Why We Go Off People Who Like Us
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2025
- Though we long for certain people to like us, an odd thing can happen once they do. What is the origin of our strange coolness towards those who show enthusiasm for us?
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FURTHER READING
"Ostensibly we all want love - but oddly, one of the hardest things to do is not to hold it against someone when they do actually turn around and reciprocate our feelings.
It can be immensely hard not to feel that those who offer us love are in some way weak, mistaken, needy, craven or defective - and to be left a little queasy by their warmth, repulsed by their wish to hold us and to caress our necks; by their tender words and their capacity to find minor things about us endearing..."
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"Love can be hard to receive when we are not fundamentally convinced of our own lovability"
michael chitru credo it's really a brilliant experience when i see my own revelations phrased in a popular youtube video. I have exactly seem this; especially in those who are perfectionists or particularly self critical.
I think that, it means it is hard to love someone when we do not love ourselves.
Not really, it´s more like, it´s really hard to love someone who doesn´t love her/him self. Trust me i have tried.
Tell that to egotistic white girls...
michael chitru credo that's very true
We adore the ones who ignore us and ignore the ones who adore us 😔
Reckless Dreamer this girl was crazy about me at the beginning of the year. Wouldn’t stop texting me, but never talked to me in real life, probably cause she was nervous. About 6 months later, I have a huge crush on her and she doesn’t seem to like me. Just my luck. I feel like whatever I need or want is gone, but if I don’t need something there’s an infinite supply of it.
Life is cruel.
We are assholes!
currently
Golden Llama12 treat your 10 like a 5 and you’ll be fine 👌
Only reminds me of "We accept the love we think we deserve."
Half correct but ultimately, it is a person’s God given right to reject even who they want for better. In the end, God is the best and all they need, and they don’t need to be with anyone.
@@EmilyGloeggler7984 sounds like you missed Zelam's point and then doubled down by bringing up God.
Think harder about what she said.
amen it's true. as i sin someimes i find it hard to forgive myself, i don't see myself deserving or redeemable therefore don't accept it in my heart. God loves us though that i know.
@@ruthienium1804 But do we deserve their love?
@@undead_6662 do we deserve anything. Its called unconditional
"We accept the love we think we deserve"
- The perks of being a wallflower
Dominic Leong *eyeroll*
That's a fucked up book. Bet u haven't even read it
Krista Miller Chill. They are just referencing a line from the book.
Krista Miller Can you tell me a little bit about the book? I'm a little intersted. Please.
animecutieforever I didnt mean that in a hostile way, i apologize
You love them, they don't care. You don't care, they love you.
Conclusion: Live alone, and learn to like it.
3KBS Channel true story
Don’t give up on love it will always win!
Circle of misery
Story of my life.
I always get anxious of being,,, too boring for the other person. That's why I tend to just push them away early on.
SAMEEEEEEEEEEEE WTGFFF EXACTLY THT
Same
Dude you fucking nailed it 💯
most people just want someone to hang out with who will be kind and talk to them, it's simple but powerful. People just need other people to be there and present.
For me, as someone trying to pursue a friend to just even try to become better friends, which may become something more, maybe not, it gets frustrating. No, you're not too boring, I think you're fine. You like me and I like you. Stop overthinking it. Just hang out with me! Just be with me! It doesn't have to be a big issue, yet for some reason it is. It's not preferable, but if she can't eventually open up, I'm going to have to move on for the sake of my own time, efforts, and feelings. Self sabotage is no good, and it's up to the person to believe my words when I tell them they're enough. If they can't, it's not going to be a good time for either of us.
@@timothyn4699 this is a really great message, thank you.
I actually fought those feelings of 'disgust' and let myself be loved. I am in the best relationship of my life.
Edit: Just an update. Happily married 5 years and counting! Together for 8. Hang in there!
Luisana Rivas - Good for you, Luisana. Nobody is perfect. Nobody can live up to an impossible ideal. Bring out the best in your partner and let him bring out the best in you. Good luck!
God Bless
Please teach me your ways 😭
This gives me hope
WERE YOU HAPPY ??
Thumbs up if you were thinking of one specific person the entire time you were watching this.
Thumbs up or your mother dies in her sleep tonight. No immunity cat can reverse that curse.
Merlin Erdogmus somebody please neutralize this sentient robot
Jayraj Ganatra
You mean me or him?
It's just a post ironic PRANK GONE SEXUAL social experiment, bro. See: There's the cam.
In the name of Christ, I compel you, sentient robot.
Jayraj Ganatra Psh...that never works.
I'm afraid that as soon as I allow myself to fall in love with you, your ego will be satisfied and you'll lose your excitement for me.
That's true
Story of my life...😌
@@alonsovm2880 why the abuse though?!
That’s the gamble honey
First thing come to mind when i find out sb likes me :(
Yep. This is me. I always go for people I can't be with because then the relationship is doomed not because of me but the situation. When people show interest, I get confused but also like "heh they don't know WHO i really am" in which i proceed to show all my bad side BECAUSE HOW CAN THEY LIKE YOU IF THEY DONT KNOW "KNOW" YOU? So when they leave, I'm like, i knew they couldn't handle the real me. I am messed up but I can't help myself.
Thanks for those words...I understand now why something in my past turn out in a way I didn't understand at the time
yep... :(
How did you describe me so well, how.
That is being honest though. Which makes you amazing for showing them your true self with someone before making your self have to pretend and lie about certain aspects in life.
I do the same thing
OMG I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH PEOPLE WHO RETURNED MY FEELINGS
Oh no...
I think he's saying that "this isn't a good thing" in a bad way lol. Kinda ironic tho how you like someone and you hear they feel the same way and your feeling goes away. Makes no sense because then it just shows you didn't actually like em in the first place no?
Any advice on getting rid of this psychological defence mechanism shit-show?
