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Adult Child of Narcissist -- Letting Go of Narcissistic Parents and Choosing the Self/Lisa Romano
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- Опубликовано: 23 фев 2018
- #narcissisticmother #narcissism #codependencyrecovery Dear adult child of a narcissist, there comes a time when you must let go and learn to put. yourself first. Narcissism in parents robs a child of the narcissistic parent the freedom and right to live a healthy normal life. The adult child of a narcissist is forced to live in anxiety. The adult child of a narcissist has suffered abandonment, emotional neglect, psychological and emotional abuse. In some cases, children of narcissists also experience horrific physical abuse and other forms of abuse as well.
When we have narcissistic parents, we are taught that our emotions do not matter. We stuff our emotions and distract ourselves from the tension we feel inside. The distractions outside of us must be stronger than the emotions we are running from that live inside of us.
When we start addressing narcissistic abuse and our codependency, suddenly when those old distractions are no more, it becomes very difficult to suppress those old emotions and anxieties. It is normal to suddenly become aware of anxiety when you have less distractions to keep your mind busy as a result of confronting the narcissistic abuse in your life.
The goal is to learn how to process our emotions so that the energy that has been stored can filter through our bodies and be released.
Thank you to Estelle for reaching out to me on RUclips with such a great question!
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Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. To her credit, Lisa creates online programs that help others organize their minds and create peace in their lives.
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I am 58 years old. You are the light! 85 year old narcissistic mother in a nursing home... I AM NOT responsible for her unhappiness. I CAN go no contact! My stress level has gone down 50% in my daily life. Namaste!
No contact! Well done!
I just lost my narcissistic elderly mother. She was 92. I went no contact 4 months before her death. Still hurts as there is no resolution and I now have heard all the horrible things she was saying behind my back.
Damage to the MAX are the cards the narcissistic parent deals. It’s difficult because as a child you are helpless and as a an adult you have to reprocess and analyze ghosts of your past. Going NO CONTACT will begin to feel like a whole new world is open to you 💗😌
Yes you realize all their limitations of you are projections or just their own insecurities.
❤
At 40 years old I realized that I was abused by a narcissistic father enabled by my mother. My wife and I moved away from them to raise our 5 kids in a safe and loving environment. I'm being very careful to avoid narcissistic behavior and its a struggle. But my kids won't have to go through what I went through.
You are a hero!
I was 32 when i realised that my mother is a narcissist and my father has been the enabler, its depressing.. i am working on myself.
It is very confusing to know you lived in a house but nobody saw you. You think that the fact that you are there means they have to value you. But one day you wake up and realize they were simply fulfilling an obligation. You are so grateful for the food, the clothes and feel so bad for wanting them to really want you, to need you.
Choose your own health and well-being over their need for you to be their source of narcissistic supply. Im 57 amd been no contact for 11 months, best thing ever. Good riddance to bad toxicity. Narc parents are poison.
Your mother took great joy in your tears. I never let my mother see my cry, it wasn’t safe, she had no empathy
"The goal is to learn how to process our emotions so that the energy that has been stored can filter through our bodies and be released." I love that you said this, Lisa! I was well over 50 when I finally discovered the word that described the "thing" that had so severely harmed my life -- NARCISSISM. What an epiphany that was. I'd gone for therapy on and off several times throughout my life and I suppose it helped to talk things out but I never felt that I was getting any answers for why I felt so lost, so sick inside, so unloved, so abandoned and so intolerably alone. I thought it was ALL me, that I was sick, crazy, out of my mind, about to go insane and never recover. Always believing I was on the edge of insanity. I didn't trust in myself, I thought I was a "corrupt" person, I believed I was "no good", I had no confidence, I couldn't be spontaneous, I even thought I wasn't good enough or smart enough to attend college or university. I thought "I'm not one of them". I wouldn't fit in in other words. I was a bundle of nerves. That's the hell I went through in my 20s and 30s. I had forever known that my parents' marriage was dysfunctional, and that there was something wrong but it was never defined or diagnosed. When visiting a counselor one day, she inadvertently said something about it being clear that my mother was a narcissist. Suddenly I stopped her and said, "Wait a second, is that what she is, a narcissist?" Yes, it was true. A light bulb turned on in my mind and only then was I able to start sorting through the quagmire of distorted beliefs that I'd acquired about myself growing up in a toxic family. I wasn't just "picked on" in a healthy way, I was ridiculed and insulted and punished for so many things I said or did. I was a good and well behaved, polite girl but no one would have thought so if they knew how I was being treated at home. Knowing about the framework of narcissism, I was finally able to see how my truth had been manipulated (gaslighting) -- how I had been presented TO MYSELF through my mother's distorted mental vision. AND how she had presented me to her relatives. (I had seen evidence of it in letters she wrote, but she didn't know it.) It finally became possible for me to stop myself when a painful memory came to me, and bring it up to consciousness by really focusing on it and allowing myself to FEEL the trauma of it in my body and let it out. For all those years, I'd let the hurt be buried inside of me unacknowledged. But I didn't realize it. It's a survival thing. The first time I consciously, mindfully let a memory be released (and you have to hold onto it so it can't retreat again to hide in your gut), I was in the kitchen and I had to lean over the counter as my body shook while I moaned with relief and sobbed almost convulsively. It was out! Until that moment, I'd had no idea how to find the key to my traumatized feelings. A realization came to me that previously, when a painful thought arose, I had unknowingly and automatically shoved it back so that I wouldn't feel the emotional discomfort in my body, but that time was different; I was alert to the habit of NOT feeling the hurt that I otherwise might have felt the very moment the trauma took place. When your emotional life is forbidden, you hide it. You cannot show to the abuser that you are indignant, hurt, offended, or appalled by their abuse. But that day, I was able to bring up this rising memory and allow it to flow. I'd read about it, heard about it, in many different ways -- "let it go", "get in touch with your feelings", "the trauma hides in your gut", "you have to get it out", "the body is affected by trauma too, it's not just your mind that is damaged", and so on. And yet I had no way of knowing the precise way to GET THAT. And it is so simple: it takes awareness. And THAT takes knowledge, maybe therapy. This happened spontaneously one day. In the back of my mind for some time had been the words of my counselor: "You can let yourself feel it, you know". She surprised me. I didn't know it that instant, yet she had witnessed me push something back right before her eyes, and she had planted a little seed with her words. Processing it made me see. You can heal, and you have to listen to your body. Thank you for the work you do and for all the other professionals who like you, are helping to heal the victims of this narcissistic world. It's funny how, when we were children, we were told the story of Narcissus without anyone really explaining what it meant in everyday life. Finally, we're getting answers in this Age of Incivility. How ironic!
