I think this apology is more for the public and that him and Chris need to have a conversation amongst themselves. The public does not need to be privy to ever detail.
Yep. Even if he's sincere and meaning well, this seems like rather intrusive approach for Rock who's now yet again forced to respond to this event without having any say himself, it's almost like it's an apology but at the same time victimising Chris Rock another time.
I agree. However, I don’t think Chris owes him anything and does not have to talk to him. Will should either send a private message to him, video or letter. Chris has nothing to say to him. But Will should have something to say to Chris.
The more I listen to you, Dr. Honda, the more I trust you and respect you. Thank you for being a good example of a decent person. We need more people like you!
I am not sure if I am wrong here, but I appreciate that he's not apologizing to Chris here. If I was in his position and Will Smith made a video apology ti me I would feel like he was forcing it on me. Versus waiting for me to reach out. But I saw a lot of people make the same point so maybe I am missing something I feel like this is more of an apology to all the other people involved
That was my feeling too, though I think even just by talking about it and bringing up his name Chris Rock is put into a position where he might be asked to comment this incident yet again.
I kind of disagree. Will can apologize in private and in public. He slapped Chris in a public setting and millions of people saw it. So giving at least two apologies to Chris in different formats couldn’t hurt. He also tried to apologize privately and I hope he continues to do so without pushing too far
@@andedom Yeah I agree that making a public apology is good cause the event was public. While I do hear your point, I think Chris has a right to cut contact and negate the possibility of an apology. Will Smith's mediatic power shouldn't take that right away
@@GabrieleFerraro I hear you on that. However, I would say that if Chris didn’t want Will to do a public apology, he should have told Will that directly or through a third party.
Maybe Chris Rock doesn’t want Will Smith’s apology. And Will Smith may need to realize that sometimes you do things to other people they find unforgivable and no apology will be enough. It is up to Chris to decide what he wants to do.
Was there any point here Will demanded his apology be accepted or acknowledged or his transgression be forgiven? He’s making a video acknowledging an apologizing (even if we don’t think it’s well done) & that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s entitled to forgiveness or anything. This seems like an unnecessary comment imo
I wonder if the reason he doesn't dwell on Chris in his apology is because Chris isn't ready to talk to him yet. Like they haven't ironed it out between them and he doesn't want to cross the line into pestering? But he, as a public figure HAS to make this public offering.
If that were really the case, then he should first respect Chris' timing and then address the public. But he once again completely ignored Chris's needs.
Thank you, Dr. Honda! My partner and I use your 10 step approach when we can’t seem to get out of a rut in our disagreements. We have also used it as a jumping off point in couples therapy. I am so intrigued by the work you have put in for effective apologies and feel almost giddy when you put out new videos on it! Thank you again :)
I feel like Will's resistance to feel remorse for Chris is he believes his motivation was justified. He just regrets his actions. Idk his and Chris's history, but it seems Will is also hurt and is trying to apologize despite feeling "disrespected". That's why he's so remorseful to everyone else because they were innocent victims. I get that because I'm the same way.
Isn't "he believes his motivation was justified, he just regrets his actions" just a different way of saying "he understands that his feelings are valid, but don't excuse the ensuing, violent outburst"? 🤔 Because like... yeah. I don't see anything morally wrong with either of those statements
But I think it would have been better he would have fully apologised for his part without mentioning Chris Rocks part and left it up to him to do with it what he wants. I try to do that and some people apologise back and other just continue to poke in the wound by saying „ you see it’s all your fault“ but than it might be time to distance myself at least I said my peace.
@@TheGamingFilly Yeah I dont think he is morally wrong. I just think that internal conflict is coming through in his apology. Some will see him as being disingenuous. I just think he's struggling.
Water bottle on the table is his son's commercial venture. More product placement. He left out the female hosts entirely as if they weren't even there or affected. He cared more about Tony Rock than Chris. He seemed tortured in his apology to Chris with a subtext that they have "history" and Chris disrespected/insulted him and deserved to be punished, but just not in a way that would ruin Will's career. There's no onus on Chris to ever speak to Will again although Jada would love to scoop Oprah by having them at the damn red table. During his "fuzzy" speech he managed to apologize to just about everybody but Chris and spoke in grandiose terms about God calling him to be a "vessel of love" (when he's not committing assault). He should've been escorted out, not given a standing ovation and proceeding to the after party to get jiggy with it. "Love makes you do crazy things" is more like terror of your wife's wrath for you laughing at a joke about her makes you do crazy things. I'm not gonna hang on so we can be friends again. Damage control did more damage in my book.
I think it’s easy to say something isn’t sincere because he’s practiced the apology or whatever but I can’t imagine being in the public eye and not practicing everything you say before you say it. I practice apologies before I give them in person and I’m not known by anyone. Thanks so much for your thoughts on this. It’s always good to hear how others take situations like this.
I think this is a great perspective. I get both sides. Like yeah this is awkward and feels rehearsed and forced but at the same time can you blame him for that when he's such a huge person in the public eye? How do you make something like that seem natural when you are most likely super anxious about how it will be perceived?
While I have no right to say how Will Smith should apologize to Chris Rock, I would be more impressed with him offering an apology (written, phone, in person, etc) to Chris Rock and saying "My apology to Chris is between us," and then be upfront about what this video REALLY seems to be trying to do: apologize to fans and those of us who are his public image. This was a very public incident, but those who REALLY deserve the apology (Chris and Chris' family, his family, his peers, etc) deserve an apology where they can respond in real time when they are ready. And outside of the public eye. Can you imagine someone apologizing to you in a public forum, you not ready to accept that apology yet, and being put in a place to have to respond to it with the public watching? Ick. How can someone like Chris Rock and his family, Will's family, and Hollywood peers respond to this fully authentically? A public apology, IMO, would have been best used if Will wanted to apologize to *the public* not the individuals who were directly harmed.
I agree Doc, he needs to be explicit. I think he's def avoiding parts of it still. Maybe if he doesn't acknowledge his action, he doesn't have to acknowledge why he did it. His trauma around that must be smthn heavy and terrifying that he can't face it. I think he's for sure remorseful but he's not fully there.
When I first listened to this apology, I only listened, I didn’t watch the video. And at the beginning, I thought it was somobody else talkin, asking him questions, I did not recognize his voice. He sounds very weird. I think he modulated his voice to sound like he was in huge pain. I am sure he is, but like Dr. Honda said, he had time to prepare, to read or speak better. I honestly think this voice is intentional, almost like he aged 10 years in those few months. I immediately remembered my grandmother, and my dad, both huge manipulators. If they wanted something, they could sound like they were about to die. As far as the apology: not really an apology for Chris. Will should learn from Dr. Honda to apologize. It sounded like he was trying to show what impact that incident had on him. Not really focusing how it affected Chris’s life. I believe the most important part of apology is not so much saying you’re sorry, as how I can make you whole again. What I can do to try to fix the damage. This video was made too soon, I don’t think Will is ready yet, I don’t think, in my humble opinion, he fully realizes who the real victim is in this situation. Too much „me, me, me.”
For me the most important thing of an apology is that you really mean it. Not that you can fix it. I don't feel Chris means it at all here. This is damage control and trying to look better.
I thought this apology video was heavily concocted and seemed more like damage control. All you need for a great apology I learned from you! And you don’t list three cameras on you (except you wanna cut seamlessly like 90 day). You don’t need a panel to read questions from, making it seem your answers are off the cuff as if your team of 30 ppl hasn’t hand-picked them and briefed you on them before. You also don’t need product placement à la “this apology is brought to you by my son‘s water!“ I mean-
33:04 - I think his speech is stilted when reading the question because he’s stressed in general. There’s also a lot of tension in his voice. It looks to me like he’s triggered even talking about this whole situation, so he’s in a state where his cognitive processing is affected and that’s causing the stilted reading. He says disappointing others is his central trauma and this is a question from (or representing?) the audience - someone who is potentially, in his mind, the disappointed other. Because Chris Rock won’t speak to him yet, this is the closest he will get to facing a harmed party. And it’s really challenging for him.
I think he shouldn’t do this until he can do it “properly” if you are being triggered while you do it, you shouldn’t film that and put it on the internet. People are going to see your awkwardness and call it out. They are going to say it’s insincere, even if it’s not that’s what they are going to say. It’s different if you are apologizing privately, this is going to be clipped and replayed forever, long after people forget who Chris rock and will smith are.
I didn’t really like how he said, “I’m trying to be remorseful without feeling ashamed.” Experiencing shame can be a good and healthy thing when we have done something immoral, we just need to process that shame and understand how our past experiences influenced us to make the mistake and acknowledge that we hurt someone because we are hurting, not because we are bad. Maybe his childhood trauma has made him susceptible to black and white thinking, and he sees himself and others as either good or bad so he can’t open the door to allowing himself to feel shame because it sends him into what feels like a terrifying bottomless pit of despair. I just don’t know if he’s reached a place yet where he can give a sincere apology to Chris. If he admits to himself that ultimately Chris had nothing to do with his behavior, then he’d be letting go of one of his coping mechanisms, of which he seems to afraid to lose.
I don’t know. I would maybe argue that shame is a bad thing and not good. If he didn’t feel good enough as a human being because of not stopping the abuse that he had against his mom and that shame is coming back then I think his statement makes sense. Of course he still has to process the shame, but I wouldn’t say it’s healthy for him to feel that or that he “should” feel that.
@@Nonameforyoudangit Yes, I don't disagree with those definitions and I think we often feel both shame and guilt at the same time. I do believe that shame can be informative, it evolved in us for a reason, it serves an adaptive function. I do think there is a threshold of shame intensity in which it does become maladaptive, but that is true for any emotion and that doesn't mean we need to avoid it all together. Secure people with good mental health experience shame too and it does not break them. On the extreme end of shame avoidance is narcissism (which is obviously not a good thing), on the extreme end of shame acceptance is depression (also bad), but there is a healthy middle ground in terms of dealing with shame where it is useful for the social creatures we are.
This is not an apology for Chris Rock. This is so that corporations can feel better putting out movies and/or shows with Will Smith again. This apology for the public is 3 months too late and if it were for Chris Rock it would be too soon. I respect how Chris Rock feels as well as his response to this weird production. I understand wanting to empathize with Will Smith but not enough people consider Chris Rock or the trauma that he grew up with. If you read into it, it gives a better understanding why he said he was not ready for this apology. Also, he’d have to rename his goat.
