I think words cannot express how grateful I am for this episode. Throughout the episode I was reminded of the times when I was angry and how shameful I felt afterwards. And I resonate so much when others turn the table around and say that I was wrong for being so emotional. TT Thank you for another beautiful episode! Gonna learn how to feel my feelings.
Thank you for being vulnerable with us ❤️ Let's continue to feel our feelings and hold onto each other for strength and support as we grow through the difficult parts of life!
Anger should be allowed to express it out, not suppressing it in a bad manner. I understand why Sylvia had suppressed all the anger to herself from her gaslighting ex-husband.. wow it must be really painful for her to endure all of that plus her saga. I'm glad that she doing okay now. Thank you for sharing! ❤
To be honest, it's okay to be 'angry'. There's nothing wrong with being angry everybody experiences it, anger is just a feeling, just like all your other emotions. It's whether you can acknowledge it or not.
I used to "suffer" so much from my anger issue. The problem is I keep telling myself I cannot show temper when there are accidents here and there in work, I surpress and surpress until one day when I can't hold it back anymore my anger is so much bigger than the trigger point. Then I feel ashamed for over-reacting, have to apologize and the cycle continues. Now that I know the biggest problem is I used to hold back my emotion, instead I should listen to the message it tries to bring to me -- What a realization Sylvia!! TQ so much for sharing your personal experience so transparently with us, I cannot imagine how much TRUST u need to have towards us to be able to expose your feeling and situations so frankly to us. Wish you and Dan all the best in the coming journey
Not judging but really wanting to give credits to Dan for great comprehension, articulation (which comes with condensing and concising information & smooth delivery). + the ability to reinforce positivity and make people feel comfortable.
people are so weird... people are obviously looking for drama and tea and are disappointed when they come here and not find that. they consider your self reflection "accusations" when you are just recounting how you worked through your issues and grew from it. hope you don't take the comments that are purely negative to heart! ❤️ i've learned a bit from your videos!
Look at the thumbnail and title, its basically a clickbait for drama. I was looking for drama when i clicked the video, instead i gain some knowledge of anger management
I love this episode too! This is definitely one of the best episodes. I don’t remember how exactly you guys had put it, but I definitely love the part where you guys mentioned that “true freedom is when you befriended the darkness…no longer afraid of them and becomes invincible…instead of avoiding them…that is when you are truly free…” absolutely beautiful.
I watched this episode twice. This particular podcast which is the 4th of Dirty Messy Free with Sylvia + Dan, is one of the best of the 4 episodes. Very interesting and insightful in managing anger n addictions. Thank you, thank you Sylvia for sharing.
I am not surprised that Ryan is a cheater or a potential cheater. Back in NOC, there was a lot of young girls in that company and as a guy, I can tell you its not possible to not be tempted. He surrounds himself with young girls daily and he was very close with Aurelia. One of the biggest mistake that Ryan and Sylvia did was allowing Ryan to be in a position of temptation.
nah. the only mistake was just Ryan's inability to control himself. pretty girls are everywhere at many workplaces too. dont blame the situation, blame the person committing the wrongdoing.
anger in itself is neither good nor bad. it’s a motivating drive that pushes us to stand up for ourselves and seek for justice. anger isn’t pretty but it doesn’t get triggered out of nowhere. when we see someone angry, always ask ourselves, what triggered it & whats the underlying motivation?
The biggest power you have is walking away 🥳🥳🥳 this hit me so hard because I just managed to walk away from my toxic manager! Relating so much to so many points in this podcast!
I had also been hurt and treated like shit by my loved ones. Instead of exploding outwardly, I expressed anger by self-harming. I didn't do it to attract attention or to elicit pity, I just had so much suppressed emotion that I couldn't control myself at that point in time. I have since regretted it immensely. I wished I had learned earlier how to manage those feelings.
I dont think will ever see/feel anger, addictions and negative feelings the same again.Befriending your enemy with love and compassion. Again,love this episode so so much
Life coaching really doesn’t suit Sylvia. She clearly hasn’t found peace in her own life and past to advise others. She still sounds vengeful and angry.
Everyone in the world are battling their own demons, be in life coaches, psychologist and etc, but the main thing is that one has the "wanting to do better" and make the world for all of us to live in
Wow Ryan is a cheater bug!!!!!!!!! He acted on the divorce video that Sylvia was the bad guy who wanted the divorce. When he was cheating all the time?
It’s very hard to tell who is telling the truth. These days people do anything for views. But the fact is, they didn’t have to make their sour relationship spill over to their professional relationship and abuse their employees, even the employees won’t able to tell who is right or wrong. They just came in to do their job and work for their livelihoods.
Thank you Dan and Sylvia for a wonderful and educational episode on alternative ways to process anger :). It is still a lot of hard heart work but very encouraging indeed. ;D
Wow, I think this is THE MOST educational episode by far. 🥰🤩💡 Sylvia sis, thank you very very much for sharing the lessons and things that you’ve learnt with us! 🥰💕 Maybe I delulu but I feel so so loved. 😂🥰 Also, I love your somatic coach!! 💕💓
I like that this episode talks about anger and your experiences on how you handle it. It’s was insightful. I personally feel that anger is not bad .. rather I feel that what is the issue is the way how we manage our anger .. either explosively or other alternatives which is not as destructive. I don’t think anger is useless. It is just part of the emotions we will feel as humans, anger can be a sign to tell us that something is wrong, something needs to be changed
Because the episode focused mainly on anger at being gaslighted in a relationship, i felt that it did not really delve into the complexities of anger as an emotion. Not all anger is 'righteous anger'. Sometimes you feel anger when there is unresolved and deep rooted resentment in you. Or you are angry that something that you feel that is rightfully yours is not given / taken away from you. Or you are angry when you are placed in a situation that is out of your control. As you can see, not all of these examples are always legitimate or justifiable reasons for being angry. I agree that anger is an opportunity for self reflection, but i would stop short at calling it a 'friend'. I would liken it more to fire - manage it properly and it can possibly do something useful for you, mismanage it and it will burn your whole house down. Or maybe you can think of anger as a balloon. When you feel its going to burst, find some way to let out some air. I find what you mentioned in one of your earlier episodes very meaningful in the sense that it is important to have support systems (in terms of your 4 circles) because sometimes you need to express your feelings to someone you can trust in a safe space. When even that is stripped away from you, you start to feel very helpless and you will channel your emotions in a very negative way
Fresh perspectives to personify emotions and vices and deal with them by understanding who these characters are in your life. I believe Dan is onto something saying that you should start a "Quitting Clinic". I believe most people lack the ability to process what they feel about things that they struggle with in their life and could really use a hand to identify and tackle them in a healthy way. Love the episode. Thank you for being open and vulnerable, I learnt more about how to be human all for free.
