The Simple Secret to Attract Good Men (and how to avoid the bad ones)

Поделиться
HTML-код
  • Опубликовано: 23 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 276

  • @Mat_Shaffer
    @Mat_Shaffer  Месяц назад

    → Sign up to get access to my weekly email exploring love, life and relationships you won’t find anywhere else here 👉 www.matshaffer.com/

  • @Singinbluebird
    @Singinbluebird 4 года назад +108

    This advice is if his energy is coming "towards" you alot. If the guy is cold, nonchalant, breadcrumbing, and ghosting you, please do not follow this rule ladies!! Have strong boundaries, and leave is he is not initiating, moving things forward or leaving you hanging. Yes initiate and connect once in a while but only with men that have shown immense level of interest, been consistent, and pursuing. If not, leave. I wish Matt emphasized this more. As Helena says it is space and warmth that draws men in, not leaning forward. Addrienne emphasises feeling statement and fem energy IS leaning back. Many men want to be pursued but those are more beta softer males. If hes masculine and a bit more alpha, he will prefer being the pursued, giver, and initiator. Regardless, leaning back and observing is very feminine. I do not think leaning forward is good, but leaning during the connection is good. ❤❤❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +27

      Yep this video is focusing on the initial stages of the attraction/connection and dating with men, it's not meant to be a sustained pattern for relationship or a sustained response if a man keeps letting you down - of course if a man is being consistently inconsistent you want to walk away :) --> ruclips.net/video/FzXnH-uSEmM/видео.html

    • @patriciajoyce9581
      @patriciajoyce9581 3 года назад

      Hi how are you doing am Alexander please can I know you thanks

    • @nishali9549
      @nishali9549 2 года назад +1

      so true dont follow rules if some one ghosted u

    • @carlel121
      @carlel121 3 месяца назад

      Well of course he does not mean when the guy is not interested, he says when you feel reciprocated, he did it a few times already, he initiated, you can do it sometimes too, he will respond right away if he is interested, but you don’t have to do it if he is not responding, that’s lack of interest.

    • @carlel121
      @carlel121 3 месяца назад

      @@Mat_ShafferI got your message right away!

  • @T333TN
    @T333TN 4 года назад +10

    Oh my GOSH! Haven't finished the video yet but the 1st point about "leaning back" is TRUE! I've always been shy, and preferred "confident" men that approach first -- but all I got were manipulators, narcissists and abusers that ABSOLUTELY did not respect me or my boundaries! :'( that's why i am here

  • @a.h.2667
    @a.h.2667 4 года назад +15

    A couple of weeks ago I took a chance a messaged a guy first and we're already planning our third date this weekend. I'd probably still be frustrated or ready to quit online dating if I had not tried to initiate a conversation with at least one guy.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +5

      Good for you initiating!! Look at how beautifully it worked out 🙌🙌🙌

  • @KGala-yw5lk
    @KGala-yw5lk 4 года назад +10

    Thanks for covering this “lean back” topic from another perspective! “Leaning back” has been something I struggle with sooooo much.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +2

      wonderful so glad you enjoyed It!! whats your main struggle with it??

    • @KGala-yw5lk
      @KGala-yw5lk 4 года назад +2

      Mat Shaffer I think that leaning forward can actually be us in our feminine as well. It’s not the actions women take with men or Vice versa, it’s the place those actions are coming from. If leaning forward is NOT coming from a place of fear/ outcome based, but a place of loving warmth and playful curiosity, I think it’s completely safe to do. (Basically paraphrasing what you’ve said as well). 🙏 Many relationship gurus who advocate “leaning back” make it seem as though “ leaning forward” will kill your chances of being pursued (outcome based conclusion). But if you’re an elevated being who is self sourcing your own love, it really doesn’t matter what you do, because the divine masculine or divine feminine person you would truly enjoy having in your life will be magnetized you anyways.

    • @vanessamartinsdesouza1718
      @vanessamartinsdesouza1718 4 года назад

      @@KGala-yw5lk Agreed.

  • @tk_erickson
    @tk_erickson 4 года назад +23

    Mat you are so right! I was leaning back and only being approached and pursued by aggressive men. I’m taking your advice and it’s working :-) thanks

  • @Musicismylove888
    @Musicismylove888 4 года назад +27

    Gosh I think people need to just let go and let things happen instead of over thinking everything and using too many heady strategies. I live by Let Go and Let God and the rest will take care of itself. Maybe that's why I never had a problem meeting men because I've never leaned back ever. I love being grounded in my worth and my values because men can tell I'm someone to be respected. Thank you for another amazing video.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +2

      BOOM love this share! you are living proof that this anti-strategy way of BEing WORKS haha ... so happy for you :)

    • @marciebaker9816
      @marciebaker9816 2 года назад +1

      Or die waiting

  • @abbymay514
    @abbymay514 4 года назад +30

    Every time I have "leaned forward" in a high value way, they mention a wife or a significant other.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +18

      perfect that helps you filter them out nice and quickly!

