I don't know if this counts, because it's not necessarily something you actively do, but please drop your biases on things you might not consider age-appropriate. Just because someone likes to have a stuffed animal around, is a fan of Winnie-the-Pooh or likes to color children's coloring books, that doesn't mean, that they don't have the cognitive abilities of an adult, or that they aren't as smart, just because they might act childish or find things made for children comforting.
In family settings it helps me a great deal if I am allowed to come and go as I please. Just be OK with it when I leave the room for half an hour and sit somewhere on my own with my mobile phone. That way I don't have to fake a big poop of I need time to cool down my senses.
All of the above are awesome advice! I don't know if this happens to many others, but please, stop assuming I intend something else than what I am saying! I mean what I mean, no hidden games, no second of third interpretations... It is frustrating especially in a family setting, in which you should be able to be open about things. You try your hardest to express something the most clear way possible and for some weird bias everyone is angry. (e.g. If I tell you that I want to do something bc my way of doing it is more efficient, like tracing which busses we will take, there is no more judgement of character, I letteraly mean that I decided for it bc of efficiency, not bc I hate you or I am subdely making some passive aggressive remark and am saying you dont do your job right.... It is as simple as it sounds, efficiency.... Or another, if I am closing my ears or moving away bc the sound is bothering me, it is bc the sound is bothering me, not bc I have some kind of remark or vendetta or whatever... It bothers, I move). Best wishes to yall 🐸⭐
The biggest help people can offer me is allowing me to speak up a about my struggles and to take them into account. Growing up hearing all the time things like "just try harder/ we all have to do things we don't enjoy/ don't be so sensitive" etc... it made me believe that me experiencing discomfort or struggling is actually not a valid reason at all to not do something. I still have that voice in my head telling me to not act silly and just do it. But it's exhausting constantly having to give that extra push. If I do that I won't have any energy left for other things. And most of all it's humiliating... I'm not willing to live like that anymore. But it's an old pattern I still need work on to let go of.
My 7 year old has alway been overwhelmed with cleaning up, asking her sends her into meltdiwn. I like to cater to her world so she is comfortable buy she needs to learn to clean up her own mess. I'm also autistic and all the cleaning and arguing sends me into meltdown also. What do you suggest I say to her
THIS! My mom still says those exact things to me and doesn’t have any sympathy or patience for me at all. I have to mask the hardest around her. I just went to the doctor to get a referral for a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis, and the doctor randomly (like completely randomly for no reason whatsoever) said “we all have to put on our big girl panties and just do things.” I was like?? I didn’t even tell you there was anything I’m unable to do so why the fuck did feel the need to say that? Like yeah, there are a lot of things I struggle to do, but I didn’t even tell her that. She just offered that little statement as if she had cured me or something. Then she said “I don’t know, mental health isn’t really my expertise” like yeah no shit, doc
@@bleeknee28 Hey Jamie! I have the same issue with my son, who is a Freshman, about homework. We have been working with the school and at home and are trying to have him do it at different times of the day and also to give him more autonomy with doing it. Maybe if you have a specific time of day for her to clean up for 15 minutes or so to make it part of her daily routine. I understand the struggle and how much stress that it puts on you. I have meltdowns from dealing with my sons homework struggles as well.
@@bleeknee28Maybe I'm 3 years late but here is my two cents: Yeah more autonomy perhaps. No strict commands or time limits. (I started to like cleaning when I did this with myself. It took 25 years lol) Explain her WITH LOGIC what kind of messes should be cleaned up soon and what kind of messes can wait longer. "Look, juice spill like this is easy to clean up when it's wet but if it dries up it becomes sticky. Next time you know what to do." When she has forgotten to clean up something maybe place some of her toys to guard the mess and casually mention "oh looks almost like he wants you to clean up that mess, what do you think?" That would have been so fun to me lol.
God I wish people would just ASK me what will help. I’m not diagnosed and not really looking to be, but the traits and difficulties I have that I think are probably due to autism have caused pretty bad social anxiety, among other things. People give me advice on it that probably works for neurotypicals with social anxiety but that doesn’t help me in the slightest (stuff like “go with the flow! Don’t overthink it!” Which doesn’t help when I’m anxious because I truly don’t KNOW what I’m expected to do to pass as neurotypical). There are things people can do to help but they’re often not what they assume. I wish they’d just ask me.
"Autism is not shyness" Very well said! These are definitely two things a lot of people in my environment get mixed up when it comes to my presentation ;)
I find that I am very comfortable with others knowing I am autistic. I don't really socialise but I find that when people speak to me I enjoy the exchange as long as it doesn't drag on, and when I drop in the fact I have autism they are far more relaxed with me, mainly because they understand why I am distant and avoid eye contact. People also appreciate honesty, and in turn I feel I can be myself. Noone should have to be an unpaid actor for life.
I love your entire comment, and that last line will stick with me forever: "No one should have to be an unpaid actor for life." I have always, always just wanted people to have honest, open communication. That is how my brain functions, and the world would be so much easier to navigate that way.
I'm glad u mentioned the struggle of other people listening to phonecalls u are making. I can not deal with it. Even when making non professional phonecalls, it makes me super uncomfortable if even my husband or family/friends are listening. It comes across as me wanting to hide something, but that's not the reason. Also want to talk about asking to leave a voicemessage after the beeb... I want to make this clear for people: finally getting myself to make that necessary phonecall is already a big deal for me. Then having to leave a voicemessage in order to be called back😭 I can't do it 🤷♀️ Please don't assume that it's something small for everyone. I'm simply not gonna do it, it feels painful to me and I guess I'm not the only one.
@Things I Like Ah yeah I can see how that helps u :) Preparing what to say helps me too when I have to call services to get information! For me with the voicemessages it's not so much about not knowing what to say, cause I could just keep it simple by giving my name and asking to call back. It's more the fact that I'm being recorded and me being all awkward is there forever on tape. Somehow makes me feel like I have to perform...and makes me anxious,nervous and then blocked. Haha sounds crazy now that I'm explaining it. I have it also with voice messages on Whatsapp, even to people I know well. I don't understand how other people can be so casual about it, I find it terrifying. The feeling reminds me of having to speak in front of the classroom while dying inside. And then worrying after if u came across as weird. It just takes away way too much of my mental energy.
