Adoptees vs Birth Parents: Should Birth Parents Try to Stay in Touch? | Middle Ground
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Hi everyone! I was the director of this episode of Middle Ground and I just wanted to hop on here to say thanks so much for watching! This is a very special episode for me that I really enjoyed making and I hope you guys enjoy it too. If you have any questions or comments feel free to reply below :) ok thanks bye love you mean it!
Bonnie Black This was one of my favourites ❤️
This is a very amazing and eye opening video
Hello this was an amazing episode thank you for making it
I loved this episode, so nice to see such a healthy discussion without any animosity for a change, you could tell this was a truly safe space
Would have been good to have a male adoptee in the mix too. Felt a bit lopsided. We exist too.
When Scott said to the adoptees "We need you to make our family. You guys are our superheroes and our lives wouldn't be complete without you" and they both started crying, my heart melted. I imagine their whole lives they are taught to think of their adopted parents as superheroes for taking in "unwanted" kids, rather than realising the value they bring to a family.
This part made me cry too
Bro wtf I remember the TWD your pfp just brought back memories
Yess
Miguel Hernandez D’accord! I agree! For me, Scott presented as his job - actor, saying what should be said in the situation or at that moment, rehearsed. He protectively glossed over his biological son’s adoption and lack of relationship. His body language, vocal pattern changed, at that moment only. Editing did not hide that physical “tell” of Scott’s, it was genuine remorse, sense of failing. He put that actor’s mask back on quickly with the rushed comment, “Nothing can be done about it though.”
The truth-tellers or honest people appeared to be EVERYONE ELSE in the video, in my opinion. Everyone else’s body language and “tells” read as genuine. Scott definitely took EVERY opportunity, on EVERY question, to answer. This was probably his best role yet, because he kept that spotlight in view!
@I. S. Paccara u ok bruh?
"God put me in your belly, because my mother couldn't have me in hers" - that is SUCH a beautiful way to explain adoption to a child. ❤️
Biliuta Cezara yesss❤️
I teared a bit when I heard that. So precious.
@@only900more2go I'm straight up crying again.
I'm very nearly crying
Ummm that’s hella confusing. Can someone explain this to me
I love how Scott adopted a child after he had to put his own child up for adoption
it's really sad that because of money and the modern economic structure in first world countries where you have to put in years and years of college or working your way up the corporate ladder, most people can't afford to have kids at the actual age they're most fit to be parents in the natural world. then they come back 10 or 20 years later and are secure enough financially to be parents to the children they were physically ready to parent. the only way i see of combating this is return more to the extended family structure that was moved away from in the last 100 years.
@@soakupthenoise Ikr it is all about society, how come you have to worry that much about education and feeding your child when in the past you just lived with cloth diapers, breast milk or corn w/milk then had a homeschool education. Now it seems so hard to do that you'll end up on the streets with a child because again there isn't wood or a place where you can build a house as in third world countries. How crazy
I wonder what the kids who was given up for adoption feels about that. I feel like it would be a lot of resentment. Reminds me of barney confronting his dad in HIMYM.
Anthony Coleman not trying to say “poor me” or anything, but as someone who is adopted and found out a couple of years ago that my bm was right under my nose the whole time, it tears me apart personally that she has other kids. No matter how much in my head I know the situation she is in now is different, it is an embarrassing hurt and resentment.
@@Astros_1836 that is very understandable
Middle Ground: Married people vs. People who don't believe in marriage
That would be a goooood one
Ooh! Yesss
THIS NEEDS MORE LIKES UGH
Marriage is fuckry
yes!!
This was the most peaceful episode of middleground i've ever seen. No yelling, heated debates, passive agressiveness, just learning and understanding.
i know right? i loved the different povs and the learning viewers can take out of this video
it was very beautiful and I think the main reason is this is an aspect of all of their lives they think about and interact with every day. Whereas some of the other episodes, it's like one side does and the other ignores or denies. Whereas whether adopted or birth parent you have a grief story and love.
Not that controversial like some of the others. More of a simpler episode.
And crying.....😭😭😭😭😭😭
So much empathy!
im over here crying and im not even adopted
lol same XD it's bc this group was so heartwarming, thats the reason.
Yeah I cried a few times when people died and I'm not even dead.
Same
Prince Does Magic sameeee 😂🥺
Prince Does Magic same ! I’m truly crying 😭
I’m adopted and when the man said “we need you, you’re our hero’s” that hit me hard. I never really thought about it that way and wow. I’m in tears.
As someone that has plans to adopt kids when I'm older, that statement could not be more true. Sometimes when I'm in a rough place I just think about my future kids and how much I'm going to love them. And how they need me to be alive and have a good job. That's what keeps me going. I can't wait to be a mother someday.
Navya Thereja Kapoor omg same! I never heard anyone describing it like this before.
As a woman trying to adopt, that made me start bawling!
I’m not even adopted but that just made my eyes well up. I think that statement changed their lives and perspectives - especially the adopted. That was so powerful and so heartfelt.
I know same hear.
Don’t adopt a child if you’re not going to accept them for whoever they become. The adoptive parents who rejected their transgender child shouldn’t be parents.
You should support your child if they're transand support them if they're many other things but I would not say you should support your child in anything they want to become.
there are still things like sex workers drug dealers addicts or murderers that I would kind of not support.
The child isn't even 18 yet. For all we know, the real "problem" is just that the parents refused to consent to hormone treatment for a minor.
Zeke Z ZekeKan well yea of course not
It’s not just not allowing hormone replacement therapy, it was a complete denial. I was being told “it’s just a phase (s)he is not trans” and ignoring it for years, deadnaming and misgendering, to the point of one parent signing away custody. But I’m happy to say that now at 18 he is allowed to be his true self and make decisions for his body and start the transition.
I was lucky enough to take him to see a gender therapist a couple years ago and learn more and support him through that. But even with the evidence given by the doctor to the parents, they still didn’t believe. That’s part of the inner turmoil I discussed.
And I also want to thank everyone for their support of him, and us. It means so much ❤️
That's like saying 'don't have a child if you're not going to support them for who they become'. People are just sometimes... incapable.
I never wanted to hug a group of people more than these people.
You should check out a children's hospital sometime.
As long as you treat the child well,I don’t see anything wrong with adoption or birth parents.
