1. Words dont match actions 2. They cancel at last minute 3. You feel like you're constantly chasing them. 4. The relationship is one sided 5. They're married 6. Completely different relationship goals 7. Settling for just being a booty call 8. You feel like their therapist 9. The other person is not over their ex 10. They try to change you
Know your worth, respect your own feelings, if it feels wrong, it is wrong. Trust your inner voice and protect your heart. If you don't, why would you expect anyone else to.
Lisa you know what I notice, to me the vast majority of people want to talk about their stuff, but if you try to talk about yours they won't care, so they just wanna use us for their convenience.
Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, oh please listen to my problems,,, oh you .......I don't have time for your drama. Learn to not keep giving these people YOUR Time. Their users and time wasters You need to be there for them,,,, but their Neverrrrr there for you.
At first I thought you were gonna say people want to talk about what happened to them, in regards to their Narc. encounters ,, as we all do and need too We need to Get it out!! But did you know that by talking that's how people Think. Think things out, So I guess if you walk around the house talking to even yourself that can be beneficial,,, try writing also. Very helpful
@@joannem3568 that's right we really need to express ourselves, that's why therapists exists, people need to learn to listen to others and speak , but selfishness prevents it.
I had a friend like that. I always listened to her. But whenever I needed her, she would say, “I don’t want to weigh in”. So I have severely limited my phone contact with her selfish self. I hated to do it bc she is a recently paralyzed stroke victim. Now she is harder than ever to deal with.
Story of my life since childhood up to now, my 30's. It's why I am so used to removing people from my life, I can see the signs very early. It sucks, but sometimes being a loner is healthier if it means you're not being used or abused.
A lot of these signs can really go for any type of relationships..... Even friendships!!!! As a friend if I'm the only one calling or reaching out or remembering birthdays.... There is an issue. Why would I want to be friends with anyone who puts no effort into the friendship? No more!
When I signed up for facebook in 2011, a lot of my friends wished me a "Happy Birthday" and I did the same because you get the notice when it is someone's birthday. In 2014 deleted facebook and do not get one single call, card, etc. from all my so called friends and even family from facebook.
I was thinking the same thing. When the person on the other end of the phone or email/text is not putting in much/any energy into communicating, that is all I need to know now. If you find you are the one who keeps trying to keep the conversation going, it's time to stop. People have my phone number, my email, etc. If they want to talk to me they will call. I respond now to only those who value our friendship/relationship.
There are *no* shortcuts . . . you need to *take your time* in getting to know someone. Be prepared to sift through many people before finding quality friends and lovers!
Yes. I told my last to just let me know when it's over, so I don't expect things I shouldn't. I enjoyed his company as a friend, as was willing to remain so no matter what happened. Part of my attraction to him was that he was nice to his ex and had a lot of female friends. Oh boy, how misleading. I'm not sure if he wanted me to ditch him so he'd get off the hook. I don't know. He Maybe he is a narcissist. Again, can't say. He kept telling me to contact him, and then he'd wait weeks to get back. I said just tell me it's over. He said it wasn't. So I ended it by saying I'm giving myself closure, I'm not going to contact you any more. I don't get why he can be friends with other women, but not me. That was the most devastating part. The rest can end. But I'm not even worth friendship.
@@azmomconnectionI'm pretty sure one wasn't. I told him that even if you're not having sex with her, there is something going on. He jumped every time she snapped her fingers. She traveled for work, and I asked him if they had some kind of agreement that 'allowed' him to have sex while she was gone as long as it didn't interfere with their relationship or become a health risk (STD). The only explanation I got from him is that he wished her well .But, they still lived together when she was in town. Her dogs and cats were at his place/their place, but sometimes he would fib and say she came to get them. Nothing ever made sense. She's adorable and beautiful. I honestly never understood what he wanted with me - convenience or not. His last text said that 'sincerely there is nothing going on.' My second to last text to him was, sorry if I'm wrongly accusing you, but it just looks like you have one of those 'sex with other people as long as it's meaningless' things with her. I was nice about it. After no word from him for a week texted him that I'm giving myself closure and ending whatever we had. So perhaps I was correct. Perhaps I caught him out. I will probably never know. And yes, he was always doing favors for his other female friends. He never, however, had time for me. So I know where I fit in. Oh well.
have to add this because it won't let me edit. This woman was his latest ex; they were a couple for 2 years according to him. But they were together constantly when she was in town . I don' t know if he was mooching of her (she has a good job, his employment is sporadic).
I recently got out of a one sided situationship. I told him that I couldn't see him anymore after he flaked out on me for the last time. It was hard to let him go and to accept that he didn't care about me at all. I wanted him in my life, and I made excuses for him for 3 years. There was a big age gap between us. Logically, I never expected it to lead to anything serious, but emotionally I was very attached to him. I was very sexually attracted to him, and I know that he was attracted to me, but for him it was all about getting his needs met. He told me he loved me, but I didn't feel it. He played games with me and I played games with myself because I wanted him. I forgive him, and I forgive myself. It's really over now and that's for the best.
his name wasnt Jaymes was it? ..lol.. cuz wow that sounds exactly what is going on with me and mine... i mean exactly! even the age difference part... ugghh.. thanks for sharing and being strong i need to follow ur example for my own sanity ..
It's like they can sniff out exactly what you want and promise it just to keep you hooked as a source of supply so you put up with their red flags and otherwise bull-shittery in the hopes the dream will come true one day. BIG MISTAKE.
I dated a man who was 50 and knowing that I’m not good in the kitchen, he said “my ex was a good cook”, also, while watching tv he said “oh my ex and I went there together” and I started to feel as if he was comparing me and was reminiscing about his other exes. So I said “how would you like it if I said my ex was 6’3” athletic, intelligent, handsome and was great in bed with a 7” schlong?” (Which he was btw) His reply was “my worth isnt tied to how good I am in bed” which wasn’t an honest reply and didn’t actually answer my question as to how that would’ve made him FEEL. The fact is, nobody would like the person they’re dating to start complimenting everyone else of the opposite sex (especially exes). It’s a mind game they are playing with you to make you feel inferior. It’s also very disrespectful.
@@smores8982 not just a jerk, he was a covert narcissist. I just ended a relationship with one. His unaddressed childhood wounds affect all relationships.
I "WAS" Attepting to date this woman who was CONSTANTLY talking about her problems and how life is screwing her and how bad her ex was to her.. it was like her mind was erased and all that was in there was the last 5 years. I think i handled it well. I listened.. "let her get it out of her system" i thought, "Only add anything when she asks" i told myself. Okay.. well.. after about 3 weeks..(Thats just a polite estimate, It was longer) I casually mentioned to her "Y'know what.. Ive just realised something. we have not even kissed and you got pissed just now because i took a drink out of your glass of tea and you poured it out. I think you need a psychiatrist.. not a therapist.. a full blown P.H.D. Psychiatrist with lots of different meds to help you. IM okay with being friends but dont just come over here and tell the same stories over and over and then act surprised when i finally talk loud enough for you to hear me over your story. How about next time you come over i tell your story. i can . ive heard it several times a day over the last month. how about this. If my ex wife were to caqll me right now and ask me to come back.. and i was giving C.P.R. To someone.. they better hope somebody else in the crowd knows C.P.R. All she said back was.. "You mean you would just leave them like that" . WOW. That was a strange month. But. I know.. Im the male. So I was wrong and i should be punished for acting that way towards her.
I was feeling so guilty about breaking up a few months ago. I told him I was feeling used and according to this video I was right. I'm still sad about it but I won't feel guilty about leaving for another minute.
I’m in exactly the same position… it’s painful n actually so much harder when we have to be strong enough to make the choice… if they left us it would be easier… forced…but having to choose what healthier n it’s not necessarily what we want… it’s heartbreaking… continue healing ❤️🩹 n I feel you
This 35 minutes of truthful advice is more that I've ever received from a therapist who just lets you vent and keep paying the bill. Sometimes I think that in itself is a toxic relationship!
You are so right, many therapists these days are minimally aware about narcissism...can do more harm than good and waste your time and money. I went to 3-4 couples therapists over the years with my extremely sociopathic narc ex before I knew what was really going on...none had a clue...they all just battled with her and then dropped us from therapy after spending a lot of money...only learned the truth from Ms. Romano ( the best!) and some the other great souls helping us on you tube...very greatly to them!
True. I tried to figure my boyfriend out for years. For awhile I thought he was passive-aggressive. But he was more than that. After 10 wasted years he left me for another sucker. Lol she thought she was getting such a "prize".
These are some cold hard facts. And I wish I never ignored them when I got into the wrong relationship. I've often settled for less and I've learned not to settle anymore.
I've been in a one sided relationship with a narcissist for years, and I wish I could get out. It's all take, take, take. I'm so tired, cold, empty and drained. I hope I find the sunshine again one day. Thanks for the video and inspiration.
Im 54 and I've got fear of abandonment, always giving, I beleave that you always put a woman first, never cheat, lie.. I've been in love with 4 woman all of them treated me like dirt and cheated and left.dont beleave in boots calls. I've been always told that I'm attractive but don't know anymore, do to stress from relationships . My age is telling me that I may never have a good relationship. one of the woman passed away and said that she loved me before she died. That's the only one of all that I beleave was sincere, even though she put me through hell also. Please respond
@@davidhubbard3473 hey man. I hope you’ve found some solace since your comment. I wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I feel I’ve experienced much of what you’ve mentioned and wanted to offer you the possibility that perhaps you’ve been a bit codependent. I know I have. If you’re an empath, you’ll often attract narcissists and the like and they will drain you in every way. It can even get to the point where you begin to exhibit some narcissistic behaviors. Trauma bonds are rough and hard to shake brother. You are worthy and deserve the love you want. First things first; you have to get right with you and heal your own traumas etc and switch your thought patterns and mindset to that of abundance as opposed to scarcity. I’ve by no means completed this work, but I see the path ahead of me and my feet are moving along it seeking growth and self acceptance. We can do it brother. ❤️ Go well.
Covid has given us time to pay attention to the people in our lives. I have stop speaking to the top 5 people who have watched me take insulin 5x a day and still asked me to do something for them. Being alone has brought me the clarity I need to focus on my goals.
I've always been the one driving the relationships / friendships. I even tried to stop my "house of cards" family from falling down. I no longer do the driving and walk away if it doesn't feel right.
Exactly...I always felt I had to excuse myself in order to end a relationship as to remain as the "good girl"...Y...should I explain that it's over to someone who didnt care for me in the first place...no...I'm not doing this to myself anymore...thank you all for your comments you have helped me through so many decision making.❤😎
I learned that when you grow self esteem and learn to trust yourself you pick up on these things so quickly. Because they go against that purity of self.
do not ignore/deny Reality: do not romanticize/do fantasy. I settled for the booty call. My best friend said to me "why do u let him?" which at first, to me, did not feel supportive. Yet, i had to accept that i had to hold myself accountable for accepting what crumb i was allowing and that it was up to me to stop it- boundary.
yrs. ago i read the book Is it love or is it Addiction? by (?) in which She talks about the Velveteen Rabbit- which talks about finding people of Substance over time. My dad's mom raised us & died when i was 16 - i did not have a wise mother role model to consult with. The idea of "sisterhood" in feminist writings appealed to me until i read about the Intersections amongst women - meaning we all come from different backgrounds of race, class, ability, age differences. I did not know how to recognize the signs/red flags of the Narcissist types of either gender.
