0:19 Disorganized attachment and subservience 6:30 Pills, addiction, teaching kids about emotions 9:50 Difficult ages, substances, crossing the Rubicon of not caring about society anymore 15:17 Drugs to party(verb), drugs to survive 17:00 Taking drugs to escape 19:50 ''I didn't use at all'' this is not Honda's first rodeo 21:42 Movies and drug addiction jokes 25:28 Opiates and pain 27:20 Withdrawal 30:25 Using things said in confidence as weapons. Normal degree vs. personality disorder degree 35:40 Panopticon 39:07 Step parent in competition with children 40:30 Isolating the victim 41:48 Gaslighting and emotional abuse
Your discrimination of Panopticon had me in tears. This is what my foster parents did to me when I didn't get over my mom's death "after a whole year". They'd come to my room and list off all my wrong doings every 3 months or so. I never engaged in typical "bad" teenager behavior, I was just sad and withdrawn. It was so traumatic and made me feel like a bad person. To hear it called emotional abuse makes my decades of pain feel justified. During those years no one ever said you must be hurting so deeply. I wish I could have found a therapist like you back then.
@@mollyhendrix8435 That sounds so hard. I’m so sorry you lost your mother and ended up in that situation. I hope you have or will find a good therapist. I finally did and it has made such a difference!
dr honda, because of your compassionate views of addiction and how people use it, yesterday I confessed to my therapist that I use pot chronically to numb my self hatred and self criticism. thanks for making these videos and talking about this stuff.
Dr. Honda, just a speculation drawn from experience; Amber getting upset at Johnny for taking off his own boots is likely a means to ensure that she maintains a certain role in his life as to create a dependency on her (in the long term) so that he’d never leave. My mother did many non-sensical things like this to us kids and my father so that we would need and be dependant on her forever.
I think she just interpreted him taking off his own boots as a sign that he was mad at her, and felt rejected/triggered. I don't know that it's that deep.
oh boy... when you told the thing about a tone of voice, I knew that it's about me. My future husband tells me this all the time, but I never understood what is he talking about. I never noticed that my tone of voice is negative sometimes. As a child I was constantly criticized and abused mentally and physically by my mother in a house full of aggression and a father addicted to alcool. I suddenly realised that I am becoming like my mother completely without knowing. I stopped a video and immediately called my husband to tell how sorry I am. I want to go to the therapy and learn more. At least I am aware now...
When you were talking about the ‘vibe’ that you feel when an individual tries to get under your skin it immediately reminded me of day 17 of the trial-Camille played an audio clip of Amber laughing and taunting Johnny and everyone was effectively creeped out by it. It was very chilling. Looking forward to seeing you react to that clip!
That was disgusting, and the fact that she not only emphatically defended her position, but actually made herself out to be the victim even in that situation shows that she has zero self awareness, empathy or kindness
Dropping straight knowledge around 14 minutes in. I lost my dad at “that age” to cancer and completely checked out of the whole school thing. Everyone thought I was being a bad kid and acting out. I just couldn’t relate to my peers and knew I had to make money and support myself right out of high school so I wasn’t worried about college. I was always very smart and driven. I did graduate early with a 4.0 , never went to college, homeowner at 25 through hard work in discipline. I was placed into the “delinquent and truants” program and I wasn’t even a bad kid, just a different kid on a different path than my peers. Also, I don’t care how old I am I’m still mad that gym was a required course 😤🙄😂
Wow what a lovely name for a course, definitely inspiring and motivational and not atall demeaning and demoralising 😂 Good for you for your achievements and im sorry for your loss.
I've seen another person analyze this issue of the boots before, and they argued that this was a common tactic for abusers early on in a relationship, which is to do things that are perceived as helpfulness/love but are really about control. The other person said this is usually a slow proceess of creating dependency and thus control over their partner's life which is masked by appearing helpful or loving at first but then as the relationship moves on it becomes a toxic dynamic.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD from childhood trauma. I spent years torturing myself by choosing abusive partners. I have been single for years and work with an amazing therapist. I wish I would have started sooner, but I also believe I’m a better person from my experiences.
Good for you for doing better and thanks for sharing. And yes, bad experiences when they can be well processed and reflected on the patterns that lead to them can also provide the foundation for improvement. Thanks for sharing.
Was doing ok but have to bow out. Didn’t realize how even discussion around similar childhood things could be so triggering. Make sure to check in with yourselves especially when taking in distressing content ❤️
When Johnny Depp mentions that story about being chastised for taking off his own boots, it reminded me of my own experience with being forced to feel like I couldn't do anything on my own. I was always told that I shouldn't drive and that I should just let my abuser drive for me. I was told to just let them handle a myriad of basic tasks that any normal person could do.This was all under the guise of helping me or under the assumption that I wouldn't do it right. It was a way for my abuser to make me believe I was incompetent, that I couldn't survive without them, and that I always HAD to rely on them. Ultimately, it's a form of control.
Yes exactly, my parents did that to me and when I mooved out I felt handicapped because I had to learn how to do basic things because I was never allowed to do anything myself and the things I did do were always extremely criticised by my parents to the point where I was affraid of doing anything.
Your “rambling” is so insightful. Thank you. And I like that you say “I don’t know,” “If that’s true,” etc. After watching this trial, it scares the ish out of me on what people can sue for.
Defamation cases are a bit of an exception because they partly flip the script of burden of proof. Normally if you sue someone you’re responsible for proving your case according to the balance of probabilities. Is it more likely than not that you are right. In a(n American) defamation suit this is reversed. Somebody else has already made claims against you in the public world. Now you can bring a suit and you’re responsible for proving damages, but the person you’re suing is put in the position of being the plaintiff and you are the defendant. They have to prove their claims against you according to the balance of probabilities rule even though you sued them.
I’ve been in chronic pain for 44 years aka from my first day on earth. The doctors on neonatal even said that. Anyway I’ve been on a steady dose of morphinesulfate infused medication designed specifically for me, for 11 years and it has been years of suffering until I gave in and found an enormous relief and I can actually breath without pain and my crutches are long gone. What makes my life difficult is the people who are judging me for using the medication, has never been in long term pain and hasn’t been disabled by it.
Jesus Christ, people can be so dumb. I’m sorry. I think it’s black and white thinking. “Opiates all are bad.” We have to be careful not to let the pendulum swing too far in the opposite direction when we’re trying to balance it.
I’m so glad you found relief… I know exactly what you mean and I would always say these medications were MADE for people like me, don’t punish me for others choosing to abuse it who don’t need it.
@Charisma Hornum-Fries I sooo feel you on your pain, and ain't noboddddy judging you! Pain is... something I know most people won't understand.. and I actually hope they never do. God Bless You. I pray that God gives you peace and relief.
My parents were extremely emotionally absent. This resulted in me feeling extremely empty at a young age and I never knew why. Because I was a child. I ended up loving art because I could express myself. And finally feel heard and understood. I took to the Internet was manipulated by a random person I thought offered me support spent all of my 20s bouncing from 1 unhealthy situation to the next and an eating disorder from that now at 31 I finally know what happened. I wonder what my life would have been if I had emotional support. I hope I can still have a good life. Listen to him peoole be there for your kids emotionally. They need it. My parents still to this day hurt me. And I Have had to search for emotional support elsewhere so I am safe.
I so relate to your story. I too have struggled with disordered eating since I was 15. You can have a good life. I’m 52 and with good therapy I’m thriving. Don’t give up hope ❤️
rehearing johnnys testimony twists my heart in such a way it pains me as someone whose dad was an addict who was a wonderful father to me despite that at that time in his life, i dont see a monster i just see someone suffering and who deserves to heal and seek help it brings back many many emotions to hear a first hand account as well as dr hondas educational insight on those accounts
Yah my dad didnt have addiction but he was abused by my mom. This trial makes me really sad I feel like people who go team johny team amber they dont know how sad these situations are. Watching Johnnys testimony brings me a lot of pain in my heart
@@yoyoyo5621 its why im "team johnny" because as someone who has seen drug abuse and whose addict father was also abused by a woman (my step mom at the time) it... hits so close to home for me too perhaps its bias but... it really has a lot of uncanny overlaps from my dads own experiences >>;;
Please don't mistake someone who finds a drug comedy film funny as someone who is not understanding or caring for people who have addictions. Context is always important. A film is fiction and I'd like to believe most people know this and can apply this and wouldn't stand laughing at someone with an addiction in real life.
I guess it's one of those movies where the interpretation is a reflection of the person watching. You can watch fear and loathing to make fun of drug users and you can also watch it as dark humor, to poke fun at how messed up the situation is. Or you can watch it and glorify drug use. Kind of like a comedy with a racist character; a racist may laugh with the character and a 'non-racist' may laugh at the character. I can see why dr Honda may find it problematic to make a movie that /could/ be interpreted in a problematic way, but I also think it would be a waste if we only had movies with a clear moral message in it, without any irony, ambiguity and dark humor.
I think it’s interesting that he proposed it like he did. Because he generally is against the idea that violence on screens desensitized us to violence because the studies don’t support that and humans are able to distinguish fantasy from reality. But then he does support the idea that drug use depictions are harmful. It’s kind of an interesting dichotomy. I think the desensitization to drugs happens a little closer to home, personally.
I think the boot story was to show that she can be controlling with the guise of service. It has to be done her way even if it's in service. Almost painting a picture of his caretaker and therefore gaining more control
That’s how I understood it when Johnny said it originally, and I believe he probably saw it that way. But hearing Dr Honda’s (possible) explanation for that behaviour, it actually makes a LOT of sense. I love the insight and different ways to think about or look at things from watching these videos.
I know someone with this disorder. He does not remember his childhood and his usefulness is definitely not the important part of him. It’s horrible because it’s sometimes difficult to figure out where the normal helpfulness begins and when his “usefulness” ends.
I absolutely live for the parenting advice you give! I wish I could consult you on all my parenting woes. Thank you for making this world a better place one video at a time
I'm with Dr. Honda on not finding any humor in films glorifying over the top drug abuse. I sat through Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in a movie theater at the 2008 CineVegas Film Festival in Las Vegas. The movie was being shown at the film festival because Hunter S. Thompson had recently passed away. I had no idea what the film was about going into it. Johnny Depp played Hunter Thompson brilliantly, but the film was for me difficult to sit through. I kept expecting a drug overdose to happen in almost every scene but it never did. I can't fathom how some people can ingest so many drugs, hallucinogenics and alcohol, and live to tell the tale. And there's definitely no humor to be found in that kind of behavior. Yikes! To quote Dr. Honda.
Thanks for this thoughtful series Dr Honda! Just wanted to chime in that in our current context in North America, the biggest risk of opioid addiction is the unregulated drug market. People are dying of accidental overdose at extremely high rates. People who are buying drugs from illicit sources often don’t know what’s in them because they are unregulated. Imagine if you went to buy a case of beer and not knowing if it’s 5% or 45% proof. Not knowing the purity, concentration or even if it’s the substance that it was sold as means it’s almost impossible to dose accurately even for experienced users. I think the most important role of Opioid Agonist Therapies (methadone, subboxone, or even safe supply like pharmaceutical grade fentanyl or heroin) is to keep people alive by eliminating the risk of accidental overdose because people know what they are getting.
What Johnny Depp went through, I went through similar. My mother is an alcoholic and was verbally and physically abusive. It started with my dad.. she’d stab him or kick him. She would prompt him to hit her so she could call the police. He left then it changed to me and my siblings being hit with objects, sometimes bar ashtrays or phones, canes, also tried to stab my sister and pulled her hair out. All the physical abuse stopped when social services got involved but the emotional trauma has costed my sister and I thousands each in counselling, my brother is a heavy drinker. I can relate to Johnny Depp and your friend. When I heard JD speaking on the stand my heart skipped a beat. The strange thing with people who have been through this type of childhood, is that we are attracted to dysfunctional people as we don’t think we deserve better. It’s strange as it’s almost as though we self harm. I truly believe both were emotionally abusive to each other but think she has her own mental trauma and I hope they both get the help they need as wouldn’t want to see them end up as statistics one day
So sorry you had to experience and see those things play out in front of you, especially as you were just learning how to live in the world. You do deserve a great human being as a partner, someone who understands your past and knows when to boost you up and never take you down. You deserve no less than that.
@Cancerian Love I'm so sorry you went through that. I can imagine how hard it would be to forgive her. But.. it can be a gift you can't even imagine. It might help.. the way I look at it now. Is they did the best they could, with who they were at the time. She must have been tortured inside to do that to you guys. I don't even wanna say. But I feel soo much for whst you went through. I hope I didn't say anything wrong.
@@qqq829 hi.. thank you for your lovely reply. No offence not at all. I can resonate to the way Johnny Depp acts (apart from the drugs.. never done drugs but my brother is like him.. he blows up when frustrated but is not physically abusive, also drinks heavily.. will not have counselling. Amber’s personality would be a huge trigger point for him.. she is 100 miles to the dozen and when you have an already cluttered mind as you do when holding on to frustration and memories, when someone is constantly bombarding you with extremities, it spins your brain out and is a huge trigger! Her persona mimmicks my mothers. My mother was sick and had mental health services been better she would have received the support she needed. I have made amends with my mother, and will never forget what she did but forgive her.
