→ Sign up to get access to my weekly email exploring love, life and relationships you won’t find anywhere else here 👉 www.matshaffer.com/ QUESTION OF THE DAY - which of these mistakes have YOU made in your own relationships most often? Did I miss any frequent fliers?
This is why alpha females like me, need an alpha male that will naturally make her submit and enter into her devine feminine. A submissive male is a turn off.
Alpha females like me need a strong male and like being dominated. Problem for me is most alpha males don't know how to be a king, they can't find balance with their dominance. They think dominance is abuse! Someone recently asked me to demonstrate what I meant by dominance than, so I learned in kissed him on his neck kicked his collar bone, put my hand on his chest, pushed him across the living room to the wall up into the wall, licked him all over, went to kiss him on the lips and stopped long enough to see if he would kiss me back. I told him, dominate while giving me the freedom and opportunity to reciprocate. On a first kiss scenario, lean in press up against me, lean more to kiss, but dont steal the kiss give me space to lean into and make a choice. But I'm a 50 shades of grey kinda girl.
Hand me what you want me to cook you for dinner, lead the way if I'm too slow to catch on, influencing me to do what you want without controlling me and giving me orders. Wash your glass, and throw me the towel to dry it. Asking is to submissive and telling is too controlling. But men think its only women who are suppose to dance around what a guy wants! Nope I'd rather be single until I find a male that breaks down my walls, can handle me, can be the lion grabbing the lioness by the neck as she submits shifts her legs, and arches her back into position instinctively.
I have always believed that you cannot challenge a man to make him more interested in you. I have seen plenty of videos recommending leaning back and here you’re the only one who doesn’t recommend this and I completely agree with you! Relationship should never be calculated, we just need to be ourselves and not play roles. thanks ☺️
Past hurts habits and hang ups make it hard to be our true selves. We've been told 'dont do this' and 'do that' and 'men want this' and 'men don't want that' and people have rejected and ridiculed us in varying degrees for various reasons over the course of our lives to the point where we secretly hate ourselves and wish we were different. We just want to be liked. It's a hard habit to break, but it CAN be done. I'm working on it.
U give valuable advice I’m not hearing everywhere else on RUclips… how refreshing it is!! I loved the part about not allowing a masculine side come out while arguing or when hurt - I’m such a feminine woman but when i am hurt or upset I can allow that to happen. So I liked your advice and I will make sure to implement that. ☺️☺️
Very valid points, Mat. I've always taken on board what you've said about us being the emotional conductor in relationships and I totally get that. One thing I have observed is that a lot of men tend to struggle when it comes to conversations that require a bit more depth. They are perfectly good men but I like to explore things on a deeper level in conversations sometimes and I've noticed this can tend to be quite challenging for a lot of men. I'm not saying this to diss men - please know that but it's just a pattern I've observed. I know I've changed over the years and this is what I need in my relationships more now. Are there any other women who've experienced this or is it just me....?
@The Cerkoneys I’m glad you get what I’m speaking about. I tried searching on this exact topic and nobody’s really speaking on this. Not saying I’m the deepest person in the world - not by any stretch - but I’ve noticed it seems to be a real struggle for a lot of men to get beyond the surface level. I’d also love to hear Mat’s perspective on this as I’m sure he’d have some real wisdom to impart on this. I’m glad I’m not the only one so I appreciate your comment.
@@lindapowell4091 I think perhaps you and I may have a very different understanding of what the word “deep” means to each of us. Your interpretation is not quite what I was trying to say. What I mean at was that I like to talk about matters beyond the mundane, beyond what most people talk about at quite a surface level. To me, there is no time restriction on that with the right person. Unfortunately, conversations that involve discussions from a higher perspective seem beyond the reach of the majority of men I’ve met so far in my life. This may not be something that everyone will get but at least I know what I mean! 😆
Yes absolutely. Men I’ve dated also very much struggle with depth. It doesn’t matter how early or later in the stage I approach or need this, they struggle. It takes a very very mature and emotionally intelligent man to be able and comfortable to speak in depth about things…
@@TheMsSepi first of all, thank you for getting what I meant. I can tell from your reply that you just get it. It saddens me at times that men with this capacity are such a rarity.
