Demisexuality in Under 4 Minutes | hmm...
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- Опубликовано: 9 май 2020
- What is demisexuality? What makes this sexual orientation any different from the norm? Here's a quick introduction.
Interactive Attraction Layer Cake Model: cake.avris.it
This is hmm... a new Huh. subseries. Don't worry, the title isn't supposed to be clever, but you gotta pick something, you know?
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IG: @hippiecalico
Twitter: @hippiecalico
Click here to watch the Huh. episode all about asexuality: ruclips.net/video/R9tSal4YyII/видео.html
Josiah Sepulveda I think I’m the same way! I wonder if it’s just awareness of what society considers aesthetically (edit: or sexually) attractive or if we recognize these people as aesthetically attractive, but don’t really *feel* any attraction until we can form an opinion based more on their personality? Or if you’re demi-romantic, until a bond is established? Good question. Maybe some others can weigh in. Thanks so much for your comment!
I have been wondering if you could do a video about boundaries of homosexuality and heterosexuality because some homosexual guys attracted to male parts of the body and some people only turned on from female parts and don't turned on by male parts. Does heterosexual guy attracted to female parts of other make you homosexual or bisexual?????
@Josiah Sepulveda i think it mite also related to difference in mindset. In the past i changed school alot and every school has that girl or noy that is really handsome but some times you don't think that boy or girl is as attractive as the students say. It mite be effect popularity, popular people tends to look more attractive even though they look the same as any normal people
Demisexual: Ace until proven otherwise.
I wanna like your comment but I don't want to break the count!!!!(666)
As a demi-gay guy, I'd just like to add one small thing that some, but not all demisexuals experience; sex as a concept can be alluring even when not emotionally attached to anyone, but specifically, it's being personally involved in sex that's what requires the emotional bond. It's like that for me, and I know plenty of other people who feel this way. So don't be surprised if you find someone who claims to be demisexual writing smutty fanfiction or engaging in sexual online roleplay. They are still very much demisexual.
Thank you for adding this! I’ve heard this more and more since releasing these ace-spec videos, and I’m sure some others will relate to this as well.
Yup I relate to this so much. I have no trouble writing sexual stuff when I have the inspiration but I would never do that with another person.
Thank you so much for this comment! I was really questioning myself there for a minute. I pretty much think that I'm demi (or ace.... still not shure), but I do enjoy reading erotic stories or mangas, but when it comes to me personally, I just have a really hard time feeling anything... mostly I just feel numb and uncomfortable :/
@@Judithly You're totally welcome! It takes time to figure yourself out and there's no shame in that! Just remember it's all a spectrum and that you don't have to label yourself if you don't want to!
Might get a bit personal here, but personally, I myself still totally enjoy pornography both written and visual and even masturbate, but I just have no desire to do any of that with another person. At least not yet. So don't feel weird! Or rather, do! But also remember that normal doesn't exist and if it did it would be really boring!
Thank you for this. I have brushed against demisexuality but haven’t looked into it too much. Your addition was just 😮💡 I find sexuality important as a way to understand myself and others.
I remember when I used to pretend Taylor Lautner and Zac Efron shirtless was hot because all the other girls thought that, I thought maybe it was just because I was young. Did anyone else do this to fit in? I’m not even sure if I’m demisexual yet though, still questioning
i picked a random boy in my grade and pretended to have a crush on him for like a year. and i also tried to point out “hot” guys to my friends and they’d be like “meh he’s not that cute” and i just didn’t get it lmao ik how ya feel (i am demi)
Lol nice to know I’m not the only one. I once told all my friends that Dwayne Johnson was hot (because my mom said so once) and they all thought I was really weird but I just didn’t understand it lol. Guess I’m not all that weird
I did the same thing with the Backstreet Boys and N*Sync. I went through the motions to fit in. I really was only attracted to one boy at my school and I had a crush on him since first grade. I tended to pick the guys from the groups that were popular that resembled him in some way.
My celebrity crushes are pretty revealing:
- Bill Hader
- Seth Rogen
- Paul Rudd
All people known for their personalities more than their looks. 😂
Don’t worry girlie, I’ve forced myself to like several boys throughout middle school to fit in or since others thought I had a crush on them only cuz we were close. I recently learnt I was Demi and was proud to finally understand myself. i came out to others but cuz of the massive confusion, I just say that I’m ace (which I technically am) to avoid the “oh isn’t that everyone?” question.
I hate when people say stuff like “you need to get laid” or “I’ll help you lose your virginity, there’s this girl I know”. I don’t just want to sleep with anybody. But I’m not sure if I’m demisexual. I’m still sexually attracted to certain people’s bodies. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to sleep with them.
I haven't encountered that sort of comment, but I feel the same way. I definitely find people sexually attractive but I have yet to meet someone I want to have sex with. Demisexual does seem like the best fit (at least for myself) although its not perfect and this is the first time I've heard the term.
(edit): after reading more comments I think what @Jon Galonja said is pretty accurate for me
Zajímavý nick. A doporučuji Ti vykašlat se na takové lidi.
Archeopterix Neuróza díky, mluvím jen trochu česky. Jsem Američan.
