It’s my late father’s bday today, and it’s a hard day for me, emotionally. My dad and I were very close till my mom died and then he re-married and estranged himself for over a decade after mom died. We had never reconciled when he passed. I’ve simultaneously repressed and ruminated on it for years, and that anger at him has caused a lot of physical pain. Now, I’m allowing the real sadness and anger in, and also realizing it doesn’t have to stay forever. I can forgive my dad and let go. Still be mad, but let it in and let it go. I can be angry but still love and forgive my dad. Feel angry. Feel sad. Then let it go. Like the open house analogy you gave in another video. I’m grateful for this video today. Thank you, Dan. Thank you.
You are very welcome Donavan. Thank you for sharing your experience about your Dad. My Dad has passed and he and I weren't very close either. Not estranged, but not close. It's tough stuff.
Thats what Ive been learning about, allowing yourself to feel . Man that is 100 percent right. It takes practice because some of us are so used to avoiding and distracting ourselves for so long. I learning that its like exercise . If you want to get physically fit you have to intentionally work your muscles. Its kinda like that. I have to learn to allow the uncomfortable emotion to just be. Sit with it breathe and let it pass. For me it takes practice but Im getting it. Some of us need to hear something a hundred times until the light come on lol. Im glad your Mom is home and doing better. 🦋💕
Trauma in childhood, I was the child that didn't ever lose it. People pleaser etc. Took til I was 40 to start speaking out, a lot didn't like it. Still feels like there are more emotions locked in (15years on) but I'm getting there. Upping the self soothing.thanks
I'm not huge on digging up the past as a way to make ourselves feel safe in the present. I focus on "right now" emotions. Allow yourself to feel those.
Blessings to you and your Mom ... I know how it is ... my Mom had quite an adjustment period when she needed more help and care starting in 2015 ... she's now very grateful and enjoys her assisted living but it was hard and I can empathize/imagine. On feeling our feelings I had a profound experience last night. I happened upon a story about a family back home that is having to sell the family general store ... the article was complete with a picture of the old man (a veteran) who ran the store for many years ... well it triggered very intense sadness and intense emotional pain in me and luckily I went into it and didn't fight it ... because it quickly became clear it was grief over losing my Dad ... the memories of going there as a child and him trying on boots, looking at jackets and buying us candy ... and other groceries ... they are such good memories so my first instinct was to push away the crushing sadness and I was even thinking why am I so sad about the store having to be sold .... well of course one intense cry later it was CLEARLY grief over the loss of MY Dad 6 years ago. But it always amazes me how quickly STRONG feelings like that move thru when I don't resist ... or when I can even open a little bit to them and ALLOW the feelings. Literally, just a few minutes later I was feeling lighter and more of the good memories rose up without as much grief. Man, we loved that store and that man that ran it and my Dad really thought a lot of each other. I can remember even the smallest details about how the jackets were hanging and the boot boxes went to the ceiling on the back wall ... the smell of the leather boots and the checkered wool hunting jackets ... we always hoped to get some of the chocolates by the pound. Dad loved going in there as much as us kids did. Lesson for me was: don't resist. I mean, I work at home now but even when I was working amongst people feelings could come up and as long as I didn't try to choke them down ... they'd pass thru and I could still work. Tears and feelings are not harmful things to be trapped or irradiated. I guess we're conditioned to never show/allow our feelings. But they only hurt us if we hold them captive inside our bodies. :) Such an important topic!!!!
First all the best for your mum, she must be very pleased to have such great kids who take care of her. I hope she finds trust again to get better and picking up her own life step by step. About the video, great video! And yess emotions need to be felt, thats why they call feelings. I had to learn that too (and still am learning). The fun and easy part for me is that it is not necessary to now why I am feeling those emotions or label it. Just take a pause and feel. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But than I try next time. I am also aware of my ego (especially when I am upset, angry). I know now that is is just my ego screaming, do not want to pay too much attention to it anymore and move on as fast as I can with some positive things. Although I think its difficult I am aware of it and practice whenever I am conscious about it. Well Dan, thanks again for explaining about emotions, conscious and unconscious ones.... All the best and good luck at your mums!
Really good video again thanks. You didn’t really go into it here but what you say about not having to dig deep into emotions to get well has really blessed me. Really pleased to hear that your mother is improving.
Hi Dan. I cry with almost all of the emotions I feel except happiness. I’ve been told by mind body counselors that crying when you’re mad is anxiety and not anger. I don’t know how to get to the underlying anger. What is your opinion on this ?
