Do you encounter hostility around anxiety?🤔❤️ Mama Wolf (Serenity) would like to know!😊❤️❤️❤️ * * * #anxiety #socialanxiety #genx #latediagnosedautistic #adhd
It seems like a lot of therapists are professional gaslighters. “You’re not actually disliked, you probably just decided in your head to make up silly stories to torture yourself for fun, silly goose. Just stop doing that and all your issues will vanish!”
My (completely neurotypical) mom does this, and it comes from the best intentions. She truly believes it. I have given up trying to share my struggles with her because she believes a) other people are not reacting to me the way I perceive them to be and b) if they are reacting negatively it is solely due to my misperception causing me to act in a way that would induce them to react negatively. It is hard to argue with this and she may even be correct to some degree, but what is clear is that she does not understand how differently I move through the social world. For her it is like being a fish swimming in water. For me it is like someone who had to learn how to scuba dive, I need protective gear and oxygen and it's still unnatural and I need to come up for air frequently.
Therapists have to be really careful when they try to label something as a cognitive distortion. You can’t just hear something and say, “that’s unlikely!” because a lot of those impressions come from a real place. Maybe your patient lives with judgmental people! Maybe they ARE hated by the rest of their friend group. Maybe they WERE hated by a lot of people and that is an old, but REAL feeling they’ve carried forward. You can’t just label something a cognitive distortion, you have to be curious about it and investigate it. Otherwise, yeah, they run a VERY high risk of being extremely dismissive and invalidating. Therapists are limited by their own life experiences. If you’ve never been targeted by bullies or seen people be bullied relentlessly, it makes sense that kind of stuff sounds fictional to you - but it’s all very real!!!
@@stephenie44therapists are limited by their life experiences is EXACTLY why I never understood how a twenty something kid fresh out of college has anything to offer me who left that place in life so long ago
I have absolutely experienced this! People used to actually get ANGRY at me for being anxious. I think I was told I was too old to be acting like a baby starting at around 5 years old. I was made to feel guilty and burdensome for needing additional time and support. I have gained a lot of confidence over the years, though I still naturally speak very timidly and while people are rarely ever outright aggressive anymore, I can tell people find me uninteresting due to my soft and timid nature.
Wow. That person that said that . I hope they aren't in your life anymore. That was an aggressive response by them. I deal with anxiousness too. It's not like a light switch. I'm glad you are more confident now. As long as you are happy/ happier that's what matters.
On more than one occasion, I have managed to break the ice with someone and they told me along the lines of: “man, you’re nothing like what I thought when I first met you. I thought you were a b!tch! And some others made it sound like you were. I feel bad for believing them!”
When you’re bashful and pretty people will just assume you’re stuck up. I have a hard time with verbal communication when my nervous system gets disregulated. I sound like I’m having a stroke, and sometimes people look at me like I am a FREAK. Not even concern, like with disgust, which makes me even more disregulated.. but I’m learning some good techniques to calm myself down and get back in my body sooner.
Yeah lot of people truly seem incapable of acting respectfully, when it comes to them reacting to "unexpected behaviour" from others. It's really strange to me, cause they're supposed to be the socially competent ones? 🤔
The disgusted looks break my feelings for people so fast…. I could have wanted to give you anything i have before that moment but afterwards I will shutdown on that person for good.. not on purpose, it’s like the disgusted look cuts the connection for me
@@erosec You said it perfectly! That kind of automatic response speaks louder than words. Might be one of the best ways to accurately read a person. The automatic response being disgust , over (what they perceive as ) slightly out of the norm behaviour, tells everything I need to know about them.
Was training on a job and the person training me said “are you anxious?” And I lied and said “Im good!” And she said “youre wringing your hands” and I think about that a lot. Im a handwringer and my dad calls me a face-chewer. Ive come a long way, I visualize myself standing confidently and taking up more space. Smiling at people instead of looking away (also autistic and eye contact is info overload) I definitely empathize with this. ❤
i avoid phone calls/text messages bc of crippling anxiety.. honestly, a lot of times i even avoid being the first person to reach out to the ones i am the closest with (even if they’re near me IRL) and it can be very isolating… which is my own fault. i come off as volatile sometimes, too. or stuck up, uninterested, self absorbed… I’m really not. I’m just always very nervous and on edge, it makes me freeze up and get very stiff around people. I get word salad a lot, too. I wont be able to think or construct sentences when i’m anxious around people, and i’ll almost forget what i’m saying altogether or stop making any real sense as i struggle to make sentences with words that correlate with each other or are even remotely close with what i was trying to say /: i don’t know if this helps but i struggle with it A LOT I’m 30 years old and I have: ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome, Anxiety & Depression
I think that people who don’t like anxious people are repressing a lot of anxiety themselves and it makes them uncomfortable because it makes it harder to repress their own stuff.
Came here to say the same thing. In my experience, those who seem most ‘off put’ by my anxiety are desperately trying to ignore their own anxieties. Seeing me only reminds them of what they don’t like about themselves.
Oh yea. I realized that when id try and join in to a larger group at one point in time they kept moving away. We were all in the same dance group but the second they saw me come over they left. Which i guess it doesnt make that huge of a difference since usually in a group i dont really contribute to convos but i was a little perplexed. But i guess its whatever. Better to have ride or dies rather than a bunch of friends that dont actually care abt me.
Usually Im the one who always looks self assured, but inside is boiling from anxiety. I taught myself this behaviour at some point of my younger or teenage years, cause I noticed that successful people usually look calm and self assured, so I just learned to mask my insecurities instead of really accepting myself and loving myself. Now im learning how to accept myself, but I can agree, that anxiety of others used to make me feel my own anxiety even more, so I really used to avoid such people or get irritated around them. Showing more empathy for myself gives me more empathy for others now.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I’ve dealt with social anxiety my entire life (my mom says I was born with it)! My last job was customer service and boy, did every customer (and coworker) not trust me in the slightest! I’ve had things thrown at me, been screamed at, and customers outright avoid me. I started to mimic my coworkers and then I started to fit in a bit better. But I realized I was utterly exhausted so I moved on. I fear working customer service ever again.
I truly understand the fear. You should NOT be forced to work in a environment that traumatize and makes you sick . I have decided never to allow myself to be forced into that position ever again ❤️🩹
I feel beaten-up & beaten-down, my spirit is broken & I'm closed down emotionally by others actions. I'm just realizing this 5 minutes before watching your video. You & your family are beautiful. I'm so happy to have come across Toren's channel here! Time to get my self-confidence back & not let others affect me emotionally. ❤
100% have had this some online but way more in person than anything. I've had some that tried to hide it and others come right out and say it and very demeaning way. You're not alone in this
I have met people who are also anxious and overthink. Some people say I should go out and talk to people more, but doing that too often will increase my anxiety and decrease my social battery. You are wonderful!
There's a balance. The less you see people, the lower your tolerance for them becomes, the harder it is to interact. But going out too much will burn you out.
I do feel that way sometimes as an autistic person. But, I have people (family, friends, etc) in my life who are there to support me whenever I feel anxious or stressed. And I feel lucky to have them because I love them so much :)!
Yeah I have even been accused of being a civilian cop, will the explanation: "there's something about me/my presence and behaviour, that doesn't make sense/feels off" 😐
Oh yes, very common. People get angry or annoyed with me due to my anxiety. It ends up making me feel even more alone and afraid. Honestly, what has helped the absolute most is praying and trusting in God. He is always there for me, even when other people aren't.
Mama wolf you’re so precious! Don’t ever worry about the negative opinions of those that have no idea what you go through on a day to day basis. All people have an opinion but not all opinions matter nor should those opinions be stored in your mind as truth. There is one truth giver, and his opinion holds the most weight. I had anxiety for so long, and I don’t ever think the nervousness will go away because it always strikes when I get around people that live outside my home even going to the grocery store has to be planned in advance and even then I don’t know how it’s going to go. I’m a HSP and can be extremely difficult to be in public places. So thankful for my husband showing me how to stay focused when I need to go into public places so I can “get in and get out.” My whole life people have called me weird, stuck up, and so on because I was always quiet, by myself, not engaging with any other person and was content for the most part. You’re not alone! And like many other precious people whom go through the same emotions and daily struggles as you do it is good to talk about them! Thank you for sharing 🙏 You’re a beautiful gem ❤️
Yikes, some people have a low tolerance for anxiety only if they are secretly battling anxiety themselves. It shines a light on their hidden struggles. Any other person would either be empathic or joke around to ease the anxious/nervous person.
usually unknown people who treats me badly and point it out my anxiety or nervousness. They give unsolicited advice like "you need to calm down" and that makes me feel inadequate.
I have a family member in my life who I believe is on the spectrum and they fidget a lot and seem anxious like you. Some people get punished for stimming so they end up internalizing the hyperactivity to not stand out and it becomes thoughts that repeat or race internally. Others can’t hide it as well. When I see my family member acting ‘anxious’ with his body it can be highly irritating to me since it makes me feel anxious too. Granted, I think I have sensory issues myself and am easily overstimulated. I feel like it’s communicating through body language that something is wrong which puts me on edge since a perceived threat is theoretically something to worry about. It triggers a subconscious instinct to start to worry. Now that I know about stimming and what it is it doesn’t bother me as much but I understand how the fidgeting can be perceived as threatening if that makes sense.
I feel this too Serenity, and I know it to be true with some people. It takes a lot of effort for me to say hello good morning to someone I pass by, and usually speak only if I have a reason to or I am spoken to. People have called me strange and stuck up because of this, mostly in school (because adults are not very open with their feelings like kids) but even as an adult I feel people excluding me and putting me in a box because I am "shy". Something else I feel is a lot of people close to me, like friends or family members would get mad at me for being anxious, as if I was doing it to myself and hurting them and others. Since they are close to me they feel comfortable telling me this and sometimes yelling at me for it. I especially cried a lot as a kid, and got frustrated reactions. It is very nice to have people who listen to you and treat you with kindness even if you don't appear the same way. I realise a lot of hostility, especially from family, is because they had the same reactions to their neurodivergent traits. But it is nice to break the cycle and realise this is not how things have to be done. I really appreciate seeing the way you speak to your son, not always getting it right first time but trying with empathy to listen to him, and not letting the world's idea of "doing what's best for him" influence too much.
