I brought a "Real" Lawyer to teach me Gun Safety
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- Опубликовано: 26 ноя 2021
- DISCLAIMER: PARKZER IS NOT A LAWYER
This was streamed live on Twitch! / dougdoug
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About DougDoug:
Doug is a sentient bell pepper who was hired by the FBI to crack gaming challenges and also talk about things with food 
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Parkzer: will not shoot someone for drinking milk
Doug: “he is the most responsible gun owner I’ve ever seen”
he got a point there
Not really surprising in the country that has more guns than people
this is america
he is probably one the most responsible guy in genereal
America be like.
This is hilarious. Parker is so serious and you are so ridiculous, you form a comedic duo. I want more of parker
It’s rare to see a married gun enthusiast docter Lawyer police officer
Right? DougDoug, a non-gun owner, insinuating that he would shoot a guy for drinking skim milk without paying for it and a gun owner, who is taught gun safety, saying that that's a ridiculous reason to shoot a guy xD
"what does it mean for a breast to be 'cocked and ready'?" Lmaoooo
it's extremely funny because he _totally recognizes_ his deadpan humor and is leaning into it.
Great duo I agree 👍 💯
"What if I stole the Declaration of Independence?"
"Good for you"
Probably my favorite bit
No one has redeemed it yet, but one of these days DougDoug will steal the Declaration of Independence
33:48
National treasure moment
@@FaiienWingsking
Wanted to make this comment, but had to double check
"I don't know why I'm answering this guy so seriously he's obviously a troll"
He says, after responding seriously several times to Doug's questions about assault with a deadly breast.
Doug really fully embodied his Twitch chat this stream.
@@themakerstoolbox9688 maybe my favourite stream he's done
@@thatwouldbeme It was truly an impressive performance from the orange pepper man. Twitch chat couldn't even out stupid his questions.
@@themakerstoolbox9688 p-pepperman? pizza tower?
@@Mama-Luigi DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN!
"I'm not a lawyer. I'm not a police officer."
That's what all Lawyer-police officer-breastmilk enthusiast say.
He never said he wasn't a undercover cop though...
@@deeznutz4517 he never said he wasn’t a undercover lawyer also
@@mocapcow2933 he never said he was an undercover breastmilk enthusiast though...
@@chickenseason1285 i am totally not a undercover breastmilk enthusiast
Doctor too
The true question to be asked is : If a train were racing full speed toward 5 people, and the only way to make it stop was to drink all passengers breast milk, would he drink the milk before, or after shooting the 5 people in the head ?
**laugh track**
I'd drink all the milk straight from the tap
And is the milk a dog’s milk?
He wouldn't shoot them, he would slow the train so it hurts
@@Blue-fg8vt Well true, as any good cop lawyer universal Tetris Taekwondo master would...
Parkzer is like a master of everything, but describes himself as only "above average" and constantly belittles his own skills and accomplishments. This responsible gun owning, black belt martial artist, multilingual, tetris professional, typing prodigy, legal master attorney, gun enthusiast police officer-doctor hybrid is one of my favorite collabs with the bell pepper man.
Literally the best summary of the stream
@@Otamatone69 parkzer is legendary
@@pabcp8116 true
Don't forget, he's also a koala
@@miller_koth And father of all Koala-Goldfish Hybrids
“Laws are just suggestions.” -Parkzer, police officer, attorney and Tetris world champion
And a lawyer
and a doctor
and a brain surgeon
He’s also a porn star and has a black belt in Taekwondo
And breast feeder
This entire video is just
Doug: Shoot me
Parkzer: No
Doug: But what if…
Parkzer: No
Doug: Breast milk
Parkzer: No
Doug: Puh-leeeeeze?!?
Parkzer: No.
Doug: Let's imagine for one second
Parkzer: No.
Doug: let's say, hypothetically...
