Loving your comments! Let me clarify that I agree with you all about the instances of verbal and emotional abuse specifically through intimidation and withdrawal which I discuss. This video focuses on the warning signs for us to pay attention to in our own dating lives and relationships. When I refer to “DV,” I’m referring to the speculations most of us have heard about *physical* violence which I of course cannot confirm. I’m sorry for not making that clearer!
Oh thank you for clarifying. I was just about to comment on DV being also mental and "scaring" just as bad, as it's important not to invalidate the victims (them abusers making us feel crazy enough as is...). Otherwise love those break downs! Onto the next one 😁
Has nothing to do with love is blind, but how about MAFS. I’m interested to know what you thought of Alexis and Justin’s dynamic. If you watched of course. It was so…all over the place.
I would love to see you do a video on SK and Raven. There has been a lot on social media about the cheating allegations with SK, which I feel is very disappointing because of the way he portrayed himself in the show. I got the sense of someone who was mature, had ambition, very thoughtful, and ready for commitment. I also feel we saw growth in Raven throughout the season because of her relationship with SK and the experience itself. I would love to hear your professional input on their relationship.
Did you see the news coverage based on Brennon's DV arrest by Dallas police? Regarding incident with his ex, where police report from Jan. 2021 said they observed arm bruises & wrist scratches? Any observations?
I would like your take on the “successful” or should I say still married couples from this show . What made them last longer than the others what are the green flags from the start of the relationship I’m in vested in these videos thank you ❤
Something that was a BIG red flag for me was the fact that Matt only accepted the truth about the pool incident when he heard it from Cole, who said basically the same thing Colleen did. He listened to the guy who was involved in the situation and not to his fiancé
You ever give your man an idea and he doesn't want to hear it until his boys say the same exact thing? Same concept here. Men respect other men so they take their word more seriously than the person they literally lay with every night for some reason.
Hmm I don’t see it that way. There were 2 ppl in that scene Cole and Colleen. Colleen could lie in order to save face but Cole has no reason to at this point. I don’t think it’s the fact that he believes Cole over her but that their stories match up
Omg! that is what I am saying, it makes logical sense. When I watch these episodes all I see is their flaws and personal issues and I'm like why do they not do couples counseling, why don't the producers see this?
He scared me that night he got in her face and left for the first time. I was genuinely afraid for her and she looked so uncomfortable to me at the reunion.
You know, I actually think Cole and Colleen would have made a LOT more sense. I know Cole wanted something deeper, but I think Colleen would have gotten there and they are both more easy going, fun loving people. I think they would have made a great couple.
Agreed. She’s so sweet and non-confrontational and he’s just like a little puppy dog who also doesn’t like conflict. They both just want to laugh and have fun. He might have gotten on her nerves but I think it would have been better than what they ended up with.
Colleen was committed to not leaving alone because she got rejected twice in the pods & was called out for being surface level. She definitely settled. Matt is really aggressive & it’s worrisome.
Right! I can see how he could be verbally and emotionally abusive to her BUT she was determined to get a ring from anyone before she left 🤦🏾♀️. They both need therapy
i was SO hoping you would talk more about the aquarium scene. The way he kept saying “don’t play games colleen, say it, say it, say it” and the anger in his eyes was honestly terrifying and i would’ve loved some more analysis of that
I was sort of torn on that scene because she seemed like she was going to be passive about it, but then she actually shared the truth. An odd dynamic for sure
@@StephAnya the aquarium scene was real disturbing for me. I could see how manipulative he was in the response and his body language...he turned so quickly
I found it particularly disturbing how terrified Colleen looked at the reunion. Matt was towering over her which I perceive as a demonstration of his power. I don’t really believe they have worked out the issues in their power dynamic yet
I’d like to know if you noticed Colleen’s oddly quiet persona at the reunion. She seemed tired and definitely not present. As Matt was raving about her, she seemed detached and her facial expression was weak. We know Colleen to be very bubbly and chatty throughout the szn, so that was concerning to me and many others.
I think after watching the show together before the union, they had another fight. And at the reunion she knew Matt would watch her each second of it and so she was very very cautious in looking towards Cole. She is just avoiding another fight at home. If she needs a peaceful and fun life, she needs to get out of that marriage sooner than later.
Something I picked up on when Matt and Colleen were talking about how they "resolved" the issues of that night when Matt had his first blow up was that Matt was primarily the one speaking and he kept saying that "we have to work on our communication." Who's "we"? 'Cause last time I checked, Colleen was being completely honest and was working with Matt and even walked away when it was getting too much for her while Matt was talking over her, following her when she clearly was separating herself, yelling, talking to the producer, threatening to leave, and basically physically intimidating her to a degree. Very interesting how he was like "we" instead of "I."
It stuck out to me that at the reunion when Nick and Vanessa did their segue to address the Pool Incident, Colleen looked scared. It is definitely something that is still affecting that couple even though nothing happened and the reunion is a YEAR later. I don't think anyone would be surprised if she did step forward in the future and say she was abused in this relationship. I hope they are both in therapy.
I agree with you. I thought she had fear written all over her face during the reunion. She was also being over apologetic. I felt like as if Matt had threatened or something on what she could or couldn’t say. 😢
I’m sure it is, if he’s still talking about getting cheated on 10 years later. I’m sure she can’t even say thank you for a glass of water from a male waiter. I feel for her.
@@nigeriasimone6065 honestly he seems like the type to be like waiting at home because she’s coming home late and then unalive her and run away I’m sorry but I got that vibe and I’m not wrk g about these things. I hope she’s okay
Matt gives me the creeps. At the reunion Colleen did look nervous and frightened. And does Matt behave like he does because his partner left him or was he left because he acted like this for a long time?
First person I’ve seen who’s commented this type of thing! I’ve wondered that too. So much focus is on his narrative of his ex cheating and getting pregnant, but I wonder why it went down like that. She contacted him via phone to end it..? Afraid maybe? After so many years together it should be uncomfortable etc but worth doing it in person. And being cheated on is awful for sure but it seems like it just happened for him, rather than 10yrs before. I would expect some healing to have happened in that time, maybe what part he had in the relationship break down. Idk
there's no way being cheated on one time by only one person would cause such anger. Eiterh he's got way more trauma behind him or he was abusive to that woman and that's why she cut and run
The look in his eyes and the laughing anger thing he has multiple times was the exact same look and laugh my ex had right before he moved from the verbal abuse to the physical abuse. He scares the shit out of me and I already feel sorry for Colleen. I’m not therapist but there’s some looks you just know.
I have to admit - while I completely understand what you're saying about not speculating about abuse without proof - I got abuse vibes from Matt hard enough to throw me into temporary flashbacks from my own abuse, (at the hands of my parents and then ex-husband). Let me start out by saying, Matt and Colleen were another couple that swapped, for me. I didn't care for her originally; she came off as shallow, admitting that she didn't want to "go deep," and mentioning the fact that "guys always go for the ballerina" over and over and OVER. I felt like she settled for him because everyone else turned her down. He started out as my favorite of the guys, in the pods. And then his anger and his running, and how brutally honest his friends were...seeing Colleen shrink and beg made me a little sick to my stomach. His anger scared me, and I found myself hoping she would let him go and he *would* leave...for her sake. But it was the reunion that sealed that feeling for me. Colleen rarely smiled; she looked miserable at times (understandably, when she was watching the pool party replay), and Matt was absolutely cold, saying things were great (and she'd nod along in agreement), but it felt...fake and forced. If you look at her eyes, there are times she actually looks terrified. For someone who was so "bubbly" in the pods...she was not that woman in the reunion. She was withdrawn, quiet, only spoke when spoken to, or to affirm what he said. She didn't even throw in with the other women to show support for those "scorned" (like everyone else was standing up for Zanab). She seemed isolated all the way across the room, alone, cut off from the group; a shell of the shallow, bubbly, but slightly self-centered girl in the pods (and the one who was so proud of herself for standing up to him during the show saying "you could lose me"). It actually made my blood run cold. You are absolutely right, I could be wrong. I could very well be misreading things, or projecting. But I recognized what I thought I was seeing, because I *was* that withdrawn, terrified, isolated girl.
I completely agree. You are NOT projecting. I think Matt will be or IS also physically abusive. Be it a strong hold, neck choke, push or whatever. It's not always a straight box to the face. I think they need therapists on this show like Married at First Sight. And somebody should've said I OBJECT! Be it the producers themselves.! Because I think she can't get out on her own.
I couldn’t agree more. His behavior is exactly like my abusive ex and watching them is super triggering. He seems so likeable until you see the switch flip and it’s truly terrifying.
I really like this channel and the therapist but I feel she is often so concerned abt not taking sides that she won’t make judgement calls on whether there are truly abusive/red flag worthy behavior from men. Not all women grew up in aggressive high conflict households. There is def room for growth for women that avoid healthy conflict but I moreso see situations w women being traumatized putting up w aggressive, unhinged, kindergartner behavior from full grown men because “boys will be boys” or I didn’t think it was that bad”. Well, the majority of women in these comments hv been in unhealthy dynamics. They gave those partners the benefit of the doubt up front and now they need therapy to heal. It’s giving TOO much benefit of the doubt or I don’t want to be labeled a male basher. Men hv a power dynamic by default so that shld be acknowledged. How many women are the perpetrators of homicide, stalking and SA cause some guy rejected them???
I've been in abusive relationship followed by an abusive marriage/divorce. (I'm now healed and with a loving, healthy partner) Matt gives me major Abuser vibes. There's a lot of covert signs. I was so hoping Colleen would say no at the wedding. I really fear for what her future looks like with him.
