I Review Amazon Self Defense Products
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- Опубликовано: 17 мар 2021
- Have you ever wanted to defend yourself but you don't want to spend a lot of money? Then Amazon is the perfect shop for all your self defense needs!
More Reviews ► • Markiplier Reviews Stuff
Edited By ► / rad_r
And ► / lixiantv
NEW DROPS ► cloakbrand.com/ 
Приколы
"Don't try this at home"
*is trying it at home*
"Be careful"
*hits himself with the tactical whip*
I WILL try at home
"people might mistake me for some kind of a masochist..."
But then people might mistake him for some sort of masochist
"Do as I say, Not as I do" I guess
I was reading comments and then he hits him self with whip
Wait, so I'm confused. Am I supposed to buy one of these items to defend myself, or am I supposed to call Markiplier when a threat arises? Does he come with a self-defense item included, or should I have one on me? And when Markiplier attacks me, do I call Markiplier to protect me from Markiplier? I have so many questions.
Lol imagine
Yes
Yes
𝘠𝘦𝘴
I mean all of those options are useless
mark: “ im not a masochist”
also mark: “ow this whip hurts real bad”
*whips himself again*
Just gotta make extra sure
@@selkrasouza6262yeah gotta make sure if the whip is hurting you or if your hurting the whip
Mark later: this is kinda kinky
Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
Also Mark, mere seconds later: Bonks mannequin head on head
Favorite Mark Quote, “Newton’s Laws are a bitch”
hahaha I started lookingg for pepper sprayyy after someone staaaalked me on my yt chaaannnellll yesterday. Please stay safe everyone and everybody
Me learning Newton’s Laws in school: *taking notes*
@@DyslexicMitochondria Hi ily and OMG i loooooove ur chaaaaaanelllllll
Best.
As a Physicist, I can unironically agree with that statement. Newton's laws ARE a bitch.
Every time Markiplier claims he's "not a masochist" it's immediately followed by him getting hurt somehow
Omg fucking true can't stop laughing at that
"guys, stop calling me a masochist, I'm just testing myself" says as he pours salt into his eyelids
"I just wanna know my limits" he lies, sewing sandpaper into his jockstrap
"Honestly, the joke needs to die now" comes his voice from an actual Iron Maiden
As if it was meant to be done
THATS SO TRUE LMAO
999th like
Markiplier was ADHD mode throughout the whole video, this video made me laugh more than I ever did in my life
When you forget to take your adderal and have a manic episode and get it on camera
mark genuinely thinking that the rape whistle is to.. defean an assaultent instead of alert others is honestly peak comedy.
It's not meant to deafen them???
@@0_dearghealach_083it’s meant to alarm others to get them to help you
😂
@@0_dearghealach_083it’s supposed to alert others, but the noise can both scare the attacker off and hurt their ears
this feels like mark kidnapped us and is showing us how not to get kidnapped next time but he's not very experienced
AGREED
i think in a way most of his videos feel like that
I- yes
LMAO
It's tough love
Did you just... test that on your broken foot?
OT? It's so cool to see ya here!
PLZZZZ
Omg Topicy wapiky
what happend to his broken foot? hes walking on it just fine..
Who is that?
I love watching mark struggling to put together a dummy and realizing he went to college for engineering.
Honestly is someone pulled out a collapsible staff when squaring up I’d be terrified
The chances of seeing Markiplier angrily walking towards you in a dark alleyway is low, but never zero.
And now he is armed with a taser baton and a whip.
miraak the dark *a t a c t i c a l w h i p*
h
This has been a psa
Peace was never an option
Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
Also mark: "Tactical whip."
"Attract a mate" lol
the comment right under says the same thing the same thing-
"He likes his ass the way it is"
Noice
What are you doing here???..go hunt crankgameplays or something
29:07 After watching Hard2Hurt, I realize that Mark does NOT know how to fight. The tacticle whip is easily the best self defense tool in this lineup. The flashlight baton they chose has many issues, as it can easily be grabbed by the aggressor, very obvious you have it, seems rather difficult to activate the taser aspect (Especially under pressure of a real fight), and Mark doesn't even really test how blinding the light aspect is.
I also noticed how Mark didn't follow through with their strikes using the tacticle whip. It doesn't bounce back if you FOLLOW THROUGH, and that also amplifies the damage! Not to mention people can't really grab it too well in terms of leverage due to the pliable nature of a whip. And you can SWITCH to lethality by using that sharp tip of the handle in close range.
