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Good video, but let me suggest an improvement. Don't use AI generated images, just use free stock footage. It looks so goofy it undermines the very serious topics you talk about.
Studying isn't suffering, especially before high school. There is an exam to get into "good high schools" here in Turkey, just like ones in Korea or China, and you have to study for it for at least 12 months before (if you want to be successful), and during that period you do nothing but study, but you get used to it in, like, a month. The piano and art stories were really sad, though. 🐺(Turkish nationalist symbol)
Yeah and it's really annoying how people brush it off as "normal", and people with those parents feel they have bragging rights, like no dude you were abused. I'm really glad my parents are different.
tell me about it im still a kid and have an asian mom she always takes my brothers side and never mine so I am forced to work harder and harder the only thing stopping more cruel things happening is my dad he's british and is always on both sides so my brother and me are still in a good relationship but it is the sterotype which breaks me I am called ching chong everyday or they sing racial songs about asian peole and One day I got headlocked for that and nearly lost concious or potentially my life. stop it now you people doing this to others and not only asians
@@Drakesbiggestfan39 "oh yeah let me pick where i wanna be born. Hmm.. oh yeah europe, perfect place to be born. Thankfully i can pick exactly where i wanna be born!" Do you think we're god?
My Mom used to try to tutor me in math.. She was from Vietnam, so being bad at math was a BIG problem to her. She was extremely impatient, unclear, and our study sessions would often end in fights. Study sessions would go on for hours on end, on vacations, weekends, and would prevent me from doing any actual homework. Edit: It was the main priority in our relationship, and she discouraged me from pursuing other interests because she was so obsessed with school - I didn't even have a job until I turned 18. She wouldn't even allow me to do homework the way I wanted to do it (listening to music while studying, only doing it for 2 hours). I had a lot of anger and mental issues growing up because of it, which only stopped when she realized what she was doing was wrong. I hate school now, and won't marry an Asian woman because I don't want my children to go through what I went through. I feel you man. Culture or no, no child should have to go through that.
"But if you make money, and you enjoy it-". This is what I really don't like about this. Imagine you're a Christian, you're living your life (if u know, u know), and you suddenly get money, and you enjoy it, and you slowly drift away from God, eventually doing the desires of man, and not God. That's the problem with your holy, Christian life. If you already had begun your life with God, you should avoid the desires of man. That is what I recommend you to do.
My parents are the polar opposite of this, they never really taught me how to step out of my comfort zone or work on something difficult. They let me just play video games all the time as a kid and didn't try to make me do something else. The only thing they slightly pressured me to do is get good grades, not even brainwashing or getting angry at me. They just said it was important and I felt a little bit guilty for not doing it, and it worked, I've been a good student with just that little nudge. I was naturally interested in science as a kid and now I'm passionate about that, but I cannot seem to put in the hard work to study/practice it despite loving it. It is so weird. My brain simply cannot just do something even slightly uncomfortable, like doing a few pages of easy homework, working out, playing a sport, or talking to people that I am not familiar with. I only do things when I am threatened by something like a deadline or anger/social expectation from someone else. I'm working on it but that upbringing really fucks you up like the way yours did, even if its the opposite treatment
@@oreo_6206 I've never been diagnosed or tested for anything.. I wonder if I get tested I can get the help I need instead of trying to do everything myself. When I do get to doing work via pressure I do it incredibly well and don't get distracted. I can easily pay attention to conversations and pay attention to my professors. So I don't know if its ADHD, but I might be wrong. Anything else I could have is just as valid though
this is extremely relatable. the wechat groupchats, lying to CPS, and blaming yourself as a child for abuse. i always thought if i was smarter, better, or what they wanted, they wouldnt beat me. my asian friends went thru the same stuff. thank u for simply speaking out about it because it does so much good.
I’m not even Asian but I lived through the same nonetheless. Beware or traditional Spanish-speaking families, many of them are literally just like that! And I know it from experience! The parallels are just ridiculous… My parents too bubble themselves into social circles of immigrants. But speaking of myself, I am 17 now and I have several traumas. It reached the point of becoming suicidal and having to move out of my parents’ home just so I could start healing again. I relate with so much: The piano classes which I dropped from really quick, supposedly having to live up to an image of perfection and so much more. And my parents also told me not to be like other children who “waste their time having friends”, as they used to say. So to this day, I struggle with any kind of social interaction. And the fact that I was bullied before by people who were jealous at me for being “so perfect” makes all of this so much worse. And contrarily to my parent’s expectations, they made it harder for me to achieve these things on purpose just so they had a reason to punish me because it literally made them happy. Yes, that’s right, it literally makes them happy to hurt their own children! Unfortunately, my mind has become more and more like my parents and my siblings literally copied my parents’ terrible behavior. It was only when I was 15 that I discovered philosophy, read a dystopian book in English class and came freshly back from the Covid pandemic that I realized I was just following my parents’ steps naïvely and blindly. I am very happy to be out of this now, but I have to admit, the consequences are severe! This video essentially encapsulates my life so far, despite coming from an entirely different cultural and geographical background. You might be saving lives with this video, and saying that isn’t even exaggerated! I mean it, you are a life-saver for some people for sure! Greetings from Germany. And to anyone who reads this, please don’t kill yourself!
@@trwn87 well,you may have broke the cycle, because the first step is to realize that you're acting the way your parents are, and so you successfully did it, hopefully you can continue it and heal completely from your trauma!
I can relate to this. I'm Asian myself and during my high school summers, I used to take every summer course possible to get ahead of others just to feel good of being ahead. It didn't make much of a difference at the end of the day because when school started, I was half-way burnt out already.
I can relate to this part where you said, "all the other kids playing and having fun during their childhoods and developing socially, those kids will end up homeless". That is exactly what my dad told me.
I feel you bro. The angriest my dad ever was, which I very clearly remember was on November 12, 2022. 2 days after my birthday. Why did he get angry? for one of the stupidest things you will ever hear. "I didn't eat my chicken wings with a fork." I told him, "why would I do that? it would be so hard to eat with that." After that while I continued to eat, For the remainder of the dinner, My dad was criticizing and making fun of me and ranting how I didn't eat with it with my mom. When I started crying because of how harsh he was being over something so stupid, he shouted at me so loudly and dragged my upstairs. When I went to confront him, I was so angry that when I talked, he thought I was talking nonsense. He then accused me that I can't speak, Im dumb and a bad boy, and said I had to say sorry to him?? WHAT??? My dad was so aggressive that my mom was begging him to stop, but he overpowered her. after that, I made sure to tell everyone in my school and almost anyone I knew about what he had done. When he eventually found out I was telling people about this horrible behavior, he punished me even more. threatening to remove me from my current school if I didn't do (I forgot cause this was 2 years ago). Yeah, my experience.
Thanks for sharing your story. I know a Chinese mother who moved her child to Germany because she doesn't want him to grow up in this culture of fierce academic competition and an overload of school work.
I'm eastern european and my mother was high demanding. Children here mostly start learning reading at 7 years old and obviously sometimes it takes a year to perfect those abilities. My mother was beating the shit out of me for not being able to read when i was 4. I was at kindergarden that time and just started to learn letters and after school she was beating me and pushing me to praktice, sometimes for bad answer she would lock me in the dark living room for like 30 minutes up to hour. All vacationes i had to read childrens books. Therefore i started to read very fluently when I was 4. During school she was beating me for being bad at math but she herself didn't know how to teach me so she was unsuccessful. I had to be the best student in the class and one of the best in my primary school where there were 1000 students. Through beating, mental violence and giving tons of punishment i was at the top of my primary school, middle school, even highschool. I developed depression when I was 17. I didn't have friends during highand middle school bcs nobody wanted to befriend ugly nerd girl who couldn't go to the club/party/cinema bcs she had to study. Bcs of my mother's high standards i passed not good enough my highschool exams (bcs I had to be the best at EVERY class i was unable to focus only on subjects i wanted to pass during exams). I obviously didn't go to study medicine but medical biotechnology so she was complaining all the time even if again i was the best at course. She was laughing and punishing me so much for my low passed chemistry highschool exam. Fast forward i am now 24 and doing phD in chemistry (which i started to love), i moved to another city and life's much better but sometimes i wish i could cut contact with my controlling mother for at least few months bcs i can't stand her when she's calling or visiting
She really isn’t your mother. A mother teaches, nourishes, unconditionally loves and appreciates their kid and disciplines appropriately. She should be behind bars.
Even if my parents are both chinese, I was never really pushed as hard as you say. One of the reasons my dad moved to Canada was because he disliked the educational system back in China and how strict many parents were.
Sorry to hear this bro. Your video about physics spoke to me. It is very brave to speak about how you were wronged by your parents, and I hope you can find healing and discover your true sense of self.
I have to admit, some pressure on you to succeed isn't much of a big deal. Everyone can handle some pressure which is OK, but sometimes parents really want to take it to a new level and give you a LOT more pressure which can just ruin you and your health. I'm sorry that you went through that, hope you are doing well now :D
Very good narration. I went through something similar. I am old now. I was never able to recover and have lived alone in the countryside with my dog for the past 22 years. I regret spending the time and effort attempting to become somewhat normal and fit in society and trying find a partner.