Totally agree with kids wanting to please their parents…I would get upset when my parents punished me, but there was nothing worse than my dad saying he was disappointed in me. That was enough for me to look at myself and correct the behavior.
I usually watch your YT’s for fun amusement. This one was different. You really nailed it. The kid who just gives up. The desire to numb and confusion at the verb “to party.” The abject lack of self esteem. The stunted ability to connect. The life story of cPTSD.
Taking off the boots. Part of her system for controlling her world. I have a relative who does this sort of thing with partners. It seems to be a way they artificially create a role. It evolves to a situation where my relative controls their partners with a glaring look if they start doing anything that is their created role. In Rocky’s deposition she says she hasn’t spoken with AH for six months and that they’re not enemies but not friends due to Rocky’s desire to have connections with other people.
I don't know about Amber, but I think taking off the man's boots is an old fashioned/country custom. My dad would have my stepmom or one of the kids take his boots off when he came home from work and same with my grandparents.
Whenever you end up talking about a person's past traumas they have experienced, I almost always get either teary or on the verge with this heavy feeling you get in your the chest
There is a recording of Johnny Depp begging Amber Heard to just let him leave so he could spend time with his daughter. She tried everything to guilt him into not going. He finally told her he'd take his space whether she liked it or not. It was played in court yesterday.
@@Maricruz79 These audios don't show the context though, that's why they weren't given much weight in the UK trial. If the context was Depp going into one of his many chronic and familiar addiction spirals, it would definitely set off a spouse.
@@Tamarahope77 The funny thing about it is…after he left her and did what he always intended…nothing happened. There was no abuse in proximity to that recording that she pointed to. It’s only in retrospect that she tries to reframe the conversation to fit her narrative. ButNOTHING in the conversation backs her up I would be more believing if ANYTHING had happened in their relationship after this. Or if she had brought up drugs at all at that point. She brought up drugs and alcohol often so i couldn’t have been that she was afraid of confronting sober Johnny about using drugs. She has been super consistent that sober Johnny was magical and wonderful. Why would she have hesitated about asking sober Johnny not to use this time? Instead she used the pretext of needing him to stay and continue fighting with her? According to her this isn’t an abusive man that gets worse with alcohol so that if she tried to tell him not to drink would get angry and abuse her so she had to try to come up with another reason.
@@sallycinnamon5370 I think she explained this too. Sober Johnny would react if he was starting to use. She could sense the start of another cycle and dread what was coming.
@@Tamarahope77 But he hadn’t “started to use” yet according to her. She didn’t testify that he had used anything before they had that conversation and she would have if he had. Just that she said that she was afraid that he WOULD use and that is why she wouldn’t let him leave her to be with his daughter inside a house without her. According to both sides he was sober in those clips. And according to everyone he was a wonderful person sober, even AH. What rationale do you have that she doesn’t bring up her not wanting him to go in because she didn’t want him to use or drink? They openly talked about drug and alcohol use constantly. This wasn’t a taboo topic that they didn’t tackle in their relationship. She was having a controlling freak out and threatening that she would die if he left her. She was being painfully stereotypically borderline. And even though this conversation really just shows her being incredibly insecure more than abusive…she still can’t admit that anything that she said or did is wrong. JUST like Dr Curry said Histrionic PD presents. Everything about her presentation aligns perfectly with Dr. Curry’s testimony. Flowery positive language, overly dramatic retelling, inability to accept blame/fault except for socially acceptable flaws, rapidly switching emotions, etc. She called it even before AH set foot on that stand. Watching AH go from being totally inconsolable and barely able to talk to fully composed as soon as an objection was called was uncanny. It was like they called “cut.” True human emotions don’t work that way.
Omg... servant play? Isn't the common stereotype of 50s movies... the husband comes home from work, he puts his hat and coat up. Then the wife brings him his slippers, afternoon paper or bourbon, then says when dinner is ready? Didnt Johnny have all of that childhood trauma and wanted that whole "loving" family stereotype. And didn't Amber do her homework on him to know what he wanted in a partner and wife and try to play into that at first? I wouldn't assume it's remotely Servant play.
You were supposed to smile broadly at the door in pearls and high heels. With a large pitcher of martinis. If the dog does not carry the slippers in dog mouth, you do so. Smile big and ask about his day. Coo.
@@janicehussock7735 That. Those weird gender role expectations in film. I'll never understand why some people see that as the perfect life... both men and women. Thankfully, life wasn't actually like that for a lot of people.
@@janicehussock7735 thinking about it though. If you greatly dislike your husband and he expects that, serving him up a pitcher of martinis would be thr best way to knock him out lol
Thank you for this episode. I had the chance to review some of my own destructive tendencies. Like I tend to read things into what my husband says that aren't there. Not sure if I have some problems or he or both. I'm lucky though because there's not even a thread of abuse in our relationship. Just some personality flaws that pop up every now and then and some triggering. We've both learn to stop poking when we sense that. That said I am still curious about my own triggers.
I agree. It was very insightful. I'm ADD, my partner has (chronic) depression. These two don't always interact very well, and the result is sometimes quite hurtful for both without, and I most stress this, EVER intending to hurt the other. He's the kindest soul I've ever met. "You haven't been to the Dr as we agreed", for example, can become an insult and an attack in a quite unexpected way. It's certainly messy.
Growing up as a daughter who was very close with my dad. Having a stepmother who was extremely jealous, insecure and take her frustration out on me and realizing how damaging that was/ is for me. Being adult looking back I am baffled at how you could ever treat a child that way. Along with feelings of abandonment that my father didn’t see or care to see. From a very early age I always looked at my parents and my stepmother as people who had issues and we’re trying their best. Feeling so confused knowing my step mom had gone through abuse and yet did it to me. As a 30-year-old today I am somewhat angry that I have still compassion and understanding towards her and my parents. Adult me can’t believe a seven-year-old was burdened with that way of thinking.
for what it's worth, johnny does say amber's relationship with his kids was strained, but I've heard texts between her & the kids say otherwise? they were apparently very friendly with one another? I dunno, I haven't seen them so take that with a grain of salt.
I have a family member who would do you what you’re describing all the time, they would notice insecurities and hold them over your head and use them against you in an argument and when their needs aren’t being met! The damage it has caused is indescribable, and has left me with major trust issues. And I too find that I do attract people who do this to me now as well. I’m better at dealing with it, but the damage it does to other person is really rough. I though it was just something narcissistic people do,
I loved Fear and Loathing. My mother is an addict, has been all my life. I experimented with a lot of drugs growing up but never really had a dependency and haven't used in years. I still crack up at that movie and quote it lol. It does get out of hand at times and I think it's a pretty good representation of how out of control you can feel when using. If you can't relate, I can see how it might feel like a glorification of using though.
His kids are very protective of him, and I think his daughter really didn’t like amber from the beginning; there probably was issues between them since his kids are pretty much grown up
@@kayladenette5872 I remember reading some celebrity gossip that they liked each other and spent time together. I don't know what that's worth, they could have just been reaching so they had something to write under the paparazzi photo.
@@kayladenette5872 it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Johnny depp doesn’t want his children to be fodder for the media just because he has public issues he’s dealing with.
There is an email of Depp saying that his kids loved Amber, which was a relief to him. Depp then called the kids' mother, Vanessa (his ex wife) a French extortionist c**t who he expected would poison the kids against Amber.
From my experience with my own addiction problems, the times I was sober and putting the most effort to be sober is when I was accused and verbally attacked for not being sober. At those time I would do a large amount of substance hoping I wouldn't make it.
I got triggered reading your comment bc that was my parents’ mantra, too. To this day, I’m sensitive to and detest hypocrisy, among other things. I’m sorry you went through this too.
I became a very good father by dedicating myself to being the opposite of my parents. I never spanked my son. He is a well-adjusted 24 year-old, talented young man. I love him to the depth of my soul.
She was trying to be his perfect carer. She thought it would make her indispensable and he'd love it so much he'd never leave her. He knew though, that she was fake
Whew what incredible insight you have. Brought to tears multiple times in this video feeling sooooo validated and understood. Been in therapy for 7 years after being the child of a probable narcissist with intermittent rage disorder (via my therapist but ofc she can’t diagnose him) and recently celebrated my 5th year of sobriety. I am so thankful to psychs like you and my therapist. Thank you for your kindness, would love to hear more about attachment styles!!!
I am waiting for someone to mention the potential power play on JDs part of making such intense eye contact with AHs sis following his team (yesterday? Day before?) making such a strong point of AH NEVER seeing his eyes again…ex-sis does not seem to reciprocate gaze and he eventually puts the glasses back on, but it looked pretty intentional
Johnny talking about Amber taking his boots off is a tactic of domestic abuse, specifically coercive control. Part of it is love bombing - making the victim feel like they’re the most special person on the world. But at the same time the abuser knows they have power to take away that feeling at any time by stopping the ‘loving’ behaviour. This leaves the victim feeling confused, and maybe hurt and rejected. It’s the first step on the ladder of manipulation and control. There’s also the theory of reciprocity. When you do something nice for someone, they usually feel the need to do something nice back. By doing overly nice things like taking someone’s boots off and getting them a glass of wine very night, it can make the victim feel in debt and feel that they have to do nice things in return, it creates a trap. It makes it harder to leave the relationship when you feel like your partner was loving and giving and you didn’t give them the same I return. When trying to end a relationship like this, the abuser will make you feel guilty for not trying as hard as they did, for not loving them as much as they love you, and they will make you out to be the bad one.
This video really made me think of my father. Because of the way he treated me growing up, always knowing what to say to make me doubt myself, knowing exactly where to poke, I became the "perfect child" and just tried my best to become whatever he wanted me to be just so I could please him. To the point where I went to law school, passed the equivalent of the BAR in my country, all while hating every second of it but the fear of not pleasing him was way worse. I was severely depressed (still am but getting better) and had to physically move away from him to get some clarity. It helped. It still gives me anxiety to disagree with him, it's hard to navigate the world with my own opinions, it's even hard to know what my own opinions are. Anyways, therapy has helped.
Something you touched on really hit home for me.. I'm 30 years old. I have struggled throughout the years to understand why I was the only one of my high school friends that ended up on this path of addiction & destruction. You absolutely nailed it, and helped me to see, that everyone around me was drinking and doing drugs 'for fun' but I was doing it to numb myself from everything. I never realized how HUGE of a distinction that was. Obviously, in the moment I thought I was doing it to have fun too. Now, I can look back and clearly see that I was hurting so badly and just doing any and every thing to make it go away. I've never successfully gotten clean nor found a therapist that really seemed to dig deep enough for my root issues to be worked on so I could even begin to figure things out. Thank you for making these videos. I've learned so much. It gives me power in the sense that I have more knowledge to be able to try and recognize the traits of a good therapist that may actually help me vs. getting paid to listen to me ramble and not getting anywhere.
I really related to amber when he told that story but in a weird way - I’ve done/said things like that to my partner but it’s usually about something like the dishes or taking care of the baby.. what’s happening inside when I say no you don’t do that, that’s my job, and get slightly upset about it- it’s because I’m super super anxious that they’re going to get MAD at me for not doing it. Even though they offered or are just trying to help. I’m legitimately afraid that they’re going to resent me forever if I don’t do it myself. Know what I mean?
Perhaps you could share that with your partner, let them know how you feel and why you react that way. I think it would be freeing for you and helpful for your partner. It's stress that you don't need (i stress myself out quite often 🤣)
I actually just made a comment similar to this, but I think it belongs here, too. I think Amber interpreted the boot thing as Johnny being mad at her, and felt triggered/rejected. It's relatable, I agree.
@@itsmid3974 I definitely have, in the beginning it was hard to be that open and vulnerable with him but we’ve been together for many years now and it’s WAY easier to say specifically what’s going on emotionally now because I’m not afraid of him like.. making fun of me or something anymore lol. So yes, these feelings are a non issue anymore because they’re so much easier to communicate verses in the beginning of our relationship.
DR HONDA, I just want to thank you sooooo much for explaining addiction the way you have! I’ve never heard anyone explain it so well, but also in a way that normalizes it and helps people understand how easily this can happen to people. It is an unfortunate part of our daily life and we are just trying to get by and feel normal. We’re not partying or having fun, it’s miserable. Also, (this may not be true for everyone, but) I’m not a bad person, nor have I ever stolen from or harmed anyone else (or ever suggest someone get high). I’m clean now, but I know a lot of my family still don’t understand. They think it was a choice and I was being stupid and selfish by using. You should really consider making a separate video just explaining all of this. I would love to ask people to watch it!