Vitorruy1 how? they said "solve your mental issues" and i got upset. i have a right to retaliate
Vitorruy1 it is not a mental issue. i am only 15 and this has only happened with two people. it actually means that the crushes you have as a child aren't genuine and you later realise when things get serious. you're quick to judge, and come off as extremely dumb.
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIED AT THE DANCING ANIMATION AHAHAH
Adrielle B lol i was crying because the video was so true but i laughed so hard during the dance part, cant take that shit srsly
Adrielle B so Who is using your account ?
LOOL SAME
I sense I may be your tragic lover: destined by means of the elemental system, and alienated at this present paradigm with your departure. My sweet, when the epiphany evokes, know that I am here, forever.
lmao i feel ya HAHAHAH
*My tip: don't overthink love... experience it, feel it.*
If girls just want randomly sex why would I considering serious relationships lol
Just have causal sex thats all
Needed this
Love is not a feeling lol
@@ToquzOghuzKhaganatekhan word I peep this at the club and been at it too.
I believe it's a fear of self love that is at the root of this. Whenever a counterpart shows affection/love towards us and we feel repulsed, it's only a reflection of how we feel towards our own vulnerablilites. People who feel this way in this situation, are most likely hard critiques of themselves and have a tendency to never feel good enough deep down.
and we need to hug them
*sending hug to them
Ah that's so me :(
@@anhhedwig same
This is true of me too :( I'm learning to be less critical these days
You perfectly defined me omg
Just as the video explains, people get scared because they deep down don't believe that they are worthy of love. Or that they are fearful of giving up power to another. Ultimately, we are all afraid of being vulnerable, of being hurt. The power of love is so strong, it emotionally overwhelms many people. If you have not received love from your parents or family in a functional, nurturing way, then your adult relationships will continue that pattern. You'll have relationship after relationship with people who treat you poorly in some way. And even if you consciously say you want something better in your life, you will not receive it. If that new lover is functional and nurturing, (everything you ever wanted) you will sabotage it in some way and blame it on the other person.
Unless you are emotionally honest with yourself, (a subject this channel has excellent videos on) you will continue to delude yourself that you have something so precious that others are too needy or are not worthy of what you have. In reality, you will be partly correct: they don't need what you have because it's without emotional substance.
You will continue to have disfunctional, unfulfilling relationships because your aloofness and arrogance are primative defensive tools.
I have been on both sides of this subject, and only questioning myself emotionally in an honest way, am I now getting to know the real me.
frankiecrocker outstanding. What’s the latest? Can you share ... even just anything?
No shit, you broke that down like a gram of weed that you wanted to roll up.......
(unfortunately) I sign this. Every word.
To me it is I can't even be in a relationship because the moment when someone shows me affection I run away. I haven't had a very loving family and i've been bullied in school :( I'm trying to overcome this.
@@hobimin3091 allow yourself to get close to you, never put yourself down, always try to understand your issues, your fears and where they come from. Accept you for who you are.
We humans are emotionally weak. Most of us tend to clump together in groups and adopt an identity, choosing to point fingers at others in unison but never having the true courage to examine our own selfs.
Most important thing though, don't live in the past, it stops us from enjoying the good in life.
I don't know how to feel after watching this...
Exactly! Its one of those 'Now what' moments. Do we keep playing the same old game or go with what we just found out? Arrrgh
Just follow some simple rules. Always be the one who cares the least in a relationship. Don't be a "nice guy", live your life for you not your partner. Never oneitis a girl. Never tell her you love her before she does. Don't talk to your girl about your feelings.
John who told you that?
Jeremiah Mirkovitz Isn't it kinda obvious? The intelligent people always decide what's best for them (for example making some friends who have influence, making enough money, making children, having many women at the same time (it's unethical, but super intelligent people don't have this kind of ethics, mostly).
Here the decision is to give others second chances. Even intelligent people can misunderstand signals of human beings.
I'm in between, btw.
I am not super intelligent, but I'm also not dumb. I'm kinda intelligent, but EXTREMELY ethical. That made my life harder for the most part, but also more worth living.
+Henny Roggy u are normal. "Intelligent" ppl are dumb. Being ethycal is a great thing, maybe our society want us to be mean. But we are human. Not animal. We need just one love and being loved and love this only person.
This is me. I get really guarded and suspicious when someone seems too nice to me. I wonder why they would put that effort into me and why do they like me. I have a hard time accepting kindness
Majesty Dani me too. I’ve received so little of it that’s it’s foreign to me. I want it but am skeptical and suspicious of it. Then I feel sad for feeling like that
Love yourself. You are worthy of love.
People like you ruin all the fun. Dipshits.
@@fadyaal-khuzaie3036 You must be fun at parties.
I recommend you read the book; " the six pillars of self-esteem" it will help you immensely.
What you mentioned are likely signs of a low self esteem.
If someone loves me back I start to lose respect for them, and it’s like it becomes “too easy”.
If I’m not fighting to be loved back it just doesn’t feel right.
Thanks to this RUclips channel I now know that it’s because I had emotionally unavailable parents. Can you pay for my counselling now 😭😭
You must have daddy issues
Real
I once overheard a guy talking to his friend and he was saying something along the lines of "yeah any girl interested in me clearly has bad taste and can't be a great person so im not interested in them" and I remember thinking how ridiculous that statement was. And yet, that statement (although maybe in other forms) rules my "love life." I have had it where I've had a crush on a guy but as soon as he shows interest back i panic and freak out and immediately turn cold until we're back to a regular friendship. It doesn't make any sense and I hate that I do it, but I suppose I do it because I don't understand why anyone would want to date me. I don't think I'm good enough to be in a relationship. I don't really think I'm a good person. Sometimes I wonder why my friends even like me. And I don't want this twisted self-perception to ruin my friendships too!
