This video was just what I needed right now, these past months I have realized I am not as good with change as I thought. You always know what to say and how to explain things to make me feel better, and help me understand what I am going through better, instead of sinking and going into those dysfunctional beliefs you described. I can't thank you enough for your videos, Jessica!!! Hope you are also doing okay during these tough times!
Everything is either a crisis or a meh. At least when it is a crisis I can feel energy. When it is just a meh. I forget about it. Until later on when I realize that the meh was a crisis too. Now I am having a crisis about not having a crisis about whatever that thing was that should have been a crisis but now it is too late and now I am having another crisis. That is the story of my life....
@@TheCaptDude Yep! While I do feel "energy" when something seems like a crisis, unfortunately it isn't the sort of energy I can effectively use. Instead, it sort of just clouds my thinking and makes my body extra anxious. I feel the need to "take action" on it, but I have trouble and instead just sort of end of letting it ruin my day and prevent me from functioning normally. These are for the "when everything is a crisis" things. For a REAL crisis that involves immediate consequences or imminent loss or harm, I can actually act on it immediately. Then I'm super drained afterwards, but at least I dealt with it. It's the little everyday "crises" that actually impede my functioning.
Yeah, I also feel worse when I'm stuck in one place then when the change is happening. It might stress me out at the time, but in the long-term I prefer changes.
I usually like to deal with this by saying "I don't need to feel liked right now in order to get what I need", and then after I work up the courage to do the thing, I reaffirm that people do actually like me and be grateful for the people who show that in big or small ways!
I feel the same way, or you try your hardest to talk to someone. See what they like, and they just end up ignoring you. Which makes you feel like you did something wrong, and you try to correct it because you think by correcting that it'll work out. 😔
@@GregWatsonKingston meditation always help me, and talking it out helps me too. I am glad to have these videos were here to help me realize that I wasn't being weird. I am just me. 😊
for those with ADHD picking fights is self medicating behavior. Ever pick fights because something in you made you think you were being attacked? If you're feeling in the yellow zone and feel like going to confront someone for something, be sure to take a breath, and ask yourself, "Where is this anger coming from?" It helps me all the time now. I realize that I'm escalating situations because I need stimulation. Find it another way brains
I escalate situations by feeling like I'm never understood so I over explain my feelings or emotions on a situation then it becomes a thing where people think I am mad because I am excited or focused on the subject. then I end up apologizing for "too much" and walk off pissed off with no resolution and a vicious cycle of frustration with myself and where I "fit in " with people. I'm such a conflicted nice guy with a sour temperament! 😐
I'm certain my coworker does this. The longer things do well the more likely she is to flip out for weird reasons. It's hard to stay compassionate when she's screaming in your face 😑 I wish I could figure out how to derail it but it seems like the harder I try the more intent she is on picking a fight
I do this so often! And it's so hard when your partner struggles with similar. As well as the rest of your family. At least my partner and I actively work to solve this problem.... If only the rest of my family would try with us. I like the way you stated that you might need stimulation. Do you have anything you use to stimulate before you get to that point of escalating the situation? I often find myself too upset to find an effective stimulation...
OMG thanks for this comment, one of my sons, who has adhd, has always picked fights w his brother and me, and I couldn't figure out why on earth he was doing that. I'm not going to assume he's the same as you, but something clicked into place when you talked about escalating fights when feeling cornered... I have a lot of regret that I didn't learn about his diagnosis sooner. I'm going to see if I can come up with a different way of talking to him when he gets worked up like that...
One change I've made this year is giving myself time to make decisions. When I get asked a question or get asked to make commitments to something, I give myself days if necessary to make the decision. And I schedule time to sit and think about it before making the decision.
Oh, decision making would be an excellent video topic. On one hand giving yourself time to make decisions is great, but so often it backfires in my case because the more time I have the more confused I get about my own and others' expectations. More time=more options I can think of=more difficult to choose one. I believe that's why we tend to act on an impulse.
Wow. I had totally forgotten that there was a time in my life when I had gotten the hang of this and was actually practicing a similar technique. Some 15 years ago, having noticed that I was far too susceptible to accepting suggested future tasks when I was tired, I made it a default reply to any request for commitment after, say, 6p.m. to explain very frankly that I had a pattern of overcommitting in the evening, and thus would only decide after sleeping on the matter. It really worked, but somewhere in between moving together with my partner and definitely when the kids came, boundaries dissolved, and I am a hot mess of immediate response and permanent evasion. Thank you for sparking that insight. It might be highlighting an important fork in my road back to relative sanity and the freakin' break for my future self.
@@agnieszkakowalska9658 I have the same problem. Nowadays I write those options down with the reason why I should or should not choose them. It helps me. Hope it can help you too
Oof, yeah. I definitely tend to fall into the "distract myself with something else" category rather than taking immediate action when there's something stressing me out. Turns out that the "ignore it and hope it goes away" strategy pretty much only works with acne and wild animals... not so great for writing term papers.
Perfect timing “so our future selves, can get a freaking break” haven’t had a real break for over a year 😰 I’m trying to get there though! And demanding breaks even when I don’t have time for them because I’ve discovered I have no choice
Also sometimes siblings are just looking for something to mock, or they feel left out, and sometimes they don't know a better way to connect with you. It's crummy but if you try to make sense of it from his point of view you will realize that even though it hurts it's *not about you.*
We have to a family of 5, having to find a new home in a crazy housing market along with interviewing for a new job, its a bit crazy right now for sure along with lots of change
A situation that makes you go into "crisis mode: alert and prepared to deal with everything" but in which there is nothing you can do to improve the situation, just wait, is the worst. All that energy I usually never have, wasted.
i was triying to change especially last year cuz i was forced to be at my house. and i saw my teachers in online classes for the first time. i am 14 now and i was literally a KID last year. i am also diagnosed with ADHD last year too. and i learned how to handle my anxiety and ADHD both with you Jessica. thank you.
While your user name and profile pic line up perfectly, it made me rather sad. I hope you don't truly believe this. You are special and loved. And I enjoy your sense of humor.
