Life with a narcissist is a never ending cycle of lies, deflection, gaslighting, word salad.....there can never be a simple conversation...... it's exhausting.
exhausting is the perfect word to explain how my gaslighting husband makes me feel. I never know what he will say next or how he will react. There is never ever a normal regular conversation with him. It is very very passive aggressive and sarcastic. He belittles everything I do. there is no validation. If caught in a lie, he says it is not a lie, and he will actually say he had to lie because he knows my reaction (Im to blame for all his behavior) If I say his words hurt he says its because I have no sense of humor. Or he will play the sad victim and say 'I guess everything I say is wrong" and then walk away with a pout leaving me to feel bad and then trying to apologize. Or he will say something awful and when he sees I am shocked and hurt he says 'what's wrong, all I said was ......... and he changes the words all around to make me seem crazy. I even said to him, "I know what you just said, you cannot just take it back' and he will say 'go get your ears checked'. OMG - I used to not understand what was going on in my head until one day a friend said to me "sounds like you are being gaslighted"
Omg yes! Never a simple conversation and it gets turned on you for 'complicating it' or 'being argumentative', even when you are just wanting resolution. So exhausting!!
And these "conversations" go on for HOURS. She says, "we can just have a quick 5 minute conversation and get to a solution" followed by 3-4 hours of being told exactly how horrible I am and why while any attempt I make to speak more than 2 words is immediately interrupted and shouted down. By hour 2 I'm ready to eat a bullet.
The blame shifting is literally NEVER ENDING. I'm at the point where I anticipate it and just call her out. I'm grateful for your content. It's helpful to myself and many others. Thank you for the strength.
omg - the blame shifting - always!!!! especially when he is caught in a lie, he blames me. And now I realize why he does not defend me to his sisters that hate me - it would make me look better than them and he could not stand that.
I went through recently with fake friends but this group hit to a deeper understanding and meaning like narcissis and gaslighting and focusing all truth on them to blaming me and using my lows to gain advantages to outnumber me and protect their reputations
Or you compliment them or simply greet them and they're already looking for a problem, something to blame u for or call u out on... for years I've been convinced that I'm a black sheep and in many ways I am but it's even more painful when you pass adulthood..
After 4-5 years with him I started recording our conversations, because I thought I had to teach my self how to be nice to him. So I recorded, and went to my counselor and said: 'What am I doing wrong'. She listened to it, and said: 'Get the hell out of there'!!!. It took me a year after that, but a year where I worked HARD with selflove and bounderies. It got more and more clear to me what gaslightning was, and the more calm I got, the more angry he went. Today I am diagnosed with cptsd, because it took me too long to take myself seriously. I have isolated myself from the world, and kind of having an allergy to gaslightning. I want to take myself out of this victimhood, but it takes some more time. The most important now is that - everyday I wake up - I am happy and in control of my own life. I send love and prayer out to those who are in a relationship like this right now 🙏🙏🙏 Nobody puts baby in a corner, remember that! ❤
I started recording and when these people find out as soon as they see me with the phone in my hand they were like don't say anything don't say anything I got my recordings handle lie to the cops and have me put in jail again so I know what you're going through in a way
My uncle told me when I was young that lying would go to another lie and then another... When you finally tell the truth, no one believes anything you say ever again. Your word is everything.
I jst want to put this out there, knowing the tactic is for you to leave them, not to stay and keep playing their games, telling them that they are gaslighted is not gonna stop them from gaslighting, calling them a narcissist is not gonna stop them from being a narcissist, I have tried everything you guys, is time to let go..
R Crimson I have to tell myself everyday, life is already hard why subjected yourself to torture, I have to get away if I even one one shot of happiness.. may god bless you my friend🙏
@R Crimson My husband completely ridiculed me and humiliated me on the phone a few days ago right in front of his friend. The next day (after not talking to him for 24 hrs), I told him he humiliated me and he said "I did not humiliate you " Plain and simple, if he says he did not, then that is it. No negotiation, nothing. He is oblivious to what he is doing and /or he just doesn't care.
R Crimson I left! I tell myself everyday, I can go anywhere do anything, jst don’t go back, they know their tears can hold me back, I’m not falling for it this times
@@justjulie7866 Hi Julie, I hope you’re ok. I have just recent months got away from what I can now see as a narcissist man. Very controlling etc and he’s given me awful anxiety, doubt myself. I didn’t see it at the time but seems I’ve been through coercive control. Xx
I read this and burst into prayer.... Receive healing now. I pray fr peace in your heart, comfort and confidence to take the steps to protect yourself.
It can be a way of dominating you to make themselves feel powerful. They don't want you to be right or get your way even when it makes good sense. They want to take away all your power.
My mom is definitely a dominant gaslighter. I’m twenty seven and living in my own apartment but the second I come to the family lake house for the holidays she stops at stares at every portion I eat or drink, reminds me to brush my teeth like a child (I just go to bed later than she does and typically have a glass of milk before, then brush teeth after and god I just know the fact that I feel like I have to explain that is her too), and constantly treats me like I’m crazy if I ever make her acknowledge it, or tries to make you think she comes from a place of love. It’s exhausting. I’m glad I have a great therapist who has finally helped me realize I’m not crazy.
He doesn't want me to complain about something that he has done to upset me.. If i do he says am hard to please and that i make big deald out of everything.
Mine would constantly break up with me and say" I never gave him peace" yet did this shit over and over claims they are mistakes, yet when u keep making the same mistake over and over it then becomes a shitty choice and plus got pissed if I'd bring up the past even if it was from a week or day ago and called them out on proof and truth they'd say trust me forgive me deal with it just dnt argue about it and it'll be fine and had me thinking gi was over reacting
I always felt like I had to ask my close friends if I was wrong even though it seemed obvious I wasn’t because I felt like i was going crazy. Thank God I had supportive friends to help me keep my sanity!!!
I was in a long relationship with a narcissist and didn’t know it! I knew something was wrong but never heard of gas lighting and could never imagine this could happen. I thought I was crazy and some thing was wrong with me. Once the relationship ended for real I was so relieved. It took me a long time to get over it and I learned what really was going on. My gut from the very beginning told me to RUN. Listen to your gut instincts!!
They get you to a point where you don't care what they do anymore. At first you just start letting them do whatever they want as long as they "treat you good". Then eventually you start resenting them and then hating them for it. Then you start hating yourself for staying with them. That's when you know you have to get away from them. As long as I was his doormat, as long as he got sex whenever he wanted, as long as I didn't question him about ANYTHING, as long as I didn't expect ANYTHING, he was ok.
omg - exactly!!!!! as long as I shut my mouth on issues that hurt me (his sisters hate me and let me know it), as long as I worship him and tell him how great he is in bed and at work, as long as I do not question anything, we are all great. Meanwhile, inside , I hate his guts. Im mad I stayed this long (wanted a stable environment for my son).
I was in the same thing with my ex. I always fought back tho when we would argue but it didi make a difference he still found ways to tear me down and effect the important parts of myself. But he was like that 2. If he was getting everything it was ok and good... I left his sorry ass and never looked back!! Thank god I'm out.
Thank you - I've been in a sort-of relationship where the other person very constantly disrespects my boundaries (with name calling and un-funny jokes featuring me), and then blames me for "over reacting" and not finding his jokes funny. GASLIGHTING
the gaslighter spreads rumors and gossips about you to others. They may pretend to be worried about you and "your behavior" while subtly telling others that you seem emotionally unstable or crazy. Unfortunately, this tactic can be extremely effective and many people may side with the abuser or bully without knowing the full story. Additionally, the gaslighter may lie to you and tell you that other people think you are crazy. Keep in mind though, that these people may never say a bad thing about you, but the gaslighter will make every attempt to get you to believe they do.
I'm not sure what the statistics would be ...but my entire family has done me this way seems like the day I came out of the womb ....I've spent lots of night's in jails , mental hospitals, Er's & on the streets due to my family at a very very young age I was teased for personal problems made to wear diapers till I was 12 or 13 something that should have been private was something anyone with an ear knew ..I don't remember a time when I ever thought my family was unconditionally my family or friend still to this day 43 yrs later I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, schizoaffective personality disorders anxiety social disorders manic depression bipolar and a few other things I don't know what's real or what's not I'm told the things that I hear in the other room or in my head I'm told I'm delusional crazy did the life I believe I've had is all inside my head and they can't believe did I think these things well I think these things cuz it's happened I was taken away is pretty young age in group homes in detention centers I'm only wanted for kids that has ever kicked out locked up in any sort of way I know it only happened one time that one x enoughI need to spend a Christmas hat on the front porch while everybody is inside opening gifts I can't count the times that I've been light on buy people my family for each other and have me locked up as soon as the cops come out here I'm guilty no matter what not tried standing up for myself but it doesn't work it makes things worse I tried recording conversations once they found out I was doing this it was horrible so I called the wrong whenever they put their hands on mebut nothing was done the cop said what do you want me to do arrest an old ladyand I said yes she physically assaulted me I want her arrest I want to press charges he said no I don't think so I'm not arresting her she's old so I tried it one more time same same thing can't handle it hardly anymore it's hard to believe I know that a whole entire family get turn on one other part of their family one person very strange I think not one person can have my back I'm not saying I'm completely innocent in all I have severe panic attacksespecially when they threatened to call the lawn me I have zero Friends by my choiceI just stay to myself in my room I still live with my parents the situation is very messed up I can talk for hours about the things that go on but it's all in my head I'm crazy I'm imagining my whole life I want to know it's reality anymore anyway this is entirely way too long I love everyone every living creature creatures the most I can do without the people or 99.999% of them anywayseems like everybody's just out to try to prove something anyhow try to fight you'd prove who they are or what they can do or whatever I don't know what the hell they think I just don't know anymore I don't know if I ever have anyway everyone have a good day layer 😉😎👌😀
This spoke to me. I did not want to talk to people about what was going on to protect her, and also to not look like a fool. As soon as I did talk, my friends said “she is gaslighting” and extremely emotionally abusive. I knew it but could not accept it and I always made excuses due to the gaslighting behavior among other narcissistic “tricks”. It still hurts to know that someone who I thought loved me had just set me up as supply.