Parkzer: no
Doug: million dollars
Parkzer: no
TLDR: Doug loses money by forcing a lawyer who is also a cop to play Tetris and then spends the rest of the stream trying to convince the attorney-policeman to shoot him with his gun that he doesn’t actually have with him
Did you not hear Parkzer? He's no cop or attorney, he's a breastmilk enthusiast! Get it right.
@@icantpretend726 Nah-- Nah, he's definitely an attorney-bondsperson breastmilk gun enthusiast.
While under oath
@@AnjnShan Just checked. That is entirely correct
This sounds like a Jerma joke
Parkzer: Lawful Neutral
Doug: Chaotic Good
Twitch Chat: Chaotic Evil
Chat is chaotic neutral, parkzer is lawful good
@@Yoob-yh5gbI mean parkzer said he thinks laws as suggestions
@@yourehallucination4366lawful just means you have a code of conduct / personal rules / set of morals that you follow, not that you follow *the* law
@@mayar404_ I'm arguing for lawful neutral
I’d watch a sitcom with these 3
Love how at 25:20 Parkzer shuts down doug’s ear question so quickly that he has to immediately bail on the victory music & only the first half of the first note gets out
Lmfao I never noticed that
I seriously can't believe that's all it would take for Parkzer to kill you. You'd think someone who went through both medical and law school would have more self restraint.
not to mention hes a politician
@@traskforge and the president of North Macedonia
@@gangjittleyang And a zoologist
@@karihuber3169 and even secretly Neil Armstrong
@@i.love.mrbudgell And a koala lawyer!
Currently in jail, but I just sent this video to my attorney, hoping he can help me out now that he's got advice from the world's best Lawyer Cop. I really think I'm innocent after shooting an evil moustache man falling out of an airplane without a parachute, begging to be shot, as he's breastfeeding, and if I didn't shoot him, he'd land on the train tracks in Idaho
That's Pheonix Wright levels of complicated
I thought he was landing in Switzerland in idaho
Man, after watching this video...
*I THINK YOU HAVE A CHANCE* ✊
As a wittness to this incident, you forgot to mention that behind you evil mustache man from the future also held your family hostage and was milking them on a gunrange.
In Idaho?
Man, you did him a huge favour
"I don't answer unrealistic questions... No I won't shoot Doug for breastfeeding on international waters"
The takeaway I get from this is that Parkzer is in charge of the executive, legislative and judicial branches of the government, and is also the inventor of guns.
very accurate
many people are saying this
He also discovered cow milk
This is such a great video, there's a reason that "funny man" and "straight man" is such a timeless comedy pairing.
True.
*cough* phrasing
@@speedyboi1471 nah, dude. As long as people understand the terminology there won’t be any trouble.
@@ironwraith852 ik, just messing around lol
@@speedyboi1471 Sorry, I probably should've known that.
39:40 I like how Parkster prioritizes correcting Doug that he's not a cop instead of pointing out he would not shoot anyone. The commitment...what a real cop.
Especially him not caring about saying he won't shoot. Of course he will shoot he is a real police officer
mfs will always find a way to make it about this
And a lawyer
And a doctor
And a koala
parkser subtly claiming he has a more refined sense of humor compared to doug, then slowly be broken down into laughing at the fart sound effects is probably my favorite part of the video
Parkzer: I would not execute a man in the grocery store for having breast milk
Doug: Bro he’s like SO responsible
I played this in the BG while I was working and I cannot stop laughing as the conversation topics escalates.
Same, eventually I had to turn the stream off because I couldn’t stop laughing
This stream was a joy to watch
Same, I was trying to get some work done but kept constantly getting distracted. It was worth it though, for the best police-lawyer-doctor I've ever known
M
M
10:47 “If somebody pointed their breast at me I would not shoot them.” - Parkzer. Same
Arguably, I would even invite it
@@skeetsmcgrew3282 😂
@@skeetsmcgrew3282 without using a gun I hope?
