This is insane to hear out loud. To have it verbally explained is eye opening, to know that I am not crazy, to know it's okay to take care of myself to say what I want is ok. My goal is to know how "I" feel. I have already started with boundaries. This has been difficult, liberating and scary but I can breath.
I can relate. It's comforting to hear someone say the words out loud, that we're not crazy after all, explaining the how we fall for the traps, and how to change no one else but ourselves.
Wow, wow, wow! This is why I have stayed on the hamster wheel so long, even once I physically left, it lingers on and on. Why he leaves and returns when he has not found another source who is an Empath. That is what he is seeking an has not found.
@@rhondahurst3786 Never underestimate a narcissist! Just because there hasn't been a discard either by you or him does not mean that he does not have some other Supply. He may just not have his ducks in a row yet as narcs do things conivingly and premeditatedly. Be very careful not to respond to reactive abuse because that is part of the premeditated setup to make you look like the bad/crazy person (of which you are NOT crazy) when the smear campaigns go full on. Ignore any and all of them, as a response to defend yourself is what they want and odds are you are already being set up...sorry to say, especially if he thinks you are figuring him out as he will find that as a major threat to his ego/self disillusional preservation. People that really know you know better, let the rest think what they want as odds are he is using (triangulating) them as well. Most people eventually see their mask slip. Your silent knowledge is your weapon, but to win is not to play their unethical, no boundary limits, delusional games. If he truly is narcissist, I'm just giving it to you straight as another woman ( been their, lived it and survived the covert narcs b.s). Remember, they feed off negative Supply more so than positive. Also know that while they're pathological Liars/ cheaters and they vendictivly lie about others, (they live their whole lives as lie) and they are quick to move on like you never existed. They don't change for anyone so seeing them happy with someone else is only a temporary thing. It's all standard narc (psycho) protocol. In time, you will see that your closure is the knowledge and strength you've gained from this painful experience to move on to a better life that you deserve. It's part of their ( narcs) attitude of entitlement, grandiosity and blame shifting and the desire to punish for whatever perceived slight ( narc injury) they feel like they've experienced. Once you're out you'll have countless ah ha moments and your life will get better, really. Be patient and loving towards yourself. Hang in their, keep listening and educating yourself on the subject as it really helps with the healing process, journaling helps too for self prospective. Lisa is very knowledgeable, I think more so than most I've listened to. God bless, nomistay.
@@BA-vx7gb Thank you. If my sharing my experiences can help or protect someone else that went/going through this trauma then it helps me to better heal as well. You are not alone. God bless.
I went silent my love care was over when he left I was numb Then got a job in care I am now really happy I have a positive outlet for that care an outlet that gives me comfort I hung on for 20 years Untill I broke he killed my emotions for him
I have “given away” my entire life, and my energy has been drastically diminished. I got away. My energy and health is steadily improving. What a revelation.
@vickimerritt2832 I agree ! I don't see many people say that, only you and I. It seems everyone wants us to feel sorry for the narcissist and tell us they are hurting inside. Well, sorry, all you weak people, not this blonde, not any day or second will I ever feel sorry for the fckg narcissist. It's like these people don't know what abuse is, I guess. Then they haven't been with a passive-aggressive covert narcissist.
But, the destructive ones have become slick, they come with a smile, false personas, are quietly and constantly undermining, and cry victim, so pathetically.. and successfully..
The narcissis big mistake is they underestimated the empath, don't waist your time trying to fix them, they can't be fixed you will have to fix yourself,only time you can fix them is walk away and go no contact and block them on everything 🙏👍 up Lisa and survivors and thrivers.
Yes, you have to fix yourself, first & foremost, and we are not responsible for fixing others - that's their responsibility. Being that our society is so narcissistic, we can't avoid all narcissistic people, so, like with what you said in your comment, not allowing a narcissist in our inner circle or family, and trying to fix them is a waste of our time, especially when we need to fix ourselves. I wasted an important part of my life trying to fix a narcissist because I believed I was responsible for his feelings, and it did not work, no matter how hard I tried or how long. Being that we have to deal with so many narcissistic people to begin with in our society, it's much worse when we allow a narcissist to become close to us.
@@SydMountaineer exactly anymore it's like a breeding ground for narcissist and also on the PC it's like a platform for them, it's like you really half to be careful all these narcissist out here, the only thing we can do is just educate ourselves about NPD and go from there, thanks for sharing your story 🙏 I hope the best for you 👍
Wow, this is so much on target, as for me, I thought by being kind and understanding that the narcisstic person would reciprocate, instead I got my teeth kicked in all the worse by the temper tantrum/ meltdowns of the narcisstic person. Better to ignore them and detach yourself from the situation. They seem to feed off of your kindness as a reason to strike out at you at a time of their choosing...!
@@arturom628after they've mobbed and devoured all the decent ones, the innocent, the loving, they definitely will. But by then, its too late to see that, if you arent one of them
I cannot believe how many times I have been in one sided relationships, totally drained in every way to the point of collapse. The betrayals, the lies, the manipulations. I THOUGHT I WAS THE BROKEN ONE. I thought i was unworthy and dysfunctional. God bless you, Lisa. Self awareness is key.
I am 57 and was just discarded by my narcissistic boyfriend after five years together. He drained me of everything. I lost my house, my car, my dogs, even my teeth! All of them! I'm finally regaining traction and am a classic empath from a very neglectful family. This video helped A LOT. I wish I could do the course, but, like I said, I have nothing. I am almost homeless, but there are a few people helping me, so I'm not there quite yet. I've known I was an empath since I was a kid, and I've spent my life pleasing everyone else and believing that thinking of myself at all was definitely a selfish thing to do. Even when I expressed wanting to commit suicide, I was told how selfish I was. I'm going to rewatch this video tomorrow and start doing some work. Thank you so much, Lisa, for putting this out there.
Your story moved me. I've felt so many of the things that you said. Especially about the being called selfish part... It's nice to know we're not alone. I pray for all of our continued healing and for needed videos like this 🙏🏽
I’m 21 and was raised by not one, but BOTH parents being narcissistic alcoholics. Dad was more covert, mom extremely malignant. I did not realize why the last 3 years of my life were so traumatic until I found your channel. If I didn’t find your channel I believe I would have ended up like my parents. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world. I owe you big time.❤️
Co dependency is trying to fix others Indirectly to fix ourselves 💥 Fawning over a loved one In order to feel loved, appreciated, respected, fill in the blank ...ultimately to feel "'whole" Trying to fix someone else's "hole" but unable to mend our own 💥 We must be accountable for ourselves by identifying how we feel, think, want , need, appreciate, tolerate before we wobble...What's our tipping point? Loving ourselves means honouring ourselves especially when that means another may disapprove or be upset or angry 💥 We must let others manage their own emotions Let others manage their own pain Let others manage their own misfortune Let others stand on their own two feet while we learn to stand on ours They have two feet And so do we Let them carry their own weight We must carry our own baggage We have to steer our own ship, be our own captain Weather our own storms Especially when in stormy emotional seas Throw the need to please overboard Throw yourself the liferaft Save yourself
This is definitely my issue: Picking up on the narcissist's pain, and almost losing/neglecting myself trying to 'fix' their hurt. It took me at least 20 years to realize that.
I have just broken up with a narcissist and oh god was it painful at first because I truly loved him, I believed he could be good I believed everything because I am kind and I am understanding and I am so loyal, I can't imagine people who are dealing with this that are married or have been through this for longer than 3 years as that's how long my relationship was, I just never believed that someone could be this evil...because in my world, in my mind that is not even an option, to break someone the way I was broken and over and over again too, 3 weeks have past and I have learned the bigger picture...what I was actually going through, how traumatic it was, I also learned how incredibly loving and loyal I am and how good of a person I am. I don't give up on people, and I am enough and I deserve so much better, 3 weeks ago I was sobbing, I was in and out of panic attacks because the dream I had of us had died, I let myself grieve and then I started to understand. 3 weeks ago I was believing that he would change for me and we can be together in the future and be so good and now...I understand just how horribly bad that would be that no I don't want to be with that person, they are not good for me and I am not waiting or doing anything to go back to that person, the fact still hurts sometimes but I don't cry about it much anymore...and I am so proud of myself...I never give up on people, I love unconditionally, I see good in people, I forgive and I learn and reflect, I care! and I damn well deserve that back. I love who I am and the fact that I didn't for so long because I let myself go through that and stick around and continuously put myself through that, I didn't stand up for myself! I let myself get bullied and used while I still cared and believed it will all change that it HAD to because they love me and I love them, never again. I hate that this happened to me but I am also a little glad just a tiny bit because, in the end, I found myself and I fell in love with myself.
Whoever clicked the “thumbs down” most likely is a Narcissist 🙄 this video was eye opening . I’m currently in this situation, it’s been 10 years. Thank you Ms. Romano 🙏🏽
I was attracted to narcs because my father was one and I loved him as a daughter. When I realised that he was a narc I decided to detach from him and break the love bond. After this I was not a narc magnet anymore.
I still struggle with constantly questioning myself. With all the really terrible and sucking relationships and friendships I had, it always boils down to "was I wrong? Did I do this? Have I done bad things? Have I been wrong to them?" It still amazes me that I keep questioning myself and constantly dissecting the smallest situations to see if I was wrong and being maybe unreasonable to these people and being too self centred. It's exhilarating but somewhere I'm starting to know that it wasn't me, ever. This video really helps because it outlines the traits of an empath in such detail that it's hard now for me to not realise that I'm this person. Not the bad person, just because I spoke up for myself sometimes.
How did u do this ? I have been married to one for 41 years 😵💫😩😢 And I can’t. Ever seem to leave He tells me every day how I have destroy his life how he’s never seen a family fight or yell how he was born into a perfect family by the way his dad had lots of affairs I was abused as a little girl he’s been in my life since I was 14 I know to get better I need to leave I just don’t know how to be always seems to draw me back in guilt😢
I admit I realized he was not shown love growing up. I thought I could show him how to love and just like you said, he would do the same back. But you’re right Lisa, it didn’t work that way.
I'm trying the same thing. I say he doesn't know how to be loved or how to love. I try to show him unconditional love but he can show me constant love and he puts me on cloud 9 just to drop me to negative 100 over and over. And I just forgive over and over. I don't want my kids to feel unloved by their father like I did so I stay I just want to feel loved like I love. Him to feel MY hurt like I feel his. To have our relationship and family mean as much to him as to me. I don't know how to give up. Or give up on someone.
Many empaths have endured narcissistic parenting and the damaged self-esteem from that abuse combines with absent boundaries and an aversion to being even remotely critical (due to hurtful criticism from narcissistic parents) to create people-pleasing behaviours. These empaths are very attractive targets for other narcissists and the empaths are uncomfortable setting boundaries and saying no and want to help the narcissist. Unfortunately narcissists need to want to enter intensive therapy and can't be fixed by empaths. Empaths often feel afraid to set boundaries with narcissists because they want to feel someone likes them and are afraid to assert themselves lest that result in rejection. However, it's so important to recognise that these relationships with narcissists are toxic and not genuine friendships and that it is okay to end such relationships; after all, narcissists will demean and eventually discard the empath themselves eventually. By learning assertiveness techniques and becoming comfortable putting them into practice gradually empaths can set boundaries and improve their self-worth which in turn will attract genuine people and friendships.
They don't care about no one as long as they get there supplies. They only with you as long as you given them something when they bored they look elsewhere. They will bring you so down enough to step on you and leave you there never trust what they saying all lies to get you they play on your feeling just they are immature no matter what age they are.just go no contact move away from them dont ever think the next person is better then you it about getting what they want then they leave few don't stay long in a relationship.. Trust me they got games.
I was in this kind of relationship for 7 years. My dad told me once that he didn't like him early in the relationship. He never mentioned it again He said that he knew that it wouldn't have made a difference, and he was right. Anytime someone mentioned that something was off about him I would defend him. The funny thing is. I was always defending him, but he never really defended me.
