1. they don’t listen to you 2. they decide things for you 3. they tend to dismiss your problems 4. they tell you you’re overreacting 5. they deny their shortcomings 6. they shift the blame towards you 7. they never just take your word for it personally know how all of this feels, i hope me and whoever is reading this heals from the things we don’t talk about, i still have some hope it’ll get better, and i’ll give it to you guys ❤️
At the age of 7 I stop telling my parents things ( won’t go into it) fearing the wouldn’t listen and I still do it to this day. I feel like I can’t tell them everything .
It’s horrible when you’re separated from your parents for over a week and all you feel is a big sense of relief. I related so hard to a lot of these, the last one in particular.
@@aomccaskill81 And this is why the only life-long commitment I ever want to have is a commitment to being forever alone. Relationships are overrated, just get a cat instead, or a plant. They're much easier to maintain.
@@aomccaskill81 uhh I feel like there’s a problem here- You know you don’t have to stay with your spouse. Just leave them. We’re kinda stuck with out parents.
for me, its the feeling of emptiness thinking about going back home. feel like there's no place for me waiting there and its really hard to move my body to come to that place called home. wish i could stay outside of the house longer than i do inside
Another one I think can be true is, you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Always afraid if you might trigger something unwanted and become the target of that anger. So you start being extra careful. Anyone else feel like this?
Exactly how I feel. I always leave the house or try to be quiet in my room when my mother is home. I even stopped being at the computer with my friends because she would just turn my pc off (and I don't want to physically stop her from doing that because that would just go bad for me) whenever she wants to shout at me and needs me to "listen" to her "conversation" with me.
I've developed a couple of habits that I didn't even know aren't normal. For example, I look around whenever I'm watching RUclips because it's banned at my house. Another is that I prefer the door closed and I tend to "sneak around" so that nobody notices me. Don't want to trigger anything!
@@rowancrowder1955 yes definitely being unconsciously on alert while watching literally anything. That can be so exhausting. Hope all of us find a safe space for ourselves soon.
I remember telling my parents how I really felt around my family while we were having dinner one time and my mom decided to INTIMIDATE ME LIKE IT WAS GONNA CHANGE MY OPINION ON THEM
Good on you for confronting your parents. Perhaps their reaction is a product of surprise and disbelief, but sooner or later it's better for them to understand how you truly feel.
@@Psych2go this happened months ago and they didn’t take it well, they literally made it awkward and they haven’t changed their behaviour in any way whatsoever
I've always been scared of failure because if i make a mistake and my parents know about it, they will remind me of it from 5 to 5 minutes, for weeks, even in public, in order to embarrass me.
Even when the narrator is describing horrific signs of parental emotional abuse, her soothing voice somehow manages to make it calming, and more reassuring.
She absolutely does! It makes it much easier to hear when it's said calmly and factually. This hit so close to home for me that I almost cried by the end, but I just kept listening instead and felt much better by simply doing so.
I mean I think of it more like…. Validating my life. Every single thing she talked about in the video is exactly what my parents did to me growing up, and it helps to know that it wasn’t all my fault
"I'm the dramatic one?" "There you go again" "I do so much for you every day, thats all I do, and you do nothing" "You're going to grow up to be a horrible person" "I never even said that, you're just asking things up for your own suit"
I have to listen to my mum talk like this when she's tried, which is pretty much always. And my Dad sucks-up to her, doesn't generally have an opinion of his own. It's painful.
Them saying we are gonna be bad people or bad parents when we grow up is the worst Not only they cause psychological damage in the present but also insight fear of our own future :(
"I hope you fail " "You're such a psychopath! " "Go see a doctor" "Don't start with your psycho act now" "Do you think that acting mentally ill will bring you my attention?" "You're evil" "You're a failure not even worth to be someone's maid" "Just go get married, hah even then you'll fail and will be divorced within less than a week!"
Man, I can’t imagine how many people suffer from this because how much it goes undetected. Now I realize how much I was gaslighted as a kid and didn’t realize until now.
My Mom told me to stop Being Friends with My 1st Grade Best Friend(Our Friendship Ended in 1st Grade)Because My Mom Didn't Like the Fact that My 1st Grade Best Friend was Saying My sister was watching Gore(WWE) and wants her out of the call :/
I don't think it's undetected. It's that, for some reason, parents being manipulative and borderline verbally abusive control freaks is something that's accepted in today's society. When a dictator oppresses their people it's seen as a global outrage but when a parent does the same thing to their children it's perfectly okay because they're just being "strict". Awful.
The most cruel thing my mother did was when she answered "I chose not to have heard what you just said". Totally devastating. It still hurts when I think about it, and I'm 77...
You dislike the stuff that gets uploaded by my fingers clicking upload? Are you just a h8er boi? I say see you l8er, boi. Don't watch the stuff that gets uploaded by my fingers clicking upload anymore. Your dislikes are damaging my good good GOOD reputation. I am a superstar, dear O
Keep strong darling! Search for your independence and don't tell yourself the lies your parents have been telling you for so long! You matter!! Your voice and opinions matter!!! You can do this! I dit it, you can!!!
I am so sorry you have to deal with all that...I don't understand why parents don't look back into their own childhood and realize this was done to them and make a promise not to let it happen to their own kids!! That's what I did, yeah, I made mistakes but not like my parents did. Now I'm raising my 16yr old grand daughter, neither of us is perfect but we're close and what she says matters! I am thankful for her, she's the live of my life!
I wanna say that to my parent but she’ll just say: “okay you listen here you little brat” and i’ll get slapped like 15 times, then some water chucked at my face, and then finally get punched in the nose
@@Taetae-lf3xq bro tell someone about it instead of commenting it. I hope you’re not lying but I’m gonna trust you’re not. Tell a teacher or another family member and they’ll get it sorted out.
@@cabbage7880 I wasn’t saying it like you didn’t know, I was saying it like (wow they’re actually getting abused and don’t know it) it probably came off as if I’m telling you like you didn’t know since I can’t change the tone of my voice.
something in there really clicks when your parents are away on vacation and you're just... calm. like, you don't really miss them much. edit: after seeing so many likes and comments that relate a lot, I feel kinda' conflicted, I already knew I'm not alone in this, but I wish you guys didn't have to go through that shit.
It sucks to try and have an honest conversation about how their actions made you feel, and they just laugh at you. I was devastated when my mom replied to me being upset with, “I’m sorry you decided to feel that way, but that’s not reality.” Like, what?
i did that once and i got grounded for two months. i didn’t yell and i wasn’t rude. it sucks because our parents grew up in a different generation and they know nothing about his one because they never care to ask
That is word for word, exactly what my mother does. Another thing to notice is how these type of parents yap on and on about "Oh I'll listen to you if you have any problems!!!" and then come a time when you actually do that, they brush it off as "rude" because they don't agree with it and refuse to discuss the matter any further. They're just trying to get you to feel secure around them so it's then easier to tear you down.
@@lilyyyy7306 They grew up in a different generation, but either because they fail to realize things can change or they're too prideful to adjust to modern society and think the way they were raised is the ""right"" way, this ends up happening.
Even as a full-grown adult living on my own halfway across the country, my parents still do this stuff to me. Anytime I visit, I immediately lose my sense of self and become their accessory again, the good obedient child with no opinions of his own, at least until the pressure builds up enough for an explosive shouting match. It's a real love-hate relationship.
I don't think there is a love-hate relationship. Love can't exist with hate in pair. No offense dude but they chosed to not like you, it sounds like love from your part and hate from their part.
@@Zodroo_Tint Oh, do tell me more about your extensive knowlege of my personal relationships mister stranger on the internet. It is all to easy for me to love my parents for all they have sacrificed to improve my life, while at the same time hating them for not being willing to recognise that their efforts are the main source of my suffering. Multiple therapists have told them to stop "helping" me, but they never do. Love and hate aren't mutually exclusive opposites, they are just two out of many different human emotions. Beyond that, love and hate are very closely linked as far as emotions go. Let me drop a little neuroscience on you. Oxytocin, "the love hormone", released during childbirth, breastfeeding, and general hugging/closeness when combined with eye-contact, is very good at making loving connections between the people engaged in those activities. At the same time that it makes you more protective and empathetic towards that person though, it cuts you off from others, making you less empathetic and more likely to view them as a threat to you and those you love. Loving one person literally makes you hate everyone else a little bit more. They are a matched set. Like a left shoe and a right shoe, or yin and yang, or peanut butter and jelly...
I love my parents. I just have to accept that they never really listened to me or cared about what my life goals were. It's a bitter pill to swallow when you feel every day that your parents defeated you.
Don't let them to cross your own boundaries! They have to understand not to treat you that way anymore and you have to understand that you are not a kid anymore. You are an adult. Don't forget that.
I almost cried, because some points are actually happening at my home. I'm just shocked that parents can be like that. And that I was so blind. I'm sorry for all here, who feel the same
I'm sorry you're all going thru this, I am a mom and now raising my 16yr old grand daughter. What she says matters to me and I would never do some of the crap these parents put their kids thru. I have tried to keep her away from toxic friends but I can't force her, I just have to trust that she will make good choices. I have to trust or she won't trust me. I've had her since 1 mo old and I'm 56. So, as an adult, I do hear you, all of you. I wish it could be different!
My mother enjoys that I confess my problems to her. The problem is that my confession becomes gossiping material with her friends. I am not sure how it is called in the world of psychology, but it makes it very difficult to trust someone like that.
My dad would deny it and my mom would shift tones between passive aggressive and emotional act, like " are you telling be that I didnt raise you well? I gave birth to you!!! It's all my fault (dramatic tone) "and leave . A few minutes later , mom back to normal trying to control every aspect of my life. My dad openly admits that he is trying control my life whereas my mom often tells it's for my own good and gets whatever she wants.
Happened on me years ago and they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Now I tend to stop showing my forgiveness too easily. It doesn't work all that well, but it hurts less on my side at least.
@@Psych2go I don’t know if my mom is capable of even considering anything in this video. She’ll just take it as a hit to her ego and say that I’m privileged af.
I spent a full year away from my mother once. The BEST I've ever been. I felt so much happier. I do better mentally and physically when she's out of the picture. I WANT to love her but man, I cannot be around her for my own safety.
My mom never outright tells me what to do, she gives me and my sisters the illusion of choices but when we pick something she doesn’t want us to pick, she’ll push and guilt trip her option onto us until we cave.
Same lol, my mom always insists me to buy bigger clothes so I can wear them longer. It makes me look stupid and I refuse to wear them. When I tell her about it, she just starts yelling about how she works so hard to clothe and feed me and about how I'm not like my brother blah blah blah
I got my grades* "This isn't your best. Make it higher" Makes it higher* "Alright, now maintain it or make it higher" Got the highest grades possible* "Good, keep it up" I just want you to be proud of me. Is it that hard? I don't get any feeling of accomplisments in any things that I do now be it an achievement or a progress. It's all nothing to them anyway.
I know how you feel!! I really do ❤️ I had the same, never good enough, always more and if I said “it’s never good enough for you” I got thrown from my chair that I shouldn’t react to him like that…
Grades don't determine whether you've learned or not. What determines what you've learned is how well you understand the subject, not just by taking notes but by presentations and all that.
This is why I hate when people have high expectations of me. Once you do well, they expect you to always do well. The moment you do just a little bit worse than usual, everyone acts disappointed and make you feel terrible. Like, come on, just let me be stupid please, I don't want to accomplish anything important, I just want to survive without stress because I've already had way too much for one lifetime, and I'm still in highschool.
The best way is to learn. Doing everything while learning, not by focussing on a grade or goal you have to achieve but by learning. If you learn, you can always fail. Because you learn from your mistakes, not the performance pressure. What everyone said to you by saying you need to get this performance score, screw them, throw it all out, it will never be good enough for them. Change that vision and start learning. Learning means you can fail, but you can grow.
I’ve been gaslighted by my parents for years, and it’s frustrating. Between their shortcomings and not knowing how to help me with my problems, I feel like they’ve been doing what’s best for them rather than what’s best for me.
This is why I lock myself in my room My online friends are just like my dream parents and I mean by that that I always dreamed that I wanted nice supportive parents who ACTUALLY care about me and show me what love is :)
Me: *tries to hide her pain* Mother: *pushes and prods to try to get me to open up* Me: *caves and opens up* Mother: "Well my *insert any life event* was worse than yours" Me: stops opening up My mother: *wonders why I never share anything and end up having an emotional blowout about every 2 weeks*
I have the same situation but my mom cages me and always want to be with me wherever I go she just doesn't understand that I need alone time and I'm already 18 and I drive so I don't need anyone with me she just blames me for needing time alone then blames me for having a panic attack and for having any feelings shown, bruh I wish I can move out because living like is super hard
I can totally relate. Every time I tell her one of my problems, she just says "Aw, I know I had to go through it to!" Basically just invalidating my feelings and my problems, saying that they don't matter because she's an adult and my mother. WHAT? Also, I remember so specifically, one time that she got angry at me and my siblings, we all had a "family gathering" aka Mom Lecture and one of her statements was "I know I'm not perfect, but I'm your mother!" And that was literally her only justification. "All my "mistakes" and "failures" as a parent don't matter because I'm your parent!" Is what she's saying. Crazy hypocritical, narcissistic, double-standard, ignorant monster is what she is. She told me to keep my art as a hobby, and then after 4 YEARS of practice and getting good at it, she's starting to take pictures and send them to people and try to get me into college courses, and I know she'll try to take credit for my hard work and perseverance against her!
