My Girlfriend Is Asexual But I'm Not | If This Isn't Love
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 26 сен 2024
- Is love without sex possible? A Singaporean couple opens up about asexuality and their struggles to reconcile their differences where one's needs for physical intimacy is greater than the other.
Director: / gldysng
Art & Animation: / peppapeng__
Sound Design: / endswithanie
---
O+ is a virtual space exploring the intangible in Southeast Asia. Through distinctive visuals and experimental forms, our inquisitive team discusses back of the mind, candid perspectives about society, culture and being human.
Support us on Patreon: / oplus
Join our Discord: bit.ly/oplus-di...
Follow us on Instagram: / _o.plus
Like us on Facebook: oplus.ogs 
Кино
I needed this story. I had recently broken up with my ex-girlfriend after dating for 6 years. I began to wonder if something was wrong with me. I felt repulsed by sexual acts, but I love cuddling. It was thanks to my best friend after my breakup, I realized I am asexual. I was oblivious to the signs when I was younger, but looking back all these years later makes sense. I don’t need a sex partner, all I want is a lifelong companion who is like a best friend to me. That we both respect each other and share the same goals and can cuddle. I can relate to Robin in this story.
This is beautiful. I want that too, somebody who is like me and wants to navigate life with me as my partner. A partner who is there for me and I can be there for them.
Hey my story is quite similar. I used to think I'm all alone here. I'm dating someone and me and my boyfriend are together for almost 6 years now. We really really love each other and respect each other. But I didn't know that I am a Asexual. I've always been very distant about sex or any sexual activities. But I like to cuddle, I like to sleep with him. But he is not a Asexual. Rather he is a very sexually active person. I get it where he is coming from. He also tries to respect my choice. But there's always a gap. I feel guilty every time he tries to approach anything. And out of courtesy I do fake few things. He feels like I'm not feeling attracted towards him. He feels bad about himself. I don't want him to feel that way. We try to communicate about it but I always end up crying and then he always tries to console me. We really don't want to lose each other but still I feel like a burden sometimes and I feel guilty. He could have gotten any other girl. Idk what should I do. 😢
@@sayantanisen9587Hello. It's hard, so I'll try to share my experience which may help a bit with yours.
10 years in my relationship with my fiance, but I only discovered my experiences match the asexual label a few years ago. For years I struggled sexually due to external, physical, and mental barriers. I can go on and on about each of these aspects because they're quite interconnected, but I'll try to keep it brief.
After discovering asexuality, over time it helped me feel less "broken." It was hard for my fiance to grasp at first as well because he was already self-conscious about whether I'm attracted to him, so my relief that "turns out I'm just not sexually attracted to anyone" made him hopelessly feel like there was nothing he could do.
I guess the gist of addressing this and other issues in a romantic/sexual relationship, is to re-establish boundaries and what certain aspects mean to each of _you_ individually. We all get fed this "ideal" version of a relationship by heteronormative society, when frankly that's not the only way to balance and happiness.
So take time to figure out what you're comfortable with, and not what you "should" do.
For us, I may be sex-neutral or even sex-positive at times, but the reality is I can go without most often if not indefinitely. While he could go daily. So our middle ground is:
1. Most of the time he just takes care of himself. Frankly, I'm not sure why self-pleasure isn't more normalized for relationships. For some reason there's a stigma that it's only for loners and losers, when that isn't the case at all! The act also helps tremendously with figuring out what it is you like and dislike, and can also help increase libido a bit over the week. This last point helps me to maintain "the mood" a tad bit more. Anything helps, especially toys. Also, sometimes I assist him in a flirty way, even if not to go or finish all the way together. Little things here and there keep it open and fresh, with no pressure either way.
2. When I do feel arousal (usually every other week or so in my cycle, possibly for a few days at a time), I make a point to use it to give him a good sexy time. It's really important to him, so I'm happy to reassure him in that way when I feel comfortable. (And now that my physical ailments are about resolved and most of the external obstacles as well after years of work, I can actually enjoy the feelings too when I'm ready to! For me most of the sex takes place in my head, my thoughts have to be in the right place for it to go well.)
