I worked in third party fertility. Telling a child about their biological origins early on becomes a normal part of their identity and research shows it actually produces feelings of positivity and curiosity. However, research tells us that telling kids when they are older and already struggling with identity tend to view this information with negative emotions, further feelings of distrust, and anger. For anyone out there reading this please know it is better to tell them as early as possible and make it a normal part of their identity, not springing it on them when they are older making them feel like their whole life is a lie and it's more likely to cause distrust, and anger towards the people in their life. So many people say " I will tell them when they are old enough to handle it " if they only knew how untrue that statement is. Edit to add: You want to tell the child in an age-appropriate manner and I think that's where people get confused. There are a lot of books to help explain this in an age appropriate manner to children as young as two and three years old. Edit again: nevermind, John nailed it with the teddy bear example from one of the previous Reddit stories.😂
I definitely agree with this. I said something similar to this in a previous video and got bashed for it. It's better to tell kids when they're young so they grow up understanding their family dynamics and understand their identity. Keeping it a secret until they're "ready" or only telling them like when medical stuff or DNA stuff comes up (like in so many stories before) is messed up. A secret like that should never have to be revealed like that in such a vulnerable way. Plus I feel it'd cause so much resentment to hide a huge lie even if you have a good, healthy relationship with your parents. It's still a lie. Like "if they lied about this, what else could they be lying about?" Or "why would they lie to me. I trusted them" trust is so hard to gain back once it's broken.
Absolutely makes complete sense. Like the step child if told as you said in age appropriate information would pretty my shrug and go on looking at their step dad the same as she always has. Though I think they said step child is five, probably should have done it sooner. I’m thinking starting at 3ish maybe the time.
I agree with this. As a transdad I also had to think about when to tell my kids that their mum is now a dad. We told them when they were 2 and 4. They're now 6 and 7. I noticed they didn't understand what's really going on back then and just went along with it. But now my oldest is coming into an age where she starts to understand it better. So waiting for an age "where they'd understand it better" isn't an argument to wait since even when you tell them young they'll still come to understand it eventually.
I agree with this from the standpoint of an adopted child my parents told my brother(also adopted) and I as early as I can even remember that we were adopted. It was always just a normal thing for our family they used to tell us an elaborate fairytale type story about the day they came to pick us up and take us home and how much they loved us. Granted none of us look alike or can even pass as related so the truth would have came out otherwise eventually 😂 but even so it’s important to know even for medical visits since I don’t know my complete biological medical history. I always thought it was absurd to hear people keeping it a secret like it was something to be ashamed of. Yes my mom and dad couldn’t physically have their own kids but they had to work hard and through a lot of heartbreaking adoptions that fell through to find their forever family and I wouldn’t change a thing.
I'm adopted and I can't ever remember a time in my life that I wasn't aware of it. My parents were always honest and upfront about it and actually went out of their way to make me feel extra special bc of it. Growing up, I'd been bullied over it, I've gotten insane questions, etc., which all hurt and made me feel bad, or less than, but they always made a real effort to explain, talk to me, and turn things around. I'm forever grateful for that, and I can't possibly imagine suddenly finding out as an adult...
How I explain situations like this to my kids: Kids have a blood mom and a blood dad that help make their bodies. Then they have a heart mom and a heart dad who choose to show up and do all the parent stuff and raise the kids to be good, successful adults. Sometimes the heart mom and the blood mom are the same person. Sometimes they're two different people. Every situation can be different.
First impression, what if they used a sperm donor because of the dad’s potential fertility issues. The fact that the OP has even heard of fertility issues is weird already.
Yeah this is what I’m thinking (havent finished story yet though) but kinda surprised neither OP or these guys considered that the parents could’ve used a sperm donor and just never told OP… 7:28
As an adopted child, the best time to tell your child they’re adopted is immediately. I don’t have a memory of my world crashing down because I’ve always known who my parents were. Transparency is always the answer when it comes to heritage.
My stepdad adopted me at 10yo and my mom bought a picture frame that says "Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy" & I agree 💯💯💯.
I feel like the immediate jump from "my dad is not my dad" to "my mom must have cheated" ignores how many pregnancies arise from sexual assault every year 😬 I think people should have more compassion until it's confirmed the mom consensually cheated
@@ashleytomlin2321if you read beyond the Google results page, you'll find a very different result. First of all, those are both estimates. The survey that was included with the SA percentage showed an actual pregnancy rate of 0.8% in the group during the period of time that they followed them. The percentage given for SA is claiming that 5% of rapes result in pregnancy, not that 5% of pregnancies are the result of rape. Either way, it's nothing more than an estimate, which means it's just a guess. I think it could easily be based on the 5% chance of pregnancy when a woman has unprotected sex during her fertile period. That would make it even more useless. We really don't know the answer for either one.
I was adopted at birth (39 now) and my parents told me I was adopted from day one. I never had to "find out" and the older I got, if I had questions they'd always answer them.
Riley if she does watch it tell her everyone has stories like that about their parents; parents are people too, and love them still. (Also just accept that your moms the biggest badass around ❤)
I would say the same (badass mom) but on the other hand if it was the dad hitting her so hard she went KO and had to go to the hospital it would be considered abuse and she maybe even would’ve been adviced to press charges and move out. So we do have a double standard here, right?
In the first story I would confront the mother because you never know the situation. The father could have married her knowing that it wasn't his child. I have a cousin who did that. It was basically for the child's protection and he loves that child and he doesn't treat that child any different from the other two children that they had together. Parents could have decided to use artificial insemination. He doesn't really know the circumstances to determine that his mother has cheated, especially when his father had fertility issues. Maybe they decided that they wanted to try to have a child and he could not produce one. You never knows the situation. He's pre-judging without having all the facts at hand.