It's worse when it's something stupid One time I looked at this statue and it had a name and some roman numerals on it, and I said I was saying the roman numerals under my breath so I could remember them when I got home (they meant 1849 btw), my dad asked what I was doing and I told them I was doing it so I would remember and he started going on about just typing in the name of the guy the statue was built after, I told him it had nothing to do with that and he just repeated his point, we were in public so I didn't really want to make a scene, afterwards they both started going on about if they were ever wrong they would admit it, and then something about them being the parents, still angry about that months later
I'm in a bad place right now, and I'm sick of just sitting back and hoping it'll pass, but every time I try and test the waters to see if I can have a genuine talk with my parents it's spat back in my face and I'm left alone in my room in tears.
Sometimes it feels like tying both of my parents to a chair and covering their mouths and start explaining everything, they are living in their own reality and don’t wanna trust the truth and accept it, I don’t know why are they not trying to be open minded, it hurts considering the fact that It’s my first year in teens and I need to travel to other countries by 16 for my dreams and 18 is the time when you can start living by yourself 😭😭
I'm going to assume you're still in school, so if possible try talking about it to a counselor and maybe even a friend you know you can trust. Your friend would just be there for emotional support, but I imagine a school counselor may actually be able to do something to help you out at least a little bit.
When you muster the courage to do so and they still refuse to hear you, that’s when you’ll need a backup plan to forge a path for yourself. Away from the pain.
I'm sorry to hear that, I'm going through the same currently. Honestly, it has been like that always. I have just lost the patience of being okay with it. But I dnt know what to do.
Is it bad that when I hear my parent's voice I get scared and my heart races up and if they try to hug me my body automatically pushes them away and that I pay attention to their breathing, walking speed, how they step, and their tone?
Same. Whenever I hear them or their footsteps I tense up. When they come towards me, I tense up. When they get near me, I feel like they're going to hit/touch ne
I’ve recently been finding it difficult to be around my own mom, and it was weird but I was realizing that my mom was being really toxic towards me and I hadn’t noticed until very recently. The fact that I’m finding so many comments that relate to my own problems shows me that I’m not just making it up. I’ve gotten so bad with second-guessing myself that my friends have to scold me and tell me that what my mom has been doing is wrong and letting it keep going is just going to hurt my mental state more. I’m happy I found this channel because it came just when I needed it, to show me that I need to trust myself more and learn how to deal with these things.
I've been the same with my mum. Recently weve been getting into constant arguments, she starts them, sometimes it's because I'm just sat there crying because I feel depressed and she gets mad at me and minimises my issues and compares them to hers, like "oh I have it worse no need for you to be upset". I had a meltdown and she called it a tantrum, and she says my mental health stresses her out, shes made it out to be a burden, and when I try my best to help out and make things less stressful she ends up calling me selfish and useless anyway, one minute shes kind and the next she's saying i don't deserve anything that I overreact and that there's no need to be depressed over little things, she's mostly why my depression has gotten this bad. I'm scared of going home.
@@00kittens I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I definitely understand how it feels to be upset after each argument. It feels like no matter what you say, they always win. My mom and I have gotten to a point where we don't even argue, I'm not someone who likes to start conflict so I never stand up for myself and most times, it's just her yelling at me while I try to muster up words to defend myself. I hope that one day, we'll both be able to look back on this or maybe even forgot these comments were even said and be in a better place, even if that means having let those relationships go. I hope things get better, I send you all my support ♡
My mother is the master of gaslighting. I can't believe it took me so long to recognize the signs. But I'm glad I finally acknowledged that her behaviour is wrong and I've recently cut her out of my life. ✂️
Right now I'm only 15 so I still have to live with her, but I know she isn't good for me so as soon as I can I'm going to cut her out of my life aswell.
"Nah, you dont have problems big enoug to complain" "Stop acting like a baby! You're being so dramatic!" "Yea yea you're just saying that to make me feel guilty" Sometimes later "Why do you pass all day in front of a computer!? Come and socialize!"
My mom when I use my pc for a while: Go OuT aNd PlAy WiTh yOuR fRiEnDs my mom when I go out to play with my friends: YoU hAvE sTudIes tO do my mom after i Studied for a hour: yOu dIDn't StUdiED eNoUgH
"Stop acting like a baby! You're being so dramatic!" Also the same parents when you bring up a valid argument against them: Throwing a fit and saying you're rude, then punishing you for it.
"Mom, can I have a pet?" "No, go ask your dad" "Okay" 1 minutes later "Dad, can I have a pet?" "No, go ask your mom" "But I already ask mom and she said go to ask you" "Are you talking back to me" "No" "How dare you" slaps "Im sorry, ill go ask mom(again)" 5 minutes later the kid didnt ask theyr mom but go to their room "Honey, are you okay?" "Leave me alone" "Don't you want a pet?" "Not anymore" "Why?" "You and dad keep saying 'no, go ask your mom' and 'no, go ask your dad'" "Fine I guess we wont give you a pet" ".." "Wait! Fine I forgive you guys.." "Good, but first do the chores" "...fine just for a pet.." "Sweet!" 2 hours later the kid was done doing the chores "Mom, I did the whole chores you gave me now can I have a pet please?" "Sorry I didn't remember telling you that I would give you a pet so the answer is no" This is why I will never trust adults even myself and the people I know, I also know kids and teens has been through if your one of those kids or teens please get help or go to the therapist Dont worry about me ill find a way to defeat this without needing help.
It depends. I was always told it’d turn around and with enough talking it’d get better. It didn’t. Unless you feel your parents can really and truly change, focus on protecting yourself. Separate their problems from you and your feelings. Try to wait it out till college or just until you move out. Even then it’s still a process… trying to get out of the box you were put in so many times you believe it… ugh.
Relatable. Instead of the pet thing, I was always the middle person who constantly takes criticism negatively from both parents about each other. Can’t wait to get out of this problematic environment bro :(
Once again my parents would do this : - "You're just over reacting" - "Why can't you be respectful for once?" - "Look at your sister! She's very smart and we're proud of her." - "Why are you so useless? We know you want the art and music major, but we're low on money so we need you to pick a useful major" (explanation for you all that in Indonesia, people in Indonesia don't really use art and music major so it's pretty much useless unless you're already famous.) - "Is it really that hard to tell you to study? After all I've done for you would you at least consider us and try to repay us?" - "Stop making up stuff and saying you're depressed. *You're not* " - "Stop using sarcasm, you're annoying everyone else in this house and that is rude. Also you need to learn how to behave well" - Parents after hitting me and calling me a piece of shit : "Don't cry. It's noisy" Me who can't even cry anymore in my mind : And you expect me to respect you? - "Who are you to do what you want? You're my child and I support you on anything you do but can you respect me for once and follow what I want?" And this is how my life is 😃 Have a nice day y'all!
@@fae_gavan7582 overall I guess I'm okay judging I'm still not dead yet til this day. Try my best to stay as positive as I could in my family but I only came back as a person who isn't aware for anyone. I'm basically just an empty shell whenever I'm at home, and pandemics are making it worse because I need to stay home at all times. But yeah once again I think I'm fine, thanks for the worry! How bout you? You can share anything with me too!
It hit so hard 😔i can feel you I am going through the same situation but I feel good I am strong enjoy that I am not dead yet you should also feel strong even in this situation you are surging and being strong
God from the constant patronizing, the snooping through my stuff, and the common phrase “you need to change your attitude,” Ik how you feel. It’s confusing for me cuz they’re family but they constantly get under my skin.
How about having a selective memory? I remember certain conversations with my mom about important things or events, and she always denies remembering them. Especially if it might paint her in a bad way.
I tried to tell my parents that I’m atheist after their religious ceremony, and they kept putting words in my mouth. They said I was forcefully faking a “fit” when I was super anxious about coming out to them. It sucks to be told what and who you are by people who barely care about you. 😥
I'm here for you, I want to say it to my parent so they can know my real self but I'm so afraid of telling them and in the end, I'm here, trying to cope with it because is not only with my religious parents but the members of the religion itself, I'm quite scary but I want to let you know I'm here too, I'm with you💜
Yeah, just don't tell intolerant religious people anything. They won't change their minds, they won't give you the benefit of the doubt, they will find every reason to blame everything on you, and they think they're frickin perfect for trying to control other people. I know from experience.
One that was a huge sign for me: I once said that I was scared of coming out to them as pan, and when I said I was scared to tell them something, and when I (while terrified) said I was pan, they said the worst response. "Well we aren't mad now, are we?" That implied that they COULD get mad at me for something I cannot change, that in other situations I would be punished for not being "normal"
This! Haven't told them I'm bi because of all the homophobic, racist and just awful shit they find "funny" but also because I feel like it's something I have and I don't have to share with them
@@RodaMoonknight and realistically they never need to know until its too late for them to do anything about it, though sometimes it does depend on your situation
In just 2 more years I’ll be turning 18 and will go away from them peacefully without hurting them and will never look back to this time when they tortured me soo much mentally …My current goal is to just survive these 2 years as being a happy person by myself and stop expectations from my fake parents …Just gonna trust the Lord for instance…
I wish you the best in luck! I'm praying for you too! God loves you and wants you to be free from them too. You don't deserve this. Don't forget that! ❤👍
I'm going trough the same situation, just want to let you know that i'll be cheering on you, as i know how hard all of that is, be strong and don't give up, because i know that a better future awaits for you, good luck with all of that, i'm sure that God has amazing things to you, things that you don't even imagine, all you got to do is to trust. I hope you have a great life, a life that you love.
@@greatwavefan397 Oversheltering is my mom's Bible excuse, like she couldn't say "yeah, that part isn't ok but the rest is fine." (And I mean Biblically ok, not things like rated M stuff) Like... I'm watching a literal 1st grader's show in middle school because nothing else was acceptable. And it's my fault that "nothing she does makes me happy."
Me crying over something that matters to me. My parents: "Don't cry" "You aren't a little child" "Stop acting like a baby" Then they're suprised if I don't tell my feelings to them- :/
My father does that to me also when I was in high school. He was often “STOP CRYING LIKE A CHILD! I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU WON’T ACT ACCORDING TO YOUR AGE, MEN” “YOU ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU WOULD BE AN ADULT SOON!!!! YOU SHOULD BE THIS!! YOU SHOULD BE THAT!!” “GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING ROOM !!”
*7 signs your parents are gaslighting you* 0:52 - They don’t listen to you 1:29 - They decide things for you 2:04 - They tend to dismiss your problems 2:35 - They tell you you’re overreacting 3:00 - They deny shortcomings 3:35 - They shift blame toward you 4:11 - They never just take your word for it Hey all, if you relate to some of these, know that you are not alone. It’s not your fault, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that your parents don’t love you - sometimes that’s all they know. And yes, it’s hurtful, and not enough. Much love ❤️ from *High Living - animated videos*
I had massive panic attacks almost every day for 23 years straight. My parent's only response was to tell me to learn how to control it. No other help. The moment I had a friend "remove a brick" from that wall my parents had spent my entire life building, I was able to look through and my panic attacks (at least the massive ones) completely stopped. I haven't felt this mentally lucid and emotionally stable ever. I'm moving out later this year with those same friends that helped me remove that first brick and while I have both my parents trying to gain that control over me continuously, I recognize it and won't budge on my decision. To those of you unable to distance yourselves from your situations, I know you can do it! But I also know it's going to be hard. Remember that no matter what your parents told you, there is always someone out there for you to rely on. They're not even that far away, you just need to remove your wall brick by brick and build a house in which you decide who you let in!
I was gaslighted all my life by my parents so that I could become a weak, fractured adult, and now they are able to gaslight me more, except now it involves money and my job. Bad luck made me unemployed to still live with them, but they have psychpathic tendencies. I am also vulnerable to gaslighting from other people in my job because somehow they sense this weakness from me.
Some of these are really too relatable to even think it's bad. I was shocked hearing some of the points. They don't fall completely in that category, but yeah, I think every parent has at least once made this mistake. Thankfully, all this happened for just about 1-2 years, and that was itself some 5 years ago. I think they understood they were somewhere wrong too, and I'm glad for that.
