Trump Auditions Potential VPs, Can’t Pay His $464 Million Bond & a Visit from Crab Jesus!
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- Опубликовано: 16 май 2024
- The NCAA Tournament is underway and Gonzaga played their first game, the Dodgers fired Ohtani’s translator yesterday for allegedly stealing Ohtani’s money to cover gambling debts, a royal update on Kate Middleton, Donald Trump is having a tough time coming up with his $464 million bond, he is now considering 15 candidates for his running mate including Florida Senator Marco Rubio, there are a bunch of crazy A.I. photos of Jesus on Facebook, and we get a visit from Crab Jesus!
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Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy®-nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” is well known for its huge viral video successes, with over 15 billion views and more than 18 million subscribers on the show’s RUclips channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets,” “Lie Witness News,” “Unnecessary Censorship,” “Halloween Candy RUclips Challenge,” and music videos like “I (Wanna) Channing All Over Your Tatum.” 
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From 6:09 to 7:39, the Marco Rubio versus Donald Trump, was the funniest 90 seconds I’ve seen on TV and a long time. Whoever was in charge of composing this segment, give that person a raise!
I hope the Democrats use that segment in their campaign ads 😂
Thanks for the timestamp! Hilarious! 🤣
i didn't know rubio had lines like that, good editing indeed
@@nogames284 Never seen him before, but he was impressive.
Jimmy Kimmel has been on fire the past month
“If at first you don’t secede … try , try again” has to be one of the most succinct jokes ever !!
That old B! She's so old South.
Thanks for this. I heard "succeed" so thought it was a bad attempt by Kimmel.
You should invest in an English dictionary
He stole it from Trump. He said it to Hillary.
“I grabbed him by the assets. When you’re an AG, they let you do it.”
- Leticia James, AG
😂
😂😂😂
Fortunately and unfortunately
Doctros stop humoing camels, wait Seth and Crew
“ If he asks you to run - RUN” 😆😂🤪
“RUN”, hilarious!!
🤣 I did not know Marko Rubio got in on Trump like that, that montage was AWESOME🤣🤣🤣🤣
8 years ago. After Trump won the primary, Marco never criticized him again
If Rubio is picked as VP candidate, that montage would make the basis of a good campaign video for the Democrats.
😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I didn't either!!!!😂😂😂😂
The crab jesus bit went totally sideways, but that lady freaking out about the fish saved it all 😅😂😂
So true 😂😂😂😂
I think
She was phobic of fish… I picked her fear out immediately since I’m phobic too. Funny but, but probably not for her. 😱
She was annoying and over doing it like why act like that over a dang fish
She's saying to her friends, "the one time I get to Kimmel's show AND score a front row seat! What are the odds??!!"
@evilscorpio1981 Yeah, but to be fair, she has fish slime and blood on her shirt in a studio audience now. That's sucks. I'm a fisherman, and I feel for her.
Jimmy Kimmel is a national treasure! Gutfeld studies him nightly lol
If garbage was a national treasure. TRUMP 2024
That crab jesus bit was insane, that lady freaking out about the fish was hilarious
“For the same reason you wouldn’t loan a watermelon to a hippopotamus” 😂 Bravo! 👏🏽
I immediately had these visions of hippopotamus crushing watermelons as seen on YT Short clips.
Yep that’s what he said
That was the most chaotic ending to a late night monologue that I've ever seen. 😵
This was pretty epically hilarious, but you really need to dig out some old David Letterman episodes
@@ricobhi Got some recommendations?
Really bad fish skit!!!
That came off the rails like a Trump speech. But damn it was so hilarious!!
Loved it!
How do you bankrupt a casino? We’d all love to know the answer to that
Once again, Jimmy knocked it out of the park🎉🎉🎉
When you're an Attorney General, they let you do anything; you can Grab 'em by the property! 😂
If he asks you to run... RUN! LOL
Run far, run FAST!!!😮
The Rubio/Trump montage gave me a much-needed laugh. Thank you!