Matt, that Shallow, manipulative process is the behavior of a Lot of men !!!! Honestly, I have found men to be the Big Game players. They lie regularly of what they “want” and often have a Silent - judgmental check list BEFORE we get to know one another.
I recommend listening to Dylan James night meditation about about relationships with men...it focuses on self concept and the concept surrounding men in general...it's. A HUGE game changer for me and Many other people
That’s not always the case for women (or men) with standards and knowing what they want, and who wait for “The One”. I found the opposite to be extremely painful, and it was a hard lesson well learned.
Good call about the projection ! I dated a guy who was so much fun to date, he was handsome etc but, his former fiancée cheated on him & he definitely put that on me (he was also not a good communicator nor accountable much) and I was not seeing anyone but HE got triggered 😤 accusing me & text me & blocked me ALL over Crazy in his head.
Maybe there was a reason his ex cheated on him. I stopped feeling sorry for this kind of men. First they tell you that they look for this and that. And than you see them on s.m and in life following the opposite. Hypocrites
Interesting points. I've seen myself projecting passed experience on men interested in dating me and have seen myself giving the best of me to others. It depends on the person you're dealing with and what side of you they trigger. overall, the game of giving and taking make any experience worth of living.
But men are all about shallow, manipulative and game playing.. they want the chase we are told, they are turned off by being too easy or available but then don’t lean back… it’s allll a confusing game women don’t want To play but are forced to.
We are not forced to, we can become Aromantic or Aroace. But culture and biology tells us we need a man, a mate, a partner. It's all a big money/power game on the system's end and it doesn't have to be this way, not for everybody. I know I've been programmed to 'need a man', but I also know that it doesn't have to be this way.
If you believe that's what all men do, then that's what you will find. I've dated a lot of men over the years and found most of them decent, just not the right man for me. I've also had plenty of game players (those who had partners they neglected to mention). Pay close attention to the things they say and do and look for consistency. I'm 43. The guy I'm seeing now does none of the crap you've described. He treats me well. The two guys before him behaved well too. There were no games. They pursued, I responded appropriately and respectfully. That was at age 39 and 40. They exist. Stop believing the self-defeating thought that ALL men behave a certain way. They do NOT. If you find yourself with one who does, make a swift exit and move onto the next. Unfortunately, just because someone is a good man does not mean he is right for you. And if someone decides he doesn't like me, I move on. He obviously knows something I don't, so I accept it and see who else is a better match.
@@mrsbethaniesmithyou can't "become" aromantic or asexual or aroace. You either are or you aren't. You can be celibate, or choose not too have romantic relationships, but you don't get to choose who you're attracted to, or if you're attracted to anyone at all, which is what aroace means: not having attraction. Aroace isn't a choice, celibacy is.
I like this guy more than the others that I saw. BUT. Why all these videos make me feel like the woman has to do all the job and the men just has to "be inspired"? I don't know, makes me feel like us, as women, have to basically beg for a man and pleasure him with all the techniques avaliable, while he has a very passive-like demeanour and maybe, if we're good enough to win his attention, just maybe, then he'll stay with us. Not doing any favour to males either. I mean, this is obviously just my very personal impression.
I really appreciate you sharing what it feels like to not be seen but be projected upon, I had never connected the dots about it in a romantic context before. What did you do in that situation? If you don’t mind me asking. Did you express that pain in order to find a resolution or did you break up with her?
Thanks Mat for this discussion, will suggest an enquiring about “ what is truly love” , why the distortion and interpretation of love: love is vulnerable, kind, trusting, safe, rest, not judgmental, forgiven, accepting another the way they are, in freedom , protective etc……. is a book is call the “ 5 love language “ a good introduction , I don’t think is discussed vibrational language , energetically when communicating with another making love , is a deeper layer ……..blessings 💕🙏🇨🇦☀️
I was married twice, at 17 then had two boys my second marriage was at 26 and he had two boys exact same ages (1980 & '83). So my mistake is that I share this with my date, I know this is not what I should be doing? What subjects should I be talking about? 🤔
EDIT-this is my critique from a personal experience. Compassion and prayers for the professional ex-queen lawyer Ms. F. Dear woman, please consider cleaning up your language, using language of a nine year old ignorant school boy playing in the school yard is unbecoming of a want to be self help coach, and not a good example for your children should you be a mother. I own this and she deserves to hear it. NLP-Neuro-linguistic programming is a good start and or any of the spiritual practices available on the market today taken with an open heart will help you with your anger and disappointment. Sincerely, Geraldine
Remember, it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly. By the way, if you're interested, I’ll be part of a FREE live coaching love + relationship course starting next month. It’s a great opportunity to join the beta launch! You can learn more and sign up here: masteryofconnection.com/
I can not count how many messages I’ve sent to men on dating sites telling them I’d like to k ow them, I’m polite and courteous yet no one responds. I know my profile is decent, I know I’m relatively attractive.
