The " strong independent don't need no man" is the worst shit test. If someone tells me to get lost, and I do. How was I supposed to know they really wanted me to stay? Be an adult and speak your truth.
Every time I listen to Victoria, I'm hearing something that nobody else is saying, or expressed in a way that nobody else is saying it. I've shown Victoria's posts to some of my girlfriends, and they all say, "Wow -- She described something true, in a way that I've never heard said before." My deep appreciation!
I witnessed the being strong woman mask with my lastest ex gf. A 28yo Chinese woman who mainly dated white dudes. We were friends for 6 years and when we finally got together she was often talking about she is strong etc To what I replied one day while she was in my arms ‘you don’t have to be strong 24/7 you can be weak sometimes, relax I got you, you can depend on me’. To my huge surprise she stayed silent looking at me in shock and started crying. She said it was the first time EVER that a man told her that. I was shocked too bc I thought all men told their women such things. A month after that she told me again that her whole life she had been waiting for a man to tell her to stop being strong, that she can rely on him, and I was the first ever.
Well, I even offered to pay more than my ex was making at her second job in order for her to stay home and she wouldn't take the offer. Some women are just damaged and it isn't our job to fix them.
@@JK-wn1dm What situation? There is non presented here. But promising a women what only her husband should when you're only dating is dishonest and immature. Stop doing that to women or go full comittment and marry the lady and build a family with her.
@@mynonleatherlife they reinforce the idea of living some facade all the time and then people grow up and lose touch with the real world and their real selves as they've been whisked away by whatever fantasies
@@arsenal4444 most disney movies are actually about being true to yourself. For example the entire theme of aladdin is about NOT wearing a mask or living a lie. The little mermaid also has a theme of being true to yourself at all costs. Beauty and the beast has a theme of seeing who people are behind the mask. idk what disney movies you think have the theme of living a facade?
@@mynonleatherlife yes but the lie is the way events unfold in the movies since they're characters written with plot armor. Real life doesn't work like the movies so all the lessons people think they learned from them end up actually just leading them astray to more failures
The last girlfriend I was involved with had the mask of sweetness, innocents, submissive... Phew! She assaulted my dog, keyed my car, blasted me on social media. Prior to the episode she would ask me what I knew about Borderline Personality Disorder, should of been a clue. Alas, thinking with my "Johnson" rather than my brain.
@@dimex3362 After listening to some of the Depp and Heard trial and the commentary. I had to wonder. The similarities was stark, the gaslighting, raging. Kind and loving and the next second, raging, throwing things, name calling, accusations. Damn! I'm glad I walked away from that one without getting injured or worse. But no, not Amber Heard and I'm not Johnny Depp.
Interesting fresh topic! I wasn't that aware of this women's struggle. It is analogous to the sometimes called "burden of performance" for men. The burden of performance for men would be a burn out due to the pressure of having most of the responsibility for success, provide and stuff like that. Thank you Vicky!
Yes, and I think the mask can be so thick they forget who they really are. Teal swan has really good videos on what women need to know about men and vice versa and she says that if you don't let a man help you with anything cause you're a strong independent woman than you just push him away
Teal swan has said some very interesting things, i don't know how to judge her understanding level and haven't looked into her greatly, however i can say she has communicated some very meaningful nuances. I hope Victoria listens to some of her content.
this is helping me to understand women and how to communicate to their desires, and grow a deeper connection with them. thanks so much... this reallly helps
The advantage of evolving masculine edge from being the nice guy is that I've always loved women and want to understand them. As I've finally become successful sexually as well as in friendship I kept hearing women say "I really feel seen by you.". I liked that but I actually didn't really understand what they meant.... until now. Thank you so much for this video, one of your best.
incredible!! that's a huge compliment if a woman feels seen by you! and this is a huge part of being seen in addition i think to just a guy really getting to know her personality and who she is deep down in a way that very few others will take the time to do and many men will miss because of falling for masks or female stereotypes so bravo to u for doing that, that's truly admirable
@@attiladanko6379 I always thought that a nice guy who is able to develop more of an edge will have the best of both worlds ultimately and even greater power for a woman but the road will be a lot harder and the destination harder to reach
The "super girly" mask of women reminds me of the "alpha male" personality where dudes act super tough & hardcore, women might fall for it but other guys see that it's a presentation
"Toxic Positivity". Don't know if I've heard that term before, but it makes sense; always putting on a positive face even when things aren't ok is not healthy. 6:40 I've dated women that wore this mask. The problem was that, they became so used to wearing it, they didn't know how to take it off, & dealing with them became exhausting.
@@mynonleatherlife yes, and in the worst cases can become intertwined with a womens narcissism (usually related to beauty and a counter response to beauty standards and sterotypes ontop of insecurity), that becomes a nightmare to deal with and a practically impenetrable barrier to intimacy. That often results in toxic women who disrespect men (and prob other women) for reasons related to feelings of power (and their feeling lack there of), they need to engage in such toxicity to avoid internal issues. This youl often find in women with a strong presense and annoying habits that incarnate in conversation with a withheld demeanor and often a sense of entitlement, these women when met with a self respecting, masculine man often melt and are potentially the most submissive of women. To describe this personality type further i would just say, their attempts to protect themselves went very awry. That said, that's the worst case, in better cases it can be overcome through game but not always, these women can leave men bored as hell, the women refuses to be authentic and expressive out of fear, refusing to express opinions and philosophies. Shyness is fine as long as it can be broken, but if it can't, you end up a shallow human being lacking individuation, unable to develop across the years into a deeper person willing to interact deeply. This is a problem for men, esp me because i seek depth and intimacy with women so i have run into many a young women in this stage and been very annoyed despite doing my best to convey curiosity, respect and masculinity. Deeper kinds of guy have no time for a romantic candidate who is too afraid to express themselves, it's simply a waste of my time and is alot of emotional labor, guys feel this on a spectrum related to their own depth btw. I hold no disagreements with this video and have seen these in women already, and while i'm constantly improving on how to navigate them (and this competitively advantages me) i can't help but feel not so good about the dishonestly at hand, it's that "playing games" women always talk about. I understand the cause, and even realize it might be necessary on the women's part to be this way...it's just a raw deal for both of us as we all seek connection. I hope i could expand your understanding some, thanks for these videos and the discussion, we men are problem solvers and love to see this kind of cross sex engagement and collaboration
I always wonder about that. So many girls just seem so smiley all the time, it legit looks tiring. It does seem like some girls are kinda like that though. I could never smile that much.
You explained this so well, I had this idea in my head but I couldn’t formulate it and u made it so understandable. Thank you, I’ve experienced this too much where girls lost patience with me because I accepted their mask at face value
Love these insights, Victoria - stand out phrases - 'toxic positivity', 'customer service'. 'performative sexuality' Wow. I'll never say 'you look pretty when you smile' again! This is so liberating.
@@mynonleatherlife Because I have always played along with the mask wearing - and it perpetuates it - 'you're so sweet!' ; 'you're so independent'; and the worst has been one girlfriend who reflected what she thought I wanted her to be like and I was trying to be what she wanted me to be like! Playing games neither me or she wanted to play. Your talk is liberating because I see these three masks in women I am with now. You're spot on!
