Thanks, Doug, for your honest and courageous story. I notice that you didn't give thumbs up to my endorsement of 12-step groups, but you describe a rich, if fragmented social network of family and friends, none of which or many alcoholics have when we "hit bottom". 12-step groups and the 12-step recovery program/sponsors give us a substitute family and sober friends that we wouldn't have otherwise. I was abused in childhood and became a star athlete and academic success to compensate. I get the physical fitness angle and wish you the very best, but most important for me was finding a loving "family of choice" that I did not have growing up, and I'm an only child. Thanks for the encouragement to lose weight and get back into the best shape a 77yo Long COVID survivor being treated for prostate cancer (so no testosterone!) can expect. Keep up the great work and best wishes from a former pothead and alcoholic (clean and sober 11 1/2 yrs. this time) Gregg Miklashek, MD
What happened to them? They just got stupid!! I'm scared to leave the house! Nobody knows what they're doing. They don't pay attention when they're driving. Rude, obnoxious, and they care do not care about any of it. I knew that those covid shots would ruin people...
As an elementary school teacher in the primary grades I found love, kindness, and lots of praise made a huge difference. Praise , praise praise and making learning fun made all the difference. Teaching with music, art, movement, dance rewards makes for smart children. I tauggt in LA county so many students came not speaking English. They cried and sat with our chairs touching the first day or two until they felt safe enough to sit desk to desk side to side with an bilingual student who helped them understand and tutored their paperwork. One mute child didn't know by pushing on his stomach and openibg his mouth sound would come out. I sat him next to the mist talkative intelligent girl in the class. He began to speak. His parents came in the classroom. What did yoy do? He has never talked. He began to talk like his partner. Thank God for those bits of inspiration God gave me in teaching our most precious resource, children.
My mother was malignant narcissist who competed with me since I was very young. She's gone, physically but still in my head and heart We have to push ourselves to live our lives. We owe it to ourselves.💜
I was always the last one to be picked in PE class when I was in elementary. I was the small petite new immigrant from asia and every time when the teacher choose a leader to pick their team, I started to feel anxious and sad cuz I knew I would be one of the last one sitting on the field (with everyone eyes looking at me) and feeling that no one wants me to be in their team. As an adult now, I really think it hurts those kids that weren't chosen (weren't needed). So I hope that school don't do that anymore, I mean, let the teacher choose the team instead of two student's leader....
Listen to what he saying tho...the more you claim there is racism the more it will destory your people...racism isnt an issue as much as classism is...its about money...its about how we raise our children...the black community wants to blame everyone else...but i dont see any self accountability...this toxic rap culture bullshit is destroying blsck communities by deisgn
He doesn’t have a judgemental bone in his body, and is intelligent enough to refuse racism to come into his mind. He also knows the generational trauma of an oppressed group of people. Lived experience as hard as it is, is the best teacher and sometimes a blessing in disguise, our pain can make us a lot more compassionate ❤
I started to do drugs at 13 now I’m 65 and I still do the same. I don’t look a drug user so anyone knows about. Wish I could afford to pay for a detox. 😢
Listening to several of Dr Gabor Mate videos has ended my 50 year search for answers on childhood trauma in only 36 hours! Truly thank you, and May GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS for helping people find solutions and heal!
Yes, my stress is mostly about people pleasing. Over the past few years, I have become much better about self-care, setting boundaries, but I still hate to disappoint people. I am 68 years old, making progress in loving myself as I am, even when I say “no.”
Same here. I am making myself so unhappy because I am afraid of setting boundaries. I internalize the anger I feel towards people who treat me badly. This affects my health and I feel resentment to the person who is being nasty to me. I so badly don't want to have trouble or confrontation, so I keep quiet and don't defend myself. I feel that I let myself down by not standing up for myself. But I do realize that I will keep attracting hurtful people into my life in order for me to learn to stand up for myself. The Universe's way to teach life's lessons! It's up to me to break the cycle 🤷
ONG... I am going through a similar situation. I never learned how to take care of myself! My mother, is a cruel, vindictive, and still holds a grudge because I didn't give her grandchildren!! I'm 62 and disabled. She informed me that I had 25 days to get out or she'll start the eviction process!?!? What am I going to do...?
As a sensitive person who also lends an ear to friends and family I would say one of the largest sources of stress these days is a lack of money/resources. Hands down. And it snowballs from there. Something has to change. Our cost of living is costing our lives. When our needs are met we are better able to show up and handle other stresses, such as our emotional needs, our relationships and family challenges, and the stresses caused by oppression, inequality and violence that so many face.
I agree. It is one of the largest stressfactors, and the ones controlling the biggest parts in money know it! Never the less: the most true value is love and sharing in this life now; is what makes us strong in taking position in control in our own lives. It makes us less helpless and outreaching to eachother makes us realize that there where is a majority in sharing and connecting, this will become the 'winning team' in the end! All because of the simple reason that we aren't made of money, we are made of the divine and dynamic energy of God/Universe! ❤🙏
Exactly! And this problem is multiplied many fold with the disabled, poor seniors, and vulnerable members of society who are forced to live considerably below the poverty level - while prices skyrocket. It is a vicious circle - cuts to programs, rising homelessness, unaffordable healthcare will all have serious repurcussions to society. Sensible, and not necessarily expensive solutions now, will prevent having to spend a large amount of money on dealing with consequences of this tomorrow.
Jazzy G I don't disagree about the money part n you may talk to different types of people than me n watch different news shows. Finances are personal and certainly important but even people who are reasonably well off n even wealthy have a great unease n stress in America anyway.while oppression n inequality are felt all over the world since the beginning of time and while most people feel badly about that it was not something people fixated on nor do I think they do today and why should they as compared to the past there is far less of that today in nearly every metric. What is new is the incredible increase in violence especially in certain major cities, the no cash bail laws n releasing of violent repeat felons to wreak havoc on their fellow citizen's, the rapid increase in drug addiction n deaths, the influx of illegal aliens into several communities across the country n even giving them taxpayer funded benefits of food, phones,medical, and even housing. Recently in NY they removed veterans from a hotel used as temporary housing to make room for illegal aliens, the school boards n teachers unions working against the wishes of parents n keeping them in the dark about what is really being taught to their children n why, transgendered men being allowed to replace women essentially in sports by winning all of the awards and scholarships that used to go to women, the lying media, the obvious corruption in nearly every one of our institutions from the FBI,the CIA, the IRS, n academia where they push a particular ideology n try to silence any opposition, where people who support one political party are arrested without due process or speedy trial to see if they should even serve time while people who burned n looted buildings n even hurt n killed people got off Scott free during the George Floyd protests during the summer of 2020. The COVID pandemic but even more importantly what many now see as how it was distorted n used to evil ends n how it may soon happen again,the situation with Russia n Ukraine but more importantly China. And most disturbing n concerning that despite all this you almost never hear any of it discussed in public. Why is that? Everyone walks around like everything is just fine or like it was 4-5 yrs ago
Parenting GOLD starting at 38:00. Get the first 3 years right, work on your relationship with your spouse, validate your child's emotions, free play in nature, understand their basic needs. "Wish I had known this when my kids were young."
first rule of parenting is not letting kids know sugar exists in the world second that parents can get angry for no valid reason and if that they can change it into laugh in seconds if you need and can isolate or destroy everything around addicted to sugar and promoting it do it alcohol is like worse version of sugar drugs are sugar on steroids cheese contains such drugs too btw but raw milk is more natural to baby than all other processed crap if you gave birth through wrong hole you should make it up to baby the same if you damaged it with vegan diet in pregnance or feeding it not own natural milk pay your bills
I was literally thinking the same thing as I sit here and listen. I wish good help wasn’t so hard to find and I wish it wasn’t sooooo expensive. Who can afford $150 sessions 1-2x a week? I wish the good ones were more accessible.
I asked for help sooo many times and was denied, i had to resolve to try to do it myself. I happened upon a lady who i did not know we had a conversation about some things and the last word she said to me have stayed and helped me more than any counselling or medication, which i am still on, what she said was that it WAS NOT MY FAULT! Those were the words I needed to hear and they came from a stranger. NEVER underestimate the power we all have to help heal one another!
