My maternity psychologist once told me: Em, if normal people have 5 batteries each day and you only have 1, you need to accept that. Plain and simple. I took that to heart. I do not function like others, I need more rest. But I do agree with you. I really do. While I do have limited energy and sound sensitivity, I need to power through sometimes so I can feel relieved and accomplished. Responsibilities are important.
Also know that even when you push your self to do you responsibilities, try to make them as accommodating to you as much as you can, it can help you achieve the tasks while also attaining it to your needs. Hope this helps
@@lovemiiiina Thank you, yes. I'm beginning to realize this. It's a long process since I likely have undiagnosed ADHD, so doing things one at a time with reasonable expectations sort of goes against my very nature. On the other hand, having kids really has forced me to prioritize differently.
Yep. I have one battery and it only charges to about 20%. I am not “normal”, but I don’t have a choice. It’s the hand I have been dealt, and need to manage it the best I can.
I love intelligent commentators and life worthy comments found on you tube. This is what I love about you tube - comments like this one. I am putting this comment on my social media.
I stopped keeping a TO DO LIST and I've started making a daily What I Did Today list. I have a small section of Things To Do. And I'm not afraid to put the most minuscule things on this list. Got out of bed, take a shower and got dressed, ate lunch, (not on my list of To Do's, but it got done. But I focus more on what I DID get done, rather than "I did one thing on my To Do List today, I must be a loser." Nope... Look at the OTHER list, and give yourself a pat on the back. Also this lets my family actually see the things I'm doing, because most people think stay at home moms/wives are lazy.
That’s so great! I’ve done this several times too. And now you reminded me of this tool! I heard about it from a therapist who called it a “tada list”. In Denmark ta-da is a way of showing excitement 🌸🌟
That’s a great idea. Celebrate smalls wins! Stay at home moms is a full time job. Child care is very expensive anyways! My sister is a stay at home mother.
@sl4983 Yes, it could be anything like going to the store, driving a car, working out , heck just leaving the house and going outside. Everyone has their own triggers like someone with autism does.
Yah. Accepting that our brains are broken and any given moment is as good as it gets, the pain comes from wishing it was different. Reality is what it is.
I agree entirely that more pain comes from wishing things were different and refusing to accept reality. At the same time, I feel that believing your brain is "broken" can be a self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps a person from recovering to their full potential to do so. The way society and the modern world operate it would have most of us believing we're broken in some way.
"The pain will lessen after your soul dies." is the closest that people who were born wrong like us can get to happiness. Stop thinking of yourself like a full human being, and many more things click in to place, and you'll start to feel the sensation of "integration" for possibly the first time in our lives.
@@Insideoutie I'm kind of bouncing around between seeing this as functional advice or seeing it as just an expression of my mood at the time. Whether it's the right thing to suggest to someone else or not, I at least intended it in good faith.
This is how I am feeling all the time since my husband died in 2021. I’m a solo mom to two kids and nothing in my life has changed except that now there isn’t another adult to take on 50% of the parenting, financial burden and responsibilities. I enjoy RUclips as a distraction!
Please get social security benefits for your children (if they are minors) ! They qualify when a parent dies, just apply. It will help your finances immediately.
Grieving uses A LOT of energy.. And takes a long time.. On top of the list of things you mentioned.. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.. You're doing the best you can.
Once I had this, pretty severe for me. I couldn't get out of bed. My doctor told me that my brain was so overwhelmed with stress that it decided to shut down and force me to rest. I understood that after few months. I slowly came back to life in a similar way you recommended in this video.
Going through this right now, I’m just burnt and my body has been sleeping constantly whenever I have time. I can’t even get enough energy to message people back
I hear you Claire. I hope you are doing better now - today is my partner's birthday but he died 31 years ago, at age 31 - so today is profoundly grim. I don't know how I've kept going all this time without him, but I'm hanging on. I am sending you a big hug and all the love in the world.
I hate to admit it but I’m just too comfortable and entitled… I feel like life shouldn’t be so difficult and stressful but in reality I’m so blessed… and I’m envious of people who are better off than I… I just want to give up so badly but I can’t shake this hope that things will get better someday even though I know nothing is ever going to change! I just keep plugging away and not living my life to the fullest. I don’t even know how to live to my full potential.
I was a late bloomer due to my late mother suffering with BPD. Within the last five years, I became more self-aware due to COVID. I had just retired from full-time work in December 2019 at 63 years old. I am single with no children. I am an HSP. I am neurodivergent. My resilience to stress is very low. I avoid conflict at all costs. I am a people-pleaser. I am also an introvert. I struggle with perfectionism. Thus, I tend to shut down and isolate at times. Writing poetry relaxes me because I write from an emotional standpoint. It allows me to deal with my emotions which were repressed during my developmental years.
I have BPD and autism and childhood trauma. I struggle to earn enough money and I'm becoming more introverted the old I get. I'm not sure that I will make it to retirement but there's enough there to pay for my funeral, If I don't. It took me a long time to get diagnosed which I still get angry about...and still processing as I was only diagnosed this year at age 42.
Thank you. I know you are 100% right I have been living in complete dysfunction and hate doing paperwork. My job requires taken care of, but I don’t take care of myself and when I come home, I’m exhausted…. To do list has gotten so bad that I don’t do anything after work . I can do laundry and dishes and cleaning and Health Care all day long and when I come to my place, it’s a disgrace. I always have a goal of doing the essentials for myself but I sit down and fall asleep.
It's also never linear...it's up and down. Not because of our mental illness, but because human beings are not machines and even machines need down time for maintenance. Lol! I tell my colleagues ( under age 25) that my battery is at 50%. This they understand like their mobile phone....rather than me rattling off all my middle-aged ailments that they have no experience of. Lol! What every makes us recharge we need to go an do it. some people it's psychological minimalism...some people it's I need to go and party. Lol! Some people ( mostly me) I need to go and lie down ( preferably on a beach) and cut off as much sensory input as possible. I just found out this year at age 42 that I'm autistic....going too hard is a good way to have an autistic meltdown or my other condition a BPD meltdown. Reset and recharge.
It is so hard to give advice on motivation and self care ... Because each and every situation is so unique. Sometimes when feeling overwhelmed the exact right thing could be... -Ignore it, carry on and finish. -Pause accept it is difficult and just accept whatever progress you can make then carry on. -Stop everything and immediately assess how in need you are of some self care. Do it. -perhaps bouts of depression are so dangerous for you that you need to avoid them at all costs right now . For you it might be smart to stop and immediately find a comfy place to relax first before you can think right. Or a million other potential responses. All could be the exact right thing at that moment and only you might have the necessary information to know which. I personally think it's a missed opportunity to push for any one approach because it won't apply to everyone. I much prefer a "here is another method that might help" vs "this is a better approach" Sometimes you've gotta kick yourself to move... Absolutely true. It it is also absolutely true that sometimes you need to listen to your symptoms and know when you really do need a break. To use an athletic metaphor there are going to be daya lifting weights where you won't feel like doing it... And then there are days where your body is healing and you really could hurt yourself if you push on those particular days.
One thing that was always super overwhelming and even traumatic for me was the act of sitting down to pay my monthly bills, even though I usually had enough money to cover them. It took a physical toll on me because it was so mentally and emotionally overwhelming for some still unexplained reason. Sometimes I was charged late fees only because I had avoided the stress of paying the bills. Then I found a partner who looked after the monthly bills with the money that I earned. What a phenomenal difference that made in my life! I felt better about myself and I made career choices that provided even more money. To this day, I do not put myself through the unnecessary trauma of bill paying. Sometimes situations that are overwhelming can be passed to a spouse, business partner, or a company that will handle things for you. There is no shame in that, but rather the possibility of freeing yourself of unnecessary mental/emotional stress.
Yeah not all of us have people that we can rely on regularly to do things for us. Especially those of us who do not earn enough money due to our mental health.
I wish I had problems that could just be"accomplished". Finding employment, having a friend, starting a romance, or discovering a passion are not things that someone can just do. Worse, for the first three, the "solution" indeed does seem like "get more debt", because they require, by necessity, inauthenticity. My lived experience is "life feels like shit" which is clearly a completely unacceptable feeling to express to people in any form of relationship, which the constant pressure to suppress is a kind of unavoidable debt by "improving"my life.
I’m sorry to hear your story. Completely agree that some stressors are from problems that can’t just be solved, and it sucks. It’s so draining. On the other hand, I strongly disagree with the statement that your view about “life feels like shit is clearly completely unacceptable in any form of relationship”. It’s because many if not most people feel that way, at least I am one of them and I also know people around me who feel the same. Also, even if they don’t feel the same, there are still many others who would accept your view as it is. Making friends is difficult but I really think being authentic helps to achieve it way more effectively than faking to be the same and end up have shallow conversations only. I do feel that life feels like crap, it’s not just you, but take care and good luck to you
Totally agree. I've been making lists about things that need my attention right now, and they all require money I don't have (moving, healthcare, pet issues, etc.). Work (freelance) is particularly bad right now, thanks to Google and AI. I can only spend so much time looking for work. So many jobs on LinkedIn aren't real or have thousands of applicants. I'm in my 60s, so "just" finding a new career isn't really feasible. I have some chronic health issues that limit my energy and abilities too. I get why people turn to distractions when finding solutions has you going in unproductive circles. I'm trying to find a balance between taking the occasional "reset" day and trying new approaches to finding work. I have spent the last years putting aside hobbies and things I enjoy to just survive. Life kinda sucks because of that.
