same void phase. It will pass but it is extremely hard to start seeing other people when you invested so much soul in a distant person. Make those baby steps though . I remember going on a fisrt date after a nightmare break up, and it felt like i was completely seeing through the guy. The second guy was also invisible. Only the third one saved me, i was lucky. He gave me some really good sex and brutal courting. But it was real. And it saved me.
Just understand how lucky you are, to have escaped men like that. Settle down and build your identity and self respect.
In future also, don't be too compromising. Stick to what you want and believe your instincts.
Good luck🍀
Ldr works when you both the same goals ❤ and both working for it
Matt's advice here also applies to non-LDRs. Stay vigilant!
EXTREMELY explicit and useful advice that helps to pinpoint the root of a situation, because in tbe end, we can never control another's behavior only our reaction or response.
💯🎯💯🎯
"It's not about confrontation; it's about taking your power back and to take your power back you need to start by owning your needs and what you want."
"When someone gives you confusing answers, that's a form of misdirection that's designed to take you away from the very simple truth of this situation."
hes most probably got somebody else closer to home. he's just keeping this long distance woman on the backburner - giving the absolute basics
Happens often
Well, if I can say something from experience is that LDR doesn't work if the other person don't see you as someone they can make a life with, even if they like you and feel attracted to you. I feel like keeping you holding on an idea and at the end was just convenient to the other person it's a way of misleading and you gotta be strong enough to walk away and find someone closer that would give you the love you deserve.
I recently had that realization and it's hard to trust again but eventually I know I'll get to the point where I can open up about what I want and how I'm going to reciprocate as well 💖
Thanks for sharing this!
Yep, just got out of an LDR with an avoidant. In three months, we saw each other for 1 hour. 1 hour! And this was a wealthy man who could afford to fly me out on a whim whenever he wanted.
I hated it. Please for the love of god people, don’t do it. I’m so glad to hear Matthew talking about this
The truth hurts yet it sets you free.
If we keep watching videos like this the only partner we're going to have in life is the computer screen and youtube.
Relating a bit here. I always say make connections and suck in information in a way that is best for you.
Binge watching videos like this can definetly do harm to your mindset and ultimate to your life experience.
But watching at the right time, very conciously, for sure, it’s something else.
@@Rollyax Intelligently stated. Thank you.
Thank you. This could have been about me. Told him I deserved at least a real time conversation, not a text message “it’s me not you”. He wanted to go from a close bond/connection to “Xmas card friends” in the space of a week. No thanks. I told him goodbye. Starting to think that between the narcissistic types and the avoidants/emotionally unavailable men, there are no decent ones left for women like me. 😢
@terris7842 I thought the same thing: that there are no men out there for me. I reflected on what went wrong with past relationships and worked on myself. After years of this, I unexpectedly met a wonderful man who is not only everything I wanted, but even more! We are in a LDR and I am working on going to see him. Keep up the faith! Believe in yourself and don’t “settle” for less than you deserve! My best wishes to you, dear! ✌🏼💖
True. I say try women. 😂😂
Also, it would be important for both to come to an agreement with the goal of eventually moving closer to each other and/or living together once the relationship solidifies.
A long-distance relationship is circumstantial; it's not designed to remain that way for the long run, in my perspective.
I've been in a long-distance relationship for a few months. I tried my best, but it didn't work out for all the reasons you stated, among a few
others.
Awesome video!
Thank you for sharing such profound wisdom!🙏🏻❤️✨
My ex did say he hoped to live together one day, but he has always wanted to move for HIS reasons, and not closer to me. Then he decided to actually move and he put me aside, even before moving, he was mean and disappeared often, I still don’t understand why he didn’t just break up with me. He tortured me for 5 months before I insisted in breaking up. He also has narcissistic traits. I’ve never felt more confused in my entire life, and now thanks to him and his play I can’t trust men anymore
This!!! Goals and a plan! Dont get close until this happens!
@@ChocoParfaitFradon’t allow anyone to do you that way. You should have walked out like he did!
As an autistic woman my home is my sanctuary and I love having my own space so find the concept of a LDR to be very appealing as I would ideally like a living together apart style relationship.
That said I was in an on off LDR for 13 years which got increasingly frustrating even for me as a situation developed whereby my long distance then beau proposed marriage as a metaphorical carrot to encourage my continued investment- not least the effort and expense with travel.
I believed him (working out people’s intentions is very difficult for me as an autistic person) but after 4 years of being engaged with no wedding date in sight, not having been introduced to some key people in his life etc etc it became increasingly obvious that he had no intention of following through. After the breakup I most insultingly was offered a FWB arrangement which I without hesitation turned down.
I think LDRs need to have a definite time limit by which they need to result in either a serious committed relationship or end.
