Easier said than done. The feelings of abandonment and unworthiness are gonna come up again and again even when we’re with secure people. The point is to catch us when we’re feeling it and be gentle with ourselves. Don’t beat ourselves up and give ourselves a hug. Then when we feel okay, we will be able to judge the situation we’re in, to see whether we’re with the right person or not…
There are those who seek far too much from their partner to make up for what they missed in childhood. They choke good people out of their lives. I, on the other hand, gave too much looking for validation. Goes both ways. I emulated my mother's behavior.
i can't securely attach to myself though, this is meant to be modeled by a parent, I literally have NO CLUE how to do this, because I was literally not shown this ever!
Look up Thais Gibson here on RUclips after taking the attachment style quiz, and watch the playlist that corresponds to your attachment style, as each style has its unique wounds and unique wars of healing and reprogramming those wounds.
If this talk was in person I would honestly give it a standing ovation, absolutely phenomenal - you are an earth angel and light worker for SURE! I have learned endless amount by just a few of your videos. I can't thank you enough!
I never learned how to play by myself because my parent never played with me. She would watch scary movies and I would just sit with her while she did and go to bed so afraid. But I wanted to spend time with her so that was my only option. She would say go play but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what I liked to play because I didn’t know who I was. My identity was just my moms daughter. I had no individual identity. I said “mommy I’m sad” she would ask why and I couldn’t put words too it. She would shame me “you have nothing be sad or stressed over your a kid. You have food and a roof over your head.”
Really like what you said about everyone else not knowing how to love us better than ourselves. I’ve never heard it that way, and it feels very empowering. ❤🙏✨
I wanted my mom to play with me as a child. To be present with me and be interested in me. My mom was only ever interested in herself. Her interest, her music, her movies, her activities. What she was feeling. When I expressed big feelings I was punished. “Go to your room”.
This video just like all your others is so extremely helpful and you were spot on with the narcissistic parents trauma.👏 Question: do you have any grounding tips to help remember that my partner is not my parents? For context this is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had and he doesn’t want me to put him on a pedestal and I’m working on stopping but I had to dote on both parents head and foot and I catch myself doing that to him without his consent (he hates it but understands where it comes from). I know I’m triggered in that moment so I can’t think straight but I also can’t stop it yet…any thoughts?
Allowing yourself to know it is safe to see him as your equal, as you partner! He will not leave you if you love yourself as much or more than you love and adore him
This is a beautiful video and I know what it's like to put someone on a pedestal. However, what if I'm the person being put on a pedestal? Can I help the other person or do I just need to help myself and give myself the love I need?
Interesting I think this video May fit with the current crisis I'm going through. I realized through talking with my husband again, Please shows no signs of being interested, Looks back down at his phones, And I know all things hes heard before. Usually always listens patiently. Thats all he does . I'm better off just talking to myself. Yesterday I kind of snapped And I told my husband I wished I had someone else other than him to talk to. I knew telling him that would hurt him I felt a desperate need to just say that. took it the worst way possible. He Said sarcastically Thanks For telling me I'm an adequate. Which hit me like a rock. He does that whenever I speak up about it it needs not getting met and I try to explain what it is that I need. told him that you're not inadequate hon, I need someone to talk to who can discuss this stuff with me try to help me to understand why I think and do things. You cant seem to help me get over the obsessive Thinking. But I'm just afraid I am annoying him but continuously talking to him felt the same stuff begin and again and again. That is because nothing gets solved because all he does it just be there. Miss my therapist. Deeply hurt crying since yesterday. Like most times i regret talking to my husband.
Neither of you are feeling validated by each other. He is not capable of the level of emotional depth you have and therefore when you ask for it and he can’t deliver it, he feels inadequate. You feel invalidated because of his inability. This is tough. I suggest setting a timer! Each one of you talks for three minutes. The other had to listen and then respond to one another after you each share. This is an exercise in conscious communication.
Does being able to securely attach to myself; to take care of my inner child mean that I have to remove the partner/person from my life? Can awareness and self action be enough?
This is why I don’t chase people and have detachment connections with people I stopped chasing them ages ago when they began to show me their true colours excluding a fraction of a percentage of course the best way to attract love is by attracting it naturally without having to pedalise it pedalising love in others only results to an ego/prideful boost within the pursuer repelled/repulsed individual being pursued some of us we live within a world that’s stimulated and ungodly we also live within a spiritual world through GODS kingdom via The Holy Spirits Presence and this is why forced/pedslised relationships don’t work because one is repulsed/repelled by this type of behaviour while the other projecting it isn’t the way for anyone to attract biblical love and embrace as well as enjoy every moment is by not pedalising, pursuing, nor forcing something that can only be aligned perfectly by GODS divine power/authority IT IS WHAT IT IS!!
