Spanking: Dr. Brown Leads a Discussion - The Parent Test
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- Опубликовано: 18 янв 2023
- Hosts Ali Wentworth and Dr. Adolph Brown lead the families in a frank discussion about spanking and whether or not it's an effective tool for disciplining your children. Watch 'The Parent Test' THURSDAYS 9/8c on ABC. Stream on Hulu.
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I grew up with corporal punishment in a Asian household. I was spanked, hit with chopsticks, and slapped. It made me scared of my parents so it forced me to behave. However, it made me harbor resentment and I never learned anything
Don't be ashamed for not doing anything wrong, you're proven not guilty. What can you do to be a better parent.
am I the only one that wasn’t surprised to see the Intensive and High Achievement parents spank?
Edit (some spoilers):
I say that because in my opinion- they genuinely seem like they are the type of people who are way to hard on their kid. Elan and Juliette is forced to learn to much. Juliette got prisms that she stole for her birthday and got completely humiliated, she wasn’t given a choice or any comfort to dive off the diving board, “losers and homeless people complain about their parents!1!”, and literally all she does is math. In the car? Math. Home alone? Math. Everytime we see her, she’s doing math. I’m not racist.
No, because when I grew up most people spanked. White black, Asian, Hispanic didn't matter everyone did this to some degree or another. For us that grew up in that generation, high intensive low intensive wasn't the issue.
Not at all
Most people I know who was physically hit or abused are not even using their degrees or doing anything that the parents wanted and if anything harmed them more
Boundaries and learning to control your own emotions not due to someone else but just wanting to do good goes way farther.
If your kid only knows how to behave due to fear or being hit and never knows how to manage their emotions anddoesnt want to do good on their own then you’ve set them up for failure
And If you don’t want your kid to allow abuse in their romantic or friendship relationships why would you be that example? Your teaching it’s normal
Which teaches them nothing but to fear you when your there
Sure they may listen to you but they won’t have any other authority figure ever beating them to do the right thing
It is evil and not parenting it is abuse
I was never spanked as a child, because my mother was always spanked as a kid and told me that she never learned any lesson from being spanked, just how to lie and avoid being caught. She grew up in her teens not being able to turn to her parents, who while loving, she felt would punish her if she did things that weren’t perfect. If she went out and partied, as all teens do, she would lie and try to not get caught by her parents, leading to her often being in danger and situations because she couldn’t call her parents for help. I, on the other hand, I always knew I could talk to my parents whatever and could turn to them if I ever felt like I was in danger without any sort of judgment, only a discussion about why I was doing things. My mother and father always went out of their way to explain things to me and reasons behind their behavior and their rules, so often times I never challenged rules because I knew why they were there. This caused me to be able to explore my surroundings with the knowledge of the situation and with my parents always knowing what and where I was. Of course there are other ways to discipline and teach your child that I’m not gonna go into here, but I do think that treating your child as a tiny person, who is capable of reasoning and understanding things, though not to the same degree as you, is important as children are willing to work and do their best even without a negative reinforcer.
Never humiliate your child! It puts a notch in their spirit!
Physical punishment doesn’t have to be violent or spanking - 50 push ups or writing 600 lines got me right every time
I don’t understand why this is even something that people even view as debatable. There are decades of research that proved that spanking has detrimental effects on children emotionally, mentally and psychologically well into adulthood. It never made sense to me that it is acceptable for an adult to put their hands on a child but a criminal offense for an adult to hit another adult. I was spanked as a kid and I’ve spoken to my parents about how I’m not happy that it happened. It’s always made me sad for to hear people say “I’m glad I was spanked” because it’s not any different than someone in an abusive relationship say” I deserved to be hit because..”.
I am glad that the parenting expert mentioned that people who were spanked grew up “in spite” of the spankings and not “because”.
That’s a reach, they’re not the same
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Discipline isn’t a one-size-fits all things. Some kids can be punished with timeouts while other kids will see it as a challenge and need to be spanked. There’s a difference between abuse and corporal punishment.
Yet, they’re both ineffective and both cause more harm than good.
The way these kids but cussing and hitting there parents they need a tap
Because I grew up in an abusive home there were habits passed down to me as well as mental illness getting passed down/through trauma. I always told myself I would NEVER spank my kids or yell but as soon as they turned 2 it was like a light switch flipped on. I know it's not right and I know I need mental help!
It’s interesting to hear these conversations because you see in some households that it’s tradition almost because their parents did it so they do it and that’s why it’s interesting to hear the different reason behind the why you should or shouldn’t
I never got spanked as a kid, but my mom would always use the threat of me getting spanked, which was enough to terrify me anyway. I remember coming home with report cards and considering running away because I was so anxious about what she would do to me if she didn’t like my grades, which is weird because she only actually spanked me once or twice as a toddler.