@@paulwilliams3846 exactly! it's like it is nice to be called sweet and independent but it's kinda bittersweet too cuz it's like they're falling for the mask and further away than ever from that vulnerable person beneath being reached....I'm so glad u r understanding these 3 masks and seeing them in people u know...can't wait to see how it will play out
This so revelatory for me, for someone I've been angry at for almost a year this makes so much sense and is super liberating. As well as reflections on some of my own behaviours
@@mynonleatherlife probably the second two, trying to be too strong and a tendency towards validating her promiscuity through other approval, thinking it going to impress me but it did the complete opposite. I don't want to go too far into but she's someone I felt deeply and spiritually connected to for a long time and she knew it, so it was kind of the last thing I wanted to hear, but I guess its probably "not personal" which is probably one of the big lessons here. On the flip side I was kind of doing the same thing by trying to sound tough or at least projecting a deep insecurity in that area
My mom wears one. Specifically the one where she always says that she’s so strong and that she’s a fighter. She’s a single mother. And she’s been through a lot I guess it makes sense now I was blind to it. She told me she used to cry herself to sleep. I guess it’s sorta the same way men who are hurt put on a macho mask because they are really hurt inside.
There is no "depth" in a man. There is a "depth" in his purpose. Everything else is straightforward. Women are complicated. Somehow the more I know about them the more fascinated I am by them.
Dude I recently told my little cousin how I always felt like I could never read her and that she's great at hiding her emotions and true thoughts and feelings. But for some reason (guess I'm foolish or have a lot to learn) I never realized until this video that women are eager for men to understand every aspect of their true self. I suppose that goes for every human being though -- the desire or need to be understood. Thank you for this video 🙏🏻
First point is what Yeats' is talking about when he says: How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true; But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face.
Once again, thank you Victoria for sharing extraordinary insights into the mysterious world of the female psyche. You seem to speak both Venusian, and Marsian, whereas, you act as an intermediary for men, like a bridge of clarity, into the psychology of femininity, and the enchanted realm of the female psyche.
@@mynonleatherlife You're welcome. Just speaking truth, as I see it. Always excited for your next video. No pressure though, you've already put out a treasure trove of gems. Love your stuff🙏
You're so good at this. I think there are more levels of masks, too. Literal clothing. Am I Sporty or Outdoorsy, Geeky, Techy, Alternative, or Conservative? I'm fascinated by the two ideas of Story and Legacy. Animals don't tell stories, beyond birdsong, bee dances and whale music. Their legacy goes no further than their territory, mostly, if at all. And yet here we are, with our smartphones and our language, a giddy mess of stories and legacy, our gods, our buildings, abstract ideas like nationality and property.. To a point, to be human is to wear a mask. It is an important milestone when a 3 year old learns to lie. When asked, "how's it going?", It's important to be able to say "It's all good" to anyone with the exception of your closest friends or family. "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts.."
Once again I appreciate your authenticity. I can attest to many of the things that you mentioned as being true with what I've started to learn about women.
This got me crying so hard. I haven't cried so hard in a long time. She just said what I have failed to make him understand for a very long time and therefore I'm now so toxic and desperate in his eyes...sad
which one susannah? What was he doing I am curious. And I'm so sorry cause I know how hard it can be to explain these kinds of things to men. They can feel so justified and superior in their perspective because there is not good education for women about why we need and desire the things we do. We are just gaslighted and told we are crazy and emotional to the point of even being locked up. It's really bad.
This is genius. Real. I'll probably still watch all the other stuff the fake pill stuff or coaching stuff or let's analyse why online dating doesn't work stuff - maybe I am obsessed with the sociological issues around this subject, but how real this is is just brilliant. Edit: I was just thinking about the videos I have just watched over the past few hours, and even though I am sort of experienced in this area, your work is an education for me. There's something about the way you clearly explain things that is like light bulb stuff for me. Like someone came in with a torch in some dark rooms in my psyche and explained things that were there but I couldn't quite grasp. That's more than any youtube female dating coaches or male pillers or how to get laid coaches have ever done in the last few years of me studying this stuff. Guru level!
It's a pleasure. In fact it's quite a shock in a way. I am so pleased to have come across your work. I think you are ahead of the wave here, weirdly. There seems to be a sort of backlash in the whole mess of this subject going on and you were already trying to explain all this 3 years ago! It's sort of thrown me for a loop in some ways but I really appreciate it because it's simultaneously hit some very painful things in me but also feels like it's the healthiest thing I have come across in a looong time. It makes me want to run to you and ask lots of questions, but what I will do is study more of your work, then maybe do that later haha. Thanks so much.
I appreciate your direct approach to these problems. Over 30 years ago a women sat down with me and explained the female mindset. As a result thru practice I have been a better man for it.She said to that girls know girls better than guy's do. And girls know guy's better than they know themselves.
Yo this s*** makes a lot of sense it gives me a whole new perspective on some of the women I've been with s*** it gives me a whole new perspective on just watching my little sister grow up. Keep this up love.
@@mynonleatherlife I have four adult daughters and they've all talked to me about assuming different masks as they move through the modern world. When I was young our society was different, people had a more natural way of interacting with each other. Everyone pretty much liked each other. Conversations with random people in public was commonplace. Now, with the great pressures on every part of our society, times are different. And it's not just the women. Everyone is wearing masks. Very sad. Thank you for your thoughtful observations.
I f’d around with dating and found out. These videos fixed my dating issue, but I’m still stuck on my xwife from 4 years ago. Not looking for advice or anything. Just had the realization, so.. yea.
Thanks for confirming it. I want to be a good asset for someone but that facade makes it hard so i think we as men need to go like stroongg with our capabilities
Victoria, this is one of your best videos. These masks you said made me think about all burden of perfomances women pretend to be their core's personalities and that social medias like Instagram and Tik Tok reinforces on them. Your content is getting better and better. Thank you so much for sharing all this knowledge with us.
I really enjoy your videos. I don’t usually comment on people videos but I really hope You see this comment and know you’re appreciated and really impacting peoples lives ❤ I hope you continue to find your peace, happiness, and comfort. I hope you have outlets that bring you comfort the same way your videos bring me comfort.
Thank you for the super nice comment Mysheldon1. I also never comment on peoples videos so I am touched. Any topic u would want to see a vid on that comes to mind
Having the depth substance and guts and authenticity as a man and feeling comfortable with who you are and knowing who you are allows for a very real exchange and possible relationship to happen when she take off the mask and breathe and be received for who she is not having to pretend is a major deal gives rise to greater intimacy and authentic communication.This was /is a VERY ILLUMINÀTING VIDEO and have really gained some key insights and they rang true for me..time to lovingly employ this awareness for the growth of the relationship.Many thanks and appreciate your valuable insights 👌🥰
In regards to the first one, anyone who has worked a customer service job can attest that putting on the "customer service face and voice" is exhausting. For the second one, I'm curious as to what they're basing their "strong and independent" mindset on. As in, what baseline for being "strong and independent" are they basing this ideal on? I think the third one can apply to men as well. I appreciate you more than I can put into words for having this channel Victoria
thank u John...great question about #2, I will think about that. That's interesting about #3 applying to men like they are often just basically doing everything to please the woman? Great point...I would like to make a vid about that as well
@@mynonleatherlife in regards to my response about your third point, I used to think I had to "perform" in order to get a woman's approval. As in, I had to text just the right thing, stand a certain way, have a certain tonality in my voice, the right body language etc
Damn it girl!! it's been awhile since I watched your channel but every time I do I come back to very important gems and I identify my areas of error. thank you! You are appreciated
My 1st comment got deleted because of the silly A.I system lol. Unless it could be in your approval section waiting to be approved. They have a a.i system that monitors comments. Smh.