I was in a relationship with emotional abusive person for 4.5 years until I got exhausted by his lies and went no contact and got out. All the tricks like gaslighting, confusion creating, being cold when said no, bombing with expensive gifts when they did wrong, and all the problems were because of me . I m trying to recover from it. I never knew someone could just be so devious.
this was the first video I watched when I did not understand really what was happening to me. I am very happy to say, I filed for divorce and he was served last night!!!!!!!
@@pjj.5649 well, divorce not final yet - he is dragging this out as long as he can. If you think being married to a narcissist is hard, try divorcing one. But thank you for the well wishes. Soon, very soon.
They loveeeee to say “I never said that” “Prove it” (not everyone memory is strong, that should be known) “you came up with that in your head” “ WELL WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU-“ “you’re making this all up” I also notice they try to say someone else convinced you this and act like you couldn’t realize it on your own
Omg when I tried to brake up with an ex ( the final straw being I had had a leg operation , he came over to stay I thought to help, he laid in bed with a cold and I looked after his 3 year old, bear in mind I could barely walk and in lots of pain) Anyway after they went home I thought f*** this! And told them I had had enough it was over I got " what so you been talking to your friends and they told you to do this" wtf!
1-They lie so much that at a certain moment if you didn't Record it it's your word against theirs. It's One excuse after another only to refuse responsibility 2- push your buttons and misdirecting when you are winning 3- bringing a trigger to shut you up 4- contradictory 5- delusional 6- acussing
I always knew that I was being "Gaslighted " (even before I knew about Gaslighting and Cluster B Disorders). I just thought that it wasn't worth fighting about, so ignored it..............for a while. Ultimately I saw the relationship as full of toxic lies and betrayal.........so I ended the relationship before I was discarded. Word salad...exactly.
OMG - talk about word salad, when I am trying to prove myself, he gets a funny look on his face and says "I dont understand you - you are talking in riddles"
This man told me twice in the same conversation he’s “afraid of love”. When I brought it up a few days later he told me “I never said that” 🤣 I didn’t fall for it. I’m so glad I learned about gaslighting
He said an utterly stupid thing to begin with (afraid of love, yeah sure love is very scary, not), it seems to be a common stupid thing for them to say. Along with "I've been hurt in the past" 🤦♀️😂
I’m proud of you, remember you can trust yourself, you can trust your emotions, you can trust your perception of yourself, and you can trust your memory now go live your best life you bad ass
I've actually called out the gaslighting a few times and I was told that I was just picking up Facebook memes, keep googling, etc. Anytime I make a point it's discredited with angry demeanor. So I started really doing my homework(on literally anything I would ever converse about for fear of being questioned and discredited)and I was STILL met with belittling, discrediting and the like. Why should I have to essentially prepare an essay to have a conversation?
You shouldn't. I heard a good way of describing that behavior you're talking about. "Sometimes you're debating with someone who has a black belt in debating. Walk away when the conversation starts to get diminishing returns.*
WOW.. So many things come quickly to mind here. I once caught my husband being sneaky in a cupboard. I watched for a while, then stepped in and said "why are you acting that way"? To which he replied.. "That wasn't ME doing that, it was YOU !!" I was speachless !! On top of so many other things such being told im crazy and need medication and so on.. I am now preparing my heart daily to leave, and the closer I get the more and more peace and excitement comes with knowing I have brighter days ahead of me and they are not that far away. We know in our heart of hearts that something is a major miss.. We need to stop painting pretty over whats honestly ugly. The truth is the truth and it is our dearest friend. Lets trust the truth we know, and use it to get us out ❤
This is exactly my experience...13 years of mental torture. A sentence uttered 10 seconds ago...would be denied immediately. I didn't hear it right, paranoid, crazy. I don't even know what the truth is anymore with this person...from stories of ex's, potential cheating, rumors that she was cheating (you are always the last to know)...and if I asked someone close, if I was way off in my judgement, all I'd hear was "I can't think of anyone that would tolerate what she is doing...that is abusive"
yes, omg - his words that hurt - he would change them, put a spin on them and even say I should get my hearing checked. I thought of getting a mini voice recorder to record him. But if I ever got caught recording him, he would say I am abusing him. I can sometimes get him to admit he did or said something wrong but it will take me hours (exhaustion) and then I would say 'omg - you said you were wrong??" Can I record this?" and he would get furious. Plus the very next day forget he admitted he was wrong and turn it all around again. OMG - exhaustion is the perfect word for how the gaslight makes you feel.
These situations and scenarios I’ve been experiencing for the last four years finally have a name….this is a breakthrough for me….I knew this behavior was not ok…..Now I’m getting stronger and I’m able to start the process of “taking my life back”….!
The phrase I would hear from my ex would be “that’s not true” when I try to confront her on something she did that upset me. What’s more is that she would flip the conversation to everything being my fault. She knew what she was doing that’s the disgusting part
XGEN shocks the exact same words that asshole use to say "that's not true" or "it's just a misunderstanding I know in some parts" .. these were his two favourite lines .. I truly wish he became even more miserable than he is right now .. he wanted to die but he won't be able to die that's what I want his situation to be like ...I have died every single day when he used to give me suicidal threats .. I wanted to leave him but couldn't because of his suicidal threats I was feeling so helpless can't even describe in words that's what I want his situation be like .. even after going no contact I used to act like crazy asking every single one from RUclipsrs and from ppl who leave comments under these videos that is there any chance if he can commit suicide .. even if ppl say that's there manipulation technique the fear didn't go away !! I really want him to be in misery every single second.. though I already know he is in .. but he will always deny it .. I know ppl will call me a narcissist after reading this comment but I still want the same for him !!
I was convinced that I was stupid. I would tell my ex to tell me what I needed to do in order to be better at chores or activities that I've done for years. I became so confused and bewildered to the point that I had zero self esteem. I felt that I was worthless and really didn't have the right to draw a breath.
@@RicardoLopez-ty4kn all I can tell u is that it's hard at first, but get out off that relationship, let urself grieve for the lost of ur relationship even as negative as it is, give urself lots of leeways when u feel that u were too controlled or u feel too stupid to have left sooner, and give urself back ur life. It's been over 4 years for me, but I'm finally emotionally healthy, again. No one should be treated like we were and are.
This makes me want to cry for you, though I know you are seeking healing and wanting to help others, not garner sympathy. I realized today that I am currently totally destroyed inside; but mine is my boss, and I have to have this job, since I am a single- income household.
@@gemini_man66 And he says things like "Let's just forget all about the family issues and focus on me and you" but that is easy for him to say because it is his family that is causing problems and I am taking the fall and he will not stick up for me. So when I say 'no' to his idea , Im the bad guy. It's a no win situation .
Just got out of a relationship for this being one of the reasons. I started to question myself like "is it her or am I tripping?" It kept happening. No one will understand how that feels unless they've been or going through it. If you are going through it, please get out of that situation. Nothing good comes from it.
Sudha Mukhia thank you it’s proving difficult for him to actually “sign the papers” but I’m hanging in there ..... my heath has deteriorated fast. But The covid has slowed things down naturally. Xx thank you for being sweet x
Valerie Parker hello sweetheart. Well my mental and physical health had a downfall which is expected. He’s not signing the papers so I had to get a personal service allocated for the papers to be re delivered again. It’s been a long time since I started the process in early March but covid cannot be helped with slowing things down. I’m now a nervous wreck but a cool calm collected one. I just wish he would sign then I can get on. Xx
Julia Hoover I have been teaching them from many years this is not acceptable not normal. Unfortunately my newly teenage son has adopted the “lip” of his father. So it all stats over. However with my son I will not ever give up and as he’s only just 13 I can help him. I’m free I’ve broken away. However his dad still hasn’t signed the papers which is controlling in itself . He’s had them 6 weeks now. He will sign them when “he’s ready” never mind the consequences. I take each day as it arrives, I’m nearly ther xx
I finally started to open up to my mom about how a former friend of mine really wrecked my mental health and she just responded with~ “wow, you seem too sensitive to be rational” & “I just try to see the good in people” love her
I've been dating this girl for 4 years and we're taking a break. She brought up gaslighting and this video is spot on to what I've done for the last few years. Especially the misdirection part. Thank you for making this and pointing it out
My ex covert narc sends me a text, telling me she stayed home from work to go to the doctor and may need to change her birth control due to not feeling right. I’m naturally concerned and try to call and text her all day and night and she doesn’t respond, which only amplifies my concern. She texts me 2 days later and asks “how are you?”. My reply was “how the f do you think I am?”. She then says “so sorry to be an inconvenience to you.” That’s the exact moment I knew it was time to end it.
I should add that I was also unemployed at the time and she had been blowing me off/checking in and out during that 2 month span. I even told her that my emotional needs weren’t being met and she still couldn’t be bothered with being there for me during what was such a difficult time for me. 4 years together and her only explanation was “we’re different”. Haven’t spoken to her since (2 months now). Covert narcs are dead on the inside.