@@mcernieschumacher1296 Oh, that's so cool! Why are learning Czech?
Archeopterix Neuróza I am of Czech descent. I find Czech history and culture very interesting. It used to be my dream to teach English in Prague or Plzen or somewhere in Czechia.
I don't know if someone has commented this yet, but I am lazy to scroll far down.
Easiest way for me to explain what I mean by being Demisexual to others, is to use the table /floor lamp example.
' That lamp over there. Does it turn on and light up without the cord being connected to the electric socket? no. My sexual desire is like that. I am the lamp, and I do not get turned on without a connection. Batteries are for my introvert nature.'
usually work every time, or at least shuts people up effectively.
Yenifly ooh, I like this analogy! Thanks for commenting! ☺️💜
I like the milkshake analogy: “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but I’m still lactose intolerant.”
Alcyone this needs to be on a t-shirt yesterday.
Hippie Calico It sure does, I would totally buy it
My personal fave is the restaurant analogy, asexuals are hungry but don't crave anything specific while demis specifically crave pancakes and will only eat if the restaurant serves pancakes. :>>
Coming from a resident demisexual, you hit the nail on the head.
Phew, that's always a relief to hear. Thank you so much for watching and for your comment!
I came out as Demisexual almost three years ago and this video is so dead on and so informative!! Found this video from the Demi subreddit!
Ahh, so glad you think it’s accurate. Happy almost demi-versary!
@@hippiecalico Thank you! 😊
Tbh it sounds like the ideal partner, because they're not just dating you to get in your pants.
I mean, you’re not wrong. It’s just hard when you don’t actually have the sexual attraction to them. If you do ever end up going on a date with someone who is Demisexual, please do not assume that they will be attracted to you right away after one date of getting to know you. It takes a while sometimes.
Exactly. Or any shallow reason unless you call those that go to the gym narcissists
I’m pansexual and demisexual and It tends to be a struggle to explain it to people. the next time I get asked about it I will definitely show them this video!
Aw, thanks so much! I appreciate the support and I'm glad you found the video helpful.
I don't think anyone should have to explain themselves for how they just are. Can't we just be who we are and not have to explain it like straights.
Iku - Tihku That is true. I’m mostly talking about people that are genuinely curious as to what it means, straight or not. It’s not very common and sometimes hard for people to understand
it might be easier for people to understand if you say you are panromatic demisexual too as those don't contradict eachother
Mercedes Fp I’ve tried that but somehow people find it easier to understand pansexual rather than panromantic even if I add the demisexual. And I only tell my close friends that I’m demi so they understand everything and it’s just easier to say I’m pansexual when meeting new people
Wow, thanks for this video.
So, I'm hundred procent this, somehow it confused me more growing up that not everyone was feeling this way, and I often found it rude if someone made things sexual where I felt it was not, or someone found someone else sexually attractive, and where I just thought 'but you don't even know them, just how can you find them sexually attractive?'.
I'm attracted to personalities, smiles, and people opening up, but I'm just not... I don't see the sex appeal in people, I guess, until I know them, their personalities, and who they are, THAT's what I find attractive. I can still find people I don't know good looking, handsome, or beautiful, but just not sexually attractive.
Interesting to know there is a name for it :P
Welcome home! Sounds like a perfect fit! ☺️
'but you don't even know them, just how can you find them sexually attractive?'
This made me laugh so much because it's exactly how I feel. I barely have physical attraction to anyone until I get to know them, much less sexual attraction.
This is the best thing ive ever seen to explain myself im gonna send people who ask me about it this video from now on. Because its so true its really hard to explain yourself just to get the response of 'oh im like that. Isnt everyone like that?'........no lol
Aw, thank you so much! I hope this video can save some explaining for demis!
Realized I was a bi-romantic demisexual after meeting my fiancé & it wasn’t until then that I realized why it was always so easy for me to be a good little Catholic girl who waited till marriage. Now that I’m finally capable of having that kind of attraction it’s a LOT harder & I guess I finally see what all the fuss was about lol
I've watched both this video and the one about asexuality and they're the absolute best videos i've seen on these subjects, so I have a request. I am trans and I'm having some problems explaining this to my mum. It would be awesome if you made a video about transexuality that is as well made and informative as these ones. Keep up the good work
Thank you so much for your comment. I will absolutely keep this in mind as I think it'd be an important video for a lot of people. Thank you for your feedback, friend.
Demisexuality can be a blessing and a curse. I only discovered the term recently but it very accurately defines my own attachment style. Demi's live in a world of artificial scarcity, people we are attracted too feel extra special, unique and irreplaceable. Also Demi's can develop a very possessive attraction style which is not healthy and we are prone to unrequited love fixation.
This rings true for me . best friend and teacher
I feel this 😭
Demi isn’t an attachment style it’s an orientation 🤔 meaning it’s very rare to feel sexual attraction to anyone but if you form a very close bond with someone over time there’s a chance you could grow attracted to them
@@Raddiebaddie so true
I think something that this video doesn't look at or address is that attraction forms can actually change as you age and experience the world. When I was in my mid twenties I absolutely identified as demisexual, and as I became more comfortable with partners my sexual attraction towards potential partners changed and developed. I would consider myself somewhere between demisexual and sexual now.