Forget Coachella, I am waiting for the next VORTEX set. Great video and thanks for all the emotion, it really helps drive home the points. Also like the drawings, it would be great to maybe consider using a dry erase board behind you because it might be a little easier to see during the video and it would be a good reference point. #VortexEducationalAcademy
haha great point. I have a white board, I should use that as the background. You did inspire me tbh to put more emotion into my vids and make me feel ok about that from something u said to me and I was actually thinking about that in the back of my mind so thanks a lot for that
Hey good looking how is your Easter going? It's always good too see you post a new video to a. It's nice to some honesty and truth simply just trying to help people! 🌞
I think I may have somewhat of a unique experience in terms of womens' emotions. I am an only child so when I was a kid I didn't have anybody around the house to play with so I used to read a lot. In many different books/books series the authors go into the thoughts and feelings of the girls that are in the stories so I've always kind of had an inside look into the thoughts and feelings of women even if those women were fictional characters. Some good series that illustrate the mask about the strong, independent girl that needs permission and a strong man to allow her to be weak are the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson, the Legend series by Marie Lu, and the Ashes trilogy by Ilsa J. Bick.
I think this is a great video. I can see a lot of what you are talking about. Now, as far as sexuality goes, a great way to break the ice is for a man, and a woman to openly have a discussion about sexual fantasy, and incorporate that into their sexual routine (I hate calling it that). But you know, it's worth it. Experimentation with both males, and females coming together is how to make it all happen in a meaningful way.
It is amazing how women has to and want to go through so much to just chill and be kool!!!! If you like someone just go for it. Get rid of all this game. Dammmmm!
30 year old straight male here. Your passion and what appeared to be mimicked anger around the 2 - 3 min mark..... Was incredibly arousing. Just documenting for science.
@@mynonleatherlife it needed to be said so deeply that somewhere inside of myself I wanted to cry! I can’t speak for all women but it felt like someone explained my life experience. This was the first time I heard someone vocalize things in a way that didn’t make me feel like something is wrong with me, and in such a succinct way on top of it. Thank you!
@@ekaterinal8631 omg oh wow. Im so touched ekaterina. I feel I understood a lot of this through my experience with this company called s factor, it used to be a pole dance studio but then they went online and do online classes now. Watching 1000s of women leave their heart and soul on the dance floor really taught me a lot about what women are really all about and gave me the strength to have confidence in my own experience too. It's really awesome in case u ever want to check it out cause it might be something up your alley, cause it really encourages women to find the truest expression of themselves among all the crap placed on us. I don't want this to sound like I'm selling anything cuz i'm not, but i def think I understood all this from what I saw there.
@@mynonleatherlife I have always seen pole dancing as such a beautiful art form. I’m not looking to invest in it but thank you for sharing your insight, it blows my mind that you learned ALL this just from that! Must have been a special environment where women felt vulnerable enough to show/touch on these things. So happy for your journey and to know confidence can always be built
Thanks so much for another amazing video, I needed this one a lot right now particularly. I currently work a job around a good deal of younger women, recently I was going out with co-workers which is rare for me and later in the night I had one of the girls I work with come on to me very hard and tell me that she and most all of the girls I work with have crushes on me. This was an absolute shock because I could not feel this from any of them whatsoever, but as you said girls/women don't give many if any signs. I am working this job to get free college and start a new career path but still am living with my parents at age 30. So I am not in a position to capitalize on these opportunities, also I have become a lot more choosy as I know that I can’t just mess around with women casually just to use them for a vagina and pretend it's all just “casual” and move on. So for me this is just a sign I am growing in the right direction. I wanted to mention this because obviously a lot of this is due to your teachings and content on this channel…. However there is one girl I work with that I have been crushing on unbelievably hard, One id be dying to commit to if something would turn out and she turned out to be everything I thought she was from working with her about a half a year. The age difference between us is a little too much and I was really struggling with letting my feelings, thoughts, and infatuations get away from me… Basically everything I was so infatuated with her about was mask 1 and mask 2 to a T and I was totally blind to it and this video was super insightful and impactful for my current situation. Its helping gain back a much more realistic and healthy mindset towards it.
that is great brad! I am happy to hear that mask 1 and 2 are getting u to think more realistically about her and not be overly infatuated with a mask. let me know how it goes. also wanted to say that u can act on whatever even if u live with ur parents...don't let that stop u either.
@@mynonleatherlife Thanks, I appreciate that advice. I do know it's a limiting belief. I know not taking action is not taking action, and not getting anything in life is not getting anything in life. Overcoming negativity and being too reactive to past dating failures, being scared of being talked about or thought of by women I like really like that I am not good enough, and protecting my own ego has been the biggest challenge my whole young life. Lately it's been hitting me hard as I feel I have pissed away a lot of youth and potential. It's a fight I am working on and that push in the positive mindset direction means a lot coming from you
Career professional women put on these masks all their lives. I know this because they are the easiest women to sleep with. Very emotional under these masks.
I think this is the most powerful video you've done. If I started to go into detail I'd write pages, but this is so insightful. I think I always recognised the second mask but masks 1 and 3 gave me a lot more to think about in myself. Thanks as always.
@@mynonleatherlife Not sure if surprised is the right word but that I'd not thought of it as deeply before. Hard to accept if your partner is not happy but at the same time if there's a self-created pressure to try to 'make' them so that's unfair on them so more acceptance of no 'happy face' is quite liberating. :-)
For me and for many men, as people have talked about here, the first mask about being constantly happy and cheerful is the same as for men not being allowed to show sadness or cry. Men like us yern for being able to be truly vulnerable with a woman, to show all of our weaknesses - but we cannot because then we aren't deemed attractive. These two masks cannot be taken of separately; if we want to take them off we need to be able to take them off both at once and realize that we are all humans with different feelings and emotions depending on where we are in life.
I love ur content. I think you are highly intelligent and introspective. I disagree a little with your theory on what women need. I believe the things women believe they need are actually wants and desires. And society has labled these desires as prerequisites for a successful relationship as a way to help women feel empowered. From a male perspective, I always try to keep in mind that the modern western woman is not only operating on instinct, but also heavily factoring in the ideas of what society says is acceptable, where as in the past, more important was what family and close friends influence had on the individual. Thats not to say that any of your points were untrue. All of those things are true, but never have they been considered necessary until the advent of modern radical feminism.
so u want to force all women to be submissive or what not? why not just let them worry about their own happiness and u do you. I don't think you should be deciding for billions of women what makes them happy. It's extremely condescending.
@@mynonleatherlife i can't decide what makes anybody happy. My point is that its important to remember that ppl in general not just women, make alot of decisions based on what friends family and society will think. Very few ppl actually know what they want and in my experience, thats especially true for women. Why do u think theres age old long running jokes about womens indecisiveness? Theres alot of variables for women pertaining to attraction. And no i wldnt advocate for forced submission. I wld only want to b wth somebody who was happy to b with me. Most men think like that. Its alot of mens downfalls as that sort of mindset can tend to lead to ppl pleasing in circumstances where the man really enjoys or likes the woman. Thats why when a guy likes a girl, but lacks game, the default move is to shower her with affection and show good intent.