"I can't do anything right" "people don't like me" "I'm not good enough" alright who read my journal and put it in a youtube video Edit: I have so many thoughts I want to comment so it's an edit now. Does anyone else struggle with coming off as "controlling" because of how stressful change is? Like if a coworker changes the schedule, or if a friend wants to do something else than planned, I get really mad and want them to go back to the original plan .-. Will the strategies in this video help with that?? It's so shameful for me
My life right now is so stressfull because other people decide when and where im soposed to be. And I have no control over that! And those other people decide what I am alowed to do! It is so stressfull and even though they do it to help me get better, they do not realise that it just makes me worse and I can not make them listen to me 😢
Maybe explain to the people in your life that you find going off plan very stressful? Try to meet them half way and tell them how you're working on it, but hopefully knowing how stressful it is for you they'll take that into consideration before changing plans?
Change is always happening, as hard as it sounds we've really gotta try our best to work with it and move on. Usually if there's a change I am not okay with, like the work schedule or hanging out with friends change-- because I am usually so busy, I will make it a priority to put myself first b4 others. If I constantly work my schedule around to those changes I become stressed because that wasn't planned for originally. Generally I also used to get fustrated/angered a bunch I know it helps me to write down whatever I feel or want to say initially then revisiting those thoughts, feelings, or decisions at another time when I am more calm. Correcting negative behaviors instantly is also something good to work towards. I hope this helps! Progress is progress and you'll get this!
I am also "super controlling" as life is easier to cope with when you know what's going on/coming up/still to do. When the BIG CHANGES happen I find it easier to go along with the changes stoically (mentally tallying up the misgivings you have), then see if you can make it work for YOU, and then you have to change things afterwards to fit you, with lots of "I told you so's!" that make you feel better/vindicated - and happier that at least YOU thought it through thouroughly. 😁
Thank you for this video! This is totally me you're describing... I've got ADD and have a really low self-esteem and not great at dealing with stress, unless with emergencies or something...
I recently lost my grandpa last month, right AFTER Valentine’s Day, and he died in the cold from a heart attack, and my grandma found him. I really should look for a therapist that specializes with adhd, and emotional trauma. I only have one grandma now, and I worry about how often she’s alone now, and how she might be emotionally traumatized from finding her spouse of over 50 years out in the cold. I pray for anyone who’s going thru any type of grief right now, bc I KNOW how hard and shitty it can be, it just keep holding on. 🙏🏼
I didn't think I dealt with change badly till you pointed out that the "everything is fine" mindset is not nearly as effective as processing the change and my feelings. I'm usually pretty positive, which I like about myself, but I almost instinctively default to "Oh well" when there's actually something I can do about a problem I'm facing. Thank you for doing this channel! After watching tons of your popular videos I didn't think you could do much more with your channel, but you keep coming up with cool ways to deal with ADHD.
Always have to check my context... are we talking therapy, computer testing, the local realtor, or the kink. And try to limit the mental tangents that can go with so many options.
I’m now watching this the day after I graduate high school. So much is changing in my life rn. Not only am I going to college, both of my parents (they are divorced) are moving out of my home town and one of them will be 3 hours away. I’m scared and excited and honestly worried I may not be productive enough these next few months. Thank you for your videos bc they help me through so many things and this one is definitely gonna be one I use a whole lot in the near future. ❤️
Wow, so much of what I have been feeling all came up in that video. Especially that point about accumulating more and more negative beliefs the longer ADHD goes undiagnosed. And the larger amount of stress. And the instinct to impulsively fix the problem, or run away. Really just about everything actually
Thank you! ADHD is really hard as a kid and it helps a lot. i think I might cry right now. you make me feel like I'm not alone :) thank you for everything
@@mooshywooshy3639 the whole world is out of sync & lonely right now ! Google "spoon theory". Right now, no one 'has the spoons' to deal. Just do the best you can & treat yourself well. As they say in AA, "One day at a time!" ;)
@@HowtoADHD I showed clips from your Ted talk in a presentation in my Counseling Children and Adolescents class in grad school last fall. I've watched several times. It was one of the things that helped me figure out that I have ADHD, and I'm currently running a Zoom support group for people with ADHD on Sunday afternoons. Thank you for everything you're doing with this channel. It's helping a lot of people!
This could not have come out at a better time. I’m undiagnosed but think I have inattentive adhd. I just moved across the world, so again this is amazing. Thank you for all you do.
Thanks for this one. So many things to unpack from this video. I hear the stress in your voice and wish you quiet, peaceful joy, Jessica! The big takeaway for me is: “The linger you have been undiagnosed, the more dysfunctional beliefs you’ll have.“ (not really an exact quote, but you know what I mean. This landed for me. Lots to unpack. Take care!
This video came just in time. On Monday I am starting new job and new career! 😄 I can attest talking it out is working quite well and I am equal parts nervous and excited 😁
I appreciate your whole channel. I’ve been diagnosed since I was 7. But because of stigmas and severe lack of understanding I refused to accept it and blew it off and stopped my medication when I was 13. Because of your Ted talk, I realized why I’ve been struggling so hard, and that there’s nothing wrong with it. I am now 21 years old ready to seek treatment again. Thankyou so much.
I've gone through lots of big changes over the past 6 months. Like you I thought I was good at Handeling change. But its true I feel with most things as a crisis... and think it has to be solved within a minute.... like all your videos very appreciative!! Getting to know myself better and help others too. You're the bomb girl thanks!!!!!
It's so spot on, I watched it twice! I had a problem today, that stressed me out, acted impulsively (aggressive problem-solving) and now I have a bunch of new problems. I know, I can fix all of them, but it's exhausting sometimes. Thank you, Jessica, this was a fantastic reminder, and I'm feeling better now.
I always feel so understood and comforted seeing your videos. I have adhd and I’m raising my son who does as well. Trying to help him cope and understand feelings and everything else that goes along with adhd, while doing the same for myself is hard. I feel so exhausted most days, so thank you.
I experienced gaslighting in an emotionally abusive relationship. Can confirm; when you're in the thick of it, and have been successfully convinced to doubt your own reality, you NEED NEED NEED outside support. The look of horror on your friend's face as you explain parts of the abusive relationship that seem normal to you should be confirmation that something isn't right. Part of the abuse playbook is to isolate you from the very outside support that might help you in these situations, so PLEASE do not allow a partner to cut you off from outside family and friends.