This is SO TRUE. I am a huge procrastinator. I always feel better when I start completing small tasks. I'm working on this now. Thanks for the reinforcement. 👍
True - mental energy is finite. On waking this morning I thought about the notion of mental "capital'. This video adds to my understanding. Concentrate and conquer!
I think this is one way to fight depression or anxiety, but also a pitfall for those of us that don't know when enough is enough and our bodies and minds need to recuperate before handling next task. I've gone through burnout twice and I'm at the end of my second time. This time I drove myself to a point of life and death with tinnitus and physical pain as a reward. My brain shut down completely to a point where making food and caring for my own hygien became the daily Mount Everest I had to climb each day. But the principle you speak of is still true. We just have to learn where our limits are and respect these and use our time and energy in a prioritized manner so we manage the responsibilities and still get time for relaxing things. Like taking a walk in nature or taking a hot bath or having dinner/lunch with friends. For me tv or gaming or any for of distraction is seldom a way to recuperate. For me I replenish my mental strength by doing physical easy things that let's my mind wander freely.
You are a mental health champion. It's difficult to buck the system but many physical health doctors are out there bucking the system too. Im glad you're here.
I'm that way too about stress. I will only get more anxious if I try to distract. I just suck it up, when I can, and take a day to do it until it's done. Thank you Dr. Scott
You make sense Scott . Unless you are going through these emotional overwhelming feeling you don’t get it . I try to stay in the moment and deal with what is in front of me. Taking just one thing at a time
I think I worked out very early on that my brain also cannot be tricked. There is no ‘shut off’ when I know I have things to do. I will go hell for leather on the things that are causing me stress rather than procrastinate, avoid & ultimately make the stress worse. Especially when obligations are time bound - I hate deadlines looming over my head so I just get it done & move on. My mantra (which I think speaks to your suggestion of narrowing one’s focus) is “one thing at a time”. When life feels hugely overwhelming, I tackle one problem at a time. There are days when I simply can’t - and I’ll allow myself that day…but then it’s back on like Donkey Kong.
Good for you. Yeah I do believe the body needs rest and stress kills people. Literally, I would like to find the top of my counter. Top of my table filled with papers.
16:39 This is a systemic issue thanks to Reaganomics. Unions have lost their power, wages have stagnated, and the cost of living has gone up. Sure, it's a good idea to keep your debt down, but that is quickly becoming less viable to less people everyday.
This is the first doctor that has ever described how I feel! I have seen several doctors over the past few years and every time I explain this to them, they just look at me with a blank stare with no answers. I think it is because it does not fit their cookie cutter descriptions oh you’re depressed. I can give you something for that. Oh you having anxiety I can give you something for that you’re overwhelmed? Huh not sure about that one.
I agree but also disagree: This works if you've got a lot of tasks to do (eg problems with solutions), but what I don't think this works for is if you have a lot of problems (tasks without solutions), I also think it's important to allow yourself time to be you, but not to over indulge. So cutting everything out if even the simplest problem is going to take years to solve it isn't necessarily viable because you might come out having solved the problem, but having nothing of yourself left either.
I was thinking the same thing. If your anxiety/sense of overwhelm is coming from multiple responsibilities or long-standing siituations that are draining, this doesn’t apply. Like if you were caring for an elderly relative but also had to make ends meet with an unpleasant job you’re stuck in and maybe you also have a child who is going through stuff and you have to support them, for example, it’s bigger than tackling a to-do list.
I love this practical advice, you don't sound like a "hustle bro". Living as an adult in the modern world is very, very overwhelming at times, thanks for acknowledging that fact. I have a history of really getting caught in the cycle of being paralyzed by overwhelm. The way I've learned to work through it is the mantra of "do one thing". I always keep a "to do list" because writing it all down helps me prioritize things and relieve me of the mental energy of remembering what I need to do. If I feel paralyzed by my huge list I find one thing on it that would be pretty simple to accomplish and start there. On a bad day I might not get any further than that, but doing the one thing does create confidence and momentum to accomplish more when I'm up to it.
Thanks Scott. That's a really good strategy. I feel overwhelmed most of the time. I have a saying, "Just do it. You know you'll feel better if you do." It's so rewarding to get something done - like you say, one less rock in your backpack. I sometimes feel like my whole life is a backlog of stuff that has pike up, be it chores, bills or work. I need to get rid of some rocks! Thank you for being so honest. It's so helpful to be able to resonate with someone about the negative stuff in life.
Hello Dr. Scott. I totally agree with you. I just think this video could have been longer and could tackle how to change into the mindset that makes this possible. I used to not be able to take the "just do it" advice. It would make me close my eyes and stick my head in the sand. Then I somehow, thank God, cultivated a sense of trusting that if I keep at it, things will get better. I believe this is called developing "internal safety?" I'm not sure. My old mindset was resistant to accepting reality. My new mindset was able to only after a lot of trial and error. I think this mindset shift is very important because I would go to such great lengths to avoid the responsibilities that I felt I had no control over myself. I also think emotions are not broken. It's thinking patterns and beliefs, which can be changed, that are broken and need to and can be updated and fixed. Anxiety just tells us something is wrong. If you actually listen to it, it's telling you to solve a problem. It's the thought that "I can't handle this" that's one "problem" it is telling you about. The solution is to cultivate a belief that you can and will get through your problems. In my experience, that is not easy. I really had to count on God. And I credit Him for my recovery. One advice that God gives is be patient. God is with the patient (is that in the Bible? It's in the Quran). Everything is temporary, and if you keep at your tasks, they *will* solve, God willing. Something that I did when I didn't feel like working was journal on why, what I need and how to proceed. And I drank coffee, lol. It helped lift the unwillingness (but be warned it can also make you more anxious).
Hi there! This video was originally longer and had to be cut down because of some weird technical glitches that impacted the recording. I’ll definitely cover this in more detail soon!
Best advise I have ever had, I am in a real bad place right, (so unusual for this time of year!!) I am now seeing a glimmer of hope. Thank you yet again Dr Scott. 😊
I’m new to your channel and watched you last night talking about depression and freeze response. I felt like you were talking to me! I’m so glad I found your channel. Thank you so much for all you do on subjects like depression
Yes it completely helps! Not sure how you can connect so well with so many - just know your words, knowledge and authenticity are fantastic. Thank you and I hope you see this and can feel how much you help ☺️
Already doing exactly this intuitively because if i also dont do my chores those will pile up and there’s more work to do which is more overwhelming, yet when i am done with them i crash and am even more overwhelmed to the point of shutting down completely and even fantasizing how to make it stop because clearly life will always feel like this. This video just proves to me i must be broken as this seems to work for everyone else.
Sometimes it's not one or the other - sometimes you do need to focus on One Thing AND make sure you're spending time with your friends and a little bit on your hobbies. That's what works for me. I spread myself too thin worrying about everything at once, but if I make a plan and stick to it (especially financially), and focus on One Thing At a Time, that helps the subject of my worry. But then I need to make sure I'm not isolating myself or punishing myself, so connecting with friends and calming hobbies (like knitting and meditation) and even the smallest bit of physical activity (walking, yoga) really helps! And some days, I really do just need to lay down, disconnect, and sleep because I am legitimately that exhausted. I know it's really hard when you don't have much time. Been working full time and in school for a career change (applying for jobs now and admittedly terrified). It's a grind and a half and very stressful - but I set a limit. No homework after 8PM; that time is for calling friends and a little bit of time for myself before bed so that I don't go insane. (I might be going insane - but I'm almost done with the classes and then I can set a more manageable pace for forward progress)
This is such a remarkable powerful and helpful video and I actually don't think there's just a place to people suffering from anxiety and depression I think this applies to everybody in the world❤❤❤
I just remembered my past self. I used to say to myself, but out loud, “knockin’ ‘em down, knocking them down!” My colleagues giggled. One special colleague gave me a new title of “Get Down Carol Productions!” Sounds weird but I loved it. I miss that and realize it all happened for me brick by brick, over decades. Wow. Ive managed to hold onto a decent career and home but I’ve neglected the hobbies that once buoyed me since becoming so depressed. and the thought of them adds to my inertia. You make some really meaningful points here that I need to remember. Thank you.
YOU MAKE SO MUCH SENSE!!! YOU ARE A TREMENDOUS BLESSING , ESPECIALLY TO THOSE OF US, LIKE MYSELF, WHO CANNOT AFFORD TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU...I RESPECT YOU AND TRUST YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN THRU SO MUCH AND YOU ARE SO SINCERE IN HELPING US TO GET BETTER AND HELPING US TO UNDERSTAND. IT TOOK YOU YEARS TO OVERCOME AND NOW YOU ARE GIVING US HOPE THAT WE, TOO, CAN OVERCOME. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU!