Since this has turned into a TL;DR, I guess I'll go over a few other points you can look into more:
- Many asexuals get into kink. This isn't something I've explored yet myself, but I see it again and again. SO many kinksters are asexual it turns out! I saw an ace RUclipsr say, "Imagine not being sexually attracted to anyone. If you're going to participate in sex anyway, you're gonna find ways to make it enticing for yourself!" (Also, not all kink is sexual, just FYI)
- Sublabels may add a bit more clarity. I'm still unsure if I'm technically gray asexual/graysexual, or aegosexula, cupio, it goes on. My fiance is actually demi or more specifically reciprosexual, but in our relationship that still means he has sexual attraction for me while I don't for him, haha. Sublabels are quite intersting the more you learn about them (I could imagine _so_ many stereotypical manly heroes fit under fraysexual in how they can't seem to hold feelings long-term).
- Sexual attraction, libido, arousal, and desire are all different things. These things tend to align for most allosexuals (aka not asexual people) the majority of the time, so they tend to conflate them with each other. Having a better understanding of these helps clear misunderstandings in sexual relationships. Or at least it helped my own confusion with how I "should feel" about my feelings/lack there of through the week.
- There's great resources both here on RUclips and elsewhere I've found, so let me know if you'd like to be pointed their way. :)
I genuinely hope all the best for you and your relationship.
If you can understand sex without love, then how hard is it to love without sex
"Love without sex" is a love for your family and pets. If you fall in any of that categories you are not a romantic partner.
@@suonnagan123 romance is more than sex
@@suonnagan123I can love someone without that desire, romantic isn't sexual
@@suonnagan123 Bro, I love my family as in, they are always here for me, and there great people, and i love them as in almost like a friendship. I wouldn't kiss my family on the lips, or cuddle with them, or compliment them in a way i would compliment my girlfriend right? so no, love without sex is completely different then loving family and pets.
@@suonnagan123not true
This made me cry!! Years ago, when I was a high school student who first discovered her asexuality, I felt broken. My best friend reminded me recently about a repressed memory I had, of going to her and sobbing that no one would ever love me. I think just being ace means you unfortunately go through a lot of self-hatred in the beginning. But everyone works through it, and finds romantic or platonic relationships, and it’s all good. But we’re still oddities in this world, so having videos like this that clear up stigma and talk about personal experiences are so powerful. Thank you 💕
What do you mean platonic relationships? Thought asexuals mean not sexually attracted... that has nothing to do with your ability to make friends. Unless asexuals can't feel love at all. You should also get your hormones levels checked just in case
Get your hormones level checked for sure. You may also be a lesbian. Probably you don’t like men. That’s why you thought u were asexual. Try watching lesbian porn to find out your true sexual orientation. If that doesn’t work, try bestiality. Perhaps you are attracted to a stallion or a horse.
you are amazing, my friend ❤ here is an hug : *hug*
Sometimes I don't even want to cuddle. I don't want to be touched. I'm staying single. It's not fair to the other person unless they are asexual too.
Same
Me too
Thank you for understanding. At least you all would make good friends since there's no danger of libido
Same, I had a relationship with someone who needed his sexual needs full field and I told him I couldn’t give him that, it wasn’t fair for him and me. My goal right now is to find a partner who is also ace😊
Thank you.
I was married to someone who I realise now was asexual, while i am someone who got a lot of my self worth through sexually satisfying my partner. Needless to say, we were doomed, but i spent 4 years utterly mierable before I left. It wasn't her fault, and we still talk, but I wish I'd known sooner, so I could have been more honest about who I was, so we could decide together if we wanted to do this to each other.
I am just crying right now.
I am demisexual. And I have almost no sexual attraction. I just want it to be someone I love. The thought of sex makes me uneasy. I hope one day I find someone who treats me with respect and respects my boundaries and me. thanks for video
It's tough bc I was active w my then bf but we fell off emotionally and the sex followed bc I didn't want to anymore and didn't know why. He left me bc of it. I think tho that I might be Demisexual.
Learn to love yourself. Truly love yourself. And the world will be yours.
Same.
I'm also asexual and I don't like sexual people
Sounds like you might be sexually averse, not the same as ace. People with sexual aversion get anxious/ uneasy about sex, whereas ace folks don't feel anything for it. Maybe check with a therapist on this
I identify as asexual and am currently dating a guy who isn’t. I discovered I was ace early in our relationship and I have always wrestled with doubts. He constantly tries to reassure me that he is content with the possibility of us spending our lives together without sex, but I know the things he likes and fantasizes about. I know he compromises the most in this relationship, as I’m almost always the one saying no to things. And I feel bad for it, even though I know its better that I don’t force myself to do something intimate that I don’t want to do. I constantly question if this will work out long term, if its possible for him to be happy with someone who is sex-repulsed. This video helped reassure me a lot. Hearing someone in the same situation. Hearing how they make it work. I helps me feel less of a burden.