It's really odd. Just when people and the media stopped talking about this, he now wants to bring it back to the forefront. You would think he would want the privacy to deal with it. And would want Chris Rock to not have the extra attention and for us to move on. He seems to really just want the attention. Bad or good. And I am not sure he actually fully gets that what he did was wrong.
Chris Rock is still benefitting from this. As twisted as he is this made him relevant again. I think he is trying to move on with his career and it had to be addressed beforehand.
I agree with other comments that this is not an apology for Chris, he seems to be apologising to his fans. If he wanted to apologise to Chris he would respect his timings and wait until Chris was ready to speak to him, instead of disclosing to everyone that Chris is not ready to speak to him. He is just managing his reputation. It's better than doing nothing, but falls very short of being a truly genuine apologise in my opinion.
It’s tricky because as a celebrity, Will is being asked these questions all the time by his fans, he even started out reading a question someone wrote him. So in a way he does have to address the public because this transgression was done in front of hundreds of millions of people! I mean everyone has seen it. In todays social media world everyone demands an explanation from everything, including where he is at with Chris. So he told his following where Chris stands. Now he can go on and post about other things on his social media and people won’t be assuming that he just doesn’t care.
Well then everyone would have been asking "Why isn't he apologizing to Chris in person". He addressed that up front and moved on. This apology was to his fans. Who in reality aren't really owed an apology.
Been waiting on Dr. Hondas take on it. I'm a fan of Will Smith, to especially in the motivational space but I'm not sure about this apology. I really hope he is working on finding out more about what's going on with him and seeing a therapist.
I think that this apology is genuine in as far as it is self serving. It's not a genuine apology to Chris. He at no time shows empathy for Chris's experience. He only mentions Chris to suggest that he contributed to his own assault.
I think Will was sincere, but seems he was apologizing for the location of the slap (on national television for all to see) not for the slap itself. Beyond all that...Will Smith has not looked like a happy man for quite a while now. Well before the slap watched around the world. Hope he's getting help.
He said he reached out to Chris to apologize in private but Chris said he's not ready to talk. And then he went on to say, Chris when you are ready I am here! I personally think he wanted to talk to Chris in person.
@@74MD74 it's about Chris. He's the victim not will. A proper apology means you take yourself out of the equation and admit and apologize directly to the person. He was dancing around the subject. In my opinion of course.
@@johanneazcuy9997 Well if that person is not ready to accept the apology, how would he do that, exactly? As a public figure, he still has to address his fans and colleagues who witnessed it.
It’s notable that will is wearing white. White is a common theme in apology videos. Some believe it creates the illusion of a more innocent or angelic role.
I don't find Will Smith's apology to be sincere. I don't like how he accused Chris Rock of disrespecting & insulting him & his family (thus providing an excuse & putting the blame back on Chris Rock). If Will Smith was sincere, he would apologize to Chris Rock directly, not to Chris Rock through a public video. His apology seems rehearsed like he's reading off of cue cards or a computer for his answers. When watching him speak, to me it's like he is holding back a smile or smirk. He also denied what we all witnessed which is that Will Smith went from laughing to being upset when his wife rolled her eyes. He therefore loses credibility with this denial. When he answers the question about his wife rolling her eyes he is definitely trying not to smile but it clearly comes through. Also, to have 3 camera angles is over the top & appears very Hollywood & staged. (Sharen)
yeah, the tone of that apology is borderline resentful and bitter about having to make an apology. if you have ever made an apology like this, you can hear it in his voice.
I didn't get that. I get inward anger. Like he is mad at himself for being so pathetic as to have to apologize for something so shameful. He is angrily ashamed of himself. That's the tone I get.
@@superhotnutjob definitely what he said. And that probably coexists with the feeling that his actions were justified. Not that he made the decision that his actions were justified. But somewhere in the moment he felt the action was justified and i still hear that in his tone.
@@abacoejenks I will say this: I kept waiting/expecting him to go back to the "when my wife is insulted," or "when I have to protect my family," or some shit like that. Unless I missed it, he definitely didn't say "protecting" or "protection," right? But I still didn't get the justified feeling you seem to have gotten from it. I am pretty sensitive to fakeout apologies, and "I'm sorry that the circumstances of the universe were such that I had no choice but to act this way" type of apologies and I didn't hear any of that.
I was surprised and a little bit unnerved by the way Will pivoted his apology toward other individuals besides Chris Rock. It struck me as a blanket damage control tactic and very superficial. I've now got the lyrics from the Steely Dan song, "Show Business Kids" running through my head!
I think Will wanted to apologize, but I don't think he's ready to apologize bc like Dr. Honda said, he didn't really acknowledge the slap or say the word slap when referencing what he did. Will very much still feels disrespected and may be waiting for Chris to apologize for the disrespect. Will's got a lot of work to do.
Dr Honda, can you please look into season 4 of "welcome to Plathville"? It's astonishing how the family dynamic has shifted since the older kids broke out of it 😍😍
one of the rasons i keep coming back to Dr Honda is his total non-judgemental of both sides of the equation. It's so refreshing in this world of cancel culture. Keep up the fabulous work and i'll keep coming back. I've learned so much from your videos - about my childhood traumas, adult traumas and how they're all contected to my current state of mind.
He was probably too embarrassed to face what he did. He likely was telling himself in the moment “you’re fine, he deserved it!” And avoided breaking it down in his head and questioning himself as much as possible. I’ve done that before when I knew, subconsciously that I was in the wrong.
Maybe. He had practiced the speech but hadn't processed his anger yet or the trauma informing it, so he could probably perform the speech better than he could understand why what he did was wrong in that moment.
Just from the editing, it looks like there were many retakes during the filming. I honestly feel that he still has anger towards Chris because he talked more about his feelings, apologized to other people and used a few seconds to address Chris.
It felt awkward to me that he almost started off with telling us that Chris didn’t want to respond to his outreach. I wonder if he tried to get Chris to make a public statement accepting the apology? Feels awkward, anyway
Personally, I almost feel like he didn't go into too much detail for an apology to Chris because Chris said he wasn't ready to talk. He just said "I'm sorry, when you're ready I'll be here" to go into more would be disrespecting Chris's wishes to not communicate about it at the moment. It would almost seem like Will was using his public platform to get around Chris not wanting to speak to him, at least in my view.
hes damned if he doesn't and damned if he does. if he never made a public apology ppl would be outraged that he never acknowledged it. he did the right thing both by apologizing publicly and also by keeping his message to Chris short. that is a discussion that needs to be had off camera
Celebrities who keep their personal lives personal don’t have that issue. He didn’t need to publicly attack people then he wouldnt need to publicly apologize and reconcile.
the product placement bothered me with him wearing his production company logo on his hat and with his bottled water on the little table next to him. Other than that I think we as a public should move on. Will Smith has always carried himself well as far as i know…I think most people are rooting for him to figure out why he was triggered and fix whatever is broken inside and go on to be great. I think his apology was good enough but i find it helpful to analyze it so i know how to look at my own personal apologies better
The thing that gets me the most is how many cuts there are on Will's video, it is so curated and yet that's what they went with ? I could not care less about the apology to Will's family, I am sure he apologized to them if he wanted to. The apology was pretty devoid of introspection, he could have helped thousands by saying he is consulting.
Like many other commenters here, I feel that this apology was not for Chris. Judging by his choice of words, Will only seems to regret what happened to the extent that it became a public scandal with potentially negative effects on his career. As if you could read between the lines "I'm sorry for hitting you in public, I should have handled this outside". We don't know what's up between them, but Will doesn't seem to be too sorry about never having to deal with Chris again. If I slap a friend or just anyone, I would spend a little more time apologizing to them than to everyone else around the matter.
I am sorry, but I DO BELIEVE HIM!... and Yeah, if he doesn't say "I apologize or I am sorry" people will still crucify him. It is almost a lose-lose situation.
I think he is sorry, but I think this apology is more about his career than anything else. A private apology to Chris Rock would be sufficient if all he wanted to do was apologize. The public part of this is more for himself.
Did you miss the part where he said he’s reached out to Chris but Christ isn’t ready to talk…? Also the slap was public. I think that warrants a private and public apology.
Did you miss the part where he said he’s reached out to Chris but Christ isn’t ready to talk…? Also the slap was public. I think that warrants a private and public apology.
I think he's sorry because his career took a hit and he has embarrassed himself and his family. I don't think he's sorry because he thinks he did something wrong.
He said he’s been thinking deeply about all the nuances, but didn’t want to unpack it all here, I think the more vulnerable parts he wants to discuss as a friend/human, not a public figure. I understand that, but he did move on a bit quick from the main issue at hand.
He names so many other ppl. I feel bad for Chris because this seems like a pr move. It's kind of weird how he speaks. I mean, he's a great actor and he reads robotically like it's hard for him to do this.
I heard a lot about fans, family, fellow nominees, and etc., but no apology TO Chris. Any reason he needed to publicize this instead of 'waiting for Chris to 'be ready to talk' '? This smells fishy. So, Will is so emotionally insightful that he came up with this conclusion all by himself??? Stinky fish .... Trauma is what happens TO you, not how you look after you do something you shouldn't have done. Month old fish ...
In a five-minute video which was (in theory) supposed to be an apology directed specifically at Chris Rock, he spent about 20 seconds on Chris Rock, and the rest on everyone else, including himself.
8:32 the most important part is gaining empathy to sincerely apologise. I think adding asking questions to understand and gain sincere empathy should be added before all that you listed.
It almost sounds like he’s apologizing to everyone else for having to ruin their night because of Chris Rock’s alleged disrespect. I feel bad for Will because none of this seems healthy. I haven’t listened to the whole thing but so far he’s not really apologizing to Chris at all. 😕 It’s possible he didn’t want to say much “to” Chris when Chris had just said he wasn’t ready to talk? But Will didn’t say that, I’m just speculating. But I don’t feel great about Will saying “When you’re ready to talk I’m here,” as if Chris needs to have a conversation with him. There should be an apology without expecting anything from Chris.