My ex adopted my daughter when she was little. We didnt sit around and talk about it, but we never made it a secret. A couple of times i said something to her like "When we (her and I) met Daddy you immediately liked him" etc. So she always knew we didnt know him when she was born. It was never an issue. Her bio aunt reached out to me on my daughter's 14th birthday wanting to see if my daughter was interested in seeing them. I asked my daughter and she just shrugged and said, "nah I'm okay." Shes 24 now and seems to have never thought about it again. I know all kids are different - but I feel like the bigger of a secret you make it the harder it will be for them to deal with it.
To the first story, not my parents, but both of my grandpas on either side of the family were step grandparent. They told me when i was like 5 or 6 and at that time it didnt mean anything to me. When i got older, it made me even more greatful knowing that they really stepped in and cared for us just like we were blood.
In response to the first story, I'm adopted and my parents told me when I was five. I honestly feel it was the best way to go about things because it was just a fact of life to me and I always felt love and connection from my adoptive parents.
Riley, I disagree that divulging truths after graduating high school is the best time. That period may already be stressful for a lot of kids. Post-grad depression and anxiety are common. So are full on mental breakdowns. It may work out for some kids, but the odds that they will shave their head, join a DMT cult, and go no contact is definitely higher!
Day 4 of requesting they bring back "spill that tea" Also I feel bad for the OP in the first story, I can't imagine ever having to confront my parents about my paternity
Feel free to scream it to yourself as you listen and the rest of us can just enjoy the show without the loud and jarring interruptions. I was so glad when they stopped doing that.
@@KaramarikaI mean, you can turn down the volume, for me, it really wasn't that loud, I'd argue the divorce chant is louder. Regardless, we are able to agree to disagree
Regarding the first OP finding out his dad is not his dad. It's not exactly the same but when I was 18 my mom told me that my dad, who had died from cancer when I was 7, had been cheating on her from the time I was about 2 years old until just before his cancer diagnosis. Finding out that information truly rattled me because it changed how I remembered the man who was my dad. But at the same time, I'm so glad that I know that information because I understand my mom so much better and the sacrifices that she made for me and my younger brother. However, I am glad that I did not learn that information as a child. Being an adult really let me understand and process that information so much better. At the end of the day. My dad is still my dad even though he was not a good husband to my mom. So for OP, the man who raised him is still his dad and it may change how he sees his mom and dad's relationship. But I think it's better knowing than not knowing.
18:52 adopted kid here! I grew up always knowing I was adopted. They read me books like "who's my mama" and "the kangaroo with no pouch"! Being adopted was never a taboo topic, and when some kids at school found out and tried to bully me, I didn't even realize they were doing it until someone pointed out they were trying to be mean about it. Having your child grow up knowing is the best way in my opinion.
Why does OP just assume it was cheating? Especially since he knows his dad's side of the family, has infertility/sterility problems! There are SO MANY things it could be! A random donor, an ex that mom had while they were briefly separated. Op could be the biological nephew of a family member on mom's side. Maybe his dad has a cuckold fantasy. Maybe they both had a relationship with OP's biofather. Give your mom a break, dude. At least until you find out, for sure! This kinda irritates me, tbh. Also, cmon Riley, the dad could have been the one to push for it. Not everyone is comfortable with just allowing random strangers to be inside of them. I am betting that the sex part of it, was not fun for her. Your bias is showing a lil bit there, bud!
I've always known that I was adopted. We celebrated it. It is important to be honest from the beginning and always be open to questions and answer with love and security.
Ok Storytime! My dad isn’t my biological dad. My biological one didn’t want me at all, refused to admit I was his, mom did the test and ding ding I’m his, he gave up all rights to me. My dad now started dating my mom when I was a baby or toddler and married him and had my brother. But my point is my mom told me at 3 years old…I don’t remember the talk but I know I went around saying “I got 2 daddies) haha. My dad did adopt me after my parents married so I could have his last name and be part of the family. I have still always felt like an outsider in his family, but only because I’m introverted and his family is very very outgoing and loud lol. But 100% in my opinion, if the mom and dad know about it, they should tell them early but make sure the kid knows the dad or mom doesn’t love them any less in fact they love them more! Side note: I’m so glad they told me and one reason is: we live in a small town, I had a crush on someone a couple years younger than me. Then I found out what road he lived on. This plus his last name meant he was related to me!! Anyone with that last name, living on that road (which was “family’s last name” Rd). If I hadn’t know I could have dated a brother or cousin or nephew (my half sister was like 18-20 year older than me and had kids when I was 3)
my daughter was 3 when my husband and I got together. She’s now 11. The last time she saw her bio dad was about 6 months before my husband and I got together. So my husband really is the only dad she’s every known. We’ve always been upfront and honest with her though. When she asks me questions about her bio dad, I answer them honestly. My husband jokingly brought up the saying “I got 2 daddies” a couple of years ago and she loves saying that whenever the chance arises 😂😂 We’re southern too so she does it in an even thicker southern accent so it’s hilarious. I literally laugh every time she says it.
So instead of focusing on how their love is so great that they can agree to have kids even if it means her having sex with someone else that's love right there not everyone can do that and stay happily married it shows their trust in each other, maturity, and communication skills are amazing
Plot twist for the first story : his parents were swingers and they did not use protection properly resulting in the birth of OP. Obviously a joke lol. Or is it? Edit. Lol i was kind of close. The dad should have joined OP mom 😂😂😂
It was pretty common in the late 70s, early 80s to use a “sperm” donor because fertility clinics weren’t as common. There are a few songs about it too! Ace of Base’s “All that she wants” & Heart’s “All I want to do is make love to you” is about this stuff
My parents told me quite early on in my life that I was adopted. When my brother (who is their biological son) teased me when we were young, say they loved him more because he is blood. My mom's clap back to this was "We got to pick you and you are our perfect match, we love you unconditionally, We didn't get to pick your brother so no matter blood or not we love you the same." I never felt bad about it again no matter what anyone in the family said or did.