I love you Man. You're just sitting over there, months ago, saving my whole world, like it's just your job. I just want you to know, you're really damn good at that job. Thank you for this gold mine that you created. You're my freaking hero.
This makes so much sence! Only worrying about this huge mountain of tasks and not finishing none of them and avoiding reality led to so much problems in my life. Thank you
I’m overwhelmed by just one big thing (career and future related), sometimes it stressed me literally every moment when I’m not asleep. Feels like the few possible paths are all nightmarish. There isn’t always something immediate that I can just do about it though. And I do have to make a choice and go into one of those anyway😢
It is similar to the strategy suggested by Prof. Huberman regarding procrastination. Embracing the painful feeling of doing tasks is indeed a great act.
That fits with the message I got out of Viktor Frankl days ago: I felt live has no meaning at the moment - but what I got wrong my whole life is, that meaning emerges when you do something. So when I do nothing , then there can no meaning created, so it is ok to feel empty when depression stopped me. I start to see this as a positive and not to be ashamed anymore to be such a wreck sometimes. My problem is still, there are things I want to do, but it seems I am still wired to not do it, the "main things" I have in grip, e.g. like money and cook my own food or dealing with bureaucracy - but when it comes to implement my passion I seem to fail to get over the point of activation. I feel hopeless then and everything feels it wants to shut down. I'll try your tip to re calibrate the water-hoe focus and "get some". Thank you for your work & kind greetings from the other side of the planet! ...and if you should need help to save the audio, do not hesitate to contact me. This one was hard to listen this time.
I like this idea. I try to do everything at once and then when life gets hard its like im walking in quicksand and slowly just struggle to keep it altogether. In the past i would run away from life, and into my shell and would slowly crawl myself back into life and once i start feeling better i slowly begin to add everything back onto my back and the cycle continues. This most recent time im realizing i dont want to keep doing this, i want to learn to be okay with not trying to reach 3 goals at once and instead focus in one area at a time and keep life moving in all the other areas at a slower consistent pace. Love this concept of minimalism.
Listening to Dr Scott Eilers and reading comments is amazingly helpful. Sometimes I feel like nobody seriously gets it, All of you get it and Dr Eilers is the real deal. I love being here on this channel
I also can’t truly relax when I know I’m putting off an important task/decision/call. And I do feel relief when I finally take care of something off my mental to-do list.
Perfect timing. I have to study for finals and the past two weeks i either do not start and waste the day away cuz im super overwhelmed or i study one hour then procrastinate and feel paralyzed... And feel guilty all along...
I am here to say everything you said works for me...even the application to finances. I figured it out a long time ago though, after therapists told me the opposite as you also mention. Some really bad days only one or two things...maybe just doing dishes or vacuuming get done but it's still something I'm not stressed about anymore for a day or two. And by the way...I paid off almost $12,000 in debt in 21 months on social security disability using the method you spoke of.
how did you get disability? is it for mental health? i tried to get short term disability for mental health but it was so complicated. ended up quitting job and living off savings.
@taghazoutmoon5031 my ssdi is based on anxiety, agoraphobia, chronic panic attacks. I had 5 years of documentation with a therapist, ER visits and job loss. I was denied at first, then got a lawyer, went to court and won it there.
@debbieford4685 oh wow, it took 5 years? I have not been working for 3 years. Looking for a remote job now. I struggle with chronic fatigue and depression. Anxiety and insomnia too. Is the ssdi enough to pay for a good life?
@taghazoutmoon5031 it's enough to pay the bills if you live conservatively, I do utilize food pantries and have a garden to help off balance food expenses. I hang my clothes on a clothes line to help with electric costs and utilize solar lighting where I can, but I'm not homeless, which means a lot to me.
How? How did you know I needed this right now? Thanks, Scott. This pep talk is exactly what I need to keep going.
6 месяцев назад+2
I know exactly what Scott is talking about. A lot of my stress over the years has come from finances or things I've postponed way beyond I should have. I've noticed many times how my spirit is lifted when I get something sorted out. It sometimes feels like magic, because the contrast is so huge. The burden goes away very quickly and I immediately start feeling a lot better and will be able to think more freely and have energy to think and do other things too. Of course it's not always easy, for example when there's no money to pay bills. And of course sometimes I don't have enough energy to deal with stuff, even if I technically could. But no matter how long the stressful thing has been going on, the amount of energy I get is huge after I've been able to take care of the issue.
I’ve watched a lot of videos, read a lot of books, and seen quite a few shrinks in my 80 years of dissolute living. The information that Dr. Eilers presents here is spot on. I don’t think I’ve ever come across anything that summarizes my situation as well as this.
I did it! I just finished that thing I had to push through, it's done. I feel so much better 😌. I know there is more, but that task is done. Now I can rest a little and then attack the next thing. Thanks.
This was a really good episode, Dr. Scott. It connects to the suggestion I heard in meditation practice, "lean into the sharp points", which I've been trying to follow recently. Basically, when I feel a dread or aversion or anxiety about doing something I know would be good for me, I notice that and I do it. For example, I did not feel like going grocery shopping today. But I knew I would feel like crap if I didn't do it. So I did it (albeit several hours after I initially set out to do it, but that's okay) and now I feel a little bit better. That's just one example, but without this behavior, my life would gradually and consistently devolve into a dysfunctional mess.
I agree, you still have to push yourself and properly prioritize those things that really matter. Let the silly stuff drop by the wayside, sometimes you just have to let go and do the right thing.
Thank you. I have had my entire world ripped apart and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to do the basic things let alone the normal responsibilities. And I definitely have not been able to get myself to do the extra work to try and salvage the tiny pieces of my destroyed world and accept that it will never be the same a before. Then comes the guilt of how if I could have just done the right things when I knew I was supposed to do I may have already accomplished my goal…. This is probably the second extremely real and relatable video I have ever seen and heard. (The first being the video of yours I watched before this one) I am essentially sabotaging myself with my stress and anxiety about my situation.
I hate that university classes make you do the exact opposite of "focussing on one thing until it's done" because it requires your energy focused on everything every week. 😐
100% correct. The only thing that has ever helped my anxiety of any kind has been facing a stressor head on and getting it off the mental list. Keep making these videos Dr. Scott. You're one of the only licensed professionals out there that seems to actually understand anxiety and depression and are willing to add in philosophy or "counter-culture" advice to help people.
Today, im cleaning my bedroom. Im not focusing on anything else. Clean out dressers, go through piles of stuff and clothes. Wash clothes for donations and organize
This is absolutely something that I never thought of doing,was attacking what I’m dreading to get it over with. You can put it off as long as you want like you said, but it’s still looming and you know you have to face it sometime and that’s worse than actually sitting down and doing whatever it is. This is very…. very valuable for me because I always am doing 1000 things at once and none of them well, I have to concentrate my efforts into doing one thing at a time. A little ADHD thrown in there as a realization as a senior :( I have been watching you for a little over a month for the first time and I have gotten a tremendous amount of insight that I have not heard from other people. I love the way you integrate the way you feel and it seems like an aha moment even for you and your life. Thank you for all you do and everything is appreciated.💜
I basically agree with your concept it seems like a great idea. It might work for me when I am not in a “black hole, that’s what I call my dark place” or maybe when I know the black hole is coming, I can feel it. Once my black hole hits & I’m in it there is no escaping. There is only darkness, there is no ability to fight it, all I can think is I want to die!! I need to know what to do to get out of that!
The Holistic Psychologist (Nicole) just had a couple videos this last week talking about how to break out of a freeze state--a state of feeling overwhelmed and unable to take action (vs. fight and flight states).
7 months ago Dr. Scott adressed this exact same topic, on how the Amygdala doesn't recognize the difference between being in a life'threatening situation and being overwelmed with life stressors.. Due to this fact you get into this freeze state and he explains how to take the tiniest steps, celebrate those moments to the extreme to assure you're making on dopamine, which doesn't belong in life'threatening situations. That's how the Amygdala can 'be toughted' the difference and things will (very slowly) get better.. it's a long proces, but it's so worth it. P.s Thank you so much for that video, Dr. Scott! It helped me understand why I stayed in freeze state for such long periodes over and over again. 🙏🏻💞🕊
@@CheffScott , we are very appreciative of these psychologists . What a struggle this life has been... It's actually heartbreaking to know how many of us feel this way. Hang in with me one day at a time... Sending you a hug dear one🫂
@@absolutelycarmen It sounds like Dr. Scott's video was really helpful for you in understanding why you were experiencing those freeze states. Taking those tiny steps and celebrating each achievement sounds like a great approach to retraining the amygdala. It's inspiring to hear how much it's helped you. Keep up the great work on your journey towards overcoming those challenges!
Very wise, logical, and reasonable advice! Thank you! I’m going to try it, but I know it’s going to work because one of the reasons I feel so debilitatingly overwhelmed my entire life is because I’m always trying to do everything right at the same time due to the perfectionistic tendency in me. And almost all the time, I end up doing nothing because of the incredible mental and emotional stress I feel.