@@mynonleatherlife thats my point. I dont think they wld have very good direction. Im not religious, but the bible says eve came from the rib of adam. I believe PEOPLE, not jst women, seek leadership. Its not an aside to women to say that under different circumstances, would be much more reliant on a dependable, honorable man. I believe modern society, has made that harder for women to do. Theres far too much choice. And way too many variables. So now we live in a climate in which women are doing whatever they please based on feelings and intuition, and i dont believe that to be a sustainable platform for furthering relational dynamics between the sexes. We were built to be interdependent, and nowadays, INDEPENDENCE trumps all. Which is fine for hyper successful men (or women) Its not fine for the average persons. They say it takes a village to raise a child, i disagree. All it takes is 2 ppl dedicated to helping each other survive, grow and prosper for the sake of their family unit. Too much is placed on personal happiness. Individual desires. While important on a micro scale, the end goal is not happiness, Its survival and propagation.
The first smiley, happy woman that I almost fell for at the office was like an angel, I really hoped we could go out on a date and we nearly did but one day when some crazy guy started berating me in my office team she was in the vicinity and for no good reason she decided to join in on criticizing me (she didn't know the context and wasn't on my team or worked on the same things that I did) - so that was the first and the last red flag I saw that indicated that she had been putting on a mask of 'niceness' and positivity. She got involved with some Swiss guy at the office and later married him. Years later I looked up the Swiss guy on Facebook and he had posts about 'toxic relationships' etc ... soon after he and the girl from the office I once had interest in had their status set to divoced with two young girls. I think I dodged a bullet or at least the bullet was thankfully never even fired at me in the first place which I am grateful for.
Bro 😳 You sure dodged the bullet of hypocrisy. We call those types of person fakers. Her positive attitude is purposely deceptive PS: Funny how Facebook (social medias) can help us keep in touch with people without having to ask anyone anything 👌🏽😁
Thanks for your channel. I think you're great! I actually appreciate your low production values. I don't need to be prompted to like. You get my upvote. Keep up the great content.
You could also call these compensation & defense strategies: Niceness Hardness Availability Highlighting that these are pathological defense modalities which express insecurity, this is pretty great work you are doing.
@@mynonleatherlife pathological - pain based or negative in aspect, or symptomatic of a lack of wellbeing. Defense - a countermeasure or position taken in response to perceived threat, danger or loss Modality - A tendency to conform to a general pattern or belong to a particular group or category.
@@mynonleatherlife there are corresponding masculine archetypal identities. There are also quite a few that are related to age & role, which are often reliant upon entrained schema or cultural identities. Hiding behind a mask of conformity is camouflage and safety in numbers - doing what anybody else would, doing what is expected from your allocated role. African American and Caribbean people particularly don't actually have this "Virgin Mary" identity for women, and they don't teach or expect people to behave that way. Lady Saw is woth listening to.
Wow! Powerful stuff. Thanks for keeping it real. Very insightful. For a follow-up video, it would be interesting to know your thoughts on why it seems some women have difficulty taking the masks off, even if they are with partners who would encourage that.
Why does a guy have difficulty crying as an adult when he was told by his dad or society boys don’t cry repeatedly for ex… the societal expectations run deep and are hard to buck
You can’t say you’re strong and independent while being weak and get the benefits of both. Men CAN provide both benefits with girls they love BUT we don’t like doing it and we have a resentment towards the fact that we have to pretend that you’re strong while walking on eggshells to not hurt your feelings. This is why a lot of successful men are hooking up and staying out of relationships.
I really don't know about that last part. Slowing down never worked out for me, it actually worked against me. You can see the woman lose attraction and respect for you as you go out of your way to please her. You're going up against her idea of what she wants versus her idea of what a real man would actually do, and they always prefer a real man to getting their fantasy. The fantasy is theoretical, the authentically male gets their body responding naturally. The more I act on my own intentions and instincts the better it goes.
The best way to let her know you're going slow is probably just to tell her candidly that you want to take it slow and why. She'll understand and if she doesn't that's probably a sign that she doesn't respect you and you may be better off as a result of exiting what form of relationship you two have by moving on.
The " strong independent don't need no man" is the worst shit test. If someone tells me to get lost, and I do. How was I supposed to know they really wanted me to stay? Be an adult and speak your truth.
Every time I listen to Victoria, I'm hearing something that nobody else is saying, or expressed in a way that nobody else is saying it. I've shown Victoria's posts to some of my girlfriends, and they all say, "Wow -- She described something true, in a way that I've never heard said before." My deep appreciation!
thanks so much for your comment Lion Kimbro, that really means so much and I'm so happy the girls in ur life like them too
I love you, Victoria. Thank you so much for your content.@@mynonleatherlife
I witnessed the being strong woman mask with my lastest ex gf. A 28yo Chinese woman who mainly dated white dudes. We were friends for 6 years and when we finally got together she was often talking about she is strong etc To what I replied one day while she was in my arms ‘you don’t have to be strong 24/7 you can be weak sometimes, relax I got you, you can depend on me’. To my huge surprise she stayed silent looking at me in shock and started crying. She said it was the first time EVER that a man told her that. I was shocked too bc I thought all men told their women such things. A month after that she told me again that her whole life she had been waiting for a man to tell her to stop being strong, that she can rely on him, and I was the first ever.
...And then she left you... Next time you make such strong promises to women , let it be to your wife and daughters.
@@mrGapMan1 so how would you have handled that situation?
Well, I even offered to pay more than my ex was making at her second job in order for her to stay home and she wouldn't take the offer. Some women are just damaged and it isn't our job to fix them.
@@JK-wn1dm What situation? There is non presented here. But promising a women what only her husband should when you're only dating is dishonest and immature. Stop doing that to women or go full comittment and marry the lady and build a family with her.
Nice work bro
What I've learned is that raising kids on Disney movies is a mistake.
how do disney movies relate to this
@@mynonleatherlife the whole "damsel in distress" or "women are angels" idea is mainly from movies and has little to do with reality
@@mynonleatherlife they reinforce the idea of living some facade all the time and then people grow up and lose touch with the real world and their real selves as they've been whisked away by whatever fantasies
@@arsenal4444 most disney movies are actually about being true to yourself. For example the entire theme of aladdin is about NOT wearing a mask or living a lie. The little mermaid also has a theme of being true to yourself at all costs. Beauty and the beast has a theme of seeing who people are behind the mask. idk what disney movies you think have the theme of living a facade?
@@mynonleatherlife yes but the lie is the way events unfold in the movies since they're characters written with plot armor. Real life doesn't work like the movies so all the lessons people think they learned from them end up actually just leading them astray to more failures
Extremely rare secrets! This channel is a gold mine.
thanks a lot beardo
The last girlfriend I was involved with had the mask of sweetness, innocents, submissive...
Phew! She assaulted my dog, keyed my car, blasted me on social media.
Prior to the episode she would ask me what I knew about Borderline Personality Disorder, should of been a clue. Alas, thinking with my "Johnson" rather than my brain.
Was her name Amber heard?
@@dimex3362 After listening to some of the Depp and Heard trial and the commentary. I had to wonder. The similarities was stark, the gaslighting, raging. Kind and loving and the next second, raging, throwing things, name calling, accusations. Damn! I'm glad I walked away from that one without getting injured or worse.
But no, not Amber Heard and I'm not Johnny Depp.
its called stay away from white girls bro... how dumb are u? also.. central american... GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE go see the ocean skidmark
I bet her name is Trish Foster
Bro same! Minus keying and all that mess. My ex was like the most softest feminine happy person till time went on
Interesting fresh topic!
I wasn't that aware of this women's struggle. It is analogous to the sometimes called "burden of performance" for men. The burden of performance for men would be a burn out due to the pressure of having most of the responsibility for success, provide and stuff like that.