Yes all so true.. I could easily stand up for someone else who is being bullied but had a hard time standing up for myself. I hate to see others hurting.. while all along I was dying inside
That's exactly how I am, unfortunately. Always thinking about how others have it bad not seeing myself, at the same time. I worry about someone's financial struggles while ignoring my own problems, putting them on the back burner.
They know what you want but Deliberately don't give it you 💥🎯 Withholding what you need/want is not healthy love Its demeaning and selfish They know better but do it anyway
I have a son with high narcissistic traits. It is really hard to eliminate someone you gave birth to who is like this, especially if they have your precious grandkids.
God has blessed you to give me and others answers. I could never understand what was happening and why to me. I left my Narcissist 2 years ago. Got my Divorce this Feb 2021. I love watching you and getting your valuable info!
I stayed in a 13 year marriage with an abusive narcissist not even knowing what a narcissist was. I finally had enough and left in 2017. I’m still recovering! Taking my time to date again & making sure I NEVER allow myself to be with one again! 💜
I love what you say about empaths needing to know what our feelings are. Because we are always thinking about what other people are thinking. "What do I feel?" Crowded place in our heads and hearts!! So good. Thank you!!
Everything you said is true I was in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, it took some time for me to realize this but when I understood what he was doing, I LEFT AND CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION the best decision I ever made ❤️👌
I am a very supportive and encouraging person, I WANT and LOVE to lift people up and encourage them and give praise. I don't want to stop being that person just because of these toxic people
Yessss exactly. We don't deserve to have people in our lives that tear us down, even though we may be raised to think that we do. Undoing all of those beliefs has been REALLY HARD for me and has taken YEARS of intense therapy, but at 44 I'm finally moving ahead. Being 100% alone is better than having my own parents tear me down all the time, and as long as I keep trying, I'll gain healthy people in my life eventually
Love wins..you reap what you sow..pray for wisdom! God is love and your vindicator in His grace. But thank God for warning signs and good advice when applicable. You decide.
Highly empathic male with chromic illness. Been in leadership positions and protected others from bullying. Having suffered pain on many levels I am a "saver". Been the victim of narcs for too long. After learning, now will only provide love & support to those who are not narcissists. Thanks for all you do!
I hear you, I’m the female version of this especially in my career. I hope your chronic illness is going well. I have two forms of Lupus so I get the strength it takes to keep going. God bless from Alaska.
Yay! Your about free. Learn to take care of yourself. Say. to yourself if I were somone else how would I treat me?? Take care of yourself. Happyness will return Hope really does float. I'm an elderly person who used to be married to a narcisist
Can't stop crying, I felt every word spoken...it’s me. Painful to watch but grateful for the confirmation and validation. I thought I loved people but I'm 40, burnt out, and bitchy. It’s the betrayal, the not being “good enough”, the boundaries I allowed to be crossed. Not the gift. The burden and the blessing. What they love about you, they hate about you. What I was out running my entire life with giving, caring, humor, knowledge, encouragement, and charm has caught up to me and I’m frozen.
I feel you. Not only are we depleted by the craziness of loving the narc, esp the devaluing and they never take responsibility or fulfill a promise when you realize they faked a future that never comes, not only are we trying to wrap our minds around this we are crawling on the dirt floor with multiple stab wounds...... NOW we get to look back at how we screwed ourselves with our despicable habit of believing in somebody and loving too much. Yay!!! Yippee what a lucky gal I'm excited about my future NOT . How the eff do I tear down every essence of me in order not to attract an asshole. I know there is recovery here but it's disheartening and I too am gutted and frozen
I pray for emotional healing. That God restores your soul & brings joy and peace. I was married to a narc 13 years. Pure hell! He divorced me and I'm glad he did. I'm at peace, with a calling as an author/ mentor and more! I have joy.. amen.
@@AprilHare Don't let anger turn to bitterness. I was in same position. My narc husband tried to murder me. Jesus Christ helped me get away and know my worth. Amen
Thank you for this very timely message! I am at that breaking point you talked about, where I'm feeling like I have nothing left to give. I feel completely drained! And you're right, you shouldn't feel drained by someone, or what's the point of being in a relationship?! I used to really, really love this person, I loved being with him, couldn't wait to be together. But now I just feel dread whenever we are about to spend time together. I'm walking on eggshells, waiting for the next hammer to come down, for him to be upset with me about something! This last "crisis" has once again blindsided me, and I am so clear that I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! I need to break up with this guy, he is dragging me down. And even knowing and feeling all of this, I am STILL hesitating on letting him go. Please pray for me! This is so unhealthy, and I need to find the strength to free myself from this bondage.
One day, after getting out of that situation, you will not only wonder why you spent so much time trying to deal with it, (it will seem ridiculous) but you will also be thankful that you didn't waste any more time than you did. NOTHING is worth staying in a relationship like that, people tell themselves that there are reasons to stay, but those reasons are being viewed through the wrong lens. Now, I think of all the great things I could've been doing with the energy & time I spent on trying to fix a narcsisst, and I regret wasting every second of it.
@@lynnhaynes7715 I wish so, too! It helps so much to know that I am not alone in this struggle. I pray that we will gain more clarity about our situation, and also the strength to overcome it 🙏
I am married for 38 years and only in the last 18 months have I realised I am with an Narc,he constantly would say he would get help never did, I am in the process of leaving,I am 62 years of age can't take any more,please be strong and leave this person they will never change,all the best for the future,I will pray for you ❤
@@doloreskelly649 Thank you so much! I will pray for you, too 🙏. It is so hard to leave, because we keep thinking they will change, but they never do. I will pray for both of us for courage and strength to do what we know we must, for our own wellbeing!
This is my ex-husband to a tee! Mind games expert!. He used to get me with the forgiveness trap,asking me not to give up on him,all while continuingto do the same destructive things over and over and over. He could turn on the tears so fast and sound so convincing...So glad I finally woke up and discarded him for good.
Yes he had the nerve to say he made a “mistake” and I took him to school and told him what the definition of mistake was and said no you knew exactly what you were doing and you knew it would hurt me and you did it anyway for 9 years. Response: a stare.
Thank you I was a rescuer and a truth teller with the narcissists in my family and in relationships.. I now understand that feeling of them acting like they were always playing some kind of chess game
That’s exactly how I describe my 25-year marriage to a narc: It felt like one big long chess game. A marriage is supposed to be two people against the world, not two people against each other. Mine was the latter. I left.
Here's something that's messed up. In the end, he started pointing out some of the things that he did/ withheld, from/ to me i.e. money, affection, responsibility, time and then said now he has that free time better job etc. He went out of his way to tell me, oh I did that just to piss you off and there was no remorse whatsoever. He just felt free to show me himself without his mask of being entitlement to punish and pure envy of me, what I have and anything I accomplished.
Lisa I wanna thank you for this video! This has been my life for 4 years. I became self aware 2 years ago and my trauma started to come out and couldn’t push it back so I put even more energy into trying to make him self aware . I have forgave him for things I don’t even wanna say out loud because I know how demonic they were. The more my trauma seeped to the surface the more I focused on him. All of those behaviours have happened every time he is locked up. He cries , he say’s everything I want to hear but each time he is in jail I have found time to start my healing because I control the situation. I call him out on his bad behaviours and he rages, blame shifts, then silent treatment for couple days but now during the silent days I take advantage and work on me! Every narcissist situation is different but behaviours are same. Now that I have little tolerance for disrespect he has a lil more respect. Now that being said I don’t think everybody should call their narcissist out because my situation differs from another persons. I play your videos out loud when he’s around . It’s taken me years to realize I can’t love his trauma out of him. He needs to love it out himself. I’m so ready to put everything into my new beginning. I don’t regret meeting him because without I would probably never become self aware and my trauma would not have surfaced as loud as it has!!! I now know what I don’t want so one day if will be easier to find what I do. I have complete control of my emotions now. If he name calls I say “ awe thanks for calling me beautiful “ Confuses and it stops right away. I have hope in me for once not just narcissistic hope. Thanks again Lisa ❤️
Resignation is sanity. Don't look at it as quitting. I'm at the end of my third marriage to another narcissist. You cannot fix a broken person; they have to learn to fix themselves. Most don't want to hear they are broken; hell, we all are in certain circumstances. It's our imperfections that make us unique. I'm going to tell you a truth that I learned through meditation: There are two types of tears that come out of the human eye. The first has salt in it. This comes when you lack empathy; and the tears come from the feeling of guilt, more so that you got caught. The second tear, is as pure as spring water; no salt. This happens when you can't escape the truth of the situation. What you will notice in a narcissist is there ability to quickly turn on the "fake" tears. My step daughter is a narcissist much like her mother; but with different traits. After I told her this, the tears stopped happening. You mentioned Nature, and this is one thing God has put in our eternal souls. Great video.
In just over 9 years i have never seen any kind of tear come out of my now ex’s eyes. I have seen him try but to no avail. Prior to knowing anything about narcs’s i have told him he is dead inside for years. I was introduced to the idea of him being a narc by someone after i left. What does it mean if there’s no spring teasers and no salty ones , cos its been 6 months and i cry sometimes all day still.
In the first 5 minutes you described me and why I am empath. You describe how my relashionship started. So many years went by. I have ptsd now and these memories come back. And I realize, I lost myself back then. The only thing I had been remembering was the anger, but these flashbacks they bring back all the details, it's almost horrifying. The stuff that was done to me, and I would just freeze up i didn't know what to do. Anything I brought up was met with extreme anger, and I just shut up and took it. I am so amazed at what your telling. I really hope I can solve this puzzle in my life.
She is so right about empath. Yes it took me all my life to realize I needed to separate my feelings. To protect myself from pain. I was born feeling people and things. You learn to numb your feelings. So you don't get hurt. I grew up with everything she's spoke about. What I don't understand is why have kids. If you're not going to love them, and do and give your kids the best. Why screw us up intentionally. My Mother messed me up for life. I'm exactly like you Lisa. Omg...I just realized it.
thank you for helping me accept myself for allowing this to happen by understanding who I am as an empath. I cry when I think about how stupid I was for accepting this but after watching this, i can feel compassion for myself. And that is healing.
I'm 71 years old. I am so ashamed that I have been sucked into narcissistic relationships over snd over again. All of these things as outlined by Lisa describe my life. I'm done but I'm exhausted. Can I recover?
You can recover! God is with you and so are millions of fellow empaths. My mom is 74 and still doesn’t recognize that she is controlled by a narcissist…you are ahead of the game just because you see the issue now….it gets easier from here on out. Get some good therapy, you probably have CPTSD or other conditions from dealing with all the abuse, but they get better with every day that passes 😊
You explained my mindset and toxic relationship with my ex-husband. I hung on for over 20 years hoping for a change that was NEVER going to come. I was so emotionally drained and worn out at the end. I knew I just couldn't keep going on like that: the emotional abuse,the chesting,cheating, gaslighting,the projected negative emotions, the triangulation, the lack of empathy,the cold-heartedness,the babies born out of wedlock, the drugs,thedrinking,the drinking, constant abandoment,abandonment, planned chaos, etc. I was groomed by the abandonment,rejection, indifference, and emotional abuse from parents and was easy picking for my ex...I'm so grateful to God for lifting the fog and delivering me from the living nightmare I was in. I thought my love would change him and that I had found someone who really cared about me and he dogged me in every way he could- and our children too...I'm so glad I finally gained the strength to divorce him and say "enough"....