Please don't hate me there are a few things you could do you could have a open relationship and you could allow him to have sexual relations with other partners
Again l am not interfering just offering some suggestions again its your life
@@qurratulaineproteety4321 I have already proposed the idea to him and he was quick to deny the idea. He holds very traditional and old-fashioned ideas about love and romance and doesn't like the idea of sex out of wedlock, let alone with partners he feels no romantic feelings for.
ı can understand you .I'm demisexual, so although I'm not completely asexual, I can't afford to meet my partner's needs. but this video... its makes me cry
Is he still young? If so then I'm gonna be brutally honest with you. This relationship will not work, he will eventually find someone to fulfill his itch. Enjoy the relationship while it lasts
I’m a Hetero-romantic Asexual. I don’t wanna have sex with anyone. But I still wanna find a partner from the opposite sex to love, to cuddle, to hug, to spend time with…
i’m biromantic and this is so real
This is so real
This video is WAAAYYYYY more wholesome than the toxic comment section.
istg the comments are making me cry
bruh where do you see toxic comments exactly?
That's because the video is delusional
@@TheBruvleigh Facts dude
You don't have romantic feelings towards a friend. It is definitely not only friendship at all. I don't know why is that so hard for people to understand.
This. If she was aromantic too, it probably actually would be like that, but asexuality only refers to the sexual attraction, not the romantic ... really good comment
there is practically no difference.
Because using more words doesn't actually mean it's different. If there's no physical intimacy, at best your talking about a close roomate
@@TheBruvleighBeing asexual doesn’t mean no intimacy at all. There’s still hand holding, cuddling, and kissing
@@QWERTY-gp8fd Butterflies and kissing
This made me extremely happy, these relationships needs to be more normalised and im so happy to see this change
No. This kind of compromise is sad. Asexuals should tell people before they fall in love.
@@jimj2683 What if they only discover they're asexual during the relationship? coming out to someone else can be really difficult especially in singapore where its still very much not normalised. Sex isn't the base of a relationship for most as well so if the other person cannot deal with that fact, then neither should be together.
@@junkbatkid well don’t get me wrong but saying that they’re not interested in sex is not like saying they’re gay or bi. It’s just like not giving consent.
@@Megagechko can you elaborate more? i don't quite understand
@@Megagechko do you want to say it's not as tormenting as them well yeahhhh its not but being in community we should not compare who had it worst we should always be there for each other..............many time we had to force ourself to have sex and it feel forced like im forcing myself and its bad too...............
This is simply beautiful. I can totally relate to this as I am facing the exact same issue with my wife. It really compelled me to re-look at love beyond physical intimacy for sure! But hey, I have come to learn that a relationship can still flourish despite having no sex, despite the world glorifying sex and all. Kudos to Harper and Robin for sharing your story - rooting for the both of you to work it out towards marriage!
Yes, it's called a cuckold relationship
Thank You.... yessir
How's that working out for you?
I'm a guy witha high libido and my girlfriend is asexual , it's probably one of the hardest relationships I have had. Everything else is there and I love her more than anyone I have ever met. But the constant rejection that makes her feel bad and then in turn makes me feel bad is something I'm struggling to deal with. At one point I stopped trying and was letting her initiate when she did want to. In the end she started to get upset because she noticed this and thought I was falling out of love with her.
Only go for this type of relationship if the person is worth it because it is going to be alot of heart ache
it just goes to show that sex is a healthy part of being human. Its a basic need when you are with a woman you love. Depriving yourself of that is not healthy for your mental health. In a relationship two people have to be on the same page about sex and intimacy, values and disciplining kids. If you are not on the same page, resentment will build and cause the relationship to break
same here....
Yeah I got broken up w for being on ace spectrum a bit ago. I can imagine sex but when it's happening I feel not great... It takes a lot of effort to be turned on and not thinking of something unrelated too
Gimme her #
@@NeonElixr I probably should but but in gonna try at the moment. She is trying to work on it herself.