Thank you Vicky!
great point, Armando! I like that term a lot
Yes, and I think the mask can be so thick they forget who they really are. Teal swan has really good videos on what women need to know about men and vice versa and she says that if you don't let a man help you with anything cause you're a strong independent woman than you just push him away
That's very true. Men feel useless when their woman does everything herself
Teal swan has said some very interesting things, i don't know how to judge her understanding level and haven't looked into her greatly, however i can say she has communicated some very meaningful nuances. I hope Victoria listens to some of her content.
I find her content extremely annoying but I haven't watched too much of it because of that
The only video of hers that makes remote sense out of probably 100 that i've seen is the ones about nice guys. the other content is hard to utilize
Her weakness is his strength and her cuteness is his weakness.
I remember someone said, men have a “burden of performance” whereas women have a “burden of appearance”
indeed
Thank you so much yet again. I don't know how easy it is for you to formulate these things to a male audience but you are doing great!
this is helping me to understand women and how to communicate to their desires, and grow a deeper connection with them. thanks so much... this reallly helps
The advantage of evolving masculine edge from being the nice guy is that I've always loved women and want to understand them. As I've finally become successful sexually as well as in friendship I kept hearing women say "I really feel seen by you.". I liked that but I actually didn't really understand what they meant.... until now. Thank you so much for this video, one of your best.
incredible!! that's a huge compliment if a woman feels seen by you! and this is a huge part of being seen in addition i think to just a guy really getting to know her personality and who she is deep down in a way that very few others will take the time to do and many men will miss because of falling for masks or female stereotypes so bravo to u for doing that, that's truly admirable
@@mynonleatherlife Thank you.
@@attiladanko6379 I always thought that a nice guy who is able to develop more of an edge will have the best of both worlds ultimately and even greater power for a woman but the road will be a lot harder and the destination harder to reach
@@mynonleatherlifeI didn't understand your last point... Can you please elaborate...
The "super girly" mask of women reminds me of the "alpha male" personality where dudes act super tough & hardcore, women might fall for it but other guys see that it's a presentation
great point!!
No we don’t
@@chocolatepudding6146 who's "we"
Interesting point
@@chocolatepudding6146 it doesn’t mean all dudes, but it definitely happens
This was amazing. As a man, I want to say thank you for being so open and letting us know the heart of women.
You’re providing valuable Info to many men who are inexperienced.
Deep down, women still want men to read their minds.
"Toxic Positivity". Don't know if I've heard that term before, but it makes sense; always putting on a positive face even when things aren't ok is not healthy.
6:40 I've dated women that wore this mask. The problem was that, they became so used to wearing it, they didn't know how to take it off, & dealing with them became exhausting.
very interesting, like in what sense wouldn't they take it off, like not letting you in?
@@mynonleatherlife yes, and in the worst cases can become intertwined with a womens narcissism (usually related to beauty and a counter response to beauty standards and sterotypes ontop of insecurity), that becomes a nightmare to deal with and a practically impenetrable barrier to intimacy. That often results in toxic women who disrespect men (and prob other women) for reasons related to feelings of power (and their feeling lack there of), they need to engage in such toxicity to avoid internal issues. This youl often find in women with a strong presense and annoying habits that incarnate in conversation with a withheld demeanor and often a sense of entitlement, these women when met with a self respecting, masculine man often melt and are potentially the most submissive of women. To describe this personality type further i would just say, their attempts to protect themselves went very awry.
That said, that's the worst case, in better cases it can be overcome through game but not always, these women can leave men bored as hell, the women refuses to be authentic and expressive out of fear, refusing to express opinions and philosophies. Shyness is fine as long as it can be broken, but if it can't, you end up a shallow human being lacking individuation, unable to develop across the years into a deeper person willing to interact deeply. This is a problem for men, esp me because i seek depth and intimacy with women so i have run into many a young women in this stage and been very annoyed despite doing my best to convey curiosity, respect and masculinity. Deeper kinds of guy have no time for a romantic candidate who is too afraid to express themselves, it's simply a waste of my time and is alot of emotional labor, guys feel this on a spectrum related to their own depth btw. I hold no disagreements with this video and have seen these in women already, and while i'm constantly improving on how to navigate them (and this competitively advantages me) i can't help but feel not so good about the dishonestly at hand, it's that "playing games" women always talk about. I understand the cause, and even realize it might be necessary on the women's part to be this way...it's just a raw deal for both of us as we all seek connection. I hope i could expand your understanding some, thanks for these videos and the discussion, we men are problem solvers and love to see this kind of cross sex engagement and collaboration
@@mynonleatherlife They were always so high strung, they didn't know how to do simple things like relax & snuggle.
Slow is ALWAYS the best approach
I always wonder about that. So many girls just seem so smiley all the time, it legit looks tiring. It does seem like some girls are kinda like that though. I could never smile that much.
You explained this so well, I had this idea in my head but I couldn’t formulate it and u made it so understandable. Thank you, I’ve experienced this too much where girls lost patience with me because I accepted their mask at face value
Victoria has such a talent for breaking these things down
Wow, you brought forth a side that I never really put much thought into.
Learning emotional skills is just as important as learning about sexuality.
so true!! wonderful to hear.
Love these insights, Victoria - stand out phrases - 'toxic positivity', 'customer service'. 'performative sexuality' Wow. I'll never say 'you look pretty when you smile' again! This is so liberating.
makes me so happy to hear Paul!! why do u find it liberating
@@mynonleatherlife Because I have always played along with the mask wearing - and it perpetuates it - 'you're so sweet!' ; 'you're so independent'; and the worst has been one girlfriend who reflected what she thought I wanted her to be like and I was trying to be what she wanted me to be like! Playing games neither me or she wanted to play. Your talk is liberating because I see these three masks in women I am with now. You're spot on!
@@paulwilliams3846 exactly! it's like it is nice to be called sweet and independent but it's kinda bittersweet too cuz it's like they're falling for the mask and further away than ever from that vulnerable person beneath being reached....I'm so glad u r understanding these 3 masks and seeing them in people u know...can't wait to see how it will play out
@@mynonleatherlife will let you know!♥
An intelligent, insightful, and creative woman like you is a beautiful creature
This so revelatory for me, for someone I've been angry at for almost a year this makes so much sense and is super liberating. As well as reflections on some of my own behaviours
oh wow, which 1 applied to this person u have been angry at
@@mynonleatherlife probably the second two, trying to be too strong and a tendency towards validating her promiscuity through other approval, thinking it going to impress me but it did the complete opposite. I don't want to go too far into but she's someone I felt deeply and spiritually connected to for a long time and she knew it, so it was kind of the last thing I wanted to hear, but I guess its probably "not personal" which is probably one of the big lessons here. On the flip side I was kind of doing the same thing by trying to sound tough or at least projecting a deep insecurity in that area
My mom wears one. Specifically the one where she always says that she’s so strong and that she’s a fighter. She’s a single mother. And she’s been through a lot I guess it makes sense now I was blind to it. She told me she used to cry herself to sleep. I guess it’s sorta the same way men who are hurt put on a macho mask because they are really hurt inside.
This is a awesome video, you’re opening a lot of these guys minds to really understand a women.
thank u very much!
There is no "depth" in a man. There is a "depth" in his purpose. Everything else is straightforward. Women are complicated. Somehow the more I know about them the more fascinated I am by them.