    • @Zwillinge26
      @Zwillinge26 3 года назад +1

      God... same for me

    • @carlel121
      @carlel121 3 месяца назад

      What???

  • @SClark1965
    @SClark1965 11 месяцев назад +1

    Wow, I've been leaning back all this time. I have a great sense of humor and I am going to try the lean in technique this coming week and see how it works. I'm gonna ask for help, instructions, etc. I'm really excited to try. Thanks for the video, so informative, looking forward to viewing all of your past videos.

  • @winxclubstellamusa
    @winxclubstellamusa 2 года назад +1

    I audibly gasped when you said that “leaning back” is actually a masculine state of having our heart space closed off and having our walls up. That makes so much sense! Thank you 🙏

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 года назад +1

      You are so welcome🙌❤️

  • @GuessJess
    @GuessJess 4 года назад +25

    First off, if he “forgets” to contact you, ladies, he’s not that into you. Checking for him makes you look desperate. Leave him alone.
    Secondly, relationships are about polarity as far as I can tell. Positive + Negative. Masculine + Feminine. I get that men are nervous about being rejected, they still have to be allowed to make the first move. He will appreciate you more because he made the effort to pursue you and you didn’t follow him too easily. Women have to learn how to flirt and be encouraging and receptive to the men that they like but not take over his role as the initiator. So ladies, if you are looking for a strong, confident, masculine man, go ahead and lean back. If you like weak men that don’t know how to overcome their shyness and project confidence, by all means go ahead and approach him. That’s just my humble opinion. These other dating experts advise women to lean back because of polarity. Two positive magnets will never attract each other. It’s a silly analogy but it makes perfect sense. And I found that out the hard way, so I’m hoping to teach you women not to make the same mistakes I’ve made in dating.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +14

      I understand where you're coming from but I promise you it is not that simple!
      A man can like you and still forget to text you.
      Women can initiate without undermining polarity permanently
      So many great relationships are lost when women and men forego courageously connecting with each other over a black and white rule they watched in a dating video :)
      Life is too short to miss out on opportunities in the name of strategy or fear of being too masculine. Trust me on this one.

    • @Lifes_Frosting
      @Lifes_Frosting 4 года назад +13

      @@Mat_Shaffer If he "forgets' to text you then you're forgettable. He's not that in to you. If he were, you'd be on his mind. Men forget to take out the garbage too!! Best to forget about him and move on. These men need to step up their game if they don't want to miss out on a real connection with a high value woman. We aren't going to waste our time chasing or reminding men that we're here. If they cared, they'd make the effort or lose out. Men should know this instinctively. If he's not paying attention to me, someone else will. Fact. Thanks for engaging with your audience Mat

    • @Singinbluebird
      @Singinbluebird 4 года назад +7

      Thank you sister, i cant agree more. Women who lean forward do get the man, but these relationships never last. At the end, he feels emasculated and run for the hill. If she is fem and leans back but welcomes and embraces the connection, thus polarity creates sustenance over time. Nothing is black and white but being too loose, garners lack of control, grace, awareness and ultimately your lack of self respect. Be a lady ❤❤❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +10

      @@Singinbluebird leaning forward isn;'t something I recommend as a sustained pattern in relationship of course - this video focuses specifically in the opening stages of dating and connection so we don't lean back so far that we miss out on potentially great relationships before they start! I absolutely advocate for healthy masc/fem polarity with the man being the masculine driving force and the feminine being the inviting surrendered energy - I probably have a dozen or more videos on my channel discussing various aspects of that dynamic :)

    • @GuessJess
      @GuessJess 4 года назад +6

      Mat Shaffer. I appreciate your channel and your mission to support women in their relationships with high quality men, but I cannot just simply trust you on this one because it’s been my personal experience that this advice doesn’t work and also because this advice is contradicted by so many other relationship coaches that I’ve encountered. Bottom line: if a man wants a woman, and he’s confident in himself, he will pursue her. If he likes her enough, and has gotten enough positive reinforcement from her, he will overcome his shyness and reach out to her because he’s excited to see her. Of course, I’m talking about the early stages of dating. It’s been my experience that in this situation, giving the man the benefit of the doubt, If I reach out to him to check up on him, I either get ghosted or breadcrumbed. It’s not worth the hassle. So let’s just beg to differ on this one. I mean no disrespect to you or your knowledge but I don’t agree with you and I fear this piece of advice is misleading to women who are seeking confident, passionate men. Btw, if you can speak more on the subject of polarity in dating, I would be very interested in watching your perspective on that topic.