You’re definitely not alone-financial stress can be a major trigger for many people. It’s great that you’re aware of it, which is the first step in managing it. 😊 If you’d like to explore more on handling triggers and communication, I’m doing a FREE live coaching course next month. It’s a beta launch, and I’d love to have you join! masteryofconnection.com/ ✨
I AM the best version of myself!! Part of the issue for me is my age.... I'm 69 and I'd like to hear your advice. Men in my age group do not interest me. I have just come to that decision....
Honestly, I’ve noticed that what you try to claim in many of your videos is inaccurate and quite hypocritical. There is nothing wrong with waiting for the one, and having a huge bar and standards. I never found it created stress and it was quite organic and relaxing and it enabled me to get to know people. Not all people want or need a good time. Moreover, you are trying to broadstroke and falsely label those who reject someone as projecting or having suffered past traumas, when in reality, that is not always the case for both sides. Sometimes, people can have healthy standards and a healthy marriage in spite of a past trauma and others can have a healthy past but ultimately end up bitterly regretting meeting “Mr. Right”, because they both were compatible and had chemistry but when they stripped all the gristle away, it turns out to have been a huge mistake. Ladies, and men, save yourselves from those types. As a result, I had to publically call you out and reported this latest video for misinformation. May God lead you to learn and love the real truth.
Hi mat I feel a bit bewildered I don’t know if you can throw some light on this I had a young guy approach me and was quite explicit about what he was looking for and asked me personal questions about my sexual desires he’s 26 I’m 66 he’s extremely attractive fostered I believe he said he liked older women and had a bucket list I felt extremely uncomfortable and upset so I reported him but I feel bad I don’t want to hurt him he seems a bit desperate but he’s been told to stay away did I over react or was I right to go with my feelings 😊❤️
There is only one thing a Woman Can do to keep herself single not won't a relationship but if she wants one she can have one there's no woman on Earth I don't care who she is or anything that she's done that can't get a date if she wants one
→ Sign up to get access to my weekly email exploring love, life and relationships you won’t find anywhere else here 👉 www.matshaffer.com/
QUESTION OF THE DAY - which of these mistakes have YOU made in your own relationships most often? Did I miss any frequent fliers?
This is why alpha females like me, need an alpha male that will naturally make her submit and enter into her devine feminine. A submissive male is a turn off.
Alpha females like me need a strong male and like being dominated. Problem for me is most alpha males don't know how to be a king, they can't find balance with their dominance. They think dominance is abuse! Someone recently asked me to demonstrate what I meant by dominance than, so I learned in kissed him on his neck kicked his collar bone, put my hand on his chest, pushed him across the living room to the wall up into the wall, licked him all over, went to kiss him on the lips and stopped long enough to see if he would kiss me back. I told him, dominate while giving me the freedom and opportunity to reciprocate. On a first kiss scenario, lean in press up against me, lean more to kiss, but dont steal the kiss give me space to lean into and make a choice. But I'm a 50 shades of grey kinda girl.
Hand me what you want me to cook you for dinner, lead the way if I'm too slow to catch on, influencing me to do what you want without controlling me and giving me orders. Wash your glass, and throw me the towel to dry it. Asking is to submissive and telling is too controlling. But men think its only women who are suppose to dance around what a guy wants! Nope I'd rather be single until I find a male that breaks down my walls, can handle me, can be the lion grabbing the lioness by the neck as she submits shifts her legs, and arches her back into position instinctively.
I have done a lot 😃
I have always believed that you cannot challenge a man to make him more interested in you. I have seen plenty of videos recommending leaning back and here you’re the only one who doesn’t recommend this and I completely agree with you! Relationship should never be calculated, we just need to be ourselves and not play roles. thanks ☺️
Very true!