Amen! Same. I only start feeling better when I start chipping away at what’s overwhelming or bothering me. Temporary escapism doesn’t help me. I’m not sure everyone feels this way but I agree with you on this one. Thanks for the validation.
Thank You Dr Scott.... i Absolutely Love your Videos, you Are An Amazing Human Being... giving your time to folk, like me, who cant afford the Luxury of services like yours❤😊 Your videos have been an Absolute Godsend To Me, Thank You from the bottom of my heart. Xx
Holy crap, Dr. Scott, you probably single-handedly saved my life with this. You must be the David Goggins of therapy. I’m going to journal on this… and act on it right away! Thank you 🙏
Yeeeeeaaaah…I’m bad at doing this, but it’s definitely a hard truth for me as well. I have trialed so many different things to try and get better, including increasingly long cycles of trying to “relax” (distract) and it never happens, even when I’ve tried for 3 months straight. As soon as I start crossing off responsibilities, I feel better. It’s difficult to do when you feel seriously incapacitated or in “freeze” mode, but it kind of doesn’t matter, getting things done is what works.
What I really don’t understand is why I know this to be true, but still struggle so hard to do it instead of distract. I guess just need to practice often so it replaces the pattern.
I'm sure he has a video on this. However, my first step as I learnt in DBT is to learn to be mindful enough to recognise that am in distress/discomfort or feeling something unpleasant. I have BPD/EUPD and I don't try to control my emotions. I had to learn to sit with them and.....just observe them without attaching any particular thoughts to them......the DBT has a huge list of distress tolerance skills but I don't think they work without mindfulness. After 10 years, mindfulness is now something I practice every day multiple times a day, it slows down my brain and stops me from reacting before I've processed. All these skills come with practice that's why the DBT in clinical practice is twice for 2-3 a week for 12-18 months.....it's not something you will get immediately within a month...take your time. It took me 6 months before the mindfulness actually kicked in but I wasn't doing the full clinical psychotherapy.
Omg I love you!!! Get out of my head!! I’m literally three minutes and 55 seconds in and I have blurted out so many passionate yeses which I’m sure my neighbors reckoned that I was having a good afternoon until they heard me say “oh my God you get me!!!” You never cease to amaze me, with the finest details into these lived experiences, and the manner in which are able to convey that huge arrange of emotional experience into such contact amounts of time. I am so grateful for your benevolence and brilliance!! The other thing that feels good is that most mental health content creators are women, and if they’re men, they tend to be in the golden years, age range, so there’s also this shared, gender, virtual attunement that I don’t know about the other men but at least I am able to benefit from your content. (pardon any typos, as I used dictation to text)
Thank you for validating, I have 3 horses, 6 dogs, a raccoon, chickens, duck, canary and two parakeets and a husband, it’s a lot, but it gives me a purpose
I don't feel like going out with family or friends or interacting with people. I gave up chasing my dream as I was despondent and had seen numerous setbacks. Life is so stressful and very depressed. 🙁
I found this video overwhelming…lol I am so burnout. Public school teacher here for 20 years and retiring even though I wish I could stay. I love teaching and the children but the work load, student behaviors, over testing students is just too much. I am a very good teacher, I enjoy the children but the constant adding on and never taking away anything has brought me to the decision to retire this year. Complete burnout. But I am taking a year and yes I have been diagnosed with anxiety and I have also have doubled down on priorities, but then more priorities are added on. So many good teachers who are great at their craft, love teaching children are leaving. Plus many of can’t even take a day off to see a psychologist or doctor because we don’t have subs either.
I'm really getting a lot of value and food for thought from both the video and the commenters--thanks, all! That said, I had a physical injury/traumatic experience happen last fall that has reduced my "garden hose" to a trickle. (I love Dr. Scott's metaphors and am a huge metaphor-user myself!) There's no way to put my thumb over the end and get any sort of pressurized water. I'm used to being a go-getter and problem-solver, so this has been extremely hard to get used to. Since last fall, if I do try to put my thumb over the end of the hose and focus on just one thing, all I get out of it is a meltdown followed by a shutdown (I'm on the autism spectrum too) and I lose the rest of that day and maybe the next day too. Right now I am in a holding pattern while I look for ways to increase the hose pressure. I can only do about 25% of the things I could do before the injury. It's incredibly frustrating. But, to use another of Dr. Scott's analogies, it's hard to "pay the bills," let alone any "debt," if you've lost 75% of your "income." If/when I can get more income, hose pressure, energy, etc. back, then I think I'd love to try the "focus 100% on one thing" strategy. But for now, I have to file that idea away for later and just keep treading water and not drown. Sending prayers for peace and strength to all of you reading this. As Red Green always said, "I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together." ❤
I think this is extremely sensible advice! One thing that I would add to it concerns perception and breaking-down tasks. For example, you are not going to achieve any sense of reducing the overwhelm if you make the task you are focusing on completing far too large. Such as something you have specified that needs weeks or even days of your time. The kind of sustained focus and effort required to tick that focused task off the list might be too overwhelming in and of itself?? And your efforts might end up trailing off? So I would suggest making realistic, achievable actions that you can tick off your overwhelm list - maybe starting off fairly small, as in the debt management plan you describe?
I'm going to "sound" like a snob because it took me a while since I watched a first video of yours to get used to your "American way" of communicating. I kept watching your videos because what you say makes sense to me and I can relate to many of the situations and the feelings attached to them that you talk about. Your "solutions" also make sense and work for me. I tried some of them and that's why I know it works. I'm glad you're not the conventional therapist or someone who pretenda to know all. I'll keep watching and learnimg with your videos.
I did the FPU program and got myself completely out of debt. I had never thought of applying the same principles to my never-ending ToDo list. I think it will help me dig out of my overwhelm and burnout if I take that approach. Thank you.
Wow, that's incredibly unhelpful! I am sad that you got that response. I understand that life is hard and adulting is difficult, and that we have to "put our big girl/big boy pants on," but we need to have tools in our mental toolbox to know HOW to "suck it up." And sometimes we need a helping hand in order to continue to stand on our feet.
Thank ❤you . I’m going to take some rocks out of my bag today . Turn off the TV , play some music and go one rock at a time , then rest . Thank you, very insightful.
I heard you and totally what you said. I got up and started doing doing what I’ve put off for days and I feel better already. This understanding of getting things done to feel less stress makes perfect sense so off I go back to getting things done!😊
You hit the nail on the head as always. I liken it to having too many tabs open in my head, too much information just sitting there stuck and draining the battery, we need to close the tabs one tab at a time. Once again a big thank you for your valuable input and advice.. It really helps.
On top of all this I have people I got to deal with. It seems here lately the people I turn to for support have more problems then I do. It seems Heman Service People have gotten so defensive and controlling. At times I feel I am helping them. Forget about how stressful my man friend makes me feel. Thank GOD I got Leo my dog..
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My maternity psychologist once told me: Em, if normal people have 5 batteries each day and you only have 1, you need to accept that. Plain and simple. I took that to heart. I do not function like others, I need more rest.
But I do agree with you. I really do. While I do have limited energy and sound sensitivity, I need to power through sometimes so I can feel relieved and accomplished. Responsibilities are important.
Also know that even when you push your self to do you responsibilities, try to make them as accommodating to you as much as you can, it can help you achieve the tasks while also attaining it to your needs. Hope this helps
@@lovemiiiina Thank you, yes. I'm beginning to realize this. It's a long process since I likely have undiagnosed ADHD, so doing things one at a time with reasonable expectations sort of goes against my very nature. On the other hand, having kids really has forced me to prioritize differently.
Yep. I have one battery and it only charges to about 20%. I am not “normal”, but I don’t have a choice. It’s the hand I have been dealt, and need to manage it the best I can.
I love intelligent commentators and life worthy comments found on you tube. This is what I love about you tube - comments like this one. I am putting this comment on my social media.
@@emeliealltorp5743 you sound like you’re an HSP… Highly sensitive person?
I can’t make myself go out and try to enjoy myself when I have all of these pressing issues that need to be done first.
I stopped keeping a TO DO LIST and I've started making a daily What I Did Today list. I have a small section of Things To Do. And I'm not afraid to put the most minuscule things on this list. Got out of bed, take a shower and got dressed, ate lunch, (not on my list of To Do's, but it got done. But I focus more on what I DID get done, rather than "I did one thing on my To Do List today, I must be a loser." Nope... Look at the OTHER list, and give yourself a pat on the back.
Also this lets my family actually see the things I'm doing, because most people think stay at home moms/wives are lazy.
I do this too!
That’s so great! I’ve done this several times too. And now you reminded me of this tool!
I heard about it from a therapist who called it a “tada list”. In Denmark ta-da is a way of showing excitement 🌸🌟
I call mine a To Done List
That’s a great idea. Celebrate smalls wins! Stay at home moms is a full time job. Child care is very expensive anyways! My sister is a stay at home mother.
What a great idea!Yay for you :)
I had a therapist who said to me "avoidance = anxiety." I hate how right she is. 😂😂😂
Can you explain? Thx
@sl4983 People with anxiety avoid doing things in their daily life.