You're very articulate at explaining these topics so others can understand. Good job 👍
Dude I recently told my little cousin how I always felt like I could never read her and that she's great at hiding her emotions and true thoughts and feelings. But for some reason (guess I'm foolish or have a lot to learn) I never realized until this video that women are eager for men to understand every aspect of their true self. I suppose that goes for every human being though -- the desire or need to be understood.
Thank you for this video 🙏🏻
💯🙏
oh my god this was eye opening for me i never knew i was doing it wrong all 53 years of my life. thank you so much for opening my eyes
oh wow, what were you doing wrong in your opinion?
@@mynonleatherlife i was taking the mask as who they were and never digging deeper, your advice is life changing. I feel like a new man
Which masks were u taking as real? All of them?
Thanks for this video Victoria. It helps me connect to women in a much deeper way. 🙏🏾
oh good that makes me so happy 2 hear that!!!
First point is what Yeats' is talking about when he says:
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.
He got it! Beautiful!!
Once again, thank you Victoria for sharing extraordinary insights into the mysterious world of the female psyche. You seem to speak both Venusian, and Marsian, whereas, you act as an intermediary for men, like a bridge of clarity, into the psychology of femininity, and the enchanted realm of the female psyche.
oh wow thank u very much for that amazing compliment
@@mynonleatherlife
You're welcome. Just speaking truth, as I see it. Always excited for your next video. No pressure though, you've already put out a treasure trove of gems. Love your stuff🙏
You're so good at this. I think there are more levels of masks, too. Literal clothing. Am I Sporty or Outdoorsy, Geeky, Techy, Alternative, or Conservative?
I'm fascinated by the two ideas of Story and Legacy. Animals don't tell stories, beyond birdsong, bee dances and whale music. Their legacy goes no further than their territory, mostly, if at all.
And yet here we are, with our smartphones and our language, a giddy mess of stories and legacy, our gods, our buildings, abstract ideas like nationality and property..
To a point, to be human is to wear a mask. It is an important milestone when a 3 year old learns to lie. When asked, "how's it going?", It's important to be able to say "It's all good" to anyone with the exception of your closest friends or family.
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.."
Excellent, much, much needed content! We should be socializing the world's women to not feel the need to keep these masks on.
Once again I appreciate your authenticity. I can attest to many of the things that you mentioned as being true with what I've started to learn about women.
thanks Sterling, I am really glad u get it
Commenting for the algorithm. Always appreciate listening to u try to unravel the female mind to male analysts.
thank you 🙏🏼 🙏🏼
Q: what is a woman's genuine state of being when neutral, when the mask is off what is she at her core ?
wow good question...
I think a woman is trying to be her mask aka her idealized self
A human being?
Depending on her natural temperament and upbringing / traumas. Pretty much like men in some ways / instincts, opposite of men in others.
Many are empty and don't know who they are.
Hmm, what you share is thought provoking. I have witnessed them.
You haven't been coming up in my suggested videos, glad to have you back, always a pleasure
This got me crying so hard. I haven't cried so hard in a long time. She just said what I have failed to make him understand for a very long time and therefore I'm now so toxic and desperate in his eyes...sad
which one susannah? What was he doing I am curious. And I'm so sorry cause I know how hard it can be to explain these kinds of things to men. They can feel so justified and superior in their perspective because there is not good education for women about why we need and desire the things we do. We are just gaslighted and told we are crazy and emotional to the point of even being locked up. It's really bad.
I like what you said about "toxic positivity", I think its a problem in society in general
i agree
it is definitely a huge pet peeve of mine
I love her dry sense of humour
Heartfelt thanks Victoria for all your videos. Its a great learning source for men who are inexperienced. I hope your channel flourishes.
thanks prashanth!
You’re not the hero we asked for! But surely the one we needed
This is genius. Real. I'll probably still watch all the other stuff the fake pill stuff or coaching stuff or let's analyse why online dating doesn't work stuff - maybe I am obsessed with the sociological issues around this subject, but how real this is is just brilliant. Edit: I was just thinking about the videos I have just watched over the past few hours, and even though I am sort of experienced in this area, your work is an education for me. There's something about the way you clearly explain things that is like light bulb stuff for me. Like someone came in with a torch in some dark rooms in my psyche and explained things that were there but I couldn't quite grasp. That's more than any youtube female dating coaches or male pillers or how to get laid coaches have ever done in the last few years of me studying this stuff. Guru level!
Wow thanks! Amazing to hear that
It's a pleasure. In fact it's quite a shock in a way. I am so pleased to have come across your work. I think you are ahead of the wave here, weirdly. There seems to be a sort of backlash in the whole mess of this subject going on and you were already trying to explain all this 3 years ago! It's sort of thrown me for a loop in some ways but I really appreciate it because it's simultaneously hit some very painful things in me but also feels like it's the healthiest thing I have come across in a looong time. It makes me want to run to you and ask lots of questions, but what I will do is study more of your work, then maybe do that later haha. Thanks so much.
I appreciate your direct approach to these problems. Over 30 years ago a women sat down with me and explained the female mindset. As a result thru practice I have been a better man for it.She said to that girls know girls better than guy's do. And girls know guy's better than they know themselves.
Yo this s*** makes a lot of sense it gives me a whole new perspective on some of the women I've been with s*** it gives me a whole new perspective on just watching my little sister grow up. Keep this up love.
Thank you Victoria for your honest subject matter and your sincerity of opening the often complex labyrinth of the female psyche.
thank u guitardo1!
Wow this was so beautiful. There's a girl I like and i can see so MUCH under her mask. I want to tell her what i see.
Someone finally said it.
This is absolutely true. It's tragic.
Thanks for this.
why do you think this is tragic
@@mynonleatherlife I have four adult daughters and they've all talked to me about assuming different masks as they move through the modern world.
When I was young our society was different, people had a more natural way of interacting with each other. Everyone pretty much liked each other. Conversations with random people in public was commonplace.
Now, with the great pressures on every part of our society, times are different.
And it's not just the women.
Everyone is wearing masks.
Very sad.
Thank you for your thoughtful observations.
I f’d around with dating and found out. These videos fixed my dating issue, but I’m still stuck on my xwife from 4 years ago. Not looking for advice or anything. Just had the realization, so.. yea.
Thanks for confirming it. I want to be a good asset for someone but that facade makes it hard so i think we as men need to go like stroongg with our capabilities
Victoria, this is one of your best videos. These masks you said made me think about all burden of perfomances women pretend to be their core's personalities and that social medias like Instagram and Tik Tok reinforces on them. Your content is getting better and better. Thank you so much for sharing all this knowledge with us.
thank u very much!!
I really enjoy your videos. I don’t usually comment on people videos but I really hope
You see this comment and know you’re appreciated and really impacting peoples lives ❤ I hope you continue to find your peace, happiness, and comfort. I hope you have outlets that bring you comfort the same way your videos bring me comfort.
Thank you for the super nice comment Mysheldon1. I also never comment on peoples videos so I am touched. Any topic u would want to see a vid on that comes to mind
You're one of the most underrated channels when it comes to explaining women's behavior and psychology
Thanks
Probably cuz she hasn't uploaded a video in months.
