Meanwhile… Subway Surfer Sex | Airplane Mode Unnecessary | Stephen Tries KFC’s Chizza
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- Опубликовано: 10 май 2024
- Meanwhile… New York City subway surfers got busy on top of a train, we’ve learned it was never really necessary to put your phone in Airplane Mode on a flight, and Stephen Colbert bravely samples the latest fast food abomination.
#Colbert #Comedy #Meanwhile #Chizza
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015. 
Развлечения
If lying about airplane mode keeps the guy sitting next to me from yapping to his proctologist the entire flight... I support the airlines on this one...
Welp, now you'll have to cope in a different way. I highly recommend joining the conversation from where you are. If the guy gives you a dirty look or says that it's a private conversation, just smile gently and say that from his volume level, you had assumed it was a free consultation for everyone in earshot. Extra points if you can get the surrounding passengers in on it, too!
Tag team in. Tell him you're also a proctologist and would be willing to confirm his doctor's findings right there with a courtesy exam.
@@nobody138- 🤣🤣🤣 If laughter is truly the best medicine, then you just cured my bout of COVID! Thanks, friend.
You don’t get cell service in the air regardless.
@@kristinn3367 Must be tough, always being the heart of the party, huh?
Airplane mode was the last defence against incredibly self-centered people who don‘t think about the people sitting around them.
Yup. I thought: oh boy. Here we go!"
🤦♀️
I would go even further and simply block the signal on phones while in flight.
I used to take the bus and the people talking on their phones so loud in a packed bus were so annoying. If anybody said anything to them they would yell, this is a private conversation. No it isn't you just made it public!
Now it's at stores. Why do people think it's ok to go around talking loudly on their phone in public places, so unnecessary.
@@kefinkamed me using a phone with a huge sd card full of content: challenge accepted...
@@kefinkamed just wrap that tube in a brass mesh
One must never fart in an Apple computer store.
They don't have Windows.
Airplane mode is just "everyone shut the hell up and let me get some quiet" mode.
Next, ban babies and infants on redeye overnight flights. Please 🙏
@@kitcoffey7194much more convenient to not get annoyed by them though
and be forced to listen to the engine start-up in excruciating detail and get a panic attack that is no longer under control by either oral sedatives or alcohol (and god forbids if you take both because that effect immediately cancels out). you're not even allowed to have your noise-cancelling headset (whether it's a headphone or a nonelectric device for mitigating loud noises).
Colbert is the king of classic late night. He's skilled and dedicated, and it seems like his team is, too. His band is fantastic, especially. The audio for the outro is surprisingly high quality, and it's great that it's unique every time (cause it's live), keeps it fresh while maintaining a tradition.
He’s a loser, lol wtf
I like how you brought the segment full circle with the last joke. Good "dismount!" 😉
A good dismount is also how those subway surfers got off the train, after they got off on the train...
Imagine if the sexual encounter had ended like Dennis Hopper did in the film Speed. Talking about giving head.
'Chizza' is the sound your heart will make as it immediately shuts down.
😂
Like a death rattle for your self resp3ct.
To be fair that is just crispy Chicken Parmesan with pepperoni. Just served up a little different.
😂😂
The sound the EKG makes right before it starts singing a steady tone.
That silver tongue gets me everytime. His writers must have a blast with that one.
Jokes aside, the FAA has regulated the statistically safest way to travel for decades. My utmost respect for the work they do. Outlier tragedies happen and are deplorable. It boggles my mind the complexity and inginuity required to safely get hundreds of thousands of pounds of travelers and cargo flying at hundreds of miles per hour with sucha great track record
"hundreds of miles per hour" ??
xD
is it like japan's bullet trains?
Hundreds of thousands of pounds of travelers...
So, one plane full of Americans.
meanwhile, airline geeks are working to adapt radar altimeters to not suffer interference from 5G cell phone towers near airports. and people who know how cell phones work, would remind you that cell phones perform best within 3 miles of a tower, and passenger jets typically cruise between 5 and 7 miles away from the ground. and also that if your phone is trying to connect to a tower, it will run its transmitter at maximum power - which can be 3000 times what it runs at when it has a good signal. so if you calculate the normal battery life of an iphone, and divide by 3000, you get about 7.2 seconds before you need to find a iCharger
Any industry allowed to "self regulate" has a backup plan called Oops.
