Children of Narcissistic Fathers and the Damaging Effects: Sons and Daughters of Narcissist Parents
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- #narcissisticfathers #narcissisticparents #toxicparents Children of narcissistic fathers need to understand the damaging effects their toxic parents have had on their emotional well-being. Sons and daughters of narcissistic parents, develop insecurities, fears, and self sabotaging limiting beliefs that can take a lifetime to unravel. The good news is, as one identifies what went wrong, one is more able to heal from the damaging effects of being raised by narcissistic parents.
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As a son of a narcissist I can attest this is spot on. They will vomit doubt and self doubt into you during your formative years to the point that you can hardly function in life. If they see a feather growing, they certainly pluck it out. Great analogy
Wow! Back waters.......so true. Well said unfortunately
How do you get out of this?
@@barron4000 as a child, I don't think it's possible, unless someone can 'save' you from it (the other parent or family member) narcissists love having a captive victim to ground out on. My father would use me as a human barf bag to rid himself of shame and guilt. As an adult survivor, I would recommend looking into family systems theory. I found it through stefan Molyneux. Realizing the difference between the mental representation of the narcissist created to protect you from the dangers of the real one is key. I hope this helps
Didn’t realize it until age 59. I was always invalidated on my accomplishments.
I was literally the runt if the family. Two older spoiled siblings and a twin. I required more attention as an infant because of a difficult birthing experience. 3 and 1/2 between us. The older two never accepted me because of attention that mom had to give me. My twin just blindly followed.
Someone came into my life who validated me and literally gifted me a chiropractic education. And my folks had the means and the time to attend my graduation but didn’t. So of course now I have become arrogant and think that I am so much better better than the rest of the kids since I got that piece of paper, (their description) that I call a degree.
How can you not make it as a chiropractor when the cost of the schooling was paid for? Well ....just THAT, Invalidation. I finally cut off all contacts with all five two years ago and found inner peace,. No more seeking others approval and my practice has blossomed. I wrote for two years and compiled a history of the behavior in our family with intentions of shoving it in their faces to again, try to validate myself. And after watching and listening to these vids I finally realized they don’t deserve me. Now I bloomed just from no contact. I have people in my life now that I don’t have to prove anything to. I realized my parents came from dis Functional families and continued the cycle. I now blame that and not them. So it made forgiving easier.
Now I’m free....
Totally agree
When you grow in this kind of family, you feel you can't talk about your feelings or what is happening inside your mind, you don't exists.
Soooo true!
Exactly, and people wonder why suicide rates are going up.
Well you exitst but you are property of the narcissist. Just sit, shut up and make them look good is what they want from their kids.
Omg, so true! They make it about them or call you too sensitive.
Samee😢😢😢 it’s hell everyday literally all my syblins had to run away!!! Cuz of my narcissistic fathers!!
We were their possessions, brought into the world purely to services their twisted desires and serve as whipping posts when they wanted vent their rage and hate. Hostages, prisoners, torture victims, sacrificial lambs. And we survived, with our sense of decency intact. How awesome are we, and how pathetic and degenerate are they? Survivors rock!
❤
That‘s awesome❤️
Thank you for that comment. It shifts my perspective towards a better place. "How awesome I am" (as opposed to what I was thinking before.)
Amen!
What kind of twisted person would exploit, abuse and humiliate their own children, treating them like lowly servants and slaves. My father once told me he brought me into this world and he could take me out if he wanted. He was not making empty threats. To come through all of that intact with a loving heart says a lot about you as a person. Best regards, from one survivor to another. 🤟
Daughters of narcissists are hypervigilant too. I never married and never allowed myself to grow too close to a man. I figured better safe than sorry. That's too bad because there are many kind and good men out there. I have always been the independent sort and I do have a very happy life with my friends and my dogs.
So true..
Yeah I have only recently started to be the good man I always wanted to be but couldn't with my father. It's on us to especially be calling out these guys and their behavior. Now that I know what the signs are I see way to many women with guys like this. These women blame themselves instead of taking a look back at their childhood. Because they haven't been told about this yet.
Yep! That's my case. And as soon as i see traits of my father in a man, i RUN! No way i'm being treated by another man like that.
My father was a demonic monster who was loved by many outside the home. He died 2 years ago and I could not think of one good thing about him. He was a fake person who abused me every day in his home until I was old enough to leave. My narcissistic sister covered up his abuse and lied to family members that I was crazy. My mother weakly went along with this as she was abused too.
You have my empathy! My childhood was almost identical, except no siblings. Yep, abused codependent Mom, violent abusive father behind closed doors, but everyone else in the world saw a charming "Mr. Nice Guy" who would do endless favors for anyone who wasn't family. All good wishes to you; I hope you're finding useful help with your ongoing healing.
How did things change after he died?
The same with my parents & siblings
@@frannyy9309 My demon Dad tortured me from the grave through my narcisstic sister who he made executor of his estate. He gave his three daughters equal shares but my share had a clause on it giving my evil narc sis full control over my share. I no longer contact her, she gets a high from being in control and will never give me my money. It has been almost three years of hell with this monster. Both my sisters are unmarried ,are childless and well off. I am happily married , have four children, the youngest is 15. I have been ill, had major surgery and now recovering. I have no money to take her to court.The best thing I can do for my health is to pretend these demons don't exist and stay no contact forever and be grateful I have the family I made that loves me.
Sheree Jasmine I can relate to this
Had both parents as narcs , I don't have a relationship with either now, and feel great 😀
Congratulations
I desire this!
Good for you. I had to cut my parents off as well because I realized I'm better off without them
@Jena H I'm happy for you.....my dad is narcissistic and I don't know how to escape😔...please help
@@michelia4631 same here. If u wanna talk im here
I was in an abusive relationship and during the height of the covid pandemic my then partner became very violent one evening, I didn't call the police because I believed they wouldn't help me because I wasn't physically injured. I reluctantly called my dad for help and his response was 'I'm at work'. I had to beg him to help me & my 5 year old out of a potentially dangerous situation. I've always known my family was dysfunctional but it took a narcissistically abusive intimate relationship to help me realise that my upbringing played a star role in why I even ended up there. Lessons well learned. Thank you Lisa, I appreciate everything you stand for x
“Your supposed to be there for me but I don’t have to be there for you”.