I love these people that showed up for a Jimmy Kimmel Show and didn’t realize they’d signed up for a Gallagher Special.
BassOmatic- clean up in rows 1 thru 10
Gallagher. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in more than a dog’s age. Where is he now. Lifting weights with Carrot Top?
How do you bankrupt a casino. Still cracks me up😅😅😅
How you bankrupt a casino is by building three of them right next door to each other OMG so stupid!
@@sassafrasdinglemeyer4513
🤔
Reno NV "The Row". Silver Legacy (30 years old) is in the middle. Circus Circus (46 years old) on the left Eldorado (51 years old) on the right. 3 Hotel Casinos connected to each other (indoor no need to go outside). They're doing fine.
How Trump bankrupted the Taj Mahal is worth reading about. It was a masterclass in business buffoonery.
I know what he did, but I don't know how a lifeform exists when its strategy is to make the worst decision of its life every single day. It's like God's joke on evolution.
😮mmm
I want more of the lady freaking over the fish in the audience. That was the best part 😂😂
The best part lmao
Lol! Yess!!!!
Best part.
The next Guillermo!
Live TV at its best. Honestly funnier than 90% of their scripted bits. She took what would've been a mid-tier bit and made it iconic. 😂
Thanks Jimmy one of the funniest shows I’ve seen! 😂😂😂
I hope no fish were harmed in the making of this sorry skit.
I'm sure they were ok, lol. Bet they never thought they would end up on Kimmel!😂
The audience thought the guy was going to pull out rubber fish and he was throwing actual real dead fish.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Didn't see that one comin. Lol
NGL I loved the squeals of terror.
@@exDivinityFPS Those screams of terror were real for the blonde trembling lady in the front row. It looked like she was phobic (I’m phobic myself, so I can spot it a mile away.)
I think those fish were alive & squirming… 😩
They were alive , and healthy! That guy behind her was planning a fish fry!
They were not alive lol that poor lady though, that was funny, she was terrified.
*tRUMP- "I just want to find $464 million, which is more than I have"*
Always looking for something: money, votes, porn stars, sympathy, someone to blame, VPs…
"I just want you to do me a favor though"
If it's Russia, that would be MORE FAVORS!
@@Oneshot8242
I’d be curious if be so stupid?
Of course he would…what am I thinking 🤦🏻♀️
Laws don’t apply to him in his universe.
"... which is $465 million than I have".
Crab Jesus is awesome. Get that man some loaves!
Jimmy did offer to have the head removed. Crab Jesus looked ready and willing to provide that miracle. I'm a combat veteran. A foxhole atheist. I trust in Crab Jesus because that motherf'er delivers.
He was a “Security Risk” before his legal and money troubles.
Sure sure. Tell me you have no brain without telling me 😂
The KGB set their sights on him in the 70s when wife #1 came into the picture. They deemed him easily manipulated... extremely vulnerable intellectually & psychologically.
@@samfedor2194 you have any actual proof comrade biden apologist?
The fish stuff at the end had me dying 😂😂😂
Unfortunately, it was the innocent fish who were dying in real time as people laughed and screamed. Mean people suck.
@@PleaseDontEatTheAnimals Incorrect, the fish were already dead.
I'm honestly not sure - they looked to be flipping around. Still seems crazy that they used not-fake fish
@@clintmash245the one fish held up by an audience member looked like it was already gutted.
It was hilarious! Although I'm sure that lady will be traumatized for a little bit
I’m English and live in the UK. I don’t think most of the population is bothered where Kate is. It’s our press making a big issue about it.
It's not being discussed in the press or TV but everyone is talking about it. Something is definitely going on we are being kept in the dark.
Definitely seems like a 'wag the dog' scenario
Yes she needs privacy . As we all do . The press needs to stop 🛑
Well I hope she is well!
Yeah, because nothing else is happening in the world.
