Should I Still Be Giving Money To My Adult Kids?
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- Should I Still Be Giving Money To My Adult Kids?
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The best gift you can give your kids is the ability to take care of themselves!
Preach!
True
Exactly 💯
Everybody needs help now and then, but you better believe I’m saving the assistance card until I REALLY need it, and I’m only playing it once.
I see it as get your kids where they need to be...
It's normal and a great thing to give gifts to adult kids from time to time....it's quite another thing to have them on your own form of private welfare.
Americans need to stop spoiling kids...
My brother-in law's parents went to each kid and said... we have $50K to give you as a present but there is one catch... you must spend it. All three kids redid their bathrooms :). I would also add that all three kids were already millionaires and I believe giving is a good thing.
@@johnSmith-uz8nl Well bathroom remodels do have one of the rates of return among home improvements🤷🏻♂️.
My Mom gave me an allowance at age 36 until she died. I was working part time as a data entry clerk. I’m sure my Mom did not want me to leave. She was very lonely.
"I don't give money to people
who don't speak to me." 🤣🤣🤣
I don't give money to people
that Do speak to me!😆
I give my kids money on birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc but I would never think to have a line in my budget for money for them each month.
Yes! Treating functional adult children is wondeful.
Amen
OMG, my adult kid is mad at me because I didn’t help her furnish her apartment AFTER I told her to baby step buying furniture. When she stopped talking to me for over a month, she texted me asking for her insurance payment. As Dave said, I’m not giving money to someone who is not talking to me.
You raised her, or didn't you?
@@Ruperdepuup Enabling bad behavior is not love
@@Ruperdepuup Yes, but what your adult children decide to do is not a reflection of their upbringing. The best parents can find themselves getting phone calls and texts from entitled brats they don't recognize.
Hold the line Kesha!!! Hold!!!! Hoooooooooooold!!! Give her nothing but take from her everything!!! Just kiddin stay strong Kesha she’lol get it one day
“Her” insurance payment? Do you pay for her insurance?
Some parents enable their kids. But then they cut them off . Teach kids from the beginning to live in the real world
As Dave says, it's okay for parents of adult children to be a safety net. It's NOT okay to be a hammock.
That’s called bad parenting. Grown adults still getting money from parents is beyond me. Weak generation. You can come over to eat but not helping you financially. If your struggling that’s on you and you better find a way to get out the mess you created for yourself.
Lol
Isn't that Selfish though? Also wouldn't you morally have a obligation to take care of your kid? Or does that all go out the window at age 18? 🤔
It depends. But you're selfish and that's wrong
But it depends on the situation. If they are irresponsible then no. If they fell on hard times and they are responsible, then help them
@@Sinful_Survivor if your adult child continues to make poor choices putting them constantly in debt and if they have no job and do not attempt to find one, it is not loving to continue to bail them out because -- they won't change their ways.
We announced that “the bank of mom and dad” closed!
If someone else is paying your bills, you are a child.
I make enough to pay my own, but other people's money has me covered. Have I found the fountain of youth?
Gifts, sure. Their house burns down, sure. Paying adult kids' cell phone bills, living at home, etc. NO. Having kids is not a lifetime financial responsibility. You raise them to be adults and send them on their way. That IS the point. Are your kids going to pay for your retirement when you're broke? In most cases, no.
I bought my daughter her 1st car and will help her with her 1st apartment when she graduates. I also will be helping her understand finances and opening a roth. I will be making the 1st roth contribution after that she will be on her own to figure things out.
Honestly it’s the newer generation of parents who are crippling their kids. They give them EVERY thing that comes out, including money. These kids are being raised with instant gratification syndrome. They don’t know what it is to work for something and they don’t know how to problem solve when things happen.
Ok boomer. You live to improve your kids lives, if you arent doing everything, including giving them money to do so, you live the definition of a worthless existence.
@@coreywilliams1454 Kids need to learn how to be financially responsible. Teaching kids responsibility is not worthless.
@Corey Williams 😂. You must be one of those lazy kids whose parents give them everything without any requirements. You don’t appreciate or value anything because you don’t know what it is to work for it.
@@coreywilliams1454 I cannot tell if you are being serious or not.