Narc father are like Hamlets (Shakespeare) Uncle, they will never love or care for anyone but themselves.
mine was extremely abusive. Physically, emotionally and mentally. How do you publicly talk about a parent without vilifying them? My father has completely ruined my life. As a 38 year old man he set me back many many years. Now I am cleaning up the mess he left. At 38 years old I am just now learning about boundaries, as well as many other things I have to re-learn and train my brain to fit into certain social dynamics.
Don't look back. Go..... learn who you are, what you love...do not explain. When you understand, run and be free❤
Spot on brother! I hear ya. Stay strong and if you like check out "How to Have That Difficult Conversation " and "Boundaries " both great books!
I have two sons now , both teens, and they have a narcissistic father. I’m not sure you can talk to them about it regarding their own father because they wouldn’t believe it anyway. They would just accuse the other parent of talking bad about their dad. Duane on DSD (dads surviving divorce) has several talks about this. As the other parent like you just show them love and you keep being stable and regular and showing them unconditional love but as an adult, I do believe it is possible if you know about what you’ve been through to choose a partner that gives you unconditional love (they are out there) you just have to really listen to the other person and when red flags come up , don’t go there. Don’t let them rush you though, because I think if you don’t do the work to heal, you may be attracted to people like the person you’re speaking of, your narcissist of origin.
My heart goes out to you. We lived very similar situations.
Im right here. My partner talked to me yesterday about my defensiveness. My first instinct is the fight as soon as he says anything and im better for sure bur its so hard when its just fear. Im so used to people tearing me down im so sure hes going to say something mean to me. And i know coming from him it would crush me but i know its not logical and he deserves better.
That’s why so many end up in a nursing home.
I considered it a duty to look after both parents near life’s end. Today I find no value in those years, except the knowledge that my family life was a facade.
I'm not doing it . I've been damaged enough .
Indeed....People should understand that children have manipulative or narcissistic parents.
Mother had a stroke and we took her in… what a mistake! Stressed to the point of breaking out in hives. Thankfully found a retirement home for her 2 years ago and she hasn’t set foot in my home since. I’m looking after her, but with BOUNDARIES!
I used to feel so bad seeing people in the home with no visitors. Some don’t deserve that. Others most certainly do…
Narcissist father, highly enabling mother (possibly covert mother.....not sure). Both pompous, think they are above others even in their mid eighties.
I have very low self esteem and depression because of them.
Been there too. Sending hopes for healing and peace of mind.
Nancy the cat
Thank you Nancy. Wishing you the same
I had narc in-laws who both lived into their 90s, and the longer they lived, the worse they got! They are both dead now, but not before they ruined my marriage by demanding my wife put them and her brother first. My wife enabled them - in fact, she engaged in a lot of the same abusive behaviors as her parents. I am free of them now and slowly rebuilding my life. Hope you were able to do the same.
Me too! My mom and dad both narcs. I think I’m most likely borderline personality disorder. Have struggled immensely my entire life.
My GP prescribed me Mirtazapine psychological counseling & trauma counseling....because of my abusive father...
For me, my parents' mood swings were the hardest to deal with. Especially from my Father.
I wish I found this earlier, I’m 19 and hanging on by a thread . I’ve had no guidance from the day I was born , by age 16-17 I realized tht I was the one raising myself , my father is a narc and my mom is weak for years of abuse. I have no other family where I live and i constantly feel trapped
I hope you got out of that... 19 is still a kid, you still have time to set healthy grounds.
The same happened to me as a child. During my childhood I was left out and not seen. I called DCFS on my dad and tried to help my younger sisters. I took on the mother role and took on so much from my dad while my mom was gone living her life away from our dangerous and toxic home she left. Now I am married to an alcoholic narc and have a child. It was my child that opened my eyes to the terrible relationship I am in and have always been in.
You are young and can see an issue anf the harm you are surrounded by .....PLEASE please please try to heal by getting away. You are NOT the issue. Learn to respect yourself and build boundaries and keep telling yourself you are worth it and good enough. love yourself and don't stay around those who bring you down. I will keep you in my prayers as I am now as a late 30 year old JUST now dealing with my deep rooted issues of my neglectful and hurtful childhood by parents who didn't deserve me.
I'm bettering myself for my child so she knows this situation is not ok with her own father. I am healing from traumas that have been so hurtful I could not see it as anything other than a bad part of who I was... I hope you can make a path to recovery and knowing is the first step. God bless you!
Wow that is my life story but im 20 now. Started raising myself 15 turning 16 and my talent on the field was my outlet and when i got kicked out of school is when I finally got to kno my father...🤦🏽♂️went through years of abuse and left. I feel so relieved. I have a baby otw now and im about to be a father myself so i dont care what my dad feel or how he feel about wht i do. My baby gave me the strength to be the best man i can be and not let anyone control my life
Update... my baby is a huge blessing to me rn and the Joy and happiness was right around the corner. Just remained patient and nothing but blessings coming my way now. Still things are not perfect but it’s way better than what it use to be.
@@Incognito-bd4fu Congratulations! 🎊🎊🎊
Thanks for the update and happy to hear the birth went well and you are blessed.
so within the past few days I realized that my dearest Dad is a narcissist. I'm being flooded with memories of my life. I didn't realize I had Daddy issues. I really appreciate being able to vent.
I'm 55 disabled and have been staying with my parents the past two years. and I just became aware. such a devastating thing to realize that. I still get verbally abused.
I'm going to get myself on up outta here next week.
I’m 43 and my father was so abusive. I never realized he was a narcissist. I’m learning so much! Thank you for posting all of these videos!!I downloaded your Audible book too.
Matthew 10:36 “and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.”
How true.... mostly the only people who can hurt you are those close to you.... family, work, friends. Eyes wide open all the time.
Amen
First off, this video is brilliant. I felt like you just talked about my narc father. He was pretty much most of those things you described: self-inflated, over the top, charming like a snake, etc. He belittled me growing up, called me names, made me feel like crap, etc. I have suffered from self-harm because I thought I wasn't good enough and always wondered why my father didn't love me. Now I know that he wasn't capable of love. It was all on the surface. He pretended to love me, accept me, etc. Behind closed doors he was aloof, emotionally distant to me and my brother, and looked at us like a burden. It makes me so sad and mad thinking about it. I probably could go on. I related to a lot of these things, I'm learning to take care of myself, heal, and put myself together again. Thank you for this lovely video. I appreciate you talking about narcissistic fathers. It really needs to be discussed more. Thank you again.
