I am black & my former best friend is white. She was super liberal, did a lot of work to be antiracist, but she grew too comfortable around me to where she stopped practicing care about what she said about race around me and to me. It was almost like she was growing tired from doing all that work and felt that because she'd done that work that she deserved a break around me. We thought we could talk about race together, but her sarcastic and arrogant attitude and sense of humor about subjects such as race and class, even being a self-proclaimed antiracist, became too much for me to bear. I thought the dialogue could be healthy but it became tiring. At some point, antiracism can become pretty counterproductive and the anti racist person starts to sound pretty racist themselves with all their presumptuous comments, telling POC what we should be offended by and what we should feel, deduces us to our race and implies we aren't allowed to think for ourselves. I'm no longer that girls token black friend.
I had a very similar experienced; a WW I thought was my best friend hit a spot in her life where there was a lot of pain and she couldn't hide some of her deeper feelings. It came to a head where she got very "comfortable" and condescending telling me what I should and shouldn't feel as a BW, while actively doing some super racist stuff. When I called some behaviors out the mirror was too painful; heartbreaking... This book is a hard read, but hits some strong points: www.amazon.com/dp/0143136437?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
You failed to socialize her properly. Black people understand that true freedom begins in the mind: decolonization. White people also need to decolonize their minds first and foremost. "It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here". James Baldwin
I don’t believe in race but I do understand that for self safety and to empathize with others I need to stay fluent in race relations…I’m a cosmopolitan is what I’m trying to say and I remember when my white Friends had to save me from a racist a few times. One was being overly friendly with me but then a few of my white homegirls were warning me about him, saying that his father is a racist cop and that he himself has a swastika and confederate flag in his room. I have no idea why he wanted to hang out with me at all. Then another incident on an engineering field trip to cape Canaveral in high school for a robotics competition, my club mates and I were eating at a Denny’s and a guy walks straight up to me, out of a sea full of white people and asks me “what does fubu mean. “ i tell him and then he asks me “do you know what fubar means?” Which was obviously a threat. My classmates ran to our teachers and chaperones and told them. We all walk outside and those two rednecks are in their truck by the curb looking at me, while like 50 or so of my classmates surround me. The point of this story is this, I’m 41 now, and i see what my white friends post, and they actively fight racism online where people accuse them of white guilt. But they’ve seen that racist ish in action, and they’ve told me who’s racist and who not to hang out with because you can end up dead or in jail for something you didn’t do. So I don’t care how antiracist someone gets lol, they’ve seen what a lot of us haven’t seen or heard, how racists really feel and the actions they’re willing to take.
My sis in the pink was spittin! The ONLY thing I personally don’t agree with is black women being patient. Can’t ask people that are feeling the HARM to be patient.
I think it’s okay to ask for patience in the case that it’s a friend that cares about you and wants to be better and understand. Patience does not mean excusing behavior, it’s the acknowledgment that changed behavior takes time. Now if the change isn’t taking place or is still in the place where it’s causing you as much harm as before it was brought to attention, then that’s a problem.
@@Intentionalz I actually am more offended at the fact that she thought it not egregious to even SUGGEST for patience. I’m sorry not really angry or anything, just “W Girl BYE” energy.
@@kellymareshaI hear you, suggesting that would have me take a step back too. Listening to that part over again, I think what she may be inferring is that it would take black women a lot of work to be patient with people who may cause us harm, not necessarily saying we should or it’s our responsibility. Before that she was talking about the level of work white women would have to do to be able to have the skill to properly hold those emotions. But all good, I didn’t think you were mad, I just wanted to offer a different interpretation! Nonetheless, great convos were had.
I've been having this conversation in my head for years. I've tried having this type of open conversation with my white "friends" but was met with their need to debate me instead of acknowledge me. It's remained a barrier in our relationship which have lead to me relegating our friendship to something disingenuous and inauthentic. I've always kept my distance. Thank you Shan for moderating these important conversations.
I’m so glad that Mrs . Boody addressed that bit about going to an HBCU. That was open and honest and most biracial folks don’t say the quiet part out loud.
This conversation was riveting! As a Kenyan-American woman who's had numerous white, female friends, I've experienced a lot of what you all discussed. Thank you for illuminating all of these issues through these fantastic, deep discussions!🥰🌻☮💕
Lonely. That is it. Even with my black girlies, and my black husband. Society has done such a number on us that my personhood seems irrelevant to everyone.
I know how you feel but I just go off on them😂. I had my children and a friend over for dinner that of course I prepared….and then I roasted and read them about their thoughtlessness. No one bought me a bottle of wine! I was like I taught you two(my kids) about certain pleasantries you extend in certain scenarios but clearly you don’t think that applies to ME…YOUR MOM. Oh I’m perimenopausing and correcting never had or 80% passing grade former life lessons. I don’t have patience for peoples aloof and thoughtlessness past age 18 any fucking more! Get out of yourself and think of others for ducking once…imagine being in their shoes! And that’s on EVERYTHING. Parenting, friendships, yes…race relations etc because when you really are for someone imho you should WANT to know how they are doing and not be in fear of possibly feeling uncomfortable when triggering subjects are broached. Forgive my mini rant
@@jacquelynn2051 👏🏾👏🏾🤣🤣 I have gone off on them. It has been interesting to notice that they don’t even know wtf we’re talking about. Just some nuisance meant to serve others and shut up about it.
I always say you can tell a non-black person that has ‘real’ (not surface level but deep relationships) black friends because they have a way they move that is not like others. They tend to be very open minded and have an amount of self awareness and humility that allows them to even be able to have these kinds of conversations and understand without feeling attacked or victimizing themselves. It’s sad but it’s a real thing. These are the type of friends that my communities ppl (those of us that feel secure in our blackness) flock to.
One thing is for certain. Every white person knows at least 1 racist person in their life. This is just another dynamic that’s exhausting dealing with non- black people.
I would love to see this with BW and other minority women.For me it’s easier to befriend them and have open and honest conversations.I don’t have time to explain anything to WW so I can be cool with them but I don’t think there’s much sisterhood there.
I know this is an important conversation, but am I the only one who thinks this is depressing as a black person. It’s kind of like a shitty feeling to always have to hear about how the world views you as less than or not shit and then having to continue existing in the body that you have, which is like a black woman, it’s just like….
It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting which is why I only surround myself with people that are positive which has become an extremely small circle. I’m very fine with with having one to two friends. I used to have a large group of “friends “ that were diverse as well but all I learned was that most people are fake and most nonblack people are anti black. I learned to have internal peace even though I get along with most people I know that they would never be there for me when I’m in trouble.
