‼I have posted a response to this video answering and addressing a lot of questions from this comment section, watch it here: ruclips.net/video/km7ag3lLI50/видео.html
My son and daughter are autistic. I suffer with fibromyalgia, pots, and everybody hates me even tho all I do is try to please everyone syndrome. I just can't be the person that pleases them even when I'm trying my hardest. But anyway, I have been told my illness is all in my head, I've been told my adult child would do better if I threw him out. I've been very alone in all of this. I get judged as a parent because who has 2 disabled kids and is also disabled? They think I just want to be disabled or I just want to be lazy. I BAWLED with you when I saw you cry. I'm sorry, I know what you've been through to some degree. Somebody asked if I was in 'Special Ed' once, and that does hurt bad. My stepdaughter left me the most hateful message, after I took care of my dying mom last year, because I did nothing else for a year, and I had no idea she was stewing because my new puppy didn't like her. She told me I was in 'her dad's house!' After 13 years of marriage. It broke me. But so has everything else. So I feel you. I don't know if I'm autistic but I have childhood trauma and it could be that, but life has been impossible for me to manage. I don't understand why people hate us when we're doing our best. But thanks for sharing your story. It really was helpful.
Courtney, I am 45, and the counselor I have now finally diagnosed me as autistic. I have been taking Psychological Evaluations since I was seven years old and now at almost forty six. I got a true diagnosis. I am austic,dyslexia, and Adhd and complex ptsd,audio progressing disorder. I am right with you. I have so many be mean to me. I try to understand it. Remember you, amazing person, no matter what people tell you. I am still trying self unmask myself and forgive one that hurt me.
The “why didn’t anyone notice” is absolutely visceral. I relate so hard. I’ve ALWAYS been weird. Nice but weird. And people made fun of me all the way through childhood and college. And yet no one said, hey, maybe something’s up. Easier to sneer and move on. I totally get it.
Apologies for that awful comment that person left. They've been removed from my channel. This is a safe place but sometimes nasty people feel the need to leave unhelpful comments.
Only a few people are psychologists or neurologists so most people don't recognize it. Add to that, many ND people are very high functioning and do a great deal of masking so how can the rest of us have a clue?
You know why no one put it together? You’re hyper intelligent and mask really well. I’m 20yrs older than you and am asking myself the same questions. Make no mistake, not only past Courtney needs this, future Courtney needs this too.
Same here. I pass all the online quizzes and such but I don’t have money to go after diagnosis. I was very good at masking and did well academically. I’m 43 so of course it wasn’t easy for girls to be diagnosed in my age range.
Being a woman is definitely a huge part of it too. I actually asked for a psyche eval when I was only 6 years old, but was shut down because "girls cant get the things theyre testing for." I was horrible at masking for decades and was dismissed solely for being an intelligent woman.
Has anyone ever questioned if they had borderline personality disorder before they found out they had autism? I am a 41yo woman diagnosed with adhd and possible borderline or cptsd. The ADHD diagnosis I believe because the medication actually works. I haven’t taken any of the autism tests yet because if I’m autistic then I’m worried I’m not “autistic enough“ for it to matter to other people. For other people to understand that I really am different than them. This is making me cry. Good luck to everyone searching for answers 😊
Yes, both borderline and bipolar were considered long before autism. People who already care about you will gain understanding of who you are from the diagnosis. Those who desire to treat you poorly will continue to treat you poorly, unless they are now legally obligated not to. Remember that the diagnosis is primarily for you, so that you can understand what you need to do to adapt to situations in a healthier way. Keep in mind as you take the assessments that if you are good at masking you might score lower than you actually are. Just be really honest with yourself and you should be okay. I didn't score the highest on all the self-tests, but I realized I had adapted to a lot of the situations in the tests already. Good luck.
The part where you said that you can't with people anymore. I felt that. I even have a shirt that says "I used to be a people person, then people ruined it"
Oh.. then people ruined it 😂 sorry it is a very funny way of saying it.. and i totally get it.. 😢 love to be with people undtil i actually are with people, then it is just how do i get away from here
It impacts EVERY aspect of my life. I grieved for WEEKS !! All of the struggles and wondering what the hell was WRONG with me ??? I’m 65 and newly diagnosed and months later I have peace.
I’m 65 and undiagnosed. I have figured it all out and it helps for sure to let me be me. I wouldn’t talk to anyone except family and close friends until I was in my late teens at least. Time blind. My gr 9 English teacher thought I was deaf.
I have Cerebral Palsy, from pre-school on I was around people with what is now called Autism. I learn to live in their framework, and they did their best to live with mine, and I enjoy their friendship. Those that cannot value you as a person only robbed themselves. Their different experience of life has taught me so much. A friend had a son with Autism who supposedly did not talk, he was left in the backyard with me. I said hello, his eyes said hello back from queues taught by life I could tell my facial expressions and eyes were overloading him, so I stood to the side of him we talk for hours, his parents watch from the window. How did you ..? Later, I had to explain how not to overload or trigger him, and talking was hard because the rest of his mind was going so fast. The pros did not tell how to...There are people that love you just the way you are!!! Take Care!!!
When you said “for once, it is just about me” I felt very proud of you and happy for you. It doesn’t make you selfish; it will help you be a more authentic human. Good work!
I just wanted to say that this video was the beginning of my autism rabbit hole. RUclips recommended it to me back in January. I had never seen any of your other videos before so this was my intro to your channel. I clicked because the son of a friend is autistic and I was curious. Nobody had ever told me what autism was before. This lead me to your signs and symptoms video which sent me to the tests and a whole rabbit hole of "wtf - is THIS what has been going on my whole life?!" Just got my diagnosis 2 days ago. I am 34, autistic, and ADHD. I cannot thank you enough for putting your journey online for those of us who see so much of ourselves in you and your experiences. This video *actually* changed my life and this experience has allowed me to reframe my entire childhood experience through a lens of self compassion. I still have some grieving to do, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!
As someone who finally got diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism at the age of 32 (still being assessed for C-PTSD), I relate so much to this. I too was invalidated by my family and medical professionals whenever I tried to voice that something didn't feel right. I spent countless hours doing research on autism after it got on my radar (which, fun fact, walking into an appointment with a huge binder of notes and research is a pretty common thing for people on the spectrum and is typically something therapists immediately take a mental note of). I also tried my best to spend a few months trying to unmask before the appointment but then I was super anxious if it would seem fake if I avoided eye contact too much or if I started rocking in the chair without realizing so it escalated my anxiety to the point I could feel myself having this internal struggle between trying to unmask so that the therapist could see "the real me" while at the same time telling myself that it wasn't safe to unmask "too much". I also relate to all the second-guessing and the fear of autism not being the answer because, if it's not, then you're back at square one - feeling like you don't belong and not knowing the reason why. I also spent countless more hours looking back at my childhood, reframing my understanding of certain events under the auDHD lens, and just crying and grieving for that poor little girl. But, at the end of the day, I was so proud of myself for having had the strength to finally self-advocate and I'm learning to be more compassionate with myself and practice a bit more self-care.
Anxiety and depression are symptoms, not diagnoses. Trauma is guaranteed for an Autistic person. Forcus on the Autism and ADHD. What interferes with your life the most? Focus on that.
How did you get screened for autism? The last few years I have really noticed that things I used to hate and find difficult have become worse to the point they are almost unbearable and saw a video on autism and it felt so familair to my issues I didn't realize most people don't experience. So I have been doing lots of research and some tests online that have I have scored high on for autism. But I don't know where to go to actually get an assessment and I feel like I need one for me, but also for my family and work to also take it seriously. I am so lost and I just need to know for sure.
I tried to get help, I was treated with disbelief. At 67 years old, I found out I am autistic. What a relief. I now like myself. Great video, thanks for taking the time to document this occasion.
My mom just got diagnosed with adhd at age 61. The rollercoaster of grief, relief, understanding, etc has been a lot for her, but she is learning so much so fast! Good luck to you on your journey!
The “Now I like myself” hit home for me, really hard. I’m balling my eyes out because you felt like I feel (and have my entire life) and it’s the hardest thing to take in daily and to push past when all I want to do is shut down, which I often do. You give me hope, and for that I am very grateful to you. I’m so happy for you that you got the help and answers you needed and deserve. I hope I get my answers soon. I’m calling my dr tomorrow morning first thing to get a referral to start this process, finally, after 45 years of no self-love and always being misunderstood.
67 and fairly certain, though no official diagnosis. My psych who okayed my anxiety meds for years laughed and said no way. My CPTSD confuses things because of common symptoms. Rocking and stimming for example, and HUGE anxiety for decades. Could never look people in the eye.Afraid to call strangers on the phone to for example find out when a store closed until my mid teens. Always had a target for abusers on my forehead. Took people at their word and paid awful prices for my trust. Deep diving for years on special interests. Score high on online tests. Prefer animals to people by far. I'm basically DONE with people. Hypersensitive to sounds and lights. Super empathic though. It doesn't matter anymore though, I am whatever I am and at my age I'm closer to being done and free.
Pausing halfway through. This "I'm a chronic people pleaser... It never comes out that way... I come out quite selfish... and I'm trying so hard!" gave me chills. I feel this so completely. I know some (all?) of my loved ones see me as selfish and lazy, but I feel like I'm literally always trying to make/keep them happy and ignoring my own needs... Yeah. Figured out in the last year or so I'm (diagnosed) ADHD and (self-diagnosed, but there's a LOT of evidence) autistic. Thank you and please know you are not alone.
Newly diagnosed here but I'm someone who knew for years. I pleased people by giving them my time and energy. They needed a ride somewhere, I'd do it. They needed money, food or to vent I'd do it. What I learned is neurotypicals take A LOT to playcate... They'll judge you as selfish based off your tone/rhythm of voice, body language and facial expressions. You not being the same as them here can be registered as a lack of empathy. It could be more them than you (I do not know you or them), but you'll still need to learn to manage it yourself. We also just take less interest in social stuff which can be viewed as rude. We're human too though, and they can honestly seem to forget that
the moment of truth... Man I cried with you. I have no diagnosis yet but I know I am autistic. My whole life is a prime example of autism... So good to know I'm not alone! Thank you for sharing your experiences! You are not alone! We are many! Finding out that you are autistic is like if in your whole life you were a bad runner. everibody finishis 1000 miles before you, and you kind of accept it that you are wrong. Then somebody comes and point out that you have a huge steel ball on your leg which can't be removed - that you have never realized. Suddenly all the struggle and failure makes sense! And the sombody tells you that you are not wrong! Maybe you are not good in running but you are good in diving... :D
I burst into tears when you got the awnser. I legitimately cried with you and before you clarified the way you felt at that moment, I knew the feelings were a mix of pain and relief. Im in my search for a diagnose of Autism atm. Hope I can navigate whatever is my uneven thing, as good as you did.
You did this for my 13 year old daughter. Your story is her story. These vids have impacted her father (me) profoundly in such a positive and important way. I understand my little girl and what she goes through everyday 1000X better for having watched your vids! 1 million thank yous.
And seeing your reaction & how loving your man and fur baby are, I cried with you. Love you honey. You are going to be ok. Keep doing what brings you joy in your Mermaid tails and more. No one has a right to judge you. So I was so happy to hear you dont care about what bullies say anymore. You are strong! Big hugs.
Hi I was on this same path at 58 I read and watched and researched everything I could, I booked an appointment and waited , as you did , then waited some more between appointments (during covid ) then got it confirmed , I am autistic ! I asked her can you repeat that because it was so surreal and she did yes kerilyn you are autistic! It was so validating . I was also relieved and proud that I worked it out for myself , after years of therapy nobody suggested this! go me ! Then the nay sayers , omg , so hard, especially family, who think they know me better than I know myself and my brain , so insulting! I am So relieved still and happy I did it , I am 60 now and one year with the diagnosis. I have a wonderful online community of autistic friends , more supportive than most my family. Congratulations and thanks for sharing .
@@genacat4599 you can still write down things you have in common with people who are autistic, for example if you watch videos like this made by autistic people and something they said is extremely familiar to you, rings a bell for you or explains some thing about your earlier experiences, in light of Autism, then start making a list of those things. Also I do recommend you look up and take the various online quizzes that are available. There are some books you can get out from your local library which also contain quizzes. You could make copies of those pages, take the quiz yourself and have that be something you take in for the evaluation appointment. And I don’t know how long it’s been since you graduated, but if your school system still exists today, it might be possible to get copies of your school records, at least the digital copies. Also, can you remember if the teachers ever put any written comments on your report cards? Or perhaps an older person in your family can remember? I used to have a couple of my report cards, but now they are gone. My mom was a nurse and thought she knew everything. She didn’t need to keep things. Now her memory is starting to go. She still can remember the most common things written on my report cards, and when she mentioned a few, it certainly rang a bell for me! And it brought back some more classroom memories of the type of thing which I got into trouble for repeatedly. Did you happen to keep a diary or journal when you were younger? You might also reread that if you have it, because being older now, you might have a completely different viewpoint on things you didn’t understand when you were younger. But if you can’t find any other resources that are directly from your younger years, I would do as much research as you can, take some quizzes, Keep track/make copies of them, and make a list of why you think you might be autistic. Read books by autistic authors, and take notes as you read of any similar life experiences you have had. I think the first book I read on purpose by an autistic author was written by Temple Grandin. She’s written many good books on different levels and subjects! Look them up, read reviews of them and choose a few. Also, have you watched the movie made about her life? It is just called Temple Grandin. There are so many good books out there, but I’m sure you can find them just like you can find the very many good RUclips channels by autistic people. The only two channels I can think of right now off the top my head well I’m very tired and haven’t slept a couple nights now, is an Australian channel called That Autistic Guy, and another one called Mom on the Spectrum. For me, I found that doing these things really gave me a lot of answers, Or at least a lot of questions and things to discuss with my psychiatrist! I wish you well! ✌🏼💙🌅
@@SalyLuz-hc6he thank you! This was very helpful. I remember my 3rd grade teacher telling my mom to take me to go see a doctor because I was too quiet and wouldn't talk. But I don't think we got none of that written down or on paper, my mom refused and said I was fine. I never liked talking to the other kids I felt like I didn't fit in.