I may feel compelled to shoot my coconut gun, which fires in spurts after an initial period of operation
@@TheOneWhoHasABadName and then there’s chunky…. He’s dead
Did the math, it would take about 63,521,677 bullets to stop a 195,000 kg train going 916.667 m/s with a 0.00804 kg 9mm pistol round going at muzzle velocity(350m/s).
So Parkzer is wrong, if we all put our dog cheese up for sale, we could raise enough money to buy 63 and a half million bullets to stop a train from rolling over our side character, Doug.
Parkzer's actually correct with the speed limit part. Many of the DMV handbooks and driving teachers will recommend you to drive at what is safe for traffic, even if it violates speed limit.
except the speed limit in the US is often too high to be safe to begin with and this is one of the reasons why the US had the most deaths by car accident per capita
@@KyrieFortuneexcept no.
@@KyrieFortunethat is so incredibly wrong
@@KyrieFortune actually yes.
@@KyrieFortune that is so incredibly right
"I will not kill a man in cold blood for breast feeding"
Doug - "You are so responsible!"
Their personalities are completely different yet they fit each other so well
yin and yang
@@SpaceMissile DASRASISSS👁👄👁
To think that this is where Parkzer started appearing on the channel. Kinda crazy how prevalent he’s become in two years.
I love doug hyping Parkzer up and Parkzer just trying to correct him.
I especially like “you might get disbarred!”
“I’m not a lawyer!”
"'I am not a police officer and I am not an attorney' -Parkzer, Lawyer and Cop"
Man, Parkzer was a cop, a layer, a Tetris champion, a musician, type racer champion... Just the jack of all trades. So talented
But he has little to no milking priorities.
He’s also a very well known gun enthusiast
@@TreeFlob Ah, yes, a sharpshooter, and a hero for killing Doug in the hospital to keep others safe. I shall add that to the list
also a bus driver
was?
is he dead?
38:05
Doug: If you win 2 more in a row, he will shoot you.
Doug's Orchestra: 🎺🎺🎺🎷🎷🎷🎻🎻🎻🥁🥁🥁🎷🎷🎷📯📯📯
Parkzer:"I will not shoot you"
Orchestra:😐
i love this comment
These two make such great duo they should get a Sitcom:
"Doug & Parkzer- Streamer and Cop Lawyer"
the laughtrack is already there so 90% of the work is done.
Video:
0.76% games
99.24% doug trying to get parkzer to shoot him
I know that one guy was talking about the podcast as a joke, but I would seriously watch a parkzer and doug podcast about stupid gun questions any day
The Stuggun podcast(Stubborn)
It feels like Doug has ascended to a higher, stranger dimension than his mortal human friend.
*lawyer cop mortal human friend
Assuming Parkzer isn’t immortal cop lawyer
And a tetris champion
@@foodiswonder8998 how could I forget I can’t believe I disrespected him so much ya think he shoot me!
The moment at 25:04 where Doug keeps trying to play the music is honestly one of my new favourite DougDoug moments
32:16 - the "twitch chat controls the gun" thing is so crazy to think about. i want that on a movie or tv show or something.
i mean, the record would be right there. whoever types "shoot" would be on the log.
...and would anybody actually do it? surely somebody would do it, but if you knew/thought the gun would actually go off, would somebody actually do it?
gah - my head.
There was actually an art installation called Domestic Tension that is literally that but with a paint gun
What I see in most Twitch chats makes me feel like it would happen immediately if I'm being honest
@@peoniibud wellnif it's harmless/not lethal then of course everyone would type shoot
imagine instead of chat throwing a frog at jermas head they shot him
Just to clarify, Parkzer is not a real gun
Oh thanks. I was confused
this was one of the funniest streams in recent memory like the absolutely UNHINGED straight man and wise guy comedy duo energy between parkzer and dougdoug is absolutely delightful
19:10 sneeko and charlie drama a year before it started
PSA: Doug has changed the title of this video
Parkzer used to be a real lawyer, but now he is only a “real” lawyer.