I’m exhausted with all these games.Why can’t people just be genuine, honest and straight forward.. lol it would save us a lot of time.
Past hurts habits and hang ups make it hard to be our true selves. We've been told 'dont do this' and 'do that' and 'men want this' and 'men don't want that' and people have rejected and ridiculed us in varying degrees for various reasons over the course of our lives to the point where we secretly hate ourselves and wish we were different. We just want to be liked. It's a hard habit to break, but it CAN be done. I'm working on it.
Don’t give up on love sister!
The last one - number 5, is very important to remember.
Thanks glad you like it!
U give valuable advice I’m not hearing everywhere else on RUclips… how refreshing it is!!
I loved the part about not allowing a masculine side come out while arguing or when hurt - I’m such a feminine woman but when i am hurt or upset I can allow that to happen. So I liked your advice and I will make sure to implement that. ☺️☺️
Thanks for sharing!
You're not only a good looking man but also genius when it comes to your passion ❤️. Thank you Matt. Wishing you the best!
I appreciate that! Your kind words touch my heart
Very valid points, Mat. I've always taken on board what you've said about us being the emotional conductor in relationships and I totally get that. One thing I have observed is that a lot of men tend to struggle when it comes to conversations that require a bit more depth. They are perfectly good men but I like to explore things on a deeper level in conversations sometimes and I've noticed this can tend to be quite challenging for a lot of men. I'm not saying this to diss men - please know that but it's just a pattern I've observed. I know I've changed over the years and this is what I need in my relationships more now. Are there any other women who've experienced this or is it just me....?
@The Cerkoneys I’m glad you get what I’m speaking about. I tried searching on this exact topic and nobody’s really speaking on this. Not saying I’m the deepest person in the world - not by any stretch - but I’ve noticed it seems to be a real struggle for a lot of men to get beyond the surface level. I’d also love to hear Mat’s perspective on this as I’m sure he’d have some real wisdom to impart on this. I’m glad I’m not the only one so I appreciate your comment.
I wonder if you’re trying to have these conversations too early in the relationship.
@@lindapowell4091 I think perhaps you and I may have a very different understanding of what the word “deep” means to each of us. Your interpretation is not quite what I was trying to say. What I mean at was that I like to talk about matters beyond the mundane, beyond what most people talk about at quite a surface level. To me, there is no time restriction on that with the right person. Unfortunately, conversations that involve discussions from a higher perspective seem beyond the reach of the majority of men I’ve met so far in my life. This may not be something that everyone will get but at least I know what I mean! 😆
Yes absolutely. Men I’ve dated also very much struggle with depth. It doesn’t matter how early or later in the stage I approach or need this, they struggle. It takes a very very mature and emotionally intelligent man to be able and comfortable to speak in depth about things…
@@TheMsSepi first of all, thank you for getting what I meant. I can tell from your reply that you just get it. It saddens me at times that men with this capacity are such a rarity.
It's hard to overcome pass trauma and that's why I completely stop dating.
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
Ive literally been doing almost all of these. 😳 Thanks for the wake up call.
Thanks for sharing!
Love that hair!!
Thank you❤️
Matt, that Shallow, manipulative process is the behavior of a Lot of men !!!! Honestly, I have found men to be the Big Game players. They lie regularly of what they “want” and often have a Silent - judgmental check list BEFORE we get to know one another.
THIS IS SO TRUE!! I’m getting a divorce after 18yrs s d thus is what I’m finding when I try to be open honest and up fronts these games!!
I recommend listening to Dylan James night meditation about about relationships with men...it focuses on self concept and the concept surrounding men in general...it's. A HUGE game changer for me and Many other people
Thanks Matt I enjoy you
@@blackrabbittarot3898thankyou! I'll check into that. ❤
That’s not always the case for women (or men) with standards and knowing what they want, and who wait for “The One”. I found the opposite to be extremely painful, and it was a hard lesson well learned.
Good call about the projection ! I dated a guy who was so much fun to date, he was handsome etc but, his former fiancée cheated on him & he definitely put that on me (he was also not a good communicator nor accountable much) and I was not seeing anyone but HE got triggered 😤 accusing me & text me & blocked me ALL over Crazy in his head.