Mark going through the 5 stages of grief while trying to build Steve is such a mood.
Let this be a lesson to anyone willing to attack Mark. You could probably just stand still and Mark will end up hurting himself.
You right
Well yeah but who would even slightly want to hurt mark
this had me dying and rotting on the floor
Self offence
@@SA-gl1ri brilliant
I also like how Markiplier is actively trying to replace the one thing he truly lost, not unus annus, not even Ethan, his dearly beloved tactical shovel...
We don't mention it around here, you know how he gets if it is named
Yea, let’s hope he doesn’t make a video and call me out😂, let that piece of Markiplier history Rest In Peace
He lost it???
@@MarinaaAria he did, but it’s a mystery how???
@@grantman5148 Dude how did he?
Imagine trying to attack Markiplier and he just pulls out a whip and starts smacking you to death lol
I would thank him as I die
17:18 those alarms are actually really great for when you’re walking alone and you need to get attention really quickly if you’re an emergency situation
"because people might mistake me for some kind of masochist, which isn't true"
*thinks back to the 100,000 steps in a day video*
Lol
@@DyslexicMitochondria I was curious about your username so clicked on your profile. Your channeI is a hidden gem bro
...then proceeds to hit himself with a whip...
*Doom music intensifies*
What are you doing here ThirtVirus
Markiplier "i'm not a masochist"
Also markiplier "i need a woman who can crush my head between her thighs, it's not sexual it's a power thing"
What horror has Mark committed to anger out pirate king Monkey D Luffy
I need that too, except they have to be anime thighs
DAMN IT YOU STOLE MY JOKE
I can't wait to watch his playthrough of RE8, it's gonna be so good.
That’s not what that word means
2:14 “DYSLEXIA OVERLOAD”
*Me, bursting out laughing in the corner of the room.*
“IMMA NA DIEEEEE IMMMMM GOINGGGGG TOOOOOO DIEEEEEEEEE” was majestic 20:06
"I'm NOT a masochist!" -Mark, literally hundreds of times right before he willing puts himself in pain, as if he was some sort of masochist.
"I've always wanted my head to be crushed in between someone's thighs. And I know which part you're thinking, but that's just one of SEVERAL options."
@Jay dude... think for like 2 seconds before you write something. People that are the furthest from a masochist would avoid pain at all cost.
He's not a Masochist.....he just wants to see what he can take
@@FlaschenJoe11 on the spectrum of masochist to not masochist he's pretty far in the masochist spectrum
@@enter_feeling6042 dude please, he was obviously being sarcastic
Alternative Title: I’m a man who owns five ovens, several tactical shovels and now self defense weapons
A true king honestly
Don’t forget the inordinate amount of sex toys he bought as a business expense 😆
And the most powerful handheld flashlight on the planet.
And an ass load of poptarts
Take my like
"You're in a peculiar situation of having too much money."
Can't relate.
14:47
*rattles of list*
"I'm not going to remember any of those"
Relatable
Mark: “He’s probably not got a lot of electrical resistance on him”
Steve: Is rubber
I just played the video, read your comment and he said it right as I read it
I said the exact same thing 😂
i said the exact same thing
I was ur 1000 like lol
lol I’ll mo now uio noilio noit’s okthe otheoiin the uuu o myo bo I uo moms momuuuu imiiiiiiouuuuuuuuuno
this video is a perfect summary of Mark's being
Oh hey. I know you. Your animations are amazing. They are hilarious.
Omg I love your videos!
At a discount?
@Freyjinn I love you animation.. 💕💕
Love your animations
I love how Mark is like “I’m not going to use these on myself. I’m not a masochist.” And lixian disproves that statement almost immediately 😂😂😂😂
"You're under attack from me! Who's protecting myself from you!"
Mark: "People might mistake me for some kind of masochist..."
Everyone else: "You masochist"
3:09
"I might whip my own ass" lol omg the whip though
@@exotic_snacks819 10:54 feels personal, I feel like he is calling me out for thinking he is a masochist
I have the power to change it from 2.9 to 3k
mark’s not a masochist, he just wants to test the maximum of his self defense
xd
Just wants to test his limits
that's what a masochist would said 😂😂
He's minmaxing his defense stat by putting himself through trials and training
Marks next video: I went to the hospital cause I broke my ass.
The noise thing actually seems useful for SA resistance. I would still recommend carrying a weapon as well in case the attacker isn't discouraged. (pepper spray, tazer, etc.)