Yes, understanding = healing!
I was very moved by your story. I can't process any trauma because the ability to weep or cry was blocked by my raging parents. Did you have the same limitation and could you overcome it? Do you think your Therapist works online and could you share their name. In any case, thank you for sharing this.
Hi Lisa, my Mom was just like your Mom. My Dad was not nice to her, he yelled A LOT! My Mom had alzheimers as well and passed away a few years ago. I believe that her mind couldn't take the abuse anymore so it chose to escape, leaving her body behind. I am so grateful that I got out of the narcissistic abuse of my family and my husband. I am now with a very loving and kind man and I have become a successful real estate investor. Thank you for these videos, you and many others on youtube helped me when my friends just didn't understand.
The universe senses the shift. That's help right there.
58 YEARS to see that love was TOXIC with EVIL intentions. No contact took months to achieve. Week 3 & I bet mom's need for a Narc fix should be taking a toll on her 84 years of good health...
Omgosh this video hit me in the gut like a ton of bricks. Not only for myself but for my bonus children!. ESPECIALLY the youngest. Ugh. How did I not see this in their mother!. Or MY one parent!.
Sunday meals, triangulation, scapegoating, guilt-tripping for eating their food, double-bind, walking on eggshells, worrying what I may say and not to be smarter than my parents cause I'll get that look of insulting their god-like image; control-freak, hyper-vigilance, thought-policing ............ hmm.. feels like home, but no thanks anymore
veruc w same! I completely understand!!
veruc w my heart goes to you
Thank you so much for this video! It makes complete sense now why a lot of people experience PTSD after they begin to awaken.
YES YES YES!
YES
YES !
I already had ptsd to start with. I just got an extra dose. I want to laugh... This is how disconnected I am!! No more!!! No more!
In my early 50's and finally put all the pieces together and now I'm a mess. Is this what PTSD feels like? I feel like I'm 10 again. Sad, scared, angry and filled with shame and guilt.
I’m 37 and I’m watching this video because I took a family picture and my mom called me to tell me my face was too fat. I moved out state in my 20s but you always have FRIENDS an Family that force you to talk to your parents. They say they are your friends but don’t understand you want peace.
They are not friends, they are flying monkeys, the puppets of the narcissist sent to bring you back to more abuse.
Sounds familiar. The first thing mine said too me after I lost a baby, was are you going to lose weight first before you try again? You should try to lose weight first.
I went through this too...panic & anxiety out of nowhere after I left the abusive situation. 2 years later, it doesn't happen any more :)
glad you don't experience the anxiety anymore. that gives me a sense of hope. :)
Wow. The way she described her mother fit right in with mine. I really needed to hear this
Change is never easy, even when it is for the best, we tend to find comfort in what we are so accustomed to. Change forces us to see everything that needs fixing and that requires constant effort in order to address the problems and hopefully improve.
💯
I'm 48 and just starting my recovery. My narc dad died many years ago but the realisation and acceptance of his abuse both mental and physical has only just truly hit me. When he died I was relieved but I was still living under the veil, as you say, so nothing really changed. My dad turned my entire family, mum and two siblings into co dependent shows of ourselves, of life and love and everything. He did a damn good job of making sure we were well and truly FU by him and his madness. None of us have married or had any good relationships. We are all, my older sister and brother, just kinda existing through life but not really living it. I hope the lady in this does not feel guilt or remorse for no contact with her but remains strong and determined to now start living her life for herself, as I plan on doing. Thank you Lisa, you are truly a heaven sent angel to guide us to the light of recovery, namaste xx
Holy smokes this is crazy--just this week I've been having pretty severe anxiety attacks of which I have never experienced before, and I realized that this is the exact reason. Someone at my work is hyper critical which I've now discovered triggers my issues with my NPD father. I was bursting into tears out of nowhere. Now I know I'm truly feeling my feelings. You're an angel, Lisa. Thank you ❤️
YAY!!!! ACCEPT THE SELF and the tears--JUDGE NO--THING within you and all will be well!
Be strong. And yes we love lisa
rachel, this has happened to me over and over again in the workplace. i get triggered by people and i have to run into the bathroom to hold back tears or to cry. i haven't been able to hold a job for more than 7 months. it's been horrible. know that you are not alone in this.
That is true. In truth i have always had this underlying anxiety that i tried to distract myself from, and once you remove the distraction, the always present anxiety shows completly. Now it is just a matter of observing it as you observe your own breath
now I am just feeling more my feelings. Now it.s a matter of doing it consciously!!!