I am right now suffering from deliberate withdrawal from such relationship. We were planning to meet in a few months for the 1st time... I told him my vacation dates and wanted to know if he can make it. He promised to do his best, but tell me later if his schedule will allow. I got mad a few days ago thinking that he was being evasive and I actually do not fit into his life. That is true - this inadequate reaction of mine comes from unsecurity and anxiety and not being able to see him when I need him most. I can't date others because my all thoughts are with him. Abd there's a worse fear: that interest fades over time. Just imagine they were in love with you fisrt, but then the desire faded and they unloved you without even seeing you for real enough. Worst heartbreak.
Agreed a plan and if it doesn’t happen you leave and any realtionship should have that as time is precious!!!
You know when you're into someone when you don't mind having them in your home.
If you still find yourself wanting space, you really don't like him like that. So you'll probably get over him easier than you think.
An apartnership is a fairly common type of relationship for Autistics. We are creatures of habit, routines, and we need our space. I've heard that some neurodivergent couples have separate houses but spend frequent and regular time together. If not separate houses, we at least need space and time for our individual projects and interests. But that doesn't prevent having a very passionate relationship..even LDR. The downside is we both have Rejection Sensitive Disphoria and fear of abandonment. It takes a lot of love, patience, understanding and trust. But it can work.
@@SnowofLightIf you are not autistic, you wouldn't understand that we have different ways to handle a relationship. Our brains are wired differently and our thought processes are different.
I was in long distance relationship
She broke with me due to various reasons (my lacking of self love was one)
Honwewer she told me that she wanted to remain friends, only for her to kind of disappear due to various personal things. At frist I chased her but, then I understood, thank to one of your videos, that I dydnr mattered if she didn't found time for me, and in this new ligth I let her go.
After the break up, in the period I started to think about our story in a more realistic ligth, I noticed a thing : we had very few calls. Don't me get wrong
It was fine, since we chatted every day, the problem was I felt her distant.
In this ligth I understood this
If she wouldn't have left me then, I would left her because I didn't feel her enough. It is sad to say and maybe I'm childish, but I don't think things cab work if you don't create time for others.
Nobody is busier than a person not interested in you
So true. It can't work without giving enough time and effort for each other
@@jhsemoxitha3821 i think it s more like not working because it s not supposed to
@findekano1981 You are not childish for wanting someone to make time for you! Someone who truly loves you will want to spend time with you and will make you a priority in their life. ✌🏼💖
@@YvetteArby of course not, but it is in the how we process the reality. Also patterns and stuff to mend
I’ll watch it over and over again until I define my feelings about being avoidant and having my needs met!
I would say this phenomenon of giving confusing answers to simple questions to mislead someone is not only the case in LDR but just in general sth you should look out for when dating. Now I have much more clarity about this. Thanks Matt!
I never thought i would be that person in a ldr and now i am, have been for more than 2 years now. I lived in Turkey with him for about 6 months and travel every 3 months to be together. We have a fiancé visa for him to come here hopefully in the next several months or year. If he doesn't end up liking it here, we'll probably have to end up moving back to Turkey. Unlike most of these comments that have had unfortunate things happen, doesn't happen to us as i made my standards very clear from the beginning of the relationship. We video call several times a day every single day and we always answer the phone when the other one calls.
Your situation sounds very similar to mine. We finally closed the distance 2 weeks ago after almost 3 years as he got a work Visa here in Austria. Before that we saw each other every 3 months. I am sure everything will work out for you 🙏❤️
@nadinekr010 Thank you. Congrats on your hubby finally getting to always be by your side now! 💕
I’ve been talking with a boy from another country for 6 years, then we had a 3 year relationship online, and now we are finally living together for 5 months so far 😊❤️ he’s a sweet and mature guy. So worth waiting for!
I could have saved wasting valuable years of my life if I heard this sooner. Thanks for the work you do Matthew❤
Did anyone else chuckle at the rabbit bit? 😂
If you don’t believe you’re bring treated right you probably aren’t. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking you’re just overthinking it. And if you feel like you can’t communicate this and when you do they ignore it you need to leave them. Someone who doesn’t work to make you feel secure and someone who doesn’t care about how you feel should never have any right to your heart. I will never give my heart to someone that’s confused about me. Never again. The hot and cold and all of that it killed my heart for 6 months I agonized over everything and in the end she went back to another guy. I’ve learned my lesson.
LDR is sooo difficult but for the right person, I'm willing to fight, as long as we have the same goal and agree to close the distance asap...
