This is the FASTEST Way To Take Back Control Of Your Life | Mel Robbins
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 7 май 2024
- Ready to unlock your potential? 🔥 bit.ly/2024makeithappen 👈 Sign up for my FREE 2-part training, Make It Happen with Mel Robbins. It’s designed to show you exactly HOW you can go from dreaming to doing!
-
The secret to feeling more in control in your life? LETTING GO! I explain more in this video.
-
Catch full episodes of The Mel Robbins Podcast here on RUclips bit.ly/tmrp_playlist 📺
Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast while you're on-the-go! link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=l... 🎧 Available wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday (to start your week) and Thursday (to get you through it).
-
Subscribe to the channel here: ruclips.net/user/melrobbins?s...
-
Follow me here:
Instagram: / melrobbins
TikTok: / melrobbins
Facebook: / melrobbins
Website: melrobbins.com
-
Sign up for my newsletter written to YOU at: www.melrobbins.com/newsletter
-
Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are!
High 5 Habit: amzn.to/3fMvfPQ
The 5 Second Rule: amzn.to/3372Rl9
My partner of 30 years and I are getting along so much better because I changed. I don’t tell him what to do. I don’t correct him when his facts are wrong. I don’t give advice or tell him what to do. I agree or say nothing. Live and let live. And we have way better harmony now. Because my peace matters more than anything these days!
Omg me too.🎉
What do you talk about? How do you grow?
@@qedilwe talk about the ranch the animals current events etc. we are old retired folks no longer needing the grow. Self acceptance and peace
Matter the most
@@knrranch1910 awww this is very cute!!!!
@qedil, let me guess, you're the husband?
Absolutely!! I just let them do the stupid shit they do and l do me. Life is absolute bliss. Ignoring stupid people is the best way to live.
Yup, you accomplish more leading your life as an example for others rather than worrying about trying to help them see the light... If you are living a good life people will see that and that's more motivational than anything you can say to them...
It took me so long to figure this out I used to have a savior complex and that caused me so much unnecessary frustration and exhaustion.
I was bothered by a situation and then this came up on my feed. It changed my perspective! Let them! Love it.
Oh WOW! Having two kids ages 24 and 26 and being the single mother here, this is the best advice I have ever received Mel! Thank you 🙌
Omg !!! This last days I’ve been depressed, frustrated and exhausted I’ve felt lost and all because I’ve tried to fix my family members lives helping them with their problems and their needs and then dealing with ingratitude ungrateful and I decided to let go and focus more on myself , I don’t care if this means to get divorced then o found this video !!! Just when I needed thanks !!🙏 ❤
My rule or standard is less expectations, less disappointments! As soon as I set that standard, I felt more peace and that energy turned on for me to set my self expectations, reach my goals and be my better version of myself. I tell my kids, family and dear friends that I can't control then but I will share loving and positive guidance to them. It's up to them to take that information and apply.
Hence the saying, “live and let live”. When you let someone be themselves. You will learn what you need to know about them.
This is not something new. This is a common “practice” here in Hawai’i, as we have a saying, “Bumby they learn.” (They will eventually learn through their choice and action.) It is the law of Natural Consequences.
Props to her daughter who appears to be of a higher maturity, self assurance & being mindful with choosing her own battles, to then give her own mother PERMISSION to live in such a way. Mel, some of us are not controlling. Hulo (congratulations) to your daughter!! Aloha from Hawai’i!
2 of the bomb podcasters together. Can't wait to listen.
I'm still on the fence about this theory. I totally get the principle of not controlling other people because the fact is we can't. But some of the examples she uses seem to suggest we all should just lower our standards, and as someone who is constantly trying to self-improve, I take issue with that. I don't think excusing shitty behavior is a positive thing. The examples she gave about waiting in line and not being bothered if people cut in are problematic for me - sorry, but I have places to be too and if I've been waiting my turn and am already running late, then NO, I'm not going to just "let them" cut in. Society already has too many people who have an overblown sense of entitlement and who act like bratty 2 year-olds, and I don't agree with the idea presented here that the rest of us should remain unbothered by it. Sometimes people need to be called out on their bullshit. The example of your friends excluding you also bothers me - are these people really your friends if they exclude you from get togethers? Maybe I'm not understanding this theory very well? I love the idea of being unbothered, but allowing myself to be walked all over? No thank you.