If you are, please seek professional help.
@@sethclegg For sure! Scary if it’s real talk!
I never really knew what it felt like to get money from my mom free and clear it always seemed like some kind of police interrogation when I asked for money half the time I never got it lol as soon as I was old enough to get a job I never looked back
as someone who was spoon fed gold at a younger age, nothing does more damage to the mind than comfort
what thingy said was right about the cope part, making their kid useless makes them feel better themselves, like an emotional need
Adult "kids" don't need an allowance.
Sure I do!
They just "need" a "stimulus" from Uncle Sam.
I think letting your 25 year old kid live at home is an awsome advantage to give them as long as they're working hard and saving/investing for their future. If they're taking advantage and playing video games all day then get them the heck out. But I know lots of people living with their parents even in their late 20s because it's tough to rent and save for a down payment on a house at the same time. Atleast where I live the cost of living vs average wages doesnt really match unfortunately.
California rent is unattainable and there’s no openings
@@friendly_italian4928 _No excuse._
@@friendly_italian4928 Move. California is California because of Californians. "I live somewhere I can't afford to live, give me money." No, move somewhere cheaper. There are TONS of planes in this country with jobs and a reasonable cost of living.
OK food on parents yeah
What if you had a father that wasnt around and never paid child support? He owed $150,000 in child support for 3 kids that he never took care of. Never bought you anything important. And never helped you be financially stable before moving out. I moved out with a bf, it ended up being an abusive situation and i got pregnant without plan. He told me that i couldnt move back in when i needed his help. Hes never offered to really even help me as an adult either. Never helped me as a child. Never did what he was supposed to do as a dad. I had a single mom with 2 siblings who was abusive towards me. So discuss abusive parents and deadbeat dads because i think thats a completely different situation.....
This whole conversation is silly at best. Don’t support grown folks. End of story.
cant tell you how much I needed to hear this today.
+1 I just want a dollar for every time my adult kids have told me his friends parents pay for this, give them that etc. always with a long pause wanting to know how much I can give them.
@@slowridefpv9668 cut em off. They will thank you one day
I know a 37 year old guy, enabled by the parents and it's hurting him 100%.
Seriously, my dad cut me off at 16. It makes sense. What are you gonna do with yourself when your parents pass away and you didn't learn how to make money 🤦🏽♀️ I know too many parents that enable their kids to this
My mom told me when I turned 18 you going to sink or swim but you will be a man and if I could do it again I would want her to be the same way
Exactly!! My mom did something similar. She just stopped buying things (major) when I turned 18. I went to work and to school. It was the best thing she ever did for me.
That's a weak mom for not having the ability to help assist his young adult kids to benefit there growth in early stages of adult hood from 18 to 21.
@@RD-nc8xthat’s a smart mom teaching her kids responsibility as adults!
@@RD-nc8xt if the mom does her job and starts young preparing her child to be an adult, she is not weak, she did her job and her child is prepared to be an adult when he/she becomes an adult at 18.
I am married and my wife and I have our own home and solid careers. It is funny how our parents (esp mine) want to always give is money. We never take it, but its funny how when growing up I couldnt get $1 from them and now they want to give us money
Are they trying to pass money as a gift, so as to move it to family versus being taxed?
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, if they want to gift it, let them know you're thankful, and put it to good use. Invest it, help those less fortunate etc.
I’m married to someone who graduated medical school everything paid for handed to him he’s 32 and his parents still give him allowances each month. He has never worked since 27. (1year of work))
they probably didn't have extra when you were growing up -- and now they want to make up for it :-) But good job saying no 🙂
They won't have any opportunity to learn to be good with money if you do. Money skills are just like any other skills need to be practiced to get better.
living below your means has nothing to do with money skills...
Some people shouldn’t have kids
They give and give and wonder why their kids don’t do anything by themselves
Turns my stomach that "children" mooch off parents after 18
My kids had the opportunity to go to college. If they went to college they were allowed to stay at home for free. If they chose not to go to college then they paid rent!!! Coddling your children hurts them!!!!
Why is college “The holy grail?”
My son is mad because I didn’t bond him out of Jail and don’t give him money .