@kayjay-kreations I am 60 years old, and just got diagnosed (finally!) 2 months ago. I have suspected for over 10 years that I am autistic, but it wasn't until last year I started actively pursuing getting assessed. I finally found someone I could afford (it was still quite expensive, though), and after 6 very intense sessions I was diagnosed autistic. It was also very validating and relieving for me to finally know for sure, what I had suspected for so long. I'm not stupid, lazy, unmotivated, or a horrible person. My brain just works differently, and it's ok! Now with this new understanding of myself, my past makes more sense. I understand why I have struggled so much with everyday things that most people do without even thinking about it. I am learning how to better accomodate myself, and I am more hopeful for my future.
I found out I have ADHD earlier this year, and everything in my life finally makes sense. The most important part of this ND life is that you aren’t alone, and you never will be!
"Why didn't anybody notice" was what bothered me at 33 when I found out I was autistic. You're very much not alone in this. ❤ For me, I knew I was different than others for as long as I could remember. I just didn't know why. Too sensitive, shy, too blunt, stubborn, etc. Stumbled on what autism can present like in girls after learning about sensory processing disorder and took all those self assessment tests and it was like a light went on. Finally, I knew why I was different. I'm officially diagnosed autistic but I self identify as an ADHDer and Autistic or AuDHD as I struggle with a lot of the same things that people with both diagnosis do. The reason why it went undetected in my case, besides the 90's being nearly impossible as a little girl on the spectrum to get a diagnosis, is because my parents didn't know anything was wrong. I have many of the same traits they do and they were never diagnosed. So naturally, they didn't know what to look for. My dad is still staunchly certain that nothing os wrong with him when even I can see some pretty clear traits on his part now that I've learned more about how autism presents. He has like 3 subjects he will talk your ear off about. There's no changing the subject. And both my parents have been social outcasts their whole lives. My mother is most obviously autistic to me. And it impacts her ability to function in life quite a bit but she doesn't see the point in being assessed in her 60's now. Fair enough.
This is the most beautifull video I have ever seen about this kind of journey. As a neurodiverse psychologist, this is just so heartbreaking to watch and very recognizable. I'm very happy you where willing to show us and let us in. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I'm surprised that this video is from a year ago. I'm just seeing this now for the 1st time, so it might seem a little late to be telling you that I felt every word. I'm significantly older, but I have never had a doctor willing to diagnose me. Something has been off my entire life, and I have never been able to pinpoint it. As hard as it was for you to get diagnosed, I'm so thankful that you could.
I hope you don't give up on finding the acknowledgement and acceptance you deserve, even just a ND person or two that will really see you (irrespective of a formal diagnosis). But for now, I see you 🤗
I also last year at 38 received my autism diagnosis and can wholeheartedly understand the sense of relief of finally understanding myself. But also the confusion of not knowing who I am exactly under the layers of masking. Thank you for sharing and take care
My son has ADHD and autism. I've been told by many I have it too but as an adult I don't know who to ask for help. It affects my daily life. I know I have it and I know I need help understanding myself.
My psychologist told me I was autistic on our second interview, on the third interview it was to find out what level I am. I too got the full assessment 2 weeks after my final interview but I'm glad I didn't have to wait for the answer... Like you said - it is a big relief to finally have an answer as to why you are how you are and why you are so different from other people, I was diagnosed at 41 last year. I was grieving for a while as well but looking back at my life through an autistic lense my life made a lot more sense as to why I acted this way in that situation, and this situation etc... Thank you for sharing your story ❤
That sense of relief you talked about was exactly how I felt after my diagnosis. A part of me was absolutely gutted, but mostly it felt so good to finally have a reason for why I felt different. I don't think people realise how important it can be to find out. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and even that felt too late since I was leaving school, but I can't imagine how it must feel to have an adult diagnosis. I hope that now you can live as your true, authentic self, both on and off camera. Wishing you all the best ❤
Your experience mirrors mine! It's so similar, including, and especially, when you said " what if I'm not autistic..." That's exactly how I felt and why I was so nervous to find out, but I had to, at the same time! Thank you for sharing!
I am also autistic! I'm glad you were able to get a diagnosis. I wasn't diagnosed until college and going with a long time without knowing and the masking can really do a number on you. I hope this can help you moving forward!
You nailed when you say 'hopefully when it's about me, someone would be able to relate to it' I, for one, relate to your experience and it is a relief for me. I feel less alone in this.
Your an amazing person so don’t get too upset because being autistic doesn’t seem like it stopped you from chasing ur dreams just minor set backs and currents u where able to fight and sail through to make it here ur awesome and I love ur channel and u inspire so many people so stay strong and keep doing what ur doing❤️❤️
@@jelissatorrence1350 it definitely has been an upset so much as an opportunity to understand parts of my life that haven’t made sense to me, especially growing up.
I don't have a question but I just wanna say I hope this brings you even more support and love from your family, friends and subscribers. I know having the language to explain how your brain works to others can be soo helpful, my learning disability diagnosis has even changed the course of my college and career. Good luck 💕
You explaining how everything went helped me a lot. I’ve been self-diagnosed for 1 or 2 years now. After I found out about autism I had to sit in silence for some minutes and rethink my entire life. Everything finally made sense. I teared up during parts of this video but when the clip came where you had the call with the doc I started sobbing. Because I related to you bursting out in tears so much and also because I imagined myself in this situation and remembered all the times people told me that they think that I’m autistic. I want to thank you a lot for filming and posting this. I’m getting tested soon and I’m honestly very excited and happy but also very nervous.
I appreciate the raw honesty in sharing this. I laughed, I cried but also felt anger towards the fact that there were so many invalidating experiences for you to get here. I'm glad you did this for all of the undiagnosed girls (of which I am probably one tbh). Your Dr. seemed like such an empathetic individual and while this process was in no way easy, I'm so proud of you for going through it. The more we share our truths, the easier it is for the world to learn and accept those who are different and I truly believe that this and the next generation is creating a better world for everyone who is differently abled.
From a fellow Neuro-spicy woman, who didn't discover my own truth until only about 2 years ago at 43...the fact that you compiled your evidence/receipts into a PDF is the most Neurodivergent thing. ❤ My Dx was ADHD, after having two children Dx with ADHD and my eldest also crowned Autistic. My youngest is still awaiting assessment for Autism and I've continued to question if further exploring myself is "worth it."
I love this, "crowned" autistic. I usually congratulate people when they say they've been newly diagnosed with ADHD or autism, but crowned is a whole step up!
While I was waiting for my appointment, I wrote a whole blog on why I felt I was autistic and put photos and links with evidence on it. Then at the appointment, their computer system wouldn't allow them to see it for security reasons 🤣 I wear a Neuro-spicy hoodie with pride when I go out now. It (hopefully) helps others to understand that I may need help or time with some things. I wear that with pride like a crown 😀 I, personally, thought it was worth getting a diagnosis, but I know that some people have regretted it. Not many though. If your autistic child makes more sense to you than 'normal' people, then it's likely that you are autistic too. Neurotypical people make no sense at all to me! Best wishes xx
I'll let you know, this diagnosis does not change my view of you. I'm glad you have your answer for this will help you. And I will still look up to you as someone you inspires me as a mermaid, a person, an artist, and so much more.
12:41 "I wonder how many people are gonna stick around after this." That's the moment I hit Subscribed. I'm 72 years old and relate so much to you and your story. And you doing this on behalf of your younger self means everything. You're brave and amazing. THANK U
That’s generational imo. In my childhood, no one discussed these issues or mental health EVER. It was suck it up and go play, be a happy kid etc. while the adults smoked cigarettes and drank tea . Different times.
I go for my assessment on May 1st. I broke down when you broke down in this video 😭 I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 at 40 years old. Looking back at everything in my life through that lens, so many pieces finally made sense. Flashforward to now at 41 knowing there's this final piece to the puzzle is exciting but scary as hell. I always knew I was different, I struggled my entire life with so many things and was bullied for as long as I can remember. Teachers, kids, kids parents, it didn't matter. What I understand now about being ND, having ADHD and autism, makes me realize it wasn't my fault. I tried so hard for a long time to be "normal" but it never worked. I gave up for the most part and just embraced my weirdness but there has always been that part of me that was still trying and failing. For me the diagnosis will be that definitive piece that I need to fully believe in myself. I am 99.9% sure but there would always be that little voice of doubt. I appreciate you sharing this process with all of us and especially the vulnerable moments. I know that's not easy but it really means the world to me. I know I will be a mess during my appointment but to finally hear those words will be so validating. Thank you ❤
Your reaction to the diagnosis literally made me cry ❤️ I'm so happy for you that you were able to find some understanding and hopefully peace with what's been going on with you. Your whole life was rewritten in an instant and that would break anyone. Wishing you the best and lots of hugs on your continued journey of self love and self understanding ❤️❤️❤️ you're worthy ❤️
Thank you Courtney. I am 53 yrs old. I have been considering getting an assessment for about a year now. Your video was very helpful and it touched my heart. I cried watching this vid. You are so courageous and generous/kind for sharing your journey. I was born with neonatal withdtawal syndrome due to being exposed to heroin and other drugs in the womb. I had a lot of early childhood trauma and it continued throughout my life. I waa diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Attention Deficient Disorder, but not until my 40's. Life has been rough, but I wont give up. ❤
Iv been watching you for awhile, and I’m not to surprised by this. This isn’t a bad thing, iv known autistic people my entire life so the signs tend to go under the radar for me I just except it as normal. The journey to acceptance takes time (I’m dyslexic, known for awhile but only really started looking into it recently) it’s good to know, take your time with this no one’s rushing you :)
The moment of truth after a lifetime of pain and confusion, the emotional release and then your partner and your puppy instantly responding to your distress, trying to comfort you... This was so heartwarming and beautiful 🥺Thank you for sharing
This is the first video I'm seeing of yours. It's funny because I didn't even process that you were saying this, but right as you were saying "if you don't like it, you can unsubscribe", I was tapping the Subscribe button. For any of the people you've lost, may you gain the people who can appreciate your actual self. Thanks so much for sharing, from someone who starts their own evaluation process in 3 days (a couple setbacks aside).
This makes so much sense. Neuro-divergent women and afab people are so under-diagnosed, and I'm so relieved and happy that there's been a huge information revolution on social media that's helped people realise there might be a very good reason why they've struggled their entire life with things that neuro-typicals don't struggle with. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid/late thirties, and it was life changing. Be prepared to process grief over the life you feel you might have had if you had known sooner and had the tools you are being offered now, back then, or even feeling betrayed for not having been "picked up by the system" earlier. Those are all valid feelings, and almost every person who gets diagnosed as an adult go through this, so allow yourself to feel all of those feelings and work through them with professionals and with those around you. You are about to learn so, so much, and you are not alone. Welcome to the neurodiverse family! ❤️🥰
My whole life I was told I was too picky of an eater, sounds and smells that bothered me weren’t that big of a deal and that I needed to stop complaining, that I was too sensitive, that I was rude, etc. I also went through a lot of things that you did. The pandemic hit and my world fell apart. My schedule was non-existent. Then we had to move during the pandemic.
Thank you for this. Current Ari needed this video: my final assessment is tomorrow morning and I’m going through all the emotions. I had a short assessment when I was 31 and doctor said I was autistic but that I would need to do this bigger 3hr assessment to be officially diagnosed but it’s been a year and a half of crying and mourning. And feeling alone in this. But so scared about tomorrow and this video brings me so much comfort. I’m looking forward to watching more of your content. It hit me when you said why didn’t no one notice. That’s how I feel.
You are a beacon, a guiding light. Ever since I met you I had an admiration for your kindness and the way you draw you boundaries and show how to do it. And now this video. Yes, I very much believe there are many fishes that need to see this, that will feel stronger and more validated seeing how you share your journey. I don't think I'm neurodivergent. I am a survivor, who has some sometimes challenging coping mechanisms, but I don't know how is it to feel what you feel, but at moments it broke my heart to hear what you went through. You are amazing. And I hope you never ever feel 'less than'. As for those people who might stop liking you when you stop masking it's their loss. You are a magnificent creature and I love you dearly. SO MERMAID
Thank you so much for your kind words. I did for a long time feel "less than" but now I feel "more than" because I know myself better. 💖 Thank you for watching!
