In Will Smith’s book, he also talks about how he’s always felt like a coward due to a childhood incident where he watched his mother be verbally and physically assaulted by his dad and did nothing. He talks about doing nothing is one of his biggest regrets. I think this was a part of his trigger as well.
@@kungfumind. physical danger, no, but verbally is in the eyes of the beholder. I don’t condone what he did at all but I think to not account for his mental state and the bullying he and his wife have endured (regardless of how one may feel about them) is short sighted imo. We all have insecurities that would feel humiliating if someone broadcast as a joke to the world (heck even to a small room). I’d like to think we’d all have people who would want to defend us in that vulnerability too abet not necessarily by putting hands on.
Yes, this was a good conversation for me to! Nevertheless joking is also healing. It puts a lot of pressure out and away. You still know you need a conversation. But please also humor . 🤣😂😍 Buy the way, I am not in America, but what happened to Chris Rock, what "the made do" of Will S, what Jada is having go through, is so familiar, so very familiar allover the place. We are now a collective global family trying to sort this out. It is indeed helpful to all of us to learn about deep rooted pain and what the alternative canals are to deal with intense emotions. This 'incident' is like a diamond, so so many Facets. And all people 'involved' matter. All roots, all motives, all intentions,all everything 🤗 greetings America and JoeDubb
First her alopecia is partial Alopecia areata. I have it and is not a mortal ill. U can hide it with ur own hair. Will had problems with his wife long time ago. When she got 40. He did a party with baloons flowers music. He said "Was a way to say her that I love her" . The woman said "was the most selfish and humillating thing" After that she go to bed with her kid friend and others Then will is just in a toxic relationship. Saddly seems his wife abuse him and nobody gets it. Chris Rock was also in the list of guys were involve with her wife. Just gossips. Nobody knows really
His uncontrolled rage is at a level where he should begin with inpatient therapy immediately. In a facility, away from the stress, where he is not distracted by the outside world and can focus on whatever is happening in his brain.
@@mistym0rning finances are not the only reason people don’t go into therapy. If all it took was money, every celebrity would be mentally healthy, yet we see a lot are not and suffer in silence (sometimes loudly) from a variety of issues. One reason someone who could afford therapy wouldn’t go is cultural reasons. A lot of black communities have negative stigmas attached to therapy, especially for men. Also Will could be actively in therapy. Going to therapy doesn’t instantly fix everything.
I feel for Chris - I was once verbally attacked by a "friend" in a social setting. Out of the blue. Incredibly hurtful. I felt paralized. It is traumatic esp if you have a history of being bullied as a kid, because it drags you right back to this primal fear. Just like Chris I kept "the show going" and absolutely fell apart once I was alone.
What I don’t get is he hit a dude. He didn’t hit a child, or a woman or a baby. It was a fellow dude who shook it off. I don’t personally think it was a big deal. Just men being men and telling the other to stfu.
@@mattlesion386 I don’t think it is that simple Chris know about women and their hair as he did a documentary. It was also the second time he targeted Jada when hosting. I agree with some of what you said. That being said was this outrage there when Will slapped the serial prankster who kissed him on the red carpet about 5 years ago. There was crickets. The serial prankster has done terrible things, picked up a model and tried to carry her away, ran under a woman’s dress and walked over to Will while he was doing an interview and kissed him. Will responded by slapping him. No one then said “There is no excuse for slapping a person”. People are so subjective with their "there is no excuse..."
I so appreciate the videos you do for us and I'm so sorry to hear that you have been traumatized by nasty comments. I'm not surprised because people can be extremely cruel, especially when they are anonymous, but I just want you to know that you are appreciated and please try to find a way to just ignore the bullies. What you do is not only entertaining but it is also very informative and much needed in our very fragile society. Thank you!
@@zacharyyoung2949 Wow, bitter/hateful much?? 🙄😂 All they were trying to say was a nice comment & to let Dr. Honda know how much they & some others appreciate his videos, & to not let the haters get him down (especially not to the point where he stops them one day just because of hate), but then you had to come & make your bitter comment. Maybe you're one of his haters that he was talking about? 🤷🤣 SMH.
@@zacharyyoung2949 - if you can't handle reading a compliment given to Dr. Honda, maybe you shouldn't be online. Scrolling on without a nasty comment is possible to do. Try it sometime.
I feel sad for Chris and Will. Clearly Will has a lot of pain and anger to work through, and needs to find a healthy means to do it. Chris certainly didn’t deserve the violence he received. Sad all around.
Will has talked about how his mother was abused verbally and physically by her partner, and will saw it all and carries self hatred due to the fact that he never stood up and physically defended his mother. He said it plagued him for a long time and made him feel weak. Maybe this incident somehow triggered some of that.
@@cuntstolemyusernames Chris made a remark about Jada's shaved head, not her alopecia. She's not self conscious about being hairless. On the contrary. Otherwise she would have worn a wig. GI Jane is a badass character. I don't get her being offended when she paraded her baldness proud.
Will could’ve gotten on stage and say:’My wife has alopecia, that joke is not as funny as you might think.’ and walked back to his seat. This is a ridiculous response and Chris Rock responded so professionally.
Yes, there's a million things he could have done, and he chose the worst possible thing. He also could have added "I would like to raise awareness for this issue by making a large donation to alopecia research/charity." I can't imagine having that much money and power and still being so petty and self-destructive. It just goes to show that money can't buy class.
I think that will should have talk to Chris afterwards. Because it took a lot of attention away to what Chris was therefore. I didn’t watch the Oscars but I heard that Chris was nominating or mentioning people, it just took everything away from that.
I think you're one of the few people who has a very balanced and empathetic understanding of both sides. I really like how you didn't take sides, but really thought about what was going through each party's mind and the possible things they've gone through that led up to this moment. Yet another great video Dr. Kirk!
Absolutely. Very thoughtful to take us through Will and Jada's possible perspective too. I'm pretty upset and triggered about what happened, but I'll be the first to admit that I've had fantasies about getting back at a perceived bully like that. Definitely made me do a double take. ❤️
I’m disappointed that most people are either Team Will or Team Chris. Both sides make me sad. My thing is, why can’t both things be true at the same time? I hate how black and white our society is.
Everyone has been very focused on Will Smith, I would be interested in hearing what the impact of this “Slap” means to Chris Rock and his mental health.
He definitely has some effects, no one can easily over come that kind of embarrassment and physical pain combination. Not to mention it was done by a friend or ex friend just to scratch the surface.
I totally agree let's look at the affect on Chris the victim of violence here. I would like to hear what psych has to say about him too! He has suffered here. I hope he's doing ok now. ^j^
The fact that he got a standing ovation after physically assaulting someone is sickening. I have experienced this behaviour (many times) after being a victim of physical abuse. The abuser cries crocodile tears and all their “fans” flock to them and comfort them. Meanwhile I was left to cry, process, heal and grieve totally alone. I had an entire friend group totally stop talking to me after I was bullied by a friend for 2 months straight. I finally cracked and told the friend how depressed her bullying made me and she assaulted me. Everyone sat with her while she cried and they all unfriended me online and ignored me or laughed at me in public. Truly awful to go through. And that’s just one time I went through that. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and his friends would literally party with him after he assaulted me. What in the world is wrong with people. And here we are again sympathizing with the popular bully/abuser and not even focusing on what the victim may be experiencing. Unreal.
@@EmpressEllie You deserve better than that and try to remember you’re not alone there are many out there who have been treated so poorly, I wish you healing I truly do 🙏🏾 💕
In case this might provide context: I saw someone interviewed who read Will Smith's biography and apparently he's always seen himself as a coward due to childhood trauma. His father would beat his mother right in front of him and he felt like a coward for not being able to protect her. Fast forward to what happened and -- without excusing it -- one can understand how this trauma may have been triggered and he told himself this time he would stand up for a woman he loves (his wife this time).
This is what I was thinking about when I saw the slap heard round the world. Violence is never the answer but my heart did go out to Will because it seemed like a trauma had been triggered. He's smart enough to know that physically assaulting someone at the Oscars is a bad idea, which makes me think he wasn't fully in his rationale brain when it happened. Seems likely to me that the factors described in the above comment were at play.
@@sabias3932 Chris Rock has also talked about his past and how he was severly bullied in school and how that has impacted him and that he says he still carries it with him to this day, which I think you see in his reaction. I have had lifelong alopecia areata that I was able to hide, unfortunately recently I developed alopecia totalis at 24, meaning I have no hair follicles at all, so sadly no buzzcut for me like Jada. The joke wasn't good but it wasn't harsh, even Will laughed along with it. I have and many like me have far far worse said to us, daily. Trauma of his personal life may have resulted in this but it doesn't make it right. Due to this event, I have had dozens of jokes aimed at me every single day, I also was bullied through school for my hair, I have not slapped anyone. And just because we aren't celebrities, we don't get and wouldn't be allowed a pass to do so and no matter how hard it is we have to cope with it every single day, this has not helped us either.
@@LK-rt9cb I thought the same thing. Plus, it was assumed he would win and this behavior was uncharacteristic of him. I do think they thought it would be a bad look to kick the first black man to win best actor in years out.
It makes me emotional hearing that you have had sleepless nights because of the bad comments some people leave. I can't understand why anyone in there right mind would have ill will towards you. I'm sure you know this but just wanted to remind you that you're a wonderful person and you've made my life better having known you.
For those of us who have been the recipients of gaslighting it is very painful to see a professional gloss over or avoid this very painful topic. Narcissists can take information like this and run with it.
I really respect you for being real about your own feelings and impulses when faced with toxic masculinity. It’s very refreshing and authentic. As a psychotherapist we’re often put on a pedestal by clients (which can seduce the ego), and in public we’re expected to demonstrate a near Buddha state - deprived of character, feelings and challenges of our very own unfolding journey 😂 You hold a good line between professionalism, relatability, authenticity, role modelling - and being a human and walking this same journey with us.
Lets also speak on how Chris Rock has been severally bullied as a child. And also how he was diagnosed with NVLD, something close to aspergers. He doesn't pick on non-verbal social cues. Thats what plagued him his entire life. And probably one of the factors of why he was bullied so much as a child. That situation probably confusing for him because Will was smiling/laughing and then came up to smack him. He didnt even get the cue to not keep his hands behind his back, this man is mad.
Wow I had no idea that Chris Rock has that diagnosis. Thanks for sharing that info. The mental health field is so interesting to me and it goes to show that we truly never know what people go through and have to deal with.
I completely agree… Chris Roc needs a wellness check. I cannot even imagine what he must be feeling and the trauma that this one event will be causing him. This smack was seen around the world. I wouldn’t be surprised if he still trying to process what even happened.
@@wholethedogsout880 how is dramatic? The slap of Chris Rocks face has been reproduced around the world it is traumatic and humiliating. It's A LOT of all of them to process.
I feel like Jada and Will have triangulated the public into their relationship. Jada has talked at length about their relationship issues, and now Will is using us as an audience to make this gesture for their relationship. It feels extremely uncomfortable to bear witness to this. I hope they both can find healing
Yes those were my thoughts too. Very insightful. Triangulation means you’re referring to narcissism? The problem is a narcissists’ intellect develops with their biological age, and generally they’re very intelligent. But their emotional age is stuck at approx. 6 years old (the omnipotent stage of development - where they can not tell the difference between self and other, everything outside of them is an extension of themselves). So using Will and Jada as an example, they can talk about emotional intelligence around the red table, but it’s highly unlikely they practice it. Also did you notice the cuts and editing in their video... missing content! Generally speaking this is where a narcissists’ prey becomes so tormented and conflicted, by the variance between a narcissists’ words and their emotional behaviour - victims cannot reconcile the two and try to fix it. Jada reminds me of Meghan Markle - and Will reminds me of a broken Prince Harry.
@@lightdweller1 Jada isnt a narcissist. I work in healthcare and it’s actually extremely frustrating seeing people throw around the term so easily. Ive treated individuals actually diagnosed with that trait. Jada only began talking about her relationship because the guy from her extra marital relationship spoke about it first.
@@TheDaneyeledee Firstly given that you are a practitioner of sorts you seem to miss the fact that I was speaking generally, picking up on the previous commenter’s term ‘triangulation’. Secondly you approach me to insist that I’m incorrect for thinking Jada might be a narcissist - using your profession to insist that she isn’t a narcissist. If you are taking a professional stance; then surely you must know that cluster B personality disorders require clinical diagnosis. Have you carried out a clinical assessment of Jada? Of course not. In which case, what gives you the authority on the matter to insist that you are correct and others are wrong - when you have no clinical material. Nor do you offer any valid arguments from public observations. It’s an open discussion, sharing views and opinions of public figures/Hollywood celebrities ...an institution which by the way does attract narcissism. Be frustrated if you must, but people are entitled to their perspectives.
@@lightdweller1 Lol what gives you authority to call her a narcissist? Do you know her personally? It’s cute that you made that long reply to my comment when it applies to you. Based on my experience, I find it extremely doubtful she has narcissistic personality disorder. Further, she hasn’t disclosed having a personality disorder. You’re labelling her and then questioning my suggestion for people to stop carelessly labelling others without experience or evidence by saying I don’t have any evidence 😂. You do realise the irony, right?
Did you ever notice that “uncontrolled rage” is always convenient? If it had been “The Rock” instead of Chris Rock, Will would have whispered to Jada, “Hey, it’s just a joke!”
I'm guessing Dwayne does not have a long history with the Smiths of using their names as jokes he gets paid for. Do you even know Dwayne? He's a standup guy. He wouldn't joke about another man's wife. 🙄
I'd like to know what you think about a story Chris Rock recently shared a couple months ago. He was bullied as a child and never fought back until one day he did (with a brick in his bookbag) to where he thought he'd killed the bully. He said that ever since then he's been afraid of his anger and has not let himself feel it, and has consequently allowed people to walk all over him for years.
Wow, really interesting!! I can completely relate as a former victim of bullying ( and that explains his incredible composure even better, because you just stand there and take it) I feel even worse for Chris and hope he will get help if needed. At least he can afford it☺️ ) I ll never be able to look at will Smith again without getting nauseous..)
It’s interesting cuz then on the opposite you have will who shares how his fathers domestic abuse of his mother has made him guilty and insecure of being cowardly since he didn’t protect his mom he vowed to protect all the women in his life.
Heartbreaking to hear your account of your own online bullying. I feel protective of you even if I don't know you in real life. Just know that a lot of us really care about you and appreciate your content beyond what words can express.
@@thedudeabides5695 Well I don't know if he would say that but that is my feeling on the situation. To some bullying is not that big of a deal, to others it's quite devastating and might even lead to committing suicide and that is why it's never okay.
@@callmekirkland8 I appreciate your self awareness. That is how you felt at the time and I'm taking that you weren't intentionally trying to hurt him but you figured it did and you apologized accordingly. I am proud of you for doing that.
Yes, it was a trauma reaction. Interestingly, I think Chris reaction to the slap was also a trauma reaction (he was bullied as a child). I think they both would benefit very much from sitting down and having a very real, honest, and transparent conversation about their backgrounds, their inner child, and how this situation affected/triggered them on that level.