If they won't acknowledge you publicly like social media, Red flag
I met mine in person after traveling abroad and we spent time together person. We got to know each other more as we stayed in touch online and they were very attentive. So I've been back their several times and we've spent a lot of time together every time I go. And after my visit we plan a new one in a few months. Until they can come move where I live, which they are in the process of applying for the paperwork, then we are like this. I would say if a person doesnt make plans and isn't clear, it would just not be a relationship because the onlybreason I feel long distance is ok is because you are waiting to close the distance soon. Because real life is the goal.
The sad thing was he gave me a definite, positive answer when I asked those simple questions, not knowing that he said that to all his other local and long-distance “relationships”. Makes me sad that in this world if you dare to lie blatantly most people trust you.
I almost faint when I answer hurtful and that was the answer. Unfortunately, that's how I felt in long distance relationships
Thank you Matthew! I thought I was in a great relationship. I live in US and he is from UK. His company sent him back to UK. After a few weeks of him being back in EU he started ghosting me. I was confused - but I am so over this situation being hurt. I will need to find my own closure.
Here is what you need to hear, ladies. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting commitment and marriage! But there is noting wrong with not wanting it either. No one is “wrong” in their desires. But STOP trying to change the other person’s desires!
I had already signed up, Matt, but the fact that you're saying you're constantly trying to improve your writing lets me know it's a good decision. Thanks. Love, fm MX.
Have been subscribed to the newsletter from the beginning, I enjoy it immensely, especially the quirky tips at the end about the products, series to watch, and amazing podcasts. Very rich content, indeed.
This was like a warm comforting hug of closure and validation for me after a painful ldr ended. Thank you!❤
Dear Matthew..thanks for the advise..I am in LDR now..already six months and I feel joy, love and blessed. We still try to build up our relationship and also try to learn give and take circumstances. We have to respect each other by letting ourselves have our own space and independence.
Most compelling, concise and clear advice on this topic!
This video is extremely painful but so necessary. Thank you Matthew.
THANK YOU❣️
It’s been a tough weekend… but today I finally faced the truth and took my power back putting an end to it.
Not gonna say it is easy…
Matthew, you are absolutely the BEST. Thanks so much for the clarity and truth you share all of this with
Wow I’ve been in what I thought was ltr but after few months he started being busy I couldn’t wait go him see him.. few times he came to me.. but then he started having things had to do on weekends.. wouldn’t speak me days. Then want know if going date .. but really he wanted his needs .. then I started looking on dating site because I didn’t know if we were couple or not no response.. he blocked me no talking at all. Went to his house refused to talk or even look at me and had woman there. Next day looking at me on dating site. I can’t have that kind relationship thank you for video..!
OMGLORY, this IS my life with Jeff!
I've run to him over & over. He was my first love & I'm 61yrs now. I also believe I have several trauma bond's with him. He stays on my mind & I'm working to clear him out!!
You can't control what the heart wants
Great insight, Matthew! I am not in the dating game at the moment but this is great advice for any kind of personal interaction with people! I never cease to be amazed by your content. That is why I keep watching!
I waited for you to mention avoidens. This is exactly why I was in a long distance relationship
Only long distance that works is if they've been married for 10 years and he's on another city on a new job preparing everything for her to come over.
10 years on my side. I don't regret it, it was a tough experience that made me the man I am today. After 1 year I've finally healed myself and I am ready to step up, to value myself and to never abandon myself again. Life is beautiful once you realise your worth.
I'm a truck driver and I ran into an avoidant and it actually works for me. The other alternative would be to have someone on the truck living with me and I kind of need my space a bit. The avoidant has just had a rough relationship period and is a bit wounded. Atleast he was upfront about it within a few weeks and didn't string me along for months and I also didn't ask, but I agreed to our arrangement. We have regular contact and when I come through his home town we have a wonderful time together. Doesn't bother me if he is entertaining anyone else because I leave myself that space aswell. I just live in the moment and I am happy in our time together. I am 45 and have no kids and I've been married twice so I really have no intentions of starting a family this late in life and I'm not trying to get married. I would just like some companionship and some physical affection and he's a lovely guy.
Anything more would seem a bit codependent to me in a way. Not everyone has the need to spend each waking minute or day with a person. Loving can also mean to let the person have their space, independence and let them breathe.
You are a trucker and you had a relationship with a man. Are you a gay man? I'm confused.
I wish I had seen this 4 years ago ! I also wish I knew what love bombing was . 😢 From a bubbly , happy go lucky person to one dealing with anxiety issues . Trying not to beat myself up with the mistakes I made , it isn't easy, but I hope to cross that line and be the person I used to be. At 55 years of age, I'd say it is too young to suffer like this.
Currently going through this. I need and want more. I'm realizing that I need to stop being "nice" and start being honest and let them know that if they want a relationship to work that I need to see more effort on their part otherwise it's about time to end it and move on.