Having the depth substance and guts and authenticity as a man and feeling comfortable with who you are and knowing who you are allows for a very real exchange and possible relationship to happen when she take off the mask and breathe and be received for who she is not having to pretend is a major deal gives rise to greater intimacy and authentic communication.This was /is a VERY ILLUMINÀTING VIDEO and have really gained some key insights and they rang true for me..time to lovingly employ this awareness for the growth of the relationship.Many thanks and appreciate your valuable insights 👌🥰
In regards to the first one, anyone who has worked a customer service job can attest that putting on the "customer service face and voice" is exhausting. For the second one, I'm curious as to what they're basing their "strong and independent" mindset on. As in, what baseline for being "strong and independent" are they basing this ideal on? I think the third one can apply to men as well. I appreciate you more than I can put into words for having this channel Victoria
thank u John...great question about #2, I will think about that. That's interesting about #3 applying to men like they are often just basically doing everything to please the woman? Great point...I would like to make a vid about that as well
@@mynonleatherlife in regards to my response about your third point, I used to think I had to "perform" in order to get a woman's approval. As in, I had to text just the right thing, stand a certain way, have a certain tonality in my voice, the right body language etc
@@JohnBrown-ig5nc oh right! wonderful point. makes perfect sense. what a mask! 100%
Damn it girl!! it's been awhile since I watched your channel but every time I do I come back to very important gems and I identify my areas of error. thank you! You are appreciated
Be yourself subliminal! Brotha Neo.
My 1st comment got deleted because of the silly A.I system lol. Unless it could be in your approval section waiting to be approved. They have a a.i system that monitors comments. Smh.
Oh awesome thanks a lot!!!
@@mynonleatherlife You are welcome. I also tagged your YT in my new video for you to see.
Nice to see you again, Victoria !
Thanks for posting.
hello Jimmy
Thank you for your heart-breaking confession ...
wtf way to miss the point
its amazing how you are able to articulate such depth about the female psyche
Forget Coachella, I am waiting for the next VORTEX set. Great video and thanks for all the emotion, it really helps drive home the points. Also like the drawings, it would be great to maybe consider using a dry erase board behind you because it might be a little easier to see during the video and it would be a good reference point. #VortexEducationalAcademy
haha great point. I have a white board, I should use that as the background. You did inspire me tbh to put more emotion into my vids and make me feel ok about that from something u said to me and I was actually thinking about that in the back of my mind so thanks a lot for that
Hey good looking how is your Easter going?
It's always good too see you post a new video to a. It's nice to some honesty and truth simply just trying to help people!
🌞
You are probably the only woman in the history of woman who gives good advice to men about women. Seriously.
As men we expect women to portray "Toxic Positivity". Wow you unpacked a lot on this one.
Thank u for getting it!!! Do u agree that men do expect or hope for that from women?
@@mynonleatherlife Yes
I think I may have somewhat of a unique experience in terms of womens' emotions. I am an only child so when I was a kid I didn't have anybody around the house to play with so I used to read a lot. In many different books/books series the authors go into the thoughts and feelings of the girls that are in the stories so I've always kind of had an inside look into the thoughts and feelings of women even if those women were fictional characters.
Some good series that illustrate the mask about the strong, independent girl that needs permission and a strong man to allow her to be weak are the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson, the Legend series by Marie Lu, and the Ashes trilogy by Ilsa J. Bick.
very interesting kevin and thank u for those recommendations I will google those
You are a real genius, Vic 💥 ... Your work is so clarifying & refreshing 🎯 ... Have my applause from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil 🌎 .
wow thank you so much Nicolau. This really means a lot to me! Thank u for the kind support 🙏🏼
Haha, yes!. Glad to see you're still with us friend!
I think this is a great video. I can see a lot of what you are talking about. Now, as far as sexuality goes, a great way to break the ice is for a man, and a woman to openly have a discussion about sexual fantasy, and incorporate that into their sexual routine (I hate calling it that). But you know, it's worth it. Experimentation with both males, and females coming together is how to make it all happen in a meaningful way.
This is the best red pill content thanks mam
thanks ankit but personally I never see it as red pill content just normal dating advice
Awesome content as usual, thanks so much Victoria.
you’ve given me a lot to think about.
It is amazing how women has to and want to go through so much to just chill and be kool!!!! If you like someone just go for it. Get rid of all this game. Dammmmm!
I really enjoy your deep thoughts and perspectives in your videos.
thank u I appreciate that very much
30 year old straight male here.
Your passion and what appeared to be mimicked anger around the 2 - 3 min mark.....
Was incredibly arousing.
Just documenting for science.
Probably one of the best videos ever in the relationship/sexuality hemisphere of the internet
Oh wow thank you so much!! So u agree with the masks? It needed to be said!!
@@mynonleatherlife it needed to be said so deeply that somewhere inside of myself I wanted to cry! I can’t speak for all women but it felt like someone explained my life experience. This was the first time I heard someone vocalize things in a way that didn’t make me feel like something is wrong with me, and in such a succinct way on top of it. Thank you!
@@ekaterinal8631 omg oh wow. Im so touched ekaterina. I feel I understood a lot of this through my experience with this company called s factor, it used to be a pole dance studio but then they went online and do online classes now. Watching 1000s of women leave their heart and soul on the dance floor really taught me a lot about what women are really all about and gave me the strength to have confidence in my own experience too. It's really awesome in case u ever want to check it out cause it might be something up your alley, cause it really encourages women to find the truest expression of themselves among all the crap placed on us. I don't want this to sound like I'm selling anything cuz i'm not, but i def think I understood all this from what I saw there.
@@mynonleatherlife I have always seen pole dancing as such a beautiful art form. I’m not looking to invest in it but thank you for sharing your insight, it blows my mind that you learned ALL this just from that! Must have been a special environment where women felt vulnerable enough to show/touch on these things. So happy for your journey and to know confidence can always be built
Nice to have you back Victoria.
I love your posts, now I really understand women
So honest and candid😎
thx steve
Thanks so much for another amazing video, I needed this one a lot right now particularly. I currently work a job around a good deal of younger women, recently I was going out with co-workers which is rare for me and later in the night I had one of the girls I work with come on to me very hard and tell me that she and most all of the girls I work with have crushes on me. This was an absolute shock because I could not feel this from any of them whatsoever, but as you said girls/women don't give many if any signs. I am working this job to get free college and start a new career path but still am living with my parents at age 30. So I am not in a position to capitalize on these opportunities, also I have become a lot more choosy as I know that I can’t just mess around with women casually just to use them for a vagina and pretend it's all just “casual” and move on. So for me this is just a sign I am growing in the right direction. I wanted to mention this because obviously a lot of this is due to your teachings and content on this channel…. However there is one girl I work with that I have been crushing on unbelievably hard, One id be dying to commit to if something would turn out and she turned out to be everything I thought she was from working with her about a half a year. The age difference between us is a little too much and I was really struggling with letting my feelings, thoughts, and infatuations get away from me… Basically everything I was so infatuated with her about was mask 1 and mask 2 to a T and I was totally blind to it and this video was super insightful and impactful for my current situation. Its helping gain back a much more realistic and healthy mindset towards it.
that is great brad! I am happy to hear that mask 1 and 2 are getting u to think more realistically about her and not be overly infatuated with a mask. let me know how it goes. also wanted to say that u can act on whatever even if u live with ur parents...don't let that stop u either.
@@mynonleatherlife Thanks, I appreciate that advice. I do know it's a limiting belief. I know not taking action is not taking action, and not getting anything in life is not getting anything in life. Overcoming negativity and being too reactive to past dating failures, being scared of being talked about or thought of by women I like really like that I am not good enough, and protecting my own ego has been the biggest challenge my whole young life. Lately it's been hitting me hard as I feel I have pissed away a lot of youth and potential. It's a fight I am working on and that push in the positive mindset direction means a lot coming from you
@@bradbettis9210 i lived with my parents till i was 30 as well....it's a smart business move
Career professional women put on these masks all their lives. I know this because they are the easiest women to sleep with. Very emotional under these masks.