I have a new level of respect for Sylvia just based on this video alone. The discussions and revelations in this video is so valuable and so relatable. Both of you have articulated what I have grown to learn but never truly understood. It makes what I understand now truly logical and be able to grasp rather than just a vague feeling. It put the bolts and nuts into something that I've all along only felt the presence of but never be able to materialize. Thank you!!
There are very relatable points in the video. Thank you for sharing your experience. We must all remember we are all flawed and all work in progress and a person's action does not determine a person's worth. You are worth more than jewels to God our Father.
Just wanted to say I absolutely love the series of episodes. Not only it makes me re-open up, trying to think and understand the reason of my emotions, feel them. It also makes me self reflect as a human, eg am I showing any narcissistic traits or etc to people around me. Thank you DMF🩷
I’m interested to find out more about disengaging from toxic parents. With friends and spouses, it is easier. As children we still have certain obligations…. Esp if our parents are elderly. Hope that this can be explored
Learning so much! The DOVA thing resonates with me so much and is happening to me and the people around me. Instead of anger we feel fear but there's more clarity now about what is happening. 1 thing I don't really understand: is the part where Sylvia shared "WHERE is the anger" part though 😅
I hope i can also relate and befriend my anger too.. but as outspoken as i am, i would like to understand the root of my anger. Its so tiring to be fast to be triggered and anxs so easily..
Wow, I really cannot imagine how you were held hostage with your finance and what is rightly yours! That's crazy! I'm just so happy you're in a better place now. That's really an eye opening conversation on addiction too.
I think its a hard balance to keep with this podcast- sharing of personal experiences and not turning out to become a “me-versus-them” situation because if the goal is really about urging people to start their journey of self awareness and self growth- then people who are labelled as “narcissistic, gaslighters, abusers” also would need help and that enlightenment even more so. Hurt people, hurt people. So its a vicious cycle. I am more than happy for sylvia to have found her path out and using her voice powerfully- all the best DMF :-)
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Sylvia you have to feel lucky and relieved that he is no longer there to kinda haunt you whereas haunt someone else that probably their frequency matches. So jiayou ❤ you have stand strong.
I had a similar experience many years ago with my ex wife . After work we were suppose to meet for dinner . But somehow she went missing and came back home drunk midnight . She didn’t felt sorry at all her answer was ‘ then ‘ so you already scolded me what you want . And even when she cheated on me she just turn it to my fault like because I don’t have money or can’t take care of her They really turn it another way round putting you the culprit making themselves the victim . And the best thing I did was divorce I felt so happy. and relief after
Hey Sylvia and Dan i really enjoy your podcast !!! Can i suggest that we have subtitles in the near coming video ? And you guys are such great partners ! I totally disagree when people say dan talks too much or being noisy. I like how he adds on to what Sylvia has to say , give it a closure and always a wonderful wrap up.
currently watching this, nothing to comment just wish you all good health and wealth. Update: @28:00 . Dan's ex BFF response was so funny and ridiculous that it made me laugh. the Therapist part. just finished this episode. dear Sylvia, you are a strong women i am glad now that you are well. yes, i do agree that your addictions and behavior in the past are scary and disturbing. and the fact that the people around you allow you to do that is just disgusting. what Dan said about emotions is also true. there are no good or bad emotions. we can't possibly block it. if we block it, it's like a way of disrespecting ourselves. i remember seeing a tiktoker getting spit on and she can still say she is not angry. from what i see, this is not compassion, this is plainly disrespect for oneself and couldn't stand up for oneself. i rather the tiktoker just slap the person who spits on her. some people are disgusting they dont deserve compassion. anyone else reading this, you can be compassionate and angry not only one. @59:20, so funny, when someone is being a little bitch, we just go out and have tea, that's great! i will do that next time
I have learned that sharing a true, 1st person experience for context is not an attack. What is malicious instead is the action of sharing unverified stories from 3rd parties based on hearsay and gossip!
@@DirtyMessyFree I disagree. How you choose to share a truth, knowing full well the possible consequences, to an extent is an attack. It's just that this person dont matter anymore so you are not concerned. If I am talking about someone dear to me, like my son/daughter, even if its the truth I will protect the person's reputation. Also, I'm not saying whos right or wrong. But there are 2 sides to everything. I may think that I'm right in a situation, but there are things I may not have seen.
To the pure all things are pure. If you come with the label that SC is up to no good, of course you will deem this reflection as an attack when it is not.
@@annew5380I disagree with you. SC merely sharing her reflection and how she learned to face her weaknesses. As for that guy, his reputation has long ruined, the cheater side of him isn’t new anymore.
Fact is regardless of what you do on the internet including donating millions of dollars to the needy, someone gonna hate on you. I guess it's fine as long as you find your tribe and tune out on those miserable people who can't see good in anything
the way many of the xmm at NOC aligned with him grossed me out. i knew there was more to it than what was playing out back then. so glad we got to hear the other side of the story firsthand and her self development stories at the same time!
