I know it’s a different dynamic but, when I became a mother I finally had understood what love feels like for me. I finally realize no one that feels real love for another person would want to control, emotionally, or physically abuse the person they love.
Whilst I totally agree with you, parents are also a major source of fucking people up. But is there any other way. You can still love someone and have confusing feelings ...oh God knows what I'm talking about
I totally agree. Once I had my 1st child I realized that, prior to him being born, I just "really liked" my partners. What I felt in those relationships didnt even remotely compare to the love I feel for my children.
Surviving a narcissistic relationship is damaging on so many levels. I think a big one for me is that subsequent relationships and partners never measure upto to when I was being loved bombed. It's fucked up coz I know that none of that was real and it was someone running an agenda on me.
Thank you for the information. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and my husband is one as well. I didn't know of a narcissist personality disorder until recently. I'm starting to understand the cycle and how the narcissist thinks. It's been a lot to deal with and I feel emotionally drained and depressed. I just wanted to tell you that your videos are helping me get through this abuse and understanding this situation. Thank you
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram @steve.c.gerald
I just left my narcissistic husband, three months ago, and I feel like I am still completely in love with him even though he broke every rule in a marriage, mentally physically and emotionally don’t understand. I thought I was smarter than this. I feel like I’m dead, completely dead without him at the same time. I’m scared of him and I can’t stand him. Nothing makes sense any more.
Many people have stated that they feel like they are addicted to the relationship or even to the narcissists themselves. While it is not the case that people are addicted to The Narcissist there is an addiction involved in these relationship. It is an addiction to the drama cycle of the relationship. This is a component of what are known as trauma bonds and is perhaps one of the most important aspects of the relationship as a whole. The addiction aspect works in the brain in a similar way to opiate addiction and appears to be almost identical in Form and Function to an addiction to gambling. Gambling creates patterns of operant conditioning and schedules of intermittent reinforcement that can create an addiction, particularly when coupled with existing vulnerabilities of some kind such as beliefs surrounding our ability or responsibility to cope with and manage toxic relationships., ego narratives regarding losing or failing and more. Operant conditioning is what it's called when you learn to do or not do things in order to attain something positive or to avoid something negative. It's the use of punishment or reward to reinforce behavior.. For example when you were a kid maybe your mom always yelled at you to clean your room so you cleaned it to avoid getting yelled at or if she said she would give you ten dollars to clean it then you cleaned it in order to get the money. People dealing with narcissists know that this kind of conditioning is omnipresent in these relationships. They are nothing but a cycle of punishment and reward this is by itself enough to create an addiction. There is another element here that works to create addiction as well and that is the partial or intermittent reinforcement which we also see in gambling addiction. When you gamble you aren't rewarded every single time you play but you are rewarded enough to convince you that if you keep playing you will be rewarded again. This is the intermittent part of intermittent reinforcement which means that the reinforcement ,the punishment or the reward does not come every time you engage in the behavior. You don't know how many times you're going to have to pull the lever before you're rewarded, it could be 5, it could be 50, it could be type of pattern and it's not predictable. This is called a variable ratio schedule. A variable ratio schedule of intermittent reinforcement produces the highest most steady response rates because of the uncertainty of when the reward will come. Behavioral responses and patterns created using a variable ratio schedule of intermittent reinforcement are often stronger and can be much harder to break. The uncertainty of when the reward will come not only reinforces the operant conditioning but for some it actually causes more opamine to be released in the brain, especially when they feel they came close to winning/ A growing body of evidence regarding dopamine production in the brain suggests that losses may actually motivate gambling Behavior more than wins because of this reason. This is the way a slot machine operates. People are excited by the reward of winning money of course and that is what induces them to begin playing and to continue playing to a certain point, but they can become addicted due to the uncertainty of the reward schedule/ A predictable game is dull. Even if you win an uncertain one is much more fun and attractive. A a game considered to have equal odds, meaning that you have a 50/50 chance of winning every time you play is the most attractive game and the most dopamine inducing. With a slot machine the occurrence of the reward is not known but every time you pull the lever there's an equal chance that it could happen. This keeps people engaged in the game and can result in lost chasing where instead of getting up from the machine or the table after they've lost compulsive gamblers double down and keep playing. Let's say you put ten thousand dollars into the slot machine and then you "win" two thousand dollars this feels really exciting/ It feels like a big win. It's not you didn't win anything you lost eight thousand dollars. They just gave you a little bit of your own money back to reward you because if they don't give you something you're not going to keep playing.This is how a slot machine operates. This is also exactly what happens in relationships with narcissists. There is an initial excitement and reward that induces people to begin engaging. Love bombing during the idealization stage there is operant conditioning that creates behavioral responses such as splitting and extreme black and white perception resulting in alternating between idealization and devaluation and intermittent reinforcement of that behavior delivered on a variable ratio schedule. Because the narcissist's reaction to things is unpredictable as with gambling there is the hope of a jackpot or another big reward but also as with gambling that is not what keeps people engaged after a certain point because the promise of a reward That Never Comes Is Not Enough by itself without any positive reinforcement that will not keep people engaged. It's the smaller rewards and they're perceived near-misses that induce people to keep chasing. That's why the slot machine shows seven.. seven.. lemon and that's why it reveals this very slowly it builds anticipation cranks up dopamine production in the brain and gives people the feeling that they almost won/ In relationships with narcissists people experience the same thing and it induces them to keep engaging, keep trying, keep working for that reward. This also offers a partial explanation of why people still feel so engaged and invested in the relationship after they are receiving much more punishment than reward, which eventually does happen as the idealization time between devaluations become shorter and less intense over time and the narcissist begins to seze the relationship and the other person as irredeemable. Not only do losses also stimulate dopamine production which actually makes them into rewards in a manner of speaking, but punishment is still a reinforcement therefore the relevant operant conditioning is still being actively reinforced trying to avoid negative reinforcements such as punishment. The the reward seeking addiction component of these relationships keeps people performing according to this conditioning and still "in the game" even when they no longer want to play and even when their losses are too big to logically continue just as we see in compulsive gambling. Also as we see in compulsive gambling people in relationships with narcissists and other unpredictable personalities attempt to reduce their losses. They try to find patterns, they come up with management strategie,s they look for ways to "game" the system so that they can figure out a way to generate a more predictable response. This is very similar to Compulsive gamblers believing there are skill sets or systems or strategies that they can use to help them to win. Because of the random schedule of reinforcement there are times when these strategies can appear to be successful which creates even stronger reinforcement. There are times when it does appear to work. The reality is that both with slot machines and with people you're dealing with a mechanism that you have no control over and there is no way to game the system. For all intention purposes it's random and there's no way to predict it well enough to reduce the level of danger involved. Among the many similarities here though there are also some differences. One of the biggest differences is that when you're gambling you technically do have a chance of winning a jackpot or some other really really big reward. It's not likely and though the odds appear to be, technically you could win a jackpot. With narcissists that's not the case. The odds are much much longer than 50 50. they're not 70 30. they aren't even 90 jackpot because there is no jackpot. You are playing in a casino that's bankrupt. A a casino that cannot pay you even if it wanted to do so which it doesn't. All of the quarters you and everybody else have been feeding into this machine are not just sitting there waiting for the right combination of numbers or the right pull on the lever, they're gone. They have been used up running the casino at a loss and you will never get them back. You will not recoup your losses you will not break even and you damn sure aint winning a jackpot. The best you can hope for is that you don't walk out of this bankrupt casino now bankrupt yourself with everything that you've put into it gone to keep it functioning so other people can come lose their Investments too. Another difference is that when you're gambling in a casino you're gambling with money. In a relationship with a narcissist you're gambling with things much more valuable than money/ You're gambling with your future, your happiness, your energy, your peace. You're gambling with your life. It's hard, it's painful but get up from the table. You don't have to play/ This is another reason why no contact is so important. As long as the operant conditioning is still active and it is if you're interacting with this person and as long as intermittent reinforcement is still offered on a variable ratio schedule and it is if you're still interacting with this person then this situation is very difficult to break out of. We have to act against the conditioning in order to break it and when it's still being continually reinforced this is extremely challenging.