I'm not seeing a lot of expression in his face so perhaps he's medicated. Or maybe he's reading. Nevertheless he spent more time talking about himself and everyone else not Chris Rock. It makes me question his apology. He owes Chris a lot more. His entitlement is unacceptable and I'm still outraged.
I love these videos. The only thing I wish we would’ve seen from Dr. Honda is him talk about how Chris Rock set a boundary of not being ready to talk or hear an apology and Will Smith completely disrespecting his privacy and boundary on a public forum. That’s what stood out to me the most.
I think he is forced to make this apology from some outside force (business reasons, family, etc). It does not seem sincere and why now especially when Chris Rock was not ready to discuss. What was driving it now, months later?
So many of our defenses will actually realize what we’re trying to avoid. Who knew the will smith apology video would have the answer to my lifelong struggles. Thanks Kirk!
I love this analysis of the apology. I also think he is being sincere in the apology--I know shame well, having grown up in a house where any mistake or less than perfect action was the end of the world. I was not taught emotional regulation, so small errors were rough, and a large error like this would have been like drowning in shame. He looks like he is in a lot of pain right now, probably more because he has destroyed the self-image/celebrity image of being "a good person" more than having punched Chris Rock, but he does seem sorry and he does seem to get what he did wrong. One thing, I would not characterize Chris's joke as "innocent" or "tame" (I forget the exact word that Dr. H used). It was an ableist joke that punched down, both at a woman with a health condition and as a male who has the privilege not to be judged by his hair (Black women have been judged for centuries for hair not being white enough, by standards that are physically painful and financially daunting to meet. Which HE KNEW, having produced the documentary Good Hair). It was a joke that built on the foundation of Black women's appearance being judgeable and health conditions being "funny" and it was psychologically hurtful to Jada and any other woman with similar issues. That's not an innocent joke given the baggage that goes with it. Chris did not deserve to be attacked, but frankly it took a while for me to process my own trauma enough to see that. I can understand why Will would have gone to a violent place, and I understand how you can feel like a destructive impulse is warranted in the moment and then later be horrified and ashamed that you behaved like an abuser :( . I hope Will gets the help he needs, and I hope Chris is ok. I'm sorry that the whole thing happened, and I think Will is, too. Thanks for your comments, Dr. H.
I too think this is about his career. If this was genuine why did it take so long. This is clearly staged and we have the "acting" like this is the 1st time he's seen these questions and that he hasn't cultivated a response. I do feel there's a part of this that is genuine emotion but largely this was staged for the public and not for Chris.
@@janesmith8676 I don’t think he’s really ready to apologize to Chris honestly. I think he is sorry, but not for the right reasons. I think he is being pressured to apologize regardless of his feelings and he can’t let them down. Healing isn’t instant.
Thanks for expressing disgust and addressing Will's slap as a violent act. For some reason, my circle doesn't relay this thought. So, it is a relief to hear your perspective.
This rubs me the wrong way: 1) The branding of his hat and his son's water brand 2) The anger he has while he's apologising, it's like he's been forced to do this 3) The set, like where is this supposed to be? Couldn't they have done it in a living room instead of a cold set?
I don't get anger from this video. I get deep disappointment. Like maybe an aggression pointing inwards. The branding is ridiculous. Especially his despicable son who tweeted some shit like "this is how we do in our family" after the slap. That kid can fuck right off.
We all need forgiveness. No one is perfect only God. I will always love Will Smith and I will continue to watch his movies. We need to be more loving and be compassionate.
I know slapping is bad and what he did was pretty uncool, but I feel like a lot of people are over emphasizing the slap and saying that "he could have killed him" (looking at you Judd Apatow) and it almost comes off as racist that the narrative is a black man was consumed with rage. I feel like if this was Brad Pitt and Matt Damon or something like that it wouldn't have been as big of news, or wouldn't have been portrayed as "he could have killed him, he lost all control" The fallout from the situation seems a little crazy to me. No one died. A friend slapped his friend, it just happened to be public. Was it uncool? Yeah. Was it a horrible and violent attack that could have resulted in his death? No.
There's also the added element where it took place during a formal, live broadcasted event where everyone comes looking their best and be recognized for their accomplishments. If it was a white actor who did the slap, I think there'd still be an lot of outcry and outrage, but sentiments like Judd Apatow's probably wouldn't be uttered.
Are you kidding me? At the Oscars, someone goes up to the person performing and physically assaults them. Please let that sink in - you have to take in the circumstance - millions of people tune into the Oscars, it is the premiere televised event of the year for movies and movie stars. It wasn't just a slap in front of a group of friends at dinner or at the gas station or something - his hubris is HUGE - to go up on the stage like that, to break that barrier, with the cameras on, with all the production going on, with all the movies stars in the audience - and to take that moment and ASSAULT someone. Geez. A kiss would have been an interruption and maybe a bit disturbing in the instance the two people didn't know each other - it was a non-consentual putting hands on another, in that moment, should be seen as shocking and horrible - and it was
@@chiaraA. So you think if it was two white actors the responses would have been the same? They would have all been like "oh God, he could have killed him!"? The responses played into the "violent anger" stereotype of black men. "He was out of control" "he went crazy" "he could have killed him." I think it's funny how Hollywood white liberals (this is coming from a leftist) responded to this incident and yet gave a standing ovation for Roman Polanski. A black man slapping another black man is apparently much more shocking and deserves condemnation than known predators being applauded. And the slap was somehow more insane than the Ukraine invasion, because the news quickly dropped that coverage and was more concerned with a rich man slapping another rich man. The level of pearl clutching was and still is ridiculous. Even how you're framing it is over the top. If I didn't know it was a slap, your comment makes it sound like he went up on stage and beat the ever loving crap out of him. And yes I know a slap is considered assault, but most people are going to assume when you say assault you mean something severe.
I think there is more to the story that we aren’t privy to and I sense that Will feels like Chris came out looking a little too “innocent” in all of this when (in his mind) he isn’t. Intellectually, I think he recognizes that his behavior is indefensible. But I’m not sure his emotions have caught up with that rationale. It almost feels like he can’t sincerely apologize to Chris because he himself hasn’t yet forgiven Chris for whatever he did to him.
For me one ingredient of a sincere apology is timing as well as presentation. The difficulty is we will never know for sure what Will Smith actually thinks and feels. We have to base our opinions on a produced social media post. I say timing because 3 months is a long time to not to say sorry. I understand the fog of the evening events but that said he was focused enough for his acceptance speech and well as dancing the night away at Oscar parties. It seems his fog lifted and he could find another gear. It comes across that he was not that apologetic. I find his video much the same really. I have no doubt that Will’s experiences expressed in his book and interviews are real but I have a nagging feeling that these episodes are also used functionally to sell himself and excuse his behaviour. This is pure conjecture on my part but it makes me wonder whether this may the reason Chris Rock hasn’t seem to have accepted the apology. Like I’ve probably said on previous post. It just seems to me that more people and media were talking about Will the perpetrator rather than Chris the victim. Chris has mostly said nothing. I was a big fan of Will Smith and he has had a reputation of egocentric behavior all the way back to the Fresh Prince days. He’s very smart and knows how to make the best out of situation. But I doubt he would’ve slapped Mike Tyson or Dwayne Johnson if either of them was in Chris Rocks shoes that night. My assessment! It’s another opportunity to self publicise. This is affluent successful actor who still needs to do TikTok. Never seen Chris on there.
Men can compartmentalize feelings though. Maybe he just went on with his life and knew he could deal with it later. Idk. I feel bad for will. I think he should get help and not make these videos until he is actually ready, not when the public decides he’s ready
@@tinkthestrange You’re painting with broad strokes there. We live in curious times when we sympathise with the 6ft 2 inch 220lbs movie star who assaults a 5ft 6inch comedian who weighs about a buck fifty. Like I said, this could be why Chris Rock has expressed very little.
The problem I had with the apology is that for all his time thinking about what happened, he doesn't seem to understand much. This is NOT a good apology by any stretch of the imagination in my opinion, and it appears that Chris Rock agrees with me. There is nothing to it. He had no answers or explanation for Chris. All he really told us is that 'Will feels bad because people are mad at him and he prefers to be universally adored. He feels bad about letting his false persona slip. I think it says something about Will that he would begin to think this was all that he owed Chris. It isn't about him being punished, cancelled or made to suffer forever because of this one, albeit terrible mistake. I believe that there was a lot that he could have said that would have gotten him what he wanted, but he has to get real. It doesn't matter how long he claims to have been thinking about the 'complexities' of what happened that night if he isn't going to talk about why it happened, what he learned, how he has grown or changed, and what he is doing differently. I would keep just about nothing from his apology. I would start completely over and keep the discussion focused on Will and Chris and no one else. Imagine how different it would have felt if Will just spoke from his heart about his childhood abuse and how he has always felt powerless and weak because he couldn't protect his mother, and when he saw that Jada was hurt he became that little boy and he had to do something this time. What if he told Chris that it wasn't him Will Smith walking onto a stage wearing a tuxedo, it was a poor little kid in a violent home who just didn't want his mom to cry anymore. And after that he focused only on why he feels so bad about what he did to Chris and why. I think the problem with this is that i'm not sure he is sorry about doing it to Chris. He is sorry how it looked, but the impression I have at this point is that Will has very little authenticity, self awareness, wisdom about people which is very interesting because his persona is just the opposite. I feel sorry for Will because he is miserable and has no idea how to fix it when the answer is the easiest thing he could do, but he isn't admitting to himself what we all know to be true. (he laughed, she rolled her eyes, he reacted, Jada laughed, they partied). I don't question Will's regret and remorse about making himself look bad, but I did not get any sense that he was sorry for what he did to Chris, which no doubt triggered his childhood trauma as a kid who was bullied mercilessly until one day he brought a homemade weapon to school with him to fight back and someone almost died. Ever since he has been afraid of his own anger and any physical violence. If Will was so tight with Chris' family as he says he was, I'd think Will would have heard some of those stories. I think he has learned to compartmentalize and deny things he doesn't want to think about but that won't feel good to anyone else. Chris needs validation, and to know that Will understands what happened and cares as much about being a good person as looking like one.
One of the most interesting apologies I’ve seen was actually a couple of members of the band BTS in their Burn The Stage documentary! Taehyung and Jin have a disagreement about choreography and you see a really nice conversation (and apology) afterwards about pride, respect, and teamwork.
