I literally can't stop crying. I wish I knew this before. I always thought I was just an irresponsible weirdo that can't maintain friendships. I can't thank you enough for this video. I wish I could show this to some people from my past smh. Oh well. Hhh. But i will get tested ASAP. Knowledge is a super power.
I literally cried when you started talking about how exhausting taking to people is, when you have to think about how much eye contact is appropriate and what to do with your body. A lot of people don’t understand how difficult that is. I’m 22, still not diagnosed, but I’m 100% sure I’m autistic. I’m in the process of looking for a job after I’ve graduated from university and it’s such a scary time for me. Every job I apply for I secretly hope I don’t get, because I’m terrified that I won’t be able to talk to people, make phone calls, or take any kind of responsibility. I’m terrified of being responsible for something and then screwing up and having someone scold me. But then again I know that I can’t stay home with my mom for the rest of my life because I’m only regressing. I just don’t know how to stop self sabotaging and being so damn scared the whole time
Oh, friend 💕 I understand your hesitation and anxiety. Having a job has been incredibly helpful for me with maintaining routine, receiving much needed praise, and giving me a sense of independence. The type of job makes all the difference though. Autistic people are usually a treasure in the workplace. We have a great work ethic and pay attention to detail. You're worthy and have value that any company would be lucky to have.
@@korneliastreet i remember being where you are. you've got this. Be patient with yourself and remember no body is perfect and we all have insecurities. The fact you going for your goals shows an excellent character. You have a lot to offer 💜
I read in a reddit thread once that someone explained their autism as "constantly having the brain in manual". Having to think about and process every single thing is so tiring - especially in social situations where there are so many parameters to consider. Thank you for making this video!
You would be totally normal in Northern Europe like Finland, Estonia etc. We also don't care much about small talk and friends don't get upset if you don't contact them for few months. We see it as normal. And women in most part are not bitchy! And we appreciate genuine talks, nobody will ask you how are you doing if they are not genuinly interested in how are you doing. 😊
I have never understood why asking someone how they're doing is a greeting here in the U.S. Nobody actually cares, so you can't answer truthfully. If someone asks me, I will usually either say "alright" or "okay, " and I never ask them back because, to be honest, I don't really care. I mean, I don't know them well enough to care!
I wonder if autism levels are higher in northern races. I always felt that way as a southerner. Most northern people feel unfriendly and lacking social graces to me. The point of small talk is to 'act as if' in order to put the other person at ease, it is to create a warmer environment. I had a northern boyfriend, and I have to say I like the simple, black and white, clean thinking sometimes. I find it 'pure'. But at other times, it feels simplistic and ungracious and a bit unsophisticated. People miss nuances, dismiss emotions, and I am supposing, feel less anyways, so it's easy for them to dismiss emotions. It's just a different way of living, not better or worse. You guys have practically empty countries up north, in the past, you did not have to deal with other humans but mostly with nature first. Southern countries are always 'too full', and hence survival requires social skills, and yes, the cultures can at times get extremely complicated, corrupt and difficult socially so you learn to 'manage' other people and their emotions and your own emotions are heightened. Hence small talk, gossip etc. It's a survival tactic. Nature is easy in warm climates, you just reach out and pick your fruit and you're not hungry, but when there are ten others who want the same fruit, it gets complicated. That is why northerners don't 'get' southerners and think their ways are irrational when in reality it's perfectly rational for its own circumstances. Northerners only need to be rational about practical matters and because emotions and social life is less complicated, they imagine those work the same way, but things can get extremely complicated when a lot of people live in the same place and conflicts arise. Even gossip can be a useful tool when navigating complex societies.
@@dailybls I think it's a cultural difference. We do have emotions, but in our culture it's looked down on showing them. It's valued when a person is able to regulate emotions so that they don't create "drama". I think there are both pros and cons in northern cultures and also southern ones. Hence, all nordics love to go to a vacation somewhere warm! 😁
@@celeste8157 I've always treated it like a genuine question. It confuses the crap outta me when I ask how someone is doing and don't receive a response.
I have never been tested for any neurodivergence. I have noticed my entire life not being quite like other people and copying them. I always thought once I got older, things would be more clear, but I have only noticed myself being even less like other people my age. So many of the things you explained sound a lot like me. Sounds can be the most distracting thing to me. I don't understand how anyone can have a TV as background noise. It's way too distracting and I have never fallen asleep with it on because of it. Hearing sounds I did not choose to hear like someone else watching a video or noise happening outside, is so grating and can cause me anxiety. When it comes to scents, I can walk down candle isles, but not perfume isles. I can't wear perfume or soaps with a strong scent. I also have a lot of trouble processing everything around me when in a group. I struggle keeping friendships because I will suddenly stop talking to people and it's not because I dislike them, I just have nothing to say and forget. Time management has been an ongoing issue with me. I can remember paying my bills because I have set certain bills in my head to be paid on this day of the month, but nothing else can be managed. I am constantly late when I am not trying to be, I just fall into the same route. Cleaning also takes me forever to do and I am constantly distracted and forget what I am doing. I have a lot trouble prioritizing tasks. I'm not sure if I should be tested or it is worth doing, but it's been on my mind a lot lately because it's become increasingly noticeable that I don't act like a neurotypical person and my older brother was recently diagnosed with bipolar. We never had him tested and once he was, it has made his behavior make so much more sense. Growing up, I often hid traits about myself that I am beginning to wonder was me masking myself because my parents were already struggling with my brother. My mom would sometimes notice that something was off about me and it would cause me to have a panic attack. Sorry that is a lot. Not sure if anyone will bother to read all this.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Sensory processing differences can be a lot to deal with in a world that is built to be so god damn extra. You are valid and worthy as is the way you experience the world around you. For many individuals who identify as being on the spectrum are self diagnosed and its widely accepted within the community. For myself, I really needed the concrete diagnosis in order to comfortably identify as autistic... probably because I was gaslit my entire life to believe I just wasn't trying hard enough. The diagnosis was proof that my brain is actually different, my experiences are real, and that knowledge is power.
@@neurodivergentme Thank you for replying. I don't think I could comfortably call myself on the spectrum without a concrete diagnosis. I took one of those psychology adult autism tests online and scored well into the range of Asperger's, borderline autism. I feel silly listening to an online quiz and feel like I am invading ND places without a proper diagnosis, but at the same time, I am well into my 20's yet am still struggling with making friends and holding conversations. I end up talking about things that interest me and then people will tell me to stop talking about that which leaves me at a loss to what to talk about. I'm not even sure what a normal conversation even looks like. I hate large social groups because I always feel like the outsider, never quite sure how to react to everything like an actor looking for lines. As I've gotten older, I just have started to notice more things I pushed down coming back up. Perhaps because I am now working from home and am not in a workplace, so I don't need to worry about my coworkers. As well as nearly every adult I have befriended in my adult years making a mention of how different I see the world when I didn't realize I was seeing things differently.
@@Jeetaruey I completely understand the imposter feelings coming up for you around even entertaining the possibility of being on the spectrum. I had very similar feelings that came up for me in the beginning. I felt like if I actually was autistic, it would have come up at some point earlier in my life but I was gaslighting myself and invalidating my own experience. If you resonate with the content you're seeing on autistic women, it wouldn't hurt to explore it further. Understanding my experience and the differences in my brain has helped me be significantly kinder to myself and work with my strengths.
Hey. I understand. I've been going through something similar. I recently got an ADHD diagnosis and after writing a paper for school (I dropped out of college twice before diagnosis and I still struggle) on the under-/mis-diagnosis of ADHD and ASD in women, I noticed a lot of ASD traits sounded like family members. I decided to take the quiz expecting to be borderline (because I'm one of the more socially able members of my family) and I tested well into the range. Since then, I've obsessively sought out Aspie women on places like RUclips to see if it seems to fit me before deciding whether to seek a professional. If you have that many issues with organization, seeking help might be beneficial. My ADHD was wreaking havoc on my life before diagnosis and medication. It's estimated that as many as 70% of folks with ASD have diagnosable levels of ADHD. If diagnosis is not for you, try seeking out ADHD organization tips. I hope knowing there might be a reason for your quirks gives you the same comfort it does me. My brain works exactly like it's supposed to... even if the neurotypicals don't know how to deal with it. Hope this helps!
@@1wolsk I've always wondered if I had ADHD because both my brother and mother have it and I noticed me acting a lot like them, but in different ways. Like I am always alert and aware of all my surroundings, but I don't get distracted by them. I am able to sit for long periods of time, but I need to fidget with something, move my fingers, or curl my toes. I knew what ADHD looked like because it ran high in my family, nearly half my cousins have it. I knew I wasn't quite like them, but I was more like them than the other kids in my class. I have been going over my childhood a lot lately and remembering how my favorite games involved me listing or remembering things like I would want people to ask me the names of my beanie babies and I was always right. Mind you I had roughly a hundred beanie babies because all my family members would buy me them for my birthday and Christmas because that was what I would always ask for. I still have my collection in a storage container. Unfortunately I don't have the room in my apartment to display them. I always delved deep into my obsessions and never got over any of them. I still like the same things I liked when I was 5, but what things I like has been added to the list rather than any subtractions. I have been watching so many videos on the subject and I have done so many of the things named in them, but I wonder just where the line is. Do I just share certain traits as part of my personality and quirks or am I like this because I am on the spectrum?
I'm 35 and I always thought I was just ADHD but I recently was diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD. I can highly relate to your videos and it is a relief to finally be able to validate myself as my family never did. Thank you!
@@neurodivergentme I’ve always thought I had adhd because I have really poor executive functioning and when I took a test for it they said I was a 1 on a 10 to -10 scale, meaning I didn’t fit the criteria for adhd diagnosis. The more I research autism, the more I think the symptoms of adhd and autism look so similar but I struggle with other things that people with adhd don’t struggle with (hygiene and noise/light sensitivity, and apparently smell sensitivity because I am so repulsed by anything that smells like cinnamon) and am now trying to find out how to get an evaluation for autism at the age of 27 (in 10 days)
You are the first person I've EVER heard describe the exact crackling I get in my ears from certain kinds of sounds. Crackling, bubbling, distortion - a PHYSICAL sensation of the sound.
I never heard of aspergers until a few years into my retirement. I told a therapist that I believed I was aspergers but she wouldn’t believe that I could be aspergers. I’ve been masking all my life and for the most part, people would not think I was different. I have pretty much self diagnosed myself and I’m pretty sure that I am aspergers.
I was a kid in the 90's. My default fear response was mashing my hands over my ears, I had many intense violent meltdowns, and countinous social problems. I spent a lot of time around a family member with a master's in special ed. I was never evaluated, but I'm certain I'm autistic and am pursuing a diagnosis with a psych. Autism/asperger's is soooo poorly understood in girls because the vast majority of study around it has been heavily skewed towards boys. I think self diagnosis is especially valid in women because the professional system is so primed to pass us over.
So Asperger's has been removed as a diagnosis from the DSM 5 manual, it's now blanketed into Autism Spectrum Disorder, though those previously diagnosed can still lovingly refer to themselves as aspies, there is a growing movement among those on the spectrum to remove it from our language altogether, as Asperger was a eugenicist, which we're extra sensitive to. We also don't tend to use or like functioning or level labels. For a lot of us, the DSM 5 manual and outdated scientific and biased information about us leads us to accept that if you meet the symptoms and believe you have it, you probably do.
I'm in the same boat. I'm nearly certain that I have autism. The thought had never crossed my mind because all I knew of ASD were the stereotypical symptoms in boys. I'll be 35 this year, and finally my entire life makes so much sense! My boyfriend of 19 years will not believe that I'm autistic. He thinks that unless someone's autism is severe and they are nonverbal and constantly flapping, then it shouldn't even be labeled as such. And what's so bad about that is the he has depression, anxiety and ADHD!
@@celeste8157 I finally got diagnosed at 42, so yes adult women can have it. And no, most people that don't know me well wouldn't even know it, we're just better at masking. My theory is that it's because women have more regions of the brain that manage interaction, so having autism knocks that system about pretty good, but doesn't take it all the way out. But, that doesn't mean we still don't deal with quite a bit of difficulty. We may look similar on the outside, but we put in a ton more effort on the inside to pull it off than most people for whom it comes naturally.
Oh my goodness, I am listening to you talk and you are describing ME. I'm on the verge of tears. I have done some online testing and it really looks like I am most likely autistic but this has never been picked up on. I am now 64 years old. My friends and family poo-hoo me or just shrug and dismiss it when I suggest that I'm neurodivergent. This really hurts because I'm actually scared of their reactions and I just feel so unsupported by them. I am so grateful that there are brave people in the world willing to share their stories. Thank you ❤️
I identify with your fear of negative reactions of people who are important in your life. I'm 52 and have spent the past year arriving at 100% certainty that I'm autistic. I finally told my boyfriend of 11 years a couple of months ago, and my mom a few weeks ago. I told my best (and only true) friend two days ago, and was pleasantly surprised when she told me she figured out since we last talked months ago that she is autistic too (her sister clued her in after her own diagnosis)! My boyfriend is realizing he might be autistic too, especially after his grandson was diagnosed a few weeks ago. No wonder we get along so well, lol. I start the official assessment process today, and with five decades of masking under my belt, I'm terrified that they will not believe me because I appear "normal". I found an online community of late-diagnosed adults (self-diagnosed counts too!) you might be interested in (if you haven't already found it) - it's called autastic.com. Best wishes to you in navigating your family and friends. 🙂
Thank you for taking part in the conversation! I'm sorry that you have had to go through much of life knowing you experience things differently without knowing why. You are not alone. I have connected with so many other women in their 50's, 60's, and even 70's who have a similar story to yours. The way your brain works is different but not less. 💕
This is so me! I have to write a to do list otherwise I have no idea what I'm doing! And then I'll have an idea about something, forget what it was and spend hours trying to remember 😅
I definitely relate to your social situations. Small talk seems impossible for me. I have to constantly know what to say next or it'll seem awkward. I have zero friends which frustrates me. I have everything on auto-pay. The more I research things about autism, I sometimes feel that I have it. Would love to see a therapist about it. The whole masking relates to me too.