Your mum is a boss bro. Thats awesome! I believe bring your kids up knowing makes everything alot easier for them. Just my experences with adopted uncles and inlaws.
58:09 okop fam you are not a bad person!! You are a good person. Whether Victoria survived one trauma, 30 traumas, or no trauma at all, it is still her duty and responsibility that if she can’t be faithful, she can at least have the decency to be honest I’ve had a lot of shit go wrong in my life some shit within my control and too much outside of my control, there is no excuse for cheating and there is no excuse for lying about who your babies dad is boom!!!!
I was adopted and I always knew - they never sat me down and had a big discussion. It was just something that apparently was part of the normal conversation. I assume they told people and I heard it - I just always knew. Because of that, it wasn’t a big deal - I was 'chosen’. Best way to handle that.
I honestly was on the fence about whether or not OP from the first story could've been a result of either cheating or SA. This was my assumption until they said that OP was the younger of the siblings. I mean, while it's certainly not the most ideal situation, the parents were both aware of everything and were consenting about it all. For those in a financial position unable to do artificial insemination or adoption, this was an option that they came up with in that time. While certainly not ideal finding out later in life, I feel like there could've been private discussions letting them know that there were "complications" with the parents wanting to have kids and they went a different route to have the family they wanted and loved. The bear, I believe it was actually a rabbit, was a wonderful way to explain it to a young child. I feel like slowly talking about it in age-appropriate ways would be the way to go so they are not so overwhelmed and it's a great way to teach the kids about love and compassion and acceptance of family. P.S. We definitely need like a silver bucket hat for "Tin Foil Conspiracy Time"!
I actually guessed that lmao. My 2nd theory was more wild - like they were swingers before, but both theories included dad being infertile and him knowing and agreeing to his wife sleeping with other man to get pregnant.
Look up Ralph Macchio, the original Karate Kid. Dude was born in 1961. He is turning 63 later this year and looks like he could easily be WAYYYY younger. Threw me for a loop when I realized how old he is. I hope I age that well.
Considering the possible time frame being before Internet this honestly probably was the best route to get the kids they wanted without money. Now with technology and science they may have be able to do have a child without breaking the bank or by her having to be impregnated by someone else. Main thing is they are happy and still married without regret and resentments
My suggestion about telling smt about hidden family history would be when they're equiped to be independent and in the right state of mind (not in the middle of a stressy situation). So 17-20 yrs old?
I would probably talk to my children around the age of 7-11 depending on the child but I would probably inlist the help of a therapist each child develops differently
My mom married my step dad when I was almost 5. I don’t really remember much but a couple memories before him, and I don’t recall calling him anything but dad. Somewhere along the line, I’m not sure anymore now how I became aware, I think it was my step dads family that might have slipped. In my pre and early teens I was sad and cried myself to sleep often not knowing who my “real” dad was. 38 yrs later, I hate saying step dad because that man was and always will be my dad. He never treated me any other way. And I’ve found my bio dad but not sure I care anymore. Complicated for sure. Lol edit to add: I do love how John can make Big Protein blush a bit. Riley is everything ❤ we love you all! (But deff you B.P.)
If you have a family dynamic that you KNOW would change the way your child feels about their identity or a family member, tell them as early as possible. As soon as they can understand. My dad was in and out of my life to the point that when I was 4 I asked my mom “what your friends name” and then she had to let me know that the man that visits every once and a while was my dad. She always promised when I was older she would tell me the whole truth about my dad and why he didn’t live with us. By the time I was 6 or 7 (also helped that D.A.R.E was a regular part of schools systems in the 90s so I had become fully aware of the concept of drugs and why they were bad) my mom finally told me the whole story and that ultimately he was a drug addict and it was not a good idea to live together while he was struggling. I’m 33 now and unfortunately my dad never stopped struggling.
I guessed that. The first story that came to mind was one exactly like that but with two lesbian parents. Apparently everyone thought cheating was going on so the kid was worried about it, but it was really a team effort and now he just had another dad in addition to two moms.
9:53 You can’t always assume the worst, people do have infertility problems and use sperm banks. You never know, they may not have shared something like that. Update: I think I would have went to a friend and used a turkey baster. Those parents must have been terrified of DNA tests.
Just because your parents value honesty, it doesn't mean that parents will tell you everything. Parents shouldn't tell everything, they should only tell you things that benefit you. If your mom was raped and from that you came out of it, she out of love for you would not tell you that youre a product of rape as a child because she would want you to learn to love yourself as a person growing up.
My oldest wasn't planned but very much wanted. My husband has never needed a DNA test for both of pur sons. They were both very obviously his children. The genes of his moms family are very strong. When my kids were small , my late father in law told me that he knew how I felt as both my husband and his younger sister look just like their mom. My youngest son although still obviously resembling his dad looks more like me as an adult.
It's not easy to get a news so big like that. I was told something so big that I didn't get mad. As a mom, I understood and 30% of my mother side knows my truth and heard my history. The older generation
Story 2: OP did the right thing by exposing Victoria’s paternity fraud. Tbh, though, it’s probably for the best that OP’s friendship imploded because Victoria is clearly a very damaged person who has no qualms with lying and hurting others. She’s a nasty train wreck.
You UNDERESTIMATE the DRAMA of high schoolars. I've known couples (actually, in my main high school relationship, he left me for my best friend's good friend, and they got engaged. Obviously, it didn't last) to "fall in love" and get engaged as teenagers.. High school boys will (or they did then, at least) go to Icing or Claires and get a cheap ring to propose with, and they will likely say yes and tell EVERYONE.