I mean we are on a average of once a week so that's not bad but if it gets worse than that then I think it will be the end
This made me cry!!!! I could relate and empathize with Robin and also appreciate the fact that Harper made efforts to understand where Robin is coming from and they both tried to navigate through it together. As someone who's questioning her sexuality, I am so glad that I came across this video.
I am asexual, but I’ve been coming to terms with it more easily due to the fact that I am also aromantic as well. I don’t find myself being interested in sex or romance due to the fact that I am just more introverted and have multiple disabilities.
The fact that people don’t understand asexuality and what it is and how it impacts others really makes the world a harder place to live in.
And guys, thanks for the likes. I appreciate it.
This really helps, I'm currently figuring out that I might be ace and I've been so stressed out thinking that I'm broken or that maybe I shouldn't be in a relationship because I find myself disengaged during intimacy - it's nice knowing that I don't have to be sexual to be in a relationship ⭐💜
I'm falling for a girl who recently confessed to me that she is Asexual. I'm not a very sexual person myself and can go months to years without being intimate with someone. I really hope she likes me because... I would be so happy to have her in my life forever. I guess time will tell.
I recently started dating an asexual person, I really think I’m in love. I think if you find someone who is asexual who you like and you aren’t, it will just work out.
Not if you are young and just starting out. If you are old and really don't care anymore then maybe it could work otherwise there will eventually be resentment and heartbreak. Guaranteed. Think twice and good luck.
@@user-fw1wd2gb1wand you know this how..? you got a crystal ball?
I didn't know id be moved to tears when I clicked on this video because of how relatable EACH sentence is. I feel so relieved im not the only one in this situation :')
I'm a male and asexual,
searching for asexual women for life partner..
if u know anyone ,pls inform to me
@@Hindustan2469 I'm asexual but i do have a heterosexual bf that i love sm, I'll let you know if i find someone ^^
@@aayushi3954 ok..
thank you
You're not alone 💜
i never thought i'd see something ace-positive in sg, this was the best video ad i've ever gotten on youtube! i love this
This relationship with asexuals is surprisingly easy. If you're asexual, this is pretty awesome.
I'm aroace means aromantic/asexual
I agree. I have zero dating experience with asexual, can someone recommend me a dating site for asexual or something plz?😂
@gracequeeney3399 sure. Don't date. Stop wasting other people's time with the non romance you claim to want
just got into a relationship and im feeling so much guilt rn. but we agreed to communicate anything and everything with each other so he knows and he still likes me ^ ^
Dunno why every relationship has to circle around sex.
Every, as in romantic relationship? The majority retains instincts to produce offspring, ofc it involves sex...
Yeah, same thoughts
Yeah, they look weak to me
Because it's the major part of life which made new people? If your parents didn't decide to had sex you wouldn't be here asking stupid questions.
@@meghlac I mean because I am wired differently than you, that makes your love language morally superior?
I'm crying after watching this. I'm in a 5 year relationship and have been going through this same issue recently (as in me discovering I'm Ace) and I've been losing hope in my relationship, but this gives me hope that it can work out some how
I'm crying watching this. I think I'll use it as a coming-out video, if I ever do. You captured it perfectly.
It's fine as long a both people understand what is going on. It's when one partner hides being asexual until after marriage.
I'm asexual and realising this about myself has been so freeing, but at the same time, I'm in a country where this kind of thing is so rare and unknown, I think especially for guys so lol I'm SO SCREWED when it comes to dating😂😂😂🙃🤣😭💀. I've never dated anyone yet, but I can see that even when I get into that world it'll be tricky.
As soon as you mentioned being from a country where this sort of thing is rare/ unknown, I saw your username and it made sense 😂😂. I’m South African too lol and they’d definitely look at us like weirdos for saying this out loud. South Africans are obsessed with “mjolo” aka dating and casual hookups. Being ace in this sex crazed place means finding someone is close to impossible. But it is what it is 🤷🏾♀️
@@nothandomlambo4216 why don't you guys just date then.?? Lol btw I'm also from sa. Capetonian here😃.... I used to identify as ace too. But then I discovered that I have developed sexual attraction for someone after I fell in love with them... So now I identify as demisexual.... Which is still really hard... Cuz I don't wanna have sex with someone if I'm not in love with them... And yuh. I'm currently single and its really hard to find someone who doesn't wanna wait and is obsessed with fucking....
@nothandomlambo4216
I thought the same thing.