This is the first video of yours I've seen. I'm a 51-yo man who's just now exploring whether I may be autistic. I've had lots of moments of doubt about myself in this process. It occurs to me that neurotypicals probably don't usually spend as much time and energy as I have researching whether they may be autistic. Clearly something about life is deeply different from the norm for me, and much of what I've found from autistic creators has resonated. I just wanted to drop a note to say thank you for posting this. It really spoke to a lot of the feelings and experiences I've had recently and throughout my life. I don't know whether I'll seek professional diagnosis. It's expensive, and I have issues with the DSM anyway (I'm a psychotherapist). But I will say that the validation you seemed to get from the formal diagnosis adds to the argument in favor of my seeking a professional diagnosis. I appreciate your honest and vulnerable sharing.
I first wondered whether I could be on the spectrum some five years ago. I was researching the subject for another person's sake, and it suddenly occurred to me that all the criteria applied to me. Everything fell into place and started making sense. At last. - 15 years of therapy (with 5 different therapists) during which every single issue I described was actually a symptom of autism and/or adhd, and nobody considered it! - I discussed the possibility with a close friend of mine who is a consultant psychiatrist: he was adamant that I didn't meet the criteria (too much empathy he said). - I was told that I was depressed. A therapist asked me: "Have you considered getting a job? Being productive would help with your depression...". (Eventhough she knew that I was caring for an elderly parent who lived with me). I wanted to answer her: "I am not depressed, I'm mad" 😡 The thing is, researching is something that I am good at. Before long, I knew enough to feel justified and insist my doctor refers me for an assessment. When I received the diagnosis, I was told that there wasn't a shadow of a doubt because I scored so high: the consultant told me being amazed that I could have functioned for so long without falling apart, because I was so high on the spectrum. She added that I had severe adhd and that i should ask gor a formal adhd assessment as well. When you know, you know.
I find it interesting how many Autists on this channel are also psychotherapists. I went into the field too to try to figure myself out and there discovered the rampant Narcissism in my family of origin, which now I'm considering endowed me with a lifelong CPTSD. Wondering whether that is the source of my suffering depression or if it is from an undiagnosed neurodivergence, I have also discovered a common comorbidity of the 2 Dxs. I have learned more about myself from research here about these things than I did in grad school, although I made an important start on that journey by seeking the MFT degree. Thank you for your sharing.
Being over 60 and discovering I was autistic and ADHD was both traumatic and empowering. I lost many friends because I finally, for the first time in my life have boundaries and needs that I'm insisting be met. My whole life was fitting into the impossible expectations of the neurotypical world. I'm actually happier, and less lonely, even though most of my friendships fell away once I made people aware. It's our turn now.
I empathize…my wife went through this…as well as a diagnosis for ADD (mixed) it’s not easy…I understand. I’m a psychiatric and neuroscience nurse and studying for my neurology and psychiatric nurse practitioner … I also am a certified brain injury specialist and most importantly. I’m a survivor of two traumatic brain injuries. I had a severe TBI in 1994. I almost died back then and was on a ventilator for a week and in an induced coma for a week. It took me a very long time to heal. I have symptoms like autism and ADD/ADHD. Same areas of the brain are effected. 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ there are so many of us. 1 in 20 have acquired brain damage and many others have ADD and ASD … it’s that they are and were missed in school. …. I’m glad you received your diagnosis.
I am so happy that you got answers and validation. You past experiences make me realize the importance of educators being trained in nurodiverse signs 💙💚💛
It's so important. I grew up in a time (back in the 90's) when the research really wasn't there yet and boys were really the only ones being recognized unless you had much higher support needs.
I struggled all my life and still do with ADHD and didn't figure it out until this year at age 30. I have sensory issues that affect my relationships and day-to-day life. Figuring it out... was like being handed a map of your entire past. Your past choices, why you did things in that way, etc. Your response was the same as my response. Crying right there with you. I'll never forget when I watched a ted talk on women with undiagnosed ADHD and it's like... she was talking about me. My struggles, my shit, my entire fucking life. I just broke down completely because suddenly someone else actually understood me. They didn't even know me. The relief.... is surprising in its strength, like a tidal wave washing over you. Here's to breaking down the mask! Thank you for sharing your story. We are definitely not alone.
I’m you at the beginning of your story rn, and I’m so relieved and grateful for your explanation of what you were feeling. Listening to you describe how the entirety of your life was affected and no one noticed…for me, it has been people closest to me (mom/sister/aunt/one or two bosses) that noticed how I was different to others - enough to describe how I needed to improve or change my behavior - but never to question if there was something else going on. The degree of impact this realization is having on me can be summed up by saying that I’ve been going through some really hard stuff the past couple of years (divorce, narcissistic abuse, family stuff) and I’ve never once felt like talking to a therapist would change my perspective or help me process. But discovering ASD and connecting all these seemingly random dots, I’m immediately feeling the need to talk to a professional about it.
We are all here for u Courtney and we love all of u💕 yes, a lot of us don’t know u in person, but we are here for u as a creator, a mermaid, a person, and an artist✨💕
I cried with you literally every time you did in this video, I relate so much and am so convinced that this is my truth too, but am getting such pushback from the medical resources I have available to me with state provided low income health care and don't have any idea how to get where I need to go right now. I'm so happy for you, having answers is always such a relief, hopefully someday I'll have answers too.
@@CourtneyMermaid thank you so much for posting it, I think this video being out there like this is going to mean so much to so many people. I'd caught some of the hints in videos that this might be the case for you, but honestly as well as you mask and edit that for your videos I thought that perhaps it was ADHD you were poking at. It's such a horrible self fulfilling prophecy where masking both does and doesn't help. It helps you pretend, but the pretending makes it worse. I'm so glad you're going to be able to work towards actually getting what you really need out of life now!
Your Moment of Truth was pure. I felt it all right with you. That feeling of validation, that feeling of relief, that feeling of anger, that feeling of sadness, that feeling of happiness, that feeling of fear and just the acceptance of who you truly are inside was raw. Thank you for sharing that. I have never seen anyone sharing that moment with us. I'm undiagnosed. I have felt connected to many creators discussing autism. I have never felt MORE connected with anyone like I did with you through this video. And I just want to thank you for that. I appreciate you more than you will ever know. To add, where I live they don't diagnose adults yet. So I am here feeling stuck in limbo. I don't know how to move forward. You gave me so much hope! Sending you virtual hugs ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Getting a diagnose explains so many things about the way we are and what we do/did ''wrong'' in our lives. Your dog comforting you was so sweet to see.
Still not officially diagnosed, but I bawled when you got your diagnosis, knowing how that must feel to be validated, but to also have a whole new world of questions.
I’m so happy you finally got the closure you needed! I be been following you for quite sometime and seeing you so vulnerable was super eye opening for myself.
Oh my goodness, when you were told that you are autistic and you started crying, I FELT that so much. ❤️ It's so good to know that I'm not alone. I am 35 and I have struggled with so many aspects of autism all of my life and told "nothing was wrong with me", but I finally got my diagnosis last week. It was the most validating and liberating experience. And I agonized over waiting for the diagnosis result like you and was so nervous. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really hits home.
As a fellow late-diagnosed Autistic, I loved coming along on your journey! NOT ME IN TEARS OVER YOUR REACTION! So happy you finally have some *official* validation. 🥰
Oh Courtney, I wanted to just hug you and cry with you, Girl! I will have my first assessment this coming week and I am 67 years old. Every thing you have said is my truth, too. Please wish me luck. I am new to your channel, but I am so grateful to be here!
This is very much how I've been feeling and how i feel, and I'm honestly so glad you shared your story. I'm in the process of trying to get an evaluation, but I've doubted myself based on others around me who dismiss me and my symptoms. But I've been working to unmask and be myself, and this is just another step I'm choosing to take to understand myself better. I feel this is important to know about myself, and you sharing the same feelings and a basic outline of how it works really gives me more confidence to move forward with it. Thank you
Wow! The first few things you mentioned about sensory disorder, anxiety and depression is all things I’ve been hit with all before I was officially diagnosed with autism
I feel like there is a trend that by the time you seek a diagnosis, doctors and family have diagnosed/labeled individuals with multiple other issues that could have all been explained by Autism. That’s how it was for me too
@@blissfuljoy6049because it's the wrong diagnosis. depression, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder mixed together still are not the same thing as autism. Autism has other factors like rigid thinking/inflexibility of routines and rules, special interests, social differences including a lack of the innate understandings of the established social order that people without autism possess, and much more.
The way you hugged your dog hit me in a way that no other RUclips video ever has. It's so relatable and similar to the love and bond that I have with mine. My youngest pittie is my default when I'm upset. I'm so glad you decided to share this with us. I'll know the results of my assessment in two weeks as well. Much love! 💟
Thank you for doing this! I hope this helps someone out. Thank you for being a light and inspiration to me and many others. You were one of the first mermaids I have discovered and thanks to you, I became one myself! Mental health is so important and I'm glad you are reaffirming that! I'm not autistic myself, but I know how hard it can be to have something "off" in your head space and not being able to understand why. Taking time to research and explore it is a great first step. Don't ever stop doing what you love. Don't ever stop being you. And most importantly, don't ever water down or hold back who you are for someone else just because it might cause a minor inconvenience! 🧜♀️💙 Edit: grammar
I must say that the moment of diagnosis made me cry, but it was also very wholesome when those closest to you immediately jumped to your side to comfort you. It was beautiful and I am so happy that you have someone to lean on!
Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and vulnerable. It’s very helpful. My new therapist was the first person to ever bring this up as something she saw in me. I’m 30 and I’ve always been a failure to my family and teachers despite a high IQ and I could never understand why I couldn’t perform better. At first I thought my therapist was bonkers, but once I started researching, especially videos like this of personal experiences of the female persuasion…well, it vibes hard. My psychiatrist thinks it’s likely enough as well that I’ve been referred out for testing, but I’m in that icky limbo state of feeling like I finally understand my life and this is it…but I don’t have that official diagnosis yet. This helps me feel less alone. Thank you.
You're so brave to share this! And you are a great example of high-functioning Autism with an ability to blend in so well that even you were surprised with the Dx. Seeing myself as a high functioning Autist, yet not as verbally fluent as you, I don't think I'll need a Dx to prove it to myself anymore. I can be comfortable knowing what I am, and I won't need any normal person to confirm it. What a relief. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Man that TikTok algorithm is scary good though, right? Seeing other folks deal with the same or similar issues I've had has really helped me give myself more grace as I'm relearning my brain. You sharing here helps. 💙💚
Yeah, TikTok had me almost ENTIRELY figured out within my first hour of use. I wish I knew how an app could do that so fast but professionals couldn't...
I'm a lil late commenting on this one but I found it while researching after watching tons of Paige Layle's videos and realizing my last therapist had to be right. I'm 35 years old, all my life I've been diagnosed with bipolar depression, anxiety, adhd, and ptsd. I was completely unaware that I had been stimming my whole life, I couldn't explain how as I got older the explosive episodes just kinda went away(I mean I did a lot of work on myself to try and thwart it bc no combination of meds for my supposed disorders ever worked) but I still constantly felt so intensely awkward, making a phone call feels like the scariest thing in the world and I would literally have to imagine that I was someone who had their shit together in order to make it through conversations without melting down. I stim in so many different ways and I had never even heard the term before. My last therapist said she thought I'd been misdiagnosed my whole life and that she thought I might be autistic. So I started researching. I've been trying so hard to understand myself and achieve my full potential for so long, and unfortunately I started self medicating at a young age and that destroyed most of my life so far. I just successfully completed a treatment program for the first time and through that alone I discovered so much about myself and how my childhood traumas were still shaping my decisions. I've been practicing CBT for a long time trying to fix myself, and trauma therapy really helped me figure some shit out but there is still something...something else, something so difficult. I took a quick quiz from IDRLabs and it says I scored high on the spectrum. I'm so glad you shared your experience and were able to get that kind of closure or fuller understanding of yourself, validation. I'm inspired to continue my journey of discovery but like you were I'm fucking terrified. What if I'm not then what the hell am I? If I am what does that mean for me now, where do I go from there? Sorry for such a long comment, I just felt so compelled to reach out to someone who understands. If you have the time to communicate I'd love to know how you've been handling things, any suggestions you might have, etc. I'm going to watch the pinned video below as well as scour the website you linked. Thank you so much.
I felt this for my non-speaking severely autistic grandson when he was 3. Now my 67 year sister just had her interview. I am hoping this will bring us closer now.
Holy moly. The amount of similarities between your feelings leading up to your diagnosis and the way I felt. I thought I was alone in my feelings about it. I was just diagnosed two weeks ago with level one ASD, panic disorder, GAD, OCD ADHD mild inattentive type with ODD, and depression. People have asked me how I feel now with the diagnosis, and I keep saying that other than all of the times I wanna tell someone, "I told you so!" because I was doubted so much over the past 2.5 years, it's actually very anticlimactic. I still struggle with executive functioning, making and keeping friends, sensory issues, etc, so I don't work. I'll have to reapply for disability benefits with these new diagnosis, but it's just really reassuring and nice to know that I have the self-awareness, knowledge, persistence, and confidence to be like, you know what, this is my freaking truth, and until it is finally recognized that I'm not just lazy and over-exaggerating, that my struggles are legitimate, I'm not going to give up trying. My PCP didn't refer me for testing for nearly two years because she didn't believe me until finally, for whatever reason, she started to believe me.