My Father suffered from anxiety. He didn’t drink at home, but every couple of weeks, he go his club with friends and had a skin full. But he was happy, relaxed, funny and talkative when he came home. To me, alcohol was a great thing cause it made my Dad happy.
thank you for this video! i've been an active addict for 11 years, and i finally admitted so around 1-2 years ago. i used to laugh at the scenes you noted in Wolf of Wall Street and whatnot, but now i just cringe. after several rounds of treatment and overdosing/almost dying many times, it's just not funny anymore. addiction is lonely. if someone doesn't have it, they'll never really understand it. and although the USA is becoming more accepting of mental health disorders, this doesn't extend to addiction. the STRONG stigma is still prevalent, i'd argue. the only thing i'd say (and maybe i missed it) is that the 12 step program really isn't for everyone. recovery is different for everyone. we've had enough years to finally be able to say that, or so my addiction physician says in agreement.
Only person that agrees with me on Fear and Loathing! My husband is a Hunter fan and loves that book and film. But I feel so sad and uncomfortable watching people totally out of control. I have a visceral, nauseating feeling watching people hallucinating. I wonder why so many people find it so funny. I thought I was just being too judgy.
The movie is meant to replicate the uneasy and intense feeling one has when doing psychedelics such as LSD and mescaline. It was intended to feel uncomfortable and confusing.
My ex would always get me my coffee. Always. It was ok at first, but then it got kinda annoying. Sometimes I want cocoa, or tea, or cinnamon in my coffee. Sometimes I want to be done drinking coffee. Sometimes I want really strong or weak coffee. Sometimes I don't want to tell someone to get my coffee, wait for someone to notice I need more coffee, etc etc. Then it started to get really annoying, especially when I would say I can get my own coffee but he would still try to get me my coffee. It's a weird stupid thing but it began to wear on me.
The boot thing at the beginning is micromanaging and surveillance. My mom was abusive to my dad and she used to do stuff like that. She gave a sense that you were always being watched on every little thing you do and didnt have any privacy.. They want to control everything about you
I've been wondering for a long time what I would do if my child got to a point where it realises that it doesn't actually have to follow any rules. Even though I don't have kids yet, it's one of my worst nightmares. I mean, at that point it's not like you can just drag your teenager to therapy if they don't want to.
You have to create a close bond where they don't want to upset you. It takes a lot of mistakes to get to the point where a teenager genuinely doesn't care about disappointing their parents.
@@Discordia5 I disagree. A parent doesn't have to "create a bond" based in their child "not upsetting them." A child naturally wants approval from the person who is their security. On the contrary, my advice would be to first, love unconditionally. Then, do NOT punish or shame for behavior that is natural, accidental, or what the parents themselves have exampled. This will develop real trust. I am worthy for who I am, not for who I am supposed to be. If I make a mistake, I can be honest and accountable for it because I won't be punished or shamed. If I behave the way my parents do, I won't be blindsided by their ire (guilt) for me showing them a mirror of themselves - that they don't like. To original poster, first, all "rules" don't make sense. Raise your child to be honest, first to himself, and then also with others. But mostly to himself. Mine loves God and Jesus first, and then himself. And probably today, 4th would be his new baby cousin. It's been a long time since Mom has made a Top 5 list. 😄 But that's okay. He's safe and secure and trusts me and is kind and honest and considerate and thoughtful, and even trusts me enough to go to my therapist with me when I suggest it (for particular scenarios when I know I need outside help on a "little" issue that I suck at, i.e. dealing with emotions). Anyway, the "bond" is in trust and security and age-appropriate honesty. My son is intuitive about bad vs. good intentions, and honest vs. dishonest people. Don't make promises or rules that you don't keep. Contradictions and dishonesty from a parent makes for a child who disregards rules, whether sensible or not. Trust and honesty and love and respect from a parent, makes for a child who loves and respects himself enough to follow the sensible rules.
@@mombear5116 Thank you for the detailed answer and sharing about your own experience. These insights are so valuable. I grew up with three parents, my mum, my stepdad and real dad, and they all had wildly different ideas of parenting. Everyone sort of had their own rules I was expected to follow and standing between three parents like that as an only child was rough at times. You're right, it's very confusing. It's great that your son occasionally goes to therapy with you. My mum offered the same when I was a teenager and had distance myself from my father but I didn't want to. Unfortunately, a teacher at my school made be believe that people who went to therapy would for ever be stigmatised. Instead it took me 10 years to slowly learn by myself how to start working through some of my issues and communicate my feelings properly. I hope to one day be at a point where my partner and I can model a healthy way of communication to our children in an environment where they can feel safe to express their thoughts and emotions.
@@be_me You're welcome!! ❤🐻 Yeah, I didn't even know how to identify my emotions, let alone communicate them. I will say that, while I didn't plan it, it has been extra therapeutic to deal and heal my own inner child issues in tandem with not creating the same for my own child. I see so much more clearly with his fresh eyes and my self-awareness. I may be screwing something else up 🤪, but not the same things that kind of screwed me up. Just be truthful to yourself and others, and I'm sure you'll do great!!
I do believe she saw his weakness and used it to maintain power. You can hear in at least one recording (I think there’s another), when he is trying to distance himself from her realizing she’s not who he thought she was, she says “you love me” and “do you love me?” And the tone of the way she says it indicates to me she knows he is codependent. There’s also talk in the recordings of her threatening divorce in fights. Since she’s clearly got abandonment issues, the threat seems like pure manipulation.
Add for the BDSM speculation. Those dynamics are consensual from both/all adults involved. They would have had a conversation. He said that that became her thing to take off his boots, what was weird is that when he was like 'oh she is on the phone.' He didn't see it as a big deal at all and just took off his own boots. Which then prompted her to say 'what are you doing? Thats my job.' which may lean into her wanting controle.
Well damn. @30:25 and @35.40 Kirk described my last boyfriend and his family very perfectly. When I was defensive he would gaslight me to make me feel invalidated for defending myself. The more I opened up to him the more I found myself walking on eggshells with him. He started using my vulnerability as weapons, and critising me subconsciencely. He did it very skillfully I might add, the people he has surrounded himself with all his life have enabled and ignored it. I started to believe that I had so much more wrong with me than right. That my perspective of the world is not only abnormal but incorrect and wouldn't "fit in" with what is decent and how most people SHOULD think. Normal degree vs. personality disorder degree. It can be so strong in some cases but the most charming people are the most dangerous. You really have to be skillful in articulating an argument back to them that won't make them feel critisied back. It got so exhausting to be around and I lost so much confidence which I'm regaining back now that I'm away from his world. I don't know how people like them can be tolerated consistently, it was a sesspool of superiority complex, competition and the fear of missing out on a social gathering or outing which I just did not find healthy. I eventually realised I couldn't say anything to him in confidence, which at the start of the relationship I was skeptical about. My instincts were completely right. Always trust your gut feeling. After years of experience with people it's inevitable not to.
Thank you for explaining about addiction. I don’t buy Heard’s equating abuse with addiction. I experienced an abuser who was an addict and the two issues were entirely separate. The addiction was to cope with his issues & did not lead to abuse. The abuse seemed to occur when sober or maybe no way to find another coping mechanism.
I work in recovery. People in our Sober House are 'not allowed' to get into romantic relationships for a year after they get sober. Otherwise, they use the relationship as addiction
When someone says I’m not like this “maniac” or this guy “who needs it”…. Seems like… this is someone who sees himself separated from addiction. But it’s clearly got some hold on him… (speculation.)I’m not at all versed in this. Just an ear hearing what I hear… from what I’m hearing…someone who became addicted. Denying his tetherment to his source…in full denial. Saying oh, I’m not like them or I’m not one of those guys/girls. I don’t believe it’s the intention of anyone seeking comfort to become addicts in their pain.
I don’t know if someone mentioned it already but if anyone else is also a nerd, the panopticon actually dates back to 17th century England and was conceptulaized by Jeremy Bentham. Foucault essentially extrapolated this idea to culture beyond the style of penitentiary to which the panopticon refers. Foucault (from what I understand) essentially uses the concept of the panopticon to describe how we understand, internalize, reinforce, and weaponize a state of constant social surveillance. Foucault is generally the reason we understand this concept but he was not its progenitor.
Re: the boot thing. I have ADHD and a big part of my functionality is structure and precedent. So if something I do is acceptable or welcomed or pleasing, it establishes some structure of 'normal' behavior that I can cling to. And upsetting that structure is EXTREMELY unsettling and confusing. So my first thought on hearing her reaction on this was a person who had just lost a big part of their structure. Not excusing, but I definitely absorb things through a neurodivergent filter and I can see how this would throw a certain type of person.
I tend to agree with you. The only time I've been amused by drugs in film was in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood when Brad Pitt's character takes acid before the Manson killers break in and he's hallucinating during that fight.
Today I started therapy after I was referred by a hospital I was admitted to for having an emotional breakdown while intoxicated that led to an emergency detention which I was released from within 12 hours. I looked at the notes and I'm concerned about a few things. One being my therapist is a social worker using a holistic approach. I'm an atheist skeptic and from my understanding holistic leans toward non evidence based approaches which makes me uncomfortable. The other concern was I already received a diagnosis after only going to one 45min session with this person. How could they possibly know that after such a very short interaction? Is this normal?
If you’re using insurance they have to give you a diagnosis in order to get paid for your visit. I’d imagine your therapist did the best they could to assess you accurately in the time given. It does seem like ridiculously short period of time to make such a determination. I hope things work out for you with your therapist. My experience with therapy was great. Lots of work, but worth it 🙂
Is there any possibility that you could switch to a psychiatrist specializing in neurobiology or bio-psychiatry? It sounds like, from what you say, you might need a professional skilled in psycho-pharmacology. If I have overstepped any boundaries, I truly apologize.
Holistic is NOT a movement away from evidence practices. It incorporates proven practices that work on body, mind, social and other domains. The best neuroscientists say ‘regulate the body, regulate the mind’ holistic is the most effective approach unless the treater has pet practices that don’t particularly work for you. Give it a shot! :) take what works, leave the rest. Your the driver of ur recovery
@@christiegriffith5883 I don't have an issue with integrated medicine but stand alone holistic therapy techniques are not based in evidence. All I can find is when used with traditional therapy, holistic therapy "may" be helpful. As someone who thinks empirical evidence is important I just can't get behind holistics. From my understanding holistics require a belief in spirituality and I don't believe in spirituality in the contemporary or traditional sense.
Hey Dr. Honda…I’m wondering why you continue to view all these videos through the lens of these personality disorders. My understanding is that AHs profile was sub clinical.. and as far as I can tell Dr. Curry didn’t rule out any differentials.
The subclinical number was just the test result from the MMP thing. That's one of thousands of data points Dr. Curry took into consideration. And while no clinician will diagnose someone they haven't met, frankly the tapes of how upset she gets - to a clearly disordered degree - about a perception of abandonment from the slightest pretext is textbook borderline.
@@kpanyc The MMPI2 shouldn't have even be mentioned in her testimony because it was irrelevant. She spent a lot of time talking about it. She should have testified to what validated tests she used as part of her psychometric testing for BPD. I don't think she went by the tapes, because context is crucial. And she had to demonstrate that they were pervasive, that they were across contexts, and that they couldn't be explained by IPV experience.
@@kpanyc the sub clinical # is THE number that matters. it doesn’t matter what the “data points” say if they’re sub clinical. there’s a lot of “data points” in my blood work, that my doctor takes into account, but if none of my scores are below or above a normal range than my doctor wouldn’t make a diagnosis. because that would be ridiculous.
The “funny” part about Wolf of WallStreet wasn’t about his addiction but the mistake he made when taking expired Quaaludes. He took his normal amount, hours went by and he didn’t feel anything. So he probably figured they were weaker than normal because they were expired. So he took more not knowing that the pills being expired just delayed the effectiveness not it’s strength. So after him being impatient & popping more pills that he thought was weak it ended kicking in all at once hours later and was so strong he couldn’t walk. And then the scene with Jonah was funny too. People were laughing at them being high not them being addicts.