After listening to all the podcasts so far. There is only one major takeaway: Both Slyvia and Ryan will be the perfect cast for Jin Yong’s 《Return of the Condor Heroes》 Ryan as Gongsun Zhi Slyvia as Qiu Qianchi Porky as Gongsun lü’e NOC as the Passionless Valley
I am uncomfortable watching the whole series of episodes. Do take note that I am neither for sylvia, ex-husband nor against them. I am neutral. I do appreciate the learnings that she has and the process of reflection. What I do not agree with or felt uncomfortable with is the "labeling" of the other party as "narcissist", "gas-lighting" etc. I have no doubt that her experience is real, but do take note that at the end of the day, it's all about your perception that you are being gas lighted, that he is a narcissist etc. Sometimes, because of what we think, we will start to convince ourselves that our story is real and he is definitely like that. What we want to remember is that human beings is complex and there exist complicated emotions and interactions among us, so let's not be so quick to judge.
Thanks for sharing your opinion. The fact is that hours of professional therapy and life coaching are paid for across 2 years to deal with the trauma of narcissistic abuse. Hence, we hope that you can respect that! 🙏🏼
Do not fall into the trap of dismissing it to your 'perception' as suggested here, Sylvia. Cheers to recovery and freedom liberation of being dirty and messy DMF!
I really like this episode. there are a lot of insights, I've been through that too 100% relatable. I like how she has never put the blame on the person's wrongdoing rather she held accountability for her actions.
Very insightful episode. You mentioned that you get SG citizenship on your own at during covid times (16:45).To even apply for SG citizenship, you must have been a PR for at least two years isn't it? You were no longer on dependent pass then why were you scare to be asked to go home? (15:32) Fear can be irrational without the facts.
@@DirtyMessyFree based on pure facts, (1) You must be PR before applying for citizenship (2) if you were a PR when you divorced, your PR status will generally not be affected by the divorce. This means that you will still be a PR after divorce. So it is not clear why is there a such a play of events in the video. Trying to understand here. Why is there such a fear of being deported and asked to home? Is it irrational fear or to gain sympathy views/votes?
We feel sorry that you are trying to gaslight another person's experience and deeming it "irrational". If you have been a non citizen before, we welcome your sharing on how to feel more secure!
@sparklessprinkles-ub4yr gain sympathy views/votes? Or gratitude views/votes? Messy free so glad tt you created this channel to allow viewers to browse through comments from various kinds of humans.
i tot u graduate in singapore with good grades last time. how come u didnt apply for pr and instead go for dependant pass? that period PR was very easy for malaysians who have good education. just apply urself? still dun understand the part where u mention u were poor despite company doing well. even if salary was low, i suppose u still get to go holiday, stay in penthouse and maybe purchases without worry? and with the divorce, won't u get money or something since ryan get the penthouse?
@@Nw-n6w all martial art trains the mind to focus on what is in front of you..boxing, judo, jujitsu..martial arts is not to supress anger but to channel it to defeat your opponent..if you have the time..watch connor mccgregor v khabib nurmagomedov...connor tried everything to make khabib lose his cool before the fight..everything was fair game for connor..religion, country, wife, father
@SkyUltimecia91 Humans are born with emotions. Anger is one of them and it can be our guardian angel if we express it well and not exploding it. That's what Sylvia is sharing. Cold hard evidence on cheating ? Good idea 👍 - dirty messy please create a juicy episode
we are only seeing one side of the story of many angles with this... she continues to bring up the past when ryan has really moved on n dont discuss much of anything that im aware of(could be wrong)... either way theres many angles to make a bedroom... not just one angle makes a room just like one angle links the whole story together... cuz they are many sides to a story cant really believe anything cuz its all subjective... basically whom what how where... have no clue this is why ppl shouldnt side with either/or... u see this all the time in election years with politicians... they gather up ppl to gang up on the other to get what they want... its a political tactic thats pretty much the norm... not attacking sylvia or ryan but what u accuse of ryan of doing ur doing the same by voicing all these podcast to gain ppl on ur side with the masses against ryan... the way im viewing it its just politics anymore... i think the podcast be more well received if they wasnt no ryan involved at all... u guys could get the point across more without bringing someone into it.. or atleast not naming the individual thats basically gaslighting... hope my comment dont get deleted for being unbiased n honest
do you see Taylor Swift with her new album? not saying who is in the right or wrong in all these circumstances, because we can't ever know the truth. But the reason people can't move on from things is because they were hurt to the point of no return. Ryan walked away from the saga being the clear winner in the public's eyes. Whether you believe Sylvia or not, you can't expect someone who received mass public hatred to the extent she did to just go away, be silent and move on. You certainly wouldn't either if it happened to you.
Hi this episode is very uplifting. Can U get Dan to try teaching how to communicate with a narcissist? Everyone has a small narcissist living in them... Kaypoh question, how many times did your ex P cheated on you? Once, twice or thrice. Base on the video, it's once very early on during the marriage.
Omg Sylvia, you are such a saint❤. Its the whole world fault, non of it is your fault. You are perfect. The world wronged you, you are too good for us all.
life is so short. communication is key, location is key everyone have to choose a place & time to fight or to share a happy event. as much as everyone has freedom of choice, being respectful to people around you is very important. Take this as a lesson and move on. - A strong bond might have started when you are married - its both party fault of not upkeeping. (be it too busy, blah blah) - it takes 2 hand to clapped, - if things don`t work out, make up your mind and move on. I feel what you are doing now, its more of cutting yourself open over and over. You could have done it all in 1 video, but your chose greed. Move on! find a new relationship(friends, loves, partners) Its not suppressing it, its to find a better someone and to show you that your past experience is nothing. you need to find someone who will show you the light let go naturally. SC, I love your work back then and wish to see that in the future, not this, you are better than that. its been 4 years long!
how deluded one must be to say that anger is our best friend lol. yo gurl gotta stop the toxic positivity. also where's the cold hard evidence on the cheating? this title is click-baity af 'i caught him cheating on me again' - what actions exactly showed that he was cheating? it was not mentioned at all.