Judai I relate to every little bit you just put down and it is such a mind fuck to realize that they were just pretending it was the long con the whole time. Lisa thank you so much for doing this video I would love to see more about narcissistic fathers I actually had both a diagnose narcissistic mother and a diagnosed narcissistic stepfather. Who is also bipolar and an alcoholic. But a deputy district attorney and well-regarded hero to all.
my eyes were like saucers watching this the whole time. this was my life. my father was also an attorney, and helpful to so many, yet hateful and resentful and cruel towards me mentally and emotionally. Last summer he told me I've been ruining his life for 40 years, I'm 41 FFS. Wow. This video might have just saved my life. @@dyan785
@@wildlightarts This brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you went through this.
Thank you for your kind support, @@michelenoia6767 . I am working on how to forgive myself for letting this get to me so deeply and for letting myself believe it or internalize it. I'm trying to find compassion and understanding for the angry and hurt child who still lives inside my father, who grew up with an alcoholic father, in a lineage of professional military men, out of the beltway. I don't think he was ever able to live up to the expectations he felt on his own shoulders, and suffered from untreated emotional pain, himself. It's hard as he is approaching 70 this year. Much gratitude.
@Deborah Bonney increase self care ❤
my dad is a narcissist sociopath, very charming and social but behind closed doors horribly violent, rageful very dismissive and extremely miserly
I have watched mine tear apart my brother too. Now that I understand what they do to their children, it all makes sense. They ARE jealous and try to keep their kids down and from achieving a happy productive life, unless it’s the GC who they vicariously live through. They berate & devalue or ignore their other children just to protect themselves from their own weakness and insecurities. Pathetic. Sadly all this information that is now available to survivors has come too late to make a difference for many of us. I have spent years in therapy with therapists who had absolutely no idea how to help me.
Sameee!!!!!!!!! Girl it’s crazy I go through hell everyday you’re not aloneee!!!!!!! It gets worse everyday my syblins had to run away only me with them, it’s crazyyyy sis sometimes I feeel no one understands me I feel like I’m going crazy everyday not being normal ,being sad, angry hating my self!! All I can I say it’s crazy
I am so glad I found this channel. Growing up with a narc father always felt like a nightmare that would never come to an end. Being blamed for everything, criticized, put down and talked to like a piece of crap for most of my life was something I hope no other children have to experience. At 36 I confronted my father about his mental and emotional abuse that was still happening ( of course he denied it) and through several “discussions” with my father , I decided to go no contact and it was the best thing for me. I was able to remove myself from his toxic behavior and start becoming a better version of me! Now at 44, I make the notion every day that I will stand up for myself when needed, that other people’s opinions of me is not my business, and there is nothing wrong or strange about being a nice, considerate, and fun loving person without thinking that someone is going to take advantage of me (side note: I’m a Taurus so I’m required to put anyone in check just in case they try to step over that line 😏)......So glad I found your channel awhile ago...... There is hope to come out on the other side.
Poohbear 43
I too am extremely thankful I found Lisa A.Romano work here on you tube👏 a shout out on her class!
I am a recent grad of her Breakthrough program. I know she’s starting a new class in 2/14/19
It certainly was and is amazing how to change and helped me on getting a real handle on what happened and how codependency had kept me stuck! Lots of tools and the best self love is being taught . We get to heal finally, someone who gets it! Lisa is completely honest kind and compassionate. Best decision I ever made.🙏
Have you seen a pattern that narcissistic fathers get worse with girls when they reach puberty as well? My ex did that with our daughters. He also made sure to try to block them from going to college. Perhaps because he never went. Their teachers loved him because he was so charming and talked and talked about himself and his interests and they never seemed to realize that the Parent/teacher conference became all about the father. I hated the rare occasion he showed up because we didn’t get to talk about our daughter. He refused to visit them when two of them went to the hospital and were admitted for suicide attempts. He thought they were being dramatic and looking for attention. He wouldn’t read the letter our daughter wrote about why she did it. He said he she needed to talk. He had no empathy for their coping techniques. He made my daughter sit in bleach water for a planters wart while she screamed till I rescued her. He would yell at me and tell me to go to my room and stop undermining him if I stood up for them. He’d punish them worse if I stood up for them. They’d beg me “NOT to stick up for them because of it.”
I'm sorry for your experience.
It’s typical that when children grow up the narcissist feels that he cannot control them so well anymore.
My father is one and when I had the opportunity to do an exchange year abroad he got crazy.
Also remember that he wants them to be isolated so that they don’t realise that he is disturbed!
I wish you good luck from Italy! 🌹🌹
Mine didn't block me from studying, it was the opposite - my studies gave him money. Now I look back and they were sabotaging it, covertly. As the years passed and the bills were bigger, I kept receiving the same. I made my ultimatum... you let me receive the money myself and manage it, or I stop studying. The discussion and drama I received at that time... parents behaving like I had committed a crime... In secret, I took photos of the receipts paid to them, and recently I found them, it was like a knife on my heart... People outside don't know what they do... You cry, you shout, you ask for help, people don't understand.
This last eclipse brought to the surface old stuff, and the more I go back in time, the worse it gets... It's so fucking painful... I keep asking, why? Why? Like you said, as an adolescent, it got worse. The old dynamics & patterns are brought to the surface and revealed to me at work. Luckily, I got this ah-ah moment recently.
This reminds me of my dad. Dad became more controlling and intolerable around puberty. He would also get jealous when me and my sister went to our mom for our personal needs b/c he just had to be the center of everything and everything had to go through him.
He also forced his college down my throat and put down/discouraged my choices to go away out of town of go to a performance arts college.
What a creep
my father used to say "children should be seen not heard."
So did my narc, child molesting, dead and on the road to hell father.
wow.I guess we've got alot in common.
"parents of the year"
life sucks
Mine said don’t speak unless spoken to
Thank you sooo much, that was like a trip down memory lane 🤣 I’m a survivor 8 years no contact ✌🏻
You are one of the best therapists out there.
life saver!!!!!!
and i don't say that exaggerated
Is it crazy that at this point it seems like a majority of us have narcissist/codependent issue and tendencies? I can see this dynamic in every type of relationship I've ever had. There's a spectrum, but it's always there just a little bit.
On my wedding day, my father asked if he could leave reception early so he could drive to San Diego to run in a marathon. He said he could make the ceremony; but asked if he could stash his luggage somewhere at the reception where he could make a quick appearance then discreetly slip out the door unnoticed and be on his merry way. I told him not to bother showing up at all. Then he folded but guilt tripped me the entire time. Yes, my wedding got in the way of his San Diego foot race! He shot himself three years ago.