Exactly!💜
I can attest that this is for real. I am 56 and was unaware that my mother was narcissistic, and that i had endured abuse. All I knew was that I had to get away from her. So I got married too young to another type of narcissist. 25 years into this marriage, i wanted to kill myself and was desperately depressed. Luckily my distractions and escape were not drugs or alcohol, but movies and books, and for a time, religion. I had an intervention by a friend who got me into therapy, and from there i got the mental and emotional strength to divorce the narcissistic husband. I thought i was free, but all i did was get rid of the big distraction that was standing on the plywood covering the big hole with the real monster in it. I had a few months of respite and feelings of freedom, and then the dragon came out. It has been a very hard road for me, since now mother is debilitated with Parkinson’s, and i am the one responsible for her care. The anxiety and stress was almost debilitating, having to care for my abuser. But with your help, Lisa, and the help of my fantastic psychologist, I am able to cope and deal with the stress and overwhelming emotions that range from hate to pity, but never love or compassion for the woman who cut my life off at the knees and made me unable to be ME for so long. There is a lot of regret, but you are right. I will not die enslaved.
dragonfly961 i hope you know you dont have to take care of her.
It is great to have your testimony because my oldest has been badly traumatized by his narcissist dad and my inability to help when he was younger because his father was beating me down too. I didn’t know it then, I thought something was wrong , but I didn’t figure it out until a month ago after listening to one of Lisa videos by accidentally.
Me too! At 51 yrs old, I also was unaware that my mother was narricistic.
Sir, you're life is my worst fear. I have grown up with a narcissistic SINGLE mother with three younger brothers. I am the oldest (Golden Child) I was guilt tripped, and made to take care of my mother. Long story short, I went to prison because of my mother's lack. I went through the anxiety stage of being separated from my abuser for 13 years...now I go back into society in less than a month. I pray for you my friend and sorry u have been burdened with responsibility...
omg! i'm going through something similar. i moved back in with my elderly narc mother. not because i wanted to, but b/c of financial reasons. my struggles have given her and my narc siblings validation that i am the problem and that i should be grateful adn that I owe her....and i need to take care of her. it is horrible. she recently fractured her hip. i've been expected to carry most of the burden in caring for this woman who continues to scapegoat me and tell me, "you owe me, i raised you, you must take care of me." she's entitled and sick in the head. i have anger, fear, sadness, helplessness, anxiety, etc...basically every single feeling surfacing all of the time. and like you, i feel like i am enslaved. it is horrible. there must be a way out of this.
Just realized that im definitely married to a covert narcissst for 16 yrs now, and im very codependent. Im finally getting help. Thanks so much for your videos!
Thank you so much Lisa 💓 You have been part of my healing journey ❤. I am 28 years old and healing.
Thank you for your work and ministry Lisa. It’s empowering to know so many other people get this about narcissistic abuse. The narcissistic parent will gaslight and shame about being the scapegoat, even when it’s so painfully obvious by the horrific repeated abuse, even as an adult; over and over and over again. ENOUGH!
I like your diagram. It’s extremely helpful!
After healing CPTSD and CODEPENDENCY made me realize that the man in my life did not yet show in my life because he waited and waiting me to heal to love myself - this is an also a breakthrough wow - Louise Hay said to make a list for the features we search from one future love one - and you also wrote in your book THE ROAD BeYond CODEPENDENT DIVORCE about the list you wrote for your next husband - great work THANK YOU
I am 37 years old. My mother has been an addict my entire life. I have always been the one that stuck with her and tried to help her. It has caused so much pain and trauma to me. I am just now learning and realizing the link between addiction and narcissism thanks to my sister. I feel so overwhelmed and am trying to break free from her. I need help! I started searching on RUclips and found your video. It makes so much sense to me!! Do you have any advice or things I can do to help me in this process? I’m trying to heal and get my life back.
Thank You Lisa for your dedication on educating and healing from the toxicity that is destroying lives continuously. I am so thankful, blessed and on the healing journey. Layer by layer the poison is being extracted and discarded from my being. Thank You Lisa for being here.
Wow! I searched for how to confront abusive parents and this came up. What great explanations!!
I stopped talking to my parents a couple years ago but a lot of things are coming up for me lately that I might write them a letter about the abuse and neglect in childhood. This video was still very helpful though.
You can write that letter, but theres no need to send it, they will not acknowledge or understand, and dont give them the opportunity to reject you again for any reason.
I didn’t realize I wasn’t the issue, I was the victim. My grandmother raised her daughter’s to be malignant narcissists. My mother and 2 of the 7 became horrible, awful, narcissistic and delusional women. They’ve abused me for so long I thought I was the absolute worst human being on earth and didn’t deserve love. I finally woke up when I observed my mother causing harm to me and I couldn’t deny it anymore. I have to leave bc the abuse is becoming too much. My addiction was so I could survive and the fact that they deny that they are racist, homophobic, and abusive while doing those things was the final straw today. I have to let go of the fantasy of having a loving mother and functional family. It doesn’t exist with them and my life is infinitely better without them. It just hurts to let go
My bully (my Dad) died at the end of last year. I have felt no sadness at his death. I'm still thinking of all the bad things about the way he treated me which I have done for years and years. Nothing has changed in my mind. Sadness hasn't replaced any feelings I have ever had against him. I'm 46 and he only stopped bullying me as he lost himself to Dementia in the last five years. If he didn't have that he would have still been here now doing the same thing. This is the man that my Mum treated as a God and didn't really do a thing to protect me because she thinks the sun shone out of his backside. He wasn't a talker because what he said went. There was no apology or cozy words from him when he knew he was going to get seriously ill. Nothing.