Wow that sounds rough. It is tough to fit into society after going through this kind of stuff, I've experienced it as well. I hope u are finding some peace out in nature tho
just wow I am also asian and I can relate to most of what you said to a certain extent. Where I live, everyone wants their child to be the best and my biggest misfortune was that I realized this toxicity late because everyone was Asian and everyone worked hard like I did (There were almost no children in the playgrounds because they were attending the weekend courses you mentioned.) so I didn't have to look at other kids and compare myself. After learning English, I discovered the other side of RUclips and everyone was talking about Asian parenting and it was really shocking because I had never thought of it like that before. Now I am a senior in high school and this time i can truly feel my parent support It wasn't easy to get to this point. There were a lot of fights and disappointments, but it's better than nothing.
I am Asain but not really Asian. Like my parents were supportive of me getting a B sometimes. Now they remove letter grades. Like I have a hard time in school. I grew up only with only 1 parrent. Like when I do a DNA test I am 10% Eroupean. Also people say you don't look Asain your eyes are big. Like my parents didn't force me to do anything just what I could do. I grew up very religious though.
1:59, a huge problem is people keep buiying into the mindset of that "oh there is a course, send them to that course", isntead of just letting the child play and develop and try out their own cocktail to really appreciate their abilty to create and not just copy and paste, this is how you turn a potential Mozart to a regular normie
Exactly. Better to let people develop based on their own unique strengths and interests than trying to manufacture "success" in a copy and paste kind of way.
@@official_awei I'm Chinese too bro, from HK, piano was also forced upon me and my mum kept gaslighting me that it was me who asked to take piano lessons but I had no memory of it, she did it just to guilt trip me for not playing a certain amount of hours each day and passing those exams, even though engineering has always been my passion, they at the point of application to uni, tried to just fit me into the norm of civil engineering that is the norm in HK for stable government job with good pay, which wasn't my interest at all and I'm glad I did for once discard their shadow on me and changed it to mechanical engineering, despite I think I would enjoy physics more, among my many other interests, I had to fight the people whom are supposed to provide support instead of shoving me into the manufacture line
I used to have an ambition for becoming an architect, but since my father decided to be dumb and hit me for no reason. I decided to revenge myself by becoming a political leader in the future.
Just signed up for your Patreon. You went through hell and are stronger because of it. You are helping and will help a lot of young people. You’re an inspiration, brother. Left this comment on the last video, but it got buried (a good sign-a lot of people are watching your vids!).
It ended with me hating my own family. And I won't sugarcoat it. I have SEVERE hatred to every single Asian species... Doesn't matter what country, this hatred I feel was the result of the upbringing I experienced... and then the cycle of denial and anger... made me question if my family did love me... genuinely. A word about them, and I try to be as polite and kind as possible. I don't wish any ill-will on any Asian who suffered like this too, but... this has to be called out, and as an African quote once said: "A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth." I know this falls into the category of abuse. No, this practice falls into abusive parenting. This is not culture. It's a breeding ground for abusive people. Look at the economy now. It's collapsing. What's this success gonna do, when we CAN'T EVEN FIND A GOOD PAYING JOB, IN A HORRIBLE DEN OF LIARS? 7:36 - This is catching on to me. Fast. I lose these "proper soft skills" needed to talk to people, because all my comfort zone was inside my brain. It was an escape from EVERYTHING, not responsibility and facing maturity, but from family and the rest of the world. It was almost overwhelming, to the point I rather want everyone to just disappear... and have me live. The greatest irony is the Asian parents asking "Why I can't talk to people properly?" Well, who do you think locked me up inside and forced me to keep studying, when I am OLD enough to crave for social interaction myself?
Understandable. Academics don’t teach anything but how to memorize useless facts such as “The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” long enough to pass a test, or to hate writing term papers. Nothing useful to learn for the most part. Grades just reflect your ability to memorize information and how obedient you can be.
@princessmarlena1359 That's a dark turn. Funny how we were taught not to worry about mere numbers, but then Asia is NOTORIOUS for worrying about social status and literally everything.
I feel it’s a cycle really, because I know those parents growing up got the same treatment from their parents, so now they do the same parenting to their children, and also since they are talking to other parents like them, they don’t realize that this parenting is not good
@@luisshorts. It gets dark pretty fast, I can tell. Just feeding the trauma until what? Until society collapses? No one has even brought actual parenting education to the continent, and if they do, it's gonna be shrugged off as some "Western propaganda" or something.
I’m sorry how you didn’t get to do these things as I was heavily pushed on grades. I would get 1 question wrong and I would get a lecture. My mom preferred me to be perfect, but she is still a good mom and we still have fun! Thanks for telling me this so now every kid that doesn’t want to talk I try to help them because I know something bad happened.
You are so brave for sharing your story❤I have been in a similar journey of detaching my self-worth from academic performance, it is tough. Sending love from the DR🇩🇴
I’m kinda lucky I have Asian parents that don’t get mad if I have bad grades unless i get like a 0 on a test which I wouldn’t get,but I get to pick activities I want to do
Well im not even asian but im West Indian but i get 80s and 90s sometimes but rarely hundreds and i have like a 75% in 7th grade math 😃💀 At least my parents are a little proud 😅😅😅
I think it also ties to the personality of us being genuinely competitive or not Tiger parents only works when a kid is competitive in literally everything. Most of us will be competitive in one or two things and laid back on many others Parents suppose to observe that and apply appropriate type of support, most importantly better ask their little half self whether or not we like to be competitive (tutor route) or laid back (stress reliever hobby route) So many parents failed to do that incuding mine. This video spoken the perfect example of that. Thanks for the vid man
Your life is short and time is limited, don't waste it living someone else's life. It's truly saddening to see how many people nowadays are being ruined by harsh and bad parenting. Raising a child should be genuinely caring for their well-being and desires, not training them to be the perfect trophy that you can show off to others. I'm so glad you managed to break free of the restraints your parents put on you and rediscover what truly means to you in life. Wish you the best in life and hope you can find peace and comfort, you deserve it.❤
If I have a kid in the future, I will try to find ways to make revisions as fun as playing games. I hope I can find ways to release dopamine while studying.
My Asian parents are the kind who care very much about my grades but they acctually help me in a good way they acctually help me get good grades unlike other Asian parents am thankful to them
I’m also an asian with asian parents, they always pressured me so much, saying I have to go to “competitions” and so much more, they kept adding more clubs for me, when i was a teenager, they didn’t let me hangout with friends, they always said bad stuffs about my friends, and I don’t have social skills, it’s down the drain, with all this pressure and stress so much, I lost so much hair too, and the worst part is, I developed so much mental illnesses…Schizophrenia, anorexia, Depression, social anxiety, ADHD, OCD, PTSD- and making me go suicidal with lots of suicide attempts…it’s just I’m all ruined…I’m tired..
My dad’s friend died because of the pressure like this forced on him that’s why now my parents know not to treat me like this. And want to give me the fullest of life. My parents put only a slight bit of pressure on me to get good grades but if I get bad grades they just help me review it and understand it
Seriously??? I tried searching up articles of similar sorts but I couldn't find anything even remotely similar to someone dying from pressure like that. That must have been some EXTREME stress dude. Edit: I think I understand what "died from pressure" means now.
I'm hispanic, specifically from Mexico and my parents specially my mom used to be a bit too much strict but then realised how bad that can be and relaxed! And yes i can kinda relate to your story but not to that extreme, my parents sometimes without knowing kinda put a bit more pressure than necessary but not to that extreme thank God i had good chill Hispanic parents that aren't abusive like others
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope now you get to take care of yourself and you get to do the things you love with no pressure. I was always an A+ student and got through University, but I was very hard on myself. I wanted to prove to others I’m smart, creative and can be successful. I make sure to spend time with friends or family now. I’d say my career got off to a rocky start due to the crappy job market but at least I am working multiple jobs. I am planning to study a STEM subject and hoping it will lead to better opportunities. Of course, I will make sure to take breaks and not pressure myself too much.
I think what it is is the immigrant mentality honestly, like alot of chinese parents immigrated to America with little money and had to fight hard to survive, and that they want to secure their kids a stable and/or secure future. My parents have given up on me honestly, they just tell me that "I can't blame them in the future for not pushing me hard enough". This has made it pretty clear that they want the best for me, as I've made it clear that I wouldn't put any blame on them and they haven't really cared much. I think your parents are definitely very on the extremist side of things though, as I never ended up calling the cops on them or anything like that. Good video- it really inspires me to do something I'm passionate about and not just something held to a high regard by society- though I haven't found thing that yet.
When I was in 5th grade, I had a natural talent for playing the trumpet. My band director requested I get extra lessons beside school. It was EXACTLY the same thing you described for your piano lessons only it was for trumpet, it killed my ability to play with confidence. all it managed to do was make me the slightest bit better and give me anxiety about talking one on one with another teacher. I still play the trumpet, but it's just not as fun as it used to be. I'm waiting till something fun happens.
The only time you should ever be FORCED to do art is if you're doing commissions, and even then, you always have the choice to deny the client if you're not comfortable drawing what they want.