@SkyUltimecia91 Humans are born with emotions. Anger is one of them and it can be our guardian angel if we express it well and not exploding it. That's what Sylvia is sharing. Cold hard evidence on cheating ? Good idea 👍 - dirty messy please create an episode and expose whatever cold hard evidences on cheating ( transacted messages, interview with ex-colleagues etc )
Actually not only anger is our friend, pain also. That’s why doctors and nurses will ask for pain score, pain nature and site of pain. With that knowledge, they can know where in our body has gone wrong.
How to be a toxic person? well continue to stir n create more drama. a nomal person (non youtuber) will never act this way. when one can say all these just for content... not saying is fake or real but just handle your shxt in private.
Such an effort to come back here to talk smack when the new video is released. I guess on behalf of DMF we need to thank you for the engagement to help boost the logarithm. You're one weird nice guy
so this channel only want comment that side them ? anything else is ryan supporter .. when one lack creativity to create legit content n cant take comment that tell them to go settle their personal issue in private ... 🤣🤣🤣
@sparklessprinkles-ub4yr gain sympathy views/votes? Or gratitude views/votes? Messy free so glad tt you created this channel to allow viewers to browse through comments from various kinds of humans.
I think words cannot express how grateful I am for this episode. Throughout the episode I was reminded of the times when I was angry and how shameful I felt afterwards. And I resonate so much when others turn the table around and say that I was wrong for being so emotional. TT Thank you for another beautiful episode! Gonna learn how to feel my feelings.
Thank you for being vulnerable with us ❤️ Let's continue to feel our feelings and hold onto each other for strength and support as we grow through the difficult parts of life!
The gaslighting experience is 100% spot on. It’s actually creepy how all of them seem to have the exact same DARVO manual.
I find the framework so useful to process past experiences which used to confound me! 👍🏼
“fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering” - Yoda. Fear is the root cause, not anger.
Yes the young palawan has learned her lesson ☺️🙏🏼
Padawan Sylvia has earned the rank of Jedi Knight!
@@DirtyMessyFree padawan* coach:)
Anger should be allowed to express it out, not suppressing it in a bad manner. I understand why Sylvia had suppressed all the anger to herself from her gaslighting ex-husband.. wow it must be really painful for her to endure all of that plus her saga. I'm glad that she doing okay now. Thank you for sharing! ❤
Thank you for being here with us with an open mind and a loving heart ❤️
To be honest, it's okay to be 'angry'. There's nothing wrong with being angry everybody experiences it, anger is just a feeling, just like all your other emotions. It's whether you can acknowledge it or not.
I used to "suffer" so much from my anger issue. The problem is I keep telling myself I cannot show temper when there are accidents here and there in work, I surpress and surpress until one day when I can't hold it back anymore my anger is so much bigger than the trigger point. Then I feel ashamed for over-reacting, have to apologize and the cycle continues.
Now that I know the biggest problem is I used to hold back my emotion, instead I should listen to the message it tries to bring to me -- What a realization Sylvia!!
TQ so much for sharing your personal experience so transparently with us, I cannot imagine how much TRUST u need to have towards us to be able to expose your feeling and situations so frankly to us. Wish you and Dan all the best in the coming journey
Big loving hugs to you for what you've been through. Thank you for being here, trusting that my story will bring us shared medicine ☺️
Not judging but really wanting to give credits to Dan for great comprehension, articulation (which comes with condensing and concising information & smooth delivery).
+ the ability to reinforce positivity and make people feel comfortable.
people are so weird... people are obviously looking for drama and tea and are disappointed when they come here and not find that. they consider your self reflection "accusations" when you are just recounting how you worked through your issues and grew from it. hope you don't take the comments that are purely negative to heart! ❤️ i've learned a bit from your videos!
Thank you for saying this! It means alot to both of us ☺️❤️
Look at the thumbnail and title, its basically a clickbait for drama. I was looking for drama when i clicked the video, instead i gain some knowledge of anger management
be aware of anger as a sign for you to walk away, but don't hold onto it for too long because these people arent worth it
I love this episode too! This is definitely one of the best episodes.
I don’t remember how exactly you guys had put it, but I definitely love the part where you guys mentioned that “true freedom is when you befriended the darkness…no longer afraid of them and becomes invincible…instead of avoiding them…that is when you are truly free…” absolutely beautiful.
Acceptance wins over avoidance any day! ❤️🌼
I watched this episode twice. This particular podcast which is the 4th of Dirty Messy Free with Sylvia + Dan, is one of the best of the 4 episodes. Very interesting and insightful in managing anger n addictions. Thank you, thank you Sylvia for sharing.
We love you! We have 3 more episodes to go! 😊
I am not surprised that Ryan is a cheater or a potential cheater. Back in NOC, there was a lot of young girls in that company and as a guy, I can tell you its not possible to not be tempted. He surrounds himself with young girls daily and he was very close with Aurelia. One of the biggest mistake that Ryan and Sylvia did was allowing Ryan to be in a position of temptation.
lol
It is a sad world we live in if wives are told that their mistake is trusting their husbands 😔
Before NOC, Ryan probably didn’t know he had the potential to mingle with so many hot ladies lol. And NOC opened the flood gate for him.
nah. the only mistake was just Ryan's inability to control himself. pretty girls are everywhere at many workplaces too. dont blame the situation, blame the person committing the wrongdoing.