The person revealing an affair is never the AH. Simply telling the truth CANNOT be the thing that ruined the relationship because the thing that ruined it was the cheating. Somebody revealing your lies is in no way responsible for
Honestly not surprised at all 😂 it was very common here (hometown) people would get knocked up to have kids when the parents couldnt or they'd buy a kid from teen parents for way cheaper than adoption.🤣
Dude would need to start immediate legal action to remove himself from the birth certificate or he would owe child support, even if he signed under false pretenses.
I think it's better to let a child know at the earliest age possible if you're not their biological parent, but to make sure in the end that even though you're not their bio parent that you love them unconditionally and you raise them as best as you possibly can. This way the child knows, but even though they're not your biological child, you still love them unconditionally and you do anything for them. It should not traumatize them in any way possible. In this way they grow up understanding who they are and not thinking. Just because they're raised by somebody makes them who they are. They are who they are because of the love and caring of people around them. Just because you found out that somebody wasn't, your parent doesn't mean it changes who you are as a person❤ The people that know and love you will still love you for who you are cuz you are who you are. Be proud of who you are and as long as you're happy with who you are, that's all that matters❤❤
Ignorance is bliss. Talk to mom about it (every person on earth deserves to know the truth of how they came to be), but leave dad out of it. At this point in his life nothing can come of it except destruction.
John & Riley......testing is so advanced now that medical history doesn't have the weight today thst it once had. Also would the OP want to know he was the product of an SA? Have seen stories where the parents, who were trying st the time, didn’t want to know.
I am not an accident or on purpose. My mom without telling my dad, wondered if she was infertile because she was risky in bed and had never fell pregnant. So she did the most risky things she could do one night and then she did. I can't tell if me and my sister were an accident because my mom said she was prepared for the possibility, but I also know that my dad wasn't part of this line of thinking. She had also told me that she was never in love with my dad, and at the time she believed love didn't exist. She just has to be with people. She hasn't been single. She thought she could live with a person she could tolerate and would be fine. Turned out, tolerance turns into disgust without love.
7:22 needs to talk to mom first just to gain more clarity on what really happened, then tell his mom he may want to discuss this with the person who raised him as his dad. Then maybe one day find his bio dad. In any given situation, you don’t have to eat the whole shit casserole at once. You take it bite by awful bite. There’s steps to madness too.
As for what age to tell someone they are adopted or parents isn’t their parents. The younger the better. My nephew/brother was told around 7ish that he didn’t come from his mom’s belly. Then as the years went by he had little questions here and there. He’s perfectly content and he doesn’t even remember being told he feels like he’s known always. On the other hand I had a cousin that was told at 20 and had a full blown identity crisis and ended up ending his life a year later.
I totally guessed that the couple who couldn’t have kids because the dad and his twin are both in fertile but that couple just sort of farmed it out on the down low. I guess that because I know actually four different couples who have done that over the years and the bio daddy of their kids has no idea they were all just one night stands.
Tell kids these kinda things its way better to talk to them and tell them these things in ways that make sense for the age slowly give them more until they start asking questions
Funny - my oldest child, his sperm donor has never been any part of anything, but my husband adopted my son. And my son looks like my husband is 100% the biological dad.
Pause to comment on 1st story: my first move would be to confront mom. I feel like how she reacted and handled the situation would determine my next move 🤷♀️
Could have been IVF with a supermarket donor due to dad's fertility issues... or maybe some other solution the two of them came up with to get around that. Or OP could have been adopted. Or maybe they had a rocky patch and they were split up at the beginning of the marriage.
I worked in third party fertility. Telling a child about their biological origins early on becomes a normal part of their identity and research shows it actually produces feelings of positivity and curiosity. However, research tells us that telling kids when they are older and already struggling with identity tend to view this information with negative emotions, further feelings of distrust, and anger. For anyone out there reading this please know it is better to tell them as early as possible and make it a normal part of their identity, not springing it on them when they are older making them feel like their whole life is a lie and it's more likely to cause distrust, and anger towards the people in their life. So many people say " I will tell them when they are old enough to handle it " if they only knew how untrue that statement is.
Edit to add: You want to tell the child in an age-appropriate manner and I think that's where people get confused. There are a lot of books to help explain this in an age appropriate manner to children as young as two and three years old.
Edit again: nevermind, John nailed it with the teddy bear example from one of the previous Reddit stories.😂
I definitely agree with this. I said something similar to this in a previous video and got bashed for it. It's better to tell kids when they're young so they grow up understanding their family dynamics and understand their identity. Keeping it a secret until they're "ready" or only telling them like when medical stuff or DNA stuff comes up (like in so many stories before) is messed up. A secret like that should never have to be revealed like that in such a vulnerable way. Plus I feel it'd cause so much resentment to hide a huge lie even if you have a good, healthy relationship with your parents. It's still a lie. Like "if they lied about this, what else could they be lying about?" Or "why would they lie to me. I trusted them" trust is so hard to gain back once it's broken.
Absolutely makes complete sense. Like the step child if told as you said in age appropriate information would pretty my shrug and go on looking at their step dad the same as she always has. Though I think they said step child is five, probably should have done it sooner. I’m thinking starting at 3ish maybe the time.
I agree with this. As a transdad I also had to think about when to tell my kids that their mum is now a dad. We told them when they were 2 and 4. They're now 6 and 7. I noticed they didn't understand what's really going on back then and just went along with it. But now my oldest is coming into an age where she starts to understand it better. So waiting for an age "where they'd understand it better" isn't an argument to wait since even when you tell them young they'll still come to understand it eventually.
I agree with this from the standpoint of an adopted child my parents told my brother(also adopted) and I as early as I can even remember that we were adopted. It was always just a normal thing for our family they used to tell us an elaborate fairytale type story about the day they came to pick us up and take us home and how much they loved us. Granted none of us look alike or can even pass as related so the truth would have came out otherwise eventually 😂 but even so it’s important to know even for medical visits since I don’t know my complete biological medical history. I always thought it was absurd to hear people keeping it a secret like it was something to be ashamed of. Yes my mom and dad couldn’t physically have their own kids but they had to work hard and through a lot of heartbreaking adoptions that fell through to find their forever family and I wouldn’t change a thing.