Hi! A lot of things you mentioned I recognize. Yesterday I’ve gotten my ASS diagnosis, after 43 years of struggle. The part about gossip I recognize so much aswell!! In jobs I really hated the gossip and intrigue and that was exactly the reason (one of the reasons) why I’ve never fitted in. (I’m Dutch, so probably my English is not perfect 😬) Thank you for making this content!
I’m glad to have found you and your descriptions of reactions to your surroundings. I’ve had trouble all my life with most of the things you mentioned. At 68 it’s a relief to know I’m not the only one. People have called me weird, shy, jumpy, etc. all my life. It’s good to know someone out there is like me and it’s not just me being weird. Thanks!
I relate to everything you described. I am in the middle of getting my diagnosis. I am a 58-YO woman. I am grateful for the info provided by women such as yourself. It has led me to my truth. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your video! It is so relieving to hear that someone understand the challenges that I have faced that I thought for so long I was alone in. For example, the sensory issues where the carpet design makes me feel dizzy and sick, the high pitched whine of the lights being deafening, and all of my socks having to be sorted into left, kinda left, non-descript, kinda right, very right (because I will NEVER be able to focus on ANYTHING if all I can think about is how one sock is super baggy on my pinky toe while my big toe is straining for stretching room). And the food issues! I remember crying as a child because I just wanted to be able to eat like everyone else but if I bit into an offending texture I would have zero control over my gagging. Over the years I learned a bunch of techniques to deal with life but I can't tell you how important it is to me that everyone shares these experiences. My daughter is now about to be 14 and struggles with all these things you talk about and it's so frustrating how hard it is to get others to understand her and what she's going through. I've been repeatedly told she's too normal to be on the spectrum (because she doesn't present in the typical ways a boy would) and yet not normal enough to lead a normal life. Videos like yours make me hopeful that one day all of our girls will get the support they need while they are young so they can grow up thriving instead of struggling.
Wow, just wow. After seeing this, I am now seriously considering getting myself evaluated, as I can relate to so, so many of these struggles. Being 50 years old, I have learned to, for the most part, overcome many of these struggles. Mostly due to being motivated by huge amounts of shame and fear. So much fear - of rejection or job loss, of being seen and consequently written off as incompetent or unintelligent, and even fear of disdain or lack of acceptance by others whom I care about, etc. :(
i felt as if ive accidentally stepped into the wrong dimension my Entire Life. Nothing other people did really made sense (cheers to good masking skills!) and I always felt like i was watching other people behind a plexi-glass or something. 30 years after the fact, i can still recall acutely the textural trauma of being forced to wear certain fabrics as a child and my family constantly accusing me of being difficult on purpose and all my sensitivities being dismissed as "just acting/pretending to get attention". Feeling so related to in your video seriously brought me to tears, thank you for sharing.
Executive functioning is the bane of my existence. From the outside, most people think I'm super-organized and "have it all together". What they don't see is a string of late nights and weekends pulling things together last minute. I've always always always been a procrastinator. Still am. And if I get side-tracked at work or at home it takes me hours to recover and get back on task. Or I have to stay late until it's quiet and I can work uninterrupted. Or I've been known to go in to the office on weekends to catch up on tasks. Friends and relatives have always thought I was crazy for "working for free". What I've come to understand in the last 6 weeks is that it's my executive dysfunction. I stay late or come in when I know other people aren't in the office because it's the only time I can work in peace. I used to always say I was a fantastic multi-tasker; the reality is that I can start a lot of things, but I struggle to finish anything because I'm on a treadmill with a dozen spinning plates. I work late at night because I can't think early in the morning. And the clock is my enemy. I can never judge time and I'm always late. ALWAYS. I know how long certain things take, but I always promise things like 5 minutes or 15 minutes, which turns into an hour, if it even gets done the same day. I'm a perfectionist, so if I can't do something to perfection, I don't even want to start it. It's all a toxic stew and COVID living really exposed all of my OCD, anxiety, ASD, etc. to myself and it's been a shocking realization that all these lifelong "quirks" add up to ASD (self-diagnosed, but I've scored above the threshold on multiple ASD quizzes).
Actually, really all of them. I am in the beginning of finding out I'm autistic & had previously always just thought I was a broken person & even though I do care about people, the social & executive function issues I have made me tell myself I must just be a bad person deep inside since I never call my family & friends, they're always the ones to call me, I also disappear on people sometimes even though it has nothing to do with them. Being able to hear & identity with someone so closely makes me feel much less broken. Finding out I was autistic was honestly one of the best things that ever happened to me, emotionally. Thank you for your vid!
Yes yes YES to almost all of these - and no one has ever spoken of my ear “crackling” before!!! You are the first to put that in their list, and validate yet another one of my experiences / symptoms. 😩❤️
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD at 30 and a year later I’m 99% sure I’m also on the spectrum. This video and your personal experiences definitely makes me feel more confident in my self diagnosis. I could relate to most of your challenges. I wish we had more health care professionals who specialize in adult autism, specifically the female presentation.
Thanks for this video. I too hate talking on the phone about mondain things, and I struggle with socializing. Executive functioning is a huge thing in me as well. Until I found out I am autistic, I was really ashamed and feeling guilty about all the things I struggled with. Learning to understand how I function and why some things are a challenge for me is key, also learning my strenghts and power helped a lot in recovering my self-esteem.
*Man* you are making me glad that I followed my instinct to avoid any sort of loan I would have to pay back -- college loans, credit cards, any sort of debt. I figured at the time that it was just going to be difficult for me to not get in over my head, but now, over age 40, and getting more and more clues that I might be Autistic, and hearing about stuff like what you say at the end of the video there, it's like... wow, my finances could've been so much worse. I never even thought to consider debt repayment as something that could be impacted by my brain's difficulties with organizing and remembering details and obligations....
This is *so* familiar. I cannot deal with human interactions where there's nothing to do together, like no "function" or a task to execute in a group while sharing a space and really need something to do or solve with people because just hanging out feels pointless and awkward. It simply doesn't come naturally and for this reason I don't throw parties or invite people over just to hang out. It just makes no sense to me. One on one interactions are the best, even 3 people is sometimes confusing. I have no problem with eye contact but more on how I stare at people, right in the eye, and way too long. I'm in the process of getting diagnosed at the age of 32. I've dealt with different kinds of mental health issues since age 14 (or earlier) and am now figuring out 18 yrs later that it's been probably autism all along. I'm still studying in Univerity (Social Sciences, not that surprising special interest for someone who sees social activities and human psychology as a fascinating enigma to be solved) but recently I've felt that I'll move out from the city and rent a small cozy cabin int the woods, just take my cat and books and grow roses or shit like that... and no no one would bother my peace ever again.
I keep teasing my husband that I am going to buy my own tiny house and me and the cats will live there. I get you. Introversion is a real thing. People are exhausting for introverts. We recharge from within when we are in peace.
My god, so relatable. I feel such a weirdo about this and other social differences from the norm most of the time. I am so bothered by not managing to belong or feel belonging because of not liking groups, for the reason you mention
I am 76, not diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I have at least some autistic traits and I am very ADHD, diagnosed 30 years ago. I always wanted to live alone in a mountain cabin in the forest and now, I do! It is heaven.
Sooooo relatable I wish I had known these things earlier in life. People have gotten so mad at me over the years for many of the things I do that you described and I never knew how to explain myself and didn’t understand why I couldn’t just be like everyone else
Thank you for this video. I suspect i have both ADHD and Autism. I’ve taken multiple tests online with 90% for both, researched and watched a tonne of videos on both. This was the catalyst video though. The way you explained how autism affects you day to day is the exact same for me. Sensory issues for me are blue lights, flashing lights, loud noises, abrupt noises from behind me, not being able to concentrate on a conversation because there’s so many sounds in the background. Recovery from social situations for me is really needed, and social interaction is so draining that i need a few days to recover fully.
I’m nearly 70 and have always been out of step with the rest of the world. No formal diagnosis but don’t see the point at this stage of my life. While I have some sensory issues that can be annoying, they’re not debilitating for the most part. I don’t have too much trouble with a variety of noises and sounds happening at once, but I can relate to the never experiencing silence thing. It’s when everything else is quiet that the ticking of a clock or the creak of the floor, or drip of the faucet can drive me absolutely nuts. I relate to the majority of what you said in your video. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for sharing. I experience many similarities, and yeah, my memory difficulties can be incredibly frustrating too. I also experience a delay in receiving information that is spoken to me, my husband finally understands why I tend to pause so long to answer, and I've learned to script "answers" to basic questions but that tends to backfire sometimes, and well it sucks to always be pretending to know whats going. I have ADHD and still in the process of getting an autism diagnosis sorted out.
omg oh my gosh what you have the inner ear thing with certain frequencies :O I do too, mine I describe mine as a kind of thrumming or vibrating inside my ear it is very annoying esp. when trying to concentrate or sleep...my fan can do it too me if too high, my fridge, ac units just has to be the right frequency. It feels amazing to hear another human describe something I have been alone with my whole life
I am so glad I found your channel. I have my first appointment in 10 days for the beginning of my ASD assessment. I am super nervous and anxious. I was recently diagnosed with adhd and due to reading about that, I saw a lot on autism too and realized I have many of the traits and have since I was a kid. I am also 32. I have always been different. And I relate to SO much of what you’ve talked about. I have thought all these years I was just weird and different, and that something was just wrong with me. Thank you for making these videos for people like us to have someone to relate to ❤
Can we talk about people who tickle or touch your skin so soft and makes me want to smack them! Tickling is painful and when I tell someone to stop, it doesn't mean they can do it later. I feel overpowered and ignored by tickling. I've pinched men in sensitive areas who refused to stop. People who touch me in the same spot and do it super soft irritates the hell out of me as well. Like, put your hand on me so I can feel it or don't. Ehhh/cringe/shake it off!
I find tickling so (I can’t quite find the right word) weird? It’s like you wouldn’t just touch someone randomly so why is it ok to tickle me randomly? Also I feel like because I’m laughing it makes people think it’s okay to keep going, even when I say stop. I don’t find it funny, I’m extremely uncomfortable and I don’t know how not to laugh when being tickled.
Yes. I tell hubby, when he does the light brush thing, "Either touch me fully or not at all, please." No mamby-pamby touching and definitely no tickling. Dad hated tickling, too, calling it "torture." He was right.
If I plan to go to an event or meeting, I'll end up having 3. 1, in my mind preparing, 2 the actual event, and 3 the after reflection of what to do next time or trying to figure out how it went. No wonder it takes recovery time. Thanks for sharing:)
Oh my goodness I related to each and every single thing you described on such a raw level (with only one exception- you mentioned impulse buying and I overthink things to such a degree that I'm basically incapable of impulse buying). What you described about sound and light is quite literally my exact experience. I wear sunglasses almost 24/7 and am so particular about light/strobing/flashing lights. I remember when I was a kid, my mom and I would visit our neighbour two doors down and I would tell my mom our phone was ringing. At first she was like ????? but then over time grew to understand that I was legitimately hearing our phone from that distance. I also hear dog whistles and electric appliances- at certain frequencies these can leave me with tinitis for days. I genuinely don't know how doggos don't go nuts with all the high-frequency sounds everywhere. Neighbours constantly doing yard work and the barking dog next door drive me up the wall to a different level than anyone I've ever known. Never realized these were autistic traits until my recent revelation that I'm likely autistic. Thank you for sharing!
You are beautiful! Thanks so much for your bravery and vulnerability in sharing your story. I can especially relate to your clothing preferences. Love wearing cute things but only for a very short period of time!! Thanks for your videos!
Thank you!!! I am diagnosed with NVLD & ADHD. Executive Function deficits are extremely expensive & costly in terms of life sucking energy-I get it!!!!! I always say “the library is never free for me”. I relate so much to ASD it makes me think either NVLD is on the spectrum-but not formally or I must have ASD then too. I also relate to your feelings on gossip-I have little tolerance for any kind of communication that isn’t straight forward, or gamey, or anything else that sets off alarms for me that a dynamic with someone isn’t trustworthy.
Thanks for sharing. I have a strikingly similar autism profile to yours, and it’s validating to hear, because I was recently diagnosed as an adult and it’s been difficult to really believe the diagnosis. But hearing your experiences makes me think “if she’s autistic, then, yes, I’m definitely autistic.” So thanks for clearing away that last bit of doubt.
I just found your channel, thank you for sharing your experiences! I was diagnosed with ADHD 16 years ago at age 36 and I started to realize I'm autistic about a year ago (finally starting my official assessment process today!). I literally laughed out loud when you mentioned the robot vacuum and robot mop - these things have helped me so much! I can't stand dirty floors, but I also can't seem to regularly bring out the vacuum and especially not a mop. I love being able to just clear the floor and push a button. I have also ADHD-proofed all of my bills with an autopay backup for when I forget or procrastinate. :-)
Um, I literally have all of these, except the sound sensitivity. I used to suffer terribly with social anxiety in high school so I taught myself social cues. Like I used to worry how long you make eye contact or shake a hand for. In fact my eyes used to water lots and I used to blush all the time in school. Then I could get really randomly hyper. Meditation helped me gain lots of confidence and I like socialising now. My mum thought I was autistic when I was younger but I don't think I showed enough signs for doctors to take notice. Although I'd say I am desensitised to noises. Like I hate silence and always need to fall asleep with music or the TV. If I'm gaming, I need the something in my phone playing too. This was so interesting thank you.