Thanks for speaking!! Even if I didn't pass through this (being Italian), it makes me not sad and neither horrified, but hopeless that this problem wouldn't be talked too much. Hearing you, I feel like this will open the eyes of people. I hope you now live a happy and plenty life and mostly you can now focus on yourself and your new passions. I am sorry for what was happened to you. Your sincerely Indospinus
as a 10 year old i couldn't even think of such horrible parenting, I get 9's and 10's and 8's but I'm terribly sorry for your childhood, imagine having to 100% every test or else you think you are an idiot, I'm so sorry, like really
You’re on a good path now man. Playing catch-up with social skills is brutal but just keep at it. I’m happy to hear that you woke up now instead of years into a career that was draining your soul so there’s at least that…though I’m sure you feel like you’ve lost a lot of time. All the societal pressure to perform at a high-level is so stupid when you really look into it. Like then, what? We all just collectively get better and work harder to outcompete each other and see who can be the most miserable? Line must go up?! 😂 humans need to evolve past this. There’s gotta be more to life. Anyways, just a rant of a comment for the algo.
As a Korean American raised under near identical circumstances. It’s worse when both of your sisters got accepted into Harvard and your parents are expressing disappointment at thanksgiving dinner requesting you apply for bachelors degree so they can complete the set of 3 Harvard educated children. Despite being 28years old, an officer in the army reserves and having a PharmD.
i think you're very educated and successful, and thank you for doing important work (i assume as a pharmacist with the military? idk, i'm curious about that). i wonder why some parents obsess so much over specific universities when the world is so big.
Bro you got my support, keep going, i belive that ibetween the age of 20 and 25 it's our time to discover ourselves, it's a whole process but it's worth it in the end. God bless you man, stay strong.
this video was very insightful. thankyou for sharing your experience, I often get jealous of people who seem to have it all together but someone being honest about how they feel has made me realize some of the things you were internalizing I have also been internalizing though I wasn't experiencing the level of side effects you were. I hope your future is bright and that you are able to find things that inspire you and make you enjoy working hard and that you don't peruse them out of insecurity.
I love your video so much teaching a valuable lesson. The lesson I have learned is to challenge ourselves a little outside comfort zone with the right mindset without taking unnecessary risks. I have two Chinese parents who are software engineers, but I want to grow up and become an anesthesiologist and choreographer because I am not really competitive with what I love to do. Instead, I believe in collaboration of expressing our best self. My parents now support what I love doing as my majors.
im asian, and my parents dont do that, but i am SO sorry for what you were going thru. with art it was kinda my elementary schools fault because the school forced us to do art to fill up one period. because my parents werent strict in middle school (right now) i got student of the month this week. this should be an example of what asian parents should be like. not the immigrant mentality of "if you arent perfect you are out". thank you for this video, this really humbled me as an asian person.
Parents know what’s best, but if it’s pushed to or even past the limit, it may hurt or at least affect the child’s childhood or memories or even future life
I'm an Asian, and yes. Asian's parents are very strict. I lose my confident and dream since i was 6. I'm now just 12. I'm like being the class' 1st quiet kid and I don't like that. I always try to be confident and outgoing so I can have more friends, *but i can't,* I lose myself.
my parents were somewhat like this (i'm from vietnam). Pressuring about studies, long piano lessons, etc. But they all did this because they loved me wholeheartedly. They wanted me to try new things, be more proactive, make more friends. Asides from studying alot, they would also encourage me to go outside and talk to people, socalize. And i love them for it. All in all, my asian parents are on the fine line of strict asian and healthy supportive parents
I grew up in philippines, technically an asian but not as competitive as the others. Still, i found some of my classmates crying that they really need grades despite seeming like the average filipino. I myself never felt forced to do anything except chores and family events, and i never had friends to encourage or help me, so i pretty much laid back in school getting average grades that wouldnt give you a good job, at least until the final year of high school where i finally felt determined.
Dear all Asian kids going thru this - Tell your parents this. My unemployed 57 year old Chinese sibling is an Ivy Phd with an MBA to boot. Sibling put their family on the back burner and prioritized academics. Sibling parented their children the same way they were parented - like the poor guy in the video. Sibling's spouse divorced them and the kids refuse to be in contact with them. Alas, their inability to socialize and be a team player eroded career prospects. That fancy PhD cost so much and I am not talking dollars.
I’ve heard of this happening even to non Asians. So sick of parents who expect the world of their kids just to satisfy their own egos or because they went through this abuse and think it’s okay to do it to their own kids.
@@princessmarlena1359 It is even worse than you think because many of these parents are terminally insecure about their own failures and project it on to their own kids. In the case of asians it is even worse as there is this stigma against getting professional mental health counseling because to them it translates as "You are one step closer to going to a mental ward and locked up in a cell" when in reality it is just talking to someone who will give you suggestions to change your lifestyle for the better. Insecurity is one of the leading mental health problems not in just asian kids but also in their parents to the point that it is a genuine health crisis, but no one knows because all of those afflicted are just keeping it bottled up due to the stigma, until one of them finally snaps. This is how you get these "revenge against society" attacks and people who let the intrusive thoughts win. You know it is bad when a kid literally tied their mother to a chair as revenge for all the stuff they went through because of their parents pushing them to the brink. And the worst part? The kid just up and left her bound in that chair to expire two weeks later because thats how little their parents mean to them after all that was done to them by the parents.
As an asian kid who grew up from a middle class family with family problems, I really want to live a life where parents would spent a huge amount of money for my interest and academic. I'd have lived a really good life if my parents can support this much. I guess different experience for different people. To me, money was the main problem in my life. My parents can't support much to my interests and academic. I have to worry about the uncertain future. I like programming and I learned coding since like 6th grade. I seriously start learning on programming in 16. One of my friends got interest into programming and started learning. Normally, you need to get a degree and go aboard. He got a degree and went aboard easily becuz his parents can support that much. I didn't cuz I have to support my family. Getting a degree takes a lot of money. I could have done so much things I wanted to if I had enough money. I'd perfer living your life instead of having to be careful of how much money I can use for eating.
Thank You so much for sharing your experience and I know how it feels like to live in a household with high expectations and values. Plus, Sending you deep support and you are a strong young man
Bro that’s literally my life(other than the art school, though my parents have thought about it but every time they asked me to take art classes I said no because I was scared that if I took art classes then I’d start to hate art kinda like you did)
Mostly chinese children according to some RUclips videos, but not me. Some comments saying it's not learning it was control and memorization. And I don't know if some Americans said college was a scam. That's why I enrolled to see the reality on Philippines.
as a asian my mom was from Thailand and my mom is like ok as long as you try your best and don't get a F - I'm good. my parents gave me so much freedom bro.
I am literally Asian and my dad said the exact same thing "people who are playing around will never succeed in life " that was what my dad constantly says he also compared to me to other kids
I feel you bruh, due to too much studying too much we haven’t even taught about our mental health, let’s always take care of ourselves and prioritize our well being
I am so sorry to hear that you had to go thru all of that. The fact that the way your parents treated you was so severe that it left a mark on you and gave you the belief to just continue pushing yourself over your limits. And for people who are concerned for the kids of Asian households, you don't have to worry because I grew up with a normal childhood without getting pushed to excel academically, only having to do up to my best to make me and my parents proud. I could imagine the trauma left on the children treated like that, Asian or not. Parents like that are shitty parents, making children do things for their own satisfaction. I'm glad that there's lot's of help for badly treated kids in my area. I hope you were able to recover from that, and everyone should be pursuing their passions and dreams. Cheers from Singapore !!
Couldn't relate more to the art thing I also loved to draw,but when my mom inrolled me into a drawing school. I was continuously beratted by the art teacher for not "being talented" Being told what to draw made art lose its magic
I am a South Korean and I was not raised like this, probably the opposite but I know few people around me who are raised such ways. Two of them, both are females, they always seem so tired all the time. I cannot imagine living without creating something I want to create and yet some of the people have literally nothing in their life but forced studies the entire day, it is saddening to watch that such parents still exist these days
This is exactly what I'm facing right now. I've been pushed by my parents a lot to the point where this video is like a mirror to my soul. It's also at that mark where do my best not to show interest for anything to try to avoid the constant pressure and if I do have interests, I keep it to myself and pursue it through other means rather than asking my parents to help me pursue it, cause I'd get stuck in the same loop that Alex here faced
First of all, I can relate myself to this situation at 2:35. Whenever I like something to do, my family just forces me to do it more and just start hating it so bad even though they aren't Asian entirely. Secondly, I used to love math in elementary school, but over the years, when I started seeing calculus math olympiad questions, very hard geometry questions that I could no longer solve it anymore etc. I just lost my appetite to interest and curiousity. I guess, I'm quite failure not being able to adapt what I used to like. Anyway, thank you for your video. I really appreciate it.
U got great courage to share your story. let me share mine At the kindergarden, i was not that much bright because i was in a private school that squeeze your blood.later my parent transfer me to a government school. Did to better environment my grades went up like it even makes me suprise till today(like a student that barely pass on exam to topping whole school with 95+%).Due to that people start having huge expectation with me, and i tried to maintain my position. this went on for next 4 yrs were i kept my position, but on one test , i got really sick due to TB(tuberclosis) because of thatmy grade drop down and i barely passed and i found that people were making fun of me even knowing my condition, and my parent started to become more paranoid due to that. After these incident i realize the fact , reading and pushing myself till i got sick was not worth for making people around me happy. then i started to make minimun effort on exams. i didnt do anything, this led my parent to beome physical to me so i ran from my home multiple times , stayed on my friend house. started demanding my parent(never told then where did my friend live) if they wont comply withmy demand they never seeing me. this made a huge shock on then and i gradually "trained" them not to make any unresonable demand with me. And now they never ask me to do anything without my complyi can sure say my parent werenot as paranoid as your but i think i was able to make them to reason with me that was a w for me. But i think parent should not have any unresonable demand to their children , they should know it is not their life , it is children , let them do what ever they want, help them when they stumble on any obstacle but never gate keep they by saying "We r thinking about your life and we want to see you happy on your future" because of this i really hate "future" as a term.