Now i definitely have a hard time coming to her with things that aren’t up to her expectations, or anyone in general. I hate to be that person thats like “oh i have so much anxiety,” but the fear that I feel when I think something is below someone’s standards and I have to get confronted is absolutely gripping
Smt abuse and discipline is two totally different things.
Both are the definition of physical assault.
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I was spanked a lot when I was a child and I would never allow that story to repeat w my niece or any of the child’s of the family… this parents are wrong in a lot of aspects
I feel the couple in the yellow is very arrogant in overly judgmental. The single black guy is banking too hard on "the world" etc.
On certain things like losing privileges isnt always good . I'll say to add
Spanking is not even necessary
Oh sure it is. I personally know of people that without that spanking, they would have broken limits that to this day would have put them deep in jail. I hated this time out thing forever because it was introduced when I was growing up, and it was completely stupid. Not being put in the corner or made to sit in a chair, that's been around forever but this idea that it's Time Out as if this is a game, and you are calling a time out. It's not to say you should not reward positive behavior but we now have children thinking that it's about the reward and doing the right thing means we get something out of it, instead of doing it for the right reasons. People wonder why we have a generation full of narcissistic and entitled young.
@@RyookenSpanking your child or any form of physical discipline is not effective and mentally destroys your child. As a psychology student there’s many research indicating that this “discipline” does not work. Every child is different but it is a fact that they carry that burden for the rest of their lives. There’s other forms of discipline. Not just time out or spanking. For example take their valuables away and many more. Hurting a child physically just puts more pain on them.
@@Ryookenalso being a narcissistic child comes from narcissistic parenting which includes spanking thats being a narcissist.
@@Galiboo_13 Yeah no, I know those studies and even the AMA says they are flawed. Do you know what they are saying now, that time out destroys you kids too. In fact, they have started to say that punishment simply doesn't work. Now having raised children and grown up with over 50 years of experience, I can categorically say, it's bs. I will tell you what the next time a 9 year old boy hits you in the head with a baseball bat or steals your car, don't call the police because they are going to physically harm them.
@Ryooken Okay people confused Authoritative Parenting with Permissive. Permissive can make spoiled children, but Authoritative still holds firm boundaries. It's not about spanking, it's about boundaries not being enforced in a physical way. I know lots of people who don't abuse their children & guess what most respectful empathetic kiddos ever and guess what else it's based on natural feelings not fear.
I never got spanked but seeing my siblings get spanking made me act right. As an adult I spanked my son but 1st gave him time out so i could calm down. His spanking normally came a week later with a talk, so it was done without anger and more of a consequence to his actions. He's 17 now and a dream of a son. Respectful and listens to authority, teachers love him, he's a musician at church. My sister on the other hand got spanked so she didn't spank her kids and they are hellish millennials today. So it depends.
It’s one thing to be an uncle to ur sisters kids, but talking bad about them is unacceptable, grow up kid.
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This is why children and teens are the way they are now. I have been spanked twice as a child. It didn’t negatively impact me. After I was spoken to about consequences for poor choices and how not to behave when I didn’t get my way. I’m tired of these weak parents with no back bone. Before I get any push back, I’ve seen where parents allowed their children to run wild and the results were disrespect and no boundaries. In the result of that they become a menace to society. My neighbor was crying calling 911 because his teen son beat him up and took the car. Why you ask? Because he wouldn’t let him go hang out due to poor grades and not no doing simple chores around the house.
There’s a label for that kind of parent, it’s called permissive parenting. Which isn’t a recommended style of parenting same as spanking isn’t a recommended form of discipline. People like yourself justify it by saying “you turned out fine,” but it’s too much of a mixed bag, and is not worth the risk. Especially when there are so many methods and guides out there. You don’t need to be a permissive parent to refrain from hitting your children, same as you don’t have to hit your children to get them to behave.
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Dr. Brown needs to correct the dad who misuses "negative reinforcement". Negative reinforcement is not punishment. It is a reward where a negative thing is taken away (i.e. fewer chores because of good behavior).
Spanking to teach seems to far beyond their understanding. To learn respect boundaries, how to not and how to behave. A discipline of consequence. Is very important. For growing up in the world itself keeping kids for growing up stick up and thinking the can talk to anyone how ever and they meet a person that is willing to do more then hurt somebody over words. I choose not to spank cause I’m mad or upset. But for a concern or lesson a response with a little more reason and logic instead of having my feelings involved. Kids will always see how far the cross the line and will go further any chance they get . A little pow pow it’s a crime lol
My Asian parents only spanked me as a last resort when other methods of discipline didn't work on me. Well of course most professionals won't recommend it, but many parents would do it anyway. A pediatric book that I read that was published in December 2005 said that this pediatric author says that I don't recommend that you spank your children, but if you're going to do it, here's how to do it safely.