When we've been dealing with narcissistic people we are confused, bewildered, upset, gas-lit.. The only weapon toxic people have is to try turn you against yourself. They have no real power. Not only in relationships with narcissists do they turn against you and Turn you against them eventually with their terrible behavior, what's even worse is that in so many situations they also try to turn you against yourself. This isn't even just about them trying to convince you that you're wrong or bad, though they certainly do that as well and relentlessly. This is both bigger and more subtle than that for narcissistic people. There's no team or partnership, there's their side and there's the other people's side. They want you to be on their side and that makes sense in a relationship, you'd want your partner or family member to be on your side. Except that in this situation if you're on the narcissist team by default you cannot be on yours because you're actually one of the opposing teams. They want you to be on their side against yourself. This is where it gets toxic and abusive. You are expected to be on their side no matter what, even if this puts you at direct odds with your own safety and well-being. You are expected to betray yourself without even thinking about it and if you don't you're selfish and you don't care about them, you're a bad person who thinks Only You Matter. For example let's say the narcissist in your life physically harmed you and so you called the police and they were arrested for that now they have to go to court over it and might face some pretty serious consequences. In their opinion it's your responsibility to refuse to cooperate with the police, to lie to them, to do whatever you have to do to get the narcissist out of trouble and help them not face the natural consequences for their behavior. The fact that this would require you to directly and intentionally betray yourself does not matter to them/ Indeed it's doubtful they're even aware of it all. What matters is they have a problem and you need to fix it after all you caused it you shouldn't have called the police in the first place and the fact that you did is a crime of the highest caliber as far as they're concerned. The fact that not calling the police in this situation would also have required you to betray yourself in order " protect" them and be on their side does not matter or register with them either. aThe only thing that matters to them here is them and that is absolutely unequivocally how they expect other people to behave and to feel as well. The fact that this is horrifically and ridiculously unreasonable to expect from any other human being does not seem to matter to this kind of person or register with them at all. The level of egocentricity and selfishness we see in pathologically narcissistic people literally defies understanding for most people. People who are entangled with narcissists are expected to betray, sacrifice and compromise themselves continuously and completely without complaining or even noticing, the way that a parent does for a very small child. If you do not do that you are a bad partner or a bad family member and you will likely be punished relentlessly at the mercy of the entitled rejected psychotic rage and ego of this infantile personality. This is extremely detrimental to somebody and causes so much damage to a person's mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being or can erode a person's basic fundamental sense of safety. It creates a situation where you not only have to choose someone else's Comfort over your own safety, but where it's experienced as legitimately dangerous and wrong to even consider yourself at all. Because people cannot simply stop existing as human beings and being aware of themselves. Because they cannot simply become objects that exist only to regulate and fortify another person they are constantly being attacked and punished for that. This is very demoralizing and dehumanizing for adults and it is devastating for children. People who are ashamed and punished for considering themselves in any way become afraid to even have needs let alone Express or advocate for their needs. They become afraid to even be people. The narcissistic personality is a devouring machine that will consume everyone and everything around it without even a thought to how this affects any other living thing. Stop always looking for the relatable Humanity in these personalities. Not because you won't see it but because many times you will see it and it's a trap. None of the relatable Humanity that exists or appea rs to exist in pathologically narcissistic personalities will change any of these things or work to protect you. Even if it's genuine it doesn't matter it might as well not be there at all and for some maybe it's not. Nothing will protect you except limiting your interaction with this kind of person as much as possible. It's very important to learn what we're dealing with and to understand why narcissists behave the way that they do but after a certain point that's not enough. We also need to understand what's going on with us and why we are making the choices that we're making too. That is arguably more important to understand in the end because it's the thing we actually have power over. The reality is that once we can understand these things and once we're able to then work on our own stuff it eventually won't matter what narcissists are doing or why because it won't affect us in the same way anymore and we won't keep feeling the same pull to engage with them. The biggest battle we face when dealing with narcissists is not with the narcissist it's with ourselves. Not only is that the reality of the situation it's also the only battle that's actually worth fighting here. Attempting to fight narcissism in your life or in society by engaging in battles with toxic people is a gigantic waste of time. In so so many situations most of the time it's not only totally pointless but often it actually makes things worse for us. We end up engaging in Behavior we would not have otherwise engaged in because these relationships generally bring out the absolute worst in everyone involved. When we're engaging with someone or something that is horrible, even if we're in opposition to it we run the risk of becoming horrible ourselves if we're not very very careful and the longer we do that the higher the risk becomes. Even the most moral ethical, kind-hearted, wonderful , empathetic person will eventually be corrupted by a toxic environment if they are in it long enough. If we want to fight toxic narcissism on a spiritual and societal level then we need to each battle our own egos that is where true change really comes from for us and for the wider world around us/
Highly recommend the Matrix course. 👍🏼😊 I’ve been following Richard G now for nearly 2 years and received support from his coaches. I have had other therapy, but I think the mainstay and the most consistent and strongest message that I have received to overcome narcissistic abuse has been from Richard. I can now say I have recovered!! 🥳 I’ve learnt deeply about emotional regulation and just getting there with the final stage for me which is self-esteem and people pleasing. Some of this later stage I’m doing by trying to set boundaries but I agree with Richard in another recent video that if you have the self-worth, then the boundaries just come naturally, and can be done with Compassion.
That’s really helpful particularly around having PTSD flashbacks and to see them as a warning. Still strong currents arising after 10years separated from an emotional and highly charged physical relationship between 2 borderlines! Thank you.
This is so true, the ruminating bit and the negative emotion, PTSD flashbacks. That was dangerous, please don’t do it again, stay away from that, I’ll engrave that in my mind, thanks a lot ❤
thank you for making this video, Richard, people who educate on emotional well-being and self-care are part of the true saviors and protectors in this world ❤
I know why. Because I loved them for real and didn’t fake it, even if they were toxic and hurting me. I thought “understanding they were only hurting me because THEY were hurting” WAS “UNCONDITIONAL LOVE” It’s gross walking through life NOT liking MOST of the people you have ever loved 😳🤷🏻♀️ What’s even more messed up, is loving people who hurt you, any way 🤪🤦♀️🤷🏻♀️ “Coming mother” 🤪😂😂😂❤️
exactly what u say is the poin ! i told my narc i belive in u u can get better u show me ur great sites to so i dont wana give up yet we can work on it he not give a damn about me to give him chances he never deserved first off all but he called me to my face that i was stupid woman and nothing to ofert to him he deserved better than me this is what they do he also make fun off my love for him and say i fake my pain ..!!!
Soul tie. Seek Jesus to break it. Becoming “one flesh” with someone creates a bond. We weren’t intended to go around doing that. For those of us who understand-let them understand this.