I wanted to clear up though that I've never been in a relationship. I would never date someone I was turned off by and I don't flirt so I don't go out and "tease" people. I know better than that. I know that I'll ruin any relationship, that I'll freak out if my crush returns feelings, so I never pursue crushes. I just sort of keep them, like a weirdly fun little secret. But yeah, my low self esteem mostly just fucks up my life, I try not to let it seep over and mess with other people's lives. And my friends dint repulse me or anything, I just sometimes don't understand why they'd want to be friends with me and im afraid my esteem issues will mess with the friendships I cherish so much. I'd like to be in a place where I could one day date, but right now I just don't feel like I could be honest enough with someone. I wouldn't feel safe to show anybody who I really am because I feel like who I really am is a terrible person but nobody knows it. They all think I'm good, but I'm not. I'm awful.
Wawa i feel you. Thank you lol
Wawa I've never related to a comment like this in my entire life. I've felt like this all my life and haven't been able to overcome it. 😢
Either you are still too young and self absorbed and you will grow out of it naturally once you meet someone really special, or you better work on yourself because no matter why you act like this, you hurt bunch of sensitive guys and also your own soul which is a lose-lose situation
Girl you just laid my whole life in a Comment! I can relate to everything you just said .. The difference is just that in a guy. And I don't talk to my friends about these things because I'm afraid they might judge me tbh I have the worlds best friends ever but still I just ... Idk
It's simpler than that. We all want someone who is of high value compared to us. When someone is too loving, we get suspicious that they're not as valuable as we thought.
Humans are cynical and egotistical, never forget that,
KungKras You're totally right
Well what if they turn out to be boring af too. No obe wants that. So its a self defencr mechanism rather than selfishness. For the sake of a lasting relationship
Too many generalizations here.
And we should all be working to become less cynical and egotistical.
Humans are optimistic and selfless too
"You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. "
😭
Eli Otis - Desiderata
GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
By Max Ehrmann © 1927
And a child of God.
Aaah my fave😍😍😍
@@virvisquevir3320 KIANA K K K MMMMMM
We accept the love we think we deserve, basically.
So ...
None?
@@female.monster1343 Aaah...and what have you been really up to? Don't even try to deny it now you have unknowingly let it off
perks of being the wallflower
Also really good song by Beowulf
But we actually get what we really deserve
Every time someone wants to go out with me, I immediately panic and seal up. I'm thinking that person will be disappointed, won't like me, doesn't find me good enough, etc. So I friendzone like hell. Woop Woop
Fear is a terrible thing to acquire
And I bet you also like to complain that you're lonely
Same af!
Ministry of Magic You actually have people ask you out be happy people recognise you at least. No one has ever asked me out
Ministry of Magic woops
"It is our imagination that is responsible for love, not the other person"
Marcel Proust
glad to see that my fear of others actually does have a connection with my one self-loathing :-)
hahahhahahhahahahhhahahha
classystegosuarus 😂😂 how I feel right now
classystegosuarus omG
classystegosuarus right!!
lmfao right what a relief
I think a better title is "Why We Are Put Off By People Who Like Us".
Well, he speaks British English, and his phrasing doesn't sound so strange across the pond.
Ahh, gotcha. I wasn't aware.
I think a better title is: The awkward boob
+cq33xx it would appear that pretty much everyone noticed that xD
Andrea Mora lol'd so hard, thank you
Funny how the comment section revealed so much truth practically than the video itself...
So basically "if you can't love yourself how in the HEEEEELLLL you gonna love somebody else"
CAN I GET AN AMEN UP IN HERE
Mollie McNally NOW LET THE MUSIC PLAY
I think the statement it's incorrect, I prefer the "If you dont love yourself, you can't understand why people love you". Because you can love someone with passion, and hate yourself. Based on personal experience.
Jazmin Garcia hah! 😂
Y’all need to listen to BTS’s Love Yourself albums. These boys really are helping me to love myself
damn I got so sad :/ so this is explains why everytime I like someone or am getting interested in them and when they start to like me back I completely freak out and start pushing them away and coming off really cold towards them :(( I don't want to be this way but it always happens, after thinking it over I realized it's bc I think the other person will be disappointed or see the flaws I see in myself..
morgan g i so relate to this....glad to know im not the only one like this
Omg, you are very bad person
Then they don’t love you nobody’s perfect
Dannnggg this is so real
This is too real
It might be better for everyone to just get a dog.
Mood
Is it because they don’t have any expectations..?
No dogs allowed!
or maybe a cat. :)
or maybe a homeless person
Good timing, gonna get more depressed now :)
Same here... They should make a video on how to live with depression>_< or how to find the cure to stopping depression..Something like that would really help those in need. I have a feeling surgery of the brain is the key to helping depressed minds.. But who knows..
お菓子ジェシカ I don't think doing anything with your brain or your hormones is a good idea.
in all seriousness it wouldn't work, it's unknown how depression works with regards to physical brain structufez
Pikachulova7 lol, well put
Watch their video on the beauty of melancholy. That mindset + lots and lots of music help me live with my depression and have given me the tools to start to appreciate life again.
as Woody Allen says in Annie Hall: " I don't want to be part of any club that would have me as its member "
Lol
credit for that should go to Groucho Marx
Great comment! Thanks for sharing this quote.
harmonica right, I was about to say uhhhh fuck Woody Allen, Groucho Marx said that
he mentions that Groucho said that. no need to "fuck" anyone
I accept that I am worthy of love, beautiful and kind. I am sure that someday, a genuine man would see the good in me and become my partner for life !
Is that your affirmation? The universe will hear you.🙂
@@sumdimsum Hey.. thanks! I got married 1 month after writing this to my dream man 😇 We clicked in just 15 days
@@veggie_central :0
@@veggie_central 15 days!? Omg girl...
How are you doing now? Still happy with your partner?
@@SuperAvocadoo Yeah very happy! We decided in 15 days but got married after one and half months. Its been around 6 months now and we are compatible. Yes there are some differences in terms of interests and hobbies but we give that much space to each other. 😊
oh god I didn't have to cry but it hit me right in the heart
Mr Malibujunkies Same :(
I know how you feel, man.