😂😂😂That fish part... I was hooked
How do you not work “Christacean” into the bit?
Just imagine eric standing next to donald when his plane gets repo'd. I can see him yelling "De plane boss! De plane!"
😂😂
😂😂😂😂
Thanx
Don't take away his plane! That rickety thing might be our best chance.
LMAO 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
LOL… 🙏
The show legit lost control with the fish. 😂🤣💀 That lady was hilarious.
I'm surprised Jimmy didn't catch the joke: Christ-acean !! 🦀✝😂
Crab Jesus throwing real dead fish at the audience! WOW JUST WOW! 😂 😂😂 That was one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen on any talk show!
Were they dead?
Audience response was hilarious😂🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂
That crazy striped top lady freaking out about a fish, omg.
They were moving when the guy was holding one.
The fish throwing was hilarious 🤣 😂 .... genius 🤣
I don't understand why humans think being cruel to innocent animals is hilarious.
@@PleaseDontEatTheAnimals Because the 'fish throwing' part. That's exactly what he said! That's what made it funny, and laughing at Jesus crab.
The Jesus & fish at the end of the monologue 100% Classic. Thumbs-up guys
"I can't pay my bill" -ionaire.
OMFG 🤣🤣🤣
I can tell you how to bankrupt a casino: 1. Build a casino with borrowed money. 2. Refuse to pay any of the builders or sub-contractors, because you're a deadbeat. 3. Get sued by everyone. 4. File bankruptcy to avoid having to pay what you owe.
And Trump money making strategy--take money out of 1st casino to build second, take money from that one to build third, etc. Finally, lose all because you can't run a business of any kind, soaking your investors and moving onto the next get rich quick scheme.
Trump Still have to Pay the Bank back
If he fouls bankruptcy
🎉
That’s after you’ve wasted $400 million of your dad’s money through it trying to keep it afloat then switched to laundering money selling condos to Russian gangsters.
Having 3 casinos competing with each other.
Imagine running for president as a legal strategy to keep yourself out of prison.
That's all he's doing for. It's not qualified 😕
Sounds like a movie script if you ask me
unfortunately we no longer need to just imagine it we are witnessing it in real time.
What's to imagine? It's happening now.
This is what our country has become 😡😡
OMG I LOVE the crab Jesus bit😂😂😂😂😂😂
Vice Prez Soilent Marggerbel Green !!!😅😂
Trump the BINO:
Billionaire In Name Only 🤑🍿
😂😂😂😂
WHINO BINO TRUMP 😂😂
@@MDone402 WHINO BINO VOTE-NO TRUMP.
🤣
😂🤣😂🤣
OMG that woman with the fish in the audience was hilarious!!! 😂 🐠
She was being over dramatic. Very annoying.
@@CP-ho2wjagree. I almost think she was a plant to create the laughs (fiind it hard to believe the audience was not warned in advance of this bit
@@lindakautzman7388
We were not warned in advance. The chaos you saw on TV was genuine and continued even after the taping of the monologue was complete.
she was a really good sport too!!!
No this was real how the others reacted was what they predicted not someone freaking out about fish, we see so many reality shows hard to tell genuine reaction but this was it, hilarious.@@lindakautzman7388
I hope that when AG James repos Bedminster that all of the classified documents come along with it .
Youre the best Jimmy ❤❤love Guillermos 😂
When Crab Jesus walks on water, is it sideways?
He scuttles to and fro turning it into wine.
It is sideways indeed but it is also upside down because crab Jesus lives in the ocean he is actually walking on air
Some of the funniest parts are when it all goes horribly wrong. Jimmy is a master at adapting to the situation.
Whatever Jesus the Republicans believe in would really want to walk backwards in Time.
Lol! You win the internet today.
Crab Jesus and the fish will go down in history Mr. Kimmel. Bravo!
That lady must have a fish fobia. Sue coming up?