Great video Richard Short sweet and to the point.... It takes time to heal. We are attract to heal. Never forget that. As hard as it may feel. A break down is a break through.
Very well said.. again! 👏🏻 I love how he captures the essence of everything in a just few points. Of course, there is a lot going on in the background of each point, but this is superb - short and concise! 🤘🏻
I would really like to watch this but it’s nearly 1am where I am but just a word to declare that I am in no danger of still “loving” my “former” fragile narc… 😘
Thanks, Mr. Grannon. I’ve started working for a family law attorney in the last couple of months. Even though I’m not in a place where I need your help so much anymore, I have a lot of acquaintances and people who check my social media who do. Therefore I will be sharing your stuff a bit more on social media. Thanks again for helping me out of bad headspace a couple of years ago and the good free advice you dole out. 😊
That was the best explanation of my ruminating and ptsd flashbacks that I have ever heard. It’s like the piece of the puzzle I needed. Thank you so much.
Thank you thank you thank you you rescued me from going back to a man I loved but was sooooo bad for me . After 4 narcissistic relationships I am defining safety and the true meaning of love now and your video here has helped me more than any I have listened to thank you so so much !
I had to listen to this over and over since it still upsets me that my ex destroyed our "love". Thank you. Now I can see that I am just trauma bonded and seeing this more clearly has peeled off another layer of maya and contributed towards my healing.
Great message! TY! I can't believe this! Sometimes looks as if your will power is being taken away that can't even do what you wanna do like an easy thing of getting yourself a free copy of his books!
This one is on point. Yes, I think/thought I still love(d) him 🤪, but when I consider what love is to me, he doesn't measure up. People who love people don't treat them like he treated me. TY for this message, Richard. This is one I'll listen to again & again. 💯 %
A person recently asked me whether not I had developed romantic feelings for him. I told him respectfully, No. And then my brain did that thing it does where it deconstructs things down to it’s absolutely core value far faster than I can stop it, and I realized one cannot have a romantic feelings because romance is not in fact feeling. You can perform romantic actions you can have romantic ideals. You cannot, however, have a romantic feelings. You can covet someone’s attention, have protective or nurturing impulses, you can have physical draw to breed. You can admire you can feel affection. You can fixate (and I’ve observed that most of the time fixation is based in being triggered, because something that person is resonating in, was once dangerous to you)…. All of these sensations often associated as “romantic” And this is why I can’t have nice things. 😂
Us people seek saving from ourselves, forming purpose as time fillers alongside of responsibilities society bolted onto scheduling. Once the ideal existence is altered by an external source, our ego is bruised by this truth, making the external the monster, ignoring the monster within.
MrRedskin0007 Agree. People will do almost anything to keep away from themselves, I did it, I see it all the time, our shadow is of the upmost importance and understanding it releases us. Social environments are there to keep us numb, to help push down the pain that we don't even realise is there. Sad though we can do little to open others eyes, they are blind to awareness.
Kassel P So true. I had near 3yrs of future faking, it became quite embarrassing being involved with an adult that was behaving in this way. As I continued to tell myself it was all true. None of it was.
Thx 4 the help . I am determined and will Never give up on the truth ! My education has led me to realize they are also in my family . Exhausting but at least there is some clarity.. Again thank you .
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram @steve.c.gerald
My ex and I grew up together, bonded over our childhood trauma long before we ever dated. It was really hard to get out of that relationship especially with society pressure making me feel like I was obligated to stay and try to help him. I still experience trauma flashbacks and miss and love the person he used to be, but I also know that he is not that person anymore and that I will not accept that kind of relationship ever again.
In my past I had no idea before what "love bombing" was, and to add to this knowledge, today I learned what "romeo pimping" or "lover boy method" is. I can't stop shuddering right now.
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram @steve.c.gerald
It's interesting what you mentioned on the 2nd point. I always thought of it as like coming off a hardcore drug and the flashbacks were a way of your brain trying to get you to go back to the sweet opioid/narcissist because your brain was so depleted of dopamine and oxytocin. Not PTSD?? . This is particularly for those cases were the sex life has been mindblowing
I agree cause it happened to me where I would induce myself to bouts of near mania just to ride that euphoric wave again…😢 but because of the PTSD those ‘Highs’ which I’d somehow convinced myself were amazing were actually dilusions in disguise., (& I didn’t even have sex with the person!) the chemicals in your brain don’t register this of course which is why so many people with chronic PTSD from Narcissistic abuse need anti-depressants to balance out the Dopamine/Seratonin receptors in the brain..(Works for me anyway)🙂👍
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram @steve.c.gerald
I’m Looking Forward To This Video I Still Have Feelings For My Abuser./The Narcissist After Everything He Has Done To Me Being Emotionally Abused I’m Severely Trauma Bonded I Don’t Know How To Disconnect. I’m Struggling
@@demigaines5644 and u know to emagin how easy for them is to damb someone walk away and get new partner fast this is so aful so tramatic to me to accept how he can ever to this in last masages i say u are most important person in my life now i need u but i want accept minimum he stop reading my masages cut me off like am nothing
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram @steve.c.gerald
Interesting thing is, that cult psychology applies to standard religions as well. What i found out by myself later down the line, was that the common "love at first sight" in movies is actually trauma bonding... and it is as far from true love, as it can ever be.
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram @steve.c.gerald
Try seeing the Scapegoat 's point of view when "ANYTHING GOES" as long as it's behind closed doors WITHIN the hierarchy of the Authoritarian Christian famdamnly.
Grieving a relationship is normal. Yes, he or she abused you, but there was some play time, there was company, and there was all the “sales pitch” from the love bombing phase. Adding to what Richard points out, you are there because you have been trained to have more empathy for others, and less for yourself, almost none for yourself. You have been trained to lack SELF RESPECT. The day you understand that, and really see that calling that person means getting lies, manipulation, anxiety, cold shoulder, emptiness, maybe a sexual disease, jealousy, and a whole coctel of negative emotions, and disrespecting yourself, when you get that and say: naaah! I am not jumping into that stinking pigpens… that day you start to move forward.
Do you have a channel or a link that tells you exactly how to escape this kind of narcissistic abuse…… I understand why I’m in this situation. I know how I got here. I just don’t know how to get out safely . 😞
Mine was not a lover but just a childhood girl "friend" who was never a friend. I met her at age 5 and I didn't know better. My mom put a love for the girl into my heart accidentally but over time My mom spotted it, what was wrong with the girl. She was loud and careless and never cared when I got hurt. Once, she let me get sideswiped by a car and didn't miss a beat telling me that she had heard her grandma call her for supper. I punched her in the neck! LOL She didn't talk to me for a year but I somehow forgave and kept on loving her. She did one wonderful thing for me I'm sure by accident and she tried to take it back later. By the time I let her let me go, I had not loved her for four years. She'd throw me under the bus every chance she got. I run into her gasp, every few years. Time has not been kind to her but she still thinks she's all that. Phooey! I wish she'd leave town or take a dirt nap. She's got a husband now to run over and use.
Lately, I wake up crying. I cannot remember what I was dreaming about just that I found myself awakened crying, so I assume that I was crying in my dream. Sometimes for no particular reason suddenly I feel fear and something like somebody is pressing down my chest and I feel so sad that I start crying and I am all alone. How can I turn this off?