Just realised my mom was gaslighting me all this time. I was considering whether I should distance myself with her, now it's become a 200% HELL YES. Thank you so much for this video
I know you've dealt with gaslighting before. It's one of the most frustrating tactics, isn't it? ➡️ DOWNLOAD THE FREE GASLIGHTING PHRASES WORKBOOK HERE ➡️ bit.ly/3MxRvYH
Common Ego Yes ma’am Oh! I’m noticed lol Playing It’s very frustrating. Like it makes me cry type frustration even when being prepared cause it’s like .. The Achilles heel (wish it was Heal lol) offff friggin betrayal for me Cause of my background of it being most if not all my life Though this channel shows many can and have overcome these tactics like boss!
I pushed the like button in the middle of the lesson because it is so true. The abuser knows sooooo well how to distract you by suddenly switching the topic to something they never wanted to talk about before which you always want to talk about. They know exactly when and how to push the button on you. It’s almost like they went to school to study how to gaslight and manipulate people. If you think people who are manipulated are stupid, it is because you haven’t met the master yet.
Me: " What's wrong?" Narc: "What do you mean?" Me: "Well, you've looked like you've been angry at something all day... " Narc: "WHY ARE YOU GASLIGHTING ME!!" *Background* - This is a narcissist who is attempting to accuse me of narcissism so that she doesn't have to own up to responsibilities.
So a normal person would just say, “oh I’m struggling with this” or “no nothings is wrong” this is why I really wish people would work on themselves ugh
I have experienced this and KNOW that they are doing this, but it makes me sick to my stomach that someone actually thinks that I am that stupid.. It is just sickening that someone would attempt to be this abusive..
I cannot thank you enough for this detailed, direct, and understandable definition of something I and members of my family have experienced gaslighting from my sibling all of our lives. It is to the point that this family member's granddaughter doesn't even speak to her and I don't blame her one bit. My grandniece is not going to contend with the crap we/siblings/family members put up with for years. God bless my grandniece, and I am in her corner all the way!!! This video and Gaslighting Types, Phases, and Phrases is such an eye-opener and now I know exactly what to do and how to do it. Like you said, only one thing: WALK AWAY!!! There is no turning this horse around. Yes, initially it hurt, but it has always hurt and now that I know, I am not hurting anymore and healing. It is not my problem. Thank you again! Please know you have opened someone's eyes! Be well, be safe!
I am ending yet ANOTHER relationship with a long term friend and he is trying his damndest to gaslight me. I am not mad at him, just trying to understand that he is highly damaged, however, I will not allow myself to be sucked back in. I just calmly said I don't see it the way you do and I am leaving this friendship and wish you the best of luck.
Thank you!! I needed to hear this! Even though I feel like I’ve understood the facts, I always go back to “what if I just made the whole thing up in my head?” ❤️ peace and blessings
I think the same thing sometimes. But then I go back to the things he physically did and realize there is no way I'm thinking all of this in my head. It's 100% real.
"you are so defensive" "why are you always starting fights?" "you are just being selfish" "you have no proof" "you can't change me" (whenever i would try to communicate something that had caused me emotional pain) it's taken me a month and a half to heal from the impact of this person (by Gods help) & now i'm trying to prevent allowing future gaslighters or toxic people in general into my life through research so i can look out for the signs, thank u for this video😊
This is exactly what happened to me with the father of my kid. I thought i was going crazy, he kept telling me i was imagining things and situations. I was constantly doubting myself and couldn't make decisions anymore (i still struggle with this) He's the most selfish person i've ever known. Was always HIS needs first..whatever they may have been. It's been 15 years and I'm still broken because of it. I can't hold a relationship because i don't trust anyone. I'm hoping your videos will help me..
My ex accused me of every personality disorder .. every few days a different one ... That's how I got an oversight of these - but it was in last 2 years (of 20) before discard. Only after discard and appropriately 16 months of grieving the death of my marriage - that I found these self help tools videos etc ... I then realized I never had a marriage at all ... Ever.
I got to the point in my marriage where I had to start recording disagreements as I my words would get misquoted or she would say something then claim it was never said. She made me think I was going mad. When she next claimed that someone wasn’t said and that I was lying I played her the recording. She responded by getting angry and being like, “how dare you record me”. Dealt with this for 4 years and eventually I left the relationship. This was coupled with her never ever apologising for anything bad she ever did. It was like she was incapable of ever saying the words I’m sorry! I’m so glad I left that marriage. I’m much much happier
Holy shit, finally I know what my grandparents have done to me and my father. No wonder my father and I developed childhood trauma, ptsd and depression (and other things).
He’s convinced me I need therapy and that he doesn’t whatsoever even though I’ve done nothing wrong to him and I have books worth of everything he’s done to hurt me. He claims that it’s all my fault though and that his heart is pure.
@@thomas25082 they probably do, the gaslighter probably tries to make it look like they never ever listened and all they do is listen to avoid being hurt
These people are friggin' evil and depraved. YES, my narc has played all these tactics on me and because I wanted to be a positive person and not 'think' evil about him, he did this for years. Now, with the knowledge... I'm not falling for it. He's squirming and very lost these days trying many different angles to get me back into the same old dance. OHHH. It makes me furious to think of how dumb I've been, such an easy target.
The hardest part for me to get out of an abusive relationship was to forgive myself, I blamed only myself for all the harm, still not entirely over that story
Heard that one before too!! The “your too sensitive” one I get way too often! I hate being told my feelings don’t matter about something just because I am usually a more sensitive person. But when things are serious to me I do feel like they matter
I grew up in a different culture, a different time, where it was shameful to talk about psychological topics or going to a therapist. An psychological conditions were considered “made up” and just plane crazy... So in a way, I blame myself for not doing my research on the toxic ways my soon to be ex husband abused me. We met at a very vulnerable time for me, now I see that I grew co dependent and started to second guess myself. I felt as if I was dying, vanishing. He inflicted all the types of abuse a human can inflict on another human. I walk away semi disable; physically, mentally and emotionally . I saved his job by no reporting him to the police. Now, he has warned me that it will be a nasty divorce where I will get nothing. Everything you have said in all your videos about this topic describe him to a T. I almost can’t believe it! Now everything makes sense! I was just a supply and the life we had wasn’t real. I feel so numb. Thank you for your videos!
I was telling someone today that I can’t bring myself to tell anyone about my condition. Well unless they have knowledge in or going through the same. I wish I would have got help so long ago
My ex Narc has been calling me that for years whenever I want to have a serious conversation with him about my opinions or feelings. He would say that to me to shut me down of course. But if I'd try to keep pressing to talk about anything he may have done that's immoral he'd fly into a narcissist rage where it would get physical and I may even get thrown out of the home and locked out..
I believe we all deal with narcissism at some level, but I like to view these videos as a self check. I've noticed that only other people are narcissists, usually. :-)
Oh Richard, YES!! You have said the truth here! Very threatened by my confidence. The mind games were off the chain!! This sibling is clearly crazy. Thank you for your comment!!
Thank you so much. I’ve been called crazy, pyscho, damaged, told I deserve to die. I’ve made my mistakes yes. I’m human like all of us are for the most part. But like you said in the video. I don’t talk about the abuse because I don’t want to make my partner “look bad” and I don’t want to “ push her away”. I’ve tried for years to get things moving in the right direction but it seems like every effort I make gets thrown in my face. I’m told I’m abusive for pointing out behaviors when they happen but when I make a mistake I feel like I’m about to be nailed to the cross. I seen no way out of this false reality. Thank you for making this video. It helped me in a very great way. So much that I’m leaving this comment and I’ve never been someone to comment on videos because I’ve been told my voice and opinion doesn’t matter for so long. It has made me feel alone and worthless. Again thank you so much for this video. Words cannot express my appreciation.
Very powerful! It’s terrible how the narc can wreck your confidence and self love. She definitely used gas lighting to do that with me. It was rough, but everything you describe I remember going through to get to a much better place. Thank you for the clarity!
My mom has gaslighted and abused me for a majority of my life, it's only recently I have learned of her ways, and this helps bringing more light on her awful behavior
In essense the gas lighting is a fight of confidence, if you do not have the confidence once you lose out (even if you are right) that will be used as an example of bad judgement on your part against you in the future. It is a signal of weakness as they know themselves they got away with it. Whatever the wrong they did has now been justified and become right, then they can now repeat it as it has been accepted by you and then develops to become the norm. When another issue occurs the above previous occasion will be used as an example to devalue you and your confidence. A reason why you are likely wrong this time or wrong AGAIN (eating your confidence). Once that list of lost battles builds up (even if you had been right all along) your credibility in that relationship gets reduced to little or NO say. You have been reduced to not even questioning the next issue you think is wrong. Why? because you have been wrong on the last occasions and feel or told to shut up. NOW you are under control by that person.
I've known for years that something was majorly off with my relationship with a recent ex-girlfriend. For some reason, I didn't see clearly why I struggled so hard to stay away from her. Not ONE of the people in my life approved of her. I was aware something was happening, but literally couldn't comprehend it, so I would almost say, "no, she'd have to be aweful to do that." Well, in June she just stopped talking to me for 3 months straight, no word, no reason, just nothing. It really messed me up. She's been poking around again in the last few months. THIS is the first I've read of this. THIS makes sense. Not one friend or family member or therapist in YEARS explained this. In 20 minutes, you just gave me something I've never had...an honest understanding of her as being abusive and all the reason in the world to stay away. Thank you. I'm subscribing and watching more.
Thanks for your information. My view is that most people, and I include myself, are screwed up in one way or another. Given the vast varieties of personalities, mental health issues, upbringings, religions, phillosophies, races and nationalities on this earth, I don't think any of us are that balanced. I think many people with this behavior don't realize what they are doing. They just react. It doesn't mean we can't work on ourselves to improve but I think only a small percentage of people are evolved enough to even consider this. And I donot judge or blame them. I think we are what we are and even when we are trying to improve it is a rocky road. I know it sounds negative but I still have some hope for us. But the world has been around a long time and it is still pretty crazy.