Dr. Kirk, I disagree with what you said about the fact that we shouldn't laugh at drug addiction because it's serious and not funny. I think it's all about how you make the joke. A joke can either be profoundly hurtful, or it can actually be healing. One of the ways I got through my trauma was finding a way to laugh about it. Heck, sometimes I'll make a joke about my epilepsy, because it helps me. It's just a much better way to go through life. Have a cry when you need to, but also laugh at the absurdity and pain sometimes. I love Paul Martin's podcast, which I believe you've been a guest on, or maybe he was a guest on yours? He's a comedian and frequently makes -- what I believe are tasteful -- mental health jokes. We can't just go through life always being serious and somber about life's difficulties. In my opinion....laughing at them sometimes is the only thing that gets us through this crazy life, which involves some degree of suffering for all. PS, Wolf of Wall Street was a fantastic movie. :)
Yeah, I think when one has mental pain, there is a release from laughing at the absurdity. I remember reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in college. It was so completely absurd, and of course, Hunter S. Thompson was an amazing writer, so you could completely imagine what he was describing. I don't think it was about laughing at the addict. It was about the absurdity of it all and relating to him as a person who could find themselves in the same predicament. In some ways, I could really relate to Hunter S. Thompson, so his expression of his own predicament touched me deeply and it isn't often that someone else can touch me so deeply. It's like he is someone who could understand me, like almost no one else could. That is what makes you laugh, because you realize how messed up that person is because of what happened to them in their lives, and you have had similar feelings, and yet you have had to keep it together all this time, while here they are totally expressing the absurdity of their lives right out in plain sight to the general public. Maybe someone who hasn't felt that depth of pain can't understand this. Same with Charles Bukowski. It isn't laughing at them, it is relating so deeply to them that it makes you laugh and realize there are people out there who feel as you do, who have been there, like you have, and they are completely out there about it. I remember Charles Bukowski saying something once about some guy who came up to him and said he was just like him, and Charles Bukowski replied, well, no you aren't because if you were, you wouldn't be here talking to me. That made me chuckle, but it is so true. When you have a lot of internal pain, other people can just suck the life out of you and you don't want to be around a lot of people, and Bukowski even says this about himself. So yeah, it all sounds pretty horrible, but when he says something that rings true, it can make you chuckle. He is reading your thoughts. Maybe that's why Dr. Honda is the psychologist, and people like me are the ones here listening to him - to get some compassion for ourselves. So both are right.
I think it was more about how other people laughed, in the theater. Sometimes, even when something is funny to you because it resonates on a deep level, you can sense that many people are laughing in a different way and it can be very alienating. (Most obvious example would be when David Chapelle noped out of his show and pretty much his career because of the way certain white audiences were reacting to his racial jokes. He didn't say they were bad jokes, but he realized he didn't like how they were landing with people with different life experiences.)
As someone who is following this trial daily (alas), I appreciate your commentary relating to earlier in the trial, because I have someone forgotten what has come before. ❤️🎶
Holy shit. That panopticon description hit hard. I had heard of it in terms of a prison before, but never in terms of a parent and that as 100% my experience. I always have to look perfect around my mom. Dirty hair, a scraped knee, bad skin, all of these things had to be hidden or else she would convince me that everyone was watching and that I was such a pretty girl, its such a pity about this one thing that would render me completely valueless. The worst would be if my mom only noticed the flaw once I had been out all day. Because she hadn't been there to protect me. Everyone had seen! They had probably all talked about it behind my back. A good day was ruined because of a little thing that I had not taken care enough to notice. In the car, at school, even in bed. I had to be ready to be observed. 'Wear pretty nighties incase there's a fire and you have to go out in front of all the neighbours' 'Always eat prettily because there might be a handsome man in the corner watching you' 'Never go out without makeup, because you never know who you might run into.' I thought this was just an aspect of feminity, always being watched. And Ive been fighting it from that point of view. I still have standards for myself to uphold, but I have learned to remember that people have their on shit going on and they arent looking at my makeup at the garage.
If AH was withholding JD’s meds that would explain his aggressive behavior breaking things while not hitting her; the narrative they’re spinning keeps changing like Josh saying he or Rachel took the photos using AH’s phone camera instead of theirs, “to avoid potential accusations of bias”!!!
Emotional Awareness is modeled. So I understand how this path of drugs started at a young age for Johnny. I teach my children that feels are a choice and you can learn to choose how you feel even when someone is trying to provoke you. My son is 12 and he's learning this concept well "I choose how I feel"; "I choose not to let you upset me". I feel so bad for Johnny. Everything in life led him toward this horrible relationship.
I know you are doing your best for your children, but I guess the way you frame this is concerning for me. We cannot choose our emotions, we can (mainly) choose how we behave. I have experiences with my parents telling me to ‘choose’ how to feel, and what it accomplished in my adult life was 1. Not being able to accept negative feelings, 2. Feeling guilty and ashamed when feeling bad feelings, etc. When I was depressed, I thought it was my fault for being unable to be happy, which didn’t help. I’m sure you are doing your best but I don’t think teaching your children to control how they feel is healthy, it might teach them to simply push away their feelings and not be in touch with themselves. What has helped me is accepting the feeling, processing it, and that leads to the feeling having less control. Perhaps teaching your kid to accept their feelings and do their best to behave compassionately is better than framing it as ‘feelings are a choice’ (because while we have some control over our mindset, feelings/emotions are not controllable). Have a nice day :)
I see this idea very often and I think it definitely has it's merits, but I don't think it's totally fair to say that you always choose how to feel. My brother would bully me, beat me and would always tell me that I chose to get upset with him whenever he did these things. That was basically a get out of jail for free card for him, because that meant that he could continue to torment me without any blame, because it was my own fault for being upset after all. Crying after he told me I was worthless and unlovable, or after he threatened me, all these things would always be considered a choice. I don't think it's a choice when you're in a super stressful situation and you're scared. It made me feel really shitty to be told that I could just choose not to get upset at being beaten or threatened
@@TheEmeraldLady sorry this happened to you, I hope you’re doing well now :) I think a better way of framing the idea is that as an adult, ‘no one is responsible for your emotional well-being besides yourself.’ Of course it is not okay for people to cause you suffering, but we also shouldn’t rely on external sources (like other people’s actions) to give us internal happiness. It’s when we put our own emotional burden on others that we start causing others pain. It’s not our fault if someone causes us to suffer, but our happiness is our own gift to ourselves. I think this framing is healthier than ‘I can choose how I feel’.
I've been watching this case daily. So far in testimony, no one has actually witnessed JD physically abuse AH. Many have audibly heard them arguing and only after the fact seen broken bottles, glass, furniture, or; the aftermath... but no one has seen him actually physically abuse her. It's been AH that's told others that JD was who committed all these horrible acts, yet not one person has testified to witnessing first hand these allegations. I have read that people with personality disorders often self harm. I cannot help but feel this is likely what happened in this case. If this is indeed the true cause of all this, I fear AH is a clear danger, to herself.
@QueenMushu In the few cases people witnessed violence between my ex and I, no one ever notified the police. Someone has to be willing to press charges, and married people rarely do.
But when she talked about the HORRIFIC events of severe abuse and SA was hard to watch, and then her evidence photos do not add up at all to her claims. The extreme contrast from her story and her evidence is insane to me. I'm fkn disturbed by that testimony...it triggered the ever living fkk out of me by watching it, then she had *nothing* to back it up or show for... I was livid.💀 We were expecting a goddamn massacre up in here and all we got was a dirty mirror, a few cans on the floor, broken glasses behind the counter, some drops of blood from JD's fingers on the floor and that was pretty much it..💀 Girl, after that event as she explained it SHE SHOULD'VE GONE TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM ASAP! I was pretty much done after that shit tbh.😑
I think the most alarming thing is that people were living in close proximity to them. They were rarely without guests and no one ever saw him hit her. His rings would have wrecked her face. She recounts the events differently every time. Provoked him to anger then followed him to fight him. I have a hard time believing that he regularly beat her, if at all.
Dr Honda discusses about how people have claimed that Depp can't be the abuser because Depp claims he distanced himself and left during conflict. Of note, if Amber Heard has a certain type of Borderline where abandonment is a trigger, she could view those moments of withdrawal as a form of abandonment, even up to the point of viewing them as an act of emotional abuse. I really appreciated Dr Honda's description of abuse internally viewed through the person's mind vs our external views.
I came here for the Depp/heard testimony ceremony and stayed for the parenting advice on how to and TO display/talk/understand/explain emotion to our kids and ourselves
I appreciate you talking about how important it is to reflect on WHY you might be using a substance regularly. Throughout 2020 (and some of 2021) I was using marijuana frequently--it started with just weekends and progressed to a point where I was high any time I was not working--and all of it stemmed from my dad passing away in late 2019. It took me a full year or more to realize that I was doing this, especially since I thought I had handled the grief. Turns out it was still going on just under the surface. Unfortunately, I believe my sister is suffering for the same reason, except her drug of choice is alcohol.
Re: the Wolf of Wall Street comment, the figure the movie is about (Jordan Belfort) actually encouraged Scorsese to include that Quaalude scene and the realty of his character's addiction was brought back to the forefront abruptly during the fight with his wife.
This was fascinating. I sort of expected the panopticon discussion to be about all of her friends living in his properties with master keys. Interesting to see it come up before that situation was discussed in court.
I understand why he’s lying, and I don’t blame him for it, our society has an incredibly hypocritical way of dealing with drugs and treating people who use and abuse them. Johnny might have been using them some times to escape and numb himself out, but claiming he’s never used drugs to “party” never recreationally, only medically and usually self prescribed. His texts and what he’s testified himself to doing prove that. Just his talks with Marilyn Manson, while funny, shows that he likes to get high and use drugs with people socially. There’s nothing wrong with that, I don’t get why he doesn’t just say so.
Just for anyone interested in the panopticon, I'm not sure if Foucault dealt with the panopticon in his philosphizing about governmentality, but the panopticon was first designed and thought about by the English philosopher Jeremy Bentham.
I'm almost 40 so I don't know exactly how old I was when fear and loathing came out but I remember absolutely hating the movie. I found it dreadful and couldn't wait for it to end. I actually didn't even realize he was in fear and loathing. I don't remember what the next movie he was in that I saw him, but I thought he was cute and I liked him.
Have you ever seen a series called The Vow? About the NXIVM cult. That series helped me realise that I grew up in a high control family, I went into an abusive high control marriage and was bullied out of a job that had a lot of cult like tendencies. If you haven’t seen it, you might find it interesting
Do psychological studies show that during alcoholic blackouts a person completely loses their moral compass? I find it hard to believe the violence involved in the alleged rape but alcoholics certainly are capable of hitting someone.
I love your reactions! Would you consider disorganized attachment related to codependency in any way? They seem similar to me from what I understand of your explanation.
Please someone help answer this question!! 🙏🏻 I can’t seem to understand how Johnny Depp has been drinking HEAVILY, abusing street drugs, smoking cigarettes, taking acid, ecstasy, speed, and not to mention all the prescription pills for ~40 years and is still handsome, youthful-appearing, intelligent, well-spoken, incredible at his job, kind, fun, etc.. (I only count marijuana as something foreign being inhaled, which makes it unhealthy, but I haven’t seen anyone experience harm from it otherwise). HOW???? Also, how has he not accidentally mixed something resulting in overdose? Like Heath Ledger, Whitney Houston, Dana Plato, Britney Murphy…. and on and on.
0:19 Disorganized attachment and subservience
6:30 Pills, addiction, teaching kids about emotions
9:50 Difficult ages, substances, crossing the Rubicon of not caring about society anymore
15:17 Drugs to party(verb), drugs to survive
17:00 Taking drugs to escape
19:50 ''I didn't use at all'' this is not Honda's first rodeo
21:42 Movies and drug addiction jokes
25:28 Opiates and pain
27:20 Withdrawal
30:25 Using things said in confidence as weapons. Normal degree vs. personality disorder degree
35:40 Panopticon
39:07 Step parent in competition with children
40:30 Isolating the victim
41:48 Gaslighting and emotional abuse
I really love this comment.
Your discrimination of Panopticon had me in tears. This is what my foster parents did to me when I didn't get over my mom's death "after a whole year". They'd come to my room and list off all my wrong doings every 3 months or so. I never engaged in typical "bad" teenager behavior, I was just sad and withdrawn. It was so traumatic and made me feel like a bad person. To hear it called emotional abuse makes my decades of pain feel justified. During those years no one ever said you must be hurting so deeply. I wish I could have found a therapist like you back then.
@@mollyhendrix8435 I’m so sorry you went though that. ❤️
@@mollyhendrix8435 That sounds so hard. I’m so sorry you lost your mother and ended up in that situation. I hope you have or will find a good therapist. I finally did and it has made such a difference!
I appreciate you. Truly 🙌🏾
dr honda, because of your compassionate views of addiction and how people use it, yesterday I confessed to my therapist that I use pot chronically to numb my self hatred and self criticism. thanks for making these videos and talking about this stuff.
Good for you for being honest. I think your relationship with your therapist can retrain your relationship with yourself. I truly wish you the best
Thats so me everyday sadly. Hopefully we’ll feel okay with ourselves without using drugs one day.
Dr. Honda, just a speculation drawn from experience; Amber getting upset at Johnny for taking off his own boots is likely a means to ensure that she maintains a certain role in his life as to create a dependency on her (in the long term) so that he’d never leave. My mother did many non-sensical things like this to us kids and my father so that we would need and be dependant on her forever.
^ same here. Both parents.
Does that collide with what is in this video? I don’t think it is. Both makes sense together.
And also causing fear or apprehension in the victim of doing anything without consulting the abuser.
I think she just interpreted him taking off his own boots as a sign that he was mad at her, and felt rejected/triggered. I don't know that it's that deep.
Agreed
oh boy... when you told the thing about a tone of voice, I knew that it's about me. My future husband tells me this all the time, but I never understood what is he talking about. I never noticed that my tone of voice is negative sometimes. As a child I was constantly criticized and abused mentally and physically by my mother in a house full of aggression and a father addicted to alcool. I suddenly realised that I am becoming like my mother completely without knowing. I stopped a video and immediately called my husband to tell how sorry I am. I want to go to the therapy and learn more. At least I am aware now...