This is one for the books!!! 😂
I'm not sure if that was a failed skit or a brilliant skit but I laughed
I didn't laugh it made me uncomfortable as a Christian and sad for having lost respect for a fantastic comedian
@@reneebauman2994…hahaha!
THE FISH 🤣 when that man holds up two of them at the end omg
Hilarious!
“Isn’t it past your jail time.” Gold Jimmy. Pure gold.
"If he asks you to run...run!"... gotta love it! Why anyone would want to have anything to do with that guy is beyond comprehension.
He tried to have his last one hung😂
I want to see Trump evicted from Mar-a-Lago. That would be so funny.
I want to see them chisel his name off Trump Tower too!
I want the $10 Million Dollar paid off Judge to meet some BIG, Bad Military Police.
Sure, but noone wants Mar-a-lago, too encumbered by the limitations on the deed and probably up to the ears in mortgages.
I'm looking forward to lara dump complaining about makeup stains on their couch.
Yes!!! And to lose Trump Tower too!! 🤞🏻
Jimmy Kimmel has become the best late night show host in America over the past few years. He's always been good, but he is now at the top of the mountain.
still love Colbert
More unhinged Crab Jesus please! LOL
“Can you imagine the sign of Donald Trump standing in line for SouthWest flight?” 😂😂😂😂😂
Ick! Imagine the stench. Travelers would have to jump out of the plane.
"Economy" ... as a former Head of State, you'd think he'd know what the word means, but I bet my last ten bucks Trump doesn't know what the economy is, let alone "economy class"... *laughs in sigh*
The airlines should demand cash or debit, no credit cards from any Trump.
Jimmy Kimmel keeps me sane.
This is true 😂
He reminds me there's normal people in the US still
The crab Jesus was freaking hysterical!!!🤣🤣🤣💜💜💜
I'm only here for the Trump jokes
Jimmy I know you’ve been doing this show for over 20 years and probably want to retire next year - please don’t! I heard a rumor Stephen A. Smith is gunning for this ABC time slot. Don’t do it to us my man.
I don’t want him to give it up either!!
Who is Stephen A Smith?
@@Nan-59 If you don't know, you should be happy.
@@Nan-59he’s an angry sports guy
I’m so with you, just started some watching Jimmy months back, and I’m loving his shows, sense of humor and personality. I hope he stays.
No Way Jimmy. You have continued to grow as a proformer. You are so well dialed in, it's a joy to watch you.
The people of earth want trump to leave.
We👉👽👽👽don't want him either!
@@danielmorales1470- nobody says he has to occupy a planet.... or a space-suit.
@@chrisrj9871
OK, it's a deal👹
Fly him to moon and get him there before it,s June , Fly him 2 the stars or maybe Mercury or Mars another words , Hide his face .
What have aliens ever really done to us?
if my pilots are religious, i'll wait til the next flight 😃
Thank you Jimmy. I keep asking the same thing. Why can't they leave Kate alone.
I thought of seizing his plane to keep him from flying off to Russia.
They have a habit of falling out of the sky once in Russian airspace for some reason.
Please let him go to Russia, anyway we can end this MAGA nightmare is fine!!! 💙 💙 💙
No, keep him from having cult worship rallies.
@@stuartb3609Similar to Boeing since trump and republicans went deregulation nuts. I wonder who makes trump's plane?
Oh, going to Russia is the perfect ending. "Oh, Donald. You disappoint me. All I asked was that you unfreeze my assets and undermine NATO..."
"Crab Jesus" 🦀 should have walked in sideways...like a crab would. 🥰🥰🥰🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣 I thank Crab Jesus for the Jimmy Kimmel Show. So Entertaining. Great sketch.
😂😂😂😂....great dialog Jimmy!! EMMY FOR JIMMY!!
How was it now what Trump said; “You got to pay your bills! you delinquent! We won’t help you!”
Please make the fish a fixture. I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time!!!! Crab Jesus for Trump's VP!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Crab Jesus is the best Jesus.
Why pass out fish? Just for the halibut...