I've begun to realize when an anxiety attack is coming before it does due to adhd stress and taking something to calm my body and slow down. I feel like such a better mother and wife. Lots more work to do. But this channel got me started on my gourmet of healing, hopefully helping to save my marriage. Ps my husband is wonderful and working side by side with me to help me, grow himself, and save us
I have finally accepted that I cannot model my home and organization off my mom, who I have always looked up to and wanted to be like (to an unhealthy degree as we both found out). So I've been busy creating and going through some pretty intense changes at my house. Great timing for this video, thank you very much! I'm excited for how much better my home will serve me once I'm done
Great in a crisis? Yup. It absolutely confuses the people around me when I go from stressing in normal situations to everyone else freaking out and I'm actually calm and collected.
This video is exactly what I needed. In past few months i have seen so many changes which has left me into a complete mess. I lost control of my emotions so many times and I don't have support from anyone around. Even my therapist said that forget about your adhd. I stopped seeing my therapist, my engagement broke, my parents gave up on me and i barely made it out of those situations with help of my friends
Talk about perfect timing! I’m going through a lot of change in my life right now, and realised I struggle greatly with change from past experiences. Thanks Jessica!
OMG, so well explained. I’m 44 and have been stuck in this loop all my life. Every feeling either reacted to or shoved down. Please people, do this stuff now because I’m dealing with a chronic back issue and have never been in so much pain. That stress and emotion I had not been dealing with for decades had to come out somehow. I’m hopefully getting my ADHD diagnosis this month and am working on all these things now but please do these things before it manifests as chronic pain which can ruin your life.
I have been going to DBT for about 4 months now, and it has been so helpful! Its alot like CBT. I wish I would have known about this program years ago. I highly suggest it to my fellow brains out there! Especially ones that have other mental health issues as well. Stay strong and stay safe brains, we can get threw these hard times together!
"So our future selves... Can get a freaking break." I love you lol. I've not only needed to hear this, but needed a laugh as well. Losing both my parents within a year last year just brought on so much stress and adding the fact I'm not medicated doesn't help (I want to be, but have no health insurance). Listening to your videos have truly helped me.
I've had adhd since I was 5yo. I'm 38 now, and it was only about 5 months ago that I found your ted talk and realized how much my life was truly affected by what I thought I had under control. I'm now in therapy and on meds. It's definitely helping, but I can't seem to get a handle on my emotions, including negative thinking. I'm trying though..so thank you for what you do. It's changed my life for the better
Thank you for you. I am grateful for you and your team. I need all your content. I have learnt so much about managing myself and my disorder and wow all I can say is thank you for saving my life. I really appreciate it! Keep hitting us up with your light and energy.
My “Covid” started about 5 years ago or so. I’m pretty okay lmao- better even-! Now the the rest of the world has ground to a halt as well- I’m not happy that others are struggling, but I do feel less alone and pressured to do better.
Me too. It is a weird situation to be in. With my current rate of recovery I won't be able to pick up 'normal life' when most people probably will be, and that makes me feel sad.
I feel you, my quarantine has been lasting for longer than the covid one. I don't want others to get hurt or lose people. But at the same time quarantine has brought me some benefits tbh
This is so helpful so thank you. On top of my ADHD struggles, I've gained a half sister I never got to know in the last few months who was raised by the very dad that abandoned me. I asked her for help getting acquainted with that side of the family and she is agreeing to but only after a dna test (which we took and we are definitely related). Apparently, my dad has been telling everyone (including my sister) that I'm not his which was news to me after 34 years of existing. So to recap, I gained a sister, lost a sense of identity thanks to my dad's lies, and now I'm going to be confronting my dad who I've only met handful of times 20 years ago. The fact that I have no idea what will happen is stressing me out and of course, the change in the status of having a dad is up in the air, too. Your videos always make me feel better and like I'm not alone so thanks again
I sincerely wanna say thank you for creating this channel for people who live with adhd. I recently just found out i have adhd as an adult, and even though its a bitter sweet feeling at least i have an answer on why I felt the way I felt growing up. I still have a lot to learn about coping with adhd but it definitely feels like your channel is a good place to start.
I just shared this video with my partner who is definitely not ADHD. I explained some things, but this video is doing a wonderful job where I wasn't able to just by talking. Now they get it. Thanks for this!!!!
So, guess I'm officially part of the tribe now. Was diagnosed just this week at the tender age of 26. My life is a huge fudging mess and your videos seem like a life line right now. ♥ Thank you so much for sharing. Found this channel thanks to the TED talk you did
Thank you for this. My inability to adapt to change has led to some pretty toxic habits. But now I know where it comes from, and now i know how to change it. This gives me so much hope
This video is so accurate and explains what I've always experienced but never understood. I've always handled change or lifestress with extra difficulty but have also always went for adrenaline fueled experiences and jobs and enjoyed the rush.
This makes a lot of sense. I've had a lot of mental health stress to deal with over the last few years and I've been constantly finding ways to distract myself and never get done what needs to be done. Talking it out is something I've been doing a lot of since I started therapy for the other various disorders.
I have to say even if I don't need 100% of what you say it's so helpful to contextualize various ADHD problems, and not just this video, others that you create as well. They're so helpful to frame various problems and give comparisons with which to view our own lives. And even though you aren't a therapist you're sharing great tips with the rest of us, that at the very least are helping me invest in myself and be a better me. So thank you Jess! You're an awesome brain!
i always knew that there is a reason why easily get bored, why i want to do multiple things at the same time, why my brain doesnt stop thinking, im glad that i came across with your channel... im finally get to know the real reason, theres nothing wrong with me. its just how my brain function!
I never realized that me not liking things to change was because of my ADHD! I am moving out of my dorm into my first rental house, but I am so stressed about things that aren't a problem that I can't enjoy it!! I already worked the numbers and I am able to afford it, but I'm so focused on the negative thoughts that I can't do it and when I fail I won't have a place to go and it's just been a really rough time. Thank you so much Jessica!!
Struggling with pursuing a job change and trauma around my current job. I’ve been in the paralyzing “emotion ocean” all day. This was helpful. Thank you.
"So that our future selves can get a freaking break" I feel that so much, I have such bad time management and prioritizing skills, that I haven't had a break in almost 3 years by now. I'm so looking forward to finally taking an actual summer break this summer, no matter what is going to happen.
As someone who returned to school, moved twice and quit my job all during the pandemic this is great timing. I was so bad at coping last semester. Before I could get too stuck this semester I started using campus counseling services and am in the process to get diagnosed with adhd to try to get some accommodations.