I just today saw this video, so relatable. At this stage in my life an official diagnosis is not necessary. If you know you know. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable.
I feel the same way. Perhaps it would provide some relief and some understanding but an official diagnosis wouldn't benefit me beyond that. I don't think.
Hi! I work with autistic children and I liked your videos. Especially the video in which you describe the symptoms. ADHD symptoms can be similar and Autism and ADHD can come together too. I hope you are feeling better right now. I was also diagnosed with ADHD in my late thirties and it was a relief. I learned to take care of myself. Hopefully you had support from friends and family.
This might be the most beautiful sharing of a vulnerable self-discovery journey I've ever seen! I've done a lot of screenings for Neurodivergence for people, and never have I experienced someone being this transparent. It's very clear how hard you've worked to be honest with yourself. This brought me to tears. Thank you so much for your courage. Blessings to your mermaid-heart! 💙
I leave in an hour for my first intake meeting of my Autism Evaluation (i'm 39). Your video really hit me hard. I relate so much to the beginning and feel like I'll need rewatch this in a couple months to see how much we related throughout the process and at the end. Thank you so much for making this video and for being vulnerable
@@TheaLightweaver Psychologist: "There's no question about it, you're definitely autistic." The emotions still haven't hit half a year later. It seemed like an official confirmation of what I already knew to be true and have been so focused on placing accommodations for myself. Life isn't the same. I'm kinder to myself, half the people I've told rarely communicate with me anymore, I've a wonderful supportive neurodivergent community at work, more confidence when advocating for my kid at school, and my hypochondriac tendencies have vanished.
Hey Courtney, I just happened to stumble across this video. I can relate about hidden handicaps and how a lot of people don't understand them. I am severely dyslexic, and I have always been misunderstood, made fun of, and was told I was lazy. It wasn't diagnosed till I was in 6th grade. I finally got the help I should've had as a young child. But it's something that never goes away, I will always have it and I have to work harder than average people. I know it's not the same as autism, but I sympathize with you! By the way, one of my best friends is autistic, I have been friends with him since high school. He really had to work hard at things in life, for example by his mid 20's he learned to drive, he has always worked, and now he lives in his own apartment. His parents do still have to watch over him from time to time though. Unfortunately he doe's have to take anti-seizure medicine which the doctors said it would happened by the time he reached his 16th birthday; and sure enough he did; but he keeps going and is happy go lucky. He really doesn't show emotion. I don't know if anything I said helps, but I wish the best for you.
Thank you…thank you…for sharing and being so transparent so that WE the people that are around an adult child with autism will understand more of her struggles. They were the SAME as yours. Omg ! Your bravery has touched me. Your video has prompted me to share it with family and friends as to what my daughter has had to lived with such challenges all her life. She also was never believed. Yes, I am also guilty in times of frustrations but I knew …I knew there was something. I tried so hard to get her help. So, Courtney thank you from a worried,scared and overwhelmed mother of my beautiful autistic adult child. It’s a gift that she received being diagnosed finally and a relief. Thank you…..🙏🏻 I’ll be watching your journey as well as hers with an opened heart, mind and eyes. 💕💖
No judgment from me about your "meltdown" (it's a grief and relief reaction! And it's valid!). The moment you cried I did so with you! GOOD FOR YOU for giving your younger self this process, the good and the hard parts of it. This kind of simultaneous other and self-validation is so crucial. GOOD FOR YOU for setting the boundaries and intentions going forward to let yourself relax and breathe on YOUR platform. ❤❤❤❤❤
I've been twice diagnosed, and now for some reason my psychiatrist wants me to go in a third time even though the first one (when I was 14) diagnosed me autistic then. The outcome hasn't changed. I honestly love you more knowing this cuz it's great to know another mermaid is like me 😊. Just know it doesn't change you one bit. You're still amazing 💖
It doesn’t change me but it allows me to drop the mask a bit and show myself the way I was meant to be. I’m sending you good vibes on your journey too ❤️
Your vulnerability and authenticity in sharing your journey I find so courageous and so needed 🤍 I have family and friends who I'm very close with who (it sounds like from what you've shared here) had very similar experiences growing up. They were not diagnosed until they were adults as well. I 1,000% believe that you ARE making a life changing, and life saving, difference by being a voice and a resource for others (especially young people and those diagnosed later in life). I know this video is a year old, but I still wanted to thank you for making it. It's so incredibly important and valid, and I'm grateful you are out here making content and sharing your story!
Thanks for posting this! I really relate to your experiences. I started figuring out my autism this year. I'm comfortable with self-diagnosis at this point since I have looked at it from every angle and pulled up so many memories that make sense through the lens of Autism where they didn't before. My daughter sent me the link to this, she's the mermaid in the family.
I totally understand this in my own way. I have ADHD. When you talked about not fitting in and all the horrible labels people have given us because of our struggles, I teared up. When you started sobbing over your diagnosis, I did start crying. The relief of a medical professional confirming your symptoms and acknowledging your struggles is such a relief. Before I looked into ADHD, I was more or less told growing up that ADHD is just an excuse for Dr's to throw meds at kids. The first time I saw one of Jessica's (How to ADHD) was an eye opener. I watched 2 or 3 of her videos and literally started sobbing. I've never related to someone so much and felt so seen. It made me feel like I wasn't crazy, I was stubborn or lazy or stupid. I had literally been telling people for YEARS that my brain works differently than most before I started looking into ADHD. It took me over a year to find a therapist/clinic that specializes in ADHD and within 15-20 minutes into my first appointment, she confirmed my diagnosis. I was so scared I'd have a hard time getting diagnosed because I'm an adult female, but she made it very easy. I've been with her for over a year now, and I've grown so much between her and my own research. I've researched a LOT about mental health and conditions and whatnot. I have a large understanding and empathy towards many mental health issues/conditions, and I do everything I can to help the people I know/work with. I'm currently an assistant manager of a fast food restaurant, and I've literally had crew members/other managers cry because I understood and acknowledged their struggles and offered ways to mitigate their struggles in and out of work. Research and knowledge of mental health and symptoms go a long way in creating better healthier relationships with anyone. I keep getting drawn back to ASD, but I can't decide if it fits me or not. I know a lot of ADHD and ASD symptoms are comorbid, but some of my struggles do fall outside of typical ADHD. I can say that I don't really relate to any diagnosed ASD female I've met. I don't know if that's because my ADHD covers up most of my symptoms or that I'm just not autistic, but I think there might be more at play than just ADHD for me. I'm just not sure I'm ready for another diagnosis or if it's even worth it.
I get this. So frustrating. Even with a diagnosis, it's not like you can ask for space, or whatever. If you look/act normal enough, it's almost proof (to them) you aren't.
thank you SO much for sharing your experience. I was diagnosed a couple weeks ago at the age of 48. My assessment process felt very very similar to how you describe yours.
Not gonna lie, I cried watching this. My heart goes out to you. Every time I see a video like this I feel so grateful that I was diagnosed at a young age. That awareness helped both me & my family understand so much about me. But its still added extra hurdles in life that just don't exist for most people, & they're draining. Over the years I've found the community online to be really helpful. I'm not where I think I should be in life. I often feel like a burden. But knowing I'm not alone, it helps a lot. So thank you for sharing this. Its not easy showing vulnerability around so many people. Its appreciated. I hope things improve now that you have the knowledge of an official diagnosis.
It's really great that you shared this with all of us. I struggle with things myself, but I think I maybe just have an anxiety disorder though I have never been diagnosed with such and I'm kinda scared to get therapy or anything of the sort. I find psychology and human psyche and mental health etc to be really interesting and so I have been watching these kinds of videos. Girl, when you cried, I friggin cried. I have so much empathy for people who are struggling or going thru something. I know how I feel in situations and I don't want others feeling bad like I do and so it makes me cry when others do. You do you, girl and unapologetically. You are awesome 😉
It made me tear up watching you react to you being given your diagnosis! I'm currently waiting for my assessment. I'm from the UK so I will be interested to see how the UK differs or doesn't differ in the assessment & diagnosis process! I've been waiting for my assessment for around 4 years now as I cannot afford to go and get my assessment done privately. So much of what you've said today I relate do and it's defiantly brought me a sense of comfort seeing an adult on this journey! I hope you've found some comfort in your diagnosis and can now begin to understand your life and make everything make sense :)
Im so glad i came across this video, im going for an assessment (I'm 35). I cant ask family for a developmental history (they'd want to know why im suddenly asking all these questions about my self and i know they would absolutely not support me trying to get diagnosed) and i have no friends. I was literally going to show up to my first app completely unprepared no documentation, but i realised after watching this there are some things I do have access to. I've also taken some of the online quizes you mentioned, i know they're not diagnostic but I scored very high for n/d on every single one!
I just wanted to take a minute to let you I think you're amazing. I am so happy for you as I can only imagine what an official diagnosis feels like. I have self-diagnosed myself as AuDHD in much the same way as you did - through amazing content creators here and on tiktok and deep diving down rabbit holes of research. Thank you for being you and sharing your story. YOU GOT THIS!!!
I think you are an AMAZING and BRAVE woman 💖👏👏 Making this video wasn't easy and sharing it was so IMPORTANT. I think by watching this, you will help a lot of people who have been through similar experiences in their lives but have never been diagnosed or knew you can go somewhere and be tested. My heart and hat is off to you !!!! I hope this new chapter in your life will help ease painful memories and help you move forward with more understanding and love for yourself 😘 Now, can someone please pass me a tissue ? 🧜♀️💞
Aww thank you so much! I really appreciate the support and kind words. It was an incredibly hard video to make and editing it was filled with tears but after the overwhelmingly positive response I've received this morning (and of course the inner peace a diagnosis has brought me) I am so glad I did it. 💖
Thank you for this video 🙏 I'm currently going through my ADHD & autism assessment, I'll get a feedback tomorrow from my doctor and a formal diagnosis mid-August. I'm a 34 year old woman btw, and this is very new to me as well. It's a difficult process, I'm also dismissed a lot, but I'm very hopeful to get a diagnosis, my whole life could make sense. 🤞
‼I have posted a response to this video answering and addressing a lot of questions from this comment section, watch it here: ruclips.net/video/km7ag3lLI50/видео.html
My son and daughter are autistic. I suffer with fibromyalgia, pots, and everybody hates me even tho all I do is try to please everyone syndrome. I just can't be the person that pleases them even when I'm trying my hardest.
But anyway, I have been told my illness is all in my head, I've been told my adult child would do better if I threw him out. I've been very alone in all of this. I get judged as a parent because who has 2 disabled kids and is also disabled? They think I just want to be disabled or I just want to be lazy.
I BAWLED with you when I saw you cry. I'm sorry, I know what you've been through to some degree. Somebody asked if I was in 'Special Ed' once, and that does hurt bad.
My stepdaughter left me the most hateful message, after I took care of my dying mom last year, because I did nothing else for a year, and I had no idea she was stewing because my new puppy didn't like her. She told me I was in 'her dad's house!' After 13 years of marriage. It broke me. But so has everything else. So I feel you.
I don't know if I'm autistic but I have childhood trauma and it could be that, but life has been impossible for me to manage. I don't understand why people hate us when we're doing our best. But thanks for sharing your story. It really was helpful.
Oh boy, my heart was crushed for you when you got the diagnosis. Bless your dog though. Honestly I don't know if I want to go get screened now...
Courtney, I am 45, and the counselor I have now finally diagnosed me as autistic. I have been taking Psychological Evaluations since I was seven years old and now at almost forty six. I got a true diagnosis. I am austic,dyslexia, and Adhd and complex ptsd,audio progressing disorder. I am right with you. I have so many be mean to me. I try to understand it. Remember you, amazing person, no matter what people tell you. I am still trying self unmask myself and forgive one that hurt me.
Thx for sharing !😍😍
my moms been telling me ive aspergers and autism for sitting at the computer my entire life. lol
The “why didn’t anyone notice” is absolutely visceral. I relate so hard. I’ve ALWAYS been weird. Nice but weird. And people made fun of me all the way through childhood and college. And yet no one said, hey, maybe something’s up. Easier to sneer and move on.
I totally get it.
Ditto
I can relate to this too.
I have 60 years to unravel x
Apologies for that awful comment that person left. They've been removed from my channel. This is a safe place but sometimes nasty people feel the need to leave unhelpful comments.
Only a few people are psychologists or neurologists so most people don't recognize it. Add to that, many ND people are very high functioning and do a great deal of masking so how can the rest of us have a clue?
You know why no one put it together? You’re hyper intelligent and mask really well. I’m 20yrs older than you and am asking myself the same questions. Make no mistake, not only past Courtney needs this, future Courtney needs this too.
Same here. I pass all the online quizzes and such but I don’t have money to go after diagnosis. I was very good at masking and did well academically. I’m 43 so of course it wasn’t easy for girls to be diagnosed in my age range.