So which of the NOC girls did Ryan Tan actually have relations with?
anger in itself is neither good nor bad. it’s a motivating drive that pushes us to stand up for ourselves and seek for justice. anger isn’t pretty but it doesn’t get triggered out of nowhere. when we see someone angry, always ask ourselves, what triggered it & whats the underlying motivation?
💯 to such empathy!
The biggest power you have is walking away 🥳🥳🥳 this hit me so hard because I just managed to walk away from my toxic manager! Relating so much to so many points in this podcast!
💯 rooting for you!
I had also been hurt and treated like shit by my loved ones. Instead of exploding outwardly, I expressed anger by self-harming. I didn't do it to attract attention or to elicit pity, I just had so much suppressed emotion that I couldn't control myself at that point in time. I have since regretted it immensely. I wished I had learned earlier how to manage those feelings.
Sending you SO much love my dear! It must have been painful and difficult. You are here now and we love you ❤️
This has been so extremely enlightening! ❤️ Thank you two for this channel!
I dont think will ever see/feel anger, addictions and negative feelings the same again.Befriending your enemy with love and compassion. Again,love this episode so so much
Thank you for sharing your beautiful insight ❤️
Love the chemistry between the two hosts!
We love you 😍
Life coaching really doesn’t suit Sylvia. She clearly hasn’t found peace in her own life and past to advise others. She still sounds vengeful and angry.
You do sound angry and vengeful 🙏❤
@@Nw-n6w villainizing anger?
Everyone in the world are battling their own demons, be in life coaches, psychologist and etc, but the main thing is that one has the "wanting to do better" and make the world for all of us to live in
Wow Ryan is a cheater bug!!!!!!!!! He acted on the divorce video that Sylvia was the bad guy who wanted the divorce. When he was cheating all the time?
So unexpected ngl... Seriously can't trust media haha
Women voices are often silenced in an abusive relationship. Reminder for any sisters (and brothers) in a manipulative dynamic to seek help!
I think time will tell. If he's a serial cheater, it will show in his future relationships.
@@annew5380 hmm ye let's seee
It’s very hard to tell who is telling the truth. These days people do anything for views. But the fact is, they didn’t have to make their sour relationship spill over to their professional relationship and abuse their employees, even the employees won’t able to tell who is right or wrong. They just came in to do their job and work for their livelihoods.
Very powerful episode 👏 I’ve honestly learned a lot and self reflect!
Thank you for being here and uplifting us ❤️
You will win n succeed my dear. Keep going!! Rooting for your success!!
Thank you, we will win 😉💯
Thank you Dan and Sylvia for a wonderful and educational episode on alternative ways to process anger :). It is still a lot of hard heart work but very encouraging indeed. ;D
Our absolute pleasure to have you here! ❤️
Wow, I think this is THE MOST educational episode by far. 🥰🤩💡 Sylvia sis, thank you very very much for sharing the lessons and things that you’ve learnt with us! 🥰💕 Maybe I delulu but I feel so so loved. 😂🥰 Also, I love your somatic coach!! 💕💓
Glad it was helpful! 😍 Thank you for having the soul depth to receive our message with so much love 🙏🏼
I look forward to all your episodes! It has made me become more conscious of myself as i parent my young child.
All the best in your special mama journey! You are amazing ❤️
I like that this episode talks about anger and your experiences on how you handle it. It’s was insightful.
I personally feel that anger is not bad .. rather I feel that what is the issue is the way how we manage our anger .. either explosively or other alternatives which is not as destructive.
I don’t think anger is useless. It is just part of the emotions we will feel as humans, anger can be a sign to tell us that something is wrong, something needs to be changed
Yes! Here's to more of us realising that anger is our guardian angel ❤️
Because the episode focused mainly on anger at being gaslighted in a relationship, i felt that it did not really delve into the complexities of anger as an emotion. Not all anger is 'righteous anger'. Sometimes you feel anger when there is unresolved and deep rooted resentment in you. Or you are angry that something that you feel that is rightfully yours is not given / taken away from you. Or you are angry when you are placed in a situation that is out of your control.
As you can see, not all of these examples are always legitimate or justifiable reasons for being angry. I agree that anger is an opportunity for self reflection, but i would stop short at calling it a 'friend'. I would liken it more to fire - manage it properly and it can possibly do something useful for you, mismanage it and it will burn your whole house down.
Or maybe you can think of anger as a balloon. When you feel its going to burst, find some way to let out some air. I find what you mentioned in one of your earlier episodes very meaningful in the sense that it is important to have support systems (in terms of your 4 circles) because sometimes you need to express your feelings to someone you can trust in a safe space. When even that is stripped away from you, you start to feel very helpless and you will channel your emotions in a very negative way
Wow, fear and anger are awesome topics that will gel well with your audience! Good job, guys!❤
Thank you for trusting us to unpack these highly difficult and hard to talk about topics!
@@DirtyMessyFree😊😊😊
Fresh perspectives to personify emotions and vices and deal with them by understanding who these characters are in your life. I believe Dan is onto something saying that you should start a "Quitting Clinic". I believe most people lack the ability to process what they feel about things that they struggle with in their life and could really use a hand to identify and tackle them in a healthy way. Love the episode. Thank you for being open and vulnerable, I learnt more about how to be human all for free.
We appreciate your deep understanding always! 🙏🏼 It's our blessing to speak to such compassionate souls ❤️
I have a new level of respect for Sylvia just based on this video alone. The discussions and revelations in this video is so valuable and so relatable. Both of you have articulated what I have grown to learn but never truly understood. It makes what I understand now truly logical and be able to grasp rather than just a vague feeling. It put the bolts and nuts into something that I've all along only felt the presence of but never be able to materialize. Thank you!!