My father when I was a kid he once said that it was preferable for people to leave their kids well educated with no inheritance than leave them uneducated with millions in inheritance. He said a good education and lessons in how to be productive , the skills to be successful, those can’t be taken away that easy and money could.
RIP my dad.
And it's best to educate them, and then give them millions lol
"You're on your own, snowflake!" "But I don't feeeelll sssaaayyyfffe! You're offending meeeee... wwwaaahhhhhh!" 😭
My husband is guilty of, "Divorce guilt" But his starting to back off, from it.
He is right ✅. You are crippling them.
I needed this video so bad today. My wife and I are dealing with this know it all 18 year old that got his first piece of tail. He is throwing a lot away, and i feel this needs to be done for my emotional health. Thanks fellas
I've never thought to ask my parents for $. Worked since I was 13 because I've seen the sacrifice my immigrant parents made to provide an opportunity. My greatest achievement will be to raise my kids to be self sufficient / successful. Get after It
I remember watching dr.phil where the woman was 48 years old and still giving allowance from her parents maybe about $6000 a month. Does she save the Money or invest in herself. Nope, she just spent like their is no tomorrow.
Great video, my 30 year old son is constantly looking for money, i shut the bank 6 months ago and should have done way before. My 27 year old daughter never asks for money and never has, she only ever asks for advice and guidance and i am happy to give her my time and expertise. I am 65, i moved out of my parents house at 23 when i finished university, over the 42 years since i asked my parents for money just once, our heating system broke diwn and we did not have the money to repair it due to cutbacks in wages when the 2008 recession hit, i agonised over asking them but they were delighted to help.
No! Aside from Christmas, birthdays, no! My parents did this for years, thinking they were 'helping ' me. It wasn't until I learned to say 'no' that my life took on any real responsibility.
I am beyond blessed that my mom made me go through my hardships when I didn't want to. She said it was hard at moments because she wanted to hug me and protect me, but I would have never learned what it's like to experience how to go through hardships. The moment we turned 18, my mom said you're either in school or you're out. If you want to live with her, you pay rent and abide by her rules. Very happy how she didn't give in to me at times because I learned. Now I'm living on my own at age 24 and completely surprised my little sister that I moved on my own without any financial help from mom.
Good on you!
I have been feeling like I lagged in not giving money to my adult son, but now I'm not after hearing this.
Awesome awesome
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 cut them the freak off!!
It’s one thing to give the children in your life money, especially if they help you out whenever you need something done. It’s another thing entirely to have an allowance budget for a 30 year old living off their parents.
You may refer to this as tough love. You love your children enough to allow them to try and sometimes fail. As we all know you learn from both of life experiences. God bless .
Blended families are very tough when you both don't see eye to eye on parenting. I see so many games being played by kids in blended families. I've experienced so much and follow Dave's rule of never saying anything to the wife's kids but it is tough. Kids don't respect you and basically treat you with disrespect.
That's cause you're a beta man up
@@acod24 So from your experience how would you man up? Would you confront my wife's children as I currently deal with the issues through my wife. What do you consider "man up" to mean?
@@supersportrsz28 you should be able to discipline those kids. Once you decided to get married you are no longer just some random guy. If the kids are so bad send them to the father
blended families... BLENDED FAMILIES!!!!???? Come on... a family is a family regardless of color race and religion. You sound like a racist... which I am sure you are not. But something is wrong with you if you think the kids don't respect you because of their color.
@@johnSmith-uz8nl blended as in there are kids from a prior marriage. You think about race often?
I knew Dave's answer on this one before ever watching the video. How crazy to be supporting ADULT children--especially the one who "doesn't want to work full-time." OMG. Talk about enabling.
yet it is happening all the time -- and there is a phrase for it - called 'living in your parents basement'
It's called breaking the plate they can't grow up unless you quit feeding them
Good grief. My parents dropped me off at college at 17. I only went home one summer for work and they loaned me the car. Grandma gavs me 1k and dad gave me 500 a month senior year from a rental apartment. That's it.
At 21 I got a job and moved in with a roommate
This is why there is this sense of entitlement, instant gratification, ....among a lot of young people and young adults!....Not having survival skills or knowledge of being resourceful to succeed in life!..