This is the first time I have experience all of the "pieces of the puzzle" finally perfectly fit together. Thank you for creating your videos...the mission that I have been on has been painfully slow..I wish I could have learned this sooner. I wasn't ready....God bless you for making such a difference in my life . Forever Grateful Peggy
Omg THANK YOU. Everything you describe has been my lived experience. Diagnosed a few months ago (44yrs old) and unpacking all these differences I previously felt were failures and beat myself up for. What a wonderful relief and massive help to me getting on path to self love and understanding. Again, thank you
I'm so glad that you were able to relate to my experience. My heart is warm hearing that you're finding your path to acceptance and self love! Thank you for sharing 🌻
Yes I definitely relate to all of it. The grocery is so hard...for me it's the people that are the tipping point to most situations like that, but I hate the rest you brought up also. Making friends is very tricky, 100% agree on that you worded that great! Executive function problems are VERY expensive, you described this so clearly! Only things I would have to add for my style...I think in pictures and feelings and have to translate to language and suck at it and think way too much too fast and have problems with motor coordination and speech volume and amount/control and things like that.. misunderstanding directions that everyone else gets while putting forth 110% effort to do it perfectly 😵. Its such a relief to have a name for it and hear from other people that feel the same!! Thank you for taking time to make the video 💚
I'm glad that you could relate to my video! I definitely also think in pictures and have trouble translating it to spoken word. I'm constantly being told that I don't need to yell or to speak up when I had no idea my volume off. Thank you for sharing your experience 💕
While I have never been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, the noise aspect resonated (no pun intended) with me. Unexpected/sudden noise actually hurts as if something impacted with my body. This noise sensitivity reaction is not helped by the fact that I am legally bind in one eye. Socially, I have to concentrate in order to maintain eye contact when I am speaking. Although this may sound odd, maintaining eye contact wears me out as if I were holding something very heavy. As I result I alienate people who think of me as disinterested or bored. Thank you for clearly outlining the issues that have haunted me for years, believing I was "the only one". Information, easily accessed, is truly the answer for all of us.
I sent this video to my entire immediate family. I could feel every word of this video. You show your genuine struggles and know that they are where needs work. I started by watching your traits in childhood and instantly followed you when you said you wanted to be a cat because that was my childhood also. 🥰 fellow cat here appreciating your paaaawwwwsitive style of delivering insight. Thank you for showing up as you so the rest of us can learn to as well!❤️❤️❤️
I relate with ALL of this. I'm almost 32, undiagnosed. Was recently diagnosed with ADHD and am hoping to continue to pursue a diagnosis for ASD once it's safe to do so (not pursuing it during the pandemic). It's so frustrating because I feel this explains a lot of the learning and social hardships I faced growing up and into my young adulthood. And it would had been helpful to figure it out earlier. But it seems young girls and women are more likely to fall under the radar for being diagnosed.
I am 51 I still have trouble with my executive function. You're right it has cost me lots of money. Another thing I dislike is money. I have never been officially diagnosed but tiktok opened my eyes to others that share their accounts and most fit the way I have felt and issues I've had through out my life. I thought by now I knew everything about myself. Thank you for sharing
I'm happy you were able to learn more about yourself. The online autism community (it was Reddit for me) is how many people discover they might be on the spectrum. It's the reason I make videos now. I want to contribute to the community that helped me understand myself.
I feel like i've found the true reflection of myself (i know everything is) but this.. I feel like someone understands, like you described my brain in such a elegant way. Thank you, really.
Yes, totally relate to this. Feel a lot better though just knowing that I can stop beating myself up over not being able to function the same as other friends. I love catching up with people I care about, but the impact of it, because of how must preparation I have to do just so I can appear relaxed (as I always wear a mask)means I also need time out after to recover and calm down again. Dropping the mask after years of practice is now to stressful. I’m too unfamiliar with that in that I just panic about it and feel stupid, however, to stay masked after a lifetime of practice allows me to congratulate myself on how successfully I handled things as opposed to a feeling of failure . Just see the world as a stage, full of strange people, my time away from people is important to my well being.
WOW. So, I started researching autism & ADHD in girls when I saw some potential signs in my daughter. Amazing how much of your video rings true for me - seriously about 95% of it. I have always felt like my anxiety and depression were symptoms of something else, and I definitely am familiar with masking, executive dysfunction, and sensory issues. Thank you for making this video. Much to think about.
It's not uncommon for parents to find themselves relating to traits of ASD or ADHD while researching it for their children. Both of these are believed to have a genetic component and the majority of adult women being assessed do so after their child received a diagnosis. If you're interested in a couple of books that helped me during the initial phases of discovering that I might be on the spectrum I recommend Autism in Heels by Jennifer Cook, Odd Girl Out by Laura James, and Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg. Good luck on your journey! 💕
I have had the same issues with loud noise, distraction, uncomfortable material, and social situations since childhood. Just self diagnosed w ASD this year at 52.
i can honestly say that i experience 99% of what you just said. I was assessed by a phycologist once when i was 26 years old..i thought I'd be able to mature and grow out of this but here i am 10 years later with the same issues I've always had which ultimately has led me to this point. Googling and youtubing people with my same condition to i can understand me better.
I get that sensation in my ears when I hear certain sounds or too much sound, or too loud. Same with clothing as soon my uniform is tshirt and super soft sweatpants. Light and loud sound is so overwhelming and irritating and so is listening to loud music in the car if all the windows up. Social interaction is incredibly draining, small talk is pointless, I get called out for jumping right to the point often . I have been diagnosed with adhd, but a friend suggested that I might be autistic. I have a hard time understanding peoples actions and motivations. Like what does that person get out of being like that. Ask being touched by people I don’t know is incredibly uncomfortable (ie a massage or a pedicure) but once I get to know someone it doesn’t bother me nearly as much! Such a relatable video
Thank you. I'm 44 y/o and on my way to getting to know me. I found out about a year ago that I'm actually on the spectrum. And you could have been talking about me on this video. It is so helpful to know about these things. And that I'm not alone!
OMG! This video is my life. I try to explain why I am the way I am to my husband, but he doesn't try to understand. I'm gonna make him watch this. Thank you!
I relate. However, I am only self-diagnosed because psychiatrist don't seem to want to have that conversation. I do have a few other diagnoses which seem to all add up to ASD. I do think that many do not realise the negative effects of being improperly diagnosed. For now, I live in a slight state of torment. I do appreciate you.
I'm sorry that your experiences and concerns aren't being validated by the people that are supposed to help. You're absolutely right about the negative impacts of improper diagnosis. I hope that you receive the validation you deserve. 🌻
This is a fantastic video! I just started the process of getting a diagnosis and have been trying to describe executive function to my mum but she just doesn't understand but I'll show her this video because you explain it so well! Thank you
I have been diagnosed with bipolarity after an isolated episode, few years ago it was a severe depression diagnosis, I stopped taking my meds months ago cause I could not relate with anything I researched online, I felt like I had no real support from the specialists, like " ok let's say you are bipolar take these meds go home and don't bother us anymore" . I also missed myself so much while being on meds. I have been learning so much about autism in girls for the past months and it's the first time that I relate so much, this resonates in me xx thank you so much for making that video (hope my text is not too confusing my mother tongue is French)
I'm sorry that you have had to go through all of that! Misdiagnosis is unfortunately a really common thing for females on the spectrum. I'm confident that I would have never been diagnosed if I hadn't discovered it myself. Good luck, friend! 🌻
Wow! You pretty much described me exactly. Only difference is I personally love physical affection. But only by my immediate family really, and I'm very specific about the type of affection. Firm hugs are therapeutic to me. Thank you for sharing your experience.
thank you for sharing, I am 38 and recently realized I might be autistic. Nothing ever really click as thinking this is me until I started researching the topic because women and adults are often overlooked or misdiagnosed. Every single thing you mentioned made me realize I am not alone, and wow other people think like me. Side note I am also half deaf (can't hear in my right ear). So I always thought it was weird that even though I can't hear as well as others, things also seemed so loud at times for me and it didn't make sense in my brain why this is happening.
as for the Executive Function Disorder, I have never been officially diagnosed but i identify with 100% of the symptoms and the outcomes. One thing that i REALLY think that helps you is having someone going through the same things. For instance, if i wash the dishes with someone - its not that unpleasant. If i have to do something but i keep procrastinating, maybe i can turn that thing into something i do with someone - that way the probability of procrastinating decreases significantly... The same thing with setting goals, if you set goals with friends/family/colleagues, things get so much easier.
It's easy to relate. I'm not being officially diagnosed, but there are quite a lot features that would suggest it's a possibility for me to be in the spectrum. Besides everything else, I quite often have been accused of being way too sensitive if I say aloud that this certain gament is not feeling good. Or if I throw up due to a strong smell. Or start to feel very unconfortable in places where there are a lot people and a lot noise. Or being very, very strict about what I put in my mouth (for example eating fish takes ages due to fishbones). I also have some issues with certain tasks, such as vacuuming. If I do it alone, it can take 3-4 hours since I also get easily distracted by some other things, which leads into situation where I stop doing it and return to it 5 times. Not always, but quite often. In social side, one of the most annoying thing is often being misunderstood (which often results anger) in some weird way, which I usually don't understand afterwards. It can be super frustrating. Due to this it's much easier to communicate using written text, where you can spend some time to fix your output and think how you express yourself and make sure it's understood correctly.
being misunderstood has been so frustrating and annoying. Mine would occasionally result in anger but more often it has resulted in me shutting down. I will immediately think its something I'm doing wrong and get very self conscious so I just stopped talking as much. I definitely prefer written text when I need to express something important.
@@neurodivergentme With anger I did ment others this time. :) I occasionally manage to anger others, without realizing why. If I personally get frustrated enough to become angry (very, very rare) I tend to experience a meltdown and often actually become incapable to communicate well. It's almost like something very big would want to come out in a huge burst, but there's only this very tiny passage where it should come through. Only bits and pieces make out, which don't really make sense to outside world. So regulating emotions has become pretty important part of life and sometimes it has lead to questions how I can be so supernaturally calm all the time. But I guess there's not much options. One aspect of social self-defense (also regarding to energy) is definitely to be socially passive, and also to shut down occasionally.
I’m so very confused about autism. I have known it for a while from my psychology classes and I’ve been thinking I’m an undiagnosed autistic. If it is a spectrum it could look different for each person and have different intensities right? I’ve been watching tons of these videos and there are so many things that I can relate to and other things that I haven’t experienced. Throughout my research it seems to me that psychologists still can’t really diagnose it that well?🤔🥺
Maybe write down the ones that you do experience. You may not realize how many there are until you can look at it visually. But, if your list ends up being relatively short and only in one area of difficulty, then maybe it's less likely?
My understanding is that the spectrum is not a linear thing, its more like a pie graph. One can be “more” or “less” autistic in certain categories than in others
I've been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. I feel the exact same way in about 98% of the things you have said. I have always thought I had a bit of Austism but I don't know what categories would fall in any aspects. I always thought I just had sensitive hearing and was sensitive to bright lights. Recently fragrances have them horrible. I thought it was just during my menstrual cycle but maybe I just notice it more then.
Thank you so much for this video. I really relate to the sensory and social difficulties. I just got diagnosed with Asperger's but i honestly hate gossip which is why i have struggled with female friendships too.
I'm glad that you are able to relate to this video. It's nice to know that I'm not alone and that others experience these things too. Female friendships can be super confusing and challenging to navigate.
GIRL - thank you. I cannot believe I am just figuring this out. Thank you so much for this video. I have to say- YES your top is so cute. But from the very beginning I was like HOW is she wearing that??? 😝 I figured out awhile ago that those adorable sheer polyester blend tops are a no go for me. Then you said you hate it and I was like I KNEW IT! 😅
This year I've started exploring various productivity apps and sites, trying to compare and contrast and see which ones worked best for me and didn't have unmanageable drawbacks. Actually getting used to these systems did take a big chunk of time and energy, but it's starting to take a bit of a load off my shoulders, by allowing me to take some of the day-to-day energy use (recalling goals/tasks, organizing them by importance and deadlines, deciding which ones to focus on, cutting them down into manageable steps, making sure that I do them, remembering that I've done them, keeping details from one task for use in a later related task, etc.) and moving a good chunk of it to a planning session beforehand. So imagine that when you wake up, you have 100 energy, but that process of recalling, deciding, dividing, and being sure that you've done it makes each 5-energy task into a 10-energy task. But if you take a few hours to set up your goals for the next few months, and each week take an hour or two to sort through which goals are important for the upcoming week and which new goals have surfaced unexpectedly, then it takes a lot out of those planning days, *but* in return you're spending only 5 energy on that 5 energy task, meaning when you've done five tasks for the day you've spent 25 energy instead of 50 energy. Even assuming that you've also had to spend, say, 15 more energy on quasi-related tasks (getting the workspace ready, shutting down likely distractions, getting a drink, hunting for lost paperwork, etc.), you've still got, say, 60 energy/focus/willpower left, instead of 35. The systems I've tried so far that are (a) free and (b) relatively useful to my particular brain include: *Fabulous* (phone app) *SuperBetter* (phone app and website) *Do It Now* (phone app) *Habitica* (website and phone app) *Trello* (website) *Jira* (website) *Pivotal Tracker* (website) *Habitica* and *Do It Now* conceptualize your tasks as an RPG where you set up goals and/or regular chores and watch your character grow over time. Habitica was fun the couple times I tried it, but I bit off more than I could chew each time, and it became more of a morale hit than a helper; I'd still recommend giving it a try, and I might try it again. It's very specced for RPG/gaming fans who want to fight monsters (Defeat the Clutter Monster! Battle the Paperwork Demon!), and it's cute. Do It Now lets you set up Traits that link to Skills that link to Tasks, and it's nicely customizable. So, for example, I currently have it set for "Bodycraft" (trait), which is improved by "Upper Body" and "Lower Body" (skills), which split into two types of upper-body workouts and two types of lower-body workouts. I also have "Focus" linked to meditation, planning, and "squirrel shooting" (getting rid of easy distractions), which link to Pomodoro Method sessions and weekly planning and so forth. *SuperBetter* and *Fabulous* have some actual science behind them, and help you conceptualize a journey (Fabulous) or a daily struggle (SB) as a task being undertaken by a hero or superhero. Fabulous walks you through establishing a routine (it starts out slow -- water, breakfast, exercise -- and my biggest mistake was trying to push past that flow too fast) and then maintaining it, slowly adding goals/chores over time. The freebie version is a bit limited and often trying to convince you to subscribe to get More Cool Content, which bugs me, but the freebie version minus the nagging is pretty decent, really. Three routines (morning, afternoon, evening) that can hold up to five tasks apiece, I think. SuperBetter was designed to help a woman with a concussion, but soon extrapolated to help people identify their goals, obstacles (bad guys, in different categories), and helpers (powerups, such as drinking a glass of water or giving someone a hug or listening to music). It's also specced for working with friends, so you can encourage each other's progress through the app itself. You even develop your own superhero identity! *Trello* and *Pivotal Tracker* let me organize my upcoming projects (in my case, mostly fanfics), sort them into categories, and figure out which ones could make significant progress in the near future. Pivotal Tracker is particularly useful at cutting down on the number of things to focus on at once: each goal is set for a certain number of points (1-3), and a given stretch of days has a limit (8, but I forget if that's negotiable), and as you rearrange your tasks it bumps the extra tasks out of the way so you can worry about them later. Trello's great for making charts full of tasks based on which stage of completion they're at. I quickly adapted to it and really appreciate not only the site itself, but the ability to tie it in with a Pomodoro timer that lets me select a task from the list and then spend 20 minutes (negotiable) on just that task, easily. (Jira's pretty similar to the above two; I forget what sets it apart, but it's still on my pinned tabs, so I found it useful within the past couple of months.) Lastly, though this one's not free: *The Hero's Journal* -- like Fabulous -- conceptualizes your goals as a journey, in this case a three-act story set across three months of progress. I liked the PDF so well that I eventually bought the physical version, which I'm about to start on Wednesday. It helps you consider your long-term goals, break them down into actionable steps, keep your end goal in mind, find allies and avoid obstacles, get the "frogs" (distasteful tasks you're gonna procrastinate on) done and out of the way, and, at the end of each section, look back on your progress and consider how your plans for the next leg of the journey should change. They also recently created a second variation of the story, with a focus on getting through Magic School rather than going on a journey; I haven't tried that one yet, but I expect it to be good. So those are some of the things I've tried that have actually worked for me, at least in the short term (which is sometimes all I can aim for). As for the ones I'm using right now? I'm about to start the Hero's Journal, and I use Fabulous and Do It Now on a daily basis (now that I've *finally* convinced my brain that it's okay to take things one small step at a time, and not overload myself) -- my streak's working up toward 40 on Fabulous! -- and I use Trello when I want a good visual overview of my projects and want to pick something out to work on. I also use Google Docs spreadsheets to sort out some of my longer-term projects and aspirations. Also, don't be afraid to nest your tasks! Just like we memorize phone numbers in little groups (555-321-9832), it's possible to make a stack of tasks feel less overwhelming (in my experience) by cutting it down into related groups, and having one group point at other groups. I have my Hero's Journal set up to remind me to do my Fabulous and my Do It Now, as things I can easily check off in the Journal each day; that little success at the start of the day will, I think, help motivate me to keep checking off more tasks, especially since Fabulous has become such a simple part of my routine in just over a month.