Thank you for this video ...this was right on time....I have been avoiding tons of stuff on purpose because I was uncomfortable but I didnt actually know what I was feeling. Cant wait for the video about emotions.
Thank you so much for this channel! I just found it..I was diagnosed at 45.. so I'm catching up..very well presented and relevant for most people really.. especially right now ✌️❤️
Not diagnosed (yet) but this really was a 💡 moment for me. It would explain why I've struggled SO much since emigrating 6 yrs ago when, really, I feel I shouldn't have. It's been so tough, and I'm beginning to recognise possible reasons as to why. Thank you for your videos, and your TED talk, they are really very helpful.
Me too, probably because every time something goes wrong I'm like, "alright, should I move 3000 miles away? get a new pet? quit school?" lol I cope with change by running away from it and then end up having to deal with *more change*!!
Yup, I want to use all of the ultimatum words I shouldn't when things are uncertain- ALWAYS, NEVER, FOREVER, EVER, EVERYTHING, and NOTHING. Awesome that you made a channel after the TED Talk!! Keep it going :)
OH MY GOD. Did you read my mind or did you read my mind!? Just when I talked about this today with a friend and was missing the help that I get from your videos! Thank you for uploading despite the challenges that come with ADHD and with the great loss you recently faced. You continue to inspire me and reach me. It is because of you, how I connected with so much of what you said, that I got a diagnoses and that has helped me start to discard all the judgements I had accumulated about myself. It is also because of what I learnt from you that I survived and really enjoyed last semester. I was able to organise better with the tools learnt from you and just attend to my tasks better. Lately, there's been a lot on my plate and I felt like all the effort I out in last semester was falling apart and that I was going back to struggling again. This is just what I needed, to hear from you. Thanks for everything ❤️. I also follow Holly Gabrielle to get inspired. She is soooo unlike me. But after telling myself not to get intimidated when I first stumbled upon her video, I was able to appreciate and take inspiration from her while managing it with a healthy dose of your videos. I discovered both of you around this time last year. Do send some love her way ❤️
Those brain animation are amazing, really. In just a few moments a situation is presented distinctively and i know exactly what it's about and there weren't even words involved in brain's moments... within just a few short seconds everything neccessary is shown... amazing
this video could not have come at a better time-- i just got rejected from my first choice graduate school program and im needing to rethink most of how ive been hoping the next year would go. Giving yourself time to grieve the reality you'd been hoping and planning for is important, so thats what im working on right now. Thank you!
This video was just what I needed right now, these past months I have realized I am not as good with change as I thought. You always know what to say and how to explain things to make me feel better, and help me understand what I am going through better, instead of sinking and going into those dysfunctional beliefs you described. I can't thank you enough for your videos, Jessica!!! Hope you are also doing okay during these tough times!
So true! I'm also realizing I'm not as good at dealing with change as I thought in certain areas. Specifically those with lots of negative emotion.
I was just about to comment something similar... I hope everyone is doing better than me 🙏🏻
The mindfulness book "30 Days to Reduce Stress" by Harper Daniels is a good resource also.
I have ADHD and I'm good in a crisis but I have a lot of trouble with thangs that I can't control or do something about
congrats you just graduated kindergarten
“Not everything is a crisis.” I feel personally attacked.
Lol 😂
Saaaaaaaame
Everything is either a crisis or a meh. At least when it is a crisis I can feel energy. When it is just a meh. I forget about it. Until later on when I realize that the meh was a crisis too. Now I am having a crisis about not having a crisis about whatever that thing was that should have been a crisis but now it is too late and now I am having another crisis. That is the story of my life....
@@TheCaptDude Yep! While I do feel "energy" when something seems like a crisis, unfortunately it isn't the sort of energy I can effectively use. Instead, it sort of just clouds my thinking and makes my body extra anxious. I feel the need to "take action" on it, but I have trouble and instead just sort of end of letting it ruin my day and prevent me from functioning normally. These are for the "when everything is a crisis" things. For a REAL crisis that involves immediate consequences or imminent loss or harm, I can actually act on it immediately. Then I'm super drained afterwards, but at least I dealt with it. It's the little everyday "crises" that actually impede my functioning.
@@TheCaptDude This. This is everything and anything even slightly stressful in my life xD
“The longer we go without our ADHD being recognized or treated, the more those symptoms pile up” *Laughs in pain*
Riiiiiiiight? 33 years of build up has some serious inertia, even 18 months on from my diagnosis
Me. Lol I’m 24 and still undiagnosed. Putting off going to the doctor partly because of COVID, partly because ADHD brain.
@@sandrag5528 Same, except that I already made appointments but have to wait several months between each meeting -.-
😂😂😂😂😭😭😭
@@Tobitube93 I’ve already set up an appointment too but the first availability is on last week of May 😂😭
"How to deal with lack of change" deserves it's own vídeo as well, IMO hahaha
That would prbl be the How to stimulate your brain and the ADHD and boredom video
Yeah, I also feel worse when I'm stuck in one place then when the change is happening. It might stress me out at the time, but in the long-term I prefer changes.
YES
I hate and love change at the same time.
Bruh. Lol. Yeah
"... so that our future selves... can get a freakin' break." Damn, I felt that.
Keep at it, everyone; it's hard to see but it's getting better.
Riiight? We need one
@@HowtoADHD what is this break you speak of? ;)
Lol when she said this bit I unexpectedly burst into tears.
@@HowtoADHD can you make a whole Video with the music ?
I needed that so much today
"People don't like me enough"
That really hits me hard when I get stuck in that depressive loop. Hard to rationalize.
I usually like to deal with this by saying "I don't need to feel liked right now in order to get what I need", and then after I work up the courage to do the thing, I reaffirm that people do actually like me and be grateful for the people who show that in big or small ways!
SAME
I feel the same way, or you try your hardest to talk to someone. See what they like, and they just end up ignoring you. Which makes you feel like you did something wrong, and you try to correct it because you think by correcting that it'll work out. 😔
@@princessalyana3114 I still fight with this every now and then.