45% of boomers have no retirement savings so let’s not pretend that older is wiser
@@mikederucki pretty sure that’s an inflation problem. Boomer saves 10,000$ in 1980 not the same in 2020. Should have invested but this is why a lot of older people are still working
Really weird coming from Dave. Both of his kids work for him in high positions. And one of them has communication degree..something he would say is useless to callers.
Dave's kids never borrowed a dime to go to college because Dave saved for their tuition and paid cash. So what if one of them majored in "communications?" It's his company and he can have his kids work for him. Indeed, his kids now own the business and Dave can do what he likes which is write books and be on the radio.
@@wiseowl2020 He insults that major.
What about inheritances?
Teach your kids about money early on and help them find a passion.
There's more young adults that live off parents....its more than a trend at this point.
…I’d love to get money from parents as an adult! This is ridiculous, if you can’t make rent without help move back home or get roommates. And work more hours (voluntarily limit hours?!)
💯 correct!! I know too many people who live like this!!!!!
What a mess. Maybe tell your child no more money unless we go to family counseling together.... tough situation.
Absolutely not. They won't grow if you keep subsidizing them. If you LOVE them, cut-em-off!!
Alas, a lot of parents aren’t up to the task.
Parents’ job is to get the kids to be able to do everything themselves.
They don't speak to me.
They do for money.
This is exactly what part of the problem is in today's society to many people not producing and just taking.
Gifts? Yes. Welfare? No. That's enabling!!
There is also a converse problem. When an adult child is on their own, paying their own way and the parents expect that adult child to do as they say, no matter what, like they were when that child was younger living at home. That adult child needs to put them LOUDLY in their place.
@@1Baileyboy ...Parents of adult children deserve respect, when they give respect. It is actually a 2 way street.
I was fortunate to be healthy enough to go into the Army, that was my "job" after I graduated hs.
I don't know why but this reminded me of a law school case involving John Paul Getty's will. He used it to manipulate people around him, executing 21 codicils (amendments) between the original will and when he died. Make him unhappy, you're out. Make him happy, you're back in. This question obviously isn't that but the Getty example shows how intergenerational transfers can cause headaches.
The Rule Against Perpetuities. 🤣
After age 21, kids are adults and should be in the working class without more support from their parents.
Is this question about my brother lol
My wife’s brother is 24, college grad, and has still yet to work full time since graduating. My wife had all the rules and expectations in the world - never a hand out. It’s weird to see different children brought up with totally different sets of expectations
I know some lady that 76 years old her son is 56 years old and is an alcoholic who washes cars part time just to get enough money to buy booze and cigarettes and she will just let them live there and he gets abuse seven all kinds of craziness that’s madness 56 years old Jesus
I am the wicked witch of the west. My husband's 55 year old son will NOT leave our home. He's been here, visiting, for 9 LONG months and this has put a strain on our marriage.
Abandon kids and married?please live for kids after divorce..kids still need life guider...it's sick to see getting remarried
Some people are terrible parents
Make them pay it all back. I did
Thank you for some rational thinking. My daughter is 34 and is still a mess. I make quite a bit of money but I give her just enough for her to live in apartment. She’s not improving and actually her situation is getting worse. I hate to spend my time and money to bail her out.
I love this !!!! Lol
I don’t give money. You can earn it….. I despise trying to buy love. Again providing and giving are two different things. Codependency is a bitch
But should you give them a job with a six figures salary at Rasmey solution???
They are working there, there is a different between easy job bc your dad own the place vs just giving your kid money for nothing
Every job is based off of adding value.
@@dedalliance1 looking at their views there is nothing in value they are bringing to the table
@@joesabah6199 that's subjective to your opinion.
Jealous?
Kiss my butt! You got to love Dave. When I tell you I love to hate him. I do!
What if you're disabled and can't work ⁉️
Why not address the problem. The reason why that’s happening is because people are terrible parents and don’t teach them anything. More people need to NOT have kids
How many kids do you have??
Generation single parent.
My parents were broke most of our lives growing up and couldn’t teach finances but I figured it out on my own so it’s not the parents fault.