The biggest one for me is not being heard. I’m afraid to even let my mom know the things she does and says that really makes me feel horrible. I’ll never forget this one occurrence, I was invited to someone’s birthday party and I didn’t really know them too well so I told my mom I wasn’t gonna go. She asked me why and I told her number one: I don’t really know this person, and number two: I’ve been physically and mentally exhausted from everything I’ve been going through. She starts laughing at me and saying how ridiculous I sound, then she starts comparing her life to mine saying how worse she has it and I have no right to be tired. She literally yelled at me saying YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE TIERD. I was so scared, she made me ball my eyes out in fear. I was shaking, and getting a full on anxiety attack bc of it. She wouldn’t let me give her a reason why I was so mentally and physically tired, she just kept on ranting about her life and how hard it is to be a single parent and what not. This event happened a while ago so I don’t remember all the details, so I was possibly crying by the other things she was also saying to me. My mom isn’t verbally or physically abusive, but it was terrifying the way she was screaming at me..
Woahhh this sounds exactly like my mom. I recently got a job, that she pressured me into getting but anyway, and obviously after working a 8 hour shift I am tired. So I'm like mom I'm tired can we just go home instead of shopping. And she literally raged at me about how I don't deserve to be tired, what do I know about being tired etc. It was really just frustrating and sad😔
@@taija_m2686 it really sucks having a parent like that. I just feel like I can’t be honest with my mom without getting into a fight with her. She won’t let me be heard, the thing about parents is that they can’t ever admit when they are in the wrong. It’s always the child’s fault, because we are immature little babies. I can’t ever be heard in my house, I’m at my breaking point honestly. I highly recommend getting a therapist because I can tell her so many things I can’t tell my mom.
Me: trying to explain to my parents how my childhood caused long-lasting psychological problems. My parents: Yeah no, that never happened, we never did those things. You're lying. And if you're not lying, then you must be insane, since you clearly dreamed all of this up.
@@humaali2742 The worst part is, I'm by now almost sure that they actually believe what they say. They've been living in their own reality for so long that they've convinced themselves of what they want to believe in. That makes everything even harder, because the truth upsets them.
My parents are the same way (my dad more than my mom.) My mom also says she supports me and all, but she’s way to pushy about it and I’m just not comfortable trusting her words, since she still recognize what she did and still does is wrong. My dad refuses to even acknowledge that he was a horrible parent, saying that I’m the problem. Honestly, I don’t think they were meant to have children :/
@@Rainbow_Pirate my mum is very narcissistic. I’m pretty sure she believes her own lies. It’s absolutely crazy to us as we know the truth but for us to explain the truth to them and for them to deny is mind boggling. It’s done on purpose to confuse us. Iv learnt to not even bother bringing them up on their lies anymore as it gets you nowhere x
@@silvererrr2080 Yeah, you know its bad when every time you try to have a conversation with them it turns into a lecture. That's why I avoid talking to my dad whenever possible
“I gave birth to you so you have to listen to me” *honey, I could have been born in a different family. It’s not my choice to be your damn child* 😀 *let me do what I want to do- Idc if you don’t want me hanging out with my friends without you cause your scared, they have parents too ya know-*
I tried to talk to my mom about the way she behaves when she’s angry a couple years ago and she turned it into a screaming match, telling me that I was being dramatic, that other people have it way worse, and saying that I was the one gaslighting her before saying she was leaving and never coming back and drove away. I won’t ever forget that, but I wish I could
@@angelika_joanna because we depended on them. We knew they were in the wrong, we just couldn’t do anything and over time we just believed their bullshit to be true
Last night I really started hearing and realizing that my mom was gaslighting me. I tried to talk to her about why I was feeling like that and all I got was, “I didn’t say that. You’re taking and twisting my words. Oh my god I can’t even talk to you because you keep interrupting me” But the truth was this is what I said to her when she was actually interrupting me and not hearing what I said
My best friend is lesbian and cis, but her mom keeps on insisting that she could ONLY like girls if she was a biological guy because of homophobia. She totally tricked my friend into thinking that she MUST be straight because it's impossible to be a wlw person. I HATE her mom. I later found out that her sister is a closeted bisexual, and she is M2F trans. (She transitioned on her own in her early 20's and still has not come out to her parents out of fear. Also, her mom is a super transphobe who has # superstraight on her Twitter bio according to my friend.
Have you initiated a conversation with your best friend on how to communicate with her mother? Do you know any resources that you can provide to your friend?
Gotta be honest.. It takes a while to face the fact that, as much as you love your parent(s), you've been gaslighted _so many times_ by them, perhaps even still because they know you've been so obedient to their words up till now.. :( Thanks for the video :)
And sometimes they don't mean it, but the way they've been raised influences them to act like this. Regardless, it does not feel good to be gaslighted. Thank you for sharing!
I prefer wearing similar clothing throughout the week for efficiency. Mom got so tired of it, she threatened to burn one of my favorite hoodies because it's ghetto to wear one when I don't need to.
I think the biggest thing that related to me here is "they don't listen to you/shift the blame to me." My parents have done that... like... my whole life. This might be a little personal, but the best example of this happening was: my mom got really drunk one night, and she does this thing where she repeats everything cause she can't think straight. 3rd time around, I raise my voice a little bit and she gets into a hissy fit. Next day, family sits us all down and gives us reasons for why mom got mad. Wanna know what wasn't mentioned. Moms drinking problem. It was all the kids fault. I WAS SO PISSED. Ah didbdjd sorry about that.
3:01 This is so real. I’m 32 right now and I still remember, when I was 12, asking my Mom can I say something without getting in trouble while I was getting chewed out for something. (I was going to tell her she was a hypocrite) She told me, flat out, no I can’t. So I never did. I knew I would get whipped if I did. 20 years later I remember this vividly and my relationship with my mom is still rocky even though she seems to try to better it
And find peace! Really I don’t want to isolate myself with the fears I have, I am trying to be positive but at the same time it feels like I am trying not to act like I am depressed
I have just realised my parents do all of these things, and now that I really think about it they never did all of this for love, this isn't what love is, this hurts your child and make them unable to love people because THIS is what they think love is when it isn't at all
I think it's pretty normal to enjoy parents not being around for a little while so you get some time to enjoy yourself as a teenager, but my mom has been gone for months at a time before, and I've enjoyed every second of her being gone. She does a lot of the things listed in this video to me, and I really hate it.
this happens daily in my life but I hope that even if one person reads this comment, they know that we can be independent and strong without anyone's validation. There are always better people in the world. Don't think that only blood-related people care for you. Others may care about you more. You just need to find them. I hope you lead a good life!
I felt empty at many points of my life. It's sad that it had to be the closest to me causing this. Cutting ties with toxicity and focusing on self improvement is the way to a more peaceful life. Anyone reading this stay strong to the very end as things will get brighter in the future!
This almost made me start crying again, I see my parents as all of these signs and I just calmed down from a I think anxiety attack while being in little space so wow...
I have parents just like this and it’s hard to live with, but I’ve taken the steps to have distance between us. Anyone who is dealing with this should take steps to take care of your self because the toxic nature can rub off you.
Damn this video really just defined my entire childhood, and my life right now. I hope that when I become a dad, I will get the opportunity to prove that I can be a much better parent than my mum and dad combined
My mom has been a good parent most of my life until I started showing mental illness symptoms. In the past year, she's told me I'm lazy, not trying, dramatic, and told me that I'm too much work and I've made her have to rearrange her entire life. When I tell her this hurts, she gets irrationally mad, and yells telling me that she's human too and she can't be perfect, and that I should be grateful that I have a parent who's doing their best. Every time I try to say that she hurt me, she tells me that she's allowed to, because she had a bad day, what I did was justified to be angry at. Usually what I did was just things related to my ADHD - not being able to focus, executive dysfunction, etc. But I've told myself that since she's nice sometimes too, she can't be that bad. I'm only just accepting that she could be abusive. This video helped me realize that.
Whenever I complain about my job or the things that happen at work, usually the two responses I get are "that's life" and "better find a new job." Neither of those are helpful, and it feels like they're both blowing me off and shaming me for complaining.
The scariest part is, you can feel like your just making it all up, and that its all just something in your head. My parents and i would go for weeks arguing and then I have to apologise and be grateful they forgive me before we'd have some peace. And then it snaps and the cycle continues. I'm learning to listen and validate myself but it's SO hard and I'd always feel so 'selfish' hearing myself becuz that's what my parents would call EVERYTIME i listened to me over them. I'm being gaslighted but not anymore.
After knowing what gaslighting is I’ve been seeing it around my house and honestly this video now just confirmed it. My dad often gaslights my mom and me making us think that we don’t actually know what’s going on around us and that all of our trauma wasn’t real or what we say isn’t true there’s a lot of other forms of gaslighting but those are the two major ones then I realized that my mom does it to me and every time she’s wrong instead of taking my word for it and a conversation she turns into a yelling match this is happened about three or four times and now this video has made me see a bunch of other times that she is gaslighting me. So now thx I know what to look out for and I can get through it without thinking it’s about me. I’ve been seeing these videos a lot on my social media so thank you they have helped me so much try to find my self and see who to cut off so I can grow. I love the videos plz don’t stop making them!!!
1) they don’t listen to you 0:52 2) they decide things for you 1:29 3) they tend to dismiss your problems 2:04 4) they tell you you’re overreacting 2:34 5) they deny their short comings 3:00 6) they shift the balms towards you 3:33 7) they never just take your word for it 4:10 Just in case you’re not up to watching all the video or are looking for a specific point :) If you’re struggling with this it is not your fault, you are not crazy, you are absolutely good enough and I am so proud of you for being here x
I remember tell my dad about how low my self esteem was...he literally got mad at me. He got mad at me for having LOW SELF ESTEEM. He also constantly makes fun of my emotions so yeah,,he's not the best.
My Thoughts For #1 It was a yes. If i try to talk it is always just "i don't know what to do about that" or "your just being dramatic" or a transition into her problems. While i don't mind listening, i just wish i had someone that didn't mind listening to me. for #2 my answer is complicated. A lot of the time my mom just makes my choices for me but when i do get to make a choic, no matter how small, my mom makes me think it is my choice and then if i don't make the choice she wants she guilts me and makes me really uncomfortable until I'm just like "i mean either one works". Does that count as making my decisions for me? for #3 it was yes. Like i said for #1, it is all "you are just being dramatic" or "I'm glad you don't have to go through what I do" for #4 again it is always "you are just being dramatic" and "**laughter** those theater classes are really paying off huh?" For #5 it isn't really her fault but yes. My poor mom has abandonment issues and suffered a really abusive childhood and because of this, if i try to say something, she will feel like i am abandoning her, so i have to make sure she doesn't get that impression. For #6 omg this hits too close to home. "Why do you treat me like this?" or "You sound like (insert emotionally abusive boyfriend's name here) right now" when i so much as ask why she is yelling at me when i genuinely don't know. For #7 i honestly don't know. I mean, she has trust issues so she doesn't trust much of anyone so i guess?...idk tho Thanks for reading this it feels good to type it out and say it even though it isn't to anyone in particular. :>
@Daniel Scheuermann all seven of these points really encompasses my frustrations with my parents...its more terrible now since I'm staying at home with them all the time. At least before i could forget about it by going to school.It feels more real now that I actually recognise the signs now...and more devastating since I can't do anything about it until mid next year when I leave for college.
Also sucks when they take their stress out on you, not really fun wearing longs sleeves or a sweater all the time to hide your bruises and forget about the beach; found people tend to walk on you more when your weakened. Also wearing face mask to hide your broken nose and cut lip, but you do get use to it... kinda nice to be able to wear a sweater all year round, so I guess that's a plus. All you can do is stay positive and learn from their mistakes, be better than they were "There is no shame in being weak, but there is great shame in staying weak"
@@aminenamga8548 I’m sorry you had to face that with them to this day…atleast try learning some subtle defensive moves to block most of their hits…it helped for me when my parents sent me to karate when I was 12 for a year…now even though I don’t practice anymore I still have that instinct to defend 5 years later. With my subtle defences I showed that beating me wasn’t working. Also I’m sorry for comparing. This is the best I could come up with atm. The fact that it’s normal where I live to physically hit children for discipline is disturbing. My parents even told me that the only reason they stopped was because I was getting too old for it….as if my trauma ever will leave for me, I’m actually that lucky for that you know?…it’s much more worse in other families around me. And since this is so normal where I live I can’t go to the authorities. Oh and also bruises don’t show easily on my skin. My physical abuse situation is nowhere near as brutal as yours, but I hope you’re able to avoid them and defend yourself as much as you can.Is your situation where you have to stay with them and have no choice?…You have my support and compassion with you at all times.
All of this is so familiar. Especially lately, my mother tries to guilt trip me into talking to her about my feelings. When I finally try to talk about how I feel, she laughs at me, screams at me that that never happened, I'm overreacting, I'm crazy, it's all my fault, I'm stupid, I'm not trying hard enough, I'm a spoiled ungrateful brat, etc. I'm turning 18 in a month, but I have no idea how to take care of myself. My anxiety is so bad that I feel like I can't function properly, I don't know how. I wonder if that's another thing she's caused. Sadly the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me has come from her, and I'll never forget them.