I allowed myself to be manipulated. Wow, was he crafty. Don't beat yourself up after accepting your part in accountability. You are more prescious than Rubies! Period. You are ENOUGH, as you are!
exactly, never ever ignore or reject reality & the obvious. when we are so desperate & needy for a relationship, we tend to ignore the red flags of the individual we are dating, and always make the mistake of perceiving & judging that individual we're in love with, for the person we want, wish, hope or pray they'll eventually become, we don't perceive & judge them for who they truly are, because we don't want our delusions of them, to be crushed & destroyed. in other words, we want the fantasy we have of them to continue, because it makes us feel better inside, because reality is a very hard pill to swallow. the bottom line is this: always be honest with yourself, do not engage in wishful thinking, we should never ever have to convince or guilt trip someone, to desire a serious relationship with us, that only "WORKS" in the fictional worlds of TV shows, romantic movies, soap operas, because that's all scripted, and just a performance for the cameras & the studio audiences. and always remember this, the real reason on why the people who took us for granted or dump us, is because they all convinced themselves that they could "DO BETTER", and eventually they learn the hard way or when it's too late, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
@@javieraponte4444 I just wanted to ask you a question because I found your comment very helpful for understanding accepting the things I did that destroyed my relationship but I’m just curious about how you think feel about the other person decides to stay in the relationship and is continuing to talk about being together with you forever, marriage, telling my child we’re all going to move in to a new house, that he believes I am was his soul mate but then come to know that actually I am the butt of the jokes and there’s a revenge, payback set and everyone knows but me. Well sort of. I am just hoping for maybe some advice on how you would handle it. Also there are many many things that have seen been through since childhood my family has endured a lot of pain, loss, public humiliation but people others that have never met me don’t know me have extremely vicious horrible things to say. I understand and know yes I screwed up my relationship with the man I love with all of my heart and who taught me about how real true love is and isn’t I hold myself accountable responsibility for hurting him I do also know that I was a broken complete mess when he met me he did come into the relationship with the hope he could change my ways and I really did try hard in the beginning and made improvements but unfortunately the cycle of generational dysfunction was still deep inside and suppressed memories, things I was told taught to not tell discuss with anyone but close family, physical mental trauma illnesses verbal emotional abuses took a toll so damn hard big that even the multiple therapist doctors 16+ pills a day could repair how who I had become. And yes I also self sabotage too after becoming addicted to the Percocet Vicodin they had me on for months I started drinking using other drugs and completely downward spiral. Before that time though I was able capable of having holding a good job I worked for mortgage company for 11 years then I was working at Citibank doing operational accounting I had my son when I was 26 years old I had great credit, a townhome, new car productive member of society. Then I became ill and all of the doctors couldn’t figure out what exactly was wrong but I was given 120 Vicodin and 140 Percocet to control the pain while I had to go do any and every test, medical procedure they told me to. Anyway I am sorry I know I am really just going way out with my bullshit drama. Lol I just am very uncertain of word for the thought on people calling me names say I lied about everything I have ever said did ect. I do realize I have hurt many people in my life and I am extremely sorry and accepting my life alone banished threats to me my family but I also finally made a decision to attempt to try really getting to the root causes behaviors bad habits choices I have been doing since beginning all the different prescriptions and alcohol drugs too. After 20 years I am more clear minded, having memories coming back, extremely dark nightmares stopped. I just am really ready to be able to get it out there. You honestly don’t have to reply lol you may now think I’m insane but I learned from your comment before and looking for a intelligent person to help me out with it
@@javieraponte4444 your on point. We do teach people how to treat us, and then cry foul when they do it. This the stuff needs to be taught in school. Slithers like a snake, looks like a 🐍 and I want to call it a teddy bear 🐻. God I'm sick 🤢!
Everytime I visited some relatives...I couldn't stand how dirty their house was and I would clean it. Now I think that's the only reason they want to see me at all. Another relative invited me to their recital, and I fixed their costume made three deserts, and Decorated the recital hall. I am 65 now, I say: "screw you!"
Oh yes I was the bread of the entire family. I had the chance of being near them perhaps to really get to know them if they really need my money as helping them. Few do. Some did horrible things to me despite I had no saving coz I give them all. Now that I am retiring I have a chance to stay away from them coz being 62, I felt too old already to take of others problems still. So I am living fine alone w/a bf so young. Well I am helping him and I don't mind coz I am happy loving him and it's my pleasure when his happy. His the excuse I could get away from all who uses me and abuses me. It is our right to do what best for us. It does not anyone's job to make them tell us what to do to please them and mostly carrying their problems, their burden become our burden is not a healthy living. Each make their own delemas therefore each individual is responsibly to solve them not the other that are just trying to help but when it's enough and time to say "no" then I will do and it actually make feel like not a push over and I feel good.
When we notice someone is using us, and we choose to stay in the relationship, and take that type of treatment. We are wasting on own time. We choose to settle out of fear.
Ladies when we meet a gentleman we have to accept him EXACTLY the way he is ,even if he well, ‘promises’ to change you have to ask yourself if everything remains the same , would I want to be in this relationship? If the answer is NO, then let that gentleman go immediately! Women we seem to be born with the false belief that we can change a man.
Very sound advice My Narc's were never a love interest, My husband and I dated for 4 years before we decided to get married 29 years and we still "dig" lol😆 love each other! Take your time and only date/ marry someone that you know / feel ,,, yes I could live with this person till the end of time AND be happy with 😊 worked for me / us.
Sexual intimacy ALWAYS and ONLY belongs in Matrimony, a committed relationship. We must never USE another person ever nor should we permit ourselves to be USED for intimacy!!! Respect yourself and all others.
Don’t speak with authority like this. You’re just human like the rest of us. You’re not the authority over others and their lives 🙄. This is just an IDEA for how to live your life. Not law. Believe it or not as self-centered and self-righteous as you clearly are, other people have different paths and beliefs than you. And that’s OK.
@@LOve-bq4gc Sorry you feel this way.. We have all Sinned and come short of the Glory of God..Romans 3:23 KJV We have all Sinned (disobeyed) God Sin Separates us from God.. We are forgiven by God but we need to receive ( Confession to Jesus our Lawyer and Substitution for our sin) and receive Forgiveness For our sons and transgressions and restored to a right relationship with God our Creator.. Sexual sin is outside of the marriage bed ...is SIN Bible says sow and God has spoken He is the Word.. And just because someone does not believe does not change the Truth ..Jesus is the way the truth and the Life John 14:6 KJV Jesus Lives..Jesus Saves all who come to Him..repenting All will stand before God to answer for the things done good or bad Those who have accepted Jesus's substitutionary death on thw cross as payment for their sin. Will be with Him Those who refuse to damnation. Jesus only covers our sin with His sinless body and Blood With out Jesus you will perish and die in Sin. John 3:16 KJV 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. We are divinely Loved So much by God our Father that He sent His only Son down from heaven to be born of a Woman .. Mary..by the power of the Holy Spirit For the soul purpose of rescuing us ( Saving us) from satan's lies and to restore us body mind and Spirit That is the Good News God Loves us. We arw made in His image He first Loved us So All who say there is no God..you will stand before Him and know the truth.. I reiterate That the fact you have unbelief does Not change the Truth The devil is a liar and does not want you to know.. He hates God is Love Justice anf Judgement He defeated Death and satan on the Cross and will return to earth to create a New earth There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away") and no longer just gnosiological (Isaiah 65:17: "See, I will create/new heavens and a new earth./The former things will not be remembered,/nor will they come to mind"). Call on Jesus now while it is today !! God bless You !!
@@estelleschneider9033 You are so RIGHT in thinking that the moral AUTHORITY for all humans "is" GOD !!! He has that RIGHT to set MORAL STANDARDS for "all" his human CREATION by virtue of the fact that He is our CREATOR. EVOLUTION is a Satanic LIE meant to DECEIVE people into thinking they are NOT accountable to GOD for their actions when the reality is "they are !!!"
Alot of people do not want to believe others will use them for anything, sex, money, a place to live, and have no conscience about it. Such an important subject. Thank you for illustrating how one will often give them the benefit of the doubt and ignore our instincts.
You’ve been my lifeline for the past 3 years . Finally getting back on my feet after severe financial abuse in a child custody battle with my ex narc . I learned the hard way but I’ve learned and I just thank you from the bottom of my heart 💜
Wow I am going through a custody battle with my Ex narc now. Any tips on what you would do differently... did you have to change lawyers etc... thank you. He wants me to pay for his attorney 5k along with mine 2k so far but sure I've gone over that even though my lawyer joined in at the first hearing. It's been a nightmare
@@sarafox4375 5 days ago u posted For some reason I feel compelled to reply, things I could have done differently, many years ago. 1st, don’t u hate that expression it takes two? They make life impossible to live w them. Try not to change lawyers. These narcs lie constantly n keep u on the defensive trying to explain. It is never ending. You will never ever be able to defend yourself against lies. Stick to your truth. You had good reason to divorce n this is factual. Don’t respond or bother to call out lies, stay with your reasons, your truth. No matter what, don’t allow yourself to lose your composure. Don’t be emotional during proceedings. He will use your love for your child n the emotions as evidence , n call you unstable. Very carefully research every bit of finances because he will, try to cheat u. Get credit reports often n make sure accounts haven’t been opened w your name n without your knowledge. Do not talk to him. No texts. No emails. No social media posts. Keep detailed records OF EVERYTHING. Get some paper notebooks n detail every single thing. Take your child/children to a reputable therapist. Do not tell him! Keep records of your child’s sleep, behavior, everything anything affecting your child, make note of it DAILY. Don’t trust his family, or even mutual friends. Find a support group, seek therapy for yourself. Allow me to repeat myself, do not bother defending yourself against lies. He will likely lie, lie, testify lies n possibly round up people you never heard of n never met testify against u. Likely, there isn’t anything he won’t do or say to discredit you. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Stay calm! As you r well aware, your child’s happiness n well being are at stake. Your financial future can be ruined for years so be very careful. Keep conversations w your attorney brief. Make detailed notes before contacting the lawyer n stick to the facts. Divorce attorneys will happily take every penny u can come up w! Don’t worry if he goes for full custody. Be happy w joint custody to start w. U know he isn’t that interested in parenting or u wouldn’t be divorcing, right? If u don’t allow him to have his drama, he will tire quickly of pretending to be father of the year. Before u know it, he will miss visitations, keep records! In a year or so, take him back to court for not keeping up w custody n ask to be reimbursed for the days he did not take the children. I’m so sorry for your circumstances n I’m sure it must feel like needless torment. Do not give up! You can do this! Keep calm n carry on 😊 Best wishes n best of luck ❤️
I find that I'm always being very generous to people who don't care a flip for me. I also notice that the man I've been talking to on the phone often tells me how good he is to women; but, he treats me like crap! Also, he keeps bullying me into getting rid of most of my possessions. I tell him that my things are mine, not his, and to stop. He doesn't. And, we live in different cities! He never even sees my things! Good teaching today!
