You realize you're healed, when you don't want to seek revenge to the abuse you received. You don't want them to hurt because they hurt you. The abuse made me a kinder, more gentle soul. They can smear my name all they want, but the sun gives us light, whether it's day or night. You can't burn out a true heart full of kindness. Don't consume yourself trying to understand them. I felt free, when I reached out to my abusive ex, and told her. I forgave her and was not seeking her approval. But I did it for me, not her. At that moment my life changed, literally. You don't have to contact them. But you have to set yourself free.
The narc fears them self most of all... It's their insecurities which is why they need to be the false person and project it onto the world to view... Show your true light and dime their light on you by turning the switch off and walk away... Stay safe and be vigilant people.
Yes, he tried his best to find fault in me to devalue and tried to shame me. After a while It didn't work I stopped giving him anything. So everytime he tried I destroyed him with the same tactics only much worse. I would cut him to the bone. I wounded him much worse than he could me. It just killed him that anyone could best him at his own sick game. I finally walked away after educating myself.
They fear rejection and being told the truth about why you left them. I actually told my ex Narc exactly how he made me feel throughout our 18 years together, I told him this 2 years after I had left when he was attempting another ridiculous hoover, I have never known him to be so quiet.
When I woke up from my dream I began to ask my wife of 25 years, why you treat me like that, why you do that, why why why. So many questions, rarely none answered. This is how I began my healing, and I haven't looked back.
Exactly the same. I told him everything and he just stood there staring at me. I think they soak it in so they can compartmentalize it later and use it to be a better narc for the next supply
TOTALLY AGREE with this, my narcissist ex husband is FULL OF SHAME, he EXTREMELY DAMAGED FROM HIS CHILDHOOD, very very clear to see this now, it's all image to him and JUST A SHELL nothing nothing inside.
Not all narcissistic people are created some are born that way My sister was a covert narcissist and had the same happy caring childhood I did We were loved and all treated well.
Thank you...always told to stay no contact, stay silent, but living with a pain that is deep. Lost who I was before this darkness, have regained my self esteem, and worthiness. Have so much to put truth out about this person, to let all who are smeared against me, for them to know who she really is. I have to carefully put everything together, for it has been 8 years of serious physical and mental abuse. 2 years since a traumatic discard
I enjoyed this because I did just that. The narcissist for whatever reason my narcissist in the end feared me so much and I never understood exactly why that was until watching this. And trust me I am barely 5' and less than 85 lbs but my narcissist was nothing but CRAZY and yes VERY DELUSIONAL. Only living literally in their little "fantasy world" but my narcissist called it their "little bubble". And always would tell me "don't pop my bubble I am fine where I am" then accuse me of constantly pulling them out of that bubble which made them very mad and upset with ME. Thus causing fights with me then blaming me for any and everything including the fight they themselves JUST caused. In my narcissists mind THEY ACTUALLY FEARED ME FOR THEIR LIVES. All I did was confront them with the TRUTH and hard evidence no one could dispute not even THEM. I then sold my house and moved to another state. They are Brilliant actors/actresses and can and do charm anyone to make them believable including a Judge. THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT.
The narc I was married to ended up in a group called Adult Children of Alcoholics where he could go on ad nauseum about how abused & abandoned he was which gave him license to be the way he is. Never his fault or can’t change, he’s still using this @ 74 & gaining sympathy from others. Nuts!!
They fear people who have gotten through there recovery from them My ex tried to put me in jail ,2 times the police had to apologize to me in writing for acting on her false information I retaliate by sending to 8 of her company branches a7 page email detailing the crap she put me through including how she was having a affair with her boss 4 years later she's in a state of severe depression and suicidal and hates me with a vengeance I have a beautiful new wife and partner Secret to dealing with these creatures is no fear and smash them , you are in a war for your well being and life
Yep mine manipulated the police as well, the lengths they go to are just sadistically unimaginable, there really are no words😓for what they are capable of to survive.
It's just so sad. When you love and want to look after this person and they just can't acknowledge it and want to be protected by that person I'll never understand.