Now Matt has her trapped, even if she wants out of the relationship she will fear his reaction so much that she’d probably not break up with him cause he’d say she’s just like his ex for hurting him when she’s not like his ex 😓
Omg I agree so heavy with everyone on this, I’ve also personally been in an abusive relationship where the flags were seriously just the same and watching their story play out terrified me. I had no idea of the abuse allegations but now that I have I don’t need evidence to know that it’s true. I just feel it. I pray she finds her way out and heals from what will surly be a traumatic experience.
There were no persistent signs of any kind of abuse. People are using that single argument to paint him as an abuser and it's delegitimizing actual abuse victims.
There wasn’t any abuse in any form fam. He running away is not abuse, she also said out loud you can’t keep running away. Even at the reunion she talked and appreciated the other guys he wasn’t flaring up. He always let her speak and defended her, they have problems but no proof of abuse.
@@ania5038 intimidation is a form of DV. You don’t have to hit someone to be abusive, Colleen wanted to be picked, and she is ignoring huge red flags about him.
@@LuvJonesie OH MY GOD. Just because Colleen was crying you automatically assume Matt was intimidating her. He was just raising his voice. That is not abuse. It's insulting to see how people consider this abuse as an abuse victim myself.
It was was after that first fight between Matt and Colleen that I stoped watching the show. As someone who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship, I knew EXACTLY where they were headed, so I quit while I was ahead.
Matt is a ticking time bomb and is likely controlling due to getting cheated on. I fear for Colleen because she does not see this huge red flags. He made Cole talking to her her problem and did not believe her when she told him what happened, he has no real trust in her at all
Uhhh she created that for herself. He was upset about the fact that she called him handsome and entertained it. She showed real signs of cheating on him
@@hashtagmate he was talking about how he felt about what she said. Ultimately, she disrespected him. If you don’t want to acknowledge that, that’s your problem. He spoke about how he felt. He didn’t even yell at her. It’s not abuse and I suspect you may have some misandrist feeling so I’m out of this convo.
It doesn't look bad, but I think it's good to remember we don't actually know these people. As far as we know this is the first relationship he's been in since the trauma, and if that's what caused this behavior, it is possible to get over that. From what we've seen I think Colleen was also very good at both deescalating arguments and having frank conversations about their relationship. If it's something two people want to work on, I don't think strangers should be discouraging them.
I was so sad for Colleen when she said yes to Matt. Her facial expression (such as often smiling with her mouth but fear in her eyes) and body language read as scared when she is around him, or talking about him (examples: 19:10, 23:37).
The way that the love is blind team handled Matt (or lack thereof) pissed me off! Nick & Vanessa were asking the wrong things!! They need real therapist on this show. I hope she’s really okay. I’m glad they don’t live together cuz whew.
Yes! Yes! Yes! As a therapist myself and someone who’s been in abusive relationships, he definitely showed red flags/very concerning behaviors. He was giving abuser vibes and Colleen was giving people pleasing/fawning vibes.
I'm so glad you caught the sister's face too! I had to rewind that part when I watched it. While I wasn't a fan of Colleen because of how shallow she came across, she grew on me when she showed how sweet and loving she is with everyone.
Colleen was rejected by two before getting with matt, it felt kinda desperate and i feel like she deserved better :( but the better she needs is from herself, not others. What she's looking for is inside of her
totally. what steph described in the "mom would be mad" scene makes so much sense though, apparently her family is of that kind that values marriage over everything, even if youre not happy, so colleen grew up in that thinking and then steps over her gut feeling of saying no and says yes. her mom was so relieved, while colleen after the vows was more like "wow crazy i CANT BELIEVE i did it" but not in a fully positive way. so sad that colleen is now in this situation when she just tried to hold up the value her mom taught her....
I am so happy you talked about this! I don't know why there isn't more focus on how bad this match is, she looked terrified at the reunion! I can imagine he has lots of anger issues and she has to watch her every word. Not living together is the best idea in the world. Maybe a divorce is even better. Also the evening when she went out without him...I don't remember where but there was an explanation that he was supposed to go out with them but got so drunk he forgot and didn't pick up his phone...but in any case a partner shouldn't be so controlling and threatening to leave all the time, she said that is her biggest thing - rejection. I don't know, this relationship is just one big red flag to me.
It really caught my attention their body language in the reunion, like matt is all over her and colleen seems uncomfortable idk i hope they can see what is best for them, and if that is breaking up i hope they do it
Matt was a big ol 🚩for me. Their first fight was a huge change in his personality. He’s like a chameleon. And I didn’t like how aggressive he was being. Maybe it was my own trauma talking through the episode, but I was thinking “I’m glad there’s cameramen there”
That’s exactly what I felt. Like they were both just trauma bonded. Colleen settled to the first guy to show her “love” and Matt settled to the first girl that could “heal” him from his past heartbreak.
People can get together for the wrong reasons and still end up being good for each other. And while I don't think anyone should ignore those kinds of red flags, I think we did see some growth on both of their parts even during such a short time.
Thank you for this. Matt reminds me a lot of ex partner. The time that we were together, I really wanted to be with him so I convinced myself that his over-reactions were normal, that I was indeed in the wrong. He would flare up at really minor things, like me talking to a guy friend at a party or saying that a youtuber was boring, and then the next morning it would be like nothing had happened. No real resolution, just faded away. And I didn't want to reignite it so I wouldn't bring it up. He played on my fears of abandonment. Breaking up with him is the most painful thing I've ever done, and videos like this help me remember why it was necessary, and now in a better (?) place.
I was searching for a comment like this. This is one of the reasons I too broke up with my ex partner and it too was the hardest thing I had to do but their over reactions scared me so much and I knew it wasn't normal but I tried to convince myself that people react differently and I should just adjust to it, until I couldn't anymore. Well done on making that decision and realising that you deserve better!
I had an ex like that as well. The insecurities were causing him to go crazy and make things up, he would blow up over nothing then down play it once he was done being mad. Then if I didn’t get over it with him in that moment, he would get mad again. My ex is bipolar and I definitely think Matt might be too.
@@riefqah__m8256 I'm sorry you went through this. It's two months short of a year since we broke up, and I still sometimes doubt I don't deserve better, that it was all in my head because I'm a coward, that if only I'd done this or that...
@@cisi3447 Yes me too. Something happened in the fourth month of our relationship, and he accused me of causing it. To the point where he said he didn't trust me and threatened to break up. It was one of my worst days, I was then moving mountains to prove that it wasn't from me. Eventually I did prove it, and he never apologized for the hell he put me through. Four months later, one of my friends who'd had experience with that thing explained how it could have happened from his end. When I gently brought this up with, he flared up again, asking me why I'm bringing it up. I wanted to say, "oH you're happy to dish it out, but not take it?" Instead, I meekly said, "I'm sorry."
@@citiesandcats yes!!! You’ll never satisfy this type of person because they’re not even satisfied with themselves. It blows my mind the hoops we’ll jump through to prove our innocence. I was defending arguments that I couldn’t even wrap my head around . That’s when I knew I had to move on.
Sometimes I wonder what these connections are that they have. Cole “fell in love” with Zanab because she shared a story about losing her folks and was Christian. Brennan and A. “fell in love” over a shared love of shakshuka and family. What caused Matt and Colleen to fall in love? Where’s _that_ footage? I know they have a short time, but I’m too cynical to think any of them are actually in love when they first say it.
Agreed. I believe they are more so falling in love with the fairytale romantic idea of eachother. They basically pick someone based off them being easy to talk to and having things in common. That being said, some of the couples on the show seem to have very little in common. The experiment is too rushed and lacks many important aspects of bonding early on such as being able to see the other's facial expressions while talking and being able to have even the simplest form of physical affection such as a hug.
I felt like Colleen’s fear during talking about the pool and Cole thing is that she’s terrified to be seen as a villain. I think she was petrified for the others to jump on her like they had with Cole.
I think there's some truth to this. It definitely is true that they hear all the online abuse from fans of the show long before they get to the reunion. She's probably been villanized quite a bit. However, that doesn't explain it all for me.
I love these analyses! Can you please talk about SK & Raven’s relationship as it relates to cultural differences? That was the one outcome that really shocked me!
i always thought Matt had those empty "shark eyes" when he started getting mad and if you know, you know. Watching this vid brought it all back. seeing them on the last reunion episode for season 6 was wild.
Could you please do Brennan and Alexa?? He seems to be a "yes" man so the video will probably be short but they look like opposites so it might be very interesting. Also the angle of them having no fights at all is fascinating
Yeah they did seem to have a genuine connection but I think Brennan a lot of the time was just going along with everything so that he doesn't lose Alexa. There were sometimes were it was sweet like when he hung out with her friends even though they didn't seem like his crowd, or how he wanted to learn more about her Religion. But there was also some concering things like: "hey come sign this prenup" OK! "your gonna provide my daughter with the same lifestyle she's accousomed to" ok!
Honestly I don’t think Alexa is a good person. The way she took this position to lead in instigating at the reunion was disgusting. I think she has a bad influence. She made a comment on everyone couple’s relationship. Their relationship might be fine but her as a person is not ok. She is not a good person.
Such a good point to pay attention to what friends and family are saying! They see it all, they know the person but are removed enough to have an honest opinion. Your partner may say he's very helpful around the house but if his roommate jokes about how he never cleans, that says a lot!