It’s why I had to check out of a lot of the talks. Like even if they start off positive it gets exhausting, dark, and just sad every time! You can’t keep living and taking that in 24/7!
I disagree that all or a lot of black women live in a world of thinking white women are more attractive. Southern blacks don’t really grow up in that way of thinking or areas of mostly black, that’s more Hollywood/California and stereotypical mainstream Spaces. Some of that is more of black beauty not be valued in those spaces, not that black women feel less, more discrimination. In the south black and primarily black spaces that’s a none issue. Thighs, hips, thick lips, wide noses, kinky hair, etc are desired. In real life that doesn’t exist for a lot of black women unless you’re in a primary white space . Since the 90s black women beauty was centralized more. This is more old tropes. Most black women don’t even think much of Marilyn Monroe. According to 2017 pew research, 24% percent of black men MARRY outside their race and 12 percent of black women. Asians marry outside of their race statistically the most. Wish we would stop falling for niche, limited views of the black experience. I definitely don’t get my cues from Hollywood standards
I totally agree with this comment. Let's not normalise the strange notion that black women are less desirable, when it is simply not true and not the lived experience of the majority of black women in the world. Let's instead highlight how dysfunctional these behaviours are in a limited number of societies. Honestly, amplifying this message does not help black women who may actually be comfortable in themselves and gives some non-black women a warped superiority complex for no reason.
That's because the South is segregated and black people don't expect white people to value our beauty the way they value their own. We learn at a VERY young age thay we wil never be beautiful in their culture because the only girls you constantly hear both adults and children talk about as being beautiful in the white community are blonde haired, blue eyed and thin, two of which it is impossible for us to be. However, men are the ones who determine what is constantly beautiful in their culture and present day, black male culture does NOT value the black women who look like their mothers and sisters, even in the South, when they truly have the option to date across the board as they do in the Pacific Northwest. A man being with you because he's forced to because he lives in a racst area is not his preference. You find out what his preference is when he truly has options.
@@rezzi606I DON'T agree with you, not when it comes to the under 30s. We NEED to discuss what is going on in the black community when it comes to black women.
I agree with you. I grew up in black salons and the women around me wanted to look like each other, not white women. Wearing weave was associated with being black not looking white. This narrative is harmful
Thank you Shan for having this conversation. It cut off so abruptly. I was glued to my tv screen. There were so many gems in this interview. I’m going to watch it again and take notes 📝
I loooove this conversation .. As someone who grew up in Ajax, ON with mainly white friendships I just love the context of this convo… And I haven’t even watched yet.. Just wanted to share this commentary on this topic choice 😍
Thank Shan beautiful discussion...please do more. As a black non ambiguous woman hahah funny to preface that. I lived in Greece for 2yrs during covid. I lived in a predominantly refugee area in Athens, where I had to explain that i was from America all the time . Explain to Africans explain to Greeks. Light bulb black woman were always explaining..I'm done all these beliefs are learned programmed . Be free think how you want its up to me whether i want to get offended or not. I know who i am . No one can take that away from me. Explaining hat hung 🎉🎉
Sooooo much here to unpack that I can’t even speak on in a single comment. I see other commentators have spoken eloquently on different points of the video. Just want to say, you are doing amazing, much needed, and thought provoking work, Shan. This video in particular blows me away!! 👏🏾 bravo bravo!!!!!!
This was beautifully done. I thoroughly enjoyed this dialogue and appreciated the level of vulnerability and diversity in these ladies experiences. This is a masterful demonstration of emotional intelligence at its finest and when women of diverse backgrounds are able to support and embrace each other in our lived experiences (good or bad) beautiful things happen. This is the type of content we need more of; great job I'm also curious to watch the Hulu series.
This is an entirely different generation of black women! In 1986 when I was demoted at the PWI where I worked, a white co-worker announced: "Congratulations, you've just been Jim Crowed!" It was a conversation she'd initiated. We later bonded over our parents' mutual involvement in the Civil Rights Movement in Arkansas and the early Black Catholic Movement. Another white friend/ally became a journalist and accused the PWI of being racist in our state paper less than one year after I was laid off. She and 2 other journalists at the paper (one of the journalists was a white man who knew me from the all-white grade school that I and my sister had integrated) took it upon themselves to make the accusations without any provocation from me. They hadn't even bothered to interview me. That was pretty awkward since they were liberals and the chancellor of the PWI was not only a liberal but a liberal from New York City. Though not common, it wasn't unusual for liberals to accuse other liberals of racism during the CRM. Then in 1991 while I was working in state government as an underemployed Administrative Assistant, a white co-worker asked me how it felt to relive the 1950s and to be colored again. She later accused her white liberal feminist peers of not only being bigots but not even being feminists for having "supported" Anita Hill because of a pubic hair on a coke can when they hadn't supported me after I was sexually assaulted (twice) in the workplace. Furthermore, she accused them of only having supported Hill because Thomas was a threat to their abortion rights. Not one single white woman protested Bill Clinton's election after rumors surfaced of his sexually harassing women in the workplace. For the record, Keri is the only white woman who believes that the Thomas nomination had as much to do with race as it had to do with gender. Even black women bought into the white woman's history lesson that the nomination had to do with gender. Oh well! The End - haven't had any genuine friendships with white women or men since then.
19:36 such an important comment. So many people are scared to even admit a flaw or dynamic exists simply because they think it deems them a bad person and that’s just not always true
This discussion is phenomenal! I relate too much…. As a US born Igbo-New York woman…it’s so complex, nuanced and insidious…. The opaque violence and the screech of silence leaves ripples in my memory that I swat like gnats. I experienced yt friends who were clearly experiencing superiority complexes and I saw them clearly but found it laughable…. Bc I could see their trauma…. But they truly deluded themselves to believe they were intellectually superior but I knew myself and my worldview …. And we did not align…. Also they could not have hard conversations. I will literally never delay hard convos…. Like… won’t schedule it… like right the fuck now. Also, epigenetic colonialism is real af…. People play stupid or obtuse and conflate basic concepts to manipulate and deflect…. No mammy/jezebel or sapphire…. Call be Casper bc I’m fucking gone. Not playing no sister act…. (And also…. These energies are packaged differently by race, class, gender, religion, nationality, ability, etc…. But the intent is to perpetuate and benefit from inequity and obfuscate the clarity of reality.) let me watch the last 20mins…. Sooo good. Imma have to watch Queenie! 🤌🏿🤌🏿🤌🏿🤌🏿
I won’t call it weird but I can’t think other word, when the lady in link denied or rejected the statements of black women’s experiences of people touching their hair was untrue because she didn’t see it or “that doesn’t happen.” Only became true because she finally had a black woman in her life to witness it first hand is the issue with white people. Then to explain it must be lonely because who can black women complain when it comes to their experience of dating apps because no one cares…. But if it weren’t for your black friend you would still be the problem.