#feelsbadman
Mr Malibujunkies I lost my heart a while back. I don't feel anything through my heart anymore.
asianforce Women can do that to you. But don't ever forget that it's not a bad thing to feel sad or heartless. We have to experience all of them. We experience all of them.
Men can do that. A mother, a father...basically only humans can do that.
How did they get that hidden video of me in the club?
Better yet, the one of the guy holding your ponytail in his bathroom while you puked afterwards... how'd *that* evening turn out?
i love how your profile pictures color matches with your channels banner
Your a foool!! 🤭
😂dam that was funny
🤣🤣🤣🤣those moves girl
I always have a tendency to hurt people that actually like me. That makes me feel bad about myself and I didn't knew why I did those things but now I do. Thanks.
Same it explains why i tend to hurt the people who like me
Oh wow and I thought I was already over my self-esteem issues, does not seem like it
sammeeeeee
ohgod,,, do you know which artist made the art in your pic
You and me both. :/
Maiaxx just drag the pic into google images...
thankss
I often feel like people fall in love too fast, which then makes me question their judgement. I have turned guys down simply because they don't actually know me and it's not necessarily that I don't think they'll like me if they knew me but that I think something is deficient in them for trusting and attaching too quickly to their idea of me without actually attempting to understand my whole character. I am an open book but I think everyone has different sides depending on who you're around. Other sides of people can be provoked depending on how deeply you try to interact with them. I have always been very observant and profile people fairly easily, and am seldom surprised by people's actions. Which is probably why I won't enter a relationship if I feel the other person hasn't attempted to discover fundamental aspects of my character.
Well said. Glad to know someone else out there thinks this way :)
Exactly!!! We don't like people who like us TOO SOON, because they don't know us, only the person they think we are. Those people are needy and will 'fall in love' with anyone, which is why it's unattractive behaviour. If your guy or girl is a wuss and you die, how they gonna be sufficient in themselves to look after the kids? Heck no. And who starts a video with 'ostensibly'? Lol please.
Ailsa Mambinge The feeling is mutual. Thought I was alone on that :) lol
TOLFINTRY "needy and 'fall in love' with anyone". Agree, it doesn't feel genuine when you realize they're just looking to see who takes the bait lol
I'm right with you!
Wow, this brought me to tears. It explains why I've left nearly everyone who ever truly cared about me, because I was so disgusted they could love someone as broken as me. It seems what I actually needed (and luckily now have) is someone to really challenge me on my beliefs about myself and the world. Even if you feel unlovable, there is someone out there who can help show you if you're ready to see.
I always thought I was weird at some point since though I do like romance, I get weirded out by romantic gestures and the like. I never would have thought that it was not something psychological or trauma induced. I just never saw myself as lovable.
Island Dreamer I feel the same way, I like romance but when it has nothing to do with me lol I hope we can love ourselves soon :)
omg me too:"
Me neither. I’m ugly
Ok this hits so hard to the truth, PLEASE HELP!
I seriously have this issue, whenever a crush of mine begins to display feelings of affection back, my perception of them incredibly drops to the point where I begin to feel rejection towards them, all the way until I do not see how I even thought she was nice in the first place
me too, how old are you btw? (if you don't mind me asking :D )
Procrasti Nation FUCK YOU. Have a nice day.
I'd like to be able to have this "issue"...
Procrasti Nation You both need time that is all...talk more and one day you gonna miss that person
Procrasti Nation Same for me.Im 17 years old and whenever someone says that they love me i completely lost my interest im them even if i had crush on them.I start feeling anxious
Wow the timing. I’m about two months in with this guy who is amazing, and he communicates so well and checks on me so often and tells me he misses me.. I am not used to this, I have been abandoned and cheated on and used - and I am genuinely afraid that once he knows about my dark demons he will run away! Everyday I am so happy and yet I am so scared he will run one day. Get tired of me or something like that.
How is everything going? It's been another 2 months!
Everyone e has what we call demons.. I hope all is well with you x
Exactly what happened to me! I sabotaged my relationship with him and now he is living his best life without me..
THANK YOU SO MUCH MY DEPRESSION GOT EVEN WORSE
What made it worse?
Bri - Knowing I ruined a ridiculously lucky and incredible relationship by being too affectionate and open
Bri - I didn't insinuate that at all. I was just sincerely curious to know what it was that made it worse. I wanted to understand Flilda.
@@deerlow1851 I think the same happened with me. When you go too much into something the only thing left is zero.
@@deerlow1851 just remember if u guys ain't fuck there was nothing there.
6 months ago this video made me realize I needed some help and started going to therapy. I had depression and fear of men bc of a Childhood trauma and the lack of my father pressence while growing up. I'm still working on it ❤ Thank you so much for this clever video.
You seem like a nice Girl, wish you the Best.
My Ex, i think, had similar Trauma as yours... So im sorry to Hear.
But that didnt stop her from lying to me and fck me over, Women are also scary, you see.
She also didnt have a father figure.
Kenshobu Q Thank you for the good wishes. Yeah.. It's hard but thankfully my parents now know and support me 100%.
Do you mind if I ask how does the father figure can effect the releationship you have/had with male?
I wish you the best and hope you will feel better after done with therapy.
xxtravisxxify Idk much because I didn't study phycology but my therapist said so. She said that I didn't have a male model to admire and feel safe around while growing up so I can't trust men at all. I still think that the main reason is the abuse I suffer as a kid tho..
And thank you for your good wishes ❤
Ana Lucia Villafranca - Save your money and heal yourself. Take yourself on a vacation. Buy some new clothes.
“You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here."
A kind lady once gave me a poem and told me to refer to it.
Love oneself.
Love yourself first, continue to strive.
For loving oneself, you have nothing to hide.