"today we are going to test non lethal options of self defense items"
*Pulls out a mini-axe with ten sharpened butt plugs*
Mark: "I'm not a masochist."
Also mark: hates manaquins (buys one), whips himself, flogs himself with a wallet, plays with a knife (scaring himself in the process), and stabs his hand with a spike.
That's just pushing the limits of his own body.
@@gamepapa1211 This is what it means to go even further beyond.
Every masochist
And also gets into the hospital alot
*pain is our speciality*
Alternate title: mark definitely not proving that he 100% isn’t a masochist
Markiplier should try every peep flavor
Boooo
@@GamerPro-wd7eh alright fine lol
or Mark not knowing how to use self defense tools
Not only can you hurt yourself with the spike, you can also shrexualy arouse yourself
This is literally on the top of my list of videos that make me laugh every time! Mark has literally pulled me out of depression countless times. With Mark tries, Mark’s mom, Unus Anus, Try not to Laugh and so many more he never fails to cheer me up when I’m down.
The Ham-axe-ench multitool actually does serve one potential useful purpose in self defense: It looks like a tiny hatchet in the dark. Hold it up and charge at your attacker while screaming. If they have any sense, they'll think you look insane and will run away.
“PeOpLe mIgHt mIsTaKe Me FoR a M a S o C h I s T” oh no good sir, there’s no mistake.
lol ikr
Definitely no mistake. Unus Annus proved that lol.
@@Basstez what is **** ****, never heard of that before
@@infamouseneet3992 Had to be there.
@@infamouseneet3992 just had to be there buddy, you wouldnt understand
Guys, he's not a sadist. He just wants to see how far he can push Steve's body.
Lol, ur Runa pfp is pog
He’s paid you to say that, hasn’t he?
steve approves this message
@@superqmod696 he dont pay people lest its for items
@@kyutogreywolf4292 one would hope he pays his editor as well
If Markiplier has an electric baton he is gonna end the world as we know it.
HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM MARKIPLIER: stand still. He’ll probably just get himself hurt.
Yep
HA-
step away from the splash zone first, otherwise he might hit you too
Yes
True
Mark:I'm NOT a masochist
Also mark:*almost broke a window*
What made people think those pop out canes are a self defence thing? They’re a magicians cane, it’s literally just a magic trick, it can maybe hurt you if you fuck up whilst deploying it cause the metal can be a little sharp but it’s literally thin aluminium
"You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you, and you're about to be destroyed, exept ...you've got me on your side" ... I can already tell this is going to be a great video
I wanted to be the 1st person to comment on this comment
"Big mama jamba"
I like how this bit of silly nonsense he said kinda perfectly describes the relationship between his engineer Mark and Captain characters from in space with Markiplier. Fuckin Captain I trust you but I gotta kick your ass for the greater good, lmao
UwU
you're* kiddo gg ez
"can't get Steve off"
It's OK Markiplier, everyone's needs are different
Thats what she said
Minecraft Steve
"Let me go down on him"
XD
All I need for defence is a twisted tea🥵🥵
When he said “IM GOING TOOOOOO DIEEEEEEE” I honestly vibed to that
The tactical pen has a real window breaker on it, while the stabby aluminum won’t break a window nearly as well because it is aluminum and not iron tip. The aluminum one works better just to stab and run while the tactical pen as a window breaker. Video is great.
"I'm not a masochist"
Mark it's been over 4 years, give it up.
He's also tall, and finished Vanish.
It’s like him saying he doesn’t have long hair 🙄, it might be a little exaggerated but it’s still true
I don’t think Mark has interacted with another human being in a while.
There's only Steve. And Steve ain't exactly whole.
well besides amy
@@graciedowning566 remeber Amy is robot
Considering the last time he interacted with an actual human being said human died. (You know if you know, if you don't, that's fine. A year flies fast.)
@@mat8791 what?
So how did you die?
Person: car crash.
Another person: cancer
Markiplier: in perfect tune bro. In perfect tune
24:18 I was laying in bed, about to fall asleep, and the balloon popping startled me awake 😂
Mark isn't a masochist, he's just testing out his pain tolerance
Hmm, sounds like something a masochist would say
Sure, you can tell yourself that, but we all know the real reason he's inflicting pain on himself
@@whelli9226 he's trying to get the thrill from unus annus again
@@whelli9226 It's a joke, you know that right?
It's only masochism if you like it hahaha
Sometimes it hits me occasionally, to think this is the same guy who comforted my crying sister at a comicon once upon a time.