@@GregWatsonKingston meditation always help me, and talking it out helps me too. I am glad to have these videos were here to help me realize that I wasn't being weird. I am just me. 😊
the right thing at the right time
Bruh i said the same thing when i saw the caption 🤣
Literally same here
Me too
exactly
yes every time too i swear
for those with ADHD picking fights is self medicating behavior. Ever pick fights because something in you made you think you were being attacked? If you're feeling in the yellow zone and feel like going to confront someone for something, be sure to take a breath, and ask yourself, "Where is this anger coming from?" It helps me all the time now. I realize that I'm escalating situations because I need stimulation. Find it another way brains
Yeaaaaah this is why I had to quit social media 😅
I escalate situations by feeling like I'm never understood so I over explain my feelings or emotions on a situation then it becomes a thing where people think I am mad because I am excited or focused on the subject. then I end up apologizing for "too much" and walk off pissed off with no resolution and a vicious cycle of frustration with myself and where I "fit in " with people. I'm such a conflicted nice guy with a sour temperament! 😐
I'm certain my coworker does this. The longer things do well the more likely she is to flip out for weird reasons. It's hard to stay compassionate when she's screaming in your face 😑 I wish I could figure out how to derail it but it seems like the harder I try the more intent she is on picking a fight
I do this so often! And it's so hard when your partner struggles with similar. As well as the rest of your family. At least my partner and I actively work to solve this problem.... If only the rest of my family would try with us. I like the way you stated that you might need stimulation. Do you have anything you use to stimulate before you get to that point of escalating the situation? I often find myself too upset to find an effective stimulation...
OMG thanks for this comment, one of my sons, who has adhd, has always picked fights w his brother and me, and I couldn't figure out why on earth he was doing that. I'm not going to assume he's the same as you, but something clicked into place when you talked about escalating fights when feeling cornered...
I have a lot of regret that I didn't learn about his diagnosis sooner.
I'm going to see if I can come up with a different way of talking to him when he gets worked up like that...
literally just had a nervous breakdown bc i had to take a test again because it didn’t save thank you for this
oh i hate when that happens!
im proud of you for sharing this
Rip im taking a test rn and i havent been actually paying attention in class during it, nor did i study lol
@@silas-arlo Same -.-
One change I've made this year is giving myself time to make decisions. When I get asked a question or get asked to make commitments to something, I give myself days if necessary to make the decision. And I schedule time to sit and think about it before making the decision.
Exhalent advice !
Oh, decision making would be an excellent video topic. On one hand giving yourself time to make decisions is great, but so often it backfires in my case because the more time I have the more confused I get about my own and others' expectations. More time=more options I can think of=more difficult to choose one. I believe that's why we tend to act on an impulse.
Wow. I had totally forgotten that there was a time in my life when I had gotten the hang of this and was actually practicing a similar technique. Some 15 years ago, having noticed that I was far too susceptible to accepting suggested future tasks when I was tired, I made it a default reply to any request for commitment after, say, 6p.m. to explain very frankly that I had a pattern of overcommitting in the evening, and thus would only decide after sleeping on the matter. It really worked, but somewhere in between moving together with my partner and definitely when the kids came, boundaries dissolved, and I am a hot mess of immediate response and permanent evasion. Thank you for sparking that insight. It might be highlighting an important fork in my road back to relative sanity and the freakin' break for my future self.
@@agnieszkakowalska9658 I have the same problem. Nowadays I write those options down with the reason why I should or should not choose them. It helps me. Hope it can help you too
Hey, that's great! I'll also try to do that more.
Me having a lot of unfinished projects, unused ideas and stuff
My brain - This is fine. *drinks tea and plays Hitman
I like hitman
Great game
How did you deal with it? Cause I can't deal with it since I'm lazy-
@@marieantonettel.dumindin6942 we aren't lazy. We procrastinate.
currently me right now but I don't play hitman hehe
I've always hated big changes in life. The most stressful things.
"We tend to react more to, have lower tolerance, for stress."
OH, COOL. MY LIFE STORY EXPLAINED.
Just when I needed a video like this one...
do you want to vent?
Oof, yeah. I definitely tend to fall into the "distract myself with something else" category rather than taking immediate action when there's something stressing me out. Turns out that the "ignore it and hope it goes away" strategy pretty much only works with acne and wild animals... not so great for writing term papers.
Uh it doesn't always work with wild animals. Ever been attacked by a rabid raccoon? I have
Perfect timing “so our future selves, can get a freaking break” haven’t had a real break for over a year 😰 I’m trying to get there though! And demanding breaks even when I don’t have time for them because I’ve discovered I have no choice
I'm overloading on change to build tolerance. Sold my house, got pregnant, moved to a new state, all in 30 days! Weeee
thats insane. im proud of you
Congratulations on the pregnancy ❤🥰
I need this video I have adhd and I’m 11 so my brother mocks me a lot of the time and now I know who to deal with it!
im sorry your brother mocks you, having adhd wasn't your choice but it's a part if you and maybe he just hasn't accepted that yet?
Also sometimes siblings are just looking for something to mock, or they feel left out, and sometimes they don't know a better way to connect with you. It's crummy but if you try to make sense of it from his point of view you will realize that even though it hurts it's *not about you.*
This comment is doing so much better then I thought
Not everything is a crisis?
Ah, but if I wait long enough then it becomes one. Big brain time. :P
I wonder if this is due to time blindness? Like, everything feels like it's either NOW or ".... Eeeeeehhh...."
We have to a family of 5, having to find a new home in a crazy housing market along with interviewing for a new job, its a bit crazy right now for sure along with lots of change
Best of luck to you! ❤
A situation that makes you go into "crisis mode: alert and prepared to deal with everything" but in which there is nothing you can do to improve the situation, just wait, is the worst. All that energy I usually never have, wasted.
"How to ADHD" is always reliable while everything around us changes ❤️
i was triying to change especially last year cuz i was forced to be at my house. and i saw my teachers in online classes for the first time. i am 14 now and i was literally a KID last year. i am also diagnosed with ADHD last year too. and i learned how to handle my anxiety and ADHD both with you Jessica. thank you.
Jbc
Thank you for posting every week I dont know what I would do without this channel.
While your user name and profile pic line up perfectly, it made me rather sad. I hope you don't truly believe this. You are special and loved. And I enjoy your sense of humor.