@@vashsunglasses "Abuser." Relax with the hyperbole, would you? And no one is saying he HAS to, but that they'd both probably benefit from it - especially as black males. Mental health is not talked about enough in this community.
@@vashsunglasses Chris Rock will sit with Will Smith trust me. They are brothers and they will talk it out. Then move on. They well then continue to protect each-other in the media. Abuser? You don’t know what the fuck abuse is.
The fact that they let him stay and accept his Oscar was disgusting. He physically assaulted another person on live television. He wasn’t punished at all and the academy hasn’t said a word condemning his behavior. If it had been any other Joe Schmo, they would’ve been escorted out by security. Hollywood is gross.
You mean the same Hollywood that gave a standing ovation to Roman Polanski (the guy who drugged/raped a 13 year old and has been on the run ever since), the same Hollywood that protected Harvey Weinstein and countless other rapists/predators, the same Hollywood that didn’t let the first black winner of the Oscars sit with her white cast members, the same Hollywood that lets pedophiles work on children’s shows??? Of all the things they’ve done in Hollywood, THIS was the thing that made you say that? This was a grown man slapping another grown man for disrespecting him, happens in real life everyday….
@@suigeneris6397 Those that gave him a standing ovation and hugs are those that would have done the same thing. Chris knows who he can "play" and "joke" with. He's been going to Jada for so long, and Will never said anything, so he felt it can always do it. He wouldn't pull that stunt with Tyler Perry or Samuel L Jackson (which are two of the many men who hugged and applauded Will after he walked off stage).
I know I'm not alone in saying that you, Dr. Kirk, are a wonderful person who works selflessly and tirelessly to provide us with entertainment, insight, vulnerability, and humanity. Hope this plays through your head twice as often as the hate. Thank you ❤
Will has a book out that specifically goes into his childhood traumas that sounded like originated with his father. He talks about a specific incident where his dad hit his mom so hard she bled from the mouth, I think. He said that one incident shaped who he is as a man more than any other event. It would be interesting to hear if Dr. H would have additional input after reading Will’s book.
Lots of us have childhood traumas. It's no excuse. And a joke isn't the same as protecting someone from violence. And Will had a lovely party afterwards - not to mention he thought it was funny before Jada rolled her eyes.
@@julieme7927 I don’t disagree with you. There is never any excuse for violence. I mentioned it because Dr. H said he knew nothing of Will’s past trauma. I would be curious to hear his take on it. There are many issues I disagree with Dr. H on but it doesn’t mean his opinions are of no value.
What I have noticed is that Will Smith was laughing at first after the joke. Jada was upset. Perhaps after he noticed she was upset he went on stage. As he walked back he was swaggering. That told me alot, like he felt very tough and proud and entitled. Will's face was full of rage when he was yelling and it was scary. Jada was laughing. My question would be why? What's that about? Kudos to Chris for not losing his shit.
🎯 Yes....I agree. He laughed at first and then looked over at Jada. After that it took a whole turn. I think she is controlling and he did what he thought was right to make her happy.
Curious about your thoughts on Will Smith's docuseries, "Best shape of my life", which starts off being a "fitness journey" but then delves into his emotional/cognitive processes. If I remember correctly, he discussed a tendency to focus on "achievement" and having a very black-and-white approach to things and relates it to experiences growing up and family dynamics.
I wish I could like this video twice. The amount of free life improvement I've received from your videos is phenomenal, and bless Stacey for editing them. I rly love this channel and your work.
Dr Honda I'm so sorry you have to deal with these people on your channel. You're such a positive force in the world, thank you so much for continuing to make yourself vulnerable for those of us who appreciate you!
I’m so sorry that you lose sleep sometimes over what people say on here. You offer such insight and understanding, that would hopefully allow people to deepen their empathy for others. I appreciate you and everything you do on here. Also, I use to work with adult offenders in a diversion program (most offences). One of the things that I use to explain to clients, and sometimes friends/family who would always say, “I could never work with people like that”, i would explain that people do things for reasons, when we learn better ways to meet out needs, we choose better options. I have loved listening to your videos for this reason. You explain some of the possible whys behind the behaviours and that people can work through those to heal and get to a better place where they can handle things differently. Please be good to yourself. Not everyone is going to agree or even be at a point where they want to be empathetic. That’s just part of where they are on their own journey, don’t take that personally. Just wanted to let you know that you are very appreciated, and once again, you’ve done a brilliant video. 👍🏼🤗
Personal opinion but I truly believe Chris R was not aware of Jada’s alopecia. I remember when Ellen had Katy Perry on her show, and said she should date Russell Brand. She was totally serious…she had totally forgotten, or maybe never known, Katy and Russell had been married and divorced. Celebrities aren’t always aware of each other’s personal lives. Anyway, that’s just my two cents cause I’ve heard a lot of speculation that Rock MUST have known and I simply don’t think that’s the case. The only thing I’ll add is I like both Smith and Rock, and I still like them individually and respect their contributions. Hope Rock can move on from this traumatic moment. Hope Smith does some self reflection and healing.
"and they give us the metaphorical twinkie .... i'm sorta goin' off the rails." 😭 I loved this ep! Definitely the most thoughtful and nuanced response i've heard about The Slap (lol) Much love to Dr. Kirk!
There's a long history of Black men insulting Black women's hair which is something I wouldn't expect someone outside of our community to understand or sympathize with
Very eloquently and empathically, you guided your audience through a scenario that has taken the world by storm. I've never seen your videos before, but there's something about your gentle manner I like. I really hope Mr. Will Smith sees this video! He definitely needs an outlet for his anger, and I hope he finds peace.
Dr., You’re seriously great. I’m not being directly treated by you but I’m feeling myself healing throughout this video, somehow. I wish I could actually be your patient.
I think Will reluctantly laughed at the tasteless joke as in, "you a-hole, you had to take a cheap shot," but did not become enraged until he saw that Jada had not find it funny. That's when the "quien es mas macho" demon came out, and he jumped to make a scene of what he might've understood as chivalry but was clearly an assault. I've heard him say he carries a lot of guilt about not having had defended his mother when his father [often] physically and emotionally abused her, so I'm 100% sure the moment he saw "his woman" being slighted triggered a response he probably had fantasized about all his life---sauntering up to his father and punching his teeth in. PLUS: I think it's interesting he slapped, not punch, Chris Rock. Between "manly men" (whatever that means) a smack comes across as more "emasculating", more humiliating, than a closed fist to the face. Chris, I'm sure, did not see it coming. Who would? Had he seen Will close his fists, he probably would've put his own up, and then it would've been a scuffle on stage.
@@a.vanbuuren7484 It could've been that he noticed some in the audience gasped, or that Jada whispered something under her breath, or that he rewound the joke in his head and decided, "No, not OK". But I see a clear upwelling of something, like a mushroom cloud expanding across the sky. Who knows? It could even be that he realized, "If I go HAM on Chris, I'll go down in history, like Kanye grabbing the mic from Taylor Swift...everyone will have my name in their mouths, forever. Bad publicity is still publicity, right?" And he went for infamy.
Hi. I watched this video last week, and I wanted to return to leave a comment. I rarely do this… bc the internet. Lol. But I wanted to say that I really enjoy your channel and hearing different perspectives. It helps me learn and increase self awareness by listening to others perspective and life experience. I think this channel is a great resource. Especially since not everyone can afford or has access to traditional therapy. There is no replacement for therapy, but I think this channel is a great starting place to get people thinking. Thank you for all you do and share. I’m really sorry to hear about all of these internet bullies. It’s very unfortunate. :( Because you are also a DESERVED member of this online community.
This was wonderfully balanced and eye opening. I think people tend to see celebrities as somehow above “regular” people and are then confused when celebs have impulsive, not always pretty, yet human reactions. It’s essentially a dehumanising perspective, but it is also what Hollywood is built on…
I think it's more of how we've built Hollywood. Celebrities are just ppl who do a job and get paid a lot of money for it. There are a lot of other people who do a job and get a lot of money for it too yet we don't give them these privileges of crazy amount of praise, acknowledgement and superiority. We've given them that.
The way Will's mouth was locked up reminds me of when I've had panic attacks in the past. It definitely seems to stem from trauma from toxic masculinity, he also has trauma from his father. It's not acceptable behavior but if the Academy takes his oscar away over THIS it will be a HUGE slap in the face to all of the survivors of Harvey Weinstein and Woody Allen and the laundry list of other predatory men in Hollywood who are allowed to get away with as much violence as they please.
@@Pookie515 wait i don't get it how is it a slap in the face of the survivors if they take it away? wouldn't it be if the academy didn't take the award away
Dr. Honda, I appreciate you for your voice and the space you’ve created and fostered for so many people to come together in learning, understanding, and *empathizing* 💖
I thought I was all alone in this. Thank you Dr. Kirk. I had stated to think that something was wrong with him because I felt compassion for Will. What you said is what I have been thinking all alone. Note, I don't agree with violence, but there is something more beyond that slap.
If I was jada I would have been so mortified by wills behavior. Even if I was super offended, maybe even more so. The LAST thing I would want/ need is MORE attention on me/ that situation. Super entitled and out of touch behavior to assault someone on tv and get away with it. Also, it was very jarring and unsettling to everyone else watching to witness violence out of nowhere when you’re just trying to watch an award ceremony...Especially if you grew up in a violent household.
I have the same thoughts. I wouldn't want my spouse to interrupt a live show like that. Show some restraint! He selfishly made that night all about him... like he was the King of the Academy!
Thank you for addressing the whole " let it go "mentality. It absolutely dismisses and invalidates the hurt . My mom always said," if you keep the anger in, you end up with cancer "( she is a cancer survivor btw) My unresolved anger led to pretty much everything you mentioned. It took me until I was 42 ( during covid) to understand that anger is ok. It's ok to feel. I have a great therapist now 💜 As a parent, I do my best to share what I learn in therapy. I want them to be comfortable in their emotions, including their anger. Back in my day ( lol) parents didn't send their kids to therapy. My mom's generation was the stuff upper lip. I wish she had been able to get the help that I receive. Therapy works, but - you gotta be willing to do YOUR work and it's gonna hurt alot at first, but WE all are deserving of peace 💜
What I found to be especially disgusting was Will Smith's self-aggrandizing Oscar speech making himself to be a hero, him not apologizing to Chris Rock, & the audience giving him a standing ovation. He should have been charged with assault & battery & removed from the Academy Awards Venue by security or the police. The police should have automatically charged Will Smith with assault & battery &, like domestic violence, it should not be up to the victim to lay charges. Will Smith is normalizing violence to the whole world & even his son said "And that's how we do it". Many of the actors were consoling & partying with Will Smith & very few were checking to see if Chris Rock was OK. Many in Hollywood have lost their moral compass. (Sharen)
@@EmpressEllie Yes, I see that behavior playing out here in that Jada is being completely ignored. SHE is the real victim in all of this. I've ALSO seen it play out where people rally around the person who acted out of character and laid the bully out one day.
Yeah except now everyone is doing the exact opposite of leaving them alone lol. Most of the people who are writing waaaaay worse jokes and comments on the internet about Will Smith didn't even know about Jada's affair before the slap. Now he's made his family a national laughingstock and his entire career, lifestyle and psychology is being scrutinized microscopically. I don't know what good he thought would come from assaulting someone live on TV. He ruined for himself what should have been the best night of his career. Only unhinged people would do that.
@@suigeneris6397 thank you for expressing this point. His actions were to defend his family but now he has put them.all back in the spotlight and the negativity/vitriol towards Jada is ridiculous right now for HIS actions. His actions were short -sighted. The poor form joke wld have long been forgotten if he'd addressed a different way.
Dr, i believe you’re spot on with your analysis. I’m impressed that you noticed that Will was picking up traits from the character that he played in his recent movie, King Richard. I saw an interview about someone who worked with Will during the Mohammed Ali movie and he said that he became very aggressive towards him off camera and didn’t really break character. I believe that Will somehow embodies the characters that he plays and therefore punching him would be justified, since it would be something King Richard would do. I also think that he wanted to prove himself in front of Jada. Something about that smirk after hitting him gave of the impression that he was proud of what he did, or rather said how proud Jada would be.
Richard wasn't particularly thrilled that Will made the comment in his acceptance speech and it put him in the position to have to condemn violence until in self defense. Will is egotistical, no need to romanticize it
I imagine I'm not alone when I say that merely witnessing this situation (including Will saying, "Love will make you do crazy things") has been very triggering for me. As someone with multiple diabilities, including an autoimmune skin disorder that I was teased for, and as someone who was slapped multiple times by my Japanese parent (slapping was, at least in my parent's generation, very normalised in Japanese culture), I've literally felt trauma coursing through my body since last weekend. Not only that, in the late 1990s, I was actually in a very similar position to Jada, which still hurts to this day. It was at a fundraising auction with a couple of hundred people present, and the auctioneer made me the butt of racist 'jokes' in order to goad my white boyfriend into feeling competitive to win an item. I felt so humuliated by the auctioneer and the majority-white room for laughing and acting as though nothing happened, that I started to cry. Most of all, I felt so betrayed by my boyfriend who disregarded my distressed tears and continued to bid on and win the item. At a minimum, I expected my BF to respect and care enough about my feelings to withdraw from bidding, but there were also so many other things that he could have done to comfort and support me, or to call out and take a stand against the racist behaviour. However, in the decades since, not once did it cross my mind that physical violence (by me, my BF, or anyone else) in that situation could have been a possible response. Had my BF reacted with physical violence, I would have felt mortified, even more traumatised, disempowered (where was the respect for my autonomy and wishes?)...and I would have become afraid of him (that he had the potential to be physically violent with me). P.S. It was so relatable and endearing to see Dr Honda embarrasingly admit to challenging a bully to a fight! 💜😂
I'm sorry you went through something that awful! To be the only person being mocked and made fun of, everyone laughing and the one person supposed to protect you didn't help. I hope you got rid of that boyfriend. Unfortunately people can be afraid of not being socially accepted and that may have been the case with him. Still unacceptable. I would have gotten up and left. That reminds me of being bullied in elementary school. I'm sorry for your pain.
I found Wills behavior triggering. It took me back to misunderstandings with an ex who switched, refused to allow me speak and yelled, was violent. I saw a lot of him in Will. Then that self serving arrogant acceptance speech kept the abuser playbook continuing.
Dr Honda, please know that you are very much appreciated. Your work, your efforts to educate the world for being a better place is the biggest gift you can give to people. I have gone to therapy, so as my husband because you opened our eyes for understanding better our past traumas etc…please don’t get hurt by trolls, pls pls pls, we are here to appreciate you! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Something additional I think is important is that while the joke wasn't good... A vast majority of people wouldn't expect to be physically assaulted while at their workplace. Maybe since only a fraction of the world population is an actual comedian as a profession we don't see it as a normal workplace, but if someone were to make a tasteless joke about someone in a break room in the office and then someone else responded by physically assaulting them, we'd probably feel very different about it. I think Chris Rock made a tasteless joke and shouldn't have said it or should've delivered it differently, but it didn't warrant physical assault...