I'm with you. The other day I was on-call, and the rest of the staff were having a training session. I took a call, realised the room was quiet, and I turned around - there were at least 10 faces looking at me listening in on my side of the call. I had to ask them all to go away (probably in a very ASD way - that is, it wasn't too subtle!) to finish the call. I HATE being listened to!!
YES! On Sensory Sensitivity and Sensory Seeking. My son, diagnosed at 14 years old is definitely Sensory Seeking. He plays the drums, loves flashy lights, loves noise and anything Metal Rock. My daughter 9 and undiagnosed ran away from me in Tescos last year, hands covering her ears. When I caught up with her she repeated over and over "Need to go home Mummy, too noisy" I think she must have said it for a good few minutes before we could calm her down. She done it in school as well a few months ago. She ran from the dinner hall, because it was too noisy and found the ICT room, under a table, in relative dim light to be better. I just hope they "professionals" see what we see as parents. After doing so much research on Autism (and still lots more to learn) I think she definitely is. But without that diagnosis, supports will not be put in place, treated as a neuro-typical and she will get more anxious at school. That scares me as her Mum, who only wants the best for her :( Sometimes I wish Tony Attwood was the one we were seeing. Sadly, he is on the other side of the world, and I am in Scotland.
I am on the spectrum, I also play rock bass and guitar at high volumes. I don’t like noise, but what I play or choose to listen to is not noise to me, every thing else is. Maybe I like my music loud because it drowns out all the other noise. I also need music when I ride my bike or do yard work. Sometimes silence is deafening, I can hear blood rushing through my ears in a pulsing pattern and that can drive me nuts.
@@jayandriot6454 I definitely know this feeling. Every time I'm sad, angry or upset, I play really loud metal, to calm me down and to stop the overthinking pattern in my head :)
A lot of the time I feel like I need to show people that I have autism, because for other people I don’t seem autistic, and the things I struggle with aren’t stereotypical at all. I like your videos, thank you 💛☺️
You describe a lot of things I dealt with. Born in 79. Did not get support at all. Many psychologist visits and many different psychologist visits. Maybe my parents were in denial. This video has triggered a lot of things and I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s helping me reflect on how my behavior that I was shamed for was normal.
Dan Wheeler my parents are definitely in denial, which is not helpful for getting a diagnosis at 45! They see autism as something shameful, which makes me sad.
Great tips! Definitely the direct and honest communication. Time to respond is SO important as well! Some people make the mistake of asking a question, waiting for one breath, and then keep asking or prompting, which feels like an attack haha
Employers: Speaking as someone who recently left a job mostly because my employer 'didnt like the expression on my face', and 'officially reprimanded' me for said expression.... while I was seriously depressed because of competitive social dynamics that they actively encouraged in the workplace, my advice is -- Don't pull that crap. I don't necessarily have much control over my expression. Making judgements and hurting people because of what their faces look like is seriously uncool. And because of this difficulty I will never, ever do well in any workplace that thrives around competitive social dynamics. I struggle even with regular, ordinary social dynamics. And aggressively reprimanding me for my expressions is not going to improve the expressions on my face or have any impact on my behaviour, because any comment you make about my attitude or expression is completely bewildering. And stresses me out even more. And in some situations it can even be morally reprehensible. You could be seriously harming someone. All of these actions on the part of an employer can cause extremely significant and unresolvable stress (I mean, other than just quitting, which is also very hard for me-Google 'freeze loop' and 'autism and problems with change'). This extreme stress can then cause all kinds of other health issues, including compromised immune systems, including PTSD, etc. This is not an exaggeration, this is reality. Social dynamics can actually cause certain people PTSD. So dont give your employees PTSD. That's just generally not a good idea. Thanks for your help with this.
Love this comment I could never hold down a job more than 3 months and all this was a big part of it and I really don’t think I could ever work again I am terrified of that evironment
Very important subject, thanks for sharing! I had very traumatic work experiences cause of being socially misunderstood etc. I ended up completely burned out at age 25. Was bedridden/housebounded for years with serious hormonal issues(cortisol!)from the chronic stress and developped many health problems. Now at age 30 already 5 years unemployed. Struggling financially but still prefere to be in this situation in stead of going trough that hell again, my body goes in fight or flight mode just by thinking about it. The toppic of autism within workinvironments has to be taken very serious, the concequences of it going wrong are huge and can be lifelong.
Thanks for being so honest, it’s awful you went through this. Workplaces are missing out on decent workers if they don’t make adjustments for autistic people.
Aim for an even exchange when speaking to us instead of smothering us by doing 90% of the talking. Also, we need to be Accepted for who we are right now, not given positive r negative reinforcement to “fix” us into becoming someone else
I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 11. I'm now in college. I was home schooled for most of my life, so college was a new experience for me, both good and bad. The classes were large and also rather loud because of everyone speaking at once, the florescent lighting was too harsh for me, and group projects were a nightmare. Some of the classes were also not well structured, which bothered me because I need a schedule and rules to work by, and I wasn't allowed to wear my headphones during writing assignments or online math classes; this was especially bad for me since I tend to feel overloaded without my headphones over my ears, as weird as that may sound. It's not like I didn't understand school rules or anything--I understood them clearly--but my issue was that I felt like my senses were out of control and I felt drained. Relationships with people are difficult, as well. I'm often told that I don't look or act autistic, even though I spent years masking my autistic traits because they bothered people. I'm pretty obsessive with things like books, video games, anime, and music (which I now realize are my special interests) so I would either force myself to not act obsessive and crazy, or pass it off for a fangirl moment if I did. I also would refuse to stim simply because old friends thought it was weird. However, I began to accept myself for who I was last year. I began to tell my professors about my autism, though I didn't expect any special treatment nor would I accept it, and sometimes my classmates depending on the situation. I found friends who accepted my autism and even thought it was cool; in fact, one of my friends bought me a popsocket for my phone so I could stim in public, which was probably one of the best gifts ever. Most importantly, I learned that the thing that helps me the most with my autism is when people close to me ask "What do you need?" or "How can I help?" Perhaps it was all the years of hiding it due to stigma, or because so few people had cared about how the world affected me, but it warms my heart when people ask me those questions. I'm not great at expressing my needs, but they still understand what I'm trying to convey anyway. So as a word of advice, try asking how an autistic feels. It may not work for everyone, but a simple question can go a long way when helping someone. Sorry for the long story, by the way. I figured it was necessary to talk about my situation before I went into advice...