Our dating culture is so weird, my friends and family thought I was lesbian for years because I didn't date.
Got my first boyfriend this year at 27 and having to explain to him that I was ace, was pretty scary. He had no idea what it was and it took sometime for him to understand.
It's weird how we so obsessed with sex in this country, like if you not interested in it you seen as odd or crazy or how can you know when you've never experienced it
Lucky you. With me, it was the other way around. My ex, with whom I was 5 years decided to break up with me, after we discovered I am Asexual.
I'm asexual and I've never hated myself or thought I was broken, I actually feel really good about it and there's nothing wrong with me. I'm also biromantic, female and I realized I like women more but this is another thing I've never thought was bad about me. Whatever your orientation, love yourself and know there's nothing wrong with you, there's something wrong only with those who judge you!
Loved this story so much!!!! :”) the animation and sound design too…
I know this shit gunna ba hard but fuck it we ball i love her so it doesn’t matter , it’s obviously not easy but i can’t imagine dating anyone else than her so i just got to accept it tbh
Good luck, im thinking the same
GET OUT NOW.
I'm a hetero-romantic asexual girl, I'm 26 yo and I've never had sex, and the truth is, I don't want to. Nonetheless I'm so grateful that I got to experience some lovely dates here and there in which the chemistry and the banter was on fire, I even ended up making out with some of them and it felt amazing. Every now and then I still wish I were like the rest, yet, little by little I'm coming to terms with this part of my essence. In practice it's so excruciating trying to explain it to others, but don't let that dampen your spirits folks. We see you, you're not alone❤.
this makes me so hopeful, I just really dont understand why people need sex, when it's just so...meaningless compared to countless intimate and sweet moments you can spend with each other. i like this allosexual friend of mine, and we have chemistry. he knows i'm ace but im scared he'll reject me because of it. i'll try anyway to confess and maybe compromise with an open relationship if he ever agrees...
edit: i confessed today and he said yes omygODshdhdg our interaction became more wholesome than ever 😭
Sex can be a bonding experience with your partner, but it's alright if you are asexual, there is more to bonding than sex
I couldn't date someone who's asexual, it just wouldn't work out personally. I'd develop pent up sexual frustration
I know right? Many people today honestly just make me sad with their need for sex. Why do you need this to be happy? I’m just glad I found someone who’s celibate. Ha
@@etsap1236 Why is it sad, its just inherent in our biological nature and to reject it would be silly. Just because you can't experience it doesn't mean it's wrong for others to
@@hayakawa3611 I very much can experience it. And it’s a biological process for procreation. Outside that its more of a bonus in a relationship. It shouldn’t be held to the standard of being a need though. That like saying I NEED to date someone who I can go smoke weed with, or go to the bathroom together. Eww, eww.
This was one of the best explanations of the challenges I've seen. Thank you.
They have a beautiful relationship ❣
And entirely fictional
I’m Harper and this made me cry. I love them so so so fucking much. I don’t know if I can carry on but I will keep pushing because they make me feel so loved and understood.
Happy for you both. I left my partner because I didn't want to cheat. I know myself, I cannot live without sex. I still feel guilty of my act but could not hurt her
Hi.
Is ur ex is asexual?
Even if you didn’t cheat, you still hurt her by making her feel unworthy of love unless she gives you sex, which you apparently feel entitled to. I hope she knows she’s worth a lot more than your sorry ass. If you truly don’t have enough self control to the point where you can’t live without sex and will hurt other people to get it, you should really see a licensed therapist about it.
@@AidenHarteWritesMaybe don’t shame people for their sexual orientation? Asexual people shouldn’t be made to feel weird or less human for their orientation, and neither should all sexual people. So shut up.
People are so interesting, truly. You can't live without sex? Must be difficult.
This gave me such a feeling of comfort I'm sobbing
As someone who is re discovering that they might be an asexual lesbian, thank you for sharing your story. I felt so hopeless and sad before.
This is the most heartwarming thing I’ve seen.