Im an Asian, I’m so grateful I have parents who actually support my efforts instead of overpressuring me. It’s crazy on how these parents are, heck! They DON’T deserve to be parents!
There comes a day when most of us realize that we are nothing but bags of carbon compounds and water with a shelf life of roughly 70 years. No matter how high your math scores are or how skilled you are at playing piano, the Reaper comes for all.
Remember not all asians are like that, I'm Asian and my parents support me in everything I like, I'm really bad at math anyway but for those who experience the same thing like the video, I'm really sorry you had to go through that and i'm proud of whoever you are
Life is about overcoming adversity and enjoying the adventure, I think it’s a great mindset to seek out strength and mold yourself into the best version that you can be(not perfect). But the thing with this parenting style you’re talking about is that. It’s more or less turning us into mindless slaves that only follows a certain rule and never really bring anything new to the table. You can think of society as a jungle, everything exists in equilibrium. Every plants and animals have their own purposes not matter how big or small. The tigers control the deer population from over grazing and the vultures control the spread of any harmful diseases from corpses. If this world only has Einsteins, then how on earth are we gonna do anything else aside from science? We really need to change this harmful logic into something that encourages strength and competition, while still being fun and diverse. Very insightful video!
@@yanisgribissa2057 I would say, when you reach perfection. It’s when a certain problem doesn’t affect you anymore, like walking. It was a pain in the ass for all of us at first but it longer affects us anymore. However they’ll always be new obstacles to keep you engaged in life. So you don’t become perfect, but superior to who you once were. But great statement!
I have great parents so I dont know what you went through but from hearing this video it feels like complete hell on Earth. The entire Asian parent stereotype is quite a lot but actually having to deal with it through your entire childhood is actually crazy. You’re stronger than me.
I really like your videos, you are a very captivating speaker. Would love to hear what came next- how did you rediscover yourself and so on.. Funny, that I had similar childhood being eastern european. I remember looking out the window seeing kids playing outside and going back to study and tend to my depressed mother while my father would work and except only A+ from me. I suffered many mental breakdowns in uni because of the pressure I was under and it took me 10 years to recover. Now my family hates me. So, that' my reward I guess. One small other thing- I dont really feel like the AI generated images are working. They are killing the vibe. Any stock image would be better. Waiting on other videos!
I took a lot of classes since I was a child. I grew up to have lots of problems in communicating, especially when I have to describe things. Because I literally have no one to talk and explain things to, even my mother would say I yap too much, I shut up and studied quietly. And I usually didn’t ask the teacher any questions because the lessons were kinda easy. So I don’t have to speak many sentences in a day. Later on I became shy and sucks at wording things, even if I wanted to write a 500 words essay in what I’ve been through I could only say that life kinda sucks. I finished piano grade 8 but mom wants me to continue to the highest degree, while I MUST be a medical student or else she’s gonna leave me forever. I also took Chinese class but ends up being expected to take HSK6 (I was tricked lmao, she said just take it for fun). Art class, ballet, dancing,singing. And there’s lotsss of pressure on me, lots of stress just because my mother said I had talents in everything I do. But now I just don’t know what I want to do with life anymore. It’s boring (If what I said does not make sense, please understand that it does not make sense to me too
Thank you for sharing your story to the rest of the world. Many of us who grow in traditional Asian households have experienced this traumatic form of mental abuse for many years, but I’m glad it’s getting more limelight now. I hope you recover from your trauma as soon as possible and wish you the very best in life. Lots of success and mental peace and know you’re not alone. This is a battle for all of us to change the orthodox mentality of society, and it’s one we will definitely succeed in. You should try exploring more about the universe and outer space and I’m sure you will get lots of great opportunities at space X or NASA or just conduct independent research because space is really fascinating. Don’t give up. Best wishes !! Stay blessed
this story is so familiar(because it's also my story) my parents are less extreme. it's actually more about my teacher forced me than my parents right now sitll in highschool. I focus less on being perfect and I try to do every homeworks as much as possible if I can't do it all in one go I'll just do it tomorrow, and I joined a school club that I'm interested in and that was pretty fun, I have lots of friends that often help me a lot. my grade has gotten better. I also need to learn to manage myself emotionally I have a plan to move to canada or maybe australia hopes life is getting better for you now too. wait your parents did what to you??! that was so bad
Hey man, I’ve been going through a rough time lately but luckily the algorithm blessed me with this video, and I think it’s because I watched one of your other vidoes and subscribed. As someone in a position very similar to yours, I really needed this video. Thank you.
Im sorry for your suffering, atleast you are free now which is good honestly, not all asian parents act like that because mine do not expect perfect grades but atleast expect good grades, even if I get a low grade, they would often help me on my studies and even reward me if I do very well on my test, they also motivate me even more despite them being strict.
If you've enjoyed the video and scrolled down to the comments, please like, subscribe, and leave a comment if possible... It only takes a few seconds and genuinely helps me out a ton, thanks!
Also, if you'd like to support the channel and get in touch with me one-on-one for any reason, feel free to join me over on patreon.com/AlexWei
👑
I feel you have gift in doing “smart” things
If you know what i mean..
Good video, but let me suggest an improvement. Don't use AI generated images, just use free stock footage. It looks so goofy it undermines the very serious topics you talk about.
@@tonnentonie2767true
Studying isn't suffering, especially before high school. There is an exam to get into "good high schools" here in Turkey, just like ones in Korea or China, and you have to study for it for at least 12 months before (if you want to be successful), and during that period you do nothing but study, but you get used to it in, like, a month. The piano and art stories were really sad, though. 🐺(Turkish nationalist symbol)
The Asian parent stereotype is always joked about online but it’s a serious physical and mental struggle for a lot of kids
Yeah it really is, I'm definitely not the only one
Fr.
Yeah and it's really annoying how people brush it off as "normal", and people with those parents feel they have bragging rights, like no dude you were abused. I'm really glad my parents are different.
tell me about it im still a kid and have an asian mom she always takes my brothers side and never mine so I am forced to work harder and harder the only thing stopping more cruel things happening is my dad he's british and is always on both sides so my brother and me are still in a good relationship but it is the sterotype which breaks me I am called ching chong everyday or they sing racial songs about asian peole and One day I got headlocked for that and nearly lost concious or potentially my life. stop it now you people doing this to others and not only asians
You needed cps from birth bro
“No human being was meant to live the way I was raised” ….me and you both brother. I’m sorry for your suffering.
U as well. Hope things are well in ur life!
I hope you guys find healing
Just don't be Asian 🤷🏼
That's not something you can choose@@Drakesbiggestfan39
@@Drakesbiggestfan39 "oh yeah let me pick where i wanna be born. Hmm.. oh yeah europe, perfect place to be born. Thankfully i can pick exactly where i wanna be born!"
Do you think we're god?
My Mom used to try to tutor me in math.. She was from Vietnam, so being bad at math was a BIG problem to her. She was extremely impatient, unclear, and our study sessions would often end in fights. Study sessions would go on for hours on end, on vacations, weekends, and would prevent me from doing any actual homework. Edit: It was the main priority in our relationship, and she discouraged me from pursuing other interests because she was so obsessed with school - I didn't even have a job until I turned 18. She wouldn't even allow me to do homework the way I wanted to do it (listening to music while studying, only doing it for 2 hours). I had a lot of anger and mental issues growing up because of it, which only stopped when she realized what she was doing was wrong.
I hate school now, and won't marry an Asian woman because I don't want my children to go through what I went through. I feel you man. Culture or no, no child should have to go through that.
Sorry to hear about what u went through. I actually feel the same way when it comes to not marrying an Asian woman lmao
Are you implying that all asian women are like this?
@@Drakesbiggestfan39 "Drakes Biggest Fan" with an anime profile picture. This one screams "Mom's Basement"
@@Drakesbiggestfan39 seen this @Drakesbiggestfan39 guy before lmaoooo. Known troll, probably smells like musk and doesn't have a girlfriend
Same happened to me
Talent is like a seedling, water it too little and it will shrivel up water it too much and will drown.
Wow that's a great quote...
@@official_aweiwhat do you mean by the thumbnail no A+ no dinner?
@@Luke-f1emeans that if you get anything less than a A+, you’ll get punished with no dinner
average
below average
something like that, I forget the rest.
@@ArmE853 how do I get A+
15:10 “But if you make money, and you enjoy it, then who gives a fuck?”
Words to live by
Good high paying job with good friends is peak life
Actually, nevermind. A good life *is* peak.
"But if you make money, and you enjoy it-". This is what I really don't like about this. Imagine you're a Christian, you're living your life (if u know, u know), and you suddenly get money, and you enjoy it, and you slowly drift away from God, eventually doing the desires of man, and not God. That's the problem with your holy, Christian life. If you already had begun your life with God, you should avoid the desires of man. That is what I recommend you to do.
@mylarodeo1986 i do agree, but how eat? Pick berries in a forest? And where to sleep and stay?