YES! I have this same struggle. I was a very “unpopular” child. I only wanted one friend. My kid, however? He’s mister popular. Eeeeeeveryone likes him and wants to be his friend so naturally, everyone’s parents have attempted to approach me at events. I try to be friendly but I still leave every event wondering, “is it something I said?” I get a lot of strange looks from people and I don’t know if it’s what I’m saying, what I’m doing, both, or something different? Socializing only seems to get more and more difficult as I get older…
I am not diagnosed with autism or ADHD but I relate to a lot of the content surrounding these issues. I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. So yes, I move in the world (and always have) with a lot of anxiety. I "mask" to the greatest extent possible but my mask always ends up slipping. I've repeatedly had the situation where friends who think I'm a confident person suddenly realize I am insecure and anxious and they drop me like a hot potato. I have also lost opportunities for promotions, etc. because my anxiety skyrockets at crucial times when I need to prove myself, and I usually make silly errors at these times. The best tool I have found is self-acceptance and continuing to reach out and be social, because even if I'm really bad at it I feel I need it. Perhaps not everyone needs to be social so much. I do feel most "neurotypical" people feel unsettled or threatened by obviously anxious, nervous behavior. They wonder what it is caused by, perhaps they even wonder if it is related to them. I feel instantly kin to anxious people, but that doesn't always work out because my "extroverted anxious" personality isn't always a good fit with more introverted anxious people, or other anxious people perceive me as a NT confident type because I'm masking so well. Social life has always been complicated for me but my true, long-term friends have almost always been other people who are either anxious or on the spectrum or in some way not neurotypical. I really appreciate how you have raised your son to feel good about being who he is. My children are all quirky (no diagnoses) and have had various struggles related to this, and I hope I am also raising them to be proud and accepting of who they are and how they express themselves even if it is not typical. I apologize for the long response.
This video of people getting mad you for being anxious reminds me of my ex-friends in elementary school who would jump scare me on purpose in an attempted to scare me and then would get mad that I was scared. I literally had the reaction people wanted me to have and they still got mad. I hope you find yourselves around more understanding people when you’re anxious
I’ve had this happen to me many times before and it stresses me out. It just makes me want to self isolate. I completely empathize what you’re going through.
I completely understand being anxious, I have been very anxious almost all my life. The way I healed from it, was through cultivating a feeling of responsibility for my own feelings. That if people don't like me, this is not about me but more about their perception. If they don't like me (what they see of me, which is usually only a fraction of my whole being) it is because they don't accept that part of themselves. Most people don't want to be anxious or nervous or vulnerable, so if I am those things they are confronted with that part in them and sometimes they are not ready for that. Humans usually do things unconciously, to protect themselves and that includes shutting people out that confront them with their pain. Most people in this age are living unconcious of all these things and ignore the truth underneath. This way of thinking has made me detach from the huge feeling of anxiety, because now I see the flaws and the good things in people more clearly and I know that peoples judgements are never about me, only about themselves (and that counts for me too of course)
I have a friend who says she experiences the feelings you describe. She has also been indicated that she might be neurodivergent, as an adult and parent already. I parent a neurodivergent son. Thus, I am not familiar with the high masking behavior more popular with female neurodivergent individuals. But what I can say is I immediately detected that my friend was unique in her manner of interaction. I found her refreshing and focused. When we get together, I find our visits very special as she is intently and intensely engaged in our conversation...or more encounters...I do most of the talking. We always visit only the two of us. I find it special and time dedicated to quality relationships and not superficial perception of confidence and pretense we can easily fall prey to when we are in a crowd. I love my friend for bringing this honest quality of sincerety and honesty to our friendship. She is a true gem! Wolf Mom, seek out friendships that value you and that you can value.
I certainly don’t think people should treat you poorly, but if I see someone who is isolated in a social setting, I’ll assume they don’t want to interact with me, and I want to respect that. As an introvert, I’m that way sometimes myself - I’m the guy who always find the family pet to interact with!
I'm usually a rather confident person so I can't speak from that side, but I can say that being around anxious people makes me nervous amd jumpy as I easily pick up on that and also need a lot of reassurance that I'm safe. It's very unfortunate and I really wish that wasn't the case. I do still like those people, I just can't be around them a lot and I usually feel very sorry for that.
I think that's a really astute introspection, and took a lot of honest vulnerability to share. Just being aware of this gives you the opportunity to make honest & compassionate decisions both for yourself and the other person, on your own or with the other person. And that really is half the battle. ❤
Yes!! I have had a panic disorder for over 40 years. People definitely didn't like me or my children. My adult children don't suffer with extreme anxiety. So I didn't something positive there! I can relate a lot to you momma Wolf!
Some of the people in my life lack the compassion and understanding that comes with gentleness. It can look like people raising their voices and getting impatient with me when I shut down. It is debilitating and also humiliating to be constantly berated. Something that helps is positive feedback, like kind words and expressing gratitude. ❤
Yes i have experienced this. My brother is very emotionally affected by other people's feelings even when they are not directed at him. This means when i get anxious (which I do quite a bit) he often gets mad and blames me for how this makes him feel. Which makes me more anxious lol. Just as I am working on my mental health, so is he. Every day a little better 😊
Yes. And if not hostility, condescension, disappointment. You're not alone in those feelings. I promise you. I'm sorry that you know how it feels. Just know that you really seem to be a wonderful human being. And you don't have to be outgoing, or confident, or whatever it is someone else expects you to be. You are you. And no matter what those people might say? You being you, is wonderful.
I think your mannerisms are just CHARMING ! You remind me so much of a butterfly, or a hummingbird, or a fairy ! So beautiful, constantly in motion, never to be touched ,only seen and admired. Certainly NEVER to be captured and caged in this world! they are only here to visit and share beauty and magic, judgment means nothing to them , they will still be beautiful, playing in the sunshine and spreading pollen to make more flowers,create more beauty in this world. So they flit, flutter, and fly, never still-- because there are people in THIS world who will see their beauty and try to cage it to keep it all to themselves, or they will run around trying to catch the beautiful butterfly... only to stab a pin through its body and mount it to a board, because happiness and joyfulness can't be allowed to fly free in THIS world, THEIR world. The other moms might not have liked you... for what reason? Jealousy? Your beauty? Your happiness? Your talent? Or all the other many things that make you, you? It doesn't matter anyway; they don't probably even remember your name, and you probably don't remember theirs, except they tried to rip your wings off !
I was diagnosed with Autism and extreme anxiety at 33. I can relate to so much of what you said! I often feel like I annoy most people, especially other women my age. I truly appreciate you and your sons vulnerability and honesty by posting videos like these 💜 it's genuinely so refreshing to see.
Arrogance makes people insecure. So when they see someone that isn't insecure enough to hide it, they get angry and hostile. Unfortunately we live in a world where asking a question to an authority makes them feel threatened by you, even if you don’t really realize it. Walking on eggshells with people becomes a part of us women, but specially the ones that feel like a manual to life is lacking. I'm only 16, and I feel uncomfortable being myself with just anyone. After entering church, I became less anxious about big things, but small things are still in work. Thank God I feel better than the confused anxious ball I was when I was 13.
I think you are a wonderful honest person. Don't change to please others. I have found that crocheting has helped me alot with my anxiety. I love the feel of the yarn I'm my hands. Have a blessed day honey. 🙏✝️❤️🕊️💜🌹🍀🍄🌻
You are so loved! I see it everywhere around you in this video. Your plants adore you, the light adores you and the room adores you! Keep shining, my Lady.
I can relate to this so much.. Some people seem to get very annoyed when I'm nervous. It's fine though. It hurts but I learned to accept that those people aren't my kind of people. Doesn't make more anxious people any less worthy of love and respect ❤ Thank you so much for your and your sons videos. Your authenticity is beautiful, and so are your souls! Keep being you pls
Yeah I think one point that stands out was when I was 16 and my parents, who knew I had no interest in getting my license because driving gave me anxiety, sent my "no-nonsense" grandfater to take me in to the test after school. I went because I didn't really have a choice, and I failed.... My folks were so frustrated for the next 2 years it took me to get the courage to try again.
Yes. For my entire life. I’m built like a Barbie doll and every girl in school hated me for the attention that got me, I wanted to disappear. They thought I was cold and “too good for them” when I was actually isolated and very lonely and wanting to run away and hide. I have a confident self assured appearing mask now but I hate hate hate needing to wear it. Thank you for sharing your experiences❤ I have also been accused of making it up. I try now to be like your son who seems not to care at all what anybody thinks even if they ARE thinking ugly thoughts. Let them. That’s my new motto🎉
I think that a lot of neurotypical people don’t consciously understand how their behaviors and assumptions routinely create or exacerbate anxiety for nuerodivergent people. I think that showing anxiety is an adaptive mechanism, that points out how one member of the group isn’t feeling safe. Socially, it’s meant to direct the group to pay attention and problem solve until the group truly becomes cohesive and supportive again. Sadly our culture as a whole seems to have forgotten this solution for anxiety, mostly because it demands work and change from those who are holding the privilege and not experiencing the anxiety themselves. But I think underneath it all, there is still a subconscious, gut understanding that when person A expresses genuine anxiety around person B, it is a usually a sign that person B needs to change or reconsider something. And person B, neurotypical in this example, doesn’t want to change or acknowledge their part in the anxiety, it is easier for them to channel their discomfort into disliking the person who is anxious around them.
Some of us are just not social butterflies. I've always been somewhat quiet and timid in crowds. By accepting this (not worrying about it), I have actually become more confident and relaxed when I'm at a social gathering.
you articulated this beautifully! I feel you. ❤as i’ve observed, one aspect of this is that people get frustrated at feeling like someone else is dependent on them, or that the onus is on them to lead in a social situation. i think individuals exhibiting anxious behaviors are subconsciously perceived as such. for example, an anxious person might over-apologize or be excessively self-deprecating, and then the onus falls on the other party to assure them and steer the conversation forward before it becomes awkward. or maybe, an anxious person has trouble making a decision and proposing it (eg - choosing a restaurant), requiring the other person to expend the mental energy to find one. things like that, in which the other person perceives themselves as pulling more weight to make the anxious party comfortable. people find it endearing to care for a friend here or there (deepens the feeling of connection), but if it is persistent, they may feel trapped, as if the other person is dragging them down. no matter the age, i think we all struggle with some feeling of ‘not knowing what we are doing’ as we move through life. for this reason, people naturally gravitate towards others that exude an energy of confidence and self-assuredness, because they make *them* feel comfortable. it can feel very hurtful to experience hostility to show up as you are, i hope it doesn’t discourage you 💜💜💗💗 you seem like a wonderful person who is thoughtful, intelligent, self-aware, and very loving and considerate of others. i’m not the same age (24), but you sound like you’d be a lovely friend!