Please say a word about sibling NPD. I did not choose her - but obviously was trauma bonded until recently (when i was told u MUST go no contact)- and still hard due to my love for her
JSB Recovered I know what thats like. The conclusion i came to was the feeling of relief when I wasn't seeing them (coupled with obvious guilt inducement). I asked myself this question..."Why am I drawn and or comfortable around troubled people" Answering this took some time, but now know why...a fear of rejection and the ultimate abandonment. I was a tauma bonded co dependent and all the while calling it love. Leaving was the hardest painful thing I ever lived through or so I thought, until the absolute relief I felt when I finally realised for the first time in my life I had peace & calm. No more heartattacks, no anxiety, just peace which far outweighs having my mother & sister in my life.
Thats where im heading. I have a few fleeting moments of relief- more i hope as I work thru it longer. -It’s definitely like a drug- at time i want to go find my “drug”- even though it has the potential to kill- (via suicidal ideation)
I recently realized that my best friend is a covert narcissist. He’ s my high school friend, and we became bff for the last 10 years. I used to be a social butterfly, but now I don’ t have almost none. I’m already in therapy for decades, diagnosed mostly bipolar or bpd, but I could be able to manage. My partners were mostly narcissists and psychopaths. But my best friend who knows everything? Even my darkest secrets? It’ s even worse than a narcissistic partner. That’ s why I’m here. What’ s wrong with me? How could I be so stupid? I’ ve been like brain raped. Are these my fears or his? Is my dark side is too dark?
I may have initially been trauma bonded to my H after 20+ years of emotional & psychological abuse but at this point I have to say its more of a concern about my ROI after building a jointly owned successful company. I refuse to lose all the time/energy/ effort I put into the company because divorce courts favor the man where division of business holdings are concerned. Does that make me sound materialistic? Maybe? But I worked my ass off to get this company where it is so I refuse to hand that over to someone who will run it into the friggin ground in 6mos b/c his financial mgmnt skills SUCK!
Yes...but im starting to understand her cycling of emotions and getting supply for other sources during her manic episodes. She comes back when her relationships end and next time i want to say no.....but 25 years is a long time to give 100% of your love, and now im supposed to have zero??
Richard does the theory about dual mothership relate to femininity, cd it be the male narcissist is in a toxic feminine energy which they took on during the first 7 years (mirror neurons)
U say the narcissist has to discard u for individuation , is this as in evolving to a mature mindset or is it in the physical sense ..do they have to put distance between themselves and targets physically
Can you also say something about how to escape of bullied by narcisist who are working in powerful jobs such as guardian, doctors other ones with time and space to abuse by power, them in need? The data about the narcs behave are similar as well as the same like in lovebondet relationships, but their isn't the topic of love it is the topic of profession and they are much worser because if anyone knows about, they loose their job.
I left so many times and the last time I was free for two months but he found my new job and got me to go back and it’s worse now but I feel stuck 😢I need to leave my body is Ill
I'm moving into my jeep. I'm literally going clinical and am physically ill everyday. I can't take the abuse, the negging the bullying. I can't take it. I'm working 56 hours a week and I cry my eyes out and scream in rage as I come home. I feel my heart sink. The more I'm here the more I go apeshit. My family is abusive as hell. My mom and dad are divorced narcs. Mom remarried an abuser and I had money extortion from my own family. I have to live in my car. I'm in danger. Gun threats here. Enablement.
Richard, I'm concerned about my partner who was married to an npd for 30yrs...he was 20, she was 35 and her 3rd marriage. We've been together for 2 years but she still has access to us via her daughter (my friend his step daughter) she's now on overdrive at trying to destroy us via any means available (most are drying up🙏) she also claims to be psychic 🙄 she makes a good living out of it... Tarot etc... She's horrible and as much as I listen to you and understand you, I'm still scared 😔 any advice
Pray to God and ask for protection, go to the temple, read psalms protective and against negativity, burn candles and salt, study the topic of magic and cut off on the mental and words of its binding and impact. Good!!!🙏🌹
@@walkingtodream That fake magic works only if you believe in it. If you think you need protection they can suck your energy because you give them power.😉
what happens if they are your twin flame and things happening on a consious spiritual level twin flames 1 soul 2 bodies, thanks for the insight i understand it was not love introduction it was abuse traumatic introduction with a twin flame
It is all depend how much the Brain is inflamed and damaged, my emotional Brain Crave for narcisist, because my perfortal Cortex was broken, and it is all depend on how much trauma and stres you are going to
You can't actually Love them, you never even really knew them. You only "loved" the actor they were. This is not Love. Stop confusing the attachment as Love. It's NOT!
Uggh… Again- if you are not in love and want to leave a dangerous person how can you do this whilst remaining safe???? All these channels are unhelpful b/c there are plenty of people that simply want to leave & make it out alive!
I know it’s a different dynamic but, when I became a mother I finally had understood what love feels like for me. I finally realize no one that feels real love for another person would want to control, emotionally, or physically abuse the person they love.
Whilst I totally agree with you, parents are also a major source of fucking people up. But is there any other way. You can still love someone and have confusing feelings ...oh God knows what I'm talking about
I totally agree. Once I had my 1st child I realized that, prior to him being born, I just "really liked" my partners. What I felt in those relationships didnt even remotely compare to the love I feel for my children.
Spot on!!! Love it.
My NMom did the opposite and she’ll crocodile cry and use the phrase- what hurts you hurts me more, when she plays the victim. 👺
Right?! I tell people all the time. You don’t know love until you have a child.
Thank you so much, Richard❤
Surviving a narcissistic relationship is damaging on so many levels. I think a big one for me is that subsequent relationships and partners never measure upto to when I was being loved bombed. It's fucked up coz I know that none of that was real and it was someone running an agenda on me.
Thank you for the information. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and my husband is one as well. I didn't know of a narcissist personality disorder until recently. I'm starting to understand the cycle and how the narcissist thinks. It's been a lot to deal with and I feel emotionally drained and depressed.
I just wanted to tell you that your videos are helping me get through this abuse and understanding this situation.
Thank you
You just described my whole life
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram
@steve.c.gerald
I just left my narcissistic husband, three months ago, and I feel like I am still completely in love with him even though he broke every rule in a marriage, mentally physically and emotionally don’t understand. I thought I was smarter than this. I feel like I’m dead, completely dead without him at the same time. I’m scared of him and I can’t stand him. Nothing makes sense any more.
That is sadly the aftershock...still dealing with the PTSD he gave me after 3 years.
@@Karlien68 so sorry to hear that😔
Many people have stated that they feel like they are addicted to the relationship or even to the
narcissists themselves. While it is not the case that people are addicted to The Narcissist there is an addiction involved in these relationship. It is an addiction to the drama cycle of the
relationship. This is a component of what are known as trauma bonds and is perhaps
one of the most important aspects of the relationship as a whole. The addiction aspect works in the brain in a similar way to opiate addiction and appears to be almost identical in Form and Function to an addiction to gambling. Gambling creates patterns of operant conditioning and
schedules of intermittent reinforcement that can create an addiction, particularly when coupled with existing vulnerabilities of some kind such as beliefs surrounding our ability or responsibility to cope with and manage toxic relationships., ego narratives regarding losing or failing and more.
Operant conditioning is what it's called when you learn to do or not do things in order to attain something positive or to avoid something negative. It's the use of punishment or reward to reinforce behavior.. For example when you were a kid maybe your mom always yelled at you to
clean your room so you cleaned it to avoid getting yelled at or if she said she would give you ten dollars to clean it then you cleaned it in order to get the money. People dealing with
narcissists know that this kind of conditioning is omnipresent in these relationships. They are nothing but a cycle of punishment and reward this is by itself enough to create an addiction.