After almost two years my partner and I just found out she is ace. Honestly like you said, I’m really sad and I’m really confused right now. I don’t know how this plays out and I don’t know what I want to do anymore. Thank you for making this video tho, it helps a lot knowing someone else has been here and made it work before :)
I’m scared at the moment, my girlfriend I’ve been dating for a year has finally told me she think that she is asexual but she told me that she still wants to do it sometimes but it’s just not something she cares about that much, this is okay me and her are still young and I told her sex is not a big thing in the stage we are at it wont matter until we’re ready to start a family. The problem I am having though is she would cancel on spending the night often and I was so confused but I did understand because she is a manager who works 7 days a week and doesn’t get off til like 11-12 pm and so I could understand but it would happen so much I was confused till today, I don’t know how to ask if it was because she thought I just wanted to have sex when she spends the night because that would never cross my mind till now but it just made me even more confused cause most of the time we didn’t have sex and I just wanted to be with her cause I never get to see her and that’s why I am here, I know this is about her but I am low key feeling like it’s my fault and I’m not attractive and I made her feel like this , this has put me in a state where I can’t even stop thinking about it where it’s my fault maybe I made my favorite person in the world not attracted to me and it’s been stuck inside my head at practice and I feel like I’m not doing my job and I’m not happy with myself , I can’t thinking it’s all my fault.
I'm with you buddy, they deserve to be loved but it's truly hard. I hope your doing well ❤
If she is still your girlfriend, that is all you need to know that she wants to be with you.
Brother, it is your fault. You're staying with an asexual person and surprised this is the outcome? They'll always make you feel rejected, that's human nature. I've been there. These relationships 8/10 do not work... it's already hard in modern relationships where both party is sexually attracted
Love isn't sex...
Sex isn't love ... Especially Not for women... They feel they're being used....
Staying together is cute and all but what are we actually supposed to do when we want to kiss or have sex?
Happy to see local media bringing some much-needed awareness of our kind!
excellent video to normalise asexuality, maybe can explore on aromantism as well?
Yes yes yes! It's good that this video clearly states that there's a difference between asexuality and aromanticism, but as an aroace, I'd like to see a video going into aromanticism as well.
This save a big puzzle for me, great video thank you for helping me fine the answer!
"Knowing that you're not alone in this world" relationship or not,I'll never be alone. I got myself and that's all that matters.
I am asexual romantic. I very want to find my one and only, but afraid to give my love to wrong person who will break my heart and hope for forever💔💔💔
For me sex is essential. As an avoidant I struggle to show love and let my wall down but can comfortably do it via sex and being intimate with a man. I gain closeness this way, I adore the connection and need it to feel close to my partner. It also lowers my anxiety, relaxes me and gives me a sense of peace.
Being asexual girl everyone told me that finding a asexual male partner is impossible but i never give up becoz i believe love can happen without sex❤
Good luck, please spay and neuter your cats.
It's not impossible
Where you belong I Love you without sex please give your response
hi im a 17 yo girl and yeah im an ace heteroromantic,i've come out to a few persons i trust .well most of my friends are very supportive abt my sexuality but the problem is my family wont support me, thats why i havent come out to them yet bcs they think that asexuality is an illness,im very dissapointed.also i've ever met a guy at school,we were very close he even gave me a valentine gift,i was thought that we can be a great pairs, but i was wrong. he dumped me right after i came out to him that im an ace,and he tells me that "ace is good as a friend" aka he didnt want to date me or any ace out there.he broke me into a pieces.pls god i dont mind if i have an allo bf lol,i just want someone who can accept as i am. anyway thanks for made this video for us,its very meaningful,felt like i've find a home and i dont feel too lonely anymore. ilysm❤❤
Hey. I m also asexual male can we be a good friend?
@@viral__feedshi too. I'm a asexual who desperate for dating but super scared of sex (more like pregnancy actually). Let's be friend if you don't mind
@@gracequeeney3399 yeah sure😊
@@gracequeeney3399 i was looking for right partner and i think i found her ❤️
@@gracequeeney3399 can your share your insta i'd...
I feel attacked. This is literally my situation at the moment 😭
This is so good !!
R u an asexual?
im asexual, anddddd maybe aro too? not sure about that. Sometimes its upsetting not being able to like someone and feel some kind of attraction to them like most people would. But being in love with someone, settling and getting marriage is like an "endgame" for most people. I've given up on love due to how im wired since birth and im still figuring things out because I dont believe most people could handle a relationship with that level of commitment that exclude sex. People nowadays cheat on one another for a lot of reasons, unsatisfactory sex being among them. This leaves me wondering will i grow old alone when my family grows old, and my sister gets married elsewhere? The thought horrifies me even as an aroace person.
well im not saying i wanna find a significant other hahaha the thought isnt very appealing to me. But in a way, it warms my heart to know that love without sex could genuinely work like this.