Thank you for levelling up with us 🙏🏼❤️
i wanna give sylvia a hug omg
❤️🫶🏼🥰
Pl shorten the intro / teaser at the start! Too much and draggy. Or have a button to skip please
Yes! We have received this feedback 😀
There are very relatable points in the video. Thank you for sharing your experience. We must all remember we are all flawed and all work in progress and a person's action does not determine a person's worth. You are worth more than jewels to God our Father.
Thank you for being uplifting and kind!
Just wanted to say I absolutely love the series of episodes. Not only it makes me re-open up, trying to think and understand the reason of my emotions, feel them. It also makes me self reflect as a human, eg am I showing any narcissistic traits or etc to people around me. Thank you DMF🩷
Thank you so much for being wholeheartedly human ❤️
I’m interested to find out more about disengaging from toxic parents. With friends and spouses, it is easier. As children we still have certain obligations…. Esp if our parents are elderly. Hope that this can be explored
Next episode!!!
Learning so much! The DOVA thing resonates with me so much and is happening to me and the people around me. Instead of anger we feel fear but there's more clarity now about what is happening. 1 thing I don't really understand: is the part where Sylvia shared "WHERE is the anger" part though 😅
❤❤❤I’m learning a lot from this episode.
Let's keep growing 🥰
I hope i can also relate and befriend my anger too.. but as outspoken as i am, i would like to understand the root of my anger. Its so tiring to be fast to be triggered and anxs so easily..
You are welcome to our masterclass 🙌🏼
Wow, I really cannot imagine how you were held hostage with your finance and what is rightly yours! That's crazy! I'm just so happy you're in a better place now. That's really an eye opening conversation on addiction too.
Thank you so much for your kindness! 💓
I think its a hard balance to keep with this podcast- sharing of personal experiences and not turning out to become a “me-versus-them” situation because if the goal is really about urging people to start their journey of self awareness and self growth- then people who are labelled as “narcissistic, gaslighters, abusers” also would need help and that enlightenment even more so. Hurt people, hurt people. So its a vicious cycle. I am more than happy for sylvia to have found her path out and using her voice powerfully- all the best DMF :-)
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Sylvia you have to feel lucky and relieved that he is no longer there to kinda haunt you whereas haunt someone else that probably their frequency matches. So jiayou ❤ you have stand strong.
Thank you kind human ❤️
Ya we should walk away from such people
I had a similar experience many years ago with my ex wife . After work we were suppose to meet for dinner . But somehow she went missing and came back home drunk midnight . She didn’t felt sorry at all her answer was ‘ then ‘ so you already scolded me what you want . And even when she cheated on me she just turn it to my fault like because I don’t have money or can’t take care of her They really turn it another way round putting you the culprit making themselves the victim . And the best thing I did was divorce I felt so happy. and relief after
Sending love to you ❤️ And a timely reminder to all of us that being alone is 💯 much better than being lonely (and hurt) in a relationship.
Hey Sylvia and Dan i really enjoy your podcast !!! Can i suggest that we have subtitles in the near coming video ?
And you guys are such great partners ! I totally disagree when people say dan talks too much or being noisy. I like how he adds on to what Sylvia has to say , give it a closure and always a wonderful wrap up.
Thank you for your suggestion + kind loving feedback 😊
There's auto generated caption! quite accurate!! u can check that out❤
Do you think our loved ones gaslight us on purpose? Is there a way to get them to realise what they do and say is hurting us?
currently watching this, nothing to comment just wish you all good health and wealth. Update: @28:00 . Dan's ex BFF response was so funny and ridiculous that it made me laugh. the Therapist part. just finished this episode. dear Sylvia, you are a strong women i am glad now that you are well. yes, i do agree that your addictions and behavior in the past are scary and disturbing. and the fact that the people around you allow you to do that is just disgusting. what Dan said about emotions is also true. there are no good or bad emotions. we can't possibly block it. if we block it, it's like a way of disrespecting ourselves. i remember seeing a tiktoker getting spit on and she can still say she is not angry. from what i see, this is not compassion, this is plainly disrespect for oneself and couldn't stand up for oneself. i rather the tiktoker just slap the person who spits on her. some people are disgusting they dont deserve compassion. anyone else reading this, you can be compassionate and angry not only one. @59:20, so funny, when someone is being a little bitch, we just go out and have tea, that's great! i will do that next time
Thank you for sharing! We loveeee those parts too 🥰
full attack on the ex - hoping he got cancel to
I have learned that sharing a true, 1st person experience for context is not an attack. What is malicious instead is the action of sharing unverified stories from 3rd parties based on hearsay and gossip!
@@DirtyMessyFree I disagree. How you choose to share a truth, knowing full well the possible consequences, to an extent is an attack. It's just that this person dont matter anymore so you are not concerned. If I am talking about someone dear to me, like my son/daughter, even if its the truth I will protect the person's reputation.
Also, I'm not saying whos right or wrong. But there are 2 sides to everything. I may think that I'm right in a situation, but there are things I may not have seen.
Full on attack that is less than 10% of the entire video run time. Make sense
To the pure all things are pure. If you come with the label that SC is up to no good, of course you will deem this reflection as an attack when it is not.
@@annew5380I disagree with you. SC merely sharing her reflection and how she learned to face her weaknesses. As for that guy, his reputation has long ruined, the cheater side of him isn’t new anymore.
People are like saying dan is noisy but this not an interview for sylvia leh?
This a chatty chat between friends who happen to be life coaches!
I send u do this one job and then you apologise.....God I laugh out loud
Hehehe 😂
I have a strange feeling more ppl would dislike Slyvia after she finish all 9 episodes😢 44:23
Thank you for highlighting one of our favourite parts - numbing ourselves VS processing the root cause!
Fact is regardless of what you do on the internet including donating millions of dollars to the needy, someone gonna hate on you. I guess it's fine as long as you find your tribe and tune out on those miserable people who can't see good in anything
I also have a feeling more people would find Ryan and his gang more and more disgusting after she finish all 9 episodes 😅
the way many of the xmm at NOC aligned with him grossed me out. i knew there was more to it than what was playing out back then. so glad we got to hear the other side of the story firsthand and her self development stories at the same time!