There is another element here that works to create addiction as well and that is the partial or intermittent reinforcement which we also see in gambling addiction. When you gamble you
aren't rewarded every single time you play but you are rewarded enough to convince you that if you keep playing you will be rewarded again. This is the intermittent part of intermittent
reinforcement which means that the reinforcement ,the punishment or the reward does not come every time you engage in the behavior. You don't know how many times you're going to have to pull the lever before you're rewarded, it could be 5, it could be 50, it could be
type of pattern and it's not predictable. This is called a variable ratio schedule. A variable ratio schedule of intermittent reinforcement produces the highest most steady response rates
because of the uncertainty of when the reward will come. Behavioral responses and patterns created using a variable ratio schedule of intermittent reinforcement are often stronger and can be much harder to break. The uncertainty of when the reward will come not only reinforces the operant conditioning but for some it actually causes more opamine to be released in the brain, especially when they feel they came close to winning/ A growing body of evidence regarding dopamine production in the brain suggests that losses may actually motivate gambling Behavior more than wins because of this reason. This is the way a slot machine operates. People are excited by the reward of winning money of course and that is what induces them to begin playing and to continue playing to a certain point, but they can
become addicted due to the uncertainty of the reward schedule/ A predictable game is dull. Even if you win an uncertain one is much more fun and attractive. A a game considered to have
equal odds, meaning that you have a 50/50 chance of winning every time you play is the most attractive game and the most dopamine inducing.
With a slot machine the occurrence of the reward is not known but every time you pull the lever there's an equal chance that it could happen. This keeps people engaged in the game and can result in lost chasing where instead of getting up from the machine or the table after they've lost compulsive gamblers double down and keep playing. Let's say you put ten thousand dollars into the slot machine and then you "win" two thousand dollars this feels really exciting/ It feels like a big win. It's not you didn't win anything you lost eight thousand dollars. They just gave you a little bit of your own money back to reward you because if they don't give you something you're not going to keep playing.This is how a slot machine operates. This is also exactly what happens in relationships with narcissists. There is an initial excitement and reward that induces people to begin engaging. Love bombing during the idealization stage there is
operant conditioning that creates behavioral responses such as splitting and extreme black and white perception resulting in alternating between idealization and devaluation and intermittent reinforcement of that behavior delivered on a variable ratio schedule. Because the narcissist's
reaction to things is unpredictable as with gambling there is the hope of a jackpot or another big reward but also as with gambling that is not what keeps people engaged after a certain point because the promise of a reward That Never Comes Is Not Enough by itself without any positive reinforcement that will not keep people engaged. It's the smaller rewards and they're perceived near-misses that induce people to keep chasing. That's why the slot machine
shows seven.. seven.. lemon and that's why it reveals this very slowly it builds anticipation cranks up dopamine production in the brain and gives people the feeling that they almost won/
In relationships with narcissists people experience the same thing and it induces them to keep engaging, keep trying, keep working for that reward. This also offers a partial explanation of why people still feel so engaged and invested in the relationship after they are receiving much more punishment than reward, which eventually does happen as the idealization time between
devaluations become shorter and less intense over time and the narcissist begins to seze the relationship and the other person as irredeemable. Not only do losses also stimulate dopamine
production which actually makes them into rewards in a manner of speaking, but punishment is still a reinforcement therefore the relevant operant conditioning is still being actively reinforced trying to avoid negative reinforcements such as punishment. The the reward seeking addiction
component of these relationships keeps people performing according to this conditioning and still "in the game" even when they no longer want to play and even when their losses are too big
to logically continue just as we see in compulsive gambling. Also as we see in compulsive gambling people in relationships with narcissists and other unpredictable personalities attempt to reduce their losses. They try to find patterns, they come up with management strategie,s they look for ways to "game" the system so that they can figure out a way to generate a more predictable response. This is very similar to Compulsive gamblers believing there are
skill sets or systems or strategies that they can use to help them to win.
Because of the random schedule of reinforcement there are times when these strategies
can appear to be successful which creates even stronger reinforcement. There are times when it does appear to work. The reality is that both with slot machines and with people you're dealing with a mechanism that you have no control over and there is no way to game
the system. For all intention purposes it's random and there's no way to predict it well enough to reduce the level of danger involved. Among the many similarities here though there are also some differences. One of the biggest differences is that when you're gambling you technically do have a chance of winning a jackpot or some other really really big reward. It's not
likely and though the odds appear to be, technically you could win a jackpot. With narcissists that's not the case. The odds are much much longer than 50 50. they're not 70 30. they aren't even 90 jackpot because there is no jackpot. You are playing in a casino that's bankrupt. A
a casino that cannot pay you even if it wanted to do so which it doesn't. All of the quarters you and everybody else have been feeding into this machine are not just sitting there waiting for the right combination of numbers or the right pull on the lever, they're gone. They have been
used up running the casino at a loss and you will never get them back. You will not recoup your losses you will not break even and you damn sure aint winning a jackpot. The best you can hope for is that you don't walk out of this bankrupt casino now bankrupt yourself with
everything that you've put into it gone to keep it functioning so other people can come lose their Investments too.
Another difference is that when you're gambling in a casino you're gambling with money. In a relationship with a narcissist you're gambling with things much more valuable than money/ You're gambling with your future, your happiness, your energy, your peace. You're gambling
with your life. It's hard, it's painful but get up from the table. You don't have to play/ This is
another reason why no contact is so important. As long as the operant conditioning is still active and it is if you're interacting with this person and as long as intermittent reinforcement is still offered on a variable ratio schedule and it is if you're still interacting with this person then this situation is very difficult to break out of. We have to act against the conditioning in order to
break it and when it's still being continually reinforced this is extremely challenging.
When we've been dealing with narcissistic people we are confused, bewildered, upset, gas-lit..
The only weapon toxic people have is to try turn you against yourself. They have no real power.
Not only in relationships with narcissists do they turn against you and Turn you against them
eventually with their terrible behavior, what's even worse is that in so many situations they also try to turn you against yourself. This isn't even just about them trying to convince you that
you're wrong or bad, though they certainly do that as well and relentlessly. This is both bigger and more subtle than that for narcissistic people. There's no team or partnership, there's their side and there's the other people's side. They want you to be on their side and that
makes sense in a relationship, you'd want your partner or family member to be on your side. Except that in this situation if you're on the narcissist team by default you cannot be on yours
because you're actually one of the opposing teams. They want you to be on their side against yourself. This is where it gets toxic and abusive. You are expected to be on their side no matter
what, even if this puts you at direct odds with your own safety and well-being. You are expected to betray yourself without even thinking about it and if you don't you're selfish and you don't
care about them, you're a bad person who thinks Only You Matter.
For example let's say the narcissist in your life physically harmed you and so you called the police and they were arrested for that now they have to go to court over it and might face some pretty serious consequences. In their opinion it's your responsibility to refuse to cooperate with the police, to lie to them, to do whatever you have to do to get the narcissist out of trouble and help them not face the natural consequences for their behavior. The fact that this would require you to directly and intentionally betray yourself does not matter to them/ Indeed it's doubtful
they're even aware of it all. What matters is they have a problem and you need to fix it after all you caused it you shouldn't have called the police in the first place and the fact that you
did is a crime of the highest caliber as far as they're concerned. The fact that not calling the police in this situation would also have required you to betray yourself in order " protect" them
and be on their side does not matter or register with them either. aThe only thing that
matters to them here is them and that is absolutely unequivocally how they expect
other people to behave and to feel as well. The fact that this is horrifically and ridiculously unreasonable to expect from any other human being does not seem to matter to this kind of person or register with them at all.