Lack of self esteem can often cause doubt
Always think confidently let yourself out
We all have something to give
By loving yourself your begining to live
When you feel good loyal and true
Only then can we really help you
When you see a negative
Or experience the pain
Find yourself the positive, enjoy the gain
For when we smile and glow within
We cancel out the problem forever herein.
So you see by loving oneself
You then have the opportunity
To love me.
THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTINGLY CORRECT CALL OUT VIDEOOO EVEERRRRR
honestly. it called me the fuck out. i almost cried
I CANT
Yup.
I think it's a very human nature that anybody who's interested in us makes us feel more uninterested in them. We tend to chase people who didn't value our worth and take for granted the people who really cared for us. Maybe it's about time to open our heart and mind because it's not about who's our ideal man but it's about the people who will care for us and stand for us no matter what happen.
A New Love Official You're smart. Sadly, 90% of others aren't
It’s not human nature. It’s just that people have low self esteem and then tend not to love themselves so they don’t know how to appreciate them. Finding someone who loves the broken person they are makes them uncomfortable and that’s mostly on them. Everything is internal. It’s not the other person, but them. Simple as that
My observation is that a lot of people lack the social skills needed to build and develop good relationships. Many men are downright effeminate. Instead of asking a woman out or making courteous efforts to get to know her, they try to hang around her and draw attention to themselves (maybe carrying on loud conversations with another person, or “accidentally on purpose” bumping into her, crowding personal space). It’s all very passive, indirect, and intrusive.
I’m not going to pretend I respect people who behave like that. I would never consider dating them even if they asked. I am not a masculine woman and I’m uninterested in “picking up” effeminate men and carrying the relationship.
@@amasion2882 I somewhat agree with the first part except from when you started talking about men.
It's people in general, they aren't cowards, they just don't know what to do inorder to have a relationship with another person.
They don't know what love is, they have problems or reasons why they get attracted to the wrong people (in which there really is no wrong people, just people who have different values and believe those are the things that they think is right)
What people need to understand is that it's what they value, is what makes them become attracted to certain people.
Proximity (the space between someone can make you become attracted to someone because you don't know them)
Physical, if you think you're partner should be good looking, then ofcourse you're going to be attracted to them.
Similarity, if you have something in common you're going to like them and dislike them if you don't have things jn common.
And there are probably two more, but you can look that up.
But in order to fix this, You must CHANGE, what you value, because if you think about it, everyone is inherently worthless. We just attach value to people because of society social norms, "oooo they have this, they are superior and I am inferior since I do no have (or not think) what they have and that is something that I want."
You won't be attracted to people if you don't put worth in what they have and just appreciate that they have it in themselves.
Stop comparing, but compare so that you may better yourself. You will be more accepting of love once you learn that it's not about values, but just about choice. You want to be with someone? Tell them it, they don't have to be top tier, if you communicate honestly with what you dislike and they respect and try to meet your wants and survival needs THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
You don't need a reason to Love someone, if you say that you do, then that is mere lust.
Easy answer: human ego. When people know someone likes them it goes to their heads and they feel they can do better.
Exactly. It's about wanting what we don't have. And when we have it -> the fact that we still want what we don't have makes what we now have somewhat premature and unwanted.
Venus The Planet - exactly
Exactly, hit the nail on the head!
Half correct but ultimately, it is a person’s God given right to reject even who they want for better. In the end, God is the best and all they need, and they don’t need to be with anyone.
It is not true for me, because all I have in my mind is that they can be with someone better than me and that I have to become whatever is the thing they deserves.
a question is always in my head: If I can't love myself how Can I let myself feeling loved by someone else? accept yourself, before to get involved with someone its hard to do ...
i feel u on this.. how to overcome it ? i cant forgive myself 😭
The sad thing about it is that we all start off as no longer wanting people who want us, most of the time. As we mature, we realize that it's low self esteem that makes up us reject those that like us. It's subconsciously saying "you must be defective if you like me, because I'm defective." Hopefully, we mature to the point where we fill our lives with people who like us, but especially have a romantic partner that likes us. The saddest thing though, is that many people, particularly today's women, have to make it into their mid 30's or later before they mature enough to do this. They then finally realize that it wasn't that they liked az$holes, it was that they thought anyone who liked them and was kind, must have been defective, and now they've been with enough idiots to realize how defective those people are and that people who are kind to them aren't defective, but rather wonderful. By then though, they've wasted many years on losers because deep down that's what they thought of themselves.
black1582 well said👍🏼
Excellent!
I agree however I've met more men who have done this in my case. I am glad I don't fit your image of a women who likes jerks. Sadly many men I know go for beauty queens who are dead inside and dont value them. After heartbreak, that's when they value real love often in their 30s. Both genders do it from my experience.
Shin'nai : I agree that men and women are both guilty of this. It’s not always a self esteem issue. Less mature and inexperienced people frequently lose a good prospect because they don’t understand they have a good prospect.
"we all"? Speak for urself mate. I've never treated someone like dogshit or ghosted them. I would gladly welcome a healthy minded person to love me coz only damaged people who think they're worthless gravitate to me, deceiving me that they're normal, putting on a mask & then once I like them they start acting like assholes & I get punished for it.these people don't realise how they affect normal people. The worst part is, even when I show endless compassion. & Empathy, they try even harder to push me away coz now I've seen behind the mask. It's fucking exhausting & unnecessary & made me terrified to trust anyone now, in fear of meeting another nutjob
the possession of a thing ends our desire for it.
you just simplified the matter with less words and its dam true
...which is why actual love has nothing to do with either possession or desire.