There is another thing about help... Most people can't afford to pay professionals because their prices nowdays are sky high. So basically their only help is free RUclips and on-line sources. Thanks to that 😊
I love that he said that on a bad day, he can still have a negative view of his past. That’s where I am, working one day at a time to have more good days than bad.
Take it from a retired physician/psychiatrist/stress researcher, Gabor's new book, "The Myth of Normal", is the single most informative psychiatry/psychology book I've ever read! And, he has no "formal" psychiatric/addiction medicine training (thank god!). His strongest work is in the area of understanding addiction, unknown to most 12-step groups/speakers/books. However, his research/understanding of stress and stress physiology is spotty and incomplete. Population density stress is killing us NOW through ALL of our "diseases of civilization". Stress R Us
"Population density is killing us..." wow... you must be happy that 'Uncle Klaus' and the Deep State (the real government of the USA) are working on 'that problem' since 2020!
@@livinglifetothefullest22 If you and your ilk are any evidence of what we as a species have become, then, yes, I am glad the Mother Nature is getting rid of us, whoever the hell "Uncle Klaus" might be in your highly disturbed mind. You sure as hell do not belong on a Gabor Mate' video, as they are all about healing and reconciliation with ourselves and others. Stress R Us
He’s a sellout… How can you even recommend him to anyone after his disgusting display with Harry? Live streaming for profit and a diagnosis just from reading his book? And all he did was enable him to stay in victim mentality… Disgusting.
Let me guess...Gaber 1. Why you hate yourself? Trauma 2. Why you self sabatoge? Double Trauma 3. Why you have hate your family? Triple Trauma 4. Why you hate bracolli? Trauma, Trauma 5. Why you suck? Trauma Yes 6. Why you have bad hair day? Trauma 7. Why you have cancer? Always Trauma
D'r.Gabor should get the worldprize for (inner) peace. He's my hero. Thank you so much for sharing so much invaluable information about (child) trauma. God bless you.❤
i love how Gabor explains how to say Hi to the broken child inside- in my own healing i discovered how many different "me's" there are inside...and that the broken 9 year old had been driving the life bus for decades...and i (we) kept smashing into walls - so once i had a good talk with that inner child and let an adult drive the bus we have finally been going forward and life is so much peaceful - Gabor has helped me so much!
This is also the concept in IFS therapy, you focus on the parts of yourself that are loudest, it’s intense but so helpful. IFS is internal family systems
the myth of normal is my bible. i feel like my soul is healing by just reading the words. as i go along i high light what i feel is important and am able to just flip it open and refer to the text which always reminds me i might be struggling but im going to be okay. his words make me feel like an elder is looking out for me/us/collective.
@@private9013it's not sad, nor is it replacing God. It IS God breathed and is one way we connect to Him. I understand if you believe the lie that it is "man made". I also believed that for a while. Please understand that is a lie from the enemy. If I was Satan, I would tell people it is "just a book made by men" in an effort to keep them from reading that book and connecting with God.
I became very upset yesterday when my friend told me he was taking a short holiday without me. I consider that healthy and perfectly ok but still I was hurt. You explained my hurt when you talked about abandonment in childhood. I was badly burned when I was two. The nature of the injury resulted in my being hospitalized in a town 20 miles away. My father worked away and was gone most of the time. My mother was running a business and raising my three older sisters on a dime. That resulted in my being alone and in pain a lot. That explains my reaction to being left while my partner takes some much needed alone time. I need to say that I take my grandchildren away for mini vacations by myself at least 4 times a year leaving my partner alone. (He is an only child and I think needs this time).
Oh my gosh , he knows me lol, when he started talking about the stories we make up I go into a very dark place when something goes wrong. Saying no , it hasn't been a part of my vocabulary , if I say no people won't like/ love me, they will leave me. Oh mylanta I really need his book actually I need a sit down for a few hours with him. I'm struggling big time recently I asked God this morning what do I do well this came up when I opened RUclips for something to listen to. For any of you who are struggling I pray for you and send hugs.
What a very wise, knowledgeable, beautiful, gentle soul Dr Gabe Maté is. His words are a huge gift to Mankind. His understanding and explanation, the pointing out of choices we have in going about certain situations or problems, are incredibly helpful. I love listening to this wonderful person. He is not only, helping me with my own problems, but also bringing me back to reality with both feet on the ground, reminding me, that my one goal in life, is to be a better person. I thank you so much Dr Gabé Maté for talking to us and also to Doug Bopst for inviting your fantastic Guest, back again. 👏🏼👏🏼. 🧚🏼♀️💕
Wonderful, so wise and validating. And so painful - what our society is dealing with. So glad we are finally talking about this! I am 50 plus and my wounds are related to family secrets and never being allowed to talk about anything of importance - feelings, worries - as the foundation crumbled around us. I carry those worries with me still - the process of healing is a lifelong journey. Thanks for bringing this out into the open!
I always feel like calling you Daddy Matè because you are the daddy we all needed as kids. What is so ironic is that the man you are today is that your kids needed when they were younger but what bring me joy is who you decided to become. I'm thankful for you and your struggles not that you deserved them but without them we wouldn't have known the man that you have become today. Thank you for listening to your intuition. Hey I dont even know what yo say but you are a father to many. Always know that. Your teachings and philosophy will live on way long even when you have left the earth plane. You will forever be one of the greatest teachers ❤
My parents were very focused on their careers. It was not at all unusual for them to arrive after 7pm on weekdays and they often went on long business trips where my sister and I were left alone for weeks. On the negative side, it made us feel as though we weren't important enough for our parents to spend time with us but on the positive side it made us VERY self sufficient. Still working on improving my self esteem and trying to not be toxicly independent. People may help you if you ask and slowly I am learning to ask for help when I need it.
None of us is an island and most of us have very toxic conditioning, hence all the bad parenting. It's very difficult to challenge our conditioning and come home to our true self. We have all been conditioned to be "not myself" to some degree.
We can't change the world 🌎 however we can change how we deal on what's happening around us. Sometimes it's not about control it's about how to flow like water. Creativity, flexibility, greatefulness, appreciation of life, enjoy in little things , being in a present moment we can apply them in our life.
This man is a font of knowledge. I've been watching tones of videos, I'm at a very trying time in my life. I never listened to him before. Seen his face on utube.. I'm just amazed at how much I've learned and feel alot of relief from this whole podcast. Thanks guys. Hugely needed right now, for a lot of people. ❤️
I totally agree. I try every day (not always successfully, I might add) to do one small thing that can contribute to tidying the "mess" in not only my own, but the lives of others. As difficult as it is to do (because it appears to be a mammoth task) it does help to lift my own depression.... all be it a little bit at a time. Not always easy for a person who has experienced depression for a fair length of time.
@@robertwilliams1251 Helping others has helped me over the years with my depression because it gets me out of myself. I feel joy helping others instead of dwelling on my problems so I do that whenever I can.
@@robertwilliams1251 keep going and don't give up on yourself! Take it one step and a time and do your best to focus on how far you have come and not how far you have to go.
Thank you Dr. Gabor Mate, for sharing your genius! If more psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, etc. were to embrace and apply these teachings, we would have a healthier society!
Thank You Doctor, as a Sr. X second WW European, I have permanent anxiety, feeling disconnected. Every word You say is helping to live in this world, where age and being different is a huge burden. Thank you for your healing words, although at 83 it might all be too late for a compulsive people pleaser to hope for acceptance without constant fear “not being good enough, the pressure to having to strive constantly to be better and better to be accepted, or be just left out.
I loved this. Gabor Maté has such a kind and compassionate way of presenting this information which makes it so accessible to so many. I teach equine and canine assisted therapy and work with psychiatric service dogs. I love learning from people like Dr. Maté so I can be more self aware, heal myself and be a better human for my students and people in my life. Thank you.