I have struggled my whole life with just about everything. In my early 20s i was dignosed with ADHD. Even with the dignosis and being on medication i still struggle. Im starting to wonder if im also autistic
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my early 20's but I didn't feel like it fully explained my experience. There is a lot of overlap with the two but it wouldn't hurt exploring that as a possibility.
Wow. I just had an evaluation at work today, and my boss brought up how I prioritize tasks as an area for improvement. I totally overlooked how this has to do with executive functioning even though I brought up my hyper focus on my work as being related to my autism.
Hope you get the answers you’re looking for 🤞🏻 having confirmation from a professional that I’m autistic was life saving. Ps… I snooped your IG and saw that you live in Washington too! We’re practically neighbors lol 🙃
I'm right there with you, especially on the social stuff, noise aversion, and distaste for small talk and gossip. However, I can't mask for shit. You're so right about female friendship and executive function.
"a crackling sensation in my ears" *trying to think if I've had this* -- maybe? (I'm definitely sensitive to certain sounds that others can't perceive or aren't bothered by, such as high-pitched whines -- like the sound those bar fluorescent lights make when they're going bad) but have you ever had the sudden strong awareness of the pulse/beat inside your ear, like you can feel the eardrum moving in response to the sounds around you, and it takes a while for this sense to fade? 'Cuz I've had that now and then across the years, and it's a cross being weirdcool and disturbing.
Interesting note re the fluorescent lights and high-pitched whining. I, too, am allergic to ultra-high sounds. Screeching sounds bother most folks, but they literally incapacitate me. Also, we had a lamp in the family home with a big funky bulb wired with a dimmer switch. I was fine if it was On full power (or Off). But, if the dimmer was set anywhere in between, I could hear the activated resistors. Drove me nuts. Kinda like a personalized dog whistle. And, yes, I can also hear my pulse at times when I'm pissed off. Interesting.👍 ~TD, Boston
oh gosh, i can relate to almost everything you talk about :) regarding the problems hearing people when there are background noises - have you ever been accused of needing to wear hearing aids? when i was a kid my grandma used to shout to my mum that i'm deaf -_- as per friends - i totally envy you of having a close friend who understands who you are and why you are this way. I'm still grieving over a friendship.. or rather "friendship" that i had to cut due to expectations that "i should TRY and practice behaving normally, because everyone else has to struggle with me". kind of words you can't forgive, no matter how you try.. :/
Yes absolutely. I struggle so much with what most seem like a easy simple task and others didn't understand . told me I was just lazy and didn't try. My marriage suffered. I didnt know I was autistic until a friend of mine who is also autistic pointed it out. I always felt like I was different and like something was wrong with me. I have learning disabilities also. I found someone who loves me for me.
I also have 3 autoimmune diseases also. My ex thought I was just a hypochondriac . and was very cruel. My relationships with my kids suffered too. I feel like I failed them.
Oh the crackling noise at certain frequencies is so relatable, it feels like someone is pushing needles in my ears, never heard anyone talk about it before either. Mostly have that issue with phone speakers for some reason.
I relate to so much of this! The exhaustion of reading social cues, the masking, the people taking it personally when you drop off the face of the earth. I wish more people knew how often women mask!! I just feel really uncomfortable when people describe “female relationships” as somehow catty, filled with gossip, etc. I feel like that’s a gross byproduct of living in a culture that doesn’t respect women. Like, if you meet someone who gossips, why does it have to then become about most women being gossips and not just that person?? Ya know? Why can’t we uplift each other and not continue to spread the idea that women are gossipers? Or that men are only into sex (for example, just another stereotype I could think of)?
I really appreciate your point of view on female friendships. I definitely agree that it isn't natural and is a byproduct of the culture we live in. I was speaking only to my personal experiences and struggle but I should have been more careful to not generalize. I'm with you on building each other up and will be more cautious in the future when speaking on this topic. Thank you 💕🌷
Unfortunately, in my experience, when I identify "female relationships" that are catty, competitive, and filled with gossip, it is a short cut to, "These are neurotypical women that are going to make fun of me and shun me for being neurodivergent." I was a tomboy since preschool, and never really connected with "the feminine." Having already come to terms with my queerness, it is starting to make sense in an autistic lens as well. I am currently exploring the possibility that I may be autistic - a lot of relatable content here on RUclips, a lot of unpacked childhood experiences. I wish "most" girls weren't bullies, and you have a great point that it could be "toxic femininity" stemming from internalized misogyny in our society. I want that to change as much as you do. But the awkward awareness that I'm not like "most" girls is part of the point here as it relates to autism, and despite all the rhetoric of accepting diversity, people seem to be averse to "the other." The experience of being "an easy target" is so exhausting that it's almost easier to overgeneralize and just avoid complications.
I agree with you on the being careful when making generalisations of a whole gender. And with that, that the "cattiness" is a byproduct of un-equality / lack of respect in the society/workplace etc . I think that is why women in scandinavian countries, at least here in Finland mostly support each other - we don't have to fight for scrubs of power.
I've personally had to drop a couple female friends, as an adult, because they kept speaking poorly of another friend of ours for absolutely no reason. I've never had that type of issue with male friends. I don't believe all women are like that, but there's certainly a special brand of toxicity that specifically some neurotypical women seem to buy into and perpetuate. Why? Status? Boredom? I have no clue.
You're the first person who I've heard about getting that static sound from high frequencies besides myself. I thought I had wax rattling in my ear but they're clean.
I don't have heightened sensory issues now. I had some sensory issues as a child that improved as I got older. I don't have hyper sensitive hearing. I notice when autistic people talk about their experiences with autism, their experiences are quite strong (excuse the term) I can get a little overwhelmed by certain environments but I can control this and I become fine. I had to be taught to mask social difficulties growing up because naturally I did not know how to participate effectively socially and I was awkward, so planning a social situation was paramount. I also experienced intense interests which they too, eased over time. I still maintain hyperfocus for certain subjects which helps me with them. Now days I have learnt to adjust quite well and I am still learning. I had the traits yet for me they seem to have balanced out as I got older. I got to know I had the traits recently, which explains the difficulties I have/had. Anyone relate to this? I feel people like me are few and far between lol.
Certain things have eased up for me and others have increased. I think I have just learned myself and can better control my environment to support my needs. Thank you for sharing! 🌻
Yes, I relate 100%...... I feel like I just hated the feeling of anxiety when entering new social settings/situations that I just learned to breathe and tell myself I can do this. I would also "plan/prepare" for a new setting. I am REALLY bothered by "bad smells" and I really enjoy perfume because of it lol. Being able to smell my shirt or wrist when something is off-putting to me is a life saver! Otherwise I would have to leave the room in many circumstances lol. I have come to the conclusion that I have every right to be comfortable and if what I need to do to achieve that is "offensive" to someone, then I would rather not waste my time on them anyway. Especially considering the amount of effort it takes for me to invest myself into a "real" friendship. I feel like I have learned to mask super well over the years and therefore have so many of the traits, but know how to handle/push through them. I am also really good at social cues and empathy, which is usually a difficult thing for ASD. I am not officially diagnosed and I think a diagnosis would probably be difficult to achieve. I say that because I would literally just be "telling" a psychiatrist my symptoms rather than "displaying" them if that makes sense. Any way, sorry for the rambling, but I identify with you 100%
Wow… the sensitivity to light and noise being distracting is something I’ve always dealt with to an extreme but never understood. Being in social situations and not knowing where to look or how to stand or where to put my hands is another. Don’t even get me started on prioritizing. My families always called me lazy and irresponsible but it’s more than that I just never knew how to explain why I am the way I am… maybe I’ll get tested. Thank you for this information
I am watching your video to help me understand my autistic daughter better, yet I can relate to almost everything you have said. As a child, I was diagnosed with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), APD (Auditory Processing Disorder), and Inattentive ADHD. Now I'm wondering if there was more to it than that because I hate small talk, have mostly been unsure of myself in social situations most of my life (I'm starting not to care as much now), etc. This is interesting; maybe I should look into it more. 🤔
i experience the ear “crackling” too!! Do you know what causes this or if there is a scientific name for it? i have tried to research this symptom specifically, but i always get results for tinnitus, which it definitely isn’t
I'm honestly surprised and kind of relieved that its not just a me thing. I haven't found any Information yet about that specific sensation. I also have tinnitus and the crackling feels different from that.
I've had this in the past. I've found though it only happens for certain frequencies which aren't mixed. So listening to an orchestra is fine, but solo violin/guitar used to drive me nuts. My phone in a particular office (so much so it was part of the reason I left) drove me mad. It hasn't happened me in a long time. Its unilateral for me, I'd always assumed its resonance with one of the bones in the ear. Funny it hasn't happened for me in a few years, but for a long times I stop listening to music I previously loved. I grind my teeth, so had wondered if that had lead to some inflammation which made me more susceptible at times.
I get it when I touch something electronic that is plugged in or that takes regular batteries. However, things like cell phones, Bluetooth headphones or anything that takes the little round watch batteries do not cause it. I've done it my entire life.
@@neurodivergentme Do you have TMJ then? Mine has started in 2 yrs while studying in University. The stress is been overwhelming. Chronic tinnitus mainly in left ear & tight jaws and neck. My posture is shitty and I have a tendency to dissociate from my body. It's like HARD to be in a body. I'm stuck in my head from the morning til bedtime.
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I literally can't stop crying. I wish I knew this before. I always thought I was just an irresponsible weirdo that can't maintain friendships. I can't thank you enough for this video. I wish I could show this to some people from my past smh. Oh well. Hhh. But i will get tested ASAP. Knowledge is a super power.
Awww, hugs and love, know you're not alone. :)
This is me too. I was 79 before I knew what was wrong with me. Once I found the truth it was a big relief!! ❤️🌹😇😇
It’s life changing hey.
When I discovered this my whole life made sense
I’m crying too. Same same
I literally cried when you started talking about how exhausting taking to people is, when you have to think about how much eye contact is appropriate and what to do with your body. A lot of people don’t understand how difficult that is. I’m 22, still not diagnosed, but I’m 100% sure I’m autistic. I’m in the process of looking for a job after I’ve graduated from university and it’s such a scary time for me. Every job I apply for I secretly hope I don’t get, because I’m terrified that I won’t be able to talk to people, make phone calls, or take any kind of responsibility. I’m terrified of being responsible for something and then screwing up and having someone scold me. But then again I know that I can’t stay home with my mom for the rest of my life because I’m only regressing. I just don’t know how to stop self sabotaging and being so damn scared the whole time
Oh, friend 💕 I understand your hesitation and anxiety. Having a job has been incredibly helpful for me with maintaining routine, receiving much needed praise, and giving me a sense of independence. The type of job makes all the difference though. Autistic people are usually a treasure in the workplace. We have a great work ethic and pay attention to detail. You're worthy and have value that any company would be lucky to have.
@@neurodivergentme thank you so much for saying that
@@korneliastreet i remember being where you are. you've got this. Be patient with yourself and remember no body is perfect and we all have insecurities. The fact you going for your goals shows an excellent character. You have a lot to offer 💜
@@chocolatesugar4434 thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me
Omg. Thank you for writing this comment. This is exactly how i feel and it made me feel less alone
I read in a reddit thread once that someone explained their autism as "constantly having the brain in manual". Having to think about and process every single thing is so tiring - especially in social situations where there are so many parameters to consider. Thank you for making this video!
