How To Stop The Mental Battle With Food: Therapist Explains
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- HOW TO STOP THE MENTAL BATTLE WITH FOOD: THERAPIST EXPLAINS
#overeating #emotionaleating #icantstopeating
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Disclaimer: This video is for information purposes only and my content should not be used as a substitute for seeking treatment from a healthcare provider. My content is not going to be suitable for everyone, so please use your self discernment before applying any video content in your own life.
If you're here, chances are you understand the constant battle with food, swinging between control and chaos. In this video, I delve into this struggle and share insights on how to find resolution, even if it's been a long-standing battle.
As a psychotherapist who has personally faced this challenge, a common thread I've observed is the prevalence of black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking. If you find yourself reacting strongly when you feel you've "blown it" with food, this may resonate with you.
I discuss the healthy balance between control and chaos, which is order and freedom. These opposing forces ideally coexist, but for many, the battle begins when order transforms into control, triggering rebellion from the freedom side, leading to chaos.
To move towards a healthier balance, it's essential for both sides to give a little ground. For those inclined towards control, regular eating provides a sense of order. However, it's crucial to introduce rhythm without rigidity, allowing for choices and flexibility.
Additionally, the video explores the concept of inner child work. Our relationship with control and freedom develops early in life, influenced by our upbringing. Communicating with the inner child-those parts reacting strongly to change-can provide insights into the beliefs that need reassurance.
Furthermore, addressing these inner parts involves soothing language and an understanding tone, akin to how one would comfort a child. Whether inclined towards control or freedom, acknowledging the importance of both and finding a middle ground is key to resolving the battle.
The video concludes by emphasizing the need for self-discovery in finding the balance between order and freedom. While there's plenty of advice out there, the real shift often comes from personal realizations. The viewer is encouraged to explore what balance looks like for them and consider principles from intuitive eating.
I’m 77 years old and still running this battle. I can’t believe how perfectly your ideas match my lifelong issues with food. Thank you so much. You’ve given me hope. You seem very wise for your years, and I appreciate your teaching/non-judgemental approach.
I am 62 and a lifelong battle for me still.
@@cheriyost2780same here. Everyday seems to be exactly as she described. Being an all or none person is rough.
I’m 52 and also still trying to get over dieting without being out of control. Currently gained 30 pounds since I stopped the control in summer of 2020. Don’t want to go back to calorie counting/restrictive dieting but also unhappy with my size.
I used to think it was funny to call myself an “all or nothing” person, but this food issue isn’t funny. I’ve done intermittent fasting for five or six years now, and it has helped me to break binge/overeating cycles. But I still do the extremes: maybe a one to three day fast, then back to the overeating! I know I’ll feel better about myself when eating doesn’t look like this.
Learned something today that ED behavior is self harm behavior, so I think that helps understanding for me that it’s got something in common with any other self harm behaviors like cutting, or skin picking, or even hair pulling. It’s the way we’ve learned to express our anxious feelings in an unhealthy way.
Your are remarkably insightful and eloquent in describing these issues. Your presence in this world is a blessing for others. Thank you so much for sharing your work.
“Control picked a fight with freedom.”
Love it.
I needed this video today. I thought I was doing so well managing my relationship with food. Then I started to want to restrict again- probably because of external circumstances I couldn't control. Then I binged today. I didn't restrict, but just the idea of restricting got me to binge. It felt devastating because it felt like I'd been beaten. But I recognize now this is just black and white thinking. I overate today, but that doesn't mean I'm doomed to overeat the rest of my life. Thank you for bringing me peace this evening.
So, what I realized from this video is that I was raised in a very controlling, negative environment…especially where it came to food and love. There was never a second helping, so as an adult I’ve rebelled by giving myself too much freedom and allowed myself to binge. Today I had regular meals and one dessert (instead of whole bags of chips, and multiple snacks and desserts). It feels good to understand why I overeat and to be able to say no, not today. Thank you!