Monday, Jan. 1, 2024 Just finished crying, but so grateful to have tuned into this interview to start my new year with his profound knowledge, insight and compassion! Thank you for your sharing Dr. Mate. With much gratitude, I continue my healing and creating my life journey!😉
Like this guy can diagnose all the nuanced micro-steps anyone has taken in their life that has shaped them into the stages they are in NOW. Then pass out a one-size-fits-all Rx. AGAIN: THE ONLY EXPERT IS YOU...FOLLOW THE INTELLIGENCE IN YOU. YOUR instinctive insights will draw you to messages and information that speaks to you in the perfect language that YOU GET.
I honestly can’t thank you enough for the work that you do Dr Mate. I am deeply grateful to you as, like thousands of others who do not have the resources to afford therapy, your books and your discussions on line in person truly will mean so much to many and go a long way to giving them understanding of where to begin to understand what has happened to them and hopefully begin to heal the pain that they feel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Cath (Scotland) 🙏❤️
When I read my Bible and am focused on the attributes of God and his amazing unconditional love for us and the fact that He is in control of everything, I feel peace. I love that this man can love the addicted in all their ugliness.
You mean the unconditional love that says that if we don't comply with his conditions he'll punish us forever in a lake of fire? Or strike us dead like the two who dared to hold onto a bit of their money and not hand it all over to the commune? Or, if we were living in earlier times, have our parents stone us to death if we behaved badly? Or maybe drown innocent babies in a worldwide flood?
My parental journey so far has taught me to “ALWAYS LET YOUR LOVE BE FELT MORE THAN YOUR LESSON”- Since I realized the importance of BALANCE-no extremes, being a parent has been the most emotionally rewarding experience ever. TECHNOLOGICAL- CONVENIENCE DRIVEN COMMAND and CONTROL Parenting results in the kind of polarized society you see on the news. All the world’s problems are caused by parenting so better parenting is the solution to mitigating all pain, suffering, injustice & despair plaguing society.
Since Life itself is a process in it's self then people with "unhealed trauma"" need to also learn to process their trauma in ways that lead to healthy outcomes. When 1 group of people start thinking and feeling they are more SELF-RITCHEOUS & therefore more ENTITLED to basic human rights and freedoms then BAD things happen (genocide). We are ALL EQUALLY IMPERFECT human beings in our own special ways. I think the main priorities for parents to gift to their children are to be SELF AWARE, SELF GOVERNING, & SELF-SUFFICIENT as possible. Maybe a better idea is for high schools to have parenting classes & colleges parenting 101. When adults are going to have a family hospitals can offer discounts & health insurances should offer lower premiums and better coverages for families that take parenting courses/counseling. The idea is to prevent unnecessary trauma and stop the unhealthy habits and self-destructive cycles that get passed on from one generation to the next. @@robynhope219
@@robynhope219 For me necessary/unavoidable trauma are experiences like failure, stress, disappointment, hurt feelings (breakups, backstabbing, gossip, getting cheating on, being abandoned) you get the idea. I’ve noticed that people who know how to process these traumas into positive emotions, choices, & actions live a very meaningfully rich & content life. I on purposely did not use the word successful because it is loaded with too much popularly materialistic themes. YES I agree that it takes a lifetime, but all the most valuable gifts in life takes a lot of time, patience, & tenacity to attain. For the majority unfortunately even a lifetime isn’t enough.
Children have too often been unwanted/abandoned/emotionally abandoned/grown-up surrounded by addiction and had to develop the survival emotions that Gabor so well describes. Best trauma psychology book ever written, bar none! However, the 12-step groups have stumbled upon the best therapy to "reparent" ourselves through their "protection and care", which so many of us did not have as children. Stress R Us
also because of system that takes you away from parents and puts in institution with strangers unrelated to you it's not normal itself in old days kids learnt skills from parents following them everyday whole day that's called real family and real living
Thank you for this valuable informative interview with my guru Dr.Gabor.. My husband had a mental breakdown recently due to stress and unhealed childhood trauma he is now embracing. I've lea6so much through the endless daily videos of him l am watching and have purchased yesterday both BOOKS he mentioned. Thank you Dr.Gabor for dedicing your life to heal a wounded society. And Thank you Doug too for helping humanity. Much love Susie ❤❤❤
I have listened to Dr. Mate a couple of times and i get this feeling of his authenticity and truth. He speaks so compassionately and professionally at the same time. I really learnt a lot from this discussion. More so that you were able to phrase the questions that many of us would have loved to ask him face to face. As a parent, i find the tips he shared very valuable. It is however a difficult one when u have a partner whose values are completely different from yours. But i am working through what i know is best for me and the children. Thank you very much Doug! Thank you very much Dr. Mate!
The entire section at 31:00 about triggers and “compassionate curiosity” is gold. I am immediately implementing that when my partner (or myself) says/does something that triggers or sets me/them off.
I started following Gabor Maté for his important insights into the occupation of Palestinian lands, and I have since learnt of his traumatic start to life and his deep understanding of trauma and how to lessen the pain or even remove it. I think that this particular video touches almost all of the principal bases on trauma and is therefore a great starting point. He is not only a great intellect as he also has the wisdom of a seventy-eight-year-old. Those two things together are very powerful.
The compassionate approach to understanding ourselves and our states of despair - this is so profound. I've always seen it as a struggle and a fight with myself - getting me nowhere (obviously). And we need to also approach others compassionately in our support of them...
Iam a Spanish lady living in London; I am a scientist (therapist). I do lo❤️e this man, a beautiful and passionate man in his job and duty.., nothing like Mr Paterson! Thank you so much.💪😊💕
Gabor's critique of psychiatry/psychology/addiction is right on and trauma is the basic source of all of our psychological/physical/spiritual problems. My own lifelong anxiety problem that drove my alcoholism/sedative addiction finally revealed itself in dreams of childhood sexual abuse at age 77, when the protection and care of a 12-step group (rare!) reparented me and finally allowed me to experience "protection and care" I never had in childhood or since. Thank you for this gift! Stress R Us
Unquestionably, THE best interview I have ever listened to. Gabor, the world needs you now more than ever. Wishing you long years in good health so that you can keep rescuing even more people from mental related issues.
I found Gabor in Jan, through social media. This is, undoubtedly, the best interview I've heard. I received an abundance of valuable, and practical tools. Doug, you did an amazing job! Your questions were so meticulous and intentional, which allowed Gabor to give us (the viewers) a wealth of applicable tools. I appreciate your presence throughout the interview, and how you allowed Gabor to speak, to share, and to answer your questions. I am so grateful to both You, and Dr. Mate. You're an amazing interviewer! Thank you!
There will always be uncertainty. its not abnormal. There might be something wrong with you. You might not be prepared, you might make bad choices. That doesn't make you a bad person, it just make you the best person to manage uncertainty.
This man is truly compassionate, kind and extremely intelligent and calm soul. He’s a blessing. My God. I just love to hear him talking. He’s amazing ❤
I can tell you exactly why I am feeling stressed. I have no money to pay rent, I can not find a job, I have about $50.00 on my account which is going to less for 3-5 days. My husband passed away and I have no one, literally no one to help me out or support me. That’s why I am stressed out.
I pray someone helps you. Someone who knows you and cares. I've been where you are for many yrs. Sadly there is no help from outside sources or charity.
@ mrLHADI1u if she has not responded I am interested in what you are offering. I am homeless @63 and no family left and willing to relocate and start a new life.
stresses causes (from work and personal relationships). 1) uncertainiry about what's next. 2) lack of information 3) loss of control & conflict (for example, you don't control when to work, and conditions of work).
What a fantastic interview - Dr Matè in great form, but this is the first time I hear this host, and he is simply great. Great questions, truly, and plenty of space given over to the answers - a balanced, intelligent conversation. Thank you both. A psychotherapist from London, UK
This was an amazing talk on so many levels and woke me up to the reasons why I distract myself, the stories I tell myself which amplify a trigger into an explosion of feelings and hurt and how I can heal myself in the present rather than allow the past to influence my future. A brilliant discussion, thank you! 🙏💖
Dr. Mate you have helped me so much with anxiety and trauma. You seem to have the answers I am looking for. This time it is about triggers and why I still become triggered. Also, struggling with why I become triggered. I was fortunate to find you in addition to great therapists.