Facts
the issue is that some parents act like they want to adopt but end up being assholes. the adoption process takes yearsssss but there aren’t enough people who are willing to go through the entire process, the home visits, interviews, possible rejection, constant court dates, and then dealing with the birth parents if they are getting involved. It’s a long process that most aren’t prepared for.
Treating a child well and treating them like your own child are different. I learned the difference from the parents who adopted me. They used me and my other adopted siblings to boost their Church fame. I'd be fine with that, if not for the fact they hid letters for me from my family for years. I still don't know where they are, the letters. And thanks to that little act, I can't form a proper relationship with my actual parents. They also used the adoption as a weapon at times, saying things like "your parents gave you up for adoption, they obviously didn't love you as we do" when I knew damn well that they couldn't afford to raise 8 kids. And that my dad died before I was born. And that my mother tried to contact me. I've seen adoption truly be a parent loving their kid as their own, but it's a rare case to be had for sure, especially if they've had other kids of their own
People who give birth are selfish because Reproducing kids is morally wrong since there are already Millions of orphan children around the world you can adopt and since you can't get the consent of a child to be born in this cruel world. Also as the human population increases, the habitats of wild animals continues to decrease.
~
Also I noticed that wealthy extremely good looking blue/green eyed people like Leonardo DiCaprio, Jake Gyllenhal, Charlize Theron, Elizabeth Olsen, Robert Pattinson, Jennifer Lawrence, Jesse Metcalfe -have reproduced 0 kids. While poorer/middle class, average looking, br0wn eyed people usually always reproduce atleast 2 kids or more. Despite overpopulation.
@Favor Igwilo
It's not an opinion it's a FACT that repr0ducing children is a selfish act because there are already millions of orphan children around the world you can ad0pt and since you can't get the consent of a child to be born in this cruel world. Als0 as the human populati0n increases, the habitats of endangered wild animals c0ntinues to decrease.
They started crying, I started crying, we all started crying.
yes, we did.
yes this episode was an emotional one :(
When the man said “we’re not superheroes, *we* need *you*” and both of the adoptee girls burst into tears I did too 😭😭😭
Butter Scotchnut I started crying the same time as them. I was adopted too and what he said really moved me.
Me too! I could just tell that really hit them hard and that was such a peaceful and beautiful moment. He knew exactly what they needed to hear
I was adopted at 2yo. And that sentence made me cry as well.
Same here! It was so touching! I had never thought of myself in that way before.
Sierra’s story is so sad she was sexually abused and her parents said she was going to hell if she aborted and being cut off if she put her child up for adoption. I’m Christian too and they are a bad example of Christ’s love. that’s is the wrong way to talk to someone who has been sexually abused that’s so so horrible at 15 as well
Bekah I bet her parents are Republicans
I am Christian too but I don't believe that women who have an abortion or adoption are going to hell. Especially when they could not be a parent for the child. They are brave. The issue with Christianity is not the believe itself but the church and people who only believe what 89 year old preast say even though those preasts often don't lead a life which is following a right path. Just my opinion so pls no hate
Laura Hammerl I completely agree I forget where it says it but Paul says the only unforgivable sin is dieing with out loving god so no nothing she dose means she’s going to hell
Agatha z You can find a middle ground much easier without talk of shame and sin. I respect people's believes, but the most important core of any religion should be empathy. If you child was used by a cruel man and is pregnant, your empathy must be number one. Not to mention it is your responsibility to educate them on safety of sex and relationship.
Laura Hammerl Thank you for that. All religions depend on honest modern believers like you.
When they asked if they've felt shame around adoption and they ALL sat down...holy crap. We as a society need to end the taboo around this subject. No one should be ashamed of their place in the world. That moment crumpled my heart like a pop can.
sanity's quota I cried so many times watching this video
Absolutely, I have countless times told people I'm adopted and they immediately start treating me like I have a horrible disease.
@@LeeMilby As someone who has considered adopting, it's stuff like this that gives me pause. If it's going to cause a child to grow up traumatized, bullied, depressed and feeling like they got cheated, why even do it.
@@angelxxsin well, i had a good experience growing up overall. It's just people are idiots sometimes. Being adopted was def better than growing up in the system and being homeless :P if people stop adopting that doesn't mean there are any less kids in the world who need families. Adopt if u want to adopt
@@LeeMilby Yeah...thanks, I will adopt if I want to adopt. That's a given. My point is that I wouldn't want a child of mine to see being my kid as "well, it was better than growing up in the system" or it was a "good experience overall", which tbh all sound at least somewhat empty and disenchanted. I DO understand every case is different but I would hope my kid feels that there is absolutely no difference between them and those who are biological children. I guess this is wholly unrealistic, as there will always be some type of negativity associated with the adoption, whether it's others treating them differently, them feeling like they were abandoned, feeling like they don't belong no matter what... etc. It's a big fear, as a potential adoptive parent. Reading through the comments of adoptees has been quite the learning experience. There's a plethora of issues these kids tend to grow up with so it's always good to be aware.
This was probably one of the most calm, sensitive, empathetic episodes ever. I live with my birth parents, very stereotypical american family, but this hit me.
I am a Chinese adoptee, and watching this really hit home for me, especially when it came to the prompt about connecting with my birth parents. In the situation that I was in during the One-Child Policy, families did not have a choice because of the policy. I was adopted when I was 8 months old. My adoptive parents are both white, though they wanted me to stay in touch with my heritage, and that is the closest to being close with my "blood" as I can get. If I had the opportunity to find my birthparents, I would thank them for giving me up, because even though the situation in itself was very grim and unfortunate, I have been able to have the best life possible. I feel that my biological parents would be very proud of my parents, and proud of me for being so successful.
Ella Marencic Same here! I was adopted in 2000 during the one child policy too.
I am a Chinese adoptee as well and it really hit home for me when Andrea said that she doesn't want to reach out to her biological parents because she doesnt want to ruin her mother's life or something. My parents always say that they would help me find my biological parents, but I'm not sure that I want that
@@snowiski_ even reaching out to say hello and do you want contact with me will not ruin their life. The answer may be heartbreaking to yours but bbn if you can process it healthily i would say, try.