Love this video. I think he used word salad on me. I'd tried reasoning with him as to why I had joined a dating app. ..he was non committal and hated labels so I never knew what I was to him. He sent me this weird text commenting on my relationships with friends and family and listing my insecurities. I couldn't figure out what on earth that had to do with him being so non committal. The answer is ...nothing at all! I can see it now.
The narc family actually gaslit me on who I was and my value so I would never call them out and stand up for myself... This is an accurate video 📈 that provokes thought. Thank you CE.
Had a good friend for 10 years who portrayed themselves as a bigtime victim and extremely sensitive. Would engage in 4 hour conversations where nothing was gained, circular in nature and any agreed upon points were completely discarded. Always would say I never said that. I dont remember saying that. Would bring up the smallest of favours constantly and say see i am a good friend. Always contentious always right. Even if you said ya you are right. They'd turn around hmm i dont know about that. Sabotage any relationship or any project as much as possible. Completely selfish. Wouldnt lend a dollar saying they were broke (always forgot their wallet) then would forget they said that and open their wallet later showing a pile of twenties. Someone broke their finger infront of us. I ran to call 911 and get ice and they got mad that they had to wait and said this was boring lets go. Zero empathy.
Thank you for this video. This helped me recognize gaslighting in my relationship. It’s true, I didn’t have the self love at the beginning of my relationship with a person who is gaslighting me. Now that I have the self love it’s time to distance.
When you started talking about finally coming out with the truth and stop telling the lies to defend them, that struck me hard. I hope you have a video on emotional abuse. I need some closure. Will also be talking to my counselor too.
At one point, close to the end of my marriage, due to several issues (including sleeplessness and lack of appetite), I went to a psychiatrist. After a good, long conversation, he started asking me a lot about my then wife, turning the theme towards her. At one point I told him smth like "Hey, doc... Aren't you going to give me some tests or whatever to see how crazy I am"? He replied: "That would be a waste of time for the both of us... You're not the one who should be here... But she would never come here on her own free will like you did". He also used the term "psychopath" to describe her. Long story short, as I was leaving his office, he added "Remember: any time you doubt your sanity when near a specific person, that means you should get away from that person". I tried to get her to go to him, out of curiosity, cos he also does couples counceling... Oh, man! What a fiery reaction! "If you are crazy, you keep visiting him! It might actually do some good to you! I'm fine, I don't need a psychiatrist! Stop trying to make me look crazy, too"!
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Wow. Much compassion from me. I have a similar story. I'm wondering what made your doctor use the word psychopath instead of narcissist. Mine also used that term, because my husband is deliberate and sadistic.
@@freerobuxcheckmychannel2521 Not quite sure what made him say that... We had a very, very long talk and he asked for so many details and it's been 3-4 years since, so it's really hard for me to remember and pinpoint exactly. But, one of traits of psychopathy is narcissism, so not far off. I guess.. But still, since she never came to him (and later at court refused to undergo an evaluation)., it was an estimated guess. Dunno... Most likely what she did with our child is what made him say that. For what she did, she was convicted at the court of law... A year probation! Never accused of false DV charges despite medical and forensic evidence it was false!
This has been so helpful. Thank you 💖 I hear this term from a very good friend of mine and specifically when I was sharing a story about a conversation I was trying to have with my husband. It has confused me and your video helped me to understand it better and also reading the comments! I literally question myself all the time after I try to have a conversation about a deep issue with my husband and think I am the crazy one and why am I talking about stuff. I do work with a spiritual teacher and she has helped me discover who I am and love who I am NO MATTER WHAT!!! I am so glad I stumbled upon your video today 😊. Namaste 🙏 💖☮️🦋
U just explained my son n law !! I had totally broken the relationship last year. Finally there is an answer for the widening breach between the closeness of my daughter and myself. The reality is always covered by excuses.
Dealing with this in a professional situation is frustrating. I can’t distance myself, there isn’t really a relationship and the end result was harmful to my career.
I am just now realizing that I was gaslighted. I had to record our arguments bcuz at the end I always came out confused. Fast forward 4 years after we separated she is still spreading lies about our relationship, I felt the need to defend myself until now that I see it is gas lighting and I would be falling back into it. Thank you for this vid.
My ex covert guy I used to love sent me message on sms out of nowhere: where are you and want to go somewhere? I answered, and no answer. I wanted a walk or something with him. I knew from that that our life faded away long ago and I was blocked on his phone often. Yet I paid his phone bills, other bills, and helped him with house chores. Next month 8 full months no contact!
So true. Last year I finally reached out to people including professional counselling after I had been the victim of emotional abuse for many years. I also left this person last September. I am now in a much better place and I am staring to rebuild my life and self confidence. You are so right, talking about the abuse is the best cure! 🇬🇧
@@TheLoveam2012 it's funny how that works. I'm a struggling to say good bye to mine for good. I keep thinking that there is some part of him that is genuine and cares. Which may be true to an extent,but I am tired of hurting and broken promises. I battle between my heart and my head all the time.
My (ex) girlfriend has just broken up with me for the third time . There’s sooo much that good with our relationship but there’s a few stumbling blocks which I’m learning are in a large part due to her Insecurities (her dad left her mum when she was 16 and it got really messy - I don’t want to say daddy issues…but). This video has put a name to the phenomena I’ve been struggling with. I’ve been slowly come to piece together and it’s so clear. The problem is she outright rejects ANY sort of challenge. It is insidious. It’s often subtle at the same time though. I hope to find a way to bring this up and tell her that it’s something she should probably get therapy for, like I am! Both of us have things to work on, not just me! I am so grateful I found this video. Superbly laid out. Thank you.
when I tell anyone about my family, who doesn't know my family, they say 'they are evil never talk to them' if they know my family, they immediately make excuses for them and blame me
When they put the main focus on your reaction and not their poor decisions or behavior, that’s gaslighting.
That's a good description ❤
THIS ❤
Yes!
Ooh. Perfect.
Very good. Accurate and to the point.
Wow! Emotional abuse is so creepy.
Life with a narcissist is a never ending cycle of lies, deflection, gaslighting, word salad.....there can never be a simple conversation...... it's exhausting.
exhausting is the perfect word to explain how my gaslighting husband makes me feel. I never know what he will say next or how he will react. There is never ever a normal regular conversation with him. It is very very passive aggressive and sarcastic. He belittles everything I do. there is no validation. If caught in a lie, he says it is not a lie, and he will actually say he had to lie because he knows my reaction (Im to blame for all his behavior) If I say his words hurt he says its because I have no sense of humor. Or he will play the sad victim and say 'I guess everything I say is wrong" and then walk away with a pout leaving me to feel bad and then trying to apologize. Or he will say something awful and when he sees I am shocked and hurt he says 'what's wrong, all I said was ......... and he changes the words all around to make me seem crazy. I even said to him, "I know what you just said, you cannot just take it back' and he will say 'go get your ears checked'. OMG - I used to not understand what was going on in my head until one day a friend said to me "sounds like you are being gaslighted"
@@debbieg8260 i can relate to you so much and i just hope it gets better for you :'(
AMEN! it IS exhausting... I AM exhausted being Coronacloistered with an elderly dependent parent covert passive aggressive
Omg yes! Never a simple conversation and it gets turned on you for 'complicating it' or 'being argumentative', even when you are just wanting resolution. So exhausting!!
And these "conversations" go on for HOURS. She says, "we can just have a quick 5 minute conversation and get to a solution" followed by 3-4 hours of being told exactly how horrible I am and why while any attempt I make to speak more than 2 words is immediately interrupted and shouted down. By hour 2 I'm ready to eat a bullet.
The blame shifting is literally NEVER ENDING. I'm at the point where I anticipate it and just call her out. I'm grateful for your content. It's helpful to myself and many others. Thank you for the strength.
omg - the blame shifting - always!!!! especially when he is caught in a lie, he blames me. And now I realize why he does not defend me to his sisters that hate me - it would make me look better than them and he could not stand that.
I went through recently with fake friends but this group hit to a deeper understanding and meaning like narcissis and gaslighting and focusing all truth on them to blaming me and using my lows to gain advantages to outnumber me and protect their reputations
Then you're tired even calling them out. A relationship with them is so exhausting....
That doesn’t work they literally change their course like I wasn’t going to say that
Or you compliment them or simply greet them and they're already looking for a problem, something to blame u for or call u out on... for years I've been convinced that I'm a black sheep and in many ways I am but it's even more painful when you pass adulthood..
After 4-5 years with him I started recording our conversations, because I thought I had to teach my self how to be nice to him. So I recorded, and went to my counselor and said: 'What am I doing wrong'. She listened to it, and said: 'Get the hell out of there'!!!. It took me a year after that, but a year where I worked HARD with selflove and bounderies. It got more and more clear to me what gaslightning was, and the more calm I got, the more angry he went. Today I am diagnosed with cptsd, because it took me too long to take myself seriously. I have isolated myself from the world, and kind of having an allergy to gaslightning. I want to take myself out of this victimhood, but it takes some more time. The most important now is that - everyday I wake up - I am happy and in control of my own life. I send love and prayer out to those who are in a relationship like this right now 🙏🙏🙏 Nobody puts baby in a corner, remember that! ❤
I'm just like you. I feel a little paranoid and don't want to engage in deep relationships thanks to 1 person. They are a waste of oxigen!
omg - I started recording conversations as well as he would deny every thing he said the next day!!!!!
I really appreciated your post.
I started recording and when these people find out as soon as they see me with the phone in my hand they were like don't say anything don't say anything I got my recordings handle lie to the cops and have me put in jail again so I know what you're going through in a way
I believe the only relationship that matters is the one we have with ourself. (UK)
My uncle told me when I was young that lying would go to another lie and then another...