@@_LAND_OF_THE_FREE_ oh wow, that is so true! 😟
@sl4983 Yes, it could be anything like going to the store, driving a car, working out , heck just leaving the house and going outside. Everyone has their own triggers like someone with autism does.
@@sl4983aaaa😊😊
Yah. Accepting that our brains are broken and any given moment is as good as it gets, the pain comes from wishing it was different. Reality is what it is.
I agree entirely that more pain comes from wishing things were different and refusing to accept reality. At the same time, I feel that believing your brain is "broken" can be a self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps a person from recovering to their full potential to do so. The way society and the modern world operate it would have most of us believing we're broken in some way.
"The pain will lessen after your soul dies." is the closest that people who were born wrong like us can get to happiness. Stop thinking of yourself like a full human being, and many more things click in to place, and you'll start to feel the sensation of "integration" for possibly the first time in our lives.
@@Thalanox Thank you my friend. Wisdom shines like a beacon. I am touched.
@@Insideoutie I'm kind of bouncing around between seeing this as functional advice or seeing it as just an expression of my mood at the time.
Whether it's the right thing to suggest to someone else or not, I at least intended it in good faith.
@@Thalanox Thank you, a moment in time for sure, and none of it matters.
This is how I am feeling all the time since my husband died in 2021. I’m a solo mom to two kids and nothing in my life has changed except that now there isn’t another adult to take on 50% of the parenting, financial burden and responsibilities. I enjoy RUclips as a distraction!
❤
I'm so sorry for your loss and what you've had to take on since then. It totally get it about YT!
Please get social security benefits for your children (if they are minors) ! They qualify when a parent dies, just apply. It will help your finances immediately.
I’m so very sorry, that is a very difficult way to live and I hope you have a brighter future as soon as possible.
Grieving uses A LOT of energy.. And takes a long time.. On top of the list of things you mentioned.. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.. You're doing the best you can.
Once I had this, pretty severe for me. I couldn't get out of bed. My doctor told me that my brain was so overwhelmed with stress that it decided to shut down and force me to rest. I understood that after few months. I slowly came back to life in a similar way you recommended in this video.
Going through this right now, I’m just burnt and my body has been sleeping constantly whenever I have time. I can’t even get enough energy to message people back
@@mikloridden8276 I am sorry to hear that. Wishing you get better soon!
@@mikloridden8276Same
All I can concentrate on is not committing suicide. That REALLY is my to-do list. I detest going to bed cos I will wake up.
🫂😔💟🙏🦋🌻🌳☀️Nature helps heal.
That's where I'm at now. Going to work is now a struggle. I just want to be alone
I hear you Claire. I hope you are doing better now - today is my partner's birthday but he died 31 years ago, at age 31 - so today is profoundly grim. I don't know how I've kept going all this time without him, but I'm hanging on. I am sending you a big hug and all the love in the world.
@@ASMRyouVEGANyet I'm a life-long vegan and I'm sending you a big hug too.
I hate to admit it but I’m just too comfortable and entitled… I feel like life shouldn’t be so difficult and stressful but in reality I’m so blessed… and I’m envious of people who are better off than I… I just want to give up so badly but I can’t shake this hope that things will get better someday even though I know nothing is ever going to change! I just keep plugging away and not living my life to the fullest. I don’t even know how to live to my full potential.
I was a late bloomer due to my late mother suffering with BPD. Within the last five years, I became more self-aware due to COVID. I had just retired from full-time work in December 2019 at 63 years old. I am single with no children. I am an HSP. I am neurodivergent. My resilience to stress is very low. I avoid conflict at all costs. I am a people-pleaser. I am also an introvert. I struggle with perfectionism. Thus, I tend to shut down and isolate at times. Writing poetry relaxes me because I write from an emotional standpoint. It allows me to deal with my emotions which were repressed during my developmental years.
You just described me to a T!! You are not alone in that wiring...I definitely have a hard time coping in our society.
You've got complex trauma/Complex-PTSD ❤️
I have BPD and autism and childhood trauma. I struggle to earn enough money and I'm becoming more introverted the old I get. I'm not sure that I will make it to retirement but there's enough there to pay for my funeral, If I don't. It took me a long time to get diagnosed which I still get angry about...and still processing as I was only diagnosed this year at age 42.
Same… I’m an HSP and introvert. Very low energy.
Thank you. I know you are 100% right I have been living in complete dysfunction and hate doing paperwork. My job requires taken care of, but I don’t take care of myself and when I come home, I’m exhausted….
To do list has gotten so bad that I don’t do anything after work . I can do laundry and dishes and cleaning and Health Care all day long and when I come to my place, it’s a disgrace. I always have a goal of doing the essentials for myself but I sit down and fall asleep.
Recovery is possible but it's so slow. We need rest to be able to bring ourselves further to our goals bit-by-bit.
Yes! Thank you
It's also never linear...it's up and down. Not because of our mental illness, but because human beings are not machines and even machines need down time for maintenance. Lol! I tell my colleagues ( under age 25) that my battery is at 50%. This they understand like their mobile phone....rather than me rattling off all my middle-aged ailments that they have no experience of. Lol! What every makes us recharge we need to go an do it. some people it's psychological minimalism...some people it's I need to go and party. Lol! Some people ( mostly me) I need to go and lie down ( preferably on a beach) and cut off as much sensory input as possible. I just found out this year at age 42 that I'm autistic....going too hard is a good way to have an autistic meltdown or my other condition a BPD meltdown. Reset and recharge.
It is so hard to give advice on motivation and self care ... Because each and every situation is so unique.
Sometimes when feeling overwhelmed the exact right thing could be...
-Ignore it, carry on and finish.
-Pause accept it is difficult and just accept whatever progress you can make then carry on.
-Stop everything and immediately assess how in need you are of some self care. Do it.
-perhaps bouts of depression are so dangerous for you that you need to avoid them at all costs right now . For you it might be smart to stop and immediately find a comfy place to relax first before you can think right.
Or a million other potential responses. All could be the exact right thing at that moment and only you might have the necessary information to know which.
I personally think it's a missed opportunity to push for any one approach because it won't apply to everyone. I much prefer a "here is another method that might help" vs "this is a better approach"
Sometimes you've gotta kick yourself to move... Absolutely true. It it is also absolutely true that sometimes you need to listen to your symptoms and know when you really do need a break.
To use an athletic metaphor there are going to be daya lifting weights where you won't feel like doing it... And then there are days where your body is healing and you really could hurt yourself if you push on those particular days.
One thing that was always super overwhelming and even traumatic for me was the act of sitting down to pay my monthly bills, even though I usually had enough money to cover them. It took a physical toll on me because it was so mentally and emotionally overwhelming for some still unexplained reason. Sometimes I was charged late fees only because I had avoided the stress of paying the bills. Then I found a partner who looked after the monthly bills with the money that I earned. What a phenomenal difference that made in my life! I felt better about myself and I made career choices that provided even more money. To this day, I do not put myself through the unnecessary trauma of bill paying. Sometimes situations that are overwhelming can be passed to a spouse, business partner, or a company that will handle things for you. There is no shame in that, but rather the possibility of freeing yourself of unnecessary mental/emotional stress.
Yeah not all of us have people that we can rely on regularly to do things for us. Especially those of us who do not earn enough money due to our mental health.
I wish I had problems that could just be"accomplished". Finding employment, having a friend, starting a romance, or discovering a passion are not things that someone can just do. Worse, for the first three, the "solution" indeed does seem like "get more debt", because they require, by necessity, inauthenticity. My lived experience is "life feels like shit" which is clearly a completely unacceptable feeling to express to people in any form of relationship, which the constant pressure to suppress is a kind of unavoidable debt by "improving"my life.
I’m sorry to hear your story. Completely agree that some stressors are from problems that can’t just be solved, and it sucks. It’s so draining.
On the other hand, I strongly disagree with the statement that your view about “life feels like shit is clearly completely unacceptable in any form of relationship”. It’s because many if not most people feel that way, at least I am one of them and I also know people around me who feel the same. Also, even if they don’t feel the same, there are still many others who would accept your view as it is. Making friends is difficult but I really think being authentic helps to achieve it way more effectively than faking to be the same and end up have shallow conversations only.
I do feel that life feels like crap, it’s not just you, but take care and good luck to you
Totally agree. I've been making lists about things that need my attention right now, and they all require money I don't have (moving, healthcare, pet issues, etc.). Work (freelance) is particularly bad right now, thanks to Google and AI. I can only spend so much time looking for work. So many jobs on LinkedIn aren't real or have thousands of applicants. I'm in my 60s, so "just" finding a new career isn't really feasible. I have some chronic health issues that limit my energy and abilities too. I get why people turn to distractions when finding solutions has you going in unproductive circles. I'm trying to find a balance between taking the occasional "reset" day and trying new approaches to finding work. I have spent the last years putting aside hobbies and things I enjoy to just survive. Life kinda sucks because of that.
+1
I feel this truly. People are exhausting too as theyre too superficial. No one wants to have an authentic connection anymore
Gosh it is so comforting to hear that someone else understands how I feel. This video is so needed.