Parkzer made him change it
responsible gun owner, taekwondo black belt, Tetris master, humble as the lord Jesus Christ. what a man
I'm convinced that he is from a higher plane of existence than any of us.
Not to mention lawyer-cop
how could you forget?
he apparently also does brazillian kickboxing and ju-jitsu, and got the black belt at 8.
He also has over 50,000,000 power in war of hero's quest.
Finally, a video with the most talented Lawyer and Cop there is.
Dont forget gun enthusiast
and doctor
And Tetris world champion
19:00 It's called a magasine!
Doug can predict the future
Personal highlights:
4:35 - So good at tetris
5:51 - Supportive
8:40 - The salute
9:08 - Grocery store
10:43 - Self defense
19:52 - Skydiving
20:42 - Hostage situation
38:08 - Pew
Thank you!
Parkzer was a huge inspiration growing up, I always wanted to be a doctor-lawyer-officer!
And bald
Doug's gun knowledge comes exclusively from Red Dead Redemption, and it's hilarious
What’s his knowledge from rdr
Why did I put this off for so long, thinking "eh I don't really care about guns". This was brilliant, Doug's chaotic energy gets brick-walled by Parkzer's down-to-earthness. 😂
"This guy clearly isn't an actual lawyer" chat members say as Parkzer spends the entire stream reiterating that he isn't a lawyer
I love that Doug and chat are just talking random stupidity and questions that doesn't make any sense and he's still trying to answer it seriously...
"You can fill in the gaps with breast milk" is perhaps the best sentence I've ever heard in my life.
Edit: Ok I take it back, "You can milk my family all you want, that is not a life threatening offer" is the best sentence.
20:54
I will miss chat and Doug teasing Parkzer for being a lawyer or cop (he's neither) and him denying it every time. It was a good bit. I'm sure we'll find Parkzer, the manager of a Wallmart, a new job title.
I love how Parker is just 100% serious. He obviously knows that 95% of this is jokes but they really work well together.
Parkzer is truly the epitome of Lawful Good
18:44 I don't know if this eventually got brought up but even if the train did have an obscene amount of momentum (which it does) enough bullets could technically stop it, because each one reduces it by some amount. However, the reason that the bullets wouldn't actually be able to stop the train (unless you fired them like all at once) is because the train has an engine which produces more energy that goes into keeping the train going forward than the bullets can impart into it to stop it
I mean, at some point unless you’re using weak ammo you’ll probably destroy the engine if you have enough time and bullets
Technically possibly, but incredibly improbable.
Breast feed the bullets that Will make them stronger
There's one problem, if the bullets are strong enough they could just destroy the train. Destroyed train ≠ stopped train.
Now if we had something like a mini gun shooting incredibly weak bullets incredibly quickly, maybe we could do it.
@@Kobolds_in_a_trenchcoat Clearly the solution is to shoot bullets made of beast milk. They still have momentum, but won't destroy the train. Alternatively, give the train warm breast milk and sing it a lullaby to make it fall asleep, stopping it without any bullets at all.
Kinda weird that the only thing stopping Parkzer from killing literally everyone he's ever met is whether or not he goes to court over it
Makes me wonder what he does in his free time just because it’s legal
But he did say that he doesn't just follow laws because breaking them would land him in legal trouble, but because he sees laws as guidelines that are there for a reason.
The entire stream in a nutshell "I am not a lawyer" "I am not a poilice officer" "I am not going to shoot you"
This is genuinely the best Straight Man & Wise Guy duo I've seen since Abbott and Costello.
Absolutely incredible stuff, please bring him back for more!
Loved Dougs extra goofiness in this steam while Parkzer was trying to be serious 😂. It made it so funny to watch.
Doug is usually the straight man to Twitch chats chaos but he really took on the role of Twitch chat this stream.