@@eduardoandres5989How fast do you think a passenger jet flies at cruising height?
...
(the answer is about 500-600mph, depending on size / weight / wind factors, or about three times as fast as a bullet train)
I suspect Catholics would have been more approving of the man on top of the train if he’d been eating beaver.
You sooo damn bad!😂
This is a good joke
Lmbo
.....But only during Lent.
Jesus is watching ........ 😱😵😁
Nothing says "I really believe god exists" like trying to find ways to break god's rules...
Luis Cato is amazing. I love it when he laughs at Stephen and strums his guitar at jokes. Best and in the business and we at home don’t get to hear enough.
The lack of love for the "got off at the same stop" joke is criminal. Best of the segment.
It was predictable and mediocre.
@@bestieswithtestiesIt was *still* funny, lol.... 😉
@@bwenluck9812 Sure. Humor is subjective. Which is why complaining that everyone else didn't find something as funny as he did is the real crime.
I hope KFC paid handsomely to have the Ed Sullivan audience groan loudly at someone eating their latest commercial offering.
That was really cringe, wasn't it?
Not sure that the Vatican would be onboard with my version of 'eating beaver for Lent'.
Lol!!
You're bad!😂😂😂😂
Not to worry.... I am sure they have never seen "Leave it to Beaver" 😂
The colonel decided he’d had enough of Dominoes putting chicken on crappy pizzas. He decided it was time to put crappy pizza onto chicken.
So chicken Parmesan pizza? This is the way.
Ancient hebrew texts dating all the way back to the 90's say that when you have pizza on a bagel, you can have pizza anytime
@@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing I forgot about the pizza bagel
Ah, Domino's...the pizza that doubles as a spare tire for your bicycle.
The Chizza sounds like something we tried in high school when we were really stoned. Also penut butter on a Pop Tart.
Most phones can't connect to a tower above 10k feet, and large planes tend to cruise at least double or triple that. The only reason I've used 'airplane' mode was to save battery life.
The coolest thing about the stingray is that there are three chances: parthenogenisis, her holding onto "material" from her last partner for 8+ years, or that some sharks and rays are close enough to reproduce. The scientists won't really know till she gives birth and they can see the offspring
Ya well..that's what the guy who cleans the aquarium at night is saying
There's a Steve Irwin joke in there somewhere
And now I'm crossing my fingers for a badass stingray-shark hybrid!
Thanks nerd!
Parthenogenesis has actually been observed in several sharks and rays, including one raised from well before sexual maturity in an aquarium without any male interaction.
@@Tripas350can't imagine what that would look like😂
I always put my phone in airplane mode because it saves battery. Having cell and wifi on without actual cellular signal means your phone will just keep scanning for signals and burning battery.
makes a lot of sense to me, and all i wanna do is listen to my meditative music on my phone (downloaded of course) in order to ignore the fact that i'm in a flying sardine tube that's liable of CRASHING AND BURNING 😫
Heck I'll use airplane mode anywhere if I need to save battery. Cuts down on all the useless checking your apps do.
I think the FAA has made no secret of the fact that modern mobile phones don't interfere with any of the spectra that airplanes operate on. That said, you should still probably put your phone in airplane mode on a flight. Not for safety reasons, but because if you don't, you'll drain your battery very fast, as your phone tries fruitlessly to connect to new towers, but can't because you're moving too quickly.
I fondly remember Toby’s rant in the pilot episode of the West Wing, 1999, about the fact that airplane mode was a nonsense rule. Only took 25 years.
Funnily enough, beavers were considered fish by the Catholic Church during the Middle Ages, and so were lent approved for quite a while.
It’s kind of fun seeing the church go back to the same old loopholes
Like the Garfunkel & Oates "Loophole"?