Your story is very sad. You are not alone. My mother did not go to my wedding because she said it conflicted with a trip she wanted to take to the Carribean. Actually she never went on her trip because of her Yorkshire Terrier...that's the least of the horror of this family.
Thanks Jennifer. I understand how it is. Could give numerous examples of other incidents too. I suppose we’re the lucky ones tho, in that we know what narcissism is and have taken steps to go no contact knowing we’re not crazy after all. Think of those who still suffer beneath the veil. It takes what it takes I guess.
@@starviking6662 I still am in contact because shes a sad old lady and it's my duty to do so but I guess it's always lonely not having any good parent. I wish you well and comfort...I find comfort in art.
I wish my dad made it that easy. He only goes to things like that because he knows itd look bad to the family if he didnt.
@Mary Carroll You sure we’re not related? Yeah, nothing more de- moralizing than having to feel you’re putting out your own parent on the one day that’s supposed to be just about you. My father shot himself 4 years ago so his story finally came to an end.
A kid is helpless in a family situation with this type of parent. My own experience from age three was to grow up and get out. I knew it was happening and I knew it was wrong. My Mom was an enabler and allowed us all to happen over and over. I grew up avoiding my Dad and resenting my Mom for not following through with the many times she promised to make it better.
My dad mocked me too. He would often not call us kids by our names. He’d ask “where’s the kid?” And if I ever did something wrong my dad would look at my mom and say “what’s wrong with your daughter!!?” As if he disowned me. So many of the examples you were sharing were actually demonstrated by my mother, not my father. My mom told me when I was a young teen that I wouldn’t be allowed to date until I was much much older. She tried to do everything possible to make me her caretaker. While my mother needed someone to take care of her, my dad needed objects to target for his explosive rage. I’m only recently learning about intermittent explosive disorder and I’m pretty sure that’s what my dad had.
I really recognized the part about constantly feeling like the rug can be pulled out from under you. That was what my childhood was like. I would go about my business, and suddenly, it turned out I had done something terribly wrong. Although I'm 35 years old now and left home since 15 years, I still tend to feel like impending doom is around the corner. Thanks for the great video.
Thank you for this. Can you do a video on enabling mothers of narcissistic fathers? I will never be able to have a relationship with my father, but the hardest thing for me is that my mom not only invalidates my pain, but enables my father. If he says or does something painful she either makes excuses for him, Ignores it all together, pretends like she doesn’t notice, or “supports” him. She will later deny everything and pretend like she gets it. My mother(and father) both came from abusive and alcoholic families, and I see my mother as weak and co-dependent. I begged her to divorce him when I was little. I repeated the pattern and married a narcissist, but am now breaking it by divorcing him and trying to heal. Anyways, I’m trying to understand my mother in all of this because the fact that she’s half in and half out confuses the hell out of me, whereas I know I could never rely on my father.
*breaking the cycle
Beeblebrox One I understand how she ended up with a narcissist and why she puts up with it, but I cannot understand why she treats her children this way. I have a son and the reason I was able to leave the marriage was because and for him. I always stood up to my abusive ex whenever he was controlling towards my son, so much that he was abusive towards me because i wasn’t accepting his behavior (he was never abusive towards our son since he was so little). I was not going to do the same to my son or make excuses for my ex like my mother did with my father. Unlike my mother, I said No and left my ex. So while I picked the same partner, I was only naive in the beginning stages and nothing like my mother, I always stood up for myself. I only understand being co-dependent, but I don’t understand enabling or putting your abusive spouse before your children.
More importantly, I don’t know how to deal with my enabling mother because it hurts me so much-That was more my point/question in regards to my first post.
sara H Your mother is also a victim. Not all victims deal with the abuse the same way. She should get help for herself, he probably sucks her into his insanity. I know this by personal experience. Try Ho’oponopono , it is working for me. Clear the subconscious with this Hawaiian mantra and inner child healing meditations have been helpful, hope it helps you too
Your mom is human. She probably lacks self esteem and holds back from speaking up because she is afraid of your dads reaction so she has learned through the years to not say anything in order to keep the peace.
My dad would always tell me that my hands were dirty, when I was a toddler and tried to climb on him. He wouldn’t ever hold me or pay attention to me until we were about to walk into a social situation with others and then he would pick me up quickly and get attention for holding me.
The older that I got, this never changed.
He hated me my whole life. He told me if he could do things over that he wouldn’t have had children.
slowly realizing that my violent, abusive father was a narcissist. i always knew it in my bones.
and i know it caused my life long hyper-vigilance.
thank you for this video.
@11:22 I'd add that you grow up with existential fear. Not of being killed any given moment, but you are conditioned to believe you have no voice, no right to exist. The core self is constantly being hampered from developing.
Great video, thank you for sharing!
Dear Lisa: After watching your video, it makes me remember this quote by the kite runner (one of my favorite books: "... when you tell a lie, you steal someones right to the truth." Thank you for sharing personal histories. The more we know the truth and be honest to yourself, the more we heal, the more we accept and the more we can deal with problems. Thank you. Namastê
Thank you! I really needed to hear that. As a daughter of a narcissist i´ve been so hurt by my father so many times, physically, emotionaly, verbally, you name it... It feelt amazing to finally have someone validating my feelings. My mother is literaly an angel and she only sees the good in him, even though she never really saw how his behavior affected me. I can now see the work needed to heal, without the veil of anger and sadness. Thank you again, you are such a great inspiration.
my eyes were like saucers watching this the whole time. this was my life. my father was also an attorney, and helpful to so many, yet hateful and resentful and cruel towards me mentally and emotionally. Last summer he told me I've been ruining his life for 40 years, I'm 41 FFS. Wow. This video might have just saved my life. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and for giving us so many empowering ideas and tools. You are truly a blessing to so many healing. Thank you, your words are a catalyst to help me recognize how much I have to mine out of my programming to move forward. Very Grateful.
Same here! I'm 43, Narc Trial-Laywer Dad----respected professionally, smooth and friendly to clients, a complete demeaning jerk at home who cross-examined everyone.
Be there for them, but not for you....all of it so spot on!!
Yes, and mine just passed away in late November 2018. He was an "elder" in the church for decades where I grew up and it seemed his life revolved around making sure I made him look good for as long as he could, even well into my adult years while I was married to my first husband, now deceased. I am now 40 and six years ago I went NC with him after he attempted to shame me for my work in astrology and metaphysics. Thank you for this video, Lisa. Your work here is priceless! p.s. I forgave him two weeks before he passed away in a private ceremony and I had no knowledge that he was going to make his transition. To this date, my immediate family has still not notified me of his death... which is completely fine. I found out in the way that I was meant to.
