We are all imperfect, broken people and live in completely broken and imperfect world and the only and best answer is to spread love and forgiveness and grow every day.
Thank you to Candace and all who shared❤️ I am 55 and have been searching for myself my whole life! I am the 4/5 children and was raised by my sister because my unhealed mother used empathic me only as the scapegoat. I was invisible. I then married a very narc man who used all my wounds to keep me beneath him and I laid down like a carpet. I have been walked on for years but could not find why I felt I was the carpet 😞 THANK YOU from my inner child who feels amazing knowing I have her back❤
You have allowed my healing to happen❤ I was searching for a beautiful soul who has healed and is teaching others how and I was blessed and found you!!! NEVER question what you do I am alive to prove it!🥰❤️❤️❤️
Thank you thank you thank you Candace! What a great exercise... the place where I feel safest is at the barn (because my mom is scared of horses). When you asked to imagine my inner child I could see myself, in a red jacket. And my horse was behind her, solid as a canyon, and going about his own business while keeping an eye on little me. He is very gentle around scared or insecure people. I could see him even before you explained there might be someone I trust behind my inner child. I lost him 3 and a half years ago. And today I miss him more than I ever did. Even more than I missed him when I was a child and he wasn't even born yet. I've always known I'd find him. He still comes to see me sometimes. He is one of my spirit helpers. And he will always, always be the safest place in the universe.
“It’s safe to not have anything” Yeah, facts… Having anything, being anything, doing anything triggers a narcissistic mother. If it’s not about her, don’t bother. Ive been an overachiever all my life having both both parents as narcs. When I finally cut them from my life I couldn’t understand WHY my finances and desire to succeed literally plummeted. Now I know why, THANK YOU
Truely!, Candace you have an incrediable God given talent of talking clarity! There is no 'mumbo jumbo', straight to the point, simple and so much compassion comes through. Once again I thank you. You are changing lives....May blessing rain down on you 🙏🌻
I just realized that this is what’ve been happening between me and mom and I find my self fighting to not do her actions over again with my daughter. Some days I struggle some days I do great.
I was raised by a narc mom and by default learned her mothering skills. now at age 57 I realize this and have been diligently working to UNDO her skill set within me. My daughter's are having a very difficult time dealing with me as I have changed and they still want to pigeon hole me as a narc. it takes time and consistency.
I love your honestly and that you are doing the work. It is very common to take on some of the tests. “If I can’t beat them, join them” mentality. Now is your time to understand and love yourself. The rest will follow 💕
@@CandacevanDell thank you. I am being true to me as I have been commanded. It's tricky...but progress is being made. Thank you Candace for being a beautiful mirror for me.
This is so synchronistic for me today. I’m 48 and I’ve just recently realized how big of a mother wound I have. My mother is at the end of her life now, is in a behavioral health ward at the moment, and will soon be transferred to a nursing home. I’ve just seen in the past few years how hurt I’ve been, being raised by such an emotionally immature and unavailable mother. Ive now been trying to break the pattern with my own 15 yr old daughter. This video was very helpful, thank you! 💜
Amazing awarenesses!!! It is huge to acknowledge what really happened and how it affected you. The fact you are doing the work with your daughter now is incredible 💕
I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through! I haven't seen the video yet - I felt compelled to send you a message first. I'm 52. I also had an emotionally unavailable and abusive mother. She suffered a long-term illness and just passed away on September 26. Here's what I've learned and I hope it helps you: 1. Finding compassion & understanding for your mom's life, can make it easier to forgive her. 2. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. 3. Viewing your mom as her wounded child, brings a whole new perspective. 4. Unhealed hurt people, hurt people... 5. It's perfectly okay to feel a sense of relief when your mom does cross-over. You've dealt with a lot, and feeling good about no longer having to be subjected to that behaviour, as well as no longer feeling the need to obtain love and attention from someone incapable of giving it to you is liberating. 4. People only love at the level of their consciousness. 