I absolutely loved this video, the apology while it was flawed I just really really love how vulnerable will Smith was and really appreciate seeing someone in the process of working on themselves. Pobody's Nerfect
The water being so prominent with the bottle.... 🤪 just whyyyyyyyyy I know it's his son's company but just not the time! I think he does come across sincere, and as others have said I'm glad he didn't go into the Chris Rock part more as he has specified he isn't ready to discuss it yet so I think that is respectful. But he seems to say a whole lot of words and not saying much.... he definitely needs this checklist ;) Ps the hat is a Westbrook hat he wears often. But it totally seems like he is wearing his own merch or promoting the water merch! So many people have thought this!! A big woops!
Could we argue that the mention of disrespect and insult is lumped into the acknowledgment of WHY the thing happened? I think it’s possible to say, “I felt disrespected and insulted, but there’s no part of me that believes I handled that feeling appropriately.” Surely it varies from person to person, but I think I’d be able to accept this. It’s not all black and white. He is apologetic, but there could be a legitimate hurt there that should be acknowledged for will. I put this out there knowing full well it could garner hate. I’m a creator who has spoken on this topic, and I am as much on the side of Chris Rock as someone should be, IMO, but I’m happy to see an apology. I think most of us liked both of these people.
I want to talk about his speech when he’s reading the question at the beginning of the video. It didn’t seem to be his baseline form of speech. It was slow, exaggerated, and halting. I wonder if we’re seeing a neurological problem from his trauma, or is he experiencing some kind of illness? I clearly remember doing this during a deposition about a car accident at age 23. It was horrifying in the moment, because I could hear myself but couldn’t control it.
Quite a few people think that the video has been heavily directed and edited from multiple takes, which is why there are different angles etc, wouldn't be surprised if this was done with the assistance of a lawyer. But the editing might explain some of the disjointedness.
Yeah, it sounds like dissociation or depersonalization- sometimes a situation is so stressful we'll decouple ourselves from what we're saying or doing in order to get through it.
I think that the King Richard role, alongside his issues around not protecting his mother, played a large part in the slap. It was the first thing I thought. In at least two interviews that I saw just prior to the Oscars, he mentioned how protective Richard was of his daughters and how he (Will) was so... pleased to be able to be that for the young actresses from the movie and Aunjenue(sp?) who played his wife, during the award season. Those interviews were the first thing that came to me. It was like when a person is trying to ”be different/better” and they swing to the extreme opposite behavior with no process in between. I'm sure there was other stuff, but it was the first thing I thought of in the moments just following the slap.
But he wrapped that role like 18 months before that ceremony. That's like saying that the aliens in Independence Day probably stressed him out. Proper actors don't turn into the people they portray for the rest of their lives.
It's not about The Role of Richard. I'm talking about what he took from Richard, The Man. That notion of Richard as a protector of his women. That ALONGSIDE his (Will's) sense of failure as a protector of his mother which he talks about in his book.
@@kennyawilliams3673 ya, i hear you. I just think that's a bit of a cop-out for actors. I read about, meet, talk to and about good people and bad people everyday. I hope I take good away from all of it. It's silly to think that actors get this pass on acting insane, because they played someone whose life may have impacted them. We don't let cops lash out violently then say "well, I've just seen so many people get mistreated." I think the childhood stuff makes more sense than the roles stuff.
@@superhotnutjob Let me just say, I'm not defending him. My point, and I guess I should've been clear about this from the beginning, was the mathematical illogic that has a man as intelligent as Will Smith doing dumb sh*t on global television in front of God and these rich white people like he ain't had no home training. Also, sidenote and addendum, the cop metaphor? Really? You reached into your bag and THAT was the analogy that screamed "I can validate your point!!" ? 🤨
Honestly I don’t really wanna see this apology unless he’s sitting in front of Chris rock having a real conversation and giving him a real apology. why is he apologizing to the public for smacking somebody else…
Yeah.... he seemed more interested in apologising to everyone else, than in apologising to Chris. Basically, this was an apology to The Williams, Quest Love, and his fellow nominees for that day😂.
Side note. That bit about being remorseful vs ashamed reminds me of the difference between guilt and shame by Brene Brown. Which is I did wrong ( guilt) vs I am wrong (shame). According to this definition feeling guilty without shame is more constructive because it implies responsibility for the actions. The belief that I am a shit person (shame) can cause people not to try to change since they don't feel like they can
Hello Dr. Honda. I'm super late with my comment, hope you still see it. I was wondering, do you also have material about how to react to an apology? I received an apology that was like an excuse and I wondered if the person was actually remorseful. I did accept the apology because I did appreciate the effort and I thought the person maybe could not do it in another way. But after that, I never heard again from the person, asides from a birthday wish. I'm confused because I somehow feel like I hurt my friend for apologizing to me. In a video I noticed you said that it's a good thing to apologize in return, even if it was just a small thing you can think of. In my situation, it was me who was hit by my friend. I thought it was out of place to apologize myself. I think my friend does not really see anything bad with hitting, she brushed it of as joking. But it was forceful and she did it again after I already had said she hurt me. I felt like I had no other choice but to stand up to my friend but I never expected this complete withdrawal.
I feel like this was rehearsed. Clearly the set up was planned. The way he reads the questions is like he’s trying to make it seem like it’s the first time reading them, but comes out slow and forced
The first thing I noticed was him wearing the cap....I just think it was disrespectful wearing a cap ..I am not suggesting he was merchandising. In my opinion there was not enough reference to chris rock.
It qualifies as an apology. That's because he acknowledged what he did was wrong and did not try to deflect blame. However, I think it could have been better. Dr Kirk Honda has 10 great rules for apologies. Best write those down.
Will Smith has made several bald jokes over the years so he didn't get a free pass by claiming to defend his wife. He has even tried to force an apology on Chris Rock by chasing him. I don't feel he is showing remorse, but is acting the part for the sake of convincing those around him that he's a misunderstood good guy. I'm sorry Dr Honda, but this looks to me like the abuser expecting forgiveness from their victim so the abuser can go back to life as usual. Hey, I apologized. It's over, but until Smith gets his due forgiveness he's now the one being wronged.
1) I think it’s important to say I’m sorry. Saying I apologize is a cop-out. It’s arrogant. If you’re sorry you don’t mind humbling and abasing yourself. This was still prideful. 2) The video is edited. Which means his real feeling, Freudian slips and things could have been edited out. Makes it inauthentic. 3) Most importantly, if someone says they’re not ready, do not force the apology on them because that’s disrespectful and what you’re doing is taking the burden off of yourself and putting it on them. That’s manipulative and he’s forcing us the public to help and enable him in manipulating Chris. If Chris is not ready, leave him alone. Bit Will Smith is not used to being told no. Dr. Honda, you gave us a checklist for a good apology. WS failed on nearly every parameter and yet you still scored it a good apology. Why?
To everyone saying that this apology isn’t for Chris, that’s kinda the point. It’s important to remember, that as a celebrity, Will is being asked these questions all the time by his fans, he even started out reading a question someone wrote him. So in a way he does have to address the public because this transgression was done in front of hundreds of millions of people! I mean everyone has seen it. In todays social media culture everyone demands an explanation from everyone, that includes where he is at with Chris. So he told his following where Chris stands. Now he can go on and post about other things on his social media and people won’t be assuming that he just doesn’t care. He basically had to address the issue as a public figure.
on the adrenaline: he felt threatened by his own behaviour - the adrenaline is about fearing the consequences of what he had just done (getting kicked out, called out, etc.)
I think this apology is more for the public and that him and Chris need to have a conversation amongst themselves. The public does not need to be privy to ever detail.
Yep. Even if he's sincere and meaning well, this seems like rather intrusive approach for Rock who's now yet again forced to respond to this event without having any say himself, it's almost like it's an apology but at the same time victimising Chris Rock another time.
Totally agree
He embarrassed him publicly so I think a public apology and explanation is appropriate
The public sure was in his business a few months ago.
I agree. However, I don’t think Chris owes him anything and does not have to talk to him. Will should either send a private message to him, video or letter. Chris has nothing to say to him. But Will should have something to say to Chris.
The more I listen to you, Dr. Honda, the more I trust you and respect you. Thank you for being a good example of a decent person. We need more people like you!
Honestly, I think he’s more sorry about the repercussions of his actions on his career and reputation than for what he did to Chris.
Notice how he 'apologized' to Chris but said he is 'sorry' to his family.
I agree completely.
Most def because he’s still running with the “made fun of my wife’s condition” narrative which we all know was not the case.
What makes you think this?
@@suras8984 Do you not think this is just symantics?
I am not sure if I am wrong here, but I appreciate that he's not apologizing to Chris here. If I was in his position and Will Smith made a video apology ti me I would feel like he was forcing it on me. Versus waiting for me to reach out. But I saw a lot of people make the same point so maybe I am missing something
I feel like this is more of an apology to all the other people involved
That was my feeling too, though I think even just by talking about it and bringing up his name Chris Rock is put into a position where he might be asked to comment this incident yet again.
I kind of disagree. Will can apologize in private and in public. He slapped Chris in a public setting and millions of people saw it. So giving at least two apologies to Chris in different formats couldn’t hurt.
He also tried to apologize privately and I hope he continues to do so without pushing too far
I feel the same. He even apologized to Jada!
@@andedom Yeah I agree that making a public apology is good cause the event was public. While I do hear your point, I think Chris has a right to cut contact and negate the possibility of an apology. Will Smith's mediatic power shouldn't take that right away
@@GabrieleFerraro I hear you on that. However, I would say that if Chris didn’t want Will to do a public apology, he should have told Will that directly or through a third party.
Maybe Chris Rock doesn’t want Will Smith’s apology. And Will Smith may need to realize that sometimes you do things to other people they find unforgivable and no apology will be enough. It is up to Chris to decide what he wants to do.
Was there any point here Will demanded his apology be accepted or acknowledged or his transgression be forgiven? He’s making a video acknowledging an apologizing (even if we don’t think it’s well done) & that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s entitled to forgiveness or anything. This seems like an unnecessary comment imo
I wonder if the reason he doesn't dwell on Chris in his apology is because Chris isn't ready to talk to him yet. Like they haven't ironed it out between them and he doesn't want to cross the line into pestering? But he, as a public figure HAS to make this public offering.