They won't leave their wives; she's entitled to 50%. Why on earth would a woman want a married man? This means she's willing to separate a man and his wife? WTH? If he agrees to cheating on his wife, he will cheat on you. He must be single or divorced. NEXT, is a good word.
Ty i 110% agree with everything u said!ty for reminding me im not alone,n its normal to think this way! If u ever meet Brandi Loss/Waitt of Southbridge Massachusetts works in Hartford Ct. As a used car sales manager at Executive auto group, liberty/Honda please inform her that this behavior is Despicable for any woman and if he has been with a woman for 16 yrs, has a family including children he should b considered off limits!
Yeah, but im alone, my children have been lied to. Haven't seen them or my grandson Robert for 3 years now. I knew he would never cheat on me! And her husband killed himself in the backyard. His son found him, ran to my place and then I went there. The note said that he couldn't get them out of his head!
Ya know they lie, make themselves the victim. Yes my good Christian husband, for 17 years and the woman who I thought was a friend are married now. After year's being with her, he was still so cruel to me. Told him he best stop it, enough is enough! Told him I was going to tell his wife how he made fun of her when we were married and then his Mom and if I died before him, going to tell GOD!! Hey it worked!
"You feel like their therapist. . . . You never feel seen. ...They are self-absorbed. ...He's not able to understand the level of his self-absorption when it comes to his emotions." "Your divine mate resonates on a high frequency."
He wasn't married he was just a narc but that's okay when you know better you do better. No more making excuses for other people's behavior. No more moving my boundaries to fit the situation the man wants. No more giving until I hurt. This time I set the boundaries and stick to them. I know exactly what I want. I wrote it out and I read it before I go out on dates. They need to impress me not the other way around.
10 years ago and earlier nobody knew any of this stuff. If nobody let's you know how much of a help you are (IF YOU USE AND GET IT FOR YOURSELF) Then realize how you helped yourself so much. PROBABLY BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE DID OR COULD. I BETCHA * * * *
When I told my mom about a friend who was sleeping with a married man, she warned me they will always tell you that they're going to leave their wife as soon as their kid turns 18 so he won't have to pay child support. Fast forward a few years & another friend was sleeping with a married man & began to tell me "He's going to divorce his wife..." & I completed her sentence "when his kid turns 18 so he won't have to pay child support, right?" How'd you know? Thanks mom.
Have never known my future ex to fall asleep at a sporting event, but the few times he agreed to come along to movie, he would fall asleep....and he fell asleep during a film in childbirth classes.....and also in our pre Cana marriage class.... A lifetime of my accepting so much less than I deserved. He still takes no accountability in life.....I can t wait to get away. .
You didn't waste your life nor throw away your time. Don't fall victim to self sabotage by saying that. Time is our companion and teacher. Time and Life is intertwined as realizations sets in, what you have gained is knowing thyself. Have a safe journey.
I was promised marriage and he pursued me with a vengeance so I took a leap of faith, epic failure. I lasted 10 long, toxic years before I walked out the door. Best thing I did.
That reminds me of an argument with my ex when we were divorcing . I’m a little bit of a co-dependent , lost many people I loved who died too soon. Anyways , he accused me of being non- compromising . After much thought and reflection , I realized I was too compromising . My conclusion was that I was so overly compromising that I compromised my whole self away . So, I just had to put forth more effort in getting to know myself again and rediscover my identity which, at the time we met was fairly solid . My mom had noticed that and encouraged me to make new friends and date . I followed her advice and I’m grateful that I had the opportunity .
Dang- your videos always are spot on compared to other counselors! I keep telling the narcissist i've been talking to that her actions never line up with her words... ditches me several times on short notice- of course after she conveniently picks a fight with me and then uses that as a cop-out to cancel plans based off my reaction. theres never any remorse, guilt, shame, ownership of their actions- completely absolvent from any acknowledgment of wrong doing. I think I'm realizing that it was all about using me for sex- as hard as that is to swallow... thats the reality. makes it difficult when they love bomb you with "I want to make this work, I want to fix this, I'll change, I want to be with you." its all an energy vampire- i'm sure i wasnt her first victim- prob wont be her last.
I’ve been in this 4 yr cycle with my ex, he moved on immediately after and I just wanted to use the time to heal. I was dealing with a broken heart and many other troubling aspects in life. He wouldn’t leave me to grow and heal as happy as he claimed he was. He would use our child to come in and out of my life. I couldn’t get to a place of peace because of all the damage he was causing. He never wanted me from the beginning I don’t get someone could be so evil and play pretend during and even after
They don't want you to heal, if you heal,,, ( take time to heal) you become stronger, they fear that ,, they don't want you strong and feeling confident Because you don't Need them then
I learned this from my mom too. I stuffed my feelings so long, I literally began to shake. I had to go through trauma therapy after abusive marriage breakups in order to see this.
That part😒 I constantly feel like I'm the one chasing, putting more effort in! I have to keep telling myself to go find something better to do, stay busy and keep my mind off of it!!!
Woww I appreciate your time , I had red flags and sticks of dynamite going off .I still stayed with that maniac thank god common sense kicked in after 2 years and I removed myself from the situation completely, I can’t be reached at all .
Yes, yes, yes. My ex tried changing everything about me and criticized my appearance, intelligence, and life decisions. He tried pushing plastic surgery on me, etc.
I've seen that, and I'm glad if you refuse to have "augmentations" I saw a sweet nice country girl be turned big busted and look sadder than sad in the face. She couldn't do enough for the ungrateful jerk.
My ex weighed 400 pounds and was ugly inside and out. He would tell me it’s ok for men to be fat. He criticized me non stop and even told me I was stupid. He was very abusive.
@@gardnerhappy2114 omg that's exactly what he used to say to me. I am not overweight, wear a size 6 but he would say I needed to lose weight. When I asked about his weight, he said that he was a man and that it doesn't matter.
@@user-ir5ul1ph1c Yep. He was a miserable person and still is one. I was with him for 27 years. Now I’m divorced and working on myself. It’s so freeing. He still tries to control me.
there should be classes to train people, the art of team work. Many people did not learn this in the formative. This is why life is so unbelievably challenging.
Nothing is ever wasted. Some lessons just take longer to sink in. Did you learn how to walk on the first try? How about writing your name? Algebra? Everyone blossoms in their own way and at their own pace.
exactly, because at the end of the day, we're all just individuals, with our own minds. and like the old saying goes: "REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES, IS THE BEST TEACHER". people need to remind themselves that we're not entitled to anybody or a serious relationship with someone, simply because we're sexually attracted or "in love" with them. and more importantly, people need to remind themselves, that what "WORKS" in couples in TV shows, romantic movies, soap operas, is all scripted, and just a performance for the cameras & the studio audiences. real life does not follow a script, nothing is "DESTINED" to happen, there's no such thing as "THE ONE". the bottom line is this: we should never ever have to convince or guilt trip someone, to want to be with us, either they naturally & automatically want to do so, or they don't. and more importantly, we should judge & perceive them, for the individuals they truly are, and not for the person we want, wish, pray, hope they'll eventually become, because this is better known as "delusional thinking".
ghosted, confused and been chasing her. and so just i wasted my time in 4 months for a fake relationship. tho she's trying to hoover me back but i'm doing no contact for 5 months now. unfortunately i've learned the red flags and figured it out soon after i've decided to leave. it's not too late after all. thank you Liza!
How could I have been so unaware? I fell into every one of the negative situations that Lisa describes. I allowed my wishful fantasies to over-ride Reality. Even today, if I'm not careful, I allow my wishful fantasies to over-rule what's really going on. My answer to this is to value my own feelings and inner life more than I rely on someone else.
Very true. As women we need to know what we want, this is the first step what do you really want from the relationship? What are you seeking? Do you really know what you want. This sets the precedent to honouring our self because we can clearly state what we want and this leads to us setting the expectations and boundaries in the relationship. This also helps to separate the grain from the shaff so you know the people seeking a real relationship instead of settling for a "booty call" Tks Lisa this is such valuable content.🙏
I am just like you! You really nail this subject too I totally identify! My last guy was a 4 year waste of time. And I have been alone avoiding dating for 4 years trying to get over it entirely before my next relationship.. that's 8 YEARS of my Life that I have put on hold over him. Good news is, he forced me to learn about narcissism, codependancy, ghosting and gaslighting.. the last 4 years I have spent in recovery from the narcissist have not been wasted because I am learning all these red flags and why I had such a debilitating fear of abandonment.. how it wasn't all my fault.. how I'm NOT totally mental or a basket case and why the way I was reacting was natural.. I am fine tuning my understanding of my tendencies toward these personality types (almost exclusively!) And it took this much time to reprogram my thinking regarding relationships with the opposite sex.. Because I was programmed very young, it's SO NICE to finally shed these old beliefs about myself and the FEELINGS associated. SO GRATEFUL FOR YOUR TIME AND EFFORT TO EDUCATE US EMPATHS LISA! God bless & THANK YOU⭐
100% used. Narcissist gave absolutely nothing. Could not even discuss anything. Never make plans with the narcissist because he have no intentions of going,, will ignore you,, don't respond to texts, will mot answer phone, just distant. I feel sorry for him because he is totally loss and very evil. I wonder why I was the chosen one but now I am gone. Thank you Jesus.
It's hard to reject the 'booty call' temptation if the sex is good. But really they're a worthless experience imo. It's a creepy way to view another human, even if the 'just sex' is consensual.
@@SCHRODINGERS_WHORE what would u know? All YOU do is lay on your back and do nothing. 😂 Anyone can do that. What's so special about YOU 😂 take a seat kid.
@@daviedood2503 lmfao. You just told on yourself, again. And you don't even know. Women know. And now the whole world knows. Your clueless 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
@@SCHRODINGERS_WHORE oh? And how did I do that hmm? 😂 It's funny how u mention the "whole world" knowing. I guess you forgot YOU are being seen as well. You think sex with a demon "was hot". Let me guess as well, you're a "lil Nas X fan" huh? You hit the replay on that one scene huh? Perhaps you thought you were behind some curtain? 😂
I remember seeing a quote years ago that stated, “ if he is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, he is not a nice person.” I observed this years ago in my husband. He actually is respectful to me, but has that uncaring quality about secondary relationships. I don’t like it. I treat everyone the same, with appreciation and respect. I tell him when he is being a jerk. It doesn’t help, of course. 🙄
I really appreciate that you use the word programming and downloading rather than you have issues or you have problems or you have insecurities. In fact a person has been programmed when they've been raised or surrounded by people whose behavior is so abnormal that it's damaging and yet they see so little of normal relationships that they have no idea they exist or what they look like or how they should feel. To label those people as having issues or problems or being sick is to perpetuate the damage that's already been done. If you look at it as a computer virus or bad program that needs to be corrected or removed it becomes much clearer that it's misinformation that's been pounded into the person's heart and mind and if you give them the right information and some support they can find their way back out of it, find out what it's supposed to be like and go about getting that for themselves like they should have been allowed to do growing up
Thank you for this video. I realized this man I was in an on and off relationship was only a situationship and only one sided. He was wasting my time all this time!!