That was helpful. I just figured out that both me and my elderly mother are on the spectrum after my son was diagnosed with probable ASD. I didn’t realize that sensory seeking was a thing. My Mom always has her radio and the tv on and then will watch videos on her tablet on top of this. I am the opposite and cannot have ANY noise. It overwhelms me. I understand now why she always has everything on all of the time now. Thank you!
Off topic from the video but thank you for having captions on all your videos (at least all the ones I've watched) I don't have hearing that but my sensory issues make it hard to figure out whatever being said in videos sometimes and it's really nice to have accurate captions here
I try to do them when I can (but don't have them on everything by any means). I appreciate there are many who benefit, and when I haven't, it's usually because I ran out of time. Hopefully moving forward I can find a way to be more consistent. Thanks for commenting
Y’know, if I had less days sitting alone in school, less nights at home searching for someone to talk to, and more weekends hanging out, life would be easier. But I think that’ll go for anyone.
I know that most autistic people have very different experiences but your videos always make me want to cry because I've never related to someone so much. I am undiagnosed so your videos are very affirming for me. Please continue to make content it really helps me to explain to the people that are close to me why I do what I do. I can't explain it myself. There's a disconnect between my brain and my mouth, especially when it comes to explaining how I feel.
I see your hoodies and I want one so bad, I know where some of my paycheck is going. The part where your talking to bosses... thank you. Thankfully I work in an understanding work environment. My boss knows I work best when left to my own devices with minimal restrictions, frequent (small) breaks, the option to step away for a moment if need be, and with some reasonable and forewarned variety in my work (because ADHD). The environment is structured in a way that I don't actually mind the changes in routine. Seriously each item has a place (or two at most), each chemical is strictly used for certain things, each area has a set of tasks you must complete for it to be clean but you're free to do them in whichever order you wish. You're free to organize your cart how you wish, pick up whichever extra tasks you wish, and to break your work down how you wish. There's no pressure to interact with others if you don't feel like it; beyond what is typical to complete your work. Headphones are allowed even..... but the pay sucks. People (especially Autistic people) don't quit jobs, they quit bosses. If you treat you workers right they'll treat you company right.
I am not autistic, at least no official diagnosis and I am not sure, if the points I seem to 'fit' are enough, but on bad days I am close to a meltdown, when I am in the supermarket and realise they have rearranged their items again. It`s excrutiating to run around the shop and try to find the stuff I wanted to buy. I sometimes then forget items I needed to buy and asking the staff is also not really an option as I am already struggeling to keep it together, having to ask someone is in this situation just too much. So, stop constantly rearranging the supermarket to keep shoppers longer in there to make them impulse buy...
I have a fun little question for anyone interested in answering: do you find it easier to interpret facial expressions in movies (non animated) than when you're in a social situation yourself? I'm in the process of considering being on the spectrum and I personally find people's expressions in movies a lot easier to understand and figure out what they mean than I do in real life. Any thoughts?
5:00 to 8:30 your like female version of me. I get even deeper in group settings neurological, Of Aspergers/autism person. I have to sub science think do I look the person in the eyes. Do I read emotions in the eyes. Do I read facial expression. Do I say this random though in my head to interrupt them, Is my face looking miserable go I put a smiling on my face. I'm not feeling miserable it contention from my brain to face is delayed or not working at all. Am I talking to quiet in my voice. Am I using the right tone of voice. Also the noise if the restaurant loud I'm having filter out the news to here. But then having to think filter out the noise is another subconscience though which is detracting me of the subsonscience though of how to communicate and just is even one on one. I said something very similar in Stephanie eye contact video. Stephanie mentioned you in her video to.
It’s nice to finally understand why it destroys me to have to make phone calls (just like you described more or less). Though I now also know that won’t change. 🤷♂️
My advice: Believe us. Include us. Listen to us. Change your own expectations and habits to meet us halfway; DON'T expect us to do all the work, because what comes easy to you is exhausting for us. Share the load. Don't make us do all of the educating; educate yourself. Be ready to be wrong about your interpretations of what we think and feel, and accept that even if something doesn't make sense to you or you don't experience it yourself, it's real for US.
I really love this video. I wish when I was able to work that especially bosses would do these kinds of things. I would have functioned so much better, and been able to continue working longer. Do to a pretty traumatic telephone job I had, in which you were constantly being yelled at or cussed out because of something trivial, I can't do phones much at all anymore. So now I am super grateful when there is an option for chat, or email. That way I can deal with the issues without having to work myself up for phone call.
I have trouble with this concept because I think that when people label somebody as just wanting attention, or being manipulative, it's not an accurate assessment. Regardless of if they're autistic or not, the person probably has something deeper going on. If a person is disinclined to see that, then I'm at a loss as to how they're going to analyze someone to an accurate extent in any situation.
I adore your channel! You put so many things into words, and so well, that I never could put into words and communicate otherwise about my autistic experience or needs! Thank you SO much for making these videos ❤️
I struggle with chronic migraines & I totally get why people on the autism spectrum may have trouble with different types of lighting. I have trouble with flourescent lighting, which made my school days a nightmare. And now LED lighting has come out, I honestly can't tell you which is worse. Flourescent lighting seems to give me a build up of pressure over time, so I would have frequent migraines, but LED lighting is more intense, so I get the reaction much quicker. So with the awful flourescent lighting my school essentially prevented me from getting their covetted 100% attendance award! Thanks!
Really amazing video thank you , I'm so excited to get my assessment to get this help sadly my appointment was cancelled due to the virus in may but I know im so close ❤️
Restrictive eating is something i still struggle with and always have. Textures is just a huge sensory thing for me but I'm trying to get better about it or find more options that are good!
I need lower lighting. Noise is sometimes fine. I like music, but my phone drives me nuts. Noise cancelling, or noise that's normal in the area I work is perfect
Things came to a head in the office, the environment was just wrong for me and too stressful. I had occupation health recommend I work from home but senior managers ignored their recommendation... I was happy to compromise with part hours in the office part at home, turns out they don’t value me or my skills. I’m leaving.
