Thankyou. Your videos are so helpfull. Where I think a lot of guys get frustrated is when we feel we are not only responsible for controlling our own emotions but hers as well.
You're welcome! Thank you so much for watching after all this time! I'm really glad you find them helpful. If there are any topics you'd like me to speak to, please let me know. I'm always happy to hear suggestions.
This doesn't help me because (a) I can dissolve my anger, and (b) she wants money and do damage. She won't respond to rational or emotional arguments when seeking a monetary advantage. This is impossible to deal with.
I'm sorry that you're in that position. Unfortunately sometimes there is nothing you can do to change her mind or her behavior. Do you have a good legal team behind you? And a good mental/emotional support system as well as you navigate this?
Whether or not you get married... I would say that rule number one may be to become self aware enough to recognize your automatic reactions, codependent patterns and childhood wounding so you can choose a healthy partner, communicate effectively without escalating conflict and have decent relationships. Unfortunately most of us grow up without ever being taught these things, which is why so many people struggle to enjoy healthy relationships.
Yes exactly it’s a bad bad contract that will leave men in a bad situation. Just look at what you get in a marriage then look at what she gets then look at how 60% of divorce are instigated by women . Yes rationally looking at the pros n cons you’d definitely would not touch marriage.
Whenever I try to talk to my ex about the divorce and the reasons why she wanted this, she shuts off and gets cold and bitter. So I can't get answers and she is mad at me but she wanted the divorce. It's complicated
I hear you. This is a struggle a lot of the men in my Better Beyond Divorce Community face. Usually we can actually get a lot of clarity on why the divorce is happening without her input, by first doing some emotional regulation work to clear the things you might be feeling, and then looking with a lot of openness and curiosity at the cycles you and she were in throughout the marraige. If you'd like any support with that work, a good therapist can help you unpack the past and make sense of it, or you can do that work with me inside of the BBD Courses & Community program. If that's interesting to you, please watch my free masterclass. It will give you all the details and tell you what to expect from working with me. You can find it here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
haha, thanks for watching Peter! Unfortunately there are a lot of men going through similar experiences, including most of my clients, which is why I can speak to it reasonably well. I'm sorry you're dealing with it all right now. Do you have a good support system?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach it is nice to know I’m in familiar territory. I have a couple of so good friends and my brother to bounce stuff off, and also have gone thru a two insured therapists, and two uninsured after that over the past year or so. And I am now quite tired of telling/ sharing or “dumping” my story, and have stopped paying for someone to listen/ suggest. Not that everyone hasn’t been helpful; I just ruminate, and retread so many emotions and stuck feelings. But, between loads of videos, some time, some understanding, getting past or at least leaning into some of the stages of separation grief, I am plotting my course forward. I am appreciative of your interest and council thus far, thru your videos and links; I do realize this is a business for you, and hope that there is renumeration via my traffic on your channel, as I have yet to renew a subscription with you. Thanks for your time and efforts.
@@petercelle1796 it sounds like you are finding the path that is right for you. I agree that dumping the story or retelling it endlessly doesn't help. Learning to sit with the emotions and allow them arise, be present and pass without feeding them or fighting them seems to be the key to resilience and internal peace. I'm glad you're finding your way there. Your views do help my business (I get a little ad revenue, but more than that the more people who watch and engage the more that RUclips shares my videos, so you watching helps my content reach other people who may need it or who may want to work with me through one of my coaching programs). I appreciate you being here! If you like reading... the book The Untethered Soul is one of my favorites on getting past grief and other sticky emotions.
What to do for women who hates that person and fears to live again with him, and not able to trust again and again because it happened 2-3 times and his family also very negative towards the women, then how should a women deal with it, how to trust that person again n again, bcoz for him its his pattern, of breaking the trust .
I offer to talk about the divorce over dinner and hell no. Then she’s mad because I am not mad or upset because , I don’t give a fck, and now she’s made about that. No way to win, just let it run its course.