When you finally tell the truth, no one believes anything you say ever again. Your word is everything.
Absolutely, uncle was ever so right! Your word is your bond!!
Exactly. In my experience with the narc, they don’t even care if you think they’re a liar. It’s just their way of life.
I jst want to put this out there, knowing the tactic is for you to leave them, not to stay and keep playing their games, telling them that they are gaslighted is not gonna stop them from gaslighting, calling them a narcissist is not gonna stop them from being a narcissist, I have tried everything you guys, is time to let go..
its not always that easy. I have a son in the home. But, I dream of getting out of this one day soon. It's so exhausting.
R Crimson I have to tell myself everyday, life is already hard why subjected yourself to torture, I have to get away if I even one one shot of happiness.. may god bless you my friend🙏
@R Crimson My husband completely ridiculed me and humiliated me on the phone a few days ago right in front of his friend. The next day (after not talking to him for 24 hrs), I told him he humiliated me and he said "I did not humiliate you " Plain and simple, if he says he did not, then that is it. No negotiation, nothing. He is oblivious to what he is doing and /or he just doesn't care.
R Crimson I left! I tell myself everyday, I can go anywhere do anything, jst don’t go back, they know their tears can hold me back, I’m not falling for it this times
R Crimson think about this! I rather be alone unhappy then with somebody and both be unhappy..
Tears literally rolling down my cheeks. My husband must have read a article about how to do it. He’s that good at it. Makes me question my own sanity.
Stay Strong He Is A Coward
Richard Meyer Thank you. I’m trying.
@@justjulie7866 Hi Julie, I hope you’re ok. I have just recent months got away from what I can now see as a narcissist man. Very controlling etc and he’s given me awful anxiety, doubt myself. I didn’t see it at the time but seems I’ve been through coercive control. Xx
I read this and burst into prayer.... Receive healing now. I pray fr peace in your heart, comfort and confidence to take the steps to protect yourself.
@@toyosioyediji1642 Thank you very much. That means a lot to me. 💖
Even if you prove it, they will deny and lie. That was my final exit cue. I knew I wasn’t crazy after the lights turned on.
It can be a way of dominating you to make themselves feel powerful. They don't want you to be right or get your way even when it makes good sense. They want to take away all your power.
My mom is definitely a dominant gaslighter. I’m twenty seven and living in my own apartment but the second I come to the family lake house for the holidays she stops at stares at every portion I eat or drink, reminds me to brush my teeth like a child (I just go to bed later than she does and typically have a glass of milk before, then brush teeth after and god I just know the fact that I feel like I have to explain that is her too), and constantly treats me like I’m crazy if I ever make her acknowledge it, or tries to make you think she comes from a place of love. It’s exhausting. I’m glad I have a great therapist who has finally helped me realize I’m not crazy.
He doesn't want me to complain about something that he has done to upset me..
If i do he says am hard to please and that i make big deald out of everything.
Thats soo truee
Mine would constantly break up with me and say" I never gave him peace" yet did this shit over and over claims they are mistakes, yet when u keep making the same mistake over and over it then becomes a shitty choice and plus got pissed if I'd bring up the past even if it was from a week or day ago and called them out on proof and truth they'd say trust me forgive me deal with it just dnt argue about it and it'll be fine and had me thinking gi was over reacting
Or 'i didn't do anything '
Thank you for all the great information. I am 7 months free from my covert narc and I am healing day by day.
Thanks for watching! So glad to hear you're free ❤🙏
Me too 7 months free. Hope you're still doing ok
@@pianolearner7 yes I am doing well. Thank you
Hang in there, I am 11 years free and still putting the pieces back together
Me too
I always felt like I had to ask my close friends if I was wrong even though it seemed obvious I wasn’t because I felt like i was going crazy. Thank God I had supportive friends to help me keep my sanity!!!
I was in a long relationship with a narcissist and didn’t know it! I knew something was wrong but never heard of gas lighting and could never imagine this could happen. I thought I was crazy and some thing was wrong with me. Once the relationship ended for real I was so relieved. It took me a long time to get over it and I learned what really was going on. My gut from the very beginning told me to RUN. Listen to your gut instincts!!
They get you to a point where you don't care what they do anymore. At first you just start letting them do whatever they want as long as they "treat you good". Then eventually you start resenting them and then hating them for it. Then you start hating yourself for staying with them. That's when you know you have to get away from them. As long as I was his doormat, as long as he got sex whenever he wanted, as long as I didn't question him about ANYTHING, as long as I didn't expect ANYTHING, he was ok.
That kind of person is the worst person I can think of...I married one and I hate him...
omg - exactly!!!!! as long as I shut my mouth on issues that hurt me (his sisters hate me and let me know it), as long as I worship him and tell him how great he is in bed and at work, as long as I do not question anything, we are all great. Meanwhile, inside , I hate his guts. Im mad I stayed this long (wanted a stable environment for my son).
text book Covert Narcissistic gaslighter
I was in the same thing with my ex. I always fought back tho when we would argue but it didi make a difference he still found ways to tear me down and effect the important parts of myself. But he was like that 2. If he was getting everything it was ok and good... I left his sorry ass and never looked back!! Thank god I'm out.
You described my life with my ex right there. Doormat, exactly.
Thank you - I've been in a sort-of relationship where the other person very constantly disrespects my boundaries (with name calling and un-funny jokes featuring me), and then blames me for "over reacting" and not finding his jokes funny. GASLIGHTING
the gaslighter spreads rumors and gossips about you to others. They may pretend to be worried about you and "your behavior" while subtly telling others that you seem emotionally unstable or crazy. Unfortunately, this tactic can be extremely effective and many people may side with the abuser or bully without knowing the full story. Additionally, the gaslighter may lie to you and tell you that other people think you are crazy. Keep in mind though, that these people may never say a bad thing about you, but the gaslighter will make every attempt to get you to believe they do.
I'm not sure what the statistics would be ...but my entire family has done me this way seems like the day I came out of the womb ....I've spent lots of night's in jails , mental hospitals, Er's & on the streets due to my family at a very very young age I was teased for personal problems made to wear diapers till I was 12 or 13 something that should have been private was something anyone with an ear knew ..I don't remember a time when I ever thought my family was unconditionally my family or friend still to this day 43 yrs later I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, schizoaffective personality disorders anxiety social disorders manic depression bipolar and a few other things I don't know what's real or what's not I'm told the things that I hear in the other room or in my head I'm told I'm delusional crazy did the life I believe I've had is all inside my head and they can't believe did I think these things well I think these things cuz it's happened I was taken away is pretty young age in group homes in detention centers I'm only wanted for kids that has ever kicked out locked up in any sort of way I know it only happened one time that one x enoughI need to spend a Christmas hat on the front porch while everybody is inside opening gifts I can't count the times that I've been light on buy people my family for each other and have me locked up as soon as the cops come out here I'm guilty no matter what not tried standing up for myself but it doesn't work it makes things worse I tried recording conversations once they found out I was doing this it was horrible so I called the wrong whenever they put their hands on mebut nothing was done the cop said what do you want me to do arrest an old ladyand I said yes she physically assaulted me I want her arrest I want to press charges he said no I don't think so I'm not arresting her she's old so I tried it one more time same same thing can't handle it hardly anymore it's hard to believe I know that a whole entire family get turn on one other part of their family one person very strange I think not one person can have my back I'm not saying I'm completely innocent in all I have severe panic attacksespecially when they threatened to call the lawn me I have zero Friends by my choiceI just stay to myself in my room I still live with my parents the situation is very messed up I can talk for hours about the things that go on but it's all in my head I'm crazy I'm imagining my whole life I want to know it's reality anymore anyway this is entirely way too long I love everyone every living creature creatures the most I can do without the people or 99.999% of them anywayseems like everybody's just out to try to prove something anyhow try to fight you'd prove who they are or what they can do or whatever I don't know what the hell they think I just don't know anymore I don't know if I ever have anyway everyone have a good day layer 😉😎👌😀
Wow! I've experienced this.
Absolutely 💯 I experienced this through not just my mate, family mbrs too😳
debbie G was in an emotional abusive relationship for 30 years and found out he spread nasty rumors about me saying I was the abuser!
100%
This spoke to me. I did not want to talk to people about what was going on to protect her, and also to not look like a fool. As soon as I did talk, my friends said “she is gaslighting” and extremely emotionally abusive. I knew it but could not accept it and I always made excuses due to the gaslighting behavior among other narcissistic “tricks”. It still hurts to know that someone who I thought loved me had just set me up as supply.
I was in a relationship with emotional abusive person for 4.5 years until I got exhausted by his lies and went no contact and got out. All the tricks like gaslighting, confusion creating, being cold when said no, bombing with expensive gifts when they did wrong, and all the problems were because of me . I m trying to recover from it. I never knew someone could just be so devious.
this was the first video I watched when I did not understand really what was happening to me. I am very happy to say, I filed for divorce and he was served last night!!!!!!!
Yes, Debbie!!! Absolutely! So glad you are on your way out of that situation!! Freedom on the other side! Clapping for you!!
@@pjj.5649 well, divorce not final yet - he is dragging this out as long as he can. If you think being married to a narcissist is hard, try divorcing one. But thank you for the well wishes. Soon, very soon.
YEAH, YOU!!! 🥳
@@gkrobin divorce was finalized !!!! He dragged this out for two years!!!!! I am free and very happy. If I can do it, you can too!