I'm on a waiting list for an autism diagnosis (so currently self diagnosed, I was socialised as female) and while I completely understand that emails are a lot less stress for many people, I'm actually the opposite. Emailing/texting, any written communication which isn't an academic essay and is with someone who might "judge" what I say, is absolute hell for me. I rewrite and examine what I've put so many times before pressing send, because I really have no idea what I should be communicating half the time, or how to communicate it in a respectful/proper way. So for me, phone calls and in person conversations are often better because I can just say what I need to communicate and more info is needed it can be asked for. What would take me hours/days/weeks in email or text, can take me a few minutes/hours in one-on-one conversation because I'm not stressing so much about everything I say. The more ways we have to initiate a conversation or communicate something, the better, because of course everyone's needs are different. I wonder if this is something other neurodiverse people have experienced? I do have a very chatty family so have managed to learn a lot of conversational cues.
You didn't do it number section like TAW does. Like you did the number section before. I Can match of each point in the video time. 11:00 Lights I'm not to bad. But I struggle with noises the sharp pitch, sudden noises. Yapping dogs, building work etc.
can someone pls tell me how do i make my autistic friend feel better emotions as he struggles with emotions and idk how to help him so can someone pls tell me??
10:40 oh yes, oh yes 👏 👏 👏 your lighting [mute it, quieten it, still it] 👏 👏 👏 if you manage a shop, please turn down the music 👍 👍 if you have a business, is there a non-telephone way to contact you? 👍 the culture of just calling people up is very distressing 👍 and for bosses, think about your arbitrary rules ❤ 💙 💜 like no wearing headphones at your desk ❤ or you don't allow people to work from home ❤ ... or obligatory team-building exercises ❤ 12:40 trying to work in a noisy environment can be impossible for us 👍 👏 👏 👏 working five days a week in an office can really drain us and head to burn out 👍 👍 so, it makes sense to take care of your staff, period] ❤ autistic people can provide so much value to you if you give us a chance ❤ 12:53 amplify autistic voices ... lift them up ... follow autistic voices ... because our voices have historically been squashed ... 13:10 our voices are worth listening to ❤
Do you know of any information anywhere into if pregnancy affects women on the autism spectrum differently to neurotypical people. I am pregnant with my second child and I swear I don't feel 'it' right. I guess I was looking for some literature or research that would help me feel ok through this again. No, not okay. So I understand it. IF that makes sense. Anyay, anything would help...or to hear others stories maybe?? Cheers.
I love your autism videos sam thanks girl I'm autistic to I'm 40 yrs old I'm sincery. Sincitive to I'm actually. Hyper sincatove. My 5 sinces. Works as good as a animals I have hearing is a good as a wolf and smell like as strong as a t rex. And my eye sight is like a falcon
When many people are talking in group therapy, I get talked over So I just shut up. I get mad because people talk over me and speak when I want to say something but I can't get into the conversation what I'm trying to say. Or I get marginalized in some other type of way
Ironically, it would have been helpful to not have all the sparklies, as they're distracting, attention stealing little bar stewards. Movement / visual changes at least rival audio stimuli as distracting / irritating for me. Thus, the worst living nightmare for me are common houseflies. So. Much. AAAGGGHHHH
And my hearing as a good and elegant or a. German Shepard's hearing or wolf I have very good hearing my vision is as strong as an bald eagle or peregan falcon cool huh sam I'm known as the dinosaur man I love dinosaurs I know alot about dinosaurs. Sorcificly the raptors and tyrannosaurus rex I know alot about velociraptors and utahraptor. I can teach you all about animals I know alot about turtles to I love turtles and tortoises I keep 4 pet turtles. To also I love cats and dogs and I love reptiles and I love birds like cockatiels and parrots and doves and parakeet budgies to
Tbh I’ve hyper trained myself to read facial expressions. I don’t know who else has done this but I have and for that reason i really need people to pay attention to them too. Might sound a little rude but Nerotypical people could y’all just pay a little closer attention to yourselves too? Like I’m getting tired over here always working overtime just to understand what we’re talking about half the time because I’m trying to listen past my thoughts, the dryer, a fan, your tv, that guys headphone that are clearly blowing out his ear drums, AND the neighbors cooking which smells like it’s directly under my nose that’s pointed down because you just pulled your eyebrows together after you said my name which means your probably upset and now my anxiety is screaming at me like a banshee INSIDE my head with everything else I’ve been trying to process that I’ve been trying not to stare at because that ruuuuuuude. Like... come on at least pay extra attention to your face please
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
Do other autistic people have suggestions for how to help?
I don't know if this counts, because it's not necessarily something you actively do, but please drop your biases on things you might not consider age-appropriate. Just because someone likes to have a stuffed animal around, is a fan of Winnie-the-Pooh or likes to color children's coloring books, that doesn't mean, that they don't have the cognitive abilities of an adult, or that they aren't as smart, just because they might act childish or find things made for children comforting.
And obviously let autistic people stim, if it's not disruptive
In family settings it helps me a great deal if I am allowed to come and go as I please.
Just be OK with it when I leave the room for half an hour and sit somewhere on my own with my mobile phone.
That way I don't have to fake a big poop of I need time to cool down my senses.
Regina Winter Oh yeah. I call that recharging my batteries in a social setting.
All of the above are awesome advice!
I don't know if this happens to many others, but please, stop assuming I intend something else than what I am saying! I mean what I mean, no hidden games, no second of third interpretations... It is frustrating especially in a family setting, in which you should be able to be open about things. You try your hardest to express something the most clear way possible and for some weird bias everyone is angry. (e.g. If I tell you that I want to do something bc my way of doing it is more efficient, like tracing which busses we will take, there is no more judgement of character, I letteraly mean that I decided for it bc of efficiency, not bc I hate you or I am subdely making some passive aggressive remark and am saying you dont do your job right.... It is as simple as it sounds, efficiency.... Or another, if I am closing my ears or moving away bc the sound is bothering me, it is bc the sound is bothering me, not bc I have some kind of remark or vendetta or whatever... It bothers, I move).