This video has affected me on such a massive level that it has motivated me to finally release and let go of this feeling of rejection and abandonment. It gives me hope that I can actually live a happy life after 40 plus years of being unhappy and stuck in my childhood trauma. Thank you so so much. 🙏
I contend billions, globally of course, are dealing with significant stress everyday. In fact, I believe it is well over half the people on earth. That personal stress runs a gamut of nuanced difference, extreme to mild, in each of our individual inner conscious minds. There is a feeling of general malaise now, that is quite disconcerting. Guard against nihilism.
Gabor Mate is an excellent doctor and a person. He is one of the most intelligent and high-skilled professionals I have ever seen. He is also very kind and sympathetic to people. It matters a lot for those who suffer from emotional traumas.
My people-pleasing literally had me end up in the hospital and when I came out the next morning, I had to be given crutches because I couldn't support myself to walk. I hadn't taken drugs, but I had gone all day without food because everyone else wanted to 'save themselves' for a big meal in the evening when we were on a day trip to Paris. That taught me a valuable lesson...
Gabor, Eckhart Tolle and Joe Dispensa are my favorites. They talk about the same but in their own way. If combined together, is the best transformational combo of all times. Btw, all their teachings are based on Buddhism ❤
I love the advice to keep kids from screens for as long as possible! Thank you! My hope and prayer is that our society will get back to just being with our children instead of pushing them away in order to meet our own needs. There is nothing more precious and important than our children!
Thank you dear Doug Bopst and wonderful Gabor Maté. Wonderful conversation. Gabor is my favourite nowadays.His wisdom is beyond words.Blessings and love to you both .
The point about being curious about triggers stood out. They're opportunities to increase self awareness of childhood responses and speak to that as an adult.
I grew up with a manic depressive (now called bipolar) mother, back in the early 80’s when people with the disease where used as guinea pigs and locked away in the most far away place in a hospital. I only recently came across Dr Gabor. After listening and learning I have finally been able to understand my own childhood trauma and be able to share these teachings with my siblings and close friends. For 44 years I thought I was the problem, I didn’t understand. Now I can finally start to heal from his teachings. I will keep listening and learning. What a blessing!
God, this is one of the best videos I've ever watched. Dr. Gabor hit on SO many things that I deal with and have given insights on how to deal with them.
I am glad he corrected you on focusing on the future. There is the anxiety of today. The present is where we need to focus. Inward and feeelll it all and take care of the self. Now is where we find all the answers. The emotions based on the past are in the present so we do the work necessary to find balance. ❤ Gabor not only understands the psych of the mind but he is a fabulous presenter and nurturing soul for millions. What psychologist can say the same. We really need to see that many of us can make great changes in this world if we tell our stories and stop walking around with defensive masks..❤
I'm grateful in the present, finding purpose and meaning in my life.😁Yes, rewarding oneself in the present after completing positive actions😎I'm very grateful for being able to listen to this and many other podcasts featuring you Dr. Maté. I hear much compassion, experience, professional knowledge, integrity, transparency and vulnerability when you speak.😷🙋♀️
Humildad es decir "no tengo redes sociales" pero mucha gente sube cosas mías a ellas. Busquen mi nombre y ahí está mi trabajo. Un honor estar leyendo "The Myth of Normal". Y lo mejor, lo estoy llevando a la práctica, primero en mi propio proceso de sanación y luego hacia los demás. Gracias, gracias, gracias por esta charla tan enriquecedora. Tú, Doug, poniendo a nuestro servicio tu propia experiencia, permitiendo que el Dr. Gabor Mate nos modele cómo trabaja. Dando como resultado un verdadero ENCUENTRO: profundo, transparente y sincero, entre ustedes. Veo que seguramente ambos salieron transformados y ahora yo también. Gracias de nuevo.
So true sometimes I think organizations should bring in consultants to help make recommendations after doing some visits n interviews with employees.... anonymous of course. This would likely increase their bottom line as well as increase worker output, retention n reduced sick time n insurance costs .
Download the PDF of my memoir for FREE: dougbopst.com/FREE/
Thanks, Doug, for your honest and courageous story. I notice that you didn't give thumbs up to my endorsement of 12-step groups, but you describe a rich, if fragmented social network of family and friends, none of which or many alcoholics have when we "hit bottom". 12-step groups and the 12-step recovery program/sponsors give us a substitute family and sober friends that we wouldn't have otherwise. I was abused in childhood and became a star athlete and academic success to compensate. I get the physical fitness angle and wish you the very best, but most important for me was finding a loving "family of choice" that I did not have growing up, and I'm an only child. Thanks for the encouragement to lose weight and get back into the best shape a 77yo Long COVID survivor being treated for prostate cancer (so no testosterone!) can expect. Keep up the great work and best wishes from a former pothead and alcoholic (clean and sober 11 1/2 yrs. this time) Gregg Miklashek, MD
Dr Maté is beyond some people's understanding...just read some of these comments. Wish l
hadn't. Thank you for this interview Doug.
@@StressRUs ill)lllp
@@lenas5613 😊
😊Pl
This is what people should be sharing on social media. Not brainless Tik Tok challenges.
!!!!!!!!!
Social media caused it , too easy to look and listen to too many people in one day ,, it’s damaging
So well said
În order to share this, you have to have a brain who acknowledges and comprehends. And people on tik tok don't possess any of that
What happened to them? They just got stupid!! I'm scared to leave the house!
Nobody knows what they're doing. They don't pay attention when they're driving. Rude, obnoxious, and they care do not care about any of it.
I knew that those covid shots would ruin people...
As an elementary school teacher in the primary grades I found love, kindness, and lots of praise made a huge difference. Praise , praise praise and making learning fun made all the difference. Teaching with music, art, movement, dance rewards makes for smart children. I tauggt in LA county so many students came not speaking English. They cried and sat with our chairs touching the first day or two until they felt safe enough to sit desk to desk side to side with an bilingual student who helped them understand and tutored their paperwork. One mute child didn't know by pushing on his stomach and openibg his mouth sound would come out. I sat him next to the mist talkative intelligent girl in the class. He began to speak. His parents came in the classroom. What did yoy do? He has never talked. He began to talk like his partner. Thank God for those bits of inspiration God gave me in teaching our most precious resource, children.
My mother was malignant narcissist who competed with me since I was very young.
She's gone, physically but still in my head and heart
We have to push ourselves to live our lives. We owe it to ourselves.💜
That's a miracle.
Oh how I wish there were more people like you….but so grateful to know of you.
...🙏🏻❤️
I was always the last one to be picked in PE class when I was in elementary. I was the small petite new immigrant from asia and every time when the teacher choose a leader to pick their team, I started to feel anxious and sad cuz I knew I would be one of the last one sitting on the field (with everyone eyes looking at me) and feeling that no one wants me to be in their team. As an adult now, I really think it hurts those kids that weren't chosen (weren't needed). So I hope that school don't do that anymore, I mean, let the teacher choose the team instead of two student's leader....
The empathy Dr Gabor shows regarding racism almost always brings me to tears. This man is a gift to man kind.
Listen to what he saying tho...the more you claim there is racism the more it will destory your people...racism isnt an issue as much as classism is...its about money...its about how we raise our children...the black community wants to blame everyone else...but i dont see any self accountability...this toxic rap culture bullshit is destroying blsck communities by deisgn
Absolutely for me and my eldest son.
He doesn’t have a judgemental bone in his body, and is intelligent enough to refuse racism to come into his mind. He also knows the generational trauma of an oppressed group of people. Lived experience as hard as it is, is the best teacher and sometimes a blessing in disguise, our pain can make us a lot more compassionate ❤
I completely agree! That part really blew me away
Well said
He is a gift to humanity.
Agreed!
Couldn't agree more ❤️❤️❤️
Absolutely is!❤
We are all gifts to humanity, we must find out how ourselves!
I started to do drugs at 13 now I’m 65 and I still do the same. I don’t look a drug user so anyone knows about.