  • @vanessamartinsdesouza1718
    @vanessamartinsdesouza1718 4 года назад +4

    I DO agree with you. Not always is a good way leaning back ,considering men can be scared of rejection and insecure,especially when they have feelings for a woman.And good men can usually feel like that.Bad guys usually not feel insecure,that s the point!What a tragedy.lol

  • @hijabimuslimah8100
    @hijabimuslimah8100 4 года назад +4

    I’m “leaning back “ never send him text or calling him. Pretty much I’m mirroring him.
    He calls me every morning before he gets out of his bed (LDR: with 8 hours of time difference, and he’s 20 years younger)and ask me why I never send him a single message (what should I say to answer?)
    I just said I don’t want to disturb him in case he is busy or change the topic 🤭

  • @aijakala4606
    @aijakala4606 3 года назад +2

    I am a too shy woman and I have serious hardships texting or even texting back, but I have to admit that whenever I have done that, it has triggered such a wonderful fireworks in the man I love, such a wonderful reward for me by him whenever I lean forward that I agree with Matt in this and all the rest of his videos a million per cent :D- I discovered you, Matt, just a few months ago and I get this energizing, loving validation which is exactly my perception of highest value men - if a woman he loves leans forward first, he will react with wonders due to the confidence he got from that. Even if I texted him the well-known and often condemned as the neediest message that I miss him - he responded: you can't imagine how good it feels to know I am not alone in it! And our love that began the way Matt describes has lasted for years - this is the gold proof for me. I have met those "high-value" leaning forward and climbing barricades men - they evoke nothing else in me but the feeling of having a predator nearby. While the man who gently cherishes my leaning forward and opening up just in my pace and greeting every single nuance of it, I just can't help melting down to the deepest parts of my heart....and soul... and... :) Yep... body. The highest value men don't have the need to pursue women, they are like real knights - the very first in their own manly battles, but when their lady is nearby , they open the door (all the doors) and let her go first. They conquer all the walls in the world EXCEPT the one around their beloved woman - they let her do it if she considers them worth it. This is just my personal perceived difference between the common high-value men who, in the end, usually turn out to value themselves only (this is why all relationship-coaches have to talk so much about those poor beings and women keep dating and dating...) and the highest value men, real men, Matt Schaefer is telling you about.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 месяцев назад

      Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

  • @serenaroseauthentics1391
    @serenaroseauthentics1391 4 года назад +8

    Yes I’ve attracted a player recently by leaning back too much. The sweet guys were intimidated by too much space & backed off.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      Exactly you got it Serena Rose Authentics!

    • @serenaroseauthentics1391
      @serenaroseauthentics1391 4 года назад

      Mat Shaffer I used to be big on the whole leaning back in your feminine energy theory, but I ended up leaning so far back I fell over 😂 & probably came across as a stuck up diva in the process 🤦‍♀️

  • @astrotricia3671
    @astrotricia3671 4 года назад +1

    45 Single and abstinent for 7 years. I needed to hear this. I was terrified to make the first move looking him up on social media and saying a simple, Hi! That color looked great on you today. But you left early and i could not tell you! I give my clients great advice yet froze on this myself 😂 Waiting on a response, send a little prayer my way.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 месяцев назад

      Aw thanks you’re making me blush;)

  • @maggiewanjiru2807
    @maggiewanjiru2807 4 года назад +6

    Hi Matt,
    Thank you as always and remember,
    You are a great guy besides quality coaching!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +2

      Aww so sweet Maggie thank you!!

  • @crystaldance5731
    @crystaldance5731 6 месяцев назад

    You’re so right mat I was out the other day with my son and payed a compliment to a Sainsbury’s delivery man it was playful it made him smile and as we walked home he was driving along and beeped his horn made my day that brief moment thanks mat ❤️😊

  • @anjea9759
    @anjea9759 3 года назад +4

    Thanks Mat. “Leaning Back” has far too many problems connected with it. This is a manipulative and ‘low value’ woman’s approach to having a relationship. This is a fear based strategy. I also see anyone who pursues someone relentlessly is overwhelming for both men and women.

  • @ln8896
    @ln8896 4 года назад +4

    Mat this is outstanding!!! It is extremely true too!!! I started doing this early last month and it's seriously the very bestttt!!! You clarified that what I'm doing it OK and gave me more methods to go about this boldness as a female!!! I thank you❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      YESSS love this share Lisa!! so happy for you!!

  • @mette1983
    @mette1983 4 года назад +2

    Now I don´t have much experience with men but I started online dating 3 months ago and more than half the times I´ve been the one who has initiated contact first and I have only gotten positive feedback from it so I love this message Mat

  • @AngelinaRomero
    @AngelinaRomero 3 месяца назад

    Yes Playful messages can be great at opening up communication

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  3 месяца назад

      I’m grinning ear to ear reading this! Keep being your wonderful self. 😊

  • @tanhue1265
    @tanhue1265 2 года назад +2

    Agreed !!! it attracts the men you want to AVOID! great video

  • @karinab4478
    @karinab4478 4 года назад +2

    Today I was told that the guy I was seeing doesn't want a relationship with me. It's gonna be an interesting time for me though as I'll be seeing that guy at least 2/3 times a week as we are both members of a climbing club and I'm not going to back off and change my lifestyle because of one guy. So maybe it's time I change something and start attracting higher value men that I have been attracting so far... Thanks for your videos :)

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      yess time to change things up! perfect learning opportunity through this guy :)

  • @caryleugene907
    @caryleugene907 4 года назад +5

    Hello Mat
    Canadian subscriber here
    You are the smartest guy on RUclips 👌
    This is a great video Mattttttt.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      AW THANK YOU Caryl!! So so appreciate that 🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • @caryleugene907
      @caryleugene907 4 года назад

      @@Mat_Shaffer 👍

  • @ChinaSu-i3k
    @ChinaSu-i3k 8 месяцев назад

    Thanks so very much for sharing these secrets! I appreciate you and I imagine there are a lot of guys out there that really appreciate this kind of stuff too! You’re helping us to connect!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 месяцев назад

      I’m so glad this helped you!