I'm sorry for your experience. It has nothing to do with you, but with them. And I really hate it when psychologists just assume that we make up stuff in our head instead of really feeling other people's energy or having proof. Like one person said in the comments, pure gaslighting... I haven't really thought about this. My whole life I was trying to suppress my anxiety and until now I did it so "good" that many people think I'm chill, but I'm just suppressing. I'm nervous almost all the time. But some people notice it through my insecurities. One of my exes said he cheated on me because I was being insecure and he doesn't like that. 🤮
i actually experienced it a few days ago. We had a hurricane come through our area and it was very loud. Our living room window hadn’t been sealed properly and it was flapping a bit with the heavy wind. i was pacing back and forth, crying bc i was so scared and anxious and my sister had gotten annoyed with me and told me to calm down. obviously, i couldn’t bc that’s not how it works, and she went in her room bc she got fed up with me i guess. it’s frustrating that people don’t understand, and just like we can’t make it go away, they can’t either. i just wish that they knew that feeling us to calm down doesn’t help the situation at all. 😅
Being told that you're making it up is the worst. I often get told that I am mispercieving situations when I know from other people that I'm not. I think my communication difficulties (I am language abled but struggle with expressing emotions and thoughts) mean that when recounting occasions of rudeness due to anxiety I don't do it correctly. I don't know if anyone feels similarly but it's something no one should have to go through ❤
I was raised with no understanding for my quirks and I am the type of person who will write these characteristics off when it comes to others as well. "Toughen up". However, I actively try to make an effort to be kind and understanding even if my thoughts do not always match my actions. Today I did it with someone who had a panic attack during a business presentation and I hope it helped them.
I absolutely adore you. I come off as quiet, shy, very nervous as well. But at times I can get excited about things I'm passionate about. I've had co workers to my face tell me I'm weird that I freak them out and make them uncomfortable that no one wanted to work with me. Every day I try my best, but in a "normal work environment with "normal* people " I wasn't fitting in and it was not acceptable. Didn't matter that I knew my stuff or work complete work at double the speed of co workers. I was socially awkward. This has been a problem with every single job I've held since I was a kid. 😢 I've learned that jobs rather have you bubbly and even socially gossip act confident then actually complete work. Oh and always smile. Not a "creepy" smile a "proper smile"
Man it's a self fulfilling cycle too. The more anxious you get, the worse they react, and you get more anxious... rinse and repeat. I've just recently learned (almost 35, diagnosed ADHD at 27) that the environment is a HUGE factor in my confidence. I've had a few jobs where it just never seemed to click, and jobs where I was an absolute Rockstar. I struggled with imposter syndrome for a long time blaming myself for the things that didn't work out. Now that I'm back in an environment I FEEL good in, it all kind of clicked. It's not even that I'm accomodated different, or things in general are all that different. Sometimes the people or the situation just isn't a fit and we need to move on. ❤❤
I’ve experienced it a lot in my life too. I’m glad people are being kind to you online. It’s good to have love and support flowing in. You’re an amazing woman and I would feel very fortunate and cherish you if you were my friend. Because you’re special and unique and I love you just exactly the way you are. You are amazing. Please don’t ever forget that.❤❤❤ ps, just wanted to add that the only undesirable trait is the inability to accept others with love and compassion just the way they are. It isn’t your anxiety that is undesirable.❤
Yep, absolutely. Have definitely been viewed as aloof, snobbish, rude when I’ve been super anxious (and maybe just in general). I am only just learning to outwardly show my anxiety so people will realise that’s what I’m feeling. I don’t suppose it will necessarily improve their reactions to me but it might make me feel better. I think in general people find other’s anxiety difficult to sit with and not try and fix. When they can’t fix it, it makes them frustrated. Other autistics don’t seem to mind so much. Virtual hugs (my favourite sort from strangers 😆) from England and thank you for your lovely vids 😊
I feel, learning not to trust myself is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Than you have left nothing. What are you without yourself? If all the world would dislike you, it would be a trillion times more bearable than not trusting yourself. I am a fan of just asking people (just as you did) what is really going on. They will tell you or if they lie, you would feel the inconcruency, maybe some hours or days after, but you would get it, if you are open to any outcome. I really think that. As an autistic you are likely to have strong senses and they can guide you. And what is reality anyway. It is relative in itself. Everybody has its own reality anyway. There is no such thing as an totally objective reality. If you feel awful in someones company, it is not the right surrounding anyway. I am inspired how good you seem to have created an wonderful healing and loving family and home for yourself. So you have that gift to create environments that are good for you. You seem to have all talents needed to navigate your own world perfectly! Thanks for sharing that with us!
Yeah I use to have friends who would get frustrated whenever I got nervous or anxious about certain things. They use to tell me I would get no where in life for how I am. Later found out I was autistic and I found that it has helped me become less anxious about stuff. I’m still a very anxious person that part of me won’t change but it’s ok
In real life, I do get the same. I’m so sorry you have to experience that, sorry that anyone experiences that 🙏 please try not to feel badly, that is THEIR problem if they have a problem… not yours - though it can feel that way 💜💜💜 your videos have helped me feel so much less alone, I hope you can feel all the love I send back your way, soul sister 🤗🥰 hang in there and try to love who you are a little more every day, eventually you will have no choice but to fall madly in love with your authentic self as much as your loved ones/we all have 🤷😉🙏💜💜💜💜💜💜
I can be wary to hostile around anxious people because I experienced being controlled by an anxious mother when I was a child. I warm up over time if I can see that the person is not controlling though! I may also be slow to socialize with someone if I’m not sure they want to and I don’t want to be intrusive. I have some social anxiety myself as an ADHDer so that kind I understand intimately.
I find myself in very nearly the exact same way as you yourself but I believe our anxiety combined with our typical cautiousness & observational reticence around others, especially outside the familiar, makes neurotypical folks nervous. Being highly social primates, if one of us is worried the group tends to worry (think predators) but if the group can't perceive the threat or sees none at all, they get a little testy with us like we're the chicken littles proclaiming that the sky is falling when we're merely concerned about surviving the superabundant stimulus and trying desperately not to stand out too much or have an episode in public or at least that's my speculation for what it's worth.
@@ukamikazu I think ADHDers (without comorbid autism) are some unique allies because in some ways we are more like neurotypicals and in some ways we understand you quite well and do not just assume the group is correct. We can translate the situation AND empathize. The only catch is autistic people will have poor luck if they try to apply inflexibility to us to try to decrease the stimulation we sometimes come with. We can’t fix that anymore than you can fix your stuff.
Late diagnosed here. You are not the only one who has dealt with this. I have too. Thank you to you and Toren for doing these videos. They have helped me understand myself, so much. Love ya, Mama Wolf. (HUGE HUG)
In the abusive relationship I left, he would yell at me for being “stressed”, “neurotic,” “weak” and negative, and made out that it was my fault because those situations were, as you say, “undesirable”. It was a great excuse for him that in my vulnerable state I bought into. But now I’m out I can see it for what it is: abuse.
Yup, you're definitely not alone. I had someone flat out tell me that they thought I was judgemental because I didn't interact with them how they wanted/expected me to.
I appreciate your videos sooo so much! Thank you for making real content that addresses what autistic people w ADHD go through. I’m a therapist in training and I’m autistic and have ADHD. Many therapists are absolutely trained to assume that anxiety is an over exaggeration of the situations clients describe but it’s really just a reflection of the real experience. I have had many painful interactions where people were clearly off put by me and my anxiety. Telling myself “no, I’m probably just overthinking” has been way more damaging to me than realizing that people are truly off put by my unmasked and anxious self. I’d rather be me and find the people who like me for me than make my anxiety worse trying to be what others prefer. It’s easier said than done, though!
First: I think you're the best ❤ Second: I have experienced this too. Not with anxiety, but just with me not being typical in a lot of ways. I think neurotypical people just feel that you are neurodivergent. They don't know how to handle that. And they don't have the patience. It's really frustrating. But finding the right people (or in my case one person) who does want to understand you, that is amazing. And yeah I get hostility from people. Mostly random people outside who make weird comments to me. Bullying basically.
I have as well. More so impatience, and a lot of others telling me I must be dramatic and/or am not pushing myself hard enough to be more self assured.
Yes , i have friends that encounter hostility for their anxiety . I believe it is unfortunately perceived as sketchy behavior . But regardless, love you mama wolf ❤
Mama wolf, you must know that i am proud of you! The way you have dealt with things throughout your life and emerged as this beautifuly wonderful woman is absolutely amazing. Sending love❤❤❤❤❤
I feel you! When I was younger my mother and stepfather would yell at me that my fears or anxiety were not real and to stop “overreacting.” Simply bringing up my anxiety could start an argument. I’ve had a very irrational fear of snakes since I was a kid. I was once yelled at in an argument about it “They’re much smaller than you! There! It’s rationalized!” Luckily my stepmom also suffered from intense anxiety as a kid. Love her, she knew how to make me feel better. It’s important to remember that there ARE people who care about you that can understand your anxiety. Whether they’re friends or family, I know there are people who care about you. People are good by nature. Love you guys!
Thank yall so much for sharing yalls life with us. And yeah i feel like i annoy people. I sway and rock a lot and people have always told me to stop, just be still. But then i get to picking and thats even worse
I deal with this all the time. I feel like it makes me a beacon for abuse and is a torturous experience because it folds into this cycle i dont know how to break. For people with high anxiety, i think it makes others anxious and their primal brain wants to gleefully stomp on it. I know it sounds ridiculous to say... dont take it personal. Dont put too much effort into those that want to crush you. You have a wonderful family, amazing musical talent, an informative and entertaining youtube channel and much to be proud of. Consider your anxiety a filter for good friends.
I can relate. (39F discovered at 35). I'm an empath, so other people's emotions effect me a lot. So if someone else is anxious or angry it's hard for me to block their emotions. You seem so sweet and gentle, I think your anxiety and nervousness are a learned response to a hostile world (just guessing?) More than personality traits. And you probably sense things strongly in others and instinctively knew that people at your kids school weren't accepting of you. I'm sorry your Dr. was gas lighting you. I've been scolded by my mother and others my whole life about saying that some people didn't like me and were intentionally disparaging me and she always said no.. until time went on and turned out I was right. I also have been right about instantly knowing someone wasn't trustworthy but unfortunately allowed people to talk and shame me out of trusting my instints which has led to a lot of harm to me. I'm trying to learn to trust my instints better now. I hope you are able to find some neuro spicy folks to be friends with in person. I sure hope that I can too. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for being you! ❤
People are rude to me too. I think it’s because anxiety is contagious and they don’t like feeling the anxiety. Or they don’t want the extra burden of being “in charge” of the social situation/constantly feeling like they should reassure you when you are less confident. That’s how I feel around people who are even more anxious than me.
