Gastor Almonte - Reverse Drive-By - This Is Not Happening
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- Опубликовано: 23 апр 2019
- Instead of depositing the money his dad asked him to, Gastor Almonte spends a chunk of it on a pizza party - and loses even more when he gets mugged. (Contains strong language.)
Follow Gastor Almonte on Twitter: @GastorAlmonte
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Now hosted by Roy Wood Jr., This Is Not Happening features long-form storytelling from stand-up comedians, musicians and more. These outrageous stories show why real-life experiences always make the best material.
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Think your family is messed up? Think again. Watch comedians share their most ridiculous family stories on “This Is Not Happening:” ruclips.net/p/PLD7nPL1U-R5pgIBSOJV-fL4uIWR-DZbfI
Comedy Central Stand-Up 5
m
Ari is a better host
P
brook barnes has
"No Jeff, we have angry drug dealers. " 🤣😂
Ha ha
I'm jeff
“Yo ill get to it when i get to it.”
I could just see my dad slap me thru the phone
That is the parts that gets me and just makes me crack up
I can't even imagine saying that to my dad.
AND he hung up.
Yeah, no. I'm spending a few nights at Jeff's.
Quick neck breaking action 😂
I feared for him in that moment
Jeff: "Nah he's cool! He go to Prep, you see he has cargo pants on!"😂😂😂
The Total Package hahahaha new york things
420 likes and im leaving it tht way
Batman lol
"You do the things I can't do. And you avoided the things I had to do." That hit me. That's keeping it 100.
This is someone with a strong father figure
Without a doubt.
@Raoul Fleckman No, having a strong father figure allowed him to become an up standing man despite his circumstances and experiences as a child. He wasn't "raised" to be a criminal.
@Raoul Fleckman yes asshole, some people don't have other choices, some people don't have money, or education, and the dead end jobs they can get aren't enough to pay the bills, think about it. Most laws are made to protect us, some to keep us under
My dad was never like this all he did was verbally bully me
its not strength to commit crime
If I had that type of money I would get jumped by my own family
Carlton, everyone knows your family has that big money.
Child of Persia you know cousin will would slap the piss out of him for that paper 😂
In my own house
of course they do,its called keeping a joke going.
Same
"If you gon' do something stupid, do it smart"...This guy is always good!
Wow, dude is totally controlling the room, excellent work!
its easy, hes the only one with the mic
@@calviincalifornia4048 You've never seen a bad comic have you?
I mean people paid to see the show - not much control needed
@@humanbeing5918 Yes, but the ability to draw people's likable attention and excitement for more.
Dude I think you mean, he's captures the audience's attention..
Wow. It's so impressive how people can be such amazing storytellers. So effortless and smooth. Excellent story.
Atilio Escobar it’s far from effortless. this dude has worked hard at refining his talent to get to where he is
My mom is an amazing story teller. She refined her craft by getting drunk off a case of coors light and gossiping about her children.
This is definitely the first time he's told the story.
1 word: rehearsal :) great show!!!
2 things. 1 talk about what you know. 2 repetition.
The fact that he mentioned Vito from essex omg!!! I grew up in that area!!! Caterina pizza! Is the bomb!!! Love this guy!!!
For real! All the street names legit. I mean his accent is a dead giveaway anyways, true east new yorker
Franky Payne Vito on essex could be like 7 dudes
Preston Jackson fax I thought bro was talking bout herbos homie
Franky Payne
Guitar player to guitar player... Check out Sarah Longfield
I’m just shook he’s talking about having a beeper but looks a smooth 22 lol
without checking i think he is about 37 now. i had a beeper in norway in the late 90's(i am 37 now) that i got (stole)from my father. but it was dead serious expensive to get messages. lol. u paid to get them. wow. those times. felt like a king
ColorMeIn 22 My ass
Yea he in his late thirties yo
41 here, had a beeper as well.
he has a certain vitality but he looks like a smooth looking 30
"The various storage options available." LOL!!
😂😂😂
There needs to be more of this guy. He’s hilarious.
Look him up on the Risk! Podcast. He has stories featured on a few episodes and they are gold!
"No Jeff, we have angry drug dealers. " 🤣😂
My god, his dad was taking parenting to the next level and then another 2 levels.
"Hey son, remember all that awful shit that happened to you because of your hubris? Yeah, it was all me." It's risky parenting, but still damn good parenting nonetheless.