@@CandacevanDell greetings might I already add I do recall seeing you once or twice along my travels I'm getting old and relatively fast I often suffer from spells of dementia for whatever reason whether it's brain injury I couldn't say I'm continuously and ruthlessly researching cures that oldies can use for free as part of their freewill it does take slot of sacrificing on their behalf mind! ☺️☺️
![Stromae, Pomme - “Ma Meilleure Ennemie” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Visualizer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1F3OGIFnW1k/mqdefault.jpg)
Easier said than done. The feelings of abandonment and unworthiness are gonna come up again and again even when we’re with secure people. The point is to catch us when we’re feeling it and be gentle with ourselves. Don’t beat ourselves up and give ourselves a hug. Then when we feel okay, we will be able to judge the situation we’re in, to see whether we’re with the right person or not…
Love this! YES!!!!!
I can't love me first until someone loves me first. I can't fulfill me until you do. I can't change until you do. This really hit me hard
Becoming your own Permission slip & Authority!!!
Thank you candace
So true, beautiful Candace. We also "hope" that they will mirror our behavior and be there when we need them. "Somebody who cares when you lose".
Absolutely, that unconditional support we never got but deeply deserve ☀️☀️
There are those who seek far too much from their partner to make up for what they missed in childhood. They choke good people out of their lives.
I, on the other hand, gave too much looking for validation. Goes both ways. I emulated my mother's behavior.
Absolutely!
i can't securely attach to myself though, this is meant to be modeled by a parent, I literally have NO CLUE how to do this, because I was literally not shown this ever!
Inner child healing, I am enough and I am loveable meditations really helped me ❤️ You can get there 🤗
You can learn to reparent yourself for sure!! There is a lot of hope
Look up Thais Gibson here on RUclips after taking the attachment style quiz, and watch the playlist that corresponds to your attachment style, as each style has its unique wounds and unique wars of healing and reprogramming those wounds.
If this talk was in person I would honestly give it a standing ovation, absolutely phenomenal - you are an earth angel and light worker for SURE! I have learned endless amount by just a few of your videos. I can't thank you enough!
Well Beth I can’t wait foe the day that it is LIVE and I will see you in the audience 💕💕💕☀️
I never learned how to play by myself because my parent never played with me. She would watch scary movies and I would just sit with her while she did and go to bed so afraid. But I wanted to spend time with her so that was my only option. She would say go play but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what I liked to play because I didn’t know who I was. My identity was just my moms daughter. I had no individual identity. I said “mommy I’m sad” she would ask why and I couldn’t put words too it. She would shame me “you have nothing be sad or stressed over your a kid. You have food and a roof over your head.”
She was gaslighting you. I’m so sorry.
Really like what you said about everyone else not knowing how to love us better than ourselves. I’ve never heard it that way, and it feels very empowering. ❤🙏✨
YES!!! You are the permission slip. You are the higher authority on YOU.
I have been there. I am happily married now and I'm happy I got out of that pattern.
Wonderful!
I hope this video can find their way to people who are in these kinds of dynamic. it has been so helpful watching your videos, Candace.
I wanted my mom to play with me as a child. To be present with me and be interested in me. My mom was only ever interested in herself. Her interest, her music, her movies, her activities. What she was feeling. When I expressed big feelings I was punished. “Go to your room”.
There was no room for you or your needs. You were therefore made WRONG for having them. That was not your fault. You deserved better ❤️
Powerful talk! thank you Candace, love the dog :)
Thank you! Saint will be making more appearances soon 🐶 💞
So true 🤣 you got it. The mantra in our house was children are to be seen but not heard. Talk about invalidation.
Wow so much YES to all of this 💖 Thank you!
Yay, I’m so glad you can relate ☀️
Thank you for shedding some more light on this phenomena. It’s very illuminating. 🕯
☀️☀️☀️
Girl you are good. Love you much. I am so grateful
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for your Divine insight and love!!💗💗😊😊
It is always my pleasure!
Ugh you give me language to help me understand myself!!! Thank you! There is nothing wrong with me ❤
Beautiful!!!
This video just like all your others is so extremely helpful and you were spot on with the narcissistic parents trauma.👏
Question: do you have any grounding tips to help remember that my partner is not my parents?
For context this is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had and he doesn’t want me to put him on a pedestal and I’m working on stopping but I had to dote on both parents head and foot and I catch myself doing that to him without his consent (he hates it but understands where it comes from). I know I’m triggered in that moment so I can’t think straight but I also can’t stop it yet…any thoughts?