My confidence is off putting to most everyone I meet. We can’t win, love. Intimidating is the descriptive used and I can’t shrink back because of my directness, either. I genuinely prefer just to be alone and accepting that has brought relief!
Does anyone else , get nervous when ordering food ? Or if you have to do any sort of public speaking. Also , anyone feels like they are constantly having to apologize for silly mistakes , that might even be really minor , or insignificant? . Also , i constantly feel like I’m saying or doing the wrong thing, if I’m not always agreeing with someone. As a person with intellectual disabilities I ask myself what is wrong with me all the time. I was just curious to know . Thank you guys for taking the time to read this. Have a lovely day . ❤
Hi honey. Just wanted to tell ya, don't change. You are wonderful the way you are. God doesn't make mistakes. I'm a high functioning autistic 62 yr old lady who has been dealing with not being accepted anywhere. I've never fit in. That's OK!!!! I love who God has made me. I'm now finding new ways to handle my meltdowns. Learning from others has really helped. Prayers, peace, and much love to ya honey 🙏✝️❤️🕊️💜🌹🌻
Yes! I have experienced that💞 I think some of it comes from people who are (imo) too concerned with outward appearance, rather than important things like inner character. I believe some of us are bothered by exhibition of what we perceive as nervousness or anxiety because we are sensitive to those emotional states and we are in need of our own healing. While i can understand frustration to some extent, in the context of someone else's real or perceived nervous behaviour being frustrating in some way, I'm sorry you've experienced additional feedback from others that was less than supportive and reassuring. Frustration can be a feeling we feel is out of our own control, triggered by something we feel is out of our control; it can come from a place of concern. For instance, if i perceive you as nervous and feel unable to help allay that nervousness, maybe i would feel frustrated that i feel i can't help. I believe frustration can also be a feeling we (if able) can heal and grow out of, for a large part. If i were a friend who had expressed concern for your perceived nervousness, and you had explained your behaviour was not an expression of nervousness, or was part of your personality or neurodivergence, for example, i would hope i would accept that my perception was wrong, or that i was somehow making your nervousness unduly about me (whatever the case may be). I hope you continue to find support online (which is still very much a part of real life ☺️) and that you accumulate a loving, supportive, understanding cadre of friends and 'chosen family', who help support, encourage, and facilitate your most authentic happiness and best life 💗 (I also hope anyone already in your life, who you would like to keep, comes to greater understanding and acceptance of all the lovely components of who you are, and you in totality!) You've got great energy✨🌼
The psychologist was definitely wrong about your assessment on a specific issue. I always felt different from the rest of my peers in school. I think it became more apparent to me in High School. I have recently had experiences at work where people would perceive me as being naive, so a group of coworkers decided it’ll be entertaining to set me up in situations/make backhanded comments and pray on my downfall essentially. Luckily for me, I caught things quickly enough so nothing bad ever ended up happening. Besides I was only there to work. Karma played a huge role here, because one of those people ended up in a bad car accident, things weren’t the same at work afterwards. I’d had people think that I had something to do with it which is insane. I quit my job and started fresh this year. I believe autistic people are marginalized by stereotypes whether any of it is true or not. Not everyone is as understanding and with me being high functioning, it’s very difficult to tell however people tend to pick up the subtle differences. I’ve had extremely close bonds with people who embrace me and others who straight up hate me for no reason whatsoever and there’s no in between.🥰
I had a co-worker who hated my anxiety. Would jump out at me, try and make me flinch, yell 'don't hit! don't hit!'. Hated it. Sometimes people just find it an excuse to bully. Of course there are also sometimes people who are just taking it personal, they think you're afraid of them. I had a 6ft5 400 pound co-worker built like a giant, and he thought I was afraid of him specifically. I explained my autism and that it flares up as anxiety during certain moments, and after that he was lovely, turned out to be a very sweet and understanding guy.
Absolutely yes. I worked in corporate canada for 30 years and it was hell on wheels. I seemed to enrage perfect strangers just by drawing breath. I was constantly being told … you need to get out your comfort zone. When you are invited to social work interactions you GO, you do NOT turn them down. Then when I explained how a stadium full of screaming basketball fans made me feel, I was told, well you just need to calm down and cheer up. What do you have going on in your life that you need to be anxious about? I was viewed as aloof, rude, uncooperative, not a team player. Even with close friends when i said ohhhhhhh today i am having a doozy of an anxiety attack, they would say, but you have so much to be grateful for. Just concentrate on that. I eventually had to say … when I tell you something like that, don’t pull out your tool kit to try fix things. Just say, honey I’m so sorry you are struggling today. When people say that I feel much better. I feel understood and i feel validated. If i had a dollar every time someone started saying to me … what you need to do is …, I would be rich. Now I just say to people, you wanna run my life for me? Pay my bills. It’s probably the worst thing to say, but it gets people off my back. People who would never understand no matter how much I explained.
I had an english teacher once put on my report card that i was "very nervous" like it was a character flaw i needed to change. I was a perfect student in all other aspects, but was quite anxious about presentations, so my parents asked if she meant in public speaking situations. She said " no your child is anxious all the time, that is a problem". My parents just waved it off and never brought me to a therapist and so i am still undiagnosed 😂 but it was awful to hear a teacher dislike me so much because of an anxiety that i did not know i showed and couldn't control 😅 and also that the teacher never thought to try to help me feel more comfortable 😢 so yeah thanks for talking about this, too few people acknowledge the dislike people have of anxious people.
I 100% can relate! I was treated that way growing up and as an adult and I see it happening to my kids. My daughter is ADHD with social anxiety and my son is autistic and ADHD. It's not your in your head...people treat is different.
Ah yes! I've experienced this with my childrens' events at school, and they don't like dealing with me anywhere we go! We are often gaslit by doctors, and therapists! Most people Don't understand me, my husband, or our kids when we try to be friendly. Every one just wants fake. No one wants deep conversations, or thoughts. Sorry you've been treated this way! You and your family seem like awesome people!
Yes ma'am. Since I was young, the girls told me so directly that they thought I was snobby and aloof. No matter what I did it was wrong... As an adult my social anxiety was perceived as insecurity and weakness. I was talked down to and treated as less than. Or, on the other hand, it might be perceived as shifty, and scary, and unpredictable... Met with fear and ridicule and judgement. They couldn't self reflect and realize that I was directly responding toward them and the cues they were giving me. Neurotypicals give very blatant cues with their words and behaviors as to exactly how they view you, and the anxiety is a direct response to hostility. I hope you've learned to be brave when you are encountering these bullies, these shallow and narrow minded or closed minded people and can learn to stop internalizing it and blaming yourself for their problem.
I’m so sorry that your psychologist advised you that it was all your own perception and caused you to doubt yourself 🖤 I’ve been told many times by many people that it’s annoying how much I say I’m sorry, that my nervousness is making them nervous, or they just ask what’s wrong with me and say I shouldn’t be freaking out that badly over a situation. It’s terrible to feel invalidated and like who you are isn’t the best or what people most would like. You are who you are, and you shouldn’t ever be made to feel bad about it. Anxiety is tough enough on us. 🖤
I agree. Especially the ppl that are supposed to be a support to us, should not be adding to our anxiety and everything in such a way I had such trouble trying to go to parent-teacher nights for my kids. I never knew where to really stand, or how to, or what to say, when to say, sooo much uncertainty I feel horrible because my kids would make friends, and one Mom asked if everything was alright, like if she had done something... I tried to reassure her, it's not her, I just have trouble in social situations 🌼 I wanted to be friends and tried to. At the time, I didn't know I was autistic, so it made me feel more defective not being able to handle something that looked so easy to everyone else I would love to somehow meet everyone that we've connected with here on this channel... Maybe have a couple spots in each state where we could meet up once or twice a month, idk... It would be great to have ppl in real life as nice as almost all of them are in the comments section in this channel 🌼🩵🩵🩵
I have had a few ppl tell me that I come across as stuck up, stand-off ish, or mean . But it’s generally due to me being so anxious that I’m unable to mask my facial expressions, so I look scared or angry and sit back quietly with my arms folded
I relate to this. Thank you for sharing! The way my anxiety presents has caused misunderstanding and I’ve been judged harshly before people get to know me because they think I’m weird or a bitch. Even my loved ones, who are aware of my anxiety, have gotten frustrated with me at times because it’s hard for them to understand that while certain actions and communication practices are easy for them, that they can be difficult, terrifying and even paralyzing for me. I have people pleasing tendencies so I have a hard time voicing my emotions and boundaries especially when there is a possibility of a negative reaction from others and it has been a point of frustration/anger from others towards me too. Ultimately, developing self-compassion and learning to take care of my inner world and self regardless of people’s judgements of me has been helpful. While I seek to facilitate harmony and peace in my daily life, I’m coming to understand that it can’t be at the expense of my wellness. Being with anxiety in an often shame based culture can be very isolating, but I hope you know that you’re not alone and you are deserving of unconditional compassion. Sending love to all of you 💜
The further I have ventured away from the mask where I was brave, outgoing, witty and even provocative and instead, have nurtured and put forth my kindness, exposing my soft sides I have experienced a big shift in how some people treat me. In other words, when I took of that which protected me from bullies it straight away made me a target. People that see weakness in vulnerability, are really exposing themselves av extremely vulnerable. Praying on others is weak. Judgement always comes from judging oneself.
Yes I experienced this to so so many times. Even Therapists I saw because of my anxiety acted that way. They told me if I was afraid of someone I would make them the wrongdoer and that in consequence would make them angry.
It seems like a lot of therapists are professional gaslighters. “You’re not actually disliked, you probably just decided in your head to make up silly stories to torture yourself for fun, silly goose. Just stop doing that and all your issues will vanish!”
My (completely neurotypical) mom does this, and it comes from the best intentions. She truly believes it. I have given up trying to share my struggles with her because she believes a) other people are not reacting to me the way I perceive them to be and b) if they are reacting negatively it is solely due to my misperception causing me to act in a way that would induce them to react negatively. It is hard to argue with this and she may even be correct to some degree, but what is clear is that she does not understand how differently I move through the social world. For her it is like being a fish swimming in water. For me it is like someone who had to learn how to scuba dive, I need protective gear and oxygen and it's still unnatural and I need to come up for air frequently.
Such a good analogy, the fish Vs scuba diver! @@tavapaschos3136
Therapists have to be really careful when they try to label something as a cognitive distortion. You can’t just hear something and say, “that’s unlikely!” because a lot of those impressions come from a real place. Maybe your patient lives with judgmental people! Maybe they ARE hated by the rest of their friend group. Maybe they WERE hated by a lot of people and that is an old, but REAL feeling they’ve carried forward. You can’t just label something a cognitive distortion, you have to be curious about it and investigate it.