Definitely a conversation that came right on time. And hopefully more women can build on this conversation and include more dark skin voices, let’s continue and expand the work. Lately I’ve been more weighed down and feeling deprived of my personhood/humanity being a black woman in LA. From dating, which I’ve given up on, to navigating the professional sphere it’s so hard to feel like I’m accepted anywhere or palatable even. Very irritating just going about my day realizing how my blackness impacts my day to day. And I truly wouldn’t be anything else, I wouldn’t trade my blackness as it is most sacred to me. It’s just hard wrestling with internalized racial inferiority at the same time. I speak for no other woman, just me and how I have had to move through things, it’s just so much less work being alone.
These conversations are so needed, and yet are so complex. Some may hate this analogy but when you call a large corporation to report an issue, or to ask for a change, etc. The time to reach the company will be lengthy and the front line worker has no power to create change. These companies are untouchable. Much like the systems that are at play in our present lives. Education, Prison, Medical, housing, justice system, etc among others. They have biases built into the system which is run and maintained by people but the issues that affect us daily are in part like fighting a large corporation. It's lengthy theres no guarantee of success. many have come up against and failed. And oftentimes you're hiring someone to represent you who is a part of the problem or matrix. It's hard to have conversations like this about racism or any other negative ism b/c its' not just a person you are fighting. You are fighting mindsets of every living being which has in some ways been conditioned and you are awaking from this if you think critically to realize humans are their own problem. That we created the division ourselves, so in theory we should be able to fix it.
These conversations are important, I know over here we are tired of being patient, we need other races of women just as pissed off (in whatever way that may be for you) as we are honestly, especially now. We should be tired of trying to please others but ourselves. Educate and love yourselves, raise a better future. Its beautiful to come to an understanding and an alliance. This is coming from a black girl born in Kansas surrrounded by white people.
While this has nothing to do with friendship, it speaks to the interesting encounters with people where race may (or may not) be a factor. I've had two different experiences recently (outside of the country) with white people (one male and one female) insisting on getting Black men to speak to or dance with me (individually or in a group of mostly Black women) in public settings. While I didn't ask them their intention--they were strangers and I just wasn't interested in having the conversation in those moments--what I assume is that in their eyes I was beautiful, a catch, or a good salsa dancer (I am), and they assumed that the specifically Black men around would feel the same. What they failed to notice (or take seriously) is the resistance these Black men had to me or me and my friends (though they were all over/seemed to be very happy with the white/non-black women around). What they failed to consider was how I felt in the situation. What I find interesting is their need to insert themselves to try to force us together. The crazy thing about race is that it is such a made up concept, yet we've used it as a rational for real negation...and until you really know, you never really know if it is or isn't a factor in experiences.
@@CaliforniaAllStarsToo much for TF WHO? Speak for yourself, sweet fool. She's not your sweetheart and you have no business telling her to do a goddamn thing.
@@CaliforniaAllStars I find your comment to be rude and patronizing. But thank you for exemplifying and illuminating a fraction of what folks experience when they share their experiences--especially those [possibly] dealing with race, and specifically as Black Women. I pray you receive more compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to consider/learn something different--all things you didn't extend to me--should you choose to share about yourself in a virtual or real life space. Be well. PS. Gratitude to the person who replied to your comment reminding you that you had no business telling me what to do. I came here to like it and thank them for their support and witnessing, but the comment is gone. Not sure if there was a technical issue or something else.
@@ONYILOVEFirstly I appreciate the grace you gave to the respondee; I don’t think I could be that gracious. Secondly, I was interested in the motivation behind the White People trying to “force” Black Men to dance with you. Why would they do that? I can’t imagine wanting to do that to strangers, I’ve got other things I’d rather be doing. As I write I think that the motivation is control, to make things happen, make others bend to your will, being patronising to Black Women. I’d be interested in your take on this and what country you were in.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 Thank you so much for the acknowledgment, appreciation and inquiry. I'm grateful. One experience was in Spain (with a white man from/living in Zimbabwe I believe), and the other in Germany (with a white German woman). Reflecting back, asking those individuals in the moments could have provided insight as far as they were concerned--if they were willing to be transparent and vulnerable, which is not always the case in general, and especially when it comes to race, etc. I do agree that in general, that it is control--regardless of race. Also, the assumption that one knows best--or is arbiter of what is [or should be] right/natural--and the insistence on one's own beliefs/scripts while being completely disconnected from others and the situations/circumstances at hand. If I consider the transatlantic slave trade and colonization in Africa, then it makes sense to see that on one level, the encounters I had demonstrated folks playing out residual negative beliefs/unhealed ancestral threads. I have to look at my own part as far as not walking away or calling them out--essentially taking their stuff. All of this and more is tied up within the constructs of "whiteness" and "blackness"...and in other identities and experiences, including [that of] humanity as a whole. We can consider what I experienced innocuous; however, it all struck me as odd in real time. There is often this idea that the subtle/minor/small should be ignored (or is being overthought). But if we can't address/clear that up, then we just allow it to build up to be (or prevent the full healing of) the obvious/big/extreme
I really enjoyed “Queenie”. I’m from a similar background (British Caribbean) but older. It’s nice to see my cultural background being shown on TV. That’s quite rare these days.
In regards to white family: as a ww, I remember asking myself, "is my family racist?! How is their whiteness going to show up?" As I started getting into relationships outside of my race (and desiring to bring them around family), I genuinely did not know where they stood on the spectrum. I knew they were "nice people" but had never had any experiences of them in mixed spaces. So it was interesting to step into that with them. It hasn't been an easy process because they do not take it as seriously as I do. It's tough to be patient with them. I try to stay in curiosity because they definitely don't want to harm anyone. They just don't always know when their intention is not matching with their impact. I'm happy to take on the emotional labor of that though cause I know it helps the greater good to pull back these veils!
I have an Indian trinidadian friend that says who says anti black and colorist statements. When I told him that he wrong he says if people get offended then that's their problem. Lately I've been distancing myself from him and I feel much better not communicating with him has much
I have these conversations with my white friends who are able to agree to disagree. I have a few white friendships that I’m very close to and we just understand that our experiences means we don’t agree on many things in society but we still genuinely love each other and agree on other things that are directly in front of us.