You’re making sense! I think the escalating undercurrent here is that Rock made tasteless jokes about Will Jada, and even Rihanna in 2016. That’s when the Smiths were boycotting the Oscar’s because Will’s accolades were overdue. Might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back, but def excessive force was used.
It's not just that the joke "wasn't good." Jokes and satire are meant to bring attention to those in power and take em down a peg- not for people who don't deserve it, not to make fun of someone's medical condition.
I'm sure Chris Rock was also a victim of racism during his life and career. And now he got slapped on live TV while he was just doing his job. Shouldn't we focus on the victim instead of finding excuses for the perpetrator?
I think the craziest thing about this is that the very innocuous GI Jane joke would have been forgotten 2 minutes later. Now because of Will Smith himself, everyone all over the globe is researching into his personal life, the affair, and making jokes about his wife that are 10,000 times worse. Not to mention he made himself look like an absolute douche. Well done, Will.
@@FabiolaRVela exactly. If they want their names out of mouths, don't discuss your emotional/ sex lives in elaborate detail on international television for hours at a time
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (UCLA ‘69) writes: "When Will Smith stormed onto the Oscar stage to strike Chris Rock for making a joke about his wife's short hair, he did a lot more damage than just to Rock's face. With a single petulant blow, he advocated violence, diminished women, insulted the entertainment industry, and perpetuated stereotypes about the Black community. That's a lot to unpack. Let's start with the facts: Rock made a reference to Smith's wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, as looking like Demi Moore in 'G.I. Jane,' in which Moore had shaved her head. Jada Pinkett Smith suffers from alopecia, which causes hair loss. Ok, I can see where the Smiths might not have found that joke funny. But Hollywood awards shows are traditionally a venue where much worse things have been said about celebrities as a means of downplaying the fact that it's basically a gathering of multimillionaires giving each other awards to boost business so they can make even more money. The Smiths could have reacted by politely laughing along with the joke or by glowering angrily at Rock. Instead, Smith felt the need to get up in front of his industry peers and millions of people around the world, hit another man, then return to his seat to bellow: 'Keep my wife's name out of your f#*king mouth.' Twice. Some have romanticized Smith's actions as that of a loving husband defending his wife. Comedian Tiffany Haddish, who starred in the movie 'Girls Trip' with Pinkett Smith, praised Smith's actions: 'For me, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen because it made me believe that there are still men out there that love and care about their women, their wives.' Actually, it was the opposite. Smith's slap was also a slap to women. If Rock had physically attacked Pinkett Smith, Smith's intervention would have been welcome. Or if he'd remained in his seat and yelled his post-slap threat, that would have been unnecessary, but understandable. But by hitting Rock, he announced that his wife was incapable of defending herself-against words. From everything I'd seen of Pinkett Smith over the years, she's a very capable, tough, smart woman who can single-handedly take on a lame joke at the Academy Awards show. This patronizing, paternal attitude infantilizes women and reduces them to helpless damsels needing a Big Strong Man to defend their honor least they swoon from the vapors. If he was really doing it for his wife, and not his own need to prove himself, he might have thought about the negative attention this brought on them, much harsher than the benign joke. That would have been truly defending and respecting her. This 'women need men to defend them' is the same justification currently being proclaimed by conservatives passing laws to restrict abortion and the LGBTQ+ community. Worse than the slap was Smith's tearful, self-serving acceptance speech in which he rambled on about all the women in the movie 'King Richard' that he's protected. Those who protect don't brag about it in front of 15 million people. They just do it and shut up. You don't do it as a movie promotion claiming how you're like the character you just won an award portraying. But, of course, the speech was about justifying his violence. Apparently, so many people need Smith's protection that occasionally it gets too much and someone needs to be smacked. What is the legacy of Smith's violence? He's brought back the Toxic Bro ideal of embracing Kobra Kai teachings of 'might makes right' and 'talk is for losers.' Let's not forget that this macho John Wayne philosophy was expressed in two movies in which Wayne spanked grown women to teach them a lesson. Young boys-especially Black boys-watching their movie idol not just hit another man over a joke, but then justify it as him being a superhero-like protector, are now much more prone to follow in his childish footsteps. Perhaps the saddest confirmation of this is the tweet from Smith's child Jaden: 'And That’s How We Do It.' The Black community also takes a direct hit from Smith. One of the main talking points from those supporting the systemic racism in America is characterizing Blacks as more prone to violence and less able to control their emotions. Smith just gave comfort to the enemy by providing them with the perfect optics they were dreaming of. Many will be reinvigorated to continue their campaign to marginalize African Americans and others through voter suppression campaign. As for the damage to show business, Smith's violence is an implied threat to all comedians who now have to worry that an edgy or insulting joke might be met with violence. Good thing Don Rickles, Bill Burr, or Ricky Gervais weren't there. As comedian Kathy Griffin tweeted: 'Now we all have to worry about who wants to be the next Will Smith in comedy clubs and theaters.' The one bright note is that Chris Rock, clearly stunned, managed to handle the moment with grace and maturity. If only Smith's acceptance speech had shown similar grace and maturity-and included, instead of self-aggrandizing excuses, a heartfelt apology to Rock." (Sharen Van Fossen)
Kareem's son almost stabbed an elderly neighbor to death and served no prison time for it. Was he talking about his son advocating violence, diminishing the elderly, ruining his father's legacy and the real kicker - perpetuating stereotypes about Black folks? Nope. It was all very hush-hush. Typically, at these things, the person who's up for an award is the target of "jokes" by the hosts/presenters - NOT their spouses. So Will should've been the target, NOT Jada. Tiffany Haddish, like many Black women, catch hell no matter what we do, no matter where we are, and NO ONE sticks up for us. Ever. I'm sure you can see, given that context, how so many Black women were just glad to see a man, particularly a Black man, stand up for his wife. Tell me why the world stops spinning on it's axis if a white woman so much as cries, but no one ever thinks Black women need some caring and protection, too? Sure, we're ALL - White women, too - capable of defending ourselves, but no one ever says "White women don't need protection." Do you know how many Black women have died just from the stress of having to "be strong" ALL of the time?? No one ever thinks to come to their aid - and you're sitting here advocating that that behavior continue. Conservatives are largely legislating abortion like mad because they know White folks will be minorities soon and they're trying to stop that, since White women have the most abortions. Trust and believe, if Black women and other WOC were leading in abortions, they'd let that continue unimpeded forever. To be able to see Will's speech and to only see that as someone who is bragging, instead of someone who's hurting and going through something VERY serious just conveys a complete lack of empathy on your part - which tracks because your later comments belie your real issue, but we'll get to that. He hasn't bought into any Cobra Kai mentality for ONE incident in 30+ years of work. He's been virtually impeccable his entire career. How the hell do you know what Black boys will take away from this episode?? Are you a Black boy? Did you raise one? Of course you aren't/ haven't because then you'd know that Black folks have actual conversations with their kids and teach them right from wrong just like everyone else. Could it be possible that Jaden - who is a grown man now - no longer a boy - also got tired of his mother being disrespected and bullied by another man over the years? Of course, but you never considered that this Black man would also feel protective of his Black mother, did you? Let's not even begin to talk deeply about systemic racism in this country and the fact that respectability politics is ridiculous as a means to combat that. Black people are NOT the most violent people in this country. What we are is disproportionately accused, arrested, and imprisoned, though. Systemic racism was started by White folks and is perpetuated by White folks as we speak. If someone thought Black folks were inherently violent after this, I guarantee they thought so before., despite ALL of the evidence that points to White folks being just as, if not MORE violent. And this is not only seen here, but anywhere White folks have colonized around the globe. So stop with that nonsense. And that's really what your issue is, you believed that before, and so this incident is just confirmation bias for you. Comedians have ALWAYS been worried about people heckling and approaching them to do harm during their shows. Always. We're not laying ALL of the world's problems at Will Smith's feet. Stop that nonsense. Perhaps, we'd ALL be in a better place if people didn't act like assholes and then crawl behind the banner of "It's just a joke" to be able to justify their abuse. If you have to degrade someone in order to be funny, you're not very talented, you're just an asshole. And finally, Will apologized the next day, and it was a good apology... I think even by Dr. Honda's standards. He took accountability, apologized in no uncertain terms for what he did, he promised to learn form this experience and to do better in the future. So you're mad he didn't apologize in the heat of the moment, while he was still pissed off? If he had, do you think it would have been sincere?? I mean, of all the complaints people have, this one is the most ridiculous. A damned good apology isn't good enough for YOU if it didn't come immediately while tempers are still high with the appropriate amount of groveling? Just say you always thought Will Smith was an uppity negro and you never liked him, and go.
@@DangerouslyRelaxed Violence is a crime, not acceptable & should not be justified regardless of whomever it was; nor should it be ignored or applauded. I, like most, was disgusted that the audience gave him a standing ovation after commiting a violent act. He should have been charged with assault & battery & removed from the venue . Don't accuse me of racism as it is absolutely untrue & unjustified. (Sharen)
@@VFSharen Your arrogance is staggering. You have no moral high ground here. Yes, violence IS a crime, but not one without nuance. You also seem to be forgetting that verbal abuse is ALSO violence and would be taken into consideration during any court proceeding. We're not picking and choosing which form of abuse is worse, depending on a situation you don't even fully comprehend. No one gets to say whatever they want, no matter how hateful or hurtful, in perpetuity, without consequences. Every human being reaches a breaking point. Did you even listen to Dr. Honda?? Chris didn't think it warranted police involvement, but you think YOU know better? You seem inordinately angry about this - like you're taking it personally. I wonder why... I don't know why you seem to think "most" people side with you. From where I sit, it's pretty evenly split. And why are you blaming Will for the reception he received? He didn't MAKE people stand up. What's more violent than raping a child? And yet, Roman Polanski got a a bit of a standing 'o' when he was awarded an Oscar he couldn't even accept in person because he's a fugitive. An open-handed slap hardly tops that. And finally, if you use racist talking points, you out yourself as a racist. You only have yourself to blame.
I would have also liked to hear your thoughts on Chris Rock's reaction or non reaction. He looked so confused and bewildered by what happened. I know he has talked about his bullied childhood in the past and I wonder if this incident took him back to that early trauma.
Dr. Kirk, you are so appreciated! Thank you for your time, energy, and effort you put into each video and podcast. I have learned so much about myself and those around me by listening to you! I am currently looking for a therapist as well, sparked by the good feelings I get while listing to your videos!
I feel like his rage came from Jada's reaction. If you look at his initial reaction, he laughed at the joke. Jada did not. it was only after that when the slap occurred
In a very recent interview to promote his new book Will Smith says he talks for the first time about the abuse his mother suffered at the hands of his father and believing from a very young age that he was coward for not protecting his mother… seems to me that seeing a black man disrespect his wife must have taken him right back to that childhood trauma, illiciting that visceral reaction.
And I’ve heard Chris Rock told about being mercilessly bullied and beaten up when he was growing up and he says he thinks he makes jokes and hasn’t dealt with it. So it makes me feel horrible for him to see him be hit like that, probably reliving that trauma. I had an angry father so watching Will hit someone really triggered me. I saw a bully picking on someone smaller than him. That’s not to say Will isn’t dealing with his own issues. I guess I just lose a bit of my compassion to watch him not apologize to Chris later in his speech and he blames everything but himself. He didn’t seem to care until his publicists called him Monday morning. But shoot, the whole thing reeked of toxic masculinity and anger and Will def deserves therapy.
Chris Rock had a p*rn addiction which contributed to his marriage failing. I think he has been through therapy already to resolve those things and refocus on what is important in life. He had a special on Netflix where he spoke candidly about marriage and how he failed and what he is trying to do for himself and his family now. I highly recommend that you watch Will Smith's weight loss series on RUclips and see how even his trainer is unable to manage Will Smith and his emotions. Working with celebrities is not easy because they have so much power and even though a person is an expert, the expert might feel like they have to walk on eggshells. Every since I was a kid, I had this off feeling about Will Smith. He wasn't someone that I could see myself being friends with. When I got older I realized 99% of people love him. I live abroad and I had a conversation with my friend last year and she said that she wanted to marry Will Smith! I didn't even think she knew who he was. Anyways, I think Chris Rock has been humbled enough in his life. I don't think Will Smith wants to listen and to take advice from professionals. He hasn't been humbled or held accountable by anyone and I think it is because people are afraid of him... they see how volatile he can be and treat him like a spoiled child. "Fresh Prince". He talked about bald uncle Phil, he protected his little cousin Ashley, he invited his comedic friend (Jazzy Jeff) over frequently, he cried about his father, he made fun of his square cousin Carlton, he got in one little fight and we all got scared.
Hahahahahaha honestly it’s so nice to see the person behind the therapist in this video. I’m sure many connected to u like I have especially when you said “I’m angry & I’m sure u are too”. It’s interesting to see how in that brief moment u were able to create a safe space for the viewer to allow themselves to feel even a “negatively perceived” emotion such as anger ✨
I found this incredibly interesting and helpful to look at the different possibilities of what may have triggered this behavior in Will Smith. That being said, I do wish Dr Honda had also taken this opportunity to talk a bit about what this situation must’ve been like for Chris Rock - how humiliated he must’ve felt; how well he kept his composure; and what he could do going forward to respond to this situation.
Yes!! If you want to explain violence, which is a good idea, then it should also account for the drug dealers and killets of this world too. Im sickened by the fact that all of a sudden, America has gone into empathy mode with a violent offender, whilst there is no such empathy for poor people who commit crimes.
It's hard to hear that you received some mean comments and messages Dr Honda 😔 I don't understand...I love the work you do and the man you are in your videos.
Dr. Honda you are so wise, I really appreciate your videos. I'm a psychology honours student working towards becoming a psychologist and stumbling upon your channel was the best thing ! You seem so kind and insightful; your patients are lucky. Thank you for what you do.
I always liked Will Smith as well as Chris Rock. To go so bananas on such a minor comment clearly indicates something is wrong with Will and he needs help. And a hug for Chris.
Dr. Honda has often mentioned how hateful comments affect him. I applaud him for that! I don't believe the Dr. is particularly sensitive to these comments but he's modelling for us how to be vulnerable and acknowledging the effect hateful comments can have on people. I wish more youtubers could do that.
I really appreciate that you really did your research and presented so many of the possible motivations and really focused on the fact that he's human and this was a human mistake. So much of the commentary on this has been terrible and painted him as a sociopath that had been hiding his true self. I think there's been more than a little racism tied up I alot of the reactions online. I just want to add that Will has worked hard to be an upstanding loving positive celebrity for decades and I think he deserves alot more compassion like you showed.
I 100% think that most people’s “concern” is based in race. I like both Chris & Will… it was a slap - people are acting like he shot Chris in the face. I hate these comments about how WS must be abusive to Jada. People (mostly wyt women) are talking about how “triggered” they were. It makes me so mad.