I feel your stress from your message you can chose to let it bother you or not but just from your message I think you should let them way more often
@@robertchandler2063 not stressed at all. Just not sure I agree with Mel on this one.
Yeah I think the thing you’re not getting is not fighting or stressing a thing is the same as not doing something. For example with the shit husband whose only goal is putting her down example she says ignore him and l let him and then make a decision if you need to move out and if you don’t then that’s on you.
@@elizabethbooth7084
Yeah. That is because "let them" can't be applied in all situations. In some cases, "let them" is the way to become a doormat. It's better to distance yourself. Those two things are not exactly the same
I take the friend example of they've shown you who they are they exclude you and lie to your face. This let them dynamic and dysfunctional people can make it more painful and more confusing like my family are abusive towards me in alot of ways and I'm their scape goat too so I'm using a simlar dynamic to not demand they treat me on par with the rules they set with one another what it's doing is stopping me from thinking that if I just point it out 20 more times or demand they stop double standarding me that they'll change to be how I think of them in my head. What I think they are as nice people is not the reality of what is infront of me they're abusive, they exclude me on things they could easily ask me to come do like a backyard cookout they won't find me in the house & ask me I have to instead self insert & self invite if I want to go which is not how that should be they can find other family in the house and ask them yet not me so this shows they don't want me there and me self inviting does not make me feel wanted or loved by them it does the opposite so I let them have their party and exclude me I then do healing around what comes up and grow more excepting these people aren't my family and accpt they do not and did not love me growing up this means I can do what I need to do to leave them and be at peace with leaving them when I do so.
I find the more healing work I do on topics as they come up with the people who hurt them the next time that wheel comes around the X that would've hurt me, bothered me, sent me into a weeks worth of crying and mental spiraling does nothing to be and I'm at peace with how I see the game, I don't engage with the game, and I know they're the one before me trying to game or hurt me and it does not take effect it's very interesting to be in this place where you in a positive way are not effected by them and feel how both neutral and at peace you are over the x game they're playing. Now occasionally I may shift into their vibration on the matter but that's a choice to stay there in an hour or less I recognize I'm in their vibration and can shift out of it and then no more issue I'm back to being as happy or more before they tried to play their game upon me.
I've always 'let them' do what they want' (for a while) as it tells me a lot about the person. Its them unfiltered, it reveals to you who they are, their values, how they really feel about you. Then you have a clear picture + can decide better how you are going to deal with them.
I would have totally jumped into prom control mode. Love your self-helps!Made my husband listen to a portion so he can give me a Let Them reminder with my adult kids when I go into auto-drive. It’s a change in thinking and less pressure for sure! Drop the oars!
I'll try this strategy in our toxic workplace.
Any possibility to choose a different workplace?
Mine's not toxic, it's just gotten corporate and stupid. I've always been a bit Type A and felt like I had gotten so much better about not getting worked up about all the little things mostly because we're all stretched thin and I've got too many little things to care about them all, but I still have a long way to go on not GAF. It's a journey. Edit: I'm an admin so I used to feel like I was responsible for everything and everybody expects me to take care of everything and know everything and like I was the office babysitter, but now I'm letting all these professional children run wild and it's mostly ok.
You should leave if you can find a better one. Even if it's not toxic but just bad for you. I just left and am 100% happier.
I wish I'd had this knowledge when i was working at a horrible place.
This "let them fairy" has helped me alot Mel of taking unnecessary control around me. Has made me realized that I am actually in control of MYSELF ONLY and therefore it ends there 🙌🎉
I agree with Mel when she said ‘confidence is a skill’ 👍🏽
Mel! This is so right... Im gonna tattoo "let them" on my arm... 😂 I'm a single mom, I have a Daughter, she's 3 years old. It was amazing listen to your Daughter speaking... ❤
This is so fantastic. I used this against a coworker and I feel so much better.
natural consequences for kids (when it isn't important to their health) and the equivalent of ignoring grown bullies or idiots, but there is power in telling yourself to "let them". A good reminder.