The narc I was with told me all about his childhood trauma. Also cried all the time about his past; because he hung out in strip bars and dated strippers. I'm his Pastors daughter, maybe that's why. He didn't even treat me that good, either. He quit coming to church after he ended it with me in late September. He's been back once since then. That was only because my Dad almost died. I feel like exposing him sometimes. But, I'll just "be still" and let God handle him. 🙏 Thank you for this informative video! You are appreciated! ❤
🙏🏻 AA I would add a few personal insights and a caution. The caution is dont think this knowledge is the keystone to revenge as if you push the shame card with them you risk narcissistic rage. From my experience AA is bang on! I saw the origin of my abuser and their shame and reason for splitting and that played into my compassion to stick around. Ultimately that didn’t matter and in sticking around I collected a lot of evidence which when the split came helped to keep me sane and provide a defence I used for our shared work environment. I threatened to use this and they chose to leave ( though dressed it up as something else). They couldn’t afford their secret abuse of myself and disdain for others we worked with getting out. I don’t feel good about their shame being a motivator to step away (rare) and I don’t feel good I pushed that. It’s guilt I shouldn’t carry but the story is proof about what they fear most. Coming face to face with unravelling the lie that’s been protecting their hurt child. It’s just sad
In my experience a female covert narcissist fear the things she can’t control and that’s actually sad when you think about that nothing in this world is controllable 🤷🏼♂️
The Narcissist knows who they really are. And they know the harm that they cause they can't help them selves. Because that is who they are. And for all your effort for being with them loving and caring about them. someone
This is so true Anoushka ! A recent relationship I had with a single mum who I found later is a covert narcissist devalued and discarded me after I spoke to her honestly about what I think of her and where our relationship was going. I was honest with her, explaining that I understand her situation as a single mother raising a 4y/o boy and that she needed security in a relationship. Looking back at it now, I think I had caused her shame. All I was doing was being honest in letting her know that I cared for her and to take the relationship slowly and get to know each other further. The strange thing is, she lives next door to me. She has renewed her lease for another 12 months - I seem think I am still her primary source of supply. Although I grey-rock and try and maintain no-contact where I can. If she really hates me, why is she staying as I own my property and it is easier for her to move.
Thank you, Anouschka! This video is absolutely brilliant!!!! Thank you so much! This is sooo helpful to have shame explained in the way that you so eloquently did...You have helped me, once again, to understand a little more why this narcissist I chose to marry has been such a jerk! 😈 I don't know if it's possible to shame this person...😈 I will try some of your recommended techniques! 🤞
Wow anoushka this video is so spot on and the woman in the video has such an eerily uncanny resembence of my ex I got chills watching it thank you so much for your work on this highly disturbing behavior your insight is truly inspirational and a healing for those of us who've endured such atrocitys keep up the wonderful work you do dear lady 🙏💙
What about if they had a good childhood though? The ex was spoilt rotten and grew up in a loving and stable household. But yet he has every single criteria of NPD. He did lose his father, who I believe is the only person he ever really loved, and then had a near fatal car accident. From what I’ve heard he has always been a “nightmare” but worse since these traumas. Could this trauma have triggered his NPD full blown?
Supposedly, the narcissist I know of is "afraid" of me, maybe that is why he doesn't interact with me all that much. Maybe he thinks I can see him for who he really is, and to a certain extent, yes. The evidence of what he does still manages to trickle my way eventually, and I just shake my head, he is at it again.
Yep, my boy said he killed himself off. You might, perhaps, have guessed it had gone this way before I knew. I think he also turned my daughter against me in retaliation of me finally standing up to him and no longer crumbling under his ultimatums and threats. This, sadly, is the one thing I cant heal from fully. I managed to get a new life, to cut the others out, all of them.. which needed to be done .. and am getting used to it .. but it's all been at the cost of losing my children too .. although, I think that damage was done a long time ago. I'm ok .. I just wanted to share that with you
@Of the Refrain Thank you for saying. What a mess, isnt it. Yep, we persist, regardless the fallout. It's the only way to get away from it all isnt it, the only way to live a peaceful safe healthy life. Keep well, safe, close with God .. we knew it wouldnt always be easy :)
@@jackgoodings ....glad you are pushing through. I really felt all you said about cant fully heal from loss of children, and from having them turned against you. I too need to get any last trace of the narc and his followers completely out of my life. I'm struggling to give in to myself and sell the property and home we have together as I have to lose the gardens I have created for 20 years and the dogs and animals I love. I am torn between taking more loss....or staying in the nest of evil just to keep my dogs. I wish you peace and love in your future, best wishes
It is actually really sad - but you cannot be responsible for them. As adults they need to be deal with it and if they don't then so be it. As a sane person you have to get away.