Narcissists also project their shame & guilt onto their victim. Yes, Lisa is soooo right, what she described is exactly what I did as an empath, with my narcissist ex boyfriend who I lived with for almost 13 years. He spent all of his time manipulating me, and I spent too much of my time being his psychologist (with no degree) - it got to the point where I talked to his family and found out something terrible that had happened when he was 18 months old (he had never even told me he had a twin who died, and never talked about her even after I found out, and he was 42 years old when I found this out, he was 19 years older than me) - his twin sister died from spinal meningitis, and he blamed his parents, he thought they took her away - he would constantly look for her, he thought they hid her in closets, under the bed, under the piano, etc. Knowing this caused me to allow him to get away with even more, he was very violent with me, usually hitting me in the back of the head, and what makes it worse is the fact that he would do it without me knowing it was coming, it usually came from behind, he even pushed my head into the car window and caused me to have stitches in my head. He would even wake me up at night and beat me up before I even knew what was happening. There were several times where I "seen stars" - I will never forget what that first time felt like - I finally understood what people meant when they said they got hit so hard they "seen stars" - everything goes black and there's these little lights swirling around that really look like stars twinkling. (I would've never allowed this to happen if I had not been abused as a child, it did not seem shocking to me, it felt normal). His best friend played psychologist a bit for him too, he tried to figure out why he treated me so bad. His friend told me once that he knew why that my ex would sometimes wake me up to beat me up when he came home late at night, and it made sense to me, which made me forgive him even more. His friend said that when he would drive him home from the bar late at night, he would begin getting really mad at me, and his anger would grow & grow while on the way home (while I was at home sleeping), because he felt guilty about being out so late and getting so drunk, thinking that it might upset me or cause me to leave him, so he was *PROJECTING* his guilt and shame onto ME, so by the time he got home, he was really mad at me, as if I was mad at him, but I was not, but in HIS MIND, it was MY fault, so he would beat the hell out of me, and I was very confused as to what I had done to make him so upset, until his friend shared that with me. He was in his 40s when I found this out, (I was in my 20s), so he was a full grown adult who had NEVER got over the trauma of his twin sister dying when he was a baby! (And she died quickly, within 1 day after being taken to the hospital, so that is one reason why he was so affected). And his family KNEW he was having difficulty - I found a journal written by his (much) older sister where she wrote about how he acted when his twin died, it was really sad! But you know what, I did not deserve to be beat up all the time because of it! And MY child did not deserve to have a mother whose life was constantly in danger - he could've killed me, then I would not have been there for my child - who was NOT his child, I had been previously married, but never got married to the man I'm referring to here, the narcissist ). I finally realized that I was not going to waste any more time being his punching bag - after almost 13 years of putting up with it - when I left him, I no longer had any love for him AT ALL , and I realized later that I never truly loved him, but I thought I did - being that I was highly empathetic fooled me into believing I loved him - but that is NOT love, not on either side.
Well I’m certainly happy that you’ve moved on and your life is most likely for the better because of it and thank you for sharing your story however I will never truly understand how individuals such as yourself would even continue with that kind of person for such a long period of time I do not intend to be rude but it simply baffles my mind My mother was in a relationship with a man who was/is a narcissist (after she divorced her first husband my father) who starting to become abusive and perhaps within 1 or 2 days she was outta there I didn’t even have to encourage her to leave I do realize everyone has very unique and very different situations but I still cannot wrap my brain around trying to understand or accept how someone could continue to stay in these types of relationships whether a man or a woman Also my sister is an alcoholic sociopathic narcissist and after 30+ years of trying to help her thru life with absolutely no effect whatsoever; I had decided to cut her off completely 100% If I never see or talk with her again that’s fine with me and I do recognize that’s perhaps a flawed perspective to have towards a sibling but it’s my only sane viable option
@@annaleonardi6299 Not everyone is our brother Maybe this will help you to remember Ephesians 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
@@Kingdom_of_God777 I did not take it as rude, saying that it baffles you is not rude, it's just truthful, you did not judge me. You were not sarcastic or verally abusive, which shows you have no bad intention by what you said. I understand why you don't understand, my friends were like you too, they could not understand why I put up with it and tried to help me, but I pushed against them. I blamed myself for how other people treated me - if someone hit me or treated me badly, I felt RESPONSIBLE, I just "knew" it was my fault, that if I was "better", they would treat me better. When I was a child, I learned that I was responsible for my mother's emotions - she literally used to tell my sister and I that her emotions were our fault - she had a saying whenever she got out of control & raging over nothing (reacting to things like a dripping ice cream cone that she gave to my 3 year old sister on a hot day in the car), and she would say, "Do you want me to get put in the mental institution?" So we were scared to death that the next time she got mad, we would lose our mother, that she would go away to some place called the "mental institution" far away and we'd never see her again. This caused me to feel responsible for other people's emotions for the rest of my life until I learned about psychology in my early 20s, and even then, it took a long time to apply that knowledge. We were toddlers when she started saying that saying, and she referred to the town in our area that was known for having a state mental institution, yet, as toddlers, we did not understand, we only knew it was a BAD place that we could CAUSE our mother to be taken to, and I realized as an adult, why I had such a negative reaction to the name of that town, even when people referred to other towns in other states with the same name. To this day, in my 50s, when I hear the name of that town, the images & feelings it brings up are horrible, I can't control it, either, it's embedded into my mind. The first 30 years of my life, and even sometimes now, I have always felt responsible for everyone's emotions and behavior, even strangers. On a daily basis, things like just going to work was very difficult, (although I didn't realize I was having more difficulty than anyone else) because I felt responsible for all of my coworkers & bosses feelings, my patient's feelings, everyone around me - no wonder why I have CPTSD - I had it from before my first birthday, I'm sure. Growing up with a parent who raged over a dripping ice cream cone that SHE gave to them, as toddlers, in the car, on a hot summer day (her fault, not the child's) is very damaging. I always knew, like as a teen, that something was very wrong with my mother and other family members, but it was not until I had my own child when I realized that there was a huge differenece between how my mother reacted to situations (like a dripping ice cream cone) and how I reacted to similar situations, like the fact that I would never get mad at my child for having a dripping ice cream cone, and would never react negatively over something like that. Also, when my ex boyfriend was abusive to me, even though I knew it was wrong, it did not seem "shocking" to me, because I grew up with a parent with undiagnosed bpd who was very abusive in every way. But now, it DOES seem ridiculous to me, that I stayed with someone so abusive, if someone treated me like that now, I would never give them the time of day again, much less be in a relationship with them and try to please them. But, I was codependent back then, and my mindset then was that I was trying to keep my family together, I came into that bad relationship after my husband divorced me just 6 months after I had my son, so I felt rejected and responsible like I wasn't good enough, and like I had to go to extremes to make my new relationship work.
It's amazing, exhilarating, freeing to really learn about narcissistic behavior through gaslighting. WOW! All this time I've been gaslighted. It is truly debilitating, the depression and bad feelings from someone whom doesn't take responsibility for anything in a relationship. It's just really blowing my mind right now. Thank you Lisa. I won't let anyone take my joy.
Hi I just want to thank you for all the info you gave me about my relationship. You probably saved my life, after 10 years of violence, threats, .....etc....etc.... well I left him on the 19th of September, moved fast fast away and I'm doing great! No regrets at all not even a thought. Thank you for all the fore sight im telling anyone listening...... the key is listening to exactly what she says.... she's so right on! Your amazing and I can't wait to see this video!!!
This whole dynamic is really about us. Feeling neglected or abused. The need to be needed. Or only considered important or visible when you cater to family members. Being forced to " save" or bail out addicted family members- gambling, drinking, whatever. All this sets you up as fodder to manipulative, needy, bottomless people. As the scapegoat of my family, I was ALWAYS wrong. They would make things up. This attracts people who never take responsibility, because I would take the blame. Thank you for all these videos and work in this area. It is healing and life changing.
This video is exactly what I needed to hear. My girlfriend did this to me and has just made me so confused. She had rages and panic attacks at me, infront of my family and ruined occasions. It’s been 2 months and I’m still ruminating about it but this makes a lot more sense now
maybe she is bipolar don't be so quick to think everyone is a narc. No one wants to have panic attacks and if she has rages along with it it can be borderline personality disorder which is on the spectrum of npd or it can be bipolar which is not, maybe she needs to be diagnosed by a professional before you "diagnose her after only 2 months.
I've spent years with a Narcissist & not even knowing it until I married him. I've spent 3 yrs trying to leave my Narcissist husband and another 1½ of recovery after he broke me on the inside out. I've learned to self heal with many you tube videos Inspiration meditation spiritual coaches 🙏many prayers with guardian angels 😇 & strong beliefs I can & I will set myself Free 🙌 this is a real struggle from dark toxic soul. There is Light on the other side which leads to True Peace & Self Love ❤️
Thank you Lisa, I am an empathic male in late 30,s. Suffered Narcassistic women and men over the years. Now I started looking after myself for some time now. Your vedios are life saver. Thank you.
I'm an empath male 49. I suffered from a nasty narcissist who I helped for so long and he took revenge on me. Now it's about me and my family. The boundaries have been set. The boundaries should be used by everyone. It might have been our empath issue where we don't set boundaries from the beginning like everyone else because we are the rare givers. All it takes is the worst takers to come along and take full advantage. I feel like it is somewhat our fault because we didn't protect ourselves. However I also thank the narcissist for the best lesson in life.
Thanks for your teaching. I am an empath and recently free from Narc. It was like hell being in a relationship with him. I learn how to protect myself better as an empath.
Spot on ! Can't believe it took decades to see this. I only wish we Could help younger people especially ladies before they become a headline. Narcissist People are children in Adult body's that suck your energy out of you for themselves. They sleep/eat/think good. While the battered one are empty and gutted shell of once a human. I hate them ! There I said it..
I hate them too! Don’t feel badly about that feeling! They’ve more than earned the hate by their long-standing abuse of us. THERE, WE SAID IT TOGETHER! Plus, what they do is premeditated and deliberate; they know what they’re doing and saying to attempt to destroy our souls. As a matter of fact, hate is too weak a word……ABHOR! Much better word, I believe.
As lichtworkers we choose to have this experiences to strenghten our power. Only we choose to do it the painfull way. We learn about the coping mechanismes of narcissists. We become specialists in observing and knowing people who choose to reside in the underworld. But as we let go of these lower frequencies, we will remember who we are. We heal ourselves through selflove and compassion, by facing our shadows. And as we grow in our divine being, we will discover our authentic truth and from this place we will embody the true beings that we are, living our lives with meaning and purpose for those who want to resonate our divine light.
Hi Lisa again from Stu in England. Your words continue to help me to build and heal myself. I only had 4 years of narsasistic emotional verbal and physical mis treatment at the hands of a woman I adored... and you've helped me understand my overly caring empath self that I've been all my life. I'm much more selective and guarded now, realising that true genuine friends are very few, and that I need to focus on genuine healthy relationships. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH LISA, from a heart that you have very much helped to heal 😊👍☀️
Does it feel like we live on a narc planet? run by narcs and us empaths are stuck here witnessing it all wondering wtaf. Shall we go home to our planet of true love, compassion, light and peace cuz not sure its here for sure. wishing you blessings from another in Uk 🙏🏼
@@istandforfreedom1111 hi. I love your use of wtaf. ☺️☺️Took me a few seconds to get what the "a" is for. Maybe I'm still hopelessly naive lol. I agree with all your words. It's like a madness has taken over the worlds. You can describe it many ways. One is "profit before principle" I think that applies to leaders, big business, but ALSO how many individuals are; many people don't lift a finger unless they "profit". Kindness, understanding, empathy, tolerance.... All the things WE (in these comments) hold dear seem to be lost to many people. Thankfully there are a few stories of kindness emerging from Ukraine, tho not, IMHO, from the UK Government or the US government. I feel like giving up, but 16 months of listening to these videos and comments has given me strength so I won't give up, but I do despair at the hypocrisy and lack of empathy shown by so many. Cheers for your reply, you've got me wondering wtaf is your name all about 🤔😁🙏☀️☀️☀️ From Stu in Essex, England
Again, so much wisdom here, and so many of us are so grateful for the work that you do, that the pain and suffering that we have endured at the hands of others is finally being validated by someone who truly understands. However, I have consulted with three Catholic priests on my harrowing, traumatic journey with my narcissistic mother, and all three of them have essentially told me that as long as my mother‘s basic needs are being met and I am not returning evil for evil, I do not owe my mother anything. I am not her slave. I am not her punching bag, and that I am to turn to God to receive the peace and healing that He has desperately wanted to impart unto me. Sadly, your faith (and mine) was shared with you and introduced to you by people who were very mentally unstable and unhealthy in every cognitive way. Jesus is LOVE. He doesn’t do the bidding for the sick people in our lives.
So young and yet so wise ! I was laying down my life for my friends. "To those who have been given much, much will be expected." Unfortunately, evil cannot receive these gifts, and their goal is to destroy. Separate the sheep from the goats.