Someone told me: if you think it, it'll come out in your tone even if you are writing. It is very true.
I hope it's going well. That's very brave of you to face both internally and in the public forum.
When you were talking about the ‘vibe’ that you feel when an individual tries to get under your skin it immediately reminded me of day 17 of the trial-Camille played an audio clip of Amber laughing and taunting Johnny and everyone was effectively creeped out by it. It was very chilling. Looking forward to seeing you react to that clip!
Same here. Can’t wait to see Dr Honda’s reaction to it. I was horrified by it. I don’t know how I can see her and not hear that in the future
That was disgusting, and the fact that she not only emphatically defended her position, but actually made herself out to be the victim even in that situation shows that she has zero self awareness, empathy or kindness
Dropping straight knowledge around 14 minutes in. I lost my dad at “that age” to cancer and completely checked out of the whole school thing. Everyone thought I was being a bad kid and acting out. I just couldn’t relate to my peers and knew I had to make money and support myself right out of high school so I wasn’t worried about college. I was always very smart and driven. I did graduate early with a 4.0 , never went to college, homeowner at 25 through hard work in discipline. I was placed into the “delinquent and truants” program and I wasn’t even a bad kid, just a different kid on a different path than my peers. Also, I don’t care how old I am I’m still mad that gym was a required course 😤🙄😂
No Uniform No Passing Grade
You deserve an applaude!
xD i was also placed in alternative high school. But i went to a university, graduated with honors and have a good job. Shows how much they know
Wow what a lovely name for a course, definitely inspiring and motivational and not atall demeaning and demoralising 😂 Good for you for your achievements and im sorry for your loss.
I've seen another person analyze this issue of the boots before, and they argued that this was a common tactic for abusers early on in a relationship, which is to do things that are perceived as helpfulness/love but are really about control. The other person said this is usually a slow proceess of creating dependency and thus control over their partner's life which is masked by appearing helpful or loving at first but then as the relationship moves on it becomes a toxic dynamic.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD from childhood trauma. I spent years torturing myself by choosing abusive partners. I have been single for years and work with an amazing therapist. I wish I would have started sooner, but I also believe I’m a better person from my experiences.
Proud of you for doing that work!
Same. ♥️
💖💖💖
Good for you for doing better and thanks for sharing. And yes, bad experiences when they can be well processed and reflected on the patterns that lead to them can also provide the foundation for improvement. Thanks for sharing.
I'm 62 and have a similar story 😐
God and therapy keep me going 👍
Was doing ok but have to bow out. Didn’t realize how even discussion around similar childhood things could be so triggering. Make sure to check in with yourselves especially when taking in distressing content ❤️
When Johnny Depp mentions that story about being chastised for taking off his own boots, it reminded me of my own experience with being forced to feel like I couldn't do anything on my own. I was always told that I shouldn't drive and that I should just let my abuser drive for me. I was told to just let them handle a myriad of basic tasks that any normal person could do.This was all under the guise of helping me or under the assumption that I wouldn't do it right. It was a way for my abuser to make me believe I was incompetent, that I couldn't survive without them, and that I always HAD to rely on them.
Ultimately, it's a form of control.
Yes exactly, my parents did that to me and when I mooved out I felt handicapped because I had to learn how to do basic things because I was never allowed to do anything myself and the things I did do were always extremely criticised by my parents to the point where I was affraid of doing anything.
I remember asking my therapist what was something that people struggle with the most(in his experience) and he said "regulating their emotions".
That is why I am for gun control.
Your “rambling” is so insightful. Thank you.
And I like that you say “I don’t know,” “If that’s true,” etc. After watching this trial, it scares the ish out of me on what people can sue for.
Defamation cases are a bit of an exception because they partly flip the script of burden of proof. Normally if you sue someone you’re responsible for proving your case according to the balance of probabilities. Is it more likely than not that you are right. In a(n American) defamation suit this is reversed. Somebody else has already made claims against you in the public world. Now you can bring a suit and you’re responsible for proving damages, but the person you’re suing is put in the position of being the plaintiff and you are the defendant. They have to prove their claims against you according to the balance of probabilities rule even though you sued them.
I’ve been in chronic pain for 44 years aka from my first day on earth. The doctors on neonatal even said that. Anyway I’ve been on a steady dose of morphinesulfate infused medication designed specifically for me, for 11 years and it has been years of suffering until I gave in and found an enormous relief and I can actually breath without pain and my crutches are long gone. What makes my life difficult is the people who are judging me for using the medication, has never been in long term pain and hasn’t been disabled by it.
Jesus Christ, people can be so dumb. I’m sorry. I think it’s black and white thinking. “Opiates all are bad.” We have to be careful not to let the pendulum swing too far in the opposite direction when we’re trying to balance it.
Our society is unfortunately still very abelist when it comes to medications. It comes from a place of ignorance and privilege.
I’m so glad you found relief… I know exactly what you mean and I would always say these medications were MADE for people like me, don’t punish me for others choosing to abuse it who don’t need it.
@Charisma Hornum-Fries I sooo feel you on your pain, and ain't noboddddy judging you! Pain is... something I know most people won't understand.. and I actually hope they never do. God Bless You. I pray that God gives you peace and relief.
You do you, and give yourself grace.
My parents were extremely emotionally absent. This resulted in me feeling extremely empty at a young age and I never knew why. Because I was a child. I ended up loving art because I could express myself. And finally feel heard and understood. I took to the Internet was manipulated by a random person I thought offered me support spent all of my 20s bouncing from 1 unhealthy situation to the next and an eating disorder from that now at 31 I finally know what happened. I wonder what my life would have been if I had emotional support. I hope I can still have a good life. Listen to him peoole be there for your kids emotionally. They need it. My parents still to this day hurt me. And I Have had to search for emotional support elsewhere so I am safe.
I so relate to your story. I too have struggled with disordered eating since I was 15. You can have a good life. I’m 52 and with good therapy I’m thriving. Don’t give up hope ❤️
rehearing johnnys testimony twists my heart in such a way it pains me
as someone whose dad was an addict who was a wonderful father to me despite that at that time in his life, i dont see a monster i just see someone suffering and who deserves to heal and seek help
it brings back many many emotions to hear a first hand account as well as dr hondas educational insight on those accounts
Yah my dad didnt have addiction but he was abused by my mom. This trial makes me really sad I feel like people who go team johny team amber they dont know how sad these situations are. Watching Johnnys testimony brings me a lot of pain in my heart
@@yoyoyo5621 its why im "team johnny" because as someone who has seen drug abuse and whose addict father was also abused by a woman (my step mom at the time) it... hits so close to home for me too
perhaps its bias but... it really has a lot of uncanny overlaps from my dads own experiences >>;;
Please don't mistake someone who finds a drug comedy film funny as someone who is not understanding or caring for people who have addictions. Context is always important. A film is fiction and I'd like to believe most people know this and can apply this and wouldn't stand laughing at someone with an addiction in real life.
I guess it's one of those movies where the interpretation is a reflection of the person watching. You can watch fear and loathing to make fun of drug users and you can also watch it as dark humor, to poke fun at how messed up the situation is. Or you can watch it and glorify drug use. Kind of like a comedy with a racist character; a racist may laugh with the character and a 'non-racist' may laugh at the character.
I can see why dr Honda may find it problematic to make a movie that /could/ be interpreted in a problematic way, but I also think it would be a waste if we only had movies with a clear moral message in it, without any irony, ambiguity and dark humor.
I think it’s interesting that he proposed it like he did. Because he generally is against the idea that violence on screens desensitized us to violence because the studies don’t support that and humans are able to distinguish fantasy from reality. But then he does support the idea that drug use depictions are harmful. It’s kind of an interesting dichotomy.
I think the desensitization to drugs happens a little closer to home, personally.
I think the boot story was to show that she can be controlling with the guise of service. It has to be done her way even if it's in service. Almost painting a picture of his caretaker and therefore gaining more control
That’s how I understood it when Johnny said it originally, and I believe he probably saw it that way. But hearing Dr Honda’s (possible) explanation for that behaviour, it actually makes a LOT of sense. I love the insight and different ways to think about or look at things from watching these videos.
I know someone with this disorder. He does not remember his childhood and his usefulness is definitely not the important part of him. It’s horrible because it’s sometimes difficult to figure out where the normal helpfulness begins and when his “usefulness” ends.
I absolutely live for the parenting advice you give! I wish I could consult you on all my parenting woes. Thank you for making this world a better place one video at a time
Never spank your kids. That is my parenting advice.
@@kevinhornbuckle That is very simplistic. It’s easy to tell people what not to do…the value is being able to know what TO do.
@@sallycinnamon5370 I wish there were time and space here to share info on effective and peaceful disciplinary methods.
@@kevinhornbuckle which is probably why no one cared about your simplistic but useless advise.
@@sallycinnamon5370 You enjoy your opportunity to be nasty.
I'm with Dr. Honda on not finding any humor in films glorifying over the top drug abuse. I sat through Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in a movie theater at the 2008 CineVegas Film Festival in Las Vegas. The movie was being shown at the film festival because Hunter S. Thompson had recently passed away. I had no idea what the film was about going into it. Johnny Depp played Hunter Thompson brilliantly, but the film was for me difficult to sit through. I kept expecting a drug overdose to happen in almost every scene but it never did. I can't fathom how some people can ingest so many drugs, hallucinogenics and alcohol, and live to tell the tale. And there's definitely no humor to be found in that kind of behavior. Yikes! To quote Dr. Honda.
It's a reasonably good movie, the child that depp's friend got involved with was very creepy for me
Hear hear! Impressionable youth do indeed fall victim to romanticization of drug abuse. Many are permanently destroyed. This is not entertaining.
Enjoying this series of videos you are doing.
Thanks for this thoughtful series Dr Honda! Just wanted to chime in that in our current context in North America, the biggest risk of opioid addiction is the unregulated drug market. People are dying of accidental overdose at extremely high rates. People who are buying drugs from illicit sources often don’t know what’s in them because they are unregulated. Imagine if you went to buy a case of beer and not knowing if it’s 5% or 45% proof. Not knowing the purity, concentration or even if it’s the substance that it was sold as means it’s almost impossible to dose accurately even for experienced users. I think the most important role of Opioid Agonist Therapies (methadone, subboxone, or even safe supply like pharmaceutical grade fentanyl or heroin) is to keep people alive by eliminating the risk of accidental overdose because people know what they are getting.
What Johnny Depp went through, I went through similar. My mother is an alcoholic and was verbally and physically abusive. It started with my dad.. she’d stab him or kick him. She would prompt him to hit her so she could call the police. He left then it changed to me and my siblings being hit with objects, sometimes bar ashtrays or phones, canes, also tried to stab my sister and pulled her hair out. All the physical abuse stopped when social services got involved but the emotional trauma has costed my sister and I thousands each in counselling, my brother is a heavy drinker. I can relate to Johnny Depp and your friend. When I heard JD speaking on the stand my heart skipped a beat. The strange thing with people who have been through this type of childhood, is that we are attracted to dysfunctional people as we don’t think we deserve better. It’s strange as it’s almost as though we self harm. I truly believe both were emotionally abusive to each other but think she has her own mental trauma and I hope they both get the help they need as wouldn’t want to see them end up as statistics one day
So sorry you had to experience and see those things play out in front of you, especially as you were just learning how to live in the world. You do deserve a great human being as a partner, someone who understands your past and knows when to boost you up and never take you down. You deserve no less than that.
@Cancerian Love I'm so sorry you went through that. I can imagine how hard it would be to forgive her. But.. it can be a gift you can't even imagine. It might help.. the way I look at it now. Is they did the best they could, with who they were at the time. She must have been tortured inside to do that to you guys. I don't even wanna say. But I feel soo much for whst you went through. I hope I didn't say anything wrong.
@@qqq829 hi.. thank you for your lovely reply. No offence not at all. I can resonate to the way Johnny Depp acts (apart from the drugs.. never done drugs but my brother is like him.. he blows up when frustrated but is not physically abusive, also drinks heavily.. will not have counselling. Amber’s personality would be a huge trigger point for him.. she is 100 miles to the dozen and when you have an already cluttered mind as you do when holding on to frustration and memories, when someone is constantly bombarding you with extremities, it spins your brain out and is a huge trigger! Her persona mimmicks my mothers. My mother was sick and had mental health services been better she would have received the support she needed. I have made amends with my mother, and will never forget what she did but forgive her.
@@Peanut_taco_muffin aw thank you. I hope one day.. 🥰
Totally agree with kids wanting to please their parents…I would get upset when my parents punished me, but there was nothing worse than my dad saying he was disappointed in me. That was enough for me to look at myself and correct the behavior.
I usually watch your YT’s for fun amusement. This one was different. You really nailed it. The kid who just gives up. The desire to numb and confusion at the verb “to party.” The abject lack of self esteem. The stunted ability to connect. The life story of cPTSD.