The level of egocentricity and selfishness we see in pathologically narcissistic people literally defies understanding for most people. People who are entangled with narcissists are expected to betray, sacrifice and compromise themselves continuously and completely without complaining or even noticing, the way that a parent does for a very small child. If you do not do that you are a bad partner or a bad family member and you will likely be punished relentlessly at the mercy of the entitled rejected psychotic rage and ego of this infantile personality. This is extremely detrimental to somebody and causes so much damage to a person's mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being or can erode a person's basic fundamental sense of safety. It creates a situation where you not only have to choose someone else's Comfort over your own safety, but where it's experienced as legitimately dangerous and wrong to even consider yourself at all. Because people cannot simply stop existing as human beings and being aware of themselves. Because they cannot simply become objects that exist only to regulate and fortify another person they are constantly being attacked and punished for that. This is very demoralizing and dehumanizing for adults and it is devastating for children. People who are ashamed and punished for considering themselves in any way become afraid to even have needs let alone Express or advocate for their needs. They become afraid to even be people. The narcissistic personality is a devouring machine that will consume everyone and everything around it without even a thought to how this affects any other living thing. Stop always looking for the relatable Humanity in these personalities. Not because you won't see it but because many times you will see it and it's a trap. None of the relatable Humanity that exists or appea rs to exist in pathologically narcissistic personalities will change any of these things or work to protect you. Even if it's genuine it doesn't matter it might as well not be there at all and for some maybe it's not. Nothing will protect you except limiting your interaction with this kind of person as much as possible.
It's very important to learn what we're dealing with and to understand why narcissists behave the way that they do but after a certain point that's not enough. We also need to understand what's going on with us and why we are making the choices that we're making too. That is arguably more important to understand in the end because it's the thing we actually have power over. The reality is that once we can understand these things and once we're able to then work on our own stuff it eventually won't matter what narcissists are doing or why because it won't affect us in the same way anymore and we won't keep feeling the same pull to engage with them. The biggest battle we face when dealing with narcissists is not with the narcissist it's with ourselves. Not only is that the reality of the situation it's also the only battle that's actually worth fighting here. Attempting to fight narcissism in your life or in society by engaging in battles with toxic people is a gigantic waste of time. In so so many situations most of the
time it's not only totally pointless but often it actually makes things worse for us. We end up engaging in Behavior we would not have otherwise engaged in because these relationships generally bring out the absolute worst in everyone involved. When we're engaging with
someone or something that is horrible, even if we're in opposition to it we run the risk of becoming horrible ourselves if we're not very very careful and the longer we do that the higher the risk becomes. Even the most moral ethical, kind-hearted, wonderful , empathetic person
will eventually be corrupted by a toxic environment if they are in it long enough. If we want to fight toxic narcissism on a spiritual and societal level then we need to each battle our own egos that is where true change really comes from for us and for the wider world around us/
Meet new people there's a wide universe to discover get out from the box he wants you in!
You are brilliant, explained so well, spot on as always
Highly recommend the Matrix course. 👍🏼😊
I’ve been following Richard G now for nearly 2 years and received support from his coaches. I have had other therapy, but I think the mainstay and the most consistent and strongest message that I have received to overcome narcissistic abuse has been from Richard.
I can now say I have recovered!! 🥳
I’ve learnt deeply about emotional regulation and just getting there with the final stage for me which is self-esteem and people pleasing. Some of this later stage I’m doing by trying to set boundaries but I agree with Richard in another recent video that if you have the self-worth, then the boundaries just come naturally, and can be done with Compassion.
Wonderfully put. I am so happy to hear you have recovered.
Richard, you're so on point that I feel I owe you my improving mental health. Thank you. 🙏
The “illusion” of love… truth 👍🏼
That’s really helpful particularly around having PTSD flashbacks and to see them as a warning. Still strong currents arising after 10years separated from an emotional and highly charged physical relationship between 2 borderlines! Thank you.
This is so true, the ruminating bit and the negative emotion, PTSD flashbacks. That was dangerous, please don’t do it again, stay away from that, I’ll engrave that in my mind, thanks a lot ❤
thank you for making this video, Richard, people who educate on emotional well-being and self-care are part of the true saviors and protectors in this world ❤
We had to have the same name 😂😂 this is gold you understand these vultures mr Grannon
I know why.
Because I loved them for real and didn’t fake it, even if they were toxic and hurting me. I thought “understanding they were only hurting me because THEY were hurting” WAS “UNCONDITIONAL LOVE”
It’s gross walking through life NOT liking MOST of the people you have ever loved 😳🤷🏻♀️
What’s even more messed up, is loving people who hurt you, any way 🤪🤦♀️🤷🏻♀️
“Coming mother” 🤪😂😂😂❤️
exactly what u say is the poin ! i told my narc i belive in u u can get better u show me ur great sites to so i dont wana give up yet we can work on it
he not give a damn about me to give him chances he never deserved first off all but he called me to my face that i was stupid woman and nothing to ofert to him he deserved better than me
this is what they do he also make fun off my love for him and say i fake my pain ..!!!
Soul tie. Seek Jesus to break it. Becoming “one flesh” with someone creates a bond. We weren’t intended to go around doing that. For those of us who understand-let them understand this.
WOW ...this is great
Thank you for bringing my experience into consciousness
Why do people think you have to be together if you “love” some one?
Great video Richard
Short sweet and to the point....
It takes time to heal.
We are attract to heal.
Never forget that. As hard as it may feel. A break down is a break through.
Very well said.. again! 👏🏻
I love how he captures the essence of everything in a just few points. Of course, there is a lot going on in the background of each point, but this is superb - short and concise! 🤘🏻
I would really like to watch this but it’s nearly 1am where I am but just a word to declare that I am in no danger of still “loving” my “former” fragile narc… 😘
Thanks, Mr. Grannon. I’ve started working for a family law attorney in the last couple of months. Even though I’m not in a place where I need your help so much anymore, I have a lot of acquaintances and people who check my social media who do. Therefore I will be sharing your stuff a bit more on social media. Thanks again for helping me out of bad headspace a couple of years ago and the good free advice you dole out. 😊
No! I’ve learned so much about myself. Looking forward to hearing what Richard has to say 😀
That was the best explanation of my ruminating and ptsd flashbacks that I have ever heard. It’s like the piece of the puzzle I needed. Thank you so much.
It was the only relationship I ever had that I was lonely. There is no capacity for love, the narcissist is not real. It's Fake 💯
💯🎯
That part 😢 I’m so lonely
Yea feeling lonely and feeling never good enough. Was my q
Same 😔
Thank you thank you thank you you rescued me from going back to a man I loved but was sooooo bad for me . After 4 narcissistic relationships I am defining safety and the true meaning of love now and your video here has helped me more than any I have listened to thank you so so much !
Thank you for this! I hadn't thought about significance in that way. Those alarms had my back :)
Eu pensei que estava a enloquecer.Tantas palpitações esquecia tudo, vivia agustiada😢
I had to listen to this over and over since it still upsets me that my ex destroyed our "love". Thank you. Now I can see that I am just trauma bonded and seeing this more clearly has peeled off another layer of maya and contributed towards my healing.