I guess my point is that one's method of attraction, much like ones sexuality don't have to be fixed states. They can be both fluid, in the sense that one might be pansexual, straighter, or gayer, and also at times of one's life be more asexual, demi, or sexual. I hope this makes sense.
I think I’ve almost been conditioned into being a Demi. You see, Ive dated a variety of people, and most of them make up as being best friends before and staying best friends after. But, all the relationships where I was attracted to someone and sorta got to to know them, they’ve failed. Mostly, they are either batshit crazy, toxic (where if I was going to leave them, they would commit suicide), or just jerks. Since this, it has left an impression on me to where, unless I know the person well, I can’t be with them at all. It’s kinda both demisexual and demiromantic.
Hmm, this is such an interesting perspective! Thanks for taking the time to comment.
The same here!
Sexuality isn’t really something you’re born with. The experiences from when you were younger shape your attractions as you got older. Genetics determines your capacity/ranges for sexuality, but your environment plays a larger role than people realize.
The part about demisexuality and religious is so true. For years I thought I had just really internalized my religious teachings, but now I'm wondering if being demisexual just made it easy for me to follow those teachings.
Yea exactly. I experience this type of sexuality/asexuality as well, and I’ve never been religious or had that pushed on me. One time I did have a frk of nature TA who bc he had some sort of staunch catholic upbringing, suggest / tried to convince himself that I didn’t want to have an inappropriate relationship with him cos I was “religiously suppressed.” Like yes exactly, that’s clearly the reason why. Lmaoo. But yeah, so many different possibilities exist with this, sometimes it may not be religion or people may assume it is because they’re projecting onto you their personal / cultural experiences. Ultimately you will eventually be the one to know yourself best.
It’s a good identifier when you become aware that you don’t have celebrity crushes (primary attraction based on looks). Or if you’ve never felt “Damn she’s hot” to anyone. Religious people probably can’t help it when they do feel this
I always thought "hot" meant "aesthetically very attractive."
wait, you're actually so underrated, your content is great
Aw, thanks so much! 😄 That means a lot.
People always laugh at me when I tell them I’m demi ...for me I literally won’t have attraction until we have like a best friend bond :(
Ohhhh my great goodness. Where was this incredibly well done video when I tried to come out as demi to my mother and sister. This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much! A few years back, when I was finally beginning to allow myself to accept that I may not actually be gay, but rather asexual, I went through so much internal turmoil. I daresay in my personal experience, coming to terms with being demi was more difficult at like 26 or 27 than coming out as gay was when I was 14. Granted I was lucky in that my family was incredibly supportive of my being gay, so that initial transition went quite smoothly. However, when I finally sorted myself out after many years of very uncomfortable and unhealthy relationships with other gay men, and then tried to explain that to my family? The first two responses were the "isn't that everyone?" thing and then after further explanation, they were convinced I was simply suppressing my sexuality due to my last, rather abusive, relationship. Maybe if I can work up the mental endurance to bring up the whole topic again, I'll show them this video and the one on the asexuality spectrum.
Hopefully, anyone else who ever finds themselves in anything similar to what I've been through, will be able to find resources as well-crafted and properly presented as this one.
Keep up the awesome work, mate.
Cheers c:
Aw, this comment touched my heart. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and for subscribing also! That's crazy to hear you say that the asexuality was harder to accept than being gay. I wonder how much the age had to do with that, and how much of it really just is lack of awareness/acceptance for asexuality. Bless you for trying to explain demisexuality to your family! I hope they grow to accept it more in the future. 💜 Take care, friend!
Even though I’m quite surely not on the ace spectrum, I’m really thanking you for this video. I’ve always tried to understand demi (and a) sexuality but it never really succeeded. But with your videos I feel like I finally understood (at least how much an allosexual person can understand) it. So thank you for these great, informative video essays. I hope and am looking forward to see more of them in the future, no matter what topic they are, honestly.
Aw, thank you so much for your comment! That means a lot. There’ll surely be more essays like this to come. ☺️
Im demibisexual (I guess is what it’s called- Demi and bi) and I’m always invalidated and told that I just haven’t met the “right person”. If anyone says this again imma show them this. And when I was questioning still if I was bi people told me I was just picky and that it wasn’t a thing. It’s definitely something that needs more recognition- thank you so much for the video
I literally discovered this term over the weekend and it was like an emotional WAVE came over me! Like I've felt this way my entire life and there's a word that describes it??! Crazy!!! Mind blowing.
2:49 MEEE!!! It took me a while to realise I was demi, because at first I dismissed the idea and just though "oh, I'm just celibate/waiting" but when I looked into personal experiences it finally clicked.
I can relate with asexuality!! I was SO good at being celibate! lol.
Omg same! I’ve been married for years and just figured out that I’m Demi! It wasn’t until I found out that most of my religious friends had way more attraction and random hookups than they let on that I realized that my attraction and desires were the difference. All this time I thought I was just really good at being celibate....and I was, but not for the reasons I thought.
