What a HERO Mr Alex is! I was one of those suffering girls, in and out of psych wards and living on the street. Plus, I’m a lesbian and was a tomboy growing up. It warms my heart to hear about Alex’s courage in taking his school in a healthier, kinder direction. It’s so important people realise that being “nice” is not the same as being kind and compassionate. A child may kick and scream and say “I hate you, you’re ruining my life!”, but nevertheless, a caring parent or educator should still insist they eat their vegetables! It’s great to hear that Alex’s school is getting to the heart of the matter with these girls’ trauma and distress. He definitely deserves Headmaster of the Year!
Yes, I couldn't agree more with all of this! The distinction you make between being nice and being kind is something I wish more people understood in particular.
This is SO important. Students deserve REAL support for their actual issues. As a lesbian and child abuse survivor who was homeless in school, I shudder to think what would have happened to me if my school had “affirmed” gender identity in suffering kids like me. So inspired by Alex’s approach. Keep up the amazing work.
What I took from this interview is that- “ the adults have to be the adults in the room……..”. We need to foster that if it feels wrong it probably is - especially the lunatic argument against biology. Thank you Ladies for bringing excellent podcasts and RUclips content. You should be used as content for “ Gender Studies “ in schools and colleges. X
One thing that really stands out in the conversation, with all 3 of you - particularly the principle. That is one single most important thing - TRUST. Building trust with the parents (which seems to be breached a lot in US schools) building trust with the staff. Building trust with the students. Followed by CONFIDENCE, in parent, teacher & students. Combining RESPECT btw all parties involved. And bringing therapeutic treatment back into the ethics of good practice. Bravo! ❤
I was a research assistant on the republication of Rev. Cotton Mather's BIBLIA AMERICANA, and it was great fun to go back and read about Mather's role in the witch-trials. There was a young woman who was acting up at home. Mather took her into his home, and treated her with kindness. She did much better. Mather listened to her "spiritual ideas" / "demonic possession" / "animoooose" with interest and calmness. Initiation can sometimes be that simple.
So appreciate the insistence on slowness, thoughtfulness, openness, transparency, authenticity, and real accountability! I'm wondering about the crisis of authority that is one of the roots of this issue and that Alex Capo struggled with (and brilliantly resolved). Child-led rather than child-focused parenting, teaching, therapy. Top-down governing bodies captured by activism such that evidence, expertise and experience is ignored. The loudest and most aggressive voices on social media controlling the narratives, producing new policies and silencing questioning/exploring. Distrust in media and political leaders and institutions. And how this connects to corporate models for healthcare, education, media, etc. that positions clients/students/citizens as consumers whose commodified individualism drives tech-based neo-capitalism.
What an encouraging interview! Finally someone in the school system brave enough to stand up against the madness! And how interesting that it's mostly the mothers who are the ones driving the change! A mother knows her child and will walk to the ends of the earth to find the right help!
More brilliant work by Sasha and Stella bringing to light the wonderful work of this insightful and courageous educator. Mr. Capo may not realize it but his effort (along with Sasha and Stella's work) is most likely on the cutting edge of rational changes in education and therapy for children in this country. I wouldn't be surprised if the last 3 years of Mr. Capo's career haven't been the most challenging. Please, all of you, keep up the great work.
Yes, Robert, we think so too. His school may be pioneering a new, safer way to support kids who question their gender. Thanks for your kind words, and thanks for watching!
So amazing. I looove your work. You get to the heart of these issues and you make content that really matters. I am excited for this. Thank you so much for all you do 💜
Mr. Alex, Sasha and Stella, thank you for your continuous work with our youth!!! They need people like you how take the time to really go deep into the young psychic.
Question for Alex: Do the children have open access to the internet during the time they are attending your therapeutic school? I assume they do not, but wanted to ask as it was not mentioned. I found with my child, aside from withdrawing her from school for a year to center her to her family again, removing all social media and restricting her internet access miraculously made her forget she "always" wanted to be a boy and is back to her genuine self; a rough-and-tumble, athletic, beautiful, confident girl who likes to dress up on occassion but knows she is all girl regardless of what she decides to wear. This started at start of 6th grade and I pulled her out two months before school ended and kept her home for 7th. It was most definitely a social contagion situation. Luckily, I already have had life experience that taught me to trust my mom instincts and stayed far and away from health care professionals who are required to affirm in my state
Definitely - replacing excess screen with more enriching and fun activities seems to pay a big role in helping young people move through their gender distress. Thanks for your comment.