@@themakerstoolbox9688 dougdoug is a silly man we’re just mentally insane
19:06 Douglas Douglas and Parkzer did the "Magazine not a clip" before it was even famous
this vid is criminally underrated, its just an hour of doug trying to get Parker to shoot him and its so good
33:48 This got me more than it should have. That was just genuine, unironic, golden humor. I love this duo
I absolutely loved Parker's persistence. He never got tired of keeping the facts straight, despite the absolute futility.
I unironically love Parkzer so much. The dude is hilarious and I don’t think he even knows just how funny he is.
This is unironically the funniest video ever. I put this on the background and ended up getting really invested at how Parkzer is so insistent in not shooting Doug and how he is seemingly not sick of saying that he’s not a lawyer nor a police officer.
“What if Doug was planning to kill you?”
“I would ask him not to”
Killers: Well shit that’s all you had to say.
This is what happens when law and chaos personified became friends
18:50 HE PREDICTED THE FUTURE
I love the juxtaposition between these two and the humor that is coming from ONE person in chat getting extremely pissed off by the joke to the point that they say, "I'm considering reporting this." *Chef's kiss*
It wasn't until NEARLY SIXTEEN MINUTES into the video I recognize that Doug is simply harassing this poor man and that I love him for it while still feeling bad for Parkzer but I mean it's kind of his own fault for agreeing to join Doug I mean really. Harass away, DougDoug.
wtf is wrong here. it's just how bros usually talk. if i say "hey man, would you allow me to fuck your sister, if that was the only thing that could save me from cancer?" that's not a harassment
Ten minutes of this is actual gameplay, while the 30 other minutes is Doug trying to get parkzer to find a situation where he would shoot doug
Wow, to think that Parkzer would become would become such an integral part of the channel after such humble beginnings.
I love these twos friendship because Doug and Parkzer couldn't be more of like... Opposites if they tried. Parkzer is this logical upright lawyer cop who follows rules and keeps things orderly. And Doug is a madman who regularly fights the Alphabet while chugging Olive Oil.
I love this Doug guy, Parker should have him join on his streams more
Oh gosh I can’t believe this guy agreed to appear after the Faendal incident
@@beastongaming1866 yeah they even mention jack at some point in this video, pretty sure they’re different people. especially since jack was only a lawyer and parkzer is a lawyer, police officer and doctor
Faendal incident?
What incident
@@sandmountainsam9287 it's in one of the skyrim videos
@@FriskyD. thank you
Doug: "Parkzer, would you shoot a guy if he was breast feeding in public?"
Parkzer: "What? No!"
Doug: "Guys, Parkzer is the most responsible gun owner I know!"
Gotta say Doug, the standard you have for somebody being a "responsible gun owner" makes me really happy that you don't have a gun!
How do we know he doesn’t
A clip holds bullets on a metal slide piece (ie: strip). A magazine (aka mag) holds bullets in a container with a spring, it feeds bullets towards the top of the mag. this enables the bullets to be picked up by the bolt carrying group. There are box mags, and cylindrical mags. As for most machine guns, they are belt fed. For belt fed weapons, bullets are placed on a bandolier with links allowing the weapon to essentially pull through a feed tray allowing the weapon to cycle.
The success music that starts happening around 25:05 is why I love Doug. Doug's super silly humor with Twitch chat contrasting Parkzer's serious, rational responses was the funniest thing ever. Loved this.
Thanks to the two of you, I have finally solved the train dilemma after 30+ years of life.
Thank you, Doug. I wouldn't have expected you to be the source of this inspiration _at all_ , but then again, you _do_ solve problems that no one has. Professionally.
19:05 a magazine stores rounds in preparation for firing, a clip loads rounds into internal magazines (most commonly found on older firearms). Most modern firearms have external magazines.