The big fish tale of Oakley's junior prom! I love it. Taller with each telling. It was hailing sideways, they were all wearing versace, and the taco stand was the size of a peanut.
PS fwiw I will ABSOLUTELY eat at the Avocado Pit if I ever end up in that neck of the woods.
Love ya Mel. Life-saving advice here ❤
That's funny as! 🤭
I'm at the very beginning of this video and yes, I agree! I wish that I had this mindset when I was younger. I would have saved myself so much trauma.
Let me add that I know now and I've started from where I'm at in life and building from here to do better in life. The past has passed!
This was really helped me thank you from the bottom of my heart
Being left out by your siblings is not small or petty. It hurts down deep.
AGREE 💝
Yup, my two sisters completely ignore my existence
Yes, that's extremely hurtful. It's not necessarily easy to say "Let them." But it helps to understand that "family " isn't just blood. Please try not to wish for your siblings to be what they're not. We're all worthy of being loved, but we can't choose who loves us. Find the people who care about you and want you in their lives. That's your family. Blessings to you.
@@TheBethKeane only if you let them hurt you! It’s your choice. You are choosing to let them hurt you.
As an only child with no siblings I often feel left out when I see all the family sibling happiness. Just pretend you are an only child and have no siblings. Would that be sad?
I feel like I've been using the "Let them" theory for years. It does make your life so much easier.
Mel. I wish I had seen this sooner. Thank you for this
Been dealing with the feelings of abandonment and insecurity in relationships and things reinforcing what I’ve been trying to tell myself. Nobody can fill the spaces but God. I can offer help to people but not expect them to change unless they want it. I need to let them do what they’re doing and stop putting expectations on them. Thank you for this.
Be your own best friend. Find true love with animals. It really works
I love your wisdom and the advice you gave 🙏 and I love animal ❤@@knrranch1910
This isnt new. But im glad someone with lots of clicks is benefitting from it. And ppl that only click on life, can maybe learn something too.
I want to thank you so much for this message. It truly has helped me to let go of other people's behaviors. It's something I repeat on a daily basis.
I know what's like always dealing with others, ive learnd the hard way to never let it get that far at the end we've only got ourselves to rely on might ss well pat ourselves on the back, chin up and with a poker face!!
Choosing to stay.. YES.. my best friend has chosen to live in what she perceives as a miserable situation for years, and I have had to choose to let her. I've offered her time and again to come stay with me, but she has only excuses and rationales for each one of her points. It's basically the end of our friendship because its the only thing she really talks about, it keeps her unhappy, and she insists on believing that there is no way out.
It's a frustrating situation that I learned long ago is a drain... She's using you as an emotional tampon whilst refusing to take the action needed to leave. I've found that so many people do that these days, and most of the time they take your friendship for granted.
This behavior (a.k.a. the controlling, "I know what is best") is the epitome of "the helicopter mother" syndrome. It wasn't that long ago, when I proudly held that title... Now some decades later... I wish that I learned this concept
...But then again, the Beatles coined that phrase "Let it be" back in the '60s --- Why didn't I take heed to these words sooner?!?!?
**Thank you Mel Robin's for the reminder!❤😊
That's very stoic of you Mel
Mel, thamk you so much for this video, i needed it. Saw it late last night and practicing today! Having to bite my tongue some, but I already feel better!!
I love "Let Them"...I am successfully using that in my life in general. I question though, how can you "let them" when the person is causing you financial distress? I'm happy to let him do whatever he wants, but it's impacting my financial health. Hugs Mel ♥♥
Your financial health is within your control. Someone else's financial behavor isnt. Let this person carry on with his/her financial habits, but let him spend someone else's money and not yours.
sperate your money or move out he can tank his current situation if he spends it all on only fans and won't pay the house bills if you don't have money he can use and you aren't living there & remove your name from those bills he absolutely can tank his situation all by himself you do not need be involved with it nor give him money or a place to stay after he does it. Just separate & untie yourself from the bills or parts of them or pay your top bills or get a mini generator for your stuff only and do so prepare work for if you can't leave him the things you need to be ok as he's failing to be responsible for the things hes suppose to be for is on him. You don't even need to tell him, you can tell him "Hey hon we argue a bunch on you tanking our finances well I just wanted to let you know I won't be reminding you to pay that and such." and let that be. He doesn't have to have your money tied into his bad choices.