5. I believe Earth is a school, full of lessons. Ones we chose to experience before incarnating here. Your mom's behaviour provided the circumstances for your growth. For me, I believe the lack of love & support forced me to go within and learn self-love. You can't truly see and know love, until you've seen and known hate. 6. It was hard being my mom's caregiver. I brought Hospice in and took care of her in her home, where she crossed-over. Bearing witness to her trauma filled life, eventual painful illness and watching her go through the death process was heartbreaking. I bathed her, changed her Depends, massaged her with lotion, put make-up on her, did her hair, sprayed parfume on her and told her she was a good mom, that she did the best she knew how. It was a gift to her and to myself. It would have been so much easier to turn my back on her, as she did to me my whole life. But then I'd be left drinking the poison. * I wish you love, light, healing, wisdom, strength and blessings upon blessings! 🙏🙌😘💫 Edited: Typo
@@stars_for_night_lights Thank you so much for this comment.! This was very comforting to read. I’m sorry to hear of your mom’s recent passing. 🙏🏼 My mom’s 2 (almost successful) suicide attempts in 2019 were definite catalysts into my current growth cycle. I’ve learned a lot over these past few years, but have felt very alone on my journey. It’s amazing how “strangers” on the internet can comfort us in ways that actual friends or family cannot. Thank you so much for that! I appreciate you! 💜
My mother the very idea of me existing is a huge trigger. She said many times that she regret having me. She stopped calling me a scumbag when i was 33. It took me 40 years to understand what was going on...no need to say that i blew up my entire life. The good thing is that the abuse created my connection with God And i was guided to yoga when i was 37 after breaking up from a big narc... yoga is all about alchemy transforming darkness into light... now unfolding the other side of this whole thing ❤
THANK YOU SO MUCH !! ⚡️⚡️⚡️💜💜💜 I am going to therapy for the first time ever and there is so many wounds she caused me. I am learning to coexist with all of these emotions.
This is exactly me with my narc mother. But since high school I just rebelled. I dont care about her anymore I aint gonna waste my life on her when she isnt looking for help and still sees herself perfect... let her enjoy her life without me.
Such a great video! This resonated with me so much especially now that I recently got out of a 7yr incredibly abusive relationship with someone who is narcissistic and I had to literally escape so moving back home with my mother was my only option in such short notice. I have always felt like something wasn’t right with our relationship even as a young child she would act jealous of me and my grandmother would notice it as well. Her advice which probably wasn’t the best but she didn’t know better was to basically walk on eggshells until my mom got over it because she always does. When you said the love bomb love bomb reject you literally described my mother to a T. I have felt guilty my whole life because when she love bombs me she does amazing things and I think wow I’m lucky to have a mom like that. How dare I think anything bad about our relationship she gets a pass because she is my mother. But that’s not right it doesn’t feel right. And now that I’m older and living with her until I get on my feet I see how she acts so much like my ex except she doesn’t hit me. And when you brought up your client and her cousin it made me think about how my mother treats my brother so differently than me. He can’t treat her like absolute crap and he is perfect in her eyes and I’m always anxious and worried about her health and would drop anything to be there for her and she constantly says I don’t care about her and I don’t love her which is crazy. Such a long comment but thank you for the video because I was like wow ok this actually makes total sense and I don’t talk about it to anyone and just hold it in because she acts like mom of the year around everyone and is so incredibly nice and they don’t see her act the way she does towards me when no one is around. They probably wouldn’t understand so this video made me feel not so alone about the situation. Thank you for sharing you help so much🙏🏼
"a lot of times it isn't her fault" 2 minutes in and we're already letting "her" off the hook this is the problem, women with the mother wound need to be held accountable with healing their wounds and stop passing them downstream 🤬 we need women to sit with "maybe, just maybe IT IS MY FAULT" and even if shame and guilt is triggered, they have to own it and process it all
I agree this is true but, i was only making a video yesterday about love and not that my suggestion may work for a narcissistic parent/mother, but if we taught our children to love them self first and foremost... They could live knowing approval is not needed at all.
Great video .Thank you Candace..Yeah ! Its deep sh..for sure. I see my covert Mom once a week but its still damaging ( I've no sisters ) I wondered if your still in contact with your Mom?