Being a woman is definitely a huge part of it too. I actually asked for a psyche eval when I was only 6 years old, but was shut down because "girls cant get the things theyre testing for." I was horrible at masking for decades and was dismissed solely for being an intelligent woman.
Has anyone ever questioned if they had borderline personality disorder before they found out they had autism?
I am a 41yo woman diagnosed with adhd and possible borderline or cptsd. The ADHD diagnosis I believe because the medication actually works. I haven’t taken any of the autism tests yet because if I’m autistic then I’m worried I’m not “autistic enough“ for it to matter to other people. For other people to understand that I really am different than them. This is making me cry.
Good luck to everyone searching for answers 😊
Being intelligent? Autism doesn’t mean less intelligent. It’s not an intellectual disability.
Yes, both borderline and bipolar were considered long before autism. People who already care about you will gain understanding of who you are from the diagnosis. Those who desire to treat you poorly will continue to treat you poorly, unless they are now legally obligated not to. Remember that the diagnosis is primarily for you, so that you can understand what you need to do to adapt to situations in a healthier way.
Keep in mind as you take the assessments that if you are good at masking you might score lower than you actually are. Just be really honest with yourself and you should be okay. I didn't score the highest on all the self-tests, but I realized I had adapted to a lot of the situations in the tests already. Good luck.
The part where you said that you can't with people anymore. I felt that. I even have a shirt that says "I used to be a people person, then people ruined it"
That sounds like an amazing shirt ❤️
😂❤ Where can we get that T-shirt? !
Oh.. then people ruined it 😂 sorry it is a very funny way of saying it.. and i totally get it.. 😢 love to be with people undtil i actually are with people, then it is just how do i get away from here
😂 I have this same shirt I've had it for years
Your t-shirt text did give me a chuckle.
It impacts EVERY aspect of my life. I grieved for WEEKS !! All of the struggles and wondering what the hell was WRONG with me ??? I’m 65 and newly diagnosed and months later I have peace.
I’m 65 and undiagnosed. I have figured it all out and it helps for sure to let me be me. I wouldn’t talk to anyone except family and close friends until I was in my late teens at least. Time blind. My gr 9 English teacher thought I was deaf.
I’m 60 and never diagnosed.
I’m really sorry to hear 👂 about that
@@UntangledTreasures
Same here.
♥️☮️😘
I have Cerebral Palsy, from pre-school on I was around people with what is now called Autism. I learn to live in their framework, and they did their best to live with mine, and I enjoy their friendship. Those that cannot value you as a person only robbed themselves. Their different experience of life has taught me so much. A friend had a son with Autism who supposedly did not talk, he was left in the backyard with me. I said hello, his eyes said hello back from queues taught by life I could tell my facial expressions and eyes were overloading him, so I stood to the side of him we talk for hours, his parents watch from the window. How did you ..? Later, I had to explain how not to overload or trigger him, and talking was hard because the rest of his mind was going so fast. The pros did not tell how to...There are people that love you just the way you are!!! Take Care!!!
When you said “for once, it is just about me” I felt very proud of you and happy for you. It doesn’t make you selfish; it will help you be a more authentic human. Good work!
Oh my, read: "it will help you be a more _autistic_ human" 😅 (Well, authentic and autistic would mean the same in this context.)
I just wanted to say that this video was the beginning of my autism rabbit hole. RUclips recommended it to me back in January. I had never seen any of your other videos before so this was my intro to your channel. I clicked because the son of a friend is autistic and I was curious. Nobody had ever told me what autism was before. This lead me to your signs and symptoms video which sent me to the tests and a whole rabbit hole of "wtf - is THIS what has been going on my whole life?!" Just got my diagnosis 2 days ago. I am 34, autistic, and ADHD. I cannot thank you enough for putting your journey online for those of us who see so much of ourselves in you and your experiences. This video *actually* changed my life and this experience has allowed me to reframe my entire childhood experience through a lens of self compassion. I still have some grieving to do, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!
As someone who finally got diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, and autism at the age of 32 (still being assessed for C-PTSD), I relate so much to this. I too was invalidated by my family and medical professionals whenever I tried to voice that something didn't feel right. I spent countless hours doing research on autism after it got on my radar (which, fun fact, walking into an appointment with a huge binder of notes and research is a pretty common thing for people on the spectrum and is typically something therapists immediately take a mental note of). I also tried my best to spend a few months trying to unmask before the appointment but then I was super anxious if it would seem fake if I avoided eye contact too much or if I started rocking in the chair without realizing so it escalated my anxiety to the point I could feel myself having this internal struggle between trying to unmask so that the therapist could see "the real me" while at the same time telling myself that it wasn't safe to unmask "too much". I also relate to all the second-guessing and the fear of autism not being the answer because, if it's not, then you're back at square one - feeling like you don't belong and not knowing the reason why. I also spent countless more hours looking back at my childhood, reframing my understanding of certain events under the auDHD lens, and just crying and grieving for that poor little girl. But, at the end of the day, I was so proud of myself for having had the strength to finally self-advocate and I'm learning to be more compassionate with myself and practice a bit more self-care.
Good for you! xoxo
Anxiety and depression are symptoms, not diagnoses. Trauma is guaranteed for an Autistic person. Forcus on the Autism and ADHD. What interferes with your life the most? Focus on that.
I was literally giggling when she mentioned the huge research project, thinking that was a huge green flag 😂❤❤
How did you get screened for autism? The last few years I have really noticed that things I used to hate and find difficult have become worse to the point they are almost unbearable and saw a video on autism and it felt so familair to my issues I didn't realize most people don't experience. So I have been doing lots of research and some tests online that have I have scored high on for autism. But I don't know where to go to actually get an assessment and I feel like I need one for me, but also for my family and work to also take it seriously. I am so lost and I just need to know for sure.
💚
I tried to get help, I was treated with disbelief. At 67 years old, I found out I am autistic. What a relief. I now like myself.
Great video, thanks for taking the time to document this occasion.
My mom just got diagnosed with adhd at age 61. The rollercoaster of grief, relief, understanding, etc has been a lot for her, but she is learning so much so fast! Good luck to you on your journey!
“Now I like myself.” Dude. F that sounds so sad but so valid.
I’m so happy for you.
I found out at 42. You’re not alone, and in the end, it doesn’t matter 😂
The “Now I like myself” hit home for me, really hard. I’m balling my eyes out because you felt like I feel (and have my entire life) and it’s the hardest thing to take in daily and to push past when all I want to do is shut down, which I often do. You give me hope, and for that I am very grateful to you. I’m so happy for you that you got the help and answers you needed and deserve. I hope I get my answers soon. I’m calling my dr tomorrow morning first thing to get a referral to start this process, finally, after 45 years of no self-love and always being misunderstood.
67 and fairly certain, though no official diagnosis. My psych who okayed my anxiety meds for years laughed and said no way. My CPTSD confuses things because of common symptoms. Rocking and stimming for example, and HUGE anxiety for decades. Could never look people in the eye.Afraid to call strangers on the phone to for example find out when a store closed until my mid teens. Always had a target for abusers on my forehead. Took people at their word and paid awful prices for my trust. Deep diving for years on special interests. Score high on online tests. Prefer animals to people by far. I'm basically DONE with people. Hypersensitive to sounds and lights. Super empathic though. It doesn't matter anymore though, I am whatever I am and at my age I'm closer to being done and free.
Pausing halfway through. This "I'm a chronic people pleaser... It never comes out that way... I come out quite selfish... and I'm trying so hard!" gave me chills. I feel this so completely. I know some (all?) of my loved ones see me as selfish and lazy, but I feel like I'm literally always trying to make/keep them happy and ignoring my own needs...
Yeah. Figured out in the last year or so I'm (diagnosed) ADHD and (self-diagnosed, but there's a LOT of evidence) autistic.
Thank you and please know you are not alone.
Newly diagnosed here but I'm someone who knew for years.
I pleased people by giving them my time and energy. They needed a ride somewhere, I'd do it. They needed money, food or to vent I'd do it.
What I learned is neurotypicals take A LOT to playcate... They'll judge you as selfish based off your tone/rhythm of voice, body language and facial expressions. You not being the same as them here can be registered as a lack of empathy. It could be more them than you (I do not know you or them), but you'll still need to learn to manage it yourself. We also just take less interest in social stuff which can be viewed as rude. We're human too though, and they can honestly seem to forget that
the moment of truth... Man I cried with you. I have no diagnosis yet but I know I am autistic. My whole life is a prime example of autism... So good to know I'm not alone! Thank you for sharing your experiences! You are not alone! We are many!
Finding out that you are autistic is like if in your whole life you were a bad runner. everibody finishis 1000 miles before you, and you kind of accept it that you are wrong. Then somebody comes and point out that you have a huge steel ball on your leg which can't be removed - that you have never realized. Suddenly all the struggle and failure makes sense! And the sombody tells you that you are not wrong! Maybe you are not good in running but you are good in diving... :D
such a good analogy the steel ball...
That is such a good analogy that’s exactly what it feels like
I cried too, I like the analogy.
@@bigbojangles4585 Thank you! I'm with you! Keep up!
@@laura5425 Thanks! Keep up Laura!
I burst into tears when you got the awnser. I legitimately cried with you and before you clarified the way you felt at that moment, I knew the feelings were a mix of pain and relief. Im in my search for a diagnose of Autism atm. Hope I can navigate whatever is my uneven thing, as good as you did.
same here and im crying too
I felt it too. What if there is so many of us running around undiagnosed and still in need of validation...
@@johannamonapa5368 As someone who only got diagnosed (AuDHD + anxiety/depression) at the age of 32, there absolutely are many others out there.
oh my godd me too
You did this for my 13 year old daughter. Your story is her story. These vids have impacted her father (me) profoundly in such a positive and important way. I understand my little girl and what she goes through everyday 1000X better for having watched your vids! 1 million thank yous.
And seeing your reaction & how loving your man and fur baby are, I cried with you. Love you honey. You are going to be ok. Keep doing what brings you joy in your Mermaid tails and more. No one has a right to judge you. So I was so happy to hear you dont care about what bullies say anymore. You are strong! Big hugs.
Thank you so much. 💖
Hi I was on this same path at 58 I read and watched and researched everything I could, I booked an appointment and waited , as you did , then waited some more between appointments (during covid ) then got it confirmed ,
I am autistic ! I asked her can you repeat that because it was so surreal and she did yes kerilyn you are autistic!
It was so validating . I was also relieved and proud that I worked it out for myself , after years of therapy nobody suggested this! go me !
Then the nay sayers , omg , so hard, especially family, who think they know me better than I know myself and my brain , so insulting! I am So relieved still and happy I did it , I am 60 now and one year with the diagnosis.
I have a wonderful online community of autistic friends , more supportive than most my family.
Congratulations and thanks for sharing .
Did you need any paperwork before the appointment like how she made a binder for? I don't have past report cards or any information.
@@genacat4599 you can still write down things you have in common with people who are autistic, for example if you watch videos like this made by autistic people and something they said is extremely familiar to you, rings a bell for you or explains some thing about your earlier experiences, in light of Autism, then start making a list of those things. Also I do recommend you look up and take the various online quizzes that are available. There are some books you can get out from your local library which also contain quizzes. You could make copies of those pages, take the quiz yourself and have that be something you take in for the evaluation appointment. And I don’t know how long it’s been since you graduated, but if your school system still exists today, it might be possible to get copies of your school records, at least the digital copies. Also, can you remember if the teachers ever put any written comments on your report cards? Or perhaps an older person in your family can remember? I used to have a couple of my report cards, but now they are gone. My mom was a nurse and thought she knew everything. She didn’t need to keep things. Now her memory is starting to go. She still can remember the most common things written on my report cards, and when she mentioned a few, it certainly rang a bell for me! And it brought back some more classroom memories of the type of thing which I got into trouble for repeatedly.
Did you happen to keep a diary or journal when you were younger? You might also reread that if you have it, because being older now, you might have a completely different viewpoint on things you didn’t understand when you were younger. But if you can’t find any other resources that are directly from your younger years, I would do as much research as you can, take some quizzes, Keep track/make copies of them, and make a list of why you think you might be autistic.
Read books by autistic authors, and take notes as you read of any similar life experiences you have had. I think the first book I read on purpose by an autistic author was written by Temple Grandin. She’s written many good books on different levels and subjects! Look them up, read reviews of them and choose a few. Also, have you watched the movie made about her life? It is just called Temple Grandin. There are so many good books out there, but I’m sure you can find them just like you can find the very many good RUclips channels by autistic people. The only two channels I can think of right now off the top my head well I’m very tired and haven’t slept a couple nights now, is an Australian channel called That Autistic Guy, and another one called Mom on the Spectrum.
For me, I found that doing these things really gave me a lot of answers, Or at least a lot of questions and things to discuss with my psychiatrist! I wish you well! ✌🏼💙🌅
@@SalyLuz-hc6he thank you! This was very helpful. I remember my 3rd grade teacher telling my mom to take me to go see a doctor because I was too quiet and wouldn't talk. But I don't think we got none of that written down or on paper, my mom refused and said I was fine. I never liked talking to the other kids I felt like I didn't fit in.