Otherwise, yeah, they run a VERY high risk of being extremely dismissive and invalidating.
Therapists are limited by their own life experiences. If you’ve never been targeted by bullies or seen people be bullied relentlessly, it makes sense that kind of stuff sounds fictional to you - but it’s all very real!!!
@@stephenie44therapists are limited by their life experiences is EXACTLY why I never understood how a twenty something kid fresh out of college has anything to offer me who left that place in life so long ago
@@tavapaschos3136what a fantastic analogy!
I have absolutely experienced this! People used to actually get ANGRY at me for being anxious. I think I was told I was too old to be acting like a baby starting at around 5 years old. I was made to feel guilty and burdensome for needing additional time and support.
I have gained a lot of confidence over the years, though I still naturally speak very timidly and while people are rarely ever outright aggressive anymore, I can tell people find me uninteresting due to my soft and timid nature.
Oh ppl told me to use my big girl voice 😅. On the bright side my parents are supportive although they do blame everything on lack of exercise.
Wow. That person that said that . I hope they aren't in your life anymore. That was an aggressive response by them. I deal with anxiousness too. It's not like a light switch. I'm glad you are more confident now. As long as you are happy/ happier that's what matters.
@@catrice1296 yes excercise is just going to give confidence and give people more money and make everything better. I don't get that. 😮😅
Not hostility as much as a condescending attitude. Reason I stay to myself except interacting online.
People say being online is harmful. They don't take into account people that can't get any human interaction except for things like RUclips comments.
@@brendalg4 I can get human interaction. I'm choosing to limit my interaction to Social Media.
On more than one occasion, I have managed to break the ice with someone and they told me along the lines of: “man, you’re nothing like what I thought when I first met you. I thought you were a b!tch! And some others made it sound like you were. I feel bad for believing them!”
This is VERY relatable, I have had that exact experience over and over and over in my life
When you’re bashful and pretty people will just assume you’re stuck up.
I have a hard time with verbal communication when my nervous system gets disregulated. I sound like I’m having a stroke, and sometimes people look at me like I am a FREAK. Not even concern, like with disgust, which makes me even more disregulated.. but I’m learning some good techniques to calm myself down and get back in my body sooner.
Yeah lot of people truly seem incapable of acting respectfully, when it comes to them reacting to "unexpected behaviour" from others.
It's really strange to me, cause they're supposed to be the socially competent ones? 🤔
The disgusted looks break my feelings for people so fast…. I could have wanted to give you anything i have before that moment but afterwards I will shutdown on that person for good.. not on purpose, it’s like the disgusted look cuts the connection for me
@@erosec You said it perfectly! That kind of automatic response speaks louder than words. Might be one of the best ways to accurately read a person.
The automatic response being disgust , over (what they perceive as ) slightly out of the norm behaviour, tells everything I need to know about them.
Was training on a job and the person training me said “are you anxious?” And I lied and said “Im good!” And she said “youre wringing your hands” and I think about that a lot. Im a handwringer and my dad calls me a face-chewer.
Ive come a long way, I visualize myself standing confidently and taking up more space. Smiling at people instead of looking away (also autistic and eye contact is info overload)
I definitely empathize with this. ❤
i avoid phone calls/text messages bc of crippling anxiety.. honestly, a lot of times i even avoid being the first person to reach out to the ones i am the closest with (even if they’re near me IRL) and it can be very isolating… which is my own fault. i come off as volatile sometimes, too. or stuck up, uninterested, self absorbed…
I’m really not. I’m just always very nervous and on edge, it makes me freeze up and get very stiff around people. I get word salad a lot, too. I wont be able to think or construct sentences when i’m anxious around people, and i’ll almost forget what i’m saying altogether or stop making any real sense as i struggle to make sentences with words that correlate with each other or are even remotely close with what i was trying to say /:
i don’t know if this helps
but i struggle with it A LOT
I’m 30 years old and I have: ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome, Anxiety & Depression
Thank you and I am sorry that you struggle with that it must feel suffocating
I think that people who don’t like anxious people are repressing a lot of anxiety themselves and it makes them uncomfortable because it makes it harder to repress their own stuff.
Just thinking the same thing!
Came here to say the same thing. In my experience, those who seem most ‘off put’ by my anxiety are desperately trying to ignore their own anxieties. Seeing me only reminds them of what they don’t like about themselves.
Oh yea. I realized that when id try and join in to a larger group at one point in time they kept moving away. We were all in the same dance group but the second they saw me come over they left. Which i guess it doesnt make that huge of a difference since usually in a group i dont really contribute to convos but i was a little perplexed. But i guess its whatever. Better to have ride or dies rather than a bunch of friends that dont actually care abt me.
Yes! Or it pops a hole in their positivity balloon cope. Or they just don't get much anxiety
Usually Im the one who always looks self assured, but inside is boiling from anxiety. I taught myself this behaviour at some point of my younger or teenage years, cause I noticed that successful people usually look calm and self assured, so I just learned to mask my insecurities instead of really accepting myself and loving myself. Now im learning how to accept myself, but I can agree, that anxiety of others used to make me feel my own anxiety even more, so I really used to avoid such people or get irritated around them. Showing more empathy for myself gives me more empathy for others now.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I’ve dealt with social anxiety my entire life (my mom says I was born with it)! My last job was customer service and boy, did every customer (and coworker) not trust me in the slightest! I’ve had things thrown at me, been screamed at, and customers outright avoid me. I started to mimic my coworkers and then I started to fit in a bit better. But I realized I was utterly exhausted so I moved on. I fear working customer service ever again.
I truly understand the fear. You should NOT be forced to work in a environment that traumatize and makes you sick .
I have decided never to allow myself to be forced into that position ever again ❤️🩹
I feel beaten-up & beaten-down, my spirit is broken & I'm closed down emotionally by others actions.
I'm just realizing this 5 minutes before watching your video.
You & your family are beautiful. I'm so happy to have come across Toren's channel here!
Time to get my self-confidence back & not let others affect me emotionally. ❤
100% have had this some online but way more in person than anything. I've had some that tried to hide it and others come right out and say it and very demeaning way. You're not alone in this
I have met people who are also anxious and overthink. Some people say I should go out and talk to people more, but doing that too often will increase my anxiety and decrease my social battery. You are wonderful!
There's a balance. The less you see people, the lower your tolerance for them becomes, the harder it is to interact. But going out too much will burn you out.
@@PredictableEnigma That is definitely true,I try and go out at least once a week.
I do feel that way sometimes as an autistic person. But, I have people (family, friends, etc) in my life who are there to support me whenever I feel anxious or stressed. And I feel lucky to have them because I love them so much :)!
YES! Everywhere in my day to day, everyday.
:( it is discouraging. It's not all in your head! I have started to ask people just in case.
Yeah I have even been accused of being a civilian cop, will the explanation: "there's something about me/my presence and behaviour, that doesn't make sense/feels off" 😐
Oh yes, very common. People get angry or annoyed with me due to my anxiety. It ends up making me feel even more alone and afraid. Honestly, what has helped the absolute most is praying and trusting in God. He is always there for me, even when other people aren't.
Mama wolf you’re so precious! Don’t ever worry about the negative opinions of those that have no idea what you go through on a day to day basis. All people have an opinion but not all opinions matter nor should those opinions be stored in your mind as truth.
There is one truth giver, and his opinion holds the most weight.
I had anxiety for so long, and I don’t ever think the nervousness will go away because it always strikes when I get around people that live outside my home even going to the grocery store has to be planned in advance and even then I don’t know how it’s going to go. I’m a HSP and can be extremely difficult to be in public places. So thankful for my husband showing me how to stay focused when I need to go into public places so I can “get in and get out.” My whole life people have called me weird, stuck up, and so on because I was always quiet, by myself, not engaging with any other person and was content for the most part. You’re not alone! And like many other precious people whom go through the same emotions and daily struggles as you do it is good to talk about them! Thank you for sharing 🙏 You’re a beautiful gem ❤️
Yikes, some people have a low tolerance for anxiety only if they are secretly battling anxiety themselves. It shines a light on their hidden struggles.
Any other person would either be empathic or joke around to ease the anxious/nervous person.
usually unknown people who treats me badly and point it out my anxiety or nervousness. They give unsolicited advice like "you need to calm down" and that makes me feel inadequate.
I love you guys, you understand me 🥹🥹🥹
I have a family member in my life who I believe is on the spectrum and they fidget a lot and seem anxious like you. Some people get punished for stimming so they end up internalizing the hyperactivity to not stand out and it becomes thoughts that repeat or race internally. Others can’t hide it as well. When I see my family member acting ‘anxious’ with his body it can be highly irritating to me since it makes me feel anxious too. Granted, I think I have sensory issues myself and am easily overstimulated. I feel like it’s communicating through body language that something is wrong which puts me on edge since a perceived threat is theoretically something to worry about. It triggers a subconscious instinct to start to worry. Now that I know about stimming and what it is it doesn’t bother me as much but I understand how the fidgeting can be perceived as threatening if that makes sense.
I feel this too Serenity, and I know it to be true with some people. It takes a lot of effort for me to say hello good morning to someone I pass by, and usually speak only if I have a reason to or I am spoken to. People have called me strange and stuck up because of this, mostly in school (because adults are not very open with their feelings like kids) but even as an adult I feel people excluding me and putting me in a box because I am "shy".
Something else I feel is a lot of people close to me, like friends or family members would get mad at me for being anxious, as if I was doing it to myself and hurting them and others. Since they are close to me they feel comfortable telling me this and sometimes yelling at me for it. I especially cried a lot as a kid, and got frustrated reactions.
It is very nice to have people who listen to you and treat you with kindness even if you don't appear the same way. I realise a lot of hostility, especially from family, is because they had the same reactions to their neurodivergent traits. But it is nice to break the cycle and realise this is not how things have to be done. I really appreciate seeing the way you speak to your son, not always getting it right first time but trying with empathy to listen to him, and not letting the world's idea of "doing what's best for him" influence too much.
YES! I have this same struggle. I was a very “unpopular” child. I only wanted one friend. My kid, however? He’s mister popular. Eeeeeeveryone likes him and wants to be his friend so naturally, everyone’s parents have attempted to approach me at events. I try to be friendly but I still leave every event wondering, “is it something I said?”