Still healing from the inner child being so controlled. Freedom freaks me!
a dozen years ago I began wondering why going out to a sit down restaurant has a different effect on me than cooking for myself. I am always more than satisfied (often I can't finish it) and I don't ever tell the waiter to bring me a second order no matter how much I love it... the thought does not even occur to me. After watching/listening to your insights I think I finally guessed why that happens. Because in the restaurant I am being served a meal, none of the portions were determined by me, compared to home where I cook and serve myself. No conflict for me because no blame no shame in the restaurant. But every time I overserve myself or make too much food I am wrong, and greedy. Thank you for the insight.
That makes so much since. Thank you for sharing you opened my eyes on that aspect
Felt this and this is the first time someone put it down for me
I think I know exactly what to do for order and play victim to the rebellion and chaos. Thanks for explaining how to talk to the rebel. I also like how you described in your podcast when thinking about eating ask yourself "Am I hungry for a variety of foods?" I can think of times at night when that answer is no.
You’re so right; every time I’ve tried to cut out entire food groups in an attempt to lose weight, it just made me miserable and anxious. I agree that introducing order to the chaos in small doses is best for people like me. If I deny myself carbs, I just get anxious and dwell on it until I’m craving carbs like crazy! So limiting them a little bit would really help me, rather than being drastic with it. And regarding the strong reaction- “talk to it like it’s a kid” Yes! Journaling this would be great! Thanks for the idea.
Anyway, everything you said made a lot of sense. Thank you for this video! And you really called me out with the all-or-nothing thinking comment at the beginning 😂
After being on a diet for most of my life, since I was 11 years old, listen to been directed through so many different programs. You make all the sense in the world. I’m so happy that I have found you. My problem is that I feel like I’m in prison if I am not Eating the way I want. So many rules and regulations made me who I am with needing the freedom. And the freedom and food is so back to back that I feel like I am somehow winning I would like to know when is your live event so I can join. Thank you thank you thank you
Have a look in the description below the video for details. Brighton is Monday 20th May (evening) and Bournemouth is Thursday 23rd May (all day). It would be great to meet you ❤️❤️
I’m definitely a black or white person !! Thank you for talking about this ,I’ve struggled with control and freedom for years x
You explain things so clearly……thank you
You are so wonderful and help me so much.. I can't afford therapy but I think watching your videos is all I need. Thank you ❤
Excellent video. I am 67 what a beautiful thing that your messages speak to we women of certain ages. Thank you ❤
Interesting about order and freedom. I do feel better when I say, "As long as I'm eating a salad, I'm free to eat it at any time, in any part of the house."
I'm much happier limiting the food choices to healthy, but giving myself freedom not to follow a schedule or control my other activities while eating.
That's a really good thought
I’m not a black and white thinker about most things including people. I am a black and white thinker about food. For most of my life it was about control. Now I’m in a rebellious place. I have no freedom in my life right now. Food is the only freedom I have.
I was not allowed to have chocolate except on holidays. Now, when I’m confronted with chocolate, I have to eat it all before anyone finds out and takes it away from me. I’m trying to tell my younger self that I can have it anytime and it’s okay to have it in my house. It doesn’t make me a bad person(sinful)to have it.
Utterly brilliant!
Thank you so much ❤ no one has ever explained it to me that well
I have been fighting this battle for years now
Beyond thankful for your videos I’ve had three therapists and battled for the last ten years not one helped me like this. I will definitely be buying your book!
Becuase of your videos, I feel that my drive to eat has gone down a lot. However, now I can't stop patting myself on the back when I don't eat... I think, "oh what a good girl, you managed to skip a meal." And I still keep looking over my shoulder to see if I'm eating abnormally large amounts of food (which I still do, even though it seems a little better). It's the sheer judgement of "abnormally large quantity" that I think holds me back.
Thank you for this great video!
Thanks for making this video! I've started to flesh out those parts of me in a journal. Fascinating stuff. Thanks Sarah!
This is incredibly helpful. Ive been practicing intuitive eating for several years but feel a bit stuck, still reverting to old behaviors and thoughts around food. This is so helpful thank you
This is the first time I've ever heard this. Thank you! I can't wait to journal on the conversation between the two sides.
I adore you, thank you for your wisdom
BRILLIANTLY EXPLAINED THANKYOU👏👏👏💕
This was great, and profound and helpful, thank you!