If that were really the case, then he should first respect Chris' timing and then address the public. But he once again completely ignored Chris's needs.
That’s a really generous assumption, in my opinion.
@@daisyo.6666 to me it almost seemed to throw shade on Chris by pointing out that he hasn’t responded yet
Thank you, Dr. Honda! My partner and I use your 10 step approach when we can’t seem to get out of a rut in our disagreements. We have also used it as a jumping off point in couples therapy. I am so intrigued by the work you have put in for effective apologies and feel almost giddy when you put out new videos on it! Thank you again :)
I feel like Will's resistance to feel remorse for Chris is he believes his motivation was justified. He just regrets his actions. Idk his and Chris's history, but it seems Will is also hurt and is trying to apologize despite feeling "disrespected". That's why he's so remorseful to everyone else because they were innocent victims. I get that because I'm the same way.
Isn't "he believes his motivation was justified, he just regrets his actions" just a different way of saying "he understands that his feelings are valid, but don't excuse the ensuing, violent outburst"? 🤔 Because like... yeah. I don't see anything morally wrong with either of those statements
But I think it would have been better he would have fully apologised for his part without mentioning Chris Rocks part and left it up to him to do with it what he wants. I try to do that and some people apologise back and other just continue to poke in the wound by saying „ you see it’s all your fault“ but than it might be time to distance myself at least I said my peace.
@@TheGamingFilly Yeah I dont think he is morally wrong. I just think that internal conflict is coming through in his apology. Some will see him as being disingenuous. I just think he's struggling.
@@aubreydeangelo I agree. There's a lot of back story we don't know and will probably never fully understand the way will does.
I can see that. That’s why it felt unsatisfying to me.
Re: wearing his own merch, he also has his son's water perfectly placed on the table beside him.
i really hate the product placement
Eeek. That makes me feel really uncomfortable.
I didn’t even notice. I didn’t feel this was promotional but it is image management- as we would all do if we mess up publicly.
Water bottle on the table is his son's commercial venture. More product placement. He left out the female hosts entirely as if they weren't even there or affected. He cared more about Tony Rock than Chris. He seemed tortured in his apology to Chris with a subtext that they have "history" and Chris disrespected/insulted him and deserved to be punished, but just not in a way that would ruin Will's career. There's no onus on Chris to ever speak to Will again although Jada would love to scoop Oprah by having them at the damn red table.
During his "fuzzy" speech he managed to apologize to just about everybody but Chris and spoke in grandiose terms about God calling him to be a "vessel of love" (when he's not committing assault). He should've been escorted out, not given a standing ovation and proceeding to the after party to get jiggy with it.
"Love makes you do crazy things" is more like terror of your wife's wrath for you laughing at a joke about her makes you do crazy things.
I'm not gonna hang on so we can be friends again. Damage control did more damage in my book.
I think it’s easy to say something isn’t sincere because he’s practiced the apology or whatever but I can’t imagine being in the public eye and not practicing everything you say before you say it. I practice apologies before I give them in person and I’m not known by anyone. Thanks so much for your thoughts on this. It’s always good to hear how others take situations like this.
I think this is a great perspective. I get both sides. Like yeah this is awkward and feels rehearsed and forced but at the same time can you blame him for that when he's such a huge person in the public eye? How do you make something like that seem natural when you are most likely super anxious about how it will be perceived?
While I have no right to say how Will Smith should apologize to Chris Rock, I would be more impressed with him offering an apology (written, phone, in person, etc) to Chris Rock and saying "My apology to Chris is between us," and then be upfront about what this video REALLY seems to be trying to do: apologize to fans and those of us who are his public image. This was a very public incident, but those who REALLY deserve the apology (Chris and Chris' family, his family, his peers, etc) deserve an apology where they can respond in real time when they are ready. And outside of the public eye. Can you imagine someone apologizing to you in a public forum, you not ready to accept that apology yet, and being put in a place to have to respond to it with the public watching? Ick. How can someone like Chris Rock and his family, Will's family, and Hollywood peers respond to this fully authentically?
A public apology, IMO, would have been best used if Will wanted to apologize to *the public* not the individuals who were directly harmed.
This is so true!!!!
You are so right
I agree Doc, he needs to be explicit. I think he's def avoiding parts of it still. Maybe if he doesn't acknowledge his action, he doesn't have to acknowledge why he did it. His trauma around that must be smthn heavy and terrifying that he can't face it. I think he's for sure remorseful but he's not fully there.
When I first listened to this apology, I only listened, I didn’t watch the video. And at the beginning, I thought it was somobody else talkin, asking him questions, I did not recognize his voice. He sounds very weird. I think he modulated his voice to sound like he was in huge pain. I am sure he is, but like Dr. Honda said, he had time to prepare, to read or speak better. I honestly think this voice is intentional, almost like he aged 10 years in those few months. I immediately remembered my grandmother, and my dad, both huge manipulators. If they wanted something, they could sound like they were about to die.
As far as the apology: not really an apology for Chris. Will should learn from Dr. Honda to apologize. It sounded like he was trying to show what impact that incident had on him. Not really focusing how it affected Chris’s life. I believe the most important part of apology is not so much saying you’re sorry, as how I can make you whole again. What I can do to try to fix the damage. This video was made too soon, I don’t think Will is ready yet, I don’t think, in my humble opinion, he fully realizes who the real victim is in this situation. Too much „me, me, me.”
For me the most important thing of an apology is that you really mean it. Not that you can fix it. I don't feel Chris means it at all here. This is damage control and trying to look better.
This apology really wasn't for Chris, it was for his fans. I imagine the real apology will be given to Chris later, and in private.
I thought this apology video was heavily concocted and seemed more like damage control. All you need for a great apology I learned from you! And you don’t list three cameras on you (except you wanna cut seamlessly like 90 day). You don’t need a panel to read questions from, making it seem your answers are off the cuff as if your team of 30 ppl hasn’t hand-picked them and briefed you on them before. You also don’t need product placement à la “this apology is brought to you by my son‘s water!“ I mean-
Well said.
Can you publish your effective apology list to social media or somewhere we can download it?
Yes please! I would also love this!
Maybe write a book ?!
33:04 - I think his speech is stilted when reading the question because he’s stressed in general. There’s also a lot of tension in his voice. It looks to me like he’s triggered even talking about this whole situation, so he’s in a state where his cognitive processing is affected and that’s causing the stilted reading. He says disappointing others is his central trauma and this is a question from (or representing?) the audience - someone who is potentially, in his mind, the disappointed other. Because Chris Rock won’t speak to him yet, this is the closest he will get to facing a harmed party. And it’s really challenging for him.
I think he shouldn’t do this until he can do it “properly” if you are being triggered while you do it, you shouldn’t film that and put it on the internet. People are going to see your awkwardness and call it out. They are going to say it’s insincere, even if it’s not that’s what they are going to say. It’s different if you are apologizing privately, this is going to be clipped and replayed forever, long after people forget who Chris rock and will smith are.
I didn’t really like how he said, “I’m trying to be remorseful without feeling ashamed.” Experiencing shame can be a good and healthy thing when we have done something immoral, we just need to process that shame and understand how our past experiences influenced us to make the mistake and acknowledge that we hurt someone because we are hurting, not because we are bad. Maybe his childhood trauma has made him susceptible to black and white thinking, and he sees himself and others as either good or bad so he can’t open the door to allowing himself to feel shame because it sends him into what feels like a terrifying bottomless pit of despair. I just don’t know if he’s reached a place yet where he can give a sincere apology to Chris. If he admits to himself that ultimately Chris had nothing to do with his behavior, then he’d be letting go of one of his coping mechanisms, of which he seems to afraid to lose.
I don’t know. I would maybe argue that shame is a bad thing and not good. If he didn’t feel good enough as a human being because of not stopping the abuse that he had against his mom and that shame is coming back then I think his statement makes sense. Of course he still has to process the shame, but I wouldn’t say it’s healthy for him to feel that or that he “should” feel that.
Feeling guilty is informative - it's about regretting what you *did.* Feeling shame is about feeling bad about who you *are.*
@@Nonameforyoudangit Yes, I don't disagree with those definitions and I think we often feel both shame and guilt at the same time. I do believe that shame can be informative, it evolved in us for a reason, it serves an adaptive function. I do think there is a threshold of shame intensity in which it does become maladaptive, but that is true for any emotion and that doesn't mean we need to avoid it all together. Secure people with good mental health experience shame too and it does not break them. On the extreme end of shame avoidance is narcissism (which is obviously not a good thing), on the extreme end of shame acceptance is depression (also bad), but there is a healthy middle ground in terms of dealing with shame where it is useful for the social creatures we are.
@@mariahburns1900 Very nuanced response - thanks!
This is not an apology for Chris Rock. This is so that corporations can feel better putting out movies and/or shows with Will Smith again. This apology for the public is 3 months too late and if it were for Chris Rock it would be too soon. I respect how Chris Rock feels as well as his response to this weird production.
I understand wanting to empathize with Will Smith but not enough people consider Chris Rock or the trauma that he grew up with. If you read into it, it gives a better understanding why he said he was not ready for this apology. Also, he’d have to rename his goat.
It's really odd. Just when people and the media stopped talking about this, he now wants to bring it back to the forefront. You would think he would want the privacy to deal with it. And would want Chris Rock to not have the extra attention and for us to move on. He seems to really just want the attention. Bad or good. And I am not sure he actually fully gets that what he did was wrong.
Chris Rock is still benefitting from this. As twisted as he is this made him relevant again.
I think he is trying to move on with his career and it had to be addressed beforehand.
I agree with other comments that this is not an apology for Chris, he seems to be apologising to his fans. If he wanted to apologise to Chris he would respect his timings and wait until Chris was ready to speak to him, instead of disclosing to everyone that Chris is not ready to speak to him. He is just managing his reputation. It's better than doing nothing, but falls very short of being a truly genuine apologise in my opinion.
It’s tricky because as a celebrity, Will is being asked these questions all the time by his fans, he even started out reading a question someone wrote him. So in a way he does have to address the public because this transgression was done in front of hundreds of millions of people! I mean everyone has seen it. In todays social media world everyone demands an explanation from everything, including where he is at with Chris. So he told his following where Chris stands.