Hi Shan I just came across your video. I loved it but! Lol I want to make a statement because there is a component to this conversation that makes this conversation a two parter for many reasons but here is my reason. Yourself and the other three ladies are mixed raced. Did you do that intentionally? But,I have to say and maybe it’s because you’ve done your work you seem more solid in your blackness and not as assimilated as the other three. This is not an attack on the other ladies or a judgment it’s an observation. I’m wondering if because these other women seem so much more assimilated could it be contributing to maybe some confusion from their white friends about how to engage with this “black thing”? Because I get the impression that there is so much code switching that their friends probably didn’t even realize that there was a thing to even deal with in our friendship. I’m going to wrap up. This is where the two parter conversation should be had with the other sistas about being authentically black with their friends,co-workers and themselves before you can even ask someone to acknowledge your blackness especially when to some extent they see you as them. And they aren’t the only ones many of us non mixed blacks do this as well.
Ugh I feel seen when the women said the first thing I think of in dating is does he like black women. I fully broke down with an ex because I assumed he (white looking / half Mexican/ white) never dated a black women before and it wasn't his preferred choice. This topic is incredible and healing
This is heartbreaking. I'm black and sometimes I forget how hard it is living in black womanhood. I'm so busy hyping myself and not dwelling on things I can't change that I be forgetting.
To me the thing is that you have to say something when someone says something racist or out of the pocket even if it's just your white family. Furthermore, I have learned to set boundaries with them about many things and I was the first of my cousins to come out. All of this can be challenging and I'm not as good at it as I should. But my family knows that if they wouls say racist shit to my friend or girlfriend it would not fly. I don't ask for respect for me and people I bring to the table, I demand it or I'm out.
Black woman and white womans relationships is more specific and different to interracial in general for several reasons. I dont feel this conversation deals with the specifics of this. There is historical baggage that eg with Asian woman isnt there as much. Also im not sure its your friends job to change eg their family if their racist.
It's slower than an equivalent US drama. It took its time but I did get into it. I'm from the same background as the protagonist (Black British), so it was easier for me to relate to.
the irony of this and then they were boy have black women who can pass a paper bag test lol there’s no DARK SKIN women on this lol. also can we stop this “i’m light skin, im a victim”?
the irony of the host saying how important is it to check biases before these types of conversations and she doesn’t have a fully black woman on the panel lol😊
this episode was hard to watch not because of the topics or the discussions that came out about it but how one sided everything we are presented with edits. first 10 minutes were really hard to digest. ranking feelings of insecurities to things you don’t have control over is a crazy thing to invest your life in this way. i understand the need to explore but this was needlessly brutal.
The girl in the yellow said that her friend never felt the need to conform to beauty standards or norms. Without going into any more detail, does it cross your mind for one second that her resistance to "norms" keeps her from getting attention from the masses and it's not about her being Black? Reverse the color and you'd have similar results.
So you know and experience EVERYTHING a human can experience? Such an ignorant and dumb thing to say. And being cancelled is an Internet thing for celebs or viral people.. So that also makes no sense
I disagree with the conversation within the 2-7 minute block… Maybe it’s because I don’t identify with these type of black women? I feel like they are victimizing themselves… like where do you live where you have to wonder if the black man who is interested in you likes black women (the black girl with the blonde ombré hair)? Or the pretty full figured/thick black woman who was giving Jill Scott vibes? Wth… okay let me continue watching 😅
Hi ironic - Americans are told we have an ongoing issue with race, but in order to heal that, it needs to be addressed (the idea that something so all-encompasing should just be ignored until it goes away is... interesting.) But when we try to address it in any real way, we're told we focus on it too much. 🙄
Agreed. Even more dangerous is labelling certain experiences as the black experience, rather than the African American experience. Well, I guess we have to live with the power/reach of US media.
Me and my white best friend talk about race a lot. That’s the only way we’d be able to be friends. She has had to have difficult conversations and LISTEN. Even admitting to WW’s guilt. We are polar opposites. She was talking about things she doesn’t like about Michelle Obama. I told her, that she just described me, my mother, and Blk women we grew up with. She was shocked 😳 She considered Michelle as an elitist, yet she respects Blk women like her in real life😒
I am black & my former best friend is white. She was super liberal, did a lot of work to be antiracist, but she grew too comfortable around me to where she stopped practicing care about what she said about race around me and to me. It was almost like she was growing tired from doing all that work and felt that because she'd done that work that she deserved a break around me. We thought we could talk about race together, but her sarcastic and arrogant attitude and sense of humor about subjects such as race and class, even being a self-proclaimed antiracist, became too much for me to bear. I thought the dialogue could be healthy but it became tiring. At some point, antiracism can become pretty counterproductive and the anti racist person starts to sound pretty racist themselves with all their presumptuous comments, telling POC what we should be offended by and what we should feel, deduces us to our race and implies we aren't allowed to think for ourselves. I'm no longer that girls token black friend.
I wouldn’t want a friendship where I have to hold myself back either . Let her go that’s not who she is
I had a very similar experienced; a WW I thought was my best friend hit a spot in her life where there was a lot of pain and she couldn't hide some of her deeper feelings. It came to a head where she got very "comfortable" and condescending telling me what I should and shouldn't feel as a BW, while actively doing some super racist stuff. When I called some behaviors out the mirror was too painful; heartbreaking... This book is a hard read, but hits some strong points: www.amazon.com/dp/0143136437?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
You failed to socialize her properly. Black people understand that true freedom begins in the mind: decolonization.
White people also need to decolonize their minds first and foremost.
"It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here". James Baldwin
Glad you let go of a toxic relationship that doesn't serve you
I don’t believe in race but I do understand that for self safety and to empathize with others I need to stay fluent in race relations…I’m a cosmopolitan is what I’m trying to say and I remember when my white Friends had to save me from a racist a few times. One was being overly friendly with me but then a few of my white homegirls were warning me about him, saying that his father is a racist cop and that he himself has a swastika and confederate flag in his room. I have no idea why he wanted to hang out with me at all. Then another incident on an engineering field trip to cape Canaveral in high school for a robotics competition, my club mates and I were eating at a Denny’s and a guy walks straight up to me, out of a sea full of white people and asks me “what does fubu mean. “ i tell him and then he asks me “do you know what fubar means?” Which was obviously a threat. My classmates ran to our teachers and chaperones and told them. We all walk outside and those two rednecks are in their truck by the curb looking at me, while like 50 or so of my classmates surround me. The point of this story is this, I’m 41 now, and i see what my white friends post, and they actively fight racism online where people accuse them of white guilt. But they’ve seen that racist ish in action, and they’ve told me who’s racist and who not to hang out with because you can end up dead or in jail for something you didn’t do. So I don’t care how antiracist someone gets lol, they’ve seen what a lot of us haven’t seen or heard, how racists really feel and the actions they’re willing to take.