Thank you for seeing the essence distilled from the dirty and messy!
After listening to all the podcasts so far. There is only one major takeaway:
Both Slyvia and Ryan will be the perfect cast for Jin Yong’s 《Return of the Condor Heroes》
Ryan as Gongsun Zhi
Slyvia as Qiu Qianchi
Porky as Gongsun lü’e
NOC as the Passionless Valley
HAHAHA we love that Porky has a feature 😆
@@DirtyMessyFreehaha you should watch or read the novel. The dynamics and relationships are exactly the same. 😂
I am uncomfortable watching the whole series of episodes. Do take note that I am neither for sylvia, ex-husband nor against them. I am neutral. I do appreciate the learnings that she has and the process of reflection. What I do not agree with or felt uncomfortable with is the "labeling" of the other party as "narcissist", "gas-lighting" etc. I have no doubt that her experience is real, but do take note that at the end of the day, it's all about your perception that you are being gas lighted, that he is a narcissist etc. Sometimes, because of what we think, we will start to convince ourselves that our story is real and he is definitely like that. What we want to remember is that human beings is complex and there exist complicated emotions and interactions among us, so let's not be so quick to judge.
Thanks for sharing your opinion. The fact is that hours of professional therapy and life coaching are paid for across 2 years to deal with the trauma of narcissistic abuse. Hence, we hope that you can respect that! 🙏🏼
You are so quick to judge too 😅
Do not fall into the trap of dismissing it to your 'perception' as suggested here, Sylvia. Cheers to recovery and freedom liberation of being dirty and messy DMF!
I really like this episode. there are a lot of insights, I've been through that too 100% relatable. I like how she has never put the blame on the person's wrongdoing rather she held accountability for her actions.
Thank you for seeing that in me! It takes someone who has a big heart to see this fact 🥰
Sylvia I see myself in u. Wow it’s like someone spoke my mind.
Soul hug 🫶🏼
I think it is called LTVP+ cause He is a Singaporean. DP is issued by MOM for spouse who are SP or EP. Ur pass is issued by ICA. 😊
Very insightful episode. You mentioned that you get SG citizenship on your own at during covid times (16:45).To even apply for SG citizenship, you must have been a PR for at least two years isn't it? You were no longer on dependent pass then why were you scare to be asked to go home? (15:32) Fear can be irrational without the facts.
And have you any experience being a non-citizen with no birth rights before? 🤔
@@DirtyMessyFree based on pure facts, (1) You must be PR before applying for citizenship (2) if you were a PR when you divorced, your PR status will generally not be affected by the divorce. This means that you will still be a PR after divorce.
So it is not clear why is there a such a play of events in the video. Trying to understand here. Why is there such a fear of being deported and asked to home? Is it irrational fear or to gain sympathy views/votes?
We feel sorry that you are trying to gaslight another person's experience and deeming it "irrational". If you have been a non citizen before, we welcome your sharing on how to feel more secure!
@@DirtyMessyFree DARVO in action here? not gaslighting. i am just stating the facts of the citizenship matters, and yes, i was a non citizen before.
@sparklessprinkles-ub4yr gain sympathy views/votes? Or gratitude views/votes? Messy free so glad tt you created this channel to allow viewers to browse through comments from various kinds of humans.
Sylvia dear, absolutely understand what u mean by how u expressed anger. Thanks for sharing n open to being vulnerable ❤
You are so welcome 🫶🏼
My ears perked up when I heard you mention Sadhguru! He is also a great inspiration to me :)
Now, I have a group of girls and we go to Sadhguru events together! You can DM me if you wanna join us ☺️
sadhguru is my main guru! love him!
Wow this is good ❤ You guys are awesome 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 Great comeback Sylvia! Live laugh love 💗 Respect 🫡 I knew you were a strong woman 🧍♀️Ryan is a sly fox
Thank you sweetie, it takes a kind soul to uplift another! 😍
i tot u graduate in singapore with good grades last time. how come u didnt apply for pr and instead go for dependant pass? that period PR was very easy for malaysians who have good education. just apply urself? still dun understand the part where u mention u were poor despite company doing well. even if salary was low, i suppose u still get to go holiday, stay in penthouse and maybe purchases without worry? and with the divorce, won't u get money or something since ryan get the penthouse?
in martial arts if you fight angry you get knocked out..or in the case of iron mike bite an ear off..
Hi what type of martial art is a good training for such emotion mgt? And any recommendation on a good martial art school?
@@Nw-n6w all martial art trains the mind to focus on what is in front of you..boxing, judo, jujitsu..martial arts is not to supress anger but to channel it to defeat your opponent..if you have the time..watch connor mccgregor v khabib nurmagomedov...connor tried everything to make khabib lose his cool before the fight..everything was fair game for connor..religion, country, wife, father
Yes! Anger unprocessed can be dangerous to oneself first and foremost 🫠
@SkyUltimecia91 Humans are born with emotions. Anger is one of them and it can be our guardian angel if we express it well and not exploding it. That's what Sylvia is sharing. Cold hard evidence on cheating ? Good idea 👍 - dirty messy please create a juicy episode
We will definitely be sharing details within our real life community! 😊
we are only seeing one side of the story of many angles with this... she continues to bring up the past when ryan has really moved on n dont discuss much of anything that im aware of(could be wrong)... either way theres many angles to make a bedroom... not just one angle makes a room just like one angle links the whole story together... cuz they are many sides to a story
cant really believe anything cuz its all subjective... basically whom what how where... have no clue this is why ppl shouldnt side with either/or... u see this all the time in election years with politicians... they gather up ppl to gang up on the other to get what they want... its a political tactic thats pretty much the norm... not attacking sylvia or ryan but what u accuse of ryan of doing ur doing the same by voicing all these podcast to gain ppl on ur side with the masses against ryan... the way im viewing it its just politics anymore...
i think the podcast be more well received if they wasnt no ryan involved at all... u guys could get the point across more without bringing someone into it.. or atleast not naming the individual thats basically gaslighting... hope my comment dont get deleted for being unbiased n honest
do you see Taylor Swift with her new album? not saying who is in the right or wrong in all these circumstances, because we can't ever know the truth. But the reason people can't move on from things is because they were hurt to the point of no return. Ryan walked away from the saga being the clear winner in the public's eyes. Whether you believe Sylvia or not, you can't expect someone who received mass public hatred to the extent she did to just go away, be silent and move on. You certainly wouldn't either if it happened to you.