They loveeeee to say “I never said that” “Prove it” (not everyone memory is strong, that should be known) “you came up with that in your head” “ WELL WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU-“ “you’re making this all up” I also notice they try to say someone else convinced you this and act like you couldn’t realize it on your own
Omg when I tried to brake up with an ex ( the final straw being I had had a leg operation , he came over to stay I thought to help, he laid in bed with a cold and I looked after his 3 year old, bear in mind I could barely walk and in lots of pain)
Anyway after they went home I thought f*** this! And told them I had had enough it was over I got " what so you been talking to your friends and they told you to do this" wtf!
So you're telling me I'm not crazy? 😂
When I saw your comment i felt so reliefed.
Two Heads are better than one, so true. But two ignorant heads is worse.
Levil up or step up? (Pardon my poor english).
1-They lie so much that at a certain moment if you didn't Record it it's your word against theirs. It's One excuse after another only to refuse responsibility
2- push your buttons and misdirecting when you are winning
3- bringing a trigger to shut you up
4- contradictory
5- delusional
6- acussing
After seeing this I realized that my sister used to be emotionally abusive and she gaslighted me.
She still does this.
I always knew that I was being "Gaslighted " (even before I knew about Gaslighting and Cluster B Disorders). I just thought that it wasn't worth fighting about, so ignored it..............for a while.
Ultimately I saw the relationship as full of toxic lies and betrayal.........so I ended the relationship before I was discarded. Word salad...exactly.
OMG - talk about word salad, when I am trying to prove myself, he gets a funny look on his face and says "I dont understand you - you are talking in riddles"
This man told me twice in the same conversation he’s “afraid of love”. When I brought it up a few days later he told me “I never said that” 🤣 I didn’t fall for it. I’m so glad I learned about gaslighting
He said an utterly stupid thing to begin with (afraid of love, yeah sure love is very scary, not), it seems to be a common stupid thing for them to say. Along with "I've been hurt in the past" 🤦♀️😂
I’m proud of you, remember you can trust yourself, you can trust your emotions, you can trust your perception of yourself, and you can trust your memory now go live your best life you bad ass
Wow this literally continuously happens to me talking bout he never said it when he said it 10 minutes ago 🥴🥴🥴🥴
I've actually called out the gaslighting a few times and I was told that I was just picking up Facebook memes, keep googling, etc. Anytime I make a point it's discredited with angry demeanor. So I started really doing my homework(on literally anything I would ever converse about for fear of being questioned and discredited)and I was STILL met with belittling, discrediting and the like. Why should I have to essentially prepare an essay to have a conversation?
You shouldn't. I heard a good way of describing that behavior you're talking about. "Sometimes you're debating with someone who has a black belt in debating. Walk away when the conversation starts to get diminishing returns.*
same here!!!
WOW.. So many things come quickly to mind here.
I once caught my husband being sneaky in a cupboard. I watched for a while, then stepped in and said "why are you acting that way"? To which he replied.. "That wasn't ME doing that, it was YOU !!"
I was speachless !! On top of so many other things such being told im crazy and need medication and so on.. I am now preparing my heart daily to leave, and the closer I get the more and more peace and excitement comes with knowing I have brighter days ahead of me and they are not that far away.
We know in our heart of hearts that something is a major miss.. We need to stop painting pretty over whats honestly ugly. The truth is the truth and it is our dearest friend. Lets trust the truth we know, and use it to get us out ❤
This is exactly my experience...13 years of mental torture. A sentence uttered 10 seconds ago...would be denied immediately. I didn't hear it right, paranoid, crazy. I don't even know what the truth is anymore with this person...from stories of ex's, potential cheating, rumors that she was cheating (you are always the last to know)...and if I asked someone close, if I was way off in my judgement, all I'd hear was "I can't think of anyone that would tolerate what she is doing...that is abusive"
yes, omg - his words that hurt - he would change them, put a spin on them and even say I should get my hearing checked. I thought of getting a mini voice recorder to record him. But if I ever got caught recording him, he would say I am abusing him. I can sometimes get him to admit he did or said something wrong but it will take me hours (exhaustion) and then I would say 'omg - you said you were wrong??" Can I record this?" and he would get furious. Plus the very next day forget he admitted he was wrong and turn it all around again. OMG - exhaustion is the perfect word for how the gaslight makes you feel.
Its so crazy how accurate this is, its like you are describing my experiences exactly, moment for moment.
These situations and scenarios I’ve been experiencing for the last four years finally have a name….this is a breakthrough for me….I knew this behavior was not ok…..Now I’m getting stronger and I’m able to start the process of “taking my life back”….!
If you are pissed off at a narcissist and it’s not so clear wtf is going on they will say “I love you,” to put you back in the game.
The phrase I would hear from my ex would be “that’s not true” when I try to confront her on something she did that upset me. What’s more is that she would flip the conversation to everything being my fault. She knew what she was doing that’s the disgusting part
I used to get something similar yet less blatant: "I don't remember doing or saying that at all." He had very selective amnesia 😅
Common Ego it’s very annoying isn’t it
XGEN shocks the exact same words that asshole use to say "that's not true" or "it's just a misunderstanding I know in some parts" .. these were his two favourite lines .. I truly wish he became even more miserable than he is right now .. he wanted to die but he won't be able to die that's what I want his situation to be like ...I have died every single day when he used to give me suicidal threats .. I wanted to leave him but couldn't because of his suicidal threats I was feeling so helpless can't even describe in words that's what I want his situation be like .. even after going no contact I used to act like crazy asking every single one from RUclipsrs and from ppl who leave comments under these videos that is there any chance if he can commit suicide .. even if ppl say that's there manipulation technique the fear didn't go away !! I really want him to be in misery every single second.. though I already know he is in .. but he will always deny it .. I know ppl will call me a narcissist after reading this comment but I still want the same for him !!
That's what my husband does. I'm trying to leave, but it's hard finding a place to live. I'm trying to leave as quickly as possible.
@@CommonEgo my husband says that ALL THE TIME
I was convinced that I was stupid. I would tell my ex to tell me what I needed to do in order to be better at chores or activities that I've done for years. I became so confused and bewildered to the point that I had zero self esteem. I felt that I was worthless and really didn't have the right to draw a breath.
Im still going through this.
@@RicardoLopez-ty4kn all I can tell u is that it's hard at first, but get out off that relationship, let urself grieve for the lost of ur relationship even as negative as it is, give urself lots of leeways when u feel that u were too controlled or u feel too stupid to have left sooner, and give urself back ur life. It's been over 4 years for me, but I'm finally emotionally healthy, again. No one should be treated like we were and are.
I'm with you brother
This makes me want to cry for you, though I know you are seeking healing and wanting to help others, not garner sympathy. I realized today that I am currently totally destroyed inside; but mine is my boss, and I have to have this job, since I am a single- income household.
@@gkrobin ummm....speak with a lawyer, this could be a title 9 problem. If you can, document whatever is done or said.
My husband loved to say “prove it, prove it”
If/when you proved it, did he start the word salad tactic?
Mine of 17 years "Show me what you're talking about, You've never found Proof! See this is what your Problem is...."
ugh
@@keventy6114 yes!!!!
@@gemini_man66 And he says things like "Let's just forget all about the family issues and focus on me and you" but that is easy for him to say because it is his family that is causing problems and I am taking the fall and he will not stick up for me. So when I say 'no' to his idea , Im the bad guy. It's a no win situation .
Christine Noelle yup. Mine too. I’m trying to break free here. So hard.
Just got out of a relationship for this being one of the reasons. I started to question myself like "is it her or am I tripping?" It kept happening. No one will understand how that feels unless they've been or going through it. If you are going through it, please get out of that situation. Nothing good comes from it.
😂😂😂
Right it’s confusing l
Wish me luck I started the proceedings after 18 years . I’m ready please think of me I
And send me positive thoughts
Good luck to you! Time to be happy again 👍
Hope you're doing well! 🌅😁🌷
Sudha Mukhia thank you it’s proving difficult for him to actually “sign the papers” but I’m hanging in there ..... my heath has deteriorated fast. But The covid has slowed things down naturally. Xx thank you for being sweet x
Valerie Parker hello sweetheart. Well my mental and physical health had a downfall which is expected. He’s not signing the papers so I had to get a personal service allocated for the papers to be re delivered again. It’s been a long time since I started the process in early March but covid cannot be helped with slowing things down. I’m now a nervous wreck but a cool calm collected one. I just wish he would sign then I can get on. Xx
Julia Hoover I have been teaching them from many years this is not acceptable not normal. Unfortunately my newly teenage son has adopted the “lip” of his father. So it all stats over. However with my son I will not ever give up and as he’s only just 13 I can help him. I’m free I’ve broken away. However his dad still hasn’t signed the papers which is controlling in itself . He’s had them 6 weeks now. He will sign them when “he’s ready” never mind the consequences. I take each day as it arrives, I’m nearly ther xx
I finally started to open up to my mom about how a former friend of mine really wrecked my mental health and she just responded with~ “wow, you seem too sensitive to be rational” & “I just try to see the good in people” love her
I've been dating this girl for 4 years and we're taking a break. She brought up gaslighting and this video is spot on to what I've done for the last few years. Especially the misdirection part. Thank you for making this and pointing it out
My ex covert narc sends me a text, telling me she stayed home from work to go to the doctor and may need to change her birth control due to not feeling right. I’m naturally concerned and try to call and text her all day and night and she doesn’t respond, which only amplifies my concern. She texts me 2 days later and asks “how are you?”. My reply was “how the f do you think I am?”. She then says “so sorry to be an inconvenience to you.” That’s the exact moment I knew it was time to end it.
Sounds like a good time to end things. Sorry you had to deal with that 🙏❤
That's f up! Yes it was time to end it.
I had a near identical experience. Good for you!