Excellent answer … you are allowed to have boundaries when someone’s behavior is harming you. The “let them” theory does not apply to abuse. You are allowed to take care of yourself and remove yourself from being around behavior that is harming you or others.
thank you Mel ...
I just Adore you Mel!
And the outfit, for the final interview!!!!!! Made me SO happy!!! I thought I was the only one!!! A nice blouse, jeans and high tops! ❤❤❤❤
Hi I love your channel. Would you please interview Joe Dispenza
Thank you for let them or let him separate us from the problem.
Mel so true, thank you. Very empowering to exercise everytime. More power to you. Your children are admirable with level-headed views ❤
Mel, i needed to hear this as my control is from trauma. I try to control my bf as he needs attention from women and I always feel crazy alone nuts and everyone lies. I need structure in my life and if I had a good job and leave I would. But I'm stuck
Great topic
All this is great, but really just another way to describe the idea of radical acceptance. We learn it in Buddhism, we learn it in twelve-step programs, we learn it from podcasts such as these…Which I truly appreciate. I’m sure there are other doctrines that teach the same mindset. No matter how you learn it is not important, just put it into practice and you will see how your ability to cope and feel happiness is elevated exponentially
I read the book by the author that came up with the let them theory. I will have to research and find her name again but it was a great source of info along with Mel. At first I thought Mel came up with the let them theory until it popped up in my news feed from older videos from being read out of an older book. Great advice
Her thoughts, words actually helps.
You have helped me so much. Love these videos
Thank You. ☺️✨🙏🏽
Thank you mel the let them is so good for me.
THANK YOU !❤❤❤
I’m in the same situation as Mimi my ex-boyfriend of 13 1/2 years left me for my “friend” after six months he came back because we own the house together. at first, he agreed to let me buy him out if I let him do some repairs & keep the insurance pay out that’s been 1&1/2 years ago & we’re still here having the same arguments. He is bi polar & narcissistic & blames me for EVERYTHING!! I am constantly sabotaged by him . He sneaks her over & by the way he lives in our closed in garage so that’s where they go & I am trying to sell the house as is & move in with my parents but he has me in the verge of panic all the time. I’m going to try to implement the let them theory & get on with my life . At 54 im too old to try to keep controlling people & it doesn’t work anyway we just exhaust ourselves thanks
Children when they start something should finish it . Ps swearing is not good when younger people watching the show . Mel we love you 😘
Thank you for providing a collage of wisdom to share with us much needed I just subscribed
I needed to hear this
This is an excellent video!! Thank you Mel.
The “Let Them” theory and poem was written by Cassie Phillips in case anyone was wondering. ❤
This was Soooo Good 👏🏿 👏🏿
I love the way she explains the “let them theory” but this theory is the basis of co-dependency / ALANON recovery and has been around for a long time. She should reference the body of knowledge this comes from.
Glad you touched on this after our conversation yesterday. We need more members of the church doing what we’re doing to put good content out there. We need you brothers and sisters to be a light where there’s so much opposition!!!
If you’ve thought about starting a RUclips channel please do it if you feel prompted to.
There’s a lot of anti Lds people out there teaching people false information about the church. We need more voices speaking truth!!!
Thank you so much for opening my eyes! Love your podcasts ❤
I implemented this unconsciously and it’s a lot better and people will learn what they need too. I think it’s the best way to
12 step programs teach this - Let Go and Let God. It’s a valuable philosophy. It teaches tolerance and that we are not the center of the universe, nor are our ideas superior to others, even if we think they are. Fortunately I had to face an addiction young in life and have been living with this philosophy for much of my adult life, not perfectly of course🤣
I know people who have so many opinions about other people, down to the minutia really such as “I don’t like her hair” imagine the control someone like that feels if they have opinions on something so personal that really is none of their business.
I let him have his say.. even though he did me wrong. Now he has nothing else.
Amen❤
Let Them by Cassie Phillips
Just Let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave,
hold the door open, AND LET THEM.