My parents are the polar opposite of this, they never really taught me how to step out of my comfort zone or work on something difficult. They let me just play video games all the time as a kid and didn't try to make me do something else. The only thing they slightly pressured me to do is get good grades, not even brainwashing or getting angry at me. They just said it was important and I felt a little bit guilty for not doing it, and it worked, I've been a good student with just that little nudge.
I was naturally interested in science as a kid and now I'm passionate about that, but I cannot seem to put in the hard work to study/practice it despite loving it. It is so weird.
My brain simply cannot just do something even slightly uncomfortable, like doing a few pages of easy homework, working out, playing a sport, or talking to people that I am not familiar with. I only do things when I am threatened by something like a deadline or anger/social expectation from someone else. I'm working on it but that upbringing really fucks you up like the way yours did, even if its the opposite treatment
Real I have severe adhd and function similarly to that
Relatable
@@oreo_6206 I've never been diagnosed or tested for anything.. I wonder if I get tested I can get the help I need instead of trying to do everything myself.
When I do get to doing work via pressure I do it incredibly well and don't get distracted. I can easily pay attention to conversations and pay attention to my professors. So I don't know if its ADHD, but I might be wrong. Anything else I could have is just as valid though
Similar background to yours. It makes it hard to develop healthy habits. At least we know our passion is our own and any success belongs to us alone.
Me too
this is extremely relatable. the wechat groupchats, lying to CPS, and blaming yourself as a child for abuse. i always thought if i was smarter, better, or what they wanted, they wouldnt beat me. my asian friends went thru the same stuff. thank u for simply speaking out about it because it does so much good.
Of course, and sorry to hear what your friends had to go thru
Damn, I pray to y'all that experience this that it will be better and no those of comparing and forcing your child to get good grades 🙏
I’m not even Asian but I lived through the same nonetheless. Beware or traditional Spanish-speaking families, many of them are literally just like that! And I know it from experience! The parallels are just ridiculous… My parents too bubble themselves into social circles of immigrants.
But speaking of myself, I am 17 now and I have several traumas. It reached the point of becoming suicidal and having to move out of my parents’ home just so I could start healing again. I relate with so much: The piano classes which I dropped from really quick, supposedly having to live up to an image of perfection and so much more. And my parents also told me not to be like other children who “waste their time having friends”, as they used to say. So to this day, I struggle with any kind of social interaction. And the fact that I was bullied before by people who were jealous at me for being “so perfect” makes all of this so much worse.
And contrarily to my parent’s expectations, they made it harder for me to achieve these things on purpose just so they had a reason to punish me because it literally made them happy. Yes, that’s right, it literally makes them happy to hurt their own children!
Unfortunately, my mind has become more and more like my parents and my siblings literally copied my parents’ terrible behavior. It was only when I was 15 that I discovered philosophy, read a dystopian book in English class and came freshly back from the Covid pandemic that I realized I was just following my parents’ steps naïvely and blindly. I am very happy to be out of this now, but I have to admit, the consequences are severe!
This video essentially encapsulates my life so far, despite coming from an entirely different cultural and geographical background. You might be saving lives with this video, and saying that isn’t even exaggerated! I mean it, you are a life-saver for some people for sure!
Greetings from Germany. And to anyone who reads this, please don’t kill yourself!
I'm glad you've gotten better and are breaking the cycle.
@@meriambenabdallah9495 Thank you! Though to be honest, I feel like I didn‘t just yet. I need to do more.
@@trwn87 well,you may have broke the cycle, because the first step is to realize that you're acting the way your parents are, and so you successfully did it, hopefully you can continue it and heal completely from your trauma!
I can relate to this. I'm Asian myself and during my high school summers, I used to take every summer course possible to get ahead of others just to feel good of being ahead. It didn't make much of a difference at the end of the day because when school started, I was half-way burnt out already.
Yeah lmao those summer courses are wild. I didn't know u had a similar story, and nice to hear from u as always.
@@official_awei I had a similar story with you too, but when I have enough money, i would marry a non-Asian women.
I can relate to this part where you said, "all the other kids playing and having fun during their childhoods and developing socially, those kids will end up homeless". That is exactly what my dad told me.
We got gaslighted by out parents lmao
Most bullshit thing I've ever heard💀
I wanna enjoy my life instead of being controlled by a school which is designed to squeeze kids out of their souls and humanity.
I feel you bro. The angriest my dad ever was, which I very clearly remember was on November 12, 2022. 2 days after my birthday. Why did he get angry? for one of the stupidest things you will ever hear. "I didn't eat my chicken wings with a fork." I told him, "why would I do that? it would be so hard to eat with that." After that while I continued to eat, For the remainder of the dinner, My dad was criticizing and making fun of me and ranting how I didn't eat with it with my mom. When I started crying because of how harsh he was being over something so stupid, he shouted at me so loudly and dragged my upstairs. When I went to confront him, I was so angry that when I talked, he thought I was talking nonsense. He then accused me that I can't speak, Im dumb and a bad boy, and said I had to say sorry to him?? WHAT??? My dad was so aggressive that my mom was begging him to stop, but he overpowered her. after that, I made sure to tell everyone in my school and almost anyone I knew about what he had done. When he eventually found out I was telling people about this horrible behavior, he punished me even more. threatening to remove me from my current school if I didn't do (I forgot cause this was 2 years ago). Yeah, my experience.
@@sphereplays Woah damn bro. sorry to hear that.
Thanks for sharing your story. I know a Chinese mother who moved her child to Germany because she doesn't want him to grow up in this culture of fierce academic competition and an overload of school work.
Might have been a smart move
"All play and no work, makes Johnny a dull boy. All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy"
had the same childhood. I'm glad we survived brother.
Must of been hard. Props to you for living in this childhood
I never thought of caring for other people but now i care about people that have pressure
Bro, I don't think I'd survive😢
@ you’ll have a personality disorder but you’ll survive
I'm eastern european and my mother was high demanding. Children here mostly start learning reading at 7 years old and obviously sometimes it takes a year to perfect those abilities. My mother was beating the shit out of me for not being able to read when i was 4. I was at kindergarden that time and just started to learn letters and after school she was beating me and pushing me to praktice, sometimes for bad answer she would lock me in the dark living room for like 30 minutes up to hour. All vacationes i had to read childrens books. Therefore i started to read very fluently when I was 4. During school she was beating me for being bad at math but she herself didn't know how to teach me so she was unsuccessful. I had to be the best student in the class and one of the best in my primary school where there were 1000 students. Through beating, mental violence and giving tons of punishment i was at the top of my primary school, middle school, even highschool. I developed depression when I was 17. I didn't have friends during highand middle school bcs nobody wanted to befriend ugly nerd girl who couldn't go to the club/party/cinema bcs she had to study. Bcs of my mother's high standards i passed not good enough my highschool exams (bcs I had to be the best at EVERY class i was unable to focus only on subjects i wanted to pass during exams). I obviously didn't go to study medicine but medical biotechnology so she was complaining all the time even if again i was the best at course. She was laughing and punishing me so much for my low passed chemistry highschool exam. Fast forward i am now 24 and doing phD in chemistry (which i started to love), i moved to another city and life's much better but sometimes i wish i could cut contact with my controlling mother for at least few months bcs i can't stand her when she's calling or visiting
Well, if you can live autonomously(dunno how to write that word) you can just block her and not let her in
I feel bad about you girl...
She really isn’t your mother. A mother teaches, nourishes, unconditionally loves and appreciates their kid and disciplines appropriately. She should be behind bars.
My sympathies. I wouldn’t have blamed you for doing an impression of the Menendez brothers on her.
can't you keep her out of your house?
Even if my parents are both chinese, I was never really pushed as hard as you say. One of the reasons my dad moved to Canada was because he disliked the educational system back in China and how strict many parents were.
W parents and dad
It's not you brother, it's your family
You're still young you still have time to change
It's not over
Im just trying to diversify my portfolio to move out of my emotionally abusive parents
Hope your parents never retire and work till they collapse man
Hope you are doing good now man
Sorry to hear this bro. Your video about physics spoke to me. It is very brave to speak about how you were wronged by your parents, and I hope you can find healing and discover your true sense of self.
Really appreciate the message!
I have to admit, some pressure on you to succeed isn't much of a big deal. Everyone can handle some pressure which is OK, but sometimes parents really want to take it to a new level and give you a LOT more pressure which can just ruin you and your health. I'm sorry that you went through that, hope you are doing well now :D
Very good narration. I went through something similar. I am old now. I was never able to recover and have lived alone in the countryside with my dog for the past 22 years. I regret spending the time and effort attempting to become somewhat normal and fit in society and trying find a partner.
Wow that sounds rough. It is tough to fit into society after going through this kind of stuff, I've experienced it as well. I hope u are finding some peace out in nature tho
@official_awei Yes I love my place. Ones a week I go to town but after 2 or 3 hours I can't wait for the bus to arrive and take me back to my place.
@@official_awei but sometimes what make the parenting etc worse are the asshole kid who thinks they are better than u
just wow I am also asian and I can relate to most of what you said to a certain extent. Where I live, everyone wants their child to be the best and my biggest misfortune was that I realized this toxicity late because everyone was Asian and everyone worked hard like I did (There were almost no children in the playgrounds because they were attending the weekend courses you mentioned.) so I didn't have to look at other kids and compare myself. After learning English, I discovered the other side of RUclips and everyone was talking about Asian parenting and it was really shocking because I had never thought of it like that before. Now I am a senior in high school and this time i can truly feel my parent support It wasn't easy to get to this point. There were a lot of fights and disappointments, but it's better than nothing.