I should add that I was also unemployed at the time and she had been blowing me off/checking in and out during that 2 month span. I even told her that my emotional needs weren’t being met and she still couldn’t be bothered with being there for me during what was such a difficult time for me. 4 years together and her only explanation was “we’re different”. Haven’t spoken to her since (2 months now). Covert narcs are dead on the inside.
aaroniousone yep. Been there with that. You genuinely worry about them. Then they take it out on you!
Just realised my mom was gaslighting me all this time.
I was considering whether I should distance myself with her, now it's become a 200% HELL YES.
Thank you so much for this video
I know you've dealt with gaslighting before. It's one of the most frustrating tactics, isn't it?
➡️ DOWNLOAD THE FREE GASLIGHTING PHRASES WORKBOOK HERE ➡️ bit.ly/3MxRvYH
Si
Common Ego Yes ma’am
Oh! I’m noticed lol Playing
It’s very frustrating. Like it makes me cry type frustration even when being prepared cause it’s like .. The Achilles heel (wish it was Heal lol) offff friggin betrayal for me
Cause of my background of it being most if not all my life
Though this channel shows many can and have overcome these tactics like boss!
Yes, gaslighting is one of the most frustrating tactics. Passive aggression is also insidious. And they make such a lovely blend :-|
Common Ego it’s one of the most sinister and abusive things you can do a person.
They leg it, literally, if you dig your heels in. Yes. You’re right. Everyone else sees it.
Hard lesson that one. Love your videos 👍
So draining. Blame shifting and they never see what hurt they cause others. Only their feelings matter and MUST be understood before anything else.
10 years of relationship, no self esteem left
I’m so sorry you went through this:(
Same.
I pushed the like button in the middle of the lesson because it is so true. The abuser knows sooooo well how to distract you by suddenly switching the topic to something they never wanted to talk about before which you always want to talk about. They know exactly when and how to push the button on you. It’s almost like they went to school to study how to gaslight and manipulate people. If you think people who are manipulated are stupid, it is because you haven’t met the master yet.
Me: " What's wrong?"
Narc: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Well, you've looked like you've been angry at something all day... "
Narc: "WHY ARE YOU GASLIGHTING ME!!"
*Background* - This is a narcissist who is attempting to accuse me of narcissism so that she doesn't have to own up to responsibilities.
or are you ok?
yes, I'm fine,
are you sure you look really angry,
well, you keep asking me if I'm ok, I won't be in a moment if you don't shut up.
So a normal person would just say, “oh I’m struggling with this” or “no nothings is wrong” this is why I really wish people would work on themselves ugh
@@michelleburton7603 that’s awful! Ugh I was thinking about maybe being in a relationship now I just don’t want one. Yikes.
I have experienced this and KNOW that they are doing this, but it makes me sick to my stomach that someone actually thinks that I am that stupid.. It is just sickening that someone would attempt to be this abusive..
I cannot thank you enough for this detailed, direct, and understandable definition of something I and members of my family have experienced gaslighting from my sibling all of our lives. It is to the point that this family member's granddaughter doesn't even speak to her and I don't blame her one bit. My grandniece is not going to contend with the crap we/siblings/family members put up with for years. God bless my grandniece, and I am in her corner all the way!!!
This video and Gaslighting Types, Phases, and Phrases is such an eye-opener and now I know exactly what to do and how to do it. Like you said, only one thing: WALK AWAY!!! There is no turning this horse around. Yes, initially it hurt, but it has always hurt and now that I know, I am not hurting anymore and healing. It is not my problem.
Thank you again! Please know you have opened someone's eyes!
Be well, be safe!
I am ending yet ANOTHER relationship with a long term friend and he is trying his damndest to gaslight me. I am not mad at him, just trying to understand that he is highly damaged, however, I will not allow myself to be sucked back in. I just calmly said I don't see it the way you do and I am leaving this friendship and wish you the best of luck.
Doesn't it feel good? Good luck to you.
@@gailcooks Yes it does! Thank you and good luck to you as well!
Thank you!! I needed to hear this! Even though I feel like I’ve understood the facts, I always go back to “what if I just made the whole thing up in my head?”
❤️ peace and blessings
I think the same thing sometimes. But then I go back to the things he physically did and realize there is no way I'm thinking all of this in my head. It's 100% real.
"you are so defensive" "why are you always starting fights?" "you are just being selfish" "you have no proof" "you can't change me" (whenever i would try to communicate something that had caused me emotional pain)
it's taken me a month and a half to heal from the impact of this person (by Gods help) & now i'm trying to prevent allowing future gaslighters or toxic people in general into my life through research so i can look out for the signs, thank u for this video😊
This is exactly what happened to me with the father of my kid. I thought i was going crazy, he kept telling me i was imagining things and situations. I was constantly doubting myself and couldn't make decisions anymore (i still struggle with this) He's the most selfish person i've ever known. Was always HIS needs first..whatever they may have been.
It's been 15 years and I'm still broken because of it. I can't hold a relationship because i don't trust anyone. I'm hoping your videos will help me..
My narcissist ex did this all the time. I had never even heard the term gaslighting until after we broke up and I found out what a narcissist was.
My ex accused me of every personality disorder .. every few days a different one ... That's how I got an oversight of these - but it was in last 2 years (of 20) before discard. Only after discard and appropriately 16 months of grieving the death of my marriage - that I found these self help tools videos etc ... I then realized I never had a marriage at all ... Ever.
a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
I got to the point in my marriage where I had to start recording disagreements as I my words would get misquoted or she would say something then claim it was never said. She made me think I was going mad. When she next claimed that someone wasn’t said and that I was lying I played her the recording. She responded by getting angry and being like, “how dare you record me”. Dealt with this for 4 years and eventually I left the relationship. This was coupled with her never ever apologising for anything bad she ever did. It was like she was incapable of ever saying the words I’m sorry! I’m so glad I left that marriage. I’m much much happier
Good for you!!! I know exactly what you are talking about!
I can relate. It is a real nightmare
Holy shit, finally I know what my grandparents have done to me and my father. No wonder my father and I developed childhood trauma, ptsd and depression (and other things).
He’s convinced me I need therapy and that he doesn’t whatsoever even though I’ve done nothing wrong to him and I have books worth of everything he’s done to hurt me. He claims that it’s all my fault though and that his heart is pure.
As pure as an egg two months after its expiry date.
Oh god that sounds like me with my ex. Ugh. 😦I always think am I a narcissist or is he one?
Hope your ok
How's this for gaslighting?
"I told you so many times but you never listened"
That’s what my husband says too I never listen to what he say
Omg i heard that one constantly.nearly drove me insane!!!
Why dont you listen ?
@@thomas25082 they probably do, the gaslighter probably tries to make it look like they never ever listened and all they do is listen to avoid being hurt
May be occassionally the person listened to them - just doesn't give a rat's ass about the bad behavior and keeps continuing it anyway.
These people are friggin' evil and depraved. YES, my narc has played all these tactics on me and because I wanted to be a positive person and not 'think' evil about him, he did this for years. Now, with the knowledge... I'm not falling for it. He's squirming and very lost these days trying many different angles to get me back into the same old dance. OHHH. It makes me furious to think of how dumb I've been, such an easy target.
You're not dumb
Without the information, and without being treated functionally as a child, you couldn't have known. Don't beat yourself up.
The hardest part for me to get out of an abusive relationship was to forgive myself, I blamed only myself for all the harm, still not entirely over that story
Yes everybody sees what you can’t see and you keep excusing the narcs behavior
As they're pissing on your leg, they tell you it's raining out!
"It's all in your head; everything is fine"
I was exposed to that one.
Omg! I’ve heard that phrase way too often from my husband in the last year
"i will never do anything to hurt you, so remember that, and you will have no reason to be upset". I have heard that one many times before!
Heard that one before too!! The “your too sensitive” one I get way too often! I hate being told my feelings don’t matter about something just because I am usually a more sensitive person. But when things are serious to me I do feel like they matter
I grew up in a different culture, a different time, where it was shameful to talk about psychological topics or going to a therapist. An psychological conditions were considered “made up” and just plane crazy... So in a way, I blame myself for not doing my research on the toxic ways my soon to be ex husband abused me. We met at a very vulnerable time for me, now I see that I grew co dependent and started to second guess myself. I felt as if I was dying, vanishing. He inflicted all the types of abuse a human can inflict on another human. I walk away semi disable; physically, mentally and emotionally . I saved his job by no reporting him to the police. Now, he has warned me that it will be a nasty divorce where I will get nothing. Everything you have said in all your videos about this topic describe him to a T. I almost can’t believe it! Now everything makes sense! I was just a supply and the life we had wasn’t real. I feel so numb. Thank you for your videos!
I was telling someone today that I can’t bring myself to tell anyone about my condition. Well unless they have knowledge in or going through the same.
I wish I would have got help so long ago
I’m adding this to my playlist of gaslighting experiences lol
Gaslighting is the worse type of lying 🤥
“Your just being emotional. I didn’t say that”
I was called delusional. After 2 years I am still thinking about it
My ex Narc has been calling me that for years whenever I want to have a serious conversation with him about my opinions or feelings. He would say that to me to shut me down of course. But if I'd try to keep pressing to talk about anything he may have done that's immoral he'd fly into a narcissist rage where it would get physical and I may even get thrown out of the home and locked out..
I believe we all deal with narcissism at some level, but I like to view these videos as a self check. I've noticed that only other people are narcissists, usually. :-)
Thank you so much for your videos. You've really been helping me understand my relationship with my ex.
Politicians are excellent at this!!
They Are Threatened By Your Confidence And Truth 🔥
Oh Richard, YES!! You have said the truth here! Very threatened by my confidence. The mind games were off the chain!! This sibling is clearly crazy. Thank you for your comment!!
@@pjj.5649 Your Welcome
I have been experiencing quite a few of these descriptions and feel so relieved that I’m not crazy! 🙏🏾
The "Yes" ladder! I never heard about that. That's very helpful.