Exactly, and it shows just how easily ppl will completely turn from "oh he is one of the good ones" when you make one mistake. the fact that ppl are so enwrapped by this proves a complete frenzy there is to take down someone. plus (as usual) forgetting the victim - the woman being the butt of a disgusting joke about hair from a guy that did a whole doc about black womens hair. ppl are weird. pretty decent take from dr. kirk tho.
@@niax782 It wasn't a slap. It was really, really hard so I would define it as a punch. Violence is never the answer. And I'm one of the "white" women who was triggered watching this. I was triggered because it brought up memories from my own childhood abuse and painful experiences of being bullied. I remembered the hurt and humiliation and I saw it in Chris's eyes. Yes, the joke was disgusting but you don't respond to disgusting jokes by punching. I'm saddened because I really liked and respected Will Smith and looked up to him and now I feel a bit less respect and a lot of sadness and pity for him.
You're fantastically well spoken my dude, thank you for such an acute description of what is probably the most humanising moment in entertainment history
I had the same reaction I was 100% convinced it was fake. My sister tried to convince me she immediately said it was real. It took me a while and even until yesterday I was like "there's still a chance it's fake" but no unfortunately not..
I am a psychology student 👩🎓 and I love your videos. Soooo educational and insightful, to both my academic endeavor but also my own personal understanding. But most of all, I love your videos because you truly show an example of empathy- going down to the latter of darkness to see and experience the suffering of the individual. It’s such a good example to set to so many ❤️ I’m sorry you receive negative comments. You’re doing meaningful work that may hopefully last lifetimes 💫
not condoning the slap- but some insight might be that in Will's recent memoir, he described the guilt he's carried from childhood from when he didn't jump in to protect his mother when his father often beat her. There is another situation described later in his career where he was triggered when a film studio exec was standing in a meeting (the guy actually hurt his back and couldn't sit) and Will's friend had to hold him back because he took it as an aggressive stance.
That is very interesting about the memoir. I haven't read it and didn't know Will had an abusive father. I did as well and I know my brother who is 4 years older than I am struggled with some guilt as well. As for the second point you made, it's about Chris Rock, right? It might just be poor reading comprehension on my part, but I don't fully understand. Are you saying that Will also wrote in his memoir that he was in a meeting with Chris Rock and some film studio executives and that one of the film executives had to stand up during the meeting (due to a back injury), and that Chris Rock felt like the exec's stance was meant to be threatening? Then, Chris Rock was threatened so that he went to push or strike the exec, and he had to be physically restrained to stop him from committing some kind of harm? Again thanks for that info. I do think the guilt aspect is something to really consider in terms of what motivated Will to feel so triggered by seeing Jada hurt by Chris's words. Guilt can be a surprisingly powerful emotion.
@@heatherdiansmith please reread my comment if you're having trouble but to clarify, "not condoning" means not accepting or agreeing with. The word "insight" in this context means shedding some light, or pointing to a possible reason on why someone may have behaved as they did. Hope that helps.
It seems that this incident has taken up the internet and I’ve tried hard to avoid videos about it, but this is the only one that I’ve actually wanted to watch. Thank you for, as per usual, being a logical, helpful, and representative voice! Your videos were/ are a huge comfort in the face of the pandemic and chaotic times! Please keep it up😄
I think more people need to be concerned about analyzing Chris’ trauma. He’s the real victim. Knowing WHY Will did something doesnt justify it. It was deliberate and intentional. Not a short walk to that stage. There are already so many people around Will. Notice even after he slapped Chris everybody was running to check on him. No one checked on Chris. I think Will has been getting more than his fair share of coddling in the aftermath of all this. They didnt even respect him enough yo have Will removed out of respect to their employee who was simply doing his job. The joke was not provocative. Will just has issues with himself and his wife and used someone else to take out those frustrations. Even as he did his acceptance speech he showed no remorse because he very intentionally apologized to about 12000 diff people and institutions. Everyone except Chris. Will was cold and he was calculated. We all have trauma. Many blk men experience things similar to his childhood. Its no excuse. I dont think rationalizing his actions with all this is necessary. We dont do it for any other criminal. What about Chris’ humiliation. His daughters and family had to see that. He is a legendary comedian, and now this will be part of his legacy FOREVER. Being open hand smacked by another man. Chris is almost 60 years old. Let that sink in. And the other thing people dont think about is the backhanded support he is getting. So many ppl saying oh Chris is so little or Chris is the guy Will knew he could get away with doing this to or if this were anyone else. So even though you think you’re condemning Will, what grown man wants to be referred to as those things. As the weakling? Its just all around wrong and theres really no apology that can fix this IMO.
Jada is the real victim. SHE was the one humiliated on national tv in front of a global audience. What about her humiliation? What about HER kids seeing that happen to their mom? Chris has been warned in the past to stop talking shit about her, but he persisted. Why was she even the target anyway?? Usually the target for the jokes is the one up for the award - NOT their spouse. Chris was being a coward, too. And did CHRIS ever think about how his Black daughters with Afro-textured hair would feel about yet another joke about a Black woman's hair/ looks?? I'm not without a modicum of sympathy for Chris, but he brought this on himself. That wasn't even a rehearsed joke. It was slipped in at the last minute.
chris is the victim of this incident, but quite clearly the healthier mind of the two...humanity is only as strong as it's weakest members, so they're the ones that need to get the attention.
Thank you for this intelligent and articulate breakdown of what could be happening here. Will Smith is behaving like a broken man. The hit was horrific, but his subsequent yelling showed a man full of rage and PAIN. I hope he gets the help he needs. I hope Chris Rock does too as the victim of a very public assault. The saddest thing for me, was seeing Chris looking left and right after being hit and silently understanding that no help was coming for him. I can't imagine HIS pain in that moment. I'm really sorry that you have experienced this kind of pain Dr. Honda. You have been a lifeline for so many of us here. Please know that you are appreciated, respected and admired. Peace from Canada.
Oh my goodness! Yes, yes, yes!! I love your perspective on social commentary, even if it’s on things I don’t agree with you on. You have great insight!💕🙏🏾
I felt so confused after seeing this happen live on Oscar’s night. Why did this happen when Will Smith was at the top of his game? He sabotaged his own moment and also took away the joy from the William Sisters. I felt so bad for them! Such a complex issue. Thank you for showing us all the possibilities.
I’m so grateful to hear you talking about the trauma that can come out of social media and online harassment. You’re always so nuanced and human. I would love to hear you talk about this topic more. How can people who have been the victims of online harassment recover/take care of themselves when so many jobs and communities require people to stay online?
What an instructive video especially at the end when discussing rage and anger. I keep an anger journal and it has been very helpful. Just to get all that bile out of your body and onto a page is very calming.
Something that was interesting to me was that Will seemed to laugh at the joke at first, before noticing Jada rolling her eyes. Did he realize he really shouldn't have laughed and felt the need to compensate..? 🤔
Ppl keep pointing out that he laughed at the joke 1st so he must have reacted to Jada's reaction, but laughing is easily an initial reaction to a comedian. Doesn't mean he found the joke funny or wasn't initially offended. I have laughed at comedy shows, especially when singled out, even if I didn't like the joke or was offended because "that's what you do".
I am a therapist in training, and I have learnt so much about therapeutic approaches and concepts from Dr Honda. I also have learnt a lot from his balanced views, his firm hold on ethical principles, and his disclaimers that he doesn’t always have all the data but his conceptualisation is based on what he can see. So grateful for your videos Dr Honda!
I loved your explanation of Will Smith. I was wondering what your thoughts on Chris Rock. How might this event have impacted Chris psychologically? Comedians get a lot of abuse. Heckling, verbal and physical abuse.
I don't think it's a smile, I think it's a smirk. Like bullies do when they've attacked someone who is unprepared. Even the walk there is a prance he's doing on his way to Chris and on the way back to his seat! Like "look what I did!" all proud! Then to blame it on "love" is an OMG!
Another data point is that Will Smith in his book revealed how his dad used to abuse his mom and he felt bad about not standing up for her but as a kid his only resort was humor in hope to distract from the violence.
@@vomittux Ok. But my opinion is different… To me some situations don’t deserve understanding, were we supposed to try to understand why Jeffrey Dahmer ate people? Some things are just wrong.
@@heatherdiansmith I get what you’re saying, but without understanding, it’s hard to improve ourselves or society. How else are we supposed to prevent future Dahmers if we don’t know how he ended up that way?
@@heatherdiansmith I believe Dr. Honda has also made a video/podcast episode about Dahmer, as well as many other people, who have done horrific things. The exact purpose of them is indeed what you're saying: to understand. That is not the same as to condone, accept or even forgive. Actions that are inexcusable can NOT, by definition, be excused and they are just wrong, as you say. And yes, they don't _deserve_ understanding per se. But we might still _want_ to understand them, regardless of whether the actions merit understanding or not. For example for someone, understanding the psychological mechanisms at play in frightening and seemingly chaotic behaviour can make the world seem a little less threatening. I'm not saying that's the reason for everyone, but just as an example. It doesn't mean you're simultaneously signing up to forgive abusers for their wrongdoing, or anything to that effect. Some of us truly just want to _understand_, nothing "more". But also nothing less. 🤷♀️
Dr Honda, thank you for sharing your knowledge and videos with us. For every person who dares to attack you, know that there are thousands of us who appreciate you and love to hear your thoughts about anything you discuss with us.
I think it was Jada's look that was the proverbial last straw that broke the camel's back for Will. His first response was laughter....then he looked over at Jada. 😬😳
Love this, even when it comes to people we heavily oppose we should always try to put ourselves in their shoes, no matter what they have done and try to empathise. This is the way to peace between us all.
Hi Dr. Honda. I love your videos. (Please do Below Deck!) Anyway, I have 2 comments: 1. I read somewhere that Will Smith talked about being traumatized as a kid watch his father beat up his mother when he was too young to do anything about it. That’s what came to mind when you talked about this being a trauma response. 2. I would have liked to have heard you discuss the psychology of Chris Rock’s situation. He handled the slap like a pro. He de-escalated the situation, when he was probably utterly humiliated. I also read that he was severely bullied as a kid so I’m sure this was also traumatizing to him, especially since this slap now lives online forever to be replayed over and over and over again.
![MISSING: SLIM SHADY [Expanded Mourner’s Edition Trailer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xh8qgHrOO1g/mqdefault.jpg)
In Will Smith’s book, he also talks about how he’s always felt like a coward due to a childhood incident where he watched his mother be verbally and physically assaulted by his dad and did nothing. He talks about doing nothing is one of his biggest regrets. I think this was a part of his trigger as well.
Wow that's so true....especially knowing Chris Rock has made fun of Jada before, he probably felt that this time he needed to "defend" her.
Except jada wasn't in danger or abused. She certainly could have been offended. I wonder who it makes sense in his head
Bald face Jada's life wasn't in danger Will made a Fool of himself in front of millions and assaulted Chris Rock.
@@kungfumind. physical danger, no, but verbally is in the eyes of the beholder. I don’t condone what he did at all but I think to not account for his mental state and the bullying he and his wife have endured (regardless of how one may feel about them) is short sighted imo. We all have insecurities that would feel humiliating if someone broadcast as a joke to the world (heck even to a small room). I’d like to think we’d all have people who would want to defend us in that vulnerability too abet not necessarily by putting hands on.
That's such important context that's missing in the society's analysis and scrutinization of this incident.
While everyone else is busy joking, THIS is the conversation we should be having. Thank you for this. 💛
absolutely. thank you for your nuanced exploration of this, Dr Honda.
Yes, this was a good conversation for me to!
Nevertheless joking is also healing. It puts a lot of pressure out and away. You still know you need a conversation. But please also humor . 🤣😂😍
Buy the way, I am not in America, but what happened to Chris Rock, what "the made do" of Will S, what Jada is having go through, is so familiar, so very familiar allover the place. We are now a collective global family trying to sort this out. It is indeed helpful to all of us to learn about deep rooted pain and what the alternative canals are to deal with intense emotions. This 'incident' is like a diamond, so so many Facets. And all people 'involved' matter. All roots, all motives, all intentions,all everything 🤗 greetings America and JoeDubb
Yeah everybody got alot to say
Yes, exactly!
First her alopecia is partial Alopecia areata. I have it and is not a mortal ill. U can hide it with ur own hair.
Will had problems with his wife long time ago. When she got 40. He did a party with baloons flowers music.
He said "Was a way to say her that I love her" . The woman said "was the most selfish and humillating thing"
After that she go to bed with her kid friend and others
Then will is just in a toxic relationship. Saddly seems his wife abuse him and nobody gets it.
Chris Rock was also in the list of guys were involve with her wife. Just gossips. Nobody knows really
Will deserves therapy. He really, really does.
He’s a multi-millionaire. Surely he has the funds available for an excellent therapist. Hopefully he’ll go ahead and take that step.
His uncontrolled rage is at a level where he should begin with inpatient therapy immediately. In a facility, away from the stress, where he is not distracted by the outside world and can focus on whatever is happening in his brain.
Who cares about Will. Chris Rock ❤❤❤
@@mistym0rning finances are not the only reason people don’t go into therapy. If all it took was money, every celebrity would be mentally healthy, yet we see a lot are not and suffer in silence (sometimes loudly) from a variety of issues.
One reason someone who could afford therapy wouldn’t go is cultural reasons. A lot of black communities have negative stigmas attached to therapy, especially for men.
Also Will could be actively in therapy. Going to therapy doesn’t instantly fix everything.
*reads in Dr Honda voice* I really, really did
I feel for Chris - I was once verbally attacked by a "friend" in a social setting. Out of the blue. Incredibly hurtful. I felt paralized. It is traumatic esp if you have a history of being bullied as a kid, because it drags you right back to this primal fear. Just like Chris I kept "the show going" and absolutely fell apart once I was alone.
Me too!
What I don’t get is he hit a dude. He didn’t hit a child, or a woman or a baby. It was a fellow dude who shook it off. I don’t personally think it was a big deal. Just men being men and telling the other to stfu.
@@mattlesion386 sounds like you have some sexism to work through
@@mattlesion386 I don’t think it is that simple Chris know about women and their hair as he did a documentary. It was also the second time he targeted Jada when hosting. I agree with some of what you said. That being said was this outrage there when Will slapped the serial prankster who kissed him on the red carpet about 5 years ago. There was crickets. The serial prankster has done terrible things, picked up a model and tried to carry her away, ran under a woman’s dress and walked over to Will while he was doing an interview and kissed him. Will responded by slapping him. No one then said “There is no excuse for slapping a person”. People are so subjective with their "there is no excuse..."
Me too
I so appreciate the videos you do for us and I'm so sorry to hear that you have been traumatized by nasty comments. I'm not surprised because people can be extremely cruel, especially when they are anonymous, but I just want you to know that you are appreciated and please try to find a way to just ignore the bullies. What you do is not only entertaining but it is also very informative and much needed in our very fragile society. Thank you!