This is SO TRUE. I am a huge procrastinator. I always feel better when I start completing small tasks. I'm working on this now. Thanks for the reinforcement. 👍
True - mental energy is finite. On waking this morning I thought about the notion of mental "capital'. This video adds to my understanding. Concentrate and conquer!
Interesting
I think of it as a bank account
I think this is one way to fight depression or anxiety, but also a pitfall for those of us that don't know when enough is enough and our bodies and minds need to recuperate before handling next task.
I've gone through burnout twice and I'm at the end of my second time. This time I drove myself to a point of life and death with tinnitus and physical pain as a reward.
My brain shut down completely to a point where making food and caring for my own hygien became the daily Mount Everest I had to climb each day.
But the principle you speak of is still true. We just have to learn where our limits are and respect these and use our time and energy in a prioritized manner so we manage the responsibilities and still get time for relaxing things. Like taking a walk in nature or taking a hot bath or having dinner/lunch with friends.
For me tv or gaming or any for of distraction is seldom a way to recuperate.
For me I replenish my mental strength by doing physical easy things that let's my mind wander freely.
You are a mental health champion. It's difficult to buck the system but many physical health doctors are out there bucking the system too. Im glad you're here.
I'm that way too about stress. I will only get more anxious if I try to distract. I just suck it up, when I can, and take a day to do it until it's done. Thank you Dr. Scott
You make sense Scott . Unless you are going through these emotional overwhelming feeling you don’t get it . I try to stay in the moment and deal with what is in front of me. Taking just one thing at a time
"But it's just a few minutes of work, why is it hard?"
It's like trying to convince people that ghosts exist.
I think I worked out very early on that my brain also cannot be tricked. There is no ‘shut off’ when I know I have things to do. I will go hell for leather on the things that are causing me stress rather than procrastinate, avoid & ultimately make the stress worse. Especially when obligations are time bound - I hate deadlines looming over my head so I just get it done & move on.
My mantra (which I think speaks to your suggestion of narrowing one’s focus) is “one thing at a time”. When life feels hugely overwhelming, I tackle one problem at a time. There are days when I simply can’t - and I’ll allow myself that day…but then it’s back on like Donkey Kong.
Good for you. Yeah I do believe the body needs rest and stress kills people. Literally, I would like to find the top of my counter. Top of my table filled with papers.
16:39 This is a systemic issue thanks to Reaganomics. Unions have lost their power, wages have stagnated, and the cost of living has gone up. Sure, it's a good idea to keep your debt down, but that is quickly becoming less viable to less people everyday.
Bidenomics
This is the first doctor that has ever described how I feel! I have seen several doctors over the past few years and every time I explain this to them, they just look at me with a blank stare with no answers. I think it is because it does not fit their cookie cutter descriptions oh you’re depressed. I can give you something for that. Oh you having anxiety I can give you something for that you’re overwhelmed? Huh not sure about that one.
I agree but also disagree: This works if you've got a lot of tasks to do (eg problems with solutions), but what I don't think this works for is if you have a lot of problems (tasks without solutions), I also think it's important to allow yourself time to be you, but not to over indulge. So cutting everything out if even the simplest problem is going to take years to solve it isn't necessarily viable because you might come out having solved the problem, but having nothing of yourself left either.
I was thinking the same thing. If your anxiety/sense of overwhelm is coming from multiple responsibilities or long-standing siituations that are draining, this doesn’t apply. Like if you were caring for an elderly relative but also had to make ends meet with an unpleasant job you’re stuck in and maybe you also have a child who is going through stuff and you have to support them, for example, it’s bigger than tackling a to-do list.
I love this practical advice, you don't sound like a "hustle bro". Living as an adult in the modern world is very, very overwhelming at times, thanks for acknowledging that fact. I have a history of really getting caught in the cycle of being paralyzed by overwhelm. The way I've learned to work through it is the mantra of "do one thing". I always keep a "to do list" because writing it all down helps me prioritize things and relieve me of the mental energy of remembering what I need to do. If I feel paralyzed by my huge list I find one thing on it that would be pretty simple to accomplish and start there. On a bad day I might not get any further than that, but doing the one thing does create confidence and momentum to accomplish more when I'm up to it.
Thanks Scott. That's a really good strategy. I feel overwhelmed most of the time. I have a saying, "Just do it. You know you'll feel better if you do." It's so rewarding to get something done - like you say, one less rock in your backpack. I sometimes feel like my whole life is a backlog of stuff that has pike up, be it chores, bills or work. I need to get rid of some rocks! Thank you for being so honest. It's so helpful to be able to resonate with someone about the negative stuff in life.
Hello Dr. Scott. I totally agree with you. I just think this video could have been longer and could tackle how to change into the mindset that makes this possible. I used to not be able to take the "just do it" advice. It would make me close my eyes and stick my head in the sand. Then I somehow, thank God, cultivated a sense of trusting that if I keep at it, things will get better. I believe this is called developing "internal safety?" I'm not sure. My old mindset was resistant to accepting reality. My new mindset was able to only after a lot of trial and error. I think this mindset shift is very important because I would go to such great lengths to avoid the responsibilities that I felt I had no control over myself.
I also think emotions are not broken. It's thinking patterns and beliefs, which can be changed, that are broken and need to and can be updated and fixed. Anxiety just tells us something is wrong. If you actually listen to it, it's telling you to solve a problem. It's the thought that "I can't handle this" that's one "problem" it is telling you about. The solution is to cultivate a belief that you can and will get through your problems.
In my experience, that is not easy. I really had to count on God. And I credit Him for my recovery. One advice that God gives is be patient. God is with the patient (is that in the Bible? It's in the Quran).
Everything is temporary, and if you keep at your tasks, they *will* solve, God willing.
Something that I did when I didn't feel like working was journal on why, what I need and how to proceed. And I drank coffee, lol. It helped lift the unwillingness (but be warned it can also make you more anxious).
Hi there! This video was originally longer and had to be cut down because of some weird technical glitches that impacted the recording. I’ll definitely cover this in more detail soon!
@DrScottEilers :) thank you so much for your work Dr.
Thank you! I feel the same way- get the #1 stresser on your todo list DONE so it wont continue to steal your time for any thing!
Best advise I have ever had, I am in a real bad place right, (so unusual for this time of year!!) I am now seeing a glimmer of hope. Thank you yet again Dr Scott. 😊
I’m new to your channel and watched you last night talking about depression and freeze response. I felt like you were talking to me! I’m so glad I found your channel. Thank you so much for all you do on subjects like depression
Yes it completely helps! Not sure how you can connect so well with so many - just know your words, knowledge and authenticity are fantastic. Thank you and I hope you see this and can feel how much you help ☺️
Already doing exactly this intuitively because if i also dont do my chores those will pile up and there’s more work to do which is more overwhelming, yet when i am done with them i crash and am even more overwhelmed to the point of shutting down completely and even fantasizing how to make it stop because clearly life will always feel like this.
This video just proves to me i must be broken as this seems to work for everyone else.
Sometimes it's not one or the other - sometimes you do need to focus on One Thing AND make sure you're spending time with your friends and a little bit on your hobbies. That's what works for me. I spread myself too thin worrying about everything at once, but if I make a plan and stick to it (especially financially), and focus on One Thing At a Time, that helps the subject of my worry. But then I need to make sure I'm not isolating myself or punishing myself, so connecting with friends and calming hobbies (like knitting and meditation) and even the smallest bit of physical activity (walking, yoga) really helps! And some days, I really do just need to lay down, disconnect, and sleep because I am legitimately that exhausted.
I know it's really hard when you don't have much time. Been working full time and in school for a career change (applying for jobs now and admittedly terrified). It's a grind and a half and very stressful - but I set a limit. No homework after 8PM; that time is for calling friends and a little bit of time for myself before bed so that I don't go insane. (I might be going insane - but I'm almost done with the classes and then I can set a more manageable pace for forward progress)
I so need this today.
I think that's why Trump is falling asleep in court sometimes.
Perfect advice for a Monday! Gotta focus on one or two important must haves so that we can deeply enjoy our hard earned relaxation time.
This is such a remarkable powerful and helpful video and I actually don't think there's just a place to people suffering from anxiety and depression I think this applies to everybody in the world❤❤❤
I just remembered my past self. I used to say to myself, but out loud, “knockin’ ‘em down, knocking them down!” My colleagues giggled. One special colleague gave me a new title of “Get Down Carol Productions!” Sounds weird but I loved it. I miss that and realize it all happened for me brick by brick, over decades. Wow. Ive managed to hold onto a decent career and home but I’ve neglected the hobbies that once buoyed me since becoming so depressed. and the thought of them adds to my inertia. You make some really meaningful points here that I need to remember. Thank you.
YOU MAKE SO MUCH SENSE!!! YOU ARE A TREMENDOUS BLESSING , ESPECIALLY TO THOSE OF US, LIKE MYSELF, WHO CANNOT AFFORD TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU...I RESPECT YOU AND TRUST YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN THRU SO MUCH AND YOU ARE SO SINCERE IN HELPING US TO GET BETTER AND HELPING US TO UNDERSTAND. IT TOOK YOU YEARS TO OVERCOME AND NOW YOU ARE GIVING US HOPE THAT WE, TOO, CAN OVERCOME. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU!