"I can't do anything right" "people don't like me" "I'm not good enough" alright who read my journal and put it in a youtube video
Edit: I have so many thoughts I want to comment so it's an edit now. Does anyone else struggle with coming off as "controlling" because of how stressful change is? Like if a coworker changes the schedule, or if a friend wants to do something else than planned, I get really mad and want them to go back to the original plan .-. Will the strategies in this video help with that?? It's so shameful for me
My life right now is so stressfull because other people decide when and where im soposed to be. And I have no control over that! And those other people decide what I am alowed to do! It is so stressfull and even though they do it to help me get better, they do not realise that it just makes me worse and I can not make them listen to me 😢
Maybe explain to the people in your life that you find going off plan very stressful? Try to meet them half way and tell them how you're working on it, but hopefully knowing how stressful it is for you they'll take that into consideration before changing plans?
@@saramoldrup that sounds fuckes up. Are you ok?
Change is always happening, as hard as it sounds we've really gotta try our best to work with it and move on. Usually if there's a change I am not okay with, like the work schedule or hanging out with friends change-- because I am usually so busy, I will make it a priority to put myself first b4 others. If I constantly work my schedule around to those changes I become stressed because that wasn't planned for originally. Generally I also used to get fustrated/angered a bunch I know it helps me to write down whatever I feel or want to say initially then revisiting those thoughts, feelings, or decisions at another time when I am more calm. Correcting negative behaviors instantly is also something good to work towards. I hope this helps! Progress is progress and you'll get this!
I am also "super controlling" as life is easier to cope with when you know what's going on/coming up/still to do.
When the BIG CHANGES happen I find it easier to go along with the changes stoically (mentally tallying up the misgivings you have), then see if you can make it work for YOU, and then you have to change things afterwards to fit you, with lots of "I told you so's!" that make you feel better/vindicated - and happier that at least YOU thought it through thouroughly. 😁
"Emotionally Dis-regulated" I've never heard it referred to that way, but I am immediately familiar.
Yuuuuuuup!
Thank you for this video! This is totally me you're describing... I've got ADD and have a really low self-esteem and not great at dealing with stress, unless with emergencies or something...
imagine zoning out and forgetting everything you just listened to hahah couldnt be me
nah it's me lol. Watched it twice...I'm going to try again later😅
I recently lost my grandpa last month, right AFTER Valentine’s Day, and he died in the cold from a heart attack, and my grandma found him. I really should look for a therapist that specializes with adhd, and emotional trauma. I only have one grandma now, and I worry about how often she’s alone now, and how she might be emotionally traumatized from finding her spouse of over 50 years out in the cold. I pray for anyone who’s going thru any type of grief right now, bc I KNOW how hard and shitty it can be, it just keep holding on. 🙏🏼
I didn't think I dealt with change badly till you pointed out that the "everything is fine" mindset is not nearly as effective as processing the change and my feelings. I'm usually pretty positive, which I like about myself, but I almost instinctively default to "Oh well" when there's actually something I can do about a problem I'm facing.
Thank you for doing this channel! After watching tons of your popular videos I didn't think you could do much more with your channel, but you keep coming up with cool ways to deal with ADHD.
I just started college a week ago, so seeing this notification pop up is such amazing timing
Why was my knee-jerk reaction to "Use CBT" automatically "Is that a variant of _CBD?"_
haha nope, very different things :)
@@HowtoADHD I would like to hear your thoughts on CBD. Is CBD something that you have researched?
Thanks
Always have to check my context... are we talking therapy, computer testing, the local realtor, or the kink. And try to limit the mental tangents that can go with so many options.
I thought of something else entirely when I heard CBT :L >_>
Cognitive Behavioural Trees
I’m now watching this the day after I graduate high school. So much is changing in my life rn. Not only am I going to college, both of my parents (they are divorced) are moving out of my home town and one of them will be 3 hours away. I’m scared and excited and honestly worried I may not be productive enough these next few months. Thank you for your videos bc they help me through so many things and this one is definitely gonna be one I use a whole lot in the near future. ❤️
Wow, so much of what I have been feeling all came up in that video. Especially that point about accumulating more and more negative beliefs the longer ADHD goes undiagnosed. And the larger amount of stress. And the instinct to impulsively fix the problem, or run away. Really just about everything actually
Wow I’ve never been this early to video! I like watching your videos because I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and your videos help me.Thank you !
well doneeee!!
Early squad!
saaaaame!
Yeaaaaaa!
"react to how I really feel vs how I think I feel." Such a great line. Thank you for another wonderful video!
omg if she commented on this i would be wowed. does anybody just feel lonely lately, but you can't explain it exactly?
I've been feeling the same
oh my freaking gosh!!!!!
Thank you! ADHD is really hard as a kid and it helps a lot. i think I might cry right now. you make me feel like I'm not alone :) thank you for everything
@@HowtoADHD Totally agree. It's all so confusing. I can't really put my feelings into words.
@@mooshywooshy3639 the whole world is out of sync & lonely right now !
Google "spoon theory". Right now, no one 'has the spoons' to deal.
Just do the best you can & treat yourself well. As they say in AA, "One day at a time!" ;)
The brain is so cute!! You are so easy to listen and relate to. You were born for this. My therapist told me about you. Her wife has ADHD.
We watched your Ted Talk in class! It was the 4th time I saw it! Great job Jess for teaching people about ADHD and how to help people with ADHD
What, really? That’s so cool! What class?
@@HowtoADHD Study Skills we watch different Ted Talks and when I heard we were watching yours I explained your channel!
@@HowtoADHD I showed clips from your Ted talk in a presentation in my Counseling Children and Adolescents class in grad school last fall. I've watched several times. It was one of the things that helped me figure out that I have ADHD, and I'm currently running a Zoom support group for people with ADHD on Sunday afternoons. Thank you for everything you're doing with this channel. It's helping a lot of people!
This could not have come out at a better time. I’m undiagnosed but think I have inattentive adhd. I just moved across the world, so again this is amazing. Thank you for all you do.
Thanks for this one. So many things to unpack from this video. I hear the stress in your voice and wish you quiet, peaceful joy, Jessica! The big takeaway for me is: “The linger you have been undiagnosed, the more dysfunctional beliefs you’ll have.“ (not really an exact quote, but you know what I mean. This landed for me. Lots to unpack. Take care!
This video came just in time. On Monday I am starting new job and new career! 😄 I can attest talking it out is working quite well and I am equal parts nervous and excited 😁
Congratulations on the new job! You'll do your best and at the end of the day, that's all that matters!
Yes, this was very well timed for me. I've been losing my MIND for the past couple of weeks as some changes have been rolling in.