My sis in the pink was spittin! The ONLY thing I personally don’t agree with is black women being patient. Can’t ask people that are feeling the HARM to be patient.
That made my tummy hurt just a lil bit. 🥴
Her friend was brilliant and open --- likely got her there. See my sis in the white shirt! Both were so brilliant!
I think it’s okay to ask for patience in the case that it’s a friend that cares about you and wants to be better and understand. Patience does not mean excusing behavior, it’s the acknowledgment that changed behavior takes time. Now if the change isn’t taking place or is still in the place where it’s causing you as much harm as before it was brought to attention, then that’s a problem.
@@Intentionalz I actually am more offended at the fact that she thought it not egregious to even SUGGEST for patience.
I’m sorry not really angry or anything, just “W Girl BYE” energy.
@@kellymareshaI hear you, suggesting that would have me take a step back too. Listening to that part over again, I think what she may be inferring is that it would take black women a lot of work to be patient with people who may cause us harm, not necessarily saying we should or it’s our responsibility. Before that she was talking about the level of work white women would have to do to be able to have the skill to properly hold those emotions. But all good, I didn’t think you were mad, I just wanted to offer a different interpretation! Nonetheless, great convos were had.
I've been having this conversation in my head for years. I've tried having this type of open conversation with my white "friends" but was met with their need to debate me instead of acknowledge me. It's remained a barrier in our relationship which have lead to me relegating our friendship to something disingenuous and inauthentic. I've always kept my distance. Thank you Shan for moderating these important conversations.
they don't sound like friends if they aren't willing to listen and acknowledge you.
They aren’t your friend. I attempted those conversations with my former white friends. They didn’t like it. I let them go.
@@sck7503 That’s why I put the words friends in quotations marks.
We definitely need more conversations like this in safe spaces. I applaud ALL the ladies for being so open & vulnerable💕
I totally agree!
We should have a part-two with black men and white men. Let’s go! I loved this video!
I would too.
What a much needed conversation on interracial friendships!!! Totally much appreciated❤
I’m so glad that Mrs . Boody addressed that bit about going to an HBCU. That was open and honest and most biracial folks don’t say the quiet part out loud.
This conversation was riveting! As a Kenyan-American woman who's had numerous white, female friends, I've experienced a lot of what you all discussed. Thank you for illuminating all of these issues through these fantastic, deep discussions!🥰🌻☮💕
Lonely. That is it. Even with my black girlies, and my black husband. Society has done such a number on us that my personhood seems irrelevant to everyone.
Absolutely!!
I know how you feel but I just go off on them😂. I had my children and a friend over for dinner that of course I prepared….and then I roasted and read them about their thoughtlessness. No one bought me a bottle of wine! I was like I taught you two(my kids) about certain pleasantries you extend in certain scenarios but clearly you don’t think that applies to ME…YOUR MOM. Oh I’m perimenopausing and correcting never had or 80% passing grade former life lessons. I don’t have patience for peoples aloof and thoughtlessness past age 18 any fucking more! Get out of yourself and think of others for ducking once…imagine being in their shoes! And that’s on EVERYTHING. Parenting, friendships, yes…race relations etc because when you really are for someone imho you should WANT to know how they are doing and not be in fear of possibly feeling uncomfortable when triggering subjects are broached.
Forgive my mini rant
You are never irrelevant ❤❤❤
@@jacquelynn2051 👏🏾👏🏾🤣🤣 I have gone off on them. It has been interesting to notice that they don’t even know wtf we’re talking about. Just some nuisance meant to serve others and shut up about it.
I love this. Can you do one where the friend were both POCs. I have friends who are Asian and Latina.
I made a similar comment and would love to see that next!
Ouuu but make it more about how men see them, interactions with them, etc.
@@loriell1996 Black queens forever, snow bunnies Never! I said Black queens forever, snow bunnies NEVER!!!!
how abo it we stop using those stupid terms
I always say you can tell a non-black person that has ‘real’ (not surface level but deep relationships) black friends because they have a way they move that is not like others. They tend to be very open minded and have an amount of self awareness and humility that allows them to even be able to have these kinds of conversations and understand without feeling attacked or victimizing themselves.
It’s sad but it’s a real thing. These are the type of friends that my communities ppl (those of us that feel secure in our blackness) flock to.
One thing is for certain. Every white person knows at least 1 racist person in their life. This is just another dynamic that’s exhausting dealing with non- black people.
Every black person knows at least one racist person if not more lets stop laying victim.
@@CaliforniaAllStars I don't. As a Black woman I have encountered people that have been racist towards me. Do I know them?! No.
@@CaliforniaAllStarsyou’re right lol
Typically way more than one actually. But they may have at LEAST one that they're close to.
@@queenme7401 Blacks are just as racist as any other race of people STOP
This is about to be revolutionary! The merge between entertainment and reality ❤️✨ Great work Shan ✨
Chiiiiiiiiiiile, only 2 minutes in and I am very much looking forward to watching this!!! 🍿
THANK YOU in advance for facilitating this discussion! 😁
Hope you enjoy it!
Every 'sisterhood' I've had with a white woman or white adjacent was ultimately broken b/c of race. And it was devastating each time.
Definitely glad you did this video, these are conversations that need to be had.
I would love to see this with BW and other minority women.For me it’s easier to befriend them and have open and honest conversations.I don’t have time to explain anything to WW so I can be cool with them but I don’t think there’s much sisterhood there.
I know this is an important conversation, but am I the only one who thinks this is depressing as a black person. It’s kind of like a shitty feeling to always have to hear about how the world views you as less than or not shit and then having to continue existing in the body that you have, which is like a black woman, it’s just like….
It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting which is why I only surround myself with people that are positive which has become an extremely small circle. I’m very fine with with having one to two friends. I used to have a large group of “friends “ that were diverse as well but all I learned was that most people are fake and most nonblack people are anti black. I learned to have internal peace even though I get along with most people I know that they would never be there for me when I’m in trouble.
I just don’t think it’s worth having my guard up to be in any interracial anything especially if I can’t be myself
It gets to be exhausting. 😢
Of course it’s depressing.
It’s why I had to check out of a lot of the talks. Like even if they start off positive it gets exhausting, dark, and just sad every time! You can’t keep living and taking that in 24/7!
only a couple of minutes in, but i already know this video is an excellent one. thank you Shan 🥰
You're so welcome!