Sister!!! This information lit EVERY light bulb moment!! From the beginning of this information to the end!! IF I could have picked up my phone and called you, I would have!! THANK YOU for confirming absolutely everything I have been experiencing!! I have been listening to a lot of your videos BUT THIS ONE WAS DEAD ON for me!!
We have to take our lives back and stop being earth mother to others,start with your health take care of yourself like you did your precious newborns. Because we are reborn into independent women,we can learn to live alone and make healthy relationships that are balanced.
Hello. As I sit here watching you I'm reminded of the narcissist I dated. Once as he bitched about other drivers I replied to him that he too makes mistakes. He shut up. My mother (RIP) regardless of the treatment always felt a woman needed a man. She didn't like that I stopped seeing the guy. I feel that we are all equal and all make mistakes.
I’m 69,married to a narcissist for 12 years now I notice narcissistic qualities in my oldest son,how he treats me sometimes,it hurts but he learned this from his father. A child learns what they live. And he did. So I have to use these techniques on him. I love him as much as a mother can love her child. He is very successful, but has always had bad relationships with women.
Thank you thank you thank you a million times over. You have made me understand so very much. I'm almost 65 years old and I always thought there was something wrong with me! Now I know the past is not my fault and I am gaining self-awareness I needed enable to clear my head of the fog. You have blessed me so very much! I appreciate that you turned what had hurt you into healing for others.
After 30 years I've gone quiet & moved out, now going through his begging , telling me I'm not trying, & everything else you've mentioned (apologies included) Thank you for this video, you are describing exactly what I'm in right now. I'm so tired 😕
I’ve told him the same thing,as long as I’m still talking,you are safe ,as long as I’m still jealous,it means I still care,it’s when I stop talking and feeling that you will know I’m done
That's exactly what I experienced and I now understand what he has been doing with me. I am unable to move out but I moved to the living room and my healing has begun. And the love bombing has started again but I'm rejecting everything from him. He's sick and I thought I was going to help him but I need to rescue myself. I went from being a gift from God to a demon in his eyes. I can't help him no one can. It is what it is.
This is accurate to a point. I was with a ' vulnerable narcissisist ' ! Constant use of the L word realed me back for more accusations, abandoning, blame , separation from friends . It took me Two years to eventually realise that it was never going to improve. Well done to anyone who leaves before too much damage is done .
The covert narcissist I became trauma bonded to --- it was a complete surprise.. but he always used being depressed as an excuse for everything.. I felt sorry for him - until I saw clearly his game.. Now, I am repulsed by him.. he spent many years trying to get me.. then when I let him in my heart.. a few months later he fell into depression.. and he was like that for a few years.. he would cry - he would whine - he was the most hideous whiny brat excuse driven child in a man's body
My covert narc also used anxiety and depression as excuses and was ALWAYS a victim in every single relationship be it with parents, boyfriends, even friends! She would talk badly about all the people she "loved". I can only imagine the horrific untrue things she is telling people about me now.
Lisa's made THE hugest difference in my life for the better and after narc abuse "better" is such a blessing!! I'm so eternally grateful wonderful woman!!!
I am an empath and have learned to do what you are describing. I am interested in what I think about everything. I am at peace and continue to work on me and NOBODY ELSE. Thank you again for your expertise on narcissistic relationships. It is good to hear this from you. It reinforces what I am doing and how I am living.
Dear Lisa, I am replying the moment I can't write a lot but receive my heartfelt thanks for having helped me and hundreds of others who have been victims of Nurcissistic abusis. God bless you!
It's great to hear someone finally put these things into words. I could never find the words to describe what I went through. I'm so grateful for people like you. Thank you for all your videos.
True, I been there and it doesn't work when the narcissists only uses you and then leaves you with your own problems. I fix my own problems first and then help others.
I've stayed away, gone back then broke it off stayed away over a year. He comes back after 1 year and 5 months asking for forgiveness and reconciliation. I forgive, but I just can't go back. I met up with him against my own better judgment. Devaluing me began almost immediately. I walked out, then next week he comes back again. I do feel a tremendous pain coming from him, I feel his turmoil and it's overwhelming. I wish I could help him, but I know I cannot. 😕
OMG. I almost cried listening to this, Everything, I mean everything you said is me. I so wish I was different, I cant even set boundaries. I've lived with a Narcissist for over 20 years and have just figured this out. My Gooodness. It. Feels good to understand what I am dealing with. I see how he has played me for years
I've been an Empath my whole life. I never knew how vulnerable I was or even about being an Empath until about 5 years ago. I still require learning how to protect myself Spiritually, not to mention how to unload all the garbage I've sucked up and carried, LOL
This was the most informative and accurate talk I have ever heard. I took away so much and feel a relief that I can't explain. Eyes are leaking writing this, thank you Lisa so much. Needed to hear this today.🙏
I can't stop watching videos like this. I'm still trying to get out. But these video's make me feel more saine and empowered. Sometimes even though I know what's going on in my relationship I still forget that need to love myself to heal. Thank you for your video. And for the comments because it helps me to know that many other people are out there dealing with the same things I am.
Its amazing "they" are the narcissist yet we have to learn how to change, and learn ourselves, and fix ourselves? I feel like I did wrong my whole life for being a caring person after listening to this. 😑
Omg Lisa, you totally nailed it. Empaths will always remain optimistic and keep wanting to work it out. I would ride it out until the wheels fall off. When they finally did fall off, I realized I was the only one on board. I was riding with a ghost all along.
Lisa, your past reflects a heightened awareness of a narcissistic relationship and it’s solid advice that you share. However, I feel the messages you send is more geared toward Women than Men. It seems sympathetic to the feminists instead of a more feminine approach. I recently left a Female Narcissist (who was very feministic), and I too understand the tactics explained here. When speaking in general terms, I ask that you emphasize that Men as well as Women inflicted by this sick trait both use these selfish ways to feed their supply. Thanks Dave!
So true Dave narcissist come in all forms male and female my sister's and my mother and a few friends that are also fake horrible people no contact was needed 😢 female here 😉
Oh yes women can be narcissistic prob even harder to deal with bec society sees them as more vulnerable so harder for a man to tell ple what’s going on
THIS IS THE BEST SESSION EVER!!!! It has given me so much clarity, speaking from a family that has been fractured by one bro-in--law narcissist. P.S. When they "cry," make sure to look for tears. There will seldom be any.
I am a woman and when I left my husband, he ran me down with his truck, didn't try to get me back and stole my tools, was mean and vicious with his words and I almost didn't make it back. been a 2 year journey trying to forgive him as he has never apologized for almost killing me and being so horribly mean to me. I still to this day hear the mean things he said to me and it has been hard to stop the awful things I hear in my head.
Thank you for this video! After 11 yrs of marriage I finally left my narcissist husband about a month ago. As an empath you explained my life exactly wow! I appreciate you!!! Also my dad was a narcissist.
I can relate, by not recognizing I was choosing men that were like my Narc dad, but didn't know dad was Narc, and how I was programmed to put up with toxic men, got divorced before 5 yrs.,
I never knew what narcissist or empath was before this. My wife is a covert narcissist, and pushed me to the edge after ten years. I was so broke it actually triggered a spiritual awakening and I naturally stopped fighting back and just went totally blank. She went nuts because I wouldn't fight back, sex stopped, and there was no pleasing her. I was finally done, then all the sudden she changed. She was amazing and I couldn't believe it, she sucked me right back in. This is after she smeared my name through the dirt behind my back. I had no idea what was going, I was just happy we were happy again. Now at 12 years of marriage it's all back to the way it was. She had me quit my job sonshe could have her career, I have nothing and 4 kids with her. I'm so trapped i don't know how to get out. After learning for the last few months, I now see everything for what it is. I feel so broken and used
It's been 3 years since I went NO CONTACT. Sometimes I mourn ... well I was going to say, "her leaving", but what I really was mourning was "What might have been", yeah, if she had been a completely different person with a healthy emotionally balance... I am so glad I'm outta there! Everything you said in this video, sounds like you were standing quietly in the corner in my house, taking notes. Your descriptions nailed it, you got both Me (empath) and Her (Narc) pretty much without needing an EDIT. That always feels so strange. Another thing that felt strange was when I left, She followed the script exactly as you are telling us, word for word! She tried all the tricks. Afterwards, She tried Hoovering me every month or so, for the first 18 months, but I guess she gave up, nothing since then. Now that I'm ready to start socializing again, that damned Covid locks us down ...
This is insane to hear out loud. To have it verbally explained is eye opening, to know that I am not crazy, to know it's okay to take care of myself to say what I want is ok. My goal is to know how "I" feel. I have already started with boundaries. This has been difficult, liberating and scary but I can breath.
I can relate. It's comforting to hear someone say the words out loud, that we're not crazy after all, explaining the how we fall for the traps, and how to change no one else but ourselves.
Wow, wow, wow! This is why I have stayed on the hamster wheel so long, even once I physically left, it lingers on and on. Why he leaves and returns when he has not found another source who is an Empath. That is what he is seeking an has not found.
@@rhondahurst3786 Never underestimate a narcissist! Just because there hasn't been a discard either by you or him does not mean that he does not have some other Supply. He may just not have his ducks in a row yet as narcs do things conivingly and premeditatedly. Be very careful not to respond to reactive abuse because that is part of the premeditated setup to make you look like the bad/crazy person (of which you are NOT crazy) when the smear campaigns go full on. Ignore any and all of them, as a response to defend yourself is what they want and odds are you are already being set up...sorry to say, especially if he thinks you are figuring him out as he will find that as a major threat to his ego/self disillusional preservation. People that really know you know better, let the rest think what they want as odds are he is using (triangulating) them as well. Most people eventually see their mask slip. Your silent knowledge is your weapon, but to win is not to play their unethical, no boundary limits, delusional games. If he truly is narcissist, I'm just giving it to you straight as another woman ( been their, lived it and survived the covert narcs b.s). Remember, they feed off negative Supply more so than positive. Also know that while they're pathological Liars/ cheaters and they vendictivly lie about others, (they live their whole lives as lie) and they are quick to move on like you never existed. They don't change for anyone so seeing them happy with someone else is only a temporary thing. It's all standard narc (psycho) protocol. In time, you will see that your closure is the knowledge and strength you've gained from this painful experience to move on to a better life that you deserve. It's part of their ( narcs) attitude of entitlement, grandiosity and blame shifting and the desire to punish for whatever perceived slight ( narc injury) they feel like they've experienced. Once you're out you'll have countless ah ha moments and your life will get better, really. Be patient and loving towards yourself. Hang in their, keep listening and educating yourself on the subject as it really helps with the healing process, journaling helps too for self prospective. Lisa is very knowledgeable, I think more so than most I've listened to.
God bless, nomistay.
@@resilient8788 and God Bless You 💯 Thank you 🙏 ❤️🌹
@@BA-vx7gb Thank you. If my sharing my experiences can help or protect someone else that went/going through this trauma then it helps me to better heal as well. You are not alone. God bless.
True, when an empath goes into silent mode..it's over.
So very true.
I went silent my love care was over when he left I was numb
Then got a job in care I am now really happy I have a positive outlet for that care an outlet that gives me comfort
I hung on for 20 years
Untill I broke he killed my emotions for him
100 percent correct
Sooooo true!
They give the classic line ( it's like I am talking to a wall)
From a healed empath, LISTEN TO LISA!!
I have “given away” my entire life, and my energy has been drastically diminished. I got away. My energy and health is steadily improving. What a revelation.
Happy for you!
I'm so proud of you. I know how difficult it is. This shows how incredabily strong you are ❤😊
we need to stop making excuses for mean and abusive people
Amen!!!!
@vickimerritt2832
I agree ! I don't see many people say that, only you and I. It seems everyone wants us to feel sorry for the narcissist and tell us they are hurting inside. Well, sorry, all you weak people, not this blonde, not any day or second will I ever feel sorry for the fckg narcissist. It's like these people don't know what abuse is, I guess. Then they haven't been with a passive-aggressive covert narcissist.