I love you Man. You're just sitting over there, months ago, saving my whole world, like it's just your job. I just want you to know, you're really damn good at that job. Thank you for this gold mine that you created. You're my freaking hero.
This makes so much sence! Only worrying about this huge mountain of tasks and not finishing none of them and avoiding reality led to so much problems in my life. Thank you
I’m overwhelmed by just one big thing (career and future related), sometimes it stressed me literally every moment when I’m not asleep. Feels like the few possible paths are all nightmarish. There isn’t always something immediate that I can just do about it though. And I do have to make a choice and go into one of those anyway😢
It is similar to the strategy suggested by Prof. Huberman regarding procrastination. Embracing the painful feeling of doing tasks is indeed a great act.
That fits with the message I got out of Viktor Frankl days ago:
I felt live has no meaning at the moment - but what I got wrong my whole life is, that meaning emerges when you do something. So when I do nothing , then there can no meaning created, so it is ok to feel empty when depression stopped me. I start to see this as a positive and not to be ashamed anymore to be such a wreck sometimes.
My problem is still, there are things I want to do, but it seems I am still wired to not do it, the "main things" I have in grip, e.g. like money and cook my own food or dealing with bureaucracy - but when it comes to implement my passion I seem to fail to get over the point of activation. I feel hopeless then and everything feels it wants to shut down.
I'll try your tip to re calibrate the water-hoe focus and "get some".
Thank you for your work & kind greetings from the other side of the planet!
...and if you should need help to save the audio, do not hesitate to contact me. This one was hard to listen this time.
Love Viktor Frankl. Thank you for your insightful comment.
I like this idea. I try to do everything at once and then when life gets hard its like im walking in quicksand and slowly just struggle to keep it altogether. In the past i would run away from life, and into my shell and would slowly crawl myself back into life and once i start feeling better i slowly begin to add everything back onto my back and the cycle continues. This most recent time im realizing i dont want to keep doing this, i want to learn to be okay with not trying to reach 3 goals at once and instead focus in one area at a time and keep life moving in all the other areas at a slower consistent pace. Love this concept of minimalism.
We have to fight for balance, middle ground is the key, I guess.
Listening to Dr Scott Eilers and reading comments is amazingly helpful. Sometimes I feel like nobody seriously gets it, All of you get it and Dr Eilers is the real deal. I love being here on this channel
I'm tireder from driving 10 hours in the semi than I ever did stacking lumber or yard work
Your comprehension outside the norm cannot be compared to others in your field. Thank you for your compassion 🙏
I also can’t truly relax when I know I’m putting off an important task/decision/call. And I do feel relief when I finally take care of something off my mental to-do list.
Perfect timing. I have to study for finals and the past two weeks i either do not start and waste the day away cuz im super overwhelmed or i study one hour then procrastinate and feel paralyzed... And feel guilty all along...
I drive for work.. there's only minimal physicality... the rumination all day is what takes all my energy.
I am here to say everything you said works for me...even the application to finances. I figured it out a long time ago though, after therapists told me the opposite as you also mention. Some really bad days only one or two things...maybe just doing dishes or vacuuming get done but it's still something I'm not stressed about anymore for a day or two. And by the way...I paid off almost $12,000 in debt in 21 months on social security disability using the method you spoke of.
how did you get disability? is it for mental health? i tried to get short term disability for mental health but it was so complicated. ended up quitting job and living off savings.
@taghazoutmoon5031 my ssdi is based on anxiety, agoraphobia, chronic panic attacks. I had 5 years of documentation with a therapist, ER visits and job loss. I was denied at first, then got a lawyer, went to court and won it there.
@debbieford4685 oh wow, it took 5 years? I have not been working for 3 years. Looking for a remote job now. I struggle with chronic fatigue and depression. Anxiety and insomnia too. Is the ssdi enough to pay for a good life?
I'm only 42 years old, so not sure how much ssdi I qualify for
@taghazoutmoon5031 it's enough to pay the bills if you live conservatively, I do utilize food pantries and have a garden to help off balance food expenses. I hang my clothes on a clothes line to help with electric costs and utilize solar lighting where I can, but I'm not homeless, which means a lot to me.
Oh my god! You have no idea how badly I needed to hear this. Thank you so much. ❤
How? How did you know I needed this right now? Thanks, Scott. This pep talk is exactly what I need to keep going.
I know exactly what Scott is talking about. A lot of my stress over the years has come from finances or things I've postponed way beyond I should have. I've noticed many times how my spirit is lifted when I get something sorted out. It sometimes feels like magic, because the contrast is so huge. The burden goes away very quickly and I immediately start feeling a lot better and will be able to think more freely and have energy to think and do other things too. Of course it's not always easy, for example when there's no money to pay bills. And of course sometimes I don't have enough energy to deal with stuff, even if I technically could. But no matter how long the stressful thing has been going on, the amount of energy I get is huge after I've been able to take care of the issue.
I’ve watched a lot of videos, read a lot of books, and seen quite a few shrinks in my 80 years of dissolute living. The information that Dr. Eilers presents here is spot on. I don’t think I’ve ever come across anything that summarizes my situation as well as this.
This guy's reading my mind and he's lived some of my days...
Thank you for the HELP SIR
I did it! I just finished that thing I had to push through, it's done. I feel so much better 😌.
I know there is more, but that task is done. Now I can rest a little and then attack the next thing.
Thanks.
This was a really good episode, Dr. Scott. It connects to the suggestion I heard in meditation practice, "lean into the sharp points", which I've been trying to follow recently. Basically, when I feel a dread or aversion or anxiety about doing something I know would be good for me, I notice that and I do it. For example, I did not feel like going grocery shopping today. But I knew I would feel like crap if I didn't do it. So I did it (albeit several hours after I initially set out to do it, but that's okay) and now I feel a little bit better. That's just one example, but without this behavior, my life would gradually and consistently devolve into a dysfunctional mess.
I agree, you still have to push yourself and properly prioritize those things that really matter. Let the silly stuff drop by the wayside, sometimes you just have to let go and do the right thing.
Thank you.
I have had my entire world ripped apart and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to do the basic things let alone the normal responsibilities. And I definitely have not been able to get myself to do the extra work to try and salvage the tiny pieces of my destroyed world and accept that it will never be the same a before.
Then comes the guilt of how if I could have just done the right things when I knew I was supposed to do I may have already accomplished my goal….
This is probably the second extremely real and relatable video I have ever seen and heard.
(The first being the video of yours I watched before this one)
I am essentially sabotaging myself with my stress and anxiety about my situation.
I hate that university classes make you do the exact opposite of "focussing on one thing until it's done" because it requires your energy focused on everything every week. 😐
100% correct. The only thing that has ever helped my anxiety of any kind has been facing a stressor head on and getting it off the mental list. Keep making these videos Dr. Scott. You're one of the only licensed professionals out there that seems to actually understand anxiety and depression and are willing to add in philosophy or "counter-culture" advice to help people.
Today, im cleaning my bedroom. Im not focusing on anything else. Clean out dressers, go through piles of stuff and clothes. Wash clothes for donations and organize
Great job!
@@DrScottEilers since my husband died, I haven't been able to go through things. Today is the day.
This is absolutely something that I never thought of doing,was attacking what I’m dreading to get it over with. You can put it off as long as you want like you said, but it’s still looming and you know you have to face it sometime and that’s worse than actually sitting down and doing whatever it is. This is very…. very valuable for me because I always am doing 1000 things at once and none of them well, I have to concentrate my efforts into doing one thing at a time. A little ADHD thrown in there as a realization as a senior :( I have been watching you for a little over a month for the first time and I have gotten a tremendous amount of insight that I have not heard from other people. I love the way you integrate the way you feel and it seems like an aha moment even for you and your life. Thank you for all you do and everything is appreciated.💜
Dr. Scott ... you are so good at explaining issues!! You found your calling for sure.
I basically agree with your concept it seems like a great idea. It might work for me when I am not in a “black hole, that’s what I call my dark place” or maybe when I know the black hole is coming, I can feel it. Once my black hole hits & I’m in it there is no escaping. There is only darkness, there is no ability to fight it, all I can think is I want to die!! I need to know what to do to get out of that!
The Holistic Psychologist (Nicole) just had a couple videos this last week talking about how to break out of a freeze state--a state of feeling overwhelmed and unable to take action (vs. fight and flight states).
I think the holistic psychologist is Nicole.... God bless you Scott
@@ravenraven966 Good catch. Will edit.
7 months ago Dr. Scott adressed this exact same topic, on how the Amygdala doesn't recognize the difference between being in a life'threatening situation and being overwelmed with life stressors.. Due to this fact you get into this freeze state and he explains how to take the tiniest steps, celebrate those moments to the extreme to assure you're making on dopamine, which doesn't belong in life'threatening situations. That's how the Amygdala can 'be toughted' the difference and things will (very slowly) get better.. it's a long proces, but it's so worth it.