Gonna push back on the concept that DV wasn’t present. It doesn’t need to be physical. It can be verbal abuse and manipulative gaslighting type of tactics. And what was even more concerning than the 1st blow up was Matt going mental when Colleen went out with her friends and didn’t tell him. I have been in that situation where you are basically imprisoned by someone wanting to control you. And you isolate more and more because you know if you do one small thing of independence, they will get volatile and angry. I don’t think Matt beats Colleen. But I do think he has major control issues and will seek to control her more and more, and will be successful at it with his volatile outbreaks and her fear of abandonment. It’s a bad combo.
I don't read a lot of the comments, so I don't know if anyone had mentioned it previously, but apart of great input on relathionships, and things to look out in our own situations I absolutely love your hair in every video! It's gorgeous
If you have time to do a video on the group dynamics between the women and Brennan punching down on Cole in the reunion, I know I’d appreciate that. It’s really bothered me for some time now, as I think its a common scenario, and really has the potential to do serious harm. From my perspective it was very much a pile on and seemed like it was based on a lot of assumption and here-say about Cole’s treatment of Zanab, and not a lot of first hand knowledge. Would love to hear how to avoid that sort of “group-think” bullying, affective ways to take in information from friends about their relationship without automatically taking sides, and how to speak up against the crowd when it seems like stories arnt aligning with truth. (Bartise did this a little, when he pushed back about Zanab’s friends and family clapping after her rejection, but it was truly shocking that NO ONE else pushed back on her narrative. There were moments where I could almost SEE Ravens wheels turning trying to marry up what Zanab was saying with what she witnessed, but at the end of the day, she just doubled down on the accusations. Of course that’s all assumptions).
This was definitely Zanab telling everyone her "version" of what happened, the cutie situation....how she portrayed it versus how it actually happened...she told everyone her version of events. And of course upon hearing that, Alexa who is a plus sized woman took that to heart and felt really strongly/passionate about that, and in turn influenced her husband Brennan to feel the same way...they both believed Zanab...
Cole definitely seemed like a manipulator to me and the Cutie’s situation could’ve easily been upsetting for Zanab if he was treating her a certain way off-screen. There’s a lot of stuff manipulators do to you specifically to push *your* buttons that might look like nothing to other people. Let’s not forget Cole flirting with Colleen and lashing out at Zanab every time she had an issue with him. Zanab wasn’t without fault, but let’s not act like Cole is some innocent baby that got called out for no reason. edit: and frankly, I’m not compelled to put too much merit on anything that Bartise says considering the way he treated Nancy
Domestic Violence is not limited to physical aspect. There is financial, sexual, and emotional abuse. When we see Colleen falling into herself that could be considered emotional abuse even more so when she witnessed his treatment of her when he was upset. This information is coming from someone who has worked for DV.
Exactly. Which is why this relationship is so scary. I hold the show accountable for not stepping and not providing counseling as a standard on the show.
I just watched the reunion show lastnight. Colleen looked petrified when the topic of the pool scene came up about Cole and her. I thought it was very odd.
You have my favorite reaction concent. Thoughtful, insightful and validating. You're helping to reinforce the work I'm doing with my therapist. Thank you girl!
When you see couples privately is violence the only type of abuse that is concerning? If couples are experiencing verbal, emotional, or psychological abuse would that be something a therapist would speak privately to a client over? It seemed fairly emotionally abusive that Matt would intimidate her and she would literally shrink down into herself physically to appease him. Perhaps she had experienced other type of abuse in her life that made her react that way, but her reaction was consistent during each of his outbursts. That, to me, seems like a marker of abuse, despite it not involving a scar or bruise. Furthermore, Matt completely overtook the conversations at the reunion. Colleen looked VISIBLY uncomfortable when they brought up the pool scene and barely spoke. Maybe Matt got a bad edit but regardless of that, it seems like there was a missed opportunity to shed light on red flags for partner abuse and how to get help if it is needed.
You summarised Colleen and Matt exactly how I would have. The shrinking down into herself was so apparent and it appears as though that may be her coping mechanism to avoid conflict.
A bad edit? He is screaming in her face. She is terrified. She is even terrified of him at the reunion show when they show the pool party clip. This is not a 'bad edit'. This is an abusive relationship.
@@gusmonster59, I completely agree- that’s why I’m shocked the video did not outright label that sort of behavior as such. It seemed to give him the benefit of the doubt 🤷🏽♀️ I think it was glaringly apparent that she was scared of him.
Very intelligent, insightful and accurate assessment of the couple! I love everything you had to say and was cheering for the points you made which others may shy away from mentioning. What an elegant lady you are. Love your sparkly eyeshadow. Thanks for your video!
Please do all the couples!! I loved and agree with both videos and picked up on a lot of the things you said. One thing I didn’t see was zoom in on sister reaction!! That was so telling. U are amazing ty. Looking forward to the other three couples
I commented in the last video for a Matt and Colleen video and was so excited to see this! Love your analysis and looking forward to Cole and Zanab next!
Watching this made me very emotional. I’ve had some mistrust issues with my partner and I see some of myself in Matt. The spiraling and the fear he was feeling of thinking he picked someone he couldn’t trust. It just sucks because all my friends and family were supporting my crazy behavior but I bet if I was a man it would be very different. I’m working on it now and things are getting better. Also Matt was looking like he could be violent which is terrifying. I hope they both got a therapist and working through their issues and I hope they are both safe. Relationships are hard asf.
I've seen some of your videos commenting on love is blind and i already want you as my therapist 😂❤ i think you're very good at what you're doing. Thanks for sharing
Great video, I love how unbiased you are when covering these topics! However, I definitely would've loved to see a more in-depth analysis regarding the Love is Blind reunion and Colleen's behavior/body language, it seemed very concerning.
I was wondering, if he cannot handle her talking to other guys, how will he be able to tolerate other men touching her? She is a dancer, she will have dance partners and she will be close to them. I'm really really scared for Colleen and I really hope Matt is getting therapy for his issues.
Loved your insight in this video! Your were actually very understanding towards Matt and broke down his behavior in a way where it was easy to see his perspective. Everyone online has been very openly calling him abusive, which I think is very disrespectful. We can easily use the terms "unhealthy" or "concerning" to describe their relationship because without any proof, its all just speculation.
I think they were both just going along with the relationship so they could get air time for longer. They don’t seem to haven any chemistry nor be compatible in my opinion.
My husband is very all or nothing. It drives me nuts because there's a sweet spot of being vulnerable and listening when it comes to being able to communicate.
The thing you said at the start of the video, that this relationship came a little out of nowhere: I had this feeling with every relationship, the getting to know each other it of this season seems so rushed. In the first two seasons there was much more time spent with each couple in the pods so there was something like a connection.
Once again we have another hit video! Although I haven’t watched Love Is Blind, but after listening to your video my plans are to do so sometime this week. This is what I’ve learned from this video that I’ve been so guilty of. Rather than focus on my negative past or negative relationships. I am to Focus On What I Am Looking For! Be intentional with my questions and not beat around the bush. I never really cared or thought Therapist were so needed in our lives until I came across your videos. Helping clients to identify our dominant narratives was a hook, line, sinker. Your videos without ever giving it much thought helps in showing us WHY we are the way we are and why we do some of the things that we do. I am SO guilty of the Defense Mechanism of Splitting. In past relationships I was the splitting queen. I went in looking for signs to jump ship, and focusing on the negative. As you said; putting people on pedestals that never should have been put there while struggling with the fear of being rejected. I was also in toxic relationships and accepted bad behavior, because I didn’t want to go back to the dating world. I also learned a new word while watching your video: Incongruence - what you’re saying does not match your actions or thought process! Yes I’ve been in those relationships too. WHERE were you or this video 45 years ago??? It certainly would have saved me from a lot of bumps and bruises THAT’S for sure! I have definitely dealt with people and I myself have laughed when I was angry. And what’s so funny is my husband and a group of people were just talking about this 2 days ago. I said “back in the day if I laughed or cried in the middle of an argument RUN” because it was about to get real ugly! 😂😂😂. Okay I am getting to end this long novel, because I know most are not going to read it anyway 😂. But this video hit home in soooo many areas. Especially the Meeting family and friends. In my first marriage there were so many red flags 🚩 warning ⚠️ signs 🪧 that I flat out ignored, because I was blinded by so called “love”. When his own mother loved and liked me from day one, but told me that I was too good for him, and that he was going to ruin my life. His family dynamics consisted of a family of nuts, dysfunction on your left side, dysfunction on your right side, and hills and more hills! When I say that I had opportunity after opportunity, warning sign after warning sign and I STILL walked down the isle with this man! I was the more crazy one😂. My mother was against us getting married! My dad was against us getting married. You know what I did? I married him anyway! With the EXCEPTION of us having 2 wonderful children! That was the absolute nightmarish marriage, relationship, union, whatever you wanna call it. When someone says you shouldn’t be listening to NO one else advice accept your own and you say “I don’t know” YOU DO KNOW! I knew in my heart of hearts that I should have walked away at the alter or way before we got to the alter. BUT I had sent out wedding invitations, paid all this money for dresses, food, etc, etc! I love how you wrapped this video up in a nutshell! Keep Dating If Unsure! Period! Thankfully I am now going on year 7 married to the most God given man on earth. He’s more than I ever hoped or dreamed for. When I say the honeymoon has never ended please trust and believe it hasn’t. I use to feel that marriage was 50/50 or 70/30. No it’s 100/100. I give it 100 each and everyday, and he gives me 100 plus some. We simply can’t do enough for each other. Try going on a job and giving your employer 50% or 70% and see how long you last! They will replace you with someone willing to give them 💯. I look forward to waking up to him each day and hearing his car return home everyday. You get what you put in it. If you go in with a bunch of doubts and fears that’s exactly what you’re going to get out of it. Okay now let me go watch Love Is Blind to see if I see myself in either Colleen or Mat so I’ll see what areas of my life still needs improvement. That’s another thing I don’t care how perfect we think that we are! There is always room for improvement ♥️😉. Oh and to read that instructors or professors are actually instructing their students to watch your videos as an class assignment is freaking AMAZING and speaks volumes! Please keep these videos coming🎉👍🏽🎗🥇
YOUR ANALYSIS IS SPOT ON! You don`t miss out on any subtle details and you are very unprejudiced in your observations. Also you verbalize everything so coherently - I feel like I`m growing brain cells while listening to you. Appreciate it and subscribed!