I love her channel because she empathises with me, and not just telling do this and do that!!
Thanks, keep going!!
I appreciate your whole channel. I’ve been diagnosed since I was 7. But because of stigmas and severe lack of understanding I refused to accept it and blew it off and stopped my medication when I was 13. Because of your Ted talk, I realized why I’ve been struggling so hard, and that there’s nothing wrong with it. I am now 21 years old ready to seek treatment again. Thankyou so much.
I've gone through lots of big changes over the past 6 months. Like you I thought I was good at Handeling change. But its true I feel with most things as a crisis... and think it has to be solved within a minute.... like all your videos very appreciative!! Getting to know myself better and help others too. You're the bomb girl thanks!!!!!
It's so spot on, I watched it twice! I had a problem today, that stressed me out, acted impulsively (aggressive problem-solving) and now I have a bunch of new problems. I know, I can fix all of them, but it's exhausting sometimes. Thank you, Jessica, this was a fantastic reminder, and I'm feeling better now.
I got my diagnoses today! 31 years and 100% unequivocally having ADHD 💛 thank you for your channel it keeps me going and reminding I’m not alone! X
Hope you're doing well Jessica! Sending good vibes to you!
I always feel so understood and comforted seeing your videos. I have adhd and I’m raising my son who does as well. Trying to help him cope and understand feelings and everything else that goes along with adhd, while doing the same for myself is hard. I feel so exhausted most days, so thank you.
When I needed it the most... Thank you Jessica and all the brains and hearts!!
I experienced gaslighting in an emotionally abusive relationship. Can confirm; when you're in the thick of it, and have been successfully convinced to doubt your own reality, you NEED NEED NEED outside support. The look of horror on your friend's face as you explain parts of the abusive relationship that seem normal to you should be confirmation that something isn't right. Part of the abuse playbook is to isolate you from the very outside support that might help you in these situations, so PLEASE do not allow a partner to cut you off from outside family and friends.
I may have hyper focused on this channel today. Feeling called out and validated and appreciate your vulnerability and openness
I've begun to realize when an anxiety attack is coming before it does due to adhd stress and taking something to calm my body and slow down. I feel like such a better mother and wife. Lots more work to do. But this channel got me started on my gourmet of healing, hopefully helping to save my marriage.
Ps my husband is wonderful and working side by side with me to help me, grow himself, and save us
I have finally accepted that I cannot model my home and organization off my mom, who I have always looked up to and wanted to be like (to an unhealthy degree as we both found out). So I've been busy creating and going through some pretty intense changes at my house. Great timing for this video, thank you very much! I'm excited for how much better my home will serve me once I'm done
Yesss. I felt that break part! Really love these videos. I have never felt so heard and understood.
Great in a crisis? Yup. It absolutely confuses the people around me when I go from stressing in normal situations to everyone else freaking out and I'm actually calm and collected.
"Figuring out what I'm actually feeling, instead of instinctively reacting to what I think I'm feeling"
This.
Congratulations on 600,000 subscribers
You really deserve this!!
This video is exactly what I needed. In past few months i have seen so many changes which has left me into a complete mess. I lost control of my emotions so many times and I don't have support from anyone around. Even my therapist said that forget about your adhd. I stopped seeing my therapist, my engagement broke, my parents gave up on me and i barely made it out of those situations with help of my friends
Talk about perfect timing! I’m going through a lot of change in my life right now, and realised I struggle greatly with change from past experiences. Thanks Jessica!
OMG, so well explained. I’m 44 and have been stuck in this loop all my life. Every feeling either reacted to or shoved down. Please people, do this stuff now because I’m dealing with a chronic back issue and have never been in so much pain. That stress and emotion I had not been dealing with for decades had to come out somehow. I’m hopefully getting my ADHD diagnosis this month and am working on all these things now but please do these things before it manifests as chronic pain which can ruin your life.
This channel is so unbelievably helpful to me. You are doing fantastic work.
I have been going to DBT for about 4 months now, and it has been so helpful! Its alot like CBT. I wish I would have known about this program years ago. I highly suggest it to my fellow brains out there! Especially ones that have other mental health issues as well. Stay strong and stay safe brains, we can get threw these hard times together!
"So our future selves... Can get a freaking break." I love you lol. I've not only needed to hear this, but needed a laugh as well. Losing both my parents within a year last year just brought on so much stress and adding the fact I'm not medicated doesn't help (I want to be, but have no health insurance). Listening to your videos have truly helped me.
I've had adhd since I was 5yo. I'm 38 now, and it was only about 5 months ago that I found your ted talk and realized how much my life was truly affected by what I thought I had under control. I'm now in therapy and on meds. It's definitely helping, but I can't seem to get a handle on my emotions, including negative thinking. I'm trying though..so thank you for what you do. It's changed my life for the better
Thank you for you. I am grateful for you and your team. I need all your content. I have learnt so much about managing myself and my disorder and wow all I can say is thank you for saving my life. I really appreciate it!
Keep hitting us up with your light and energy.
This could not have been posted at a better time.THANK YOU!!!!!😄😄😄
These videos are so helpful. Such a rare channel that helps us ADHDers. I hope you never stop making. You’re cherished here ☺️
My “Covid” started about 5 years ago or so. I’m pretty okay lmao- better even-! Now the the rest of the world has ground to a halt as well- I’m not happy that others are struggling, but I do feel less alone and pressured to do better.
Me too. It is a weird situation to be in. With my current rate of recovery I won't be able to pick up 'normal life' when most people probably will be, and that makes me feel sad.
I feel you, my quarantine has been lasting for longer than the covid one.
I don't want others to get hurt or lose people. But at the same time quarantine has brought me some benefits tbh
@F Karma That's a lovely message, thank you!
This is so helpful so thank you. On top of my ADHD struggles, I've gained a half sister I never got to know in the last few months who was raised by the very dad that abandoned me. I asked her for help getting acquainted with that side of the family and she is agreeing to but only after a dna test (which we took and we are definitely related). Apparently, my dad has been telling everyone (including my sister) that I'm not his which was news to me after 34 years of existing. So to recap, I gained a sister, lost a sense of identity thanks to my dad's lies, and now I'm going to be confronting my dad who I've only met handful of times 20 years ago. The fact that I have no idea what will happen is stressing me out and of course, the change in the status of having a dad is up in the air, too. Your videos always make me feel better and like I'm not alone so thanks again
I sincerely wanna say thank you for creating this channel for people who live with adhd. I recently just found out i have adhd as an adult, and even though its a bitter sweet feeling at least i have an answer on why I felt the way I felt growing up. I still have a lot to learn about coping with adhd but it definitely feels like your channel is a good place to start.