Similarly, different denominations of Buddhist monks follow different degrees of vegetarianism at different times, including at least one of those present in Japan for whom it's okay to eat birds and who've argued that hare ears are bird wings.
The point of giving up meat was actually that it was a rich person's food, and they were *supposed* to donate the money they would have spent on meat to the poor (nary a Catholic has any idea of that, much less does it). Fish was exempt because it was a primary food of many poor people. Many of the exemptions came from assorted things being the food of the poor in the Americas.
Beavers have cloacas, like fish and reptiles. That’s good enough for me. But i’m not eating any cute furry beavers!
Beaver tails also look "scaled". There were quite a few non-meat days outside of Lent, and many dispensations were issued "by donation" :D
Can someone please take really good care of Stephen, because I love him. I need this forever
Evie takes good care of him! But yes I agree.
It's literally chicken Parmesan with pepperoni.... Stop it!! 😂
I was going to say. Australian pubs have had this technology for dacades.
Sounds delicious!
@@j10001IKR?
Awesome news...Swamp Rat is back on the menu!
I appreciate the various discussions of airplane mode. I just want to make sure we keep it. It's a helpful button when my phone forgets how to use cell service and I need to send a text quicker than a restart.
"Chizza", also known as "someone got high and put pepperoni on top of Chicken Parmesan"
🤤 😋😂
Chicken parm is usually not fried.
"What do you mean the Catholic church owns a lot of sources of alligator, beaver, and capybara meat?"
I GUESS they are big in South America, esp Brazil where those animals abound. Capybara are giant rodents, so you can have my portion ;)
@@arthurwatts1680 Then, rats enter the conversation...I mean, if you're going to eat 3 different species of rodents (they also clear Otters for the ovens), might as well know how the whole family tastes!
@@Juicexlx survival situation, I'll eat cockroaches but LENT isn't a survival situation !
@arthurwatts1680 Mind you, I'm a believer as well, but... it's never unusual to find religious leaders bending and "cherry picking" the rules for their convenience. It's just sad.
@@NicoBGC They're not. Beaver meat was considered fish by the Medieval Church. So, the church has just gone back to those roots really. 🤷🏻♀️ Catholicism is a hodge podge of political decisions anyway so double 🤷🏻♀️
We used to run across the tops of trains, they go pretty slow when they come out of the tunnels. The objective was to cover as many cars as you could before it went back into the tunnel. But gettin down? That's ahhh. Yeah, alright.
"Swim meat". Yup, grab that bbq sauce 😅
Chizza just sounds like cheap chicken parmesan with pepperonis.
That's exactly what it is!
Shopping list memo to self: Frozen breaded chicken, pepperonis and shredded cheese.
Thank you! I thought I was going nuts - This food is not some new thing. It's old AF, I've had more than a few parms with crispy pork on it - Usually fried pancetta.
Seth had a chef make chicken parmesan on his show, now this el cheapo version. Are we going to get Late wars to spice up the ratings!😆❤
Don't forget the sauce!@@nomenclature9373
I'm pretty sure you won't get any reception at the flight altitude, so it's not about preventing people from making calls. It's mostly about saving your battery as your phone won't be trying to reconnect to the network with all its might for several hours.
I love how KFC's "aternative" ideas are all "How can we increase the fat content of our food?" First we had the double down which was cheese between two chicken breasts, but if that wasn't enough fat intake, now we have fried chicken, with cheese and pepperoni on it. We're one step away from just a deep-fried fried chicken breast.
I can feel my arteries hardening . . . Just looking at it💯
That's called extra crispy😅
Sugar hardens arteries.
Most omega 6 oils block cellular function.
Not animal fats or saturated animal fats.
Our bodies are genetically programmed for little sugar and not eating 6 times a day.
I bet it also has 300% of your daily sodium…
Why don't you just have something "normal" at KFC, then go to Domino's for dessert?
getting loosey goosey with the rules is tight!
Wow wow wow.
Wow.
Super easy, barely an inconvenience.