Aw that’s cute
👌👌👌
I wanna like but I don’t wanna ruin the 69 likes
@@greypug7769 too late
But you got to love the guy, he is funny about it
“You gotta keep your count aselfable” fav quote
15:48
Those things are commonly used here in Japan too. Very useful. When you're being targeted or attacked, you pull the pin and then throw it. The attacker would usually go for the alarm since it's out and attracts people. That's when you run away
"YOU'RE UNDER ATTACK...from me...WHO'S PROTECTING HIMSELF...from you! And you're about to be DESTROYED! Except, you have ME on your side!"
-Markiplier 2021
Best statement from popular youtuber, Markiplier.
Bruh
Yes we watched the video to. We all have ears
@@jadenybrown1070 All good quotes are quoted by other people.
Lmao
It’s a competition...
Mark: rates takis
Ethan: rates fries
Mark: *pissed* .. rates self defence tools
And it's def. the most useful.
@@paulinaderegowska4757 I don’t know the talkies video was very informative
Its deleted channel,,, from a distance
I didn’t realize I wrote friends not fried until now omfg I wrote this half hour ago
Just give me an entrenching shovel and I'm good
4:20 Mark - Steve say hi Steve - help 😂
Him almost testing the window on his own window killed me
Friendly reminder he is NOT A MASOCHIST
just testing the limits of his body.
Yes
Of course
Duh! Why would he inflict pain on himself if he was a masochist?! Everybody knows that!!
So I'm being attacked by Mark because mark is defending himself from attacking me but luckily i have mark on my side. Seems legit
hes fighting me and himself
@@Alexander_productions from himself
@@phoebusapollo8365 With himself.
@@Place_Your_Order_Here for himself
@@gault6546 by himself
12:19 when he is talking about the “whip ability” I just imagined the song let it whip specifically when the Treblemackers sing it
the "screechers" as i call them are more of an alarm for other people if your getting taken or robbed than a self defense tool. That's why they come out so easily
Markipliers catchphrase is slowly becoming "I'm not a masochist"
Unus Annus said otherwise.
@@jakomioftherose2434 *Unus Annus? wHaTs tHaT?*
(please dont take it for real XD)
I mean Unnus Annus died, kinda.
So it would seem right for his catchphrase to change lol.
"Hello everybody, I'm not a masochist, and welcome to..."
Lol
Mark is like a child trapped in a mans body, that’s what makes him so great
True
Can’t really see that to be honest
Nah he's just a happy man
If we can see the beauty in a man child we can truly see and appreciate the worlds best people
he is
You can see how close the intrusive thoughts are to winning when he almost takes The Stinger to the window
I love that right after he says im not gonna test the weapons on myself he proceeds to hit himself with steve
mate really forgot that people might mistake him for a masochist
I keep remembering Sean saying about mark “I can’t tell if he’s a genius or an idiot”
Lol and both wade and ethan have told him something along the lines of “youre the smartest dumb person i know”
The answer is
"Both?
Both.
BOTH.
Both is good."
Idiotic genius
Its spelled SEÁN
Lol im joking
mark: *literally was gonna be an engineer*
also mark: *struggles to put together a training dummy*
WRONG TYPE OF ENGINEERING XDXDXDXD Putting stuff together is my field (mechanical). Mark liked the science too much (switched from the imaginary engineering field (civil) to a real field (biomedical))
He was going to be an engineer? Since when tf
@@catanana312 He studied engineering before his youtube channel. He dropped out so he could continue his RUclips career.
@@catanana312 he went to college for it before he did youtube. He has talked about it so often 😂 he started in civil engineering and then he switched to biomedical, which is probably why he chose youtube over engineering 😂
@@amnesiapilot7367 OHHH PFFFT. I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ENGINEERING OOPS
You gotta love Mark for testing and approving Amazon self-defence weapons for the safety of the viewers, The True King Of Fnaf and RUclips!
I've been crying and laughing this whole time. You're still very funny I use to watch you a while ago when I was younger. You're the best you definitely put a smile on my face today 😁
markiplier really misses unus annus
My same thoughts ahalfhsjsbfmjs
who doesn't? 😭
We do too 😭
@@mysticalmind3303 😐
Memento Mori
Alternative Title: Unsupervised Hyperactive Man-Child Plays With Potentially Dangerous (Discounted) Weapons
alternative title: man with 3 y.o mentality (and hurts himself) tests discounted self defense mechanisms
We ain’t gonna talk about how at 11:49 he was actually about to break his window
We are
I absolutely love the editing, makes the video a lot more entertaining. Great job Lixian!