You would be totally normal in Northern Europe like Finland, Estonia etc. We also don't care much about small talk and friends don't get upset if you don't contact them for few months. We see it as normal. And women in most part are not bitchy! And we appreciate genuine talks, nobody will ask you how are you doing if they are not genuinly interested in how are you doing. 😊
I have never understood why asking someone how they're doing is a greeting here in the U.S. Nobody actually cares, so you can't answer truthfully. If someone asks me, I will usually either say "alright" or "okay, " and I never ask them back because, to be honest, I don't really care. I mean, I don't know them well enough to care!
I wonder if autism levels are higher in northern races. I always felt that way as a southerner. Most northern people feel unfriendly and lacking social graces to me. The point of small talk is to 'act as if' in order to put the other person at ease, it is to create a warmer environment. I had a northern boyfriend, and I have to say I like the simple, black and white, clean thinking sometimes. I find it 'pure'. But at other times, it feels simplistic and ungracious and a bit unsophisticated. People miss nuances, dismiss emotions, and I am supposing, feel less anyways, so it's easy for them to dismiss emotions. It's just a different way of living, not better or worse. You guys have practically empty countries up north, in the past, you did not have to deal with other humans but mostly with nature first. Southern countries are always 'too full', and hence survival requires social skills, and yes, the cultures can at times get extremely complicated, corrupt and difficult socially so you learn to 'manage' other people and their emotions and your own emotions are heightened. Hence small talk, gossip etc. It's a survival tactic. Nature is easy in warm climates, you just reach out and pick your fruit and you're not hungry, but when there are ten others who want the same fruit, it gets complicated. That is why northerners don't 'get' southerners and think their ways are irrational when in reality it's perfectly rational for its own circumstances. Northerners only need to be rational about practical matters and because emotions and social life is less complicated, they imagine those work the same way, but things can get extremely complicated when a lot of people live in the same place and conflicts arise. Even gossip can be a useful tool when navigating complex societies.
@@dailybls I think it's a cultural difference. We do have emotions, but in our culture it's looked down on showing them. It's valued when a person is able to regulate emotions so that they don't create "drama". I think there are both pros and cons in northern cultures and also southern ones. Hence, all nordics love to go to a vacation somewhere warm! 😁
@@celeste8157 I've always treated it like a genuine question. It confuses the crap outta me when I ask how someone is doing and don't receive a response.
That’s it I’m moving to Finland
I have never been tested for any neurodivergence. I have noticed my entire life not being quite like other people and copying them. I always thought once I got older, things would be more clear, but I have only noticed myself being even less like other people my age. So many of the things you explained sound a lot like me. Sounds can be the most distracting thing to me. I don't understand how anyone can have a TV as background noise. It's way too distracting and I have never fallen asleep with it on because of it. Hearing sounds I did not choose to hear like someone else watching a video or noise happening outside, is so grating and can cause me anxiety. When it comes to scents, I can walk down candle isles, but not perfume isles. I can't wear perfume or soaps with a strong scent. I also have a lot of trouble processing everything around me when in a group. I struggle keeping friendships because I will suddenly stop talking to people and it's not because I dislike them, I just have nothing to say and forget.
Time management has been an ongoing issue with me. I can remember paying my bills because I have set certain bills in my head to be paid on this day of the month, but nothing else can be managed. I am constantly late when I am not trying to be, I just fall into the same route. Cleaning also takes me forever to do and I am constantly distracted and forget what I am doing. I have a lot trouble prioritizing tasks. I'm not sure if I should be tested or it is worth doing, but it's been on my mind a lot lately because it's become increasingly noticeable that I don't act like a neurotypical person and my older brother was recently diagnosed with bipolar. We never had him tested and once he was, it has made his behavior make so much more sense. Growing up, I often hid traits about myself that I am beginning to wonder was me masking myself because my parents were already struggling with my brother. My mom would sometimes notice that something was off about me and it would cause me to have a panic attack.
Sorry that is a lot. Not sure if anyone will bother to read all this.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Sensory processing differences can be a lot to deal with in a world that is built to be so god damn extra. You are valid and worthy as is the way you experience the world around you. For many individuals who identify as being on the spectrum are self diagnosed and its widely accepted within the community. For myself, I really needed the concrete diagnosis in order to comfortably identify as autistic... probably because I was gaslit my entire life to believe I just wasn't trying hard enough. The diagnosis was proof that my brain is actually different, my experiences are real, and that knowledge is power.
@@neurodivergentme Thank you for replying. I don't think I could comfortably call myself on the spectrum without a concrete diagnosis. I took one of those psychology adult autism tests online and scored well into the range of Asperger's, borderline autism. I feel silly listening to an online quiz and feel like I am invading ND places without a proper diagnosis, but at the same time, I am well into my 20's yet am still struggling with making friends and holding conversations. I end up talking about things that interest me and then people will tell me to stop talking about that which leaves me at a loss to what to talk about. I'm not even sure what a normal conversation even looks like. I hate large social groups because I always feel like the outsider, never quite sure how to react to everything like an actor looking for lines. As I've gotten older, I just have started to notice more things I pushed down coming back up. Perhaps because I am now working from home and am not in a workplace, so I don't need to worry about my coworkers. As well as nearly every adult I have befriended in my adult years making a mention of how different I see the world when I didn't realize I was seeing things differently.
@@Jeetaruey I completely understand the imposter feelings coming up for you around even entertaining the possibility of being on the spectrum. I had very similar feelings that came up for me in the beginning. I felt like if I actually was autistic, it would have come up at some point earlier in my life but I was gaslighting myself and invalidating my own experience. If you resonate with the content you're seeing on autistic women, it wouldn't hurt to explore it further. Understanding my experience and the differences in my brain has helped me be significantly kinder to myself and work with my strengths.
Hey. I understand. I've been going through something similar.
I recently got an ADHD diagnosis and after writing a paper for school (I dropped out of college twice before diagnosis and I still struggle) on the under-/mis-diagnosis of ADHD and ASD in women, I noticed a lot of ASD traits sounded like family members. I decided to take the quiz expecting to be borderline (because I'm one of the more socially able members of my family) and I tested well into the range. Since then, I've obsessively sought out Aspie women on places like RUclips to see if it seems to fit me before deciding whether to seek a professional.
If you have that many issues with organization, seeking help might be beneficial. My ADHD was wreaking havoc on my life before diagnosis and medication. It's estimated that as many as 70% of folks with ASD have diagnosable levels of ADHD. If diagnosis is not for you, try seeking out ADHD organization tips. I hope knowing there might be a reason for your quirks gives you the same comfort it does me. My brain works exactly like it's supposed to... even if the neurotypicals don't know how to deal with it.
Hope this helps!
@@1wolsk I've always wondered if I had ADHD because both my brother and mother have it and I noticed me acting a lot like them, but in different ways. Like I am always alert and aware of all my surroundings, but I don't get distracted by them. I am able to sit for long periods of time, but I need to fidget with something, move my fingers, or curl my toes. I knew what ADHD looked like because it ran high in my family, nearly half my cousins have it. I knew I wasn't quite like them, but I was more like them than the other kids in my class. I have been going over my childhood a lot lately and remembering how my favorite games involved me listing or remembering things like I would want people to ask me the names of my beanie babies and I was always right. Mind you I had roughly a hundred beanie babies because all my family members would buy me them for my birthday and Christmas because that was what I would always ask for. I still have my collection in a storage container. Unfortunately I don't have the room in my apartment to display them. I always delved deep into my obsessions and never got over any of them. I still like the same things I liked when I was 5, but what things I like has been added to the list rather than any subtractions. I have been watching so many videos on the subject and I have done so many of the things named in them, but I wonder just where the line is. Do I just share certain traits as part of my personality and quirks or am I like this because I am on the spectrum?
I'm 35 and I always thought I was just ADHD but I recently was diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD. I can highly relate to your videos and it is a relief to finally be able to validate myself as my family never did. Thank you!
I'm so happy that you found the clarity and validation you needed 💕
@@neurodivergentme I’ve always thought I had adhd because I have really poor executive functioning and when I took a test for it they said I was a 1 on a 10 to -10 scale, meaning I didn’t fit the criteria for adhd diagnosis. The more I research autism, the more I think the symptoms of adhd and autism look so similar but I struggle with other things that people with adhd don’t struggle with (hygiene and noise/light sensitivity, and apparently smell sensitivity because I am so repulsed by anything that smells like cinnamon) and am now trying to find out how to get an evaluation for autism at the age of 27 (in 10 days)
You are the first person I've EVER heard describe the exact crackling I get in my ears from certain kinds of sounds. Crackling, bubbling, distortion - a PHYSICAL sensation of the sound.
I never heard of aspergers until a few years into my retirement. I told a therapist that I believed I was aspergers but she wouldn’t believe that I could be aspergers. I’ve been masking all my life and for the most part, people would not think I was different. I have pretty much self diagnosed myself and I’m pretty sure that I am aspergers.
I was a kid in the 90's. My default fear response was mashing my hands over my ears, I had many intense violent meltdowns, and countinous social problems. I spent a lot of time around a family member with a master's in special ed. I was never evaluated, but I'm certain I'm autistic and am pursuing a diagnosis with a psych.
Autism/asperger's is soooo poorly understood in girls because the vast majority of study around it has been heavily skewed towards boys. I think self diagnosis is especially valid in women because the professional system is so primed to pass us over.
So Asperger's has been removed as a diagnosis from the DSM 5 manual, it's now blanketed into Autism Spectrum Disorder, though those previously diagnosed can still lovingly refer to themselves as aspies, there is a growing movement among those on the spectrum to remove it from our language altogether, as Asperger was a eugenicist, which we're extra sensitive to.
We also don't tend to use or like functioning or level labels.
For a lot of us, the DSM 5 manual and outdated scientific and biased information about us leads us to accept that if you meet the symptoms and believe you have it, you probably do.
I'm in the same boat. I'm nearly certain that I have autism. The thought had never crossed my mind because all I knew of ASD were the stereotypical symptoms in boys. I'll be 35 this year, and finally my entire life makes so much sense! My boyfriend of 19 years will not believe that I'm autistic. He thinks that unless someone's autism is severe and they are nonverbal and constantly flapping, then it shouldn't even be labeled as such. And what's so bad about that is the he has depression, anxiety and ADHD!
@@celeste8157 I finally got diagnosed at 42, so yes adult women can have it. And no, most people that don't know me well wouldn't even know it, we're just better at masking. My theory is that it's because women have more regions of the brain that manage interaction, so having autism knocks that system about pretty good, but doesn't take it all the way out. But, that doesn't mean we still don't deal with quite a bit of difficulty. We may look similar on the outside, but we put in a ton more effort on the inside to pull it off than most people for whom it comes naturally.
@@carla8478 how did you get your diagnosis?
Oh my goodness, I am listening to you talk and you are describing ME. I'm on the verge of tears. I have done some online testing and it really looks like I am most likely autistic but this has never been picked up on. I am now 64 years old. My friends and family poo-hoo me or just shrug and dismiss it when I suggest that I'm neurodivergent. This really hurts because I'm actually scared of their reactions and I just feel so unsupported by them. I am so grateful that there are brave people in the world willing to share their stories. Thank you ❤️
I identify with your fear of negative reactions of people who are important in your life. I'm 52 and have spent the past year arriving at 100% certainty that I'm autistic. I finally told my boyfriend of 11 years a couple of months ago, and my mom a few weeks ago. I told my best (and only true) friend two days ago, and was pleasantly surprised when she told me she figured out since we last talked months ago that she is autistic too (her sister clued her in after her own diagnosis)! My boyfriend is realizing he might be autistic too, especially after his grandson was diagnosed a few weeks ago. No wonder we get along so well, lol. I start the official assessment process today, and with five decades of masking under my belt, I'm terrified that they will not believe me because I appear "normal". I found an online community of late-diagnosed adults (self-diagnosed counts too!) you might be interested in (if you haven't already found it) - it's called autastic.com. Best wishes to you in navigating your family and friends. 🙂
"Thinking about what to do with my body" WHAT DO I DO WITH MY HANDSSSS
Hahah so true
how do I stand? do I look weird? just pretend you're busy, that way you can talk without eye contact 😅
OMG yes!!!
@@dickottel I laughed so loud. Everything you said is spot on!
I can relate to 95%. I never got a proper diagnosis. ADHD at 50ish. It's way more than just that. I believe I'm autistic. I'm 65yrs old now.
Thank you for taking part in the conversation! I'm sorry that you have had to go through much of life knowing you experience things differently without knowing why. You are not alone. I have connected with so many other women in their 50's, 60's, and even 70's who have a similar story to yours. The way your brain works is different but not less. 💕
Me too. Im 64, never had a proper diagnosis.Ive had a lot of ridicule and bullying.
Same here at 76, just finding out an explanation for my whole life.
This is so me! I have to write a to do list otherwise I have no idea what I'm doing! And then I'll have an idea about something, forget what it was and spend hours trying to remember 😅
I definitely relate to your social situations. Small talk seems impossible for me. I have to constantly know what to say next or it'll seem awkward. I have zero friends which frustrates me. I have everything on auto-pay. The more I research things about autism, I sometimes feel that I have it. Would love to see a therapist about it. The whole masking relates to me too.
On a journey to determine if my social anxiety is just that or related to undiagnosed autism, this video has been very helpful. Thank you
Hi! A lot of things you mentioned I recognize. Yesterday I’ve gotten my ASS diagnosis, after 43 years of struggle. The part about gossip I recognize so much aswell!! In jobs I really hated the gossip and intrigue and that was exactly the reason (one of the reasons) why I’ve never fitted in. (I’m Dutch, so probably my English is not perfect 😬) Thank you for making this content!
I’m glad to have found you and your descriptions of reactions to your surroundings. I’ve had trouble all my life with most of the things you mentioned. At 68 it’s a relief to know I’m not the only one. People have called me weird, shy, jumpy, etc. all my life. It’s good to know someone out there is like me and it’s not just me being weird. Thanks!