I am Asain but not really Asian. Like my parents were supportive of me getting a B sometimes. Now they remove letter grades. Like I have a hard time in school. I grew up only with only 1 parrent. Like when I do a DNA test I am 10% Eroupean.
Also people say you don't look Asain your eyes are big. Like my parents didn't force me to do anything just what I could do. I grew up very religious though.
1:59, a huge problem is people keep buiying into the mindset of that "oh there is a course, send them to that course", isntead of just letting the child play and develop and try out their own cocktail to really appreciate their abilty to create and not just copy and paste, this is how you turn a potential Mozart to a regular normie
Exactly. Better to let people develop based on their own unique strengths and interests than trying to manufacture "success" in a copy and paste kind of way.
@@official_awei I'm Chinese too bro, from HK, piano was also forced upon me and my mum kept gaslighting me that it was me who asked to take piano lessons but I had no memory of it, she did it just to guilt trip me for not playing a certain amount of hours each day and passing those exams, even though engineering has always been my passion, they at the point of application to uni, tried to just fit me into the norm of civil engineering that is the norm in HK for stable government job with good pay, which wasn't my interest at all and I'm glad I did for once discard their shadow on me and changed it to mechanical engineering, despite I think I would enjoy physics more, among my many other interests, I had to fight the people whom are supposed to provide support instead of shoving me into the manufacture line
I used to have an ambition for becoming an architect, but since my father decided to be dumb and hit me for no reason. I decided to revenge myself by becoming a political leader in the future.
Just signed up for your Patreon. You went through hell and are stronger because of it. You are helping and will help a lot of young people. You’re an inspiration, brother.
Left this comment on the last video, but it got buried (a good sign-a lot of people are watching your vids!).
Thanks so much man, I actually messaged u on there!
It ended with me hating my own family.
And I won't sugarcoat it. I have SEVERE hatred to every single Asian species... Doesn't matter what country, this hatred I feel was the result of the upbringing I experienced... and then the cycle of denial and anger... made me question if my family did love me... genuinely.
A word about them, and I try to be as polite and kind as possible. I don't wish any ill-will on any Asian who suffered like this too, but... this has to be called out, and as an African quote once said:
"A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."
I know this falls into the category of abuse. No, this practice falls into abusive parenting. This is not culture. It's a breeding ground for abusive people.
Look at the economy now. It's collapsing. What's this success gonna do, when we CAN'T EVEN FIND A GOOD PAYING JOB, IN A HORRIBLE DEN OF LIARS?
7:36 - This is catching on to me. Fast. I lose these "proper soft skills" needed to talk to people, because all my comfort zone was inside my brain. It was an escape from EVERYTHING, not responsibility and facing maturity, but from family and the rest of the world. It was almost overwhelming, to the point I rather want everyone to just disappear... and have me live.
The greatest irony is the Asian parents asking "Why I can't talk to people properly?" Well, who do you think locked me up inside and forced me to keep studying, when I am OLD enough to crave for social interaction myself?
Being bigoted is bad and all, but at least you have an understandable and sympathetic reason to be racist.
Understandable. Academics don’t teach anything but how to memorize useless facts such as “The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” long enough to pass a test, or to hate writing term papers. Nothing useful to learn for the most part. Grades just reflect your ability to memorize information and how obedient you can be.
@princessmarlena1359 That's a dark turn.
Funny how we were taught not to worry about mere numbers, but then Asia is NOTORIOUS for worrying about social status and literally everything.
I feel it’s a cycle really, because I know those parents growing up got the same treatment from their parents, so now they do the same parenting to their children, and also since they are talking to other parents like them, they don’t realize that this parenting is not good
@@luisshorts. It gets dark pretty fast, I can tell. Just feeding the trauma until what? Until society collapses?
No one has even brought actual parenting education to the continent, and if they do, it's gonna be shrugged off as some "Western propaganda" or something.
I’m sorry how you didn’t get to do these things as I was heavily pushed on grades. I would get 1 question wrong and I would get a lecture. My mom preferred me to be perfect, but she is still a good mom and we still have fun! Thanks for telling me this so now every kid that doesn’t want to talk I try to help them because I know something bad happened.
You are so brave for sharing your story❤I have been in a similar journey of detaching my self-worth from academic performance, it is tough. Sending love from the DR🇩🇴
Love the DR! Best to you on your journey
I’m kinda lucky I have Asian parents that don’t get mad if I have bad grades unless i get like a 0 on a test which I wouldn’t get,but I get to pick activities I want to do
Haha sounds pretty reasonable
Well im not even asian but im West Indian but i get 80s and 90s sometimes but rarely hundreds and i have like a 75% in 7th grade math 😃💀
At least my parents are a little proud 😅😅😅
Dude I am so jealous they lecture me for getting a question wrong
My parents are Filipino
@@xXBlossomBearXx india is in asia
I think it also ties to the personality of us being genuinely competitive or not
Tiger parents only works when a kid is competitive in literally everything.
Most of us will be competitive in one or two things and laid back on many others
Parents suppose to observe that and apply appropriate type of support, most importantly better ask their little half self whether or not we like to be competitive (tutor route) or laid back (stress reliever hobby route)
So many parents failed to do that incuding mine.
This video spoken the perfect example of that. Thanks for the vid man
That's a great point, it really depends on the individual
Your life is short and time is limited, don't waste it living someone else's life. It's truly saddening to see how many people nowadays are being ruined by harsh and bad parenting. Raising a child should be genuinely caring for their well-being and desires, not training them to be the perfect trophy that you can show off to others. I'm so glad you managed to break free of the restraints your parents put on you and rediscover what truly means to you in life. Wish you the best in life and hope you can find peace and comfort, you deserve it.❤
If I have a kid in the future, I will try to find ways to make revisions as fun as playing games. I hope I can find ways to release dopamine while studying.
That's a great approach
Me too
Remembered take control the internet necer let them go lose... never know what they do there
@@TheDragonfriday agreed, because i have seen a community where minors commit crimes
@@TheDragonfriday Mhm
My Asian parents are not nearly as strict as other Asian parents, which i'm rlly thankful for
Same
Yeah same
same here
Same
Same for me here, am 12 turning 13 in 2 days, well my parents aren't that strict, so am lucky.
My Asian parents are the kind who care very much about my grades but they acctually help me in a good way they acctually help me get good grades unlike other Asian parents am thankful to them
I’m also an asian with asian parents, they always pressured me so much, saying I have to go to “competitions” and so much more, they kept adding more clubs for me, when i was a teenager, they didn’t let me hangout with friends, they always said bad stuffs about my friends, and I don’t have social skills, it’s down the drain, with all this pressure and stress so much, I lost so much hair too, and the worst part is, I developed so much mental illnesses…Schizophrenia, anorexia, Depression, social anxiety, ADHD, OCD, PTSD- and making me go suicidal with lots of suicide attempts…it’s just I’m all ruined…I’m tired..
I hope you'll be alright and recover from your traumas
And you still can't use periods correctly?
@@ForlornFraudFacade:|
@ why tf does that matter? You think I’m full english or something?
@@ForlornFraudFacadeprivileged Americans with 0 struggles in their life after realizing the US isn’t the only country:
My dad’s friend died because of the pressure like this forced on him that’s why now my parents know not to treat me like this. And want to give me the fullest of life. My parents put only a slight bit of pressure on me to get good grades but if I get bad grades they just help me review it and understand it
Seriously??? I tried searching up articles of similar sorts but I couldn't find anything even remotely similar to someone dying from pressure like that. That must have been some EXTREME stress dude.
Edit: I think I understand what "died from pressure" means now.
@@Insanearc I think he means self deletion.
@@happyyt266 suicide should be the word
I'm hispanic, specifically from Mexico and my parents specially my mom used to be a bit too much strict but then realised how bad that can be and relaxed! And yes i can kinda relate to your story but not to that extreme, my parents sometimes without knowing kinda put a bit more pressure than necessary but not to that extreme thank God i had good chill Hispanic parents that aren't abusive like others
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope now you get to take care of yourself and you get to do the things you love with no pressure. I was always an A+ student and got through University, but I was very hard on myself. I wanted to prove to others I’m smart, creative and can be successful. I make sure to spend time with friends or family now. I’d say my career got off to a rocky start due to the crappy job market but at least I am working multiple jobs. I am planning to study a STEM subject and hoping it will lead to better opportunities. Of course, I will make sure to take breaks and not pressure myself too much.
the ai pictures r killing me
Fr
The sick one 😭
i mean he said he was forced to and quit art so thats not suprising 😭😭
You pfp is killing me😂
The ai pictures is not the point
I think what it is is the immigrant mentality honestly, like alot of chinese parents immigrated to America with little money and had to fight hard to survive, and that they want to secure their kids a stable and/or secure future. My parents have given up on me honestly, they just tell me that "I can't blame them in the future for not pushing me hard enough". This has made it pretty clear that they want the best for me, as I've made it clear that I wouldn't put any blame on them and they haven't really cared much.
I think your parents are definitely very on the extremist side of things though, as I never ended up calling the cops on them or anything like that.