  • @sustainablediva8109
    @sustainablediva8109 4 года назад +3

    NEW UK Subscriber! Wow I just love your videos, just discovered you today! Thank you so much. I especially loved the advice for older women and younger men. In regards to this leaning back, I never found this works and I'm a woman of experience. I think we are all so now socially incapable and regressive in terms of speaking and approaching the opposite sex. Head in smart phone syndrome isn't helping the situation as they are often such an emotional and communicative crutch! It would be interesting to see if there is a different approach from men based on cultural values? I find US men far easier to talk to! however having a British accent really helps:)) British men seem to need to be slightly pissed first:) but there are exceptions. Both sides, men and women we are all suffering, we just need to reach out and touch. Lots of love from across the pond Mat x

  • @AngelinaRomero
    @AngelinaRomero 3 месяца назад

    We also need to stop expecting men to be the perfect picture that we have in our minds. I have found that men that may not meet all of my "criteria" are the best men that I meet.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  3 месяца назад

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts! If you're wondering whether you're ready to dive back into the dating scene, check out our new quiz: 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' It might provide some helpful insights! 💖 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/

  • @amylawrence7356
    @amylawrence7356 2 года назад +1

    Your words hit the most, thanks Matt! Keep up what you’re doing for us! If I do the same things, I’ll get the same results!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 года назад

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you!

  • @brittanywaddell7358
    @brittanywaddell7358 4 года назад +1

    I'm 28 but I'm very old fashioned and was raised to do so and assume that I should let the man take initiative always. But you make alot of sense and I'd rather be a strong and bold.

  • @Lifes_Frosting
    @Lifes_Frosting 4 года назад +21

    I'm not sure how I feel about this message. In nature, the male hunts the female. I watched a buck chase a doe all around my backyard. She would run away to avoid him and he would not let up until she was his. It struck me just how much men have lost touch with their masculine and natural instincts.There are a lot of dating coaches and pick up artists giving men and women poor and even damaging dating advice (not you Mat). The media has done a lot to shame men for behaving like men and now they don't know how to behave any more. As a woman, it does not feel right for me to make the first move or to initiate contact. Starting a conversation is one thing, but calling a man to reach out when you haven't heard from him feels awkward and foreign as a female. It's not our natural role. Honestly, if a man does not have the confidence and self esteem to make the first move, he's not my man. If a man doesn't call or make an effort to see me, then he's obviously not interested. Men are capable of going to war and risk death or even be forced to kill others but when it comes to approaching a female they freeze?? If he lets fear make his decisions for him, then so be it. I was not meant for him any way.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +6

      Mmmhm I created this video in large part as an answer to the over-strategic pick-up-artisty content I see a lot of out there. Men and women are fundamentally craving the same things. Connection. Love. Support. When we look at each other as different species we create divisions between each other.
      I'm not saying to hound a guy if he is bread crumbing you, but don't be afraid to send a text if you haven't heard from him. You can gently initiate contact without destroying polarity. Life and love are not black and white exchanges, they are shades of gray.
      Trust your intuition and your feelings but if you're not getting the connections you want, look at what it might serve you to shift! There's a lot more nuance in human dynamics than the basic push/pull of masculine and feminine polarity - that's the nature of the dance :)

    • @Lifes_Frosting
      @Lifes_Frosting 4 года назад +2

      @@Mat_Shaffer I think there is a lot of misinformation out there. No one knows quite how to behave any more. It's quite sad and is creating a lot of separation and loneliness. I agree with your statement that we are all craving the same things. It seems no one knows quite how to get their needs met these days. This channel and the information you are sharing with your audience may help to sort this all out. Perhaps you could offer some valuable information to men as well. You're hearing an earful from us ladies and seeing things from our perspective. You could offer this information and female perspective with a male audience. Just a thought. Great content - I look forward to your videos.

    • @lindat1317
      @lindat1317 4 года назад +2

      @@Mat_Shaffer I'm so glad that as a man you say it's OK to lean in (the RIGHT way). I was obsessed with another coach (great, but a lot was against my own gut instincts) that I leaned TOO far back, initiated NO contact (when I wanted to share something funny I knew he'd appreciate) and as a result, two weeks could go by with neither of us moving first. That IS lonely and so non-productive! Love your views--they align with my gut instincts. Thanks!

    • @AmandaOwensliterature
      @AmandaOwensliterature 3 года назад +1

      I agree. If the guy isn't reaching out once he has your number, then he doesn't like the woman enough for a good relationship to come from it.