Thank you so much, it is finally something very helpful for me after lifelong struggles!!! I am already 60 years old but still in struggle and searching for some progress and development, thank you very much!
Beautiful explanation. I know these sides verry well inside of me haha. Its finally comming to a rest now but i definetly gonna write it out on paper. Thanks for the video. Love your energy and videos 😊
Thank you so much... you're really good! And this applies not only to food ❣️
Thank you
My ED was a result of having reactive htpoglycemia as a child, but not knowing until I was in my 20's. It complicates things.
That does add a layer of complexity. I can only imagine what that does to your relationship to food and hunger
You have such a lot of wisdom for a young girl. Thank you so much. ❤️❤️❤️
Been awhile since I've been called a young girl; I'm 42! 😂😂
@@TheBingeEatingTherapist you’re still a baby to me! 😁😘😘
@@cathyserafinowicz6374 😆😆
I was listening to the restrictor vs permitters podcast episode and just wanted to share my thoughts as somebody who relates to Stef in that I can go either way: if I get triggered and I haven’t eaten yet, I restrict, if I get triggered and I have eaten that day, I binge (ed mindset that the day is tainted somehow or that I’ve set the train in motion). One thing I say when I try to explain bingeing and restricting is it takes 24 hours of the day to restrict and 5 minutes to binge - so for me the bingeing usually wins out despite having terrible consequences/ fallout because I find it ‘easier’ in the moment despite it being mentally torturous. However the rare occasion that I hadn’t eaten that would trigger it off in the other direction, or perhaps if it’s been a really strong trigger that sets off restriction mode rather than based on frustration/ agitation response trigger. Not always but that’s how it would work for me over simplified :)
❤🩹❤🩹
I've been binging for three days in a row. I used to go on week long binges so I'm scared I'll be back in that pattern again before long. I hate living like this, completely controlled by food.
Same here, have binged Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I wish I knew how to stop in the moment when my hunger brain seems to take over and rational thinking goes out the window.
Partly I binge eat because of my medication against depression, partly because of trauma, partly because I gave up smoking in 2020, partly because I hate myself, partly because I’m angry that people don’t understand me, partly because I’d rather not live but I can’t end my life because it would be irresponsible and partly I eat too much because I need love and can’t find it. No wonder it’s hard to give it up.
You write in an engaging way. Keep a journal. Its a great way to feel better if you record conversations or interesting insights you might get about anything.
Go to a writers group or take part in one online. They're great.
I have bits of depression and I use plenty of distractions to take me away from myself and to try to enjoy life.
@@geraldinetoughey9622 Danke 💜 thank you 💛 gracias 🧡 merci 💙 grazie 💚 спасибо ❤️
I am that person, today I binged to the point my stomach was about to explode but I kept going bc of feeling guilty
Since I am doing Ketovore, I can't even think about more food, I am so full. It's really helpful if you set a goal to eat about 100g of protein a day and even more fat to it, you are so full and satisfied, you don't even want to have a single nut. 😮😂 I can recommend for everyone. Or animal based diet.
Restricting behaviour often triggers binging.
100% agree
What is the name and author of the Intuitive Eating book you recommend?
Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch
Thank you !
What intuitive eating book is best to get?
The original. It's called Intuitive Eating and it's by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch
What is the full title of the Intuitive Eating book and who is the Author? Thank you 😊
Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch
@@TheBingeEatingTherapist 🥰
Have you ever been on Chef AJ or checked her channel out ?
No. Just looked at her channel now. At a glance it's a weight loss/wellness channel?
She interviews different doctors therapists etc about binge eating as well Have you read ‘The Pleasure Trap’ by Dr Douglas J Lisle & Dr Alan Goldhamer. It’s a wonderful book.
@@Laineyslife I haven't, but thanks for the recommendation!
Hi ❤
Hello 😊 Sorry Andy! Just seeing this now for some reason ❤️
@@TheBingeEatingTherapist😂 Don't worry at all, Sarah ❤ Thank you for your reply. Have a great week!
I fasted for Ash Wednesday properly but you couldn't fill me after midnight.
Watching this video as I’m stuffing my face with donuts. 😢
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