Telling me I'm overreacting. That was the biggest one. When I was 4 or 5, I can look back and see I was indeed overreacting. But right now, when my mental health is a mess and I'm going through a lot, those words hurt.
Ikr, if you cannot treat a child with the SMALLEST amount of respect, don’t. Have. Children!!! It happens all the time, why bring a child into the world and use them as your emotional punching bag ;-;
I bet you kinda love them, but don't respect them because they have lost it from you. *That's completely okay.* Everyone deserves kindness, but it should _never_ be confused with respect.
@@oli5686 Exactly!! Children are not a emotional punching bag they are human beings Just Like You! I don't care what you are feeling, you have no excuse to treat your child like it's a object to cry on
My mom does absolutely everything in this list. It took me until not too long ago that my mom had been gaslighting me this whole time. This vid confirms it 100% for me.
I've dealt with my mom being a jerk to everyone since she had a surgery go wrong. Ever since then she has used that event as an excuse when someone says they're suffering. I say that the stress she brings me is breaking me and she says something like "I almost didn't make it back, I have PTSD and I will never recover" and completely stomps on my words. Recently she's gone and started going on about how horrible my dad is and every time I say that I'm suffering she just says "Oh your dad abused me for years and violated boundaries" because she caught him doing "naughty things" on his phone. Here's the thing. They still hold hands a lot, especially in public. I don't think you do that with someone that's supposedly a horrible person that abuses you. And then she goes on and says that I'm the issue, I'm gaslighting and manipulating people, and telling lies behind her back when I vent to others because I can't take it. I told her she's called me a lot of horrible names and denies it ever happened when I have audio proof of it happening. She's threatened to call the cops to kick me out of the house for standing up for myself and not taking this bullshit anymore. When I say I'm done with her bullshit she says "alright go sleep outside with the bats then" because she knows that I'm terrified of being outside after dark because of bats. She has actually tried waking me up by playing a game with sounds that she knows makes my OCD go haywire, with the intent to disturb me so I can't sleep. She constantly complains about my OCD compulsions and tells me to "quiet down" and says empty phrases like "that's enough" "you're okay" and SHE is the one in the house that self diagnoses us with disorders before the doctors confirm what she says and SHE is the one that says she knows a lot of psychology. She's not ignorant with my disorder problems. Its clear that its that she don't care. Thank goodness I am free from her in 12 days, but these 12 days will be an eternity with the way she treats me.
This makes my childhood make a lot more sense, especially with my mom. She's done 5 out of 7 of these, and I've never been able to talk about it. Here's to hoping it doesn't get worse, I guess, when I move out.
I always knew that my "father figure" did not care for me at all, and this was one of the reasons why. Luckily, just a few years ago, I moved out of his household before things got much worse for me.
I relate to all of these so much. Both of my parents are like this, though I only deal with it from my mom now cause my mom and dad are divorced. I'm an adult who unfortunately lives at home with my mom and I've been treated this way my whole life. I'm autistic, but I'm high functioning, but I still struggle mentally which makes it hard to be independent so that's why I live with her and it honestly it's scary cause she's the type that acts nice at times which gives a false sense of security then goes off at the most ridiculous things I say or do, or if things aren't going her way in her life.... So I constantly live on edge feeling like I never know when she's gonna go off. Worst of all, she lies to make herself look good so nobody believes me and all they say is if you don't like it move out which is easier said than done.
Ah, reminds me when I was around 14 and for the first time in my life told my Parents about my feelings. They both just paused and than bursted out Laughing. Telling me to not act like a spineless coward. That memory has been burned in my brain. Il remember that moment until the day I die, I think
I have had all these signs. Recently my best friend moved away, I started a new school for 8’th grade where I know nobody, they always say I’m being dramatic. Right now I’m taking algebra honors and it’s super hard for me but my parents are really strict about my grades and I can’t get a C or lower or my phone gets taken, but currently I have been so stressed with all the change and I have an F in math because I honestly don’t understand, but my parents always say that im not trying hard enough even if I do all the homework and take all the notes. On top of all this I have volleyball tryouts in 3 days so I am under more pressure. They don’t understand and tell me to get over it. They also treat my bother much better and give him more attention because he has anger issues but when he does something wrong the blame is placed on me for not looking out for him even though I can’t do anything about it. I am really struggling and have tried to tell my parents this stuff but they never listen and nothing ever changes. What should I do? Im lost and don’t know where the right place to be is.
You could ask you algebra teacher for extra help, and stay after school for help if needed. On the days you aren't studying extra, you could practice for your volleyball tryouts. Idk how to help with the thing about your brother, that's just straight up abuse.
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, and i cant really do too much to help you, but i must say, i admire you for working under such pressure, even knowing how you parents treat you. I'm really proud of you, and you're doing enough. Just try not to overwork yourself. Also, you said you tried to talk to your parents, but they dont give importance to the problem, i dont know if it's going to work, but, when things are complicated in the family, and neither of them want to talk about it, the best thing would be to search for professional help. But if they dont want it, i am really sorry, but a temporary "solution", would be to deal with it :(. Maybe what i said is useless, but stay strong, please, and take care
I'm so sorry here have a virtual hug 🤗 You are more than your grades,your brother's anger issues are not yours(as if your his wife smh) and you DON'T deserve whats happening to you.I don't vent much on the internet but I am in a similar situation(don't have all the signs,at least mom and I are friendly but I can't mention my anxiety to her. Its really complicated.I just wanted to say your not alone
In case you needed any words of reassurance: you are doing your best and the added external pressure from your parents is not helping, even if they see it as "tough love"; you are not your brother's care taker; your parents should never make their child feel there is favoritism going on, and if you feel like there is any then that's on them - NOT you; your problems are valid, even if only to you, and they need to respect that as your parents.
Sadly, most of these things are true, now and when I was younger. I've realized that it's not that I haven't recovered from being bullied, I've also been gaslighted by my own parents, causing me self esteem issues. I have anxiety and one of the things that make me extremely anxious is thunderstorms, so, whenever one rolls around, I get anxious. But, my parents just say I'm being "over dramatic" or they tell me that teenagers shouldn't be afraid and anxious about things all the time, even though most of my anxiety is still out of my control.
This is a very useful video and describes much of my life. I’m in my 30s now and I’m still dealing with the intense gaslighting damage that my parents did towards me because of their own insecurity which they still mostly refuse to acknowledge today. We’ve had many many conversations over the years because I simply refuse to roll over and take it (elder child syndrome), so there has been some bend and pull although full healing is not possible I don’t think but majority healing is. We’re much better now because there’s mutual respect in understanding that has been hard one through many years of argument and constant confrontation and refusal to allow myself to be treated in a way that is not how I wish to be treated.
Comment below where you're from and how the weather is like there so we can find each other ;)
I'm from Virginia! It's pretty sunny here rn
Hi ,I'm from South Asia ... it's pretty rainy these days in my countries and It's night time now ;)
South Africa hii
It's night time but warm it's heading into spring here
I am from India..Now it is 3.06 am midnight and the weather is calm and clear 😀❤️
I'm from England and its kinda dark ig
1. they don’t listen to you
2. they decide things for you
3. they tend to dismiss your problems
4. they tell you you’re overreacting
5. they deny their shortcomings
6. they shift the blame towards you
7. they never just take your word for it
personally know how all of this feels, i hope me and whoever is reading this heals from the things we don’t talk about, i still have some hope it’ll get better, and i’ll give it to you guys ❤️
My mom is al of those and she is so fricking annoying
literally every parent- why cant parents just act like human beings and not a shell with just hate targeted at us
At the age of 7 I stop telling my parents things ( won’t go into it) fearing the wouldn’t listen and I still do it to this day. I feel like I can’t tell them everything .
My parents do all even my grandparents
My dad has half of these
It’s horrible when you’re separated from your parents for over a week and all you feel is a big sense of relief. I related so hard to a lot of these, the last one in particular.
It's really sad that the most peace you have is an empty house
In my case, replace "parents" with "spouse."
@@aomccaskill81 And this is why the only life-long commitment I ever want to have is a commitment to being forever alone. Relationships are overrated, just get a cat instead, or a plant. They're much easier to maintain.
@@aomccaskill81 uhh I feel like there’s a problem here-
You know you don’t have to stay with your spouse. Just leave them. We’re kinda stuck with out parents.
@@faizalnurajiz5490 true
Anyone else feel so calm and relieved when their parents leave the house and pray that they aren't home when you come back home?
Yes!! I feel this way towards the whole family.
Yes !! Me all the time
same
Yes! Too bad that covid is around so I can't leave the house as much as it used to be...
for me, its the feeling of emptiness thinking about going back home. feel like there's no place for me waiting there and its really hard to move my body to come to that place called home. wish i could stay outside of the house longer than i do inside
Another one I think can be true is, you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Always afraid if you might trigger something unwanted and become the target of that anger. So you start being extra careful. Anyone else feel like this?
Exactly how I feel. I always leave the house or try to be quiet in my room when my mother is home. I even stopped being at the computer with my friends because she would just turn my pc off (and I don't want to physically stop her from doing that because that would just go bad for me) whenever she wants to shout at me and needs me to "listen" to her "conversation" with me.
@@Toastar27 it's so bad 4 me I wont move bc I don't want people knowing I'm alive
Ubet.
I've developed a couple of habits that I didn't even know aren't normal. For example, I look around whenever I'm watching RUclips because it's banned at my house. Another is that I prefer the door closed and I tend to "sneak around" so that nobody notices me. Don't want to trigger anything!
@@rowancrowder1955 yes definitely being unconsciously on alert while watching literally anything. That can be so exhausting. Hope all of us find a safe space for ourselves soon.
I remember telling my parents how I really felt around my family while we were having dinner one time and my mom decided to INTIMIDATE ME LIKE IT WAS GONNA CHANGE MY OPINION ON THEM
I never forget every time I tell my mom how I feel, and she just blame me for all. I decided no telling nothing more and no trust in them never again.
Good on you for confronting your parents. Perhaps their reaction is a product of surprise and disbelief, but sooner or later it's better for them to understand how you truly feel.
@@Psych2go this happened months ago and they didn’t take it well, they literally made it awkward and they haven’t changed their behaviour in any way whatsoever
@@shazani18 same... 😔
I've always been scared of failure because if i make a mistake and my parents know about it, they will remind me of it from 5 to 5 minutes, for weeks, even in public, in order to embarrass me.
Even when the narrator is describing horrific signs of parental emotional abuse, her soothing voice somehow manages to make it calming, and more reassuring.
yes!! also i like your pfp!
Yes, but reassuring that you are gaslighted. And will be probably till your 18.
@@samslam5925 Thanks so much, you're so sweet to say so! 😘
She absolutely does! It makes it much easier to hear when it's said calmly and factually. This hit so close to home for me that I almost cried by the end, but I just kept listening instead and felt much better by simply doing so.
I mean I think of it more like…. Validating my life. Every single thing she talked about in the video is exactly what my parents did to me growing up, and it helps to know that it wasn’t all my fault
"I'm the dramatic one?"
"There you go again"
"I do so much for you every day, thats all I do, and you do nothing"
"You're going to grow up to be a horrible person"
"I never even said that, you're just asking things up for your own suit"
Relatable
I have to listen to my mum talk like this when she's tried, which is pretty much always. And my Dad sucks-up to her, doesn't generally have an opinion of his own. It's painful.
My mom is the same way
Them saying we are gonna be bad people or bad parents when we grow up is the worst
Not only they cause psychological damage in the present but also insight fear of our own future :(
"I hope you fail "
"You're such a psychopath! "
"Go see a doctor"
"Don't start with your psycho act now"
"Do you think that acting mentally ill will bring you my attention?"
"You're evil"
"You're a failure not even worth to be someone's maid"
"Just go get married, hah even then you'll fail and will be divorced within less than a week!"
Man, I can’t imagine how many people suffer from this because how much it goes undetected. Now I realize how much I was gaslighted as a kid and didn’t realize until now.
😢
My Mom told me to stop Being
Friends with My 1st Grade Best Friend(Our Friendship Ended in 1st Grade)Because My Mom Didn't Like the Fact that My 1st Grade Best Friend was Saying My sister was watching Gore(WWE) and wants her out of the call :/
@@Ramunade_-vt4prThat's terrible
Same. Just realized it after a super strange conversation at 33 years old and wondered why i missed all the gaslighting tactics for years prior
I don't think it's undetected. It's that, for some reason, parents being manipulative and borderline verbally abusive control freaks is something that's accepted in today's society.
When a dictator oppresses their people it's seen as a global outrage but when a parent does the same thing to their children it's perfectly okay because they're just being "strict". Awful.
The most cruel thing my mother did was when she answered "I chose not to have heard what you just said". Totally devastating. It still hurts when I think about it, and I'm 77...