  • @simonesommer8895
    @simonesommer8895 4 года назад +13

    Love it! Playful, unattached, curious! It's fun! :-))) xxx

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      YES so glad you enjoyed it Simone! SO FUN!! :)

  • @AngelinaRomero
    @AngelinaRomero 3 месяца назад

    This is great advise. I have found that reaching out has been very beneficial. Guys are not brave these day with beautiful woman, so we need to reach out.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  3 месяца назад

      You’ve got such great insight! Thanks for sharing and making this community awesome. 😘

  • @almak875
    @almak875 4 года назад +1

    I could write something eloquent, something intuitive or empirical... but instead, I shall offer a resounding SLOW 👏 CLAP 👏 FROM 👏 THE 👏 RAFTERS. This video is perfect in so many ways. It cuts to the core of ATTUNEMENT, and the openness to vulnerability and intimacy. Thank you for creating this.
    **after slow clapping, uses hands to click subscribe**

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 месяцев назад +1

      Your kind words touch my heart

  • @raquelt5342
    @raquelt5342 4 года назад +2

    Such good points love to hear from a man on this!

  • @crose55082
    @crose55082 4 года назад +1

    Thank you for this video. I enjoyed it. I'm going to try some of the things you talked about.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      yay let us know how it goes!

    • @crose55082
      @crose55082 4 года назад

      @@Mat_Shaffer I will.

  • @aminahn5776
    @aminahn5776 4 года назад +2

    Hi Mat, who is a good man or high quality man? What are the expectations?

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +2

      Watch my last video on how to attract a king! I go through some traits :)

  • @Moon-ld8ii
    @Moon-ld8ii 8 месяцев назад

    But we need to know who truly is interested and wants a relationship. If we pursue them, we won’t know and this typically causes mean to pull away…

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 месяцев назад

      I appreciate your opinion on this!

  • @meyliqg1774
    @meyliqg1774 4 года назад +9

    Girls, if they have such an intense fear of rejection like to not to approach a female... he needs help... and you are probably better off without a guy like that

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      lol its a deeply hardwired trait of most men! I still get approach anxiety, as do many of the men I know :)

    • @meyliqg1774
      @meyliqg1774 4 года назад +2

      @@Mat_Shaffer we all do, but to the point of paralyzing you, or not going to get what you want then it must be a bigger issue. Most overcome their fears just to go and get what they want.

    • @averagecitizen863
      @averagecitizen863 4 года назад +2

      @@meyliqg1774 it's not just the fear of rejection it's also a mix of the following questions :
      - is she single ?
      - do i objectivly have a chance ?
      - is she flirting or just being friendly ?
      - i'm i bothering when approaching her ?

    • @patriciajoyce9581
      @patriciajoyce9581 3 года назад

      Hi how are you doing am Alexander please can I know you thanks

    • @Salsera7
      @Salsera7 3 месяца назад

      I agree. If he’s not man enough to ask me out, I’m not interested, and I find men who want to be chased by women are narcissistic.

  • @ruthcrawford3015
    @ruthcrawford3015 3 года назад

    I like the idea of 'invite' and receive. I just personally relate better to this concept, but it's a the very same thing as 'lean forward/lean back. "You're welcome to call me, I'd love that" is an invitation, and he can step in, step up, or not.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 месяцев назад

      I appreciate your opinion on this!

  • @lydiaveldhuizen3157
    @lydiaveldhuizen3157 4 года назад +2

    Thank you Mat.

  • @meena5827
    @meena5827 3 года назад +1

    Take what works for you. Thank you for your advice ✨😊

  • @ayatali5057
    @ayatali5057 4 года назад +1

    These words are way more than perfect ,,, thanks 👌

  • @judysmith6239
    @judysmith6239 4 года назад +1

    Great advice, thanks Matt

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      You are so welcome Judy Smith! 🙏

  • @deetran5085
    @deetran5085 4 года назад +1

    Mat, I love your shared insights and teaching!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      Thanks so much Dee Tran! 🙏❤️

  • @maggiew7293
    @maggiew7293 4 года назад +1

    Thank you for sharing excellent insight!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      You are so welcome Maggie W! 🙏

  • @Goodwillwinoverevil1984
    @Goodwillwinoverevil1984 2 года назад

    Thank you Mat, this helped me a lot!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 года назад

      Very welcome! Glad it helps!

  • @laukinelina
    @laukinelina 4 года назад +1

    Thank you! Very helpful, I need to work on number 1 😏

  • @makassajones
    @makassajones Год назад

    I'm going to take this advice when I start dating again. I'm working on myself right now but I want my next relationship to last forever. So I need to make sure I have the right one for me and my kids. Some men are very childish and take take take...

  • @wendyhavens
    @wendyhavens 4 года назад +1

    Another great video Mat!

  • @guccigirl9416
    @guccigirl9416 4 года назад

    I needed to watch this video. I’m afraid of dating because I don’t want to attract another bad guy

    • @mongxeemphabminnesota8724
      @mongxeemphabminnesota8724 2 года назад

      Just curious. How many bad guys have you attracted in you’re life anyway?