@@marillaz4582 Dude, yes, learning how everyone basically has premarital sex and pretends like they don't while telling younger generations not to have sex outside of marriage is hilarious.
When my partner and I started to date they said they were asexual so I researched a bunch of stuff, and now they’re questioning it again so I’m here to study up on it more😅
Aw, haha good on you for trying to understand better. ☺️ Good luck. Thanks for visiting.
It be like that... You think you are ace then you fall in love and huh guess I am demisexual. Hope you and this person are doing well ❤️
From my perspective (because I use this term) as an Asexual-Demisexual myself, I consider that Demisexuality is part of the Asexual spectrum not a sexual orientation per se, other disagrees and others agree but there's another thing. The big debate here (even for the Asexual community) is that if Asexuality is the lack of sexual orientation or a sexual orientation, some people have not made opinions about this and there isn't enough research about this topic sadly.
I'd heard the term before, but I never really knew what demisexuality meant. Now that I know what it means, I think I've found the term to describe me. Before, I described myself as "somewhere on the asexual spectrum" but what you described here is basically exactly how it is for me. Thanks for helping me discover myself!
Heterosexual Demisexual here! This video was super super awesome as I’ve been questioning if I were Demi or Gray ace for a little while and this seriously helped me to confirm my sexuality :D ❤️
I've never been in a relationship and I've never really loved anyone ( except for a girl in 7th grade and a male Griffion cartoon character) so it's possible that I could be demi sexuaI that's why I'm personally waiting until I get into a relationship before I completely rule out the possibility although I doubt I will be because at best the look of intercourse does nothing for me and I'll only get slightly turned on by angels of the woman that don't show the actual intercourse or genitals( and at that point it's not even about the intercourse at all its just about seeing an attractive person) however at worst I'm just absolutely disgusted and start to gag. For the most part though it just doesn't phase me either way. So like I don't even know where I really stand on the whole se x repulsed, se x neutral, se x positive spectrum. I just know that I don't have a desire for it.
It sounds like you have a pretty healthy outlook on how you feel. ☺️ Thanks for your comment.
No worries here. I'm asexual-heteromantic. I'm 24 this year and I've never never been in an actual relationship. Never had the desire to be in one because I just never felt that click or need.
No need to worry, I also found out later in my life that my sexual orientation is different than what I thought it was.
You be yourself, and accept it proudly no matter what others may tell you.
Much love and respect from your fellow ace sibling. 💜
Literally almost the same as me, I've only ever liked one guy when I was in 6/7th grade, and I feel that fictional characters are 'hot,' but not real people. Though yes I appreciate others on an emotional and aesthetic level, the thought of being romantically involved with anyone I know (even the crush) also kind of repulses me because of the sexual connotations of a relationship. I only feel a surge of happiness (dopamine? lol) when I read or watch romantic scenarios and feel an odd disgust or apathetic distaste when I see anything sexual happening in TV shows or whatnot. Either that or I seem to phase it out and not care that it's happening.
Been there. I thaught I was asexual for a couple of years when I discovered all these concepts. I never had a relationship and i was even scared by the closeness of another person. I fell in love with a guy for the first time at 25 yrs old. I discovered then I was demi. So the moment you fall in love. If you do, is kind of the moment you can analyse better this kind of feelings and emotions. Keep it up~ It's all part of the process
I've never had a desire to be in a relationship either. When I was in primary school and at the very beginning of middle school I had this friend who reaaaaaally wanted to have a boyfriend and back then I was always like "why? What do you need one for?". The concept of romantic involvement was basically alien to me back then xd well, my opinion hasn't changed since then but at least I can answer the question myself 😂 I also hated when girls asked me to tell them who did I think was the hottest in our class and I was like "I don't care, neither" and they didn't believe me :") I also didn't want to even make anything up because honestly, I was scared thy'd spread rumors about me for that. Besides, when I told my friend that I'm not interested in relationships they (completely serious) suggested me to go and see a therapist XDD
I've only started questioning my sexuality as of recent times. This vid really helped clear up some things for me.
I remember a few years back when girls would talk about their celebrity crushes and I just didn't click in with their opinions. In my mind it was just a dude like my pals at school. What was different? I didn't know.
My lack of knowledge for that part led me to a lot of strange positions as a kid (my love for biology didn't help). How the heck was I going to explain I wasn't interested in sex the same way as everybody else?
WAIT... it's not like that to everyone? sinsirly asking, I'm mostly not attracted sexually to hot boys and even with strong feelings I still have a bit of a hard time to even think of a real kiss (though, I do not lack any sexual drive so I'm not Asexual) especially a kiss with a tounge... 🤯
I thought you can only be sexually attracted to a person you like. and people who "sleep around" do it for the fun and not actual sexual attraction.
but, it just might be beacuse I grow up in a realigious household and didn't get "any-sexual-understanding" till like... 20? (like, REALLY I had 0 idea about it)
Hey just wanted to point out that classic asexual people can have sex drives too, the intensity depends but they do. It's just that they don't feel any sexual attraction.
Nope! As a lesbian, if a girl is cute I'm immediately attracted to them sexually. Like not lusting and drooling over girls, these are people after all. But just being like "wow she has nice tidds" and being able to imagine sexual circumstances. Whereas I imagine demisexuals as completely ignoring the sexual aspect of most people until they form deep bonds.