@@theoduval1408 exactly
"love can be hard to receive when we are not fundamentally convinvced of our own lovability" damn straight
As someone who has recently started dating, this video has made me realise what a shitty person I have been to my current boyfriend. After having a rather miserable dating history, meeting my current boyfriend has been a dream come true. Not only does he genuinely like me for all my quirks, he listens to me and looks after me in ways I've always craved to be looked after. In my own selfishness, I've been blinded. His affection for me, his care for me, is probably what I've been heal old wounds. I'm so scared to trust and fall in love that I keep pushing him away. I kept wondering why I was doing this even though I liked him so much and that's when I realised: I was scared. I was scared because he liked me so much, even when I did not like myself that much. Today, when I meet him, I'll remember to run up to him, hug him tightly and kiss him gently on his lips. We're new and everything is new for me. But even if it hurts, I'll promise that I'll do good by him and love him just the way he loves me :')
This was lovely to read.
Yeah I'm curious too! How is yours guys' relationship going?
I think it's really interesting having to read this as I've compared with a few traits that are actually very common: The avoidant or anxious profiles which are studied by a psychologist whose name I don't remember. Fascinating stuff that I reccomend to check on, as I said it's more common that some people might think.
Guys, Never believe a woman's monologues, even if she says it to your face with half a river's worth of tears. Especially if she's tripping right on social media.
sona grigoryan seems like you have been in relationships with people with a tadbit lower sense of self worth than you.
When someone likes me, my reaction is
"There's something wrong with this person".
"This person must have been rejected by everyone else before me"
"Why would anyone like me unless they are desperate or out of their minds?"
"This person is a loser, no one wanted. therefore I don't want him either"
Except the fact when you realize 80% of the dating population are losers. Your going to continue down that path as long as you have the mindset of dating only winners and rejecting losers. If it's not bad now it will be. You can always see people for who they are, and be a little more caring.
Oh man.. This is sad and effed up. Do people ever escape this cycle?? Does anybody ever learn to love themselves atleast to an extent that they can see the good things that the other person is seeing in them? Or are we all doomed because of our childhood traumas??
Serenity J someone better give me an answer quick
I'm guessing you've been/going through this too. I understand but there really isn't like an manual guide book to being fucked up.The one thing I've tried to do is just push that feeling away and just go for it, i still feel sick and repulsed by the other person. What I'm saying is that I figured I just gotta push myself and see if it goes away... I'm trying to change, honestly.
It is not an easy thing to figure out what another person feels or likes about you
Serenity J it is possible to escape this cycle. being honest with ourselves, kind to ourselves, trying our best to progress and forgiving ourselves mistakes from the past, talking with people that love us and trusting them. when you are too insecure, have trauma that haunts you or have too much issues, therapy is a wonderful option. it really helps. good luck to all of you!
It's hard. I've been doing it for years and always think to myself that maybe in the future I'll view myself differently. Maybe.
I clicked 'like' on this video 10 seconds in. It hit me as soon as I saw the thumbnail. I have lost interest in a couple of guys in the past once it had become apparent that the feeling might be mutual.
Whether it be because they'd lose their allure or because of my being sceptical due to low self esteem.
Obvious with there being billions of us on the planet, it's rare that one's experiences and tendencies are unique, but it's nice to watch a video like this and know it's something that a lot of people experience. I have indeed told my fiancé a couple of times that he must have bad taste if he finds me attractive. These videos are awesome.
this is why we should learn to love ourselves before even wanting others to love us
I dont even like myself and probably no one does like me hahaha
No point in wanting someone to like us anyways, it doesn’t bring much
Where are we going to learn that though? Think through your comment bruv. Demotivation is something to take seriously. Don't shy or hide from it. Ego has to end some day.
Oh my god. I dont think I want to date someone ever again. I was emotionally scarred by this video. Knowing that I have done this and knowing that this has been done to me, the endless vicious cycles of how horrible our minds can be without introspection. Oh boy, help!
@ that's an interesting idea. I think we do have free will though
I'm in that deadly circle now and I don't know how to break it 🗿
I know I'm a fucked up person and it makes me a sad person. Then I watched the video and I felt better. But right after that I read the comment section and I feel worse than ever.
Haha Lol why so? Just curious
Haha Lol Enjoy you 30 likes my nigga
You aren't the only one. Don't feel bad. It is obviously normal.
I felt exactly the same in this video, and I also saw the comments and felt worse but I’m glad at least another person understands.
Exactly !!! Everyone is just awful in the comment section . As if loving someone, accepting love was easy. It's actually not easy for people who are not used to it. It's scary
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." -Groucho Marx
Thought t'was Woody Allen?
@@tanvikhare9710 No, it was Groucho Max decades before Woody copied it.
The exact same quote popped into my skull. Great minds think alike (let's rub some self-love).
Everyone has that one ex they thought while they watched this.
Somehow I'm glad I don't have an ex yet
jack philip nope. not really. My ex was not for me
jack amiegbe you can't think about your ex if you don't have one :p
jack amiegbe HAHHA yes:(
Cannaman. Is a virgin virgin someone, who hasn't tried being a virgin yet?
Alain De Botton is my last hope for humanity.. Magnifique video
Wow this was eye opening and allowed me to be more understanding..but still so sad because their lack of self love makes them hurt the people who truly love them & see good in them and it's so unfair 😞
We're living in such a backwards world, why can't we just love those who really care? Sigh, reality is hard
Jøran Torsvik I used to have the same question but then I learned that sometimes the people who like us aren't our "type" or they just don't meet our standards. Shallow but true...
Charmaine Le Your explanation is better than this video.
We have to learn to love ourselves first
When you "Love" someone, you simply Love the aspects of them that you feel represent you.
Love is instinctually and fully selfish.
But there is nothing wrong with that.
You only ever do anything good for others so you can pat yourself on the back mentally for doing so.
This is why you feel hate or longing when they leave.
Cause they represented an aspect of yourself, that you felt was apart of you.
This is the cause of human emotional suffering of relationships.