@@zacharyyoung2949 you were painfully bothered by their comment to be telling someone to grow up and be less fragile
@@zacharyyoung2949 Wow, bitter/hateful much?? 🙄😂 All they were trying to say was a nice comment & to let Dr. Honda know how much they & some others appreciate his videos, & to not let the haters get him down (especially not to the point where he stops them one day just because of hate), but then you had to come & make your bitter comment. Maybe you're one of his haters that he was talking about? 🤷🤣 SMH.
@@zacharyyoung2949 you can disagree with him but you should not be hostile or hateful because he's a real human being at the end of the day
@@zacharyyoung2949 - if you can't handle reading a compliment given to Dr. Honda, maybe you shouldn't be online. Scrolling on without a nasty comment is possible to do. Try it sometime.
Dr. Kirk deserves a twinkie
I feel sad for Chris and Will. Clearly Will has a lot of pain and anger to work through, and needs to find a healthy means to do it. Chris certainly didn’t deserve the violence he received. Sad all around.
It was fake
And Jada who had to be publically humiliated over her condition.
Will has talked about how his mother was abused verbally and physically by her partner, and will saw it all and carries self hatred due to the fact that he never stood up and physically defended his mother. He said it plagued him for a long time and made him feel weak. Maybe this incident somehow triggered some of that.
@@cuntstolemyusernames Chris made a remark about Jada's shaved head, not her alopecia. She's not self conscious about being hairless. On the contrary. Otherwise she would have worn a wig. GI Jane is a badass character. I don't get her being offended when she paraded her baldness proud.
@@cuntstolemyusernames and has publically humiliated Will and all her family.
Will could’ve gotten on stage and say:’My wife has alopecia, that joke is not as funny as you might think.’ and walked back to his seat. This is a ridiculous response and Chris Rock responded so professionally.
Yes, there's a million things he could have done, and he chose the worst possible thing. He also could have added "I would like to raise awareness for this issue by making a large donation to alopecia research/charity." I can't imagine having that much money and power and still being so petty and self-destructive. It just goes to show that money can't buy class.
I think that will should have talk to Chris afterwards. Because it took a lot of attention away to what Chris was therefore. I didn’t watch the Oscars but I heard that Chris was nominating or mentioning people, it just took everything away from that.
Y'know, that's a good point. We're focusing on Will, and Chris's reaction was super professional.
She has no disease.
@@nineteenfortyeight6762 she has alopecia
I think you're one of the few people who has a very balanced and empathetic understanding of both sides. I really like how you didn't take sides, but really thought about what was going through each party's mind and the possible things they've gone through that led up to this moment. Yet another great video Dr. Kirk!
I agree with this comment!
Absolutely. Very thoughtful to take us through Will and Jada's possible perspective too. I'm pretty upset and triggered about what happened, but I'll be the first to admit that I've had fantasies about getting back at a perceived bully like that. Definitely made me do a double take. ❤️
I was scared to start listening because I've been annoyed by other reactions so much. This comment is giving me confidence
I’m disappointed that most people are either Team Will or Team Chris. Both sides make me sad. My thing is, why can’t both things be true at the same time? I hate how black and white our society is.
This video is from Will Smith's point of view. Maybe he can do another video in Chris Rock's shoes.
My toxic trait is how much I love to hear you told some asshole to pull up, Doc. 😅😅😅
Everyone has been very focused on Will Smith, I would be interested in hearing what the impact of this “Slap” means to Chris Rock and his mental health.
Exactly
He definitely has some effects, no one can easily over come that kind of embarrassment and physical pain combination. Not to mention it was done by a friend or ex friend just to scratch the surface.
Plus Chris had lost he’s hearing for some time or days not quite sure how long. So sad..🙏🏽 prayers for everyone affected by this especially Chris.
We've all had a mental impact. Just like the affects of 2020.
I totally agree let's look at the affect on Chris the victim of violence here. I would like to hear what psych has to say about him too! He has suffered here. I hope he's doing ok now. ^j^
My favorite Dr. Honda quote so far..."We all deserve Twinkies." This should be on a T-shirt.
Best line in the internet this week
I agree!
I'll rock that t-shirt today! lol
Cute idea!!!
@@LK-rt9cb alright Thumper calm down 🐰 🥕
The fact that he got a standing ovation after physically assaulting someone is sickening. I have experienced this behaviour (many times) after being a victim of physical abuse. The abuser cries crocodile tears and all their “fans” flock to them and comfort them. Meanwhile I was left to cry, process, heal and grieve totally alone. I had an entire friend group totally stop talking to me after I was bullied by a friend for 2 months straight. I finally cracked and told the friend how depressed her bullying made me and she assaulted me. Everyone sat with her while she cried and they all unfriended me online and ignored me or laughed at me in public. Truly awful to go through. And that’s just one time I went through that. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and his friends would literally party with him after he assaulted me. What in the world is wrong with people.
And here we are again sympathizing with the popular bully/abuser and not even focusing on what the victim may be experiencing. Unreal.
I completely agree! Seeing everyone comforting and excusing the aggressor is
disgusting. I'm sorry that happened to you🙏🏿
@@whatn7667 thank you. It was a hard thing to go through and I still have flashbacks and pain over the “friends I lost.
That was totally disgusting how they gave Will a standing ovation after an assault on Chris.
You just approved his behavior.
Disgusting
@@EmpressEllie You deserve better than that and try to remember you’re not alone there are many out there who have been treated so poorly, I wish you healing I truly do 🙏🏾 💕
@@marinamontano5109 agreed!💯
In case this might provide context: I saw someone interviewed who read Will Smith's biography and apparently he's always seen himself as a coward due to childhood trauma. His father would beat his mother right in front of him and he felt like a coward for not being able to protect her. Fast forward to what happened and -- without excusing it -- one can understand how this trauma may have been triggered and he told himself this time he would stand up for a woman he loves (his wife this time).
This is what I was thinking about when I saw the slap heard round the world. Violence is never the answer but my heart did go out to Will because it seemed like a trauma had been triggered. He's smart enough to know that physically assaulting someone at the Oscars is a bad idea, which makes me think he wasn't fully in his rationale brain when it happened. Seems likely to me that the factors described in the above comment were at play.
@@sabias3932 Chris Rock has also talked about his past and how he was severly bullied in school and how that has impacted him and that he says he still carries it with him to this day, which I think you see in his reaction. I have had lifelong alopecia areata that I was able to hide, unfortunately recently I developed alopecia totalis at 24, meaning I have no hair follicles at all, so sadly no buzzcut for me like Jada. The joke wasn't good but it wasn't harsh, even Will laughed along with it. I have and many like me have far far worse said to us, daily. Trauma of his personal life may have resulted in this but it doesn't make it right. Due to this event, I have had dozens of jokes aimed at me every single day, I also was bullied through school for my hair, I have not slapped anyone. And just because we aren't celebrities, we don't get and wouldn't be allowed a pass to do so and no matter how hard it is we have to cope with it every single day, this has not helped us either.
@@laurenschleicher2200 Assault isn't "a bad idea", it's a CRIME! You & I would have been arrested on the spot!
@@LK-rt9cb I thought the same thing. Plus, it was assumed he would win and this behavior was uncharacteristic of him. I do think they thought it would be a bad look to kick the first black man to win best actor in years out.
That explains why it all changed once he saw jadas face, thank you for the insight
It makes me emotional hearing that you have had sleepless nights because of the bad comments some people leave. I can't understand why anyone in there right mind would have ill will towards you. I'm sure you know this but just wanted to remind you that you're a wonderful person and you've made my life better having known you.
For those of us who have been the recipients of gaslighting it is very painful to see a professional gloss over or avoid this very painful topic.
Narcissists can take information like this and run with it.
@@rbdb8953 I agree 💯
@@rbdb8953 When did he gloss over it?
I really respect you for being real about your own feelings and impulses when faced with toxic masculinity. It’s very refreshing and authentic.
As a psychotherapist we’re often put on a pedestal by clients (which can seduce the ego), and in public we’re expected to demonstrate a near Buddha state - deprived of character, feelings and challenges of our very own unfolding journey 😂
You hold a good line between professionalism, relatability, authenticity, role modelling - and being a human and walking this same journey with us.
Lets also speak on how Chris Rock has been severally bullied as a child. And also how he was diagnosed with NVLD, something close to aspergers. He doesn't pick on non-verbal social cues. Thats what plagued him his entire life. And probably one of the factors of why he was bullied so much as a child. That situation probably confusing for him because Will was smiling/laughing and then came up to smack him. He didnt even get the cue to not keep his hands behind his back, this man is mad.
I didn’t know that! That is really upsetting.
Wow I had no idea that Chris Rock has that diagnosis. Thanks for sharing that info. The mental health field is so interesting to me and it goes to show that we truly never know what people go through and have to deal with.
I completely agree… Chris Roc needs a wellness check. I cannot even imagine what he must be feeling and the trauma that this one event will be causing him. This smack was seen around the world. I wouldn’t be surprised if he still trying to process what even happened.
@@a.pacheco3988 ????? dramatic much
@@wholethedogsout880 how is dramatic? The slap of Chris Rocks face has been reproduced around the world it is traumatic and humiliating. It's A LOT of all of them to process.
I feel like Jada and Will have triangulated the public into their relationship. Jada has talked at length about their relationship issues, and now Will is using us as an audience to make this gesture for their relationship. It feels extremely uncomfortable to bear witness to this. I hope they both can find healing
That’s a very intelligent and interesting take.
Yes those were my thoughts too. Very insightful. Triangulation means you’re referring to narcissism?
The problem is a narcissists’ intellect develops with their biological age, and generally they’re very intelligent.
But their emotional age is stuck at approx. 6 years old (the omnipotent stage of development - where they can not tell the difference between self and other, everything outside of them is an extension of themselves).
So using Will and Jada as an example, they can talk about emotional intelligence around the red table, but it’s highly unlikely they practice it. Also did you notice the cuts and editing in their video... missing content!
Generally speaking this is where a narcissists’ prey becomes so tormented and conflicted, by the variance between a narcissists’ words and their emotional behaviour - victims cannot reconcile the two and try to fix it.
Jada reminds me of Meghan Markle - and Will reminds me of a broken Prince Harry.
@@lightdweller1 Jada isnt a narcissist. I work in healthcare and it’s actually extremely frustrating seeing people throw around the term so easily. Ive treated individuals actually diagnosed with that trait. Jada only began talking about her relationship because the guy from her extra marital relationship spoke about it first.
@@TheDaneyeledee Firstly given that you are a practitioner of sorts you seem to miss the fact that I was speaking generally, picking up on the previous commenter’s term ‘triangulation’.
Secondly you approach me to insist that I’m incorrect for thinking Jada might be a narcissist - using your profession to insist that she isn’t a narcissist.
If you are taking a professional stance; then surely you must know that cluster B personality disorders require clinical diagnosis. Have you carried out a clinical assessment of Jada? Of course not. In which case, what gives you the authority on the matter to insist that you are correct and others are wrong - when you have no clinical material. Nor do you offer any valid arguments from public observations.
It’s an open discussion, sharing views and opinions of public figures/Hollywood celebrities ...an institution which by the way does attract narcissism.
Be frustrated if you must, but people are entitled to their perspectives.
@@lightdweller1 Lol what gives you authority to call her a narcissist? Do you know her personally? It’s cute that you made that long reply to my comment when it applies to you. Based on my experience, I find it extremely doubtful she has narcissistic personality disorder. Further, she hasn’t disclosed having a personality disorder. You’re labelling her and then questioning my suggestion for people to stop carelessly labelling others without experience or evidence by saying I don’t have any evidence 😂. You do realise the irony, right?
Did you ever notice that “uncontrolled rage” is always convenient? If it had been “The Rock” instead of Chris Rock, Will would have whispered to Jada, “Hey, it’s just a joke!”
Or if a woman said it
The. rock would not say that to jada. He would talk crap to will
100%.
@@ballershanelle comedians will
I'm guessing Dwayne does not have a long history with the Smiths of using their names as jokes he gets paid for. Do you even know Dwayne? He's a standup guy. He wouldn't joke about another man's wife. 🙄
I'd like to know what you think about a story Chris Rock recently shared a couple months ago. He was bullied as a child and never fought back until one day he did (with a brick in his bookbag) to where he thought he'd killed the bully. He said that ever since then he's been afraid of his anger and has not let himself feel it, and has consequently allowed people to walk all over him for years.
Wow, interesting. I hadn't heard about that.
I've been upset at how much people are praising chris for his "professionalism" instead of considering what he must have felt about is still feeling.
Wow, really interesting!! I can completely relate as a former victim of bullying ( and that explains his incredible composure even better, because you just stand there and take it)
I feel even worse for Chris and hope he will get help if needed. At least he can afford it☺️ )
I ll never be able to look at will Smith again without getting nauseous..)
and he also was diagnosed with non-verbal learning disability as an adult.
It’s interesting cuz then on the opposite you have will who shares how his fathers domestic abuse of his mother has made him guilty and insecure of being cowardly since he didn’t protect his mom he vowed to protect all the women in his life.
Actually I though that he looked kind of proud of himself walking back
Heartbreaking to hear your account of your own online bullying. I feel protective of you even if I don't know you in real life. Just know that a lot of us really care about you and appreciate your content beyond what words can express.
"Heartbreaking"? I don't think even Dr. K would say that...
@@thedudeabides5695 Well I don't know if he would say that but that is my feeling on the situation. To some bullying is not that big of a deal, to others it's quite devastating and might even lead to committing suicide and that is why it's never okay.
@@moroccanmecrazy He can take it!
@@callmekirkland8 This does NOT surprise me!
@@callmekirkland8 I appreciate your self awareness. That is how you felt at the time and I'm taking that you weren't intentionally trying to hurt him but you figured it did and you apologized accordingly. I am proud of you for doing that.
Yes, it was a trauma reaction. Interestingly, I think Chris reaction to the slap was also a trauma reaction (he was bullied as a child). I think they both would benefit very much from sitting down and having a very real, honest, and transparent conversation about their backgrounds, their inner child, and how this situation affected/triggered them on that level.
I dont think Chris needs to sit down with Will.
@@vashsunglasses exactly!
@@vashsunglasses "Abuser." Relax with the hyperbole, would you? And no one is saying he HAS to, but that they'd both probably benefit from it - especially as black males. Mental health is not talked about enough in this community.
@@vashsunglasses Chris Rock will sit with Will Smith trust me. They are brothers and they will talk it out. Then move on. They well then continue to protect each-other in the media. Abuser? You don’t know what the fuck abuse is.
@@vashsunglasses you're taking away from actual abuse by saying that... just letting you know
The fact that they let him stay and accept his Oscar was disgusting. He physically assaulted another person on live television. He wasn’t punished at all and the academy hasn’t said a word condemning his behavior. If it had been any other Joe Schmo, they would’ve been escorted out by security. Hollywood is gross.