I relate to everything you described. I am in the middle of getting my diagnosis. I am a 58-YO woman. I am grateful for the info provided by women such as yourself. It has led me to my truth. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your video! It is so relieving to hear that someone understand the challenges that I have faced that I thought for so long I was alone in. For example, the sensory issues where the carpet design makes me feel dizzy and sick, the high pitched whine of the lights being deafening, and all of my socks having to be sorted into left, kinda left, non-descript, kinda right, very right (because I will NEVER be able to focus on ANYTHING if all I can think about is how one sock is super baggy on my pinky toe while my big toe is straining for stretching room). And the food issues! I remember crying as a child because I just wanted to be able to eat like everyone else but if I bit into an offending texture I would have zero control over my gagging.
Over the years I learned a bunch of techniques to deal with life but I can't tell you how important it is to me that everyone shares these experiences. My daughter is now about to be 14 and struggles with all these things you talk about and it's so frustrating how hard it is to get others to understand her and what she's going through. I've been repeatedly told she's too normal to be on the spectrum (because she doesn't present in the typical ways a boy would) and yet not normal enough to lead a normal life.
Videos like yours make me hopeful that one day all of our girls will get the support they need while they are young so they can grow up thriving instead of struggling.
Wow, just wow. After seeing this, I am now seriously considering getting myself evaluated, as I can relate to so, so many of these struggles. Being 50 years old, I have learned to, for the most part, overcome many of these struggles. Mostly due to being motivated by huge amounts of shame and fear. So much fear - of rejection or job loss, of being seen and consequently written off as incompetent or unintelligent, and even fear of disdain or lack of acceptance by others whom I care about, etc. :(
i felt as if ive accidentally stepped into the wrong dimension my Entire Life. Nothing other people did really made sense (cheers to good masking skills!) and I always felt like i was watching other people behind a plexi-glass or something. 30 years after the fact, i can still recall acutely the textural trauma of being forced to wear certain fabrics as a child and my family constantly accusing me of being difficult on purpose and all my sensitivities being dismissed as "just acting/pretending to get attention". Feeling so related to in your video seriously brought me to tears, thank you for sharing.
Executive functioning is the bane of my existence. From the outside, most people think I'm super-organized and "have it all together". What they don't see is a string of late nights and weekends pulling things together last minute. I've always always always been a procrastinator. Still am. And if I get side-tracked at work or at home it takes me hours to recover and get back on task. Or I have to stay late until it's quiet and I can work uninterrupted. Or I've been known to go in to the office on weekends to catch up on tasks. Friends and relatives have always thought I was crazy for "working for free". What I've come to understand in the last 6 weeks is that it's my executive dysfunction. I stay late or come in when I know other people aren't in the office because it's the only time I can work in peace. I used to always say I was a fantastic multi-tasker; the reality is that I can start a lot of things, but I struggle to finish anything because I'm on a treadmill with a dozen spinning plates. I work late at night because I can't think early in the morning. And the clock is my enemy. I can never judge time and I'm always late. ALWAYS. I know how long certain things take, but I always promise things like 5 minutes or 15 minutes, which turns into an hour, if it even gets done the same day. I'm a perfectionist, so if I can't do something to perfection, I don't even want to start it. It's all a toxic stew and COVID living really exposed all of my OCD, anxiety, ASD, etc. to myself and it's been a shocking realization that all these lifelong "quirks" add up to ASD (self-diagnosed, but I've scored above the threshold on multiple ASD quizzes).
Actually, really all of them. I am in the beginning of finding out I'm autistic & had previously always just thought I was a broken person & even though I do care about people, the social & executive function issues I have made me tell myself I must just be a bad person deep inside since I never call my family & friends, they're always the ones to call me, I also disappear on people sometimes even though it has nothing to do with them. Being able to hear & identity with someone so closely makes me feel much less broken. Finding out I was autistic was honestly one of the best things that ever happened to me, emotionally. Thank you for your vid!
Yes yes YES to almost all of these - and no one has ever spoken of my ear “crackling” before!!! You are the first to put that in their list, and validate yet another one of my experiences / symptoms. 😩❤️
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD at 30 and a year later I’m 99% sure I’m also on the spectrum. This video and your personal experiences definitely makes me feel more confident in my self diagnosis. I could relate to most of your challenges. I wish we had more health care professionals who specialize in adult autism, specifically the female presentation.
Thanks for this video. I too hate talking on the phone about mondain things, and I struggle with socializing. Executive functioning is a huge thing in me as well. Until I found out I am autistic, I was really ashamed and feeling guilty about all the things I struggled with. Learning to understand how I function and why some things are a challenge for me is key, also learning my strenghts and power helped a lot in recovering my self-esteem.
*Man* you are making me glad that I followed my instinct to avoid any sort of loan I would have to pay back -- college loans, credit cards, any sort of debt. I figured at the time that it was just going to be difficult for me to not get in over my head, but now, over age 40, and getting more and more clues that I might be Autistic, and hearing about stuff like what you say at the end of the video there, it's like... wow, my finances could've been so much worse. I never even thought to consider debt repayment as something that could be impacted by my brain's difficulties with organizing and remembering details and obligations....
Getting my groceries delivered so I can just focus on cooking for myself has helped tremendously.
This is *so* familiar. I cannot deal with human interactions where there's nothing to do together, like no "function" or a task to execute in a group while sharing a space and really need something to do or solve with people because just hanging out feels pointless and awkward. It simply doesn't come naturally and for this reason I don't throw parties or invite people over just to hang out. It just makes no sense to me. One on one interactions are the best, even 3 people is sometimes confusing. I have no problem with eye contact but more on how I stare at people, right in the eye, and way too long.
I'm in the process of getting diagnosed at the age of 32. I've dealt with different kinds of mental health issues since age 14 (or earlier) and am now figuring out 18 yrs later that it's been probably autism all along. I'm still studying in Univerity (Social Sciences, not that surprising special interest for someone who sees social activities and human psychology as a fascinating enigma to be solved) but recently I've felt that I'll move out from the city and rent a small cozy cabin int the woods, just take my cat and books and grow roses or shit like that... and no no one would bother my peace ever again.
I keep teasing my husband that I am going to buy my own tiny house and me and the cats will live there. I get you. Introversion is a real thing. People are exhausting for introverts. We recharge from within when we are in peace.
My god, so relatable. I feel such a weirdo about this and other social differences from the norm most of the time. I am so bothered by not managing to belong or feel belonging because of not liking groups, for the reason you mention
I am 76, not diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I have at least some autistic traits and I am very ADHD, diagnosed 30 years ago. I always wanted to live alone in a mountain cabin in the forest and now, I do! It is heaven.
Sooooo relatable I wish I had known these things earlier in life. People have gotten so mad at me over the years for many of the things I do that you described and I never knew how to explain myself and didn’t understand why I couldn’t just be like everyone else
Thank you for this video. I suspect i have both ADHD and Autism. I’ve taken multiple tests online with 90% for both, researched and watched a tonne of videos on both. This was the catalyst video though. The way you explained how autism affects you day to day is the exact same for me.
Sensory issues for me are blue lights, flashing lights, loud noises, abrupt noises from behind me, not being able to concentrate on a conversation because there’s so many sounds in the background. Recovery from social situations for me is really needed, and social interaction is so draining that i need a few days to recover fully.
OH MY GOD! I've been experiencing this for so long and I didn't have the words to describe/explain it.
2:30 Thank you soo much for making this video
The ear thing! The intense crackling static happens all the time and sends me spiraling.
I’m nearly 70 and have always been out of step with the rest of the world. No formal diagnosis but don’t see the point at this stage of my life. While I have some sensory issues that can be annoying, they’re not debilitating for the most part. I don’t have too much trouble with a variety of noises and sounds happening at once, but I can relate to the never experiencing silence thing. It’s when everything else is quiet that the ticking of a clock or the creak of the floor, or drip of the faucet can drive me absolutely nuts. I relate to the majority of what you said in your video. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for sharing. I experience many similarities, and yeah, my memory difficulties can be incredibly frustrating too. I also experience a delay in receiving information that is spoken to me, my husband finally understands why I tend to pause so long to answer, and I've learned to script "answers" to basic questions but that tends to backfire sometimes, and well it sucks to always be pretending to know whats going. I have ADHD and still in the process of getting an autism diagnosis sorted out.
omg oh my gosh what you have the inner ear thing with certain frequencies :O I do too, mine I describe mine as a kind of thrumming or vibrating inside my ear it is very annoying esp. when trying to concentrate or sleep...my fan can do it too me if too high, my fridge, ac units just has to be the right frequency. It feels amazing to hear another human describe something I have been alone with my whole life
I am so glad I found your channel. I have my first appointment in 10 days for the beginning of my ASD assessment. I am super nervous and anxious. I was recently diagnosed with adhd and due to reading about that, I saw a lot on autism too and realized I have many of the traits and have since I was a kid. I am also 32. I have always been different. And I relate to SO much of what you’ve talked about. I have thought all these years I was just weird and different, and that something was just wrong with me. Thank you for making these videos for people like us to have someone to relate to ❤
Can we talk about people who tickle or touch your skin so soft and makes me want to smack them! Tickling is painful and when I tell someone to stop, it doesn't mean they can do it later. I feel overpowered and ignored by tickling. I've pinched men in sensitive areas who refused to stop. People who touch me in the same spot and do it super soft irritates the hell out of me as well. Like, put your hand on me so I can feel it or don't. Ehhh/cringe/shake it off!
same with the touching soft/light! i have to shake/brush it off and it gives me the shivers
I find tickling so (I can’t quite find the right word) weird? It’s like you wouldn’t just touch someone randomly so why is it ok to tickle me randomly? Also I feel like because I’m laughing it makes people think it’s okay to keep going, even when I say stop. I don’t find it funny, I’m extremely uncomfortable and I don’t know how not to laugh when being tickled.
@@hannahk787 i hate being tickled so much and when you say to stop they never do
I hate light touching.
Yes. I tell hubby, when he does the light brush thing, "Either touch me fully or not at all, please." No mamby-pamby touching and definitely no tickling. Dad hated tickling, too, calling it "torture." He was right.
If I plan to go to an event or meeting, I'll end up having 3. 1, in my mind preparing, 2 the actual event, and 3 the after reflection of what to do next time or trying to figure out how it went. No wonder it takes recovery time. Thanks for sharing:)
Oh my goodness I related to each and every single thing you described on such a raw level (with only one exception- you mentioned impulse buying and I overthink things to such a degree that I'm basically incapable of impulse buying). What you described about sound and light is quite literally my exact experience. I wear sunglasses almost 24/7 and am so particular about light/strobing/flashing lights. I remember when I was a kid, my mom and I would visit our neighbour two doors down and I would tell my mom our phone was ringing. At first she was like ????? but then over time grew to understand that I was legitimately hearing our phone from that distance. I also hear dog whistles and electric appliances- at certain frequencies these can leave me with tinitis for days. I genuinely don't know how doggos don't go nuts with all the high-frequency sounds everywhere. Neighbours constantly doing yard work and the barking dog next door drive me up the wall to a different level than anyone I've ever known. Never realized these were autistic traits until my recent revelation that I'm likely autistic. Thank you for sharing!
You are beautiful! Thanks so much for your bravery and vulnerability in sharing your story. I can especially relate to your clothing preferences. Love wearing cute things but only for a very short period of time!! Thanks for your videos!
Thank you!!! I am diagnosed with NVLD & ADHD. Executive Function deficits are extremely expensive & costly in terms of life sucking energy-I get it!!!!! I always say “the library is never free for me”.
I relate so much to ASD it makes me think either NVLD is on the spectrum-but not formally or I must have ASD then too.
I also relate to your feelings on gossip-I have little tolerance for any kind of communication that isn’t straight forward, or gamey, or anything else that sets off alarms for me that a dynamic with someone isn’t trustworthy.
I have NVLD, and that diagnosis led me to ASD-1 and ADD-PI 8 years later. I'd imagine it's now included.
Thanks for sharing. I have a strikingly similar autism profile to yours, and it’s validating to hear, because I was recently diagnosed as an adult and it’s been difficult to really believe the diagnosis. But hearing your experiences makes me think “if she’s autistic, then, yes, I’m definitely autistic.” So thanks for clearing away that last bit of doubt.
I just found your channel, thank you for sharing your experiences! I was diagnosed with ADHD 16 years ago at age 36 and I started to realize I'm autistic about a year ago (finally starting my official assessment process today!). I literally laughed out loud when you mentioned the robot vacuum and robot mop - these things have helped me so much! I can't stand dirty floors, but I also can't seem to regularly bring out the vacuum and especially not a mop. I love being able to just clear the floor and push a button. I have also ADHD-proofed all of my bills with an autopay backup for when I forget or procrastinate. :-)
Wow, just finished the entire video, and the Executive Functioning is so spot on! I am also ADHD, which effects working memory as well!
Definitely! ADHD and autism have a lot of overlapping traits.
Um, I literally have all of these, except the sound sensitivity. I used to suffer terribly with social anxiety in high school so I taught myself social cues. Like I used to worry how long you make eye contact or shake a hand for. In fact my eyes used to water lots and I used to blush all the time in school. Then I could get really randomly hyper. Meditation helped me gain lots of confidence and I like socialising now. My mum thought I was autistic when I was younger but I don't think I showed enough signs for doctors to take notice.
Although I'd say I am desensitised to noises. Like I hate silence and always need to fall asleep with music or the TV. If I'm gaming, I need the something in my phone playing too. This was so interesting thank you.
Holy shit, being able to hear things happening outside is definitely a super power
This is the first time I have experience all of the "pieces of the puzzle" finally perfectly fit together. Thank you for creating your videos...the mission that I have been on has been painfully slow..I wish I could have learned this sooner. I wasn't ready....God bless you for making such a difference in my life . Forever Grateful
Peggy
I absolutely can relate. Thanks for sharing.