The Happy Hopi , I don’t know what kind of a father he was but in regards to astrology and metaphysics(psychics, witchcraft, talking to the dead), he was spot on. Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy and wants us to Wander onto his web to attack us! Those who dabble in the occult are in grave danger. The spiritual hunger we have in us is to seek God but the enemy misdirects us. I recommend that you talk with a pastor about things. This isn’t about shame but getting saved! I will pray for you. Jesus Christ is Lord! 🙏🏻
@@northangelx235 hi I was raised in a fire and brim Stone Church, turned off. Wasn't until I studied at a School of Metaphysics that I discovered the beauty that is God, the beauty of the Holy Bible and the true depth and truth of Jesus Christ. Metaphysics is the science of understanding the theology, or Study of The Word so that it can be applied so we can be like Christ, and experience heaven on Earth, and help bring heaven to Earth, by teaching what we have learned as any good/practicing Christian knows that the Word is The Living Word.
I think you have been told that the words metaphysics, or occult are dangerous gateways to Satan. Well, from what I learned Satan tells us Fear: wisdom, truth, Love, learning, just Fear itself.
God said, Fear not Evil, by shedding Light a.k.a. Awareness upon what we fear or the unfamiliar, Love and Wisdom will be found. Have no fear, for fear is there Tool of Satan/Ego, to stay stuck and stagnant.
I hope this helps. Christianity is an Applied experience to actually know Christ heart, Mind and soul and spread this message of Love.
@Laura Lafauve I appreciate your kind words and thank you! Hugs back to you. And I'm not lonely by any means - I have the most awesome friends anyone could ever desire as well as a husband who has my back. ;)
@@northangelx235 I send peaceful greetings from my tribe, the Hopi, who have been raped, enslaved and slaughtered by Christians for simply living a peaceful life - Ah'squali, nuh goos bahahn hoya! Peace be with you. And as for my father, he was still my father whom I loved with all my heart no matter what his beliefs were or what he thought of me. None of it had anything to do with me at all. May you find the willing victim that you are seeking.
The Mormon church and the military create these demons. I know the struggle of being outcast by your family because you decided to defend yourself. I’m sorry he past without recovery. Through all the bullshit I still love them and worry about them. But I want to walk away while I still can. They are going after my children and I don’t know what to do. The laws where I live suck.
So accurate crippling so you never have independence or spread your own wings - both my narc parents are controlling,bullying and want codependency but are totally unreliable - neither of them is like my grandparents were, it’s so hard . Thank you for your sharing and insights and for articulating x
Something you said, " both my narc parents are controlling, bullying and want codependency but are totally unreliable .."
That is both my parents to a T.
They want you to contribute to them in some way, but it is almost NEVER reciprocated, and when it is very begrudgingly, and only out of societal expectation.
A very insightful video. I can better understand my narcissistic father, now deceased, but I have trouble forgiving him, and I FORGIVE MYSELF for that! Though I can see how my father's narcissism caused great harm in my life, it doesn't repair the damage he did to me. I struggle every day to overcome this, and it is an ongoing, and at times painful, struggle. I have great sympathy and pathos for anyone who has a narcissistic father (or mother), and I wish them all the best.
I cannot love this enough. Everything you’ve said even about the son’s perspective is exactly how I feel being the daughter of a narcissistic father. I also have a narcissistic and codependent mother. Both of which have qualities described in this video. The lack of trust you discuss and the types of people we attract as a result of this is 100% spot on. I’ve become a lot more self aware but still unsure how to set boundaries when it is still a fear to anger people. I’m hoping to find a good book I can read with strategies and teaching skills on how to do this. Thank you again for posting this.
This is so meee living in an environment that full of hate ,toxic parents so much and it makes me hard to be my self or happpy!!!! Or just growing in general!!!!😢😢it’s hurts me everyday!! It’s makes hate my life!! It’s alotttt but I’m living in hell!! Like I just wanna be free ,normal for once not living with narcissist parents!!😤
I totally feel you im stuck living with my covert narcissist dad, I wanna fly far away like a bird. 😔💯
Leah thank you.
I am REALLY going through it with my dad. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to face: my father is a narcissist and he actually WANTS ME TO FAIL IN LIFE. Devastating. I'm heartbroken. Thanks for this video. I feel validated.
Deanna Tolbert me too 😪
@@TheRealMissRed it's unthinkable. I'm 41 years old and it's taken this long to understand what my father really is. I'm so sorry you have to go through this too.
I’ve known for years and finally cut him off, will never see or speak to him again, he will never be the Father I deserved and that’s okay. God knows I can handle it. He is miserable and won’t make me miserable with him anymore.
I just noticed that too! Unless I'm following his path, but then I can't do better than him or he gets jealous.
I'm more angry than anything at wasting all this time.
Wow! Spot on :( Thanks for sharing this very important information.. 🙏 For years I knew something was wrong with my dad, but couldnt put a finger on it. I used to call him a”dry drunk” ! Now i know what he really was..
Yes absolutely, my narc "dad" has always expected me to listen to him drone on and on about all his opinions and frustrations, but when it comes time for me to speak, he will switch off almost instantly. He will expect me to help him with transportation if he needs it, ie from hospital - which, I will almost always do, yet I sure remember that when I was a teenager - and I needed a lift home late at night, that was too much of an effort.
Im still suffering from abuse everywhere my house jobs family i have super low self esteem sucks. This year hope to get a new career and live alone
The feather comment really resonated with me! I would always relate to it as I’d feel like a frightened little turtle whenever you would grow the courage to poke your little head out for a moment, he’d make sure you would tuck your head back in real quick!
Thank you for such a great video Lisa, it reminds us that we are enough and we are not crazy....God bless you🙏❤️
Irene I will never forget when I started Lisa’s course and my family found out about it! My dad’s fourth wife would constantly write in her emails “dear one” and Lisa always says dear one and the fourth wife had never ever said dear one so it was just her passive aggressive jab that she knew I was working so hard to try to figure out what went wrong in our family and to work on trying to communicate better. When my dad found out he was so angry. I guess he didn’t want it out there that our family was full of alcoholics and all kinds of bad things and he knew I would no longer stay silent so he accused me of being schizophrenic I guess to make people doubt me because he wanted the secrets kept quiet. I’ll never forget just the viciousness in his voice and tone when he said he knew that I was taking this class and in counseling “how’s that working for you” it was just awful and patronizing and he made that comment because I had severed ties with pretty much everybody in my life because I realized I had attracted the same bullying types and had finally awakened and had enough. When he turned on me it was the beginning of my descent into absolute living hell he took away every bit of validation he ever gave me and it nearly destroyed me. I will never ever give anyone that power over me again not ever. To everyone who has had to experience this soul shattering betrayal my heart goes out to you...each and everyone of you are warriors with the strength of steel!