You mean the same Hollywood that gave a standing ovation to Roman Polanski (the guy who drugged/raped a 13 year old and has been on the run ever since), the same Hollywood that protected Harvey Weinstein and countless other rapists/predators, the same Hollywood that didn’t let the first black winner of the Oscars sit with her white cast members, the same Hollywood that lets pedophiles work on children’s shows??? Of all the things they’ve done in Hollywood, THIS was the thing that made you say that? This was a grown man slapping another grown man for disrespecting him, happens in real life everyday….
There's an investigation going on now
100% agree
I agree and everybody who gave him a standing ovation should be very very embarrassed of themselves.
@@suigeneris6397 Those that gave him a standing ovation and hugs are those that would have done the same thing. Chris knows who he can "play" and "joke" with. He's been going to Jada for so long, and Will never said anything, so he felt it can always do it. He wouldn't pull that stunt with Tyler Perry or Samuel L Jackson (which are two of the many men who hugged and applauded Will after he walked off stage).
I know I'm not alone in saying that you, Dr. Kirk, are a wonderful person who works selflessly and tirelessly to provide us with entertainment, insight, vulnerability, and humanity. Hope this plays through your head twice as often as the hate. Thank you ❤
Will has a book out that specifically goes into his childhood traumas that sounded like originated with his father. He talks about a specific incident where his dad hit his mom so hard she bled from the mouth, I think. He said that one incident shaped who he is as a man more than any other event. It would be interesting to hear if Dr. H would have additional input after reading Will’s book.
Lots of us have childhood traumas. It's no excuse. And a joke isn't the same as protecting someone from violence. And Will had a lovely party afterwards - not to mention he thought it was funny before Jada rolled her eyes.
@@julieme7927 I don’t disagree with you. There is never any excuse for violence. I mentioned it because Dr. H said he knew nothing of Will’s past trauma. I would be curious to hear his take on it. There are many issues I disagree with Dr. H on but it doesn’t mean his opinions are of no value.
Chris Rock also has a lot of childhood trauma. Would be interesting to look into that too.
@@jonarundadadottir5313 yes please
@@jonarundadadottir5313 Comedians generally come from trauma
Dr. Honda looks so lovely when admitting he used toxic masculinity to defend himself (with his little hand gestures and all) 🤩
💪💪
Don't worry we will keep it a secret that toxic masculinity is actually sexy🥰
@@emilyrobertson522 it is except when it's like Will and he is attacking someone smaller and unsuspecting
Glad someone with an educated perspective on this is giving their pov. Too many people are looking at this and judging without being informed.
What I have noticed is that Will Smith was laughing at first after the joke. Jada was upset. Perhaps after he noticed she was upset he went on stage. As he walked back he was swaggering. That told me alot, like he felt very tough and proud and entitled. Will's face was full of rage when he was yelling and it was scary. Jada was laughing. My question would be why? What's that about? Kudos to Chris for not losing his shit.
Seriously, Chris Rock did an outstanding job keeping his composure and continuing on with the show.
🎯 Yes....I agree. He laughed at first and then looked over at Jada. After that it took a whole turn. I think she is controlling and he did what he thought was right to make her happy.
Definitely kudos to Chris.
Curious about your thoughts on Will Smith's docuseries, "Best shape of my life", which starts off being a "fitness journey" but then delves into his emotional/cognitive processes. If I remember correctly, he discussed a tendency to focus on "achievement" and having a very black-and-white approach to things and relates it to experiences growing up and family dynamics.
I just found those episodes today. They're excellent
will’s need for perceived perfection is where this rage comes from
Will is a codependent
I wish I could like this video twice. The amount of free life improvement I've received from your videos is phenomenal, and bless Stacey for editing them. I rly love this channel and your work.
Dr Honda I'm so sorry you have to deal with these people on your channel. You're such a positive force in the world, thank you so much for continuing to make yourself vulnerable for those of us who appreciate you!
I appreciate this video Kirk. You were able to empathize with Will Smith but also hold him accountable.
That's the right way 👍🏻🙏🕊️
I was hoping you'd make this video!
Me too!!!
Same!
I’m so sorry that you lose sleep sometimes over what people say on here. You offer such insight and understanding, that would hopefully allow people to deepen their empathy for others. I appreciate you and everything you do on here.
Also, I use to work with adult offenders in a diversion program (most offences). One of the things that I use to explain to clients, and sometimes friends/family who would always say, “I could never work with people like that”, i would explain that people do things for reasons, when we learn better ways to meet out needs, we choose better options. I have loved listening to your videos for this reason. You explain some of the possible whys behind the behaviours and that people can work through those to heal and get to a better place where they can handle things differently.
Please be good to yourself. Not everyone is going to agree or even be at a point where they want to be empathetic. That’s just part of where they are on their own journey, don’t take that personally.
Just wanted to let you know that you are very appreciated, and once again, you’ve done a brilliant video. 👍🏼🤗
Personal opinion but I truly believe Chris R was not aware of Jada’s alopecia. I remember when Ellen had Katy Perry on her show, and said she should date Russell Brand. She was totally serious…she had totally forgotten, or maybe never known, Katy and Russell had been married and divorced. Celebrities aren’t always aware of each other’s personal lives.
Anyway, that’s just my two cents cause I’ve heard a lot of speculation that Rock MUST have known and I simply don’t think that’s the case.
The only thing I’ll add is I like both Smith and Rock, and I still like them individually and respect their contributions. Hope Rock can move on from this traumatic moment. Hope Smith does some self reflection and healing.
Ellen has a nasty streak herself.
@@lavinder11 yeahhh I think that’s why the little segment I mentioned went viral a couple years ago and ended up in my feed.
"and they give us the metaphorical twinkie .... i'm sorta goin' off the rails." 😭 I loved this ep! Definitely the most thoughtful and nuanced response i've heard about The Slap (lol) Much love to Dr. Kirk!
Love Dr. Kirk’s reactions when he’s done telling his call out story 😂😂🤣
Too funny and too cute!
Well, I never expected Will Smith to think that women in the military are an insult.
There's a long history of Black men insulting Black women's hair which is something I wouldn't expect someone outside of our community to understand or sympathize with
@@Neco2684 That doesn't explain why Will and Jada consider a reference to women in the military to be an insult.
Very eloquently and empathically, you guided your audience through a scenario that has taken the world by storm. I've never seen your videos before, but there's something about your gentle manner I like. I really hope Mr. Will Smith sees this video! He definitely needs an outlet for his anger, and I hope he finds peace.
Dr., You’re seriously great. I’m not being directly treated by you but I’m feeling myself healing throughout this video, somehow. I wish I could actually be your patient.
I think Will reluctantly laughed at the tasteless joke as in, "you a-hole, you had to take a cheap shot," but did not become enraged until he saw that Jada had not find it funny. That's when the "quien es mas macho" demon came out, and he jumped to make a scene of what he might've understood as chivalry but was clearly an assault. I've heard him say he carries a lot of guilt about not having had defended his mother when his father [often] physically and emotionally abused her, so I'm 100% sure the moment he saw "his woman" being slighted triggered a response he probably had fantasized about all his life---sauntering up to his father and punching his teeth in. PLUS: I think it's interesting he slapped, not punch, Chris Rock. Between "manly men" (whatever that means) a smack comes across as more "emasculating", more humiliating, than a closed fist to the face. Chris, I'm sure, did not see it coming. Who would? Had he seen Will close his fists, he probably would've put his own up, and then it would've been a scuffle on stage.
Excuses.
did he even see jada's reaction. i dont think he was looking at her when she 'eyerolled'. he seemed hyper focused on rock...
@@a.vanbuuren7484 It could've been that he noticed some in the audience gasped, or that Jada whispered something under her breath, or that he rewound the joke in his head and decided, "No, not OK". But I see a clear upwelling of something, like a mushroom cloud expanding across the sky. Who knows? It could even be that he realized, "If I go HAM on Chris, I'll go down in history, like Kanye grabbing the mic from Taylor Swift...everyone will have my name in their mouths, forever. Bad publicity is still publicity, right?" And he went for infamy.
Hi. I watched this video last week, and I wanted to return to leave a comment. I rarely do this… bc the internet. Lol. But I wanted to say that I really enjoy your channel and hearing different perspectives. It helps me learn and increase self awareness by listening to others perspective and life experience. I think this channel is a great resource. Especially since not everyone can afford or has access to traditional therapy. There is no replacement for therapy, but I think this channel is a great starting place to get people thinking. Thank you for all you do and share. I’m really sorry to hear about all of these internet bullies. It’s very unfortunate. :( Because you are also a DESERVED member of this online community.
The apology was on Instagram not genuine. People should not be apologizing on Social Media. What about a phone call or a meeting?
just p.r. doin damage control.
He was partying it up!! He was at a party when that was posted.
This was wonderfully balanced and eye opening. I think people tend to see celebrities as somehow above “regular” people and are then confused when celebs have impulsive, not always pretty, yet human reactions. It’s essentially a dehumanising perspective, but it is also what Hollywood is built on…
I think it's more of how we've built Hollywood. Celebrities are just ppl who do a job and get paid a lot of money for it. There are a lot of other people who do a job and get a lot of money for it too yet we don't give them these privileges of crazy amount of praise, acknowledgement and superiority. We've given them that.
The way Will's mouth was locked up reminds me of when I've had panic attacks in the past. It definitely seems to stem from trauma from toxic masculinity, he also has trauma from his father. It's not acceptable behavior but if the Academy takes his oscar away over THIS it will be a HUGE slap in the face to all of the survivors of Harvey Weinstein and Woody Allen and the laundry list of other predatory men in Hollywood who are allowed to get away with as much violence as they please.
how is it a slap in the face of the survivors of harvey weinstein
completely agree
@David Jones I didn't know this. Has he talked about it?
They won’t take his Oscar away but they can suspend or sanction him. They can also never nominate him again.
@@Pookie515 wait i don't get it how is it a slap in the face of the survivors if they take it away? wouldn't it be if the academy didn't take the award away
Dr. Honda, I appreciate you for your voice and the space you’ve created and fostered for so many people to come together in learning, understanding, and *empathizing* 💖
I thought I was all alone in this. Thank you Dr. Kirk. I had stated to think that something was wrong with him because I felt compassion for Will. What you said is what I have been thinking all alone. Note, I don't agree with violence, but there is something more beyond that slap.
If I was jada I would have been so mortified by wills behavior. Even if I was super offended, maybe even more so. The LAST thing I would want/ need is MORE attention on me/ that situation. Super entitled and out of touch behavior to assault someone on tv and get away with it. Also, it was very jarring and unsettling to everyone else watching to witness violence out of nowhere when you’re just trying to watch an award ceremony...Especially if you grew up in a violent household.
I have the same thoughts. I wouldn't want my spouse to interrupt a live show like that. Show some restraint! He selfishly made that night all about him... like he was the King of the Academy!
Now some comedians are roasting Jada in support of Chris and to attack Will.
@@leehalloway8787 that's sad and immature from their part.
And yet, she laughed at it.
Narcissistic women love to humiliate men. I've seen it in friends. It's a pattern and all the red flags are there
Thank you for addressing the whole " let it go "mentality. It absolutely dismisses and invalidates the hurt .
My mom always said," if you keep the anger in, you end up with cancer "( she is a cancer survivor btw)
My unresolved anger led to pretty much everything you mentioned.
It took me until I was 42 ( during covid) to understand that anger is ok. It's ok to feel. I have a great therapist now 💜
As a parent, I do my best to share what I learn in therapy. I want them to be comfortable in their emotions, including their anger.
Back in my day ( lol) parents didn't send their kids to therapy. My mom's generation was the stuff upper lip.
I wish she had been able to get the help that I receive.
Therapy works, but - you gotta be willing to do YOUR work and it's gonna hurt alot at first, but WE all are deserving of peace 💜
What I found to be especially disgusting was Will Smith's self-aggrandizing Oscar speech making himself to be a hero, him not apologizing to Chris Rock, & the audience giving him a standing ovation. He should have been charged with assault & battery & removed from the Academy Awards Venue by security or the police. The police should have automatically charged Will Smith with assault & battery &, like domestic violence, it should not be up to the victim to lay charges. Will Smith is normalizing violence to the whole world & even his son said "And that's how we do it". Many of the actors were consoling & partying with Will Smith & very few were checking to see if Chris Rock was OK. Many in Hollywood have lost their moral compass. (Sharen)
💯
Yes! I have seen this behaviour many times. The bully/abuser gets coddled after they hurt someone and the victim is ignored.
@@EmpressEllie Yes, I see that behavior playing out here in that Jada is being completely ignored. SHE is the real victim in all of this. I've ALSO seen it play out where people rally around the person who acted out of character and laid the bully out one day.
He's smiling after because he just put "everyone" on notice to leave him and his marriage alone. It made me think it was *relief*
Yeah except now everyone is doing the exact opposite of leaving them alone lol. Most of the people who are writing waaaaay worse jokes and comments on the internet about Will Smith didn't even know about Jada's affair before the slap. Now he's made his family a national laughingstock and his entire career, lifestyle and psychology is being scrutinized microscopically. I don't know what good he thought would come from assaulting someone live on TV. He ruined for himself what should have been the best night of his career. Only unhinged people would do that.
If so, that makes it even more gross.
@@suigeneris6397 thank you for expressing this point. His actions were to defend his family but now he has put them.all back in the spotlight and the negativity/vitriol towards Jada is ridiculous right now for HIS actions. His actions were short -sighted. The poor form joke wld have long been forgotten if he'd addressed a different way.
He was strutting back to his seat.
@@monchiquita25 Jada is saying now that she asked him to strike Rock....
Dr, i believe you’re spot on with your analysis. I’m impressed that you noticed that Will was picking up traits from the character that he played in his recent movie, King Richard. I saw an interview about someone who worked with Will during the Mohammed Ali movie and he said that he became very aggressive towards him off camera and didn’t really break character. I believe that Will somehow embodies the characters that he plays and therefore punching him would be justified, since it would be something King Richard would do. I also think that he wanted to prove himself in front of Jada. Something about that smirk after hitting him gave of the impression that he was proud of what he did, or rather said how proud Jada would be.
Chris literally called Will “Richard” when he starts walking towards him
Excuses
@@clairewillow6475 he is the type who takes out his anger on the weak..
Richard wasn't particularly thrilled that Will made the comment in his acceptance speech and it put him in the position to have to condemn violence until in self defense. Will is egotistical, no need to romanticize it
@@jrmints80 I fully agree.
I imagine I'm not alone when I say that merely witnessing this situation (including Will saying, "Love will make you do crazy things") has been very triggering for me. As someone with multiple diabilities, including an autoimmune skin disorder that I was teased for, and as someone who was slapped multiple times by my Japanese parent (slapping was, at least in my parent's generation, very normalised in Japanese culture), I've literally felt trauma coursing through my body since last weekend. Not only that, in the late 1990s, I was actually in a very similar position to Jada, which still hurts to this day.