Absolutely 🎉
My therapist told me that too
But, the destructive ones have become slick, they come with a smile, false personas, are quietly and constantly undermining, and cry victim, so pathetically.. and successfully..
The narcissis big mistake is they underestimated the empath, don't waist your time trying to fix them, they can't be fixed you will have to fix yourself,only time you can fix them is walk away and go no contact and block them on everything 🙏👍 up Lisa and survivors and thrivers.
True walk away no contact block them
@@annacarter4879 exactly 🦋💯
Yes, you have to fix yourself, first & foremost, and we are not responsible for fixing others - that's their responsibility. Being that our society is so narcissistic, we can't avoid all narcissistic people, so, like with what you said in your comment, not allowing a narcissist in our inner circle or family, and trying to fix them is a waste of our time, especially when we need to fix ourselves. I wasted an important part of my life trying to fix a narcissist because I believed I was responsible for his feelings, and it did not work, no matter how hard I tried or how long. Being that we have to deal with so many narcissistic people to begin with in our society, it's much worse when we allow a narcissist to become close to us.
@@SydMountaineer exactly anymore it's like a breeding ground for narcissist and also on the PC it's like a platform for them, it's like you really half to be careful all these narcissist out here, the only thing we can do is just educate ourselves about NPD and go from there, thanks for sharing your story 🙏 I hope the best for you 👍
Wow, this is so much on target, as for me, I thought by being kind and understanding that the narcisstic person would reciprocate, instead I got my teeth kicked in all the worse by the temper tantrum/ meltdowns of the narcisstic person. Better to ignore them and detach yourself from the situation. They seem to feed off of your kindness as a reason to strike out at you at a time of their choosing...!
I personally believe we're now fighting a spiritual war with narcissists. I believe this world is doomed if narcissists are allowed to take over
It would be interesting to see how they eat themselves among each other 😏
@@arturom628after they've mobbed and devoured all the decent ones, the innocent, the loving, they definitely will. But by then, its too late to see that, if you arent one of them
It fits the description, 💯%
It is very important to protect your energy from all negative forces🙏🍃
Namaskaram
Realizing I am an Empath
I agree 100%!
Check my take one comment up 😉😐
Absolutely 💯!!
But how? I still don't know HOW to protect my energy and stop getting sucked in to screaming matches🤦🤯😭
Maaaan this is SICK. I don’t EVER want to go through this again. Thank you for spreading truth.
I did it twice
Married a narc in 1995 then in 2023
I have read books on narcissism and listened to so many podcasts but married another narc.
“WHEN IM QUIET ITS OVER..” - I will go until I can’t… but once I’m done- Im done and I will NOT GO BACK… ever! 😎☑️
I cannot believe how many times I have been in one sided relationships, totally drained in every way to the point of collapse. The betrayals, the lies, the manipulations. I THOUGHT I WAS THE BROKEN ONE. I thought i was unworthy and dysfunctional. God bless you, Lisa. Self awareness is key.
Thats from being brainwashed to believe its our fault, across the board. Blame and shame shifting, is the norm.
I am 57 and was just discarded by my narcissistic boyfriend after five years together. He drained me of everything. I lost my house, my car, my dogs, even my teeth! All of them! I'm finally regaining traction and am a classic empath from a very neglectful family. This video helped A LOT. I wish I could do the course, but, like I said, I have nothing. I am almost homeless, but there are a few people helping me, so I'm not there quite yet. I've known I was an empath since I was a kid, and I've spent my life pleasing everyone else and believing that thinking of myself at all was definitely a selfish thing to do. Even when I expressed wanting to commit suicide, I was told how selfish I was. I'm going to rewatch this video tomorrow and start doing some work. Thank you so much, Lisa, for putting this out there.
I am in the same boat the realionship is one sided. Dam I need to get out.
Wow...this could be my story 😳 So sorry....I am still in main too...Discard after 16years. Hang in there...Big hugs 🙏
sounds like you had it tough,hang in there.
Your story moved me. I've felt so many of the things that you said. Especially about the being called selfish part... It's nice to know we're not alone. I pray for all of our continued healing and for needed videos like this 🙏🏽
What is a empathy??
I’m 21 and was raised by not one, but BOTH parents being narcissistic alcoholics. Dad was more covert, mom extremely malignant. I did not realize why the last 3 years of my life were so traumatic until I found your channel. If I didn’t find your channel I believe I would have ended up like my parents. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world. I owe you big time.❤️
🙏🏽💥💯🙌✅yes
❤❤❤
Co dependency is trying to fix others Indirectly to fix ourselves 💥
Fawning over a loved one In order to feel loved, appreciated, respected,
fill in the blank ...ultimately to feel "'whole"
Trying to fix someone else's "hole" but unable to mend our own 💥
We must be accountable for ourselves by identifying how we feel, think, want , need, appreciate, tolerate before we wobble...What's our tipping point?
Loving ourselves means honouring ourselves especially when that means another may disapprove or be upset or angry 💥
We must let others manage their own emotions
Let others manage their own pain
Let others manage their own misfortune
Let others stand on their own two feet while we learn to stand on ours
They have two feet
And so do we
Let them carry their own weight
We must carry our own baggage
We have to steer our own ship, be our own captain
Weather our own storms
Especially when in stormy emotional seas
Throw the need to please overboard
Throw yourself the liferaft
Save yourself
This keeps coming up in my readings. I want to yell to people, IF IT FEELS TOXIC: IT IS NOT YOUR SOULMATE/TWIN FLAME. Thank you for this.
I needed that right now! Ty🙏🏼
@@rainrush3484 🌟 I'm happy the message found you!
Thank you!!! You're right!!
It not your soul mate. Use you gut feeling,💯
@@SunMoonVenusDivineMessages I agree 100%!!!
As an empath, 1st impressions are EVERYTHING!!!
This is definitely my issue: Picking up on the narcissist's pain, and almost losing/neglecting myself trying to 'fix' their hurt. It took me at least 20 years to realize that.
Me too. Biggest life lesson so far especially when it is then turned on and against you
Going six years now.... I'm thinking about walking away. I'm drained physically and financially, depressed and seeking professional help.
15 years here I feel so dumb.
Me 2
I have just broken up with a narcissist and oh god was it painful at first because I truly loved him, I believed he could be good I believed everything because I am kind and I am understanding and I am so loyal, I can't imagine people who are dealing with this that are married or have been through this for longer than 3 years as that's how long my relationship was, I just never believed that someone could be this evil...because in my world, in my mind that is not even an option, to break someone the way I was broken and over and over again too, 3 weeks have past and I have learned the bigger picture...what I was actually going through, how traumatic it was, I also learned how incredibly loving and loyal I am and how good of a person I am. I don't give up on people, and I am enough and I deserve so much better, 3 weeks ago I was sobbing, I was in and out of panic attacks because the dream I had of us had died, I let myself grieve and then I started to understand. 3 weeks ago I was believing that he would change for me and we can be together in the future and be so good and now...I understand just how horribly bad that would be that no I don't want to be with that person, they are not good for me and I am not waiting or doing anything to go back to that person, the fact still hurts sometimes but I don't cry about it much anymore...and I am so proud of myself...I never give up on people, I love unconditionally, I see good in people, I forgive and I learn and reflect, I care! and I damn well deserve that back. I love who I am and the fact that I didn't for so long because I let myself go through that and stick around and continuously put myself through that, I didn't stand up for myself! I let myself get bullied and used while I still cared and believed it will all change that it HAD to because they love me and I love them, never again. I hate that this happened to me but I am also a little glad just a tiny bit because, in the end, I found myself and I fell in love with myself.
Whoever clicked the “thumbs down” most likely is a Narcissist 🙄 this video was eye opening . I’m currently in this situation, it’s been 10 years. Thank you Ms. Romano 🙏🏽
I was attracted to narcs because my father was one and I loved him as a daughter. When I realised that he was a narc I decided to detach from him and break the love bond. After this I was not a narc magnet anymore.
Yes my dad is one too
@@samanthamansi1184 my grandsons, their stepdad is one & bad
I'm having to do this as a son .. my mum is the narc
@@TheFusedplug it is healing to mourn the breaking of the relationship.
6:00 return to SELF 💓
I still struggle with constantly questioning myself. With all the really terrible and sucking relationships and friendships I had, it always boils down to "was I wrong? Did I do this? Have I done bad things? Have I been wrong to them?" It still amazes me that I keep questioning myself and constantly dissecting the smallest situations to see if I was wrong and being maybe unreasonable to these people and being too self centred. It's exhilarating but somewhere I'm starting to know that it wasn't me, ever. This video really helps because it outlines the traits of an empath in such detail that it's hard now for me to not realise that I'm this person. Not the bad person, just because I spoke up for myself sometimes.
It's 2 years since your comment. I hope you have made huge strides in trusting and loving yourself.❤
You speaking truth. I left my ex and literally moved out of state. Never looked back and living my best life now.
I did the same and now seeing what a waste of 19 years with her. But God blessed me with two kids out of this.
How did u do this ?
I have been married to one for 41 years 😵💫😩😢
And I can’t. Ever seem to leave
He tells me every day how I have destroy his life how he’s never seen a family fight or yell how he was born into a perfect family by the way his dad had lots of affairs
I was abused as a little girl he’s been in my life since I was 14 I know to get better I need to leave I just don’t know how to be always seems to draw me back in guilt😢
he didn't follow you and cry and beg and play games etc?? this is what I dream of doing!!
I'm moving to another state to get away from my situation too. I can't wait to fully move on!
Crying is one that makes me believe that his feelings are real. That he will change. No. That was confusing.
I admit I realized he was not shown love growing up. I thought I could show him how to love and just like you said, he would do the same back. But you’re right Lisa, it didn’t work that way.
it applies to romantic relationships but also friendships also; kind of sad but finally seeing the light is very good.
and of course could be a parent or sibling also initially
Imagine hugging him and feeling like you're hugging a corpse instead.
They don't love us the way we are able to give & receive love
They operate on a different frequency
I'm trying the same thing. I say he doesn't know how to be loved or how to love. I try to show him unconditional love but he can show me constant love and he puts me on cloud 9 just to drop me to negative 100 over and over. And I just forgive over and over. I don't want my kids to feel unloved by their father like I did so I stay I just want to feel loved like I love. Him to feel MY hurt like I feel his. To have our relationship and family mean as much to him as to me. I don't know how to give up. Or give up on someone.
Many empaths have endured narcissistic parenting and the damaged self-esteem from that abuse combines with absent boundaries and an aversion to being even remotely critical (due to hurtful criticism from narcissistic parents) to create people-pleasing behaviours. These empaths are very attractive targets for other narcissists and the empaths are uncomfortable setting boundaries and saying no and want to help the narcissist. Unfortunately narcissists need to want to enter intensive therapy and can't be fixed by empaths.
Empaths often feel afraid to set boundaries with narcissists because they want to feel someone likes them and are afraid to assert themselves lest that result in rejection. However, it's so important to recognise that these relationships with narcissists are toxic and not genuine friendships and that it is okay to end such relationships; after all, narcissists will demean and eventually discard the empath themselves eventually. By learning assertiveness techniques and becoming comfortable putting them into practice gradually empaths can set boundaries and improve their self-worth which in turn will attract genuine people and friendships.
They don't care about no one as long as they get there supplies. They only with you as long as you given them something when they bored they look elsewhere. They will bring you so down enough to step on you and leave you there never trust what they saying all lies to get you they play on your feeling just they are immature no matter what age they are.just go no contact move away from them dont ever think the next person is better then you it about getting what they want then they leave few don't stay long in a relationship.. Trust me they got games.
😥😩😖
I was in this kind of relationship for 7 years. My dad told me once that he didn't like him early in the relationship. He never mentioned it again He said that he knew that it wouldn't have made a difference, and he was right. Anytime someone mentioned that something was off about him I would defend him. The funny thing is. I was always defending him, but he never really defended me.
Yes all so true.. I could easily stand up for someone else who is being bullied but had a hard time standing up for myself. I hate to see others hurting.. while all along I was dying inside
That's exactly how I am, unfortunately. Always thinking about how others have it bad not seeing myself, at the same time.