My soon-to-be ex operates 100% off emotions and is totally unable to use logic. Often, her emotions are based on incorrect “ facts”. She never lets reality interfere with her feelings. This is impossible to deal with. 17:44
I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately sometimes there is nothing you can do to change how she's thinking or reacting. Do you have a good legal support system? And maybe also a good mental/emotional one, in the form of a therapist or a group or both? In these extreme cases often the focus can only be on helping yourself stay balanced and sane through the divorce process, so that you can make the best choices for yourself and your family.
@@Ron-om8np You're welcome. That's a long time, Ron. There's certainly going to be a lot of emotions to unpack as you move forward from that. If you'd like any additional support, you might find my free masterclass helpful... some of the men whose stories I share in it have been married for 30-40 years... not quite 48! But it may be helpful still. You can watch it here if you'd like: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
Great strategies for managing your own anger. However, I feel it’s time that we read as a society we refuse to coddle the way the female brain wants to analyze these kinds of situations. I refuse to pander this way with the program I could fuck out of the way…. There’s no emotional brain in court. It’s logic brain that’s the world we live in.
Thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts. The thing is that humans have nervous systems that experience fight/flight reactions. These are autonomic, happening outside our conscious, logical thought. The logical brain can't diffuse a fight/flight response. It doesn't have the neural connections to the limbic system necessary to do so. The only logical way to handle emotions is to work with the medial prefrontal cortex, which does have those connections. Judges, lawyers and jurors are humans too, and also experience automatic nervous system responses. Pretending they don't, that they are always rational and logical, is not a very logical way of mitigating the impacts of that fact. You can refuse to coddle people's emotions all you want... but it isn't going to stop people, men or women, from experiencing them, and it isn't going to help them get those emotions under control. We have to work with the human nervous system. Insisting it should work differently than it does is not a very logical argument.
Thankyou. Your videos are so helpfull. Where I think a lot of guys get frustrated is when we feel we are not only responsible for controlling our own emotions but hers as well.
Thank you Rachel! I still love your videos after all this time and still find them useful!
You're welcome! Thank you so much for watching after all this time! I'm really glad you find them helpful. If there are any topics you'd like me to speak to, please let me know. I'm always happy to hear suggestions.
This doesn't help me because (a) I can dissolve my anger, and (b) she wants money and do damage. She won't respond to rational or emotional arguments when seeking a monetary advantage. This is impossible to deal with.
I'm sorry that you're in that position. Unfortunately sometimes there is nothing you can do to change her mind or her behavior. Do you have a good legal team behind you? And a good mental/emotional support system as well as you navigate this?
rule number one don't get married.
Whether or not you get married... I would say that rule number one may be to become self aware enough to recognize your automatic reactions, codependent patterns and childhood wounding so you can choose a healthy partner, communicate effectively without escalating conflict and have decent relationships. Unfortunately most of us grow up without ever being taught these things, which is why so many people struggle to enjoy healthy relationships.
Yes exactly it’s a bad bad contract that will leave men in a bad situation. Just look at what you get in a marriage then look at what she gets then look at how 60% of divorce are instigated by women .
Yes rationally looking at the pros n cons you’d definitely would not touch marriage.
Whenever I try to talk to my ex about the divorce and the reasons why she wanted this, she shuts off and gets cold and bitter. So I can't get answers and she is mad at me but she wanted the divorce. It's complicated
I hear you. This is a struggle a lot of the men in my Better Beyond Divorce Community face. Usually we can actually get a lot of clarity on why the divorce is happening without her input, by first doing some emotional regulation work to clear the things you might be feeling, and then looking with a lot of openness and curiosity at the cycles you and she were in throughout the marraige.
If you'd like any support with that work, a good therapist can help you unpack the past and make sense of it, or you can do that work with me inside of the BBD Courses & Community program.
If that's interesting to you, please watch my free masterclass. It will give you all the details and tell you what to expect from working with me. You can find it here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
You can't, they won't. It's already been decided by the other party.