Thank you so much. I’ve been called crazy, pyscho, damaged, told I deserve to die. I’ve made my mistakes yes. I’m human like all of us are for the most part. But like you said in the video. I don’t talk about the abuse because I don’t want to make my partner “look bad” and I don’t want to “ push her away”. I’ve tried for years to get things moving in the right direction but it seems like every effort I make gets thrown in my face. I’m told I’m abusive for pointing out behaviors when they happen but when I make a mistake I feel like I’m about to be nailed to the cross. I seen no way out of this false reality. Thank you for making this video. It helped me in a very great way. So much that I’m leaving this comment and I’ve never been someone to comment on videos because I’ve been told my voice and opinion doesn’t matter for so long. It has made me feel alone and worthless. Again thank you so much for this video. Words cannot express my appreciation.
Very powerful! It’s terrible how the narc can wreck your confidence and self love. She definitely used gas lighting to do that with me. It was rough, but everything you describe I remember going through to get to a much better place. Thank you for the clarity!
My mom has gaslighted and abused me for a majority of my life, it's only recently I have learned of her ways, and this helps bringing more light on her awful behavior
"It is always someone else's fault."
You've made gaslighting so much easier to understand.
In essense the gas lighting is a fight of confidence, if you do not have the confidence once you lose out (even if you are right) that will be used as an example of bad judgement on your part against you in the future. It is a signal of weakness as they know themselves they got away with it.
Whatever the wrong they did has now been justified and become right, then they can now repeat it as it has been accepted by you and then develops to become the norm.
When another issue occurs the above previous occasion will be used as an example to devalue you and your confidence. A reason why you are likely wrong this time or wrong AGAIN (eating your confidence). Once that list of lost battles builds up (even if you had been right all along) your credibility in that relationship gets reduced to little or NO say. You have been reduced to not even questioning the next issue you think is wrong. Why? because you have been wrong on the last occasions and feel or told to shut up. NOW you are under control by that person.
I've known for years that something was majorly off with my relationship with a recent ex-girlfriend. For some reason, I didn't see clearly why I struggled so hard to stay away from her. Not ONE of the people in my life approved of her. I was aware something was happening, but literally couldn't comprehend it, so I would almost say, "no, she'd have to be aweful to do that." Well, in June she just stopped talking to me for 3 months straight, no word, no reason, just nothing. It really messed me up. She's been poking around again in the last few months. THIS is the first I've read of this. THIS makes sense. Not one friend or family member or therapist in YEARS explained this. In 20 minutes, you just gave me something I've never had...an honest understanding of her as being abusive and all the reason in the world to stay away. Thank you. I'm subscribing and watching more.
Thanks for your information. My view is that most people, and I include myself, are screwed up in one way or another. Given the vast varieties of personalities, mental health issues, upbringings, religions, phillosophies, races and nationalities on this earth, I don't think any of us are that balanced. I think many people with this behavior don't realize what they are doing. They just react. It doesn't mean we can't work on ourselves to improve but I think only a small percentage of people are evolved enough to even consider this. And I donot judge or blame them. I think we are what we are and even when we are trying to improve it is a rocky road. I know it sounds negative but I still have some hope for us. But the world has been around a long time and it is still pretty crazy.
No wonder why I've spent the last 6 years thinking I was crazy.
Love this video. I think he used word salad on me. I'd tried reasoning with him as to why I had joined a dating app. ..he was non committal and hated labels so I never knew what I was to him. He sent me this weird text commenting on my relationships with friends and family and listing my insecurities. I couldn't figure out what on earth that had to do with him being so non committal. The answer is ...nothing at all! I can see it now.
The narc family actually gaslit me on who I was and my value so I would never call them out and stand up for myself... This is an accurate video 📈 that provokes thought. Thank you CE.
Had a good friend for 10 years who portrayed themselves as a bigtime victim and extremely sensitive. Would engage in 4 hour conversations where nothing was gained, circular in nature and any agreed upon points were completely discarded. Always would say I never said that. I dont remember saying that. Would bring up the smallest of favours constantly and say see i am a good friend. Always contentious always right. Even if you said ya you are right. They'd turn around hmm i dont know about that. Sabotage any relationship or any project as much as possible. Completely selfish. Wouldnt lend a dollar saying they were broke (always forgot their wallet) then would forget they said that and open their wallet later showing a pile of twenties. Someone broke their finger infront of us. I ran to call 911 and get ice and they got mad that they had to wait and said this was boring lets go. Zero empathy.
Thank you for this video. This helped me recognize gaslighting in my relationship.
It’s true, I didn’t have the self love at the beginning of my relationship with a person who is gaslighting me. Now that I have the self love it’s time to distance.
Loving your content! You are darling!!!
When you started talking about finally coming out with the truth and stop telling the lies to defend them, that struck me hard. I hope you have a video on emotional abuse. I need some closure. Will also be talking to my counselor too.
At one point, close to the end of my marriage, due to several issues (including sleeplessness and lack of appetite), I went to a psychiatrist. After a good, long conversation, he started asking me a lot about my then wife, turning the theme towards her. At one point I told him smth like "Hey, doc... Aren't you going to give me some tests or whatever to see how crazy I am"? He replied: "That would be a waste of time for the both of us... You're not the one who should be here... But she would never come here on her own free will like you did". He also used the term "psychopath" to describe her.
Long story short, as I was leaving his office, he added "Remember: any time you doubt your sanity when near a specific person, that means you should get away from that person".
I tried to get her to go to him, out of curiosity, cos he also does couples counceling... Oh, man! What a fiery reaction! "If you are crazy, you keep visiting him! It might actually do some good to you! I'm fine, I don't need a psychiatrist! Stop trying to make me look crazy, too"!
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Wow. Much compassion from me. I have a similar story. I'm wondering what made your doctor use the word psychopath instead of narcissist. Mine also used that term, because my husband is deliberate and sadistic.
@@freerobuxcheckmychannel2521 Not quite sure what made him say that... We had a very, very long talk and he asked for so many details and it's been 3-4 years since, so it's really hard for me to remember and pinpoint exactly. But, one of traits of psychopathy is narcissism, so not far off. I guess.. But still, since she never came to him (and later at court refused to undergo an evaluation)., it was an estimated guess.
Dunno... Most likely what she did with our child is what made him say that. For what she did, she was convicted at the court of law... A year probation! Never accused of false DV charges despite medical and forensic evidence it was false!
@@iniubongnkanga9390 There is no such word as "SMARTNESS" EINSTEIN! GET OFF!
This has been so helpful. Thank you 💖 I hear this term from a very good friend of mine and specifically when I was sharing a story about a conversation I was trying to have with my husband. It has confused me and your video helped me to understand it better and also reading the comments! I literally question myself all the time after I try to have a conversation about a deep issue with my husband and think I am the crazy one and why am I talking about stuff. I do work with a spiritual teacher and she has helped me discover who I am and love who I am NO MATTER WHAT!!! I am so glad I stumbled upon your video today 😊. Namaste 🙏 💖☮️🦋
Great explanation, thank you! I can relate alot! I did not tell the truth to others because I knew what they would think...
Thanks for watching! ❤🙏
U just explained my son n law !! I had totally broken the relationship last year. Finally there is an answer for the widening breach between the closeness of my daughter and myself. The reality is always covered by excuses.
Dealing with this in a professional situation is frustrating. I can’t distance myself, there isn’t really a relationship and the end result was harmful to my career.
If ONLY I had known this stuff 30 years ago; the grief I could have saved myself . . .
Thank you for these videos. They are exactly what I need right now.
I am just now realizing that I was gaslighted.
I had to record our arguments bcuz at the end I always came out confused. Fast forward 4 years after we separated she is still spreading lies about our relationship, I felt the need to defend myself until now that I see it is gas lighting and I would be falling back into it. Thank you for this vid.
My ex covert guy I used to love sent me message on sms out of nowhere: where are you and want to go somewhere? I answered, and no answer. I wanted a walk or something with him. I knew from that that our life faded away long ago and I was blocked on his phone often. Yet I paid his phone bills, other bills, and helped him with house chores. Next month 8 full months no contact!
So true. Last year I finally reached out to people including professional counselling after I had been the victim of emotional abuse for many years. I also left this person last September. I am now in a much better place and I am staring to rebuild my life and self confidence. You are so right, talking about the abuse is the best cure! 🇬🇧
I had no,confidence. He helped me find it. And over time,with his actions he demolished it. What kind of person does that?
Omggggg right!!!!!
The very things my ex ‘helped’ me grow in where the very things he said he was leaving me for. It’s crazy
@@TheLoveam2012 it's funny how that works. I'm a struggling to say good bye to mine for good.
I keep thinking that there is some part of him that is genuine and cares. Which may be true to an extent,but I am tired of hurting and broken promises. I battle between my heart and my head all the time.
A NARC
My (ex) girlfriend has just broken up with me for the third time . There’s sooo much that good with our relationship but there’s a few stumbling blocks which I’m learning are in a large part due to her Insecurities (her dad left her mum when she was 16 and it got really messy - I don’t want to say daddy issues…but).
This video has put a name to the phenomena I’ve been struggling with. I’ve been slowly come to piece together and it’s so clear. The problem is she outright rejects ANY sort of challenge. It is insidious. It’s often subtle at the same time though.
I hope to find a way to bring this up and tell her that it’s something she should probably get therapy for, like I am! Both of us have things to work on, not just me!
I am so grateful I found this video. Superbly laid out. Thank you.
Exactly is the truth they don’t want u to see
when I tell anyone about my family, who doesn't know my family, they say 'they are evil never talk to them'
if they know my family, they immediately make excuses for them and blame me