It was at a fundraising auction with a couple of hundred people present, and the auctioneer made me the butt of racist 'jokes' in order to goad my white boyfriend into feeling competitive to win an item. I felt so humuliated by the auctioneer and the majority-white room for laughing and acting as though nothing happened, that I started to cry. Most of all, I felt so betrayed by my boyfriend who disregarded my distressed tears and continued to bid on and win the item. At a minimum, I expected my BF to respect and care enough about my feelings to withdraw from bidding, but there were also so many other things that he could have done to comfort and support me, or to call out and take a stand against the racist behaviour.
However, in the decades since, not once did it cross my mind that physical violence (by me, my BF, or anyone else) in that situation could have been a possible response. Had my BF reacted with physical violence, I would have felt mortified, even more traumatised, disempowered (where was the respect for my autonomy and wishes?)...and I would have become afraid of him (that he had the potential to be physically violent with me).
P.S. It was so relatable and endearing to see Dr Honda embarrasingly admit to challenging a bully to a fight! 💜😂
Thanks for sharing your POV
I'm sorry you went through something that awful! To be the only person being mocked and made fun of, everyone laughing and the one person supposed to protect you didn't help. I hope you got rid of that boyfriend. Unfortunately people can be afraid of not being socially accepted and that may have been the case with him. Still unacceptable. I would have gotten up and left. That reminds me of being bullied in elementary school. I'm sorry for your pain.
I found Wills behavior triggering. It took me back to misunderstandings with an ex who switched, refused to allow me speak and yelled, was violent. I saw a lot of him in Will. Then that self serving arrogant acceptance speech kept the abuser playbook continuing.
I also understand the pain of being hit by parents. I hope you feel better and have found a way to deal with the emotions this brought up for you!
💗
Dr Honda, please know that you are very much appreciated. Your work, your efforts to educate the world for being a better place is the biggest gift you can give to people. I have gone to therapy, so as my husband because you opened our eyes for understanding better our past traumas etc…please don’t get hurt by trolls, pls pls pls, we are here to appreciate you! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Something additional I think is important is that while the joke wasn't good... A vast majority of people wouldn't expect to be physically assaulted while at their workplace. Maybe since only a fraction of the world population is an actual comedian as a profession we don't see it as a normal workplace, but if someone were to make a tasteless joke about someone in a break room in the office and then someone else responded by physically assaulting them, we'd probably feel very different about it.
I think Chris Rock made a tasteless joke and shouldn't have said it or should've delivered it differently, but it didn't warrant physical assault...
It'd still be the wrong response. You can respond to words (or bad jokes) with PHYSICAL violence.
You’re making sense! I think the escalating undercurrent here is that Rock made tasteless jokes about Will Jada, and even Rihanna in 2016. That’s when the Smiths were boycotting the Oscar’s because Will’s accolades were overdue. Might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back, but def excessive force was used.
It's not just that the joke "wasn't good." Jokes and satire are meant to bring attention to those in power and take em down a peg- not for people who don't deserve it, not to make fun of someone's medical condition.
A tasteless joke that Will himself laughed at?
@@NawiTheCore surely you mean "can't"?
I'm sure Chris Rock was also a victim of racism during his life and career. And now he got slapped on live TV while he was just doing his job. Shouldn't we focus on the victim instead of finding excuses for the perpetrator?
I think the craziest thing about this is that the very innocuous GI Jane joke would have been forgotten 2 minutes later. Now because of Will Smith himself, everyone all over the globe is researching into his personal life, the affair, and making jokes about his wife that are 10,000 times worse. Not to mention he made himself look like an absolute douche. Well done, Will.
Yes, I didn't really understand it. I had to go and lock up what Rock said.
I mean to be fair people have been making fun of them for a while now, because they have a tendency to overshare personal stuff online
@@FabiolaRVela exactly. If they want their names out of mouths, don't discuss your emotional/ sex lives in elaborate detail on international television for hours at a time
@@nineteenfortyeight6762 I agree. You can't have it both ways.
No, the joke was not innocuous. The joke targets a black woman’s natural hair. That is a very touchy subject. Chris and Will were both wrong IMO.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (UCLA ‘69) writes: "When Will Smith stormed onto the Oscar stage to strike Chris Rock for making a joke about his wife's short hair, he did a lot more damage than just to Rock's face. With a single petulant blow, he advocated violence, diminished women, insulted the entertainment industry, and perpetuated stereotypes about the Black community. That's a lot to unpack. Let's start with the facts: Rock made a reference to Smith's wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, as looking like Demi Moore in 'G.I. Jane,' in which Moore had shaved her head. Jada Pinkett Smith suffers from alopecia, which causes hair loss. Ok, I can see where the Smiths might not have found that joke funny. But Hollywood awards shows are traditionally a venue where much worse things have been said about celebrities as a means of downplaying the fact that it's basically a gathering of multimillionaires giving each other awards to boost business so they can make even more money. The Smiths could have reacted by politely laughing along with the joke or by glowering angrily at Rock. Instead, Smith felt the need to get up in front of his industry peers and millions of people around the world, hit another man, then return to his seat to bellow: 'Keep my wife's name out of your f#*king mouth.' Twice. Some have romanticized Smith's actions as that of a loving husband defending his wife. Comedian Tiffany Haddish, who starred in the movie 'Girls Trip' with Pinkett Smith, praised Smith's actions: 'For me, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen because it made me believe that there are still men out there that love and care about their women, their wives.' Actually, it was the opposite. Smith's slap was also a slap to women. If Rock had physically attacked Pinkett Smith, Smith's intervention would have been welcome. Or if he'd remained in his seat and yelled his post-slap threat, that would have been unnecessary, but understandable. But by hitting Rock, he announced that his wife was incapable of defending herself-against words. From everything I'd seen of Pinkett Smith over the years, she's a very capable, tough, smart woman who can single-handedly take on a lame joke at the Academy Awards show. This patronizing, paternal attitude infantilizes women and reduces them to helpless damsels needing a Big Strong Man to defend their honor least they swoon from the vapors. If he was really doing it for his wife, and not his own need to prove himself, he might have thought about the negative attention this brought on them, much harsher than the benign joke. That would have been truly defending and respecting her. This 'women need men to defend them' is the same justification currently being proclaimed by conservatives passing laws to restrict abortion and the LGBTQ+ community. Worse than the slap was Smith's tearful, self-serving acceptance speech in which he rambled on about all the women in the movie 'King Richard' that he's protected. Those who protect don't brag about it in front of 15 million people. They just do it and shut up. You don't do it as a movie promotion claiming how you're like the character you just won an award portraying. But, of course, the speech was about justifying his violence. Apparently, so many people need Smith's protection that occasionally it gets too much and someone needs to be smacked. What is the legacy of Smith's violence? He's brought back the Toxic Bro ideal of embracing Kobra Kai teachings of 'might makes right' and 'talk is for losers.' Let's not forget that this macho John Wayne philosophy was expressed in two movies in which Wayne spanked grown women to teach them a lesson. Young boys-especially Black boys-watching their movie idol not just hit another man over a joke, but then justify it as him being a superhero-like protector, are now much more prone to follow in his childish footsteps. Perhaps the saddest confirmation of this is the tweet from Smith's child Jaden: 'And That’s How We Do It.' The Black community also takes a direct hit from Smith. One of the main talking points from those supporting the systemic racism in America is characterizing Blacks as more prone to violence and less able to control their emotions. Smith just gave comfort to the enemy by providing them with the perfect optics they were dreaming of. Many will be reinvigorated to continue their campaign to marginalize African Americans and others through voter suppression campaign. As for the damage to show business, Smith's violence is an implied threat to all comedians who now have to worry that an edgy or insulting joke might be met with violence. Good thing Don Rickles, Bill Burr, or Ricky Gervais weren't there. As comedian Kathy Griffin tweeted: 'Now we all have to worry about who wants to be the next Will Smith in comedy clubs and theaters.' The one bright note is that Chris Rock, clearly stunned, managed to handle the moment with grace and maturity. If only Smith's acceptance speech had shown similar grace and maturity-and included, instead of self-aggrandizing excuses, a heartfelt apology to Rock." (Sharen Van Fossen)
Very interesting read, thank you!
Preach, Kareem. Excellent.
Kareem's son almost stabbed an elderly neighbor to death and served no prison time for it. Was he talking about his son advocating violence, diminishing the elderly, ruining his father's legacy and the real kicker - perpetuating stereotypes about Black folks? Nope. It was all very hush-hush.
Typically, at these things, the person who's up for an award is the target of "jokes" by the hosts/presenters - NOT their spouses. So Will should've been the target, NOT Jada. Tiffany Haddish, like many Black women, catch hell no matter what we do, no matter where we are, and NO ONE sticks up for us. Ever. I'm sure you can see, given that context, how so many Black women were just glad to see a man, particularly a Black man, stand up for his wife. Tell me why the world stops spinning on it's axis if a white woman so much as cries, but no one ever thinks Black women need some caring and protection, too? Sure, we're ALL - White women, too - capable of defending ourselves, but no one ever says "White women don't need protection." Do you know how many Black women have died just from the stress of having to "be strong" ALL of the time?? No one ever thinks to come to their aid - and you're sitting here advocating that that behavior continue.
Conservatives are largely legislating abortion like mad because they know White folks will be minorities soon and they're trying to stop that, since White women have the most abortions. Trust and believe, if Black women and other WOC were leading in abortions, they'd let that continue unimpeded forever.
To be able to see Will's speech and to only see that as someone who is bragging, instead of someone who's hurting and going through something VERY serious just conveys a complete lack of empathy on your part - which tracks because your later comments belie your real issue, but we'll get to that. He hasn't bought into any Cobra Kai mentality for ONE incident in 30+ years of work. He's been virtually impeccable his entire career.
How the hell do you know what Black boys will take away from this episode?? Are you a Black boy? Did you raise one? Of course you aren't/ haven't because then you'd know that Black folks have actual conversations with their kids and teach them right from wrong just like everyone else. Could it be possible that Jaden - who is a grown man now - no longer a boy - also got tired of his mother being disrespected and bullied by another man over the years? Of course, but you never considered that this Black man would also feel protective of his Black mother, did you?
Let's not even begin to talk deeply about systemic racism in this country and the fact that respectability politics is ridiculous as a means to combat that. Black people are NOT the most violent people in this country. What we are is disproportionately accused, arrested, and imprisoned, though. Systemic racism was started by White folks and is perpetuated by White folks as we speak. If someone thought Black folks were inherently violent after this, I guarantee they thought so before., despite ALL of the evidence that points to White folks being just as, if not MORE violent. And this is not only seen here, but anywhere White folks have colonized around the globe. So stop with that nonsense. And that's really what your issue is, you believed that before, and so this incident is just confirmation bias for you.
Comedians have ALWAYS been worried about people heckling and approaching them to do harm during their shows. Always. We're not laying ALL of the world's problems at Will Smith's feet. Stop that nonsense. Perhaps, we'd ALL be in a better place if people didn't act like assholes and then crawl behind the banner of "It's just a joke" to be able to justify their abuse. If you have to degrade someone in order to be funny, you're not very talented, you're just an asshole.
And finally, Will apologized the next day, and it was a good apology... I think even by Dr. Honda's standards. He took accountability, apologized in no uncertain terms for what he did, he promised to learn form this experience and to do better in the future. So you're mad he didn't apologize in the heat of the moment, while he was still pissed off? If he had, do you think it would have been sincere?? I mean, of all the complaints people have, this one is the most ridiculous. A damned good apology isn't good enough for YOU if it didn't come immediately while tempers are still high with the appropriate amount of groveling? Just say you always thought Will Smith was an uppity negro and you never liked him, and go.
@@DangerouslyRelaxed Violence is a crime, not acceptable & should not be justified regardless of whomever it was; nor should it be ignored or applauded. I, like most, was disgusted that the audience gave him a standing ovation after commiting a violent act. He should have been charged with assault & battery & removed from the venue . Don't accuse me of racism as it is absolutely untrue & unjustified. (Sharen)
@@VFSharen Your arrogance is staggering. You have no moral high ground here. Yes, violence IS a crime, but not one without nuance. You also seem to be forgetting that verbal abuse is ALSO violence and would be taken into consideration during any court proceeding. We're not picking and choosing which form of abuse is worse, depending on a situation you don't even fully comprehend. No one gets to say whatever they want, no matter how hateful or hurtful, in perpetuity, without consequences. Every human being reaches a breaking point. Did you even listen to Dr. Honda?? Chris didn't think it warranted police involvement, but you think YOU know better? You seem inordinately angry about this - like you're taking it personally. I wonder why...
I don't know why you seem to think "most" people side with you. From where I sit, it's pretty evenly split. And why are you blaming Will for the reception he received? He didn't MAKE people stand up. What's more violent than raping a child? And yet, Roman Polanski got a a bit of a standing 'o' when he was awarded an Oscar he couldn't even accept in person because he's a fugitive. An open-handed slap hardly tops that. And finally, if you use racist talking points, you out yourself as a racist. You only have yourself to blame.
I would have also liked to hear your thoughts on Chris Rock's reaction or non reaction. He looked so confused and bewildered by what happened. I know he has talked about his bullied childhood in the past and I wonder if this incident took him back to that early trauma.
Dr. Kirk, you are so appreciated! Thank you for your time, energy, and effort you put into each video and podcast. I have learned so much about myself and those around me by listening to you! I am currently looking for a therapist as well, sparked by the good feelings I get while listing to your videos!
I feel like his rage came from Jada's reaction. If you look at his initial reaction, he laughed at the joke. Jada did not. it was only after that when the slap occurred
Did u watch the video?
Yes. There was fury in her face. Even I cringed.
In a very recent interview to promote his new book Will Smith says he talks for the first time about the abuse his mother suffered at the hands of his father and believing from a very young age that he was coward for not protecting his mother… seems to me that seeing a black man disrespect his wife must have taken him right back to that childhood trauma, illiciting that visceral reaction.
And I’ve heard Chris Rock told about being mercilessly bullied and beaten up when he was growing up and he says he thinks he makes jokes and hasn’t dealt with it. So it makes me feel horrible for him to see him be hit like that, probably reliving that trauma.
I had an angry father so watching Will hit someone really triggered me. I saw a bully picking on someone smaller than him.
That’s not to say Will isn’t dealing with his own issues. I guess I just lose a bit of my compassion to watch him not apologize to Chris later in his speech and he blames everything but himself. He didn’t seem to care until his publicists called him Monday morning. But shoot, the whole thing reeked of toxic masculinity and anger and Will def deserves therapy.
Chris Rock had a p*rn addiction which contributed to his marriage failing. I think he has been through therapy already to resolve those things and refocus on what is important in life. He had a special on Netflix where he spoke candidly about marriage and how he failed and what he is trying to do for himself and his family now.
I highly recommend that you watch Will Smith's weight loss series on RUclips and see how even his trainer is unable to manage Will Smith and his emotions. Working with celebrities is not easy because they have so much power and even though a person is an expert, the expert might feel like they have to walk on eggshells.
Every since I was a kid, I had this off feeling about Will Smith. He wasn't someone that I could see myself being friends with. When I got older I realized 99% of people love him. I live abroad and I had a conversation with my friend last year and she said that she wanted to marry Will Smith! I didn't even think she knew who he was.