Best wishes to yall 🐸⭐
The biggest help people can offer me is allowing me to speak up a about my struggles and to take them into account. Growing up hearing all the time things like "just try harder/ we all have to do things we don't enjoy/ don't be so sensitive" etc... it made me believe that me experiencing discomfort or struggling is actually not a valid reason at all to not do something. I still have that voice in my head telling me to not act silly and just do it. But it's exhausting constantly having to give that extra push. If I do that I won't have any energy left for other things. And most of all it's humiliating... I'm not willing to live like that anymore. But it's an old pattern I still need work on to let go of.
My 7 year old has alway been overwhelmed with cleaning up, asking her sends her into meltdiwn. I like to cater to her world so she is comfortable buy she needs to learn to clean up her own mess. I'm also autistic and all the cleaning and arguing sends me into meltdown also. What do you suggest I say to her
THIS! My mom still says those exact things to me and doesn’t have any sympathy or patience for me at all. I have to mask the hardest around her. I just went to the doctor to get a referral for a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis, and the doctor randomly (like completely randomly for no reason whatsoever) said “we all have to put on our big girl panties and just do things.” I was like?? I didn’t even tell you there was anything I’m unable to do so why the fuck did feel the need to say that? Like yeah, there are a lot of things I struggle to do, but I didn’t even tell her that. She just offered that little statement as if she had cured me or something. Then she said “I don’t know, mental health isn’t really my expertise” like yeah no shit, doc
@@bleeknee28 Hey Jamie! I have the same issue with my son, who is a Freshman, about homework. We have been working with the school and at home and are trying to have him do it at different times of the day and also to give him more autonomy with doing it. Maybe if you have a specific time of day for her to clean up for 15 minutes or so to make it part of her daily routine. I understand the struggle and how much stress that it puts on you. I have meltdowns from dealing with my sons homework struggles as well.
@@kierasaurusfrost oh..that’s terrible. I am sorry that happened to you.
@@bleeknee28Maybe I'm 3 years late but here is my two cents: Yeah more autonomy perhaps. No strict commands or time limits. (I started to like cleaning when I did this with myself. It took 25 years lol) Explain her WITH LOGIC what kind of messes should be cleaned up soon and what kind of messes can wait longer. "Look, juice spill like this is easy to clean up when it's wet but if it dries up it becomes sticky. Next time you know what to do." When she has forgotten to clean up something maybe place some of her toys to guard the mess and casually mention "oh looks almost like he wants you to clean up that mess, what do you think?" That would have been so fun to me lol.
God I wish people would just ASK me what will help. I’m not diagnosed and not really looking to be, but the traits and difficulties I have that I think are probably due to autism have caused pretty bad social anxiety, among other things. People give me advice on it that probably works for neurotypicals with social anxiety but that doesn’t help me in the slightest (stuff like “go with the flow! Don’t overthink it!” Which doesn’t help when I’m anxious because I truly don’t KNOW what I’m expected to do to pass as neurotypical). There are things people can do to help but they’re often not what they assume. I wish they’d just ask me.
"Autism is not shyness"
Very well said! These are definitely two things a lot of people in my environment get mixed up when it comes to my presentation ;)
I find that I am very comfortable with others knowing I am autistic.
I don't really socialise but I find that when people speak to me I enjoy the exchange as long as it doesn't drag on, and when I drop in the fact I have autism they are far more relaxed with me, mainly because they understand why I am distant and avoid eye contact.
People also appreciate honesty, and in turn I feel I can be myself.
Noone should have to be an unpaid actor for life.
I love your entire comment, and that last line will stick with me forever: "No one should have to be an unpaid actor for life."
I have always, always just wanted people to have honest, open communication. That is how my brain functions, and the world would be so much easier to navigate that way.
I'm glad u mentioned the struggle of other people listening to phonecalls u are making. I can not deal with it. Even when making non professional phonecalls, it makes me super uncomfortable if even my husband or family/friends are listening. It comes across as me wanting to hide something, but that's not the reason. Also want to talk about asking to leave a voicemessage after the beeb... I want to make this clear for people: finally getting myself to make that necessary phonecall is already a big deal for me. Then having to leave a voicemessage in order to be called back😭 I can't do it 🤷♀️ Please don't assume that it's something small for everyone. I'm simply not gonna do it, it feels painful to me and I guess I'm not the only one.
I agree. Someone listening to my end of my phone calls has always bothered me.
You described me
@Things I Like Ah yeah I can see how that helps u :) Preparing what to say helps me too when I have to call services to get information! For me with the voicemessages it's not so much about not knowing what to say, cause I could just keep it simple by giving my name and asking to call back. It's more the fact that I'm being recorded and me being all awkward is there forever on tape. Somehow makes me feel like I have to perform...and makes me anxious,nervous and then blocked. Haha sounds crazy now that I'm explaining it. I have it also with voice messages on Whatsapp, even to people I know well. I don't understand how other people can be so casual about it, I find it terrifying. The feeling reminds me of having to speak in front of the classroom while dying inside. And then worrying after if u came across as weird. It just takes away way too much of my mental energy.
I'm the same way. I always have been. Thankfully everyone mostly texts or emails these days.
I'm with you. The other day I was on-call, and the rest of the staff were having a training session. I took a call, realised the room was quiet, and I turned around - there were at least 10 faces looking at me listening in on my side of the call. I had to ask them all to go away (probably in a very ASD way - that is, it wasn't too subtle!) to finish the call. I HATE being listened to!!
YES! On Sensory Sensitivity and Sensory Seeking.
My son, diagnosed at 14 years old is definitely Sensory Seeking. He plays the drums, loves flashy lights, loves noise and anything Metal Rock.
My daughter 9 and undiagnosed ran away from me in Tescos last year, hands covering her ears. When I caught up with her she repeated over and over "Need to go home Mummy, too noisy" I think she must have said it for a good few minutes before we could calm her down.
She done it in school as well a few months ago. She ran from the dinner hall, because it was too noisy and found the ICT room, under a table, in relative dim light to be better. I just hope they "professionals" see what we see as parents. After doing so much research on Autism (and still lots more to learn) I think she definitely is. But without that diagnosis, supports will not be put in place, treated as a neuro-typical and she will get more anxious at school. That scares me as her Mum, who only wants the best for her :( Sometimes I wish Tony Attwood was the one we were seeing. Sadly, he is on the other side of the world, and I am in Scotland.