Wish I could afford to pay for a detox. 😢
Listening to several of Dr Gabor Mate videos has ended my 50 year search for answers on childhood trauma in only 36 hours! Truly thank you, and May GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS for helping people find solutions and heal!
Yes, my stress is mostly about people pleasing. Over the past few years, I have become much better about self-care, setting boundaries, but I still hate to disappoint people. I am 68 years old, making progress in loving myself as I am, even when I say “no.”
Same here. I am making myself so unhappy because I am afraid of setting boundaries. I internalize the anger I feel towards people who treat me badly. This affects my health and I feel resentment to the person who is being nasty to me. I so badly don't want to have trouble or confrontation, so I keep quiet and don't defend myself. I feel that I let myself down by not standing up for myself. But I do realize that I will keep attracting hurtful people into my life in order for me to learn to stand up for myself. The Universe's way to teach life's lessons! It's up to me to break the cycle 🤷
@@saloshniejagathesan1577 so true!!
ONG... I am going through a similar situation. I never learned how to take care of myself! My mother, is a cruel, vindictive, and still holds a grudge because I didn't give her grandchildren!! I'm 62 and disabled. She informed me that I had 25 days to get out or she'll start the eviction process!?!? What am I going to do...?
I have the same problem. The result with being a people pleaser is that we get used alot.
Tell them to get stuffed we are too old to put others first,I raised a family ,worked and I don’t see anyone
As a sensitive person who also lends an ear to friends and family I would say one of the largest sources of stress these days is a lack of money/resources. Hands down. And it snowballs from there. Something has to change. Our cost of living is costing our lives. When our needs are met we are better able to show up and handle other stresses, such as our emotional needs, our relationships and family challenges, and the stresses caused by oppression, inequality and violence that so many face.
I agree. It is one of the largest stressfactors, and the ones controlling the biggest parts in money know it!
Never the less: the most true value is love and sharing in this life now; is what makes us strong in taking position in control in our own lives.
It makes us less helpless and outreaching to eachother makes us realize that there where is a majority in sharing and connecting, this will become the 'winning team' in the end! All because of the simple reason that we aren't made of money, we are made of the divine and dynamic energy of God/Universe! ❤🙏
Exactly! And this problem is multiplied many fold with the disabled, poor seniors, and vulnerable members of society who are forced to live considerably below the poverty level - while prices skyrocket. It is a vicious circle - cuts to programs, rising homelessness, unaffordable healthcare will all have serious repurcussions to society. Sensible, and not necessarily expensive solutions now, will prevent having to spend a large amount of money on dealing with consequences of this tomorrow.
Study Wage inequalty, that is why money is short supply.
Jazzy G I don't disagree about the money part n you may talk to different types of people than me n watch different news shows. Finances are personal and certainly important but even people who are reasonably well off n even wealthy have a great unease n stress in America anyway.while oppression n inequality are felt all over the world since the beginning of time and while most people feel badly about that it was not something people fixated on nor do I think they do today and why should they as compared to the past there is far less of that today in nearly every metric. What is new is the incredible increase in violence especially in certain major cities, the no cash bail laws n releasing of violent repeat felons to wreak havoc on their fellow citizen's, the rapid increase in drug addiction n deaths, the influx of illegal aliens into several communities across the country n even giving them taxpayer funded benefits of food, phones,medical, and even housing. Recently in NY they removed veterans from a hotel used as temporary housing to make room for illegal aliens, the school boards n teachers unions working against the wishes of parents n keeping them in the dark about what is really being taught to their children n why, transgendered men being allowed to replace women essentially in sports by winning all of the awards and scholarships that used to go to women, the lying media, the obvious corruption in nearly every one of our institutions from the FBI,the CIA, the IRS, n academia where they push a particular ideology n try to silence any opposition, where people who support one political party are arrested without due process or speedy trial to see if they should even serve time while people who burned n looted buildings n even hurt n killed people got off Scott free during the George Floyd protests during the summer of 2020. The COVID pandemic but even more importantly what many now see as how it was distorted n used to evil ends n how it may soon happen again,the situation with Russia n Ukraine but more importantly China. And most disturbing n concerning that despite all this you almost never hear any of it discussed in public. Why is that? Everyone walks around like everything is just fine or like it was 4-5 yrs ago
You are so right!
Parenting GOLD starting at 38:00. Get the first 3 years right, work on your relationship with your spouse, validate your child's emotions, free play in nature, understand their basic needs. "Wish I had known this when my kids were young."
and stay off devices!!
@@franmorrison1080 now you're talking!!!
Yes, and then you can stop blaming the schools.
first rule of parenting is not letting kids know sugar exists in the world
second that parents can get angry for no valid reason and if that they can change it into laugh in seconds
if you need and can isolate or destroy everything around addicted to sugar and promoting it do it
alcohol is like worse version of sugar
drugs are sugar on steroids
cheese contains such drugs too btw
but raw milk is more natural to baby than all other processed crap
if you gave birth through wrong hole you should make it up to baby
the same if you damaged it with vegan diet in pregnance or feeding it not own natural milk
pay your bills
@suzanneemerson9787 institutions should be held accountable because they affect the masses.
I wish I could afford somebody like Gabor Mate, on a 1-1 and glad these discussions are free
I was literally thinking the same thing as I sit here and listen. I wish good help wasn’t so hard to find and I wish it wasn’t sooooo expensive. Who can afford $150 sessions 1-2x a week? I wish the good ones were more accessible.
@@danafaber922it’s a save yourself culture. Gabor, he does not see patients anymore. America has a toxic culture.
Me2
I asked for help sooo many times and was denied, i had to resolve to try to do it myself. I happened upon a lady who i did not know we had a conversation about some things and the last word she said to me have stayed and helped me more than any counselling or medication, which i am still on, what she said was that it WAS NOT MY FAULT! Those were the words I needed to hear and they came from a stranger. NEVER underestimate the power we all have to help heal one another!
So brave & wonderful of U to share this! Deeply touching. ❤
You should watch "Good Will Hunting" if you haven't seen it already. What you said reminded me of a powerful scene from that movie
Some strangers are amazing. They say something you remember for ever as you would remember a friend forever.
There is another thing about help... Most people can't afford to pay professionals because their prices nowdays are sky high. So basically their only help is free RUclips and on-line sources. Thanks to that 😊
Or their insurance says it’s covered but then you get a bill for three times the rate.
Or your insurance covers 5 sessions, because that's all it takes 😑
Salvation is for the wealthy!
Are you have to have some kind of diagnosis or drug issue
This man's personal honesty should be a model for us as we choose our teachers!
I love that he said that on a bad day, he can still have a negative view of his past. That’s where I am, working one day at a time to have more good days than bad.
I get that too.
I think it is something we will all continue to work on, thank you for sharing this!
I'm glad this interview gives Gabor a lot of speaking time. Not an interviewer talking all the time.
His wisdom, his knowledge but most of all,,, he speaks from the heart and spirit… God bless Dr. Gabor Maté…
He is an earth angel - and a gift ❤ his voice and presence is so calming and his empathy and knowledge of trauma and it’s effects- second to none
Take it from a retired physician/psychiatrist/stress researcher, Gabor's new book, "The Myth of Normal", is the single most informative psychiatry/psychology book I've ever read! And, he has no "formal" psychiatric/addiction medicine training (thank god!). His strongest work is in the area of understanding addiction, unknown to most 12-step groups/speakers/books. However, his research/understanding of stress and stress physiology is spotty and incomplete. Population density stress is killing us NOW through ALL of our "diseases of civilization". Stress R Us
"Population density is killing us..." wow... you must be happy that 'Uncle Klaus' and the Deep State (the real government of the USA) are working on 'that problem' since 2020!
@@livinglifetothefullest22 If you and your ilk are any evidence of what we as a species have become, then, yes, I am glad the Mother Nature is getting rid of us, whoever the hell "Uncle Klaus" might be in your highly disturbed mind. You sure as hell do not belong on a Gabor Mate' video, as they are all about healing and reconciliation with ourselves and others. Stress R Us
He’s a sellout… How can you even recommend him to anyone after his disgusting display with Harry? Live streaming for profit and a diagnosis just from reading his book? And all he did was enable him to stay in victim mentality… Disgusting.