God is a healer! Just as the Israelites did, I've cried many years for God to save me! In 2021, at the age of 51, he has heard my cry. It all makes sense, not only with me but with my 56 yr old brother. We're not crazy after all!!!
Hi Lisa, I found this video of yours because today I felt huge anxiety, it is almost 3 weeks after leaving my abusive relationship of 33 years. I felt it in a store while doing shopping and realized it was the burried feeling and exactly like said, it came out after realization of my addiction. It was huge. I came home and here is your video. Very helpful thank you :)
Thank you Estelle that you asked this question. Lisa you are a gift from God to me and to so many people I am sure! My mom was exactly like your mom Lisa. Its like she gave her brain to my dad, pleased him and feared him. Both my parents. This is where I am at...anxiety is bubbling. Processing emotions. Sending love and blessings and thanks.❤
Emotion
E Motion
Energy in Motion
🤯
Woah, that makes so much sense.
I have been psychologically addicted to weed for years, alongside the vaping craze, kratom, and coffee multiple times a day. When I took psychedelics as a result of my impulsiveness, it opened a door to all this emotional trauma, and allowed all these feelings to the surface, like boiling water, despite not putting together the fact that it was entirely due to upbringing. After that initial experience, ive set increasing boundaries in life and decreasing dependence on drugs ever since.
Again, due to impulsiveness, I started practicing ceremonial magick hoping to reconnect historically with my initial religion, Mormonism, which worked strangely well. It’s weirdness, and the candid effort you must maintain for such complex visualizations, opened me up to a deeper sense of “idgaf” and feelings in general. As an experiment, and since it had been 5 years since the first, I took psychedelics again, and finally pieced together the heart of it. It got very scary in the second experience, but I realized that that moment was far beyond anything resembling the, now fickle, torture all the years with my parents were. It was my war, my own cosmic war against the inherent turbulence of the psyche (that innate quantum buzz you mentioned, I call it the “deafening silence”, but the buzz really captures that explosive quality nicely), and it felt freeing to be a custodian to my own rite of passage. I guided myself through an experience I had no business dealing with, alone in silent darkness as a trauma holder, and discovered a part of myself I knew was either a true image or initial reflection of the “self” archetype people mention. It felt empowering knowing I had so much potential left to milk, and it served as enough proof for me to believe in the right to exist I had always searched for.
Ever since, I learned thru the esoteric dabblings in Kabbalah that meditation alone is just fine, nothin crazy, nothin I wouldn’t love for a long time. And in the psychonautical adventures of my teens, so much more resilience than I ever thought I had. It became clear to me that I had been operating from the child seat for two decades at that point, and that my more mature adult self had been cultivating for just as long a period, to parent myself thru the tragedies of life, and, in those experiences, through the metaphorical cosmic death provided by the psychedelic compounds.
It was a beautiful moment knowing I had it in me to make the necessary shifts to finish off the generational narcissism that plagued my whole family. Kinda superhero-like, and certainly a badass feeling to say the least.
Not advocating for drugs in themselves, but it was so strange that such a rebellious thing, compared to a pseudo-fundamentalist upbringing, would be my savior, instead of the exotic Him I had been raised on. The Him they really meant, pulling from the Gnostic sort of approach, was Me all along, or truly the “I” in an open sense. And in that, if we are willing as people to worship this enigmatic entity lurking beyond human perception, or at least pay okish tribute, I could muster the strength to worship that symbolic divine reflection in myself and put to rest some deeply troubling ego-hurts.
Idk why this rant got so heavy handed, these vids kinda rile me up sometimes lolol, anyways, drug story gone good over! The moral of the story, don’t be afraid to take the leap of faith, of any kind, as long as it is within the reasonable areas of your own situation. Chipping these things away one by one is what allowed my parents to give me the freedom to think, a rare commodity in narc families. Even if you are horribly broken (I don’t think you are, you’re stronger than ya give yourself credit id bet, but it’s definitely a shared torch), pushing yourself to take a strong hold on your supports and run like hell will pay off somehow. We were purposely designed to go it alone, but to design ourselves anew we can rely on those around us who see our will and right to be here, because that is the crowd worth fighting for if not yourself, they embody the you that only you know.
I realized alot octobre 5 2022 thank you so much Lisa
OMG. Thank you Estelle and Lisa and my in box. The universe is listening. This is exactly what has been happening this last week. Anxiety that is just ODD. Coming from nowhere! I'm trying to stay with it and can do so with a little more allowing, acceptance and reassurance. I AM having a feeling, I don't need to minimise, judge or avoid. It is what it is!
Thank you.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are learning to just accept what is xoxox
I am, not always right in the moment yet, a bit of a log often, but it comes.
Thanks to your videos, books and teachings, my hard work and an amazingly supportive therapist.
Thank you Lisa.
Whatever it takes to reclaim YOU dear one--go for it!!!!! LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!
Dear Lisa, I am 63 years old with an iron fist of a nerdiest if mother. You
are a wonderful LIFE SAVER! BLESS YOU!!!
So glad you are here Karen!
This was perfect timing for me today to hear this, thank you very much for your wisdom
So glad!
Excellent analogy! How the heck do we process these very uncomfortable and painful emotions that we are so used to suppressing? It's so hard
Please check out my 12 Week Breakthrough Healing Coaching Program www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp
Thank you 💜.Pray for my mother and her family cut ties three years now and it feels great and do not miss them 🙏🙏🙏🙏.