Thank you , and you are absolutely right ! Also , please rearrange the video title , two letters misplaced ! Thank you very much again , so many times i remember Freud on his insights about mother/father projection in our relationships ~~ really, gaining our selfworth is a plus for healthy connections . Thank you again, i find your work admirable ~~ XX
Good message Candace. Can you address how generational emotional trauma that creates a mother wound, can in-turn create a father wound due to the complex inter-relationships within families. Namaste.
Yes, If you have a narcissistic mother who is jealous and needs to be center of attention, the father will not be close with you out of fear of the mother getting angry. This creates unavailable fathers
I want to offer you a little suggestion you don't just do things because you feel like doing them , you first acknowledge the feelings of guilt and shame and all of the feelings that come with the need for external validation and accept them with love and kindness and hospitality and as you add this loving kindness and acceptance upon these feelings of guilt and shame then they transform to healed feelings bc of the internal validation you have imparted , by doing this you do not usurp you're own Authority or in other words you are not stealing from the cookie jar or in other words you are not circumventing the process of transformation you have to give acknowledgment and acceptance to the negative or wounded feelings and the results of that is you have allowed them to process and to become what they always wanted to be..... healed. The other thing is you don't just stop seeking external validation because you know that when you validate yourself there is no need to worry about external validation it just kind of drops off there is no need for this external validation anymore this is such a practical and quantifiable truth when one experiences this it is a real game changer!
Hi Candace! Thank you so much for sharing this. I almost can feel your genuine intention to help other people. I have a question for you: What if I understand everything, I already made connection with the chain of events that lead me to the trauma, I knowledge, but I can't get rid of it? What do u suggest to do?
Candace , thank you very much🙏. You have touched a point I never knew it existed , to love the mother how she is to be able to heal and be whole . I recently discovered I was attracting narcissists who have an issue with women, I am in my 40s and this was a shock. I did many counselling sessions and no one have hit this right key before. Thanks so much. How can I get a one to one session with you?
Remember I told you how my mother stated that babies are powerful because they run the mother's life. My stomach twisted up into knots at that level of victimhood.
No more no more……I don’t need her validation any more.I suffered all my life because of her. I am 59 years old. I always doubted myself . Something wrong with me. I can validate myself 😢😢😢 I don’t need her validation…….
This is so true! But I was never like her and I'm still not. But my sister was more like her and she never got anything harsh from my mom even if she did so much more shit as a teenager etc etc.
We are all imperfect, broken people and live in completely broken and imperfect world and the only and best answer is to spread love and forgiveness and grow every day.
Thank you to Candace and all who shared❤️ I am 55 and have been searching for myself my whole life! I am the 4/5 children and was raised by my sister because my unhealed mother used empathic me only as the scapegoat. I was invisible. I then married a very narc man who used all my wounds to keep me beneath him and I laid down like a carpet. I have been walked on for years but could not find why I felt I was the carpet 😞
THANK YOU from my inner child who feels amazing knowing I have her back❤
This is amazing!!!! ❤
You have allowed my healing to happen❤ I was searching for a beautiful soul who has healed and is teaching others how and I was blessed and found you!!! NEVER question what you do I am alive to prove it!🥰❤️❤️❤️
Thank you thank you thank you Candace! What a great exercise... the place where I feel safest is at the barn (because my mom is scared of horses). When you asked to imagine my inner child I could see myself, in a red jacket. And my horse was behind her, solid as a canyon, and going about his own business while keeping an eye on little me. He is very gentle around scared or insecure people. I could see him even before you explained there might be someone I trust behind my inner child.
I lost him 3 and a half years ago. And today I miss him more than I ever did. Even more than I missed him when I was a child and he wasn't even born yet. I've always known I'd find him. He still comes to see me sometimes. He is one of my spirit helpers. And he will always, always be the safest place in the universe.
This is incredible!!! Thank you so much for sharing! ❤
“It’s safe to not have anything”
Yeah, facts…
Having anything, being anything, doing anything triggers a narcissistic mother. If it’s not about her, don’t bother.
Ive been an overachiever all my life having both both parents as narcs.
When I finally cut them from my life I couldn’t understand WHY my finances and desire to succeed literally plummeted.