be cautious when feeling sorry for them while they're alive. Even Hitler had difficult childhood. Also he had to survive WW1 in trenches, that was brutal.
grateful , feeling good about identifying a massive one just recently, just by his email content. meditating on how to mess with him,, he's on facebook so lots for me to choose from,, thanks for the tips Anoushka,,, always ,,,,,, have a beautiful day everyone, namaste............... rip Thich Nhat Hahn, 22/01/2022 ,,,,,, "no coming , no going" 🙏 clouds never die 💭
I grew up weak and insecure with beautiful women in the first place afraid of how I'm being viewed, so it's a shock having my narcissist run and hide from me when she has the power. I don't take BS. I don't like being mistreated, so what? If it was a dude, we may come to blows and make up later.
I think the best revenge is going completely silent. Blocking, not answering texts. I've tried shaming my narc but it was a waste of time. He'd threaten to break windows or do damage to my car. These sick sociopaths will never understand or care about the truth.
@@flowersofthefield340 I honestly think just being themselves is their karma. Imagine living with such intense pain and learning to disguise it just to get by?! And to con and maniputalate people to protect themselves is a awful way to live - no thanks!!
I'm looking at your videos I might have found somebody that stalking me on my trail he's not my thing my type whatever you want to call her I'm more fat ladies and since you know a lot of your work this is what ready-to you're a beautiful professional person like me and I don't know what to do with this person or tell her team it's a I mean it's better to be safe than sorry and I called the police somebody's got to tell me five people because me and you are good people that's what we do reach out to professional people to tell these rich people to f*** off so anyways I love your videos Man and not to be rude your accident is amazing you got the cruise and the walks and the top you know how to do your job maybe some some girl like you can help me a woman I don't know I need what I'm your smart want to marry one just to let you know make sure don't get stalkers
I don’t agree with your explanation of narcissistic behaviours started with a traumatic childhood my son has physically abused me for 6 years before the ultimate physical attack police called I was in so much pain,he discarded me and I was a single mum who spoiled him loved him and he got so much attention and encouraged him to do well at school etc, and he is a full blown narcissist, so was his father and my parents, he watched them abuse me, so my sons childhood was not traumatic at all, so I don’t understand you diagnosis x
They fear courageous, intelligent, hardworking, truthful and self-actualized people.
They do
Exactly....all attributes that they don't have...
You nailed it. And I’ll add decent, full of integrity, and mentally strong.
I disagree with this, these are the sort of people narcissists love to manipulate and bring down. Prey to the predator
@@tjfSIM so true
I dont know about 'fear" but they have difficulty with authentic people.
They fear genuine people
You realize you're healed, when you don't want to seek revenge to the abuse you received. You don't want them to hurt because they hurt you. The abuse made me a kinder, more gentle soul. They can smear my name all they want, but the sun gives us light, whether it's day or night. You can't burn out a true heart full of kindness. Don't consume yourself trying to understand them. I felt free, when I reached out to my abusive ex, and told her. I forgave her and was not seeking her approval. But I did it for me, not her. At that moment my life changed, literally. You don't have to contact them. But you have to set yourself free.
Your approach speaks volumes of who you are. Hard as it can be.... breaking that barrier is the turning point. Thank you for your share !!
Forgivness is really powerfull
The narc fears them self most of all... It's their insecurities which is why they need to be the false person and project it onto the world to view... Show your true light and dime their light on you by turning the switch off and walk away... Stay safe and be vigilant people.
Yes, he tried his best to find fault in me to devalue and tried to shame me. After a while It didn't work I stopped giving him anything. So everytime he tried I destroyed him with the same tactics only much worse. I would cut him to the bone. I wounded him much worse than he could me. It just killed him that anyone could best him at his own sick game. I finally walked away after educating myself.