I'm adopted and I can't ever remember a time in my life that I wasn't aware of it. My parents were always honest and upfront about it and actually went out of their way to make me feel extra special bc of it. Growing up, I'd been bullied over it, I've gotten insane questions, etc., which all hurt and made me feel bad, or less than, but they always made a real effort to explain, talk to me, and turn things around. I'm forever grateful for that, and I can't possibly imagine suddenly finding out as an adult...
How I explain situations like this to my kids: Kids have a blood mom and a blood dad that help make their bodies. Then they have a heart mom and a heart dad who choose to show up and do all the parent stuff and raise the kids to be good, successful adults. Sometimes the heart mom and the blood mom are the same person. Sometimes they're two different people. Every situation can be different.
I love that.
I love this ❤
First impression, what if they used a sperm donor because of the dad’s potential fertility issues. The fact that the OP has even heard of fertility issues is weird already.
Same thought!😊
Not really, and especially since it's likely something the adults talk about. And kids pick up on those things
Yeah this is what I’m thinking (havent finished story yet though) but kinda surprised neither OP or these guys considered that the parents could’ve used a sperm donor and just never told OP… 7:28
@@Ciela531 I still think the truth was creative
Or that it wasn’t consensual on mums behalf…
As an adopted child, the best time to tell your child they’re adopted is immediately. I don’t have a memory of my world crashing down because I’ve always known who my parents were. Transparency is always the answer when it comes to heritage.
My stepdad adopted me at 10yo and my mom bought a picture frame that says "Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy" & I agree 💯💯💯.
I feel like the immediate jump from "my dad is not my dad" to "my mom must have cheated" ignores how many pregnancies arise from sexual assault every year 😬 I think people should have more compassion until it's confirmed the mom consensually cheated
My first thought was a sperm bank 🤷♀️
Cheating is much more common so it's not unreasonable to assume
It's because OP heard growing up that his mom was a wh0re so he thought he put the pieces together
5% of pregnancy’s are a result of sexual abuse and about 2-4% of pregnancy’s are a result of cheating/affairs. Hope this helps 😊🥹
@@ashleytomlin2321if you read beyond the Google results page, you'll find a very different result. First of all, those are both estimates. The survey that was included with the SA percentage showed an actual pregnancy rate of 0.8% in the group during the period of time that they followed them. The percentage given for SA is claiming that 5% of rapes result in pregnancy, not that 5% of pregnancies are the result of rape.
Either way, it's nothing more than an estimate, which means it's just a guess. I think it could easily be based on the 5% chance of pregnancy when a woman has unprotected sex during her fertile period. That would make it even more useless. We really don't know the answer for either one.
I was adopted at birth (39 now) and my parents told me I was adopted from day one. I never had to "find out" and the older I got, if I had questions they'd always answer them.
1:07 "my father is the one who inseminated me" John, OKOP Feb, 2024
Daddy issues?😂
Riley if she does watch it tell her everyone has stories like that about their parents; parents are people too, and love them still. (Also just accept that your moms the biggest badass around ❤)
I would say the same (badass mom) but on the other hand if it was the dad hitting her so hard she went KO and had to go to the hospital it would be considered abuse and she maybe even would’ve been adviced to press charges and move out. So we do have a double standard here, right?
‘Go get us one honey’ took me tf out 😭💀
That had me in tears man 🤣 that accent and delivery of it was perfect 🤣
Right? 😂 that was great
In the first story I would confront the mother because you never know the situation. The father could have married her knowing that it wasn't his child. I have a cousin who did that. It was basically for the child's protection and he loves that child and he doesn't treat that child any different from the other two children that they had together. Parents could have decided to use artificial insemination. He doesn't really know the circumstances to determine that his mother has cheated, especially when his father had fertility issues. Maybe they decided that they wanted to try to have a child and he could not produce one. You never knows the situation. He's pre-judging without having all the facts at hand.
My ex adopted my daughter when she was little. We didnt sit around and talk about it, but we never made it a secret. A couple of times i said something to her like "When we (her and I) met Daddy you immediately liked him" etc. So she always knew we didnt know him when she was born. It was never an issue. Her bio aunt reached out to me on my daughter's 14th birthday wanting to see if my daughter was interested in seeing them. I asked my daughter and she just shrugged and said, "nah I'm okay." Shes 24 now and seems to have never thought about it again. I know all kids are different - but I feel like the bigger of a secret you make it the harder it will be for them to deal with it.
1:07 john, babe, I don't think your dad did that to you 😭
To the first story, not my parents, but both of my grandpas on either side of the family were step grandparent. They told me when i was like 5 or 6 and at that time it didnt mean anything to me. When i got older, it made me even more greatful knowing that they really stepped in and cared for us just like we were blood.
In response to the first story, I'm adopted and my parents told me when I was five. I honestly feel it was the best way to go about things because it was just a fact of life to me and I always felt love and connection from my adoptive parents.
Riley, I disagree that divulging truths after graduating high school is the best time. That period may already be stressful for a lot of kids. Post-grad depression and anxiety are common. So are full on mental breakdowns. It may work out for some kids, but the odds that they will shave their head, join a DMT cult, and go no contact is definitely higher!
Day 4 of requesting they bring back "spill that tea"
Also I feel bad for the OP in the first story, I can't imagine ever having to confront my parents about my paternity
I loved the spill that tea 😂
Feel free to scream it to yourself as you listen and the rest of us can just enjoy the show without the loud and jarring interruptions. I was so glad when they stopped doing that.