I found their dynamic very absurd. I think Matt was just telling Colleen what she wanted to hear in the pods. No one else seemed interested in him, he came across as very dull. I think Matt is paranoid & controlling and needed to seek a lot of therapy before getting married. Colleen comes from a background of ballet which is demanding, intense and draining and I feel this may be why she does not really react to Matt when he is being irrational. I think she has built a wall up over time and lets a lot of things fly instead of delving into them. I find it slightly odd that she doesn’t like depth in a relationship and wants to keep surface level and “positive” I’d love to know what her reason for that could be. I would have loved if you went deeper into the aquarium scene when he keeps repeating “say it” and becomes quite intimidating. Great summary overall, your videos are great.
It disturbed me that Matt believed Cole when he clarified the story, but he didn’t believe the woman he proclaimed to love - after reassuring him over and over what she said.
This was another amazing video. I really like the depth you went into with these new Love is Blind videos. I'm glad that someone is speaking about Matt and Colleen because I feel like so many people talked about Zanab and Cole and Matt and Colleen's story kinda fell off as a result. I also felt very concerned watching them as a couple and I hope that Colleen is safe.
I love your input and respect towards their situation and dynamic. You don’t paint Matt as a villain but instead offer evidence to suggest patterns in his behavior. And I appreciate that you didn’t want to paint him as an abuser without real evidence. Too much speculation on the internet I feel can do more harm than good. I hope Colleen is ok either way. Thanks for the amazing video
Awesome breakdown. I’d be interested in hearing you perspective on the power dynamics of one partner always threatening to leave and the role that the other partner can play to correct that behavior without relinquishing power.
I do think them living apart is probably a good thing for them because at the reunion you see that he ( Matt) is much more relaxed and seems to accept watching the video of Cole and Colleen without getting angry again. Infact he commends her ( Colleen) for being honest. He also stands up for her and her work ethic, I thought that was something..
That second Matt got in Colleen's face screaming, I knew exactly what he is. Colleen is in serious danger of being battered. The couple have come out and said everything is fine. Well, duh. That is what abusers do. They make it 'okay' in the eyes of the outside world. I also feel that if there had not been cameras on them, Matt would have physically hit Colleen in Malibu. I find it appalling that none of the others stood up for Colleen and the Lacheys seemed to ignore the abuse going on right in front of them.
This video was so thorough and I find helpful to watch for cognitive distortions in my own life. I would love if you were to look back at Nick and Danielle from Season 2. Specifically Danielle and what you may think causes her so much inner turmoil.
I thought she did say 'whatever happens, happens' but I 100% took it as 'before I found my fiance, had we met at a bar, who knows maybe we would have dated.' whereas Matt seemed to be conveying it as 'yea find me on these streets and whatever happens, happens' which was bizarre.
I really love your videos. Your take on things is 100% spot on. There was a lot about Colleen and Matt that was very confusing to me. I think his behavior triggered a lot of things in many women. I would love it if you could watch some of their interviews and make a video. They also posted a video about where their relationship is now. A lot of people think that she still looks afraid and unhappy.
I honestly thought that it was very interesting that we didn’t get any individual/daily moments between Colleen and Matt like we did with the other couples and like we’ve gotten in previous seasons. It makes me wonder what was transpiring that would have prevented production from getting scenes where colleen and matt are by themselves prior to the aquarium scene.
I honestly thought Colleen was just a great actress from the beginning (even before Matt) and she seemed to really lean on the fact that she was a ballerina and flirtation to sell herself as a good partner. And when she transitioned to Matt I felt like she really wanted to stay on the show. And when she said yes at the proposal I really felt she just didn’t know how to say no. But hearing your analysis gave me some more insight on what could’ve been the emotional and psychological perspective and that also makes sense to me! Fear of rejection is a tough one
23:13 they say we stay together every single day but they have different places that means sometimes my place and sometimes your place. Or maybe I miss understand 🤷🏽♀️
You're certainly operating within your God given gift! Thank you for your service! I would love you to continue to include your interpretation of body language in your reviews. With College & Matt at the reunion, it seemed like his body language was dominating & controlling. And for Collene, she seemed guarded , not her happy bubbly self and concerned or afraid of how Matt may react to things.
Its upsetting really. Aside from him being obviously unstable, I felt like Colleen went there and got married because she wanted to prove something to herself or her family/friends. She wanted to be picked, accepted, loved & chosen and also prove she is capable of making good decisions.
Loving your comments! Let me clarify that I agree with you all about the instances of verbal and emotional abuse specifically through intimidation and withdrawal which I discuss. This video focuses on the warning signs for us to pay attention to in our own dating lives and relationships. When I refer to “DV,” I’m referring to the speculations most of us have heard about *physical* violence which I of course cannot confirm. I’m sorry for not making that clearer!
Oh thank you for clarifying. I was just about to comment on DV being also mental and "scaring" just as bad, as it's important not to invalidate the victims (them abusers making us feel crazy enough as is...). Otherwise love those break downs! Onto the next one 😁
Has nothing to do with love is blind, but how about MAFS. I’m interested to know what you thought of Alexis and Justin’s dynamic. If you watched of course. It was so…all over the place.
I would love to see you do a video on SK and Raven. There has been a lot on social media about the cheating allegations with SK, which I feel is very disappointing because of the way he portrayed himself in the show. I got the sense of someone who was mature, had ambition, very thoughtful, and ready for commitment. I also feel we saw growth in Raven throughout the season because of her relationship with SK and the experience itself. I would love to hear your professional input on their relationship.
Did you see the news coverage based on Brennon's DV arrest by Dallas police? Regarding incident with his ex, where police report from Jan. 2021 said they observed arm bruises & wrist scratches?
Any observations?
I would like your take on the “successful” or should I say still married couples from this show .
What made them last longer than the others what are the green flags from the start of the relationship I’m in vested in these videos thank you ❤
Something that was a BIG red flag for me was the fact that Matt only accepted the truth about the pool incident when he heard it from Cole, who said basically the same thing Colleen did. He listened to the guy who was involved in the situation and not to his fiancé
You ever give your man an idea and he doesn't want to hear it until his boys say the same exact thing? Same concept here. Men respect other men so they take their word more seriously than the person they literally lay with every night for some reason.
Hmm I don’t see it that way. There were 2 ppl in that scene Cole and Colleen. Colleen could lie in order to save face but Cole has no reason to at this point. I don’t think it’s the fact that he believes Cole over her but that their stories match up
@@BlackHawk9615 it does make sense! Maybe I was already convinced he's this kind of guy because of the way he reacted to her telling what happened
It's possible once both stories matched, he felt relief. Not necessarily because a man told him. The person with nothing to lose confirmed a story.
Not trusting your partner is a yikes.
The show needs to add premarital counseling into the four weeks before the couples’ wedding days
Omg! that is what I am saying, it makes logical sense. When I watch these episodes all I see is their flaws and personal issues and I'm like why do they not do couples counseling, why don't the producers see this?
All dating shows need to add in therapy for individuals and/or couples in my opinion!
Great idea!
Then the show would just be love at first sight
Counseling is for the weak
Matt is a bundle of insecurities and red flags wrapped up in a cross necklace. He gave me bad vibes all over the place.
100%
Agreed!!!! I was really hoping they didn’t get married because he’ll make her life miserable
..yep…he needs to address/resolve his issues…i feel for him,but, he is not “healthy” enough for a relationship at this time…
Matt gave me DV vibes...
He scared me that night he got in her face and left for the first time. I was genuinely afraid for her and she looked so uncomfortable to me at the reunion.
You know, I actually think Cole and Colleen would have made a LOT more sense. I know Cole wanted something deeper, but I think Colleen would have gotten there and they are both more easy going, fun loving people. I think they would have made a great couple.
I agree! Cole wanted something more deep, but he is NOT a deep person! I feel like they would’ve been great
I was thinking that als well their personality would match so much better
Agreed. She’s so sweet and non-confrontational and he’s just like a little puppy dog who also doesn’t like conflict. They both just want to laugh and have fun. He might have gotten on her nerves but I think it would have been better than what they ended up with.
I never thought about them together but now I can see her throwing nerf balls at him and laughing at the surprise ammo in the microwave
Yes
Colleen was committed to not leaving alone because she got rejected twice in the pods & was called out for being surface level. She definitely settled. Matt is really aggressive & it’s worrisome.