We need to educate young men to refuse marriage. Without marriage there is no divorce.
lol at the 2 min mark. Stop getting me so well- it’s uncanny 😂
haha, thanks for watching Peter! Unfortunately there are a lot of men going through similar experiences, including most of my clients, which is why I can speak to it reasonably well. I'm sorry you're dealing with it all right now.
Do you have a good support system?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach it is nice to know I’m in familiar territory. I have a couple of so good friends and my brother to bounce stuff off, and also have gone thru a two insured therapists, and two uninsured after that over the past year or so. And I am now quite tired of telling/ sharing or “dumping” my story, and have stopped paying for someone to listen/ suggest. Not that everyone hasn’t been helpful; I just ruminate, and retread so many emotions and stuck feelings. But, between loads of videos, some time, some understanding, getting past or at least leaning into some of the stages of separation grief, I am plotting my course forward. I am appreciative of your interest and council thus far, thru your videos and links; I do realize this is a business for you, and hope that there is renumeration via my traffic on your channel, as I have yet to renew a subscription with you. Thanks for your time and efforts.
@@petercelle1796 it sounds like you are finding the path that is right for you. I agree that dumping the story or retelling it endlessly doesn't help. Learning to sit with the emotions and allow them arise, be present and pass without feeding them or fighting them seems to be the key to resilience and internal peace. I'm glad you're finding your way there. Your views do help my business (I get a little ad revenue, but more than that the more people who watch and engage the more that RUclips shares my videos, so you watching helps my content reach other people who may need it or who may want to work with me through one of my coaching programs). I appreciate you being here! If you like reading... the book The Untethered Soul is one of my favorites on getting past grief and other sticky emotions.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I do read, and will check out that book. Thx for your work.
What to do for women who hates that person and fears to live again with him, and not able to trust again and again because it happened 2-3 times and his family also very negative towards the women, then how should a women deal with it, how to trust that person again n again, bcoz for him its his pattern, of breaking the trust .
I offer to talk about the divorce over dinner and hell no. Then she’s mad because I am not mad or upset because , I don’t give a fck, and now she’s made about that. No way to win, just let it run its course.
My soon-to-be ex operates 100% off emotions and is totally unable to use logic. Often, her emotions are based on incorrect “ facts”. She never lets reality interfere with her feelings. This is impossible to deal with. 17:44
I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately sometimes there is nothing you can do to change how she's thinking or reacting. Do you have a good legal support system? And maybe also a good mental/emotional one, in the form of a therapist or a group or both? In these extreme cases often the focus can only be on helping yourself stay balanced and sane through the divorce process, so that you can make the best choices for yourself and your family.
Thank you, Rachael. I didn’t mention that we have been married for 48 years.
@@Ron-om8np You're welcome. That's a long time, Ron. There's certainly going to be a lot of emotions to unpack as you move forward from that. If you'd like any additional support, you might find my free masterclass helpful... some of the men whose stories I share in it have been married for 30-40 years... not quite 48! But it may be helpful still. You can watch it here if you'd like: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
Great strategies for managing your own anger. However, I feel it’s time that we read as a society we refuse to coddle the way the female brain wants to analyze these kinds of situations. I refuse to pander this way with the program I could fuck out of the way…. There’s no emotional brain in court. It’s logic brain that’s the world we live in.
Thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts.
The thing is that humans have nervous systems that experience fight/flight reactions. These are autonomic, happening outside our conscious, logical thought. The logical brain can't diffuse a fight/flight response. It doesn't have the neural connections to the limbic system necessary to do so.
The only logical way to handle emotions is to work with the medial prefrontal cortex, which does have those connections.
Judges, lawyers and jurors are humans too, and also experience automatic nervous system responses. Pretending they don't, that they are always rational and logical, is not a very logical way of mitigating the impacts of that fact.
You can refuse to coddle people's emotions all you want... but it isn't going to stop people, men or women, from experiencing them, and it isn't going to help them get those emotions under control. We have to work with the human nervous system. Insisting it should work differently than it does is not a very logical argument.
'Promosm' 🤷