Great message! TY!
I can't believe this! Sometimes looks as if your will power is being taken away that can't even do what you wanna do like an easy thing of getting yourself a free copy of his books!
This one was your very best so far!!! :)
This one is on point. Yes, I think/thought I still love(d) him 🤪, but when I consider what love is to me, he doesn't measure up. People who love people don't treat them like he treated me. TY for this message, Richard. This is one I'll listen to again & again. 💯 %
A person recently asked me whether not I had developed romantic feelings for him. I told him respectfully, No. And then my brain did that thing it does where it deconstructs things down to it’s absolutely core value far faster than I can stop it, and I realized one cannot have a romantic feelings because romance is not in fact feeling.
You can perform romantic actions you can have romantic ideals. You cannot, however, have a romantic feelings. You can covet someone’s attention, have protective or nurturing impulses, you can have physical draw to breed. You can admire you can feel affection. You can fixate (and I’ve observed that most of the time fixation is based in being triggered, because something that person is resonating in, was once dangerous to you)…. All of these sensations often associated as “romantic”
And this is why I can’t have nice things. 😂
So smart! Thanks!
Who cares if it is orthodox psychology, as long as it helps rationalize the feelings and we can be better with that, keep going!
Us people seek saving from ourselves, forming purpose as time fillers alongside of responsibilities society bolted onto scheduling. Once the ideal existence is altered by an external source, our ego is bruised by this truth, making the external the monster, ignoring the monster within.
MrRedskin0007
Agree. People will do almost anything to keep away from themselves, I did it, I see it all the time, our shadow is of the upmost importance and understanding it releases us.
Social environments are there to keep us numb, to help push down the pain that we don't even realise is there. Sad though we can do little to open others eyes, they are blind to awareness.
We still love the Narc because we were in love while the Narc was future faking
Kassel P
So true. I had near 3yrs of future faking, it became quite embarrassing being involved with an adult that was behaving in this way. As I continued to tell myself it was all true. None of it was.
Thx 4 the help . I am determined and will Never give up on the truth ! My education has led me to realize they are also in my family . Exhausting but at least there is some clarity.. Again thank you .
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram
@steve.c.gerald
I don't love my Narc. Game over😊
I can see through and I don't think about the narc anymore
My ex and I grew up together, bonded over our childhood trauma long before we ever dated. It was really hard to get out of that relationship especially with society pressure making me feel like I was obligated to stay and try to help him. I still experience trauma flashbacks and miss and love the person he used to be, but I also know that he is not that person anymore and that I will not accept that kind of relationship ever again.
I feel like I encouraged his behavior. That's so self sabotage
In my past I had no idea before what "love bombing" was, and to add to this knowledge, today I learned what "romeo pimping" or "lover boy method" is. I can't stop shuddering right now.
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram
@steve.c.gerald
It's interesting what you mentioned on the 2nd point. I always thought of it as like coming off a hardcore drug and the flashbacks were a way of your brain trying to get you to go back to the sweet opioid/narcissist because your brain was so depleted of dopamine and oxytocin. Not PTSD?? . This is particularly for those cases were the sex life has been mindblowing
I agree cause it happened to me where I would induce myself to bouts of near mania just to ride that euphoric wave again…😢 but because of the PTSD those ‘Highs’ which I’d somehow convinced myself were amazing were actually dilusions in disguise., (& I didn’t even have sex with the person!) the chemicals in your brain don’t register this of course which is why so many people with chronic PTSD from Narcissistic abuse need anti-depressants to balance out the Dopamine/Seratonin receptors in the brain..(Works for me anyway)🙂👍
Thank you for all you do, and you're easy on the eyes!!! Thank you again!
excellent …. working on it…
3:25 you killed it 🤣
Thank you, really needed to hear this to day.
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram
@steve.c.gerald
I’m Looking Forward To This Video
I Still Have Feelings For My Abuser./The Narcissist After Everything He Has Done To Me Being Emotionally Abused
I’m Severely Trauma Bonded
I Don’t Know How To Disconnect.
I’m Struggling
It's ok. Try socializing and working on other goals for the mean time. Hang in there ;)
@@mackthisarrowhearth295
Thank you Ur Absolutely Right.🙏
exactly my pain i dont know how to break this bond how to stop missing him even if i want take him back if he hover
@@sisid6295
I Understand Absolutely🙏
It’s Very Hard
@@demigaines5644 and u know to emagin how easy for them is to damb someone walk away and get new partner fast this is so aful so tramatic to me to accept how he can ever to this in last masages i say u are most important person in my life now i need u but i want accept minimum he stop reading my masages cut me off like am nothing
Sometimes natural death intervenes and you have your escape/ending. But narcs always think that they will never die. ..Death terrifies them.
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram
@steve.c.gerald
Spectacular video!!! Thank you as always for brilliant content 😁👏🏻🥰🌈
Western concept of love is very twisted......I agree with this. Forming a bond is a better phrase.
Interesting thing is, that cult psychology applies to standard religions as well.
What i found out by myself later down the line, was that the common "love at first sight" in movies is actually trauma bonding... and it is as far from true love, as it can ever be.
So sorry you have to go through this dear. I know just how you feel as I was in a similar situation some time ago. My ex gave me some garbage lie when I saw him in a motel. I didn't believe him and after that I couldn't trust him at all. I started feeling like he has been cheating on a constant base and I haven't just caught him till then. I wanted to confirm my suspicion.I had to know what’s going on. I was driven to know the truth, the truth is some of us have to know Everyone is different. I got a tech guy to snoop into his phone and I got all his texts, calls and social media activities. I then found out that he had 2 month old relationship with the lady he was with at the motel. I got to know this through the infos the tech guy got me from his phone without his knowledge, He got into his phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 12years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more, follow him on instagram
@steve.c.gerald
Thank you 🙏🏻 🌸
i feel sorry for women who are in a relationship
with these entity attachment parasites
Try seeing the Scapegoat 's point of view when "ANYTHING GOES" as long as it's behind closed doors WITHIN the hierarchy of the Authoritarian Christian famdamnly.
Mom is the worst of them all & will probably reach 100 bc being a victim REALLY BRINGS her healthy glow out of those many masked wrinkles.
Do you not feel sorry men and children in this situation also?
@@snika811 indeed
Woooow, this was brilliant!!!
Great video. Thank you
Wow! Perfect! Thanks
U explain it so well thanks
Grieving a relationship is normal. Yes, he or she abused you, but there was some play time, there was company, and there was all the “sales pitch” from the love bombing phase. Adding to what Richard points out, you are there because you have been trained to have more empathy for others, and less for yourself, almost none for yourself. You have been trained to lack SELF RESPECT. The day you understand that, and really see that calling that person means getting lies, manipulation, anxiety, cold shoulder, emptiness, maybe a sexual disease, jealousy, and a whole coctel of negative emotions, and disrespecting yourself, when you get that and say: naaah! I am not jumping into that stinking pigpens… that day you start to move forward.
Resonates, thank you
yes that s why my healing is horror 😣
6 minutos imprescindibles. Ojalá enseñaran esto en las escuelas.
6 essential minutes. I wish they would teach this in schools.