“If I get a discount on ending someone’s life, you know I’m gonna take that chance.”
-Markiplier 2021
Markiplier, ending lives at a discount
I heard him say that right as read that, absolutely perfect timing
Hand to hand combat. An optionally free way to kill someone.
Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
Also Mark: hits his head against a dummy repeatedly, buys a whip, buys a paddle wallet
Oh trust me I’m a masochist too and I can verify that this man is almost as crazy as mien fürrer
@@presidentjohnhenryeden9450 Idk if that was a misspelling or was on purpose, but i can only get that offended and agree at the same time
Rainxer it was intentional because of the
Meme
@@presidentjohnhenryeden9450 what a cultured man you are
20:08 are we gonna talk about how clean that was tho
The collapsable staff at 27:48 looks like a light saber
Marks doctor sees title and thumbnail: "sigh, nurse get a bed ready"
Nurse: "why?"
Doctor: "just a feeling"
Why do I feel like this has happened before 😂😂
Nah nah, that doctors gonna say it with a lot more punch like-
"NNNEEURSE!!"
You got my reaction pretty much perfect
"Call an ambulance! Call an ambulance! But not for me!!"
Nurse!!!!!!!!!!!
i love how Mark was deadass just about to demonstrate how to break a window with the tactical whip, before he realized "shit, wait, that's a fucking HORRIBLE idea"
He was so ready to break his window before saying 'wait....'
His adhd is on full display in this video and i love it 😆
@@jamesbones792 what.
@@jacklyn_holmse789 😅
11:46 😂👍 Also, I love that too
you know the best part about this is not the actual review but mark attempting to assemble the damn dummy 🤣
20:35
he he he he
Profile pic checks out 😂
[Undertale talking noise intensifies]
Bur ur urp
what i understand from this video:
- you need to deal a mixt of physical and magic damage to robbers otherwise it will not be effective
- markiplier is a masochist
@very_cool It was a joke, I think.
*Do you want to have a bad time?
nonono you don't get it, he isn't a masochist, he just wants to see how much pain he can handle!
@@TheoStarlight oooohh yes of course
@@TheoStarlight ahhh you're right! 💀
Mark: “You see me, coming at you, really fast with anger on my face.”
Me: Hee hoo?
The wrestling video
11:50 brain quickly kicks in
I used to feel bad about being dyslexic, but after this video, I’m glad to say I’m happy to be a happy problem
Mark: "Im not a masochist"
Mark: proceeds to whip himself
Also don't forget the taser
Pee
That’s literally the joke. Thanks for the lazy comment
@@SofaPop. I’m confused, what’s a masochist
@@SofaPop. you are welcome
I love how he’s still trying to defend him not being a masochist
Non masochist topic
Markiplier: I'm NoT A mAsOcHiSt
*proceeds to whip himself*
A battle no one can win
That's the best self-defense
Mark trying to put on that bracelet was like a mission impossible scene 😂
1
22:13 I think i want that bracelet now
What fills me with joy is that steve is apparently shorter than mark which in my eyes would imply that mark is defending himself from a child
All short people are children ✍
so with what i read, short adults don’t exit and are really just children pretending to be adults... makes sense
Can confirm, we are, in fact children 🤣
Children are scary, OK?
@@prettyfunny7616 as a short person, y e a
Mark: "It's a tactical PEN"
Me: "Alright, calm down Percy Jackson"
@Clara Hoffman It's just too perfect! The flash light isn't even that good, like the faint glow of the celestial bronze. And being a pen is only its secondary use!
YES
Noice👌🏽
That is a 10 out of 10 comment
I have found my people
I’m sorry but the line “you gotta keep yourcount aselfable” had me cracking up.
Ps: I think he forgot to pop up the little thing to blow up the tough guy.
"The more money you put in the more damage it does." Real life pay to win 💀
The public: Why does Mark go to the hospital so much?
Mark: Records himself showing off cheap self defense weapons and pointing a taser at his face.
Mark is the real life equivalent of Luke shining the lightsaber to his face
Everybody: “Mark’s a masochist.”
Mark: *There is no war in Ba Sing Se*
I was literally about to type this exact comment
Facts
@Deceased_ he probably watched it 2 hours after that person commented and then found the comment 💀
@Deceased_ you're not smart
@Deceased_ and that makes sense how?😂