When you're around a parasitical person you'll feel creeped out and molested and manipulated after you're done talking to them if you're around somebody good your spirits will be lifted after talking to them
We teach ppl how to treat us by what we will and will not tolerate. Stick to your boundaries like glue, keep your standards high and your tolerance low 💟
Ladies NEVER be the other woman - no relationship I know that started that way has been healthy. If there is something wrong in his marriage he needs to either fix it or end it without your involvement. Trust that if you are doing the rights thing - good things will come your way
I m glad i m dumb enough to wait my papers b4 getting into a relationship. I have guys coming up 2 me, especially in church circles. I was honest & very determined to tell them i wasn't ready. i trusted my papers more than getting into a relationship. To day i benefited. Financially & emo tionally unscathed. Got my papers & realised that i m 2 old 4 any relationship. After reading this column, my eyes are TRULY open. Thank God 4 putting a BIG road block in my growing years. I m very contented. Looking forward to live for next 30 years w/o worries.
Thank you, Lisa, for your compassion and sensible advice! I think the key is reciprocity which is almost always a balanced give and take in healthy relationships. You are providing a much- needed education for those who may refuse to acknowledge warnings about sketchy people or situations. Bless you.
Thank you for this, it allowed me to leave a toxic relationship. I am ASD-1 so I find it hard to pick up the signs and boundaries... This helped me a lot!
@@jamesarmstrong4179 aww, thank you for the compliment. I’m actually a widow, my husband died a little over a year ago. It’s just sad that so many women don’t value their worth and this is one main reason they get used and trampled on. Not every woman or man is bad. There are still a lot of good people with their head on straight.
Really needed this video. Did your inner child healing journal. Started dating a guy last summer and for some reason I missed all the red flags trying to convince myself he cared as he started bread crumbing, hiding me (he’s not out), and treating me like an option. Went into no contact, we’ve interacted a few times on social media but hasn’t reached out once. You really helped me realize I was returning to past traumatic dynamics without realizing it.
Thank you Lisa, you finally helped me from my Trauma in 2019, it's been 2years were i am starting to strive. Other coaches set the ground work initially but you really cemented my healing. Now that i am striving, i am no trying to learn things i missed when i was under my trauma 1:28 this where i am now with my relationships with other people because having dealth with a exremely nar sibling who was supported by my mother, i really didn't know my value, or how i shoulf be treated. for example i am just recently learning how to stand up for my self, allow my self to be angry. to allow that fire to burn from my heart, i used to be passive in everything, i am learning to be more on my purpose. I have blocked so called "friends" who were taking advantage of me exploiting my empathy/sympathy. i am getting comfortable with saying NO and making tough decisions.
The ex (who was a Covert Narcissist) I discarded a few months ago, called me “Karen” (his ex before I came along in the aftermath) 5 times over the 3-year span we were involved‼️This was one of “numerous reasons why I went No Contact” aside from the realization he was a Narcissist ‼️ I'm happier now & less stressed.
Dear Lisa...you are an angel. Our cases are almost identical. I lough when I listen , OMG, absolutely same tricks she used, when you mentioned hair...I was 20 years with that woman without a clue what was happening....3 sons ! Now , 10 years free . Baba saved me ! 😊 Baba Nam Kevalam !🙏
AWESOME MESSAGE I LEARNED SO MUCH! I finally surrounded to self love this message answered all my concerns I knew in my heart my ex was a waste of time left me hanging numerous time! STAY WOKE LADIES
Today you have made my day - its God for coming through your video. I have been battling up with myself whether to quit or to stay but I ve seen that there is a season to part so that i leave my life.
This couldn’t have come at a perfect time! I just ended a friendship for all of these reasons, three other people were married unknown by me, and the other was a player. Definitely took advantage of me. Thank you!
This is the thing that she doesn't even mention in this recording. The amount of men out there deliberately saying whatever you want to hear and messaging you regularly to get what they want is extremely common. Deliberate deceit.
It’s amazing that we have absorbed these non-communicative “views / messages” (of false beliefs, and destructive views of how life, happiness and marriage should be) just by observing two people in action.
Awww we, I'm so sorry you went through that chasing men stage. I've been there many more times than I care to admit. The reason was I was starving for love. I'd take any little crumb I could get. Heart breaking when I look back on it. My experience was the same. Sending big hugs, Lisa! Thank you for opening my eyes
Great 👍. So much clarity 👏 and very helpful. I can see how far I have come and where I am now. I started Transcendental Meditation in 1985. I found that this helped me to become stronger from within. I was also being with people who were of a good vibration and this helped me on my way with healing. I still do Transcendental Meditation and the Advanced Siddhi programme, which has strengthened me from within even more. I am very intuitive and trust my intuition. I then continued to work on myself using Re Evaluation Co Counselling for many years to deal with my early trauma. With all this continued work, it has paid off. I can see how stuck and toxic that my siblings are. I can also see how far I have come and prefer to keep company with people on a similar vibration and with similar values. Thank you for all your very helpful information. I feel less alone hearing you in having come from a very dysfunctional family, with a father who had Narcissistic Personality Disorder patterns, which I can also see in my sister, as well as not feeling safe with my brothers, who also have patterns of people who are very emotionally immature and insecure.
My husband has such a huge temper . He always curse me literally for nothing . He is always so angry and always always complaint . Even he drive on the road. Had to curse out people on the road . Very stressful and he take every small thing so seriously like it’s a hell. Even sometimes it’s a joke he would piss off
The first step to healing is becoming aware of your behaviors. In the end, that’s the only thing in your control to change. Now the growth can begin! ❤️
Side note, she said I'm the Narcissist so many times I started questioning myself. Your videos decribe her so perfectly and your own personality describing me, has really helped me. Brings clarity and since she's a Covert "victim" she has sucked me into her trap much better and deeper than an Overt could. The Covert will make you think you're the sick one and they've been hurt so deeply by you, crazy though, because they're hurting you along the way. But don't dare tell them they hurt you, because in their mind they did nothing wrong and if they do acknowledge your hurting, well of course according to them, that's your own fault!!!
1. Words dont match actions
2. They cancel at last minute
3. You feel like you're constantly chasing them.
4. The relationship is one sided
5. They're married
6. Completely different relationship goals
7. Settling for just being a booty call
8. You feel like their therapist
9. The other person is not over their ex
10. They try to change you
thanks :)
Is that Gaelic for Ian? If so Slainte mhath lol
Thank you so much
@@gillymac9363 Go raibh maith agat. Eoin is irish for "John"
Thanks
Know your worth, respect your own feelings, if it feels wrong, it is wrong. Trust your inner voice and protect your heart. If you don't, why would you expect anyone else to.
We 3xpect honesty from others and deliberate deceit is not on.
This is my favorite reply..Thankyou
Spot on
And YES I will raise my voice when you don't respect my boundaries!!!
@@libramagyk Thank you.
Lisa you know what I notice, to me the vast majority of people want to talk about their stuff, but if you try to talk about yours they won't care, so they just wanna use us for their convenience.
Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, oh please listen to my problems,,, oh you .......I don't have time for your drama. Learn to not keep giving these people YOUR Time.
Their users and time wasters
You need to be there for them,,,, but their Neverrrrr there for you.
At first I thought you were gonna say people want to talk about what happened to them, in regards to their Narc. encounters ,, as we all do and need too
We need to Get it out!!
But did you know that by talking that's how people Think. Think things out,
So I guess if you walk around the house talking to even yourself that can be beneficial,,, try writing also. Very helpful
@@joannem3568 that's right we really need to express ourselves, that's why therapists exists, people need to learn to listen to others and speak , but selfishness prevents it.
Yes. It diminishes support you are seeking.
I had a friend like that. I always listened to her. But whenever I needed her, she would say, “I don’t want to weigh in”. So I have severely limited my phone contact with her selfish self. I hated to do it bc she is a recently paralyzed stroke victim. Now she is harder than ever to deal with.
There is Nothing Worse than someone who you love . Uses you. For money ,or breaking promises. It really does not help you .
Yeah. I really hear ya.
I've decided to be a complete loner for the moment and that's ok
Me too! For the past 5 years!! Lol.
Dig it. Monk mode for me.
@@stacyjaye6350 I learned a knew one: Monk Mode ! Love it. It sounds way better than Platonic
@@sandram6913 seven for me
My loner moment turned into 4 years of study about narcissism! And it's ok :)
Story of my life since childhood up to now, my 30's. It's why I am so used to removing people from my life, I can see the signs very early. It sucks, but sometimes being a loner is healthier if it means you're not being used or abused.
So true
Agree 💯 percent!
Seek a personal relationship with G_D, instead of people. And, no, I don't mean organized religion.
@Inmate Mobility very true that's what I'm finally learning to do
👍
A lot of these signs can really go for any type of relationships..... Even friendships!!!! As a friend if I'm the only one calling or reaching out or remembering birthdays.... There is an issue. Why would I want to be friends with anyone who puts no effort into the friendship? No more!
I agree.🤔🤷
Thank you for your valuable advice Lisa.
When I signed up for facebook in 2011, a lot of my friends wished me a "Happy Birthday" and I did the same because you get the notice when it is someone's birthday. In 2014 deleted facebook and do not get one single call, card, etc. from all my so called friends and even family from facebook.
I was thinking the same thing. When the person on the other end of the phone or email/text is not putting in much/any energy into communicating, that is all I need to know now. If you find you are the one who keeps trying to keep the conversation going, it's time to stop. People have my phone number, my email, etc. If they want to talk to me they will call. I respond now to only those who value our friendship/relationship.
W8
There are *no* shortcuts . . . you need to *take your time* in getting to know someone. Be prepared to sift through many people before finding quality friends and lovers!
Sorry, sifting for 30 years no quality found.
I totally agree 👍
@@suzannfulbright5652
Maybe try a different sandbox 😉
Being single is the best life?
Im totaly aggree. 👍
It’s amazing the ways in which a man will turn against you instead of just saying “it’s over”.
Unbelievable.
Yes. I told my last to just let me know when it's over, so I don't expect things I shouldn't. I enjoyed his company as a friend, as was willing to remain so no matter what happened. Part of my attraction to him was that he was nice to his ex and had a lot of female friends. Oh boy, how misleading. I'm not sure if he wanted me to ditch him so he'd get off the hook. I don't know. He Maybe he is a narcissist. Again, can't say. He kept telling me to contact him, and then he'd wait weeks to get back. I said just tell me it's over. He said it wasn't. So I ended it by saying I'm giving myself closure, I'm not going to contact you any more. I don't get why he can be friends with other women, but not me. That was the most devastating part. The rest can end. But I'm not even worth friendship.
@@dianevanderlinden3480 idk if that's the case. Are you sure the friendships are platonic?