I disagree that all or a lot of black women live in a world of thinking white women are more attractive. Southern blacks don’t really grow up in that way of thinking or areas of mostly black, that’s more Hollywood/California and stereotypical mainstream Spaces. Some of that is more of black beauty not be valued in those spaces, not that black women feel less, more discrimination.
In the south black and primarily black spaces that’s a none issue. Thighs, hips, thick lips, wide noses, kinky hair, etc are desired. In real life that doesn’t exist for a lot of black women unless you’re in a primary white space . Since the 90s black women beauty was centralized more. This is more old tropes. Most black women don’t even think much of Marilyn Monroe.
According to 2017 pew research, 24% percent of black men MARRY outside their race and 12 percent of black women. Asians marry outside of their race statistically the most.
Wish we would stop falling for niche, limited views of the black experience. I definitely don’t get my cues from Hollywood standards
Great point thank you for taking the time to
I totally agree with this comment. Let's not normalise the strange notion that black women are less desirable, when it is simply not true and not the lived experience of the majority of black women in the world. Let's instead highlight how dysfunctional these behaviours are in a limited number of societies. Honestly, amplifying this message does not help black women who may actually be comfortable in themselves and gives some non-black women a warped superiority complex for no reason.
That's because the South is segregated and black people don't expect white people to value our beauty the way they value their own. We learn at a VERY young age thay we wil never be beautiful in their culture because the only girls you constantly hear both adults and children talk about as being beautiful in the white community are blonde haired, blue eyed and thin, two of which it is impossible for us to be. However, men are the ones who determine what is constantly beautiful in their culture and present day, black male culture does NOT value the black women who look like their mothers and sisters, even in the South, when they truly have the option to date across the board as they do in the Pacific Northwest. A man being with you because he's forced to because he lives in a racst area is not his preference. You find out what his preference is when he truly has options.
@@rezzi606I DON'T agree with you, not when it comes to the under 30s. We NEED to discuss what is going on in the black community when it comes to black women.
I agree with you. I grew up in black salons and the women around me wanted to look like each other, not white women. Wearing weave was associated with being black not looking white. This narrative is harmful
So glad the book is becomming a show 🥰 Amazing author!!
Thank you Shan for having this conversation. It cut off so abruptly. I was glued to my tv screen. There were so many gems in this interview. I’m going to watch it again and take notes 📝
The conversation i think we all needed. What a time to be alive!
Much appreciated Shan for shedding light on this unspoken topic.
I’m so so glad
I wish you would have included a dark skinned black woman in the conversation.
There was a dark skinned woman. She had the purple hair.
@@Niteporteif she’s dark skin what are you dark dark skin 🤦♀️
@@Niteportehoney she is not dark skinned lol, a beautiful brown but, not dark
@@bellastar1299 ok, honey!
I’m unsure if Shan’s darker skinned girlfriends haven’t been available or maybe it’s limited.
I loooove this conversation .. As someone who grew up in Ajax, ON with mainly white friendships I just love the context of this convo… And I haven’t even watched yet.. Just wanted to share this commentary on this topic choice 😍
Thank Shan beautiful discussion...please do more. As a black non ambiguous woman hahah funny to preface that. I lived in Greece for 2yrs during covid. I lived in a predominantly refugee area in Athens, where I had to explain that i was from America all the time . Explain to Africans explain to Greeks.
Light bulb black woman were always explaining..I'm done all these beliefs are learned programmed . Be free think how you want its up to me whether i want to get offended or not. I know who i am . No one can take that away from me. Explaining hat hung 🎉🎉
thank you for sharing this! I LOVE that you know who you are
Sooooo much here to unpack that I can’t even speak on in a single comment. I see other commentators have spoken eloquently on different points of the video. Just want to say, you are doing amazing, much needed, and thought provoking work, Shan. This video in particular blows me away!! 👏🏾 bravo bravo!!!!!!
This is amazing . So so important & reminds me of my Caucasian sister and allll the talks we've had over the years . Kudos Shan !
Really important discussion
Super important.
This was beautifully done. I thoroughly enjoyed this dialogue and appreciated the level of vulnerability and diversity in these ladies experiences. This is a masterful demonstration of emotional intelligence at its finest and when women of diverse backgrounds are able to support and embrace each other in our lived experiences (good or bad) beautiful things happen. This is the type of content we need more of; great job I'm also curious to watch the Hulu series.
Wow shout out to the whole panel 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 none of them gave Medicare answer 👏🏾 they just get it ❤❤❤❤ please more other topics
This is an entirely different generation of black women!
In 1986 when I was demoted at the PWI where I worked, a white co-worker announced: "Congratulations, you've just been Jim Crowed!" It was a conversation she'd initiated. We later bonded over our parents' mutual involvement in the Civil Rights Movement in Arkansas and the early Black Catholic Movement.
Another white friend/ally became a journalist and accused the PWI of being racist in our state paper less than one year after I was laid off. She and 2 other journalists at the paper (one of the journalists was a white man who knew me from the all-white grade school that I and my sister had integrated) took it upon themselves to make the accusations without any provocation from me. They hadn't even bothered to interview me. That was pretty awkward since they were liberals and the chancellor of the PWI was not only a liberal but a liberal from New York City. Though not common, it wasn't unusual for liberals to accuse other liberals of racism during the CRM.
Then in 1991 while I was working in state government as an underemployed Administrative Assistant, a white co-worker asked me how it felt to relive the 1950s and to be colored again. She later accused her white liberal feminist peers of not only being bigots but not even being feminists for having "supported" Anita Hill because of a pubic hair on a coke can when they hadn't supported me after I was sexually assaulted (twice) in the workplace. Furthermore, she accused them of only having supported Hill because Thomas was a threat to their abortion rights. Not one single white woman protested Bill Clinton's election after rumors surfaced of his sexually harassing women in the workplace. For the record, Keri is the only white woman who believes that the Thomas nomination had as much to do with race as it had to do with gender. Even black women bought into the white woman's history lesson that the nomination had to do with gender. Oh well!
The End - haven't had any genuine friendships with white women or men since then.
Great conversation piece.