The joke about the Catholic Church eating the neighbor's kid was so spot on😂😂😂 finally someone telling the truth😂❤
Sooo...every sperm is sacred, and now we know the real reason why!
how does he flawlessly execute these meanwhile segment intros? dudes the best orator of our generation...possibly any?
Simple: Rehearsal.
A modern day Cicero.
@@j10001 I've seen him appear surprised at some of the lines. I'm moderately sure the whole thing is a challenge/exercise in which his writers try to craft something that'll trip him up, as he perfects his skill in.. what is it called, cold reading, maybe? His background is improv comedy after all.
idk, they got a little too much for me, i love the segment but i skip his long winded intro every time.
He makes mistakes. i went to a live taping and they rehearse many times. Some segments on one show are sometimes recorded in a previous show. Most people wont notice it but his suit is usually different in some segments because it wasnt recorded the same day. Thats the magic of television.
Is Stingray Jesus about to be born?
That virgin stingray will be in shrines worldwide
Lots and lots of non-mammals have the equivalent of the Y chromosome on the female gene, so parthenogenesis might not even be very uncommon but we wouldn't ever guess unless it's something like an all-female group in captivity, or endangered species with no living males.
Foreshadowing for the upcoming Jurassic World reality show.
We need more of the band! They're amazing
That Charlotte Web bit w/DTF was hilarious!
Also: as gross as "chizza" sounds, when he brought it out, I noticed that it had VERY little cheese and WAY too much pepperoni.
This made me incredibly angry!
Seriously, it did!!
🤬😂
I mean I'll never order it/eat it, BUT: don't say that something is like pizza if you've barely put any mozzarella on it!!!!!
Charlotte: you do you, girrrrrl.
Was is DTF?
Down to f$@&...
Again if there is no raccoon in the intro of Meanwhile, I feel robbed 🤣🤣🤣
I feel robbed if there are no drugs or alcohol - a rarity for Meanwhile
Can't believe Stephen didn't use the lent segment to use the below in his joke
"Looks like meats back on the menu boys!"
To be fair, airplane mode does have a valid use: it'll stop your phone frantically searching for nonexistant signal at 30,000 feet up, thus saving battery life and making it so you can watch more in-flight movies.
Meanwhile is "the balm that soothes the soul!!!! " Thank you Stephen. XX
Ok, but I called parthenogenesis on the stingray back when the news first broke and somebody was insanely suggesting a shark daddy like that was possible. So where is my marine biology degree😂
Yes, we were lied to about our cell phones interfering with the "safe operation of the aircraft". But one thing that Airplane Mode does do is ensure that all of the planes constantly flying by with hundreds of cell phones constantly scanning for the nearest cell phone tower don't overwhelm the cell phone networks
One of the best “meanwhile” segments.
I've had Chicken Parm' with mozzarella, and pepperoni on top. Not common, but not unheard of. KFC has simply made a fast-food version, and marketed it to the masses.
I have been saying this for basically 20 years. Got a job testing electronics right out of college. One of the things we literally tested was AV electronics for back of seat screens to prove they can't interfere with the airplane. I realized then, that every single electronic we allow on the market is tested to prove it won't interfere with things like airplanes, and the stuff that goes into airplanes is just super-duper tested to an even higher standard. So what does this mean? If you have a legal device, that was legally sold in the US, that meets US guidelines (the FCC/UL etc stuff on label) and not some hack knockoff made in a shady factory in the 3rd world, you basically have no chance of messing with planes. The shady knockoffs will emit more potentially because some are not tested properly and lack proper engineering, but we have another counter measure. The electronics are also all designed not to accept unwanted outside radiation and have it affect the device, up to a certain limit. What that means is that the airplane, even with some bad actors, can handle it anyway because all the electronics in it aren't knockoffs, they meets standards, even higher standards than normal devices, and they can handle a lot of outside interference. So I realized then the only way some plane is crashing or not able communicate properly etc, is if someone has purposely brought a significantly high powered device that was designed to interfere on spectrums that are crucial to operation of the plane. I just can't imagine a scenario where you can get something powerful enough (likely on the large side) through security onto a plane that can have any meaningful affect. And if you could, well at that point you are a terrorist anyway intent to take the plane down, not so rando watching a video on his iPhone. You aren't going to hurt a plane with your phone.