They fear rejection and being told the truth about why you left them. I actually told my ex Narc exactly how he made me feel throughout our 18 years together, I told him this 2 years after I had left when he was attempting another ridiculous hoover, I have never known him to be so quiet.
When I woke up from my dream I began to ask my wife of 25 years, why you treat me like that, why you do that, why why why. So many questions, rarely none answered. This is how I began my healing, and I haven't looked back.
Exactly the same. I told him everything and he just stood there staring at me. I think they soak it in so they can compartmentalize it later and use it to be a better narc for the next supply
You definitely get their attention then
You were lucky then Joanne. You never experienced the silent treatment 🤔
Michellesecret1 too true..
TOTALLY AGREE with this, my narcissist ex husband is FULL OF SHAME, he EXTREMELY DAMAGED FROM HIS CHILDHOOD, very very clear to see this now, it's all image to him and JUST A SHELL nothing nothing inside.
Not all narcissistic people are created some are born that way My sister was a covert narcissist and had the same happy caring childhood I did We were loved and all treated well.
Thank you...always told to stay no contact, stay silent, but living with a pain that is deep. Lost who I was before this darkness, have regained my self esteem, and worthiness. Have so much to put truth out about this person, to let all who are smeared against me, for them to know who she really is. I have to carefully put everything together, for it has been 8 years of serious physical and mental abuse. 2 years since a traumatic discard
Well said Anoushka. I feel so sorry for these people, wish them the best and leave them forever. This video made me cry. Thank you Anoushka. xxx
I cried too.
@@supernatural2762 Hope you feel better & moved on. I'm a lot happier and I did the best thing in my life :) ❤
I enjoyed this because I did just that. The narcissist for whatever reason my narcissist in the end feared me so much and I never understood exactly why that was until watching this. And trust me I am barely 5' and less than 85 lbs but my narcissist was nothing but CRAZY and yes VERY DELUSIONAL. Only living literally in their little "fantasy world" but my narcissist called it their "little bubble". And always would tell me "don't pop my bubble I am fine where I am" then accuse me of constantly pulling them out of that bubble which made them very mad and upset with ME. Thus causing fights with me then blaming me for any and everything including the fight they themselves JUST caused. In my narcissists mind THEY ACTUALLY FEARED ME FOR THEIR LIVES. All I did was confront them with the TRUTH and hard evidence no one could dispute not even THEM. I then sold my house and moved to another state. They are Brilliant actors/actresses and can and do charm anyone to make them believable including a Judge. THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT.
When you throw who they really are back into their own face.
The narc I was married to ended up in a group called Adult Children of Alcoholics where he could go on ad nauseum about how abused & abandoned he was which gave him license to be the way he is. Never his fault or can’t change, he’s still using this @ 74 & gaining sympathy from others. Nuts!!
They fear people who have gotten through there recovery from them
My ex tried to put me in jail ,2 times the police had to apologize to me in writing for acting on her false information
I retaliate by sending to 8 of her company branches a7 page email detailing the crap she put me through including how she was having a affair with her boss
4 years later she's in a state of severe depression and suicidal and hates me with a vengeance
I have a beautiful new wife and partner
Secret to dealing with these creatures is no fear and smash them , you are in a war for your well being and life
Yep mine manipulated the police as well, the lengths they go to are just sadistically unimaginable, there really are no words😓for what they are capable of to survive.
Did she and/or her boss get fired?
It's just so sad. When you love and want to look after this person and they just can't acknowledge it and want to be protected by that person I'll never understand.
so true Anoushka... exposing them...definitely have 2 sides.
The narc I was with told me all about his childhood trauma. Also cried all the time about his past; because he hung out in strip bars and dated strippers. I'm his Pastors daughter, maybe that's why. He didn't even treat me that good, either. He quit coming to church after he ended it with me in late September. He's been back once since then. That was only because my Dad almost died. I feel like exposing him sometimes. But, I'll just "be still" and let God handle him. 🙏 Thank you for this informative video! You are appreciated! ❤
🙏🏻 AA I would add a few personal insights and a caution. The caution is dont think this knowledge is the keystone to revenge as if you push the shame card with them you risk narcissistic rage.