Drumph is Schroedinger's billionaire! He's both rich and poor at the same time! 🤣
Wow!! Very impressive😜🤪👌👍
Fab comment sir
If you spent more time on creating business and compounding money instead of talking smack about our former president, you might become a billionaire too
A Schroedinger quip is always timely. :)
Until you attempt to measure his wealth. Then it cillapses into one number, which is 100 million.
The GOP has dug itself into such a deep hole over the last 7-8 years and they just keep digging. My former party is unsavable at this point, and it will take at least a generation to overcome. Quite possibly two generations.
They started digging when Reagan became President. Bush ran the country while Reagan read the script in front of the camera. Since then the digging got progressively intense and crazed. Using Supreme Court to steal election in 2000, invading Iraq for weapons of mass destruction that didn't exist, refusing to pay for the War and borrowing Trillions while accusing Democrats of tax and spend, tax cuts for billionaires and cuts in services to everyone else, running economy into the ground and bailing out the corporations, banks,etc while leaving everyone else naked,etc. Trump is just the latest version of the Big Lie Republicans have been selling since 1980.
Unless Crab Jesus can save them! They need a few catfishes.
And they should make restitution
bs grow up pal
gop/government of putin@@chrislambert5571
“A watermelon to a hippopotamus!” - give that writer a raise! 😂😂😂😂😂
I just watched that Stormy - Jimmy interview last night! It was DELIGHTFULLY UNCOMFORTABLY FUNNY AS HELL!!! The spanking and the MUSHROOMS 😂😂😂
Driving the Holy Rollers nuts with Crab Jesus. Love it.
Why do you love such a display of animal cruelty?
That group of old ladies did not look amused at the Jesus mocking lol.
Big Donnie and Little Marco, the perfect GQP dynamic duo.
🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸little marco has less than zero self respect…does he not remember why tiny mush wanted to do to his previous vp???🤔🤔🤔
Wow... Habba babba FINALLY sounded like a real lawyer!
I was wondering where the crab Jesus bit was going, thinking in my head about how they pitched it in their meetings. Then, it seemed to me both Jimmy and Crab Jesus guy realized it was going nowhere until Crab Jesus guy went for a bag and started throwing real dead fish at the audience! I lost it with the lady freaking out!! I laughed so hard!! She even kept freaking out at the end!! I guess it went according to the morning pitch meeting😂😂😂
That lady's reaction made Crab Jesus worth it bahahaha I've never seen someone lose it over a dead catfish like that before 🤣😂🤣😂
She got literal blood on her clothes i mean i hope it wasnt an expensive/fave sweater
@@singingsunflower9000 he literally said they'd buy her a new one. 🤣
The guy behind her with TWO fish was having a field day. Look at that smile.
If this were Seth Meyers, I'd point out that Jesus would never have catfish because they're not kosher. I think crab Jesus was a FRAUD.
Lolololol 😂😂😂
The Crab Jesus fish bit had me laughing far harder than was reasonable.
Evangelicals will be just fine with that whole thing provided they put a picture of Trump on the crabs
That lady was my favorite by far 😅
The stormy joke was the best!
That Trump Rubio back-to-back was absolutely priceless that should be a commercial
I agree, leave Princess Kate in peace! Who cares about all the lookie loos and paparazzi?! To heck with them!
She just had abdominal surgery, that takes time to heal depending what was done. Damn, if Princess Kate can dress up, from the hips up and Zoom her meetings....let her.
I agree. I have had abdominal surgery and the last thing I wanted to do was get dressed up and go out in public.
@@karmaalstad5588I'm surprised she was given the luxury, though. Do you remember how she had to come out for photo ops like right after popping out babies? I've never given birth and even I know how excruciating that had to have been for her!
I'm so tired of all the coverage of that picture. So she altered it or edited it. Who gives a s*** and it's nobody's business. People are falling apart over at calling it a scandal.
@@mandyinseattleRight !! It’s so ridiculous !!