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 месяцев назад

      I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

  • @izaito9910
    @izaito9910 4 года назад +2

    Thanks for sharing ♥️♥️♥️

  • @georgiaellen5538
    @georgiaellen5538 4 года назад +1

    Mat please help me out here! Is it possible/likely that approach anxiety persists even after a connection has been established? I'm into a guy who's quite reserved and not the type to introduce himself or have a conversation with a stranger (he's expressed that he struggles with social anxiety to a degree (what people think of him) - which actually really shocked me because he always seems so comfortable around people - myself included). So, I'm not sure if he's just not into me or if he's anxious. We can sit and chat for ages, we stayed up cuddling in my dorm and listening to music for hours yet he's rarely the one to initiate (I introduced myself to him first and was the one to go in for the kiss, but based on strong hints that he was throwing my way). Given the fact that I often put myself in his path and I FEEL like I'm sending strong enough signals yet he's not reciprocating enough to fully assure me, how can I tell if he's really interested or if this is one-sided? I'd never want to force or pressure him... I want to know if he wants me and not just because I'm 'there for the taking'.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      YEP it absolutely CAN happen! keep being open and vulnerable and making powerful invitations to connect with him

  • @NathalieTaylorRealEstate
    @NathalieTaylorRealEstate 2 года назад

    Thank you for sharing this.

  • @kathysmith270
    @kathysmith270 4 года назад +1

    Love the tip Jason tell about how to track men good for u not good for u

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      Thanks so much KATHY SMITH! 🙏❤️

  • @jay-ks4jc
    @jay-ks4jc 4 года назад +1

    if he says “i wanna keep talking to you but i don’t know what i want” and its been like 3 months of talking, does that mean i should move on and cut him off or?

    • @confusedspoons
      @confusedspoons 4 года назад

      I hope after a month you've sorted it out ❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      It sounds like it might be time to lovingly release him jay 351, and find someone who is a reflection of what you're worthy of

  • @melissahopkins1689
    @melissahopkins1689 3 года назад

    Best advice. Highly underrated.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 года назад

      Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!

  • @user-te7gu2ff7p
    @user-te7gu2ff7p 4 года назад +2

    This is so confusing to me. My guy is always coming towards me, buys me gifts, wants to help me, looks at me like he loves me. But! Then dropped the bomb that at Christmas he met up with this girl he’s known for years & loves but doesn’t think it would ever go anywhere. He then says he’s not in a place to have a relationship even tho he acts like we’re in one. And he doesn’t think he would ever get married again bc his first wife was a train wreck. Oh.. & just so I know there are 4 other girls who want a relationship with him, but he doesn’t want one with them. WTH! We have not had sex & so I said okay great then we will just be friends & I don’t hug & kiss my guy friends. Now he’s extremely frustrated. What the heck is his problem.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      It sounds like it might be time to lovingly release him L, and find someone who is a reflection of what you're worthy of

  • @jayebird8274
    @jayebird8274 3 года назад

    This us such a unique perspective. I was wondering why men who end up narc/ players constantly pursue me...It’s possibly because I’m nerdy and more introverted. I feel ok smiling across a room, or striking up a little conversation, but I don’t have the energy to keep flirting like maybe a waitress or sexy bartender...so maybe by default or nature, I seem to lean back. In short, do I have to stop being myself to attract a good guy? Alpha or Beta sounds silly to me...I want a loyal, honest, curious, intelligent, active, fit gentleman. How do I attract him??

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 месяцев назад

      I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

  • @dbsk06
    @dbsk06 3 года назад

    Be engaged but not outcome dependent/attached.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 месяцев назад

      I appreciate your opinion on this!

  • @meiliya2446
    @meiliya2446 Год назад

    Wow, this is good video 😊

  • @lisaquinlan1292
    @lisaquinlan1292 4 года назад +1

    Mat, can you do a video on why men love one-word-answer? Ive initiated conversation in on-line dating by asking questions about a photo or something they said in their bio. Then I get one word answers to my question. (Even though my question is very open ended). Why is this and how can we get around it?

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      Thanks for the topic suggestion Lisa Quinlan - it's going on my list!

  • @carlel121
    @carlel121 3 месяца назад

    I’m playful and a little flirty 🙄 I just can’t help it, that’s why they like about me, maybe in a good sense I guess, I’m not afraid to initiate if he did it a few times already, not afraid at all

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  3 месяца назад

      Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts! So happy this hit the spot for you. 😉

  • @cosmicproductionsone7112
    @cosmicproductionsone7112 2 года назад +1

    What if they dont find you attractive even if you initiate contact 🤔

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 года назад +1

      Don’t give up on love sister!

  • @tanyaklawitter877
    @tanyaklawitter877 4 года назад +1

    How the heck do i stop this weakness then. I get upset or angry and bam he finds my weakness and snaps me out of it which is not fair i build my ealls up and bam he finds the weak link to make them tumble ag a in it sucks and he knows your videos and your lives work and makes me wrak and come round to him again especially if i am angry or upset.