19:36 such an important comment. So many people are scared to even admit a flaw or dynamic exists simply because they think it deems them a bad person and that’s just not always true
This discussion is phenomenal! I relate too much…. As a US born Igbo-New York woman…it’s so complex, nuanced and insidious…. The opaque violence and the screech of silence leaves ripples in my memory that I swat like gnats. I experienced yt friends who were clearly experiencing superiority complexes and I saw them clearly but found it laughable…. Bc I could see their trauma…. But they truly deluded themselves to believe they were intellectually superior but I knew myself and my worldview …. And we did not align…. Also they could not have hard conversations. I will literally never delay hard convos…. Like… won’t schedule it… like right the fuck now. Also, epigenetic colonialism is real af…. People play stupid or obtuse and conflate basic concepts to manipulate and deflect…. No mammy/jezebel or sapphire…. Call be Casper bc I’m fucking gone. Not playing no sister act…. (And also…. These energies are packaged differently by race, class, gender, religion, nationality, ability, etc…. But the intent is to perpetuate and benefit from inequity and obfuscate the clarity of reality.) let me watch the last 20mins…. Sooo good. Imma have to watch Queenie! 🤌🏿🤌🏿🤌🏿🤌🏿
Love this convo Shan! 🔥🔥🔥
I won’t call it weird but I can’t think other word, when the lady in link denied or rejected the statements of black women’s experiences of people touching their hair was untrue because she didn’t see it or “that doesn’t happen.” Only became true because she finally had a black woman in her life to witness it first hand is the issue with white people. Then to explain it must be lonely because who can black women complain when it comes to their experience of dating apps because no one cares…. But if it weren’t for your black friend you would still be the problem.
Appreciate you talking about race in a different context. Resonates with me. Gonna check out the show because of you.
A much-needed conversation! When is part two dropping?
Definitely a conversation that came right on time. And hopefully more women can build on this conversation and include more dark skin voices, let’s continue and expand the work. Lately I’ve been more weighed down and feeling deprived of my personhood/humanity being a black woman in LA. From dating, which I’ve given up on, to navigating the professional sphere it’s so hard to feel like I’m accepted anywhere or palatable even. Very irritating just going about my day realizing how my blackness impacts my day to day. And I truly wouldn’t be anything else, I wouldn’t trade my blackness as it is most sacred to me. It’s just hard wrestling with internalized racial inferiority at the same time.
I speak for no other woman, just me and how I have had to move through things, it’s just so much less work being alone.
"It's just so much less work being alone" *Reflection Loading
Ooof hugs to you because it is SO hard.
Thank you Shan!! Love these toes if conversations
If people would value people, race wouldnt be a factor...
These conversations are so needed, and yet are so complex. Some may hate this analogy but when you call a large corporation to report an issue, or to ask for a change, etc. The time to reach the company will be lengthy and the front line worker has no power to create change. These companies are untouchable. Much like the systems that are at play in our present lives. Education, Prison, Medical, housing, justice system, etc among others. They have biases built into the system which is run and maintained by people but the issues that affect us daily are in part like fighting a large corporation. It's lengthy theres no guarantee of success. many have come up against and failed. And oftentimes you're hiring someone to represent you who is a part of the problem or matrix. It's hard to have conversations like this about racism or any other negative ism b/c its' not just a person you are fighting. You are fighting mindsets of every living being which has in some ways been conditioned and you are awaking from this if you think critically to realize humans are their own problem. That we created the division ourselves, so in theory we should be able to fix it.
Powerful, important conversation
These conversations are important, I know over here we are tired of being patient, we need other races of women just as pissed off (in whatever way that may be for you) as we are honestly, especially now. We should be tired of trying to please others but ourselves. Educate and love yourselves, raise a better future. Its beautiful to come to an understanding and an alliance. This is coming from a black girl born in Kansas surrrounded by white people.
While this has nothing to do with friendship, it speaks to the interesting encounters with people where race may (or may not) be a factor. I've had two different experiences recently (outside of the country) with white people (one male and one female) insisting on getting Black men to speak to or dance with me (individually or in a group of mostly Black women) in public settings. While I didn't ask them their intention--they were strangers and I just wasn't interested in having the conversation in those moments--what I assume is that in their eyes I was beautiful, a catch, or a good salsa dancer (I am), and they assumed that the specifically Black men around would feel the same. What they failed to notice (or take seriously) is the resistance these Black men had to me or me and my friends (though they were all over/seemed to be very happy with the white/non-black women around). What they failed to consider was how I felt in the situation. What I find interesting is their need to insert themselves to try to force us together. The crazy thing about race is that it is such a made up concept, yet we've used it as a rational for real negation...and until you really know, you never really know if it is or isn't a factor in experiences.
Too much sweetheart, just live in the moment and let go. You are overthinking too much work and too much drama. stop it and sit down.
@@CaliforniaAllStarsToo much for TF WHO? Speak for yourself, sweet fool. She's not your sweetheart and you have no business telling her to do a goddamn thing.
@@CaliforniaAllStars I find your comment to be rude and patronizing. But thank you for exemplifying and illuminating a fraction of what folks experience when they share their experiences--especially those [possibly] dealing with race, and specifically as Black Women. I pray you receive more compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to consider/learn something different--all things you didn't extend to me--should you choose to share about yourself in a virtual or real life space. Be well.
PS. Gratitude to the person who replied to your comment reminding you that you had no business telling me what to do. I came here to like it and thank them for their support and witnessing, but the comment is gone. Not sure if there was a technical issue or something else.
@@ONYILOVEFirstly I appreciate the grace you gave to the respondee; I don’t think I could be that gracious. Secondly, I was interested in the motivation behind the White People trying to “force” Black Men to dance with you.
Why would they do that? I can’t imagine wanting to do that to strangers, I’ve got other things I’d rather be doing. As I write I think that the motivation is control, to make things happen, make others bend to your will, being patronising to Black Women. I’d be interested in your take on this and what country you were in.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 Thank you so much for the acknowledgment, appreciation and inquiry. I'm grateful. One experience was in Spain (with a white man from/living in Zimbabwe I believe), and the other in Germany (with a white German woman). Reflecting back, asking those individuals in the moments could have provided insight as far as they were concerned--if they were willing to be transparent and vulnerable, which is not always the case in general, and especially when it comes to race, etc. I do agree that in general, that it is control--regardless of race. Also, the assumption that one knows best--or is arbiter of what is [or should be] right/natural--and the insistence on one's own beliefs/scripts while being completely disconnected from others and the situations/circumstances at hand. If I consider the transatlantic slave trade and colonization in Africa, then it makes sense to see that on one level, the encounters I had demonstrated folks playing out residual negative beliefs/unhealed ancestral threads. I have to look at my own part as far as not walking away or calling them out--essentially taking their stuff. All of this and more is tied up within the constructs of "whiteness" and "blackness"...and in other identities and experiences, including [that of] humanity as a whole. We can consider what I experienced innocuous; however, it all struck me as odd in real time. There is often this idea that the subtle/minor/small should be ignored (or is being overthought). But if we can't address/clear that up, then we just allow it to build up to be (or prevent the full healing of) the obvious/big/extreme
I really enjoyed “Queenie”. I’m from a similar background (British Caribbean) but older. It’s nice to see my cultural background being shown on TV. That’s quite rare these days.