@@purplewolf2114
That's amazing! I never felt that (attraction in first sight) guess I never will, but it's still amazing! 🙂
I'm bi, I wish I could just see girls and boys and feel something... anything. it might sound silly but sometimes I feel jealous, afraid I'm missing out cause I was born demi.😅
@blackfox it's not really ignoring the sexual aspect, more like being unaware of it (at least for me). like those pictures that depending on how you look at them can be different things. at first all you see is the bunny, but after a while you can see the duck.
@bon bon, I'm completely in the same boat, but I did find someone who was willing to work for that connection and I have been with him for nearly 10 years now! it is possible to have that attraction with time and the right person/people. not that it's easy, but having the right label/language to explain makes it easier. I didn't have that back then.
@@Ishasgirl
That's really amazing! and true, I wasn't even aware of sexual implications as a child, I didn't ignore anything, I honestly didn't know attraction exists, it was really bad in high school 😅 I thought everyone was like me and they werent.
I usually don't comment on videos, but you have no idea how much this video and the one on Asexuality has helped me be okay with myself so much more. It's like I had been lost all this time with all of these unanswered questions and I never truly felt I would be able to understand myself. But thanks to you, I feel so understood and accepted. Sending love ❤
Oh, this comment means so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Please make yourself home at the channel. 💜
Can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make a video for both aromantics and demiromantics? 💜💚
I'm definitely planning on doing one for aromantics soon! I want to do one on bipolar disorder first, then I'll come back to sexuality. Thanks so much for your comment. 🌻
I've been curious about being demisexual. Not wanting to add on to the bisexual thing but I think this video is really helpful for me. Thank you 😊
Just finished. This confirmed my thoughts and I am a demisexual no doubt. Thank you for sharing where different groups are, sometimes I just struggle finding the right ones. Gonna give reddit a go.
Kyrie Wolfi Diantonio yay, so glad to hear you benefited from the video, friend. 💜
@@hippiecalico Hey I'm glad you're glad. Lol thank you though :)
This is honestly one of the best, most succinct videos I've seen on demisexuality.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for making this video. It is very well explained and I'll surely be sending this to anyone I speak to that doesn't know what it is instead of giving myself a headache trying to explain it myself.
I realised alongside my therapist that I probably am demisexual a few months ago, but I still had some doubts (I informed them of what it means) and thanks to your clarifications I can safely say that I am. The worst thing to me is living in a place where it still isn't even something that is talked about ever, so it sucks when I have to deal with cliché sentences about relationships or sex and stuff. I am very very lucky and privileged to be in accepting or care-free environments 99%of the time, and I do empathise with those who don't feel safe to make their identities clear to others. I've always felt like there was something wrong with me, until the last few years.
I can't stop giggling from happiness. This really helps. Thank you!
holy shit I didn’t know that demi could be used as a prefix omg all this time I’ve been taking forever by listing everything, this video is great
I like reading the comments, makes me feel good to know I’m not alone.
Wow, I’ve been questioning my sexuality/asexuality since i was a preteen and now as an adult just before the start of pride month (which also happens to be my birth month) I think I’m starting to understand my identity a bit more... thank you so much this is probably one of the best gifts I could ever get hehe☺️
This perfectly explains me! Well done!
I always have a hard time trying to explain my 'sexuality', so this made it way easier.
Aw, so happy to hear it! 💜
This is such a good video!!! Thank you so much for your amazing work regarding aspec orientations
Aw, thank you so much for your appreciation and taking the time to comment. 💜
Gonna share this with friends and family when they ask! Thanks!
Aww, thank you! Glad you found it helpful. ☺️
I’m glad I saved this. I was pretty positive after doing my own research before that I’m demi but I think this video solidified it.
I’ve had very few crushes-or perhaps love interests if you will- and with all of them I had only stared being interested once I had been friends with them or simply became overly comfortable with them. Upon reflection I think this makes sense for me personally and I actually agree with the majority of this video and can see how it fits with myself.
I’m glad I’ve watched this and solidified my thoughts,my research has paid off, now just to figure out how to tell my friends(it seems sending a video about a Demisexuality analogy wasn’t enough for them to notice 🤔)
I absolutely already knew I was demisexual and this was definitely correct.
I also appreciate you mentioning that a demisexual does not mean having a low sex drive. I'll be honest, I had no sex drive until I fell in love with my first love, then all of a sudden my sex drive skyrocketed. After he and I broke up, my libido became nearly nonexistant again. I find that very fascinating
This was very informative. Thank you.
So glad you think so! Thank you for watching.
I've been this way all my life and I am now 56 this year. Could have done with this term 40+ years ago and not just been called weird or freak.
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart: Thank you.
Oh wow, this explains why I, a panromantic (probably either ace, grey, or demisexual), don't experience sexual attraction towards boys at all but have romantic feeling towards them and also have sexual attraction towards enbies and women but only after I get to know them a little
Thank you for making this video. I think if I come out to my friends I have to send this to them because it's nice and short and I won't have to explain my sexuality to them!