Taking off the boots. Part of her system for controlling her world. I have a relative who does this sort of thing with partners. It seems to be a way they artificially create a role. It evolves to a situation where my relative controls their partners with a glaring look if they start doing anything that is their created role.
In Rocky’s deposition she says she hasn’t spoken with AH for six months and that they’re not enemies but not friends due to Rocky’s desire to have connections with other people.
"we're not enemies" is a very interesting way to describe an ex friend lol
I don't know about Amber, but I think taking off the man's boots is an old fashioned/country custom. My dad would have my stepmom or one of the kids take his boots off when he came home from work and same with my grandparents.
Whenever you end up talking about a person's past traumas they have experienced, I almost always get either teary or on the verge with this heavy feeling you get in your the chest
Same. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears, that’s I rarely talk about it. It never gets easier
Omg!!! That dynamic of constantly being on eggshells worried about what u might get criticized about just put a name to an entire chapter of my lidw
Me, too. In my childhood, or even now sometimes with my parents.
Saaaame
There is a recording of Johnny Depp begging Amber Heard to just let him leave so he could spend time with his daughter. She tried everything to guilt him into not going. He finally told her he'd take his space whether she liked it or not. It was played in court yesterday.
Yeah, she says something like, "you're killing me, please, please, don't do this."
@@Maricruz79 These audios don't show the context though, that's why they weren't given much weight in the UK trial. If the context was Depp going into one of his many chronic and familiar addiction spirals, it would definitely set off a spouse.
@@Tamarahope77 The funny thing about it is…after he left her and did what he always intended…nothing happened. There was no abuse in proximity to that recording that she pointed to. It’s only in retrospect that she tries to reframe the conversation to fit her narrative. ButNOTHING in the conversation backs her up
I would be more believing if ANYTHING had happened in their relationship after this. Or if she had brought up drugs at all at that point. She brought up drugs and alcohol often so i couldn’t have been that she was afraid of confronting sober Johnny about using drugs. She has been super consistent that sober Johnny was magical and wonderful. Why would she have hesitated about asking sober Johnny not to use this time? Instead she used the pretext of needing him to stay and continue fighting with her?
According to her this isn’t an abusive man that gets worse with alcohol so that if she tried to tell him not to drink would get angry and abuse her so she had to try to come up with another reason.
@@sallycinnamon5370 I think she explained this too. Sober Johnny would react if he was starting to use. She could sense the start of another cycle and dread what was coming.
@@Tamarahope77 But he hadn’t “started to use” yet according to her. She didn’t testify that he had used anything before they had that conversation and she would have if he had. Just that she said that she was afraid that he WOULD use and that is why she wouldn’t let him leave her to be with his daughter inside a house without her. According to both sides he was sober in those clips. And according to everyone he was a wonderful person sober, even AH.
What rationale do you have that she doesn’t bring up her not wanting him to go in because she didn’t want him to use or drink? They openly talked about drug and alcohol use constantly. This wasn’t a taboo topic that they didn’t tackle in their relationship.
She was having a controlling freak out and threatening that she would die if he left her. She was being painfully stereotypically borderline. And even though this conversation really just shows her being incredibly insecure more than abusive…she still can’t admit that anything that she said or did is wrong. JUST like Dr Curry said Histrionic PD presents.
Everything about her presentation aligns perfectly with Dr. Curry’s testimony. Flowery positive language, overly dramatic retelling, inability to accept blame/fault except for socially acceptable flaws, rapidly switching emotions, etc. She called it even before AH set foot on that stand. Watching AH go from being totally inconsolable and barely able to talk to fully composed as soon as an objection was called was uncanny. It was like they called “cut.” True human emotions don’t work that way.
Dr Honda I don’t know what I was watching before I found your channel!! You’re so insightful, neutral and informative. Keep it up ❤️
Omg... servant play? Isn't the common stereotype of 50s movies... the husband comes home from work, he puts his hat and coat up. Then the wife brings him his slippers, afternoon paper or bourbon, then says when dinner is ready? Didnt Johnny have all of that childhood trauma and wanted that whole "loving" family stereotype. And didn't Amber do her homework on him to know what he wanted in a partner and wife and try to play into that at first? I wouldn't assume it's remotely Servant play.
You were supposed to smile broadly at the door in pearls and high heels. With a large pitcher of martinis. If the dog does not carry the slippers in dog mouth, you do so. Smile big and ask about his day. Coo.
@@janicehussock7735 That. Those weird gender role expectations in film. I'll never understand why some people see that as the perfect life... both men and women. Thankfully, life wasn't actually like that for a lot of people.
@@janicehussock7735 thinking about it though. If you greatly dislike your husband and he expects that, serving him up a pitcher of martinis would be thr best way to knock him out lol
I identify as disorganized attachment, along with CPTSD and Bipolar. I particularly like when Bob has spoken about his challenges.
Thank you for this episode. I had the chance to review some of my own destructive tendencies. Like I tend to read things into what my husband says that aren't there. Not sure if I have some problems or he or both. I'm lucky though because there's not even a thread of abuse in our relationship. Just some personality flaws that pop up every now and then and some triggering. We've both learn to stop poking when we sense that. That said I am still curious about my own triggers.
I agree. It was very insightful. I'm ADD, my partner has (chronic) depression. These two don't always interact very well, and the result is sometimes quite hurtful for both without, and I most stress this, EVER intending to hurt the other. He's the kindest soul I've ever met. "You haven't been to the Dr as we agreed", for example, can become an insult and an attack in a quite unexpected way. It's certainly messy.
Growing up as a daughter who was very close with my dad. Having a stepmother who was extremely jealous, insecure and take her frustration out on me and realizing how damaging that was/ is for me. Being adult looking back I am baffled at how you could ever treat a child that way. Along with feelings of abandonment that my father didn’t see or care to see. From a very early age I always looked at my parents and my stepmother as people who had issues and we’re trying their best. Feeling so confused knowing my step mom had gone through abuse and yet did it to me. As a 30-year-old today I am somewhat angry that I have still compassion and understanding towards her and my parents. Adult me can’t believe a seven-year-old was burdened with that way of thinking.
for what it's worth, johnny does say amber's relationship with his kids was strained, but I've heard texts between her & the kids say otherwise? they were apparently very friendly with one another? I dunno, I haven't seen them so take that with a grain of salt.
@@magopal5610 Johnny cannot say one nice or even neutral thing about Amber during this trial apparently. It's a little over the top.
I hope you are feeling better and doing well now
You’ve just proven yourself to be an extremely loving, empathetic person- that’s something to celebrate so please don’t get mad at yourself for that!
"Drugs are bad mkay" cracked me up.
I have a family member who would do you what you’re describing all the time, they would notice insecurities and hold them over your head and use them against you in an argument and when their needs aren’t being met!
The damage it has caused is indescribable, and has left me with major trust issues.
And I too find that I do attract people who do this to me now as well. I’m better at dealing with it, but the damage it does to other person is really rough. I though it was just something narcissistic people do,
Can you set boundaries? Trust is important.
I loved Fear and Loathing. My mother is an addict, has been all my life. I experimented with a lot of drugs growing up but never really had a dependency and haven't used in years. I still crack up at that movie and quote it lol. It does get out of hand at times and I think it's a pretty good representation of how out of control you can feel when using. If you can't relate, I can see how it might feel like a glorification of using though.
His kids are very protective of him, and I think his daughter really didn’t like amber from the beginning; there probably was issues between them since his kids are pretty much grown up
there’s evidence that Lily loved amber. She hasn’t spoken out about this at all
@@kayladenette5872 I remember reading some celebrity gossip that they liked each other and spent time together. I don't know what that's worth, they could have just been reaching so they had something to write under the paparazzi photo.
@@kayladenette5872 it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Johnny depp doesn’t want his children to be fodder for the media just because he has public issues he’s dealing with.
@@kayladenette5872 yeah there is evidence Depp is pretty absent.
There is an email of Depp saying that his kids loved Amber, which was a relief to him. Depp then called the kids' mother, Vanessa (his ex wife) a French extortionist c**t who he expected would poison the kids against Amber.
From my experience with my own addiction problems, the times I was sober and putting the most effort to be sober is when I was accused and verbally attacked for not being sober. At those time I would do a large amount of substance hoping I wouldn't make it.
Explains so much lol. My parents raised me on the "do as I say and not as I do". Lol! Worked out great.
I got triggered reading your comment bc that was my parents’ mantra, too. To this day, I’m sensitive to and detest hypocrisy, among other things. I’m sorry you went through this too.
Same. As a preschool teacher I NEVER say that bc of my childhood traumas.
I became a very good father by dedicating myself to being the opposite of my parents. I never spanked my son. He is a well-adjusted 24 year-old, talented young man. I love him to the depth of my soul.
@@kevinhornbuckle happy for your happy ending ❤️🩹
@@bashmeesh Thank you. I love being a good dad to my son. He is a fine young man.
She was trying to be his perfect carer. She thought it would make her indispensable and he'd love it so much he'd never leave her. He knew though, that she was fake
Whew what incredible insight you have. Brought to tears multiple times in this video feeling sooooo validated and understood. Been in therapy for 7 years after being the child of a probable narcissist with intermittent rage disorder (via my therapist but ofc she can’t diagnose him) and recently celebrated my 5th year of sobriety. I am so thankful to psychs like you and my therapist. Thank you for your kindness, would love to hear more about attachment styles!!!
I am waiting for someone to mention the potential power play on JDs part of making such intense eye contact with AHs sis following his team (yesterday? Day before?) making such a strong point of AH NEVER seeing his eyes again…ex-sis does not seem to reciprocate gaze and he eventually puts the glasses back on, but it looked pretty intentional
Your videos on this are valuable, most videos are incredibly bias; I appreciate your ability to stay neutral 🙏🏽😊
Johnny talking about Amber taking his boots off is a tactic of domestic abuse, specifically coercive control.
Part of it is love bombing - making the victim feel like they’re the most special person on the world. But at the same time the abuser knows they have power to take away that feeling at any time by stopping the ‘loving’ behaviour. This leaves the victim feeling confused, and maybe hurt and rejected. It’s the first step on the ladder of manipulation and control.
There’s also the theory of reciprocity. When you do something nice for someone, they usually feel the need to do something nice back. By doing overly nice things like taking someone’s boots off and getting them a glass of wine very night, it can make the victim feel in debt and feel that they have to do nice things in return, it creates a trap. It makes it harder to leave the relationship when you feel like your partner was loving and giving and you didn’t give them the same I return. When trying to end a relationship like this, the abuser will make you feel guilty for not trying as hard as they did, for not loving them as much as they love you, and they will make you out to be the bad one.
This video really made me think of my father. Because of the way he treated me growing up, always knowing what to say to make me doubt myself, knowing exactly where to poke, I became the "perfect child" and just tried my best to become whatever he wanted me to be just so I could please him. To the point where I went to law school, passed the equivalent of the BAR in my country, all while hating every second of it but the fear of not pleasing him was way worse. I was severely depressed (still am but getting better) and had to physically move away from him to get some clarity. It helped. It still gives me anxiety to disagree with him, it's hard to navigate the world with my own opinions, it's even hard to know what my own opinions are. Anyways, therapy has helped.
Something you touched on really hit home for me.. I'm 30 years old. I have struggled throughout the years to understand why I was the only one of my high school friends that ended up on this path of addiction & destruction. You absolutely nailed it, and helped me to see, that everyone around me was drinking and doing drugs 'for fun' but I was doing it to numb myself from everything. I never realized how HUGE of a distinction that was. Obviously, in the moment I thought I was doing it to have fun too. Now, I can look back and clearly see that I was hurting so badly and just doing any and every thing to make it go away. I've never successfully gotten clean nor found a therapist that really seemed to dig deep enough for my root issues to be worked on so I could even begin to figure things out. Thank you for making these videos. I've learned so much. It gives me power in the sense that I have more knowledge to be able to try and recognize the traits of a good therapist that may actually help me vs. getting paid to listen to me ramble and not getting anywhere.
Dammm you’re good, made me think about my life for like 40 minutes straight 😦😦
I really related to amber when he told that story but in a weird way - I’ve done/said things like that to my partner but it’s usually about something like the dishes or taking care of the baby.. what’s happening inside when I say no you don’t do that, that’s my job, and get slightly upset about it- it’s because I’m super super anxious that they’re going to get MAD at me for not doing it. Even though they offered or are just trying to help. I’m legitimately afraid that they’re going to resent me forever if I don’t do it myself. Know what I mean?
Perhaps you could share that with your partner, let them know how you feel and why you react that way. I think it would be freeing for you and helpful for your partner. It's stress that you don't need (i stress myself out quite often 🤣)
It sounds like the next logical step in that fear of them hating you is a fear of them leaving you. Is that right?
I actually just made a comment similar to this, but I think it belongs here, too. I think Amber interpreted the boot thing as Johnny being mad at her, and felt triggered/rejected. It's relatable, I agree.