As someone who is questioning rather or not she is aromantic asexual, I could never allow myself to waste someone’s time like this knowing that I am not interested in sex and romance. As an Ace person, if you have no interest in sex or romance, stay single or find someone who feels the exact same way. Simple
I love her❤️ no matter she asexual
This is so adorable
I'm aromantic asexual. I can't even imagine how love can come from sex. I know other people are different but I think the solution is possible: communicate what we need and respect each others boundaries. Want sex? Communicate! Don't want sex? Communicate! Don't contain people in the bubble of what you want, let people be themselves
inspiring, but hard to find someone this understanding in real life.
Most of them want sex and in times when people are cheating on their partners for sex, it is wierd to see this.
My fiance has no problem with just cuddling if I'm not really feeling in the mood to be intimate
He also always asks first and never makes me feel presured or uncomfortable about it
I don't hate being intimate I just have q very low sex drive and I don't ever experience sexual attraction to anyone or anything
Sian...... this very touching
If someone is asexuality and partners libido is higher always interested involving in sexual activities why put yourself in temptations better you look bird of the same feather's to flock together rather than burn with lust?
I wonder if there is a way to detect this huge discrepancy when you're both in the dating phase. It seems like it usually only comes out after you have deeply committed in which case it requires a huge sacrifice on one person to try to make it work. Either that or the relationship dissolves, which hurts worse after all the time investment and deeper commitment.
That's why it's so important for people to take the time to truly get to know themselves outside of the influence of romantic feelings for someone. Unfortunately a lot of people are in and out of relationships from the teenage years so get into sexual experimenting when their hormones are raging, mind not mature and then assume they're sexual from that point.
Currently going thru this as we speak. She’s asexual and I’m the complete opposite. After 5 years of dating, talking about kids and marriage she broke the news to me about a week ago.
I wish there was a book with all the answers to our thoughts
Dating an asexual results in more orgasms for me . Gf doesn’t care if I watch porn or take j/o breaks or if watching a sexy show if I rub one out and rewind a few times . She even points of women she thinks are my type to check out . Most comfortable relationship I’ve had
Beautiful! ❤
Good story
I've seen this story so many times in my recommendations. Yet something stopped me from watching. Today I finally did, and I genuinely needed this video. I suppose I am in the asexual spectrum, and I live with a thought that I won't find a guy that would accept it. To find someone who matches my basic standards like mutual respect and all those things, share my views and interests to some extent AND for that guy to be asexual or to love me despite my lack of attraction seems like something impossible. I don't know if it will change -- that I'm ace, I mean -- and I won't be bothered if it doesn't. What does make me sad is that relationships look like a closed door for me, although I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I want to care about somebody, I have nothing against sex, even, I just don't want that. Even when I do, it's something non-directed at a person -- if I have a crush, I won't imagine them in that sense, but I will imagine them cuddling with me, for example. I can't give what the partner usually wants from their love interest. But... such stories like yours give me hope. Thank you, like, a lot. I'm on the verge of crying now, haha
I am an asexual boy and I am looking for a female asexual life partner 🌈❤️🧡
it`s good!
I'm reaching out because I'm not asexual, but I think that my best friend is. We've talked about it a lot, and I think its something he is discovering about himself. My question, as someone who is not in this community, is how can I help?
In the past, before I had a clue, I always suggested he go dating websites to get a feel, but now I'm not too sure. I just want to be there for him, but I don't how is the best to approach it, and I don't want to feel like I'm labeling him before he knows where his heart is. Any help would be appreciated.
I'd say, based on what was most helpful for me as an ace, just make sure he knows that he doesn't ever have to do anything he's not comfortable with regarding sex or relationships. If you don't want to, you don't have to, end of story. And that there's nothing wrong with not wanting the same things every one else wants.
This makes me feel so heard im crying
Sex without love exists and the reverse is true also. I’m asexual my partner isn’t. We’ve been together 13 years
I've been with my boyfriend 7 years he is an asexual and I am not. We have had conversations that has lasted hours. Disgusting how I feel and how he feels. We both love each other. He's my best friend and I feel like we're soul mates. But I have the sexual desire. Don't want to be ravished by him. He expresses the experience add Bean deeply in love with me. He has proposed says that I am his soulmate his best friend and then he will never want to be with anybody ever again. What does not have the desire. To be with me sexually. It is extremely hard for both of us.
love this
From my own experience: if you're asexual, please find someone confident in themselves and fairly well adjusted.