Do you have a channel or a link that tells you exactly how to escape this kind of narcissistic abuse…… I understand why I’m in this situation. I know how I got here. I just don’t know how to get out safely . 😞
Your best video I think :)
Excellent
Mine was not a lover but just a childhood girl "friend" who was never a friend. I met her at age 5 and I didn't know better. My mom put a love for the girl into my heart accidentally but over time My mom spotted it, what was wrong with the girl. She was loud and careless and never cared when I got hurt. Once, she let me get sideswiped by a car and didn't miss a beat telling me that she had heard her grandma call her for supper. I punched her in the neck! LOL She didn't talk to me for a year but I somehow forgave and kept on loving her. She did one wonderful thing for me I'm sure by accident and she tried to take it back later. By the time I let her let me go, I had not loved her for four years. She'd throw me under the bus every chance she got. I run into her gasp, every few years. Time has not been kind to her but she still thinks she's all that. Phooey! I wish she'd leave town or take a dirt nap. She's got a husband now to run over and use.
My trauma bound it was broken after he had me in a salon didnt protect me thats how he got me i can move on
Lately, I wake up crying. I cannot remember what I was dreaming about just that I found myself awakened crying, so I assume that I was crying in my dream.
Sometimes for no particular reason suddenly I feel fear and something like somebody is pressing down my chest and I feel so sad that I start crying and I am all alone.
How can I turn this off?
Breathing and Doing affirmations help, even if you cry at the same time, just try and cry as much as you need
Makes sense.
The Gulag thing was a true spanish Inquisition moment.
5 for 5!
Hello Richard
Do you do one on one counseling?
Please say a word about sibling NPD. I did not choose her - but obviously was trauma bonded until recently (when i was told u MUST go no contact)- and still hard due to my love for her
JSB Recovered
I know what thats like. The conclusion i came to was the feeling of relief when I wasn't seeing them (coupled with obvious guilt inducement).
I asked myself this question..."Why am I drawn and or comfortable around troubled people" Answering this took some time, but now know why...a fear of rejection and the ultimate abandonment. I was a tauma bonded co dependent and all the while calling it love. Leaving was the hardest painful thing I ever lived through or so I thought, until the absolute relief I felt when I finally realised for the first time in my life I had peace & calm.
No more heartattacks, no anxiety, just peace which far outweighs having my mother & sister in my life.
Thats where im heading. I have a few fleeting moments of relief- more i hope as I work thru it longer.
-It’s definitely like a drug- at time i want to go find my “drug”- even though it has the potential to kill- (via suicidal ideation)
I recently realized that my best friend is a covert narcissist. He’ s my high school friend, and we became bff for the last 10 years. I used to be a social butterfly, but now I don’ t have almost none. I’m already in therapy for decades, diagnosed mostly bipolar or bpd, but I could be able to manage. My partners were mostly narcissists and psychopaths. But my best friend who knows everything? Even my darkest secrets? It’ s even worse than a narcissistic partner. That’ s why I’m here. What’ s wrong with me? How could I be so stupid? I’ ve been like brain raped. Are these my fears or his? Is my dark side is too dark?
I may have initially been trauma bonded to my H after 20+ years of emotional & psychological abuse but at this point I have to say its more of a concern about my ROI after building a jointly owned successful company. I refuse to lose all the time/energy/ effort I put into the company because divorce courts favor the man where division of business holdings are concerned. Does that make me sound materialistic? Maybe? But I worked my ass off to get this company where it is so I refuse to hand that over to someone who will run it into the friggin ground in 6mos b/c his financial mgmnt skills SUCK!
So you decided to stay? I know the feeling of losing so much investment can trap us even more
Bravo
Yes...but im starting to understand her cycling of emotions and getting supply for other sources during her manic episodes. She comes back when her relationships end and next time i want to say no.....but 25 years is a long time to give 100% of your love, and now im supposed to have zero??
BPD?
How does this relate to our relationships with parents and siblings?
Richard does the theory about dual mothership relate to femininity, cd it be the male narcissist is in a toxic feminine energy which they took on during the first 7 years (mirror neurons)
U say the narcissist has to discard u for individuation , is this as in evolving to a mature mindset or is it in the physical sense ..do they have to put distance between themselves and targets physically
I hate the narcissist
Can you also say something about how to escape of bullied by narcisist who are working in powerful jobs such as guardian, doctors other ones with time and space to abuse by power, them in need?
The data about the narcs behave are similar as well as the same like in lovebondet relationships, but their isn't the topic of love it is the topic of profession and they are much worser because if anyone knows about, they loose their job.
I left so many times and the last time I was free for two months but he found my new job and got me to go back and it’s worse now but I feel stuck 😢I need to leave my body is Ill
I'm moving into my jeep. I'm literally going clinical and am physically ill everyday. I can't take the abuse, the negging the bullying. I can't take it. I'm working 56 hours a week and I cry my eyes out and scream in rage as I come home. I feel my heart sink. The more I'm here the more I go apeshit. My family is abusive as hell. My mom and dad are divorced narcs. Mom remarried an abuser and I had money extortion from my own family. I have to live in my car. I'm in danger. Gun threats here. Enablement.
Please, I need help. PLEASE
HELL NO!!!!
Will always luv em, part of da journey. But they will never control me! Big doG gave me 2 best Agifts Ever.. my MIND n FREE WILL I'm use both MY way!
I want out so bad but he has made me financially dependent on him
Richard, I'm concerned about my partner who was married to an npd for 30yrs...he was 20, she was 35 and her 3rd marriage. We've been together for 2 years but she still has access to us via her daughter (my friend his step daughter) she's now on overdrive at trying to destroy us via any means available (most are drying up🙏) she also claims to be psychic 🙄 she makes a good living out of it... Tarot etc... She's horrible and as much as I listen to you and understand you, I'm still scared 😔 any advice
I know this message wasn't about the title of your talk but jyst hoping you can address it somehow 🙏
Pray to God and ask for protection, go to the temple, read psalms protective and against negativity, burn candles and salt, study the topic of magic and cut off on the mental and words of its binding and impact. Good!!!🙏🌹
Your partner needs to man up.
Leave.
If he doesn t set boundaries you suffer his trauma till the child is grown up.
And it isnt even his child? 🙄
That is no life.
Constant drama.
@@walkingtodream
That fake magic works only if you believe in it.
If you think you need protection they can suck your energy because you give them power.😉
what happens if they are your twin flame and things happening on a consious spiritual level twin flames 1 soul 2 bodies, thanks for the insight i understand it was not love introduction it was abuse traumatic introduction with a twin flame
Folie au deux
There's no such thing, it's an invented, yet another kitsch element of new age.
hmmmm.... 🤔.....
If I only knew then what I know now...
It is all depend how much the Brain is inflamed and damaged, my emotional Brain Crave for narcisist, because my perfortal Cortex was broken, and it is all depend on how much trauma and stres you are going to
👏👏👏
❤
Do Narcissists ever repent?
No, homie. Don’t do that again. 😂
Still, love the Narcissist?
No,
no I NEVER loved her, not really, not what I would call love nowadays.
Codependents also fear being alone, that will still want even a piece of shit that hurt you would still be better then the pain of feeling loneliness
You can't actually Love them, you never even really knew them. You only "loved" the actor they were. This is not Love. Stop confusing the attachment as Love. It's NOT!
Uggh… Again- if you are not in love and want to leave a dangerous person how can you do this whilst remaining safe???? All these channels are unhelpful b/c there are plenty of people that simply want to leave & make it out alive!