Right! I can see how he could be verbally and emotionally abusive to her BUT she was determined to get a ring from anyone before she left 🤦🏾♀️. They both need therapy
i was SO hoping you would talk more about the aquarium scene. The way he kept saying “don’t play games colleen, say it, say it, say it” and the anger in his eyes was honestly terrifying and i would’ve loved some more analysis of that
I was thinking this! Like omg let her think in peace
I was sort of torn on that scene because she seemed like she was going to be passive about it, but then she actually shared the truth. An odd dynamic for sure
@@StephAnya agreed. It wasnt an alarming scene. To me he called her out to be more upfront.
@@StephAnya the aquarium scene was real disturbing for me. I could see how manipulative he was in the response and his body language...he turned so quickly
@@StephAnya Yes that's how I was feeling about it too!
I found it particularly disturbing how terrified Colleen looked at the reunion. Matt was towering over her which I perceive as a demonstration of his power. I don’t really believe they have worked out the issues in their power dynamic yet
I’m so glad you said this poor girl was like a shaken leaf ! She looks TERRIFIED 😢
But didn’t you notice that she literally looked terrified at the reunion. Look at her face. It speaks volumes!!
I think they had a huge fight before going on air.
I’d like to know if you noticed Colleen’s oddly quiet persona at the reunion. She seemed tired and definitely not present. As Matt was raving about her, she seemed detached and her facial expression was weak. We know Colleen to be very bubbly and chatty throughout the szn, so that was concerning to me and many others.
I think after watching the show together before the union, they had another fight. And at the reunion she knew Matt would watch her each second of it and so she was very very cautious in looking towards Cole.
She is just avoiding another fight at home.
If she needs a peaceful and fun life, she needs to get out of that marriage sooner than later.
Something I picked up on when Matt and Colleen were talking about how they "resolved" the issues of that night when Matt had his first blow up was that Matt was primarily the one speaking and he kept saying that "we have to work on our communication." Who's "we"? 'Cause last time I checked, Colleen was being completely honest and was working with Matt and even walked away when it was getting too much for her while Matt was talking over her, following her when she clearly was separating herself, yelling, talking to the producer, threatening to leave, and basically physically intimidating her to a degree. Very interesting how he was like "we" instead of "I."
I agree, he never took responsibility for his own actions. It was always "we" and never "I".
I noticed that too and added that to the other crimson flags I was keeping tally of
Not only that but even later when his friends were like yah he talks along but when he gets over it he's a good dude
Yesss I noticed that too. I really hope Colleen would say no cos I genuinely thought Matt would really shatter her
Abusive men ALWAYS say that omg "we just need to work on our communication then everything will be fine ❤️"
It stuck out to me that at the reunion when Nick and Vanessa did their segue to address the Pool Incident, Colleen looked scared. It is definitely something that is still affecting that couple even though nothing happened and the reunion is a YEAR later. I don't think anyone would be surprised if she did step forward in the future and say she was abused in this relationship. I hope they are both in therapy.
I agree with you. I thought she had fear written all over her face during the reunion. She was also being over apologetic. I felt like as if Matt had threatened or something on what she could or couldn’t say. 😢
I’m sure it is, if he’s still talking about getting cheated on 10 years later. I’m sure she can’t even say thank you for a glass of water from a male waiter. I feel for her.
It’s a reach! He is insecure not abusive. He always left. Worse to worse he will just runaway
@@shachede6828 abuse isn’t always physical. The way he talks to her is borderline abusive. Not all the way, but it’s not that much of a stretch
@@nigeriasimone6065 honestly he seems like the type to be like waiting at home because she’s coming home late and then unalive her and run away I’m sorry but I got that vibe and I’m not wrk g about these things. I hope she’s okay
Matt gives me the creeps. At the reunion Colleen did look nervous and frightened. And does Matt behave like he does because his partner left him or was he left because he acted like this for a long time?
Indeed, it is exactly what I thought seeing the behavior of Matt on the show😮
First person I’ve seen who’s commented this type of thing! I’ve wondered that too. So much focus is on his narrative of his ex cheating and getting pregnant, but I wonder why it went down like that. She contacted him via phone to end it..? Afraid maybe? After so many years together it should be uncomfortable etc but worth doing it in person. And being cheated on is awful for sure but it seems like it just happened for him, rather than 10yrs before. I would expect some healing to have happened in that time, maybe what part he had in the relationship break down. Idk
there's no way being cheated on one time by only one person would cause such anger. Eiterh he's got way more trauma behind him or he was abusive to that woman and that's why she cut and run
Yes, for sure. I 100% think he has been abusive before and that's why his last marriage failed. Dude is narcissistic.
EXACTLY!
A red flag for me was when Matt’s mom questioned whether Matt would even blindside Colleen… she knows something especially in terms of his behavior
The look in his eyes and the laughing anger thing he has multiple times was the exact same look and laugh my ex had right before he moved from the verbal abuse to the physical abuse. He scares the shit out of me and I already feel sorry for Colleen. I’m not therapist but there’s some looks you just know.
Same. So triggering.
I have to admit - while I completely understand what you're saying about not speculating about abuse without proof - I got abuse vibes from Matt hard enough to throw me into temporary flashbacks from my own abuse, (at the hands of my parents and then ex-husband).
Let me start out by saying, Matt and Colleen were another couple that swapped, for me. I didn't care for her originally; she came off as shallow, admitting that she didn't want to "go deep," and mentioning the fact that "guys always go for the ballerina" over and over and OVER. I felt like she settled for him because everyone else turned her down.
He started out as my favorite of the guys, in the pods. And then his anger and his running, and how brutally honest his friends were...seeing Colleen shrink and beg made me a little sick to my stomach. His anger scared me, and I found myself hoping she would let him go and he *would* leave...for her sake.
But it was the reunion that sealed that feeling for me. Colleen rarely smiled; she looked miserable at times (understandably, when she was watching the pool party replay), and Matt was absolutely cold, saying things were great (and she'd nod along in agreement), but it felt...fake and forced. If you look at her eyes, there are times she actually looks terrified.
For someone who was so "bubbly" in the pods...she was not that woman in the reunion. She was withdrawn, quiet, only spoke when spoken to, or to affirm what he said. She didn't even throw in with the other women to show support for those "scorned" (like everyone else was standing up for Zanab). She seemed isolated all the way across the room, alone, cut off from the group; a shell of the shallow, bubbly, but slightly self-centered girl in the pods (and the one who was so proud of herself for standing up to him during the show saying "you could lose me"). It actually made my blood run cold.
You are absolutely right, I could be wrong. I could very well be misreading things, or projecting. But I recognized what I thought I was seeing, because I *was* that withdrawn, terrified, isolated girl.
I completely agree. You are NOT projecting. I think Matt will be or IS also physically abusive. Be it a strong hold, neck choke, push or whatever. It's not always a straight box to the face. I think they need therapists on this show like Married at First Sight. And somebody should've said I OBJECT! Be it the producers themselves.! Because I think she can't get out on her own.
I couldn’t agree more. His behavior is exactly like my abusive ex and watching them is super triggering. He seems so likeable until you see the switch flip and it’s truly terrifying.
I really like this channel and the therapist but I feel she is often so concerned abt not taking sides that she won’t make judgement calls on whether there are truly abusive/red flag worthy behavior from men. Not all women grew up in aggressive high conflict households. There is def room for growth for women that avoid healthy conflict but I moreso see situations w women being traumatized putting up w aggressive, unhinged, kindergartner behavior from full grown men because “boys will be boys” or I didn’t think it was that bad”. Well, the majority of women in these comments hv been in unhealthy dynamics. They gave those partners the benefit of the doubt up front and now they need therapy to heal. It’s giving TOO much benefit of the doubt or I don’t want to be labeled a male basher. Men hv a power dynamic by default so that shld be acknowledged. How many women are the perpetrators of homicide, stalking and SA cause some guy rejected them???
Please break down Nancy and Bartise! So curious on your thoughts on their relationship!
They’re next! Already filmed and we’re editing it.
Can you also do Alexa and Brandon?
I want to understand why he is so willing to say yes to everything for her
@@StephAnya Thank you! Bartise I need more therapy on because, boy he has me flustered....
@@jenniferk4190 it’s probably just his personality, I know so many men like that.
I was hoping this couple would have dated longer and got therapy of some sort
I've been in abusive relationship followed by an abusive marriage/divorce. (I'm now healed and with a loving, healthy partner) Matt gives me major Abuser vibes. There's a lot of covert signs. I was so hoping Colleen would say no at the wedding. I really fear for what her future looks like with him.
I was literally yelling at the screen "Say I don't! Say I don't!" and was so disappointed she said yes... Really hope Colleen is okay nowadays.
Now Matt has her trapped, even if she wants out of the relationship she will fear his reaction so much that she’d probably not break up with him cause he’d say she’s just like his ex for hurting him when she’s not like his ex 😓
Omg!! Girl!!! You took the words out of my mouth. He’s very abusive. I can see it written all over him.
Omg I agree so heavy with everyone on this, I’ve also personally been in an abusive relationship where the flags were seriously just the same and watching their story play out terrified me. I had no idea of the abuse allegations but now that I have I don’t need evidence to know that it’s true. I just feel it. I pray she finds her way out and heals from what will surly be a traumatic experience.
I had the same feeling and I am scared for her.
Coleen just wanted to be “picked”.
agreed.
Welp we all watched what happens when you settle just for the sake of being married
who doesnt?
@@harinamusic anyone with self worth. She was willing to settle.
Yes, she did - by ANY man! Lol
I'm currently in therapy school and my professor recommended your videos for us to watch. You're amazing!
Omg that is AMAZING
Amazing. She is AWESOME
Your professor sounds like a lazy person of low to average intelligence.