I am 55. I am currrently getting assessed. Traditional therapy isn't helpful for many of us, which is why diagnosis is important to our health
@kayjay-kreations I am 60 years old, and just got diagnosed (finally!) 2 months ago. I have suspected for over 10 years that I am autistic, but it wasn't until last year I started actively pursuing getting assessed. I finally found someone I could afford (it was still quite expensive, though), and after 6 very intense sessions I was diagnosed autistic.
It was also very validating and relieving for me to finally know for sure, what I had suspected for so long. I'm not stupid, lazy, unmotivated, or a horrible person. My brain just works differently, and it's ok! Now with this new understanding of myself, my past makes more sense. I understand why I have struggled so much with everyday things that most people do without even thinking about it. I am learning how to better accomodate myself, and I am more hopeful for my future.
I found out I have ADHD earlier this year, and everything in my life finally makes sense. The most important part of this ND life is that you aren’t alone, and you never will be!
The same to you. 💖 Thank you for sharing and for watching my video.
"Why didn't anybody notice" was what bothered me at 33 when I found out I was autistic. You're very much not alone in this. ❤ For me, I knew I was different than others for as long as I could remember. I just didn't know why. Too sensitive, shy, too blunt, stubborn, etc. Stumbled on what autism can present like in girls after learning about sensory processing disorder and took all those self assessment tests and it was like a light went on. Finally, I knew why I was different.
I'm officially diagnosed autistic but I self identify as an ADHDer and Autistic or AuDHD as I struggle with a lot of the same things that people with both diagnosis do. The reason why it went undetected in my case, besides the 90's being nearly impossible as a little girl on the spectrum to get a diagnosis, is because my parents didn't know anything was wrong.
I have many of the same traits they do and they were never diagnosed. So naturally, they didn't know what to look for. My dad is still staunchly certain that nothing os wrong with him when even I can see some pretty clear traits on his part now that I've learned more about how autism presents. He has like 3 subjects he will talk your ear off about. There's no changing the subject. And both my parents have been social outcasts their whole lives. My mother is most obviously autistic to me. And it impacts her ability to function in life quite a bit but she doesn't see the point in being assessed in her 60's now. Fair enough.
I relate to this so much. Thanks for sharing.
Self - Identify .?
This is the most beautifull video I have ever seen about this kind of journey. As a neurodiverse psychologist, this is just so heartbreaking to watch and very recognizable. I'm very happy you where willing to show us and let us in.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I really appreciate it. 💖
You expressed my thoughts exactly! Before my retirement, I also worked as a neurodiverse psychologist.
How would I go about getting tested by someone who is also neurodivergent?
@@laurennnsavageee_ look up Embrace Autism. The professionals there are neurodivergent.
I'm surprised that this video is from a year ago. I'm just seeing this now for the 1st time, so it might seem a little late to be telling you that I felt every word. I'm significantly older, but I have never had a doctor willing to diagnose me. Something has been off my entire life, and I have never been able to pinpoint it. As hard as it was for you to get diagnosed, I'm so thankful that you could.
I hope you don't give up on finding the acknowledgement and acceptance you deserve, even just a ND person or two that will really see you (irrespective of a formal diagnosis). But for now, I see you 🤗
I also last year at 38 received my autism diagnosis and can wholeheartedly understand the sense of relief of finally understanding myself. But also the confusion of not knowing who I am exactly under the layers of masking. Thank you for sharing and take care
It has definitely been an ongoing process to discover who I am under the mask I’ve worn for so long. Thank you for watching and for commenting ❤️
My son has ADHD and autism. I've been told by many I have it too but as an adult I don't know who to ask for help. It affects my daily life. I know I have it and I know I need help understanding myself.
My psychologist told me I was autistic on our second interview, on the third interview it was to find out what level I am. I too got the full assessment 2 weeks after my final interview but I'm glad I didn't have to wait for the answer... Like you said - it is a big relief to finally have an answer as to why you are how you are and why you are so different from other people, I was diagnosed at 41 last year. I was grieving for a while as well but looking back at my life through an autistic lense my life made a lot more sense as to why I acted this way in that situation, and this situation etc... Thank you for sharing your story ❤
That sense of relief you talked about was exactly how I felt after my diagnosis. A part of me was absolutely gutted, but mostly it felt so good to finally have a reason for why I felt different. I don't think people realise how important it can be to find out. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and even that felt too late since I was leaving school, but I can't imagine how it must feel to have an adult diagnosis. I hope that now you can live as your true, authentic self, both on and off camera. Wishing you all the best ❤
Thank you so much ❤️
Your experience mirrors mine! It's so similar, including, and especially, when you said " what if I'm not autistic..." That's exactly how I felt and why I was so nervous to find out, but I had to, at the same time! Thank you for sharing!
I am also autistic! I'm glad you were able to get a diagnosis. I wasn't diagnosed until college and going with a long time without knowing and the masking can really do a number on you. I hope this can help you moving forward!
Thank you, it’s already making my life make more sense
Your great Courtney you probably won’t see this but I’m always here supporting you hugs from nj
@@sammiewinchester3089 I did see it and thank you ❤️
You got this merbabe trust me it all eventually balances out it takes time but it does
Masking definitely can. Thank you for watching ❤️
You nailed when you say 'hopefully when it's about me, someone would be able to relate to it' I, for one, relate to your experience and it is a relief for me. I feel less alone in this.
Chapters are in the description, as well as my resources. Feel free to ask questions if you have them and I will do my best to get back to you. 💖
You're very strong and brave Courtney. Lots of love and keep being the wonderful person you are. 💕🐠
@@orclovesprince thank you ❤️
Your an amazing person so don’t get too upset because being autistic doesn’t seem like it stopped you from chasing ur dreams just minor set backs and currents u where able to fight and sail through to make it here ur awesome and I love ur channel and u inspire so many people so stay strong and keep doing what ur doing❤️❤️
@@jelissatorrence1350 it definitely has been an upset so much as an opportunity to understand parts of my life that haven’t made sense to me, especially growing up.
I don't have a question but I just wanna say I hope this brings you even more support and love from your family, friends and subscribers. I know having the language to explain how your brain works to others can be soo helpful, my learning disability diagnosis has even changed the course of my college and career.
Good luck 💕
You explaining how everything went helped me a lot.
I’ve been self-diagnosed for 1 or 2 years now. After I found out about autism I had to sit in silence for some minutes and rethink my entire life. Everything finally made sense.
I teared up during parts of this video but when the clip came where you had the call with the doc I started sobbing. Because I related to you bursting out in tears so much and also because I imagined myself in this situation and remembered all the times people told me that they think that I’m autistic.
I want to thank you a lot for filming and posting this. I’m getting tested soon and I’m honestly very excited and happy but also very nervous.
I appreciate the raw honesty in sharing this. I laughed, I cried but also felt anger towards the fact that there were so many invalidating experiences for you to get here. I'm glad you did this for all of the undiagnosed girls (of which I am probably one tbh). Your Dr. seemed like such an empathetic individual and while this process was in no way easy, I'm so proud of you for going through it. The more we share our truths, the easier it is for the world to learn and accept those who are different and I truly believe that this and the next generation is creating a better world for everyone who is differently abled.
Thank you so much Faith, I really appreciate you taking the time to watch and to comment. ❤️
From a fellow Neuro-spicy woman, who didn't discover my own truth until only about 2 years ago at 43...the fact that you compiled your evidence/receipts into a PDF is the most Neurodivergent thing. ❤ My Dx was ADHD, after having two children Dx with ADHD and my eldest also crowned Autistic. My youngest is still awaiting assessment for Autism and I've continued to question if further exploring myself is "worth it."
I love this, "crowned" autistic. I usually congratulate people when they say they've been newly diagnosed with ADHD or autism, but crowned is a whole step up!
While I was waiting for my appointment, I wrote a whole blog on why I felt I was autistic and put photos and links with evidence on it. Then at the appointment, their computer system wouldn't allow them to see it for security reasons 🤣
I wear a Neuro-spicy hoodie with pride when I go out now. It (hopefully) helps others to understand that I may need help or time with some things. I wear that with pride like a crown 😀
I, personally, thought it was worth getting a diagnosis, but I know that some people have regretted it. Not many though. If your autistic child makes more sense to you than 'normal' people, then it's likely that you are autistic too. Neurotypical people make no sense at all to me!
Best wishes xx
Lol “neuro-spicy” is amazing
I'll let you know, this diagnosis does not change my view of you. I'm glad you have your answer for this will help you. And I will still look up to you as someone you inspires me as a mermaid, a person, an artist, and so much more.
Thank you, I'm glad that I can still be that for you
12:41 "I wonder how many people are gonna stick around after this." That's the moment I hit Subscribed. I'm 72 years old and relate so much to you and your story. And you doing this on behalf of your younger self means everything. You're brave and amazing. THANK U
“I just wish I knew why nobody noticed” i relate too well. ❤
I think most people notice, they just don't want to acknowledge it.
That’s generational imo.
In my childhood, no one discussed these issues or mental health EVER. It was suck it up and go play, be a happy kid etc. while the adults smoked cigarettes and drank tea .
Different times.
I go for my assessment on May 1st. I broke down when you broke down in this video 😭 I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 at 40 years old. Looking back at everything in my life through that lens, so many pieces finally made sense. Flashforward to now at 41 knowing there's this final piece to the puzzle is exciting but scary as hell. I always knew I was different, I struggled my entire life with so many things and was bullied for as long as I can remember. Teachers, kids, kids parents, it didn't matter. What I understand now about being ND, having ADHD and autism, makes me realize it wasn't my fault. I tried so hard for a long time to be "normal" but it never worked. I gave up for the most part and just embraced my weirdness but there has always been that part of me that was still trying and failing. For me the diagnosis will be that definitive piece that I need to fully believe in myself. I am 99.9% sure but there would always be that little voice of doubt. I appreciate you sharing this process with all of us and especially the vulnerable moments. I know that's not easy but it really means the world to me. I know I will be a mess during my appointment but to finally hear those words will be so validating. Thank you ❤
Your reaction to the diagnosis literally made me cry ❤️ I'm so happy for you that you were able to find some understanding and hopefully peace with what's been going on with you. Your whole life was rewritten in an instant and that would break anyone.
Wishing you the best and lots of hugs on your continued journey of self love and self understanding ❤️❤️❤️ you're worthy ❤️
Thank you so much ❤️
Thank you Courtney. I am 53 yrs old. I have been considering getting an assessment for about a year now. Your video was very helpful and it touched my heart. I cried watching this vid. You are so courageous and generous/kind for sharing your journey. I was born with neonatal withdtawal syndrome due to being exposed to heroin and other drugs in the womb. I had a lot of early childhood trauma and it continued throughout my life. I waa diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Attention Deficient Disorder, but not until my 40's. Life has been rough, but I wont give up. ❤
I hope you got tested I got finally diagnosed at 50 now 53
Iv been watching you for awhile, and I’m not to surprised by this. This isn’t a bad thing, iv known autistic people my entire life so the signs tend to go under the radar for me I just except it as normal. The journey to acceptance takes time (I’m dyslexic, known for awhile but only really started looking into it recently) it’s good to know, take your time with this no one’s rushing you :)
Thank you
"I just except it as normal."
I believe you meant "accept".
@@knrdvmmlbkkn you are quite right, I didn’t pick up on the mistake
The moment of truth after a lifetime of pain and confusion, the emotional release and then your partner and your puppy instantly responding to your distress, trying to comfort you...
This was so heartwarming and beautiful 🥺Thank you for sharing
Hey! You're among friends. My own diagnosis was pretty earth shattering but validating. It changed everything and nothing, all at once.
That's pretty much how I felt too. It felt like I could see the code of the Matrix but now WTF do I do with it? You know?
@@CourtneyMermaid what you do is be the bestest you the strongest you and you are not alone
This is the first video I'm seeing of yours. It's funny because I didn't even process that you were saying this, but right as you were saying "if you don't like it, you can unsubscribe", I was tapping the Subscribe button. For any of the people you've lost, may you gain the people who can appreciate your actual self.
Thanks so much for sharing, from someone who starts their own evaluation process in 3 days (a couple setbacks aside).
This makes so much sense. Neuro-divergent women and afab people are so under-diagnosed, and I'm so relieved and happy that there's been a huge information revolution on social media that's helped people realise there might be a very good reason why they've struggled their entire life with things that neuro-typicals don't struggle with. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid/late thirties, and it was life changing. Be prepared to process grief over the life you feel you might have had if you had known sooner and had the tools you are being offered now, back then, or even feeling betrayed for not having been "picked up by the system" earlier. Those are all valid feelings, and almost every person who gets diagnosed as an adult go through this, so allow yourself to feel all of those feelings and work through them with professionals and with those around you. You are about to learn so, so much, and you are not alone. Welcome to the neurodiverse family! ❤️🥰
My whole life I was told I was too picky of an eater, sounds and smells that bothered me weren’t that big of a deal and that I needed to stop complaining, that I was too sensitive, that I was rude, etc. I also went through a lot of things that you did. The pandemic hit and my world fell apart. My schedule was non-existent. Then we had to move during the pandemic.