13:53 Jimmy laughing at the fish woman😂😂🤣🤣 🐟🐟
I think he realized the skit went awry and was trying to make her feel better as she was terrified of fish. Maybe get her a gift card to a good sushi place?
@@ukhawajathey do get compensated
@@ukhawaja RAW - FISH !
I'm not afraid of fish but I wouldnt want a dead bacteria covered slime thing thrown on my lap either. If this happened in public like on a bus, crab jesus would be arrested for assault.
They write the comedy themselves ...your job must be easy😂
Was that Zoltan Kaszas playing crab Jesus??? One of the funnier comedians out there imho and he did the whole bit very well.
Trump looking for a running mate is a reminder of a job interview question you should ALWAYS ask; "What happened to the last person who had the job?"
Being Trumps VP could be a hang up.
Trump: He “hung” up on me when I asked him to steal the election
Sadly, in their selfishness, the applicants don't care what happened to the last guy!
Buried in legal fees in the backyard swamp owned by rump.
🌸Spring🌸 Tis' the season for seizin '
Great line 🎉😁
Who knew people were so scared of fish when they're out of the water? Yes, they have faces before they're fileted 🤦🏾♂️.
Jesus bit at the end was SO random it was amazing, hahahahaha.
A genius doesn’t call himself smart… a billionaire doesn’t call himself rich… but a dictator calls himself trump
Would be dictator who must be stopped
Someone has a troll.
@@Andr50n• Get a life!
Well said!! 👍🏼
trump 4ever 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The front row freaked out!! The fish stole the show!!!
And the show stole the innocent fishes' lives for a stupid sight gag.
I was a bit taken back when I saw the fish were real. ...- - I just now heard something (diff show): "the world population will reach 10 BILLION by 2080". I can't recall who is interviewed so I can't immediately post source(s) but if this is correct, we've already passed the tipping point for this planet's balance. Not sure why I felt it okay to share this first (for me) with you. @@PleaseDontEatTheAnimals
@@PleaseDontEatTheAnimals Do... Do you think the show killed the fish? If they were already dead when purchased at the market, why do you give a F*¢k what people do with them? Do you cry everytime you see a dead fish in the movies, in the market, on the shore, in a restaurant?
I was confused. It wasn't Ben Carson that died, it was Herman Cain that died 4 years ago. 6:00
👀…he was making a joke…
Thank you Jimmy Kimmel for standing up for Princess Catherine.
Jimmy Kimmel is always funny
Jimmie Kimmel 🔥 🔥 🔥
Stephen Colbert 🔥 🔥
Seth Meyers 🔥 🔥
@@dianep6791Jon Stewart
Not always, but this time was good, because he wasn't bitter at Trump, just saying jokes, and the Fish skit was great, although he wasn't that comfortable at the end.
@@FreedomVoice365 He was probably a bit concerned she might have a panic attack or something. Gotta love live TV!
Not funny when he's killing innocent animals for a cheap joke.
Thank you very much for this clip. It makes me laugh so loud and extremely happy, especially the Crab Jesus and the stinky fish!
Please take the plane...the plane...the plane😉
Don't know about "Crab Jesus," but I once heard a patient yell _Jesus! I've got crabs?_
Hey man got any butter ?
Great show ! Loved the clips
I'm surprised they missed the opportunity to make a pun like Jesus Christacean!
Also, the fish bit was hilarious to watch, but I think I also would have been freaked out if I were in that part of the audience. (I have a strong aversion to the smell of fish)
So that may be how he will choose his VP, if they will pay his bond.
Vice President Vladimir Putin...
@@user-zb9lv3gh8s You know Putin said he doesn't want Trump, and he doesn't care who's president because it doesn't make a difference to relations. (Because of CIA positions etc., which both sides agree on)
Love you Jimmy Kimmel, your show is terrific. Best talk show on the air. Welcome back Jimmy Kimmel. 😊❤👍
Seth Meyers is better