What a compliment!!
DV/ IPV isn’t just physical abuse. It’s also emotional & psychological. There doesn’t need to be physical scars or bruises to be abusive.
Absolutely correct!
There were no persistent signs of any kind of abuse. People are using that single argument to paint him as an abuser and it's delegitimizing actual abuse victims.
There wasn’t any abuse in any form fam. He running away is not abuse, she also said out loud you can’t keep running away. Even at the reunion she talked and appreciated the other guys he wasn’t flaring up. He always let her speak and defended her, they have problems but no proof of abuse.
@@ania5038 intimidation is a form of DV. You don’t have to hit someone to be abusive, Colleen wanted to be picked, and she is ignoring huge red flags about him.
@@LuvJonesie OH MY GOD. Just because Colleen was crying you automatically assume Matt was intimidating her. He was just raising his voice. That is not abuse. It's insulting to see how people consider this abuse as an abuse victim myself.
When Matt leaned his head upwards while looking down at Colleen and demanding that she "just say it" was crazy on a whole new level.
And he said it like six times in a row. She should have addressed how inappropriate that was
That was terrifying!
It was was after that first fight between Matt and Colleen that I stoped watching the show. As someone who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship, I knew EXACTLY where they were headed, so I quit while I was ahead.
Matt is a ticking time bomb and is likely controlling due to getting cheated on. I fear for Colleen because she does not see this huge red flags. He made Cole talking to her her problem and did not believe her when she told him what happened, he has no real trust in her at all
Uhhh she created that for herself. He was upset about the fact that she called him handsome and entertained it. She showed real signs of cheating on him
No he is controlling because he is a horrible person. He just uses the "i was cheated on" as an excuse for his controlling behavior
@@hospitaladministrator3359 yes you're so right people who talk flirtily with others deserve to be abused :))
@@hashtagmate he was talking about how he felt about what she said. Ultimately, she disrespected him. If you don’t want to acknowledge that, that’s your problem. He spoke about how he felt. He didn’t even yell at her. It’s not abuse and I suspect you may have some misandrist feeling so I’m out of this convo.
It doesn't look bad, but I think it's good to remember we don't actually know these people. As far as we know this is the first relationship he's been in since the trauma, and if that's what caused this behavior, it is possible to get over that. From what we've seen I think Colleen was also very good at both deescalating arguments and having frank conversations about their relationship. If it's something two people want to work on, I don't think strangers should be discouraging them.
I was so sad for Colleen when she said yes to Matt. Her facial expression (such as often smiling with her mouth but fear in her eyes) and body language read as scared when she is around him, or talking about him (examples: 19:10, 23:37).
She's one of the best therapists i've ever seen. Absolutely insightful!
Thank you so much! ♥️
The way that the love is blind team handled Matt (or lack thereof) pissed me off! Nick & Vanessa were asking the wrong things!! They need real therapist on this show. I hope she’s really okay. I’m glad they don’t live together cuz whew.
I agree they need a therapist on the show!! Maybe Steph!!
That is a very good point Kirei. This so-called experiment could do with some polishing!
I’d love it if dr. drew hosted the reunions
They just put marriage over everything, like they think going through with the wedding is everything and than it’s just done
the hosts are useless! They don't seem to do anything but sit there and ask asinine questions instead of taking people to task when they should
Yes! Yes! Yes! As a therapist myself and someone who’s been in abusive relationships, he definitely showed red flags/very concerning behaviors. He was giving abuser vibes and Colleen was giving people pleasing/fawning vibes.
Exactly :(
Absolutely. As a past victim this was triggering.
I'm so glad you caught the sister's face too! I had to rewind that part when I watched it. While I wasn't a fan of Colleen because of how shallow she came across, she grew on me when she showed how sweet and loving she is with everyone.
Colleen was rejected by two before getting with matt, it felt kinda desperate and i feel like she deserved better :( but the better she needs is from herself, not others. What she's looking for is inside of her
totally. what steph described in the "mom would be mad" scene makes so much sense though, apparently her family is of that kind that values marriage over everything, even if youre not happy, so colleen grew up in that thinking and then steps over her gut feeling of saying no and says yes. her mom was so relieved, while colleen after the vows was more like "wow crazy i CANT BELIEVE i did it" but not in a fully positive way. so sad that colleen is now in this situation when she just tried to hold up the value her mom taught her....
@@user-rv3ce8xs5y im kinda late but i totally agree with you, she deserves better from herself and others!
So glad this channel was recommended to me. I love being able to interpret these types of shows through a more educated lens.
I am so happy you talked about this! I don't know why there isn't more focus on how bad this match is, she looked terrified at the reunion! I can imagine he has lots of anger issues and she has to watch her every word. Not living together is the best idea in the world. Maybe a divorce is even better.
Also the evening when she went out without him...I don't remember where but there was an explanation that he was supposed to go out with them but got so drunk he forgot and didn't pick up his phone...but in any case a partner shouldn't be so controlling and threatening to leave all the time, she said that is her biggest thing - rejection. I don't know, this relationship is just one big red flag to me.
It really caught my attention their body language in the reunion, like matt is all over her and colleen seems uncomfortable
idk i hope they can see what is best for them, and if that is breaking up i hope they do it
Matt was a big ol 🚩for me. Their first fight was a huge change in his personality. He’s like a chameleon. And I didn’t like how aggressive he was being. Maybe it was my own trauma talking through the episode, but I was thinking “I’m glad there’s cameramen there”
That’s exactly what I felt. Like they were both just trauma bonded. Colleen settled to the first guy to show her “love” and Matt settled to the first girl that could “heal” him from his past heartbreak.
People can get together for the wrong reasons and still end up being good for each other. And while I don't think anyone should ignore those kinds of red flags, I think we did see some growth on both of their parts even during such a short time.
Thank you for this. Matt reminds me a lot of ex partner. The time that we were together, I really wanted to be with him so I convinced myself that his over-reactions were normal, that I was indeed in the wrong. He would flare up at really minor things, like me talking to a guy friend at a party or saying that a youtuber was boring, and then the next morning it would be like nothing had happened. No real resolution, just faded away. And I didn't want to reignite it so I wouldn't bring it up. He played on my fears of abandonment. Breaking up with him is the most painful thing I've ever done, and videos like this help me remember why it was necessary, and now in a better (?) place.
I was searching for a comment like this. This is one of the reasons I too broke up with my ex partner and it too was the hardest thing I had to do but their over reactions scared me so much and I knew it wasn't normal but I tried to convince myself that people react differently and I should just adjust to it, until I couldn't anymore. Well done on making that decision and realising that you deserve better!
I had an ex like that as well. The insecurities were causing him to go crazy and make things up, he would blow up over nothing then down play it once he was done being mad. Then if I didn’t get over it with him in that moment, he would get mad again. My ex is bipolar and I definitely think Matt might be too.
@@riefqah__m8256 I'm sorry you went through this. It's two months short of a year since we broke up, and I still sometimes doubt I don't deserve better, that it was all in my head because I'm a coward, that if only I'd done this or that...
@@cisi3447 Yes me too. Something happened in the fourth month of our relationship, and he accused me of causing it. To the point where he said he didn't trust me and threatened to break up. It was one of my worst days, I was then moving mountains to prove that it wasn't from me. Eventually I did prove it, and he never apologized for the hell he put me through. Four months later, one of my friends who'd had experience with that thing explained how it could have happened from his end. When I gently brought this up with, he flared up again, asking me why I'm bringing it up. I wanted to say, "oH you're happy to dish it out, but not take it?" Instead, I meekly said, "I'm sorry."
@@citiesandcats yes!!! You’ll never satisfy this type of person because they’re not even satisfied with themselves. It blows my mind the hoops we’ll jump through to prove our innocence. I was defending arguments that I couldn’t even wrap my head around . That’s when I knew I had to move on.
Sometimes I wonder what these connections are that they have. Cole “fell in love” with Zanab because she shared a story about losing her folks and was Christian. Brennan and A. “fell in love” over a shared love of shakshuka and family. What caused Matt and Colleen to fall in love? Where’s _that_ footage? I know they have a short time, but I’m too cynical to think any of them are actually in love when they first say it.
Agreed. I believe they are more so falling in love with the fairytale romantic idea of eachother. They basically pick someone based off them being easy to talk to and having things in common. That being said, some of the couples on the show seem to have very little in common. The experiment is too rushed and lacks many important aspects of bonding early on such as being able to see the other's facial expressions while talking and being able to have even the simplest form of physical affection such as a hug.
I agree that "falling in love" is not the way to put it. I do think those are channels through which they entered into a place of affection.
I felt like Colleen’s fear during talking about the pool and Cole thing is that she’s terrified to be seen as a villain. I think she was petrified for the others to jump on her like they had with Cole.
I think there's some truth to this. It definitely is true that they hear all the online abuse from fans of the show long before they get to the reunion. She's probably been villanized quite a bit. However, that doesn't explain it all for me.
Agreed.
I love these analyses! Can you please talk about SK & Raven’s relationship as it relates to cultural differences? That was the one outcome that really shocked me!
Wow. That comment about their convos being about what they don’t want the other to be was 🔥
i always thought Matt had those empty "shark eyes" when he started getting mad and if you know, you know. Watching this vid brought it all back. seeing them on the last reunion episode for season 6 was wild.