You’re very pretty 🥰
How are you 77 you look 40 years old😲😲
That's sad:c I'm so sorry
My mum calls me just lazy even though I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizophrenia
@ayyfluid and Schizophrenia which can cause anodonia
It's making me cry that they do all of that and still don't understand they're the reason why have been feeling this way.
You dislike the stuff that gets uploaded by my fingers clicking upload? Are you just a h8er boi? I say see you l8er, boi. Don't watch the stuff that gets uploaded by my fingers clicking upload anymore. Your dislikes are damaging my good good GOOD reputation. I am a superstar, dear O
@@AxxLAfriku wtf ?
Keep strong darling! Search for your independence and don't tell yourself the lies your parents have been telling you for so long! You matter!! Your voice and opinions matter!!! You can do this! I dit it, you can!!!
I am so sorry you have to deal with all that...I don't understand why parents don't look back into their own childhood and realize this was done to them and make a promise not to let it happen to their own kids!! That's what I did, yeah, I made mistakes but not like my parents did. Now I'm raising my 16yr old grand daughter, neither of us is perfect but we're close and what she says matters! I am thankful for her, she's the live of my life!
@@AxxLAfriku I’ve seen you before on a different channel and you’re just tryna get hate and be annoying, stfu and go away
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending...”
―C. S. Lewis
Love from a small RUclipsr💙
My mom: "You're such a crybaby"
Me: *Oh yeah I'm sorry I guess I should just express my frustration as shouting and verbal agression like you do*
I wanna say that to my parent but she’ll just say: “okay you listen here you little brat” and i’ll get slapped like 15 times, then some water chucked at my face, and then finally get punched in the nose
@@Taetae-lf3xq bro tell someone about it instead of commenting it. I hope you’re not lying but I’m gonna trust you’re not. Tell a teacher or another family member and they’ll get it sorted out.
@@cabbage7880 bro they’re literally getting abused. I don’t think they realize it either.
@@Dylan-bj4fx I just told them to tell someone. I obviously know they’re getting abused.
@@cabbage7880 I wasn’t saying it like you didn’t know, I was saying it like (wow they’re actually getting abused and don’t know it) it probably came off as if I’m telling you like you didn’t know since I can’t change the tone of my voice.
something in there really clicks when your parents are away on vacation and you're just... calm. like, you don't really miss them much.
edit: after seeing so many likes and comments that relate a lot, I feel kinda' conflicted, I already knew I'm not alone in this, but I wish you guys didn't have to go through that shit.
Agreed
yupppp
Your name fits that situation
ikr
I want to say I agree but I had to stay with my grandma and great grandma and it was exactly the same except worse
I'd send this to my mom, but I'm PRETTY SURE she'll just use that "I CAN JUST KICK YOU OUT" shit against me again, of course
They're real shit
@@dxxgx6713 yep...
@@dxxgx6713 ikr, thanks FBI san 😅
What if you want to move out but she tries to guilt trip you into staying?
Oh, that where a sentences my mom used to tell me too.
It sucks to try and have an honest conversation about how their actions made you feel, and they just laugh at you. I was devastated when my mom replied to me being upset with, “I’m sorry you decided to feel that way, but that’s not reality.”
Like, what?
i did that once and i got grounded for two months. i didn’t yell and i wasn’t rude. it sucks because our parents grew up in a different generation and they know nothing about his one because they never care to ask
That is word for word, exactly what my mother does.
Another thing to notice is how these type of parents yap on and on about "Oh I'll listen to you if you have any problems!!!" and then come a time when you actually do that, they brush it off as "rude" because they don't agree with it and refuse to discuss the matter any further. They're just trying to get you to feel secure around them so it's then easier to tear you down.
@@lilyyyy7306 They grew up in a different generation, but either because they fail to realize things can change or they're too prideful to adjust to modern society and think the way they were raised is the ""right"" way, this ends up happening.
Even as a full-grown adult living on my own halfway across the country, my parents still do this stuff to me.
Anytime I visit, I immediately lose my sense of self and become their accessory again, the good obedient child with no opinions of his own, at least until the pressure builds up enough for an explosive shouting match. It's a real love-hate relationship.
I don't think there is a love-hate relationship. Love can't exist with hate in pair. No offense dude but they chosed to not like you, it sounds like love from your part and hate from their part.
@@Zodroo_Tint Oh, do tell me more about your extensive knowlege of my personal relationships mister stranger on the internet. It is all to easy for me to love my parents for all they have sacrificed to improve my life, while at the same time hating them for not being willing to recognise that their efforts are the main source of my suffering. Multiple therapists have told them to stop "helping" me, but they never do. Love and hate aren't mutually exclusive opposites, they are just two out of many different human emotions.
Beyond that, love and hate are very closely linked as far as emotions go. Let me drop a little neuroscience on you. Oxytocin, "the love hormone", released during childbirth, breastfeeding, and general hugging/closeness when combined with eye-contact, is very good at making loving connections between the people engaged in those activities. At the same time that it makes you more protective and empathetic towards that person though, it cuts you off from others, making you less empathetic and more likely to view them as a threat to you and those you love.
Loving one person literally makes you hate everyone else a little bit more. They are a matched set. Like a left shoe and a right shoe, or yin and yang, or peanut butter and jelly...
Just stop going back to them! Block their numbers and forget about them. If they start harassing you for that then call the cops
I love my parents. I just have to accept that they never really listened to me or cared about what my life goals were. It's a bitter pill to swallow when you feel every day that your parents defeated you.
Don't let them to cross your own boundaries! They have to understand not to treat you that way anymore and you have to understand that you are not a kid anymore. You are an adult. Don't forget that.
I almost cried, because some points are actually happening at my home. I'm just shocked that parents can be like that. And that I was so blind. I'm sorry for all here, who feel the same
yeah i feel the same sadly...
Same omg
I'm sorry you're all going thru this, I am a mom and now raising my 16yr old grand daughter. What she says matters to me and I would never do some of the crap these parents put their kids thru. I have tried to keep her away from toxic friends but I can't force her, I just have to trust that she will make good choices. I have to trust or she won't trust me. I've had her since 1 mo old and I'm 56. So, as an adult, I do hear you, all of you. I wish it could be different!
@@tracytempleton8618 such a good Mom🥺
I was crying whole listening :D
My mother enjoys that I confess my problems to her. The problem is that my confession becomes gossiping material with her friends. I am not sure how it is called in the world of psychology, but it makes it very difficult to trust someone like that.
My mum is the same! Anything to exploit your problems to others.
Yet we're here talking about our problems with our parents. 🙃
My mom did the same, I don’t trust her anymore.
I think mine is a bit similar?
Exploiting
I'm scared to even show this to my parents. Because their probably gonna tried to denied it or just fake apologizing
Confrontation can definitely be scary. I support you in showing this to your parents. It may be a risk but it's one worth taking!
My dad would deny it and my mom would shift tones between passive aggressive and emotional act, like " are you telling be that I didnt raise you well? I gave birth to you!!! It's all my fault (dramatic tone) "and leave . A few minutes later , mom back to normal trying to control every aspect of my life. My dad openly admits that he is trying control my life whereas my mom often tells it's for my own good and gets whatever she wants.
Happened on me years ago and they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Now I tend to stop showing my forgiveness too easily. It doesn't work all that well, but it hurts less on my side at least.
@@Psych2go It's no use. Parents are stupid
@@Psych2go I don’t know if my mom is capable of even considering anything in this video. She’ll just take it as a hit to her ego and say that I’m privileged af.
I spent a full year away from my mother once. The BEST I've ever been. I felt so much happier.
I do better mentally and physically when she's out of the picture. I WANT to love her but man, I cannot be around her for my own safety.
"The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence" - Peter Griffin
peter be spittin fax
When tf was Peter so wise.
@@thetrollman2390 thats what im tryna figure out
Get the fuq out of here with that Peter Griffin Quote…lol
Peter ain’t lying-
I'm not surprised by the accuracy, honestly.
Yeah it hurts
yeah :(
I love your pfp lmao
@@cheesecake2048 oh- thank you haha
right :(
My mom never outright tells me what to do, she gives me and my sisters the illusion of choices but when we pick something she doesn’t want us to pick, she’ll push and guilt trip her option onto us until we cave.
just act worthless and choose exactly what they like
Same lol, my mom always insists me to buy bigger clothes so I can wear them longer. It makes me look stupid and I refuse to wear them. When I tell her about it, she just starts yelling about how she works so hard to clothe and feed me and about how I'm not like my brother blah blah blah
That's horrible.
*This is literally how my parents are, I can’t ever choose what I like. Barely, And the grades are always another pressure.*
Yes, the grades. My dad beat me and locked me in my room for 4 days. because I got a D- in Algebra 2.
I got my grades*
"This isn't your best. Make it higher"
Makes it higher*
"Alright, now maintain it or make it higher"
Got the highest grades possible*
"Good, keep it up"
I just want you to be proud of me. Is it that hard? I don't get any feeling of accomplisments in any things that I do now be it an achievement or a progress. It's all nothing to them anyway.
I know how you feel!! I really do ❤️ I had the same, never good enough, always more and if I said “it’s never good enough for you” I got thrown from my chair that I shouldn’t react to him like that…
Grades don't determine whether you've learned or not. What determines what you've learned is how well you understand the subject, not just by taking notes but by presentations and all that.
This is why I hate when people have high expectations of me. Once you do well, they expect you to always do well. The moment you do just a little bit worse than usual, everyone acts disappointed and make you feel terrible. Like, come on, just let me be stupid please, I don't want to accomplish anything important, I just want to survive without stress because I've already had way too much for one lifetime, and I'm still in highschool.
@@randomperson8375 That's why pets are cool. They care only about food, affection, health, and novelty, not how perfect of a human you are.
The best way is to learn. Doing everything while learning, not by focussing on a grade or goal you have to achieve but by learning. If you learn, you can always fail. Because you learn from your mistakes, not the performance pressure. What everyone said to you by saying you need to get this performance score, screw them, throw it all out, it will never be good enough for them. Change that vision and start learning. Learning means you can fail, but you can grow.
I’ve been gaslighted by my parents for years, and it’s frustrating. Between their shortcomings and not knowing how to help me with my problems, I feel like they’ve been doing what’s best for them rather than what’s best for me.
That's deep . Narcissism in FULL EFFECT !!!! 👍💯
And do you know what's sad I gaslight my girlfriend because it's a learned behaviour that I do because my mother drilled it into me
@@theemofemboycatgirlw3214 same, lost all my friends cuz of my dad
This is why I lock myself in my room
My online friends are just like my dream parents and I mean by that that
I always dreamed that I wanted nice supportive parents who ACTUALLY care about me and show me what love is :)
Me: *tries to hide her pain*
Mother: *pushes and prods to try to get me to open up*
Me: *caves and opens up*
Mother: "Well my *insert any life event* was worse than yours"
Me: stops opening up
My mother: *wonders why I never share anything and end up having an emotional blowout about every 2 weeks*
It’s sad and we both need help how much I can relate to this
I have the same situation but my mom cages me and always want to be with me wherever I go she just doesn't understand that I need alone time and I'm already 18 and I drive so I don't need anyone with me she just blames me for needing time alone then blames me for having a panic attack and for having any feelings shown, bruh I wish I can move out because living like is super hard
@@winter2422 My mother is the same. I wish she'd shut up
Same. It’s been years now since I’ve opened up. I hope to start counseling with her one day when I am strong enough.
I can totally relate. Every time I tell her one of my problems, she just says "Aw, I know I had to go through it to!" Basically just invalidating my feelings and my problems, saying that they don't matter because she's an adult and my mother. WHAT? Also, I remember so specifically, one time that she got angry at me and my siblings, we all had a "family gathering" aka Mom Lecture and one of her statements was "I know I'm not perfect, but I'm your mother!" And that was literally her only justification. "All my "mistakes" and "failures" as a parent don't matter because I'm your parent!" Is what she's saying. Crazy hypocritical, narcissistic, double-standard, ignorant monster is what she is. She told me to keep my art as a hobby, and then after 4 YEARS of practice and getting good at it, she's starting to take pictures and send them to people and try to get me into college courses, and I know she'll try to take credit for my hard work and perseverance against her!
The frustration afterwards is unreal.
FRRRRRRRRRRRRR
It's worse when it's something stupid
One time I looked at this statue and it had a name and some roman numerals on it, and I said I was saying the roman numerals under my breath so I could remember them when I got home (they meant 1849 btw), my dad asked what I was doing and I told them I was doing it so I would remember and he started going on about just typing in the name of the guy the statue was built after, I told him it had nothing to do with that and he just repeated his point, we were in public so I didn't really want to make a scene, afterwards they both started going on about if they were ever wrong they would admit it, and then something about them being the parents, still angry about that months later
@@deadaccount2048 god fucken damn, good luck dealing with that bro
More like resentment...