Let them lose you.
You were never theirs, because you were always your own.
So let them.
Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.
Let them have a safe place in you.
Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.
Let them love you.
So this Mel person actually STOLE this concept! 😮
So true
Had to do the addict thing with my daughter many times over...
5:20 I forgot he is in the interview when he talked i was surprised
Wow ❤
Hello ma’am,
Great topic 👌🏾
20 minutes of watching the video:
you said in the conversation with that gentleman the money can’t be everything, that’s hundred percent true because I can bring good money but money can never make me.
Ma’am I’m not saying money is bad or money isn’t important,no, I strongly recommend to earn good money .
For let them theory you said wonderful words: 👏👏👏
( I’m sorry if I did mistakes, I’m beginner in English
I would rather have been forced to do a sport than never given the opportunity to play sports and being obese through childhood. Your parents cared enough to let you try different things, consider yourself blessed.
Mel could you talk about how this relates to marriage? It feels so hard especially when our children are involved. I want to be able to just let him let his life go by constantly on the phone and game missing out on our kids growing up but I so badly just want to be able to shake some sense into him and see what's truly important. And at what point do you decide letting them do what they want doesn't align with you and your values?
Reminds me of that old country song w lyrics, “you’ve got 5 seconds, to figure it out….” 🎶
I've heard a saying be kind to one another, or don't blame others for your issues, it's just another waste of time its better to just take a break to relax & breathe,! It's overwhelming especially expectations
…I do this for a long time already…( with exception’s)…my beautiful husband always said that I was a textbook stoic…(could be true)!
I sure do know how much time I have wasted, my whole life. That is my next tattoo
“Let them” is a wild way to say “stop being a controlling and abusive person” but I’m glad it lands for so many of you. Stop it 😂
It's worry and anxiety driving the need to control
Resistance to existence
What advice do you have then for how you should proceed in a situation if you let go and the other person’s behavior is damaging to the relationship and you do not agree with it? Can you please talk about how we can and what we should be doing With ourselves if we’re in an intimate relationship and we just let the other person do things that are not going to be beneficial for the relationship??
Telling people neurotic enough to listen to a life coach not to be neurotic. Awesome.
Correction: Mel did not delete my comment. I couldn't find it again at first
❤
Who is interviewing her?
Sounds like what ALANON espouses.
An acquaintance called me and demanded to be invited to a wine event even though she doesn't drink. She then tried to change our plans. All because she didn't get invited to something she's not interested in. She then began inviting my friends out without me. I'm like, whatever. It ended our budding friendship and split up our group. Oh well
I don't have anyone to live with. Not that I don't want to live with any of my friends and relatives. They are all at a point in their lives where they do not want anyone living with them.
Thumbnail is so hot 😍
I have had to avoid the internet commentary just to regain some of my peace.
This is great, but a bit repetitive. With the prom anecdote etc
How to live alone even with controlling mother who wants to choose and design my house, wants spare keys. Cant enjoy my weekend of freedom or nightly gg home freely
THIS IS NOT WORKING...mel has success now. But we are talking about the road 🛣️ to success
Let them distroy you lol
A person can’t destroy you. That’s the point. You can only destroy yourself.
I don’t think this concept is realistic! What if you spend hundreds of dollars on the tux and shoes and they ruin it because of being careless and unorganized! We control things because we will have to pick up the consequences of their actions!! Also, by. It taking any responsibility for how someone feels , it removes any responsibility from people to be considerate and maybe think before they speak; because ‘they are responsible for their own emotions’ , and that allows assholes to be bigger assholes. ULTIMATELY, I can see how it ‘could’ work, but it’s not always applicable.
It comes down to privilege....
My take is....just become indifferent to other ppl and their BS/Nonsense.!!!
Why do you repeat the same story about the prom? I already heard it in previous episodes. I stopped listening to this podcast on the 2nd telling because I already know the story. Let them theory is a great tool though.
Isn't this radical acceptance?
Very simply concerning all advice, take what you need and leave what you don’t. Some of you get all hot and bothered and just want people to know that you’re all hot and bothered.
Hmm. Sounds like only selfish losses would understand this 🥸