I get a lot of strange looks from people and I don’t know if it’s what I’m saying, what I’m doing, both, or something different? Socializing only seems to get more and more difficult as I get older…
I am not diagnosed with autism or ADHD but I relate to a lot of the content surrounding these issues. I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. So yes, I move in the world (and always have) with a lot of anxiety. I "mask" to the greatest extent possible but my mask always ends up slipping. I've repeatedly had the situation where friends who think I'm a confident person suddenly realize I am insecure and anxious and they drop me like a hot potato. I have also lost opportunities for promotions, etc. because my anxiety skyrockets at crucial times when I need to prove myself, and I usually make silly errors at these times. The best tool I have found is self-acceptance and continuing to reach out and be social, because even if I'm really bad at it I feel I need it. Perhaps not everyone needs to be social so much. I do feel most "neurotypical" people feel unsettled or threatened by obviously anxious, nervous behavior. They wonder what it is caused by, perhaps they even wonder if it is related to them. I feel instantly kin to anxious people, but that doesn't always work out because my "extroverted anxious" personality isn't always a good fit with more introverted anxious people, or other anxious people perceive me as a NT confident type because I'm masking so well. Social life has always been complicated for me but my true, long-term friends have almost always been other people who are either anxious or on the spectrum or in some way not neurotypical. I really appreciate how you have raised your son to feel good about being who he is. My children are all quirky (no diagnoses) and have had various struggles related to this, and I hope I am also raising them to be proud and accepting of who they are and how they express themselves even if it is not typical. I apologize for the long response.
This video of people getting mad you for being anxious reminds me of my ex-friends in elementary school who would jump scare me on purpose in an attempted to scare me and then would get mad that I was scared. I literally had the reaction people wanted me to have and they still got mad. I hope you find yourselves around more understanding people when you’re anxious
I’ve had this happen to me many times before and it stresses me out. It just makes me want to self isolate. I completely empathize what you’re going through.
I completely understand being anxious, I have been very anxious almost all my life. The way I healed from it, was through cultivating a feeling of responsibility for my own feelings. That if people don't like me, this is not about me but more about their perception. If they don't like me (what they see of me, which is usually only a fraction of my whole being) it is because they don't accept that part of themselves.
Most people don't want to be anxious or nervous or vulnerable, so if I am those things they are confronted with that part in them and sometimes they are not ready for that.
Humans usually do things unconciously, to protect themselves and that includes shutting people out that confront them with their pain. Most people in this age are living unconcious of all these things and ignore the truth underneath.
This way of thinking has made me detach from the huge feeling of anxiety, because now I see the flaws and the good things in people more clearly and I know that peoples judgements are never about me, only about themselves (and that counts for me too of course)
I understand how isolating this feels… been like this my entire life also! You are not alone & thank you for sharing your truth! 💕
I have a friend who says she experiences the feelings you describe. She has also been indicated that she might be neurodivergent, as an adult and parent already. I parent a neurodivergent son. Thus, I am not familiar with the high masking behavior more popular with female neurodivergent individuals. But what I can say is I immediately detected that my friend was unique in her manner of interaction. I found her refreshing and focused. When we get together, I find our visits very special as she is intently and intensely engaged in our conversation...or more encounters...I do most of the talking. We always visit only the two of us. I find it special and time dedicated to quality relationships and not superficial perception of confidence and pretense we can easily fall prey to when we are in a crowd. I love my friend for bringing this honest quality of sincerety and honesty to our friendship. She is a true gem! Wolf Mom, seek out friendships that value you and that you can value.
I certainly don’t think people should treat you poorly, but if I see someone who is isolated in a social setting, I’ll assume they don’t want to interact with me, and I want to respect that. As an introvert, I’m that way sometimes myself - I’m the guy who always find the family pet to interact with!
I'm usually a rather confident person so I can't speak from that side, but I can say that being around anxious people makes me nervous amd jumpy as I easily pick up on that and also need a lot of reassurance that I'm safe. It's very unfortunate and I really wish that wasn't the case. I do still like those people, I just can't be around them a lot and I usually feel very sorry for that.
I think that's a really astute introspection, and took a lot of honest vulnerability to share. Just being aware of this gives you the opportunity to make honest & compassionate decisions both for yourself and the other person, on your own or with the other person. And that really is half the battle. ❤
Yes!! I have had a panic disorder for over 40 years. People definitely didn't like me or my children. My adult children don't suffer with extreme anxiety. So I didn't something positive there! I can relate a lot to you momma Wolf!
Some of the people in my life lack the compassion and understanding that comes with gentleness. It can look like people raising their voices and getting impatient with me when I shut down. It is debilitating and also humiliating to be constantly berated.
Something that helps is positive feedback, like kind words and expressing gratitude. ❤
Yes i have experienced this. My brother is very emotionally affected by other people's feelings even when they are not directed at him. This means when i get anxious (which I do quite a bit) he often gets mad and blames me for how this makes him feel. Which makes me more anxious lol. Just as I am working on my mental health, so is he. Every day a little better 😊
Oh my gosh I know exactly what you mean. Its so upsetting when people percieve you as annoying or something for just being yourself
Yes. And if not hostility, condescension, disappointment.
You're not alone in those feelings. I promise you. I'm sorry that you know how it feels. Just know that you really seem to be a wonderful human being. And you don't have to be outgoing, or confident, or whatever it is someone else expects you to be. You are you. And no matter what those people might say? You being you, is wonderful.
I think your mannerisms are just CHARMING ! You remind me so much of a butterfly, or a hummingbird, or a fairy ! So beautiful, constantly in motion, never to be touched ,only seen and admired. Certainly NEVER to be captured and caged in this world! they are only here to visit and share beauty and magic, judgment means nothing to them , they will still be beautiful, playing in the sunshine and spreading pollen to make more flowers,create more beauty in this world. So they flit, flutter, and fly, never still-- because there are people in THIS world who will see their beauty and try to cage it to keep it all to themselves, or they will run around trying to catch the beautiful butterfly... only to stab a pin through its body and mount it to a board, because happiness and joyfulness can't be allowed to fly free in THIS world, THEIR world.
The other moms might not have liked you... for what reason? Jealousy? Your beauty? Your happiness? Your talent? Or all the other many things that make you, you?
It doesn't matter anyway; they don't probably even remember your name, and you probably don't remember theirs, except they tried to rip your wings off !
I was diagnosed with Autism and extreme anxiety at 33. I can relate to so much of what you said! I often feel like I annoy most people, especially other women my age. I truly appreciate you and your sons vulnerability and honesty by posting videos like these 💜 it's genuinely so refreshing to see.
Arrogance makes people insecure.
So when they see someone that isn't insecure enough to hide it, they get angry and hostile.
Unfortunately we live in a world where asking a question to an authority makes them feel threatened by you, even if you don’t really realize it.
Walking on eggshells with people becomes a part of us women, but specially the ones that feel like a manual to life is lacking.
I'm only 16, and I feel uncomfortable being myself with just anyone.
After entering church, I became less anxious about big things, but small things are still in work.
Thank God I feel better than the confused anxious ball I was when I was 13.
I think you are a wonderful honest person. Don't change to please others. I have found that crocheting has helped me alot with my anxiety. I love the feel of the yarn I'm my hands. Have a blessed day honey. 🙏✝️❤️🕊️💜🌹🍀🍄🌻
You are so loved! I see it everywhere around you in this video. Your plants adore you, the light adores you and the room adores you! Keep shining, my Lady.
As a 21 year old female who shows a lot of similar traits to you this was so healing. Thank you❤ you have a safe space here
I can relate to this so much.. Some people seem to get very annoyed when I'm nervous. It's fine though. It hurts but I learned to accept that those people aren't my kind of people. Doesn't make more anxious people any less worthy of love and respect ❤
Thank you so much for your and your sons videos. Your authenticity is beautiful, and so are your souls! Keep being you pls
I've been called a liar and had anger directed at me
absolutely... People do not react well to my anxiety...they feel uncomfortable and "put off" by my anxiety and my apologetic behavior...
Yep, when I show my anxiety the other people don't want to be with me anymore.
I can really relate to your Mom. I’m a lot like what she is describing in this video too. 💝
Yeah I think one point that stands out was when I was 16 and my parents, who knew I had no interest in getting my license because driving gave me anxiety, sent my "no-nonsense" grandfater to take me in to the test after school. I went because I didn't really have a choice, and I failed....
My folks were so frustrated for the next 2 years it took me to get the courage to try again.
Yes. For my entire life. I’m built like a Barbie doll and every girl in school hated me for the attention that got me, I wanted to disappear. They thought I was cold and “too good for them” when I was actually isolated and very lonely and wanting to run away and hide. I have a confident self assured appearing mask now but I hate hate hate needing to wear it. Thank you for sharing your experiences❤ I have also been accused of making it up. I try now to be like your son who seems not to care at all what anybody thinks even if they ARE thinking ugly thoughts. Let them. That’s my new motto🎉
I am always a nervous Nelly, unfortunately it causes me to isolate😢
I think that a lot of neurotypical people don’t consciously understand how their behaviors and assumptions routinely create or exacerbate anxiety for nuerodivergent people.
I think that showing anxiety is an adaptive mechanism, that points out how one member of the group isn’t feeling safe. Socially, it’s meant to direct the group to pay attention and problem solve until the group truly becomes cohesive and supportive again.
Sadly our culture as a whole seems to have forgotten this solution for anxiety, mostly because it demands work and change from those who are holding the privilege and not experiencing the anxiety themselves.
But I think underneath it all, there is still a subconscious, gut understanding that when person A expresses genuine anxiety around person B, it is a usually a sign that person B needs to change or reconsider something. And person B, neurotypical in this example, doesn’t want to change or acknowledge their part in the anxiety, it is easier for them to channel their discomfort into disliking the person who is anxious around them.
Some of us are just not social butterflies. I've always been somewhat quiet and timid in crowds. By accepting this (not worrying about it), I have actually become more confident and relaxed when I'm at a social gathering.
you articulated this beautifully! I feel you. ❤as i’ve observed, one aspect of this is that people get frustrated at feeling like someone else is dependent on them, or that the onus is on them to lead in a social situation. i think individuals exhibiting anxious behaviors are subconsciously perceived as such. for example, an anxious person might over-apologize or be excessively self-deprecating, and then the onus falls on the other party to assure them and steer the conversation forward before it becomes awkward. or maybe, an anxious person has trouble making a decision and proposing it (eg - choosing a restaurant), requiring the other person to expend the mental energy to find one. things like that, in which the other person perceives themselves as pulling more weight to make the anxious party comfortable. people find it endearing to care for a friend here or there (deepens the feeling of connection), but if it is persistent, they may feel trapped, as if the other person is dragging them down.
no matter the age, i think we all struggle with some feeling of ‘not knowing what we are doing’ as we move through life. for this reason, people naturally gravitate towards others that exude an energy of confidence and self-assuredness, because they make *them* feel comfortable.
it can feel very hurtful to experience hostility to show up as you are, i hope it doesn’t discourage you 💜💜💗💗 you seem like a wonderful person who is thoughtful, intelligent, self-aware, and very loving and considerate of others. i’m not the same age (24), but you sound like you’d be a lovely friend!