I am on the spectrum, I also play rock bass and guitar at high volumes. I don’t like noise, but what I play or choose to listen to is not noise to me, every thing else is. Maybe I like my music loud because it drowns out all the other noise. I also need music when I ride my bike or do yard work. Sometimes silence is deafening, I can hear blood rushing through my ears in a pulsing pattern and that can drive me nuts.
Wishing you the best of luck getting her diagnosed!
@@jayandriot6454 I always say I like music as opposed to everyday sounds because with songs I can predict every sound because of stuff like rhythm.
@@jayandriot6454 I definitely know this feeling. Every time I'm sad, angry or upset, I play really loud metal, to calm me down and to stop the overthinking pattern in my head :)
@@YoSamdySam Thanks. She is wonderful. Proud mama of these amazing kids I have.
A lot of the time I feel like I need to show people that I have autism, because for other people I don’t seem autistic, and the things I struggle with aren’t stereotypical at all. I like your videos, thank you 💛☺️
WiwyWish Did you hear about the Channel though Stephanie video?
You describe a lot of things I dealt with. Born in 79. Did not get support at all. Many psychologist visits and many different psychologist visits. Maybe my parents were in denial. This video has triggered a lot of things and I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s helping me reflect on how my behavior that I was shamed for was normal.
Dan Wheeler my parents are definitely in denial, which is not helpful for getting a diagnosis at 45! They see autism as something shameful, which makes me sad.
Great tips! Definitely the direct and honest communication. Time to respond is SO important as well! Some people make the mistake of asking a question, waiting for one breath, and then keep asking or prompting, which feels like an attack haha
Employers: Speaking as someone who recently left a job mostly because my employer 'didnt like the expression on my face', and 'officially reprimanded' me for said expression.... while I was seriously depressed because of competitive social dynamics that they actively encouraged in the workplace, my advice is -- Don't pull that crap.
I don't necessarily have much control over my expression. Making judgements and hurting people because of what their faces look like is seriously uncool. And because of this difficulty I will never, ever do well in any workplace that thrives around competitive social dynamics. I struggle even with regular, ordinary social dynamics.
And aggressively reprimanding me for my expressions is not going to improve the expressions on my face or have any impact on my behaviour, because any comment you make about my attitude or expression is completely bewildering. And stresses me out even more. And in some situations it can even be morally reprehensible. You could be seriously harming someone.
All of these actions on the part of an employer can cause extremely significant and unresolvable stress (I mean, other than just quitting, which is also very hard for me-Google 'freeze loop' and 'autism and problems with change'). This extreme stress can then cause all kinds of other health issues, including compromised immune systems, including PTSD, etc. This is not an exaggeration, this is reality. Social dynamics can actually cause certain people PTSD.
So dont give your employees PTSD. That's just generally not a good idea. Thanks for your help with this.
Love this comment
I could never hold down a job more than 3 months and all this was a big part of it and I really don’t think I could ever work again I am terrified of that evironment
That's awful, I'm so sorry you had such an awful experience.
Very important subject, thanks for sharing! I had very traumatic work experiences cause of being socially misunderstood etc. I ended up completely burned out at age 25. Was bedridden/housebounded for years with serious hormonal issues(cortisol!)from the chronic stress and developped many health problems. Now at age 30 already 5 years unemployed. Struggling financially but still prefere to be in this situation in stead of going trough that hell again, my body goes in fight or flight mode just by thinking about it. The toppic of autism within workinvironments has to be taken very serious, the concequences of it going wrong are huge and can be lifelong.
@@pisscvre69 I totally get where you're coming from
Thanks for being so honest, it’s awful you went through this. Workplaces are missing out on decent workers if they don’t make adjustments for autistic people.
Aim for an even exchange when speaking to us instead of smothering us by doing 90% of the talking. Also, we need to be Accepted for who we are right now, not given positive r negative reinforcement to “fix” us into becoming someone else
I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 11. I'm now in college. I was home schooled for most of my life, so college was a new experience for me, both good and bad. The classes were large and also rather loud because of everyone speaking at once, the florescent lighting was too harsh for me, and group projects were a nightmare. Some of the classes were also not well structured, which bothered me because I need a schedule and rules to work by, and I wasn't allowed to wear my headphones during writing assignments or online math classes; this was especially bad for me since I tend to feel overloaded without my headphones over my ears, as weird as that may sound. It's not like I didn't understand school rules or anything--I understood them clearly--but my issue was that I felt like my senses were out of control and I felt drained.
Relationships with people are difficult, as well. I'm often told that I don't look or act autistic, even though I spent years masking my autistic traits because they bothered people. I'm pretty obsessive with things like books, video games, anime, and music (which I now realize are my special interests) so I would either force myself to not act obsessive and crazy, or pass it off for a fangirl moment if I did. I also would refuse to stim simply because old friends thought it was weird.
However, I began to accept myself for who I was last year. I began to tell my professors about my autism, though I didn't expect any special treatment nor would I accept it, and sometimes my classmates depending on the situation. I found friends who accepted my autism and even thought it was cool; in fact, one of my friends bought me a popsocket for my phone so I could stim in public, which was probably one of the best gifts ever. Most importantly, I learned that the thing that helps me the most with my autism is when people close to me ask "What do you need?" or "How can I help?" Perhaps it was all the years of hiding it due to stigma, or because so few people had cared about how the world affected me, but it warms my heart when people ask me those questions. I'm not great at expressing my needs, but they still understand what I'm trying to convey anyway. So as a word of advice, try asking how an autistic feels. It may not work for everyone, but a simple question can go a long way when helping someone. Sorry for the long story, by the way. I figured it was necessary to talk about my situation before I went into advice...
That was helpful. I just figured out that both me and my elderly mother are on the spectrum after my son was diagnosed with probable ASD. I didn’t realize that sensory seeking was a thing. My Mom always has her radio and the tv on and then will watch videos on her tablet on top of this. I am the opposite and cannot have ANY noise. It overwhelms me. I understand now why she always has everything on all of the time now. Thank you!