Anyways, I think Chris Rock has been humbled enough in his life. I don't think Will Smith wants to listen and to take advice from professionals. He hasn't been humbled or held accountable by anyone and I think it is because people are afraid of him... they see how volatile he can be and treat him like a spoiled child. "Fresh Prince". He talked about bald uncle Phil, he protected his little cousin Ashley, he invited his comedic friend (Jazzy Jeff) over frequently, he cried about his father, he made fun of his square cousin Carlton, he got in one little fight and we all got scared.
Hahahahahaha honestly it’s so nice to see the person behind the therapist in this video. I’m sure many connected to u like I have especially when you said “I’m angry & I’m sure u are too”. It’s interesting to see how in that brief moment u were able to create a safe space for the viewer to allow themselves to feel even a “negatively perceived” emotion such as anger ✨
I found this incredibly interesting and helpful to look at the different possibilities of what may have triggered this behavior in Will Smith. That being said, I do wish Dr Honda had also taken this opportunity to talk a bit about what this situation must’ve been like for Chris Rock - how humiliated he must’ve felt; how well he kept his composure; and what he could do going forward to respond to this situation.
YES
I’d watch
Agree
Yes I agree.
Yes!! If you want to explain violence, which is a good idea, then it should also account for the drug dealers and killets of this world too. Im sickened by the fact that all of a sudden, America has gone into empathy mode with a violent offender, whilst there is no such empathy for poor people who commit crimes.
It's hard to hear that you received some mean comments and messages Dr Honda 😔 I don't understand...I love the work you do and the man you are in your videos.
You're an incredible human being! I enjoy watching your videos. I also love how wholesome and professional your analysis' are. Thank you Dr. Honda!
Dr. Honda you are so wise, I really appreciate your videos. I'm a psychology honours student working towards becoming a psychologist and stumbling upon your channel was the best thing ! You seem so kind and insightful; your patients are lucky. Thank you for what you do.
I always liked Will Smith as well as Chris Rock. To go so bananas on such a minor comment clearly indicates something is wrong with Will and he needs help. And a hug for Chris.
I hope the positive vibes from your viewers outweigh the negitive. We love ya Dr.H and appreciate your insight!
Dr. Honda has often mentioned how hateful comments affect him. I applaud him for that! I don't believe the Dr. is particularly sensitive to these comments but he's modelling for us how to be vulnerable and acknowledging the effect hateful comments can have on people. I wish more youtubers could do that.
Ricky Gervais said he wouldn't have jokes about Jada's appearance, he would have joked about her "boyfriend".
This is the only video I'm willing to watch on this topic because I know it will be full of compassion and empathy.
I really appreciate that you really did your research and presented so many of the possible motivations and really focused on the fact that he's human and this was a human mistake. So much of the commentary on this has been terrible and painted him as a sociopath that had been hiding his true self. I think there's been more than a little racism tied up I alot of the reactions online.
I just want to add that Will has worked hard to be an upstanding loving positive celebrity for decades and I think he deserves alot more compassion like you showed.
I 100% think that most people’s “concern” is based in race. I like both Chris & Will… it was a slap - people are acting like he shot Chris in the face. I hate these comments about how WS must be abusive to Jada. People (mostly wyt women) are talking about how “triggered” they were. It makes me so mad.
Exactly, and it shows just how easily ppl will completely turn from "oh he is one of the good ones" when you make one mistake. the fact that ppl are so enwrapped by this proves a complete frenzy there is to take down someone. plus (as usual) forgetting the victim - the woman being the butt of a disgusting joke about hair from a guy that did a whole doc about black womens hair. ppl are weird. pretty decent take from dr. kirk tho.
Well .. he blew it, then. And to push the racism card is absurd.. if a white dude had smacked Chris, it would have been even WORSE..
@@niax782 It wasn't a slap. It was really, really hard so I would define it as a punch. Violence is never the answer. And I'm one of the "white" women who was triggered watching this. I was triggered because it brought up memories from my own childhood abuse and painful experiences of being bullied. I remembered the hurt and humiliation and I saw it in Chris's eyes. Yes, the joke was disgusting but you don't respond to disgusting jokes by punching. I'm saddened because I really liked and respected Will Smith and looked up to him and now I feel a bit less respect and a lot of sadness and pity for him.
And Chris Rock? Where do you address the victim?
You're fantastically well spoken my dude, thank you for such an acute description of what is probably the most humanising moment in entertainment history
I had the same reaction I was 100% convinced it was fake. My sister tried to convince me she immediately said it was real. It took me a while and even until yesterday I was like "there's still a chance it's fake" but no unfortunately not..
Just to let you know Dr. Honda.. you're a wonderful person for helping most of us out here and we love you. Thank you!
TRIGGERED BY HIS WIFE - SHE TRIANGULATED THEM -
I am a psychology student 👩🎓 and I love your videos. Soooo educational and insightful, to both my academic endeavor but also my own personal understanding. But most of all, I love your videos because you truly show an example of empathy- going down to the latter of darkness to see and experience the suffering of the individual. It’s such a good example to set to so many ❤️ I’m sorry you receive negative comments. You’re doing meaningful work that may hopefully last lifetimes 💫
not condoning the slap- but some insight might be that in Will's recent memoir, he described the guilt he's carried from childhood from when he didn't jump in to protect his mother when his father often beat her. There is another situation described later in his career where he was triggered when a film studio exec was standing in a meeting (the guy actually hurt his back and couldn't sit) and Will's friend had to hold him back because he took it as an aggressive stance.
And that’s Chris Rocks fault?!?!
That is very interesting about the memoir. I haven't read it and didn't know Will had an abusive father. I did as well and I know my brother who is 4 years older than I am struggled with some guilt as well.
As for the second point you made, it's about Chris Rock, right? It might just be poor reading comprehension on my part, but I don't fully understand. Are you saying that Will also wrote in his memoir that he was in a meeting with Chris Rock and some film studio executives and that one of the film executives had to stand up during the meeting (due to a back injury), and that Chris Rock felt like the exec's stance was meant to be threatening? Then, Chris Rock was threatened so that he went to push or strike the exec, and he had to be physically restrained to stop him from committing some kind of harm?
Again thanks for that info. I do think the guilt aspect is something to really consider in terms of what motivated Will to feel so triggered by seeing Jada hurt by Chris's words. Guilt can be a surprisingly powerful emotion.
@@heatherdiansmith please reread my comment if you're having trouble but to clarify, "not condoning" means not accepting or agreeing with. The word "insight" in this context means shedding some light, or pointing to a possible reason on why someone may have behaved as they did. Hope that helps.
When you say something like “I’m not condoning the slap” and follow it with a “but,” the “but” negates everything you said before it.
Will should be more concerned with the other men in his wife’s mouth 🤣🤣🤣
It seems that this incident has taken up the internet and I’ve tried hard to avoid videos about it, but this is the only one that I’ve actually wanted to watch. Thank you for, as per usual, being a logical, helpful, and representative voice! Your videos were/ are a huge comfort in the face of the pandemic and chaotic times! Please keep it up😄
I think more people need to be concerned about analyzing Chris’ trauma. He’s the real victim. Knowing WHY Will did something doesnt justify it. It was deliberate and intentional. Not a short walk to that stage. There are already so many people around Will. Notice even after he slapped Chris everybody was running to check on him. No one checked on Chris. I think Will has been getting more than his fair share of coddling in the aftermath of all this. They didnt even respect him enough yo have Will removed out of respect to their employee who was simply doing his job. The joke was not provocative. Will just has issues with himself and his wife and used someone else to take out those frustrations. Even as he did his acceptance speech he showed no remorse because he very intentionally apologized to about 12000 diff people and institutions. Everyone except Chris. Will was cold and he was calculated. We all have trauma. Many blk men experience things similar to his childhood. Its no excuse. I dont think rationalizing his actions with all this is necessary. We dont do it for any other criminal. What about Chris’ humiliation. His daughters and family had to see that. He is a legendary comedian, and now this will be part of his legacy FOREVER. Being open hand smacked by another man. Chris is almost 60 years old. Let that sink in. And the other thing people dont think about is the backhanded support he is getting. So many ppl saying oh Chris is so little or Chris is the guy Will knew he could get away with doing this to or if this were anyone else. So even though you think you’re condemning Will, what grown man wants to be referred to as those things. As the weakling? Its just all around wrong and theres really no apology that can fix this IMO.
Jada is the real victim. SHE was the one humiliated on national tv in front of a global audience. What about her humiliation? What about HER kids seeing that happen to their mom? Chris has been warned in the past to stop talking shit about her, but he persisted. Why was she even the target anyway?? Usually the target for the jokes is the one up for the award - NOT their spouse. Chris was being a coward, too. And did CHRIS ever think about how his Black daughters with Afro-textured hair would feel about yet another joke about a Black woman's hair/ looks??
I'm not without a modicum of sympathy for Chris, but he brought this on himself. That wasn't even a rehearsed joke. It was slipped in at the last minute.
chris is the victim of this incident, but quite clearly the healthier mind of the two...humanity is only as strong as it's weakest members, so they're the ones that need to get the attention.
@@nGUNNARp He is not the original victim, and you know it. He is a victim of his own actions.
Thank you for this intelligent and articulate breakdown of what could be happening here. Will Smith is behaving like a broken man. The hit was horrific, but his subsequent yelling showed a man full of rage and PAIN. I hope he gets the help he needs. I hope Chris Rock does too as the victim of a very public assault. The saddest thing for me, was seeing Chris looking left and right after being hit and silently understanding that no help was coming for him. I can't imagine HIS pain in that moment. I'm really sorry that you have experienced this kind of pain Dr. Honda. You have been a lifeline for so many of us here. Please know that you are appreciated, respected and admired. Peace from Canada.
Oh my goodness! Yes, yes, yes!! I love your perspective on social commentary, even if it’s on things I don’t agree with you on. You have great insight!💕🙏🏾
I felt so confused after seeing this happen live on Oscar’s night. Why did this happen when Will Smith was at the top of his game? He sabotaged his own moment and also took away the joy from the William Sisters. I felt so bad for them! Such a complex issue. Thank you for showing us all the possibilities.
I was hoping this video was in the works! Thank you 🙏 I immediately wanted to know Dr. Honda’s opinion when this all went down
Love your transparency in this one! Great unbiased insight as always dr. Kirk!
I’m so grateful to hear you talking about the trauma that can come out of social media and online harassment. You’re always so nuanced and human. I would love to hear you talk about this topic more. How can people who have been the victims of online harassment recover/take care of themselves when so many jobs and communities require people to stay online?
What an instructive video especially at the end when discussing rage and anger. I keep an anger journal and it has been very helpful. Just to get all that bile out of your body and onto a page is very calming.
Something that was interesting to me was that Will seemed to laugh at the joke at first, before noticing Jada rolling her eyes. Did he realize he really shouldn't have laughed and felt the need to compensate..? 🤔
I was wondering the same thing
He already mentioned that as an actor you have to fake laugh for professionalism sake.
@@SH-py7qj then why didn’t he keep that same professionalism, instead of flipping
He could've not immediately understood the joke too
Ppl keep pointing out that he laughed at the joke 1st so he must have reacted to Jada's reaction, but laughing is easily an initial reaction to a comedian. Doesn't mean he found the joke funny or wasn't initially offended. I have laughed at comedy shows, especially when singled out, even if I didn't like the joke or was offended because "that's what you do".
I am a therapist in training, and I have learnt so much about therapeutic approaches and concepts from Dr Honda. I also have learnt a lot from his balanced views, his firm hold on ethical principles, and his disclaimers that he doesn’t always have all the data but his conceptualisation is based on what he can see. So grateful for your videos Dr Honda!
I loved your explanation of Will Smith. I was wondering what your thoughts on Chris Rock. How might this event have impacted Chris psychologically? Comedians get a lot of abuse. Heckling, verbal and physical abuse.
I don't think it's a smile, I think it's a smirk. Like bullies do when they've attacked someone who is unprepared. Even the walk there is a prance he's doing on his way to Chris and on the way back to his seat! Like "look what I did!" all proud!
Then to blame it on "love" is an OMG!
👍👍👍
Another data point is that Will Smith in his book revealed how his dad used to abuse his mom and he felt bad about not standing up for her but as a kid his only resort was humor in hope to distract from the violence.
So I’m confused, did Chris Rock abuse Will Smith‘s mom? Because that would be the only way this would be justified.
@@heatherdiansmith it’s not about something being justified, just understanding where it’s coming from
@@vomittux Ok. But my opinion is different… To me some situations don’t deserve understanding, were we supposed to try to understand why Jeffrey Dahmer ate people? Some things are just wrong.
@@heatherdiansmith I get what you’re saying, but without understanding, it’s hard to improve ourselves or society. How else are we supposed to prevent future Dahmers if we don’t know how he ended up that way?
@@heatherdiansmith I believe Dr. Honda has also made a video/podcast episode about Dahmer, as well as many other people, who have done horrific things. The exact purpose of them is indeed what you're saying: to understand. That is not the same as to condone, accept or even forgive. Actions that are inexcusable can NOT, by definition, be excused and they are just wrong, as you say. And yes, they don't _deserve_ understanding per se. But we might still _want_ to understand them, regardless of whether the actions merit understanding or not. For example for someone, understanding the psychological mechanisms at play in frightening and seemingly chaotic behaviour can make the world seem a little less threatening. I'm not saying that's the reason for everyone, but just as an example. It doesn't mean you're simultaneously signing up to forgive abusers for their wrongdoing, or anything to that effect. Some of us truly just want to _understand_, nothing "more". But also nothing less. 🤷♀️
First, I thought it was fake. Then, I hoped it was fake. Next, I couldn't believe it wasn't fake. Finally, I wished it had been fake.
Dr Honda, thank you for sharing your knowledge and videos with us. For every person who dares to attack you, know that there are thousands of us who appreciate you and love to hear your thoughts about anything you discuss with us.
I think it was Jada's look that was the proverbial last straw that broke the camel's back for Will.
His first response was laughter....then he looked over at Jada. 😬😳
Love this, even when it comes to people we heavily oppose we should always try to put ourselves in their shoes, no matter what they have done and try to empathise. This is the way to peace between us all.
Lol I loved the story of Dr. Honda basically saying "you wanna go?" To that guy
Dr. Honda, your words speak to me in ways I wasn’t expecting. Thank you for the insights you give to us all.
Hi Dr. Honda. I love your videos. (Please do Below Deck!) Anyway, I have 2 comments:
1. I read somewhere that Will Smith talked about being traumatized as a kid watch his father beat up his mother when he was too young to do anything about it. That’s what came to mind when you talked about this being a trauma response.
2. I would have liked to have heard you discuss the psychology of Chris Rock’s situation. He handled the slap like a pro. He de-escalated the situation, when he was probably utterly humiliated. I also read that he was severely bullied as a kid so I’m sure this was also traumatizing to him, especially since this slap now lives online forever to be replayed over and over and over again.