"Psychological egoism’s validity turns on examining and analyzing moral motivation. But since motivation is inherently private and inaccessible to others (an agent could be lying to herself or to others about the original motive), the theory shifts from a theoretical description of human nature--one that can be put to observational testing--to an assumption about the inner workings of human nature: psychological egoism moves beyond the possibility of empirical verification and the possibility of empirical negation (since motives are private), and therefore it becomes what is termed a “closed theory.” A closed theory is a theory that rejects competing theories on its own terms and is non-verifiable and non-falsifiable."
You mean, "represents your idealized version of you". We always want to be with someone who's similar but better, to improve our own chances of survival and our offspring(s)'.
Human nature. Evolutionary nature. Genes are not created to be altruistic.
It's more complicated than that. You may distrust "Love", but love and desire do not seek your (or my) justification.
I thought the same thing until I found love. Its not even about receiving and seeing ones reflection in someone else it is about giving and nurturing another person.
Spoiler: This is actually just an elaborate coffee advertisement.
I feel violated and betrayed. After the hypocrisy of trusting in love. 😂🤣
@Jenny June 💩💩
Best comment so far
ugh, people make things so complicated while it's so easy.
Matthew Ford it's usually girls that make things more complicated than what it needs to be. Since their attraction is mostly a mental thing
Max4Z oh come on, it is scientifically proven that males "fall in love" faster than females. Guys think they are so ~cool~ smh
It's scientifically proven that men want to fuck faster than women. You wouldn't want t call that love. Love goes beyond that urge and has mental and emotional components as well. The main difference between men and women might be that women more rarely JUST want to fuck. They usually take the time to think about waking up besides the same guy twice in a row.
Also, our 'coolness' is sometimes just covering up for our desperation. Generally speaking, men are often quite torn between their urges and other, deeper feelings.
But yeah, men are also blessed with a somewhat more robust ability to love ourselves despite our shortcomings. That makes it harder to understand and cope with the deep self-doubt many women drag along all their lives.
If you strip people of their experiences and the way those experiences shape us then sure, it's easy.
This video explains how I feel so well.
Dude, NEVER rub someone's back while they throw up. It feels awful.
Damn, then I'm doing it all wrong!
This thread! 😁
I get the feeling that to relate to most of the school of life videos, you have to have a deep, maybe subconscious, self-loathing
Will Miller they’re basically saying you’re an ungrateful, little shit because you haven’t fixed issues with yourself on your own first.
Their claims are so generalised and there’s not even any shallow research, they seem so opinionated and judgemental.
Like who are they to say what’s wrong? They don’t know the dynamic of every relationship in the world, it’s erroneous and ridiculous to apply what they say to any sort of conflict in your relationship with someone.
I am that guy in the brown shirt right now, I wish there was something i could do :(
Dantick09 act like you dont care that she doesnt seem to love you back. Dont go for kisses unless she's inviting you, the same applies for sex. It's difficult but essential that you act normal and not like you're holding a grudge. She will miss the confirmation she's used to get and come to you within a couple of days. (If you see each other every day)
Good luck!
s8adeur what do you mean by confirmation?
I know that so well. If you are suffering it's not worth it. Believe me
Dantick09 when you confirm your girlfriend, you make her feel like she is important, like she matters.
Dantick09 but beware, if she's not getting the confirmation she needs from you, she might go get it somewhere else.
Unconditional love always spoils the soul
The older I grow the more I realized how similar we all are. Good video!
When you truly love yourself, that’s the only time you can truly love other people.
It took me 30 yrs to realize this fact. That it was never about the other person-it's been me all along. I shut down and pull away from the slightest bit of affection and make them the villain. It all boils down to the reality, that I cannot accept them for liking an unworthy person such as myself.
This is the best video of yours! I'm definitely one of the people who is mistaken to be the weak kind loving one. Please give us more of this video like how can we deal with the partner who thinks not much of themselves and what to do to make them see we r not weak or defective or disgusting and help their self esteem
My first ever relationship ended recently because apparently she had lost interest in me and had grown detached. I felt that we genuinely liked each other and I totally fell for her. She was so pretty, we had similar interests and i felt that she was just perfect in every way. I always tried to do little things to keep her happy, make her feel safe and comfortable around me, always listened to her problems and rants and made her my priority. Gradually I realized that my efforts were not being reciprocated in the same way and I tried to communicate it with her but she always seemed to have a genuine reason everytime and I wanted it to work so I had to be understanding. One day she just broke up over text saying that "It was just gradual and I thought you knew that I've grown detached, I hoped it would be mutual" . I was devastated coz i never understood what went wrong and when......
I experienced that behavior very often, hate it about me it’s really something that is connected to the way you see yourself. How can you love me someone like me. On the other hand you experience that if you trust and leave this fear of resentment you can get disappointed because the other person is now allowed to see your shadows and who knows, maybe they just feed their ego knowing they could make someone like you fall in love with them. What I want to say it’s really confusing and difficult. However loving someone purely even when it fails is worth everything. Stay strong
when someone says they like me, I tend to act mean towards them... I don't realise it until they give up...
rinahirahoshi6131 THIS IS ME I HATE ME FOR THAT
Me too tbh
I hope that one day, she will realize that she herself is an amazing lady, no just in my eye but indeed in the world I know of.
I hope so
This is genuinely exactly what I needed to hear this right now
This is probably right for a lot of people. For many others the truth is that the only people that like us are unattractive and since we all want someone attractive we jut don't want anything to do with the people who like us so we chase the hot ones who don't want us because we aren't attractive. That might sound crude or shallow but ultimately that's what humans are. Some of us are exceptions but the majority of us actually *are* that crude and shallow.
I'm making comment, not asking for advice.
XD how right you are. I am very ugly and yet I thought as a young person, the handsome guys would like me. Then it hit me in senior year.. I won't get to be with attractive people. And I found someone I was very attracted and he was handsome. But I actually am talking about brains not looks. ^_^ He has a very handsome brain and mine is like mush. Lol but in all honesty. We both aren't too attractive, but I do see him as very attractive and he see's me the same, I hope. Lol
nobody cares what you think
Thats not actually true. Research shows that people date people at their own level, they dont waste time chasing super hot ones who will never like them.