6:06 open and honest communication is always the best
Off topic from the video but thank you for having captions on all your videos (at least all the ones I've watched) I don't have hearing that but my sensory issues make it hard to figure out whatever being said in videos sometimes and it's really nice to have accurate captions here
I try to do them when I can (but don't have them on everything by any means). I appreciate there are many who benefit, and when I haven't, it's usually because I ran out of time. Hopefully moving forward I can find a way to be more consistent. Thanks for commenting
You videos have helped me learn so much on this new journey. I just got diagnosed with autism today. But i know ive had it my whole life.
Y’know, if I had less days sitting alone in school, less nights at home searching for someone to talk to, and more weekends hanging out, life would be easier. But I think that’ll go for anyone.
I know that most autistic people have very different experiences but your videos always make me want to cry because I've never related to someone so much. I am undiagnosed so your videos are very affirming for me. Please continue to make content it really helps me to explain to the people that are close to me why I do what I do. I can't explain it myself. There's a disconnect between my brain and my mouth, especially when it comes to explaining how I feel.
Your not alone there :) you managed to articulate how I feel about my brain and mouth too.
Yes so much on the lighting and arbitrary rules. Ahhhh
I see your hoodies and I want one so bad, I know where some of my paycheck is going.
The part where your talking to bosses... thank you. Thankfully I work in an understanding work environment. My boss knows I work best when left to my own devices with minimal restrictions, frequent (small) breaks, the option to step away for a moment if need be, and with some reasonable and forewarned variety in my work (because ADHD). The environment is structured in a way that I don't actually mind the changes in routine.
Seriously each item has a place (or two at most), each chemical is strictly used for certain things, each area has a set of tasks you must complete for it to be clean but you're free to do them in whichever order you wish. You're free to organize your cart how you wish, pick up whichever extra tasks you wish, and to break your work down how you wish.
There's no pressure to interact with others if you don't feel like it; beyond what is typical to complete your work. Headphones are allowed even..... but the pay sucks.
People (especially Autistic people) don't quit jobs, they quit bosses. If you treat you workers right they'll treat you company right.
I am not autistic, at least no official diagnosis and I am not sure, if the points I seem to 'fit' are enough, but on bad days I am close to a meltdown, when I am in the supermarket and realise they have rearranged their items again. It`s excrutiating to run around the shop and try to find the stuff I wanted to buy. I sometimes then forget items I needed to buy and asking the staff is also not really an option as I am already struggeling to keep it together, having to ask someone is in this situation just too much. So, stop constantly rearranging the supermarket to keep shoppers longer in there to make them impulse buy...
I have a fun little question for anyone interested in answering: do you find it easier to interpret facial expressions in movies (non animated) than when you're in a social situation yourself? I'm in the process of considering being on the spectrum and I personally find people's expressions in movies a lot easier to understand and figure out what they mean than I do in real life. Any thoughts?
Sam, you are such an inspiration to me.
Light it up blue for NHS.
Especially Thursday 8pm the minute applause.
That's brilliant.
Very emotional on Thursday because they do care.
5:00 to 8:30 your like female version of me.
I get even deeper in group settings neurological,
Of Aspergers/autism person.
I have to sub science think do I look the person in the eyes.
Do I read emotions in the eyes.
Do I read facial expression.
Do I say this random though in my head to interrupt them,
Is my face looking miserable go I put a smiling on my face.
I'm not feeling miserable it contention from my brain to face is delayed or not working at all.
Am I talking to quiet in my voice.
Am I using the right tone of voice.
Also the noise if the restaurant loud I'm having filter out the news to here.
But then having to think filter out the noise is another subconscience though which is detracting me of the subsonscience though of how to communicate and just is even one on one.
I said something very similar in Stephanie eye contact video.
Stephanie mentioned you in her video to.
Cool
It’s nice to finally understand why it destroys me to have to make phone calls (just like you described more or less). Though I now also know that won’t change. 🤷♂️
My advice: Believe us. Include us. Listen to us. Change your own expectations and habits to meet us halfway; DON'T expect us to do all the work, because what comes easy to you is exhausting for us. Share the load. Don't make us do all of the educating; educate yourself. Be ready to be wrong about your interpretations of what we think and feel, and accept that even if something doesn't make sense to you or you don't experience it yourself, it's real for US.
I really love this video. I wish when I was able to work that especially bosses would do these kinds of things. I would have functioned so much better, and been able to continue working longer. Do to a pretty traumatic telephone job I had, in which you were constantly being yelled at or cussed out because of something trivial, I can't do phones much at all anymore. So now I am super grateful when there is an option for chat, or email. That way I can deal with the issues without having to work myself up for phone call.
This is just an awesome video 💛 thank you so much for all of your work 🍄🌱⭐🐸
Thank you!
I LOVE your channel! haha I also like to chant ' one of us, one of us' I laughed when you started that, so relatable x
Thank you so much for being here.
I have trouble with this concept because I think that when people label somebody as just wanting attention, or being manipulative, it's not an accurate assessment. Regardless of if they're autistic or not, the person probably has something deeper going on. If a person is disinclined to see that, then I'm at a loss as to how they're going to analyze someone to an accurate extent in any situation.
I adore your channel! You put so many things into words, and so well, that I never could put into words and communicate otherwise about my autistic experience or needs! Thank you SO much for making these videos ❤️
I struggle with chronic migraines & I totally get why people on the autism spectrum may have trouble with different types of lighting. I have trouble with flourescent lighting, which made my school days a nightmare. And now LED lighting has come out, I honestly can't tell you which is worse. Flourescent lighting seems to give me a build up of pressure over time, so I would have frequent migraines, but LED lighting is more intense, so I get the reaction much quicker. So with the awful flourescent lighting my school essentially prevented me from getting their covetted 100% attendance award! Thanks!
Super awesome video! Thank you!
This coronavirus I'm scared now.
It's like in the film pirates of the Caribbean.
"Do you believe in ghost stories? Miss Turner. Your in one.
Really amazing video thank you , I'm so excited to get my assessment to get this help sadly my appointment was cancelled due to the virus in may but I know im so close ❤️
Restrictive eating is something i still struggle with and always have. Textures is just a huge sensory thing for me but I'm trying to get better about it or find more options that are good!
I need lower lighting.
Noise is sometimes fine.
I like music, but my phone drives me nuts.