I'm am a black British adoptee, and my situation was sort of complicated, my dad got deported back to Nigeria, and my mum went through series of mental health problems. I was adopted when I was 6, so i had a hard time building a relationship with my parents, but as I have progressed I view them and see them as my real parents, and love them. I am still extremely proud of my birth mum, as we do have letter box contact and she tells me all about her life. I'm proud that she managed to build a life. When I'm older I would like to reach out to her and my older siblings (they weren't adopted because they were past the age that most children are adopted )
I'm am a black British adoptee, and my situation was sort of complicated, my dad got deported back to Nigeria, and my mum went through series of mental health problems. I was adopted when I was 6, so i had a hard time building a relationship with my parents, but as I have progressed I view them and see them as my real parents, and love them. I am still extremely proud of my birth mum, as we do have letter box contact and she tells me all about her life. I'm proud that she managed to build a life. When I'm older I would like to reach out to her and my older siblings (they weren't adopted because they were past the age that most children are adopted )
Can you guys do parents that left their spouse and child vs. sons/daughters that had a parent leave?
That’s a good one. That actually happened to me
It's a very good one! I had a parent leave. Would like to hear from the other perspective.
Especially a mom that left, so many people talk about their dads leaving but not many have a mom that was just as absent in their lives or just went to the store and never came back.
This!
Yes or maybe an episode of Spectrum "Do all single parents think the same"
This is the first middle ground I’ve seen where there isn’t that one obnoxious person who shoved their beliefs down peoples throats and I’m here for it 🙌🏼
There was one on gangs that was pretty good too.
@@shirleytatha8189 Oh yeah, the gang one was SO good. Whoever was in charge of finding the participants for both videos needs to be in charge in all future ones.
I loved the one about gangs
"We need you."
I started crying immediately. I need my mom more than she'll ever know. To have this woman adopt me when she didn't have to, to give me the life that I otherwise wouldn't have had. SHE'S the superhero.
You are a superhero as well.
Have a nice day
The guy in the navy blue shirt made this episode. He brought a unique perspective to the discussion as he was both an adoptive and a birth parent.👊🏻
Which means he did have the means to raise his son but simply didn't want him at the time. He probably didn't want to say this on camera though as it's pretty damning. He then adopted his daughter out of guilt after realizing how much he **** up. Small comfort though to son he willing gave up.
@@Not-Ap he didnt have the means or capabilities at the time to raise a child. He was a teenager. When he was able, he decided to adopt.
@@zoemacdonald6297 That's small comfort to the biological son though. He could have at the very least attempted to build a realtionship with him years later.
@@Not-Ap he was a teenager, his son would have a better life with someone else. His son doesn't need consolation. I assume it was a close adoption, and a teenager cant bbn provide the same type of life as a grown adult can.
@@zoemacdonald6297 How could you possibly know this? I am speaking from experience since I came from a similar background. He does not need it and I'm sure he's probably fine but that doesn't mean the thought never crossed his mind. Anyway let's agree to disagree because it's certainly is possible to raise a kid even if your young. I've known many teenage parent and they managed just fine even if they weren't happy about it. Plus I'm sure he had parents or other figures in his who could have helped him and him given advice if he wanted it. He never even tried and that's sad no matter what way you look at it.
I see nothing wrong with adoption. There are so many families that need children, and so many families that can’t provide for children.
But I do think that there is a HUGE issue with abusive adoptive parents...the turmoil with having two different families with issues...a child feeling different from their family...and also feeling like they have to be grateful for their life.
@Sincerely Eccentric
There is nothing wrong with ad0ption. But repr0ducing children is morally wrong since there are already milli0ns of 0rphan children ar0und the Earth which you can ad0pt and also since you can't get the c0nsent of a child to be born in this cruel w0rld. Also as the human p0pulation grows the habitats of wild animals continue to shrink.
~
Als0, I noticed that wealthy extremely good l00king blue/green eyed people like Leonardo DiCaprio, Jake Gyllenhal, Charlize Theron, Elizabeth Olsen, Robert Pattinson, Jennifer Lawrence, Jesse Metcalfe -have reproduced 0 kids. While poorer/middle class, average looking, br0wn eyed people usually always reproduce atleast 2 kids or more. Despite overp0pulation.
@@JD-kp6pt Stop using 0's...
@@JD-kp6pt you okay?
@@JD-kp6pt What does eye color have to do with anything?
@@JD-kp6pt You do realize that for blue and green eyed people to have those colored eyes, they would've had to have a blue/green eyed ancestor in their family line, correct?
Sierra is so strong. I really admire her.
And I'm feeling so badass cuz I'm understanding a whole video in english without subtitles.
It's great that you are taking the time to watch english videos, they can really help your learning. Keep up the good work :)
Congrats 👏😃
Good job! keep at it....which language is your first?
Keep going and in time you won't even notice that you are not watching a video in your native language. ;) It helps a lot if you also read novels or books in English
Here’s an idea! Autistic adults vs parents of autistic children
Omg yes.
I'm late but yessir
yes to this but also consider: autistic people vs anti-vaxxers
@@jk-jl2lo omg 🤣🤣🤣
Yes
What about someone who was adopted when they weren't a baby... That's a whole different dynamic sometime
Exactly, I wish they would shed light on the millions of kids that don’t get adopted as infants/toddlers or don’t get adopted at all.
Yes as someone who was adopted at 11 I have a very diffrent story on this they really limited the perspectives here.
or people saved from abusive or neglectful parents whether they were adopted as a baby or not. like me and my sister.
i was adopted at 7. the reason they don't show these people is because it really IS different, a completely different talk. we know/knew our biological families, and it creates a different set of questions.
Facts. As an adoptee at birth, learning about adoptees at older ages with be good. The magic number is 7 and learning about these kind of adoptees, would add to the conversation. As an adoptee, I was found and I didn't want to be. It was like my biological parents viewed me as family and I don't feel that way. I felt shame because I didn't want to meet them and I felt untrue to myself.
Oh my gosh. What the guy said about adoptive parents needing the kids to start the family, and the two girls started to cry. My heart. I just wanted to hug them.
Instant feels. I don’t want kids for a variety of reasons, but I understand that many many people feel empty and sad without kids in their life. Even I can connect with that so strongly.
@@rachelann9362 same here actually
The concept of “blood family” is so strange to me. In my culture, we only have family, it doesn’t matter if you’re “blood” or not.