@@KaramarikaI mean, you can turn down the volume, for me, it really wasn't that loud, I'd argue the divorce chant is louder. Regardless, we are able to agree to disagree
1:05 Really bad choice of words John...😂
😂😂😂
😂😂😂I screamed, “John WTF!”
HAPPY Lunar New Years everyone 🐉🐲
Regarding the first OP finding out his dad is not his dad.
It's not exactly the same but when I was 18 my mom told me that my dad, who had died from cancer when I was 7, had been cheating on her from the time I was about 2 years old until just before his cancer diagnosis. Finding out that information truly rattled me because it changed how I remembered the man who was my dad. But at the same time, I'm so glad that I know that information because I understand my mom so much better and the sacrifices that she made for me and my younger brother. However, I am glad that I did not learn that information as a child. Being an adult really let me understand and process that information so much better. At the end of the day. My dad is still my dad even though he was not a good husband to my mom. So for OP, the man who raised him is still his dad and it may change how he sees his mom and dad's relationship. But I think it's better knowing than not knowing.
I love Riley trying to support John, "that was good, that was good." Looking like a dad with his arms crossed 😂😂
Not accidents. I say Surprises. I've had 3 surprises. I am also a surprise to my parents too.
Same.. same
18:52 adopted kid here! I grew up always knowing I was adopted. They read me books like "who's my mama" and "the kangaroo with no pouch"! Being adopted was never a taboo topic, and when some kids at school found out and tried to bully me, I didn't even realize they were doing it until someone pointed out they were trying to be mean about it. Having your child grow up knowing is the best way in my opinion.
Called it on the sperm "donor" story haha
Thanks for another great episode and John for the crazy sound bit on his daddy 😂
THANK YOU WE LOVE YOU OMG ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Why does OP just assume it was cheating? Especially since he knows his dad's side of the family, has infertility/sterility problems! There are SO MANY things it could be! A random donor, an ex that mom had while they were briefly separated. Op could be the biological nephew of a family member on mom's side. Maybe his dad has a cuckold fantasy. Maybe they both had a relationship with OP's biofather. Give your mom a break, dude. At least until you find out, for sure! This kinda irritates me, tbh.
Also, cmon Riley, the dad could have been the one to push for it. Not everyone is comfortable with just allowing random strangers to be inside of them. I am betting that the sex part of it, was not fun for her. Your bias is showing a lil bit there, bud!
I've always known that I was adopted. We celebrated it. It is important to be honest from the beginning and always be open to questions and answer with love and security.
Please add timestamps for the stories in your videos please.
Ok Storytime!
My dad isn’t my biological dad. My biological one didn’t want me at all, refused to admit I was his, mom did the test and ding ding I’m his, he gave up all rights to me. My dad now started dating my mom when I was a baby or toddler and married him and had my brother. But my point is my mom told me at 3 years old…I don’t remember the talk but I know I went around saying “I got 2 daddies) haha. My dad did adopt me after my parents married so I could have his last name and be part of the family. I have still always felt like an outsider in his family, but only because I’m introverted and his family is very very outgoing and loud lol. But 100% in my opinion, if the mom and dad know about it, they should tell them early but make sure the kid knows the dad or mom doesn’t love them any less in fact they love them more!
Side note: I’m so glad they told me and one reason is: we live in a small town, I had a crush on someone a couple years younger than me. Then I found out what road he lived on. This plus his last name meant he was related to me!! Anyone with that last name, living on that road (which was “family’s last name” Rd). If I hadn’t know I could have dated a brother or cousin or nephew (my half sister was like 18-20 year older than me and had kids when I was 3)
my daughter was 3 when my husband and I got together. She’s now 11. The last time she saw her bio dad was about 6 months before my husband and I got together. So my husband really is the only dad she’s every known. We’ve always been upfront and honest with her though. When she asks me questions about her bio dad, I answer them honestly. My husband jokingly brought up the saying “I got 2 daddies” a couple of years ago and she loves saying that whenever the chance arises 😂😂 We’re southern too so she does it in an even thicker southern accent so it’s hilarious. I literally laugh every time she says it.
@@southernladyish I’m so glad you have your husband in your life and he stepped up! And this story reminds me of me so much haha! ❤️
So instead of focusing on how their love is so great that they can agree to have kids even if it means her having sex with someone else that's love right there not everyone can do that and stay happily married it shows their trust in each other, maturity, and communication skills are amazing
Plot twist for the first story : his parents were swingers and they did not use protection properly resulting in the birth of OP.
Obviously a joke lol. Or is it?
Edit. Lol i was kind of close. The dad should have joined OP mom 😂😂😂
Lol. Them talking about sperm donors remind me of the movie the switch up 😅
I ordered 2 hats!! So excited!!
22:56 mt step mom used to call us her "heart babies"
It was pretty common in the late 70s, early 80s to use a “sperm” donor because fertility clinics weren’t as common. There are a few songs about it too! Ace of Base’s “All that she wants” & Heart’s “All I want to do is make love to you” is about this stuff
How tall is Riley if his dad is that tall?
He’s 6 foot 5 inches tall
"My parents wanted a kid" That story is LITERALLY the plot of a Heart song from the eighties
My parents told me quite early on in my life that I was adopted. When my brother (who is their biological son) teased me when we were young, say they loved him more because he is blood. My mom's clap back to this was "We got to pick you and you are our perfect match, we love you unconditionally, We didn't get to pick your brother so no matter blood or not we love you the same." I never felt bad about it again no matter what anyone in the family said or did.
John is going to be an awesome dad I'm calling it now!!
1:09 they say
"Anyone can be the father, it takes someone special to be a dad"
Love this new set up
Your mum is a boss bro.
Thats awesome!
I believe bring your kids up knowing makes everything alot easier for them. Just my experences with adopted uncles and inlaws.