Now he can go on and post about other things on his social media and people won’t be assuming that he just doesn’t care.
Well then everyone would have been asking "Why isn't he apologizing to Chris in person". He addressed that up front and moved on.
This apology was to his fans. Who in reality aren't really owed an apology.
Been waiting on Dr. Hondas take on it. I'm a fan of Will Smith, to especially in the motivational space but I'm not sure about this apology. I really hope he is working on finding out more about what's going on with him and seeing a therapist.
i agree. I am thinking it will take a while to properly process everything.
I think that this apology is genuine in as far as it is self serving. It's not a genuine apology to Chris. He at no time shows empathy for Chris's experience. He only mentions Chris to suggest that he contributed to his own assault.
I think Will was sincere, but seems he was apologizing for the location of the slap (on national television for all to see) not for the slap itself.
Beyond all that...Will Smith has not looked like a happy man for quite a while now. Well before the slap watched around the world. Hope he's getting help.
He said “I am sorry” & apologized to Chris’s mom, Oscar nominees, and his children but not Chris. Did I miss something?
Actually he did say “ I apologize to you Christ “
@@saly4762 "Christ" xD
@@daisyo.6666 😂 Chris auto correct
He said he reached out to Chris to apologize in private but Chris said he's not ready to talk. And then he went on to say, Chris when you are ready I am here! I personally think he wanted to talk to Chris in person.
He made this about HIMSELF. That's expected from the Smiths
It is about him though. Lol. He's the one that made mistake. He has no right to speak for anyone else.
@@74MD74 it's about Chris. He's the victim not will. A proper apology means you take yourself out of the equation and admit and apologize directly to the person. He was dancing around the subject. In my opinion of course.
@@johanneazcuy9997 Well if that person is not ready to accept the apology, how would he do that, exactly? As a public figure, he still has to address his fans and colleagues who witnessed it.
It’s notable that will is wearing white. White is a common theme in apology videos. Some believe it creates the illusion of a more innocent or angelic role.
I think Will is waiting to speak personally to Chris to really get into it.
I don't find Will Smith's apology to be sincere. I don't like how he accused Chris Rock of disrespecting & insulting him & his family (thus providing an excuse & putting the blame back on Chris Rock). If Will Smith was sincere, he would apologize to Chris Rock directly, not to Chris Rock through a public video. His apology seems rehearsed like he's reading off of cue cards or a computer for his answers. When watching him speak, to me it's like he is holding back a smile or smirk. He also denied what we all witnessed which is that Will Smith went from laughing to being upset when his wife rolled her eyes. He therefore loses credibility with this denial. When he answers the question about his wife rolling her eyes he is definitely trying not to smile but it clearly comes through. Also, to have 3 camera angles is over the top & appears very Hollywood & staged. (Sharen)
yeah, the tone of that apology is borderline resentful and bitter about having to make an apology. if you have ever made an apology like this, you can hear it in his voice.
I didn't get that. I get inward anger. Like he is mad at himself for being so pathetic as to have to apologize for something so shameful. He is angrily ashamed of himself. That's the tone I get.
@@superhotnutjob definitely what he said. And that probably coexists with the feeling that his actions were justified. Not that he made the decision that his actions were justified. But somewhere in the moment he felt the action was justified and i still hear that in his tone.
@@abacoejenks I will say this: I kept waiting/expecting him to go back to the "when my wife is insulted," or "when I have to protect my family," or some shit like that. Unless I missed it, he definitely didn't say "protecting" or "protection," right?
But I still didn't get the justified feeling you seem to have gotten from it. I am pretty sensitive to fakeout apologies, and "I'm sorry that the circumstances of the universe were such that I had no choice but to act this way" type of apologies and I didn't hear any of that.
@@superhotnutjob he did say he was disrespected by Chris…
@@superhotnutjob mk
I was surprised and a little bit unnerved by the way Will pivoted his apology toward other individuals besides Chris Rock. It struck me as a blanket damage control tactic and very superficial. I've now got the lyrics from the Steely Dan song, "Show Business Kids" running through my head!
I think he’s thinking “Chris started it. He made me mad. He wasn’t an innocent bystander.”
Looking forward to that deep dive now, excited to see a breakdown of some of the worst apologies ive ever seen from youtubers
I think Will wanted to apologize, but I don't think he's ready to apologize bc like Dr. Honda said, he didn't really acknowledge the slap or say the word slap when referencing what he did. Will very much still feels disrespected and may be waiting for Chris to apologize for the disrespect. Will's got a lot of work to do.
Dr Honda, can you please look into season 4 of "welcome to Plathville"? It's astonishing how the family dynamic has shifted since the older kids broke out of it 😍😍
that would be so cool!! sm to unpack with that family lol
one of the rasons i keep coming back to Dr Honda is his total non-judgemental of both sides of the equation. It's so refreshing in this world of cancel culture. Keep up the fabulous work and i'll keep coming back. I've learned so much from your videos - about my childhood traumas, adult traumas and how they're all contected to my current state of mind.
I think this might meet his need to apologise but at the same time it ignores Chris’s boundary that he’s not ready for this yet.
Exactly. He did it to assuage his own self and give himself permission to move on whether or not Chris is ready.
He was too fuzzy by his acceptance speech to apologize to Chris but not to the Academy? Sure, okay.
He was probably too embarrassed to face what he did. He likely was telling himself in the moment “you’re fine, he deserved it!” And avoided breaking it down in his head and questioning himself as much as possible.
I’ve done that before when I knew, subconsciously that I was in the wrong.
Maybe. He had practiced the speech but hadn't processed his anger yet or the trauma informing it, so he could probably perform the speech better than he could understand why what he did was wrong in that moment.
Just from the editing, it looks like there were many retakes during the filming. I honestly feel that he still has anger towards Chris because he talked more about his feelings, apologized to other people and used a few seconds to address Chris.
It felt awkward to me that he almost started off with telling us that Chris didn’t want to respond to his outreach. I wonder if he tried to get Chris to make a public statement accepting the apology? Feels awkward, anyway
Personally, I almost feel like he didn't go into too much detail for an apology to Chris because Chris said he wasn't ready to talk. He just said "I'm sorry, when you're ready I'll be here" to go into more would be disrespecting Chris's wishes to not communicate about it at the moment. It would almost seem like Will was using his public platform to get around Chris not wanting to speak to him, at least in my view.
hes damned if he doesn't and damned if he does. if he never made a public apology ppl would be outraged that he never acknowledged it. he did the right thing both by apologizing publicly and also by keeping his message to Chris short. that is a discussion that needs to be had off camera
Celebrities who keep their personal lives personal don’t have that issue. He didn’t need to publicly attack people then he wouldnt need to publicly apologize and reconcile.
@@tinkthestrange people are imperfect. shoulda coulda woulda...
the product placement bothered me with him wearing his production company logo on his hat and with his bottled water on the little table next to him.
Other than that I think we as a public should move on. Will Smith has always carried himself well as far as i know…I think most people are rooting for him to figure out why he was triggered and fix whatever is broken inside and go on to be great.
I think his apology was good enough but i find it helpful to analyze it so i know how to look at my own personal apologies better
If you don't go around assaulting people, you won't have this "problem"
So he did this all his life? I didn’t know that.
that line from the office when jo says to dwight, stop asking yourself stupid questions so you can look smart.
I didn't know that line, but I am genuinely writing it down on a post-it and sticking it to my monitor.
The thing that gets me the most is how many cuts there are on Will's video, it is so curated and yet that's what they went with ? I could not care less about the apology to Will's family, I am sure he apologized to them if he wanted to. The apology was pretty devoid of introspection, he could have helped thousands by saying he is consulting.
If he and Tony were really good pals, he had to say something about that.
Like many other commenters here, I feel that this apology was not for Chris. Judging by his choice of words, Will only seems to regret what happened to the extent that it became a public scandal with potentially negative effects on his career. As if you could read between the lines "I'm sorry for hitting you in public, I should have handled this outside". We don't know what's up between them, but Will doesn't seem to be too sorry about never having to deal with Chris again. If I slap a friend or just anyone, I would spend a little more time apologizing to them than to everyone else around the matter.
Doc did you notice his art work on the wall..says...the world is sick love is the cure. Just found it ironic....thanks
I am sorry, but I DO BELIEVE HIM!... and Yeah, if he doesn't say "I apologize or I am sorry" people will still crucify him. It is almost a lose-lose situation.
I think he is sorry, but I think this apology is more about his career than anything else. A private apology to Chris Rock would be sufficient if all he wanted to do was apologize. The public part of this is more for himself.
Did you miss the part where he said he’s reached out to Chris but Christ isn’t ready to talk…? Also the slap was public. I think that warrants a private and public apology.
Did you miss the part where he said he’s reached out to Chris but Christ isn’t ready to talk…? Also the slap was public. I think that warrants a private and public apology.
I think he's sorry because his career took a hit and he has embarrassed himself and his family. I don't think he's sorry because he thinks he did something wrong.
So true! He looks like robot going through deeply rehearsed responses elaborated by a PR management team
@@jasminenicole9988 he might just be saying that. I guess only Chris Rock can confirm that
Apologies. So important. What a great deep dive this is gonna be.
The description of the 10 elements of a good apology would make a great short!
He said he’s been thinking deeply about all the nuances, but didn’t want to unpack it all here, I think the more vulnerable parts he wants to discuss as a friend/human, not a public figure. I understand that, but he did move on a bit quick from the main issue at hand.
Thank you for always teaching us how to be more empathetic and understanding.
He names so many other ppl. I feel bad for Chris because this seems like a pr move. It's kind of weird how he speaks. I mean, he's a great actor and he reads robotically like it's hard for him to do this.
I heard a lot about fans, family, fellow nominees, and etc., but no apology TO Chris. Any reason he needed to publicize this instead of 'waiting for Chris to 'be ready to talk' '? This smells fishy. So, Will is so emotionally insightful that he came up with this conclusion all by himself??? Stinky fish .... Trauma is what happens TO you, not how you look after you do something you shouldn't have done. Month old fish ...
In a five-minute video which was (in theory) supposed to be an apology directed specifically at Chris Rock, he spent about 20 seconds on Chris Rock, and the rest on everyone else, including himself.