Now I know why, THANK YOU
I am jumping up and down like an excited 5 year. This amazing woman is incrediable!!! Thank you Thank you a 1000 million times over. Thank you
Thank you back 😂🎉🎉
Truely!, Candace you have an incrediable God given talent of talking clarity! There is no 'mumbo jumbo', straight to the point, simple and so much compassion comes through. Once again I thank you. You are changing lives....May blessing rain down on you 🙏🌻
I just realized that this is what’ve been happening between me and mom and I find my self fighting to not do her actions over again with my daughter. Some days I struggle some days I do great.
It is awesome that you can recognize this as a tribal wound. You are doing great just by having awareness and applying change 🎉
I was raised by a narc mom and by default learned her mothering skills. now at age 57 I realize this and have been diligently working to UNDO her skill set within me. My daughter's are having a very difficult time dealing with me as I have changed and they still want to pigeon hole me as a narc. it takes time and consistency.
I love your honestly and that you are doing the work. It is very common to take on some of the tests. “If I can’t beat them, join them” mentality. Now is your time to understand and love yourself. The rest will follow 💕
@@CandacevanDell thank you. I am being true to me as I have been commanded. It's tricky...but progress is being made. Thank you Candace for being a beautiful mirror for me.
@@xlauriestarchildstudios7777 wonderful, it is my pleasure!!! 💜
This is so synchronistic for me today. I’m 48 and I’ve just recently realized how big of a mother wound I have. My mother is at the end of her life now, is in a behavioral health ward at the moment, and will soon be transferred to a nursing home. I’ve just seen in the past few years how hurt I’ve been, being raised by such an emotionally immature and unavailable mother. Ive now been trying to break the pattern with my own 15 yr old daughter. This video was very helpful, thank you! 💜
Amazing awarenesses!!! It is huge to acknowledge what really happened and how it affected you. The fact you are doing the work with your daughter now is incredible 💕
I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through! I haven't seen the video yet - I felt compelled to send you a message first. I'm 52. I also had an emotionally unavailable and abusive mother. She suffered a long-term illness and just passed away on September 26. Here's what I've learned and I hope it helps you:
1. Finding compassion & understanding for your mom's life, can make it easier to forgive her.
2. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person.
3. Viewing your mom as her wounded child, brings a whole new perspective.
4. Unhealed hurt people, hurt people...
5. It's perfectly okay to feel a sense of relief when your mom does cross-over. You've dealt with a lot, and feeling good about no longer having to be subjected to that behaviour, as well as no longer feeling the need to obtain love and attention from someone incapable of giving it to you is liberating.
4. People only love at the level of their consciousness.
5. I believe Earth is a school, full of lessons. Ones we chose to experience before incarnating here. Your mom's behaviour provided the circumstances for your growth. For me, I believe the lack of love & support forced me to go within and learn self-love. You can't truly see and know love, until you've seen and known hate.
6. It was hard being my mom's caregiver. I brought Hospice in and took care of her in her home, where she crossed-over. Bearing witness to her trauma filled life, eventual painful illness and watching her go through the death process was heartbreaking. I bathed her, changed her Depends, massaged her with lotion, put make-up on her, did her hair, sprayed parfume on her and told her she was a good mom, that she did the best she knew how. It was a gift to her and to myself. It would have been so much easier to turn my back on her, as she did to me my whole life. But then I'd be left drinking the poison.
* I wish you love, light, healing, wisdom, strength and blessings upon blessings! 🙏🙌😘💫
Edited: Typo
@@stars_for_night_lights Thank you so much for this comment.! This was very comforting to read. I’m sorry to hear of your mom’s recent passing. 🙏🏼 My mom’s 2 (almost successful) suicide attempts in 2019 were definite catalysts into my current growth cycle. I’ve learned a lot over these past few years, but have felt very alone on my journey. It’s amazing how “strangers” on the internet can comfort us in ways that actual friends or family cannot. Thank you so much for that! I appreciate you! 💜
@@nicolefontana Blessed be ❤️
I hope you can heal💜
My mother the very idea of me existing is a huge trigger. She said many times that she regret having me. She stopped calling me a scumbag when i was 33. It took me 40 years to understand what was going on...no need to say that i blew up my entire life. The good thing is that the abuse created my connection with God And i was guided to yoga when i was 37 after breaking up from a big narc... yoga is all about alchemy transforming darkness into light... now unfolding the other side of this whole thing ❤
Oh, wow - now I see how my pattern of being overwhelmed is a generational pattern that I got from my parents. I will be the one to break this cycle.
as a guy, I'd like to be in a group of 3 women with the mother wound, but women with the mother wound would "push me away"
THANK YOU SO MUCH !! ⚡️⚡️⚡️💜💜💜 I am going to therapy for the first time ever and there is so many wounds she caused me. I am learning to coexist with all of these emotions.