If kids r working hard and need help then yeah why not help family?? Show love and be a blessing to others
I could see helping out in a crisis but not every month. A kid has to learn how to stand on their own feet because one day Mom and Dad will be dead.
@@wiseowl2020 That's why you gotta get the milk before it's too late, ??
bailing family out all the time is not love -- you are enabling...when they get 'cut off' they start thinking for themselves and help themselves.
You guys talk sence
sure, tell them its coming out of their inheritance
This discussion was deep
This is a question? Situational
Help ok. But an allowance and they are underemployed and jerks? What’s wrong with people. Oy
OR…you have a disabled parent and they BEG you to stay.
Fully agree and entitlement is the biggest issue facing America. But what's actually the difference between and allowance for adult kids and leaving a trust
Yes it's called the empty nest syndrome been there done that was not fun. But I have to say I have four beautiful children very self-sufficient and very successful.
Not to mention picky employers regardless of unemployment rate to the point where they even complain that they don't get the workers that they want and they are willing to go as far as bringing the whole nation down but only hire if the person matches their ever increasing list of requirements from higher levels of experience and graduate school.
So you'd want the first guy who walks off the street to do your surgery?
Punctuation would be helpful.
do you want one of those employers to stop being picky and work on the brakes of your car?
My son is 44 years old and keeps going through a cycle of poverty. I gave him 20k enough for him to pay rent for 18 months. Ten months later, he can’t pay his rent.
Oh my gosh you spoil him so much. I'm Asian and I did not have any 529 education fund. I made it on my own and moved out at age 25. I paid rent $400 per month to my parents when I lived with them. Dont give your son a lot of money, it won't do anything good. If he cant pay rent then allow him to live with you with one condition that he must have a job and follows your house rules. Sad about disrespectful kid to mom.
Starting to think it's better to not have a college fund, and just force my kids to pay for it. Colleges and trust fund kids always end up being the worst kinds of people
Kids need to learn what it takes to pay off debt. Parents need to stop paying for them. Parents don't owe the kid anything. It's the only way they can learn how to manage their money is by going through the experience themselves.
If you’re broke just say that
Dave did pay for all his kids college. I think he did require them to work and behave though.
@@auroramothergoddess 🤣
@@ryanj357 so when the parents get old and are aging and can’t work they better figure it out on their own because the kids don’t owe them anything
LOVE THIS. BULLSEYE.
It sounds so generic 18 they’re taught they have to go sometimes lives a little deeper than that!
So I take it y’all are against trust funds too? It’s the same thing.
I don't agree with never helping your children financially. It depends on the situation. If they are irresponsible then no. If they fell on hard times and they are responsible, then help them. Otherwise, it would be morally selfish and wrong. Also, never give at your expense but if you are willing to sacrifice, it doesn't make you wrong or a bad parent if you don't.
Different between helping and a allowance. Big difference
@@JulieTobin-Ruszczyk I agree with you
Of course you can help if there already reaponsible at hard times, just not when they’re free loaders.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
How do we feel about this if the roles are reversed?
How do you know their not drinking
Would love to see her send a letter if it were her kid. The support would be split and she'd still support.
What if the "kid" works and does fine by theirself and the parents are rich and give him some money monthly that they dont need neither the son asks for it or needs it its just a little extra that goes in luxuries.
Son works full time and lives completely independently and the what the parents send doesnt impact their monthly income or lifestyle in any significant way
why are they giving their adult child money ? What happens when they are no longer able to do so? it is still a dependency.
@@emmib1388 why? Because its their money and they feel like it, point blank, its funny how people dont care in what others spend their own money except when it comes to giving it to others.
What happens when they cant? Well they dont...
If the person is independent and works , then it is not a dependency, same as any other gift.
@@JoseVivas-ct4up it is certainly their money to what they want -- and if you think someone in higher income brackets doesn't live paycheck to paycheck depending on that money from mom and dad, you are naive.
I think some do , some dont, Im talking about those who dont
Just remember, JR Ewing lived with his parents!
Never Had A Family 40M net worth
Really? I must ask what industry or what you do? Genuinely asking.
Couldn't agree more....
NO!