I'm in a bad place right now, and I'm sick of just sitting back and hoping it'll pass, but every time I try and test the waters to see if I can have a genuine talk with my parents it's spat back in my face and I'm left alone in my room in tears.
Sometimes it feels like tying both of my parents to a chair and covering their mouths and start explaining everything, they are living in their own reality and don’t wanna trust the truth and accept it, I don’t know why are they not trying to be open minded, it hurts considering the fact that It’s my first year in teens and I need to travel to other countries by 16 for my dreams and 18 is the time when you can start living by yourself 😭😭
I'm going to assume you're still in school, so if possible try talking about it to a counselor and maybe even a friend you know you can trust. Your friend would just be there for emotional support, but I imagine a school counselor may actually be able to do something to help you out at least a little bit.
When you muster the courage to do so and they still refuse to hear you, that’s when you’ll need a backup plan to forge a path for yourself. Away from the pain.
I'm sorry to hear that, I'm going through the same currently. Honestly, it has been like that always. I have just lost the patience of being okay with it. But I dnt know what to do.
Ouch, i cant do things with my dad without him yelling at me for stupid crap.
Is it bad that when I hear my parent's voice I get scared and my heart races up and if they try to hug me my body automatically pushes them away and that I pay attention to their breathing, walking speed, how they step, and their tone?
I tence up when i hear foot steps
It happens the same to me
I get angry whenever I'm near them
glad I thought I am only the one who does it
Same. Whenever I hear them or their footsteps I tense up. When they come towards me, I tense up. When they get near me, I feel like they're going to hit/touch ne
I’ve recently been finding it difficult to be around my own mom, and it was weird but I was realizing that my mom was being really toxic towards me and I hadn’t noticed until very recently. The fact that I’m finding so many comments that relate to my own problems shows me that I’m not just making it up. I’ve gotten so bad with second-guessing myself that my friends have to scold me and tell me that what my mom has been doing is wrong and letting it keep going is just going to hurt my mental state more. I’m happy I found this channel because it came just when I needed it, to show me that I need to trust myself more and learn how to deal with these things.
I've been the same with my mum. Recently weve been getting into constant arguments, she starts them, sometimes it's because I'm just sat there crying because I feel depressed and she gets mad at me and minimises my issues and compares them to hers, like "oh I have it worse no need for you to be upset". I had a meltdown and she called it a tantrum, and she says my mental health stresses her out, shes made it out to be a burden, and when I try my best to help out and make things less stressful she ends up calling me selfish and useless anyway, one minute shes kind and the next she's saying i don't deserve anything that I overreact and that there's no need to be depressed over little things, she's mostly why my depression has gotten this bad. I'm scared of going home.
@@00kittens I'm so sorry you have to go through that. I definitely understand how it feels to be upset after each argument. It feels like no matter what you say, they always win. My mom and I have gotten to a point where we don't even argue, I'm not someone who likes to start conflict so I never stand up for myself and most times, it's just her yelling at me while I try to muster up words to defend myself. I hope that one day, we'll both be able to look back on this or maybe even forgot these comments were even said and be in a better place, even if that means having let those relationships go. I hope things get better, I send you all my support ♡
My mother is the master of gaslighting. I can't believe it took me so long to recognize the signs. But I'm glad I finally acknowledged that her behaviour is wrong and I've recently cut her out of my life. ✂️
@Anabela ☆ Yayyy! ❤
Good work fam
Congratulations! Those are great news
Me too, and I’m starting to think it’s harder on me than it is her. I hope I can be more confident about it as time goes
Right now I'm only 15 so I still have to live with her, but I know she isn't good for me so as soon as I can I'm going to cut her out of my life aswell.
Albert Einstein: *Don't judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree.*
Parents: *I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that.*
If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it'll spend its whole life feeling as though it is useless.
parents: n o
I'm happy for the fish and their ability to climb trees
@@funtimefredboi4707 nature is pretty freaking amazing isnt it
What happen to moustache guy lol
"Nah, you dont have problems big enoug to complain"
"Stop acting like a baby! You're being so dramatic!"
"Yea yea you're just saying that to make me feel guilty"
Sometimes later
"Why do you pass all day in front of a computer!? Come and socialize!"
that statement at the end... it hit me real hard
I've been there before and it still happens to this day, it hurts so much
My mom when I use my pc for a while: Go OuT aNd PlAy WiTh yOuR fRiEnDs
my mom when I go out to play with my friends: YoU hAvE sTudIes tO do
my mom after i Studied for a hour: yOu dIDn't StUdiED eNoUgH
"Stop acting like a baby! You're being so dramatic!"
Also the same parents when you bring up a valid argument against them: Throwing a fit and saying you're rude, then punishing you for it.
"Mom, can I have a pet?"
"No, go ask your dad"
"Okay"
1 minutes later
"Dad, can I have a pet?"
"No, go ask your mom"
"But I already ask mom and she said go
to ask you"
"Are you talking back to me"
"No"
"How dare you" slaps
"Im sorry, ill go ask mom(again)"
5 minutes later the kid didnt ask theyr mom but go to their room
"Honey, are you okay?"
"Leave me alone"
"Don't you want a pet?"
"Not anymore"
"Why?"
"You and dad keep saying 'no, go ask
your mom' and 'no, go ask your dad'"
"Fine I guess we wont give you a pet"
".."
"Wait! Fine I forgive you guys.."
"Good, but first do the chores"
"...fine just for a pet.."
"Sweet!"
2 hours later the kid was done doing the chores
"Mom, I did the whole chores you gave me now can I have a pet please?"
"Sorry I didn't remember telling you that I would give you a pet so the answer is no"
This is why I will never trust adults even myself and the people I know, I also know kids and teens has been through if your one of those kids or teens please get help or go to the therapist
Dont worry about me ill find a way to defeat this without needing help.
I know how u feel it’s *d e v e s t a t i n g*
It depends. I was always told it’d turn around and with enough talking it’d get better. It didn’t. Unless you feel your parents can really and truly change, focus on protecting yourself. Separate their problems from you and your feelings. Try to wait it out till college or just until you move out. Even then it’s still a process… trying to get out of the box you were put in so many times you believe it… ugh.
Relatable. Instead of the pet thing, I was always the middle person who constantly takes criticism negatively from both parents about each other.
Can’t wait to get out of this problematic environment bro :(
Once again my parents would do this :
- "You're just over reacting"
- "Why can't you be respectful for once?"
- "Look at your sister! She's very smart and we're proud of her."
- "Why are you so useless? We know you want the art and music major, but we're low on money so we need you to pick a useful major" (explanation for you all that in Indonesia, people in Indonesia don't really use art and music major so it's pretty much useless unless you're already famous.)
- "Is it really that hard to tell you to study? After all I've done for you would you at least consider us and try to repay us?"
- "Stop making up stuff and saying you're depressed. *You're not* "
- "Stop using sarcasm, you're annoying everyone else in this house and that is rude. Also you need to learn how to behave well"
- Parents after hitting me and calling me a piece of shit :
"Don't cry. It's noisy"
Me who can't even cry anymore in my mind :
And you expect me to respect you?
- "Who are you to do what you want? You're my child and I support you on anything you do but can you respect me for once and follow what I want?"
And this is how my life is 😃
Have a nice day y'all!
Oh dear. I can relate to some extent (all except the comparison). Are you okay?
@@fae_gavan7582 overall I guess I'm okay judging I'm still not dead yet til this day. Try my best to stay as positive as I could in my family but I only came back as a person who isn't aware for anyone. I'm basically just an empty shell whenever I'm at home, and pandemics are making it worse because I need to stay home at all times. But yeah once again I think I'm fine, thanks for the worry! How bout you? You can share anything with me too!
Those words must hit really hard that you can't ever forget them
It hit so hard 😔i can feel you I am going through the same situation but I feel good I am strong enjoy that I am not dead yet you should also feel strong even in this situation you are surging and being strong
God from the constant patronizing, the snooping through my stuff, and the common phrase “you need to change your attitude,” Ik how you feel. It’s confusing for me cuz they’re family but they constantly get under my skin.
How about having a selective memory? I remember certain conversations with my mom about important things or events, and she always denies remembering them. Especially if it might paint her in a bad way.
OMG same for my mom! Sometimes she even says I made it up.
@@erviatangerine5108 I'm so sorry you have to go through that.
@@paulczubryt8644 Thank you. I understand and support you too ^-^
My Dad wrote the book...smh. It could even be as recent as a week early...smh
@Paul Czubryt yes...its called GASLIGHTING please look it up in detail...this can really damage you be careful...
I tried to tell my parents that I’m atheist after their religious ceremony, and they kept putting words in my mouth. They said I was forcefully faking a “fit” when I was super anxious about coming out to them. It sucks to be told what and who you are by people who barely care about you. 😥
I'm here for you, I want to say it to my parent so they can know my real self but I'm so afraid of telling them and in the end, I'm here, trying to cope with it because is not only with my religious parents but the members of the religion itself, I'm quite scary but I want to let you know I'm here too, I'm with you💜
@@eddiereyes3415 Thank you! 👍😌
don't tell them shit, my religious parents are intolerant as feck
Yeah, just don't tell intolerant religious people anything. They won't change their minds, they won't give you the benefit of the doubt, they will find every reason to blame everything on you, and they think they're frickin perfect for trying to control other people. I know from experience.
One that was a huge sign for me:
I once said that I was scared of coming out to them as pan, and when I said I was scared to tell them something, and when I (while terrified) said I was pan, they said the worst response.
"Well we aren't mad now, are we?"
That implied that they COULD get mad at me for something I cannot change, that in other situations I would be punished for not being "normal"
This! Haven't told them I'm bi because of all the homophobic, racist and just awful shit they find "funny" but also because I feel like it's something I have and I don't have to share with them
@@RodaMoonknight that REALLY sucks, im very lucky to be in a family where my parrents are accepting of that stuff
@@Just_A_Microwave Lucky you! It just feels so odd if I ever come out to them. I rather never tell them at this point
@@RodaMoonknight and realistically they never need to know until its too late for them to do anything about it, though sometimes it does depend on your situation
In just 2 more years I’ll be turning 18 and will go away from them peacefully without hurting them and will never look back to this time when they tortured me soo much mentally …My current goal is to just survive these 2 years as being a happy person by myself and stop expectations from my fake parents …Just gonna trust the Lord for instance…
I wish you the best in luck! I'm praying for you too! God loves you and wants you to be free from them too. You don't deserve this. Don't forget that! ❤👍
I'm going trough the same situation, just want to let you know that i'll be cheering on you, as i know how hard all of that is, be strong and don't give up, because i know that a better future awaits for you, good luck with all of that, i'm sure that God has amazing things to you, things that you don't even imagine, all you got to do is to trust. I hope you have a great life, a life that you love.
It's a completely different story when your parents slap the name of God on their gaslighting.
@@greatwavefan397 Oversheltering is my mom's Bible excuse, like she couldn't say "yeah, that part isn't ok but the rest is fine." (And I mean Biblically ok, not things like rated M stuff)
Like... I'm watching a literal 1st grader's show in middle school because nothing else was acceptable. And it's my fault that "nothing she does makes me happy."
Wish you the best of luck. You've got some much to things to experience in life.
Me crying over something that matters to me.
My parents: "Don't cry" "You aren't a little child" "Stop acting like a baby"
Then they're suprised if I don't tell my feelings to them- :/
same
This hurts.
Like that's not going to stop the crying, I swear they are bonkers if they think that'll work.
@@icanseeviolets67 exactly like.
same
Nah bc same
My mom is like
“get out of the room, GET OUT OF THE ROOM”
girl, she really wants me to cry in the living room
Very true
When you're never allowed in their bedroom but they can go in yours any time they like when you're out of the house.
My father does that to me also when I was in high school. He was often “STOP CRYING LIKE A CHILD! I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU WON’T ACT ACCORDING TO YOUR AGE, MEN” “YOU ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU WOULD BE AN ADULT SOON!!!! YOU SHOULD BE THIS!! YOU SHOULD BE THAT!!” “GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING ROOM !!”
@@littlescribe9214 same, my dad would harass me just for standing or sitting in my room, sometimes even for looking out the window bruh
My mother makes me cry. She doesn't even bother to apologise, she acts like it's nothing and she doesn't care
*7 signs your parents are gaslighting you*
0:52 - They don’t listen to you
1:29 - They decide things for you
2:04 - They tend to dismiss your problems
2:35 - They tell you you’re overreacting
3:00 - They deny shortcomings
3:35 - They shift blame toward you
4:11 - They never just take your word for it
Hey all, if you relate to some of these, know that you are not alone. It’s not your fault, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that your parents don’t love you - sometimes that’s all they know. And yes, it’s hurtful, and not enough.
Much love ❤️ from *High Living - animated videos*
I hate the fact that i can relate to all of this :(
That second one and last one
Let them tell me this they know what they can do lol
Thank you so much for the timestamps, they really save a lot of time!