This video hit a nerve....but gave me hope! Thank you Lisa!
Your drawing and metaphor is fantastic because it uses the idea of weight and how hard the pressure is to keep trauma and narcissistic abuse beneath the surface.
I just discovered my brother abusive and I did not want the contact. I did not want the contact with my parents because they did not took my feelings seriously.
Brilliant analogy! !!! Thank you Lisa!
Tanzi Melton
Agreed, brilliant analogy! I feel like I wanna be friends with the woman who wrote in Lol! I feel her pain.
You are by far the best advisor on this stuff. In my opinion. Thankyou Lisa. I can't Thankyou enough. This is a journey that has to be done alone but you shed light on what's happening and take the confusion out of it helping me to accept quicker and speeding up my recovery with no resistance. I trust you whole heartedly.
I needed this video!...Been wanting to go no contact with my mom since i was about 14, I am now 36...I dont have a fear of going no contact anymore and i am ready to take that step to having my freedom 🙏
Lisa out of ALL the MH therapists I've watched on RUclips u are by FAR the BEST! thank u so much for giving me the "tools" to finally rid these individuals from my life and go NC! thank u thank u thank u! 👏👏👏👏👏
I needed this so much right now! I am moving out of my narcissistic bf's house (and back into my own house in another state) on March 1. He is scared that he really is losing me this time and is throwing me crumbs (being the sweet, attentive, emotionally-available guy he always pretends to be for a day or so to reel me back in, before his true narc self inevitably reappears). I know that I will feel a lot of different emotions in the coming weeks/months - and I am already a highly anxious person due to horrible abuse and neglect throughout my childhood (btw, I cut my mother out of my life in Oct. 2014, only to meet my narc bf in June 2015...hmmm...). Anyway, I am going to be watching your vids like crazy to help me get through the pain and confusion. Thank you so much. I love you and appreciate your wonderful work so much.
You have done the right thing. My mother is a malignant narcissist, I'm the scapegoat, and my brother the golden-child. He has strong narcissistic traits he took from my mother. His wife has been anxiety-ridden and depressed for decades, which gets blamed on 'work stress'. I once took a girlfriend of mine to their house, and visited. When we left, my girlfriend looked at me and said, 'your brother is a pig'. I couldn't disagree. I watched him chip away all her self-confidence over two decades. There is virtually nothing left of her authentic self. When I used to visit at Christmas, I always left ashamed of him.
You deserve far more than that.
YAY!!!!!! Good for you dear one xoxox
First time listening to this and I'm so glad I did..I have subscribed and I'm listening right now to the podcast! I really need this,thanks
Welcome aboard!
Being taught that you exist to please other people.
My dad physically and emotionally abused me as a child as did my mother. I was molested by my grandfather. I left home when I was 19 and went no contact with my family. My dad’s been harrassing and stalking me ever since. I’m now 46 and went to the police last year a second time who cautioned him to stop harassing me. He’s now taken to sending an anonymous happy new year card that he knows can’t count as evidence against him. I’m mentally exhausted and my body is freezing one limb at a time. I know he’ll never stop. I’ve been fighting toxic people my whole life and have now completely isolated myself. I just want some peace but it’s like the universe wants me dead. I want to be dead but knowing my luck I’ll walk straight into my grandfather in the afterlife. I’ve taken responsibility for my healing and tried to accomplish things - but my dad even tries to take credit for my hard-won happiness. Why am I still here? Thanks as ever for your sanity-saving videos.
Thank you for your comment.
I can relate, one thing I did was turn to God for healing. I hope you start recovering from the hurt and pain from your past. You are a strong individual and I am routing for you 💞
Every time I’ve watched one of your videos, you’re literally talking about me, thank you Lisa, thank you so so much!! Xx
Talk about financial independence and when one of the children of narcissistic parents was the more dependent one & the golden child is financially trapped with the narcissistic parents even past adult hood & being stuck with them in old age & can u help us escape with no fear of the world whatsoever. I’ve been in such a bubble that if my scape goat older brother were to gain enough finances and courage against this scary scarce of resources world he will MOVE OUT and take the dog if he can. And i feel like one of these days there may be a day that comes when my brother may choose to leave and free himself & i will be the NEXT SCAPE GOAT. And i’ve seen how cruel the difference in treatment was between me and my brother & my narcissistic dad is trying to pick on me for my weight. And my mother warned me when she was in the mental hospital “you’re next” she warned me basically that my dad will try and destroy me next. My only chance at freedom would be to be homeless and employed. And oh my god! We live in such a snobby wealthy town!!!! I cannot for the life of me get hired by anyone!! And i cannot trust any man out there who is telling me i can trust him when he’s lusting after me. I already escaped a scary rape prostitution situation where i probably was not aware i was being sold for sex & i did not consent to it at all neither did i receive any money. In fact i ran into more narcissists who stole more money from me, more scam artists trying to make me fall for the false fake non existent hope of soul mates, twin flames, love spells and i was commiting fraud that my dad let me off the hook for thankfully i never went to jail. I stayed put back in my protective bubble. But i will never trust strangers ever again! My parents never taught me this! They taught me the opposite!! The complete opposite!
Oh you will find love!
You will find your husband!
He will be good to you!
Cinderella’s happily ever after!
Men will be good to you! (LIE!!!! If he’s a random good Samaritan not expecting anything in return then yes. And if he ghosts after!!)
Your parents have ur best interest at heart!