I find sexual attraction is *very* rare for me, in fact I think I've only felt it maybe once or twice in my life and for a very brief time. I'm not even sure if it was sexual attraction, or rather the openness to having a sexual relationship with a certain person rather than actively wanting it. I should've known a major tip-off was thinking throughout my adolescence "I don't want to have sex because there's no one I feel that way about." I never suspected a thing because, thankfully, I always had friends who weren't obsessed with sex.
Thank you for leaving your experience. I’m sure it will resonate with others. So glad the video can be helpful. 💜
I’ve always been very confused by aromantic. I fully support it regardless! If you could make a video on that it would be amazing!
Locust Cat aromantics will definitely get a video in the near future!
Thank you so much for explaining! I mean, I've been questioning my sexuality for a long time and I didn't understand what is wrong with me. I'm still not sure, but at least that pretty much fits)
Quoiromantic would be a great video talking about how it’s also a special form of romantic attraction between the spectrum. Most have a solid line between friendships and relationships from the start
Ive recently found out im demi. This is thanks to Therapy and helping me realize im not crazy. I actually pretended having crushes in school and got made fun of when i didnt understand guys talking about wanting hit up girls or wanting to go to strip clubs. Because of pressure in school and other trama induced mental problems i forced my self to try and be more sexual... it didnt go well. Im glad i know who i am now.
It’s crazy the lengths we go to just to feel “normal.” Glad you’ve learned more about yourself recently!! Realizing I’m ace made a huge difference for me.
This video is actually how I started to think that I could be Demi-sexual. I doubt you'll ever see this but thank you!
For years I just assumed I was a late bloomer. It wasn't until I sometime within the last year that I was hanging out with a friend of mine every day that I started to question it. I had been friends with her for 2 years prior to this. I had been spending every single day with her around this point in time and that's when it happened. My love language is quality time...so it made sense how it came to be, but at the time all I could think was why am I having these thoughts and desires towards her. None of them were quite sex, but definitely closer to it than what I'm normally into.
People in the past had asked me if I was demi, and I always said I don't think I can be because of misconceptions, but this is one of the videos that cleared them up for me.
its so weird to watch this
its like someone has found a label for how i feel, bc i never really knew what demisexuality was
so thank you for this(:
i‘m demi, & while most people find other people attractive and want to have sex with them, I fall in love quite easily and can imagine having a relationship with them - but sex is definitely not the first step :D
Aromantic-asexual here! I had a little issue understanding it besides a broad concept since I had a lot of questions, but this explained it well to me. Thank you for helping me understand! :)
I hate how people say its not real and it's just normal, when people say that it makes me so annoyed, thanks for the video.
I have heard 1st time about it a few months ago i didn't even know sexuality can be more than 4 type glad to know about it thank u so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm demihet. Oddly, I never felt pressured to date. Which is good because I just wasn't interested until sophomore year of college when my feelings for a guy friend suddenly got *much* warmer. Fortunately he reciprocated; we've been together for 25ys.
omg, bless u guys 💜🖤🤍 thanks for sharing. 😊
I love this video! And it's so well made ❤️
I’m recently trying to find my sexuality,so far I think I’m a Demisexual,I’m very glad you made this video,it really helped me know my sexuality more.Since I don’t know a lot about myself,I couldn’t leave down any experience,but I can tell I have think of sex before,but I never had someone I wanted to do it with.
Thank you for talking about this. The asexuality spectrum is very shunned. I appreciate you🤗🤗🤗
Thank you, I appreciate your support. ☺️💜
Spot on.
Glad you think so!
As a pandemic (if I'm a demi at all, I'm sure of my pansexuality) I can say that growing up as a demi is so confusing. As I developed a deeper relationship with my friends, sometimes a desire for an intimate relationship and then sexual attraction arose. And I could never imagine anyone having sex with me at all. I also have the experience that when I know someone more deeply (or at least I'm convinced that I know them), after a while I want to have an intimate relationship or sex. Overall, I tend to want intimacy, but not necessarily partnership. Because of all this and other things, I don't feel as allosexual or asexual ... I've always said that I'm something between or with someone special, that I need intimacy first and then I can handle it and simply I can't do it just with someone for one night ...
I feel a little confused. I don’t want to say something that I am not but I genuinely relate to this on a level. I’m a junior and I always get questions of why I’m so picky or never been in a relationship and I’m genuinely waiting for a connection but sometimes when I get that connection I still push myself away or just not interested fully. I’m so confused :(
i spent years thinking there was something wrong with me as i was not like most of my friends that seamed to be in and out of relationships very few months with people they considered "hot" or "sexy", i didnt understand for the longest time why i wasnt like them. then my friend danni took me to a pride parade and introduced me to some people that gave me a whole bunch of things to read and search to see if something struck a cord. i am soo greatfull to danni for introducing me to the people that he did cause it made me able to better understad myself.
eventually i found my partner/best friend of 7 years ( first 2 we were just friends) i can not inagine my life without them, they actually took the time whilst we were friends to understand that i needed to get to know them before anything might happen, i liked their quirky personality and a shared love of video/bord game,a rather dark sense of humor is somethng we both share.