Allowing yourself to know it is safe to see him as your equal, as you partner! He will not leave you if you love yourself as much or more than you love and adore him
I do not like it when this happens it puts immense pressure on the person being pedestalized and is delusional in nature
Always put partners on pedestals. Always wondered after the rship why?! Thank you. Still wondering where this came from in my childhood.
You are welcome!!!
i adore u !! thank u SOOO much for this video
💗 thank you, wow an eye opener.
Fir me to fulfill me I have to know that my needs are real and they are valid. Wow
They are REAL, they are VALID
You should make a book !!!
Ugh yes like our parent! Like my mother. This sucks.
Eye opening it’s it??
Thank you
🙏🏻
This is a beautiful video and I know what it's like to put someone on a pedestal. However, what if I'm the person being put on a pedestal? Can I help the other person or do I just need to help myself and give myself the love I need?
Thank you so mutch. this is me so hard.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Interesting I think this video May fit with the current crisis I'm going through.
I realized through talking with my husband again, Please shows no signs of being interested, Looks back down at his phones, And I know all things hes heard before. Usually always listens patiently. Thats all he does . I'm better off just talking to myself. Yesterday I kind of snapped And I told my husband I wished I had someone else other than him to talk to. I knew telling him that would hurt him I felt a desperate need to just say that. took it the worst way possible. He Said sarcastically Thanks For telling me I'm an adequate. Which hit me like a rock. He does that whenever I speak up about it it needs not getting met and I try to explain what it is that I need. told him that you're not inadequate hon, I need someone to talk to who can discuss this stuff with me try to help me to understand why I think and do things. You cant seem to help me get over the obsessive Thinking. But I'm just afraid I am annoying him but continuously talking to him felt the same stuff begin and again and again. That is because nothing gets solved because all he does it just be there. Miss my therapist. Deeply hurt crying since yesterday. Like most times i regret talking to my husband.
Neither of you are feeling validated by each other. He is not capable of the level of emotional depth you have and therefore when you ask for it and he can’t deliver it, he feels inadequate. You feel invalidated because of his inability. This is tough. I suggest setting a timer! Each one of you talks for three minutes. The other had to listen and then respond to one another after you each share. This is an exercise in conscious communication.
This helped me so so much 😭😭💕
"SELF LOVE ON FUEGO" that was DOS SALSAS u got the SAUCES. I like that, I'm gonna steel that statement
🤘😈
Haha
Yes i give to myself.❤️❤️
❤️❤️
Only God can love you. The prodigal daughter
Father/ mother god
The original wound said it was my fault which is or was a very big lie. They make you feel like you stupid for wanting your needs met
Correct!!!!
Does being able to securely attach to myself; to take care of my inner child mean that I have to remove the partner/person from my life? Can awareness and self action be enough?
You can try it without removing them.
How to give yourself all the love?
Am dating my mom and friends
This is why I don’t chase people and have detachment connections with people I stopped chasing them ages ago when they began to show me their true colours excluding a fraction of a percentage of course the best way to attract love is by attracting it naturally without having to pedalise it pedalising love in others only results to an ego/prideful boost within the pursuer repelled/repulsed individual being pursued some of us we live within a world that’s stimulated and ungodly we also live within a spiritual world through GODS kingdom via The Holy Spirits Presence and this is why forced/pedslised relationships don’t work because one is repulsed/repelled by this type of behaviour while the other projecting it isn’t the way for anyone to attract biblical love and embrace as well as enjoy every moment is by not pedalising, pursuing, nor forcing something that can only be aligned perfectly by GODS divine power/authority IT IS WHAT IT IS!!
❤️
@@CandacevanDell greetings might I already add I do recall seeing you once or twice along my travels I'm getting old and relatively fast I often suffer from spells of dementia for whatever reason whether it's brain injury I couldn't say I'm continuously and ruthlessly researching cures that oldies can use for free as part of their freewill it does take slot of sacrificing on their behalf mind! ☺️☺️
i'm not a vibrational match to anyone who loves me - how do I heal this?
By loving yourself!!
So wait how do we heal?
Do the inner work to loose the weight
Yes
Not my stuff
宇宙は私の事で大騒ぎです✨👽✨
光の宇宙存在のRUclipsrに返信されて幻想世界の事をちょっと考えました♥
私は決定しました♥ 幻想世界はありません‼😁
Archangelが来て 神々が折り重なるように来てくださいました♥ 😊
幻想世界はありません♥
Thank you