Almost all of the parents we engage with have little idea about how far the transgender culture has been integrated into the culture and every day activities of the schools their children attend. Every elementary school in our home district has lists of transgender books about transgender children that are designed and targeted for children. Gender expression is built into the lessons as early as Kindergarten and biological sex is presented as something that is on a "spectrum" and is not just a simple, scientific fact. Children are encouraged to explore their "true selves" by counselors and and the policy is to affirm a child's choice rather than to provide guidance to a young mind that cares for that child's unique need. And other than the ones that have taken their school districts to court it is the policy of every school system we've encountered to not inform parents when their child chooses a gender and/or gender name other than their biological one.
This was a great conversation. Why didn’t I see this when it came out a year ago? Couldn’t be the RUclips algorithm not giving people notifications. They’d never do that. It’s unfortunate that more people didn’t get to see it at the time.
The problem with social services is they are not family friendly. My daughter became having issues at around 11yrs, she led them a merry dance and they blamed the parents. They used to tell me they were involved because they cared, i used to tell them not as much as i do. They threatened to remove me from the meetings when i did but they could never remove me from my daughters life and 20yrs later im the proud grandad to 3 beautiful grandchildren.
I would like to point out that New Zealand needs assistance. It appears the worst practices are followed, pronouns, affirmation, puberty blockers, and a conversion therapy law that mindlessly conflates same sex attraction and gender identity. Kellie Jay Keen suffered the protest in Albert Park which was sadly promoted by both the immigration minister and the prime Minister. I hope you keep us in your sights, you two seem gold standard.
Thx for doing this interview! It will hopefully help other people working in the school system to better provide the right method to deal with these gender questioning kids. I think kids in youth mental healthcare is a real blind spot at the moment, esp those who are not in contact with their parents anymore... might be wise to figure out how to give these kids the proper guidance and care...
When Alex described the children reverting to their original names and genders you could hear rhe shadow of irreversible damage by the way he didn't mention that. Poor kids.
Having worked in a community treatment facility that sounds a lot like this one, I disbelieve a great deal of what your guest is saying, partially because of how perfectly mannered and PRed and coifed he is. I hope what he's saying is true, but if his facility is anything like the one I worked in for years, the children's parents really don't have a great deal of additional insight to offer. Most of our kids came from severely abusive and neglectful families. For the ones who didn't, I'm sure they would have been able to manage their kids if they knew how and/or if it was possible. Most of our parents didn't "choose" anything; their teens were either removed from their homes, or it was our facility or juvenile hall. It was difficult work, made more difficult by the ever-changing ideas of the people who led the program. The kids themselves were great. Yes, some of them were too far gone to be saved, and many of them died within just a few years of leaving. And many of them were super intelligent and interesting.
Thank God sensibility is finally coming to this epidemic. Why do I think the Democrat Politicians will not let go of Affirmation and Rapid Transitioning. It is a political power issue for them.
If school was all girls and affirmative at the start, did trans pupils have to leave the school when they became male? Did the school admit trans girls?
I'm surprised no one has mentioned "conversion therapy" yet.🙄 The neutral approach re gender seems so intuitive to me as a parent. There are so many deep intense feelings and issues that kids deal with. Once you put gender identity in the forefront that becomes the focus... and from what I've seen it's a very temporary "fix"... the distress isn't solved or even diminshed except very briefly. I've seen it becomes an obsession and kids become hyper fixated and hyper vigilant for transgressions. Its like a paranoia. This one aspect seems (sorry kids) so superficial and giving it your full attention outsources your peace of mind. The power of social transition is all about what OTHER ppl do and say to make me feel better... and nothing about how can I as an individual work through my feelings to help myself. It's far better to learn skills and gain insights that are personally empowering than to to give that power away and be dependent upon others' superficial validation. Working on empowering yourself doesn’t preclude transition becoming a focus at some other point in life... if anything it would give a better level of self knowledge and stronger foundation for anything that comes in the future - including transition.