58:09 okop fam you are not a bad person!! You are a good person. Whether Victoria survived one trauma, 30 traumas, or no trauma at all, it is still her duty and responsibility that if she can’t be faithful, she can at least have the decency to be honest I’ve had a lot of shit go wrong in my life some shit within my control and too much outside of my control, there is no excuse for cheating and there is no excuse for lying about who your babies dad is boom!!!!
I say the same. She messed up and then blames everyone foe it. She takes no responsibility for h we r actions whatsoever
I was adopted and I always knew - they never sat me down and had a big discussion. It was just something that apparently was part of the normal conversation. I assume they told people and I heard it - I just always knew. Because of that, it wasn’t a big deal - I was 'chosen’. Best way to handle that.
I honestly was on the fence about whether or not OP from the first story could've been a result of either cheating or SA. This was my assumption until they said that OP was the younger of the siblings. I mean, while it's certainly not the most ideal situation, the parents were both aware of everything and were consenting about it all. For those in a financial position unable to do artificial insemination or adoption, this was an option that they came up with in that time. While certainly not ideal finding out later in life, I feel like there could've been private discussions letting them know that there were "complications" with the parents wanting to have kids and they went a different route to have the family they wanted and loved. The bear, I believe it was actually a rabbit, was a wonderful way to explain it to a young child. I feel like slowly talking about it in age-appropriate ways would be the way to go so they are not so overwhelmed and it's a great way to teach the kids about love and compassion and acceptance of family. P.S. We definitely need like a silver bucket hat for "Tin Foil Conspiracy Time"!
I actually guessed that lmao. My 2nd theory was more wild - like they were swingers before, but both theories included dad being infertile and him knowing and agreeing to his wife sleeping with other man to get pregnant.
Look up Ralph Macchio, the original Karate Kid. Dude was born in 1961. He is turning 63 later this year and looks like he could easily be WAYYYY younger. Threw me for a loop when I realized how old he is. I hope I age that well.
This is the quickest I’ve ever got here, and thankfully, it’s one I’ve actually read before!
Sweeeeet
Victoria is most definitely cheating but one of my cats doesn't even realize how strong he is and bruises me by stretching on me
Considering the possible time frame being before Internet this honestly probably was the best route to get the kids they wanted without money.
Now with technology and science they may have be able to do have a child without breaking the bank or by her having to be impregnated by someone else.
Main thing is they are happy and still married without regret and resentments
My suggestion about telling smt about hidden family history would be when they're equiped to be independent and in the right state of mind (not in the middle of a stressy situation). So 17-20 yrs old?
I wasn't very surprised at the end of the result, although nowadays it's normal to talk about surrogates etc., things were very different 30 years ago
I would probably talk to my children around the age of 7-11 depending on the child but I would probably inlist the help of a therapist each child develops differently
My mom married my step dad when I was almost 5. I don’t really remember much but a couple memories before him, and I don’t recall calling him anything but dad. Somewhere along the line, I’m not sure anymore now how I became aware, I think it was my step dads family that might have slipped. In my pre and early teens I was sad and cried myself to sleep often not knowing who my “real” dad was.
38 yrs later, I hate saying step dad because that man was and always will be my dad. He never treated me any other way. And I’ve found my bio dad but not sure I care anymore.
Complicated for sure.
Lol edit to add: I do love how John can make Big Protein blush a bit. Riley is everything ❤ we love you all! (But deff you B.P.)
Some things are better left unsaid.
If you have a family dynamic that you KNOW would change the way your child feels about their identity or a family member, tell them as early as possible. As soon as they can understand.
My dad was in and out of my life to the point that when I was 4 I asked my mom “what your friends name” and then she had to let me know that the man that visits every once and a while was my dad. She always promised when I was older she would tell me the whole truth about my dad and why he didn’t live with us. By the time I was 6 or 7 (also helped that D.A.R.E was a regular part of schools systems in the 90s so I had become fully aware of the concept of drugs and why they were bad) my mom finally told me the whole story and that ultimately he was a drug addict and it was not a good idea to live together while he was struggling. I’m 33 now and unfortunately my dad never stopped struggling.
I guessed that. The first story that came to mind was one exactly like that but with two lesbian parents.
Apparently everyone thought cheating was going on so the kid was worried about it, but it was really a team effort and now he just had another dad in addition to two moms.
I KNEW IT!!! Mama just found a volunteer!
My husband proposed to me our sophomore year of high school. Been together 15 years. We married 3 months after graduation. (Currently 30 years old) 😂
7:35 - dad might already know
9:53 You can’t always assume the worst, people do have infertility problems and use sperm banks. You never know, they may not have shared something like that.
Update: I think I would have went to a friend and used a turkey baster. Those parents must have been terrified of DNA tests.
It’s insane how much adoption costs. So many kids need good homes.
Just because your parents value honesty, it doesn't mean that parents will tell you everything. Parents shouldn't tell everything, they should only tell you things that benefit you. If your mom was raped and from that you came out of it, she out of love for you would not tell you that youre a product of rape as a child because she would want you to learn to love yourself as a person growing up.
lol, John flexing his kid skills
Where I live, you have to be 18 to work at Walmart. I'm not sure if that's how it is everywhere, though.
First story and already can tell it's a banger
My oldest wasn't planned but very much wanted.
My husband has never needed a DNA test for both of pur sons.
They were both very obviously his children.
The genes of his moms family are very strong.
When my kids were small , my late father in law told me that he knew how I felt as both my husband and his younger sister look just like their mom.
My youngest son although still obviously resembling his dad looks more like me as an adult.
It's not easy to get a news so big like that. I was told something so big that I didn't get mad. As a mom, I understood and 30% of my mother side knows my truth and heard my history. The older generation
Damn tempting us with Sam's room 😂 that's not fair lol
34:24 yes, my intrusive dark thoughts go there a lot more than you think. Youve learned a little more about my psyche.