My narc dad kicked me out of the house at 16.after 2 years homeless, I joined the marines and did 20 years. He was always jealous of me for that . Karma!
Spot on. Acting like his children are an inconvenience - I can personally vouch for this. First time I've heard this mentioned on a video about NPD. Thanks Lisa for pointing this out. Lack of empathy, check. Confuses you, yes, the gaslighting. And the sense of entitlement is huge. The effects, almost all of them apply.
Reading these comments made me feel a lot better about myself. It’s so sad that I figured out I have low self esteem and constant fear because of my father.
That's how my dad is. I remember telling my dad how I was in a relationship and he was like " don't start talking smart to him because I don't want him putting his hands on you. Just be quiet sometimes." He implied two things. That if I ever defend myself it'll be consequence and that if my bf ever struck it will be justified because of what I was doing. My bf isn't abusive at all , but my dad was saying that my bf looks abusive. Projecting because my dad is actually abusive. It's hard dealing with a narc father. What's sad is my grammy always wants me to reconcile and excuse his behavior. But I just can't.
Blossomandherflowers and dont. life is tio short to put up with abuse
I’m the son of a narcissistic father and I thought for sure you were talking about me. Wow. 😳
🙋 my dad! Passed out his Christmas List every Thanksgiving (at my house) then showed up to Christmas, no gifts. Then, I married 'it'. Two sons, rejected by my ex as teens, when they got taller, ex picked physical fights w/them "I can still kick your a$$!"... literally out of nowhere, no provocation on our sons part.
Thank you, Lisa, for addressing the narcissistic father. Mothers are usually the scapegoat of society when children don’t turn out perfect. In my experience, however, the narcissistic father is far more common than the narcissistic mother
Thank you too for saying that.:)
yes, we get the blame and shame as if we can control what these men do or how they do it or easily get anyone out, as our children become the weapons of choice against us if we do or these type men play the victim and our kids are so confused or everytime we object or go to bat for our kids or self we and our kids are harmed, psychologically, and or financially or worse.
Lisa,
I love your video! As a victim of a narcissistic father, could you make a video specifically on daughters of narc fathers?
Blimey, this video left me almost overwhelmed with emotion. It’s almost like you’re describing my life! Thank you so much for publishing this, it’s been enlightening!!
Thank you so much. I've grown up with a mother who was working 24/7 to get food on the table and a narcissistic and depressed father who was supposed to take care of us. I've felt ashamed and embarresed and always thought it was my fault. I always had the stronge need to lift everyone up and take care of my family. I couldn't depend on them so I made sure I stayed strong and did my education and uni without flaws. Now that I have to move into the working field all these issues come up. I have so much built up shame, resentment and confusing. I feel like I'm not deserving and can't grow further. I've stopped alcohol completely and have taken therapy for many years now. Slowly but surely I feel better about myself but its def a bumby road which I will continue to walk. All the love to you. Thanks for making this video.
This videos and videos like it are therapy. It’s helping me understand my parents and it’s helping to understand myself. I am now approaching 50 and I’ve attempted to share my experiences in a narcissistic household at times with certain people throughout my life and I’ve always been blown off. Literally told at time “I don’t want to hear it.” Watching these videos helps me accept myself and feel better about who am I am considering what I’ve been through in my life.
Hi Lisa, could you do a video on the effects of Scapegoating in Dysfunctional Families. I don't think there's enough information out there on this subject and how absolutely devastating it is to a person who's been scapegoated. I'm interested in hearing what you have to say on this topic. Would be much appreciated. Thank You.
Me, me ,me. :) Both topics go hand and in hand, at least for me. My learning was that in dysfunctional families people take on a role to fill a certain void. When we were the scapegoats, it's important to know that is was a system and that we have chosen to leave the system because it was not who we really are.
"He made sure that we didn't rely on him." My father has done this in so many ways. I had a boyfriend do this. He made himself so unreliable so he would never feel obligated and then it was MY fault for asking him to fulfill a commitment and expecting it.
Now that I see this, I release it and I release myself from ever needing this lesson again.
You are being too kind to the narcissist! One of them told me in no uncertain terms that I was just an object to be used.
This is exactly the relationship my ex narcissistic alcoholic husband has with me and my kids. His dad was the exact same person. It is always about them and their needs and demands met but they’re never there for us and invalidate and control everything including emotions. Thank you for your help!!
I carry a lot on my shoulders....my pain, the pain of those I have loved with similar experiences...I have needed to heal for a long time. Thankyou Lisa. ..You helped rescue me from a lifetime of grief, guilt, terrible confusion and fear.
14:10 In my case my mom convinced me it was my fault that my dad hit me because I didn’t behave properly. Especially when my dad was drinking a lot. My mom was very passive and did not protect me. I used to hide under my bed and in the back of the closet.
she must've been scared as well. Abusive fathers are abusive to everyone
@@empuwmthats not an excuse. A parent has a duty to protect their child EVEN at the expense of themselves. His mother is just as guilty as his father.
My dad is a narc and I got kicked out the house for protecting my younger brother from his obnoxious behavior this video really helped me understand thanks a lot 💯
P.s. I’m fine i live with my step mom now. I’m going to college in few weeks!
I have had a similar experience; I was sticking up for my younger sister and likely would have been kicked out if he was actually living with us. Luckily, my parents separated when I was 13 (and eventually divorced at 16).
As usual, you hit the nail on the head, Lisa. This has been a huge struggle in my life, especially how he has needs that I have to meet, but I'm not allowed any at all. My brother was always his golden child for being a boy while I was nothing because I was a girl. Now I project my distrust and not enoughness onto men I date.