@@azmomconnectionI'm pretty sure one wasn't. I told him that even if you're not having sex with her, there is something going on. He jumped every time she snapped her fingers. She traveled for work, and I asked him if they had some kind of agreement that 'allowed' him to have sex while she was gone as long as it didn't interfere with their relationship or become a health risk (STD). The only explanation I got from him is that he wished her well .But, they still lived together when she was in town. Her dogs and cats were at his place/their place, but sometimes he would fib and say she came to get them. Nothing ever made sense. She's adorable and beautiful. I honestly never understood what he wanted with me - convenience or not. His last text said that 'sincerely there is nothing going on.' My second to last text to him was, sorry if I'm wrongly accusing you, but it just looks like you have one of those 'sex with other people as long as it's meaningless' things with her. I was nice about it. After no word from him for a week texted him that I'm giving myself closure and ending whatever we had. So perhaps I was correct. Perhaps I caught him out. I will probably never know. And yes, he was always doing favors for his other female friends. He never, however, had time for me. So I know where I fit in. Oh well.
have to add this because it won't let me edit. This woman was his latest ex; they were a couple for 2 years according to him. But they were together constantly when she was in town . I don' t know if he was mooching of her (she has a good job, his employment is sporadic).
Agreed! I gave my ex a chance to go find his happiness, but he had to do it the worst way possible!!
I recently got out of a one sided situationship. I told him that I couldn't see him anymore after he flaked out on me for the last time. It was hard to let him go and to accept that he didn't care about me at all. I wanted him in my life, and I made excuses for him for 3 years. There was a big age gap between us. Logically, I never expected it to lead to anything serious, but emotionally I was very attached to him. I was very sexually attracted to him, and I know that he was attracted to me, but for him it was all about getting his needs met. He told me he loved me, but I didn't feel it. He played games with me and I played games with myself because I wanted him. I forgive him, and I forgive myself. It's really over now and that's for the best.
Good for you I'm proud of you for knowing when to let go!
I’m glad you ended it, I know it’s hard but you will meet your husband soon.
That's good that you learned from your mistakes
his name wasnt Jaymes was it? ..lol.. cuz wow that sounds exactly what is going on with me and mine... i mean exactly! even the age difference part... ugghh.. thanks for sharing and being strong i need to follow ur example for my own sanity ..
Skype exactly what I been going thru
I am so more aware of when people are "future faking" me. They offer something and then the take it away. I'm done with it.
It's like they can sniff out exactly what you want and promise it just to keep you hooked as a source of supply so you put up with their red flags and otherwise bull-shittery in the hopes the dream will come true one day. BIG MISTAKE.
I dated a man who was 50 and knowing that I’m not good in the kitchen, he said “my ex was a good cook”, also, while watching tv he said “oh my ex and I went there together” and I started to feel as if he was comparing me and was reminiscing about his other exes. So I said “how would you like it if I said my ex was 6’3” athletic, intelligent, handsome and was great in bed with a 7” schlong?” (Which he was btw) His reply was “my worth isnt tied to how good I am in bed” which wasn’t an honest reply and didn’t actually answer my question as to how that would’ve made him FEEL. The fact is, nobody would like the person they’re dating to start complimenting everyone else of the opposite sex (especially exes). It’s a mind game they are playing with you to make you feel inferior. It’s also very disrespectful.
It’s called “triangulation.”
NEXT needs to be part of your vocabulary. Not a match❤️
@@sheilaseniff9338 absolutely. But ‘not a match’ would be downplaying it. He was a downright jerk.
@@smores8982 not just a jerk, he was a covert narcissist. I just ended a relationship with one. His unaddressed childhood wounds affect all relationships.
I "WAS" Attepting to date this woman who was CONSTANTLY talking about her problems and how life is screwing her and how bad her ex was to her.. it was like her mind was erased and all that was in there was the last 5 years. I think i handled it well. I listened.. "let her get it out of her system" i thought, "Only add anything when she asks" i told myself. Okay.. well.. after about 3 weeks..(Thats just a polite estimate, It was longer) I casually mentioned to her "Y'know what.. Ive just realised something. we have not even kissed and you got pissed just now because i took a drink out of your glass of tea and you poured it out. I think you need a psychiatrist.. not a therapist.. a full blown P.H.D. Psychiatrist with lots of different meds to help you. IM okay with being friends but dont just come over here and tell the same stories over and over and then act surprised when i finally talk loud enough for you to hear me over your story. How about next time you come over i tell your story. i can . ive heard it several times a day over the last month. how about this. If my ex wife were to caqll me right now and ask me to come back.. and i was giving C.P.R. To someone.. they better hope somebody else in the crowd knows C.P.R. All she said back was.. "You mean you would just leave them like that" . WOW. That was a strange month. But. I know.. Im the male. So I was wrong and i should be punished for acting that way towards her.
The amazing person waiting to be discovered is always yourself.
I was feeling so guilty about breaking up a few months ago. I told him I was feeling used and according to this video I was right. I'm still sad about it but I won't feel guilty about leaving for another minute.
I refuse to be any of those ! I'd rather be ALONE than UNHAPPY 🤣
Hey , a big Congratulations for following your gut, for doing the right thing for you!
I’m in exactly the same position… it’s painful n actually so much harder when we have to be strong enough to make the choice… if they left us it would be easier… forced…but having to choose what healthier n it’s not necessarily what we want… it’s heartbreaking… continue healing ❤️🩹 n I feel you
This 35 minutes of truthful advice is more that I've ever received from a therapist who just lets you vent and keep paying the bill. Sometimes I think that in itself is a toxic relationship!
I am glad it helps.
You are so right, many therapists these days are minimally aware about narcissism...can do more harm than good and waste your time and money. I went to 3-4 couples therapists over the years with my extremely sociopathic narc ex before I knew what was really going on...none had a clue...they all just battled with her and then dropped us from therapy after spending a lot of money...only learned the truth from Ms. Romano ( the best!) and some the other great souls helping us on you tube...very greatly to them!
Therapist don't help.
Lisa is a light worker. She helps and heals by her mere intension and presence. I love listening to her.
FACTS!!!!
Look out for incongruence. Unless what they say is backed up by actions, it's nonsense. Watch what people do.
Watch their hands and feet. Not their words so much.
True. I tried to figure my boyfriend out for years. For awhile I thought he was passive-aggressive. But he was more than that. After 10 wasted years he left me for another sucker. Lol she thought she was getting such a "prize".
@@Iquey Yup that old saying is true- actions speak louder than words.
This seems so obvious, that it neednt be said. However, its my own desire to believe in something, or someone that will decieve me.
@@rlnstn9300 she isnt going to get anything different than you got.
These are some cold hard facts. And I wish I never ignored them when I got into the wrong relationship. I've often settled for less and I've learned not to settle anymore.
I've been in a one sided relationship with a narcissist for years, and I wish I could get out. It's all take, take, take. I'm so tired, cold, empty and drained. I hope I find the sunshine again one day. Thanks for the video and inspiration.
I also have been in a one sided relationship with a narcissist.
Just got out!!!!!!!! Do it now!!!!!!!!! You have a right to be happy
Just get out
Im 54 and I've got fear of abandonment, always giving, I beleave that you always put a woman first, never cheat, lie..
I've been in love with 4 woman all of them treated me like dirt and cheated and left.dont beleave in boots calls. I've been always told that I'm attractive but don't know anymore,
do to stress from relationships . My age is telling me that I may never have a good relationship. one of the woman passed away and said that she loved me before she died. That's the only one of all that I beleave was sincere, even though she put me through hell also. Please respond
@@davidhubbard3473 hey man. I hope you’ve found some solace since your comment. I wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I feel I’ve experienced much of what you’ve mentioned and wanted to offer you the possibility that perhaps you’ve been a bit codependent. I know I have. If you’re an empath, you’ll often attract narcissists and the like and they will drain you in every way. It can even get to the point where you begin to exhibit some narcissistic behaviors. Trauma bonds are rough and hard to shake brother. You are worthy and deserve the love you want. First things first; you have to get right with you and heal your own traumas etc and switch your thought patterns and mindset to that of abundance as opposed to scarcity.
I’ve by no means completed this work, but I see the path ahead of me and my feet are moving along it seeking growth and self acceptance. We can do it brother. ❤️
Go well.
Covid has given us time to pay attention to the people in our lives. I have stop speaking to the top 5 people who have watched me take insulin 5x a day and still asked me to do something for them. Being alone has brought me the clarity I need to focus on my goals.
The Purge is necessary. I'm glad you got those folks from you
💯💯💯💯
Same here
I've always been the one driving the relationships / friendships. I even tried to stop my "house of cards" family from falling down. I no longer do the driving and walk away if it doesn't feel right.
That's awesome! I learned how to walk away without closure... That was weird at first. Now, I'm proud I learned!
Bless you
Exactly...I always felt I had to excuse myself in order to end a relationship as to remain as the "good girl"...Y...should I explain that it's over to someone who didnt care for me in the first place...no...I'm not doing this to myself anymore...thank you all for your comments you have helped me through so many decision making.❤😎
I learned that when you grow self esteem and learn to trust yourself you pick up on these things so quickly. Because they go against that purity of self.
Yes. You pick up these signs quickly and perhaps see them coming when they're still far away...
do not ignore/deny Reality: do not romanticize/do fantasy. I settled for the booty call. My best friend said to me "why do u let him?" which at first, to me, did not feel supportive. Yet, i had to accept that i had to hold myself accountable for accepting what crumb i was allowing and that it was up to me to stop it- boundary.
yrs. ago i read the book Is it love or is it Addiction? by (?) in which She talks about the Velveteen Rabbit- which talks about finding people of Substance over time. My dad's mom raised us & died when i was 16 - i did not have a wise mother role model to consult with. The idea of "sisterhood" in feminist writings appealed to me until i read about the Intersections amongst women - meaning we all come from different backgrounds of race, class, ability, age differences. I did not know how to recognize the signs/red flags of the Narcissist types of either gender.