Spot on! This was so very informative. Excellent! Thank you so much!
I've just given up trying for love. Yea, sure, I feel hope in my soul, but all the complications, and confusion, now sounds exhausting!
Currently, in an LDR, we are engaged and from 2 different countries and met in a third, and got engaged after a year. He then left the country after retiring from the military 2 weeks after we got engaged. We have the same goals and continue to communicate every day since he left 10 months ago. It's super hard, but I believe we have both been really committed to each other, there'll always be that little bit of fear... Thanks for your videos
I love this. You just described what so many have tried in hours or weeks of seminars in all but 11 minutes lol I like this because there just comes to a Time in your Life when you just want to live more and question, talk, and listen to the BS/Confusion less... thanks a lot lol
I wished I had had this advice 3- 5 years ago - thank you Matthew !
I went from one LDR where it turned out he had a double life (Portugal ) - to another closer in Uk but still distant - both men had different reasons but it’s all so clear the way you explain it .. valuable advice ❤
Attachment style, fear of intimacy. It should fall into the second, I feel.. Happy Easter to your family and close ones. ❤😊
brilliant breakdown on long distance relationships. wish I had seen this long ago, I would have understood greater how she was feeling, and helped us avoid the heartbreak I carry today. thanks again as always.
Ive been in an ldr for nearly 8 years. Met twice. Im british, hes american. Hes moving here at the end of summer. Fingers crossed it works out
This video really opened my eyes. Thank you so much.🙏
Every bit in this video makes sense to me. I feel absolutely awful discovering the truth and still ignoring it 😢
Yo this editor is fire, mad props
So well put ! Thank you so much 🙏 cheers from France 🇫🇷
I've just ended a three-year long distance relationship because of this. I wish I had heard this sooner but I probably wouldn't have been ready for it. For me, it was the promise of 'one day we'll get together' but no effort made to make this happen.
Thank you. This is what I need the most, facing my DA partner who keeps me confused even when he already moved in to my city.
This was so interesting because I just ended a "long distance relationship" that is actually a close distant relationship...which means that we are basically neighbours.... and live less than a 1/4 km from each other.. it was basically a really good relationship for almost 2 years until it wasn't.... 6 months later I thought we. started up again... this is basically how things were going until I broke all contact. Interesting how this can mimic a long distance relationship without the distance. Thank you Matthew.... very helpful~!
I have been in a long distance relationship for 10 years and it doesn't bother me anymore. I even noticed that when we meet I easily get annoyed because I'm used to being alone.
Eu já passei por isso, terminei e sobrevivi, você ai também vai ! Continue firme !
The fundamentals of finding someone outside of your area (with actual intent to form a long term relationship) rely on the fact one of you will have to relocate. If you are not open to that change, do not date long distance. I've dated long distance a few times, it works for a while until the reality hits that someone needs to make a big change. Most people do not set up their lives for that level of flexibility. A whole lot of people think they can find a great match within a few miles of where they live, which is also very poor thinking.
I really needed this wisdom. It clarified the confusion i still had. Thanks!
Excellent analysis! Helpful for coaching clients 😊
My partner and I started as an LDR. I didn't want to pursue it for the reasons stated in this video but she was doggedly persistent.
The part I didn't mention is that we are both trans and from in less progressive regions. We became close while enduring bigotry and hatred as a team. I survived the aftermath of my SA because of her.
Now, she's next to me, doing her cute little snore and taking up too much bed space *again*.
When LDRs are worth it, they are certainly worth it.
It’s easy unless you’re a selfish person or your with a selfish person. If your with someone who can’t handle something like 6 months apart then they aren’t marriage material let alone even someone you should even want to date. If they can’t handle exclusivity regardless of time apart then you know you have your answer when it comes to their character.
Matthew that Rabbit trick was amazing.
Could it be any relationship sucks if there is not exclusivity or flakey commitment?
I really needed to hear this to open my eyes and to confront my fears. I cut the ties few days ago with someone who coudnt made up his mind. Same situation here, buy im done. In my healing process but im gonna be fine, i deserve way better than traveling 6h in one direction and talking 5h per day on the phone for nothing.
Confusion is a reason to *run* regardless of the kind of the relationship
100% true!
Confusion means that you are not in control in what is happening right now ;-)
Truth!! Thank you Matthew!!😊
I like long distance relationships. I choose them! I lead a busy life. I like the excitement of seeing them every now n then 😘 I don't look for them. They just happen 🤷♂️
😂😂. Gives time to slow it down!
Excellent advice!
So much resonated today. Sending love your way 🌷
LDR is perfect for me. I get my own space, which I need most of the time. I'm an ISTJ btw. The other person is INTJ.