And they taught me to not trust my intuition on all the negative things i was picking up THAT ARE ACTUALLY F KING TRUE!!
I WAS RIGHT THE ENTIRE TIME!! GOD WAS WORKING THROUGH ME TO TELL ME TO NOT MAKE CERTAIN DECISIONS OR AGREE TO CERTAIN THINGS FROM PEOPLE OR TO TRAVEL WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE!!
God was giving me warnings & i was trained to obey what the devil wanted to do to me!!! Evil evil things.
To be quiet. Don’t be too bold!
Take the abuse!
Sit down.
Don’t be creative! You’ll never make it! Ur not talented enough!
Don’t be too pretty! Not for urself! Do it for the criticism of others!
And no! U can’t get tired! Ever!
Exhausting!! And yes it did keep pushing and pulling me and i got exhausted and unmotivated.
Yes that desperation you feel is the world ON PURPOSE depriving you of all the human decency u deserve. YOU CAN GET THIS FROM GOD!! AND THE EARTH!! PEOPLE WHO PURPOSELY DEPRIVE U ARE PREDATORS TO BEGIN WITH!! THEY ARE WEARING U DOWN ENOUGH SO ITS EASIER TO TRAP U!!
LISTEN TO UR BODY AND MIND AND HEART & HEAL! BE BRAVE NO MATTER IF U HAVE NOTHING! START WITH NOTHING AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING! WHEN THE NARCS KICK U OUT U BELONG TO GOD NOW! Not to anyone or anything!! YOU DECIDE YOUR DESTINY AND UR FATE!! YOU CAN TRUST URSELF NOW TO MAKE UR OWN BEST DECISIONS! EVEN IF THEY HAVE LOCKED UP ALL UR FILES: BIRTH CERTIFICATES, DRIVERS ID, BIRTH RECORDS anything that is attached to ur social security!
I figured it out! YOU TAKE UR TWO WORKING LEGS AND FEET AND TRAVEL THE WORLD ON FOOT!! BE CONFIDENT IN UR LONE WOLF JOURNEY & GO TO THE RIGHT PLACES TO GET THE RIGHT RESOURCES!
Think of it like moses and mary on the donkey. The journey was difficult and tiresome. They had to take care of each other, baby jesus who was not born yet & the donkey himself. IT WAS ONLY THEM ALONE! They had to fight off snakes in the water, rescue each other, rest more, find food & water, & fight off thieves. THIS IS THE WORLD WE ARE STILL LIVING IN!
SURVIVAL! Homeless people are getting by one day at a time. AND YOU CAN MAKE UR SITUATION BETTER DAY BY DAY UNTIL UR AT A PLACE WHERE U ARE COMFORTABLE AND SAFE AND IT IS UR PERSONAL CORNER IN THE UNIVERSE!
Do not worry about the special glitz and glam stuff. Worry about getting out & getting ur own life!! LOOK TO EMPLOYERS WHO CARE FOR THEIR PEOPLE!!
I’ve just realised my mum is a narcissist. I settled in New Zealand after travelling here and I have always been made to feel guilty/ wrong for choosing the life I want. My whole life I was made to feel guilty if I wasn’t putting my family before me. My needs/ well being was never a priority or importance. Hence why I left as I was miserable/ extremely unhappy from the lack of support and lack of care for my needs. Even until this day I have a longing to just be loved and validated by my mum. That the life I chose is “right”.
Ohhh okay! I got it now. Thank you
Great explanation, Lisa! Made so much sense. Thank you for these videos.
Honored dear one! Love your self--and your emotions which includes anxiety :)
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. 🙏
Iv had really bad anxiety for the last 9mth since I ended my relationship with my narcissist best friend for 22 years 9mths doesn’t sound like much but it’s been hell having random panic attacks trying to figure out why it was put down to health anxiety but THIS makes sooo much sense!!! Thank you love your videos they have been so helpful
You have a great deal of insight.
Thank you Dana and thank you for being a part of this community xoxoxox
Thank you Lisa. God bless you.
for me it's not a buzz it's a face with a mouth open wide screaming loudly, it never shuts off, like a water faucet left on and it's overflowing and there's nothing you can do about it
Thank you for this video 💖
I love rewatching your videos. You’ve educated me so much about my history. Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing all this information. My ex-husband's mother was just like your mother. My ex-husband was a very controlling narcissist. I stayed with him for 24 years and became completely drained. With the help of a good psychologist, I was able to get out. But now I am dealing with an adult narcissistic child, and it is difficult. Please do some videos on dealing with adult narcissistic children. Bless you.
Thank you Lisa, you have been helping me get through a tough time- to recognize what is holding me back and choosing to claim my freedom and get on with my life. I have been watching a ton of your videos, thank you for being so kind and taking the time to put all this info together, what an awesome resource you are! Do you do private coaching sessions?
Thank you so much for making your videos. I believe that I stumbled upon your channel for a reason. My whole life I just thought that my mother was selfish and a brat but now it ALL makes sense. No wonder I can’t stand up for myself for fear of rocking the boat.