I rarely got spanked. Only when I sassed my parents, lied or stole. Last spanking I was 9-10 years old and later got an apology for it because they realized I didn’t know I was doing something wrong. I’m glad my folks spanked me. They gave me so much love growing up. Way more hugs than paddlins . I have to agree though that not all kids need to be spanked. Some kids are more sensitive or don’t understand why.
If they apologized its cause they realized they were wrong, it's ok for your parents to be wrong, you don't have to be happy you got spanked
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All the couples agreed the Leon's intensive parent style was emotional abuse of the child how they punished,shamed their daughter by making a wrong choice,as she will grow to resent her parents,others who do the same
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I don't spank either
That's why your Child is the bext Jeffrey Dahmer😂
Spanking is lazy parenting I've been spanked and it was damaging
I wonder what is ciso thinks, doesn't mind this apex wild hacker led parent?
I can't believe this is still a thing. 50 years of studies and hitting that part of the body can cause involuntary arousal. 100% against it and passionate about that. I grew up in an abusive home & could never.
I was spanked rarely! But when I happened I pretty much earned it. I also do it as a last resort, it’s a boundary being set. Respect
This is me
Why would I reward positive behavior when that's how they should be? They need to learn that that's how we are supposed to be as humans, I don't need to reward No kids for that psg
I gave rewards randomly for good behavior. They never knew when and I reminded them often that there was a chance. When my children were very young whenever we were shopping and another child was throwing a tantrum or misbehaving in some way I would get close enough so they could see them and ask them if we were supposed to act that way. they would say no and then they would get a small reward.
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I’m definitely grateful that I got whoopings as a kid.
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👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 its abuse
For me it’s depends. I grew up being abused physically and emotionally but as a mother I can understand that spanking isn’t wrong if it’s for the right reasons. I spank my daughter when she does bad but not for no reason. It depends on the parents but for me discipline children is important because they learn and when they get older talking is more the way to go because it’s what my dad did and I learn so much more that way.
Discipline means to teach, not hit/:
You’re abusing your child, point blank period. There is no reason to hit a child.
Autocratic
My parents used all 4 options. I was only spanked when I was a danger to myself and others. I mean like “could have killed someone” dangerous...
Natural parenting new age parenting and free range LMAO it’s the same parenting style they just put different names no difference
Then dna test, straight like hair I hate society
when the little boy asked to smack his dad on yes day, the rules said they had to say yes, not let harmful things happen, they could have said "i dont think thats a good idea" or some variation of that....or "yes you can hit me once because its yes day, but as a result you will loose your points"
That defeats the whole purpose of yes day.
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Nobody is right, nobody knows who does the right thing and who doesn't. I don't agree with this type of tv show because each parent makes the greatest effort and sacrifice to raise their children. Every family is different, including their cultures, so no one should give opinions on how you should raise your children.
I really agree with this it seems all these parents care so much about there children but when it comes to some of the styles it is not the best way to raise ur child
I agree with this 🔥
Physical punishment isn’t always abuse. Some kids are out of control and if they are not disciplined shit wait until they steal your car at 17 🤣your child is your child not your friend
Spanking is very necessary
If you want maladjusted children.
How? It makes your children resent you.
@@Galiboo_13 Oh god, I was studying psychology before you were born.
@@RyookenThen you should know the effects physical discipline have on kids. Let me share a few links with you
No it’s not
I’ve been spanked when I was very young. I don’t remember why I was spanked, but my dad said “You were talking back to me”
My dad spanked me really hard back then, I don’t want that to happen to me again. I feel like I have to be a doormat to everyone around me, or else bad things will happen (losing a friend, getting spanked again, etc.)
Spanking can be tramatizing to a child, there’s gotta be better ways to punish your child, (and definitely not physically)
Why are they trying to show spanking in a bad light? So disingenuous.
It is. Take a psychology class. Spanking makes things much much worse.
@@Galiboo_13 No, it doesn't. Spanking has been villainized as the new boogeyman. We have been trying to end abuse for decades but once again people have gone beyond into insanity and this is why we have the problems we do today.
Because it is, at least in my opinion
Spanking kind of destroyed me and murdered my ability to stand up for myself.
@@ScrappySolos What might be beneficial for you is for you to understand that this is a one to one relationship and because your father spanked you, doesn't mean everyone has that right. You can stand up for yourself without having to worry about being punished. It's important to foster the right types of friendships, so standing up for yourself with your friends, should never be an issue. Your father had the right to punish you, everyone else doesn't have that right.
Also something else, it's not about standing up for yourself but how you do it plays a key on how folks will react. Here is the thing, if people don't treat you right, and don't respect you, then they aren't your friends to begin with.
As someone who grew up being spanked, I advocate heavily against it.
I never really learned my lesson in regards to it. It just seemed like an easy tool for my parents to use in order to take their anger out on me then scare me into submission.
This also impaired my trust & relationship with them later down the line.