Indeed! The locus of control remains in the hands of others, rather than being located internally. That's one of many reasons that we don't see social transition as a helpful intervention. Thanks for watching!
What I'd like to see, is the smarter, smaller schools being more deliberate about giving girls access to safe, sane supervised, structured, private, temporary spaces for expressing their BOY SIDES. ( & Vice Versa.) The structure of initiation culture would have to address I) The resistance against expressing boy-stuff "But I'm a GIRRRRLL!" II) The experience of Boy-Stuff: "I'm A VIKING WARRIOR! RRARRR!" III) the pulling away from boy-stuff, and saying good-bye to it. "Well, that was fun, but now back to the grind of BEING A GIRL.") This used to be the norm, in all boys / all girls schools. The boys would HAVE to do the cooking, cleaning, relating, etc. (& VV) Hence my wrathful, grieving irony, as a conservative, over how apparently each new generation has to trash the old paradigms, has to discover this for itself.
I think Alex was just remarking about the overwhelming majority of concerned parents being mothers. Indeed mothers tend to be more highly involved in their child's schooling (as a generalization).
I'm all for exploring all areas of an individual's trauma before assuming that gender dysphoria or identity is the root cause instead of a symptom. But, I'm still baffled over why there is a such a hang up over called a person what they want to be called.
It seems like it takes up alot of resources to keep track of .... (as well as not being neutral - which is more appropriate IMO) From what he said putting focus on social affirmation also masked underlying issues. Like, as long as that's on the table... it gets priority and other feelings the kids are struggling with on a deeper level get sidelined
The "stabilization of expectations" is often a matter of deflating over-expectations of the new trans-identity. "I pronounce the mystic name SHARONAM, and I become a TRANS SUPERHERO! "I'm SUPER-WOMAN! I can FLY here on this planet! and I'm NOT the plain old son of Ma & Pa Kent any more!" "No, you're not. You're Jor-El Kent, son of Ma & Pa Kent, and you have NO super-powers. I'm not dead-naming you, I'm not poisoning you with Krypton from your home planet. I'm reminding you that you're a normal boy, subject to fits of high-powered, high-flying teenage trans fantasies. You have to learn to deal with the limitations of being a real boy, as well as the fact that the super-powers possessed by your trans-identity, are fantasy."
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
What a HERO Mr Alex is! I was one of those suffering girls, in and out of psych wards and living on the street. Plus, I’m a lesbian and was a tomboy growing up. It warms my heart to hear about Alex’s courage in taking his school in a healthier, kinder direction. It’s so important people realise that being “nice” is not the same as being kind and compassionate. A child may kick and scream and say “I hate you, you’re ruining my life!”, but nevertheless, a caring parent or educator should still insist they eat their vegetables! It’s great to hear that Alex’s school is getting to the heart of the matter with these girls’ trauma and distress. He definitely deserves Headmaster of the Year!
Yes, I couldn't agree more with all of this! The distinction you make between being nice and being kind is something I wish more people understood in particular.
It’s a remarkable story isn’t it!
This is SO important. Students deserve REAL support for their actual issues. As a lesbian and child abuse survivor who was homeless in school, I shudder to think what would have happened to me if my school had “affirmed” gender identity in suffering kids like me. So inspired by Alex’s approach. Keep up the amazing work.
Me too. I shudder at the thought of "what if" for you.
So glad you came through!
Kuddos!
👍👏👍👏
My godness, i feel like crying listening to such an honest person willing to admit they were wrong...
Yes, he did an incredible thing by acknowledging this and updating their training and policies. Thanks for watching
What a fantastic episode. I can't help but recall the words of Donald Winnicot "its a joy to hide but a disaster not to be found".
that's a fantastic quote
@@widerlenspod Winnicott was such an insightful man.
You two ladies are a ray of sunshine in this craziness. You give us hope. We need more and more professionals to stand up against this gender cult.
Thank you!