I think this is the most powerful video you've done. If I started to go into detail I'd write pages, but this is so insightful. I think I always recognised the second mask but masks 1 and 3 gave me a lot more to think about in myself. Thanks as always.
Thank u 🙏🙏I really appreciate that. Were u surprised by 1 and 3?
@@mynonleatherlife Not sure if surprised is the right word but that I'd not thought of it as deeply before. Hard to accept if your partner is not happy but at the same time if there's a self-created pressure to try to 'make' them so that's unfair on them so more acceptance of no 'happy face' is quite liberating. :-)
@@CommunicationandConflict yes! thanks for getting it!
@@mynonleatherlife thanks for your help in doing so! Have a great week and please keep producing the videos!
For me and for many men, as people have talked about here, the first mask about being constantly happy and cheerful is the same as for men not being allowed to show sadness or cry. Men like us yern for being able to be truly vulnerable with a woman, to show all of our weaknesses - but we cannot because then we aren't deemed attractive. These two masks cannot be taken of separately; if we want to take them off we need to be able to take them off both at once and realize that we are all humans with different feelings and emotions depending on where we are in life.
first. also we must protect this one.
fr fr
I love ur content. I think you are highly intelligent and introspective. I disagree a little with your theory on what women need. I believe the things women believe they need are actually wants and desires. And society has labled these desires as prerequisites for a successful relationship as a way to help women feel empowered. From a male perspective, I always try to keep in mind that the modern western woman is not only operating on instinct, but also heavily factoring in the ideas of what society says is acceptable, where as in the past, more important was what family and close friends influence had on the individual. Thats not to say that any of your points were untrue. All of those things are true, but never have they been considered necessary until the advent of modern radical feminism.
so u want to force all women to be submissive or what not? why not just let them worry about their own happiness and u do you. I don't think you should be deciding for billions of women what makes them happy. It's extremely condescending.
@@mynonleatherlife i can't decide what makes anybody happy. My point is that its important to remember that ppl in general not just women, make alot of decisions based on what friends family and society will think. Very few ppl actually know what they want and in my experience, thats especially true for women. Why do u think theres age old long running jokes about womens indecisiveness? Theres alot of variables for women pertaining to attraction. And no i wldnt advocate for forced submission. I wld only want to b wth somebody who was happy to b with me. Most men think like that. Its alot of mens downfalls as that sort of mindset can tend to lead to ppl pleasing in circumstances where the man really enjoys or likes the woman. Thats why when a guy likes a girl, but lacks game, the default move is to shower her with affection and show good intent.
@@theysayisagorilla so what do u think they would do if it weren’t for friends family and society
@@mynonleatherlife thats my point. I dont think they wld have very good direction. Im not religious, but the bible says eve came from the rib of adam. I believe PEOPLE, not jst women, seek leadership. Its not an aside to women to say that under different circumstances, would be much more reliant on a dependable, honorable man. I believe modern society, has made that harder for women to do. Theres far too much choice. And way too many variables. So now we live in a climate in which women are doing whatever they please based on feelings and intuition, and i dont believe that to be a sustainable platform for furthering relational dynamics between the sexes. We were built to be interdependent, and nowadays, INDEPENDENCE trumps all. Which is fine for hyper successful men (or women) Its not fine for the average persons. They say it takes a village to raise a child, i disagree. All it takes is 2 ppl dedicated to helping each other survive, grow and prosper for the sake of their family unit. Too much is placed on personal happiness. Individual desires. While important on a micro scale, the end goal is not happiness, Its survival and propagation.
Great video. Very interesting insight.
Thanks for the info &
Thanks for posting.
I can always rely on your intelligence from another universe!
The first smiley, happy woman that I almost fell for at the office was like an angel, I really hoped we could go out on a date and we nearly did but one day when some crazy guy started berating me in my office team she was in the vicinity and for no good reason she decided to join in on criticizing me (she didn't know the context and wasn't on my team or worked on the same things that I did) - so that was the first and the last red flag I saw that indicated that she had been putting on a mask of 'niceness' and positivity. She got involved with some Swiss guy at the office and later married him. Years later I looked up the Swiss guy on Facebook and he had posts about 'toxic relationships' etc ... soon after he and the girl from the office I once had interest in had their status set to divoced with two young girls. I think I dodged a bullet or at least the bullet was thankfully never even fired at me in the first place which I am grateful for.
indeed! U probably did! as oprah says when people show u who they are believe them...the first time!! lol
Bro 😳 You sure dodged the bullet of hypocrisy. We call those types of person fakers. Her positive attitude is purposely deceptive
PS: Funny how Facebook (social medias) can help us keep in touch with people without having to ask anyone anything 👌🏽😁
NEVER date at work.
@@GUITARTIME2024Exactly this!
Thank you so much for your openness. That helps a lot
Thanks for your channel. I think you're great! I actually appreciate your low production values. I don't need to be prompted to like. You get my upvote. Keep up the great content.
You could also call these compensation & defense strategies:
Niceness
Hardness
Availability
Highlighting that these are pathological defense modalities which express insecurity, this is pretty great work you are doing.
I love how you boiled that down!! Genius. Thank you! So what are pathological defense modalities
@@mynonleatherlife pathological - pain based or negative in aspect, or symptomatic of a lack of wellbeing.
Defense - a countermeasure or position taken in response to perceived threat, danger or loss
Modality - A tendency to conform to a general pattern or belong to a particular group or category.
@@mynonleatherlife there are corresponding masculine archetypal identities. There are also quite a few that are related to age & role, which are often reliant upon entrained schema or cultural identities. Hiding behind a mask of conformity is camouflage and safety in numbers - doing what anybody else would, doing what is expected from your allocated role.
African American and Caribbean people particularly don't actually have this "Virgin Mary" identity for women, and they don't teach or expect people to behave that way. Lady Saw is woth listening to.
Wow! Powerful stuff.
Thanks for keeping it real.
Very insightful.
For a follow-up video, it would be interesting to know your thoughts on why it seems some women have difficulty taking the masks off, even if they are with partners who would encourage that.
Why does a guy have difficulty crying as an adult when he was told by his dad or society boys don’t cry repeatedly for ex… the societal expectations run deep and are hard to buck
You can’t say you’re strong and independent while being weak and get the benefits of both. Men CAN provide both benefits with girls they love BUT we don’t like doing it and we have a resentment towards the fact that we have to pretend that you’re strong while walking on eggshells to not hurt your feelings. This is why a lot of successful men are hooking up and staying out of relationships.
I really don't understand your point. Why do you resent a girl being both strong in some ways and weak in others
I really don't know about that last part. Slowing down never worked out for me, it actually worked against me. You can see the woman lose attraction and respect for you as you go out of your way to please her. You're going up against her idea of what she wants versus her idea of what a real man would actually do, and they always prefer a real man to getting their fantasy. The fantasy is theoretical, the authentically male gets their body responding naturally. The more I act on my own intentions and instincts the better it goes.
The best way to let her know you're going slow is probably just to tell her candidly that you want to take it slow and why. She'll understand and if she doesn't that's probably a sign that she doesn't respect you and you may be better off as a result of exiting what form of relationship you two have by moving on.
You’re such a good explainer
This is the best advice on RUclips
thank you very much!
Perfect analogy! Very true