Omg THANK YOU. Everything you describe has been my lived experience. Diagnosed a few months ago (44yrs old) and unpacking all these differences I previously felt were failures and beat myself up for. What a wonderful relief and massive help to me getting on path to self love and understanding. Again, thank you
I'm so glad that you were able to relate to my experience. My heart is warm hearing that you're finding your path to acceptance and self love! Thank you for sharing 🌻
Diagnosed at 42 here, hello and glad you got your diagnosis. :)
Yes I definitely relate to all of it. The grocery is so hard...for me it's the people that are the tipping point to most situations like that, but I hate the rest you brought up also. Making friends is very tricky, 100% agree on that you worded that great! Executive function problems are VERY expensive, you described this so clearly! Only things I would have to add for my style...I think in pictures and feelings and have to translate to language and suck at it and think way too much too fast and have problems with motor coordination and speech volume and amount/control and things like that.. misunderstanding directions that everyone else gets while putting forth 110% effort to do it perfectly 😵. Its such a relief to have a name for it and hear from other people that feel the same!! Thank you for taking time to make the video 💚
I'm glad that you could relate to my video! I definitely also think in pictures and have trouble translating it to spoken word. I'm constantly being told that I don't need to yell or to speak up when I had no idea my volume off. Thank you for sharing your experience 💕
While I have never been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, the noise aspect resonated (no pun intended) with me. Unexpected/sudden noise actually hurts as if something impacted with my body. This noise sensitivity reaction is not helped by the fact that I am legally bind in one eye. Socially, I have to concentrate in order to maintain eye contact when I am speaking. Although this may sound odd, maintaining eye contact wears me out as if I were holding something very heavy. As I result I alienate people who think of me as disinterested or bored. Thank you for clearly outlining the issues that have haunted me for years, believing I was "the only one". Information, easily accessed, is truly the answer for all of us.
Just discovered you. I love your videos! Your background with the flowers is so beautiful.
I sent this video to my entire immediate family. I could feel every word of this video. You show your genuine struggles and know that they are where needs work. I started by watching your traits in childhood and instantly followed you when you said you wanted to be a cat because that was my childhood also. 🥰 fellow cat here appreciating your paaaawwwwsitive style of delivering insight. Thank you for showing up as you so the rest of us can learn to as well!❤️❤️❤️
I relate with ALL of this. I'm almost 32, undiagnosed. Was recently diagnosed with ADHD and am hoping to continue to pursue a diagnosis for ASD once it's safe to do so (not pursuing it during the pandemic). It's so frustrating because I feel this explains a lot of the learning and social hardships I faced growing up and into my young adulthood. And it would had been helpful to figure it out earlier. But it seems young girls and women are more likely to fall under the radar for being diagnosed.
I am 51 I still have trouble with my executive function. You're right it has cost me lots of money.
Another thing I dislike is money.
I have never been officially diagnosed but tiktok opened my eyes to others that share their accounts and most fit the way I have felt and issues I've had through out my life.
I thought by now I knew everything about myself.
Thank you for sharing
I'm happy you were able to learn more about yourself. The online autism community (it was Reddit for me) is how many people discover they might be on the spectrum. It's the reason I make videos now. I want to contribute to the community that helped me understand myself.
I feel like i've found the true reflection of myself (i know everything is) but this.. I feel like someone understands, like you described my brain in such a elegant way. Thank you, really.
Yes, totally relate to this. Feel a lot better though just knowing that I can stop beating myself up over not being able to function the same as other friends. I love catching up with people I care about, but the impact of it, because of how must preparation I have to do just so I can appear relaxed (as I always wear a mask)means I also need time out after to recover and calm down again. Dropping the mask after years of practice is now to stressful. I’m too unfamiliar with that in that I just panic about it and feel stupid, however, to stay masked after a lifetime of practice allows me to congratulate myself on how successfully I handled things as opposed to a feeling of failure . Just see the world as a stage, full of strange people, my time away from people is important to my well being.
WOW. So, I started researching autism & ADHD in girls when I saw some potential signs in my daughter. Amazing how much of your video rings true for me - seriously about 95% of it. I have always felt like my anxiety and depression were symptoms of something else, and I definitely am familiar with masking, executive dysfunction, and sensory issues.
Thank you for making this video. Much to think about.
It's not uncommon for parents to find themselves relating to traits of ASD or ADHD while researching it for their children. Both of these are believed to have a genetic component and the majority of adult women being assessed do so after their child received a diagnosis.
If you're interested in a couple of books that helped me during the initial phases of discovering that I might be on the spectrum I recommend Autism in Heels by Jennifer Cook, Odd Girl Out by Laura James, and Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg. Good luck on your journey! 💕
I have had the same issues with loud noise, distraction, uncomfortable material, and social situations since childhood. Just self diagnosed w ASD this year at 52.
i can honestly say that i experience 99% of what you just said. I was assessed by a phycologist once when i was 26 years old..i thought I'd be able to mature and grow out of this but here i am 10 years later with the same issues I've always had which ultimately has led me to this point. Googling and youtubing people with my same condition to i can understand me better.
I get that sensation in my ears when I hear certain sounds or too much sound, or too loud. Same with clothing as soon my uniform is tshirt and super soft sweatpants. Light and loud sound is so overwhelming and irritating and so is listening to loud music in the car if all the windows up. Social interaction is incredibly draining, small talk is pointless, I get called out for jumping right to the point often . I have been diagnosed with adhd, but a friend suggested that I might be autistic. I have a hard time understanding peoples actions and motivations. Like what does that person get out of being like that. Ask being touched by people I don’t know is incredibly uncomfortable (ie a massage or a pedicure) but once I get to know someone it doesn’t bother me nearly as much! Such a relatable video
Ok should have proofread before sending I can’t even understand my own comment 😅
Thank you. I'm 44 y/o and on my way to getting to know me. I found out about a year ago that I'm actually on the spectrum. And you could have been talking about me on this video. It is so helpful to know about these things. And that I'm not alone!
OMG! This video is my life. I try to explain why I am the way I am to my husband, but he doesn't try to understand. I'm gonna make him watch this. Thank you!
😊🌻
@@neurodivergentme 😍🤗
I relate. However, I am only self-diagnosed because psychiatrist don't seem to want to have that conversation. I do have a few other diagnoses which seem to all add up to ASD. I do think that many do not realise the negative effects of being improperly diagnosed. For now, I live in a slight state of torment. I do appreciate you.
I'm sorry that your experiences and concerns aren't being validated by the people that are supposed to help. You're absolutely right about the negative impacts of improper diagnosis. I hope that you receive the validation you deserve. 🌻
This is a fantastic video! I just started the process of getting a diagnosis and have been trying to describe executive function to my mum but she just doesn't understand but I'll show her this video because you explain it so well! Thank you
Wow, thank you! I'm so glad that you could resonate with my video and I hope it helps your mum better understand you. 💕
This describes my daughter exactly. I'm learning so much how to support her, thanks to vidéos like yours.
I have been diagnosed with bipolarity after an isolated episode, few years ago it was a severe depression diagnosis, I stopped taking my meds months ago cause I could not relate with anything I researched online, I felt like I had no real support from the specialists, like " ok let's say you are bipolar take these meds go home and don't bother us anymore" . I also missed myself so much while being on meds. I have been learning so much about autism in girls for the past months and it's the first time that I relate so much, this resonates in me xx thank you so much for making that video (hope my text is not too confusing my mother tongue is French)
I'm sorry that you have had to go through all of that! Misdiagnosis is unfortunately a really common thing for females on the spectrum. I'm confident that I would have never been diagnosed if I hadn't discovered it myself. Good luck, friend! 🌻
The similarities I could find in many of your topics just confirms I should check into this more.
You've just described me PERFECTLY spot on!
Fantastic video. I love it. It is so extensive. Thank you so much for sharing. 🙏🏻♾🎆
Wow! You pretty much described me exactly. Only difference is I personally love physical affection. But only by my immediate family really, and I'm very specific about the type of affection. Firm hugs are therapeutic to me. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Editing to add, I realized during PMS due to my hormones drastically affecting my dopamine levels... I seriously don't liked to be touched 😂😔🤷♀️
thank you for sharing, I am 38 and recently realized I might be autistic. Nothing ever really click as thinking this is me until I started researching the topic because women and adults are often overlooked or misdiagnosed. Every single thing you mentioned made me realize I am not alone, and wow other people think like me. Side note I am also half deaf (can't hear in my right ear). So I always thought it was weird that even though I can't hear as well as others, things also seemed so loud at times for me and it didn't make sense in my brain why this is happening.
Wow! I can relate to most of the symptoms and challenges you are dealing with. Thanks for this video. It was eye opening!
this has been very helpful.
as for the Executive Function Disorder, I have never been officially diagnosed but i identify with 100% of the symptoms and the outcomes.
One thing that i REALLY think that helps you is having someone going through the same things.
For instance, if i wash the dishes with someone - its not that unpleasant.
If i have to do something but i keep procrastinating, maybe i can turn that thing into something i do with someone - that way the probability of procrastinating decreases significantly...
The same thing with setting goals, if you set goals with friends/family/colleagues, things get so much easier.
It's easy to relate. I'm not being officially diagnosed, but there are quite a lot features that would suggest it's a possibility for me to be in the spectrum. Besides everything else, I quite often have been accused of being way too sensitive if I say aloud that this certain gament is not feeling good. Or if I throw up due to a strong smell. Or start to feel very unconfortable in places where there are a lot people and a lot noise. Or being very, very strict about what I put in my mouth (for example eating fish takes ages due to fishbones).
I also have some issues with certain tasks, such as vacuuming. If I do it alone, it can take 3-4 hours since I also get easily distracted by some other things, which leads into situation where I stop doing it and return to it 5 times. Not always, but quite often.
In social side, one of the most annoying thing is often being misunderstood (which often results anger) in some weird way, which I usually don't understand afterwards. It can be super frustrating. Due to this it's much easier to communicate using written text, where you can spend some time to fix your output and think how you express yourself and make sure it's understood correctly.
being misunderstood has been so frustrating and annoying. Mine would occasionally result in anger but more often it has resulted in me shutting down. I will immediately think its something I'm doing wrong and get very self conscious so I just stopped talking as much. I definitely prefer written text when I need to express something important.
@@neurodivergentme With anger I did ment others this time. :) I occasionally manage to anger others, without realizing why. If I personally get frustrated enough to become angry (very, very rare) I tend to experience a meltdown and often actually become incapable to communicate well. It's almost like something very big would want to come out in a huge burst, but there's only this very tiny passage where it should come through. Only bits and pieces make out, which don't really make sense to outside world.
So regulating emotions has become pretty important part of life and sometimes it has lead to questions how I can be so supernaturally calm all the time. But I guess there's not much options.
One aspect of social self-defense (also regarding to energy) is definitely to be socially passive, and also to shut down occasionally.
I’m so very confused about autism. I have known it for a while from my psychology classes and I’ve been thinking I’m an undiagnosed autistic. If it is a spectrum it could look different for each person and have different intensities right? I’ve been watching tons of these videos and there are so many things that I can relate to and other things that I haven’t experienced. Throughout my research it seems to me that psychologists still can’t really diagnose it that well?🤔🥺
Maybe write down the ones that you do experience. You may not realize how many there are until you can look at it visually. But, if your list ends up being relatively short and only in one area of difficulty, then maybe it's less likely?
I set a timer so I can "do" thinkgs until the time I have to prep for other things. Has very much helped
My understanding is that the spectrum is not a linear thing, its more like a pie graph. One can be “more” or “less” autistic in certain categories than in others
I've been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. I feel the exact same way in about 98% of the things you have said. I have always thought I had a bit of Austism but I don't know what categories would fall in any aspects.
I always thought I just had sensitive hearing and was sensitive to bright lights. Recently fragrances have them horrible. I thought it was just during my menstrual cycle but maybe I just notice it more then.
Very helpful video, the social aspects I heavily relate to. The routines thing is really relatable too
Thank you so much for this video. I really relate to the sensory and social difficulties. I just got diagnosed with Asperger's but i honestly hate gossip which is why i have struggled with female friendships too.
I'm glad that you are able to relate to this video. It's nice to know that I'm not alone and that others experience these things too. Female friendships can be super confusing and challenging to navigate.
GIRL - thank you. I cannot believe I am just figuring this out. Thank you so much for this video. I have to say- YES your top is so cute. But from the very beginning I was like HOW is she wearing that??? 😝 I figured out awhile ago that those adorable sheer polyester blend tops are a no go for me. Then you said you hate it and I was like I KNEW IT! 😅
This year I've started exploring various productivity apps and sites, trying to compare and contrast and see which ones worked best for me and didn't have unmanageable drawbacks. Actually getting used to these systems did take a big chunk of time and energy, but it's starting to take a bit of a load off my shoulders, by allowing me to take some of the day-to-day energy use (recalling goals/tasks, organizing them by importance and deadlines, deciding which ones to focus on, cutting them down into manageable steps, making sure that I do them, remembering that I've done them, keeping details from one task for use in a later related task, etc.) and moving a good chunk of it to a planning session beforehand.
So imagine that when you wake up, you have 100 energy, but that process of recalling, deciding, dividing, and being sure that you've done it makes each 5-energy task into a 10-energy task. But if you take a few hours to set up your goals for the next few months, and each week take an hour or two to sort through which goals are important for the upcoming week and which new goals have surfaced unexpectedly, then it takes a lot out of those planning days, *but* in return you're spending only 5 energy on that 5 energy task, meaning when you've done five tasks for the day you've spent 25 energy instead of 50 energy. Even assuming that you've also had to spend, say, 15 more energy on quasi-related tasks (getting the workspace ready, shutting down likely distractions, getting a drink, hunting for lost paperwork, etc.), you've still got, say, 60 energy/focus/willpower left, instead of 35.
The systems I've tried so far that are (a) free and (b) relatively useful to my particular brain include:
*Fabulous* (phone app)
*SuperBetter* (phone app and website)
*Do It Now* (phone app)
*Habitica* (website and phone app)
*Trello* (website)
*Jira* (website)
*Pivotal Tracker* (website)
*Habitica* and *Do It Now* conceptualize your tasks as an RPG where you set up goals and/or regular chores and watch your character grow over time. Habitica was fun the couple times I tried it, but I bit off more than I could chew each time, and it became more of a morale hit than a helper; I'd still recommend giving it a try, and I might try it again. It's very specced for RPG/gaming fans who want to fight monsters (Defeat the Clutter Monster! Battle the Paperwork Demon!), and it's cute.