Maybe there was a reason his ex cheated on him. I stopped feeling sorry for this kind of men. First they tell you that they look for this and that. And than you see them on s.m and in life following the opposite. Hypocrites
Interesting points. I've seen myself projecting passed experience on men interested in dating me and have seen myself giving the best of me to others. It depends on the person you're dealing with and what side of you they trigger. overall, the game of giving and taking make any experience worth of living.
Thanks for sharing!
So true all what you say is true that why am single 😭
Don’t give up on love dear I promise there are good guys out there :)
But men are all about shallow, manipulative and game playing.. they want the chase we are told, they are turned off by being too easy or available but then don’t lean back… it’s allll a confusing game women don’t want To play but are forced to.
Smh exactly this!
We are not forced to, we can become Aromantic or Aroace. But culture and biology tells us we need a man, a mate, a partner. It's all a big money/power game on the system's end and it doesn't have to be this way, not for everybody. I know I've been programmed to 'need a man', but I also know that it doesn't have to be this way.
If you believe that's what all men do, then that's what you will find. I've dated a lot of men over the years and found most of them decent, just not the right man for me. I've also had plenty of game players (those who had partners they neglected to mention). Pay close attention to the things they say and do and look for consistency. I'm 43. The guy I'm seeing now does none of the crap you've described. He treats me well. The two guys before him behaved well too. There were no games. They pursued, I responded appropriately and respectfully. That was at age 39 and 40. They exist. Stop believing the self-defeating thought that ALL men behave a certain way. They do NOT. If you find yourself with one who does, make a swift exit and move onto the next. Unfortunately, just because someone is a good man does not mean he is right for you. And if someone decides he doesn't like me, I move on. He obviously knows something I don't, so I accept it and see who else is a better match.
@@mrsbethaniesmithyou can't "become" aromantic or asexual or aroace. You either are or you aren't. You can be celibate, or choose not too have romantic relationships, but you don't get to choose who you're attracted to, or if you're attracted to anyone at all, which is what aroace means: not having attraction. Aroace isn't a choice, celibacy is.
@@apollofateh324 Oooh okay thanks
I like this guy more than the others that I saw. BUT. Why all these videos make me feel like the woman has to do all the job and the men just has to "be inspired"? I don't know, makes me feel like us, as women, have to basically beg for a man and pleasure him with all the techniques avaliable, while he has a very passive-like demeanour and maybe, if we're good enough to win his attention, just maybe, then he'll stay with us. Not doing any favour to males either. I mean, this is obviously just my very personal impression.
I appreciate your opinion on this thanks
Thanks for sharing this information Mat
My pleasure!
I really appreciate you sharing what it feels like to not be seen but be projected upon, I had never connected the dots about it in a romantic context before. What did you do in that situation? If you don’t mind me asking. Did you express that pain in order to find a resolution or did you break up with her?
Thanks!
@@Mat_Shaffer Hi Matt why haven’t you posted in 7 months? I’ve really missed your videos!!
I go too fast and thats a no-no. How can i slow down and enjoy the process instead of be in a hurry to find the one?
That would be a great video topic.
Wonderful information thank you
Wonderful! Happy I could be of help.
Thanks Mat for this discussion, will suggest an enquiring about “ what is truly love” , why the distortion and interpretation of love: love is vulnerable, kind, trusting, safe, rest, not judgmental, forgiven, accepting another the way they are, in freedom , protective etc……. is a book is call the “ 5 love language “ a good introduction , I don’t think is discussed vibrational language , energetically when communicating with another making love , is a deeper layer ……..blessings 💕🙏🇨🇦☀️
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you. :) ♥
Best tips ever!
Glad you like them Shana🙌❤️
This is so random but you have facial similarities to Eminem. He was entered into the rock and roll hall of fame recently. You have his intense eyes.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
Ha such a cool compliment, thanks I really appreciate that... I'm a huge fan of his, total genius :)
Here came the projection.. Men hates that !!!
I was married twice, at 17 then had two boys my second marriage was at 26 and he had two boys exact same ages (1980 & '83). So my mistake is that I share this with my date, I know this is not what I should be doing? What subjects should I be talking about? 🤔
Thanks for sharing!