“Best case scenario”. Love it!
That's just fast food chicken parm with pepperoni.
Whoops I saw your comment right after I posted mine, but yea that was exactly what I thought.
Five signs of a pathological liar~
• constantly changing their story, being vague.
• telling lies for no reason, when the truth sounds better.
• never accepting blame for their own failures.
• taking credit for the success of others, Stolen valor.
• repeating a known lie, over and over again, then getting defensive when confronted about it.
That's definitely Trump!
Basically, trump and his cult of freaks he calls his "Supporters".
@@silverchords1277 yup, what I was just about to say…
I've known a lot of pathological liars. I've never understood it. What's the point. In tfg's case he knows his followers will believe every lie he tells no matter how outrageous! Plus, his father told him to never admit to any wrong doing, just keep lying!
I love having people NOT on their phones while on the plane!
Heaven forbid, quiet
i mean, the chizza is basically a low-grade chicken parmesan with pepperoni on top.
5:27 Literally Chicken Parmigiana with pepperonis on top. What's next, a Big Mac with bacon and Krispy Kreme donuts for buns? What a unique concept that I'm sure has never existed before!
You must really have been hungry to put that in your mouth. Good thing there were no beavers around 🤣
Archer: Guys, are we seriously not doing "phrasing" anymore?
I bet the chizza tastes like a twisted chicken parm
The Charlotte's Web joke made me laugh, but for a totally different reason.
There's this old show (good God, OLD? That’s means I'M old) called DRAWN TOGETHER, a Comedy Central show that was a cartoon parody of reality shows like Big Brother and it is DEFINITELY for adults and immature teens.
Anyway, there's an episode where one of the animated housemates, Spanky Ham, gets into a relationship with a VERY emotionally unstable Charlotte.
Soon as the joke started, that's what popped into my head.
I don't know if that's good or bad😅
Great show! You're not that old. I had to google what that clip actually meant. Lol
I love that show! Missed that episode though, seems like I missed out 😂
Who would have thought Catholics would eat beaver...
Vatican approved form of birth control.
very nice, actually. especially if you shave it first.
@@haytguugle8656 What - get rid of the organic dental floss?
The whole thing smells a bit fishy to me.
Totally expected a beaver joke... Colbert kinda wiffed on that one
I had to look up 'dtf' b4 I got the Charlotte joke....I'm pretty old
I looked it up too. I'm probably even older than you. ;)
I'm so old that I couldn't even be bothered. 😕
Legendary and trombone, words I never thought I’d hear.
Alligators are fish lol, people are crazy
Reptiles last I checked....
To be fair Chizza is just crispy Chicken Parmesan with pepperoni. Just served up a little different.
Chicken Parmesan with a meat topping ... it's been done, although I prefer bacon to pepperoni
Yass 😁🙌🏼.
Very funny tonight! Eyes still watering.😂 Thanks I needed that.
So KFC basically made fried chicken parm and added pepperoni. SMH
Air lines are correct of course. They also want people to listen to the safety announcement, and just as you say they skip it. Which is one of the top reasons when you get an emergency landing people who have been told NOT to take their luggage and handbags do exactly that, and because of it some passengers don't get off the plane in time.
You got me at Subway Surfer Sex! LOL 😅
I love In Within The Meanwhile ❤
You just let that 'eating beaver' joke roll on by without contributing? 🤪
That chizza was giving pregnancy cravings
Absolutely best case scenario!
Chizza reminds me of the dish I conceived when watching Chevy Chase in the movie Seems Like Old Times, Aurora's Pepperoni Chicken!
Cows stand in catel ponds to cool down during hot weather so they should be included in meats you can have
I am genuinely disappointed that they missed the best place for a Jurassic Park "Life finds a way" joke
Former president should be held accountable..