Do It Now lets you set up Traits that link to Skills that link to Tasks, and it's nicely customizable. So, for example, I currently have it set for "Bodycraft" (trait), which is improved by "Upper Body" and "Lower Body" (skills), which split into two types of upper-body workouts and two types of lower-body workouts. I also have "Focus" linked to meditation, planning, and "squirrel shooting" (getting rid of easy distractions), which link to Pomodoro Method sessions and weekly planning and so forth.
*SuperBetter* and *Fabulous* have some actual science behind them, and help you conceptualize a journey (Fabulous) or a daily struggle (SB) as a task being undertaken by a hero or superhero. Fabulous walks you through establishing a routine (it starts out slow -- water, breakfast, exercise -- and my biggest mistake was trying to push past that flow too fast) and then maintaining it, slowly adding goals/chores over time. The freebie version is a bit limited and often trying to convince you to subscribe to get More Cool Content, which bugs me, but the freebie version minus the nagging is pretty decent, really. Three routines (morning, afternoon, evening) that can hold up to five tasks apiece, I think.
SuperBetter was designed to help a woman with a concussion, but soon extrapolated to help people identify their goals, obstacles (bad guys, in different categories), and helpers (powerups, such as drinking a glass of water or giving someone a hug or listening to music). It's also specced for working with friends, so you can encourage each other's progress through the app itself. You even develop your own superhero identity!
*Trello* and *Pivotal Tracker* let me organize my upcoming projects (in my case, mostly fanfics), sort them into categories, and figure out which ones could make significant progress in the near future. Pivotal Tracker is particularly useful at cutting down on the number of things to focus on at once: each goal is set for a certain number of points (1-3), and a given stretch of days has a limit (8, but I forget if that's negotiable), and as you rearrange your tasks it bumps the extra tasks out of the way so you can worry about them later.
Trello's great for making charts full of tasks based on which stage of completion they're at. I quickly adapted to it and really appreciate not only the site itself, but the ability to tie it in with a Pomodoro timer that lets me select a task from the list and then spend 20 minutes (negotiable) on just that task, easily.
(Jira's pretty similar to the above two; I forget what sets it apart, but it's still on my pinned tabs, so I found it useful within the past couple of months.)
Lastly, though this one's not free: *The Hero's Journal* -- like Fabulous -- conceptualizes your goals as a journey, in this case a three-act story set across three months of progress. I liked the PDF so well that I eventually bought the physical version, which I'm about to start on Wednesday. It helps you consider your long-term goals, break them down into actionable steps, keep your end goal in mind, find allies and avoid obstacles, get the "frogs" (distasteful tasks you're gonna procrastinate on) done and out of the way, and, at the end of each section, look back on your progress and consider how your plans for the next leg of the journey should change. They also recently created a second variation of the story, with a focus on getting through Magic School rather than going on a journey; I haven't tried that one yet, but I expect it to be good.
So those are some of the things I've tried that have actually worked for me, at least in the short term (which is sometimes all I can aim for).
As for the ones I'm using right now? I'm about to start the Hero's Journal, and I use Fabulous and Do It Now on a daily basis (now that I've *finally* convinced my brain that it's okay to take things one small step at a time, and not overload myself) -- my streak's working up toward 40 on Fabulous! -- and I use Trello when I want a good visual overview of my projects and want to pick something out to work on. I also use Google Docs spreadsheets to sort out some of my longer-term projects and aspirations.
Also, don't be afraid to nest your tasks! Just like we memorize phone numbers in little groups (555-321-9832), it's possible to make a stack of tasks feel less overwhelming (in my experience) by cutting it down into related groups, and having one group point at other groups. I have my Hero's Journal set up to remind me to do my Fabulous and my Do It Now, as things I can easily check off in the Journal each day; that little success at the start of the day will, I think, help motivate me to keep checking off more tasks, especially since Fabulous has become such a simple part of my routine in just over a month.
Thank you for this! I have tried a couple of the resources you suggested but I'll definitely check out the other ones.
I have struggled my whole life with just about everything. In my early 20s i was dignosed with ADHD. Even with the dignosis and being on medication i still struggle. Im starting to wonder if im also autistic
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my early 20's but I didn't feel like it fully explained my experience. There is a lot of overlap with the two but it wouldn't hurt exploring that as a possibility.
I hear this a lot, the two can be very similar in women. I was also diagnosed with ADHD before I got my ASS diagnosis
Wow. I just had an evaluation at work today, and my boss brought up how I prioritize tasks as an area for improvement. I totally overlooked how this has to do with executive functioning even though I brought up my hyper focus on my work as being related to my autism.
We have sooooo maaaany similarities! Can’t wait for the results of my assessment!
Hope you get the answers you’re looking for 🤞🏻 having confirmation from a professional that I’m autistic was life saving.
Ps… I snooped your IG and saw that you live in Washington too! We’re practically neighbors lol 🙃
I'm right there with you, especially on the social stuff, noise aversion, and distaste for small talk and gossip. However, I can't mask for shit. You're so right about female friendship and executive function.
"a crackling sensation in my ears"
*trying to think if I've had this* -- maybe? (I'm definitely sensitive to certain sounds that others can't perceive or aren't bothered by, such as high-pitched whines -- like the sound those bar fluorescent lights make when they're going bad)
but have you ever had the sudden strong awareness of the pulse/beat inside your ear, like you can feel the eardrum moving in response to the sounds around you, and it takes a while for this sense to fade? 'Cuz I've had that now and then across the years, and it's a cross being weirdcool and disturbing.
Interesting note re the fluorescent lights and high-pitched whining. I, too, am allergic to ultra-high sounds. Screeching sounds bother most folks, but they literally incapacitate me. Also, we had a lamp in the family home with a big funky bulb wired with a dimmer switch. I was fine if it was On full power (or Off). But, if the dimmer was set anywhere in between, I could hear the activated resistors. Drove me nuts. Kinda like a personalized dog whistle. And, yes, I can also hear my pulse at times when I'm pissed off. Interesting.👍
~TD, Boston
oh gosh, i can relate to almost everything you talk about :) regarding the problems hearing people when there are background noises - have you ever been accused of needing to wear hearing aids? when i was a kid my grandma used to shout to my mum that i'm deaf -_- as per friends - i totally envy you of having a close friend who understands who you are and why you are this way. I'm still grieving over a friendship.. or rather "friendship" that i had to cut due to expectations that "i should TRY and practice behaving normally, because everyone else has to struggle with me". kind of words you can't forgive, no matter how you try.. :/
Yes absolutely. I struggle so much with what most seem like a easy simple task and others didn't understand . told me I was just lazy and didn't try. My marriage suffered. I didnt know I was autistic until a friend of mine who is also autistic pointed it out. I always felt like I was different and like something was wrong with me. I have learning disabilities also. I found someone who loves me for me.
I also have 3 autoimmune diseases also. My ex thought I was just a hypochondriac . and was very cruel. My relationships with my kids suffered too. I feel like I failed them.
Oh the crackling noise at certain frequencies is so relatable, it feels like someone is pushing needles in my ears, never heard anyone talk about it before either. Mostly have that issue with phone speakers for some reason.
It’s seriously the worst! I’ve never heard anyone talk about it either so I appreciate you commenting to let me know I’m not alone.
I related to 80% of what you said. Thank you for sharing.
I relate to so much of this! The exhaustion of reading social cues, the masking, the people taking it personally when you drop off the face of the earth. I wish more people knew how often women mask!! I just feel really uncomfortable when people describe “female relationships” as somehow catty, filled with gossip, etc. I feel like that’s a gross byproduct of living in a culture that doesn’t respect women. Like, if you meet someone who gossips, why does it have to then become about most women being gossips and not just that person?? Ya know? Why can’t we uplift each other and not continue to spread the idea that women are gossipers? Or that men are only into sex (for example, just another stereotype I could think of)?
I really appreciate your point of view on female friendships. I definitely agree that it isn't natural and is a byproduct of the culture we live in. I was speaking only to my personal experiences and struggle but I should have been more careful to not generalize. I'm with you on building each other up and will be more cautious in the future when speaking on this topic. Thank you 💕🌷
Unfortunately, in my experience, when I identify "female relationships" that are catty, competitive, and filled with gossip, it is a short cut to, "These are neurotypical women that are going to make fun of me and shun me for being neurodivergent." I was a tomboy since preschool, and never really connected with "the feminine." Having already come to terms with my queerness, it is starting to make sense in an autistic lens as well. I am currently exploring the possibility that I may be autistic - a lot of relatable content here on RUclips, a lot of unpacked childhood experiences. I wish "most" girls weren't bullies, and you have a great point that it could be "toxic femininity" stemming from internalized misogyny in our society. I want that to change as much as you do. But the awkward awareness that I'm not like "most" girls is part of the point here as it relates to autism, and despite all the rhetoric of accepting diversity, people seem to be averse to "the other." The experience of being "an easy target" is so exhausting that it's almost easier to overgeneralize and just avoid complications.
I agree with you on the being careful when making generalisations of a whole gender. And with that, that the "cattiness" is a byproduct of un-equality / lack of respect in the society/workplace etc . I think that is why women in scandinavian countries, at least here in Finland mostly support each other - we don't have to fight for scrubs of power.
I've personally had to drop a couple female friends, as an adult, because they kept speaking poorly of another friend of ours for absolutely no reason. I've never had that type of issue with male friends. I don't believe all women are like that, but there's certainly a special brand of toxicity that specifically some neurotypical women seem to buy into and perpetuate. Why? Status? Boredom? I have no clue.
My hearing is the same way!! I have never experienced Silence either.
You're the first person who I've heard about getting that static sound from high frequencies besides myself. I thought I had wax rattling in my ear but they're clean.
For real, I was worried that I was losing my hearing or something.
I relate to all that you've said. I'm about to pursue diagnosis (or lack thereof).
I don't have heightened sensory issues now. I had some sensory issues as a child that improved as I got older.
I don't have hyper sensitive hearing.
I notice when autistic people talk about their experiences with autism, their experiences are quite strong (excuse the term)
I can get a little overwhelmed by certain environments but I can control this and I become fine.
I had to be taught to mask social difficulties growing up because naturally I did not know how to participate effectively socially and I was awkward,
so planning a social situation was paramount.
I also experienced intense interests which they too, eased over time. I still maintain hyperfocus for certain subjects which helps me with them.
Now days I have learnt to adjust quite well and I am still learning.
I had the traits yet for me they seem to have balanced out as I got older. I got to know I had the traits recently, which explains the difficulties I have/had.
Anyone relate to this? I feel people like me are few and far between lol.
Certain things have eased up for me and others have increased. I think I have just learned myself and can better control my environment to support my needs. Thank you for sharing! 🌻
Yes, I relate 100%...... I feel like I just hated the feeling of anxiety when entering new social settings/situations that I just learned to breathe and tell myself I can do this. I would also "plan/prepare" for a new setting. I am REALLY bothered by "bad smells" and I really enjoy perfume because of it lol. Being able to smell my shirt or wrist when something is off-putting to me is a life saver! Otherwise I would have to leave the room in many circumstances lol. I have come to the conclusion that I have every right to be comfortable and if what I need to do to achieve that is "offensive" to someone, then I would rather not waste my time on them anyway. Especially considering the amount of effort it takes for me to invest myself into a "real" friendship. I feel like I have learned to mask super well over the years and therefore have so many of the traits, but know how to handle/push through them. I am also really good at social cues and empathy, which is usually a difficult thing for ASD. I am not officially diagnosed and I think a diagnosis would probably be difficult to achieve. I say that because I would literally just be "telling" a psychiatrist my symptoms rather than "displaying" them if that makes sense. Any way, sorry for the rambling, but I identify with you 100%
Please make video about the difference between asperger (ASD) and highly sensitive person. It’s similar so confusing.
Wow… the sensitivity to light and noise being distracting is something I’ve always dealt with to an extreme but never understood. Being in social situations and not knowing where to look or how to stand or where to put my hands is another. Don’t even get me started on prioritizing. My families always called me lazy and irresponsible but it’s more than that I just never knew how to explain why I am the way I am… maybe I’ll get tested. Thank you for this information
I am watching your video to help me understand my autistic daughter better, yet I can relate to almost everything you have said.
As a child, I was diagnosed with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), APD (Auditory Processing Disorder), and Inattentive ADHD. Now I'm wondering if there was more to it than that because I hate small talk, have mostly been unsure of myself in social situations most of my life (I'm starting not to care as much now), etc. This is interesting; maybe I should look into it more. 🤔
i experience the ear “crackling” too!! Do you know what causes this or if there is a scientific name for it? i have tried to research this symptom specifically, but i always get results for tinnitus, which it definitely isn’t
I'm honestly surprised and kind of relieved that its not just a me thing. I haven't found any Information yet about that specific sensation. I also have tinnitus and the crackling feels different from that.
I have the crackling too, and mild tinnitus
I've had this in the past. I've found though it only happens for certain frequencies which aren't mixed. So listening to an orchestra is fine, but solo violin/guitar used to drive me nuts. My phone in a particular office (so much so it was part of the reason I left) drove me mad. It hasn't happened me in a long time. Its unilateral for me, I'd always assumed its resonance with one of the bones in the ear. Funny it hasn't happened for me in a few years, but for a long times I stop listening to music I previously loved. I grind my teeth, so had wondered if that had lead to some inflammation which made me more susceptible at times.
I get it when I touch something electronic that is plugged in or that takes regular batteries. However, things like cell phones, Bluetooth headphones or anything that takes the little round watch batteries do not cause it. I've done it my entire life.
@@neurodivergentme Do you have TMJ then? Mine has started in 2 yrs while studying in University. The stress is been overwhelming. Chronic tinnitus mainly in left ear & tight jaws and neck. My posture is shitty and I have a tendency to dissociate from my body. It's like HARD to be in a body. I'm stuck in my head from the morning til bedtime.