I’m 61 and just blocked my 80 year old narc mother and her handler my very weak Father. I lost my son age 39 two years ago, and she uses his death as stick to beat me. I have numerous times cut ties. The golden sister and her golden kids can have it I’m done
so so so true! thank you and you tube for the awakening
YAY I am so glad you are a part of this awakening community xoxoxo
Great analogy and very clear explanation
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Hi Lisa, I believe that I have a narcissistic or bare minimum toxic father. He’s always made me feel like I have no voice I can’t speak up for myself, and if I do, his voice is always overpowering me when you set boundaries or say your opinion, his voice has to be so much stronger, enforced, you can never be right you’re always wrong so I’ve gone through life where I’ve been through many toxic. I believe to be narcissistic relationships due to the foundation of because of how I was raised. I didn’t have a good relationship on my father. He wasn’t in my life was loved for my dad, I feel like i’m embarrassment to him never good enough I’m not skinny, so I’m not good enough I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough. I will never be enough no matter how hard I try. I just am not enough and I’ve gone through life trying to be enough and it’s exhausting me down so much that I have so much anxiety that I panic attacks. I wake up in panic attack mode and I just can’t breathe and it’s really hard to have a relationship. My dad is mentally and physically alcoholic. I gave up alcohol five years ago, and I couldn’t be happier with my choice, I don’t wanna be nothing like my dad got no contact but it’s so hard because all I’ve ever wanted was the love for my dad like a child deserves
I really appreciate this video and all of the other videos you have made thank you!
I am honored you are here xoxoxo
This one's a gem,Lisa.
Thank you. ❤
You are so awesome! Thank you ❤
Took me 40 years to work out the person who gave birth to me was an extreme narcissist. Such a mess.
Lisa its I think it's very interesting that you had some powerful spiritual moments on your birthday. You were born... you were awakened, and you had to say so long to your mother on your birthday.....
The day you were born was an amazing day! You had to come here... and look at your life. You are helping so many people with your teachings.
No coincidence. I even want to celebrate the day you were born! You are helping me and my family to heal.
Absolutely dear one...
Overall, I believe it's a healthy response for the lady mentioned in video to have anxiety, and it gives her an opportunity to deal with the causes. Often times, in any situation where we experience anxiety, it will hit us hardest AFTER the problem or issue is over - this might be a part of the reason for why, but there's many other reasons why it would happen, too. I told my doctor once that I handled it really well, but then afterwards, major anxiety hit me, and that is what he told me, that I was in "survivor" mode, then when the danger had passed, my body & brain had to / was allowed to process it.
Also, the lady referred to in the video could be having anxiety due to realizing how much the abuse has negatively affected her entire life (I have issues with this and it feels like a huge loss), and also, after identifying the problem and coming to understand what caused her parents to be narcissistic can cause anxiety, too, and sadness, we all grieve for the fact that our parents were hurt so much when they were children that it caused them to be this way.
Very very true
It was good hearing about Estelle. I’m 65 and just figured out that my ex is a narcissist. The effects on my oldest have been devastating because he just started telling me everything that he feels inside. But the hardest thing is that he blames me and his dad for ever having children. And me singly for being so naive to marry his dad and also hold him back a grade in junior high school. Because he really doesn’t care about what I have to say about what happened, I have decided for his health to have only minimal contact with him because the anger that comes out regarding his father is too much for him. So, out of love for him, I am trying to get use to the fact that he doesn’t like me and wouldn’t care if I died.He is 37. This is like a nightmare in the movies. He stayed with me until he was 18 and then
( not knowing his dad was a covert narcissist) I left he with his dad who had a nice house, a good job. I was depressed and went to the opposite coast to stay with family to heal. I thought his dad was mad because of me. His dad was a narcissist who then went on to severely traumatize this young man. Who was a sweetheart. Now he has so much anger and pain. It’s just horrific. Brings me to tears whenever I think about it. I feel like a failure as his mother.
Well, so far you have been. A failure, I mean. But you can stop that right now! Today. This very minute. Call your son and begin a dialogue about your latest insights and your son's feelings. Begin with an acknowledgement like you just so bravely wrote. Then say you are sorry and can hear him now. And listen to the young man for however many YEARS as it takes for him to get right with you. Your life is passing. Give him what you have for he is the future.
This is the same as my story. I resent my mother as well and I hate my narcissistic father but even more mad at my mother for saying and subjecting me to all the abuse and all the hang ups I have. I am no contact with either of them and I can tell you I bet it is not that easy for your son and he doesn’t want you to die. Just very resentful. I agree with the other comment. You telling him all this and apologizing and acknowledging will do a world of difference. I feel you owe it to him. That’s ALL I want from my mother. Tell him! If you want some peace and feel sorry telll him. From s kid who feels the same way. We want this. We need this. I’ll never get it from my mom. She’s so mean and codependent and can’t admit her faults but she’s mentally and physically sick from keeping this all in. She can go to hell. However. Seeing this makes me give you credit you see this and acknowledge it
The last few words of the video really hit me.
That was really helpful. Thank you Lisa!
Anxiety can be due to gluten which hurts intestines so less nutrients absorb..then cells are not made right to work right to burn oxygen. Stress uses up B vitamins/Zn and progesterone. Any changes may cause panic.
Shasha8674 thanks!!🙏🙏makes sense! What should we supplement to use oxygen properly??
Heal the gut & it helps to heal the brain 🧠
Hi Lisa, I'm nearly 58 yrs old & have just begun to detach myself from narcissistic parents, they are nearly 80 yrs old...mainly my Father being the narcissist...I feel guilty because I feel more relieved than anxious. Is this normal or will the anxiety come later. Thank you for your videos, love from Carol. x
I pray for all of us. I am bouncing in 2018.
Dear Lisa, can you make a video about dealing with adult narcisist students?
Thank you so much for this
Thank you so much, also shaking meditation can help a lot
Exactly my case at 60 years old.
Me too.