Good video- it really inspires me to do something I'm passionate about and not just something held to a high regard by society- though I haven't found thing that yet.
When I was in 5th grade, I had a natural talent for playing the trumpet. My band director requested I get extra lessons beside school. It was EXACTLY the same thing you described for your piano lessons only it was for trumpet, it killed my ability to play with confidence. all it managed to do was make me the slightest bit better and give me anxiety about talking one on one with another teacher. I still play the trumpet, but it's just not as fun as it used to be. I'm waiting till something fun happens.
The only time you should ever be FORCED to do art is if you're doing commissions, and even then, you always have the choice to deny the client if you're not comfortable drawing what they want.
I saw this video and decided to click on it just to see if i was the only one that experienced these things....
Thanks for speaking!!
Even if I didn't pass through this (being Italian), it makes me not sad and neither horrified, but hopeless that this problem wouldn't be talked too much.
Hearing you, I feel like this will open the eyes of people.
I hope you now live a happy and plenty life and mostly you can now focus on yourself and your new passions.
I am sorry for what was happened to you.
Your sincerely
Indospinus
as a 10 year old i couldn't even think of such horrible parenting, I get 9's and 10's and 8's but I'm terribly sorry for your childhood, imagine having to 100% every test or else you think you are an idiot, I'm so sorry, like really
You’re on a good path now man. Playing catch-up with social skills is brutal but just keep at it. I’m happy to hear that you woke up now instead of years into a career that was draining your soul so there’s at least that…though I’m sure you feel like you’ve lost a lot of time. All the societal pressure to perform at a high-level is so stupid when you really look into it. Like then, what? We all just collectively get better and work harder to outcompete each other and see who can be the most miserable? Line must go up?! 😂 humans need to evolve past this. There’s gotta be more to life. Anyways, just a rant of a comment for the algo.
Very well said, and much appreciated.
dude you werent yapping, you were pouring your heart out into this one video, good job
Glad you think that!
As a Korean American raised under near identical circumstances. It’s worse when both of your sisters got accepted into Harvard and your parents are expressing disappointment at thanksgiving dinner requesting you apply for bachelors degree so they can complete the set of 3 Harvard educated children. Despite being 28years old, an officer in the army reserves and having a PharmD.
I mean congrats to ur sisters but wow those Thanksgivings must be rough
I wouldn’t blame you for rebelling and dropping out altogether, “living in a van down by the river”.
i think you're very educated and successful, and thank you for doing important work (i assume as a pharmacist with the military? idk, i'm curious about that). i wonder why some parents obsess so much over specific universities when the world is so big.
Bro you got my support, keep going, i belive that ibetween the age of 20 and 25 it's our time to discover ourselves, it's a whole process but it's worth it in the end. God bless you man, stay strong.
So true... early 20s is definitely the time for that. Hope u are figuring things out as well!
@official_awei Indeed!
this video was very insightful. thankyou for sharing your experience, I often get jealous of people who seem to have it all together but someone being honest about how they feel has made me realize some of the things you were internalizing I have also been internalizing though I wasn't experiencing the level of side effects you were. I hope your future is bright and that you are able to find things that inspire you and make you enjoy working hard and that you don't peruse them out of insecurity.
Thanks for the well wishes, and same to you. Very few of us truly have it all figured out, we're all just trying out best. So you're not alone!
You're smart, but you were never given the validation.
I'm 30 now, and I'm still feeling the effects of their parenting.
I hope things get better for u
inspiring. good luck bro, you'll make it
I love your video so much teaching a valuable lesson. The lesson I have learned is to challenge ourselves a little outside comfort zone with the right mindset without taking unnecessary risks. I have two Chinese parents who are software engineers, but I want to grow up and become an anesthesiologist and choreographer because I am not really competitive with what I love to do. Instead, I believe in collaboration of expressing our best self. My parents now support what I love doing as my majors.
Wow this is just sad. to any one who had Asian parents I am incredibly sorry for all the stuff you enjoyed as a child being ruined.
Schools also elsewhere do not promote creativity. But as adult you have a choice.
Totally. F* school.
Going through the same thing, all I can say is thank you. I feel a bit less lonely going through this
You are not alone!
My Asian parents support what I do, if I want to do something for fun, then they’ll let me
probably the same
Same
Same
Same.
Same but they do put a bit of pressure on me before the exams for me to study
I think the AI photos look so artificial but the video is so heart breaking.
That’s the thing ai photos are artificial
No it isn't
@@OliviaEditz0 almost like AI means artificial intelligence!
Not asian, but ive also gone thru some terrible shit because of my parents. World's crazy man
im asian, and my parents dont do that, but i am SO sorry for what you were going thru. with art it was kinda my elementary schools fault because the school forced us to do art to fill up one period. because my parents werent strict in middle school (right now) i got student of the month this week. this should be an example of what asian parents should be like. not the immigrant mentality of "if you arent perfect you are out". thank you for this video, this really humbled me as an asian person.
TYPO i meant to add a comma between strict and in.
Parents know what’s best, but if it’s pushed to or even past the limit, it may hurt or at least affect the child’s childhood or memories or even future life
I'm an Asian, and yes. Asian's parents are very strict. I lose my confident and dream since i was 6. I'm now just 12. I'm like being the class' 1st quiet kid and I don't like that. I always try to be confident and outgoing so I can have more friends, *but i can't,* I lose myself.
From loving it to trauma that's me.
my parents were somewhat like this (i'm from vietnam). Pressuring about studies, long piano lessons, etc. But they all did this because they loved me wholeheartedly. They wanted me to try new things, be more proactive, make more friends. Asides from studying alot, they would also encourage me to go outside and talk to people, socalize. And i love them for it. All in all, my asian parents are on the fine line of strict asian and healthy supportive parents
I grew up in philippines, technically an asian but not as competitive as the others.
Still, i found some of my classmates crying that they really need grades despite seeming like the average filipino.
I myself never felt forced to do anything except chores and family events, and i never had friends to encourage or help me, so i pretty much laid back in school getting average grades that wouldnt give you a good job, at least until the final year of high school where i finally felt determined.
Dear all Asian kids going thru this - Tell your parents this. My unemployed 57 year old Chinese sibling is an Ivy Phd with an MBA to boot. Sibling put their family on the back burner and prioritized academics. Sibling parented their children the same way they were parented - like the poor guy in the video. Sibling's spouse divorced them and the kids refuse to be in contact with them. Alas, their inability to socialize and be a team player eroded career prospects. That fancy PhD cost so much and I am not talking dollars.
That’s horrible, I hope their doing okay right now, sending lots of love and recovery to them and all the things they lost 🫂
I’ve heard of this happening even to non Asians. So sick of parents who expect the world of their kids just to satisfy their own egos or because they went through this abuse and think it’s okay to do it to their own kids.
@@princessmarlena1359 It is even worse than you think because many of these parents are terminally insecure about their own failures and project it on to their own kids. In the case of asians it is even worse as there is this stigma against getting professional mental health counseling because to them it translates as "You are one step closer to going to a mental ward and locked up in a cell" when in reality it is just talking to someone who will give you suggestions to change your lifestyle for the better.
Insecurity is one of the leading mental health problems not in just asian kids but also in their parents to the point that it is a genuine health crisis, but no one knows because all of those afflicted are just keeping it bottled up due to the stigma, until one of them finally snaps. This is how you get these "revenge against society" attacks and people who let the intrusive thoughts win. You know it is bad when a kid literally tied their mother to a chair as revenge for all the stuff they went through because of their parents pushing them to the brink. And the worst part? The kid just up and left her bound in that chair to expire two weeks later because thats how little their parents mean to them after all that was done to them by the parents.
So what's the PhD doing now? Tell us more.
Honestly speaking, this video kind of brought me a little comfort
And then they all just say “I spent so much money on all this education and you’re not even appreciating it”
Top tier gaslighting right there
“I didn’t ask to be here”
As an asian kid who grew up from a middle class family with family problems, I really want to live a life where parents would spent a huge amount of money for my interest and academic. I'd have lived a really good life if my parents can support this much. I guess different experience for different people. To me, money was the main problem in my life. My parents can't support much to my interests and academic. I have to worry about the uncertain future. I like programming and I learned coding since like 6th grade. I seriously start learning on programming in 16. One of my friends got interest into programming and started learning. Normally, you need to get a degree and go aboard. He got a degree and went aboard easily becuz his parents can support that much. I didn't cuz I have to support my family. Getting a degree takes a lot of money. I could have done so much things I wanted to if I had enough money. I'd perfer living your life instead of having to be careful of how much money I can use for eating.
Thank You so much for sharing your experience and I know how it feels like to live in a household with high expectations and values. Plus, Sending you deep support and you are a strong young man
Thanks for the kind words, also wishing you the best
only through the first minute; just commenting for your sake and mine. Thanks for the video!
💞
Ur a legend
Bro that’s literally my life(other than the art school, though my parents have thought about it but every time they asked me to take art classes I said no because I was scared that if I took art classes then I’d start to hate art kinda like you did)
Mostly chinese children according to some RUclips videos, but not me. Some comments saying it's not learning it was control and memorization. And I don't know if some Americans said college was a scam. That's why I enrolled to see the reality on Philippines.
as a asian my mom was from Thailand and my mom is like ok as long as you try your best and don't get a F - I'm good. my parents gave me so much freedom bro.