@j My Pops did something similar in that he was technically around, but never supported me financially, physically, emotionally, nothing. Now that he's much older and seems to be on his way out, he's leaving me and my 2 kids (whom live with me, and I support them in everything they do) money, land in the caribbean, and a house in the caribbean 🤷🏾♂️ I don't kno if he has a guilty conscious or what, but bills are kicking my ass 🤣🤣 so this will be very helpful 🤣🤣 I have forgiven him tho
@@KoldBreeze I went thru Similar with my dad, I knew who he was but he was barely there and left me all his ish in his will my other siblings got mad but idk if it was guilty conscience or what but I was grateful for it.
Reading y'all two's stories got me feeling better about my relationship with my dad. Good to know I'm not alone, thanks for sharing
@@KoldBreeze A life of learning and lessons is priceless. Not passing that down to your sons and daughters should be a crime.
Starts off strong with "There's a lot of liars in here"
100% real
Im actually from eny i know the struggle
My older brother could learn a lot from this man. It's not about being the tough guy. It's about being the guy who is responsible and gets s*** done. Great story.
so commiting crime but not getting caught= success? :/
@@calviincalifornia4048 I'm not making a comment on criminal behavior. I'm focusing on the idea of owning up to your responsibilities, which his father was trying to teach him. When you're the type of guy who takes care of business and keep things in order, your actions speak for you.
Maybe people just want to be strong/dependable within their group of friends. Whether it's a thug life or nerd life? Honestly, I don't know. It's all still an incomplete thought for me.
@@calviincalifornia4048 life is different for some people,the normal laws do not apply some people have to do 'bad' to survive. It's the shoes we are dealt with we all walk different paths,does not mean they are not good people just means there survival game is different from yours.
Amy Victoria shut yo lame ass up
@@PabloGonzalez-mp9ni someone salty
That story was so extraordinary on every level. Regardless of the life choices, he had a great father. And the expectation I had from parts was not undermined buy the ultimate twist ending.
This one story could be a movie and would be well worth seeing.
his dad was a criminal and bad
calvi in california with the destitute conditions in inner cities, rural areas, and other poor/working class communities caused by the massive wealth and income inequality in the US, you can’t blame people for doing what they have to do in order to support their families and survive.
@@RipFreddy no need to be an ass, regardless of what he says. Act like an adult.
@@RipFreddy ooh keyboard justice, I'm hurt. I shall now drown my sorrows in rum. As I said, act like an adult, not some crybaby teen. By the way, I've been called far worse then a 'low accomplished cunt'. Try harder next time.
It was as he said "...legendary"
The second best I've seen. After Mexicans got on boots.
Lol. Fo sho
🤣🤣🤣
Definitely
I keep seeing that, what video is it?
@Ghost thank you kinda sir
Check fight in Chicago
This guy is going to have a great career. Wonderful story teller and he's controlling the crowd perfectly.
if he's here he's a working comic and has "made it" and just needs to keep the plates spinning..
Statute of Limitations, gotta love it for the sake of comedy.
For reals, can he be telling us all this? This is actual criminal sh#t!
Who cares about statute of limitations? This could all easily be claimed as a "joke" and I'd be surprised if half the shit he said was true. This doesn't mean he wasn't funny I loved this bit, but don't be ignorant.
@Alan Hardcastle good thing he didn't talk about killing anyone
@@goldenbrowngod saints row reference, breh breh
Statute of limitations on an assault on some drug dealers. Sure why not.
“Don’t get ahead of me” had me DEAD.
This guy is GOOD.
This story had more twists and turns than a telenovela.
Old school vibes from this guy, very fluent and a good story teller.
This legitimately would be a great movie
i agree. they financed _failure to launch_ and _gigli_ so why not?
I toooootally agree!!!
Something tells me Gastore is going to be an Amazing FATHER.. this was awesome lol
I'm trying my best! I got two kids now!
i been watchin all yo videos this mornin after this my G..(watchin the performance at 'RISK' as we speak) ..you a real one..STAY UP!! #StraightToTheTOP @@GastorAlmonte
why would you make an arbitrary, unfounded, irrelevant statement like that?...did you just want attention today?.lol @bangmeister2012
if you are referring to and comparing the DEMON who ultimately got one of our greatest artist murdered ..DESTROYED countless lives as 11 out of 15 of his crew members were killed and families are still suffering to this DAY..to go with COUNTLESS EVIL ATROCITIES (like KILLING HIS BEST FRIEND in a fit of rage to a man who did what he had to do to raise a respectable member of society...then....I dont know what to say.. =\@bangmeister2012
haha..man im just being factual lol@bangmeister2012
"Gastor, if you gonna do something stupid, do it smart"😅😅😅
I'm a white dude in Germany and it's unreal how parallel this dad's wisdom runs to the some of the best thoughts of my old man.