I'm neither. Sex for me was a way of me not just showing my love but also filling a deep, empty hole in my psyche caused by a terrible childhood. Being married to an asexual person nearly destroyed me, and I nearly destroyed her, emotionally. We still talk, but the scars are very deep in both of us.
I think this deep dark while you need to fill with sex should be fixed and dealt with before you get in any relationship. Sex isn’t a healthy coping tool.
@@etsap1236 Oh, absolutely. I realise that now, thanks to lots of therapy and self-reflection, and it's why I've spent the last 6 years completely single. I still have a lot of work to do on myself, and I know if I get into another relationship, I'll just end up hurting them and, ultimately, myself.
@@peterclarke7240 Don’t worry, you got this. Self love is important too. 😊
@@peterclarke7240it's not true. As long as you're not rapist, cheater, murderer or abusive you deserve love and nothing wrong with you. Honestly speaking I have experience similar but in opposite side. I'm not against sex but I don't do premarital sex, most men that flirt with me demand sex so I'm scared and ghosting them since I'm almost raped in my childhood. I also experience a pity dating with someone thinking that he seems mature, sweet, considerate and caring person only to realise very soon later how abusive and toxic he's. I try my best to work on our relationship but his unhealthy possessiveness, toxic delusional mind, lacking consideration despite how much time I told him I don't do premarital sex and he even said okay with him but he constantly did inappropriate touching to me really drive me crazy. It's been 2 years after our horrendous breakup (yeah he humiliate me until the end) but the scar don't completely healed away. So in a way I kinda understand your current struggle in relationship
Yes it can, end of story. Is it really that hard to understand?
Pictures of girl that I really like asexual, and I just want to see if there's even a possibility that she can still love love me back. This was hopeful to me.
Are you still in this relationship
I just found out that I’m on the asexual spectrum (grey ace, to be exact) and I related to this a lot. I’m crying right now.
I started crying
Yes.
Currently dating a bloke which it went from, he thinks we could have some sex, and then gradually, he’s been hinting about asexuality, and then today he’s just come straight out and said, you good if we do no sexual stuff.
I love him through and through, and although that does muddle stuff up in my head, and I will need a bit to let everything set… I’m hoping it’s the right thing to do, just say, give me a few days to just sort things in my head, annddd then it’s all good
For your sake, I hope you left him.
Beautiful. :)
Love you guys
❤ Beautiful!!
Duh❤
Yes love exist without sex
I might be Demisexual
This feels like one-sided relationship in which one feel themself like an unloved burden. Why would you even want to be in romantic relationship with someone if you don't want to be close enough to this person for even a kiss?
simp mindset. one of the main reason why relationship is so sh,it for many dudes. most young guys are single and for a good fucking reason.
I have a girlfriend and she really desire me but don't want to sin because she want us to get married first and planning of it by next year we are already 26, and 27 years old
Congrats 🎉👏🙏
amazing
obviously! 🙄
I can understand being Asexual. But TURNING Asexual or "discovering" your Asexuality while in a relationship can come off as an excuse to not have sex. If I am in a relationship and my woman told me she was now Asexual, I would end the relationship. Even if you exclude no-fault divorce, sexlessness is a legal reason for divorce.
🎉🎉🎉
💜🖤🤍
I bet at least one of her friends would oblige !😏
So she is lucky because if she did not find him, she would be lonely, and he is compromising a lot here?
I don't find it very equal in love. This looks like a one-way love. But eh, what do I know. You guys have figured it out.
No, she is lucky because he is accepting of her orientation, and she really does love him so it would hurt if he left her due to her asexuality.
@@FrancisCastiglione My girl is ace, I love her so I understand his position but if he walks, he walks. You can't force incompatibility or someone to be in a situation they don't want to be in
32M engineer here, looking for MOC if anyone in same requirements pl reply
@@Naam_name hi, I m from Aggarwal community, NCR region a spiritual and philosophical person. Looking for a friend with same intrest
Its not difficult if both,so i think i should find asexual like me
Male Asexual from india looking for asexual girl.
Uh hi😅 👋
@@Abingdontortoise Hello
No.
Well that’s helpful 🤦🏽
Doch