I'm not convinced we need to dig up anger or feel it correctly. In my opinion, recovery is much more about teaching the brain you are safe. Check out my course if you are interested in a deep dive into recovery. Includes weekly support coaching sessions in a group format. PainFreeYou.com/join
With emotions from child hood that are so locked up that you can't even remember how do you go about unlocking them? I do Journal speak, and have just started a couple weeks ago. I feel like I've always been aware and spoken about my not so great child hood. Sometimes I just cry and I don't even know why I'm crying. Is this healing too?
I don't believe we need to unlock anything from the past. If we are feeling emotions NOW, then allow yourself to feel them. That's it. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.
Dan, glad to hear that your mum is doing well. I do feel my emotions, experience them. But inevitably when I ask what is it that I am feeling now, the emotions turns up with the story associated with that emotion. What do I do in that scenario, because the emotion inevitably links itself to the story behind it. I consciously try to to not ruminate about it. But a tiny part leads me to the story behind it. What would you suggest I do in that case?
I would suggest you don't overanalyze it. If the story is known, that's fine. Just focus on experiencing the emotions till you feel the emotional energy dissipating, then shift your attention back to life. There's no perfect way to do this.
a chunk of my unresolved/negative emotions is not being seen and heard on a day to day basis at home with my family...how do i get past that?? its SO frustrating!!!
Great video!
Glad you enjoyed it
It’s my late father’s bday today, and it’s a hard day for me, emotionally. My dad and I were very close till my mom died and then he re-married and estranged himself for over a decade after mom died. We had never reconciled when he passed. I’ve simultaneously repressed and ruminated on it for years, and that anger at him has caused a lot of physical pain. Now, I’m allowing the real sadness and anger in, and also realizing it doesn’t have to stay forever. I can forgive my dad and let go. Still be mad, but let it in and let it go. I can be angry but still love and forgive my dad. Feel angry. Feel sad. Then let it go. Like the open house analogy you gave in another video. I’m grateful for this video today. Thank you, Dan. Thank you.
You are very welcome Donavan. Thank you for sharing your experience about your Dad. My Dad has passed and he and I weren't very close either. Not estranged, but not close. It's tough stuff.
Thats what Ive been learning about, allowing yourself to feel . Man that is 100 percent right. It takes practice because some of us are so used to avoiding and distracting ourselves for so long. I learning that its like exercise . If you want to get physically fit you have to intentionally work your muscles. Its kinda like that. I have to learn to allow the uncomfortable emotion to just be. Sit with it breathe and let it pass. For me it takes practice but Im getting it. Some of us need to hear something a hundred times until the light come on lol. Im glad your Mom is home and doing better. 🦋💕
Thanks for sharing your experience on this journey. Practice makes possible.
I’m glad to hear that your mom is going to be home.. she’s blessed to have her kids there for her 🥰❤️
Trauma in childhood, I was the child that didn't ever lose it. People pleaser etc. Took til I was 40 to start speaking out, a lot didn't like it. Still feels like there are more emotions locked in (15years on) but I'm getting there. Upping the self soothing.thanks
I'm not huge on digging up the past as a way to make ourselves feel safe in the present. I focus on "right now" emotions. Allow yourself to feel those.
Blessings to you and your Mom ... I know how it is ... my Mom had quite an adjustment period when she needed more help and care starting in 2015 ... she's now very grateful and enjoys her assisted living but it was hard and I can empathize/imagine.
On feeling our feelings I had a profound experience last night. I happened upon a story about a family back home that is having to sell the family general store ... the article was complete with a picture of the old man (a veteran) who ran the store for many years ... well it triggered very intense sadness and intense emotional pain in me and luckily I went into it and didn't fight it ... because it quickly became clear it was grief over losing my Dad ... the memories of going there as a child and him trying on boots, looking at jackets and buying us candy ... and other groceries ... they are such good memories so my first instinct was to push away the crushing sadness and I was even thinking why am I so sad about the store having to be sold .... well of course one intense cry later it was CLEARLY grief over the loss of MY Dad 6 years ago. But it always amazes me how quickly STRONG feelings like that move thru when I don't resist ... or when I can even open a little bit to them and ALLOW the feelings. Literally, just a few minutes later I was feeling lighter and more of the good memories rose up without as much grief. Man, we loved that store and that man that ran it and my Dad really thought a lot of each other. I can remember even the smallest details about how the jackets were hanging and the boot boxes went to the ceiling on the back wall ... the smell of the leather boots and the checkered wool hunting jackets ... we always hoped to get some of the chocolates by the pound. Dad loved going in there as much as us kids did. Lesson for me was: don't resist. I mean, I work at home now but even when I was working amongst people feelings could come up and as long as I didn't try to choke them down ... they'd pass thru and I could still work. Tears and feelings are not harmful things to be trapped or irradiated. I guess we're conditioned to never show/allow our feelings. But they only hurt us if we hold them captive inside our bodies. :) Such an important topic!!!!