Definitely! It never stops. 💕
I'm sorry for your experience. It has nothing to do with you, but with them. And I really hate it when psychologists just assume that we make up stuff in our head instead of really feeling other people's energy or having proof. Like one person said in the comments, pure gaslighting...
I haven't really thought about this. My whole life I was trying to suppress my anxiety and until now I did it so "good" that many people think I'm chill, but I'm just suppressing. I'm nervous almost all the time. But some people notice it through my insecurities. One of my exes said he cheated on me because I was being insecure and he doesn't like that. 🤮
the correct thing for a therapist to do is ask them why they think that. usually most communication is non-verbal.. so we don't "need proof"
i actually experienced it a few days ago. We had a hurricane come through our area and it was very loud. Our living room window hadn’t been sealed properly and it was flapping a bit with the heavy wind. i was pacing back and forth, crying bc i was so scared and anxious and my sister had gotten annoyed with me and told me to calm down. obviously, i couldn’t bc that’s not how it works, and she went in her room bc she got fed up with me i guess. it’s frustrating that people don’t understand, and just like we can’t make it go away, they can’t either. i just wish that they knew that feeling us to calm down doesn’t help the situation at all. 😅
Being told that you're making it up is the worst. I often get told that I am mispercieving situations when I know from other people that I'm not. I think my communication difficulties (I am language abled but struggle with expressing emotions and thoughts) mean that when recounting occasions of rudeness due to anxiety I don't do it correctly. I don't know if anyone feels similarly but it's something no one should have to go through ❤
I was raised with no understanding for my quirks and I am the type of person who will write these characteristics off when it comes to others as well. "Toughen up". However, I actively try to make an effort to be kind and understanding even if my thoughts do not always match my actions. Today I did it with someone who had a panic attack during a business presentation and I hope it helped them.
I absolutely adore you. I come off as quiet, shy, very nervous as well. But at times I can get excited about things I'm passionate about. I've had co workers to my face tell me I'm weird that I freak them out and make them uncomfortable that no one wanted to work with me. Every day I try my best, but in a "normal work environment with "normal* people " I wasn't fitting in and it was not acceptable. Didn't matter that I knew my stuff or work complete work at double the speed of co workers. I was socially awkward. This has been a problem with every single job I've held since I was a kid. 😢 I've learned that jobs rather have you bubbly and even socially gossip act confident then actually complete work. Oh and always smile. Not a "creepy" smile a "proper smile"
Man it's a self fulfilling cycle too. The more anxious you get, the worse they react, and you get more anxious... rinse and repeat. I've just recently learned (almost 35, diagnosed ADHD at 27) that the environment is a HUGE factor in my confidence. I've had a few jobs where it just never seemed to click, and jobs where I was an absolute Rockstar. I struggled with imposter syndrome for a long time blaming myself for the things that didn't work out. Now that I'm back in an environment I FEEL good in, it all kind of clicked. It's not even that I'm accomodated different, or things in general are all that different. Sometimes the people or the situation just isn't a fit and we need to move on. ❤❤
I’ve experienced it a lot in my life too. I’m glad people are being kind to you online. It’s good to have love and support flowing in. You’re an amazing woman and I would feel very fortunate and cherish you if you were my friend. Because you’re special and unique and I love you just exactly the way you are. You are amazing. Please don’t ever forget that.❤❤❤ ps, just wanted to add that the only undesirable trait is the inability to accept others with love and compassion just the way they are. It isn’t your anxiety that is undesirable.❤
Yep, absolutely. Have definitely been viewed as aloof, snobbish, rude when I’ve been super anxious (and maybe just in general). I am only just learning to outwardly show my anxiety so people will realise that’s what I’m feeling. I don’t suppose it will necessarily improve their reactions to me but it might make me feel better. I think in general people find other’s anxiety difficult to sit with and not try and fix. When they can’t fix it, it makes them frustrated. Other autistics don’t seem to mind so much. Virtual hugs (my favourite sort from strangers 😆) from England and thank you for your lovely vids 😊
I feel, learning not to trust myself is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Than you have left nothing. What are you without yourself? If all the world would dislike you, it would be a trillion times more bearable than not trusting yourself. I am a fan of just asking people (just as you did) what is really going on. They will tell you or if they lie, you would feel the inconcruency, maybe some hours or days after, but you would get it, if you are open to any outcome. I really think that. As an autistic you are likely to have strong senses and they can guide you. And what is reality anyway. It is relative in itself. Everybody has its own reality anyway. There is no such thing as an totally objective reality. If you feel awful in someones company, it is not the right surrounding anyway. I am inspired how good you seem to have created an wonderful healing and loving family and home for yourself. So you have that gift to create environments that are good for you. You seem to have all talents needed to navigate your own world perfectly! Thanks for sharing that with us!
Yeah I use to have friends who would get frustrated whenever I got nervous or anxious about certain things. They use to tell me I would get no where in life for how I am. Later found out I was autistic and I found that it has helped me become less anxious about stuff. I’m still a very anxious person that part of me won’t change but it’s ok
In real life, I do get the same. I’m so sorry you have to experience that, sorry that anyone experiences that 🙏 please try not to feel badly, that is THEIR problem if they have a problem… not yours - though it can feel that way 💜💜💜 your videos have helped me feel so much less alone, I hope you can feel all the love I send back your way, soul sister 🤗🥰 hang in there and try to love who you are a little more every day, eventually you will have no choice but to fall madly in love with your authentic self as much as your loved ones/we all have 🤷😉🙏💜💜💜💜💜💜
I can be wary to hostile around anxious people because I experienced being controlled by an anxious mother when I was a child. I warm up over time if I can see that the person is not controlling though! I may also be slow to socialize with someone if I’m not sure they want to and I don’t want to be intrusive. I have some social anxiety myself as an ADHDer so that kind I understand intimately.
I find myself in very nearly the exact same way as you yourself but I believe our anxiety combined with our typical cautiousness & observational reticence around others, especially outside the familiar, makes neurotypical folks nervous. Being highly social primates, if one of us is worried the group tends to worry (think predators) but if the group can't perceive the threat or sees none at all, they get a little testy with us like we're the chicken littles proclaiming that the sky is falling when we're merely concerned about surviving the superabundant stimulus and trying desperately not to stand out too much or have an episode in public or at least that's my speculation for what it's worth.
@@ukamikazu I think ADHDers (without comorbid autism) are some unique allies because in some ways we are more like neurotypicals and in some ways we understand you quite well and do not just assume the group is correct. We can translate the situation AND empathize. The only catch is autistic people will have poor luck if they try to apply inflexibility to us to try to decrease the stimulation we sometimes come with. We can’t fix that anymore than you can fix your stuff.
Late diagnosed here. You are not the only one who has dealt with this. I have too.
Thank you to you and Toren for doing these videos. They have helped me understand myself, so much.
Love ya, Mama Wolf.
(HUGE HUG)
In the abusive relationship I left, he would yell at me for being “stressed”, “neurotic,” “weak” and negative, and made out that it was my fault because those situations were, as you say, “undesirable”. It was a great excuse for him that in my vulnerable state I bought into. But now I’m out I can see it for what it is: abuse.
Yup, you're definitely not alone. I had someone flat out tell me that they thought I was judgemental because I didn't interact with them how they wanted/expected me to.
I appreciate your videos sooo so much! Thank you for making real content that addresses what autistic people w ADHD go through. I’m a therapist in training and I’m autistic and have ADHD. Many therapists are absolutely trained to assume that anxiety is an over exaggeration of the situations clients describe but it’s really just a reflection of the real experience. I have had many painful interactions where people were clearly off put by me and my anxiety. Telling myself “no, I’m probably just overthinking” has been way more damaging to me than realizing that people are truly off put by my unmasked and anxious self. I’d rather be me and find the people who like me for me than make my anxiety worse trying to be what others prefer. It’s easier said than done, though!
First: I think you're the best ❤
Second: I have experienced this too. Not with anxiety, but just with me not being typical in a lot of ways. I think neurotypical people just feel that you are neurodivergent. They don't know how to handle that. And they don't have the patience. It's really frustrating. But finding the right people (or in my case one person) who does want to understand you, that is amazing.
And yeah I get hostility from people. Mostly random people outside who make weird comments to me. Bullying basically.
O yes I've be though that even when I'm not being anxious and now just avoid interaction
I have as well. More so impatience, and a lot of others telling me I must be dramatic and/or am not pushing myself hard enough to be more self assured.
Yes , i have friends that encounter hostility for their anxiety . I believe it is unfortunately perceived as sketchy behavior . But regardless, love you mama wolf ❤
Mama wolf, you must know that i am proud of you! The way you have dealt with things throughout your life and emerged as this beautifuly wonderful woman is absolutely amazing.
Sending love❤❤❤❤❤
I feel you! When I was younger my mother and stepfather would yell at me that my fears or anxiety were not real and to stop “overreacting.” Simply bringing up my anxiety could start an argument. I’ve had a very irrational fear of snakes since I was a kid. I was once yelled at in an argument about it “They’re much smaller than you! There! It’s rationalized!” Luckily my stepmom also suffered from intense anxiety as a kid. Love her, she knew how to make me feel better. It’s important to remember that there ARE people who care about you that can understand your anxiety. Whether they’re friends or family, I know there are people who care about you. People are good by nature. Love you guys!
Thank yall so much for sharing yalls life with us.
And yeah i feel like i annoy people. I sway and rock a lot and people have always told me to stop, just be still. But then i get to picking and thats even worse
Thank you for sharing❤
I deal with this all the time. I feel like it makes me a beacon for abuse and is a torturous experience because it folds into this cycle i dont know how to break. For people with high anxiety, i think it makes others anxious and their primal brain wants to gleefully stomp on it. I know it sounds ridiculous to say... dont take it personal. Dont put too much effort into those that want to crush you. You have a wonderful family, amazing musical talent, an informative and entertaining youtube channel and much to be proud of. Consider your anxiety a filter for good friends.