Edit: For those asking, I’m Māori :)
Posie lol, what culture do you practice.? ...Personally, I am 1 of 8 adopted kids and I am a foster youth. I can say “blood family” or “biologicals” and “family” /“adopted family” are like oil and water and can never be mixed >_
I'm curious what culture? I would love to know!
i was raised with a blood family concept but i find it strange too. who cares? in general i dont understand attachment to genes and such
@@waifu_png_pl6854 I’m the same way! Family is family, blood or not. I think that in American culture especially (I can’t speak for others) there’s such a huge focus on the biological aspect of family that I never understood
Same, the concept of blood family is super strange but I guess it’s because my family is highly blended in all generations. People who consider my brothers half brothers don’t realise that other side of the family is family regardless of blood relation.
Would have been interesting to see the prospective from someone who went through the foster system prior to adoption
Yessss
This one should have had many more participants. So many different views and this doesn't even scratch the surface. Get some of the adoptive parents who are angry that birth parents are found and should mean nothing to the child. Get some of the women who were coersed into giving their child up. Such a sanitized episode.
Hi, I was born in taiwan, adopted to USA. I was fostered for 6 years since baby, then adopted at 7. Things can truly be different. As not many people tend to adopt an older child and I was not able to stay with the families (birth or foster) that I could of stayed with.
This is touching. People should look into adopting. There are tons of children who need parents to look after them and give them the life they need with love and kindness.
Oh, it takes much more than love and kindness to bild an adoptiv family!
Adopt me 🤗
Especially older kids
i cannot wait to adopt!
Unfortunately not all adopting parents and the adopting system in general isn’t as loving as a lot of people wanna assume
The only thing I ask. The government spends more time screening parents who want to adopt.
My adoptive parents where as equally crappy people.
Not with how bad the system is now. Specially when it comes to foster parents who use the kids as a cash farm or adoption centers that refuse to give kids to lgbt families. Many kids end up more likely to have mental health problems because of it too. Then theres the case of parents who have been raped. Anger and resentment gets aimed at the child now and they grow up abused since the mother sees the child as a reminder
I'm sorry you went through that. I was lucky enough to be adopted by an amazing family from my crackhead family.
Thank Clinton and Obama for that. They took money directly from adoption agencies and shut down orphanages, to give the money to planned Parenthood.
Blacks are targeted for abortion, and our only black president supported that with a passion.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. We are starting the screening process now for foster to adopt and it does seem very in Dept from my point of view, but we are in Canada. It makes me so angry that horrible people can slip through the cracks like that.
@@therockymountainredneck6856 I'm glad some of us were lucky!
"God put me in your tummy because my mommy couldn't have me in hers"
brb sobbing an entire ocean rn
i was a 6 year old icon according to most of these comments thank u ❤️
@@aarron5817 If that is you, you're an Icon with a heart of gold 🧡
Nani ? i really hope it’s me, also thank you so much ❤️
This was nice to see. Im adopted and I wish there were more conversations about adoption especially in the black community.
ESPECIALLY by Black children adopted by WHITE people!!
why?
This. It adds extra layers and you don’t really hear much about black adoptive parents and adoptees.
“God put me in your tummy because my mommy couldn’t have me in hers” 😭
That must have hit her hard
I'm sure that the adopted parents told the kid that. and that's a actually such a gentle way to explain how your child is adopted.
I'm the only one who didn't understood what does that mean? Like in a literal sense since English is not my native language, I understand the words but not the meaning???
@@space.404 Its meant to come from the perspective of the adopted child. In simpler words its saying how god put the adopted child and parent together because the childs biological parent couldn't have them.
dang did the child actually say that cuz that’s some deep stuff
this was THE MOST moving and emotional episode, for me personally
I agree
I was adopted at 4 and my mom told me at a young age that although I didn't come from her belly, I came from her heart.
Ever since i was little i have this idea that when i grow up i would adopt someone that has been in adoption for too many years and is waiting for a family to adopt them, or someone that has been adopted many times but the family didn't want them anymore, and if they had a brother or sister i would adopt them too. i don't know why but i just want to adopt a kid that has been through enough and give them the life they deserve, doesn't matter if they're a teen or a little kid, i want them to know that everything is going to be okay and they are finally home.
This video helped me know more about adoption and gave me the advice i needed, thanks.
You should watch " The Fosters " on netflix
@@EpicFoXD333 unfortunately, that show isn't available in my country
you should listen to the podcast Adoptee's On for some perspective.
@@msjaydinj1138 thanks i will
aldana vegana if you use a VPN you can access shows from any country, online it says NordVPN or ExpressVPN works. Maybe try it :3 my friend uses a VPN to watch Harry Potter in the USA it’s really cool, google for more Info :D
When the older guy says “you’re our superhero, we need you”🥺🥺🥺
I couldn't hold my tears back during the entire video
That was ufffff powerful!!!:'(
"You were chosen, not just given up."
Beautiful words.
I'm donor conceived, and it would be really interesting to do a similar episode with sperm donors and donor conceived people. Both sides come from such varying backgrounds and have very different feelings and opinions on the issue
You should do “Do All People That Have Been in the Foster Care System Think The Same.
Ngl this is touching it shows something you don’t really see or hear about.
Random but hi my fellow Ahgase.
And yes, I agree with your comment. We usually don't see or hear about these topics a lot, but they still affect so many people and I think it's very important to inform the wider audience, in order to educate people that still see adoption as a tabu topic or smth bad
My heart breaks for the girl who had the kid at 15.. it must be torture living everyday wanting your son back but knowing it’ll never happen .
angeninetytwo that was me and it was 🥺
@@SierraWatts would you get your child back?😭
@@abigailmarughu3403I talk about that in some of my videos on my channel
@@SierraWatts stay strong,you did the right thing at the time and things will be ok
It is torture. I had my baby at 17. It was supposed to be an open adoption but the adoptive parents severed all communication when my girl was 6. She's 23 now and I have no idea how she is, where she is, or if she's okay. I fear something terrible happened. And the experience has definitely shaped how I parent my 9 year old daughter. I know I need her more than she needs me now. I'm very clingy with her and I know I'm compensating. Sierra, I completely understand where you're coming from. Being a birth parent isn't for the faint of heart...
this was the most beautiful episode of middle ground I have seen. The unity they had together was amazing to see. There wasn't even any arguement here. Just love.