What is the trickiest is, as a codependent, you put up with so much bullshit and abuse and offenses from the narc, then the one time you god forbid offend THEM, or they just perceive that you offended them, they make such a big dire deal about it and are soooo offended that they cannot even breathe. They genuinely believe that they are sooo victimized and that we are the devil for offending them, and yet, want us to disregard every single countless truly vile offense they've perpetrated to us. I'm embarrassed to say, and I know it's the disease of codependency, that I get hooked into their reaction to our offense and I start to feel bad that I caused an offense even if I really didn't, i get hooked into their perception, and start to consider all the ways that maybe I was wrong in the situation. Ugh this really gets me everytime and it's abusive to myself I kno but it's what I do and I wish I could just block them out and know my reality is real not theirs, but it's extremely challenging. I always seem to get hooked and doubt myself to the core. And then I tell myself not to even consider their feelings or perception because it's wrong, and then I judge myself for doing what the narcissist does to me and I think "I'm not that low, I'm not just gonna act like I know everything and not even consider that I could be wrong, maybe I was wrong...."
UGH....it eats me alive
I totally get where you're coming from. I think it's important to keep your empathy and self-reflect. I also really hope I never lose my capacity to apologise or want to make amends if need be, even with narcissists, but it's also important to have boundaries. People don't deserve to be overly punished for a real or perceived wrong. It comes down to having very tight parameters as to what you will and will not allow or saying goodbye, but it can take a while to get there.
Hello there 🌹🌹🌹.
Thank You for the Video 🙏. Lately have been.having panics and anxiety.. I have been asking myself What could be wrong with me 🌹. With the explanation in this Video,I have known now that it's because I have decided to go get away from the Narcissist And not be Codependent.
All thy Blessings 🙏🙏🙏💞💕💞
Good for you!!!
Lisa, I had made so much progress but I totally regressed to the point I became suicidal. I got help right away. Being suicidal was also a side effect of Cymbalta so I am being weaned. My loving brother said what has you feeling like this? It was taking me a moment as I wanted to speak without tears and he said you can cry what is at the root of this. It is the fact that my daughter won’t let me see my grandson. My brother said I warned you she would do this and she will continue to do this cycle. I said I absolutely couldn’t handle this again. I know I can get back to where I was and that it will take time. I’m getting therapy to help me let go. My other daughter comforted me and said one day I will have children too mom and I will never do this to you. I only saw my precious grandson three times and I need help on what to do with all this love for just the sweetest baby boy! Lisa it’s like my daughter has picked up the emotional abuse now that I’m no longer a part of his life. I know you’re videos and you will be a big part of me getting back to being healthy. Thank you for what you do! Namaste 💜
Never love anyone more than you love your 'self' because if you do--you are allowing other people to control your happiness and your state of being and that goes for your adult daughter. Let her go--let your grandchild go--but in meditation and prayer--send them love and light...When we let go--we let go of fear and we flow with abundance--and then--and only then can miracles show up.
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. I knew you would understand and guide me with love and light. With that love and light I will be able to let them go and learn to love myself again. You are a precious soul. Thank you as always!🙂
I am honored you are here--release their power over you dear one--and wish your daughter well xxooxxooo Are you a part of our FB community?
Really great explanation with your drawing. Sit with our discomfort, yes hmm I've been doing that without knowing I was doing it, It just felt right.
Sorry for your mom. Do you think it might be generational? Or just upbringing? "Obey your husband, no matter what" seems an outdated expectation anyway.
Thank you. New subscriber and I just have to say thanks. Been binging your videos and so much of your content just resonates with what I've experienced all my life. I remember being 9 years old or younger and lying in bed at night wondering why am I here. Why this family. Why this city. What is my purpose... my biggest fear has always been "not reaching my potential"...a few times I've been close to discovering spiritual truths and I can FEEL it. Intuitive messages. Visions. Signs. I know it sounds out there but I feel like you and anyone who aligns themselves with your content understands. But somehow I've always gotten "distracted" along the way, if that makes sense. But I always end up full circle to the truth and recently (upon turning 30) I looked around and realized so much of what I have in my life, so many of the blessings I'm surrounded by, I prayed for and are in my life by my design. I started a gratitude journal at the end of 2017 to follow through in 2018 and asked in my journal okay I know there is something SOMETHING at work here. Something. Please show me so I can make a better life for my family. Not kidding you within a couple days all of your law of attraction videos kept showing up in my feed. I've been watching them all. And everything. Everything makes sense.
Please talk about narcissistic adult children
Ephinany for sure
How do you stop obsessing over the Narcissist after they've left you? Even after you know that it's not good for you and you know that it's not healthy. Why do I keep trying to get him to stay with me when I know it's not good? He never put me first in our 12 years together, but now that he's moved out he wants to play nice and throw lines at me like....I'm just trying to make your life easier, I'm sorry for not being what you needed, I pray that you find peace and happiness, I am trying to accommodate your wishes. All the things that he couldn't do for me when we were together, but now that he's gone he thinks we can have a civil relationship?
Amanda Plagge it’s just another narcissist trick !
is the free facebook group private? i would hate to have facebook friends know that i'm a part of this group. last thing i need is more flying monkeys on my tail
LEAVE THEM ALONE IF YOUR PARENTS DISRESPECT YOU... UR PEACE IZ PRICELESS!!!¡!!!!!
What about the lies to the 28 year old daughter... who's now not talking to me... I'm 60 too. Daughter knows nanny is a narcissist but refuses to believe it. Nanny is a frail old lady with wrinkles and is 90 soon... since the xmas meal I've decided no contact ever again with narc mom. Seems as though as nanny has been lying again with yet another smear campaign... :( hopefully will see a real counselor soon...