Noise cancelling, or noise that's normal in the area I work is perfect
Things came to a head in the office, the environment was just wrong for me and too stressful. I had occupation health recommend I work from home but senior managers ignored their recommendation... I was happy to compromise with part hours in the office part at home, turns out they don’t value me or my skills. I’m leaving.
I'm on a waiting list for an autism diagnosis (so currently self diagnosed, I was socialised as female) and while I completely understand that emails are a lot less stress for many people, I'm actually the opposite. Emailing/texting, any written communication which isn't an academic essay and is with someone who might "judge" what I say, is absolute hell for me. I rewrite and examine what I've put so many times before pressing send, because I really have no idea what I should be communicating half the time, or how to communicate it in a respectful/proper way. So for me, phone calls and in person conversations are often better because I can just say what I need to communicate and more info is needed it can be asked for. What would take me hours/days/weeks in email or text, can take me a few minutes/hours in one-on-one conversation because I'm not stressing so much about everything I say. The more ways we have to initiate a conversation or communicate something, the better, because of course everyone's needs are different. I wonder if this is something other neurodiverse people have experienced? I do have a very chatty family so have managed to learn a lot of conversational cues.
I like these videos they feel better than the Aspie World as I can relate to a lot of the topics from your videos.
The lighting really bothered me when I worked at target years ago
*NO* *MATTERS* *THE* *SITUATION* *ALWAYS* *KEEP* *SMILING* *;)*
How do I get a job if I have autism
amazing! I love your vids
You are AWESOME😍😍😍
You didn't do it number section like TAW does.
Like you did the number section before.
I Can match of each point in the video time.
11:00 Lights I'm not to bad.
But I struggle with noises the sharp pitch, sudden noises.
Yapping dogs, building work etc.
TAW? It The Aspie World abbreviation.
Your channel would be YSS.
can someone pls tell me how do i make my autistic friend feel better emotions as he struggles with emotions and idk how to help him so can someone pls tell me??
This helpful. Thanks.
Does anyone have any ideas for a live stream subject?
10:40 oh yes, oh yes 👏 👏 👏
your lighting [mute it, quieten it, still it] 👏 👏 👏
if you manage a shop, please turn down the music 👍 👍
if you have a business, is there a non-telephone way to contact you? 👍
the culture of just calling people up is very distressing 👍
and for bosses, think about your arbitrary rules ❤ 💙 💜 like no wearing headphones at your desk ❤ or you don't allow people to work from home ❤ ... or obligatory team-building exercises ❤
12:40 trying to work in a noisy environment can be impossible for us 👍 👏 👏 👏
working five days a week in an office can really drain us and head to burn out 👍 👍
so, it makes sense to take care of your staff, period]
❤ autistic people can provide so much value to you if you give us a chance ❤
12:53 amplify autistic voices ... lift them up ... follow autistic voices ... because our voices have historically been squashed ... 13:10 our voices are worth listening to ❤
Do you know of any information anywhere into if pregnancy affects women on the autism spectrum differently to neurotypical people. I am pregnant with my second child and I swear I don't feel 'it' right. I guess I was looking for some literature or research that would help me feel ok through this again. No, not okay. So I understand it. IF that makes sense. Anyay, anything would help...or to hear others stories maybe?? Cheers.
I love your autism videos sam thanks girl I'm autistic to I'm 40 yrs old I'm sincery. Sincitive to I'm actually. Hyper sincatove. My 5 sinces. Works as good as a animals I have hearing is a good as a wolf and smell like as strong as a t rex. And my eye sight is like a falcon
I'm curious about your blinking, do you always blink so much or is it because of recording a video or the thing you're talking about?
I have no concept of whether I blink more or less often while recording... I know I blink a lot, I don't know why 😁
Yo Samdy Sam I see. I find these human behaviours interesting.
I would like to see a little more space between edit/cuts in the video. The rapid cuts are too jarring for me, especially in the evening.
When many people are talking in group therapy, I get talked over
So I just shut up.
I get mad because people talk over me and speak when I want to say something but I can't get into the conversation what I'm trying to say.
Or I get marginalized in some other type of way
09:20 👋 👋 👋 hello, imaginary sock puppets 🤗 🤗 🤗
It click over 27k. 👍🏻
Btw: Neurodiversity, what is it? Is it autism or is it other neurodiversities as well?
Yes! Such a good topic, which I will definitely cover at some point
Good, thank you 😍
You and Jess need to Colab.
Yo Samdy Sam and How to ADHD.
ASD and ADHD cross over video.
I would love that. She was my whole inspiration for starting on YT
mood
Imaginary sock puppets for the win! 😁
I like the band the Beatles to you know of the Beatles dont you Sam there very cool to
You know I am autistic and people won’t listen to me because they treat me like them non artistic
I like cheese... Broccoli is cool... with cheese
Ironically, it would have been helpful to not have all the sparklies, as they're distracting, attention stealing little bar stewards.
Movement / visual changes at least rival audio stimuli as distracting / irritating for me. Thus, the worst living nightmare for me are common houseflies. So. Much. AAAGGGHHHH
And my hearing as a good and elegant or a. German Shepard's hearing or wolf I have very good hearing my vision is as strong as an bald eagle or peregan falcon cool huh sam I'm known as the dinosaur man I love dinosaurs I know alot about dinosaurs. Sorcificly the raptors and tyrannosaurus rex I know alot about velociraptors and utahraptor. I can teach you all about animals I know alot about turtles to I love turtles and tortoises I keep 4 pet turtles. To also I love cats and dogs and I love reptiles and I love birds like cockatiels and parrots and doves and parakeet budgies to
Tbh I’ve hyper trained myself to read facial expressions. I don’t know who else has done this but I have and for that reason i really need people to pay attention to them too. Might sound a little rude but Nerotypical people could y’all just pay a little closer attention to yourselves too? Like I’m getting tired over here always working overtime just to understand what we’re talking about half the time because I’m trying to listen past my thoughts, the dryer, a fan, your tv, that guys headphone that are clearly blowing out his ear drums, AND the neighbors cooking which smells like it’s directly under my nose that’s pointed down because you just pulled your eyebrows together after you said my name which means your probably upset and now my anxiety is screaming at me like a banshee INSIDE my head with everything else I’ve been trying to process that I’ve been trying not to stare at because that ruuuuuuude. Like... come on at least pay extra attention to your face please