I have the same issue :( I get you
@@itsmid3974 I definitely have, in the beginning it was hard to be that open and vulnerable with him but we’ve been together for many years now and it’s WAY easier to say specifically what’s going on emotionally now because I’m not afraid of him like.. making fun of me or something anymore lol. So yes, these feelings are a non issue anymore because they’re so much easier to communicate verses in the beginning of our relationship.
DR HONDA, I just want to thank you sooooo much for explaining addiction the way you have! I’ve never heard anyone explain it so well, but also in a way that normalizes it and helps people understand how easily this can happen to people. It is an unfortunate part of our daily life and we are just trying to get by and feel normal. We’re not partying or having fun, it’s miserable. Also, (this may not be true for everyone, but) I’m not a bad person, nor have I ever stolen from or harmed anyone else (or ever suggest someone get high). I’m clean now, but I know a lot of my family still don’t understand. They think it was a choice and I was being stupid and selfish by using. You should really consider making a separate video just explaining all of this. I would love to ask people to watch it!
My Father suffered from anxiety. He didn’t drink at home, but every couple of weeks, he go his club with friends and had a skin full. But he was happy, relaxed, funny and talkative when he came home. To me, alcohol was a great thing cause it made my Dad happy.
thank you for this video! i've been an active addict for 11 years, and i finally admitted so around 1-2 years ago. i used to laugh at the scenes you noted in Wolf of Wall Street and whatnot, but now i just cringe. after several rounds of treatment and overdosing/almost dying many times, it's just not funny anymore.
addiction is lonely. if someone doesn't have it, they'll never really understand it. and although the USA is becoming more accepting of mental health disorders, this doesn't extend to addiction. the STRONG stigma is still prevalent, i'd argue.
the only thing i'd say (and maybe i missed it) is that the 12 step program really isn't for everyone. recovery is different for everyone. we've had enough years to finally be able to say that, or so my addiction physician says in agreement.
Only person that agrees with me on Fear and Loathing! My husband is a Hunter fan and loves that book and film. But I feel so sad and uncomfortable watching people totally out of control. I have a visceral, nauseating feeling watching people hallucinating. I wonder why so many people find it so funny. I thought I was just being too judgy.
The movie is meant to replicate the uneasy and intense feeling one has when doing psychedelics such as LSD and mescaline. It was intended to feel uncomfortable and confusing.
My ex would always get me my coffee. Always. It was ok at first, but then it got kinda annoying. Sometimes I want cocoa, or tea, or cinnamon in my coffee. Sometimes I want to be done drinking coffee. Sometimes I want really strong or weak coffee. Sometimes I don't want to tell someone to get my coffee, wait for someone to notice I need more coffee, etc etc. Then it started to get really annoying, especially when I would say I can get my own coffee but he would still try to get me my coffee. It's a weird stupid thing but it began to wear on me.
The boot thing at the beginning is micromanaging and surveillance. My mom was abusive to my dad and she used to do stuff like that. She gave a sense that you were always being watched on every little thing you do and didnt have any privacy.. They want to control everything about you
I've been wondering for a long time what I would do if my child got to a point where it realises that it doesn't actually have to follow any rules. Even though I don't have kids yet, it's one of my worst nightmares. I mean, at that point it's not like you can just drag your teenager to therapy if they don't want to.
You have to create a close bond where they don't want to upset you. It takes a lot of mistakes to get to the point where a teenager genuinely doesn't care about disappointing their parents.
@@Discordia5 I disagree. A parent doesn't have to "create a bond" based in their child "not upsetting them." A child naturally wants approval from the person who is their security. On the contrary, my advice would be to first, love unconditionally. Then, do NOT punish or shame for behavior that is natural, accidental, or what the parents themselves have exampled. This will develop real trust. I am worthy for who I am, not for who I am supposed to be. If I make a mistake, I can be honest and accountable for it because I won't be punished or shamed. If I behave the way my parents do, I won't be blindsided by their ire (guilt) for me showing them a mirror of themselves - that they don't like.
To original poster, first, all "rules" don't make sense. Raise your child to be honest, first to himself, and then also with others. But mostly to himself. Mine loves God and Jesus first, and then himself. And probably today, 4th would be his new baby cousin. It's been a long time since Mom has made a Top 5 list. 😄 But that's okay. He's safe and secure and trusts me and is kind and honest and considerate and thoughtful, and even trusts me enough to go to my therapist with me when I suggest it (for particular scenarios when I know I need outside help on a "little" issue that I suck at, i.e. dealing with emotions). Anyway, the "bond" is in trust and security and age-appropriate honesty. My son is intuitive about bad vs. good intentions, and honest vs. dishonest people. Don't make promises or rules that you don't keep. Contradictions and dishonesty from a parent makes for a child who disregards rules, whether sensible or not. Trust and honesty and love and respect from a parent, makes for a child who loves and respects himself enough to follow the sensible rules.
@@mombear5116 👏👏👏👏👏👏 fabulous advice!
@@mombear5116 Thank you for the detailed answer and sharing about your own experience. These insights are so valuable. I grew up with three parents, my mum, my stepdad and real dad, and they all had wildly different ideas of parenting. Everyone sort of had their own rules I was expected to follow and standing between three parents like that as an only child was rough at times. You're right, it's very confusing.
It's great that your son occasionally goes to therapy with you. My mum offered the same when I was a teenager and had distance myself from my father but I didn't want to. Unfortunately, a teacher at my school made be believe that people who went to therapy would for ever be stigmatised. Instead it took me 10 years to slowly learn by myself how to start working through some of my issues and communicate my feelings properly.
I hope to one day be at a point where my partner and I can model a healthy way of communication to our children in an environment where they can feel safe to express their thoughts and emotions.
@@be_me You're welcome!! ❤🐻 Yeah, I didn't even know how to identify my emotions, let alone communicate them. I will say that, while I didn't plan it, it has been extra therapeutic to deal and heal my own inner child issues in tandem with not creating the same for my own child. I see so much more clearly with his fresh eyes and my self-awareness. I may be screwing something else up 🤪, but not the same things that kind of screwed me up. Just be truthful to yourself and others, and I'm sure you'll do great!!
I do believe she saw his weakness and used it to maintain power. You can hear in at least one recording (I think there’s another), when he is trying to distance himself from her realizing she’s not who he thought she was, she says “you love me” and “do you love me?” And the tone of the way she says it indicates to me she knows he is codependent. There’s also talk in the recordings of her threatening divorce in fights. Since she’s clearly got abandonment issues, the threat seems like pure manipulation.
Add for the BDSM speculation. Those dynamics are consensual from both/all adults involved. They would have had a conversation. He said that that became her thing to take off his boots, what was weird is that when he was like 'oh she is on the phone.' He didn't see it as a big deal at all and just took off his own boots. Which then prompted her to say 'what are you doing? Thats my job.' which may lean into her wanting controle.
Well damn. @30:25 and @35.40 Kirk described my last boyfriend and his family very perfectly. When I was defensive he would gaslight me to make me feel invalidated for defending myself. The more I opened up to him the more I found myself walking on eggshells with him. He started using my vulnerability as weapons, and critising me subconsciencely. He did it very skillfully I might add, the people he has surrounded himself with all his life have enabled and ignored it. I started to believe that I had so much more wrong with me than right. That my perspective of the world is not only abnormal but incorrect and wouldn't "fit in" with what is decent and how most people SHOULD think. Normal degree vs. personality disorder degree. It can be so strong in some cases but the most charming people are the most dangerous. You really have to be skillful in articulating an argument back to them that won't make them feel critisied back. It got so exhausting to be around and I lost so much confidence which I'm regaining back now that I'm away from his world. I don't know how people like them can be tolerated consistently, it was a sesspool of superiority complex, competition and the fear of missing out on a social gathering or outing which I just did not find healthy. I eventually realised I couldn't say anything to him in confidence, which at the start of the relationship I was skeptical about. My instincts were completely right. Always trust your gut feeling. After years of experience with people it's inevitable not to.
Thank you for explaining about addiction. I don’t buy Heard’s equating abuse with addiction. I experienced an abuser who was an addict and the two issues were entirely separate. The addiction was to cope with his issues & did not lead to abuse. The abuse seemed to occur when sober or maybe no way to find another coping mechanism.
The boots thing is about control not service as I see it... interesting - it was a red flag that he now recognises.
This SO interesting, Dr Honda, thank you
I work in recovery. People in our Sober House are 'not allowed' to get into romantic relationships for a year after they get sober. Otherwise, they use the relationship as addiction
When someone says I’m not like this “maniac” or this guy “who needs it”…. Seems like… this is someone who sees himself separated from addiction. But it’s clearly got some hold on him… (speculation.)I’m not at all versed in this. Just an ear hearing what I hear… from what I’m hearing…someone who became addicted. Denying his tetherment to his source…in full denial. Saying oh, I’m not like them or I’m not one of those guys/girls. I don’t believe it’s the intention of anyone seeking comfort to become addicts in their pain.
I don’t know if someone mentioned it already but if anyone else is also a nerd, the panopticon actually dates back to 17th century England and was conceptulaized by Jeremy Bentham. Foucault essentially extrapolated this idea to culture beyond the style of penitentiary to which the panopticon refers. Foucault (from what I understand) essentially uses the concept of the panopticon to describe how we understand, internalize, reinforce, and weaponize a state of constant social surveillance. Foucault is generally the reason we understand this concept but he was not its progenitor.
Re: the boot thing. I have ADHD and a big part of my functionality is structure and precedent. So if something I do is acceptable or welcomed or pleasing, it establishes some structure of 'normal' behavior that I can cling to. And upsetting that structure is EXTREMELY unsettling and confusing. So my first thought on hearing her reaction on this was a person who had just lost a big part of their structure. Not excusing, but I definitely absorb things through a neurodivergent filter and I can see how this would throw a certain type of person.
I tend to agree with you. The only time I've been amused by drugs in film was in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood when Brad Pitt's character takes acid before the Manson killers break in and he's hallucinating during that fight.
Today I started therapy after I was referred by a hospital I was admitted to for having an emotional breakdown while intoxicated that led to an emergency detention which I was released from within 12 hours. I looked at the notes and I'm concerned about a few things. One being my therapist is a social worker using a holistic approach. I'm an atheist skeptic and from my understanding holistic leans toward non evidence based approaches which makes me uncomfortable. The other concern was I already received a diagnosis after only going to one 45min session with this person. How could they possibly know that after such a very short interaction? Is this normal?
If you’re using insurance they have to give you a diagnosis in order to get paid for your visit. I’d imagine your therapist did the best they could to assess you accurately in the time given. It does seem like ridiculously short period of time to make such a determination. I hope things work out for you with your therapist. My experience with therapy was great. Lots of work, but worth it 🙂
@@WoodlandT it's actually free for 90 days (I don't have insurance) because it was associated with a mental health crisis I think
Is there any possibility that you could switch to a psychiatrist specializing in neurobiology or bio-psychiatry? It sounds like, from what you say, you might need a professional skilled in psycho-pharmacology.
If I have overstepped any boundaries, I truly apologize.
Holistic is NOT a movement away from evidence practices. It incorporates proven practices that work on body, mind, social and other domains. The best neuroscientists say ‘regulate the body, regulate the mind’ holistic is the most effective approach unless the treater has pet practices that don’t particularly work for you. Give it a shot! :) take what works, leave the rest. Your the driver of ur recovery
@@christiegriffith5883 I don't have an issue with integrated medicine but stand alone holistic therapy techniques are not based in evidence. All I can find is when used with traditional therapy, holistic therapy "may" be helpful. As someone who thinks empirical evidence is important I just can't get behind holistics. From my understanding holistics require a belief in spirituality and I don't believe in spirituality in the contemporary or traditional sense.
Hey Dr. Honda…I’m wondering why you continue to view all these videos through the lens of these personality disorders. My understanding is that AHs profile was sub clinical.. and as far as I can tell Dr. Curry didn’t rule out any differentials.
The subclinical number was just the test result from the MMP thing. That's one of thousands of data points Dr. Curry took into consideration. And while no clinician will diagnose someone they haven't met, frankly the tapes of how upset she gets - to a clearly disordered degree - about a perception of abandonment from the slightest pretext is textbook borderline.
@@kpanyc The MMPI2 shouldn't have even be mentioned in her testimony because it was irrelevant. She spent a lot of time talking about it. She should have testified to what validated tests she used as part of her psychometric testing for BPD.
I don't think she went by the tapes, because context is crucial. And she had to demonstrate that they were pervasive, that they were across contexts, and that they couldn't be explained by IPV experience.
@@kpanyc the sub clinical # is THE number that matters. it doesn’t matter what the “data points” say if they’re sub clinical.
there’s a lot of “data points” in my blood work, that my doctor takes into account, but if none of my scores are below or above a normal range than my doctor wouldn’t make a diagnosis. because that would be ridiculous.