RELATABLE
Thank you for this. Current Ari needed this video: my final assessment is tomorrow morning and I’m going through all the emotions. I had a short assessment when I was 31 and doctor said I was autistic but that I would need to do this bigger 3hr assessment to be officially diagnosed but it’s been a year and a half of crying and mourning. And feeling alone in this. But so scared about tomorrow and this video brings me so much comfort. I’m looking forward to watching more of your content. It hit me when you said why didn’t no one notice. That’s how I feel.
You are a beacon, a guiding light. Ever since I met you I had an admiration for your kindness and the way you draw you boundaries and show how to do it.
And now this video. Yes, I very much believe there are many fishes that need to see this, that will feel stronger and more validated seeing how you share your journey.
I don't think I'm neurodivergent. I am a survivor, who has some sometimes challenging coping mechanisms, but I don't know how is it to feel what you feel, but at moments it broke my heart to hear what you went through. You are amazing. And I hope you never ever feel 'less than'. As for those people who might stop liking you when you stop masking it's their loss. You are a magnificent creature and I love you dearly. SO MERMAID
Thank you so much for your kind words. I did for a long time feel "less than" but now I feel "more than" because I know myself better. 💖 Thank you for watching!
@@CourtneyMermaid thats how it was for me when i got my results i am so very happy you met yourself some more
This is the first video of yours I've seen. I'm a 51-yo man who's just now exploring whether I may be autistic. I've had lots of moments of doubt about myself in this process. It occurs to me that neurotypicals probably don't usually spend as much time and energy as I have researching whether they may be autistic. Clearly something about life is deeply different from the norm for me, and much of what I've found from autistic creators has resonated. I just wanted to drop a note to say thank you for posting this. It really spoke to a lot of the feelings and experiences I've had recently and throughout my life. I don't know whether I'll seek professional diagnosis. It's expensive, and I have issues with the DSM anyway (I'm a psychotherapist). But I will say that the validation you seemed to get from the formal diagnosis adds to the argument in favor of my seeking a professional diagnosis. I appreciate your honest and vulnerable sharing.
I first wondered whether I could be on the spectrum some five years ago.
I was researching the subject for another person's sake, and it suddenly occurred to me that all the criteria applied to me.
Everything fell into place and started making sense. At last.
- 15 years of therapy (with 5 different therapists) during which every single issue I described was actually a symptom of autism and/or adhd, and nobody considered it!
- I discussed the possibility with a close friend of mine who is a consultant psychiatrist: he was adamant that I didn't meet the criteria (too much empathy he said).
- I was told that I was depressed.
A therapist asked me: "Have you considered getting a job? Being productive would help with your depression...". (Eventhough she knew that I was caring for an elderly parent who lived with me).
I wanted to answer her: "I am not depressed, I'm mad" 😡
The thing is, researching is something that I am good at. Before long, I knew enough to feel justified and insist my doctor refers me for an assessment.
When I received the diagnosis, I was told that there wasn't a shadow of a doubt because I scored so high: the consultant told me being amazed that I could have functioned for so long without falling apart, because I was so high on the spectrum. She added that I had severe adhd and that i should ask gor a formal adhd assessment as well.
When you know, you know.
I find it interesting how many Autists on this channel are also psychotherapists. I went into the field too to try to figure myself out and there discovered the rampant Narcissism in my family of origin, which now I'm considering endowed me with a lifelong CPTSD. Wondering whether that is the source of my suffering depression or if it is from an undiagnosed neurodivergence, I have also discovered a common comorbidity of the 2 Dxs. I have learned more about myself from research here about these things than I did in grad school, although I made an important start on that journey by seeking the MFT degree. Thank you for your sharing.
Being over 60 and discovering I was autistic and ADHD was both traumatic and empowering. I lost many friends because I finally, for the first time in my life have boundaries and needs that I'm insisting be met. My whole life was fitting into the impossible expectations of the neurotypical world. I'm actually happier, and less lonely, even though most of my friendships fell away once I made people aware. It's our turn now.
I empathize…my wife went through this…as well as a diagnosis for ADD (mixed) it’s not easy…I understand. I’m a psychiatric and neuroscience nurse and studying for my neurology and psychiatric nurse practitioner … I also am a certified brain injury specialist and most importantly. I’m a survivor of two traumatic brain injuries. I had a severe TBI in 1994. I almost died back then and was on a ventilator for a week and in an induced coma for a week. It took me a very long time to heal. I have symptoms like autism and ADD/ADHD. Same areas of the brain are effected. 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ there are so many of us. 1 in 20 have acquired brain damage and many others have ADD and ASD … it’s that they are and were missed in school. …. I’m glad you received your diagnosis.
I am so happy that you got answers and validation. You past experiences make me realize the importance of educators being trained in nurodiverse signs 💙💚💛
It's so important. I grew up in a time (back in the 90's) when the research really wasn't there yet and boys were really the only ones being recognized unless you had much higher support needs.
Thank you for being so open. This is worth its weight in gold. You have encouraged my 77- yr-old self to continue finding myself.
🎉🤗
I struggled all my life and still do with ADHD and didn't figure it out until this year at age 30.
I have sensory issues that affect my relationships and day-to-day life. Figuring it out... was like being handed a map of your entire past. Your past choices, why you did things in that way, etc. Your response was the same as my response. Crying right there with you. I'll never forget when I watched a ted talk on women with undiagnosed ADHD and it's like... she was talking about me. My struggles, my shit, my entire fucking life. I just broke down completely because suddenly someone else actually understood me. They didn't even know me. The relief.... is surprising in its strength, like a tidal wave washing over you.
Here's to breaking down the mask!
Thank you for sharing your story. We are definitely not alone.
I’m you at the beginning of your story rn, and I’m so relieved and grateful for your explanation of what you were feeling. Listening to you describe how the entirety of your life was affected and no one noticed…for me, it has been people closest to me (mom/sister/aunt/one or two bosses) that noticed how I was different to others - enough to describe how I needed to improve or change my behavior - but never to question if there was something else going on.
The degree of impact this realization is having on me can be summed up by saying that I’ve been going through some really hard stuff the past couple of years (divorce, narcissistic abuse, family stuff) and I’ve never once felt like talking to a therapist would change my perspective or help me process. But discovering ASD and connecting all these seemingly random dots, I’m immediately feeling the need to talk to a professional about it.
We are all here for u Courtney and we love all of u💕 yes, a lot of us don’t know u in person, but we are here for u as a creator, a mermaid, a person, and an artist✨💕
Thank you
Sending you so much love !!!!
Thank you so much ❤️
Thank you for shedding light on those of us not "normal enough" yet not quite weird enough to fit anywhere.
I cried with you literally every time you did in this video, I relate so much and am so convinced that this is my truth too, but am getting such pushback from the medical resources I have available to me with state provided low income health care and don't have any idea how to get where I need to go right now. I'm so happy for you, having answers is always such a relief, hopefully someday I'll have answers too.
I'm wishing you well on your journey and I hope that you are able to overcome this. Thank you so much for watching my video. 💖
@@CourtneyMermaid thank you so much for posting it, I think this video being out there like this is going to mean so much to so many people. I'd caught some of the hints in videos that this might be the case for you, but honestly as well as you mask and edit that for your videos I thought that perhaps it was ADHD you were poking at. It's such a horrible self fulfilling prophecy where masking both does and doesn't help. It helps you pretend, but the pretending makes it worse. I'm so glad you're going to be able to work towards actually getting what you really need out of life now!
Your Moment of Truth was pure. I felt it all right with you. That feeling of validation, that feeling of relief, that feeling of anger, that feeling of sadness, that feeling of happiness, that feeling of fear and just the acceptance of who you truly are inside was raw. Thank you for sharing that. I have never seen anyone sharing that moment with us. I'm undiagnosed. I have felt connected to many creators discussing autism. I have never felt MORE connected with anyone like I did with you through this video. And I just want to thank you for that. I appreciate you more than you will ever know.
To add, where I live they don't diagnose adults yet. So I am here feeling stuck in limbo. I don't know how to move forward. You gave me so much hope! Sending you virtual hugs ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Getting a diagnose explains so many things about the way we are and what we do/did ''wrong'' in our lives. Your dog comforting you was so sweet to see.
Still not officially diagnosed, but I bawled when you got your diagnosis, knowing how that must feel to be validated, but to also have a whole new world of questions.
I’m so happy you finally got the closure you needed! I be been following you for quite sometime and seeing you so vulnerable was super eye opening for myself.
Thank you for watching 💖
Oh my goodness, when you were told that you are autistic and you started crying, I FELT that so much. ❤️ It's so good to know that I'm not alone. I am 35 and I have struggled with so many aspects of autism all of my life and told "nothing was wrong with me", but I finally got my diagnosis last week. It was the most validating and liberating experience. And I agonized over waiting for the diagnosis result like you and was so nervous. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really hits home.
As a fellow late-diagnosed Autistic, I loved coming along on your journey! NOT ME IN TEARS OVER YOUR REACTION! So happy you finally have some *official* validation. 🥰
Oh Courtney, I wanted to just hug you and cry with you, Girl! I will have my first assessment this coming week and I am 67 years old. Every thing you have said is my truth, too. Please wish me luck. I am new to your channel, but I am so grateful to be here!
This is very much how I've been feeling and how i feel, and I'm honestly so glad you shared your story. I'm in the process of trying to get an evaluation, but I've doubted myself based on others around me who dismiss me and my symptoms. But I've been working to unmask and be myself, and this is just another step I'm choosing to take to understand myself better. I feel this is important to know about myself, and you sharing the same feelings and a basic outline of how it works really gives me more confidence to move forward with it. Thank you
We have all been gaslit so much, please try to trust yourself. No one knows you better than you do! 🤗
Wow! The first few things you mentioned about sensory disorder, anxiety and depression is all things I’ve been hit with all before I was officially diagnosed with autism
I feel like there is a trend that by the time you seek a diagnosis, doctors and family have diagnosed/labeled individuals with multiple other issues that could have all been explained by Autism. That’s how it was for me too
But why would the original diagnosis of anxiety, depression and sensory issues be wrong?
@@blissfuljoy6049because it's the wrong diagnosis. depression, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder mixed together still are not the same thing as autism. Autism has other factors like rigid thinking/inflexibility of routines and rules, special interests, social differences including a lack of the innate understandings of the established social order that people without autism possess, and much more.
The way you hugged your dog hit me in a way that no other RUclips video ever has. It's so relatable and similar to the love and bond that I have with mine. My youngest pittie is my default when I'm upset. I'm so glad you decided to share this with us. I'll know the results of my assessment in two weeks as well. Much love! 💟
Thank you for doing this! I hope this helps someone out. Thank you for being a light and inspiration to me and many others. You were one of the first mermaids I have discovered and thanks to you, I became one myself!
Mental health is so important and I'm glad you are reaffirming that! I'm not autistic myself, but I know how hard it can be to have something "off" in your head space and not being able to understand why. Taking time to research and explore it is a great first step.
Don't ever stop doing what you love. Don't ever stop being you. And most importantly, don't ever water down or hold back who you are for someone else just because it might cause a minor inconvenience! 🧜♀️💙
Edit: grammar
Thank you so very much. 💖
I must say that the moment of diagnosis made me cry, but it was also very wholesome when those closest to you immediately jumped to your side to comfort you. It was beautiful and I am so happy that you have someone to lean on!
Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and vulnerable. It’s very helpful. My new therapist was the first person to ever bring this up as something she saw in me. I’m 30 and I’ve always been a failure to my family and teachers despite a high IQ and I could never understand why I couldn’t perform better. At first I thought my therapist was bonkers, but once I started researching, especially videos like this of personal experiences of the female persuasion…well, it vibes hard. My psychiatrist thinks it’s likely enough as well that I’ve been referred out for testing, but I’m in that icky limbo state of feeling like I finally understand my life and this is it…but I don’t have that official diagnosis yet. This helps me feel less alone. Thank you.
You're so brave to share this! And you are a great example of high-functioning Autism with an ability to blend in so well that even you were surprised with the Dx. Seeing myself as a high functioning Autist, yet not as verbally fluent as you, I don't think I'll need a Dx to prove it to myself anymore. I can be comfortable knowing what I am, and I won't need any normal person to confirm it. What a relief. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Man that TikTok algorithm is scary good though, right? Seeing other folks deal with the same or similar issues I've had has really helped me give myself more grace as I'm relearning my brain. You sharing here helps. 💙💚
Yeah, TikTok had me almost ENTIRELY figured out within my first hour of use. I wish I knew how an app could do that so fast but professionals couldn't...