EDIT-this is my critique from a personal experience.
Compassion and prayers for the
professional ex-queen lawyer
Ms. F. Dear woman, please consider cleaning up your language, using language of a nine year old ignorant school boy playing in the school yard is unbecoming of a want to be self help coach, and not a good example for your children should you be a mother.
I own this and she deserves to hear it.
NLP-Neuro-linguistic programming is a good start and or any of the spiritual practices available on the market today taken with an open heart will help you with your anger and disappointment. Sincerely, Geraldine
Thanks so much for your feedback!
You so smart
Thanks for sharing!
Do you have a video about what to do if the first time sex is not going well because of anxiety? If you have tips about this , please, please, please
Remember, it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly. By the way, if you're interested, I’ll be part of a FREE live coaching love + relationship course starting next month. It’s a great opportunity to join the beta launch! You can learn more and sign up here: masteryofconnection.com/
I can not count how many messages I’ve sent to men on dating sites telling them I’d like to k ow them, I’m polite and courteous yet no one responds. I know my profile is decent, I know I’m relatively attractive.
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
Point no. 2 though. My relationship will NOT be built on manipulation foundations. Absolutely not
I love this information for no. 4 thank you so much for this valuable share
Oh look, my femininity is being highlighted yet again 😁🥰
Thank you so much, Amy🙌❤️
Yes true word otherwise you get mirrors. Thanks dude
Always! Thanks🙌❤️
Brilliant 😊
Thanks so much my dear!
Thank you. ❤
You are so welcome
My trigger always has to do with finances.
You’re definitely not alone-financial stress can be a major trigger for many people. It’s great that you’re aware of it, which is the first step in managing it. 😊 If you’d like to explore more on handling triggers and communication, I’m doing a FREE live coaching course next month. It’s a beta launch, and I’d love to have you join! masteryofconnection.com/ ✨
I ❤ your hair, which product do you use??
Which one?
@@Mat_Shaffer yes, for the curly hairstyle
So true
so glad it resonated!
Thanks 🙏
You’re welcome 😊
HYPER VIGILANCE IS A NO NO AS WELL
Thanks for sharing!
I AM the best version of myself!! Part of the issue for me is my age.... I'm 69 and I'd like to hear your advice. Men in my age group do not interest me. I have just come to that decision....
Thanks for sharing!
I agree. When men finc you are over 50 it's bye bye
It doesn't matter if u have your shit together and how u look
Honestly, I’ve noticed that what you try to claim in many of your videos is inaccurate and quite hypocritical. There is nothing wrong with waiting for the one, and having a huge bar and standards. I never found it created stress and it was quite organic and relaxing and it enabled me to get to know people. Not all people want or need a good time. Moreover, you are trying to broadstroke and falsely label those who reject someone as projecting or having suffered past traumas, when in reality, that is not always the case for both sides. Sometimes, people can have healthy standards and a healthy marriage in spite of a past trauma and others can have a healthy past but ultimately end up bitterly regretting meeting “Mr. Right”, because they both were compatible and had chemistry but when they stripped all the gristle away, it turns out to have been a huge mistake. Ladies, and men, save yourselves from those types. As a result, I had to publically call you out and reported this latest video for misinformation. May God lead you to learn and love the real truth.
Thanks for sharing!
Mat, You have beautiful eyes! 😉😁😅!!
Aw thanks you’re making me blush ;)
@@Mat_Shaffer ☺️
Hi mat I feel a bit bewildered I don’t know if you can throw some light on this I had a young guy approach me and was quite explicit about what he was looking for and asked me personal questions about my sexual desires he’s 26 I’m 66 he’s extremely attractive fostered I believe he said he liked older women and had a bucket list I felt extremely uncomfortable and upset so I reported him but I feel bad I don’t want to hurt him he seems a bit desperate but he’s been told to stay away did I over react or was I right to go with my feelings 😊❤️
Thanks for sharing!
You're so good looking!
Thank you so much! 😊
There is only one thing a Woman Can do to keep herself single not won't a relationship but if she wants one she can have one there's no woman on Earth I don't care who she is or anything that she's done that can't get a date if she wants one
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
@@Mat_Shaffer it's not a perspective it's a fact