I allowed myself to be manipulated. Wow, was he crafty. Don't beat yourself up after accepting your part in accountability. You are more prescious than Rubies! Period. You are ENOUGH, as you are!
exactly, never ever ignore or reject reality & the obvious. when we are so desperate & needy for a relationship, we tend to ignore the red flags of the individual we are dating, and always make the mistake of perceiving & judging that individual we're in love with, for the person we want, wish, hope or pray they'll eventually become, we don't perceive & judge them for who they truly are, because we don't want our delusions of them, to be crushed & destroyed. in other words, we want the fantasy we have of them to continue, because it makes us feel better inside, because reality is a very hard pill to swallow.
the bottom line is this: always be honest with yourself, do not engage in wishful thinking, we should never ever have to convince or guilt trip someone, to desire a serious relationship with us, that only "WORKS" in the fictional worlds of TV shows, romantic movies, soap operas, because that's all scripted, and just a performance for the cameras & the studio audiences. and always remember this, the real reason on why the people who took us for granted or dump us, is because they all convinced themselves that they could "DO BETTER", and eventually they learn the hard way or when it's too late, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
@@javieraponte4444 I just wanted to ask you a question because I found your comment very helpful for understanding accepting the things I did that destroyed my relationship but I’m just curious about how you think feel about the other person decides to stay in the relationship and is continuing to talk about being together with you forever, marriage, telling my child we’re all going to move in to a new house, that he believes I am was his soul mate but then come to know that actually I am the butt of the jokes and there’s a revenge, payback set and everyone knows but me. Well sort of. I am just hoping for maybe some advice on how you would handle it. Also there are many many things that have seen been through since childhood my family has endured a lot of pain, loss, public humiliation but people others that have never met me don’t know me have extremely vicious horrible things to say. I understand and know yes I screwed up my relationship with the man I love with all of my heart and who taught me about how real true love is and isn’t I hold myself accountable responsibility for hurting him I do also know that I was a broken complete mess when he met me he did come into the relationship with the hope he could change my ways and I really did try hard in the beginning and made improvements but unfortunately the cycle of generational dysfunction was still deep inside and suppressed memories, things I was told taught to not tell discuss with anyone but close family, physical mental trauma illnesses verbal emotional abuses took a toll so damn hard big that even the multiple therapist doctors 16+ pills a day could repair how who I had become. And yes I also self sabotage too after becoming addicted to the Percocet Vicodin they had me on for months I started drinking using other drugs and completely downward spiral. Before that time though I was able capable of having holding a good job I worked for mortgage company for 11 years then I was working at Citibank doing operational accounting I had my son when I was 26 years old I had great credit, a townhome, new car productive member of society. Then I became ill and all of the doctors couldn’t figure out what exactly was wrong but I was given 120 Vicodin and 140 Percocet to control the pain while I had to go do any and every test, medical procedure they told me to. Anyway I am sorry I know I am really just going way out with my bullshit drama. Lol I just am very uncertain of word for the thought on people calling me names say I lied about everything I have ever said did ect. I do realize I have hurt many people in my life and I am extremely sorry and accepting my life alone banished threats to me my family but I also finally made a decision to attempt to try really getting to the root causes behaviors bad habits choices I have been doing since beginning all the different prescriptions and alcohol drugs too. After 20 years I am more clear minded, having memories coming back, extremely dark nightmares stopped. I just am really ready to be able to get it out there. You honestly don’t have to reply lol you may now think I’m insane but I learned from your comment before and looking for a intelligent person to help me out with it
@@javieraponte4444 your on point. We do teach people how to treat us, and then cry foul when they do it. This the stuff needs to be taught in school. Slithers like a snake, looks like a 🐍 and I want to call it a teddy bear 🐻. God I'm sick 🤢!
Everytime I visited some relatives...I couldn't stand how dirty their house was
and I would clean it. Now I think that's the only reason they want to see me at
all. Another relative invited me to their recital, and I fixed their costume made
three deserts, and Decorated the recital hall. I am 65 now, I say: "screw you!"
Good for you. Whole bunch of users out here
Well done
👍🇨🇦
About time my dear.
Oh yes I was the bread of the entire family. I had the chance of being near them perhaps to really get to know them if they really need my money as helping them. Few do. Some did horrible things to me despite I had no saving coz I give them all. Now that I am retiring I have a chance to stay away from them coz being 62, I felt too old already to take of others problems still. So I am living fine alone w/a bf so young. Well I am helping him and I don't mind coz I am happy loving him and it's my pleasure when his happy. His the excuse I could get away from all who uses me and abuses me. It is our right to do what best for us. It does not anyone's job to make them tell us what to do to please them and mostly carrying their problems, their burden become our burden is not a healthy living. Each make their own delemas therefore each individual is responsibly to solve them not the other that are just trying to help but when it's enough and time to say "no" then I will do and it actually make feel like not a push over and I feel good.
When we notice someone is using us, and we choose to stay in the relationship, and take that type of treatment. We are wasting on own time. We choose to settle out of fear.
Ladies when we meet a gentleman we have to accept him EXACTLY the way he is ,even if he well, ‘promises’ to change you have to ask yourself if everything remains the same , would I want to be in this relationship? If the answer is NO, then let that gentleman go immediately! Women we seem to be born with the false belief that we can change a man.
Amen!
He will be good Mum teach manhood to his son, like his father.
We lost our tribe ritual!
Very sound advice
My Narc's were never a love interest,
My husband and I dated for 4 years before we decided to get married
29 years and we still "dig" lol😆 love each other! Take your time and only date/ marry someone that you know / feel ,,, yes I could live with this person till the end of time AND be happy with 😊 worked for me / us.
The opposite is equally true.
Totally agree with you!
Sexual intimacy ALWAYS and ONLY belongs in Matrimony, a committed relationship. We must never USE another person ever nor should we permit ourselves to be USED for intimacy!!! Respect yourself and all others.
Remember this: anything else is just unpaid prostitution.
Don’t speak with authority like this. You’re just human like the rest of us. You’re not the authority over others and their lives 🙄. This is just an IDEA for how to live your life. Not law. Believe it or not as self-centered and self-righteous as you clearly are, other people have different paths and beliefs than you. And that’s OK.
@@LOve-bq4gc
Sorry you feel this way..
We have all Sinned and come short of the Glory of God..Romans 3:23 KJV
We have all Sinned (disobeyed) God
Sin Separates us from God..
We are forgiven by God but we need to receive ( Confession to Jesus our Lawyer and Substitution for our sin)
and receive Forgiveness
For our sons and transgressions
and restored to a right relationship with God our Creator..
Sexual sin is outside of the marriage bed ...is SIN Bible says sow and God has spoken He is the Word..
And just because someone does not believe does not change the Truth ..Jesus is the way the truth and the Life John 14:6 KJV
Jesus Lives..Jesus Saves all who come to Him..repenting
All will stand before God to answer for the things done good or bad
Those who have accepted Jesus's substitutionary death on thw cross as payment for their sin. Will be with Him
Those who refuse to damnation. Jesus only covers our sin with His sinless body and Blood
With out Jesus you will perish and die in Sin.
John 3:16 KJV
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
We are divinely Loved
So much by God our Father that He sent His only Son down from heaven to be born of a Woman .. Mary..by the power of the Holy Spirit
For the soul purpose of rescuing us ( Saving us)
from satan's lies
and to restore us body
mind and Spirit
That is the Good News
God Loves us. We arw made in His image
He first Loved us
So All who say there is no God..you will stand before Him and know the truth..
I reiterate That the fact you have unbelief does Not change the Truth
The devil is a liar and does not want you to know..
He hates
God is Love Justice anf Judgement
He defeated Death and satan on the Cross
and will return to earth to create a New earth
There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away") and no longer just gnosiological (Isaiah 65:17: "See, I will create/new heavens and a new earth./The former things will not be remembered,/nor will they come to mind").
Call on Jesus now while it is today !!
God bless You !!
@@estelleschneider9033 You are so RIGHT in thinking that the moral AUTHORITY for all humans "is" GOD !!! He has that RIGHT to set MORAL STANDARDS for "all" his human CREATION by virtue of the fact that He is our CREATOR. EVOLUTION is a Satanic LIE meant to DECEIVE people into thinking they are NOT accountable to GOD for their actions when the reality is "they are !!!"
I 100% agree with your comment. Thank you for sharing.
It would be nice for two grown adults to disconnect honestly and maturely. In reality. Thanks Lisa❤
Conscious uncoupling.
😓😓😓😓
Unless injustice was done. In which case….;)
Well, in the perfect world, yes... But ending in divorce is not perfect.
Me to. It's not gonna happen that way.
Alot of people do not want to believe others will use them for anything, sex, money, a place to live, and have no conscience about it. Such an important subject. Thank you for illustrating how one will often give them the benefit of the doubt and ignore our instincts.
You’ve been my lifeline for the past 3 years . Finally getting back on my feet after severe financial abuse in a child custody battle with my ex narc . I learned the hard way but I’ve learned and I just thank you from the bottom of my heart 💜
May the Lord protect you and guide you
Wow I am going through a custody battle with my Ex narc now. Any tips on what you would do differently... did you have to change lawyers etc... thank you. He wants me to pay for his attorney 5k along with mine 2k so far but sure I've gone over that even though my lawyer joined in at the first hearing. It's been a nightmare
@@sarafox4375 im not associated with her, but look at Rebecca Zung channel. shes a divorce attorney in orange county who has dealing with narc videos.
@@sarafox4375 5 days ago u posted
For some reason I feel compelled to reply, things I could have done differently, many years ago. 1st, don’t u hate that expression it takes two? They make life impossible to live w them. Try not to change lawyers. These narcs lie constantly n keep u on the defensive trying to explain. It is never ending. You will never ever be able to defend yourself against lies. Stick to your truth. You had good reason to divorce n this is factual. Don’t respond or bother to call out lies, stay with your reasons, your truth. No matter what, don’t allow yourself to lose your composure. Don’t be emotional during proceedings. He will use your love for your child n the emotions as evidence , n call you unstable. Very carefully research every bit of finances because he will, try to cheat u. Get credit reports often n make sure accounts haven’t been opened w your name n without your knowledge. Do not talk to him. No texts. No emails. No social media posts. Keep detailed records OF EVERYTHING. Get some paper notebooks n detail every single thing. Take your child/children to a reputable therapist. Do not tell him! Keep records of your child’s sleep, behavior, everything anything affecting your child, make note of it DAILY. Don’t trust his family, or even mutual friends. Find a support group, seek therapy for yourself. Allow me to repeat myself, do not bother defending yourself against lies. He will likely lie, lie, testify lies n possibly round up people you never heard of n never met testify against u. Likely, there isn’t anything he won’t do or say to discredit you. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Stay calm! As you r well aware, your child’s happiness n well being are at stake. Your financial future can be ruined for years so be very careful. Keep conversations w your attorney brief. Make detailed notes before contacting the lawyer n stick to the facts. Divorce attorneys will happily take every penny u can come up w! Don’t worry if he goes for full custody. Be happy w joint custody to start w. U know he isn’t that interested in parenting or u wouldn’t be divorcing, right? If u don’t allow him to have his drama, he will tire quickly of pretending to be father of the year. Before u know it, he will miss visitations, keep records! In a year or so, take him back to court for not keeping up w custody n ask to be reimbursed for the days he did not take the children. I’m so sorry for your circumstances n I’m sure it must feel like needless torment. Do not give up! You can do this! Keep calm n carry on 😊 Best wishes n best of luck ❤️
@@sarafox4375 I prayed for you just now.
I went through this too.
I always refer myself back to these videos to keep me sharp and on my feet.
Smart 😉
Being alone is essential to my next relationship
I’ve grown so much this year, it feels good. Thank you so much for what you do. 💕
Same here and still learning
You have to KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, not just what SHOWS UP!!!
I find that I'm always being very generous to people who don't care a flip for me. I also notice that the man I've been talking to on the phone often tells me how good he is to women; but, he treats me like crap! Also, he keeps bullying me into getting rid of most of my possessions. I tell him that my things are mine, not his, and to stop. He doesn't. And, we live in different cities! He never even sees my things! Good teaching today!