Vitorruy1 Ahhh yes "research." Sounds very reliable. lol. People *end up with* someone "at their own level," obviously, but that's only because they get rejected by all the people they actually wanted and eventually have to settle or be alone.
I'm not like this at all, if people show interest in me I automatically get more interested in them as well.
You must be a man.
Rehab and this is good, man! This is what should happen. The whole process described in the video is painful and annoying and unhealthy. I went through it, and not only did i inconvenience myself, i also lost a great friend.
same :) and then they can rip my heart apart easily.
Rehab yeah I think reciprocating love or compatibility even in friendships is the healthier option. I know a lot of people, and in my experience women, who act the way described in the video. They actually seem less emotionally mature, accountable, and commitment phobic. AKA they don't know their own brain because society did them a disservice by allowing them to continue to behave as children. This is only my experience and I know the same could easily be said about men from a woman's perspective.
yea, same, but I still feel just like in the video :))
This may be slightly off topic but I feel it still relates. I've ways viewed myself as a background character, no one important, and I'm always surprised when people recognise me or even know my name. I want to be liked, I want the people I like to like me - but when I see that actually happening, I panic and try to back out. I think romantic relationships are especially scary because they are (usually) 1 on 1 and require commitment - I can't bail or hide in the crowd. I don't feel ready for a relationship or feel comfortable being so close and open with someone. But I still want to be loved.
And I find this is not just in a romantic sense - I feel I don't really have anything important to say, and I'm afraid to speak out; I'm afraid of being judged, especially by large groups of people. I want to be approved, to be accepted, but I get scared when important, influential, or famous people, people in power, notice me or single me out. Like what is this main character doing chatting to backstage helper no. 5 back here?
Seana you are introverted and there’s nothing wrong with that. Am also introverted but you have to face your fears. You can’t always hide from the spotlight and most importantly you have to be convinced and keep reminding yourself that you are the most important and lovable person in the world
Sameee
All that you have written feels like i have written it.... I hope we get the love which we actually deserve that is unconditional 💟
Introverted Extroverted is nonsense stereotype to sell.
You had bad experiences with social conditions, improve them and rewire your mindset.
any other Americans who were initially confused by the title of the video?
me
I feel this! I used to have so many unrequited loves and I got used to the idea that I could love someone and not have them love me back. It was comfortable, albeit quite painful. When I met my current boyfriend, I began to realize that I didn't know how to accept his love (even though I really liked him back), so I sometimes end up being a little cold. I'm slowly starting to realize that there's a lack of trust on his intention because I didn't think anyone would be able to love me back, so now I'm working on that too. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has gone through this. I thought I was crazy.
cakecrumb095 no you’re not the only one. I am going through the same exact thing, getting freaked out by all the love n care that my bf is genuinely giving me, idk how to accept his love.
Needed this! I met a fantastic man, but I've tried to push him away, he hasn't gone anywhere and has endured my frequent madness! Got to try my hardest to stop my bs!
I get nervous that she might find out that I’m not as great as she thinks, she never does tho, every time I open up about it, she seems to like me more. It feels like she’s way out of my league, but she calls or writes me every day.
Araanor good luck with her 😘
Don't give up on her! If you love her make sure she gets to know it. Tell or show it in your own way that you feel comfortable with. If she likes you so much it's almost guaranteed she'll find it cute. Stay real with her though, don't be afraid to express your real feelings. Being able to talk to someone about your deepest secrets is very satisfying, and will strengthen your connection. If you encounter struggles and discussions at some point (you will) try to understand their reasoning, and forgive. If you find yourself overflowing with emotions, have a conversation about the topic later, when both have calmed down and are hopefully able to listen to one another and tackle the problem as a team. Idk if you needed this advice, I just want you to learn from some of my mistakes
don't worry either she go away or she will stay aroud... cov-19 right now made people don't talk face to face to each other.. which is good since it don't matter how much sex i get.. if you don't live tomorrow then why.. do it all.. i just try to live at my best..
no such thing as leagues bro
we accept the love we think we deserve
This actually made me cry, thank you.
I think the key is to truly and unconditionally love ourselves first
I can only love someone who loves me first, because I approve of their good tastes, otherwise they are idiots.
But then that means that they aren't waiting for you to love them first, so you don't have good taste, and you are the idiot.
What said was "If you don't like me you're stupid"
BayviewFinch - haha well done
LikeAnchors hahahahaha, pretty solid quote. Like me, otherwise FUCK YOU.
Well this was both beautifully written, but sad that soo many people have this issue
It's a relief that I'm not alone in feeling like this.
we accept the love we think we deserve...
I don't like how accurate this is
"And she told me I was too nice."
Woman deep down want a man that will dominate them while on the surface they think they want someone nice and caring.
Limitbreakur I quite frankly think it's a mix of both :P ( we want our big scary hunter but we also want someone fluffy so we can curled up and watched Disney movies together )
Woman need a strong man that treats them just badly enough. they will stay with him because they think they can fix him while always complaining about how he is so bad. If the man is too good, she will cheat on him as she'll have no respect for him. It's crazy!
the thing is, if you want to know how someone will treat you in the future; look at how they treat people they are angry with/hate . the problem with the hunter is that one day when you have a fight, he will hunt you just as badly as he hunts his other prey.
Limitbreakur Fucking hell mate, these black and white generalisations is why you can't get laid.
We are so keen on the idea of love, but when it comes to it actually happening and coming into fruition, we panic because we're not ready to be in a relationship. We are drawn to the idea, and we don't give those who are interested a chance to know us or for us to know them really..
This is exactly true! Thank god my husband and I stuck it out for each other and now have been married 20 yrs!!!
This video is pure gold! How I wish I had know this when I was in my 20’s.