  • @gerberdaisy2388
    @gerberdaisy2388 4 года назад +4

    I was under the impression that "leaning back" was a strategy to 'lean' on (pun intended there) when you were already in a relationship and you started to feel the weight of leading in the relationship being shifted to the female. I see that it serves as a 'red-flag' definer. Either you, as the female, are over-functioning and he is stepping back because of it. Or, he is already comfortable enough that he is showing you his true colours and isn't interested in taking up his part of responsibility, thereby stepping back so that you can assume more responsibility for the whole relationship.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      thats one way leaning back is defined and applied within the context of an existing relationship where you aren't getting the momentum you want! and it definitely has validity there. I just think it gets over-used and over-applied in too many situations and too universally, which is why I felt like I had to unpack it a bit :)

  • @ElizabetaDante
    @ElizabetaDante 4 года назад +2

    Aren’t they hunters? Don’t they love challenges? Well then you have to admit that if we agree to the idea of them being dragon fighters as you said, and if now we agree that we should not lean back..so you will have to agree that it becomes very complicated 😒 Are they brave fighters or tender doves? Are they both?? How to guess this

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      we are both lovers AND fighters

  • @alpinelove6225
    @alpinelove6225 3 года назад +4

    Thank you so much, Matt!! This is perfect advice! I was feeling so frustrated with the whole "don't initiate, be feminine, just lean back and only allow him to make the first move." I think your advice is 100% dead on!! Thank you!

  • @tanyaklawitter877
    @tanyaklawitter877 4 года назад +1

    Our kids us what brought us together now bam im 5 months preg and hes moving us to another country to keep me safe and has apparently planned a suprise for me.

  • @amberdyer2659
    @amberdyer2659 5 месяцев назад

    How can you be sure they are single?

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  Месяц назад

      You’ve got such great insight! Thanks for sharing and making this community awesome. 😘

  • @nothandosibanda-jg9uf
    @nothandosibanda-jg9uf Год назад

    Hey I have this guy I know he wants to talk to me everytime he sees me I do everything you are saying but he is to shy don't know what to do coz I can feel he is a good man

  • @hoiliswu6070
    @hoiliswu6070 4 года назад +1

    Thank you good massage Awesome see you

  • @SweetUareDesi
    @SweetUareDesi 2 года назад

    Literally have gotten no where, and I’m gorgeous. I’ve tried many different angles.
    It’s clearly me but what am I doing!? Lol

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 года назад

      Don’t give up on love sister!

  • @briannaduffney1745
    @briannaduffney1745 Год назад

    Your smile is infectious Mat! This was helpful as well as your smile is helpful

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  Год назад

      I so appreciate you saying that - that was so sweet of you!

  • @AlejandraGomez-wk4xz
    @AlejandraGomez-wk4xz 2 года назад

    I did that and anyway he was a narcissist. Any suggestions for next time, please?

  • @Lovexychrome1
    @Lovexychrome1 8 месяцев назад

    I just hate the guys that want me to “build”. I’m not a builder , I’m not going to bare my soul just for me to be trampled and destroyed .

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 месяцев назад

      I promise there are good guys out there my dear!

  • @dbsk06
    @dbsk06 3 года назад

    6:00 real start.

  • @Moon-ld8ii
    @Moon-ld8ii 8 месяцев назад

    Why do we need to initiate conversation? Are men not capable of pursuing any more??

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 месяцев назад

      Conversation initiation fosters connections, confidence, and opportunities, regardless of gender norms.

  • @rp6582
    @rp6582 4 года назад +4

    Brilliant Mat! Thank you for this. As a feminist, I can only be happy with this approach and advice. Also, ladies, look at primates, our closest relatives. It is always the female that lets the male know she is ready and interested!!!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      wonderful THANK YOU for this feedback!! truly appreciate it and your insight

  • @karen68j
    @karen68j 4 года назад

    You are a genius😊

  • @AngelinaRomero
    @AngelinaRomero 3 месяца назад

    Hmmm maybe I should start a channel for this especiall for women over 60.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  3 месяца назад

      Your comment has all the feels! So glad you enjoyed the video. 💫

  • @sandrakasu9100
    @sandrakasu9100 2 года назад

    I'm now scared of dating

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 года назад

      Don’t give up on love sister!

  • @TuffLuv1984
    @TuffLuv1984 4 года назад +2

    This hasn’t worked for me though. 😒

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад

      keep trying! its all about practice !

    • @TuffLuv1984
      @TuffLuv1984 4 года назад +1

      Mat Shaffer in this day and age of benching and being fed breadcrumbs until you want to tear your hair out it is just making it easier for guys who aren’t really that into you. No guy is EVER too busy for his dream girl. So if he hasn’t called... guess what...

    • @mongxeemphabminnesota8724
      @mongxeemphabminnesota8724 2 года назад

      @@TuffLuv1984 I wonder how awesome you’re personality is like?