What I took from this interview is that- “ the adults have to be the adults in the room……..”. We need to foster that if it feels wrong it probably is - especially the lunatic argument against biology. Thank you Ladies for bringing excellent podcasts and RUclips content. You should be used as content for “ Gender Studies “ in schools and colleges. X
Thanks very much. We agree with you about being the adults and guiding kids in healthy ways. Thanks for watching!
One thing that really stands out in the conversation, with all 3 of you - particularly the principle. That is one single most important thing - TRUST. Building trust with the parents (which seems to be breached a lot in US schools) building trust with the staff. Building trust with the students. Followed by CONFIDENCE, in parent, teacher & students. Combining RESPECT btw all parties involved. And bringing therapeutic treatment back into the ethics of good practice. Bravo! ❤
Thank you for lifting this up: a very thoughtful reflection.
I was a research assistant on the republication of Rev. Cotton Mather's BIBLIA AMERICANA, and it was great fun to go back and read about Mather's role in the witch-trials. There was a young woman who was acting up at home. Mather took her into his home, and treated her with kindness. She did much better. Mather listened to her "spiritual ideas" / "demonic possession" / "animoooose" with interest and calmness. Initiation can sometimes be that simple.
That's a great story, thanks for sharing!
So appreciate the insistence on slowness, thoughtfulness, openness, transparency, authenticity, and real accountability! I'm wondering about the crisis of authority that is one of the roots of this issue and that Alex Capo struggled with (and brilliantly resolved). Child-led rather than child-focused parenting, teaching, therapy. Top-down governing bodies captured by activism such that evidence, expertise and experience is ignored. The loudest and most aggressive voices on social media controlling the narratives, producing new policies and silencing questioning/exploring. Distrust in media and political leaders and institutions. And how this connects to corporate models for healthcare, education, media, etc. that positions clients/students/citizens as consumers whose commodified individualism drives tech-based neo-capitalism.
What an encouraging interview! Finally someone in the school system brave enough to stand up against the madness!
And how interesting that it's mostly the mothers who are the ones driving the change! A mother knows her child and will walk to the ends of the earth to find the right help!
Indeed. Thanks for watching
More brilliant work by Sasha and Stella bringing to light the wonderful work of this insightful and courageous educator. Mr. Capo may not realize it but his effort (along with Sasha and Stella's work) is most likely on the cutting edge of rational changes in education and therapy for children in this country. I wouldn't be surprised if the last 3 years of Mr. Capo's career haven't been the most challenging. Please, all of you, keep up the great work.
Yes, Robert, we think so too. His school may be pioneering a new, safer way to support kids who question their gender. Thanks for your kind words, and thanks for watching!
It's amazing how Sasha has all the episode numbers memorized! Shows such a commitment to the project!
So amazing. I looove your work. You get to the heart of these issues and you make content that really matters. I am excited for this. Thank you so much for all you do 💜
Thanks!
Mr. Alex, Sasha and Stella, thank you for your continuous work with our youth!!! They need people like you how take the time to really go deep into the young psychic.
This was an extremely heartening episode to listen to :)
When I heard “culture of desistance ”, my heart experienced a little burst of joy and hope!
I heard "culture of desistance"... but "dissidents" works too! 😅
I would've liked to hear a bit more about that specifically. He did touch on it.
@@shannonsayshi 😂 text autocorrect, you are not my friend! Thank you for bringing that mistake to my attention.
Remarkable story, right? thanks for watching!
What a wonderful man. Thank you! ❤
Question for Alex: Do the children have open access to the internet during the time they are attending your therapeutic school? I assume they do not, but wanted to ask as it was not mentioned. I found with my child, aside from withdrawing her from school for a year to center her to her family again, removing all social media and restricting her internet access miraculously made her forget she "always" wanted to be a boy and is back to her genuine self; a rough-and-tumble, athletic, beautiful, confident girl who likes to dress up on occassion but knows she is all girl regardless of what she decides to wear.
This started at start of 6th grade and I pulled her out two months before school ended and kept her home for 7th. It was most definitely a social contagion situation.
Luckily, I already have had life experience that taught me to trust my mom instincts and stayed far and away from health care professionals who are required to affirm in my state
Definitely - replacing excess screen with more enriching and fun activities seems to pay a big role in helping young people move through their gender distress. Thanks for your comment.