I was adopted from Guatemala when I was a year old. I was so excited and felt so "seen" by this video. I feel like adoption is not talked about nearly enough and I am so happy someone who was internationally adopted too was in this video. The birth father who mentioned adoptees being superheroes has me in tears, I feel like the media or maybe the stigma about adoption is that adoptive parents are the heroes. My parents always told me that adopting me was 100% selfish because they needed ME. I really identified with Andrea's view on turmoil and the guilt over feeling unhappy at times and it was so comforting to see someone else feel that too.
You’re definitely not alone Mia. I’ve felt guilt and shame over my struggles with depression because I was “lucky” enough to be adopted but still never felt happy.
I think we should all embrace our feelings and acknowledge feelings aren’t logical and it’s okay to feel sad or happy or anything and not feel any shame for how we feel. Every person and situation is unique and different. ❤
the story about the child that was not accepted for being trans broke my heart.
His adoptive parents should be ashamed of themselves. And I hope they know how disappointed this has made his birth mom. Love can't put food on your table or shoes on your feet. But love is the most important thing when someone's brave enough to come out.
Remy Mafia agreed
Karissa Sitepu Hey dude that’s me! My parents should have been more accepting but my birth mom helps me out so much and i’m thankful.
@@aarron5817 i hope you continue to do well in your life ♥️
I'MDEprEssEdaNDqUIrkY that’s not very cash money of you
We should respect all these people's opinions
Birth parents who give their children to adoption is because they knew they can't give them the life that they wanted them to live. If your a birth parent sending your child away is heart breaking. But know that there are some people who against this but this option is the most loving choice they have to do knowing very well the sacrifice they're doing so pls understand in their perspective
If you give a comment about this against it or not I'll read it and understand so pls
Just understand.
Hi, I love this comment. I'm an adoptee
I'm an adoptee and the entire reason kids like us are adopted is so we aren't aborted 💀
Understood.
@@annonymous6827 most people don't understand
That's the problem this days people can be... Narrow minded
Sierra documented parts of her pregnancy years ago on youtube, I was subscribed and always wondered where she went! so nice to see her, and hear about where shes been.
I wanna see Africans vs African Americans. I’d like to see the differences between the 2
Edit: February 15th 2020, with all the differences everybody is listing this SERIOUSLY needs to be a video now haha Jubilee should see this comment since it’s the most liked on this video
As an African I can say that we are very different
@@iwrotethis4712 I honestly don't see much difference
yes me too
What part of Africa
DeshawnToo Live SAME. First or second generation African immigrants and African Americans whose ancestry goes way back in America. I want to know if they have different perceptions of how- or how often- they are treated poorly by white people.
HEY THATS ME! Thank you Jubilee for letting my share my story. I talk about it more on channel if you want to hear all the details.
more about story on channel
❤️
Sierra Watts They casted my mama too !
Aarron Awh!!!!!!! I love her!!
Sierra Watts she is pretty cool i gotta admit that
As an adopted child, I've never once questioned my roots until recently. Growing up, I've always had security in knowing that being adopted doesn't change anything. I am also glad my parents embraced adoption as well, and instead of looking at themselves as superheroes, they always made it known that without my birth mother and without me, their life would not be complete and that if they had the opportunity they would like to one day thank her for the selfless sacrifice she did make. As I got older, my mom told me about how I was adopted when I was little. She said, "you know how you come from a mommy's tummy? well, mommy's tummy wasn't good, so God put you in another mommy's tummy so that way you could come to me." and my response was, "I'm special I have two mommy's." I didn't think about that very deeply until I was put in a situation where I found out I was 27 weeks pregnant and then faced with the reality of adoption and giving up my baby. This hits me really hard now more than ever. I really needed a sign that everything is going to be okay, and this video really helped.
As a birth father that has always stayed in touch with his birth daughter this episode made me cry. I could never have gave my daughter who is now 19 in college with an awesome girlfriend the life she opportunities she had. Her and her parents are amazing. Thank you for this episode.
"Its not like we're some sort of superheroes, you guys are OUR superheroes" currently crying 😭❤
Him saying that was what turned on the waterworks for me!
when the birth mother started talking about how she wished she could be there for her transgender son i almost teared up oml
Im not even adopted but Scott telling those kids that the kids are the heros to them and that they are the ones that are needed to make lives complete, really made me hyper emotional. Im glad that he said that, everyone needs to hear that.
It's interesting to hear from Successful Adopted Kids vs. Struggling Adipted Kids.
G Chua true!! I’m kinda in the middle ...
Agreed!
I find my determination and passion come from being adopted, like “i was meant” to do something and it has pushed me so much. I hope to be considered successful in some capacity
Sky from black ink on vh1, check what her and her childrens father selfishly did to the kids they gave up for adoption. Their all disgusting.
Adopted
11:06 that guy said something really powerful wow you can see from their reactions that those girls NEEDED to hear that. What a nice guy.
I never really thought about the trauma that comes with staying in touch with your biological children. Everyone brought up great points
I’m not even adopted but when he said “we need you, you’re our heroes” I TEARED TF UP
I don't plan on having biological children but I do look forward to adopting the children that are already here and need love and a loving family.
... and they need soooo much more than love!
You have to make sure your partner is in the same boat
ElsebelseElsbeth I digress
@@alextroy9202 may I ask if you are involed in adoption?
I'm a mom of a 5 yo adopted son and I know we need so much more than love. Love is the ground, we walk on, but without the help of others, a lot of money, the knowlege how trauma is influencing his life, a lot of trust in the future, the constant fight for our mental health, the will to learn and a strong relationship with my wife, we all woudn't have survived the adoption process or even the first year post adoption. Like many other adoption families, too!
ElsebelseElsbeth ive seen your other post and I’m confused as to why you adopted in the first place, you seem to be complaining a lot specially for the fact your child is only 5 years old and doesn’t really even understand the situation, I’m concerned as to what you will be saying when he is 17 years old and understands what’s happening... he’s 5 years old he’s not doing much besides playing, eating and sleeping yet in all the post I’ve read from you this whole “ it’s hard to deal with a child with so much trauma” narrative seems a really odd
Ok but we need a shirt that says “we dont do it out of the goodness of our hearts, we do it because we need you to complete our family”
The saviour mentality is very real. The idea that the adopted parents "saved" you and that you should be grateful for that is pushed on adoptees a lot, especially transracial (race of adoptee is different to the adopted parent's) ones I've found. What Scott said really made me feel something. It's nice to know that you are contributing just as much to their life as they are to yours.