Hilariously fucking told, I daresay. Great story.
My dad grew up in Brooklyn and the bronx....no suprises that he decided to raise me in Oregon. His father was a collector for a bookie.
Where in Oregon?
@@tashahines1000 Halfway....I live in Hells Canyon
@@tashahines1000 dad use to joke hells kitchen to hells canyon...lol
Not only an amazing comic but a fantastic storyteller as well.
He's putting extra sauce on his accent and demeanor. But New Yorkers love the sound of their own voice.
He a bitch all talk. A fuckin prep school comedian who's joke is thinking he's tough
Well he is on stage
John Doe lol stfu stupid ass bitch
@@JohnDoe-gn4xj r/woooshh
@@JohnDoe-gn4xj nigga you're not that bright
So we have a 1000 dollars.no jeff we have angry drug dealers....lol
Dulles Perez 😂😂
His air conditioner story is one of the best ever
link it?
@@zugxug ruclips.net/video/c0xgnCw4Zbo/видео.html
Marshall Fisher oof commenting as a bookmark
@Justin Last nahh
Justin Last which Batman one omg I need to see all of these lol
he keeps it 100 consistently
The delivery of this story is the best thing about it. Everything else could be made up or be talking about buying juice at the grocery store, the delivery is the best.
"If u gonna do something stupid
Do it smart " hit dad is legendary
This man makes timberlands proud!
Wood on pizza? DO IT!!
Make another one!
16 minutes of material that makes u wanna keep watching!! Bro like that with the comedy!!
This cat quickly becoming my favorite comic..his batman shit classic as well..bravo my friend
Top 5 favorite stories, well done sir!
On a side note, they need to stop giving away the biggest punchlines in the preview. There are better ways to get people to continue watching.
This is why I skip ahead like a minute or so
@@sergiotuberquia8150 ALWAYS skip the preview and intro.
Maybe maybe not, it's how he got to that story that is the important part of this video.
Wow I'm not the only one who skips the spoiler.. Y'all should probably just get rid of it.
the preview for Kurt Metzger's story definitely did not give away the punchline. Best story ever told on this show.
This whole bit is hilarious, from start to finish. Well done sir, well done!
Run up in the bank with ski masks on. "Yo, we good, we bringing money into the bank!"
This is One of the best comedians I’ve ever heard
I think it kind of goes to show that money bring a lot of stress but the best part of his day was just eating pizza and drinking snapples
The reverse drive by! LOL
Logical East New York decisions 😭😭😭
P89 Paulie 😂😂😂
LMAO
What an incredible storyteller. I look forward to seeing more of him.
These stand ups are the only thing that’s gets me through work 😂😂
Get a real job 💪
That's a very different kind of wholesome haha
One of the best I’ve seen on here. Never even heard of the dude but he killed that stage.
This is the best TINH story I’ve seen yet. My wife and I Actually got emotional at the end having grown up in ENY. I’ve never seen or heard this cat before and we just started enjoying watching stand up. Mr. Almonte just got 2 new fans and thanks to Comedy Central for putting these up. They’re the best! 🙏
Legit one of/ if not THE best one since Roy took over as host. 10/10
I've never heard of this dude until now, but I'm a fan. I need to find more of his stuff.
this guy has one of the best timing and delivery i've ever heard.
That last part about his dad hit the feels..
Everyone needs a Jeff in their life 🤣
3 years later & I still enjoy this story , comedy at its purest form. 🤌🏽
It's the holidays, and with all my normal shows off the air these have been a life-saver.
Magnificent stage presence. Smooth delivery like this is harder than it looks because you have to have a lean, lean set with no filler whatsoever. But notice that even the slower parts of the story flow the same way as the killer parts and that consistency keeps the audience on its toes, so the punchlines land harder because they're paying better attention and they're surprised more easily. I wouldn't put him the same level as Ali Siddiq, but he definitely has the confidence, control, and focus to be on his level in very little time.
Great story telling! But to be honest, with that NY accent, I'd have listened to him read the phonebook for 16 minutes too, lol.
Me too!!! 😂😂😂😂
Hahahahaha!
Hahaha
same!