From my experience AA is bang on! I saw the origin of my abuser and their shame and reason for splitting and that played into my compassion to stick around. Ultimately that didn’t matter and in sticking around I collected a lot of evidence which when the split came helped to keep me sane and provide a defence I used for our shared work environment. I threatened to use this and they chose to leave ( though dressed it up as something else). They couldn’t afford their secret abuse of myself and disdain for others we worked with getting out. I don’t feel good about their shame being a motivator to step away (rare) and I don’t feel good I pushed that. It’s guilt I shouldn’t carry but the story is proof about what they fear most. Coming face to face with unravelling the lie that’s been protecting their hurt child. It’s just sad
In my experience a female covert narcissist fear the things she can’t control and that’s actually sad when you think about that nothing in this world is controllable 🤷🏼♂️
@Bruce Waynesjustice what I’ve explained here is just the top of the iceberg - believe me when I say that she was/is a full blown narcissist 😉
Shame doesn't even exist as an emotion.. The same as the narcissist
The Narcissist knows who they really are. And they know the harm that they cause they can't help them selves. Because that is who they are. And for all your effort for being with them loving and caring about them.
someone
Mine told me on more than one occassion "I'm scared of you"
His pet word for me was " his little piranha " boy did I bite back .....
Me too. All because I refused to be a part of his harem.
They fear not being. And when they see anyone else being then that triggers their own lack of being. They believe others ARE and that they ARE not.
Exposure ........ Is dynamite ⚠️🗡️☢️🔥💯💥🕳️
Another must watch video. Thank you!
Awesome.. Very well said Anoushka..
Nothing shames a narcissist they get a thrill out of being willfully stupid and proud of it .
what a soothing healing comforting mother's voice, thank you Anoushka
Informative and confirming!
This is so true Anoushka !
A recent relationship I had with a single mum who I found later is a covert narcissist devalued and discarded me after I spoke to her honestly about what I think of her and where our relationship was going. I was honest with her, explaining that I understand her situation as a single mother raising a 4y/o boy and that she needed security in a relationship. Looking back at it now, I think I had caused her shame. All I was doing was being honest in letting her know that I cared for her and to take the relationship slowly and get to know each other further.
The strange thing is, she lives next door to me.
She has renewed her lease for another 12 months - I seem think I am still her primary source of supply. Although I grey-rock and try and maintain no-contact where I can. If she really hates me, why is she staying as I own my property and it is easier for her to move.
So true 👍 first hand.
Thank you, Anouschka! This video is absolutely brilliant!!!! Thank you so much! This is sooo helpful to have shame explained in the way that you so eloquently did...You have helped me, once again, to understand a little more why this narcissist I chose to marry has been such a jerk! 😈 I don't know if it's possible to shame this person...😈 I will try some of your recommended techniques! 🤞
Wow anoushka this video is so spot on and the woman in the video has such an eerily uncanny resembence of my ex I got chills watching it thank you so much for your work on this highly disturbing behavior your insight is truly inspirational and a healing for those of us who've endured such atrocitys keep up the wonderful work you do dear lady 🙏💙
Very helpful ty..💜
What about if they had a good childhood though? The ex was spoilt rotten and grew up in a loving and stable household.
But yet he has every single criteria of NPD.
He did lose his father, who I believe is the only person he ever really loved, and then had a near fatal car accident.
From what I’ve heard he has always been a “nightmare” but worse since these traumas. Could this trauma have triggered his NPD full blown?
Well said . Thank you
I feel pity for them. But in no chance in hell, i am ever coming back to his life. No way, i am returning. Nope.
Supposedly, the narcissist I know of is "afraid" of me, maybe that is why he doesn't interact with me all that much.
Maybe he thinks I can see him for who he really is, and to a certain extent, yes.
The evidence of what he does still manages to trickle my way eventually, and I just shake my head,
he is at it again.