He seems genuine to me, what else can he do?
8:32 the most important part is gaining empathy to sincerely apologise. I think adding asking questions to understand and gain sincere empathy should be added before all that you listed.
It almost sounds like he’s apologizing to everyone else for having to ruin their night because of Chris Rock’s alleged disrespect. I feel bad for Will because none of this seems healthy. I haven’t listened to the whole thing but so far he’s not really apologizing to Chris at all. 😕 It’s possible he didn’t want to say much “to” Chris when Chris had just said he wasn’t ready to talk? But Will didn’t say that, I’m just speculating. But I don’t feel great about Will saying “When you’re ready to talk I’m here,” as if Chris needs to have a conversation with him. There should be an apology without expecting anything from Chris.
I'm not seeing a lot of expression in his face so perhaps he's medicated. Or maybe he's reading. Nevertheless he spent more time talking about himself and everyone else not Chris Rock. It makes me question his apology. He owes Chris a lot more. His entitlement is unacceptable and I'm still outraged.
You don't see expression and conclude he's medicated? Seriously?
I love these videos. The only thing I wish we would’ve seen from Dr. Honda is him talk about how Chris Rock set a boundary of not being ready to talk or hear an apology and Will Smith completely disrespecting his privacy and boundary on a public forum.
That’s what stood out to me the most.
Exactly
I think he is forced to make this apology from some outside force (business reasons, family, etc). It does not seem sincere and why now especially when Chris Rock was not ready to discuss. What was driving it now, months later?
I think Smith has a movie coming out.
@@KJ-ut4rw i hope it tanks.
So many of our defenses will actually realize what we’re trying to avoid. Who knew the will smith apology video would have the answer to my lifelong struggles. Thanks Kirk!
#4 would probably be where someone would say "I'm sorry" as an impulsive way of "expressing remorse, etc"
I love this analysis of the apology. I also think he is being sincere in the apology--I know shame well, having grown up in a house where any mistake or less than perfect action was the end of the world. I was not taught emotional regulation, so small errors were rough, and a large error like this would have been like drowning in shame. He looks like he is in a lot of pain right now, probably more because he has destroyed the self-image/celebrity image of being "a good person" more than having punched Chris Rock, but he does seem sorry and he does seem to get what he did wrong.
One thing, I would not characterize Chris's joke as "innocent" or "tame" (I forget the exact word that Dr. H used). It was an ableist joke that punched down, both at a woman with a health condition and as a male who has the privilege not to be judged by his hair (Black women have been judged for centuries for hair not being white enough, by standards that are physically painful and financially daunting to meet. Which HE KNEW, having produced the documentary Good Hair). It was a joke that built on the foundation of Black women's appearance being judgeable and health conditions being "funny" and it was psychologically hurtful to Jada and any other woman with similar issues. That's not an innocent joke given the baggage that goes with it. Chris did not deserve to be attacked, but frankly it took a while for me to process my own trauma enough to see that. I can understand why Will would have gone to a violent place, and I understand how you can feel like a destructive impulse is warranted in the moment and then later be horrified and ashamed that you behaved like an abuser :( . I hope Will gets the help he needs, and I hope Chris is ok. I'm sorry that the whole thing happened, and I think Will is, too. Thanks for your comments, Dr. H.
I'm so glad I don't live a life in the public view
I know of a lot of people living their lives in public view who do so without managing assaulting people.
I too think this is about his career. If this was genuine why did it take so long. This is clearly staged and we have the "acting" like this is the 1st time he's seen these questions and that he hasn't cultivated a response. I do feel there's a part of this that is genuine emotion but largely this was staged for the public and not for Chris.
It's been a few months. He needed time to reflect and give a thoughtful apology.
@@janesmith8676 I don’t think he’s really ready to apologize to Chris honestly. I think he is sorry, but not for the right reasons. I think he is being pressured to apologize regardless of his feelings and he can’t let them down. Healing isn’t instant.
Yours is the best analysis of the apology of all the ones I’ve watched. I have much more understanding now. Thank you so much!
Thanks for expressing disgust and addressing Will's slap as a violent act. For some reason, my circle doesn't relay this thought. So, it is a relief to hear your perspective.
I was waiting for the Dr Kirks reaction to this video! Excited about the upcoming public apology videos
This rubs me the wrong way:
1) The branding of his hat and his son's water brand
2) The anger he has while he's apologising, it's like he's been forced to do this
3) The set, like where is this supposed to be? Couldn't they have done it in a living room instead of a cold set?
I don't get anger from this video. I get deep disappointment. Like maybe an aggression pointing inwards.
The branding is ridiculous. Especially his despicable son who tweeted some shit like "this is how we do in our family" after the slap. That kid can fuck right off.
He has anger while apologizing? He was intense but I didn’t see him as being angry.
Also wearing white to come off more innocent is a common theme in apology videos
@@andedom Perhaps I mistook his intensity for anger. Intense is a good word for how he's coming across.
@@laurac.6859 yes, you could be right but I lean towards intensity.
We all need forgiveness. No one is perfect only God. I will always love Will Smith and I will continue to watch his movies. We need to be more loving and be compassionate.
Yes
I know slapping is bad and what he did was pretty uncool, but I feel like a lot of people are over emphasizing the slap and saying that "he could have killed him" (looking at you Judd Apatow) and it almost comes off as racist that the narrative is a black man was consumed with rage. I feel like if this was Brad Pitt and Matt Damon or something like that it wouldn't have been as big of news, or wouldn't have been portrayed as "he could have killed him, he lost all control" The fallout from the situation seems a little crazy to me. No one died. A friend slapped his friend, it just happened to be public. Was it uncool? Yeah. Was it a horrible and violent attack that could have resulted in his death? No.
There's also the added element where it took place during a formal, live broadcasted event where everyone comes looking their best and be recognized for their accomplishments. If it was a white actor who did the slap, I think there'd still be an lot of outcry and outrage, but sentiments like Judd Apatow's probably wouldn't be uttered.
100% this
Are you kidding me? At the Oscars, someone goes up to the person performing and physically assaults them. Please let that sink in - you have to take in the circumstance - millions of people tune into the Oscars, it is the premiere televised event of the year for movies and movie stars. It wasn't just a slap in front of a group of friends at dinner or at the gas station or something - his hubris is HUGE - to go up on the stage like that, to break that barrier, with the cameras on, with all the production going on, with all the movies stars in the audience - and to take that moment and ASSAULT someone. Geez. A kiss would have been an interruption and maybe a bit disturbing in the instance the two people didn't know each other - it was a non-consentual putting hands on another, in that moment, should be seen as shocking and horrible - and it was
Exactly.
@@chiaraA. So you think if it was two white actors the responses would have been the same? They would have all been like "oh God, he could have killed him!"? The responses played into the "violent anger" stereotype of black men. "He was out of control" "he went crazy" "he could have killed him." I think it's funny how Hollywood white liberals (this is coming from a leftist) responded to this incident and yet gave a standing ovation for Roman Polanski. A black man slapping another black man is apparently much more shocking and deserves condemnation than known predators being applauded. And the slap was somehow more insane than the Ukraine invasion, because the news quickly dropped that coverage and was more concerned with a rich man slapping another rich man. The level of pearl clutching was and still is ridiculous. Even how you're framing it is over the top. If I didn't know it was a slap, your comment makes it sound like he went up on stage and beat the ever loving crap out of him.
And yes I know a slap is considered assault, but most people are going to assume when you say assault you mean something severe.
Also I can’t help think ing the “we will be friends again” is meant for film producers
I think there is more to the story that we aren’t privy to and I sense that Will feels like Chris came out looking a little too “innocent” in all of this when (in his mind) he isn’t. Intellectually, I think he recognizes that his behavior is indefensible. But I’m not sure his emotions have caught up with that rationale. It almost feels like he can’t sincerely apologize to Chris because he himself hasn’t yet forgiven Chris for whatever he did to him.
To me, he sounds very angry , almost to a level of underlying rage.
For me one ingredient of a sincere apology is timing as well as presentation. The difficulty is we will never know for sure what Will Smith actually thinks and feels. We have to base our opinions on a produced social media post. I say timing because 3 months is a long time to not to say sorry. I understand the fog of the evening events but that said he was focused enough for his acceptance speech and well as dancing the night away at Oscar parties. It seems his fog lifted and he could find another gear. It comes across that he was not that apologetic. I find his video much the same really. I have no doubt that Will’s experiences expressed in his book and interviews are real but I have a nagging feeling that these episodes are also used functionally to sell himself and excuse his behaviour. This is pure conjecture on my part but it makes me wonder whether this may the reason Chris Rock hasn’t seem to have accepted the apology. Like I’ve probably said on previous post. It just seems to me that more people and media were talking about Will the perpetrator rather than Chris the victim. Chris has mostly said nothing. I was a big fan of Will Smith and he has had a reputation of egocentric behavior all the way back to the Fresh Prince days. He’s very smart and knows how to make the best out of situation. But I doubt he would’ve slapped Mike Tyson or Dwayne Johnson if either of them was in Chris Rocks shoes that night. My assessment! It’s another opportunity to self publicise. This is affluent successful actor who still needs to do TikTok. Never seen Chris on there.
Men can compartmentalize feelings though. Maybe he just went on with his life and knew he could deal with it later. Idk. I feel bad for will. I think he should get help and not make these videos until he is actually ready, not when the public decides he’s ready
@@tinkthestrange You’re painting with broad strokes there. We live in curious times when we sympathise with the 6ft 2 inch 220lbs movie star who assaults a 5ft 6inch comedian who weighs about a buck fifty. Like I said, this could be why Chris Rock has expressed very little.