I'm a lil late commenting on this one but I found it while researching after watching tons of Paige Layle's videos and realizing my last therapist had to be right. I'm 35 years old, all my life I've been diagnosed with bipolar depression, anxiety, adhd, and ptsd. I was completely unaware that I had been stimming my whole life, I couldn't explain how as I got older the explosive episodes just kinda went away(I mean I did a lot of work on myself to try and thwart it bc no combination of meds for my supposed disorders ever worked) but I still constantly felt so intensely awkward, making a phone call feels like the scariest thing in the world and I would literally have to imagine that I was someone who had their shit together in order to make it through conversations without melting down. I stim in so many different ways and I had never even heard the term before. My last therapist said she thought I'd been misdiagnosed my whole life and that she thought I might be autistic. So I started researching. I've been trying so hard to understand myself and achieve my full potential for so long, and unfortunately I started self medicating at a young age and that destroyed most of my life so far. I just successfully completed a treatment program for the first time and through that alone I discovered so much about myself and how my childhood traumas were still shaping my decisions. I've been practicing CBT for a long time trying to fix myself, and trauma therapy really helped me figure some shit out but there is still something...something else, something so difficult. I took a quick quiz from IDRLabs and it says I scored high on the spectrum. I'm so glad you shared your experience and were able to get that kind of closure or fuller understanding of yourself, validation. I'm inspired to continue my journey of discovery but like you were I'm fucking terrified. What if I'm not then what the hell am I? If I am what does that mean for me now, where do I go from there? Sorry for such a long comment, I just felt so compelled to reach out to someone who understands. If you have the time to communicate I'd love to know how you've been handling things, any suggestions you might have, etc. I'm going to watch the pinned video below as well as scour the website you linked. Thank you so much.
I started sobbing when you did 💖 Hoping to get an assessment soon too, thanks for showing parts of the process
I did too. 😭
I felt this for my non-speaking severely autistic grandson when he was 3. Now my 67 year sister just had her interview. I am hoping this will bring us closer now.
Holy moly. The amount of similarities between your feelings leading up to your diagnosis and the way I felt. I thought I was alone in my feelings about it. I was just diagnosed two weeks ago with level one ASD, panic disorder, GAD, OCD ADHD mild inattentive type with ODD, and depression. People have asked me how I feel now with the diagnosis, and I keep saying that other than all of the times I wanna tell someone, "I told you so!" because I was doubted so much over the past 2.5 years, it's actually very anticlimactic. I still struggle with executive functioning, making and keeping friends, sensory issues, etc, so I don't work. I'll have to reapply for disability benefits with these new diagnosis, but it's just really reassuring and nice to know that I have the self-awareness, knowledge, persistence, and confidence to be like, you know what, this is my freaking truth, and until it is finally recognized that I'm not just lazy and over-exaggerating, that my struggles are legitimate, I'm not going to give up trying. My PCP didn't refer me for testing for nearly two years because she didn't believe me until finally, for whatever reason, she started to believe me.
OMG, you are ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Crying as I watched this. You totally described ME.
I just today saw this video, so relatable. At this stage in my life an official diagnosis is not necessary. If you know you know. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable.
I feel the same way. Perhaps it would provide some relief and some understanding but an official diagnosis wouldn't benefit me beyond that. I don't think.
Hi! I work with autistic children and I liked your videos. Especially the video in which you describe the symptoms. ADHD symptoms can be similar and Autism and ADHD can come together too. I hope you are feeling better right now. I was also diagnosed with ADHD in my late thirties and it was a relief. I learned to take care of myself. Hopefully you had support from friends and family.
This might be the most beautiful sharing of a vulnerable self-discovery journey I've ever seen! I've done a lot of screenings for Neurodivergence for people, and never have I experienced someone being this transparent. It's very clear how hard you've worked to be honest with yourself. This brought me to tears. Thank you so much for your courage. Blessings to your mermaid-heart! 💙
I leave in an hour for my first intake meeting of my Autism Evaluation (i'm 39). Your video really hit me hard. I relate so much to the beginning and feel like I'll need rewatch this in a couple months to see how much we related throughout the process and at the end. Thank you so much for making this video and for being vulnerable
What was the result?
@@TheaLightweaver Psychologist: "There's no question about it, you're definitely autistic." The emotions still haven't hit half a year later. It seemed like an official confirmation of what I already knew to be true and have been so focused on placing accommodations for myself.
Life isn't the same. I'm kinder to myself, half the people I've told rarely communicate with me anymore, I've a wonderful supportive neurodivergent community at work, more confidence when advocating for my kid at school, and my hypochondriac tendencies have vanished.
Hey Courtney, I just happened to stumble across this video. I can relate about hidden handicaps and how a lot of people don't understand them. I am severely dyslexic, and I have always been misunderstood, made fun of, and was told I was lazy. It wasn't diagnosed till I was in 6th grade. I finally got the help I should've had as a young child. But it's something that never goes away, I will always have it and I have to work harder than average people. I know it's not the same as autism, but I sympathize with you! By the way, one of my best friends is autistic, I have been friends with him since high school. He really had to work hard at things in life, for example by his mid 20's he learned to drive, he has always worked, and now he lives in his own apartment. His parents do still have to watch over him from time to time though. Unfortunately he doe's have to take anti-seizure medicine which the doctors said it would happened by the time he reached his 16th birthday; and sure enough he did; but he keeps going and is happy go lucky. He really doesn't show emotion. I don't know if anything I said helps, but I wish the best for you.
I'm sorry that you were bullied and called selfish due to your different abilities. You rock and I'm glad you shared your story.
Thank you
Thank you…thank you…for sharing and being so transparent so that WE the people that are around an adult child with autism will understand more of her struggles. They were the SAME as yours. Omg ! Your bravery has touched me. Your video has prompted me to share it with family and friends as to what my daughter has had to lived with such challenges all her life. She also was never believed. Yes, I am also guilty in times of frustrations but I knew …I knew there was something. I tried so hard to get her help. So, Courtney thank you from a worried,scared and overwhelmed mother of my beautiful autistic adult child. It’s a gift that she received being diagnosed finally and a relief. Thank you…..🙏🏻 I’ll be watching your journey as well as hers with an opened heart, mind and eyes. 💕💖
Thank you so much for your kind words! Sending strength and love to you both! 💖
Awe. Your dog coming to give you comfort. ❤ true love
No judgment from me about your "meltdown" (it's a grief and relief reaction! And it's valid!). The moment you cried I did so with you! GOOD FOR YOU for giving your younger self this process, the good and the hard parts of it. This kind of simultaneous other and self-validation is so crucial. GOOD FOR YOU for setting the boundaries and intentions going forward to let yourself relax and breathe on YOUR platform. ❤❤❤❤❤
I've been twice diagnosed, and now for some reason my psychiatrist wants me to go in a third time even though the first one (when I was 14) diagnosed me autistic then. The outcome hasn't changed. I honestly love you more knowing this cuz it's great to know another mermaid is like me 😊. Just know it doesn't change you one bit. You're still amazing 💖
It doesn’t change me but it allows me to drop the mask a bit and show myself the way I was meant to be. I’m sending you good vibes on your journey too ❤️
Your vulnerability and authenticity in sharing your journey I find so courageous and so needed 🤍 I have family and friends who I'm very close with who (it sounds like from what you've shared here) had very similar experiences growing up. They were not diagnosed until they were adults as well. I 1,000% believe that you ARE making a life changing, and life saving, difference by being a voice and a resource for others (especially young people and those diagnosed later in life). I know this video is a year old, but I still wanted to thank you for making it. It's so incredibly important and valid, and I'm grateful you are out here making content and sharing your story!
Thanks for posting this! I really relate to your experiences. I started figuring out my autism this year. I'm comfortable with self-diagnosis at this point since I have looked at it from every angle and pulled up so many memories that make sense through the lens of Autism where they didn't before. My daughter sent me the link to this, she's the mermaid in the family.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you to your daughter for sharing the video ❤️
I totally understand this in my own way. I have ADHD. When you talked about not fitting in and all the horrible labels people have given us because of our struggles, I teared up. When you started sobbing over your diagnosis, I did start crying. The relief of a medical professional confirming your symptoms and acknowledging your struggles is such a relief. Before I looked into ADHD, I was more or less told growing up that ADHD is just an excuse for Dr's to throw meds at kids. The first time I saw one of Jessica's (How to ADHD) was an eye opener. I watched 2 or 3 of her videos and literally started sobbing. I've never related to someone so much and felt so seen. It made me feel like I wasn't crazy, I was stubborn or lazy or stupid. I had literally been telling people for YEARS that my brain works differently than most before I started looking into ADHD. It took me over a year to find a therapist/clinic that specializes in ADHD and within 15-20 minutes into my first appointment, she confirmed my diagnosis. I was so scared I'd have a hard time getting diagnosed because I'm an adult female, but she made it very easy. I've been with her for over a year now, and I've grown so much between her and my own research. I've researched a LOT about mental health and conditions and whatnot. I have a large understanding and empathy towards many mental health issues/conditions, and I do everything I can to help the people I know/work with. I'm currently an assistant manager of a fast food restaurant, and I've literally had crew members/other managers cry because I understood and acknowledged their struggles and offered ways to mitigate their struggles in and out of work. Research and knowledge of mental health and symptoms go a long way in creating better healthier relationships with anyone. I keep getting drawn back to ASD, but I can't decide if it fits me or not. I know a lot of ADHD and ASD symptoms are comorbid, but some of my struggles do fall outside of typical ADHD. I can say that I don't really relate to any diagnosed ASD female I've met. I don't know if that's because my ADHD covers up most of my symptoms or that I'm just not autistic, but I think there might be more at play than just ADHD for me. I'm just not sure I'm ready for another diagnosis or if it's even worth it.
I get this. So frustrating. Even with a diagnosis, it's not like you can ask for space, or whatever. If you look/act normal enough, it's almost proof (to them) you aren't.
thank you SO much for sharing your experience. I was diagnosed a couple weeks ago at the age of 48. My assessment process felt very very similar to how you describe yours.
I’m at this part in my journey now. I cried so hard in solidarity.
Not gonna lie, I cried watching this. My heart goes out to you.
Every time I see a video like this I feel so grateful that I was diagnosed at a young age.
That awareness helped both me & my family understand so much about me.
But its still added extra hurdles in life that just don't exist for most people, & they're draining.
Over the years I've found the community online to be really helpful.
I'm not where I think I should be in life. I often feel like a burden. But knowing I'm not alone, it helps a lot.
So thank you for sharing this. Its not easy showing vulnerability around so many people. Its appreciated.
I hope things improve now that you have the knowledge of an official diagnosis.
It's really great that you shared this with all of us. I struggle with things myself, but I think I maybe just have an anxiety disorder though I have never been diagnosed with such and I'm kinda scared to get therapy or anything of the sort. I find psychology and human psyche and mental health etc to be really interesting and so I have been watching these kinds of videos. Girl, when you cried, I friggin cried. I have so much empathy for people who are struggling or going thru something. I know how I feel in situations and I don't want others feeling bad like I do and so it makes me cry when others do. You do you, girl and unapologetically. You are awesome 😉
It made me tear up watching you react to you being given your diagnosis! I'm currently waiting for my assessment. I'm from the UK so I will be interested to see how the UK differs or doesn't differ in the assessment & diagnosis process! I've been waiting for my assessment for around 4 years now as I cannot afford to go and get my assessment done privately.
So much of what you've said today I relate do and it's defiantly brought me a sense of comfort seeing an adult on this journey! I hope you've found some comfort in your diagnosis and can now begin to understand your life and make everything make sense :)
I could see the relief in your reaction to finding out. Sending you tons of hugs!
It really was a relief. Thank you so much for watching my video 💖
I really appreciate you making this video! I am currently waiting on my answer and I am beyond stressed and terrified and nervous.
Im so glad i came across this video, im going for an assessment (I'm 35). I cant ask family for a developmental history (they'd want to know why im suddenly asking all these questions about my self and i know they would absolutely not support me trying to get diagnosed) and i have no friends. I was literally going to show up to my first app completely unprepared no documentation, but i realised after watching this there are some things I do have access to. I've also taken some of the online quizes you mentioned, i know they're not diagnostic but I scored very high for n/d on every single one!
I just wanted to take a minute to let you I think you're amazing. I am so happy for you as I can only imagine what an official diagnosis feels like. I have self-diagnosed myself as AuDHD in much the same way as you did - through amazing content creators here and on tiktok and deep diving down rabbit holes of research. Thank you for being you and sharing your story. YOU GOT THIS!!!
I think you are an AMAZING and BRAVE woman 💖👏👏
Making this video wasn't easy and sharing it was so IMPORTANT. I think by watching this, you will help a lot of people who have been through similar experiences in their lives but have never been diagnosed or knew you can go somewhere and be tested.
My heart and hat is off to you !!!!
I hope this new chapter in your life will help ease painful memories and help you move forward with more understanding and love for yourself 😘
Now, can someone please pass me a tissue ?
🧜♀️💞
Aww thank you so much! I really appreciate the support and kind words. It was an incredibly hard video to make and editing it was filled with tears but after the overwhelmingly positive response I've received this morning (and of course the inner peace a diagnosis has brought me) I am so glad I did it. 💖
Thank you for this video 🙏 I'm currently going through my ADHD & autism assessment, I'll get a feedback tomorrow from my doctor and a formal diagnosis mid-August. I'm a 34 year old woman btw, and this is very new to me as well. It's a difficult process, I'm also dismissed a lot, but I'm very hopeful to get a diagnosis, my whole life could make sense. 🤞
Thank you! My mom is going to take me to get an assessment soon so I think this video will help me know what might happen!
I’m glad I could help ❤️ I’m sending you good vibes on your journey