Could you please do Brennan and Alexa?? He seems to be a "yes" man so the video will probably be short but they look like opposites so it might be very interesting. Also the angle of them having no fights at all is fascinating
Yeah they did seem to have a genuine connection but I think Brennan a lot of the time was just going along with everything so that he doesn't lose Alexa. There were sometimes were it was sweet like when he hung out with her friends even though they didn't seem like his crowd, or how he wanted to learn more about her Religion. But there was also some concering things like: "hey come sign this prenup" OK!
"your gonna provide my daughter with the same lifestyle she's accousomed to" ok!
Before the reunion I would’ve said no to the “yes man” but, after the reunion, definitely think he is.
Honestly I don’t think Alexa is a good person. The way she took this position to lead in instigating at the reunion was disgusting. I think she has a bad influence. She made a comment on everyone couple’s relationship. Their relationship might be fine but her as a person is not ok. She is not a good person.
Little miss perfect
@@tammythompson9789 me too! But she flips it as if she is being victimized
I literally felt like she was scared to talk at the reunion. It felt like she is a battered woman. I hope all is well ❤️.
Right! She looked scared, and the way she was sat with Matt, his posture! I really hope she is fine❤
Such a good point to pay attention to what friends and family are saying! They see it all, they know the person but are removed enough to have an honest opinion. Your partner may say he's very helpful around the house but if his roommate jokes about how he never cleans, that says a lot!
Gonna push back on the concept that DV wasn’t present. It doesn’t need to be physical. It can be verbal abuse and manipulative gaslighting type of tactics. And what was even more concerning than the 1st blow up was Matt going mental when Colleen went out with her friends and didn’t tell him. I have been in that situation where you are basically imprisoned by someone wanting to control you. And you isolate more and more because you know if you do one small thing of independence, they will get volatile and angry. I don’t think Matt beats Colleen. But I do think he has major control issues and will seek to control her more and more, and will be successful at it with his volatile outbreaks and her fear of abandonment. It’s a bad combo.
i agree with this
Well said.
I totally agree. Sadly...
I don't read a lot of the comments, so I don't know if anyone had mentioned it previously, but apart of great input on relathionships, and things to look out in our own situations I absolutely love your hair in every video! It's gorgeous
OMG this reaction was so detailed. I didn't even notice Colleen's sister face when she said yes.
If you have time to do a video on the group dynamics between the women and Brennan punching down on Cole in the reunion, I know I’d appreciate that. It’s really bothered me for some time now, as I think its a common scenario, and really has the potential to do serious harm. From my perspective it was very much a pile on and seemed like it was based on a lot of assumption and here-say about Cole’s treatment of Zanab, and not a lot of first hand knowledge. Would love to hear how to avoid that sort of “group-think” bullying, affective ways to take in information from friends about their relationship without automatically taking sides, and how to speak up against the crowd when it seems like stories arnt aligning with truth. (Bartise did this a little, when he pushed back about Zanab’s friends and family clapping after her rejection, but it was truly shocking that NO ONE else pushed back on her narrative. There were moments where I could almost SEE Ravens wheels turning trying to marry up what Zanab was saying with what she witnessed, but at the end of the day, she just doubled down on the accusations. Of course that’s all assumptions).
Literally spot on with my sentiments. I hated that for cole.
This was definitely Zanab telling everyone her "version" of what happened, the cutie situation....how she portrayed it versus how it actually happened...she told everyone her version of events. And of course upon hearing that, Alexa who is a plus sized woman took that to heart and felt really strongly/passionate about that, and in turn influenced her husband Brennan to feel the same way...they both believed Zanab...
Cole definitely seemed like a manipulator to me and the Cutie’s situation could’ve easily been upsetting for Zanab if he was treating her a certain way off-screen. There’s a lot of stuff manipulators do to you specifically to push *your* buttons that might look like nothing to other people.
Let’s not forget Cole flirting with Colleen and lashing out at Zanab every time she had an issue with him. Zanab wasn’t without fault, but let’s not act like Cole is some innocent baby that got called out for no reason.
edit: and frankly, I’m not compelled to put too much merit on anything that Bartise says considering the way he treated Nancy
I feel like they all must know something that we don’t if that many people were so against Cole.
At the reunion I just felt Alexa is a mean girl and Brennan just went with it and I hated it so much. They were acting like two bullies.
Domestic Violence is not limited to physical aspect. There is financial, sexual, and emotional abuse. When we see Colleen falling into herself that could be considered emotional abuse even more so when she witnessed his treatment of her when he was upset. This information is coming from someone who has worked for DV.
Exactly. Which is why this relationship is so scary. I hold the show accountable for not stepping and not providing counseling as a standard on the show.
I just watched the reunion show lastnight. Colleen looked petrified when the topic of the pool scene came up about Cole and her. I thought it was very odd.
You have my favorite reaction concent. Thoughtful, insightful and validating. You're helping to reinforce the work I'm doing with my therapist. Thank you girl!
When you see couples privately is violence the only type of abuse that is concerning? If couples are experiencing verbal, emotional, or psychological abuse would that be something a therapist would speak privately to a client over?
It seemed fairly emotionally abusive that Matt would intimidate her and she would literally shrink down into herself physically to appease him. Perhaps she had experienced other type of abuse in her life that made her react that way, but her reaction was consistent during each of his outbursts. That, to me, seems like a marker of abuse, despite it not involving a scar or bruise. Furthermore, Matt completely overtook the conversations at the reunion. Colleen looked VISIBLY uncomfortable when they brought up the pool scene and barely spoke.
Maybe Matt got a bad edit but regardless of that, it seems like there was a missed opportunity to shed light on red flags for partner abuse and how to get help if it is needed.
You summarised Colleen and Matt exactly how I would have.
The shrinking down into herself was so apparent and it appears as though that may be her coping mechanism to avoid conflict.
Yesss. Even if there is no physical violence happening - verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse are still Abuse! Period.
A bad edit? He is screaming in her face. She is terrified. She is even terrified of him at the reunion show when they show the pool party clip. This is not a 'bad edit'. This is an abusive relationship.
@@gusmonster59, I completely agree- that’s why I’m shocked the video did not outright label that sort of behavior as such. It seemed to give him the benefit of the doubt 🤷🏽♀️ I think it was glaringly apparent that she was scared of him.
She edited her pinned comment to reflect she is addressing physical DV speculations and not emotional DV
Very intelligent, insightful and accurate assessment of the couple! I love everything you had to say and was cheering for the points you made which others may shy away from mentioning. What an elegant lady you are. Love your sparkly eyeshadow. Thanks for your video!
Please do all the couples!! I loved and agree with both videos and picked up on a lot of the things you said. One thing I didn’t see was zoom in on sister reaction!! That was so telling. U are amazing ty. Looking forward to the other three couples
His anger outburst and Colleen’s timid demeanor looks like a recipe for abuse. I hope I am wrong.
I commented in the last video for a Matt and Colleen video and was so excited to see this! Love your analysis and looking forward to Cole and Zanab next!
Cole & Zanab’s video is up! Nancy & Bartise are next.
Mee too lol I'm so happy she did it!! I'm worried about Colleen! Her body language at the reunion was cringe!
Watching this made me very emotional. I’ve had some mistrust issues with my partner and I see some of myself in Matt. The spiraling and the fear he was feeling of thinking he picked someone he couldn’t trust. It just sucks because all my friends and family were supporting my crazy behavior but I bet if I was a man it would be very different. I’m working on it now and things are getting better. Also Matt was looking like he could be violent which is terrifying. I hope they both got a therapist and working through their issues and I hope they are both safe. Relationships are hard asf.
I've seen some of your videos commenting on love is blind and i already want you as my therapist 😂❤ i think you're very good at what you're doing. Thanks for sharing
Great video, I love how unbiased you are when covering these topics! However, I definitely would've loved to see a more in-depth analysis regarding the Love is Blind reunion and Colleen's behavior/body language, it seemed very concerning.
Thank you for your take on this couple! I was hoping colleen and Matt was next. Would love to see you cover all the couples from S3!
You're make up is so well done, you look amazing, great video.
I would love to see you breaking down SK's & Raven's relationship. I think there is so much to learn from them!
I was wondering, if he cannot handle her talking to other guys, how will he be able to tolerate other men touching her? She is a dancer, she will have dance partners and she will be close to them. I'm really really scared for Colleen and I really hope Matt is getting therapy for his issues.
There’s a difference between flirting at the pool with someone and dancing with a partner at your job. C’mon now.
I hope you’re doing SK and Raven, such a weird dynamic lol
SK allegedly cheated on Raven lol.
They got separated. It seems he was cheating on her
I still can't believe that they are still married
Loved your insight in this video! Your were actually very understanding towards Matt and broke down his behavior in a way where it was easy to see his perspective. Everyone online has been very openly calling him abusive, which I think is very disrespectful. We can easily use the terms "unhealthy" or "concerning" to describe their relationship because without any proof, its all just speculation.
He is straight up abusive. Maybe not physically, but he is definitely abusive.
I am sooo looking for your breakdown on Raven and SK especially now that they've broke up do to SK having a cheating scandal.
wait wha
@@Lyranii unfortunately yes. They made an Instagram story post saying that they've separated and have on going legal issues
SK is probably the last one of the group I would have guessed would cheat
I think they were both just going along with the relationship so they could get air time for longer. They don’t seem to haven any chemistry nor be compatible in my opinion.
I really liked SK on the programme so am sad to hear things have nose-dived.
It’s always good to hear a therapist’s perspective. Thank you so much!!
My husband is very all or nothing. It drives me nuts because there's a sweet spot of being vulnerable and listening when it comes to being able to communicate.