This is such a good convo!
Is there a part 2? What a refreshing conversation.
In regards to white family: as a ww, I remember asking myself, "is my family racist?! How is their whiteness going to show up?" As I started getting into relationships outside of my race (and desiring to bring them around family), I genuinely did not know where they stood on the spectrum. I knew they were "nice people" but had never had any experiences of them in mixed spaces. So it was interesting to step into that with them. It hasn't been an easy process because they do not take it as seriously as I do. It's tough to be patient with them. I try to stay in curiosity because they definitely don't want to harm anyone. They just don't always know when their intention is not matching with their impact. I'm happy to take on the emotional labor of that though cause I know it helps the greater good to pull back these veils!
I have an Indian trinidadian friend that says who says anti black and colorist statements. When I told him that he wrong he says if people get offended then that's their problem. Lately I've been distancing myself from him and I feel much better not communicating with him has much
Love this conversation. Are you able to do this with a dark skin black woman as well? We definitely want inclusion!
Amazing conversation
Congrats
This was a very good conversation.
I am so impressed by the empathy
The woman in the pink blazer seems clueless and uncomfortable
Watching this one hurt. But definitely worth the listen.
I have these conversations with my white friends who are able to agree to disagree. I have a few white friendships that I’m very close to and we just understand that our experiences means we don’t agree on many things in society but we still genuinely love each other and agree on other things that are directly in front of us.
The clip from Queenie is accurate for UK black women. They always focus on the bum bum.
I dont believe in these types of relationships, but this was great dialogue.
Love this 👏🏽
Yes!!👏🏾👏🏾
Hi Shan I just came across your video. I loved it but! Lol I want to make a statement because there is a component to this conversation that makes this conversation a two parter for many reasons but here is my reason. Yourself and the other three ladies are mixed raced. Did you do that intentionally? But,I have to say and maybe it’s because you’ve done your work you seem more solid in your blackness and not as assimilated as the other three. This is not an attack on the other ladies or a judgment it’s an observation. I’m wondering if because these other women seem so much more assimilated could it be contributing to maybe some confusion from their white friends about how to engage with this “black thing”? Because I get the impression that there is so much code switching that their friends probably didn’t even realize that there was a thing to even deal with in our friendship. I’m going to wrap up. This is where the two parter conversation should be had with the other sistas about being authentically black with their friends,co-workers and themselves before you can even ask someone to acknowledge your blackness especially when to some extent they see you as them. And they aren’t the only ones many of us non mixed blacks do this as well.
Ugh I feel seen when the women said the first thing I think of in dating is does he like black women. I fully broke down with an ex because I assumed he (white looking / half Mexican/ white) never dated a black women before and it wasn't his preferred choice. This topic is incredible and healing
This is heartbreaking. I'm black and sometimes I forget how hard it is living in black womanhood. I'm so busy hyping myself and not dwelling on things I can't change that I be forgetting.
To me the thing is that you have to say something when someone says something racist or out of the pocket even if it's just your white family. Furthermore, I have learned to set boundaries with them about many things and I was the first of my cousins to come out.
All of this can be challenging and I'm not as good at it as I should. But my family knows that if they wouls say racist shit to my friend or girlfriend it would not fly.
I don't ask for respect for me and people I bring to the table, I demand it or I'm out.
And the genuine self interrogation
Biracials are the new standard of beauty honestly .
Not entirely. What is currently being promoted and what is actually happening is different.
Black woman and white womans relationships is more specific and different to interracial in general for several reasons. I dont feel this conversation deals with the specifics of this. There is historical baggage that eg with Asian woman isnt there as much.
Also im not sure its your friends job to change eg their family if their racist.
I really REALLY tried to watch Queenie and gave up somewhere in ep4 .... It is painfully boring.
It's slower than an equivalent US drama. It took its time but I did get into it. I'm from the same background as the protagonist (Black British), so it was easier for me to relate to.
Honestly this conversation is 5 years in the past for me... It seems really Petty and basic
the irony of this and then they were boy have black women who can pass a paper bag test lol there’s no DARK SKIN women on this lol. also can we stop this “i’m light skin, im a victim”?
OMG it’s Meghan!
the irony of the host saying how important is it to check biases before these types of conversations and she doesn’t have a fully black woman on the panel lol😊
this episode was hard to watch not because of the topics or the discussions that came out about it but how one sided everything we are presented with edits. first 10 minutes were really hard to digest. ranking feelings of insecurities to things you don’t have control over is a crazy thing to invest your life in this way. i understand the need to explore but this was needlessly brutal.
The girl in the yellow said that her friend never felt the need to conform to beauty standards or norms. Without going into any more detail, does it cross your mind for one second that her resistance to "norms" keeps her from getting attention from the masses and it's not about her being Black? Reverse the color and you'd have similar results.
yh i am the second person to comment
That white girl talking a lot of crap
2:39 no man talks to women like this in real life and if he did he'd get canceled 😂
So you know and experience EVERYTHING a human can experience? Such an ignorant and dumb thing to say.
And being cancelled is an Internet thing for celebs or viral people.. So that also makes no sense
Why do you say that?
I disagree with the conversation within the 2-7 minute block… Maybe it’s because I don’t identify with these type of black women? I feel like they are victimizing themselves… like where do you live where you have to wonder if the black man who is interested in you likes black women (the black girl with the blonde ombré hair)? Or the pretty full figured/thick black woman who was giving Jill Scott vibes? Wth… okay let me continue watching 😅
Americans love to discuss races
So annoying
You’re not a tree. You can leave.
Damb 😂
Hi ironic - Americans are told we have an ongoing issue with race, but in order to heal that, it needs to be addressed (the idea that something so all-encompasing should just be ignored until it goes away is... interesting.) But when we try to address it in any real way, we're told we focus on it too much. 🙄
It’s an issue that needs to be discussed. Maybe if other countries actually fixed their problems…..
Agreed. Even more dangerous is labelling certain experiences as the black experience, rather than the African American experience. Well, I guess we have to live with the power/reach of US media.
Me and my white best friend talk about race a lot. That’s the only way we’d be able to be friends. She has had to have difficult conversations and LISTEN. Even admitting to WW’s guilt. We are polar opposites. She was talking about things she doesn’t like about Michelle Obama. I told her, that she just described me, my mother, and Blk women we grew up with. She was shocked 😳 She considered Michelle as an elitist, yet she respects Blk women like her in real life😒