Ooh wow I can relate to most of what you said . Both my parents are very dominant and abusive my entire life even to the present. My parents had just me and soon divorced soon after I was born and they both had kids with other ppl. Now all my half sisters on both sides get treated well . I have always been treated poorly. My mother died 3 years ago I think...I felt relief tbh I cried a few times but only because I guess I feel some torture has been taken away ...and I’m anxiously waiting for my father to die. I tried so hard to get my parents to love me and so I’ve given up and now my father and sister have turned my kids against me....I’ve even asked my father why does he hate me...he says he don’t but threatening me physical harm inches away from my face in a store tells me that’s not love. All I said to him was touch me at all and I would love to throw his a** in jail..when the cops came and they only talked to him and left..I had to go get the copy of what happened so I could get a restraining order against him. The cops asked if I know who this was and I said yes he’s my dad and the cop asked me why would he do this to me ...I said when you find out let me know because I’m dying to know also...
So sorry this was so long..so it’s rough because family don’t talk to me so it’s only my oldest son and I struggling in life but I just know that God is holding my hand thru all this and all my life I love helping ppl and I think ppl take advantage of my kindness ..my vehicle wasn’t working and I ask a cousin if they could take me to the store for groceries and they was too busy . My cousin works for a nonprofit organization to help ppl yet she’s way too busy in a bar or taking vacations or shopping...I just don’t understand. I probably never will. Anyways I’m on my way finally in the right direction and I know I will have setbacks I have bpd,major depression,and PTSD,anxiety/panic attacks...BUT 1 day at a time and everyday is a new start! Thank you Jesus 🙏🏽
Ooh ya I absolutely love watching and listening to you!!!!🌹
I watched this because my husband has a father that is overtly narcissistic and 15 mins and beyond I just realized my father is narcissistic and I literally have every characteristic of a daughter of a narcissist and my sisters personality is more domineering and she has those traits as well. Wow. Speechless
God I love you for making this video. This shed so much light on the pain experienced in my relationship with my father over my 50 years and the scar tissue that has formed. Your description struck many chords with me.... a huge sense of relief washed over me... that I wasn't alone in what I've been dealing with all my life. Seeking approval in vain and dealing with constant put downs and withheld love. My situation was made more confusing by the fact that my father has always elevated my sister to 'princess status' and treated my mother like a subordinate, calling her 'pet' in a tone that made me want to smash his face in. Helps to explain my insatiable spiritual search as well as turning to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. It is empowering to hear such a lucid account of how narcissistic people operate. I'm determined to flourish despite it all. Time to let go of the anger now as well as feeling justified in mitigating my exposure to his toxic frequency. Thank you so much.
You are very articulate and spot on. This was my exact experience. The rage at my father for his belligerence towards Mum, My anger towards Mum for her lack of protection and nurturing. My anger at God for putting me in this hell. Now, I am free. Thank you for sharing your insights.
This is spot on, thank you. I've always felt like growing up with my Dad, it's been like being told to get warm with a freezing cold and wet blanket. Incredible fits of violent anger. The perfect Dad on the outside, full of rage and lacking in empathy on the inside. He gets threatened by my feelings, gets angry if I express an opinion. Judges everyone. Tries to ruin my relationships covertly. Couldn't care less about what I do, but if it reflects well on him, he'll happily show me off. Tries to discourage me at every turn, criticises me for everything but can't stand it when I'm successful. Now I'm starting to have more success since I 'woke up', he stays away. So that's good. The worst thing? Well there's many but now he's learned about narcissism off the internet, he goes around calling EVERYONE ELSE a narcissist. Talk about projection. I've been chronically ill with a drug addiction but I've overcome that, God willing, and now I'm walking away from him too. He's screwed me up, my self esteem has been through the floor and it will always need work. But I'm making huge strides. No longer under his cold, wet, and suffocating blanket. No longer have him pulling out my feathers. Starting to learn how to bloom.
Once when I was crying as a baby my father threw me hard in the sofa. He's a real...
Oh my God it’s like you were speaking directly to me! Is that narcissist of me? Maybe? Wow, thank you so much for your video, I could relate to everything you said. My father was thinking of moving in with me from interstate and we got into an argument, I was feeling down about it but now I realise it was the best thing to have happen. My fathers parents were narcissist, so my father became that way. I chose not to have kids because of it, I wasn’t sure what a narcissist was to only a few years ago but I knew that the hurting has to stop with me. Now I’d like to focus on healing and letting go of that.
Thank you 🙏
This rings so true to me even though I’m a daughter ....I had such problems with relationships and had an attitude of knowbody will never treat me the way my Mum was treated and would blow up ... act just like my father and have been learning that I followed that pattern and then suffered again shame and guilt thinking I am everything he said I was useless, unlovable etc .
Then I dumped everyone that ever loved me and found someone like my Father .... I am becoming more aware .
I felt so unloved as a child and had so much anger and resentment to both my Dad and Mum for not protecting me .
I’ve suffered with depression and procrastination for years . If I was out with girlfriends I’d drink myself into oblivion as I now realise my Dad was so judgemental I thought everyone was judging me ,
There was no communication in the house that was quote normal or like any of my friends .
Thank you so much for your video
Ahh, my dad is a pastor! Very tricky. Thanks for all the info! Very helpful
My father was physically abusive. I can't understand how a few of my brothers excuse his behavior, based on his work load. It just blows my mind
This is kind of hard to hear for the vast majority of people, surely. But, appreciated, just as much.
The truth.
For so long I was looking at everyone else. Now I realise it’s my bloody father!!! Thank you
Both of my narc parents are self-proclaimed faithful Catholics. Especially my father always made church activities almost like his full time job. He's always absent when I grew up. When I was 20, someday out of the blue he asked me, "Why don't you become a nun?" I was so shocked because I was not religious at all, which really pissed him off for years. I was so shocked & asked him, "Why?" He simply said, "If you become a Catholic nun, your mother & I will be more admired in the church". Yea, right. Forget about the fact that I have my own life. To my parents, I'm not even a human being. I'm just a pawn. My existence only serves to add to their external social image. If I don't comply with their desire to use me to elevate their status in their church, I don't exist.
I've been confused greatly throughout my life by my father. I remember crying as a kid because I felt sorry for him or responsible for his happiness just by the things he said and energy he emitted. So I thought there was a loving bond there. In adulthood I became angry at his constant intrusion into my life and questioning every plan I came up with or desire I had was questioned or sidetracked by some objection or devil's advocate type reasoning. I finally exploded on him last year at 46. I had lots of anger bubble up finally after he denied me from seeing my own mother from the time I was 5 years old until I was able to see her when I was 25 again. It was a long time of confusion, self doubt, and feeling incomplete. Since I declared my independence from him he's stayed with me for several weeks now that he's 70 and has no home, no where to stay here with family except me but I won't have him back it's too taxing and I'm sick of having business ideas pushed on me. I have a full life raising my two kids when they're here, caring for my house, cars, dog, and career and friends and just relaxation here without any kind of interference. When he reaches out it's always to try and gain some energetic input from me and I can't stand it. I grew up Jehovah's Witness too from age 6 to 36 and now that I've escaped that I am so much happier, that I can discover who I am and what I can do for myself.