Yep, my boy said he killed himself off. You might, perhaps, have guessed it had gone this way before I knew. I think he also turned my daughter against me in retaliation of me finally standing up to him and no longer crumbling under his ultimatums and threats. This, sadly, is the one thing I cant heal from fully. I managed to get a new life, to cut the others out, all of them.. which needed to be done .. and am getting used to it .. but it's all been at the cost of losing my children too .. although, I think that damage was done a long time ago. I'm ok .. I just wanted to share that with you
@Of the Refrain Thank you for saying. What a mess, isnt it. Yep, we persist, regardless the fallout. It's the only way to get away from it all isnt it, the only way to live a peaceful safe healthy life. Keep well, safe, close with God .. we knew it wouldnt always be easy :)
Basically same story for me. Hope your ok
@@CH-in8dm I'm ok, thanks .. most if the time .. it's ok. And you, hope you're ok too.
@@jackgoodings ....glad you are pushing through. I really felt all you said about cant fully heal from loss of children, and from having them turned against you.
I too need to get any last trace of the narc and his followers completely out of my life. I'm struggling to give in to myself and sell the property and home we have together as I have to lose the gardens I have created for 20 years and the dogs and animals I love. I am torn between taking more loss....or staying in the nest of evil just to keep my dogs. I wish you peace and love in your future, best wishes
Narcissist dissorder is also partially genetic. My childhood was very abusive but I never turned into a narc. I'm actually very empathetic.
That’s is brilliant!!
Hi Anoushka! First! 💞
It is actually really sad - but you cannot be responsible for them. As adults they need to be deal with it and if they don't then so be it. As a sane person you have to get away.
Yeup, spot on
Ty
be cautious when feeling sorry for them while they're alive. Even Hitler had difficult childhood. Also he had to survive WW1 in trenches, that was brutal.
He was a charismatic psychopath ....... Who led millions to their destruction
A deluded megalomaniac and drug addict
I don't know why I feel sorry for them
We get hurt and move on
But narcissist has no life 😔
grateful , feeling good about identifying a massive one just recently, just by his email content. meditating on how to mess with him,, he's on facebook so lots for me to choose from,, thanks for the tips Anoushka,,, always ,,,,,, have a beautiful day everyone, namaste............... rip Thich Nhat Hahn, 22/01/2022 ,,,,,, "no coming , no going" 🙏 clouds never die 💭
I didn't know. ~ RIP 🙏
Thank you. ... And, 💪Good ☘ Luck! 😊
I grew up weak and insecure with beautiful women in the first place afraid of how I'm being viewed, so it's a shock having my narcissist run and hide from me when she has the power. I don't take BS. I don't like being mistreated, so what? If it was a dude, we may come to blows and make up later.
It's always about control .......
Escape !
So are you saying "No Contact" does not work?
I think the best revenge is going completely silent. Blocking, not answering texts. I've tried shaming my narc but it was a waste of time. He'd threaten to break windows or do damage to my car. These sick sociopaths will never understand or care about the truth.
No contact does work ...... IT KEEPS YOU SAFE !!!!!
THESE ARE MASTER MANIPULATORS SO YOU MUST STAY BACK AND LET KARMA DO ITS THING
@@flowersofthefield340 I honestly think just being themselves is their karma. Imagine living with such intense pain and learning to disguise it just to get by?! And to con and maniputalate people to protect themselves is a awful way to live - no thanks!!
I'm looking at your videos I might have found somebody that stalking me on my trail he's not my thing my type whatever you want to call her I'm more fat ladies and since you know a lot of your work this is what ready-to you're a beautiful professional person like me and I don't know what to do with this person or tell her team it's a I mean it's better to be safe than sorry and I called the police somebody's got to tell me five people because me and you are good people that's what we do reach out to professional people to tell these rich people to f*** off so anyways I love your videos Man and not to be rude your accident is amazing you got the cruise and the walks and the top you know how to do your job maybe some some girl like you can help me a woman I don't know I need what I'm your smart want to marry one just to let you know make sure don't get stalkers
I don’t agree with your explanation of narcissistic behaviours started with a traumatic childhood my son has physically abused me for 6 years before the ultimate physical attack police called I was in so much pain,he discarded me and I was a single mum who spoiled him loved him and he got so much attention and encouraged him to do well at school etc, and he is a full blown narcissist, so was his father and my parents, he watched them abuse me, so my sons childhood was not traumatic at all, so I don’t understand you diagnosis x