This is definitely among the best episodes I've seen on your channel. It describes the struggle extremely well. Thank you !
This could have not come at a better time in my life. Thank you so much Jessica keep safe.
I just shared this video with my partner who is definitely not ADHD. I explained some things, but this video is doing a wonderful job where I wasn't able to just by talking. Now they get it. Thanks for this!!!!
So, guess I'm officially part of the tribe now. Was diagnosed just this week at the tender age of 26. My life is a huge fudging mess and your videos seem like a life line right now. ♥ Thank you so much for sharing. Found this channel thanks to the TED talk you did
Thank you for this. My inability to adapt to change has led to some pretty toxic habits. But now I know where it comes from, and now i know how to change it. This gives me so much hope
Minus the fast speech, I'm learning so much about myself, yes I do have ADHD and others that have it too! These are making my days better!
This video is so accurate and explains what I've always experienced but never understood. I've always handled change or lifestress with extra difficulty but have also always went for adrenaline fueled experiences and jobs and enjoyed the rush.
I've realized that change and stress have really built up lately for me. Thanks for this
This makes a lot of sense. I've had a lot of mental health stress to deal with over the last few years and I've been constantly finding ways to distract myself and never get done what needs to be done. Talking it out is something I've been doing a lot of since I started therapy for the other various disorders.
My life has gotten so much better watching your videos thank you 🙏
I have to say even if I don't need 100% of what you say it's so helpful to contextualize various ADHD problems, and not just this video, others that you create as well.
They're so helpful to frame various problems and give comparisons with which to view our own lives. And even though you aren't a therapist you're sharing great tips with the rest of us, that at the very least are helping me invest in myself and be a better me.
So thank you Jess! You're an awesome brain!
i always knew that there is a reason why easily get bored, why i want to do multiple things at the same time, why my brain doesnt stop thinking, im glad that i came across with your channel... im finally get to know the real reason, theres nothing wrong with me. its just how my brain function!
I never realized that me not liking things to change was because of my ADHD! I am moving out of my dorm into my first rental house, but I am so stressed about things that aren't a problem that I can't enjoy it!! I already worked the numbers and I am able to afford it, but I'm so focused on the negative thoughts that I can't do it and when I fail I won't have a place to go and it's just been a really rough time. Thank you so much Jessica!!
Struggling with pursuing a job change and trauma around my current job. I’ve been in the paralyzing “emotion ocean” all day. This was helpful. Thank you.
"So that our future selves can get a freaking break" I feel that so much, I have such bad time management and prioritizing skills, that I haven't had a break in almost 3 years by now. I'm so looking forward to finally taking an actual summer break this summer, no matter what is going to happen.
As someone who returned to school, moved twice and quit my job all during the pandemic this is great timing. I was so bad at coping last semester. Before I could get too stuck this semester I started using campus counseling services and am in the process to get diagnosed with adhd to try to get some accommodations.
Thank you for this video ...this was right on time....I have been avoiding tons of stuff on purpose because I was uncomfortable but I didnt actually know what I was feeling. Cant wait for the video about emotions.
Thank you so much for this channel! I just found it..I was diagnosed at 45.. so I'm catching up..very well presented and relevant for most people really.. especially right now ✌️❤️
I'm happy that you created this channel, it's helpful for me with my ptsd and anxiety. Thank you for doing it.
One of my best friends has ADHD. I just discovered this channel and think it can really help me to understand her better so thank you.
I needed this exact video at this literal exact time...THANK YOU SO MUCH YOUR CHANNEL HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!!! ❤😭❤😭❤😭❤
"Can get a freaking break"
Oooooooof, that hits close to home!
Not diagnosed (yet) but this really was a 💡 moment for me. It would explain why I've struggled SO much since emigrating 6 yrs ago when, really, I feel I shouldn't have. It's been so tough, and I'm beginning to recognise possible reasons as to why. Thank you for your videos, and your TED talk, they are really very helpful.
I always thought I liked change 🙆🏾♀️
SAAAAME. The research on this one was SUPER interesting!
no no I don't
Now I understand why I always thought I liked change but my wife says I’m not good with it
@@HowtoADHD oh yes. It's very interesting.
Me too, probably because every time something goes wrong I'm like, "alright, should I move 3000 miles away? get a new pet? quit school?" lol I cope with change by running away from it and then end up having to deal with *more change*!!
Yup, I want to use all of the ultimatum words I shouldn't when things are uncertain- ALWAYS, NEVER, FOREVER, EVER, EVERYTHING, and NOTHING. Awesome that you made a channel after the TED Talk!! Keep it going :)
OH MY GOD. Did you read my mind or did you read my mind!? Just when I talked about this today with a friend and was missing the help that I get from your videos! Thank you for uploading despite the challenges that come with ADHD and with the great loss you recently faced. You continue to inspire me and reach me. It is because of you, how I connected with so much of what you said, that I got a diagnoses and that has helped me start to discard all the judgements I had accumulated about myself. It is also because of what I learnt from you that I survived and really enjoyed last semester. I was able to organise better with the tools learnt from you and just attend to my tasks better. Lately, there's been a lot on my plate and I felt like all the effort I out in last semester was falling apart and that I was going back to struggling again. This is just what I needed, to hear from you. Thanks for everything ❤️.
I also follow Holly Gabrielle to get inspired. She is soooo unlike me. But after telling myself not to get intimidated when I first stumbled upon her video, I was able to appreciate and take inspiration from her while managing it with a healthy dose of your videos. I discovered both of you around this time last year. Do send some love her way ❤️
Those brain animation are amazing, really. In just a few moments a situation is presented distinctively and i know exactly what it's about and there weren't even words involved in brain's moments... within just a few short seconds everything neccessary is shown... amazing
this video could not have come at a better time-- i just got rejected from my first choice graduate school program and im needing to rethink most of how ive been hoping the next year would go. Giving yourself time to grieve the reality you'd been hoping and planning for is important, so thats what im working on right now. Thank you!