P.s Thank you so much for that video, Dr. Scott! It helped me understand why I stayed in freeze state for such long periodes over and over again. 🙏🏻💞🕊
@@CheffScott , we are very appreciative of these psychologists . What a struggle this life has been... It's actually heartbreaking to know how many of us feel this way. Hang in with me one day at a time... Sending you a hug dear one🫂
@@absolutelycarmen It sounds like Dr. Scott's video was really helpful for you in understanding why you were experiencing those freeze states. Taking those tiny steps and celebrating each achievement sounds like a great approach to retraining the amygdala. It's inspiring to hear how much it's helped you. Keep up the great work on your journey towards overcoming those challenges!
Very wise, logical, and reasonable advice! Thank you! I’m going to try it, but I know it’s going to work because one of the reasons I feel so debilitatingly overwhelmed my entire life is because I’m always trying to do everything right at the same time due to the perfectionistic tendency in me. And almost all the time, I end up doing nothing because of the incredible mental and emotional stress I feel.
Amen! Same. I only start feeling better when I start chipping away at what’s overwhelming or bothering me. Temporary escapism doesn’t help me. I’m not sure everyone feels this way but I agree with you on this one. Thanks for the validation.
Thank You Dr Scott.... i Absolutely Love your Videos, you Are An Amazing Human Being... giving your time to folk, like me, who cant afford the Luxury of services like yours❤😊
Your videos have been an Absolute Godsend To Me, Thank You from the bottom of my heart. Xx
Ever since the movie frozen came out, the song "just do the next right thing" has been my anthem
You nailed it. I've given up on having a social life. No time.
This nature countdown is way better than the tech one.
Holy crap, Dr. Scott, you probably single-handedly saved my life with this. You must be the David Goggins of therapy. I’m going to journal on this… and act on it right away! Thank you 🙏
This is good advice. I’m grateful I’ve developed seasonal hobbies that are easy to plan around (hunting, fishing, gardening).
Yeeeeeaaaah…I’m bad at doing this, but it’s definitely a hard truth for me as well. I have trialed so many different things to try and get better, including increasingly long cycles of trying to “relax” (distract) and it never happens, even when I’ve tried for 3 months straight. As soon as I start crossing off responsibilities, I feel better. It’s difficult to do when you feel seriously incapacitated or in “freeze” mode, but it kind of doesn’t matter, getting things done is what works.
What I really don’t understand is why I know this to be true, but still struggle so hard to do it instead of distract. I guess just need to practice often so it replaces the pattern.
Can you give a tip how to better rein in emotions such as distress tolerance skills. Much thanks if you have suggestions.
I'm sure he has a video on this. However, my first step as I learnt in DBT is to learn to be mindful enough to recognise that am in distress/discomfort or feeling something unpleasant. I have BPD/EUPD and I don't try to control my emotions. I had to learn to sit with them and.....just observe them without attaching any particular thoughts to them......the DBT has a huge list of distress tolerance skills but I don't think they work without mindfulness. After 10 years, mindfulness is now something I practice every day multiple times a day, it slows down my brain and stops me from reacting before I've processed. All these skills come with practice that's why the DBT in clinical practice is twice for 2-3 a week for 12-18 months.....it's not something you will get immediately within a month...take your time. It took me 6 months before the mindfulness actually kicked in but I wasn't doing the full clinical psychotherapy.
This rings so true for me! Thank you for confirming what I had been realizing in my 60s. I’m glad you learned it much sooner. Thank you!
Hi from Australia Dr. Scott! Love your work ✌️❤️
Omg I love you!!! Get out of my head!! I’m literally three minutes and 55 seconds in and I have blurted out so many passionate yeses which I’m sure my neighbors reckoned that I was having a good afternoon until they heard me say “oh my God you get me!!!” You never cease to amaze me, with the finest details into these lived experiences, and the manner in which are able to convey that huge arrange of emotional experience into such contact amounts of time. I am so grateful for your benevolence and brilliance!!
The other thing that feels good is that most mental health content creators are women, and if they’re men, they tend to be in the golden years, age range, so there’s also this shared, gender, virtual attunement that I don’t know about the other men but at least I am able to benefit from your content. (pardon any typos, as I used dictation to text)
Thank you for validating, I have 3 horses, 6 dogs, a raccoon, chickens, duck, canary and two parakeets and a husband, it’s a lot, but it gives me a purpose
I don't feel like going out with family or friends or interacting with people. I gave up chasing my dream as I was despondent and had seen numerous setbacks.
Life is so stressful and very depressed. 🙁
I found this video overwhelming…lol I am so burnout. Public school teacher here for 20 years and retiring even though I wish I could stay. I love teaching and the children but the work load, student behaviors, over testing students is just too much. I am a very good teacher, I enjoy the children but the constant adding on and never taking away anything has brought me to the decision to retire this year. Complete burnout. But I am taking a year and yes I have been diagnosed with anxiety and I have also have doubled down on priorities, but then more priorities are added on. So many good teachers who are great at their craft, love teaching children are leaving. Plus many of can’t even take a day off to see a psychologist or doctor because we don’t have subs either.
Thank you for this. This is what I need to hear the most during this time of overwhelming.
I'm really getting a lot of value and food for thought from both the video and the commenters--thanks, all! That said, I had a physical injury/traumatic experience happen last fall that has reduced my "garden hose" to a trickle. (I love Dr. Scott's metaphors and am a huge metaphor-user myself!) There's no way to put my thumb over the end and get any sort of pressurized water. I'm used to being a go-getter and problem-solver, so this has been extremely hard to get used to. Since last fall, if I do try to put my thumb over the end of the hose and focus on just one thing, all I get out of it is a meltdown followed by a shutdown (I'm on the autism spectrum too) and I lose the rest of that day and maybe the next day too.
Right now I am in a holding pattern while I look for ways to increase the hose pressure. I can only do about 25% of the things I could do before the injury. It's incredibly frustrating. But, to use another of Dr. Scott's analogies, it's hard to "pay the bills," let alone any "debt," if you've lost 75% of your "income." If/when I can get more income, hose pressure, energy, etc. back, then I think I'd love to try the "focus 100% on one thing" strategy. But for now, I have to file that idea away for later and just keep treading water and not drown.
Sending prayers for peace and strength to all of you reading this. As Red Green always said, "I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together."
❤
I think this is extremely sensible advice!
One thing that I would add to it concerns perception and breaking-down tasks. For example, you are not going to achieve any sense of reducing the overwhelm if you make the task you are focusing on completing far too large. Such as something you have specified that needs weeks or even days of your time. The kind of sustained focus and effort required to tick that focused task off the list might be too overwhelming in and of itself?? And your efforts might end up trailing off?
So I would suggest making realistic, achievable actions that you can tick off your overwhelm list - maybe starting off fairly small, as in the debt management plan you describe?
Well, Doc, I am watching all your videos. Sometimes I give my suggestions as well. Yes, today you are absolutely correct. I agree with you."
I'm going to "sound" like a snob because it took me a while since I watched a first video of yours to get used to your "American way" of communicating. I kept watching your videos because what you say makes sense to me and I can relate to many of the situations and the feelings attached to them that you talk about. Your "solutions" also make sense and work for me. I tried some of them and that's why I know it works. I'm glad you're not the conventional therapist or someone who pretenda to know all. I'll keep watching and learnimg with your videos.
I did the FPU program and got myself completely out of debt. I had never thought of applying the same principles to my never-ending ToDo list. I think it will help me dig out of my overwhelm and burnout if I take that approach. Thank you.
I talked to a therapist about this and he said it's called adulting so basically suck it up.
Wow, that's incredibly unhelpful! I am sad that you got that response. I understand that life is hard and adulting is difficult, and that we have to "put our big girl/big boy pants on," but we need to have tools in our mental toolbox to know HOW to "suck it up." And sometimes we need a helping hand in order to continue to stand on our feet.
😂 Adulting: 1 of 5 stars. Do not recommend.
Thank ❤you . I’m going to take some rocks out of my bag today . Turn off the TV , play some music and go one rock at a time , then rest . Thank you, very insightful.
Makes absolutely sence. I experienced this. After months of inertia and exhaustion I tackled things and was energized as I accomplished things.
I heard you and totally what you said. I got up and started doing doing what I’ve put off for days and I feel better already. This understanding of getting things done to feel less stress makes perfect sense so off I go back to getting things done!😊
Audio not as good today?
Yeah IDK what happened here - it's literally just this video. Sorry about that!
I'm having no audio problems on my side.
You hit the nail on the head as always. I liken it to having too many tabs open in my head, too much information just sitting there stuck and draining the battery, we need to close the tabs one tab at a time. Once again a big thank you for your valuable input and advice.. It really helps.
On top of all this I have people I got to deal with.
It seems here lately the people I turn to for support have more problems then I do.
It seems Heman Service People have gotten so defensive and controlling.
At times I feel I am helping them.
Forget about how stressful my man friend makes me feel.
Thank GOD I got Leo my dog..
What you said makes sense to me. I will focus on one thing at a time to get it off my list. Then move to the next
Snap! I don't think i can be hypnotized either. I thought i was super weird, but now I feel better at least about that. You are truly a gift.