The problem I had with the apology is that for all his time thinking about what happened, he doesn't seem to understand much. This is NOT a good apology by any stretch of the imagination in my opinion, and it appears that Chris Rock agrees with me. There is nothing to it. He had no answers or explanation for Chris. All he really told us is that 'Will feels bad because people are mad at him and he prefers to be universally adored. He feels bad about letting his false persona slip. I think it says something about Will that he would begin to think this was all that he owed Chris. It isn't about him being punished, cancelled or made to suffer forever because of this one, albeit terrible mistake. I believe that there was a lot that he could have said that would have gotten him what he wanted, but he has to get real. It doesn't matter how long he claims to have been thinking about the 'complexities' of what happened that night if he isn't going to talk about why it happened, what he learned, how he has grown or changed, and what he is doing differently. I would keep just about nothing from his apology. I would start completely over and keep the discussion focused on Will and Chris and no one else. Imagine how different it would have felt if Will just spoke from his heart about his childhood abuse and how he has always felt powerless and weak because he couldn't protect his mother, and when he saw that Jada was hurt he became that little boy and he had to do something this time. What if he told Chris that it wasn't him Will Smith walking onto a stage wearing a tuxedo, it was a poor little kid in a violent home who just didn't want his mom to cry anymore. And after that he focused only on why he feels so bad about what he did to Chris and why. I think the problem with this is that i'm not sure he is sorry about doing it to Chris. He is sorry how it looked, but the impression I have at this point is that Will has very little authenticity, self awareness, wisdom about people which is very interesting because his persona is just the opposite. I feel sorry for Will because he is miserable and has no idea how to fix it when the answer is the easiest thing he could do, but he isn't admitting to himself what we all know to be true. (he laughed, she rolled her eyes, he reacted, Jada laughed, they partied). I don't question Will's regret and remorse about making himself look bad, but I did not get any sense that he was sorry for what he did to Chris, which no doubt triggered his childhood trauma as a kid who was bullied mercilessly until one day he brought a homemade weapon to school with him to fight back and someone almost died. Ever since he has been afraid of his own anger and any physical violence. If Will was so tight with Chris' family as he says he was, I'd think Will would have heard some of those stories. I think he has learned to compartmentalize and deny things he doesn't want to think about but that won't feel good to anyone else. Chris needs validation, and to know that Will understands what happened and cares as much about being a good person as looking like one.
One of the most interesting apologies I’ve seen was actually a couple of members of the band BTS in their Burn The Stage documentary! Taehyung and Jin have a disagreement about choreography and you see a really nice conversation (and apology) afterwards about pride, respect, and teamwork.
I absolutely loved this video, the apology while it was flawed I just really really love how vulnerable will Smith was and really appreciate seeing someone in the process of working on themselves. Pobody's Nerfect
The water being so prominent with the bottle.... 🤪 just whyyyyyyyyy I know it's his son's company but just not the time!
I think he does come across sincere, and as others have said I'm glad he didn't go into the Chris Rock part more as he has specified he isn't ready to discuss it yet so I think that is respectful. But he seems to say a whole lot of words and not saying much.... he definitely needs this checklist ;)
Ps the hat is a Westbrook hat he wears often. But it totally seems like he is wearing his own merch or promoting the water merch! So many people have thought this!! A big woops!
Thank you so much for posting these videos! I feel my emotional intelligence goes up whenever I watch your content. 🙂
Could we argue that the mention of disrespect and insult is lumped into the acknowledgment of WHY the thing happened? I think it’s possible to say, “I felt disrespected and insulted, but there’s no part of me that believes I handled that feeling appropriately.”
Surely it varies from person to person, but I think I’d be able to accept this. It’s not all black and white. He is apologetic, but there could be a legitimate hurt there that should be acknowledged for will.
I put this out there knowing full well it could garner hate. I’m a creator who has spoken on this topic, and I am as much on the side of Chris Rock as someone should be, IMO, but I’m happy to see an apology. I think most of us liked both of these people.
I want to talk about his speech when he’s reading the question at the beginning of the video. It didn’t seem to be his baseline form of speech. It was slow, exaggerated, and halting. I wonder if we’re seeing a neurological problem from his trauma, or is he experiencing some kind of illness?
I clearly remember doing this during a deposition about a car accident at age 23. It was horrifying in the moment, because I could hear myself but couldn’t control it.
Quite a few people think that the video has been heavily directed and edited from multiple takes, which is why there are different angles etc, wouldn't be surprised if this was done with the assistance of a lawyer. But the editing might explain some of the disjointedness.
Yeah, it sounds like dissociation or depersonalization- sometimes a situation is so stressful we'll decouple ourselves from what we're saying or doing in order to get through it.
He sounded fine the rest of the time. I think he was trying to pretend he was reading questions off the cuff
I think that the King Richard role, alongside his issues around not protecting his mother, played a large part in the slap. It was the first thing I thought. In at least two interviews that I saw just prior to the Oscars, he mentioned how protective Richard was of his daughters and how he (Will) was so... pleased to be able to be that for the young actresses from the movie and Aunjenue(sp?) who played his wife, during the award season. Those interviews were the first thing that came to me.
It was like when a person is trying to ”be different/better” and they swing to the extreme opposite behavior with no process in between.
I'm sure there was other stuff, but it was the first thing I thought of in the moments just following the slap.
But he wrapped that role like 18 months before that ceremony. That's like saying that the aliens in Independence Day probably stressed him out. Proper actors don't turn into the people they portray for the rest of their lives.
It's not about The Role of Richard. I'm talking about what he took from Richard, The Man. That notion of Richard as a protector of his women. That ALONGSIDE his (Will's) sense of failure as a protector of his mother which he talks about in his book.
@@kennyawilliams3673 ya, i hear you. I just think that's a bit of a cop-out for actors. I read about, meet, talk to and about good people and bad people everyday. I hope I take good away from all of it. It's silly to think that actors get this pass on acting insane, because they played someone whose life may have impacted them.
We don't let cops lash out violently then say "well, I've just seen so many people get mistreated."
I think the childhood stuff makes more sense than the roles stuff.
@@superhotnutjob Let me just say, I'm not defending him. My point, and I guess I should've been clear about this from the beginning, was the mathematical illogic that has a man as intelligent as Will Smith doing dumb sh*t on global television in front of God and these rich white people like he ain't had no home training.
Also, sidenote and addendum, the cop metaphor? Really? You reached into your bag and THAT was the analogy that screamed "I can validate your point!!" ? 🤨
Body language experts, such as The Behavior Panel, and Dr. Honda seem to put this video into perspective.
Honestly I don’t really wanna see this apology unless he’s sitting in front of Chris rock having a real conversation and giving him a real apology. why is he apologizing to the public for smacking somebody else…
Why would Chris Rock want to listen to this fake apology.?
@@merricat3025 my point exactly!!
Yeah.... he seemed more interested in apologising to everyone else, than in apologising to Chris. Basically, this was an apology to The Williams, Quest Love, and his fellow nominees for that day😂.
Side note. That bit about being remorseful vs ashamed reminds me of the difference between guilt and shame by Brene Brown. Which is I did wrong ( guilt) vs I am wrong (shame). According to this definition feeling guilty without shame is more constructive because it implies responsibility for the actions. The belief that I am a shit person (shame) can cause people not to try to change since they don't feel like they can
If Chris is listening to this, I'm sure he feels as slighted as he must have felt after Will's acceptance speech.
obviously, it is not spontaneous! Cheeezzzz luizzzz 😒😒 He had to prepare, that doesn't mean he doesn't mean it.
Hello Dr. Honda. I'm super late with my comment, hope you still see it. I was wondering, do you also have material about how to react to an apology? I received an apology that was like an excuse and I wondered if the person was actually remorseful. I did accept the apology because I did appreciate the effort and I thought the person maybe could not do it in another way. But after that, I never heard again from the person, asides from a birthday wish. I'm confused because I somehow feel like I hurt my friend for apologizing to me. In a video I noticed you said that it's a good thing to apologize in return, even if it was just a small thing you can think of. In my situation, it was me who was hit by my friend. I thought it was out of place to apologize myself. I think my friend does not really see anything bad with hitting, she brushed it of as joking. But it was forceful and she did it again after I already had said she hurt me. I felt like I had no other choice but to stand up to my friend but I never expected this complete withdrawal.
I feel like this was rehearsed. Clearly the set up was planned. The way he reads the questions is like he’s trying to make it seem like it’s the first time reading them, but comes out slow and forced
The first thing I noticed was him wearing the cap....I just think it was disrespectful wearing a cap ..I am not suggesting he was merchandising. In my opinion there was not enough reference to chris rock.
Dr. Honda: you dog barking in the background makes you soooo real… lol!
It qualifies as an apology. That's because he acknowledged what he did was wrong and did not try to deflect blame. However, I think it could have been better. Dr Kirk Honda has 10 great rules for apologies. Best write those down.
Will Smith has made several bald jokes over the years so he didn't get a free pass by claiming to defend his wife. He has even tried to force an apology on Chris Rock by chasing him. I don't feel he is showing remorse, but is acting the part for the sake of convincing those around him that he's a misunderstood good guy. I'm sorry Dr Honda, but this looks to me like the abuser expecting forgiveness from their victim so the abuser can go back to life as usual. Hey, I apologized. It's over, but until Smith gets his due forgiveness he's now the one being wronged.
1) I think it’s important to say I’m sorry. Saying I apologize is a cop-out. It’s arrogant. If you’re sorry you don’t mind humbling and abasing yourself. This was still prideful.
2) The video is edited. Which means his real feeling, Freudian slips and things could have been edited out. Makes it inauthentic.
3) Most importantly, if someone says they’re not ready, do not force the apology on them because that’s disrespectful and what you’re doing is taking the burden off of yourself and putting it on them. That’s manipulative and he’s forcing us the public to help and enable him in manipulating Chris. If Chris is not ready, leave him alone. Bit Will Smith is not used to being told no.
Dr. Honda, you gave us a checklist for a good apology. WS failed on nearly every parameter and yet you still scored it a good apology. Why?
You should done one on Jenna marbles apology video, it seemed sincere to me but curious what you think
To everyone saying that this apology isn’t for Chris, that’s kinda the point.
It’s important to remember, that as a celebrity, Will is being asked these questions all the time by his fans, he even started out reading a question someone wrote him. So in a way he does have to address the public because this transgression was done in front of hundreds of millions of people! I mean everyone has seen it. In todays social media culture everyone demands an explanation from everyone, that includes where he is at with Chris. So he told his following where Chris stands.
Now he can go on and post about other things on his social media and people won’t be assuming that he just doesn’t care. He basically had to address the issue as a public figure.
on the adrenaline: he felt threatened by his own behaviour - the adrenaline is about fearing the consequences of what he had just done (getting kicked out, called out, etc.)