I am literally Asian and my dad said the exact same thing "people who are playing around will never succeed in life " that was what my dad constantly says he also compared to me to other kids
He does have a point, though.
@@thunderchief7256i really hope this is a joke
@@autovip1239 The quote I agree with, the methods, however, aren’t ok.
I feel you bruh, due to too much studying too much we haven’t even taught about our mental health, let’s always take care of ourselves and prioritize our well being
That's so true, great message
Your videos are great and have good narration. Keep up the good work and have a wonderful day.🙂
I am so sorry to hear that you had to go thru all of that. The fact that the way your parents treated you was so severe that it left a mark on you and gave you the belief to just continue pushing yourself over your limits. And for people who are concerned for the kids of Asian households, you don't have to worry because I grew up with a normal childhood without getting pushed to excel academically, only having to do up to my best to make me and my parents proud. I could imagine the trauma left on the children treated like that, Asian or not. Parents like that are shitty parents, making children do things for their own satisfaction. I'm glad that there's lot's of help for badly treated kids in my area. I hope you were able to recover from that, and everyone should be pursuing their passions and dreams. Cheers from Singapore !!
Couldn't relate more to the art thing
I also loved to draw,but when my mom inrolled me into a drawing school. I was continuously beratted by the art teacher for not "being talented"
Being told what to draw made art lose its magic
My parents are kinda like this but they are black so it’s not that bad fortunately. I hope you feel better soon 🫂
I am a South Korean and I was not raised like this, probably the opposite but I know few people around me who are raised such ways. Two of them, both are females, they always seem so tired all the time. I cannot imagine living without creating something I want to create and yet some of the people have literally nothing in their life but forced studies the entire day, it is saddening to watch that such parents still exist these days
This is exactly what I'm facing right now. I've been pushed by my parents a lot to the point where this video is like a mirror to my soul. It's also at that mark where do my best not to show interest for anything to try to avoid the constant pressure and if I do have interests, I keep it to myself and pursue it through other means rather than asking my parents to help me pursue it, cause I'd get stuck in the same loop that Alex here faced
First of all, I can relate myself to this situation at 2:35. Whenever I like something to do, my family just forces me to do it more and just start hating it so bad even though they aren't Asian entirely. Secondly, I used to love math in elementary school, but over the years, when I started seeing calculus math olympiad questions, very hard geometry questions that I could no longer solve it anymore etc. I just lost my appetite to interest and curiousity. I guess, I'm quite failure not being able to adapt what I used to like. Anyway, thank you for your video. I really appreciate it.
bro same here... I used to love music, playing and singing and even attending contest now that dream is gone because asian parenting
U got great courage to share your story. let me share mine
At the kindergarden, i was not that much bright because i was in a private school that squeeze your blood.later my parent transfer me to a government school. Did to better environment my grades went up like it even makes me suprise till today(like a student that barely pass on exam to topping whole school with 95+%).Due to that people start having huge expectation with me, and i tried to maintain my position. this went on for next 4 yrs were i kept my position, but on one test , i got really sick due to TB(tuberclosis) because of thatmy grade drop down and i barely passed and i found that people were making fun of me even knowing my condition, and my parent started to become more paranoid due to that. After these incident i realize the fact , reading and pushing myself
till i got sick was not worth for making people around me happy. then i started to make minimun effort on exams. i didnt do anything, this led my parent to beome physical to me so i ran from my home multiple times , stayed on my friend house.
started demanding my parent(never told then where did my friend live) if they wont comply withmy demand they never seeing me. this made a huge shock on then and i gradually "trained" them not to make any unresonable demand with me. And now they never ask me to do anything without my complyi can sure say my parent werenot as paranoid as your but i think i was able to make them to reason with me that was a w for me.
But i think parent should not have any unresonable demand to their children , they should know it is not their life , it is children , let them do what ever they want, help them when they stumble on any obstacle but never gate keep they by saying "We r thinking about your life and we want to see you happy on your future"
because of this i really hate "future" as a term.
''Its always a competition, its always about how well you do, not how much you enjoy doing it''. That is life bro.
Im an Asian, I’m so grateful I have parents who actually support my efforts instead of overpressuring me. It’s crazy on how these parents are, heck! They DON’T deserve to be parents!
There comes a day when most of us realize that we are nothing but bags of carbon compounds and water with a shelf life of roughly 70 years. No matter how high your math scores are or how skilled you are at playing piano, the Reaper comes for all.
Right on. 👍
That's deep, 6 feet deep
Remember not all asians are like that, I'm Asian and my parents support me in everything I like, I'm really bad at math anyway but for those who experience the same thing like the video, I'm really sorry you had to go through that and i'm proud of whoever you are
Life is about overcoming adversity and enjoying the adventure, I think it’s a great mindset to seek out strength and mold yourself into the best version that you can be(not perfect). But the thing with this parenting style you’re talking about is that. It’s more or less turning us into mindless slaves that only follows a certain rule and never really bring anything new to the table. You can think of society as a jungle, everything exists in equilibrium. Every plants and animals have their own purposes not matter how big or small. The tigers control the deer population from over grazing and the vultures control the spread of any harmful diseases from corpses. If this world only has Einsteins, then how on earth are we gonna do anything else aside from science? We really need to change this harmful logic into something that encourages strength and competition, while still being fun and diverse. Very insightful video!
Well, you can be perfect, it's possible. But you gotta sacrifice your overall being and what makes you you.
@@yanisgribissa2057 I would say, when you reach perfection. It’s when a certain problem doesn’t affect you anymore, like walking. It was a pain in the ass for all of us at first but it longer affects us anymore. However they’ll always be new obstacles to keep you engaged in life. So you don’t become perfect, but superior to who you once were. But great statement!
@@springy_vibin2913 that's why I said that you won't be yourself if you become perfect. But yes, you can learn from mistakes and becomes better.
I have great parents so I dont know what you went through but from hearing this video it feels like complete hell on Earth. The entire Asian parent stereotype is quite a lot but actually having to deal with it through your entire childhood is actually crazy. You’re stronger than me.
I really like your videos, you are a very captivating speaker. Would love to hear what came next- how did you rediscover yourself and so on..
Funny, that I had similar childhood being eastern european. I remember looking out the window seeing kids playing outside and going back to study and tend to my depressed mother while my father would work and except only A+ from me. I suffered many mental breakdowns in uni because of the pressure I was under and it took me 10 years to recover. Now my family hates me. So, that' my reward I guess.
One small other thing- I dont really feel like the AI generated images are working. They are killing the vibe. Any stock image would be better.
Waiting on other videos!
Appreciate it man... and that's sort of what I'm planning to talk about in upcoming videos.
What i hate about something i love doing is it becoming a chore it just kills the fun out of it.
I took a lot of classes since I was a child. I grew up to have lots of problems in communicating, especially when I have to describe things. Because I literally have no one to talk and explain things to, even my mother would say I yap too much, I shut up and studied quietly. And I usually didn’t ask the teacher any questions because the lessons were kinda easy. So I don’t have to speak many sentences in a day. Later on I became shy and sucks at wording things, even if I wanted to write a 500 words essay in what I’ve been through I could only say that life kinda sucks. I finished piano grade 8 but mom wants me to continue to the highest degree, while I MUST be a medical student or else she’s gonna leave me forever. I also took Chinese class but ends up being expected to take HSK6 (I was tricked lmao, she said just take it for fun). Art class, ballet, dancing,singing. And there’s lotsss of pressure on me, lots of stress just because my mother said I had talents in everything I do. But now I just don’t know what I want to do with life anymore. It’s boring
(If what I said does not make sense, please understand that it does not make sense to me too
Thank you for sharing your story to the rest of the world. Many of us who grow in traditional Asian households have experienced this traumatic form of mental abuse for many years, but I’m glad it’s getting more limelight now. I hope you recover from your trauma as soon as possible and wish you the very best in life. Lots of success and mental peace and know you’re not alone. This is a battle for all of us to change the orthodox mentality of society, and it’s one we will definitely succeed in. You should try exploring more about the universe and outer space and I’m sure you will get lots of great opportunities at space X or NASA or just conduct independent research because space is really fascinating. Don’t give up. Best wishes !! Stay blessed
This is Literally Sooo True!
this story is so familiar(because it's also my story)
my parents are less extreme. it's actually more about my teacher forced me than my parents
right now sitll in highschool. I focus less on being perfect and I try to do every homeworks as much as possible if I can't do it all in one go I'll just do it tomorrow, and I joined a school club that I'm interested in and that was pretty fun, I have lots of friends that often help me a lot. my grade has gotten better. I also need to learn to manage myself emotionally
I have a plan to move to canada or maybe australia
hopes life is getting better for you now too. wait your parents did what to you??! that was so bad
Tfw having absent parents has its advantages sometimes
Amen to that.
Dang, I feel bad for you. Some people aren't as lucky as me that don't have both their parents strict.
Hey man, I’ve been going through a rough time lately but luckily the algorithm blessed me with this video, and I think it’s because I watched one of your other vidoes and subscribed. As someone in a position very similar to yours, I really needed this video. Thank you.
Of course, hope things get better for u
Im sorry for your suffering, atleast you are free now which is good honestly, not all asian parents act like that because mine do not expect perfect grades but atleast expect good grades, even if I get a low grade, they would often help me on my studies and even reward me if I do very well on my test, they also motivate me even more despite them being strict.