Pressed like and video hasn’t even started - lots of people have a mother wound . Necessary to heal !
Very necessary to talk about and heal ❤
This is exactly me with my narc mother. But since high school I just rebelled. I dont care about her anymore I aint gonna waste my life on her when she isnt looking for help and still sees herself perfect... let her enjoy her life without me.
❤
Such a great video! This resonated with me so much especially now that I recently got out of a 7yr incredibly abusive relationship with someone who is narcissistic and I had to literally escape so moving back home with my mother was my only option in such short notice. I have always felt like something wasn’t right with our relationship even as a young child she would act jealous of me and my grandmother would notice it as well. Her advice which probably wasn’t the best but she didn’t know better was to basically walk on eggshells until my mom got over it because she always does. When you said the love bomb love bomb reject you literally described my mother to a T. I have felt guilty my whole life because when she love bombs me she does amazing things and I think wow I’m lucky to have a mom like that. How dare I think anything bad about our relationship she gets a pass because she is my mother. But that’s not right it doesn’t feel right. And now that I’m older and living with her until I get on my feet I see how she acts so much like my ex except she doesn’t hit me. And when you brought up your client and her cousin it made me think about how my mother treats my brother so differently than me. He can’t treat her like absolute crap and he is perfect in her eyes and I’m always anxious and worried about her health and would drop anything to be there for her and she constantly says I don’t care about her and I don’t love her which is crazy. Such a long comment but thank you for the video because I was like wow ok this actually makes total sense and I don’t talk about it to anyone and just hold it in because she acts like mom of the year around everyone and is so incredibly nice and they don’t see her act the way she does towards me when no one is around. They probably wouldn’t understand so this video made me feel not so alone about the situation. Thank you for sharing you help so much🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing!! I’m so glad some pieces were out together here 😇 I would google covert narcissistic mother.
This video was sooo ding ding ding for me😱
❤❤❤
Candace you just cracked me like an egg. Thank you so much, your work is beyond incredible.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate you 💎
Your Divine insight is a true treasure!!🙌🙌🙌💗💗
Thank you so much 💕🙋🏼♀️💎
Thank you so much Candace! 🙏❤️🥰
You are very welcome! 💞
This is pure gold, thank you, thank you, thank you 💝
It is my pleasure!!!
"a lot of times it isn't her fault"
2 minutes in and we're already letting "her" off the hook
this is the problem, women with the mother wound need to be held accountable with healing their wounds and stop passing them downstream 🤬
we need women to sit with "maybe, just maybe IT IS MY FAULT"
and even if shame and guilt is triggered, they have to own it and process it all
also what's with all the softening language: "maybe your mother was *slightly* narcissistic"
WHY ARE WE ALWAYS LETTING WOMEN OFF THE HOOK
100% correct.
This is one of the best mother wounding information I have heard. Very informational, thank you for sharing!!
Love your work Candace! Thank you for having the courage to share your authentic self 🙏🌝
I agree this is true but, i was only making a video yesterday about love and not that my suggestion may work for a narcissistic parent/mother, but if we taught our children to love them self first and foremost... They could live knowing approval is not needed at all.
Exactly 💯 from my mother who is no longer alive. Mother wound 💯 Thank you so much Candace. I'm healing 🙏
Wow this video blows my mind 🙏 thank you
Thank you 🙏🏻
So good Candace!! 💖
Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom ❤✨
It is my pleasure!!
Great video .Thank you Candace..Yeah ! Its deep sh..for sure. I see my covert Mom once a week but its still damaging ( I've no sisters )
I wondered if your still in contact with your Mom?