My mom's annoying
I had massive panic attacks almost every day for 23 years straight. My parent's only response was to tell me to learn how to control it. No other help. The moment I had a friend "remove a brick" from that wall my parents had spent my entire life building, I was able to look through and my panic attacks (at least the massive ones) completely stopped. I haven't felt this mentally lucid and emotionally stable ever.
I'm moving out later this year with those same friends that helped me remove that first brick and while I have both my parents trying to gain that control over me continuously, I recognize it and won't budge on my decision.
To those of you unable to distance yourselves from your situations, I know you can do it! But I also know it's going to be hard. Remember that no matter what your parents told you, there is always someone out there for you to rely on. They're not even that far away, you just need to remove your wall brick by brick and build a house in which you decide who you let in!
Thank you for sharing your experience and helping those who are also going through vulnerable times.
I was gaslighted all my life by my parents so that I could become a weak, fractured adult, and now they are able to gaslight me more, except now it involves money and my job. Bad luck made me unemployed to still live with them, but they have psychpathic tendencies. I am also vulnerable to gaslighting from other people in my job because somehow they sense this weakness from me.
This video isn't just able to let you know if your parents are gaslighting you or not, but it can also let you know what not to do as a parent.
Youay intend not to treat your kids like your parent treated you, but if you aren't very careful indeed, you will.....and so it continues....
Some of these are really too relatable to even think it's bad. I was shocked hearing some of the points. They don't fall completely in that category, but yeah, I think every parent has at least once made this mistake. Thankfully, all this happened for just about 1-2 years, and that was itself some 5 years ago. I think they understood they were somewhere wrong too, and I'm glad for that.
Parents are human too and will make mistakes. We're happy that they identified and understood the issues :)
The biggest one for me is not being heard. I’m afraid to even let my mom know the things she does and says that really makes me feel horrible. I’ll never forget this one occurrence, I was invited to someone’s birthday party and I didn’t really know them too well so I told my mom I wasn’t gonna go. She asked me why and I told her number one: I don’t really know this person, and number two: I’ve been physically and mentally exhausted from everything I’ve been going through. She starts laughing at me and saying how ridiculous I sound, then she starts comparing her life to mine saying how worse she has it and I have no right to be tired. She literally yelled at me saying YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE TIERD. I was so scared, she made me ball my eyes out in fear. I was shaking, and getting a full on anxiety attack bc of it. She wouldn’t let me give her a reason why I was so mentally and physically tired, she just kept on ranting about her life and how hard it is to be a single parent and what not. This event happened a while ago so I don’t remember all the details, so I was possibly crying by the other things she was also saying to me. My mom isn’t verbally or physically abusive, but it was terrifying the way she was screaming at me..
Woahhh this sounds exactly like my mom. I recently got a job, that she pressured me into getting but anyway, and obviously after working a 8 hour shift I am tired. So I'm like mom I'm tired can we just go home instead of shopping. And she literally raged at me about how I don't deserve to be tired, what do I know about being tired etc. It was really just frustrating and sad😔
@@taija_m2686 it really sucks having a parent like that. I just feel like I can’t be honest with my mom without getting into a fight with her. She won’t let me be heard, the thing about parents is that they can’t ever admit when they are in the wrong. It’s always the child’s fault, because we are immature little babies. I can’t ever be heard in my house, I’m at my breaking point honestly. I highly recommend getting a therapist because I can tell her so many things I can’t tell my mom.
If my Mother yells at me I automatically get angry and yell at her then I ignore her for a little while and we apologize😂😅
@@sailersun1729 this is exactly like my mom. Im sorry for everyone that has to go through this.. Its Honestly horrible.
That.. sounds like verbal abuse.
I know it says she isn’t but that sounds terrible.
My friend has been suffering from this and she absolutely needed this video. Thank you
@Meevi❤ Bro go on somewhere with your self promo bruh
I hope that your friend is feeling better, and that this video helped her somewhat! ❣️
Same here bro, good luck to you both❤
Friends like you are hard to find
Thank you for sharing this to those around you who need it most. You are an amazing friend!
The gaslighting I suffer from is sporadic, but the traumatic memories always haunt me terribly no matter how long ago it was.
Watching this after my mom yelled at me for pointing out her problems. I’m definitely sending this to her. Thanks guys and God bless.
Me: trying to explain to my parents how my childhood caused long-lasting psychological problems.
My parents: Yeah no, that never happened, we never did those things. You're lying. And if you're not lying, then you must be insane, since you clearly dreamed all of this up.
LOL. My parents do the exact same! Deny deny deny
@@humaali2742 The worst part is, I'm by now almost sure that they actually believe what they say. They've been living in their own reality for so long that they've convinced themselves of what they want to believe in. That makes everything even harder, because the truth upsets them.
My parents are the same way (my dad more than my mom.) My mom also says she supports me and all, but she’s way to pushy about it and I’m just not comfortable trusting her words, since she still recognize what she did and still does is wrong. My dad refuses to even acknowledge that he was a horrible parent, saying that I’m the problem. Honestly, I don’t think they were meant to have children :/
@@Rainbow_Pirate my mum is very narcissistic. I’m pretty sure she believes her own lies. It’s absolutely crazy to us as we know the truth but for us to explain the truth to them and for them to deny is mind boggling. It’s done on purpose to confuse us. Iv learnt to not even bother bringing them up on their lies anymore as it gets you nowhere x
@@A_star_ixx I agree. Emotionally abusive parents shouldn’t be allowed to have children.
When I told them my problems their answer: "Then don't do it, don't study"
Your user name I love it 🤣🤣
i cant jimout too
@@devikaputti8723 same
Same 💀💀
But things will get better soon, have hope please
Literally same, then they shout at me and go on and on and on
@@silvererrr2080 Yeah, you know its bad when every time you try to have a conversation with them it turns into a lecture. That's why I avoid talking to my dad whenever possible
“I gave birth to you so you have to listen to me”
*honey, I could have been born in a different family. It’s not my choice to be your damn child* 😀
*let me do what I want to do- Idc if you don’t want me hanging out with my friends without you cause your scared, they have parents too ya know-*
U speak fluently sarcasm .
I tried to talk to my mom about the way she behaves when she’s angry a couple years ago and she turned it into a screaming match, telling me that I was being dramatic, that other people have it way worse, and saying that I was the one gaslighting her before saying she was leaving and never coming back and drove away. I won’t ever forget that, but I wish I could
I’m so sorry hun you don’t deserve that shit:(
If you happen to be a parent watching this to make sure you don't do this to your children, I would just like to point out that you are a hero 💖
The sad thing is Parents are aware of their actions they just won't admit it.
@@Parentingwiththefutureinmind I'm glad!! Ty for being great, a lot of kids can't say they have the best parents, so hero
Before watching: I had a happy childhood, so probably won't relate, but I'll watch anyway.
Relates to nearly all of the points: Wait...
I feel your pain Trina
*hug*
As children we just didn't notice, but it was all there 😔
@@angelika_joanna because we depended on them. We knew they were in the wrong, we just couldn’t do anything and over time we just believed their bullshit to be true
Fucking can relate
Last night I really started hearing and realizing that my mom was gaslighting me. I tried to talk to her about why I was feeling like that and all I got was, “I didn’t say that. You’re taking and twisting my words. Oh my god I can’t even talk to you because you keep interrupting me”
But the truth was this is what I said to her when she was actually interrupting me and not hearing what I said
My best friend is lesbian and cis, but her mom keeps on insisting that she could ONLY like girls if she was a biological guy because of homophobia. She totally tricked my friend into thinking that she MUST be straight because it's impossible to be a wlw person. I HATE her mom. I later found out that her sister is a closeted bisexual, and she is M2F trans. (She transitioned on her own in her early 20's and still has not come out to her parents out of fear. Also, her mom is a super transphobe who has # superstraight on her Twitter bio according to my friend.
I wish people like this would just stop, its not hurting anyboty
Have you initiated a conversation with your best friend on how to communicate with her mother? Do you know any resources that you can provide to your friend?
Gotta be honest.. It takes a while to face the fact that, as much as you love your parent(s), you've been gaslighted _so many times_ by them, perhaps even still because they know you've been so obedient to their words up till now.. :(
Thanks for the video :)
And sometimes they don't mean it, but the way they've been raised influences them to act like this. Regardless, it does not feel good to be gaslighted. Thank you for sharing!
I remember telling my parents that I wanna become a guitarist instead of a doctor they went near breaking my guitar
I prefer wearing similar clothing throughout the week for efficiency.
Mom got so tired of it, she threatened to burn one of my favorite hoodies because it's ghetto to wear one when I don't need to.
as a child I wanted to be an artist instead of a doctor, they pulled a mother gothel on me :/
I think the biggest thing that related to me here is "they don't listen to you/shift the blame to me." My parents have done that... like... my whole life. This might be a little personal, but the best example of this happening was: my mom got really drunk one night, and she does this thing where she repeats everything cause she can't think straight. 3rd time around, I raise my voice a little bit and she gets into a hissy fit. Next day, family sits us all down and gives us reasons for why mom got mad. Wanna know what wasn't mentioned. Moms drinking problem. It was all the kids fault. I WAS SO PISSED. Ah didbdjd sorry about that.
3:01
This is so real. I’m 32 right now and I still remember, when I was 12, asking my Mom can I say something without getting in trouble while I was getting chewed out for something. (I was going to tell her she was a hypocrite) She told me, flat out, no I can’t. So I never did. I knew I would get whipped if I did. 20 years later I remember this vividly and my relationship with my mom is still rocky even though she seems to try to better it
Thank you for sharing this. Reconciling with traumatic experiences from a young age takes time and extreme effort; you have our support.
If i got a nickel for every time my parent told me "You're overreacting" or "Stop being so sensitive" i could finally get the BTS albums i want
I would be the next Bill Gates
@@lyndseystrait1513 the next space cowboy, yeehaw
If I had a cent for every time she said, “I’m the parent, you’re the child”... then I could buy an air conditioner.
And find peace! Really I don’t want to isolate myself with the fears I have, I am trying to be positive but at the same time it feels like I am trying not to act like I am depressed
I could buy a PS4
I have just realised my parents do all of these things, and now that I really think about it they never did all of this for love, this isn't what love is, this hurts your child and make them unable to love people because THIS is what they think love is when it isn't at all
I think it's pretty normal to enjoy parents not being around for a little while so you get some time to enjoy yourself as a teenager, but my mom has been gone for months at a time before, and I've enjoyed every second of her being gone. She does a lot of the things listed in this video to me, and I really hate it.
I got bullied a lot in school, and my mother always (yes, ALWAYS) responded from this knee-jerk assumption that I provoked it.
this happens daily in my life but I hope that even if one person reads this comment, they know that we can be independent and strong without anyone's validation.
There are always better people in the world.
Don't think that only blood-related people care for you.
Others may care about you more.
You just need to find them.
I hope you lead a good life!
Underrated comment. I needed this rn
@@PurPoll620 I hope you are doing well!
I felt empty at many points of my life. It's sad that it had to be the closest to me causing this. Cutting ties with toxicity and focusing on self improvement is the way to a more peaceful life. Anyone reading this stay strong to the very end as things will get brighter in the future!
That’s a yes on all seven, still happy every day I haven’t spoken to them after 15years.
This almost made me start crying again, I see my parents as all of these signs and I just calmed down from a I think anxiety attack while being in little space so wow...
I have parents just like this and it’s hard to live with, but I’ve taken the steps to have distance between us. Anyone who is dealing with this should take steps to take care of your self because the toxic nature can rub off you.
Damn this video really just defined my entire childhood, and my life right now. I hope that when I become a dad, I will get the opportunity to prove that I can be a much better parent than my mum and dad combined
I hope I don't become a dad or even then don't have kids at all
You have to work on yourself before you will be a dad. Trust me.
My mom has been a good parent most of my life until I started showing mental illness symptoms. In the past year, she's told me I'm lazy, not trying, dramatic, and told me that I'm too much work and I've made her have to rearrange her entire life. When I tell her this hurts, she gets irrationally mad, and yells telling me that she's human too and she can't be perfect, and that I should be grateful that I have a parent who's doing their best. Every time I try to say that she hurt me, she tells me that she's allowed to, because she had a bad day, what I did was justified to be angry at. Usually what I did was just things related to my ADHD - not being able to focus, executive dysfunction, etc. But I've told myself that since she's nice sometimes too, she can't be that bad. I'm only just accepting that she could be abusive. This video helped me realize that.
I completely understand you. This is what I’m going through but on my dad’s side.
Whenever I complain about my job or the things that happen at work, usually the two responses I get are "that's life" and "better find a new job." Neither of those are helpful, and it feels like they're both blowing me off and shaming me for complaining.
I swear you guys read my mind with these videos posted at the perfect time.