I relate a lot to Andrea as a Chinese adoptee growing up in a super white town to white parents. I had the fortune of having two Chinese siblings but I never talked to them or my adopted parents about the trauma and pain I felt about it until I was an adult and had come to terms with it.
I’m adopted and have met many adoptees, especially in places like group therapy’s or rehabs, and they ALL had abusive adoptive parents- my own included. Why adopt a child if you’re going to abuse them? To hide their abusive behavior they adopt to make themselves look better, so no one will question them. It’s so common.
I still struggle with putting a label on the way I was raised. My adoptive parents weren't physically abusive, but my dad may have been to my (much older) adoptive brothers before I came into the picture.
I lived in fear of the men around me because they weren't afraid to lay me out if they got angry enough, but I learned to stay away from them and I didn't make them angry often, so serious incidents were few and very far between, but I know what it's like to have a grown man attack you like another grown man as a kid.
My needs were met and then some as far as my own room, food and video games, but they never talked to me beyond the surface, never taught me anything, never took me to the doctor or the dentist for any reason. They were completely uninterested in my education.
As an adult, I do feel hurt and betrayed (by them) in a lot of ways. They never taught me the basic act of brushing your teeth, for instance, and I pay for that everyday now. I can't deny that I'm alive though, and I can't guarantee I would be had they not adopted me, as my bio mom was a piece of work.
Without dropping my whole lifes story on you, they have definitely not been good for my mental health and I actively avoid everyone but my adoptive dad now. I felt love from my parents when they did interact with me, and that was enough for me as a kid.
What do you think as a stranger looking in, on that little bit of info? I feel like I'm missing a family, but I am still here to talk about it for now.
I watched an episode of hoarders where the parents got IVF in order to have two kids, not the same I know, but they went through all of that trouble in order to have children just to have them live in filth and of course they were like, "I would do anything for them" but they couldn't clean their house or throw things away. It was awful to watch.
This has put a lot into perspective for me as someone who would like to adopt in the future. I’ve never thought of the situation from this angle before so for that I’m grateful for all of these people to share their experiences.
If you think/feel about adopting one day... please read about early/childhood trauma!
Yes this gave me a whole new perspective because I wish to adopt in the future
As someone who is adopted, I found the opinions in this video versus my one and other adoptees to very different. From my own experience and other I have talked to, not many of us want anything to do with our bio parents and find the idea of it a glorified idea from movies. Many of us find no shame in adoption, but rather find deep sadness and confusion if we are transracial. What the one young woman said, about being colored in a very white neighborhood is a very real struggle, but many of us do not want to find our bio parents because of this. I would suggest exposing them to the culture in which they were born in. That has helped me with any confusion! Thank you for commenting!
@@bliss4960 That's why I thought it was good that they had one girl who had an open adoption, and the other who had a closed adoption.
Looking into different perspectives is so important, kudos to you. Take a look at @adopteelilly on instagram!! She writes a lot about the adoptee perspective and shares her thoughts on TRA 😊
I love how this conversation went, they were no sides really, there was just people talking from their own experiences and understanding where others are coming from it was really special and touching to watch, my favorite episode now.
This topic really made me cry, I knew adoption was difficult for both sides but hearing it first hand is something else.
11:06-11:26
Everything he said is true.
When I was looking for adoptive parents, I did have a fear of not being able to find a correct match for my child.
I was *not* going to just place my baby with just anybody that was willing to adopt, not just anyone who has a nice, cool profile.
Birth parents can see right through any adoptive parents ulterior motives.
Adoptive parents who want children are much needed and are amazing!!!
Unfortunately, I dont think it's true that all birth parents can see right through adoptive parents ulterior motives. I've seen way too many social media posts from birth parents who are incredibly upset because they just realized that the adoptive parents never intended to give them what they said they would prior to being placed with the child.
As someone who is adopted and who has never been able to meet their mother, this touched me dearly.
Same. It's hard when all you have is a tombstone.
@Miguel Hernandez you're annoying
Miguel Hernandez do you have sympathy
PassTheSaltDude same
@Miguel Hernandez children are adopted in different countries all around the world. Not only that but this video had nothing to do with first world problems or third world problems. It's about adopted kids coming together with birth parents to help understand what each side is feeling you ignorant hog.
one of the few vids in this series where the people involved in the conversation clearly got a lot out of it, as well as informing the viewers. i'm just crying when I hear the pain in their voices, there's such heaviness happening inside. for these people, the most tears seemed to come when dude said "we need you," so I think there was a lot of happiness in it as well. Absolutely beautiful people who seem self-aware and empathetic.
I couldn't stop crying throughout the episode; I could see the inner conflicts and sadness on their faces. I wish so many wondering things for all you and I hope you all find a way to make meaning and peace around whatever happened and will happen. To all the participants: Thank you for this conversation and I find you inspiring.
I read "Adoptees vs British parents" and I don't know why 😂😂
Lance Lance me too
Jup, same
Omggg i thought i was the only one😂
ME TOO!! 😂
Same and I was like tf
I'm adopted and I'm 17. I never met my birth parents or even my blood family. I love the family that I have now. If I had the chance to meet them I would because I have questions that only they have the answers for. But I truly do wonder how my life would be if they raised me
You changed your name and the picture?
All I know I'd you husband's family is from kenya
@@iwrotethis4712 uhhhh yes? Idk
@@davidmope6324 hello dad
Out of curiosity, if you don't mind me asking - how old were you when you were adopted?
This was probably one of the hardest middle ground videos I've seen. I'm so grateful to hear everyone's story having come from a family with adotions over a few generations. My father was adopted and I am the only blood relative he knows. We are very connected but I sometimes have a hard time figuring out my future with children. I often wonder if I should have a child naturally so that he can have another known blood relative, but there are so many problems that I have of my own that I'm just not sure.