The subtle “Drugs are bad mmmkay?” had me dying
The “funny” part about Wolf of WallStreet wasn’t about his addiction but the mistake he made when taking expired Quaaludes. He took his normal amount, hours went by and he didn’t feel anything. So he probably figured they were weaker than normal because they were expired. So he took more not knowing that the pills being expired just delayed the effectiveness not it’s strength. So after him being impatient & popping more pills that he thought was weak it ended kicking in all at once hours later and was so strong he couldn’t walk. And then the scene with Jonah was funny too. People were laughing at them being high not them being addicts.
Dr. Kirk, I disagree with what you said about the fact that we shouldn't laugh at drug addiction because it's serious and not funny. I think it's all about how you make the joke. A joke can either be profoundly hurtful, or it can actually be healing. One of the ways I got through my trauma was finding a way to laugh about it. Heck, sometimes I'll make a joke about my epilepsy, because it helps me. It's just a much better way to go through life. Have a cry when you need to, but also laugh at the absurdity and pain sometimes.
I love Paul Martin's podcast, which I believe you've been a guest on, or maybe he was a guest on yours? He's a comedian and frequently makes -- what I believe are tasteful -- mental health jokes.
We can't just go through life always being serious and somber about life's difficulties. In my opinion....laughing at them sometimes is the only thing that gets us through this crazy life, which involves some degree of suffering for all.
PS, Wolf of Wall Street was a fantastic movie. :)
Yeah, I think when one has mental pain, there is a release from laughing at the absurdity. I remember reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in college. It was so completely absurd, and of course, Hunter S. Thompson was an amazing writer, so you could completely imagine what he was describing. I don't think it was about laughing at the addict. It was about the absurdity of it all and relating to him as a person who could find themselves in the same predicament. In some ways, I could really relate to Hunter S. Thompson, so his expression of his own predicament touched me deeply and it isn't often that someone else can touch me so deeply. It's like he is someone who could understand me, like almost no one else could. That is what makes you laugh, because you realize how messed up that person is because of what happened to them in their lives, and you have had similar feelings, and yet you have had to keep it together all this time, while here they are totally expressing the absurdity of their lives right out in plain sight to the general public. Maybe someone who hasn't felt that depth of pain can't understand this. Same with Charles Bukowski. It isn't laughing at them, it is relating so deeply to them that it makes you laugh and realize there are people out there who feel as you do, who have been there, like you have, and they are completely out there about it. I remember Charles Bukowski saying something once about some guy who came up to him and said he was just like him, and Charles Bukowski replied, well, no you aren't because if you were, you wouldn't be here talking to me. That made me chuckle, but it is so true. When you have a lot of internal pain, other people can just suck the life out of you and you don't want to be around a lot of people, and Bukowski even says this about himself. So yeah, it all sounds pretty horrible, but when he says something that rings true, it can make you chuckle. He is reading your thoughts. Maybe that's why Dr. Honda is the psychologist, and people like me are the ones here listening to him - to get some compassion for ourselves. So both are right.
I think it was more about how other people laughed, in the theater. Sometimes, even when something is funny to you because it resonates on a deep level, you can sense that many people are laughing in a different way and it can be very alienating.
(Most obvious example would be when David Chapelle noped out of his show and pretty much his career because of the way certain white audiences were reacting to his racial jokes. He didn't say they were bad jokes, but he realized he didn't like how they were landing with people with different life experiences.)
@@Suzanne4415 Ok, that makes sense. I didn’t watch the whole movie and it was in my house. Also I liked the book way better than the movie.
As someone who is following this trial daily (alas), I appreciate your commentary relating to earlier in the trial, because I have someone forgotten what has come before. ❤️🎶
Holy shit. That panopticon description hit hard. I had heard of it in terms of a prison before, but never in terms of a parent and that as 100% my experience.
I always have to look perfect around my mom. Dirty hair, a scraped knee, bad skin, all of these things had to be hidden or else she would convince me that everyone was watching and that I was such a pretty girl, its such a pity about this one thing that would render me completely valueless.
The worst would be if my mom only noticed the flaw once I had been out all day. Because she hadn't been there to protect me. Everyone had seen! They had probably all talked about it behind my back. A good day was ruined because of a little thing that I had not taken care enough to notice.
In the car, at school, even in bed. I had to be ready to be observed.
'Wear pretty nighties incase there's a fire and you have to go out in front of all the neighbours'
'Always eat prettily because there might be a handsome man in the corner watching you'
'Never go out without makeup, because you never know who you might run into.'
I thought this was just an aspect of feminity, always being watched.
And Ive been fighting it from that point of view. I still have standards for myself to uphold, but I have learned to remember that people have their on shit going on and they arent looking at my makeup at the garage.
If AH was withholding JD’s meds that would explain his aggressive behavior breaking things while not hitting her; the narrative they’re spinning keeps changing like Josh saying he or Rachel took the photos using AH’s phone camera instead of theirs, “to avoid potential accusations of bias”!!!
Emotional Awareness is modeled. So I understand how this path of drugs started at a young age for Johnny.
I teach my children that feels are a choice and you can learn to choose how you feel even when someone is trying to provoke you. My son is 12 and he's learning this concept well "I choose how I feel"; "I choose not to let you upset me".
I feel so bad for Johnny. Everything in life led him toward this horrible relationship.
I know you are doing your best for your children, but I guess the way you frame this is concerning for me. We cannot choose our emotions, we can (mainly) choose how we behave. I have experiences with my parents telling me to ‘choose’ how to feel, and what it accomplished in my adult life was 1. Not being able to accept negative feelings, 2. Feeling guilty and ashamed when feeling bad feelings, etc. When I was depressed, I thought it was my fault for being unable to be happy, which didn’t help. I’m sure you are doing your best but I don’t think teaching your children to control how they feel is healthy, it might teach them to simply push away their feelings and not be in touch with themselves. What has helped me is accepting the feeling, processing it, and that leads to the feeling having less control. Perhaps teaching your kid to accept their feelings and do their best to behave compassionately is better than framing it as ‘feelings are a choice’ (because while we have some control over our mindset, feelings/emotions are not controllable). Have a nice day :)
I see this idea very often and I think it definitely has it's merits, but I don't think it's totally fair to say that you always choose how to feel. My brother would bully me, beat me and would always tell me that I chose to get upset with him whenever he did these things. That was basically a get out of jail for free card for him, because that meant that he could continue to torment me without any blame, because it was my own fault for being upset after all. Crying after he told me I was worthless and unlovable, or after he threatened me, all these things would always be considered a choice. I don't think it's a choice when you're in a super stressful situation and you're scared. It made me feel really shitty to be told that I could just choose not to get upset at being beaten or threatened
@@TheEmeraldLady sorry this happened to you, I hope you’re doing well now :) I think a better way of framing the idea is that as an adult, ‘no one is responsible for your emotional well-being besides yourself.’ Of course it is not okay for people to cause you suffering, but we also shouldn’t rely on external sources (like other people’s actions) to give us internal happiness. It’s when we put our own emotional burden on others that we start causing others pain. It’s not our fault if someone causes us to suffer, but our happiness is our own gift to ourselves. I think this framing is healthier than ‘I can choose how I feel’.
Completely deadpan “I’m not saying drugs are bad mmkay” 😂😂😂
I think you are so right about kids and that crossing that threshold.
Secretary is a great movie, and Maggie Gyllenhaal is a fantastic actress!
I've been watching this case daily. So far in testimony, no one has actually witnessed JD physically abuse AH.
Many have audibly heard them arguing and only after the fact seen broken bottles, glass, furniture, or; the aftermath... but no one has seen him actually physically abuse her. It's been AH that's told others that JD was who committed all these horrible acts, yet not one person has testified to witnessing first hand these allegations.
I have read that people with personality disorders often self harm.
I cannot help but feel this is likely what happened in this case.
If this is indeed the true cause of all this, I fear AH is a clear danger, to herself.
Not many saw my ex hit me. He was very good at being the charmer and good guy in public.
@QueenMushu In the few cases people witnessed violence between my ex and I, no one ever notified the police. Someone has to be willing to press charges, and married people rarely do.
But when she talked about the HORRIFIC events of severe abuse and SA was hard to watch, and then her evidence photos do not add up at all to her claims. The extreme contrast from her story and her evidence is insane to me.
I'm fkn disturbed by that testimony...it triggered the ever living fkk out of me by watching it, then she had *nothing* to back it up or show for... I was livid.💀
We were expecting a goddamn massacre up in here and all we got was a dirty mirror, a few cans on the floor, broken glasses behind the counter, some drops of blood from JD's fingers on the floor and that was pretty much it..💀
Girl, after that event as she explained it SHE SHOULD'VE GONE TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM ASAP!
I was pretty much done after that shit tbh.😑
@QueenMushu yupp a couple of them said if he hit her they would have called 911 but they failed to show him that same respect when she hit him....
I think the most alarming thing is that people were living in close proximity to them. They were rarely without guests and no one ever saw him hit her. His rings would have wrecked her face. She recounts the events differently every time. Provoked him to anger then followed him to fight him.
I have a hard time believing that he regularly beat her, if at all.
Dr Honda discusses about how people have claimed that Depp can't be the abuser because Depp claims he distanced himself and left during conflict.
Of note, if Amber Heard has a certain type of Borderline where abandonment is a trigger, she could view those moments of withdrawal as a form of abandonment, even up to the point of viewing them as an act of emotional abuse. I really appreciated Dr Honda's description of abuse internally viewed through the person's mind vs our external views.
It was Jeramy Bentham that proposed the panopticon. Foucault wrote about it as an example of society of Control.
I came here for the Depp/heard testimony ceremony and stayed for the parenting advice on how to and TO display/talk/understand/explain emotion to our kids and ourselves
I appreciate you talking about how important it is to reflect on WHY you might be using a substance regularly. Throughout 2020 (and some of 2021) I was using marijuana frequently--it started with just weekends and progressed to a point where I was high any time I was not working--and all of it stemmed from my dad passing away in late 2019. It took me a full year or more to realize that I was doing this, especially since I thought I had handled the grief. Turns out it was still going on just under the surface. Unfortunately, I believe my sister is suffering for the same reason, except her drug of choice is alcohol.
Thank you for all your hard work!
Re: the Wolf of Wall Street comment, the figure the movie is about (Jordan Belfort) actually encouraged Scorsese to include that Quaalude scene and the realty of his character's addiction was brought back to the forefront abruptly during the fight with his wife.
This was fascinating. I sort of expected the panopticon discussion to be about all of her friends living in his properties with master keys. Interesting to see it come up before that situation was discussed in court.
It was Jeremy Bentham who devised the panopticon. Foucault applied this prison model to the modern state apparatus.
Ayyyyye congrats on the 300k
I understand why he’s lying, and I don’t blame him for it, our society has an incredibly hypocritical way of dealing with drugs and treating people who use and abuse them. Johnny might have been using them some times to escape and numb himself out, but claiming he’s never used drugs to “party” never recreationally, only medically and usually self prescribed.
His texts and what he’s testified himself to doing prove that. Just his talks with Marilyn Manson, while funny, shows that he likes to get high and use drugs with people socially. There’s nothing wrong with that, I don’t get why he doesn’t just say so.
He does say so, but in any case he has overcome his addictions.
Lying about it can be concerning
Just for anyone interested in the panopticon, I'm not sure if Foucault dealt with the panopticon in his philosphizing about governmentality, but the panopticon was first designed and thought about by the English philosopher Jeremy Bentham.
"Ask yourself what you're trying to escape?"....life? Just in general, escaping life.
Wow
I remember wanting chores soo badly as a kid,
23:57 you embodied Mr. Macky's(Southpark counselor) "um kay" like a pro.
I'm almost 40 so I don't know exactly how old I was when fear and loathing came out but I remember absolutely hating the movie. I found it dreadful and couldn't wait for it to end. I actually didn't even realize he was in fear and loathing. I don't remember what the next movie he was in that I saw him, but I thought he was cute and I liked him.
Have you ever seen a series called The Vow? About the NXIVM cult. That series helped me realise that I grew up in a high control family, I went into an abusive high control marriage and was bullied out of a job that had a lot of cult like tendencies. If you haven’t seen it, you might find it interesting
Do psychological studies show that during alcoholic blackouts a person completely loses their moral compass? I find it hard to believe the violence involved in the alleged rape but alcoholics certainly are capable of hitting someone.
As a person who lives near the Rubicone I wasn't aware that the saying "cross the Rubicon" was international!
I love your reactions! Would you consider disorganized attachment related to codependency in any way? They seem similar to me from what I understand of your explanation.
Please someone help answer this question!! 🙏🏻
I can’t seem to understand how Johnny Depp has been drinking HEAVILY, abusing street drugs, smoking cigarettes, taking acid, ecstasy, speed, and not to mention all the prescription pills for ~40 years and is still handsome, youthful-appearing, intelligent, well-spoken, incredible at his job, kind, fun, etc.. (I only count marijuana as something foreign being inhaled, which makes it unhealthy, but I haven’t seen anyone experience harm from it otherwise). HOW????
Also, how has he not accidentally mixed something resulting in overdose? Like Heath Ledger, Whitney Houston, Dana Plato, Britney Murphy…. and on and on.