I'm a daughter of a covert narcissistic dad. I didn't realize this until I started seeing a counselor in my adult years.
Sadly, when ACONs dare to try to explain their stories or ask for help, most outsiders can't even begin to understand them....this further invalidation causing more re-injurying and inner turmoil for the ACONs.
Most outsiders are narcissists too. That's why this happens...
Thank you for your knowledge. This is worth golden . I grew up with a Narcissistic Step father. He was an alcoholic and abusive person to me my 2 sisters and my mother . He would always put me down because I wasn’t his “real” daughter.. and would tell me I was a horrible example for my sisters ,would call me ugly and say I looked like my real father .I was a straight A student and was always home even as a teenager, so the fact that he was blaming me for something that wasn’t an issue , was mind boggling and shattered my self esteem . He would give me the silent treatment for years at a time . We were all burdens for him . He would be annoyed if he had to cook for us or anything that took effort , he would suck his teeth . Horrible name calling between both my parents all the time . The word toxic doesn’t even describe it. No respect , no life lessons, no examples. Everything is just pain when I think about it . I have been no contact for 13 years and I’m still learning everyday on how to heal . Thanks to experts life you I realize the truth and that it wasn’t something I did wrong or lacked.
We need to go back to barbarian times where the son puts an axe in his dads head once he is of age
Any father who tries to destroy his own son deserves an axe to the face.
My dad got hit in the head with an axe (not by me of course lol….) and lived. So.
My dad's narcissism became obvious to me only after my former years in 2015/6 with a narcissist in a dating relationship. It dawned on me only then that all the invalidations that my dad had subjected me to through my childhood and adult years had indirectly paved the way for that encounter with narcissists later on. I still have to live with him and my mum, but envisage an end to this. Into his 70s, he has no sense of emotional reflection, and he keeps on berating me and my mother.
My narc parents had 2 children in their teens. My brother and I came along when the parents were in their late 30s. The father never missed an opportunity to tell me how much he hated me for wrecking his time with the mother. The mother worshipped the father and defended his reasons for slugging me and for punching me in the nose (I was 11) and constantly insulting my looks. It was always my fault. Sure an 11 year old deserves to get a bloody nose. I left home when I was 14 and the parents barely noticed. BTW the parents were financially comfortable with good professions and no Substance Abuse.
I went on to get a good education (Masters Degree) and hold a good profession for many years. Unfortunately my life has always functioned in a "Survivor Mentality". I have a Wonderful Life and am truly Blessed. The parents are dead. I kinda miss the mother but not the father.
I feel guilty when I hear your story and others like it because I truly have/had the greatest parents.
May you always believe you're worthy of love and care!
I think you're amazing!
This is spot on. As a daughter of a narcissist father, everything is spot on.
Thank you, Lisa for helping me to see the subtle reality that is narcissistic abuse. I am able to see it all now, why I chose my now ex husband, and how his narcissism is affecting our daughter. I've been able to show her these videos so she knows exactly what she's up against, and I'm hoping that this knowledge will help her to heal before she makes the same mistakes I did.
Thank you again for your wonderful work, Lisa. You are simply amazing. Thank you for healing and coming back to help others to do the same. Many, many blessings for you!!! 💚💜💖🌈
My father told me I was selfish and entitled. I had lost my home & job. He is a multimillionaire who has always made me feel guilty for his "help." He became more evil with age. I didn't pursue money, he did. So who is the entitled one?
Sword of the Spirit
Same here. He always makes me feel guilty for paying my college. The same time he insults me saying I‘m a loser who will never achieve anything
Spot on
They will say whatever makes them feel better about themselves at any given moment.
I suffered over 40 years of physically abusive narcissistic father whom I finally let go of after taking Lisa’s breakthrough workshop. Thank you Lisa! You liberated me from my own personal torture.
I needed to hear this tonight! Thank you for sharing this light. I can see clearly now.
Yesterday I decided to break off the contact of my narcissistic father. It wasn't an easy decision, but I know in the long run it'll be the best decision.
Having people around you, that support you, and will defend you, really helps.
WoW this is amazingly accurate this is my story life. Thank you ma’am . I love you .❤️ I come from Western Africa and this is my experience. Today I’m hyper vigilant
TOTALLY relate to the 'praise' to others and get nothing on my end. OMG all of this I can realate to!
LISA I really needed to hear this I had this great big hole in me ever since I was a small child so empty I was nothing I'm very sensitive still.I am an alcoholic,but I no longer drink. I do need therapy I know my father abused me physically, mentally, and spiritually thank you for things you said.
Man this vid speaks the raw truth. It's almost shocking how narc parents expect their kids to treat and care for them in a way they never did for their kids. This is so true and so sad.
I was beginning to get so scared that I was this badly damaged, and dysfunctional, and just overall not making it in really any aspect of my life; I simply COULDN'T make it because even when I got off on the right foot with a life improvement attempt for a little while, I ALWAYS backslid thanks to my reaction to some cruel comment or being ignored or belittled. I thought I must be too far gone for any hope if just a simple comment or action could derail my life this badly for these chunks of time.
Your videos are starting to help me realize that I'm exactly where I'd be expected to be at after all the shit that I've had to endure. THANK YOU for what you do for us, you're a lifeline!!! New subscriber here :-D
As a daughter, I relate more to what you said is common for sons.
I was scapegoated and suicidal.
Discarding , when a narcissist sets a boundary. Wow. Thank you 💕
Wow, several things ring familiar. The man who raised me had, for most of the time, one tool in his dad toolbox - the threat of violence. Teenage years were the worst; he presumed insolence and cockiness of me and stood ready to beat it down. That never happened, but possibly because I made a point of not giving him an excuse. My son is fourteen now, and I refuse to be that kind of dad. The problem is, I don’t know what a rational, patient father looks like. My fear is being too soft and not enforcing appropriate, reasonable boundaries.
Same !
Just remember that discipline and consequences are not abuse.
You have a gift Ms Lisa Romano. Thank you for the time and energy you pour into teaching all of us about this very real narcisstic dynamic in our parents, familys and also sometimes in ourselves. You are a Blessing to so many souls, thank you, Lorene