Thank you for this. Seriously. My husband and I are adopting, and we are always thinking about the birth parents and our future child and what we hope/want that relationship to look like. Thank you for being so incredibly open about so much of your experiences. You are going to help so many people by sharing this (you already have I am sure of it). And thank you to the gentleman who truly explained adoption in a way I could when he spoke of the adoptees really being the hero of it all. Anyway. I'm over here in tears. Thank you for everyone's bravery in sharing their most intimate feelings. Much love to everyone in this video.
as someone who was adopted, this is extremely touching.
i really do feel it in my heart that i’ll adopt a child one day
Then start to learn all about it, so your mind can follow... If your well prepared it can be the right thing to do!
Me too! Probably not for a decade or so. But some day.
Nice, Thanks for being interested in
looking after others like this. 🐹🌻🐥🌿😇
Me too. I have no reason to think I couldn’t have a biological child but I also know that I could love any child as my own so why shouldn’t I?
@@Michelle-dn6lm i think absolutelly the same! I love children, and i want to have them of my own if i can, of course! But also i have so much love to give, and life is so precious... i know in my heart i could give an adopted kid a better life and the oportunity they deserve!
I wish someone with a perspective like mine was there. I am adopted myself, and unlike them, I never experienced shame or guilt, just hatred for the biological parents. Yes, it's not peaceful, but many of us adopted folk do feel resentment and anger towards the biological parents. I would've liked our voices to be seen as well. Otherwise, great episode
Tearing up @ this one, this was so beautiful & needed, I’m so glad these people were able to get together & talk so openly about this all. It was definitely healing, I hope each of them finds their peace
I am about to start an adoption process through my country's foster care system. These conversations are so important to me right now, thank you for giving these voices a platform and space to speak sincerely. These complications, struggles, traumas are so real and people need to be aware of them, if anything to just be compassionate and show their best side to people touched by adoption.
Hi, I’m an adoptee too. I would recommend you to join a Facebook group where there is adoptees! You get a beautiful insight in a lot of adoptees thoughts and feelings. If you adopt a child you want him/her/they to feel like you are someone they can trust and talk to. Adoption is trauma and as an adoptee myself, I am forever hurt that my adoptive parents are not open to talk about my adoption
Take a look at the instagram account @adopteelilly 💞
A parents job is to take care of their child and raise them to be the best person they can be, that doesn't distinguish between birth or adoptive parents.
I agree. Sometimes family doesn't come from your bloodline. Sometimes you FIND family.
Would like to see Muslims and Christians have a conversation on the different type of religion or similar can these two be ?
Why they're both different beliefs with a little similarity there is nothing to talk about
The media portrays both religions as bad
They already made that video
@@JD-kp6pt what's it called?
Judge Judy
As someone who has read both the bible and koran I can promise you, that is wrong. Imo it’s kinda ridiculous to say that there would be nothing to talk about
I mostly agreed with the other adoptees... except when I met my birth mom and her family (it was a closed adoption), I was 18 and only sought her out for medical info as I was extremely sick. Up to that point, I never felt abandoned or like I "needed" (or even really wanted) to find her since my parents had done so much for me... and I knew she had given me up because she was 15 and couldn't care for me herself. When I did meet them, I was beyond ecstatic to have siblings (I was an only child) and she and her family were very inviting and happy to meet me... at 1st. She had a lot of unresolved issues surrounding my adoption and when she saw the scope of my medical issues (I was considered "terminal"), and heard about things I struggled with while growing up (sexual assault, for one), I think it was very hard for her. I believe that she had imagined me living a "perfect" life with everything in my favor... After we had an amazing connection and spent a lot of wonderful time together, I grew to really love them and she even suggested I move out there for school... so it was a HUGE shock when out of the blue, she cut me out of her life. She said "maybe someday we can be friend" but essentially said "at this time, I no longer want anything to do with you"! That was when I first felt abandoned by her. After, I let her back in but she would find a reason to block me and ghost me each time. It really sucks. I love her for giving me a better life (everyone is an addict on her side and there have been a lot of other things I avoided by her giving me to my parents). While my parents aren't perfect, and while yes, I did have a lot of struggles in my life, they have ALWAYS stood by me and done whatever they could to love and care for me. They EARNED the title of my "parents". Imo my birth mom is someone who continuously hurts me - and I struggle with letting go of the hope of having a relationship with her despite that because she DID give me to a loving family and she is my blood... I also know, in my brain, that she has issues and that it's not MY fault but it hurts and I do FEEL like I was a failure in her eyes for not living up to her dream (it's irrational, I know, but I still feel it).
This episode was really interesting to me and really helpful to see both sides - but especially the way the birth parents felt/reacted to the prompts. After watching this, I feel a bit better and like it reinforced how traumatic giving me up for adoption must have been for her and that the issues she's dealing with are not my fault. I also like to believe that she still cares about me and loves me.
Thank you for this video and to all who took part, as it really took a lot of vulnerability and courage (imo) to not only have this open and honest dialogue but to also share it with the whole world/internet!
I really hope that the children of the birth families on here someday are able to see this and see how much these birth parents LOVE them!
I also hope the birth parents of the adoptees get to see this too, and that they see how much they are appreciated by their children. I wish my birth mom was on something like this so I could see how she feels and vice versa.... I feel like it could go a long way to heal us both!
Great episode! 👏
This is truly moving. Most of parents that give their children for adoption do so from a place of love. Sometimes you see opposite situations where parents can't really sustain for their children and it can lead to households full of regret, resentment and guilt or worse, which is really damaging for the psyche of the members of that family. Never judge other people personal decision, or better never judge anyone period.
This was one of the best episodes done and probably the most empathetic one. This really warmed my heart seeing just how kind and supportive everyone was and how they build each other up. Easily one of the most caring group brought in.
I am a birth parent. I was homeless, living in a shelter with my 3 kids, an active severe drug addict, and pregnant...I am so grateful for my child's adoptive parents. I'm fortunately involved in an open adoption. Adoption is excruciating and selfless.
I don’t know how Jubilee editors can edit these videos without busting out crying every few seconds :’(((((
the empathy in this one is so beautiful
As an adopted bby , this was so wonderful to see and hear.
This really hit close to home because I'm adopted and I couldn't be any happier to be given the opportunity to live the life I live now. I really thank and appreciate this episode.
I was adopted at 4 and I feel like out of respect for any adopted child’s parents calling your birth child “my son or daughter” is low key disrespectful when other individuals took on the responsibility of doing all of the hard work. I do consider my biological mother my “birth mom” but I would never call her my mother because at the end of the day she didn’t raise me.