I cannot find the page for School Policy- Gender Identity USA. Can you please share the new link? Thank you!
Wow! Here's hoping more educators pay attention to the lessons learned at The Charlton School.
We hope so too!
Almost all of the parents we engage with have little idea about how far the transgender culture has been integrated into the culture and every day activities of the schools their children attend. Every elementary school in our home district has lists of transgender books about transgender children that are designed and targeted for children. Gender expression is built into the lessons as early as Kindergarten and biological sex is presented as something that is on a "spectrum" and is not just a simple, scientific fact. Children are encouraged to explore their "true selves" by counselors and and the policy is to affirm a child's choice rather than to provide guidance to a young mind that cares for that child's unique need. And other than the ones that have taken their school districts to court it is the policy of every school system we've encountered to not inform parents when their child chooses a gender and/or gender name other than their biological one.
What a wonderful chat. You all give me so much hope! And yes Please open more schools in the states.
This was a great conversation. Why didn’t I see this when it came out a year ago? Couldn’t be the RUclips algorithm not giving people notifications. They’d never do that. It’s unfortunate that more people didn’t get to see it at the time.
It's a good sign that he still has a job.
Fantastic❤
thanks!
The problem with social services is they are not family friendly. My daughter became having issues at around 11yrs, she led them a merry dance and they blamed the parents. They used to tell me they were involved because they cared, i used to tell them not as much as i do. They threatened to remove me from the meetings when i did but they could never remove me from my daughters life and 20yrs later im the proud grandad to 3 beautiful grandchildren.
I would like to point out that New Zealand needs assistance. It appears the worst practices are followed, pronouns, affirmation, puberty blockers, and a conversion therapy law that mindlessly conflates same sex attraction and gender identity. Kellie Jay Keen suffered the protest in Albert Park which was sadly promoted by both the immigration minister and the prime Minister. I hope you keep us in your sights, you two seem gold standard.
Thank you David. Yes we're aware and would like to highlight what's happening in your country.
@@widerlenspod very similar to what has occurred in Canada also
Thx for doing this interview! It will hopefully help other people working in the school system to better provide the right method to deal with these gender questioning kids.
I think kids in youth mental healthcare is a real blind spot at the moment, esp those who are not in contact with their parents anymore... might be wise to figure out how to give these kids the proper guidance and care...
We hope it's helpful to others too. Thanks for your comment
Great episode. U guys are amazing
What an amazing guy
Yes! Thanks for watching
If only more educators had the courage to admit they got it wrong . . .
I hope therapists will share this on their social media. This is true therapy. Why can't we parents find this?!!
You can look at GETA too: www.genderexploratory.com/
There isn't enough of them out there yet. This should really be the default approach. Its insane. @@widerlenspod
Cannot have a therapeutic space by saying yes to everything. No is so important
indeed. thanks for your comment
When Alex described the children reverting to their original names and genders you could hear rhe shadow of irreversible damage by the way he didn't mention that. Poor kids.
Having worked in a community treatment facility that sounds a lot like this one, I disbelieve a great deal of what your guest is saying, partially because of how perfectly mannered and PRed and coifed he is. I hope what he's saying is true, but if his facility is anything like the one I worked in for years, the children's parents really don't have a great deal of additional insight to offer.
Most of our kids came from severely abusive and neglectful families. For the ones who didn't, I'm sure they would have been able to manage their kids if they knew how and/or if it was possible. Most of our parents didn't "choose" anything; their teens were either removed from their homes, or it was our facility or juvenile hall. It was difficult work, made more difficult by the ever-changing ideas of the people who led the program. The kids themselves were great. Yes, some of them were too far gone to be saved, and many of them died within just a few years of leaving. And many of them were super intelligent and interesting.
Hi John. Yes you've misunderstood: Alex Capo directs a small private school, it's not a state run facility or behavioral health hospital.
Bringing the grownups back in the room
Thank God sensibility is finally coming to this epidemic. Why do I think the Democrat Politicians will not let go of Affirmation and Rapid Transitioning. It is a political power issue for them.
Thx for your comment!