Psychic2Go
@@greatwavefan397 TRUEE
they have superpowers indeed :)
The scariest part is, you can feel like your just making it all up, and that its all just something in your head. My parents and i would go for weeks arguing and then I have to apologise and be grateful they forgive me before we'd have some peace. And then it snaps and the cycle continues. I'm learning to listen and validate myself but it's SO hard and I'd always feel so 'selfish' hearing myself becuz that's what my parents would call EVERYTIME i listened to me over them. I'm being gaslighted but not anymore.
After knowing what gaslighting is I’ve been seeing it around my house and honestly this video now just confirmed it. My dad often gaslights my mom and me making us think that we don’t actually know what’s going on around us and that all of our trauma wasn’t real or what we say isn’t true there’s a lot of other forms of gaslighting but those are the two major ones then I realized that my mom does it to me and every time she’s wrong instead of taking my word for it and a conversation she turns into a yelling match this is happened about three or four times and now this video has made me see a bunch of other times that she is gaslighting me. So now thx I know what to look out for and I can get through it without thinking it’s about me.
I’ve been seeing these videos a lot on my social media so thank you they have helped me so much try to find my self and see who to cut off so I can grow. I love the videos plz don’t stop making them!!!
1) they don’t listen to you 0:52
2) they decide things for you 1:29
3) they tend to dismiss your problems 2:04
4) they tell you you’re overreacting 2:34
5) they deny their short comings 3:00
6) they shift the balms towards you 3:33
7) they never just take your word for it 4:10
Just in case you’re not up to watching all the video or are looking for a specific point :)
If you’re struggling with this it is not your fault, you are not crazy, you are absolutely good enough and I am so proud of you for being here x
Thank you for doing this. They're great to have for reference during reflection after the video.
@@raebutler1407 absolutely no problem whatsoever thank you for letting me know it’s appreciated :)
I’m new to this channel, has anyone ever mentioned how beautiful and relaxing her voice is?
yeah its a thing
Yes, all the time 😂
But hey, welcome to the family (kind of) 🥰
every single video yeah, it's not new. Her voice is just so calm and soothing 😍
Ikr
Yeah :")
I remember tell my dad about how low my self esteem was...he literally got mad at me. He got mad at me for having LOW SELF ESTEEM. He also constantly makes fun of my emotions so yeah,,he's not the best.
My Thoughts
For #1 It was a yes. If i try to talk it is always just "i don't know what to do about that" or "your just being dramatic" or a transition into her problems. While i don't mind listening, i just wish i had someone that didn't mind listening to me.
for #2 my answer is complicated. A lot of the time my mom just makes my choices for me but when i do get to make a choic, no matter how small, my mom makes me think it is my choice and then if i don't make the choice she wants she guilts me and makes me really uncomfortable until I'm just like "i mean either one works". Does that count as making my decisions for me?
for #3 it was yes. Like i said for #1, it is all "you are just being dramatic" or "I'm glad you don't have to go through what I do"
for #4 again it is always "you are just being dramatic" and "**laughter** those theater classes are really paying off huh?"
For #5 it isn't really her fault but yes. My poor mom has abandonment issues and suffered a really abusive childhood and because of this, if i try to say something, she will feel like i am abandoning her, so i have to make sure she doesn't get that impression.
For #6 omg this hits too close to home. "Why do you treat me like this?" or "You sound like (insert emotionally abusive boyfriend's name here) right now" when i so much as ask why she is yelling at me when i genuinely don't know.
For #7 i honestly don't know. I mean, she has trust issues so she doesn't trust much of anyone so i guess?...idk tho
Thanks for reading this it feels good to type it out and say it even though it isn't to anyone in particular. :>
This is like, the story of my life. Every single point you guys made, in this video, fits shockingly with my parents :(
@Daniel Scheuermann all seven of these points really encompasses my frustrations with my parents...its more terrible now since I'm staying at home with them all the time. At least before i could forget about it by going to school.It feels more real now that I actually recognise the signs now...and more devastating since I can't do anything about it until mid next year when I leave for college.
Also sucks when they take their stress out on you, not really fun wearing longs sleeves or a sweater all the time to hide your bruises and forget about the beach; found people tend to walk on you more when your weakened. Also wearing face mask to hide your broken nose and cut lip, but you do get use to it... kinda nice to be able to wear a sweater all year round, so I guess that's a plus.
All you can do is stay positive and learn from their mistakes, be better than they were
"There is no shame in being weak, but there is great shame in staying weak"
@@aminenamga8548 I’m sorry you had to face that with them to this day…atleast try learning some subtle defensive moves to block most of their hits…it helped for me when my parents sent me to karate when I was 12 for a year…now even though I don’t practice anymore I still have that instinct to defend 5 years later. With my subtle defences I showed that beating me wasn’t working. Also I’m sorry for comparing. This is the best I could come up with atm.
The fact that it’s normal where I live to physically hit children for discipline is disturbing. My parents even told me that the only reason they stopped was because I was getting too old for it….as if my trauma ever will leave for me, I’m actually that lucky for that you know?…it’s much more worse in other families around me. And since this is so normal where I live I can’t go to the authorities. Oh and also bruises don’t show easily on my skin. My physical abuse situation is nowhere near as brutal as yours, but I hope you’re able to avoid them and defend yourself as much as you can.Is your situation where you have to stay with them and have no choice?…You have my support and compassion with you at all times.
Same
100% my relationship with my mother. "No contact" is SUCH a blessing!!!
All of this is so familiar. Especially lately, my mother tries to guilt trip me into talking to her about my feelings. When I finally try to talk about how I feel, she laughs at me, screams at me that that never happened, I'm overreacting, I'm crazy, it's all my fault, I'm stupid, I'm not trying hard enough, I'm a spoiled ungrateful brat, etc. I'm turning 18 in a month, but I have no idea how to take care of myself. My anxiety is so bad that I feel like I can't function properly, I don't know how. I wonder if that's another thing she's caused. Sadly the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me has come from her, and I'll never forget them.
Telling me I'm overreacting. That was the biggest one. When I was 4 or 5, I can look back and see I was indeed overreacting. But right now, when my mental health is a mess and I'm going through a lot, those words hurt.
When you thought your relationship with your parents was improving, but you relate to 5/7 of these:
This is so my parents and I wish I'd never had them as my parents just by how awful they are
I have thinks about that before ;)
Ikr, if you cannot treat a child with the SMALLEST amount of respect, don’t. Have. Children!!! It happens all the time, why bring a child into the world and use them as your emotional punching bag ;-;
I bet you kinda love them, but don't respect them because they have lost it from you.
*That's completely okay.*
Everyone deserves kindness, but it should _never_ be confused with respect.
@@greatwavefan397 That have completely lost my respect and I'll never love them again
@@oli5686 Exactly!! Children are not a emotional punching bag they are human beings Just Like You! I don't care what you are feeling, you have no excuse to treat your child like it's a object to cry on
My mom does absolutely everything in this list. It took me until not too long ago that my mom had been gaslighting me this whole time. This vid confirms it 100% for me.
I've dealt with my mom being a jerk to everyone since she had a surgery go wrong. Ever since then she has used that event as an excuse when someone says they're suffering. I say that the stress she brings me is breaking me and she says something like "I almost didn't make it back, I have PTSD and I will never recover" and completely stomps on my words. Recently she's gone and started going on about how horrible my dad is and every time I say that I'm suffering she just says "Oh your dad abused me for years and violated boundaries" because she caught him doing "naughty things" on his phone. Here's the thing. They still hold hands a lot, especially in public. I don't think you do that with someone that's supposedly a horrible person that abuses you. And then she goes on and says that I'm the issue, I'm gaslighting and manipulating people, and telling lies behind her back when I vent to others because I can't take it. I told her she's called me a lot of horrible names and denies it ever happened when I have audio proof of it happening. She's threatened to call the cops to kick me out of the house for standing up for myself and not taking this bullshit anymore. When I say I'm done with her bullshit she says "alright go sleep outside with the bats then" because she knows that I'm terrified of being outside after dark because of bats. She has actually tried waking me up by playing a game with sounds that she knows makes my OCD go haywire, with the intent to disturb me so I can't sleep. She constantly complains about my OCD compulsions and tells me to "quiet down" and says empty phrases like "that's enough" "you're okay" and SHE is the one in the house that self diagnoses us with disorders before the doctors confirm what she says and SHE is the one that says she knows a lot of psychology. She's not ignorant with my disorder problems. Its clear that its that she don't care.
Thank goodness I am free from her in 12 days, but these 12 days will be an eternity with the way she treats me.
This makes my childhood make a lot more sense, especially with my mom. She's done 5 out of 7 of these, and I've never been able to talk about it. Here's to hoping it doesn't get worse, I guess, when I move out.
I always knew that my "father figure" did not care for me at all, and this was one of the reasons why. Luckily, just a few years ago, I moved out of his household before things got much worse for me.
I relate to all of these so much. Both of my parents are like this, though I only deal with it from my mom now cause my mom and dad are divorced. I'm an adult who unfortunately lives at home with my mom and I've been treated this way my whole life. I'm autistic, but I'm high functioning, but I still struggle mentally which makes it hard to be independent so that's why I live with her and it honestly it's scary cause she's the type that acts nice at times which gives a false sense of security then goes off at the most ridiculous things I say or do, or if things aren't going her way in her life.... So I constantly live on edge feeling like I never know when she's gonna go off. Worst of all, she lies to make herself look good so nobody believes me and all they say is if you don't like it move out which is easier said than done.
Ah, reminds me when I was around 14 and for the first time in my life told my Parents about my feelings.
They both just paused and than bursted out Laughing. Telling me to not act like a spineless coward.
That memory has been burned in my brain.
Il remember that moment until the day I die, I think
I have had all these signs. Recently my best friend moved away, I started a new school for 8’th grade where I know nobody, they always say I’m being dramatic. Right now I’m taking algebra honors and it’s super hard for me but my parents are really strict about my grades and I can’t get a C or lower or my phone gets taken, but currently I have been so stressed with all the change and I have an F in math because I honestly don’t understand, but my parents always say that im not trying hard enough even if I do all the homework and take all the notes. On top of all this I have volleyball tryouts in 3 days so I am under more pressure. They don’t understand and tell me to get over it. They also treat my bother much better and give him more attention because he has anger issues but when he does something wrong the blame is placed on me for not looking out for him even though I can’t do anything about it. I am really struggling and have tried to tell my parents this stuff but they never listen and nothing ever changes.
What should I do? Im lost and don’t know where the right place to be is.
You could ask you algebra teacher for extra help, and stay after school for help if needed. On the days you aren't studying extra, you could practice for your volleyball tryouts. Idk how to help with the thing about your brother, that's just straight up abuse.
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, and i cant really do too much to help you, but i must say, i admire you for working under such pressure, even knowing how you parents treat you. I'm really proud of you, and you're doing enough. Just try not to overwork yourself. Also, you said you tried to talk to your parents, but they dont give importance to the problem, i dont know if it's going to work, but, when things are complicated in the family, and neither of them want to talk about it, the best thing would be to search for professional help. But if they dont want it, i am really sorry, but a temporary "solution", would be to deal with it :(. Maybe what i said is useless, but stay strong, please, and take care
I'm so sorry here have a virtual hug 🤗
You are more than your grades,your brother's anger issues are not yours(as if your his wife smh) and you DON'T deserve whats happening to you.I don't vent much on the internet but I am in a similar situation(don't have all the signs,at least mom and I are friendly but I can't mention my anxiety to her. Its really complicated.I just wanted to say your not alone
Rain Fawn - Your parents are scapegoating you.
In case you needed any words of reassurance: you are doing your best and the added external pressure from your parents is not helping, even if they see it as "tough love"; you are not your brother's care taker; your parents should never make their child feel there is favoritism going on, and if you feel like there is any then that's on them - NOT you; your problems are valid, even if only to you, and they need to respect that as your parents.
Sadly, most of these things are true, now and when I was younger. I've realized that it's not that I haven't recovered from being bullied, I've also been gaslighted by my own parents, causing me self esteem issues. I have anxiety and one of the things that make me extremely anxious is thunderstorms, so, whenever one rolls around, I get anxious. But, my parents just say I'm being "over dramatic" or they tell me that teenagers shouldn't be afraid and anxious about things all the time, even though most of my anxiety is still out of my control.
sorry to hear i hope you get better
This is a very useful video and describes much of my life. I’m in my 30s now and I’m still dealing with the intense gaslighting damage that my parents did towards me because of their own insecurity which they still mostly refuse to acknowledge today. We’ve had many many conversations over the years because I simply refuse to roll over and take it (elder child syndrome), so there has been some bend and pull although full healing is not possible I don’t think but majority healing is. We’re much better now because there’s mutual respect in understanding that has been hard one through many years of argument and constant confrontation and refusal to allow myself to be treated in a way that is not how I wish to be treated.
This video brought me in tears because this is what I’ve been going through for years with my Dad 🙁