Hi this episode is very uplifting. Can U get Dan to try teaching how to communicate with a narcissist? Everyone has a small narcissist living in them... Kaypoh question, how many times did your ex P cheated on you? Once, twice or thrice. Base on the video, it's once very early on during the marriage.
We will be teaching actual frameworks on our upcoming masterclasses! Check out www.dirtymessyfree.com
OMG I lost half brain cells within 10 mins of watching this video. Daniel is patronising and this is one person talking on and on all about herself.
Sis trying hard to get attention from her ex-husband. 🤣😂
We are so sorry you feel this way. Sending you love ❤️
The number of videos one can make out of a previous relationship for clout is insane. It is pretty clear that she hasn’t moved on.
Dude did not apply PR for you after so many years?! Bad bad
The co-host is an echo chamber of the first order.
He paraphrases as a life coach does for clarity!
So wheres the story about cheating? It was so vague there was nothing to hear here. Dont bait us in the title and then have nothing
We believe the lessons and insights are SUPER JUICY for someone looking to expand their mindsets on negative emotions! 🍑
Ty ❤️ save my time
You are obviously here for the wrong reasons.
This podcast’s purpose is not to diss other people, not to spill tea. It’s about self-healing.
Omg Sylvia, you are such a saint❤. Its the whole world fault, non of it is your fault. You are perfect. The world wronged you, you are too good for us all.
We are so sorry this is your takeaway from our sharing 😢 Sending love ❤️
@@DirtyMessyFree Thank you Saint
@@zx5584you are such a 💯 perfect Saint ❤ can show the world which part of the video showcase on the whole world fault as mentioned by you?
Another of my 12years gf, break up my love relationship. Never mix with such ppl.
life is so short.
communication is key, location is key
everyone have to choose a place & time to fight or to share a happy event.
as much as everyone has freedom of choice, being respectful to people around you is very important.
Take this as a lesson and move on.
- A strong bond might have started when you are married
- its both party fault of not upkeeping. (be it too busy, blah blah)
- it takes 2 hand to clapped,
- if things don`t work out, make up your mind and move on.
I feel what you are doing now, its more of cutting yourself open over and over.
You could have done it all in 1 video, but your chose greed.
Move on! find a new relationship(friends, loves, partners)
Its not suppressing it, its to find a better someone and to show you that your past experience is nothing.
you need to find someone who will show you the light let go naturally.
SC, I love your work back then and wish to see that in the future, not this, you are better than that.
its been 4 years long!
Let go n move on.
Mine too. Best frind gf for 10years. She is married and she have sex behind my back. My ex and gf cheated on me. Angry
You should be able to get PR. Why didn’t u get? PR will be safe.
I think we already made the point within the video 🙏🏼
To get citizenship, they need to obtain PR first. I guess she must have been PR already then gotten her citizenship during Covid
good for you sylvia, always thought ryan super fake
never go warn your best sista cherylene ah?
how deluded one must be to say that anger is our best friend lol. yo gurl gotta stop the toxic positivity. also where's the cold hard evidence on the cheating? this title is click-baity af 'i caught him cheating on me again' - what actions exactly showed that he was cheating? it was not mentioned at all.
Sweetie, this is our channel. If our content triggers you, a gentle loving reminder from us that you can exercise your agency and walk away ❤️
@SkyUltimecia91 Humans are born with emotions. Anger is one of them and it can be our guardian angel if we express it well and not exploding it. That's what Sylvia is sharing. Cold hard evidence on cheating ? Good idea 👍 - dirty messy please create an episode and expose whatever cold hard evidences on cheating ( transacted messages, interview with ex-colleagues etc )
Actually not only anger is our friend, pain also. That’s why doctors and nurses will ask for pain score, pain nature and site of pain. With that knowledge, they can know where in our body has gone wrong.
❤
Learning about Angry management is interesting. Blindspot about angry management
How to be a toxic person?
well continue to stir n create more drama. a nomal person (non youtuber) will never act this way.
when one can say all these just for content... not saying is fake or real but just handle your shxt in private.
And what has compelled you to leave such a comment on a stranger's channel?
and you watched becuz?
Such an effort to come back here to talk smack when the new video is released. I guess on behalf of DMF we need to thank you for the engagement to help boost the logarithm. You're one weird nice guy
Must be Ryan’s supporter coming here to anyhow stir shit 😂
so this channel only want comment that side them ? anything else is ryan supporter .. when one lack creativity to create legit content n cant take comment that tell them to go settle their personal issue in private ... 🤣🤣🤣
dan abit noisy
Dan is super chatty in real life!
And I love how “noisy” Dan is! 🥰
Can’t tahan this ahgua
🫶🏼
@sparklessprinkles-ub4yr gain sympathy views/votes? Or gratitude views/votes? Messy free so glad tt you created this channel to allow viewers to browse through comments from various kinds of humans.
@zx5584 you are such a 💯 perfect Saint ❤ can show the world which part of the video showcase on the whole world fault as mentioned by you?