"all the hard work" is subjective
Sierra Watts giving a child up for adoption is difficult, but raising a child is hard work when it’s said and done and to hear that child call someone else mom is hurtful to a parent.
Sierra Watts I think that’s a confusing thing for a kid and I will agree to disagree on that one. I don’t think a child should be burdened with having to make that decision.
There are many arguments which we can make about this statement which you have made. But there are two sides to every story, maybe at the time they were young, or had no money or were not ready to be Parents. But they gave birth to the child they do have emotional attachments to the baby but they can’t raise them for allot of reasons. They are technically their birth parents but not their mother or father. They still worry about what I’d I did the wrong thing or are they okay. But you are right that just because they gave birth to you they are your mother or father. Raising a child is difficult but if you do choose to bring child into the the world you Must accept responsibility of them over the next 18 years and more.
@@sierraturk2010 I think you're seeing this a bit too closed minded because you're coming from the perspective of being an adopted child and that makes your view biased, understandably. The thing is you can have more than one mom, more than one day. Your birth mom calling you her daughter or you calling her mom does not in any way take away the fact that your adopted mother is also your mom and you are her daughter. Like the man said, birth kids are superheroes in a sense that they complete the family they are adopted into, you acknowledging your birth mom does not "disrespect them".
The same way your birth mom must be grateful and respectful of the family that adopted and raised their child when they couldnt is the same way the adoptive parents must be grateful and respectful of the birth mom that gave up the child that now completes their family. It should be love and respect all around.
As someone who is adopted I feel like I want nothing to do with my "blood parents". They are not my parents. They are not my mom or dad. I lost my father last April on Easter. I am not going to look for my "blood father" to fill his role. No one can. The only thing I need is knowing if I some kind of medical history. I was adopted when I was 9 months and came to the states. My "blood parents" are not important to me. I have a wonderful brother and a sister I don't talk to. But my mom and dad gave us all a chance. My brother and sister are adopted. My sister hates it and resents our mom and dad while my brother love having this chance. We were all adopted at 9 months. My sister is 2 years younger and brother 3 weeks older. We are not biologically related. All from Guatemala .
I was adopted many years ago. All I know about my birth parents is my mother was 16 and paperwork says she wanted to complete school. My birth father was 18 and starting college.
That's all I know but it's pretty obvious to me that neither of them were ready or capable of providing a good home to a baby.
I totally understand that, I couldn't imagine having a baby at 16. I was put up for adoption and adopted by the parents that raised me. At the time, my father was about 30, my mother was 27 and they were unable to have a baby after 5 years of trying.
It worked out for the best for everyone involved. My birth mother had the opportunity to complete school and hopefully she had a great life. If you have to start taking care of a child before you are ready it makes it much harder to get on your feet as a self sufficient young adult. It's harder to finish school, it's harder to get established in a career etc. The transition from teen to young adult is hard enough without having a child. If you are having to care for a child, immediate needs come first and very often that means long term potential is never realized. That sets the young parent and the child up for a long term struggle.
By putting me up for adoption my birth parents freed up opportunities for their future and they gave me to a couple that was ready and wanting a family. Everyone involved was better off.
My birth mother had future opportunities opened up for her and a future family when she was ready.
I was given to a couple, my parents, when they were ready. That was better for me because they were stable and not struggling to make ends meet.
My adoptive parents won because they were able to start a family.
I realize not all adoptions turn out rosy but overall, I think most are a net gain for everyone involved. The only thing that I wish was different is the fact that the state had a privacy policy.
My birth mother and adoptive parents didn't even have the option of meeting, or even knowing each other's names. I don't feel the need to contact my birth mother but if she has any questions or feels guilty, or is simply curious about how I turned out, I wish she had the option to contact me. I can only hope she doesn't feel guilty because she did make the right decision.
This made me cry, Andrea be strong Im so sorry for what you’ve been through you seemed like a nice person and you are a good person please be will
When Scott said, “We need you, we aren’t the superheroes, you are”❤️ it had me in tears, I am so happy he said that. Everyone there needed to hear it and I’m sure so many watching needed to hear it too.
I’m surprised that there was an odd number of people this time, this is the first time I’ve seen it on here. In this topic where it is really people actually discussing not arguing their points it worked out. But going forward with more controversial or harder topics they should focus on getting equal amounts of representatives.
it’s happened in the past that someone backed out the day of or right before the shoot, so they have an uneven number. they normally always shoot for that even 6, but sometimes someone leaves.
I was essentially "given up" by my father when my parents got divorced. Just gave up his parental rights and moved on with his life. I can't imagine the pain and confusion these adoptees feel inside.
I was adopted at 3 days old and my parents always made me feel so special. I think it’s important to let a child know practically from birth. I have huge respect for the people who gave me up for adoption. It was such a brave gift
There’s definitely trauma involved. My boyfriend was adopted by his aunt, he wants nothing to do with his birth parents ever. Of course it’s diff for him, he was adopted by direct family and his birth parents would come in and out of his life, grandparents would harass his parents trying to force them to allow his birth parent access to his life even when they were never sober. & probably never truly will be.
I relate so much! I'm adopted by my grandmother and I really don't want to talk to my birth parents, but she insists that I should reach out to them. I barely ever find other adoptees that were adopted by family, so it really refreshing to hear that there are others out there. Family reunions be awkward though.
@@ninaburt9269 Something my boyfriend's mom says is that it's not his job to put in the effort its theirs, and even then my boyfriend is still the one with the power to say yes or no because they are the one who made the choice, not him. Although he and I are constantly pressured by his grandma. We have a kid together, so she wants us to let his bio dad be a part of his life, and I'm just like yeah, no, sorry. We only go to family events that they aren't invited to, to make a point that it's not our job to put in the effort.
This was so sweet, especially when the man said that adoptive parents need the adoptees... Thanks Jubilee
Is this the most emotional episode ever? I think so. I don’t have these experiences, but definitely shed several tears watching them all share and connect.
This was such a beautiful episode and what really made it was having someone that was both a birth parent and an adoptive parent. When he spoke of how adoptive parents aren't these super heroes saving a child but rather people who needed their adoptive children to create their family is so so special. Love love and more move in this episode