Mate is one person. He is not perfect. He is a good Dr still. Great book Myth of Normal. Way too much technology.
Let me guess...Gaber
1. Why you hate yourself?
Trauma
2. Why you self sabatoge?
Double Trauma
3. Why you have hate your family?
Triple Trauma
4. Why you hate bracolli?
Trauma, Trauma
5. Why you suck?
Trauma Yes
6. Why you have bad hair day?
Trauma
7. Why you have cancer?
Always Trauma
D'r.Gabor should get the worldprize for (inner) peace. He's my hero. Thank you so much for sharing so much invaluable information about (child) trauma. God bless you.❤
Words are not enough to express my gratitude for Dr Maté. Thank you for featuring Dr. Gabor Maté
i love how Gabor explains how to say Hi to the broken child inside- in my own healing i discovered how many different "me's" there are inside...and that the broken 9 year old had been driving the life bus for decades...and i (we) kept smashing into walls - so once i had a good talk with that inner child and let an adult drive the bus we have finally been going forward and life is so much peaceful - Gabor has helped me so much!
This is also the concept in IFS therapy, you focus on the parts of yourself that are loudest, it’s intense but so helpful. IFS is internal family systems
Same.
the myth of normal is my bible. i feel like my soul is healing by just reading the words. as i go along i high light what i feel is important and am able to just flip it open and refer to the text which always reminds me i might be struggling but im going to be okay. his words make me feel like an elder is looking out for me/us/collective.
that is beautiful. God bless you.
Sad. While his book is good and informative it shouldn’t replace God. You shouldn’t idolize something made of man.
@@private9013it's not sad, nor is it replacing God. It IS God breathed and is one way we connect to Him. I understand if you believe the lie that it is "man made". I also believed that for a while. Please understand that is a lie from the enemy. If I was Satan, I would tell people it is "just a book made by men" in an effort to keep them from reading that book and connecting with God.
I became very upset yesterday when my friend told me he was taking a short holiday without me. I consider that healthy and perfectly ok but still I was hurt. You explained my hurt when you talked about abandonment in childhood. I was badly burned when I was two. The nature of the injury resulted in my being hospitalized in a town 20 miles away. My father worked away and was gone most of the time. My mother was running a business and raising my three older sisters on a dime. That resulted in my being alone and in pain a lot. That explains my reaction to being left while my partner takes some much needed alone time. I need to say that I take my grandchildren away for mini vacations by myself at least 4 times a year leaving my partner alone. (He is an only child and I think needs this time).
Loneliness and feeling unwanted is just awful ...felt it all my life...because I wasn't wanted
Same ❤
So sorry you both feel unwanted , I wish you both some peace of mind soon
Hugs ❤
Right there with you, Sister. Sending hugs and love to YOU 🫂💕🫂
73 years old and still fight this battle every day.
Oh my gosh , he knows me lol, when he started talking about the stories we make up I go into a very dark place when something goes wrong. Saying no , it hasn't been a part of my vocabulary , if I say no people won't like/ love me, they will leave me. Oh mylanta I really need his book actually I need a sit down for a few hours with him. I'm struggling big time recently I asked God this morning what do I do well this came up when I opened RUclips for something to listen to.
For any of you who are struggling I pray for you and send hugs.
Dr Gabor Maté thank you for teaching me (through these podcasts) how “my childhood abandonment” is what triggers a lot of my responses in adulthood.
What a very wise, knowledgeable, beautiful, gentle soul Dr Gabe Maté is. His words are a huge gift to Mankind. His understanding and explanation, the pointing out of choices we have in going about certain situations or problems, are incredibly helpful.
I love listening to this wonderful person. He is not only, helping me with my own problems, but also bringing me back to reality with both feet on the ground, reminding me, that my one goal in life, is to be a better person. I thank you so much Dr Gabé Maté for talking to us and also to Doug Bopst for inviting your fantastic Guest, back again. 👏🏼👏🏼.
🧚🏼♀️💕
Credit to Doug for bringing this incredibly talented compassionate man to us….this is using you tube to its very best ..🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟❤️
Best 45 minutes I’ve spent on RUclips in a long long time! Thank you for sharing your wisdom ❤
Every statement made by Dr Gabor in this video is gold ❤
Wonderful, so wise and validating. And so painful - what our society is dealing with. So glad we are finally talking about this! I am 50 plus and my wounds are related to family secrets and never being allowed to talk about anything of importance - feelings, worries - as the foundation crumbled around us. I carry those worries with me still - the process of healing is a lifelong journey. Thanks for bringing this out into the open!
Same here. Wish we could get coffee
I wish Dr. Mate could be personally available to anyone who felt they needed to be listen to!
I always feel like calling you Daddy Matè because you are the daddy we all needed as kids. What is so ironic is that the man you are today is that your kids needed when they were younger but what bring me joy is who you decided to become. I'm thankful for you and your struggles not that you deserved them but without them we wouldn't have known the man that you have become today. Thank you for listening to your intuition. Hey I dont even know what yo say but you are a father to many. Always know that. Your teachings and philosophy will live on way long even when you have left the earth plane. You will forever be one of the greatest teachers ❤
He has traumatized his children too. Go look for his videos he does with his son.
My parents were very focused on their careers. It was not at all unusual for them to arrive after 7pm on weekdays and they often went on long business trips where my sister and I were left alone for weeks. On the negative side, it made us feel as though we weren't important enough for our parents to spend time with us but on the positive side it made us VERY self sufficient. Still working on improving my self esteem and trying to not be toxicly independent. People may help you if you ask and slowly I am learning to ask for help when I need it.
None of us is an island and most of us have very toxic conditioning, hence all the bad parenting. It's very difficult to challenge our conditioning and come home to our true self. We have all been conditioned to be "not myself" to some degree.
My parents were focused on how to make my life miserable.
We all were raised like this.
@@oanailiescu81 Yah, it is called Gen X LOL. I guess it could be worse, we could be the "tough love" generation.
😊
We can't change the world 🌎 however we can change how we deal on what's happening around us. Sometimes it's not about control it's about how to flow like water. Creativity, flexibility, greatefulness, appreciation of life, enjoy in little things , being in a present moment we can apply them in our life.
yup so true!
This man is a font of knowledge. I've been watching tones of videos, I'm at a very trying time in my life. I never listened to him before. Seen his face on utube.. I'm just amazed at how much I've learned and feel alot of relief from this whole podcast. Thanks guys. Hugely needed right now, for a lot of people. ❤️
This World is a MESS. That makes me depressed.
🌍
It's gonna get WORSE to the point where the anger in humans will BURST.
I totally agree.
I try every day (not always successfully, I might add) to do one small thing that can contribute to tidying the "mess" in not only my own, but the lives of others. As difficult as it is to do (because it appears to be a mammoth task) it does help to lift my own depression.... all be it a little bit at a time. Not always easy for a person who has experienced depression for a fair length of time.
@@robertwilliams1251
Keep going.
Wish you all the best. ⚖
@@robertwilliams1251 Helping others has helped me over the years with my depression because it gets me out of myself. I feel joy helping others instead of dwelling on my problems so I do that whenever I can.
@@robertwilliams1251 keep going and don't give up on yourself! Take it one step and a time and do your best to focus on how far you have come and not how far you have to go.
Thank you Dr. Gabor Mate, for sharing your genius! If more psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, etc. were to embrace and apply these teachings, we would have a healthier society!
Thank You Doctor, as a Sr. X second WW European, I have permanent anxiety, feeling disconnected. Every word You say is helping to live in this world, where age and being different is a huge burden. Thank you for your healing words, although at 83 it might all be too late for a compulsive people pleaser to hope for acceptance without constant fear “not being good enough, the pressure to having to strive constantly to be better and better to be accepted, or be just left out.
I loved this. Gabor Maté has such a kind and compassionate way of presenting this information which makes it so accessible to so many. I teach equine and canine assisted therapy and work with psychiatric service dogs. I love learning from people like Dr. Maté so I can be more self aware, heal myself and be a better human for my students and people in my life. Thank you.