Thank you for sharing your experience with me. That story brought a smile to my face as you reminisced about a childhood memory.
so happy to hear mom is doing better..enjoy the week with her..sending love and prayers xo
Thank you Rhonda.
Thanks Dan, yes it goes beyond pain, it's really a new mindset to live your life with less resistance, love it.
Exactly.
Thanks Dan. So glad your mom is feeling better. Will keep praying for her.
Thanks so much
First all the best for your mum, she must be very pleased to have such great kids who take care of her.
I hope she finds trust again to get better and picking up her own life step by step.
About the video, great video! And yess emotions need to be felt, thats why they call feelings. I had to learn that too (and still am learning). The fun and easy part for me is that it is not necessary to now why I am feeling those emotions or label it. Just take a pause and feel. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But than I try next time. I am also aware of my ego (especially when I am upset, angry). I know now that is is just my ego screaming, do not want to pay too much attention to it anymore and move on as fast as I can with some positive things. Although I think its difficult I am aware of it and practice whenever I am conscious about it.
Well Dan, thanks again for explaining about emotions, conscious and unconscious ones.... All the best and good luck at your mums!
Thank you for sharing your insight and experience. And thank you for the well wishes for my mom.
Really good video again thanks. You didn’t really go into it here but what you say about not having to dig deep into emotions to get well has really blessed me. Really pleased to hear that your mother is improving.
Thank you Jules. She is starting to get back to her routine here at home.
Very useful video Dan, thanks. Best wishes and love to your mum.
Thank you!
What a great video!
Very good video and well articulated. Wishing the best for your mother
Much appreciated
Thankyou Dan brilliant video 😊 . Have a lovely weekend and sending my love to you and your mum ❤
Thank you Paula!
Enjoy your weekend Dan!
Thank you Ram. You too.
Hi Dan.
I cry with almost all of the emotions I feel except happiness. I’ve been told by mind body counselors that crying when you’re mad is anxiety and not anger. I don’t know how to get to the underlying anger. What is your opinion on this ?
I'm not convinced we need to dig up anger or feel it correctly. In my opinion, recovery is much more about teaching the brain you are safe. Check out my course if you are interested in a deep dive into recovery. Includes weekly support coaching sessions in a group format. PainFreeYou.com/join
My emotions is what gets me. I wake up to instant feelings of oh my symptoms 😣 probably why its been 3 years straight with symptoms
With emotions from child hood that are so locked up that you can't even remember how do you go about unlocking them? I do Journal speak, and have just started a couple weeks ago. I feel like I've always been aware and spoken about my not so great child hood. Sometimes I just cry and I don't even know why I'm crying. Is this healing too?
I don't believe we need to unlock anything from the past. If we are feeling emotions NOW, then allow yourself to feel them. That's it. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.
Dan, glad to hear that your mum is doing well. I do feel my emotions, experience them. But inevitably when I ask what is it that I am feeling now, the emotions turns up with the story associated with that emotion. What do I do in that scenario, because the emotion inevitably links itself to the story behind it. I consciously try to to not ruminate about it. But a tiny part leads me to the story behind it. What would you suggest I do in that case?
I would suggest you don't overanalyze it. If the story is known, that's fine. Just focus on experiencing the emotions till you feel the emotional energy dissipating, then shift your attention back to life. There's no perfect way to do this.
@@PainFreeYouEndless gratitude Dan, I truly appreciate it.
Yup, this is totally resonating. Social conditioning has a huge part in this and not feeling safe or accepted
So true. So true. But we can change the things we learned.
a chunk of my unresolved/negative emotions is not being seen and heard on a day to day basis at home with my family...how do i get past that?? its SO frustrating!!!
You cannot change those around you, but you can change your reaction to them. Challenging, but a good place to start.
great vid!! xox
Thank you Elaine.