The video is just about the scenarios I have coached but also experienced
Thank you , and you are absolutely right ! Also , please rearrange the video title , two letters misplaced ! Thank you very much again , so many times i remember Freud on his insights about mother/father projection in our relationships ~~ really, gaining our selfworth is a plus for healthy connections . Thank you again, i find your work admirable ~~ XX
Ahhh thank you for catching the spelling!!!! And yes I agree, self worth is key!
Wow, this woman is wonderful❤
Thank You for this Enlightenment!!!
Thank you so much Adrianna, I appreciate you!!
Thanks 😊 Candice, again. Looking over the comments I am super energized.
人間は生まれた時に創造主の思考を持って生まれてきます💖
自分が感じた感覚が正解です💖
そうする事を創造主はとても喜んでくださいます✨😊✨
Everyone has a mother wound.. And if you don't do the inner work.. My goodness you will suffer with all relationships.
Wow...this video is PROFOUND. Thank you so much! 😘
Hey Candace ❤
🙋🏼♀️ Karen!!
Good message Candace. Can you address how generational emotional trauma that creates a mother wound, can in-turn create a father wound due to the complex inter-relationships within families. Namaste.
Yes, If you have a narcissistic mother who is jealous and needs to be center of attention, the father will not be close with you out of fear of the mother getting angry. This creates unavailable fathers
@@CandacevanDell Thank you.
❤ wow, very clear, thank you 🙏🦋🙏
You are welcome!!
I found your channel about a week ago and a lot of your videos resonate with me (idk if that's good or bad 😅)
I want to offer you a little suggestion you don't just do things because you feel like doing them , you first acknowledge the feelings of guilt and shame and all of the feelings that come with the need for external validation and accept them with love and kindness and hospitality and as you add this loving kindness and acceptance upon these feelings of guilt and shame then they transform to healed feelings bc of the internal validation you have imparted , by doing this you do not usurp you're own Authority or in other words you are not stealing from the cookie jar or in other words you are not circumventing the process of transformation you have to give acknowledgment and acceptance to the negative or wounded feelings and the results of that is you have allowed them to process and to become what they always wanted to be..... healed.
The other thing is you don't just stop seeking external validation because you know that when you validate yourself there is no need to worry about external validation it just kind of drops off there is no need for this external validation anymore this is such a practical and quantifiable truth when one experiences this it is a real game changer!
Hi Candace! Thank you so much for sharing this. I almost can feel your genuine intention to help other people.
I have a question for you: What if I understand everything, I already made connection with the chain of events that lead me to the trauma, I knowledge, but I can't get rid of it? What do u suggest to do?
I have decided to heal my abadonment issues
Candace , thank you very much🙏. You have touched a point I never knew it existed , to love the mother how she is to be able to heal and be whole . I recently discovered I was attracting narcissists who have an issue with women, I am in my 40s and this was a shock. I did many counselling sessions and no one have hit this right key before. Thanks so much. How can I get a one to one session with you?
Remember I told you how my mother stated that babies are powerful because they run the mother's life. My stomach twisted up into knots at that level of victimhood.
Thank you
💕💕
Thank you Candace ❤you got my back thank you😢
Candace. Everything you said was tru can you cover forgiving the narcissist mom. The kind that your existence triggered?
that was beautiful
🦋💜
No more no more……I don’t need her validation any more.I suffered all my life because of her. I am 59 years old. I always doubted myself . Something wrong with me. I can validate myself 😢😢😢 I don’t need her validation…….
I need to move far from her because I couldn't heal in this way
Golden 🙌
This is so true! But I was never like her and I'm still not. But my sister was more like her and she never got anything harsh from my mom even if she did so much more shit as a teenager etc etc.
Yes, I understand!! She lined up more with moms needs so was not seen as a threat like you were 🙏🏻
Candace? That you??
Hey, I’m Candace…I mean….Hey….I’m Bye…I’m not, but….Are you??
IM SO STUPID!!!
Omg my life
❤️❤️
Well girl do you want to sniff some glue ( A 2). I mean what shelders (A 1) have with you want to betray yourself