Also automatic firearms can have magazines or clips. Fire selection (automatic vs semi automatic) doesn't influence whether a firearm has a clip or magazine
40:43 after an hour and a half you reinvented the trolly problem
well not exactly, its, a train will swerve and kill everyone on both tracks, but you can pull a lever to stop it, however it stays on one of the tracks and kills 1 person
@@smoceany9478 yeah but its the same concept where you choose to do nothing and let everyone die or do something and one guy dies
@@dirtyfrog5524yea but its completely different, in the trolly problem, someone always doesnt die, in this problem, either 1 guy dies or no one dies
@@smoceany9478 no someone still dies with the heart thing
@@dirtyfrog5524 yea but the difference is, in the trolly problem, either 1 person is safe or 5 people are safe, in this, either no one is safe or everyone but 1 is safe, in the trolly problem, no matter what you do, someone is always safe and doesnt die
I have never seen a more experienced cop/lawyer in my lifetime. Parkzer is an amazing person and I hope to see the sequel when he finally shoots Doug.
Pls more with parkzer, it is always interesting to her the knowledge of a cop and an attorney
And a firearm enthusiast
And a doctor
If you're interested, half of this VOD is Parkzer giving life advice: ruclips.net/video/VgnTong4ntA/видео.html
28:19 Doug's face here changes _real_ quick.
I really appreciate the level of professionalism parkzer replies with to every one of Doug and chat's absolutely bonkers ridiculous questions. Parkzer is my favorite addition to the Dougdoug cinematic universe
If Doug went skydiving without a parachute and was about to land on Parkzer, but if Parkzer pulled out his gun and shot Doug he would be able to divert his fall so Doug wouldn't hit him, would Parkzer shoot Doug?
Gotta say, loving the constant Doug uploads now.
The question about twitch chat controlling a gun via chat is unironically a legitimately fascinating hypothetical, as a law student. My first impulse is to assume chat would be liable, assuming they're fully aware that the gun will fire
but in that situation, doug set up a gun also knowing it would fire at him, right, so would he be partially liable too? also would it just be everyone in chat who typed "shoot", since there's no way of telling which message was the trigger?
related, if a few thousand people tried to shoot a gun at someone simultaneously and all of them missed but one and there was also no way of telling which gun the bullet came from, are they all charged with murder?
Translation on Parkzer's Behalf:
I do not see the law as just a list to prevent crimes, but also as a general guide of ethics. Some parts of the guide are often ignored, such as the Georgia law that states that no one can put ice cream in their back pocket on Sundays to prevent horse theft, or how in California, you can't eat a frog that died from a frog-jumping competition, or in Arizona, you can't put a donkey in a bathtub. Driving above the speed limit is technically illegal, but it is not enforced unless you drive much faster than the speed limit. This is why I see the law as a suggestion, and not just a set of rules, although it's technically both depending on the law.
Wow, that Police Officer Attorney, Parkzer, sure has a way with words!
I love how this channel has been dougdoug dessert, dougdoug detention, and now just dougdougdoug
You should have guests like this on your channel more often. This was such a fun stream.
"'Laws are just suggestions" - Parkzer, Lawyer' -DougDoug, RUclipsr, Chef, American, and Bismuth Investor
My honest answer to the trolley problem is that I would attempt to derail the trolley by pulling the lever at just the right moment. I’m not saying it would work, but I would try.
But is the trolley is empty?
I like the contrast between parkzer who lives in a very reasonable and logical sphere and mindset, and then... There's Doug.
doug is unironicly the first youtuber you can watch like 18 times and still laugh at whatever is happening
I love how Doug is never discouraged by his stone cold responses😂 it's really nice they're good friends even tho they're opposite
I love how real is in quotes, rather than lawyer. Implying that parkzer might not be real, but definitely IS a lawyer
"You can milk my family all you want."
-Parkzer, 2021
It's so funny and wholesome to see Parkzer be actually genuine and responsible with his answers when it comes to Doug's and chat's rather *interesting* questions, than joke about them =)) I don't see him annoyed by those, knowing what he's getting himself into.
Is Parkzer a human? He seems like a robot that was programmed to follow the law the fullest extent and doug found him and his teaching him humanity
Lmfao that sounds like the perfect plot of a tv sitcom.