Why is he telling you to get rid of your possessions? Also which possessions? And why does it matter to him?
You and your ego chose those possessions. It's up to you whether to keep them or get rid of them! YOU
@@angelsummers6555 He's just a mean, controlling jerk. ✌️🏼
@@brendaleverick3655 I understand! Good riddance to him!
Tell him you are keeping your possessions but you are getting rid of him!
They won't leave their wives; she's entitled to 50%. Why on earth would a woman want a married man? This means she's willing to separate a man and his wife? WTH? If he agrees to cheating on his wife, he will cheat on you.
He must be single or divorced.
NEXT, is a good word.
Ty i 110% agree with everything u said!ty for reminding me im not alone,n its normal to think this way! If u ever meet Brandi Loss/Waitt of Southbridge Massachusetts works in Hartford Ct. As a used car sales manager at Executive auto group, liberty/Honda please inform her that this behavior is Despicable for any woman and if he has been with a woman for 16 yrs, has a family including children he should b considered off limits!
If they do it for you, they'll do it to you.
Never chase a man.
Call your intentions and friends 1st. Or bye bye.
Yeah, but im alone, my children have been lied to. Haven't seen them or my grandson Robert for 3 years now.
I knew he would never cheat on me! And her husband killed himself in the backyard. His son found him, ran to my place and then I went there. The note said that he couldn't get them out of his head!
Ya know they lie, make themselves the victim. Yes my good Christian husband, for 17 years and the woman who I thought was a friend are married now. After year's being with her, he was still so cruel to me. Told him he best stop it, enough is enough! Told him I was going to tell his wife how he made fun of her when we were married and then his Mom and if I died before him, going to tell GOD!! Hey it worked!
An exceptional male friend once told me, " never short sell yourself and do not accept wooden nickels." It was really very wise advice simply put.
It took years to open my heart to myself and begin to realize I am open to better/healthier/safer/ On my own.
"You feel like their therapist. . . . You never feel seen. ...They are self-absorbed. ...He's not able to understand the level of his self-absorption when it comes to his emotions."
"Your divine mate resonates on a high frequency."
I'm writing that down. Thank you
I feel like that's specifically for me. Thank you.
I just wrote this down lol. Definitely have been in this pattern with men. I'm over being someone's therapist.
I feel like this with 'friends'..... They are so self-absorbed, so many people are unfortunately....
10 signs starts at 3:30. When your not in your coffee break and at home, it's worth watch the intro
Hello friend how are you doing today and hope you are enjoying your day ?
He wasn't married he was just a narc but that's okay when you know better you do better. No more making excuses for other people's behavior. No more moving my boundaries to fit the situation the man wants. No more giving until I hurt. This time I set the boundaries and stick to them. I know exactly what I want. I wrote it out and I read it before I go out on dates. They need to impress me not the other way around.
You need to impress each other, thats why it's called a relationship.
Yep. After almost a decade… one sided. But no more.
10 years ago and earlier nobody knew any of this stuff. If nobody let's you know how much of a help you are (IF YOU USE AND GET IT FOR YOURSELF) Then realize how you helped yourself so much. PROBABLY BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE DID OR COULD. I BETCHA * * * *
When I told my mom about a friend who was sleeping with a married man, she warned me they will always tell you that they're going to leave their wife as soon as their kid turns 18 so he won't have to pay child support. Fast forward a few years & another friend was sleeping with a married man & began to tell me "He's going to divorce his wife..." & I completed her sentence "when his kid turns 18 so he won't have to pay child support, right?"
How'd you know? Thanks mom.
Have never known my future ex to fall asleep at a sporting event, but the few times he agreed to come along to movie, he would fall asleep....and he fell asleep during a film in childbirth classes.....and also in our pre Cana marriage class....
A lifetime of my accepting so much less than I deserved. He still takes no accountability in life.....I can t wait to get away.
.
Falling asleep like that might indicate a sleep disorder
No it's not its the person themselves
You go, girl ! 😉
Safely plan your exit strategy. 🙏🙏🙏
Good luck and peace be with you 🙏😊
Knowledge is Power 💪🏽 & the Truth sets us Free!! 🦋
That’s how I waisted 10 years waiting in a relationship where person promised to married, promised we’ll have a kid but never did .
You didn't waste your life nor throw away your time. Don't fall victim to self sabotage by saying that. Time is our companion and teacher.
Time and Life is intertwined as realizations sets in, what you have gained is knowing thyself.
Have a safe journey.
@@asclepiushermestrismegistu7489 thank you, I like the way you look at life..
I was promised marriage and he pursued me with a vengeance so I took a leap of faith, epic failure. I lasted 10 long, toxic years before I walked out the door. Best thing I did.
@@llararulens8895 wow we had very similar situation, sorry you had to experience it.
🤩 A+ 💯👍🏻 🤩
“YOU HAVE ABANDONED YOURSELF!”
That reminds me of an argument with my ex when we were divorcing . I’m a little bit of a co-dependent , lost many people I loved who died too soon.
Anyways , he accused me of being non- compromising . After much thought and reflection , I realized I was too compromising . My conclusion was that I was so overly compromising that I compromised my whole self away . So, I just had to put forth more effort in getting to know myself again and rediscover my identity which, at the time we met was fairly solid .
My mom had noticed that and encouraged me to make new friends and date . I followed her advice and I’m grateful that I had the opportunity .
Dang- your videos always are spot on compared to other counselors! I keep telling the narcissist i've been talking to that her actions never line up with her words... ditches me several times on short notice- of course after she conveniently picks a fight with me and then uses that as a cop-out to cancel plans based off my reaction. theres never any remorse, guilt, shame, ownership of their actions- completely absolvent from any acknowledgment of wrong doing. I think I'm realizing that it was all about using me for sex- as hard as that is to swallow... thats the reality. makes it difficult when they love bomb you with "I want to make this work, I want to fix this, I'll change, I want to be with you." its all an energy vampire- i'm sure i wasnt her first victim- prob wont be her last.
you made her do it, lol, we must know the same person
Ive been in way too many one sided situations. Thank you this was helpful
I’ve been in this 4 yr cycle with my ex, he moved on immediately after and I just wanted to use the time to heal. I was dealing with a broken heart and many other troubling aspects in life. He wouldn’t leave me to grow and heal as happy as he claimed he was. He would use our child to come in and out of my life. I couldn’t get to a place of peace because of all the damage he was causing. He never wanted me from the beginning I don’t get someone could be so evil and play pretend during and even after
They don't want you to heal, if you heal,,, ( take time to heal) you become stronger, they fear that ,, they don't want you strong and feeling confident
Because you don't Need them then
Take time to heal, take alot of time, and get yourself very strong and confident
Peace be with you 🙏🙂
Read: Dr Norman Vincent Peale
Yes its evil
Need nothing from the narc. Find other outlets, friends, activities, meditate, & severely limit your contact on text, phone, & face to face.
I have no problem being alone. People are just not honest.
I learned this from my mom too. I stuffed my feelings so long, I literally began to shake. I had to go through trauma therapy after abusive marriage breakups in order to see this.
That part😒 I constantly feel like I'm the one chasing, putting more effort in! I have to keep telling myself to go find something better to do, stay busy and keep my mind off of it!!!
They will use you for everything (money included) to the point you feel like you are whining defending your soul.
Woww I appreciate your time , I had red flags and sticks of dynamite going off .I still stayed with that maniac thank god common sense kicked in after 2 years and I removed myself from the situation completely, I can’t be reached at all .
Yes, yes, yes. My ex tried changing everything about me and criticized my appearance, intelligence, and life decisions. He tried pushing plastic surgery on me, etc.
I've seen that, and I'm glad if you refuse to have "augmentations" I saw
a sweet nice country girl be turned big busted and look sadder than sad
in the face. She couldn't do enough for the ungrateful jerk.
It wasn’t you ! It was him
My ex weighed 400 pounds and was ugly inside and out. He would tell me it’s ok for men to be fat. He criticized me non stop and even told me I was stupid. He was very abusive.
@@gardnerhappy2114 omg that's exactly what he used to say to me. I am not overweight, wear a size 6 but he would say I needed to lose weight. When I asked about his weight, he said that he was a man and that it doesn't matter.
@@user-ir5ul1ph1c Yep. He was a miserable person and still is one. I was with him for 27 years. Now I’m divorced and working on myself. It’s so freeing. He still tries to control me.
i wish i've learned this stuff at 18. i would have saved so much soul/time/money
there should be classes to train people, the art of team work. Many people did not learn this in the formative. This is why life is so unbelievably challenging.
Waiting for this one. Thanks Lisa for all you do. You are brave 4 the rest of us
Nothing is ever wasted.
Some lessons just take longer to sink in.
Did you learn how to walk on the first try?
How about writing your name?
Algebra?
Everyone blossoms in their own way and at their own pace.
Well said
exactly, because at the end of the day, we're all just individuals, with our own minds. and like the old saying goes: "REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES, IS THE BEST TEACHER". people need to remind themselves that we're not entitled to anybody or a serious relationship with someone, simply because we're sexually attracted or "in love" with them. and more importantly, people need to remind themselves, that what "WORKS" in couples in TV shows, romantic movies, soap operas, is all scripted, and just a performance for the cameras & the studio audiences. real life does not follow a script, nothing is "DESTINED" to happen, there's no such thing as "THE ONE".
the bottom line is this: we should never ever have to convince or guilt trip someone, to want to be with us, either they naturally & automatically want to do so, or they don't. and more importantly, we should judge & perceive them, for the individuals they truly are, and not for the person we want, wish, pray, hope they'll eventually become, because this is better known as "delusional thinking".
Well, a lot of people go through life without having to deal with extreme personalities.
I would like to have been one of those. 🤔
I get it.🤔💡
ghosted, confused and been chasing her. and so just i wasted my time in 4 months for a fake relationship. tho she's trying to hoover me back but i'm doing no contact for 5 months now.
unfortunately i've learned the red flags and figured it out soon after i've decided to leave. it's not too late after all.
thank you Liza!
When you see a pattern, RUN! Don't look back!!!
Don't disown yourself yes that is a great message I totally did. I felt like a chameleon for my husband of 18 years.
So right
Look to highly Sensitive People....
We can absorb and melt in the other...
Is coming from codependency....
Look Tracey Malone too.
Walking away is power
How could I have been so unaware? I fell into every one of the negative situations that Lisa describes. I allowed my wishful fantasies to over-ride Reality. Even today, if I'm not careful, I allow my wishful fantasies to over-rule what's really going on. My answer to this is to value my own feelings and inner life more than I rely on someone else.
Very true. As women we need to know what we want, this is the first step what do you really want from the relationship? What are you seeking? Do you really know what you want. This sets the precedent to honouring our self because we can clearly state what we want and this leads to us setting the expectations and boundaries in the relationship. This also helps to separate the grain from the shaff so you know the people seeking a real relationship instead of settling for a "booty call" Tks Lisa this is such valuable content.🙏
I knew what I wanted. It was always what I couldn't have. Men are the same. Be the one they can never get.