I worry about someone's financial struggles while ignoring my own problems, putting them on the back burner.
So sorry
They know what you want but Deliberately don't give it you 💥🎯
Withholding what you need/want is not healthy love
Its demeaning and selfish
They know better but do it anyway
I have a son with high narcissistic traits. It is really hard to eliminate someone you gave birth to who is like this, especially if they have your precious grandkids.
I feel your pain x2 sons, but the pain of continuing to try with them only made my life worse. I had to turn away.
I'm healing myself and I can feel the hatred of my narcissistic partner
God has blessed you to give me and others answers. I could never understand what was happening and why to me. I left my Narcissist 2 years ago. Got my Divorce this Feb 2021. I love watching you and getting your valuable info!
I stayed in a 13 year marriage with an abusive narcissist not even knowing what a narcissist was. I finally had enough and left in 2017. I’m still recovering! Taking my time to date again & making sure I NEVER allow myself to be with one again!
💜
I love what you say about empaths needing to know what our feelings are. Because we are always thinking about what other people are thinking. "What do I feel?" Crowded place in our heads and hearts!! So good. Thank you!!
Everything you said is true I was in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, it took some time for me to realize this but when I understood what he was doing, I LEFT AND CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION the best decision I ever made ❤️👌
3 years in hell and I haven't regret a moment of peace since September 21.
I wish I could do this !
I am a very supportive and encouraging person, I WANT and LOVE to lift people up and encourage them and give praise. I don't want to stop being that person just because of these toxic people
Yessss exactly. We don't deserve to have people in our lives that tear us down, even though we may be raised to think that we do. Undoing all of those beliefs has been REALLY HARD for me and has taken YEARS of intense therapy, but at 44 I'm finally moving ahead. Being 100% alone is better than having my own parents tear me down all the time, and as long as I keep trying, I'll gain healthy people in my life eventually
Love wins..you reap what you sow..pray for wisdom! God is love and your vindicator in His grace. But thank God for warning signs and good advice when applicable. You decide.
Highly empathic male with chromic illness. Been in leadership positions and protected others from bullying. Having suffered pain on many levels I am a "saver". Been the victim of narcs for too long. After learning, now will only provide love & support to those who are not narcissists. Thanks for all you do!
I hear you, I’m the female version of this especially in my career. I hope your chronic illness is going well. I have two forms of Lupus so I get the strength it takes to keep going. God bless from Alaska.
Good decision-a narc will never give true feelings back-they are a chameleon.
You are Free 💓
@@kelligray1848 I think living with a narc makes you physically sick 😔
Yay! Your about free. Learn to take care of yourself. Say. to yourself if I were somone else how would I treat me?? Take care of yourself. Happyness will return Hope really does float. I'm an elderly person who used to be married to a narcisist
Can't stop crying, I felt every word spoken...it’s me. Painful to watch but grateful for the confirmation and validation. I thought I loved people but I'm 40, burnt out, and bitchy. It’s the betrayal, the not being “good enough”, the boundaries I allowed to be crossed. Not the gift. The burden and the blessing. What they love about you, they hate about you. What I was out running my entire life with giving, caring, humor, knowledge, encouragement, and charm has caught up to me and I’m frozen.
I feel you. Not only are we depleted by the craziness of loving the narc, esp the devaluing and they never take responsibility or fulfill a promise when you realize they faked a future that never comes, not only are we trying to wrap our minds around this we are crawling on the dirt floor with multiple stab wounds...... NOW we get to look back at how we screwed ourselves with our despicable habit of believing in somebody and loving too much. Yay!!! Yippee what a lucky gal I'm excited about my future NOT . How the eff do I tear down every essence of me in order not to attract an asshole. I know there is recovery here but it's disheartening and I too am gutted and frozen
I pray for emotional healing. That God restores your soul & brings joy and peace. I was married to a narc 13 years. Pure hell! He divorced me and I'm glad he did. I'm at peace, with a calling as an author/ mentor and more! I have joy.. amen.
I'm in the same place. I am very angry.
@@AprilHare Don't let anger turn to bitterness. I was in same position. My narc husband tried to murder me. Jesus Christ helped me get away and know my worth. Amen
@@danilaroche1156 I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're in a better place.
Thank you for this very timely message! I am at that breaking point you talked about, where I'm feeling like I have nothing left to give. I feel completely drained! And you're right, you shouldn't feel drained by someone, or what's the point of being in a relationship?! I used to really, really love this person, I loved being with him, couldn't wait to be together. But now I just feel dread whenever we are about to spend time together. I'm walking on eggshells, waiting for the next hammer to come down, for him to be upset with me about something! This last "crisis" has once again blindsided me, and I am so clear that I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! I need to break up with this guy, he is dragging me down. And even knowing and feeling all of this, I am STILL hesitating on letting him go. Please pray for me! This is so unhealthy, and I need to find the strength to free myself from this bondage.
One day, after getting out of that situation, you will not only wonder why you spent so much time trying to deal with it, (it will seem ridiculous) but you will also be thankful that you didn't waste any more time than you did. NOTHING is worth staying in a relationship like that, people tell themselves that there are reasons to stay, but those reasons are being viewed through the wrong lens. Now, I think of all the great things I could've been doing with the energy & time I spent on trying to fix a narcsisst, and I regret wasting every second of it.
Gosh...exactly in same place. Wish we could talk to encourage each other.
@@lynnhaynes7715 I wish so, too! It helps so much to know that I am not alone in this struggle. I pray that we will gain more clarity about our situation, and also the strength to overcome it 🙏
I am married for 38 years and only in the last 18 months have I realised I am with an Narc,he constantly would say he would get help never did, I am in the process of leaving,I am 62 years of age can't take any more,please be strong and leave this person they will never change,all the best for the future,I will pray for you ❤
@@doloreskelly649 Thank you so much! I will pray for you, too 🙏. It is so hard to leave, because we keep thinking they will change, but they never do. I will pray for both of us for courage and strength to do what we know we must, for our own wellbeing!
This is my ex-husband to a tee! Mind games expert!. He used to get me with the forgiveness trap,asking me not to give up on him,all while continuingto do the same destructive things over and over and over. He could turn on the tears so fast and sound so convincing...So glad I finally woke up and discarded him for good.
Your soo right, I pray I don't fall into this position again to toxic
Yes he had the nerve to say he made a “mistake” and I took him to school and told him what the definition of mistake was and said no you knew exactly what you were doing and you knew it would hurt me and you did it anyway for 9 years. Response: a stare.
Yup, I can totally relate.
Oh that dead stare 😮I know all too well…
Thank you I was a rescuer and a truth teller with the narcissists in my family and in relationships.. I now understand that feeling of them acting like they were always playing some kind of chess game
That’s exactly how I describe my 25-year marriage to a narc: It felt like one big long chess game. A marriage is supposed to be two people against the world, not two people against each other. Mine was the latter. I left.
Yes, and we empaths are the pawns being moved around and they feel so superior.
Mine taught me how to play chess. I asked him if it was a metaphor
Your words just hit home. He is huge into chess and he always talks about how life is the game of chess.
“The store is closed.” 💯👍
Here's something that's messed up. In the end, he started pointing out some of the things that he did/ withheld, from/ to me i.e. money, affection, responsibility, time and then said now he has that free time better job etc. He went out of his way to tell me, oh I did that just to piss you off and there was no remorse whatsoever. He just felt free to show me himself without his mask of being entitlement to punish and pure envy of me, what I have and anything I accomplished.
Lisa I wanna thank you for this video! This has been my life for 4 years. I became self aware 2 years ago and my trauma started to come out and couldn’t push it back so I put even more energy into trying to make him self aware . I have forgave him for things I don’t even wanna say out loud because I know how demonic they were. The more my trauma seeped to the surface the more I focused on him. All of those behaviours have happened every time he is locked up. He cries , he say’s everything I want to hear but each time he is in jail I have found time to start my healing because I control the situation. I call him out on his bad behaviours and he rages, blame shifts, then silent treatment for couple days but now during the silent days I take advantage and work on me! Every narcissist situation is different but behaviours are same. Now that I have little tolerance for disrespect he has a lil more respect. Now that being said I don’t think everybody should call their narcissist out because my situation differs from another persons. I play your videos out loud when he’s around . It’s taken me years to realize I can’t love his trauma out of him. He needs to love it out himself. I’m so ready to put everything into my new beginning. I don’t regret meeting him because without I would probably never become self aware and my trauma would not have surfaced as loud as it has!!! I now know what I don’t want so one day if will be easier to find what I do. I have complete control of my emotions now. If he name calls I say “ awe thanks for calling me beautiful “
Confuses and it stops right away. I have hope in me for once not just narcissistic hope. Thanks again Lisa ❤️
Resignation is sanity. Don't look at it as quitting. I'm at the end of my third marriage to another narcissist. You cannot fix a broken person; they have to learn to fix themselves. Most don't want to hear they are broken; hell, we all are in certain circumstances. It's our imperfections that make us unique. I'm going to tell you a truth that I learned through meditation: There are two types of tears that come out of the human eye. The first has salt in it. This comes when you lack empathy; and the tears come from the feeling of guilt, more so that you got caught. The second tear, is as pure as spring water; no salt. This happens when you can't escape the truth of the situation. What you will notice in a narcissist is there ability to quickly turn on the "fake" tears. My step daughter is a narcissist much like her mother; but with different traits. After I told her this, the tears stopped happening. You mentioned Nature, and this is one thing God has put in our eternal souls. Great video.
Almost got into the 3rd. Am so lucky to have found this channel. I can’t run fast enough away from him…
In just over 9 years i have never seen any kind of tear come out of my now ex’s eyes. I have seen him try but to no avail. Prior to knowing anything about narcs’s i have told him he is dead inside for years. I was introduced to the idea of him being a narc by someone after i left. What does it mean if there’s no spring teasers and no salty ones , cos its been 6 months and i cry sometimes all day still.
In the first 5 minutes you described me and why I am empath. You describe how my relashionship started. So many years went by. I have ptsd now and these memories come back. And I realize, I lost myself back then. The only thing I had been remembering was the anger, but these flashbacks they bring back all the details, it's almost horrifying. The stuff that was done to me, and I would just freeze up i didn't know what to do. Anything I brought up was met with extreme anger, and I just shut up and took it. I am so amazed at what your telling. I really hope I can solve this puzzle in my life.
She is so right about empath. Yes it took me all my life to realize I needed to separate my feelings. To protect myself from pain. I was born feeling people and things. You learn to numb your feelings. So you don't get hurt. I grew up with everything she's spoke about. What I don't understand is why have kids. If you're not going to love them, and do and give your kids the best. Why screw us up intentionally. My Mother messed me up for life. I'm exactly like you Lisa. Omg...I just realized it.
thank you for helping me accept myself for allowing this to happen by understanding who I am as an empath. I cry when I think about how stupid I was for accepting this but after watching this, i can feel compassion for myself. And that is healing.
I'm 71 years old. I am so ashamed that I have been sucked into narcissistic relationships over snd over again.
All of these things as outlined by Lisa describe my life. I'm done but I'm exhausted. Can I recover?
Yes you can❤️
I'm 60 and trying to break free,it's a living nightmare.
You can recover! God is with you and so are millions of fellow empaths. My mom is 74 and still doesn’t recognize that she is controlled by a narcissist…you are ahead of the game just because you see the issue now….it gets easier from here on out. Get some good therapy, you probably have CPTSD or other conditions from dealing with all the abuse, but they get better with every day that passes 😊
Yes you can
yes!! lots of prayer and therapy wouldnt hurt
You explained my mindset and toxic relationship with my ex-husband. I hung on for over 20 years hoping for a change that was NEVER going to come. I was so emotionally drained and worn out at the end. I knew I just couldn't keep going on like that: the emotional abuse,the chesting,cheating, gaslighting,the projected negative emotions, the triangulation, the lack of empathy,the cold-heartedness,the babies born out of wedlock, the drugs,thedrinking,the drinking, constant abandoment,abandonment, planned chaos, etc. I was groomed by the abandonment,rejection, indifference, and emotional abuse from parents and was easy picking for my ex...I'm so grateful to God for lifting the fog and delivering me from the living nightmare I was in. I thought my love would change him and that I had found someone who really cared about me and he dogged me in every way he could- and our children too...I'm so glad I finally gained the strength to divorce him and say "enough"....