Even with this video, I still feel broken and confused.
why you think you're broken?
@@vxbrxnt I just feel like I’m not supposed to be the way I am
Great video! Really informative and beautifully made thanks a lot, I found out about demi sexuality not to long ago, I always now that I don't think or see sex appeal on the others as the same way they did so I never talk with others about my sexuality even with my former relationships I just rolled with what I feel comfortable to do and I was lucky enough to not have abusive boyfriends. Anyway since this discover is too recent I've never talked it with anyone but I think when I'll decide to have this conversation with my family or when I tell someone I just gonna send this video and the one on asexuality to, sorry for my English is not my first language
Your English is wonderful, by the way! I'm glad you've been able to find a sexuality you can identify with. I hope this video is helpful in the future. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment! 💜
This video and the one about asexuality was awesome, I´m just a little frustrated I can´t show it to my family and other people I need cause, well, they don´t speak English. My mom still doesn´t believe me when I tell her I´m demisexual, she says, just like you mentioned in the video, that everyone is like that and I just need to find the right person. This happens to me quite often, fortunately I have a best friend who is a proud bisexual and she actually helps me figure things out about myself and supports me. In my country asexuality is basically unheard of as the country is a 100 years in the stone age lol, so conservative and religious. Still, it made me unbelievably happy to see these videos and they even answered some of the questions I didn´t even know I had. Thank you.
What language do your friends and family speak? I can see about getting some translations made for the closed captions. 🙂
@@hippiecalico That would be awesome and probably difficult :D we speak Slovak and Czech. Thank you, this means a world to me.
@@tehanu99 Of course! I can't make any promises, but I'll make a note and try to make some captions in the future! There are public contributions on, which means anyone can submit captions in their language. I'll try to drum up some translations in the future though! I've paid people for adding captions in their language before, so if someone wanted to add them in Slovak or Czech, I could certainly PayPal them a little money!
Do demi-sexuals get celebrity crushes?
Maybe a RUclipsr, you watched them for a long time or something and you have a crush on that person.
I can't speak for others, but as a demi-sexual I've never gotten an actual celebrity crush. I have crushed on a rather small-time streamer, but after a lot of interaction with him, so I knew him personally. (we are now dating)
Kishiko ooh, thank you for telling me!
Kishiko I never had a crush on anyone I actually knew, I never had a close friend that was a boy. I was thinking that there might be a little bit chance I was a demi-sexual, because I knew anime characters and RUclipsrs better than the boys I saw in real life.
@@gardenfalls If you didn't get close to any boy that's totally fair. I did imagine a lot that I was romancing fictional characters! But I never had sexual thoughts from that.
I think if you get someone really special to you, you'll be able to figure out your sexuality. I only started understanding what demi-sexuality really means after meeting my boyfriend, I looked asexual in every way before then. (but I somehow knew I wasn't asexual)
Kishiko thank you a lot! C:
Hetero Demisexual & Demiromantic. I do see attraction but, once I meet the person then I can really decide. Because you can ruin it sooo fast. Lawed. This video is wonderful. Thank you.
Thanks for giving us representation!
...this explains so much. I’m not sure what to do with this information. I don’t need another identity crisis at the moment. Well, here we go
Lmk if you ever wanna reach out with questions! ❤️ hippiecalico@gmail.com
Thank you for clearing this up for people! I’m not Demi but I love seeing representation for them :) this video was great 👍
Aw, thanks! I love your account photo
this was helpful! trying to learn as much about the different sexualities/gender identities as possible. i want to make sure i understand every single identity in the lgbt community 💞 happy pride month ya'll 🥳🏳🌈
~ your local disaster bi 🥴🌈
Aw, I love it!! Thank you for commenting!
@@hippiecalico ofc! forever grateful for you and others who continue to educate and teach 🥰
I remember coming out to a person, that was my best friend at that point
I was like "yeah it means that I only want to sleep with someone, that I can really trust and know very well" and she was like "... so just like everyone else?" and I´m like nooooo
Thank you for this video! Especially for mentioning that demisexuals (like myself) can still feel platonic, romantic and aesthetic attraction and that we can still have a sex drice/ libido.
I was really questioning myself for awhile, because alot of people said that demisexuality means that you're basically ace until you're not or that you can't ever have a celebrity crush.
I like the general idea of sex, I want to have sexual experiences and I enjoy sexual media in written or visual form frequently. I also have sexual fantasies, but they are never about a specific person and just kinda abstract. Having a specific person in my fanatsies would actually be really, really weird and repulsive to me. Like I would make the other person uncomfortable, even tho they're literally just an immagination in that moment.
Also, I don't have celebrity chrushes in the sense that I would fall in love with or would want to sleep with a celeb (I honestly don't get how that's even possible...). But when seeing interviews of, for example, Jason Momoa or Emma Watson, I still find these people extremly attractive. They are beautiful people with, as far as I can see, beautiful personalities and I would just love to actually meet them, talk to them and see more of those beautiful personalities. It's like watching a piece of art develop and unfold itself in front of you.