The thing you said at the start of the video, that this relationship came a little out of nowhere: I had this feeling with every relationship, the getting to know each other it of this season seems so rushed. In the first two seasons there was much more time spent with each couple in the pods so there was something like a connection.
I felt really bad for Cole at the reunion 🥺
Right. And every clip we saw was HER degrading HIM!
Awww. He made sure you still had an appetite for dinner.
What a monster!!
Once again we have another hit video! Although I haven’t watched Love Is Blind, but after listening to your video my plans are to do so sometime this week. This is what I’ve learned from this video that I’ve been so guilty of. Rather than focus on my negative past or negative relationships. I am to Focus On What I Am Looking For! Be intentional with my questions and not beat around the bush. I never really cared or thought Therapist were so needed in our lives until I came across your videos. Helping clients to identify our dominant narratives was a hook, line, sinker. Your videos without ever giving it much thought helps in showing us WHY we are the way we are and why we do some of the things that we do.
I am SO guilty of the Defense Mechanism of Splitting. In past relationships I was the splitting queen. I went in looking for signs to jump ship, and focusing on the negative. As you said; putting people on pedestals that never should have been put there while struggling with the fear of being rejected. I was also in toxic relationships and accepted bad behavior, because I didn’t want to go back to the dating world.
I also learned a new word while watching your video: Incongruence - what you’re saying does not match your actions or thought process! Yes I’ve been in those relationships too.
WHERE were you or this video 45 years ago??? It certainly would have saved me from a lot of bumps and bruises THAT’S for sure! I have definitely dealt with people and I myself have laughed when I was angry. And what’s so funny is my husband and a group of people were just talking about this 2 days ago. I said “back in the day if I laughed or cried in the middle of an argument RUN” because it was about to get real ugly! 😂😂😂.
Okay I am getting to end this long novel, because I know most are not going to read it anyway 😂. But this video hit home in soooo many areas. Especially the Meeting family and friends. In my first marriage there were so many red flags 🚩 warning ⚠️ signs 🪧 that I flat out ignored, because I was blinded by so called “love”. When his own mother loved and liked me from day one, but told me that I was too good for him, and that he was going to ruin my life. His family dynamics consisted of a family of nuts, dysfunction on your left side, dysfunction on your right side, and hills and more hills! When I say that I had opportunity after opportunity, warning sign after warning sign and I STILL walked down the isle with this man! I was the more crazy one😂. My mother was against us getting married! My dad was against us getting married. You know what I did? I married him anyway! With the EXCEPTION of us having 2 wonderful children! That was the absolute nightmarish marriage, relationship, union, whatever you wanna call it.
When someone says you shouldn’t be listening to NO one else advice accept your own and you say “I don’t know” YOU DO KNOW! I knew in my heart of hearts that I should have walked away at the alter or way before we got to the alter. BUT I had sent out wedding invitations, paid all this money for dresses, food, etc, etc!
I love how you wrapped this video up in a nutshell! Keep Dating If Unsure! Period!
Thankfully I am now going on year 7 married to the most God given man on earth. He’s more than I ever hoped or dreamed for. When I say the honeymoon has never ended please trust and believe it hasn’t. I use to feel that marriage was 50/50 or 70/30. No it’s 100/100. I give it 100 each and everyday, and he gives me 100 plus some. We simply can’t do enough for each other. Try going on a job and giving your employer 50% or 70% and see how long you last! They will replace you with someone willing to give them 💯. I look forward to waking up to him each day and hearing his car return home everyday. You get what you put in it. If you go in with a bunch of doubts and fears that’s exactly what you’re going to get out of it.
Okay now let me go watch Love Is Blind to see if I see myself in either Colleen or Mat so I’ll see what areas of my life still needs improvement. That’s another thing I don’t care how perfect we think that we are! There is always room for improvement ♥️😉.
Oh and to read that instructors or professors are actually instructing their students to watch your videos as an class assignment is freaking AMAZING and speaks volumes! Please keep these videos coming🎉👍🏽🎗🥇
YOUR ANALYSIS IS SPOT ON! You don`t miss out on any subtle details and you are very unprejudiced in your observations. Also you verbalize everything so coherently - I feel like I`m growing brain cells while listening to you. Appreciate it and subscribed!
I found their dynamic very absurd. I think Matt was just telling Colleen what she wanted to hear in the pods.
No one else seemed interested in him, he came across as very dull.
I think Matt is paranoid & controlling and needed to seek a lot of therapy before getting married.
Colleen comes from a background of ballet which is demanding, intense and draining and I feel this may be why she does not really react to Matt when he is being irrational. I think she has built a wall up over time and lets a lot of things fly instead of delving into them.
I find it slightly odd that she doesn’t like depth in a relationship and wants to keep surface level and “positive” I’d love to know what her reason for that could be.
I would have loved if you went deeper into the aquarium scene when he keeps repeating “say it” and becomes quite intimidating.
Great summary overall, your videos are great.
It disturbed me that Matt believed Cole when he clarified the story, but he didn’t believe the woman he proclaimed to love - after reassuring him over and over what she said.
This was another amazing video. I really like the depth you went into with these new Love is Blind videos. I'm glad that someone is speaking about Matt and Colleen because I feel like so many people talked about Zanab and Cole and Matt and Colleen's story kinda fell off as a result. I also felt very concerned watching them as a couple and I hope that Colleen is safe.
I love your input and respect towards their situation and dynamic. You don’t paint Matt as a villain but instead offer evidence to suggest patterns in his behavior. And I appreciate that you didn’t want to paint him as an abuser without real evidence. Too much speculation on the internet I feel can do more harm than good. I hope Colleen is ok either way. Thanks for the amazing video
Awesome breakdown. I’d be interested in hearing you perspective on the power dynamics of one partner always threatening to leave and the role that the other partner can play to correct that behavior without relinquishing power.
I do think them living apart is probably a good thing for them because at the reunion you see that he ( Matt) is much more relaxed and seems to accept watching the video of Cole and Colleen without getting angry again. Infact he commends her ( Colleen) for being honest. He also stands up for her and her work ethic, I thought that was something..
It is so interesting, that you did this in-sight. Thank you 🌻
your advice on others helps me realize things within myself too. i appreciate it ❤
These two REALLY confused me as a couple so I so much appreciate your review, enjoyed so much and picked up some nuggets
That second Matt got in Colleen's face screaming, I knew exactly what he is. Colleen is in serious danger of being battered. The couple have come out and said everything is fine. Well, duh. That is what abusers do. They make it 'okay' in the eyes of the outside world. I also feel that if there had not been cameras on them, Matt would have physically hit Colleen in Malibu. I find it appalling that none of the others stood up for Colleen and the Lacheys seemed to ignore the abuse going on right in front of them.
This video was so thorough and I find helpful to watch for cognitive distortions in my own life.
I would love if you were to look back at Nick and Danielle from Season 2. Specifically Danielle and what you may think causes her so much inner turmoil.
Thank You so much for your time with this. I know you are HELPING so many people 💞
I thought she did say 'whatever happens, happens' but I 100% took it as 'before I found my fiance, had we met at a bar, who knows maybe we would have dated.' whereas Matt seemed to be conveying it as 'yea find me on these streets and whatever happens, happens' which was bizarre.
He gave me abusive red flags too. Whoa. Interesting other people had this pop in their minds too.
I really love your videos. Your take on things is 100% spot on. There was a lot about Colleen and Matt that was very confusing to me. I think his behavior triggered a lot of things in many women. I would love it if you could watch some of their interviews and make a video. They also posted a video about where their relationship is now. A lot of people think that she still looks afraid and unhappy.
I honestly thought that it was very interesting that we didn’t get any individual/daily moments between Colleen and Matt like we did with the other couples and like we’ve gotten in previous seasons. It makes me wonder what was transpiring that would have prevented production from getting scenes where colleen and matt are by themselves prior to the aquarium scene.
damn I didn't notice the sister's reaction, that said it all
Thank you for sharing your time with us. I appreciate it
I honestly thought Colleen was just a great actress from the beginning (even before Matt) and she seemed to really lean on the fact that she was a ballerina and flirtation to sell herself as a good partner. And when she transitioned to Matt I felt like she really wanted to stay on the show. And when she said yes at the proposal I really felt she just didn’t know how to say no. But hearing your analysis gave me some more insight on what could’ve been the emotional and psychological perspective and that also makes sense to me! Fear of rejection is a tough one
23:13 they say we stay together every single day but they have different places that means sometimes my place and sometimes your place. Or maybe I miss understand 🤷🏽♀️
Really enjoying this series on Love is Blind 3 couples. Can you please do a video on Nancy and Bartise?
Just found your channel and I love the love is blind videos! Can't wait for Raven and SK too see your thoughts on them.
I love your insights! I hope you do a video on all the couples! Especially Bartise and Nancy!
You're certainly operating within your God given gift! Thank you for your service! I would love you to continue to include your interpretation of body language in your reviews. With College & Matt at the reunion, it seemed like his body language was dominating & controlling. And for Collene, she seemed guarded , not her happy bubbly self and concerned or afraid of how Matt may react to things.
Just want to say your videos are amazing and hope your channel keeps growing ❤
Its upsetting really. Aside from him being obviously unstable, I felt like Colleen went there and got married because she wanted to prove something to herself or her family/friends. She wanted to be picked, accepted, loved & chosen and also prove she is capable of making good decisions.
Please do SK and Raven!! Love your breakdown of these couples:)