Empaths have a big threshold -this, I havnt heard it elsewhere, but I know it to be true 😳
You just told my story. Childhood and all. Letting go of a narcissistic friendship at the moment. This really helped. Thank you.
Narcissists also project their shame & guilt onto their victim. Yes, Lisa is soooo right, what she described is exactly what I did as an empath, with my narcissist ex boyfriend who I lived with for almost 13 years. He spent all of his time manipulating me, and I spent too much of my time being his psychologist (with no degree) - it got to the point where I talked to his family and found out something terrible that had happened when he was 18 months old (he had never even told me he had a twin who died, and never talked about her even after I found out, and he was 42 years old when I found this out, he was 19 years older than me) - his twin sister died from spinal meningitis, and he blamed his parents, he thought they took her away - he would constantly look for her, he thought they hid her in closets, under the bed, under the piano, etc. Knowing this caused me to allow him to get away with even more, he was very violent with me, usually hitting me in the back of the head, and what makes it worse is the fact that he would do it without me knowing it was coming, it usually came from behind, he even pushed my head into the car window and caused me to have stitches in my head. He would even wake me up at night and beat me up before I even knew what was happening. There were several times where I "seen stars" - I will never forget what that first time felt like - I finally understood what people meant when they said they got hit so hard they "seen stars" - everything goes black and there's these little lights swirling around that really look like stars twinkling. (I would've never allowed this to happen if I had not been abused as a child, it did not seem shocking to me, it felt normal).
His best friend played psychologist a bit for him too, he tried to figure out why he treated me so bad. His friend told me once that he knew why that my ex would sometimes wake me up to beat me up when he came home late at night, and it made sense to me, which made me forgive him even more. His friend said that when he would drive him home from the bar late at night, he would begin getting really mad at me, and his anger would grow & grow while on the way home (while I was at home sleeping), because he felt guilty about being out so late and getting so drunk, thinking that it might upset me or cause me to leave him, so he was *PROJECTING* his guilt and shame onto ME, so by the time he got home, he was really mad at me, as if I was mad at him, but I was not, but in HIS MIND, it was MY fault, so he would beat the hell out of me, and I was very confused as to what I had done to make him so upset, until his friend shared that with me.
He was in his 40s when I found this out, (I was in my 20s), so he was a full grown adult who had NEVER got over the trauma of his twin sister dying when he was a baby! (And she died quickly, within 1 day after being taken to the hospital, so that is one reason why he was so affected). And his family KNEW he was having difficulty - I found a journal written by his (much) older sister where she wrote about how he acted when his twin died, it was really sad! But you know what, I did not deserve to be beat up all the time because of it! And MY child did not deserve to have a mother whose life was constantly in danger - he could've killed me, then I would not have been there for my child - who was NOT his child, I had been previously married, but never got married to the man I'm referring to here, the narcissist ). I finally realized that I was not going to waste any more time being his punching bag - after almost 13 years of putting up with it - when I left him, I no longer had any love for him AT ALL , and I realized later that I never truly loved him, but I thought I did - being that I was highly empathetic fooled me into believing I loved him - but that is NOT love, not on either side.
Well I’m certainly happy that you’ve moved on and your life is most likely for the better because of it and thank you for sharing your story however I will never truly understand how individuals such as yourself would even continue with that kind of person for such a long period of time
I do not intend to be rude but it simply baffles my mind
My mother was in a relationship with a man who was/is a narcissist (after she divorced her first husband my father) who starting to become abusive and perhaps within 1 or 2 days she was outta there
I didn’t even have to encourage her to leave
I do realize everyone has very unique and very different situations but I still cannot wrap my brain around trying to understand or accept how someone could continue to stay in these types of relationships whether a man or a woman
Also my sister is an alcoholic sociopathic narcissist and after 30+ years of trying to help her thru life with absolutely no effect whatsoever; I had decided to cut her off completely 100%
If I never see or talk with her again that’s fine with me and I do recognize that’s perhaps a flawed perspective to have towards a sibling but it’s my only sane viable option
@@annaleonardi6299
Not everyone is our brother
Maybe this will help you to remember
Ephesians 5:11
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
OMG Dear One, I am so sorry this took place. You did NOT deserve any of this’ it is my hope you continue yo heal🙏
@@Kingdom_of_God777 I did not take it as rude, saying that it baffles you is not rude, it's just truthful, you did not judge me. You were not sarcastic or verally abusive, which shows you have no bad intention by what you said. I understand why you don't understand, my friends were like you too, they could not understand why I put up with it and tried to help me, but I pushed against them. I blamed myself for how other people treated me - if someone hit me or treated me badly, I felt RESPONSIBLE, I just "knew" it was my fault, that if I was "better", they would treat me better. When I was a child, I learned that I was responsible for my mother's emotions - she literally used to tell my sister and I that her emotions were our fault - she had a saying whenever she got out of control & raging over nothing (reacting to things like a dripping ice cream cone that she gave to my 3 year old sister on a hot day in the car), and she would say, "Do you want me to get put in the mental institution?" So we were scared to death that the next time she got mad, we would lose our mother, that she would go away to some place called the "mental institution" far away and we'd never see her again.
This caused me to feel responsible for other people's emotions for the rest of my life until I learned about psychology in my early 20s, and even then, it took a long time to apply that knowledge. We were toddlers when she started saying that saying, and she referred to the town in our area that was known for having a state mental institution, yet, as toddlers, we did not understand, we only knew it was a BAD place that we could CAUSE our mother to be taken to, and I realized as an adult, why I had such a negative reaction to the name of that town, even when people referred to other towns in other states with the same name. To this day, in my 50s, when I hear the name of that town, the images & feelings it brings up are horrible, I can't control it, either, it's embedded into my mind.
The first 30 years of my life, and even sometimes now, I have always felt responsible for everyone's emotions and behavior, even strangers. On a daily basis, things like just going to work was very difficult, (although I didn't realize I was having more difficulty than anyone else) because I felt responsible for all of my coworkers & bosses feelings, my patient's feelings, everyone around me - no wonder why I have CPTSD - I had it from before my first birthday, I'm sure.
Growing up with a parent who raged over a dripping ice cream cone that SHE gave to them, as toddlers, in the car, on a hot summer day (her fault, not the child's) is very damaging. I always knew, like as a teen, that something was very wrong with my mother and other family members, but it was not until I had my own child when I realized that there was a huge differenece between how my mother reacted to situations (like a dripping ice cream cone) and how I reacted to similar situations, like the fact that I would never get mad at my child for having a dripping ice cream cone, and would never react negatively over something like that.
Also, when my ex boyfriend was abusive to me, even though I knew it was wrong, it did not seem "shocking" to me, because I grew up with a parent with undiagnosed bpd who was very abusive in every way.
But now, it DOES seem ridiculous to me, that I stayed with someone so abusive, if someone treated me like that now, I would never give them the time of day again, much less be in a relationship with them and try to please them.
But, I was codependent back then, and my mindset then was that I was trying to keep my family together, I came into that bad relationship after my husband divorced me just 6 months after I had my son, so I felt rejected and responsible like I wasn't good enough, and like I had to go to extremes to make my new relationship work.
@@lisaaromano1 Thank You, your work has helped me greatly, Thank YOU for all that you do.
It's amazing, exhilarating, freeing to really learn about narcissistic behavior through gaslighting. WOW! All this time I've been gaslighted. It is truly debilitating, the depression and bad feelings from someone whom doesn't take responsibility for anything in a relationship. It's just really blowing my mind right now. Thank you Lisa. I won't let anyone take my joy.
Sooo true, it's draining, exhausting,
& sad.Thank you for your truth.
Hi I just want to thank you for all the info you gave me about my relationship. You probably saved my life, after 10 years of violence, threats, .....etc....etc.... well I left him on the 19th of September, moved fast fast away and I'm doing great! No regrets at all not even a thought. Thank you for all the fore sight im telling anyone listening...... the key is listening to exactly what she says.... she's so right on! Your amazing and I can't wait to see this video!!!
Bless you to heal. I've also escaped from what could have ended deadly for me. I'm doing so much better now!
Good you !! Keep going 💪
🙌👏💪❤
Woohoo!!!
Michelle Gibbons Good on you and I wish you all the VERY best for your future! ❤
This whole dynamic is really about us. Feeling neglected or abused. The need to be needed. Or only considered important or visible when you cater to family members. Being forced to " save" or bail out addicted family members- gambling, drinking, whatever. All this sets you up as fodder to manipulative, needy, bottomless people. As the scapegoat of my family, I was ALWAYS wrong. They would make things up. This attracts people who never take responsibility, because I would take the blame. Thank you for all these videos and work in this area. It is healing and life changing.
This video is exactly what I needed to hear. My girlfriend did this to me and has just made me so confused. She had rages and panic attacks at me, infront of my family and ruined occasions. It’s been 2 months and I’m still ruminating about it but this makes a lot more sense now
maybe she is bipolar don't be so quick to think everyone is a narc. No one wants to have panic attacks and if she has rages along with it it can be borderline personality disorder which is on the spectrum of npd or it can be bipolar which is not, maybe she needs to be diagnosed by a professional before you "diagnose her after only 2 months.
@@theone3819 borderline personality disorder is the worst
I've spent years with a Narcissist & not even knowing it until I married him. I've spent 3 yrs trying to leave my Narcissist husband and another 1½ of recovery after he broke me on the inside out. I've learned to self heal with many you tube videos Inspiration meditation spiritual coaches 🙏many prayers with guardian angels 😇 & strong beliefs I can & I will set myself Free 🙌 this is a real struggle from dark toxic soul. There is Light on the other side which leads to True Peace & Self Love ❤️
Thank you Lisa, I am an empathic male in late 30,s. Suffered Narcassistic women and men over the years. Now I started looking after myself for some time now. Your vedios are life saver. Thank you.
I'm an empath male 49. I suffered from a nasty narcissist who I helped for so long and he took revenge on me. Now it's about me and my family. The boundaries have been set. The boundaries should be used by everyone. It might have been our empath issue where we don't set boundaries from the beginning like everyone else because we are the rare givers. All it takes is the worst takers to come along and take full advantage. I feel like it is somewhat our fault because we didn't protect ourselves. However I also thank the narcissist for the best lesson in life.
Thanks for your teaching. I am an empath and recently free from Narc. It was like hell being in a relationship with him. I learn how to protect myself better as an empath.
Spot on ! Can't believe it took decades to see this. I only wish we
Could help younger people especially ladies before they become a headline. Narcissist People are children in Adult body's that suck your energy out of you for themselves. They sleep/eat/think good. While the battered one are empty and gutted shell of once a human. I hate them ! There I said it..
I hate them too! Don’t feel badly about that feeling! They’ve more than earned the hate by their long-standing abuse of us. THERE, WE SAID IT TOGETHER! Plus, what they do is premeditated and deliberate; they know what they’re doing and saying to attempt to destroy our souls. As a matter of fact, hate is too weak a word……ABHOR! Much better word, I believe.
It’s hard not to hate them.
As lichtworkers we choose to have this experiences to strenghten our power. Only we choose to do it the painfull way. We learn about the coping mechanismes of narcissists. We become specialists in observing and knowing people who choose to reside in the underworld. But as we let go of these lower frequencies, we will remember who we are. We heal ourselves through selflove and compassion, by facing our shadows. And as we grow in our divine being, we will discover our authentic truth and from this place we will embody the true beings that we are, living our lives with meaning and purpose for those who want to resonate our divine light.
It's eye opening once you figure a person or people out. What's frustrating is when it's someone so close to you or family on either side.
This explains why narcissism is so misunderstood.
Hi Lisa again from Stu in England. Your words continue to help me to build and heal myself. I only had 4 years of narsasistic emotional verbal and physical mis treatment at the hands of a woman I adored... and you've helped me understand my overly caring empath self that I've been all my life.