I can relate. (39F discovered at 35). I'm an empath, so other people's emotions effect me a lot. So if someone else is anxious or angry it's hard for me to block their emotions. You seem so sweet and gentle, I think your anxiety and nervousness are a learned response to a hostile world (just guessing?) More than personality traits. And you probably sense things strongly in others and instinctively knew that people at your kids school weren't accepting of you. I'm sorry your Dr. was gas lighting you. I've been scolded by my mother and others my whole life about saying that some people didn't like me and were intentionally disparaging me and she always said no.. until time went on and turned out I was right. I also have been right about instantly knowing someone wasn't trustworthy but unfortunately allowed people to talk and shame me out of trusting my instints which has led to a lot of harm to me. I'm trying to learn to trust my instints better now. I hope you are able to find some neuro spicy folks to be friends with in person. I sure hope that I can too.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and for being you! ❤
People are rude to me too. I think it’s because anxiety is contagious and they don’t like feeling the anxiety. Or they don’t want the extra burden of being “in charge” of the social situation/constantly feeling like they should reassure you when you are less confident. That’s how I feel around people who are even more anxious than me.
My confidence is off putting to most everyone I meet. We can’t win, love. Intimidating is the descriptive used and I can’t shrink back because of my directness, either. I genuinely prefer just to be alone and accepting that has brought relief!
Does anyone else , get nervous when ordering food ? Or if you have to do any sort of public speaking. Also , anyone feels like they are constantly having to apologize for silly mistakes , that might even be really minor , or insignificant? . Also , i constantly feel like I’m saying or doing the wrong thing, if I’m not always agreeing with someone. As a person with intellectual disabilities I ask myself what is wrong with me all the time. I was just curious to know . Thank you guys for taking the time to read this. Have a lovely day . ❤
Hi honey. Just wanted to tell ya, don't change. You are wonderful the way you are. God doesn't make mistakes. I'm a high functioning autistic 62 yr old lady who has been dealing with not being accepted anywhere. I've never fit in. That's OK!!!! I love who God has made me. I'm now finding new ways to handle my meltdowns. Learning from others has really helped. Prayers, peace, and much love to ya honey 🙏✝️❤️🕊️💜🌹🌻
Yes! I have experienced that💞
I think some of it comes from people who are (imo) too concerned with outward appearance, rather than important things like inner character.
I believe some of us are bothered by exhibition of what we perceive as nervousness or anxiety because we are sensitive to those emotional states and we are in need of our own healing.
While i can understand frustration to some extent, in the context of someone else's real or perceived nervous behaviour being frustrating in some way, I'm sorry you've experienced additional feedback from others that was less than supportive and reassuring. Frustration can be a feeling we feel is out of our own control, triggered by something we feel is out of our control; it can come from a place of concern. For instance, if i perceive you as nervous and feel unable to help allay that nervousness, maybe i would feel frustrated that i feel i can't help. I believe frustration can also be a feeling we (if able) can heal and grow out of, for a large part. If i were a friend who had expressed concern for your perceived nervousness, and you had explained your behaviour was not an expression of nervousness, or was part of your personality or neurodivergence, for example, i would hope i would accept that my perception was wrong, or that i was somehow making your nervousness unduly about me (whatever the case may be).
I hope you continue to find support online (which is still very much a part of real life ☺️) and that you accumulate a loving, supportive, understanding cadre of friends and 'chosen family', who help support, encourage, and facilitate your most authentic happiness and best life 💗 (I also hope anyone already in your life, who you would like to keep, comes to greater understanding and acceptance of all the lovely components of who you are, and you in totality!)
You've got great energy✨🌼
The psychologist was definitely wrong about your assessment on a specific issue. I always felt different from the rest of my peers in school. I think it became more apparent to me in High School. I have recently had experiences at work where people would perceive me as being naive, so a group of coworkers decided it’ll be entertaining to set me up in situations/make backhanded comments and pray on my downfall essentially. Luckily for me, I caught things quickly enough so nothing bad ever ended up happening. Besides I was only there to work. Karma played a huge role here, because one of those people ended up in a bad car accident, things weren’t the same at work afterwards. I’d had people think that I had something to do with it which is insane. I quit my job and started fresh this year. I believe autistic people are marginalized by stereotypes whether any of it is true or not. Not everyone is as understanding and with me being high functioning, it’s very difficult to tell however people tend to pick up the subtle differences. I’ve had extremely close bonds with people who embrace me and others who straight up hate me for no reason whatsoever and there’s no in between.🥰
Love you Serenity! You and Toren are so amazing! I love watching your videos!!
I had a co-worker who hated my anxiety. Would jump out at me, try and make me flinch, yell 'don't hit! don't hit!'. Hated it.
Sometimes people just find it an excuse to bully.
Of course there are also sometimes people who are just taking it personal, they think you're afraid of them.
I had a 6ft5 400 pound co-worker built like a giant, and he thought I was afraid of him specifically. I explained my autism and that it flares up as anxiety during certain moments, and after that he was lovely, turned out to be a very sweet and understanding guy.
Absolutely yes. I worked in corporate canada for 30 years and it was hell on wheels. I seemed to enrage perfect strangers just by drawing breath. I was constantly being told … you need to get out your comfort zone. When you are invited to social work interactions you GO, you do NOT turn them down. Then when I explained how a stadium full of screaming basketball fans made me feel, I was told, well you just need to calm down and cheer up. What do you have going on in your life that you need to be anxious about? I was viewed as aloof, rude, uncooperative, not a team player. Even with close friends when i said ohhhhhhh today i am having a doozy of an anxiety attack, they would say, but you have so much to be grateful for. Just concentrate on that. I eventually had to say … when I tell you something like that, don’t pull out your tool kit to try fix things. Just say, honey I’m so sorry you are struggling today. When people say that I feel much better. I feel understood and i feel validated. If i had a dollar every time someone started saying to me … what you need to do is …, I would be rich. Now I just say to people, you wanna run my life for me? Pay my bills. It’s probably the worst thing to say, but it gets people off my back. People who would never understand no matter how much I explained.
I relate to you so much! Im a nervous lady as well. I am a undiagnosed but I too am nuerodivergent.
I had an english teacher once put on my report card that i was "very nervous" like it was a character flaw i needed to change. I was a perfect student in all other aspects, but was quite anxious about presentations, so my parents asked if she meant in public speaking situations. She said " no your child is anxious all the time, that is a problem". My parents just waved it off and never brought me to a therapist and so i am still undiagnosed 😂 but it was awful to hear a teacher dislike me so much because of an anxiety that i did not know i showed and couldn't control 😅 and also that the teacher never thought to try to help me feel more comfortable 😢 so yeah thanks for talking about this, too few people acknowledge the dislike people have of anxious people.
I 100% can relate! I was treated that way growing up and as an adult and I see it happening to my kids. My daughter is ADHD with social anxiety and my son is autistic and ADHD. It's not your in your head...people treat is different.
Ah yes! I've experienced this with my childrens' events at school, and they don't like dealing with me anywhere we go! We are often gaslit by doctors, and therapists! Most people Don't understand me, my husband, or our kids when we try to be friendly. Every one just wants fake. No one wants deep conversations, or thoughts. Sorry you've been treated this way! You and your family seem like awesome people!
Yes ma'am. Since I was young, the girls told me so directly that they thought I was snobby and aloof. No matter what I did it was wrong... As an adult my social anxiety was perceived as insecurity and weakness. I was talked down to and treated as less than. Or, on the other hand, it might be perceived as shifty, and scary, and unpredictable... Met with fear and ridicule and judgement. They couldn't self reflect and realize that I was directly responding toward them and the cues they were giving me. Neurotypicals give very blatant cues with their words and behaviors as to exactly how they view you, and the anxiety is a direct response to hostility. I hope you've learned to be brave when you are encountering these bullies, these shallow and narrow minded or closed minded people and can learn to stop internalizing it and blaming yourself for their problem.
Thank you. Bless you. 💝✌️🫶🤗
Thank you and I'm sorry! ❤I've def received hostility as a reaction when my intention were only positive. Thank you again for sharing!
I’m so sorry that your psychologist advised you that it was all your own perception and caused you to doubt yourself 🖤 I’ve been told many times by many people that it’s annoying how much I say I’m sorry, that my nervousness is making them nervous, or they just ask what’s wrong with me and say I shouldn’t be freaking out that badly over a situation. It’s terrible to feel invalidated and like who you are isn’t the best or what people most would like. You are who you are, and you shouldn’t ever be made to feel bad about it. Anxiety is tough enough on us. 🖤
I agree. Especially the ppl that are supposed to be a support to us, should not be adding to our anxiety and everything in such a way
I had such trouble trying to go to parent-teacher nights for my kids. I never knew where to really stand, or how to, or what to say, when to say, sooo much uncertainty
I feel horrible because my kids would make friends, and one Mom asked if everything was alright, like if she had done something... I tried to reassure her, it's not her, I just have trouble in social situations 🌼 I wanted to be friends and tried to. At the time, I didn't know I was autistic, so it made me feel more defective not being able to handle something that looked so easy to everyone else
I would love to somehow meet everyone that we've connected with here on this channel... Maybe have a couple spots in each state where we could meet up once or twice a month, idk...
It would be great to have ppl in real life as nice as almost all of them are in the comments section in this channel 🌼🩵🩵🩵
I have had a few ppl tell me that I come across as stuck up, stand-off ish, or mean . But it’s generally due to me being so anxious that I’m unable to mask my facial expressions, so I look scared or angry and sit back quietly with my arms folded
I relate to this. Thank you for sharing! The way my anxiety presents has caused misunderstanding and I’ve been judged harshly before people get to know me because they think I’m weird or a bitch. Even my loved ones, who are aware of my anxiety, have gotten frustrated with me at times because it’s hard for them to understand that while certain actions and communication practices are easy for them, that they can be difficult, terrifying and even paralyzing for me. I have people pleasing tendencies so I have a hard time voicing my emotions and boundaries especially when there is a possibility of a negative reaction from others and it has been a point of frustration/anger from others towards me too. Ultimately, developing self-compassion and learning to take care of my inner world and self regardless of people’s judgements of me has been helpful. While I seek to facilitate harmony and peace in my daily life, I’m coming to understand that it can’t be at the expense of my wellness. Being with anxiety in an often shame based culture can be very isolating, but I hope you know that you’re not alone and you are deserving of unconditional compassion. Sending love to all of you 💜
The further I have ventured away from the mask where I was brave, outgoing, witty and even provocative and instead, have nurtured and put forth my kindness, exposing my soft sides I have experienced a big shift in how some people treat me. In other words, when I took of that which protected me from bullies it straight away made me a target. People that see weakness in vulnerability, are really exposing themselves av extremely vulnerable. Praying on others is weak. Judgement always comes from judging oneself.
Yes I experienced this to so so many times. Even Therapists I saw because of my anxiety acted that way. They told me if I was afraid of someone I would make them the wrongdoer and that in consequence would make them angry.