Monday, Jan. 1, 2024 Just finished crying, but so grateful to have tuned into this interview to start my new year with his profound knowledge, insight and compassion! Thank you for your sharing Dr. Mate. With much gratitude, I continue my healing and creating my life journey!😉
🙏🏻💕🌟
#1 Rule. If your family doesn’t want what’s best for you, FIRE them.
Very good idea for me. I need to put that on every wall of my home and see if anyone notices😂l
Like this guy can diagnose all the nuanced micro-steps anyone has taken in their life that has shaped them into the stages they are in NOW. Then pass out a one-size-fits-all Rx. AGAIN: THE ONLY EXPERT IS YOU...FOLLOW THE INTELLIGENCE IN YOU. YOUR instinctive insights will draw you to messages and information that speaks to you in the perfect language that YOU GET.
I am listening to one of his older books "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts". That man is a saint.
His wife doesn't quite think so! 😂😂
I honestly can’t thank you enough for the work that you do Dr Mate. I am deeply grateful to you as, like thousands of others who do not have the resources to afford therapy, your books and your discussions on line in person truly will mean so much to many and go a long way to giving them understanding of where to begin to understand what has happened to them and hopefully begin to heal the pain that they feel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Cath (Scotland) 🙏❤️
When I read my Bible and am focused on the attributes of God and his amazing unconditional love for us and the fact that He is in control of everything, I feel peace.
I love that this man can love the addicted in all their ugliness.
You mean the unconditional love that says that if we don't comply with his conditions he'll punish us forever in a lake of fire? Or strike us dead like the two who dared to hold onto a bit of their money and not hand it all over to the commune? Or, if we were living in earlier times, have our parents stone us to death if we behaved badly? Or maybe drown innocent babies in a worldwide flood?
After all Jesus does.
My parental journey so far has taught me to “ALWAYS LET YOUR LOVE BE FELT MORE THAN YOUR LESSON”-
Since I realized the importance of BALANCE-no extremes, being a parent has been the most emotionally rewarding experience ever.
TECHNOLOGICAL- CONVENIENCE DRIVEN COMMAND and CONTROL Parenting results in the kind of polarized society you see on the news.
All the world’s problems are caused by parenting so better parenting is the solution to mitigating all pain, suffering, injustice & despair plaguing society.
If all the world's problems are caused by parenting, then ppl with unhealed trauma should never breed. How realistic is that?
Since Life itself is a process in it's self then people with "unhealed trauma"" need to also learn to process their trauma in ways that lead to healthy outcomes. When 1 group of people start thinking and feeling they are more SELF-RITCHEOUS & therefore more ENTITLED to basic human rights and freedoms then BAD things happen (genocide). We are ALL EQUALLY IMPERFECT human beings in our own special ways.
I think the main priorities for parents to gift to their children are to be SELF AWARE, SELF GOVERNING, & SELF-SUFFICIENT as possible. Maybe a better idea is for high schools to have parenting classes & colleges parenting 101. When adults are going to have a family hospitals can offer discounts & health insurances should offer lower premiums and better coverages for families that take parenting courses/counseling. The idea is to prevent unnecessary trauma and stop the unhealthy habits and self-destructive cycles that get passed on from one generation to the next. @@robynhope219
@@HappyNoobody stopping unnecessary trauma takes a lifetime...and not everyone can achieve it...don't know what u mean by unnecessary.
@@robynhope219 For me necessary/unavoidable trauma are experiences like failure, stress, disappointment, hurt feelings (breakups, backstabbing, gossip, getting cheating on, being abandoned) you get the idea. I’ve noticed that people who know how to process these traumas into positive emotions, choices, & actions live a very meaningfully rich & content life. I on purposely did not use the word successful because it is loaded with too much popularly materialistic themes. YES I agree that it takes a lifetime, but all the most valuable gifts in life takes a lot of time, patience, & tenacity to attain. For the majority unfortunately even a lifetime isn’t enough.
Children have too often been unwanted/abandoned/emotionally abandoned/grown-up surrounded by addiction and had to develop the survival emotions that Gabor so well describes. Best trauma psychology book ever written, bar none! However, the 12-step groups have stumbled upon the best therapy to "reparent" ourselves through their "protection and care", which so many of us did not have as children. Stress R Us
also because of system that takes you away from parents and puts in institution with strangers unrelated to you
it's not normal itself
in old days kids learnt skills from parents following them everyday whole day
that's called real family and real living
50% of the 360,000 children involuntarily dragged into this world are unwanted/unplanned. CONTRACEPTION.@@szymonbaranowski8184
Thank you for this valuable informative interview with my guru Dr.Gabor.. My husband had a mental breakdown recently due to stress and unhealed childhood trauma he is now embracing. I've lea6so much through the endless daily videos of him l am watching and have purchased yesterday both BOOKS he mentioned. Thank you Dr.Gabor for dedicing your life to heal a wounded society. And Thank you Doug too for helping humanity. Much love Susie ❤❤❤
I am referring to Dr.Gabor as my guru as well!😊🙏
dedicing?
Thank you for not leaving your husband
Very rare these days for a woman to stand by a man working through issues. ❤
@@zodglubby-- women naturally nurture it’s in her DNA 🧬
Unfortunately the statistics confirm it is the man who is not able to handle it and he leaves.
This man’s message is so beautiful
I want all of my podcasts and audiobooks be read by Gabor. That's therapy in and of itself😊
Yes. It’s very difficult to raise children these days. Raise them in nature at all cost.
I have listened to Dr. Mate a couple of times and i get this feeling of his authenticity and truth. He speaks so compassionately and professionally at the same time.
I really learnt a lot from this discussion. More so that you were able to phrase the questions that many of us would have loved to ask him face to face.
As a parent, i find the tips he shared very valuable. It is however a difficult one when u have a partner whose values are completely different from yours. But i am working through what i know is best for me and the children.
Thank you very much Doug!
Thank you very much Dr. Mate!
What a profound impact his words had on me today. Teared up a few times listening to him speak and then immediately ordered his book!
The entire section at 31:00 about triggers and “compassionate curiosity” is gold. I am immediately implementing that when my partner (or myself) says/does something that triggers or sets me/them off.
I started following Gabor Maté for his important insights into the occupation of Palestinian lands, and I have since learnt of his traumatic start to life and his deep understanding of trauma and how to lessen the pain or even remove it. I think that this particular video touches almost all of the principal bases on trauma and is therefore a great starting point. He is not only a great intellect as he also has the wisdom of a seventy-eight-year-old. Those two things together are very powerful.
Dr Gabor Mate you are a genius.
True believer in IFS and your modality.
Your treatment allows such relief.
The compassionate approach to understanding ourselves and our states of despair - this is so profound. I've always seen it as a struggle and a fight with myself - getting me nowhere (obviously). And we need to also approach others compassionately in our support of them...
Iam a Spanish lady living in London; I am a scientist (therapist). I do lo❤️e this man, a beautiful and passionate man in his job and duty.., nothing like Mr Paterson! Thank you so much.💪😊💕
@@michellemonet4358I think she is referring to psychologist, Jordan Peterson.
Gabor's critique of psychiatry/psychology/addiction is right on and trauma is the basic source of all of our psychological/physical/spiritual problems. My own lifelong anxiety problem that drove my alcoholism/sedative addiction finally revealed itself in dreams of childhood sexual abuse at age 77, when the protection and care of a 12-step group (rare!) reparented me and finally allowed me to experience "protection and care" I never had in childhood or since. Thank you for this gift! Stress R Us
We gotta stick 2gether as humanity❤❤❤ Soul and mind.
Unquestionably, THE best interview I have ever listened to. Gabor, the world needs you now more than ever.
Wishing you long years in good health so that you can keep rescuing even more people from mental related issues.