I am just like you! You really nail this subject too I totally identify! My last guy was a 4 year waste of time. And I have been alone avoiding dating for 4 years trying to get over it entirely before my next relationship.. that's 8 YEARS of my Life that I have put on hold over him. Good news is, he forced me to learn about narcissism, codependancy, ghosting and gaslighting.. the last 4 years I have spent in recovery from the narcissist have not been wasted because I am learning all these red flags and why I had such a debilitating fear of abandonment.. how it wasn't all my fault.. how I'm NOT totally mental or a basket case and why the way I was reacting was natural.. I am fine tuning my understanding of my tendencies toward these personality types (almost exclusively!)
And it took this much time to reprogram my thinking regarding relationships with the opposite sex..
Because I was programmed very young, it's SO NICE to finally shed these old beliefs about myself and the FEELINGS associated.
SO GRATEFUL FOR YOUR TIME AND EFFORT TO EDUCATE US EMPATHS
LISA!
God bless & THANK YOU⭐
Words don’t match their actions
Priceless school of life. Thank you Lisa, you look beautiful ❤️
100% used. Narcissist gave absolutely nothing. Could not even discuss anything. Never make plans with the narcissist because he have no intentions of going,, will ignore you,, don't respond to texts, will mot answer phone, just distant. I feel sorry for him because he is totally loss and very evil. I wonder why I was the chosen one but now I am gone. Thank you Jesus.
I've been in the same situation for 1,5 years and now I left him. He is a narcissist. But Jesus heals my heart.
on and off for 2 years but now I'm out. Sounds exactly like your situation. I think they attend to the same seminar or something lol.
It's hard to reject the 'booty call' temptation if the sex is good. But really they're a worthless experience imo. It's a creepy way to view another human, even if the 'just sex' is consensual.
What constitutes "good sex" 😂 I ask bc u can get 5 different answers. Lol
@@daviedood2503 you don't know because you're not good at it. Now you know
@@SCHRODINGERS_WHORE what would u know? All YOU do is lay on your back and do nothing. 😂 Anyone can do that. What's so special about YOU 😂 take a seat kid.
@@daviedood2503 lmfao. You just told on yourself, again. And you don't even know. Women know. And now the whole world knows. Your clueless 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
@@SCHRODINGERS_WHORE oh? And how did I do that hmm? 😂
It's funny how u mention the "whole world" knowing. I guess you forgot YOU are being seen as well. You think sex with a demon "was hot".
Let me guess as well, you're a "lil Nas X fan" huh? You hit the replay on that one scene huh?
Perhaps you thought you were behind some curtain? 😂
My ex would lie by omission as well. You are on point Lisa 💯😇
I'm hopeful this will give me the encouragement to harmonize what I FEEL and THINK with what I DO.
Love this!
One of the first steps I’m trying to take is to not need anything from a narc. Detach.
I was someone who always was (may be am) excited to change someone. Co dependency. It pinches so hard to know truth about self.
I remember seeing a quote years ago that stated, “ if he is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, he is not a nice person.” I observed this years ago in my husband. He actually is respectful to me, but has that uncaring quality about secondary relationships. I don’t like it. I treat everyone the same, with appreciation and respect. I tell him when he is being a jerk. It doesn’t help, of course. 🙄
Wow recognizing red flags is like a superpower I did not have while younger. ❤👍
I really appreciate that you use the word programming and downloading rather than you have issues or you have problems or you have insecurities. In fact a person has been programmed when they've been raised or surrounded by people whose behavior is so abnormal that it's damaging and yet they see so little of normal relationships that they have no idea they exist or what they look like or how they should feel. To label those people as having issues or problems or being sick is to perpetuate the damage that's already been done. If you look at it as a computer virus or bad program that needs to be corrected or removed it becomes much clearer that it's misinformation that's been pounded into the person's heart and mind and if you give them the right information and some support they can find their way back out of it, find out what it's supposed to be like and go about getting that for themselves like they should have been allowed to do growing up
Thank you for this video. I realized this man I was in an on and off relationship was only a situationship and only one sided. He was wasting my time all this time!!
When you're around a parasitical person you'll feel creeped out and molested and manipulated after you're done talking to them if you're around somebody good your spirits will be lifted after talking to them
Omg, I never thought that way about how it feels after talking to a parasitical person. It's a really deep and awful feeling..
Best message in this: You need to feel good about yourself first. Once you have that, you won't need someone else to love bomb you.
We teach ppl how to treat us by what we will and will not tolerate.
Stick to your boundaries like glue, keep your standards high and
your tolerance low 💟
More great tools. Learning everyday. Feeling stronger and more hopeful for a more fulfilled life. Education is the key. Thanks Lisa. ❤️
Ladies NEVER be the other woman - no relationship I know that started that way has been healthy. If there is something wrong in his marriage he needs to either fix it or end it without your involvement. Trust that if you are doing the rights thing - good things will come your way
I m glad i m dumb enough to wait my papers b4 getting into a relationship. I have guys coming up 2 me, especially in church circles. I was honest & very determined to tell them i wasn't ready. i trusted my papers more than getting into a relationship. To day i benefited. Financially & emo tionally unscathed. Got my papers & realised that i m 2 old 4 any relationship. After reading this column, my eyes are TRULY open. Thank God 4 putting a BIG road block in my growing years. I m very contented. Looking forward to live for next 30 years w/o worries.
They're called ENERGY VAMPIRES
Thank you, Lisa, for your compassion and sensible advice! I think the key is reciprocity which is almost always a balanced give and take in healthy relationships. You are providing a much- needed education for those who may refuse to acknowledge warnings about sketchy people or situations. Bless you.
They are wasting my time?
I am voluntarily participating; I am wasting my own time in an unfulfilling relationship.
I’m self-destructive BPD and have to start not being ok with booty calls;( feel that I’m not worth that kind of love
The assholes weeds themselves out when you are not their booty call 🤪😁 life is better with less assholes 👍🏻
Thank you for this, it allowed me to leave a toxic relationship. I am ASD-1 so I find it hard to pick up the signs and boundaries... This helped me a lot!
Your advice and knowledge about relationships is right on point. Thanks for sharing for so many women and men don’t see the signs.
@@jamesarmstrong4179 aww, thank you for the compliment. I’m actually a widow, my husband died a little over a year ago. It’s just sad that so many women don’t value their worth and this is one main reason they get used and trampled on. Not every woman or man is bad. There are still a lot of good people with their head on straight.
Really needed this video. Did your inner child healing journal. Started dating a guy last summer and for some reason I missed all the red flags trying to convince myself he cared as he started bread crumbing, hiding me (he’s not out), and treating me like an option. Went into no contact, we’ve interacted a few times on social media but hasn’t reached out once. You really helped me realize I was returning to past traumatic dynamics without realizing it.
Thank you Lisa, you finally helped me from my Trauma in 2019, it's been 2years were i am starting to strive. Other coaches set the ground work initially but you really cemented my healing. Now that i am striving, i am no trying to learn things i missed when i was under my trauma 1:28 this where i am now with my relationships with other people because having dealth with a exremely nar sibling who was supported by my mother, i really didn't know my value, or how i shoulf be treated. for example i am just recently learning how to stand up for my self, allow my self to be angry. to allow that fire to burn from my heart, i used to be passive in everything, i am learning to be more on my purpose. I have blocked so called "friends" who were taking advantage of me exploiting my empathy/sympathy. i am getting comfortable with saying NO and making tough decisions.
Congratulations! You know your value now!
The ex (who was a Covert Narcissist) I discarded a few months ago, called me “Karen” (his ex before I came along in the aftermath) 5 times over the 3-year span we were involved‼️This was one of “numerous reasons why I went No Contact” aside from the realization he was a Narcissist ‼️ I'm happier now & less stressed.
Dear Lisa...you are an angel. Our cases are almost identical. I lough when I listen , OMG, absolutely same tricks she used, when you mentioned hair...I was 20 years with that woman without a clue what was happening....3 sons ! Now , 10 years free . Baba saved me ! 😊 Baba Nam Kevalam !🙏
AWESOME MESSAGE I LEARNED SO MUCH! I finally surrounded to self love this message answered all my concerns I knew in my heart my ex was a waste of time left me hanging numerous time! STAY WOKE LADIES
Today you have made my day - its God for coming through your video. I have been battling up with myself whether to quit or to stay but I ve seen that there is a season to part so that i leave my life.
This couldn’t have come at a perfect time! I just ended a friendship for all of these reasons, three other people were married unknown by me, and the other was a player. Definitely took advantage of me. Thank you!
This is the thing that she doesn't even mention in this recording. The amount of men out there deliberately saying whatever you want to hear and messaging you regularly to get what they want is extremely common. Deliberate deceit.
It’s amazing that we have absorbed these non-communicative “views / messages” (of false beliefs, and destructive views of how life, happiness and marriage should be) just by observing two people in action.
Awww we, I'm so sorry you went through that chasing men stage. I've been there many more times than I care to admit. The reason was I was starving for love. I'd take any little crumb I could get. Heart breaking when I look back on it. My experience was the same. Sending big hugs, Lisa! Thank you for opening my eyes
Aww bless you, I can relate..
Great 👍. So much clarity 👏 and very helpful. I can see how far I have come and where I am now. I started Transcendental Meditation in 1985. I found that this helped me to become stronger from within. I was also being with people who were of a good vibration and this helped me on my way with healing. I still do Transcendental Meditation and the Advanced Siddhi programme, which has strengthened me from within even more. I am very intuitive and trust my intuition.
I then continued to work on myself using Re Evaluation Co Counselling for many years to deal with my early trauma. With all this continued work, it has paid off. I can see how stuck and toxic that my siblings are. I can also see how far I have come and prefer to keep company with people on a similar vibration and with similar values.
Thank you for all your very helpful information. I feel less alone hearing you in having come from a very dysfunctional family, with a father who had Narcissistic Personality Disorder patterns, which I can also see in my sister, as well as not feeling safe with my brothers, who also have patterns of people who are very emotionally immature and insecure.
I missed nearly all of these signs. Thank you so much for this video. 💗 It feels so on point for me and needed for my path of healing.
My husband has such a huge temper . He always curse me literally for nothing . He is always so angry and always always complaint . Even he drive on the road. Had to curse out people on the road . Very stressful and he take every small thing so seriously like it’s a hell. Even sometimes it’s a joke he would piss off
This is a hard slap. I'm learning!!!
The first step to healing is becoming aware of your behaviors. In the end, that’s the only thing in your control to change. Now the growth can begin! ❤️
Side note, she said I'm the Narcissist so many times I started questioning myself. Your videos decribe her so perfectly and your own personality describing me, has really helped me. Brings clarity and since she's a Covert "victim" she has sucked me into her trap much better and deeper than an Overt could. The Covert will make you think you're the sick one and they've been hurt so deeply by you, crazy though, because they're hurting you along the way. But don't dare tell them they hurt you, because in their mind they did nothing wrong and if they do acknowledge your hurting, well of course according to them, that's your own fault!!!