Me too 🙌🏻
“If you ever have a confidence issue, maybe you got an interview comin up, gon propose to your Mrs, whatever you decide that you lacking somethin inside, you should try walkin around with $12,000 in cash in your pocket.” 😂
“….you do things that I can’t do and you avoided things that I had to do, and I am really proud of you for that,” then hands him a check for 82,200 dollars to make a down payment on his home. Gastor’s dad is legendary!!
“Legendary.” (His one-word flashback commentary on hanging up on his pops… in the middle of this anecdote, too.) Gastor will be at the TOP … I believe the Greats will be bowing their heads and clearing paths to secure space and pass the mic 🎤 to this man.)
"You know?! "
My man said that so much... Lmaoo
"being tough has nothing to do with what career you choose"
Me *a 6'1 street fighter*
Im a in home health aide and I'm good at my job
I can confirm
This had me crying phenomenal story man 😂 I hope he’s still friends with Jeff 😂
This dude is great. First time I heard of him was his first appearance on TINH
Gastor is funny af
Please at least wait till it looks like you commented after watching the video. I have to assume you're some bot inflating views and thumbs up for comedy central and Viacom shit lords.
The man's a great comedian and story teller yes.
@@ThisDique I don't have to watch the whole video to know that this dudes funny. Just because you don't pay attention to comedy and probably have no idea who he is, doesn't mean everybody knows just as little as you. I've seen plenty of standup done by Gastor to know that he is funny af. Maybe get your head out of your ass and think before you comment
@@OhighOSkater right? He was funny the last time, why would it be different this time?
@@evergreenrider For real. Dustin is the kind of dude that is unhappy unless he's talking shit to somebody lol
@@OhighOSkater comment on something relevant to this video don't just state the obvious 2 minutes after the video is posted probably before you even let the intro play through. Lol comedy central troll accounts must be out rolling deep lol.
damn, i really felt like i was right beside him throughout his whole story.
This story never gets old. My favorite one so far
Reppin East New York Gastor!!!! I see you man. Funny thing is I got pizza from the Little Ceasar's over on Fulton yesterday.
All of that delicious NY pizza and you got Little Caesars? Man I wanna come there for the food alone 😁
What a great storyteller. Even when I wasn't laughing I was captivated. You don't see this type of act often. Fire!
He did an OUTSTANDING job telling a captivating story! Great job Gastor!
Wish I could give him two thumbs up...
Okay. This right here is now my favorite story of them all in this series. Funny. Touching.
Pops is a really one Gaston is OOG and this real life story is a genius one classic coming of age tell.
The reverse drive-by is great!
His unpredictability of story telling is amazing. Your hanging on every line and you can’t even assume what’s next
This gotta be the best story I've heard here
This was a truly great story, and his delivery was perfect the whole time. Great job man.
His Daddy is a better man than most lmfao my old man woulda just killed me
Super facts. I wouldn't even came back to the house. Lol my dads a Taurus!!!
Hung up the phone LEGENDARY..you'll hear about it
The INSTANT he started talking in the preview I thought "Brooklyn".
This guys got a bright future ahead of him… great story teller..
Smoothest man in life.
This story made me think about my pops hard. I was an asshole teenager, like world class. I know I can't take back all the things I fkd up . I do take solicit in the fact I became a responsible man in spite of myself. numerous mistakes and misfires. Pops tried to raise me right ,and looking at life now I guess he did a good job. I say all that to say he was the best man I've ever known and it still hurts to think he is gone even after 3 years . I thank God everyday for him and his love . They made me the man I am. Thanks Pops . And thank u Gaston great story.
The Art of Storytelling. Perfectly done
He always has the best stories
his dad had some hella patience
Every time I watch this I enjoy it a little more.
Please never take these down
His name sounds like a poison type pokemon
More of this , every time I see him I hear the San Andreas theme in my head
Dudes storytelling is top tier
Great fkn story with a few punchlines and an overall inspirational and genuine moral. Like a fine layered dessert sprinkled with gold.
Yo this man funny af and real imma need to see more of him!
Your dad had too many secrets that he made you responsible for. Tricky. But, $83K is a good payback.
This is one of the best fucking stories I've ever heard in my life. It should be a movie.
Honestly can’t remember the last video I liked on RUclips and don’t think I’ve ever made a comment but goddamn I just enjoyed him so much. Wanna see his whole show live now. Beautiful.
One of the best stories yet
Amazing story. BROOKLYN STAND UP! YEERRR
Yerrrr
yerrrr
Yerrrrr
YYEEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!BBBRRRRAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!
"So we got a thousand dollars...!"