Story 2: OP did the right thing by exposing Victoria’s paternity fraud. Tbh, though, it’s probably for the best that OP’s friendship imploded because Victoria is clearly a very damaged person who has no qualms with lying and hurting others. She’s a nasty train wreck.
You UNDERESTIMATE the DRAMA of high schoolars. I've known couples (actually, in my main high school relationship, he left me for my best friend's good friend, and they got engaged. Obviously, it didn't last) to "fall in love" and get engaged as teenagers..
High school boys will (or they did then, at least) go to Icing or Claires and get a cheap ring to propose with, and they will likely say yes and tell EVERYONE.
Crew better watch their backs or Riley's gonna call his mum!!! 🥹😍
Not me who proposed to his gf at senior prom but 7 months later broke it off 😂😂😂
The person revealing an affair is never the AH. Simply telling the truth CANNOT be the thing that ruined the relationship because the thing that ruined it was the cheating. Somebody revealing your lies is in no way responsible for
*wait* … doesn’t the fact that OP found a dna match with a profile mean the *other person is notified too* ? Does that mean the bio dad knows now??
Adoptive mom. Tell your kids as soon as you get your head around it. Honesty is the only policy, age appropriately of course.
Honestly not surprised at all 😂 it was very common here (hometown) people would get knocked up to have kids when the parents couldnt or they'd buy a kid from teen parents for way cheaper than adoption.🤣
Uhh, so 1st OP’s parents decided to use the Roxette song as a game plan
Dude would need to start immediate legal action to remove himself from the birth certificate or he would owe child support, even if he signed under false pretenses.
Any man can father a child it takes a real man to be a Dad!
I think it's better to let a child know at the earliest age possible if you're not their biological parent, but to make sure in the end that even though you're not their bio parent that you love them unconditionally and you raise them as best as you possibly can. This way the child knows, but even though they're not your biological child, you still love them unconditionally and you do anything for them. It should not traumatize them in any way possible. In this way they grow up understanding who they are and not thinking. Just because they're raised by somebody makes them who they are. They are who they are because of the love and caring of people around them. Just because you found out that somebody wasn't, your parent doesn't mean it changes who you are as a person❤ The people that know and love you will still love you for who you are cuz you are who you are. Be proud of who you are and as long as you're happy with who you are, that's all that matters❤❤
Adopting a baby is extremely hard and a lot of people used to do this. Too bad they couldn't just use the same guy for both babies
Ignorance is bliss. Talk to mom about it (every person on earth deserves to know the truth of how they came to be), but leave dad out of it. At this point in his life nothing can come of it except destruction.
John & Riley......testing is so advanced now that medical history doesn't have the weight today thst it once had. Also would the OP want to know he was the product of an SA? Have seen stories where the parents, who were trying st the time, didn’t want to know.
Any Man can be a Father NOT everyman can be a DAD ✌️💞
First story: I remember hearing someone make the comment that any idiot can be a father, but not everyone has the capacity to be a dad.
I am not an accident or on purpose. My mom without telling my dad, wondered if she was infertile because she was risky in bed and had never fell pregnant. So she did the most risky things she could do one night and then she did. I can't tell if me and my sister were an accident because my mom said she was prepared for the possibility, but I also know that my dad wasn't part of this line of thinking. She had also told me that she was never in love with my dad, and at the time she believed love didn't exist. She just has to be with people. She hasn't been single. She thought she could live with a person she could tolerate and would be fine. Turned out, tolerance turns into disgust without love.
28:12 movie reference I got was the Disney Hercules😅
7:22 needs to talk to mom first just to gain more clarity on what really happened, then tell his mom he may want to discuss this with the person who raised him as his dad. Then maybe one day find his bio dad.
In any given situation, you don’t have to eat the whole shit casserole at once. You take it bite by awful bite. There’s steps to madness too.
‘97 is zillennials we got the best of both worlds
lol we were around when instragam dropped 😂 and snap chat we were alive before google drop 😂
We were here before RUclips had ads and rules 😵💫
My daughter calls my husband Dad and refers to my ex husband (her bio father) as "Father"
All the best kids are accidents! Mine was, and if riley is too, that's all the proof I need. Sorry you planned children, you're alright too i guess.
As for what age to tell someone they are adopted or parents isn’t their parents. The younger the better. My nephew/brother was told around 7ish that he didn’t come from his mom’s belly. Then as the years went by he had little questions here and there. He’s perfectly content and he doesn’t even remember being told he feels like he’s known always. On the other hand I had a cousin that was told at 20 and had a full blown identity crisis and ended up ending his life a year later.
I totally guessed that the couple who couldn’t have kids because the dad and his twin are both in fertile but that couple just sort of farmed it out on the down low. I guess that because I know actually four different couples who have done that over the years and the bio daddy of their kids has no idea they were all just one night stands.
Tell kids these kinda things its way better to talk to them and tell them these things in ways that make sense for the age slowly give them more until they start asking questions
Story 1: my dad ain't my dad 00:00
Story 2: aita for telling BF to get paternity test 38:40
Funny - my oldest child, his sperm donor has never been any part of anything, but my husband adopted my son. And my son looks like my husband is 100% the biological dad.
I am Potterhead. I cannot believe my story is actually on here! 🤣❤️
Victoria turned 18 in October lololol.
The engagements were between 7th grade to 12th grade. We are in the US. IA to be exact 😬
Pause to comment on 1st story: my first move would be to confront mom. I feel like how she reacted and handled the situation would determine my next move 🤷♀️
Could have been IVF with a supermarket donor due to dad's fertility issues... or maybe some other solution the two of them came up with to get around that.
Or OP could have been adopted.
Or maybe they had a rocky patch and they were split up at the beginning of the marriage.