  • @melliex5921
    @melliex5921 4 года назад +1

    Hi Matt - love your videos, but I have to disagree. I think the 80/20 rule is best. If you tell women to lean forward, they will chase! I think it's important to let the man know if you're interested by responding in a very warm and inviting way. If you give him the green light, then that's all he needs if he's interested. Honestly, if a man doesn't message me for weeks, I may reach out with a quick hello, but I'm not going to invest much more. I have a full life and many options. If he is busy or not interested enough to keep up communication, then...next!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      Thanks for the beautiful share Mellie X 🙏

  • @thealpha1259
    @thealpha1259 17 дней назад

    So it’s ok for me to be rejected as a woman just so the good man’s feelings don’t get hurt…

  • @amberdyer2659
    @amberdyer2659 5 месяцев назад

    What about coworkers?

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 месяца назад

      Great point! Thanks for commenting.

  • @tanyaklawitter877
    @tanyaklawitter877 4 года назад +1

    Oh hell no i aint giving my new man up for anything in this world hes the best and he even wabts to shake your hand because of you being a insperation to me as i said in the live he says im.happier when i watch these or the live he gets lucky well he got lucky haha and i had a destressing phone call and got depressed he shoved head phones on me and put uour live on and then made me watch your videos and bam a smile came and he got a happuer partner again even though i am still upset over a great friend and her now suicide but my man was satisfied because the smile and my slirits lifted again.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      🤗

    • @tanyaklawitter877
      @tanyaklawitter877 4 года назад

      @@Mat_Shaffer hey mat sent you a message you have a invite the first of since you been.un our lives besides being uncle

  • @nothandosibanda-jg9uf
    @nothandosibanda-jg9uf Год назад

    This love thing is complicated

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  Год назад

      Yes! sometime it can be unknown and confusing.🙏❤

  • @marialucilynramirez5150
    @marialucilynramirez5150 3 года назад

    Hey Matt so I'm gonna do is to reach out to him even he is having a girlfriend,? I started to know that he is already a girlfriend 6 days ago and I broke up with him, so I need to still reach out to him

  • @breakergirl47
    @breakergirl47 4 года назад +1

    Hi matt

  • @desireeleeanntaylor1925
    @desireeleeanntaylor1925 4 года назад +1

    Every on I dean with never won'ts to open up or talk I'm the only one

  • @kellb9283
    @kellb9283 4 года назад +1

    I am rock, I am an island....trying to become a pebble, a peninsula

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 года назад +1

      you can strive to be any peninsula... just not Florida. Never Florida ;)

    • @kellb9283
      @kellb9283 4 года назад

      Oh I wouldn’t. Lol. Viva Italia!

  • @gregthompson9434
    @gregthompson9434 3 года назад +1

    The only feminine women i can find are strippers or escorts, also they are the only ones I feel that won’t be offended by sexual banter I have met some amazing Escort I absolutely love my time with them , the dinner & conversation is always great . It’s much easier for me . I travel for a living , love life . I just don’t have time for games with traditional dating

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 месяцев назад

      Be careful with your beliefs! They create your reality.

  • @srishtijha3
    @srishtijha3 3 года назад

    Great 🎉

  • @Anonymous-ze2mu
    @Anonymous-ze2mu 2 года назад

    Closing your arms and legs 😂😂.... Damn right the legs will be closed for a while 😜

  • @DiamondRubyJewel
    @DiamondRubyJewel 5 месяцев назад

    *1ST QUESTION.MATT ASKS..ME : YUP!*
    *I AM RAISED OLDSCHOOL LET A REAL MAN LEAD. DON'T CHASE A MAN*

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  5 месяцев назад

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’m always looking for ways to improve, and your feedback is invaluable.

    • @DiamondRubyJewel
      @DiamondRubyJewel 5 месяцев назад

      @@Mat_Shaffer *YOU SAID NOTHING WRONG MATT. YOUR VALUE IS IMMEASURABLE*
      *I NEEDED AND NEEEEEDDDDD YOUR ADVICE. I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. GOOD HEARTED WOMAN SINGLE SINCE TEENS. THANKYOU SO MUCH*

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  5 месяцев назад

      You’re making my heart happy! Thanks for the sweet comment. 💕

  • @travelchannel304
    @travelchannel304 2 года назад

    Hmm..dating. that trend went out in the 80s. LOL would be nice to try that out. LOL Shoot ive always been the initiator & wasnt even trying to!! B ut ive never been the one to ask out on a date. I like being asked out! LOL Folks the initiators doesn't have to actually do the asking out!! Just striking up s conversation. Or offering a complement!

  • @desireeleeanntaylor1925
    @desireeleeanntaylor1925 4 года назад +1

    Yeah

  • @georgiaoblak8165
    @georgiaoblak8165 2 года назад

    Who could ever reject You?

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 месяцев назад

      Thanks so much for your feedback!

  • @yasminleyva2120
    @yasminleyva2120 4 года назад +2

    RYAN PATRICK???????????????????????????????????????