5:50 I love all the people going from cheering to gasping when they saw how gray and soggy the real thing was.
DTF in the web had me 💀 🤣🤣🤣
The “DTF” in Charlotte’s web nearly made me spit oatmeal across the table. 😂😅😂😅
No! No eating Capybaras!
I know people balk at weird food but… Chizza looks fairly good. Seems like that stuff would go together well.
It's just southern fried chicken parm with pepperoni on it. Sure the pepperoni is odd, but I'm genuinely flummoxed as to why people think its a food crime. I would by no means eat it, but I wouldn't eat chicken parm either haha.
Good point. I've eaten chicken or veal parmesan plenty of times. It's not fried and the breading isn't so heavy, but Chizza is pretty similar to that.
Buy a pack of air-tight sealed meat. Dunk it in water. And hey presto, it’s okay for Lent!
The stupid and inconvenient rule is for cell companies. It hogs bandwidth from hundreds of cell towers. You're going 400 mph, and your phone is constantly switching towers. It overwhelms them. And you'd never get a reliable connection. They're also concerned about interference with ILS.
I should've known with the reference to Triads that it would get pretty dark. Wow, this was masterful from start to finish, and macabre!
Very good meanwhile. Thank you. Bringing out the cheezza......🤣 Is there a way to measure how it shortens the time to the next heard attack?
KFC: "Here's a Chicken Parm with pepperoni."
Internet: "It's so crazy! Heart attacks!"
Me: Ooh, yum!
Chicken parm isn’t exactly healthy either though, it’s full of bad cholesterol which is linked to heart disease, diabetes and cancer. Processed meats, like pepperoni, are even Group 1 carcinogens (known to cause cancer) according to the World Health Organization - that’s in the same category as tobacco and asbestos! Most people don’t know that because meat and fast food companies sponsor everything and don’t want people to know about that.
Chicken parm isn't exactly healthy either though, it's full of cholesterol & saturated fat which is linked to heart disease, diabetes and cancer. Processed meats, like pepperoni, are even Group 1 carcinogens (known to cause cancer) according to the World Health Organization - that's in the same category as tobacco and asbestos! Most people don't know that because meat and fast food companies sponsor everything and don't want people to know about that.
Chicken parm isn't exactly healthy either though, it's full of cholesterol & saturated f@t which is linked to heart disease, diabetes and cancer. Processed meats, like pepperoni, are even Group 1 carcinogens (known to cause c*ncer) according to the World Health Organization - that's in the same category as t0bacco and asbestos! Most people don't know that because meat and fast food companies sponsor everything and don't want people to know about that for obvious financial reasons.
Lol@"ground water poisoning burn pit"
/facepalm_as_a_cardiologist😅
Everything and everyone are now officially wait for it… Legendary
Funny enough, I come from Venezuela and it’s very common to eat Baba (small alligator) and capybara during lent and any other times of the year, and that has been the same since the independence wars.
Best case scenario. Yup!😂🎉
No wonder I kept getting a woody on the Lexington Ave. Express !!
It must be the thumpa thumpa thumpa of the tracks !! 🤔
That chicken is basically parmesan chicken lol
another top 10 . love it
I was told the reason for airplane mode was because it interfered with the pilot’s radio with ATC, in particular streaming video. Not so much in the air (too far up from the towers), but more during take off and landing, when the pilots really need to talk to the tower. But that door blow out joke was great though 😂
That chizza thing looks like self induced heartburn
So.... if I drown a cow I can have a cheeseburger?
😎🍻😎
I just want to know the rest of the subway couple's bucket list.
Clever hat-trick at the end !
5:28 Best f****** way to annoy Italians if I ever saw one
Guilty of never putting my phone in airplane mode 😂
Let's not forget that the Catholic Church said you could eat geese at Lent, because they are fish!
The official line of the Church was that barnacle geese were hatched from barnacles: shellfish.
(They later decided that - yes, geese were fish - but priests had to pretend they weren't because they were a bit duck-like, and stop eating them at Lent.) Religion: just filled with wisdom, isn't it?