I'm much more selective and guarded now, realising that true genuine friends are very few, and that I need to focus on genuine healthy relationships. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH LISA, from a heart that you have very much helped to heal 😊👍☀️
Hello from Oregon USA isn't it amazing how they all play from the same playbook all over the world stay strong 😊
Congrats
FACTS AMEN
Does it feel like we live on a narc planet? run by narcs and us empaths are stuck here witnessing it all wondering wtaf. Shall we go home to our planet of true love, compassion, light and peace cuz not sure its here for sure. wishing you blessings from another in Uk 🙏🏼
@@istandforfreedom1111 hi. I love your use of wtaf. ☺️☺️Took me a few seconds to get what the "a" is for. Maybe I'm still hopelessly naive lol.
I agree with all your words. It's like a madness has taken over the worlds. You can describe it many ways. One is "profit before principle"
I think that applies to leaders, big business, but ALSO how many individuals are; many people don't lift a finger unless they "profit".
Kindness, understanding, empathy, tolerance.... All the things WE (in these comments) hold dear seem to be lost to many people.
Thankfully there are a few stories of kindness emerging from Ukraine, tho not, IMHO, from the UK Government or the US government.
I feel like giving up, but 16 months of listening to these videos and comments has given me strength so I won't give up, but I do despair at the hypocrisy and lack of empathy shown by so many.
Cheers for your reply, you've got me wondering wtaf is your name all about 🤔😁🙏☀️☀️☀️
From Stu in Essex, England
Again, so much wisdom here, and so many of us are so grateful for the work that you do, that the pain and suffering that we have endured at the hands of others is finally being validated by someone who truly understands. However, I have consulted with three Catholic priests on my harrowing, traumatic journey with my narcissistic mother, and all three of them have essentially told me that as long as my mother‘s basic needs are being met and I am not returning evil for evil, I do not owe my mother anything. I am not her slave. I am not her punching bag, and that I am to turn to God to receive the peace and healing that He has desperately wanted to impart unto me. Sadly, your faith (and mine) was shared with you and introduced to you by people who were very mentally unstable and unhealthy in every cognitive way. Jesus is LOVE. He doesn’t do the bidding for the sick people in our lives.
He's evil can't be fixed
For sure he is pure evil🤮
So young and yet so wise ! I was laying down my life for my friends. "To those who have been given much, much will be expected." Unfortunately, evil cannot receive these gifts, and their goal is to destroy. Separate the sheep from the goats.
Sister!!! This information lit EVERY light bulb moment!! From the beginning of this information to the end!! IF I could have picked up my phone and called you, I would have!! THANK YOU for confirming absolutely everything I have been experiencing!!
I have been listening to a lot of your videos BUT THIS ONE WAS DEAD ON for me!!
We have to take our lives back and stop being earth mother to others,start with your health take care of yourself like you did your precious newborns. Because we are reborn into independent women,we can learn to live alone and make healthy relationships that are balanced.
I've been binge watching.. so great to finally understand and breathe again.. it's NOT me!! I'm not nuts! I wish I found her guidance 🙏 sooner.
YASSSSSS!!!!!
"The family unit is sick!"Omg so true! They are all in it together! Helping the chief narcissist!🙈🙉🙊👺👹
Hello. As I sit here watching you I'm reminded of the narcissist I dated. Once as he bitched about other drivers I replied to him that he too makes mistakes. He shut up. My mother (RIP) regardless of the treatment always felt a woman needed a man. She didn't like that I stopped seeing the guy.
I feel that we are all equal and all make mistakes.
You are correct....we all make mistakes.
Yeah... it's so fun to listen to those who do wrong and want everyone
else held to a higher standard. They can make mishaps...you can't.
@@lisaaromano1 We just don't make them ON PURPOSE!
I’m 69,married to a narcissist for 12 years now I notice narcissistic qualities in my oldest son,how he treats me sometimes,it hurts but he learned this from his father. A child learns what they live. And he did. So I have to use these techniques on him. I love him as much as a mother can love her child. He is very successful, but has always had bad relationships with women.
Thank you thank you thank you a million times over. You have made me understand so very much. I'm almost 65 years old and I always thought there was something wrong with me! Now I know the past is not my fault and I am gaining self-awareness I needed enable to clear my head of the fog. You have blessed me so very much! I appreciate that you turned what had hurt you into healing for others.
I am so glad you have found the answers you seek. It is a rude awakening at times but once you know the information, things become clear. 💗
I am 65 and we're never to old to learn new tricks...
After 30 years I've gone quiet & moved out, now going through his begging , telling me I'm not trying, & everything else you've mentioned (apologies included)
Thank you for this video, you are describing exactly what I'm in right now.
I'm so tired 😕
I’ve told him the same thing,as long as I’m still talking,you are safe ,as long as I’m still jealous,it means I still care,it’s when I stop talking and feeling that you will know I’m done
That's exactly what I experienced and I now understand what he has been doing with me. I am unable to move out but I moved to the living room and my healing has begun. And the love bombing has started again but I'm rejecting everything from him. He's sick and I thought I was going to help him but I need to rescue myself. I went from being a gift from God to a demon in his eyes. I can't help him no one can. It is what it is.
Life-saving insight, specially if one values it early in life
This is accurate to a point. I was with a ' vulnerable narcissisist ' ! Constant use of the L word realed me back for more accusations, abandoning, blame , separation from friends . It took me Two years to eventually realise that it was never going to improve. Well done to anyone who leaves before too much damage is done .
The covert narcissist I became trauma bonded to --- it was a complete surprise.. but he always used being depressed as an excuse for everything.. I felt sorry for him - until I saw clearly his game.. Now, I am repulsed by him.. he spent many years trying to get me.. then when I let him in my heart.. a few months later he fell into depression.. and he was like that for a few years.. he would cry - he would whine - he was the most hideous whiny brat excuse driven child in a man's body
Sounds JUST like my ex husband. Absolutely pathetic excuse of a man. Well done us for getting out ♥️
Sounds like my ex. Used depression as a emotional manipulation tool.
My covert narc also used anxiety and depression as excuses and was ALWAYS a victim in every single relationship be it with parents, boyfriends, even friends! She would talk badly about all the people she "loved". I can only imagine the horrific untrue things she is telling people about me now.
Lisa's made THE hugest difference in my life for the better and after narc abuse "better" is such a blessing!! I'm so eternally grateful wonderful woman!!!
I am an empath and have learned to do what you are describing. I am interested in what I think about everything. I am at peace and continue to work on me and NOBODY ELSE. Thank you again for your expertise on narcissistic relationships. It is good to hear this from you. It reinforces what I am doing and how I am living.
thats what I need to do now.
Dear Lisa, I am replying the moment I can't write a lot but receive my heartfelt thanks for having helped me and hundreds of others who have been victims of Nurcissistic abusis. God bless you!
It's great to hear someone finally put these things into words. I could never find the words to describe what I went through. I'm so grateful for people like you. Thank you for all your videos.
True, I been there and it doesn't work when the narcissists only uses you and then leaves you with your own problems. I fix my own problems first and then help others.
Thank you for your likes . I appreciate 💛🙏
I've stayed away, gone back then broke it off stayed away over a year. He comes back after 1 year and 5 months asking for forgiveness and reconciliation. I forgive, but I just can't go back. I met up with him against my own better judgment. Devaluing me began almost immediately. I walked out, then next week he comes back again. I do feel a tremendous pain coming from him, I feel his turmoil and it's overwhelming. I wish I could help him, but I know I cannot. 😕
OMG. I almost cried listening to this, Everything, I mean everything you said is me. I so wish I was different, I cant even set boundaries. I've lived with a Narcissist for over 20 years and have just figured this out. My Gooodness. It. Feels good to understand what I am dealing with. I see how he has played me for years
🌈❤🌈
I've been an Empath my whole life. I never knew how vulnerable I was or even about being an Empath until about 5 years ago. I still require learning how to protect myself Spiritually, not to mention how to unload all the garbage I've sucked up and carried, LOL
My mother is the narcissist I am the empath..Lisa is speaking truth. Thank you,Lisa. You're helping me very much!!!!!
This was the most informative and accurate talk I have ever heard. I took away so much and feel a relief that I can't explain. Eyes are leaking writing this, thank you Lisa so much. Needed to hear this today.🙏
I can't stop watching videos like this. I'm still trying to get out. But these video's make me feel more saine and empowered. Sometimes even though I know what's going on in my relationship I still forget that need to love myself to heal. Thank you for your video. And for the comments because it helps me to know that many other people are out there dealing with the same things I am.
Its amazing "they" are the narcissist yet we have to learn how to change, and learn ourselves, and fix ourselves? I feel like I did wrong my whole life for being a caring person after listening to this. 😑
This is what I’m going through right now. This is crazy.
Congratulations on the #1 most influential person of 2020! That’s so cool! You deserve it.
Omg Lisa, you totally nailed it. Empaths will always remain optimistic and keep wanting to work it out. I would ride it out until the wheels fall off. When they finally did fall off, I realized I was the only one on board. I was riding with a ghost all along.
Lisa, your past reflects a heightened awareness of a narcissistic relationship and it’s solid advice that you share. However, I feel the messages you send is more geared toward Women than Men. It seems sympathetic to the feminists instead of a more feminine approach. I recently left a Female Narcissist (who was very feministic), and I too understand the tactics explained here. When speaking in general terms, I ask that you emphasize that Men as well as Women inflicted by this sick trait both use these selfish ways to feed their supply. Thanks Dave!
So true Dave narcissist come in all forms male and female my sister's and my mother and a few friends that are also fake horrible people no contact was needed 😢 female here 😉
Oh yes women can be narcissistic prob even harder to deal with bec society sees them as more vulnerable so harder for a man to tell ple what’s going on
Yes I am a empath and a Co Dependant and this analysis is spot on
THIS IS THE BEST SESSION EVER!!!!
It has given me so much clarity, speaking from a family that has been fractured by one bro-in--law narcissist.
P.S. When they "cry," make sure to look for tears.
There will seldom be any.
I am a woman and when I left my husband, he ran me down with his truck, didn't try to get me back and stole my tools, was mean and vicious with his words and I almost didn't make it back. been a 2 year journey trying to forgive him as he has never apologized for almost killing me and being so horribly mean to me. I still to this day hear the mean things he said to me and it has been hard to stop the awful things I hear in my head.
Thank you for this video! After 11 yrs of marriage I finally left my narcissist husband about a month ago. As an empath you explained my life exactly wow! I appreciate you!!! Also my dad was a narcissist.
I can relate, by not recognizing I was choosing men that were like my Narc dad, but didn't know dad was Narc, and how I was programmed to put up with toxic men, got divorced before 5 yrs.,
I never knew what narcissist or empath was before this. My wife is a covert narcissist, and pushed me to the edge after ten years. I was so broke it actually triggered a spiritual awakening and I naturally stopped fighting back and just went totally blank. She went nuts because I wouldn't fight back, sex stopped, and there was no pleasing her. I was finally done, then all the sudden she changed. She was amazing and I couldn't believe it, she sucked me right back in. This is after she smeared my name through the dirt behind my back. I had no idea what was going, I was just happy we were happy again. Now at 12 years of marriage it's all back to the way it was. She had me quit my job sonshe could have her career, I have nothing and 4 kids with her. I'm so trapped i don't know how to get out. After learning for the last few months, I now see everything for what it is. I feel so broken and used
It's been 3 years since I went NO CONTACT. Sometimes I mourn ... well I was going to say, "her leaving", but what I really was mourning was "What might have been", yeah, if she had been a completely different person with a healthy emotionally balance... I am so glad I'm outta there! Everything you said in this video, sounds like you were standing quietly in the corner in my house, taking notes. Your descriptions nailed it, you got both Me (empath) and Her (Narc) pretty much without needing an EDIT. That always feels so strange. Another thing that felt strange was when I left, She followed the script exactly as you are telling us, word for word! She tried all the tricks. Afterwards, She tried Hoovering me every month or so, for the first 18 months, but I guess she gave up, nothing since then. Now that I'm ready to start socializing again, that damned Covid locks us down ...