If school was all girls and affirmative at the start, did trans pupils have to leave the school when they became male? Did the school admit trans girls?
Social transition is not a neutral act, and is a source of iatrogenic harm.
Agreed. Thanks for your comment
I'm surprised no one has mentioned "conversion therapy" yet.🙄
The neutral approach re gender seems so intuitive to me as a parent.
There are so many deep intense feelings and issues that kids deal with. Once you put gender identity in the forefront that becomes the focus... and from what I've seen it's a very temporary "fix"... the distress isn't solved or even diminshed except very briefly. I've seen it becomes an obsession and kids become hyper fixated and hyper vigilant for transgressions. Its like a paranoia. This one aspect seems (sorry kids) so superficial and giving it your full attention outsources your peace of mind.
The power of social transition is all about what OTHER ppl do and say to make me feel better... and nothing about how can I as an individual work through my feelings to help myself. It's far better to learn skills and gain insights that are personally empowering than to to give that power away and be dependent upon others' superficial validation.
Working on empowering yourself doesn’t preclude transition becoming a focus at some other point in life... if anything it would give a better level of self knowledge and stronger foundation for anything that comes in the future - including transition.
Indeed! The locus of control remains in the hands of others, rather than being located internally. That's one of many reasons that we don't see social transition as a helpful intervention. Thanks for watching!
A culture of DISISTANCE? A few more pieces of the puzzle, and you'd have an actual initiation culture!
Thanks for watching!
Sorry, "Desistance,"
@@widerlenspod AWL is MUST LISTENING! Thanks for your hard work, Stella & Sasha!
What I'd like to see, is the smarter, smaller schools being more deliberate about giving girls access to safe, sane supervised, structured, private, temporary spaces for expressing their BOY SIDES. ( & Vice Versa.) The structure of initiation culture would have to address
I) The resistance against expressing boy-stuff "But I'm a GIRRRRLL!"
II) The experience of Boy-Stuff: "I'm A VIKING WARRIOR! RRARRR!"
III) the pulling away from boy-stuff, and saying good-bye to it. "Well, that was fun, but now back to the grind of BEING A GIRL.")
This used to be the norm, in all boys / all girls schools. The boys would HAVE to do the cooking, cleaning, relating, etc. (& VV)
Hence my wrathful, grieving irony, as a conservative, over how apparently each new generation has to trash the old paradigms, has to discover this for itself.
you would never affirm a girl who had anorexia, a body dysphoria, why do it for gender? Glad to see Hormones
You say mothers are driving some things but aren't some mothers driving things one way and some the other.
I think Alex was just remarking about the overwhelming majority of concerned parents being mothers. Indeed mothers tend to be more highly involved in their child's schooling (as a generalization).
I'm all for exploring all areas of an individual's trauma before assuming that gender dysphoria or identity is the root cause instead of a symptom. But, I'm still baffled over why there is a such a hang up over called a person what they want to be called.
Because social transition is a powerful psychosocial intervention that can begin a cascade of decisions which lead to medicalization.
It seems like it takes up alot of resources to keep track of .... (as well as not being neutral - which is more appropriate IMO)
From what he said putting focus on social affirmation also masked underlying issues. Like, as long as that's on the table... it gets priority and other feelings the kids are struggling with on a deeper level get sidelined
@@shannonsayshi precisely. It also "infects" ones peers as it requires their participation, which leads to the "contagion" aspect.
The "stabilization of expectations" is often a matter of deflating over-expectations of the new trans-identity.
"I pronounce the mystic name SHARONAM, and I become a TRANS SUPERHERO!
"I'm SUPER-WOMAN! I can FLY here on this planet! and I'm NOT the plain old son of Ma & Pa Kent any more!"
"No, you're not. You're Jor-El Kent, son of Ma & Pa Kent, and you have NO super-powers.
I'm not dead-naming you, I'm not poisoning you with Krypton from your home planet.
I'm reminding you that you're a normal boy, subject to fits of high-powered, high-flying teenage trans fantasies.
You have to learn to deal with the limitations of being a real boy, as well as the fact that the super-powers possessed by your trans-identity, are fantasy."
First viewer 🎉
Thanks for your comment!