I found Gabor in Jan, through social media. This is, undoubtedly, the best interview I've heard. I received an abundance of valuable, and practical tools. Doug, you did an amazing job! Your questions were so meticulous and intentional, which allowed Gabor to give us (the viewers) a wealth of applicable tools. I appreciate your presence throughout the interview, and how you allowed Gabor to speak, to share, and to answer your questions. I am so grateful to both You, and Dr. Mate. You're an amazing interviewer! Thank you!
Thank you so much for the kind words! That means A LOT. Gabor is incredible and glad you enjoyed the interview!
There will always be uncertainty. its not abnormal. There might be something wrong with you. You might not be prepared, you might make bad choices. That doesn't make you a bad person, it just make you the best person to manage uncertainty.
This man is truly compassionate, kind and extremely intelligent and calm soul. He’s a blessing. My God. I just love to hear him talking. He’s amazing ❤
I can tell you exactly why I am feeling stressed. I have no money to pay rent, I can not find a job, I have about $50.00 on my account which is going to less for 3-5 days. My husband passed away and I have no one, literally no one to help me out or support me. That’s why I am stressed out.
I pray someone helps you. Someone who knows you and cares. I've been where you are for many yrs. Sadly there is no help from outside sources or charity.
Have you tried calling 211, it’s a national resource help line. So sorry you’re going Thru this. 🙏🏽
in a way, you have us. we were all brought here. it was like an invitation for friends.
If you consider moving to another place i can offer you a job and a decent flat wherr to live
@ mrLHADI1u if she has not responded I am interested in what you are offering. I am homeless @63 and no family left and willing to relocate and start a new life.
stresses causes (from work and personal relationships).
1) uncertainiry about what's next.
2) lack of information
3) loss of control & conflict (for example, you don't control when to work, and conditions of work).
This man is helping a lot of people. I am so grateful I have come across his work.
What a fantastic interview - Dr Matè in great form, but this is the first time I hear this host, and he is simply great. Great questions, truly, and plenty of space given over to the answers - a balanced, intelligent conversation.
Thank you both.
A psychotherapist from London, UK
Dr gabor is incredibly human I adore him my traumas stress going a lot down everytime I need to listen him my soul Dr ❤️
Yes I agree!
Thank you Gabor Mathé and Doug Bopst for this precious and eye opening podcast. Your words mean a lot to me and help me grow and accept things. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
A very powerful conversation and a very beneficial one to humanity 🙏
YOU SAVED MY LIFE SIR DOCTOR GABOR MATE............THANK YOU SIR.
This was an amazing talk on so many levels and woke me up to the reasons why I distract myself, the stories I tell myself which amplify a trigger into an explosion of feelings and hurt and how I can heal myself in the present rather than allow the past to influence my future. A brilliant discussion, thank you! 🙏💖
His work is saving thousands of lives
Dr. Mate you have helped me so much with anxiety and trauma. You seem to have the answers I am looking for. This time it is about triggers and why I still become triggered. Also, struggling with why I become triggered. I was fortunate to find you in addition to great therapists.
This video has affected me on such a massive level that it has motivated me to finally release and let go of this feeling of rejection and abandonment. It gives me hope that I can actually live a happy life after 40 plus years of being unhappy and stuck in my childhood trauma. Thank you so so much. 🙏
Love, love, love, Dr Gabor.
I contend billions, globally of course, are dealing with significant stress everyday. In fact, I believe it is well over half the people on earth. That personal stress runs a gamut of nuanced difference, extreme to mild, in each of our individual inner conscious minds. There is a feeling of general malaise now, that is quite disconcerting. Guard against nihilism.
I am truly thankful for this podcast. It helps me understand my kids' behavior and how I can get close to them n be their lifetime mental support. ❤
Glad you enjoyed the episode! What was your biggest takeaway? Don't forget to subscribe so that you can watch some of the other incredible interviews!
Gabor Mate is an excellent doctor and a person. He is one of the most intelligent and high-skilled professionals I have ever seen. He is also very kind and sympathetic to people. It matters a lot for those who suffer from emotional traumas.
I love Dr. Mate! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with so many of us!
You are welcome! Glad you enjoyed the interview!
My people-pleasing literally had me end up in the hospital and when I came out the next morning, I had to be given crutches because I couldn't support myself to walk. I hadn't taken drugs, but I had gone all day without food because everyone else wanted to 'save themselves' for a big meal in the evening when we were on a day trip to Paris. That taught me a valuable lesson...
This man is a gift to all ❤humanity.
Dr Gabor Mate you are a true humble,educated and honest psychologist.🙏 pray for you and all for peace
Gabor, Eckhart Tolle and Joe Dispensa are my favorites. They talk about the same but in their own way. If combined together, is the best transformational combo of all times. Btw, all their teachings are based on Buddhism ❤
I got weirded out by Joe Dispenza recalling how he communicates with giant light beings....
47:07 47:16 47:18
47:23 good
I love the advice to keep kids from screens for as long as possible! Thank you! My hope and prayer is that our society will get back to just being with our children instead of pushing them away in order to meet our own needs. There is nothing more precious and important than our children!
Thank you dear Doug Bopst and wonderful Gabor Maté. Wonderful conversation. Gabor is my favourite nowadays.His wisdom is beyond words.Blessings and love to you both .
'Be grateful that that bad experience (trauma) happened to you'
Very powerful!
The point about being curious about triggers stood out. They're opportunities to increase self awareness of childhood responses and speak to that as an adult.
I grew up with a manic depressive (now called bipolar) mother, back in the early 80’s when people with the disease where used as guinea pigs and locked away in the most far away place in a hospital. I only recently came across Dr Gabor. After listening and learning I have finally been able to understand my own childhood trauma and be able to share these teachings with my siblings and close friends. For 44 years I thought I was the problem, I didn’t understand. Now I can finally start to heal from his teachings. I will keep listening and learning. What a blessing!
God, this is one of the best videos I've ever watched. Dr. Gabor hit on SO many things that I deal with and have given insights on how to deal with them.
I am glad he corrected you on focusing on the future. There is the anxiety of today. The present is where we need to focus. Inward and feeelll it all and take care of the self. Now is where we find all the answers. The emotions based on the past are in the present so we do the work necessary to find balance. ❤ Gabor not only understands the psych of the mind but he is a fabulous presenter and nurturing soul for millions. What psychologist can say the same. We really need to see that many of us can make great changes in this world if we tell our stories and stop walking around with defensive masks..❤
I'm grateful in the present, finding purpose and meaning in my life.😁Yes, rewarding oneself in the present after completing positive actions😎I'm very grateful for being able to listen to this and many other podcasts featuring you Dr. Maté. I hear much compassion, experience, professional knowledge, integrity, transparency and vulnerability when you speak.😷🙋♀️
The whole world should be happay to have one man like he is, Gabor Mate you are great and unfortunitly so rare
Powerful, 9:57: "It's not what happens that stresses you [...] we stress ourselves by the stories we tell ourselves"
This gentle soul is a gift to planet earth. I place him in the same category as Jiddu Krishnamurti and Eckhart Tolle. ❤❤❤
Good upload Doug. I love Gabor mate videos and interviews. Especially after my diagnosis with ADHD lately at 38. Great guy to listen to
Humildad es decir "no tengo redes sociales" pero mucha gente sube cosas mías a ellas. Busquen mi nombre y ahí está mi trabajo. Un honor estar leyendo "The Myth of Normal". Y lo mejor, lo estoy llevando a la práctica, primero en mi propio proceso de sanación y luego hacia los demás. Gracias, gracias, gracias por esta charla tan enriquecedora. Tú, Doug, poniendo a nuestro servicio tu propia experiencia, permitiendo que el Dr. Gabor Mate nos modele cómo trabaja. Dando como resultado un verdadero ENCUENTRO: profundo, transparente y sincero, entre ustedes. Veo que seguramente ambos salieron transformados y ahora yo también. Gracias de nuevo.
Stress for me is when people speak with me at my work without respect and heart. This is the main issue. There are very less warm hearted people
So true sometimes I think organizations should bring in consultants to help make recommendations after doing some visits n interviews with employees.... anonymous of course. This would likely increase their bottom line as well as increase worker output, retention n reduced sick time n insurance costs .