But I literally never felt sexually attracted to a person, ever. I could never imagine myself to have sex with someone, ever. That's why I was really confused.
So thank you so much for this video! :) You are a wonderful human!
Hey, I feel that way a lot too! I'm still questioning because I was raised Catholic and I think that my general discomfort with the idea of having sex with someone or even making out with someone could be because of that. But I feel the same way about celebrity crushes, and the desire to someday have sex with someone! I also share your distaste for fantasizing about specific people in a sexual manner.
@@sveajohnson3779 Hey, I'm really glad to read that we share the same feelings in those regards ^-^ It's wonderful to learn that you're not alone and I hope you can find out more about yourself continuosly, as I was and still am :)
3:04 this is me right now. That and also the fact thta ive only been in one relashionship ever. It makes me feel like i dont know if i could be demi because ive only been in one relashionship, or the fact that i have only been in one relashionship (with sexual activity) means that i am demi. it is so confusing
I loved the asexual and this video, I hope you make more for other sexualities as well 🙂
when you said sex drive doesn’t mean sexual attraction, istg it hit the nail perfectly- of course it’s normal for people to get hormonal and stuff by themselves and not towards a specific person doesn’t mean they’re any less demisexual (?) this is from my speculations but i don’t think getting horny because your body just reacts that way doesn’t mean you’re not demisexual because it’s not caused by a specific person or reason. please if i’m incorrect, correct me because i have a feeling that i might be demi but i’m not 100% sure
Wow, this is so dead on accurate!
Thank you very much for this great video! :D
So glad you enjoyed! 💜
Well this explains a lot and thank you qwq
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. 💜
Good video. In my younger years I was asexual. I couldn't understand this idea of how you have to go to a bar and come up with a bunch of dumb pickup lines just to get laid. It all seemed to be a waste of time, I would rather read a good book, watch a movie, or just get to bed early so I can do something productive the next day. Now I think I'm more demisexual. The idea of getting to sex before some kind of bond is established seems odd to me. I've never used the services of a prostitute and likely never will.
This video was great and informed a lot! If its okay, can you do a video about demiromantic people too?
Well what do you know, first time I'm hearing this term, and as it turns out this fits me perfectly
Thank you for making this video.
Thank you for explaining why I still love my ex but feel absolutely repulsed by them sexually. The last 4 months of our relationship felt like rape although it wasn't. I never made the connection as to why until now.
I used to be so confused, I was so scared to come out as bisexual because I was raised Christian. Once I did in college, I somehow assumed everyone was like me sexually. I started looking to date guys on tinder and I soon realized I wasn’t on the same level sexually as other including friends and family. It was a hell of time before I found Demisexuality and when I did I couldn’t believe how there was such a difference in sexual drives.
I just found your channel and I wanted to say I think you're doing a really awesome job. I love the videos I've seen so far. Curious question: about how long on average does it take to produce your videos?
Aw, thank you so much! The asexuality video took a couple months because I was pretty inconsistent with working on it. The demisexuality one just took a couple weeks, but it probably could have also taken less time if I weren’t busy with work and stuff. When I first started, I did one a week and it *burned me out*. So trying to do a video essay a month now with supplementary videos in between. ☺️
Thanks so much for asking! If you ever want to talk more about RUclips or video stuff, feel free to message me on IG @hippiecalico if I don’t respond on here. ☺️
I only figured out demisexual was a term that existed a few years ago. Up until that point, I thought I was broken on yet another level, because I don't want to have sex, but I do want to have a close bond with someone.
I can look at the hottest man alive and think, "Damn! Wow! He's pretty." and not want to have sex with him. In fact, I can't date, because I know through experience that any man interested in me enough to go on a date with me wants sex. I won't give them that. I've been dumped a few times because of that after only three or four dates. Every time I look at them, I think, "He's just after sex. Even if he likes me and finds out he won't get it, he'll leave, or he'll force himself on me. I can't take the risk of another heartbreak, another almost-rape incident, or a potential rape incident. *sigh* Dammit. I like him. But he'll just leave."
It really sucks, because I want to be able to trust a guy to know they won't expect sex from me, and still be happy I'm in his life - that I'm his emotional bond like he is mine.
In our society, I feel like this is a lot to ask. :(
Could you relate to both? Because I can relate to asexual and Demisexual ... ☺️
considering demisexuals often feel asexual until they form a bond with the right person, that makes total sense!
I have been trying to explain what I am my whole life regarding sex. It's nice to have a name for it.
Gosh, I can relate to that feeling! Glad you found your way here. 💜
@@hippiecalico 😀❤
wait is aesthetic attraction like an actual thing???
That might change some things lol.
I've always struggled with trying to figure out if I was physically attracted to someone because of their looks or if it was just that I was aesthetically attracted to them because they were pleasing to look at (that sounds so weird lol) in a non-sexual way.
Also being an artist and just someone who generally appreciates the aesthetics of things/people/places has not made that easier. I often find myself asking "do I want to be with them or just draw them???" lmao
I just found this video and I am going to save it because every time someone asks me why I cannot kiss someone I am not romantically attracted to or have sex with someone I am not in love with I get a million more questions.
Thank you for this video and saving me from a million more explanations.