I just have to say this, after watching 99.9% of your videos ( that is an exact percentage btw, go ahead and test me :D) I believe that this, and "Be Her Superman" should be your 2 most viewed videos. After suffering through my own bad break up and initially focusing and watching solely "how to get an ex back" videos, I began to feel a shift from wanting her back, to wanting to get better mentally and emotionally for myself. Now I watch your "how to be a master in relationships" playlist on repeat every week and it has changed how I think and taught me so much. I'm sure you've saved a relationship of a couple who will go on to give birth to a child that will cure cancer, .... Or something prophetic like that. Anyways. Thank you for what you do, I don't even know if you'll see this comment Coach Craig, but you and Coach Margaret are true blessings and your words and insight are food for our souls. Thank you times a million
ThatKidBryan Could be my words. Also made that transition into relationship skills. Right now I’m going to my local therapist to exercise mirroring, validating and empathize for an hour a week.
True. I listen to him nowdays in.2020 and it helps so much. And its spaceless i m in france. We struggle all with same issues in our lives. It just helps reflect onus and be aware. :)
Just had a Skype session with Craig, he mentioned watching this video......omfg!!!!! If I would've seen this 3 months ago I wouldn't be in the shit storm I'm currently in with the LOVE of my life. PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!!!!
shootinandlootin, Craig makes sense in what he says but it's all about us men listening to what the ladies want and they are hard enough to understand at the best of times, i know of a lady and nothing against ladies where she was on the phone to her mum the guy said Hun no house work done yet she said just on the phone to mum, hours later she got side tracked and forgot the house work, they fell out and she started the argument nothing the guy said to his woman could calm her down, he had a night on the sofa
I was trying to talk about something with my Ex and he let me talk for just a bit..I wasn't even done talking and he said "okay enough about that"!! What a Jerk!! My EX LoL
Almost finished with my first run on the knowledge, and starting the elite-series later tonight! This have given me alot to think about, help me focus on something positive and I look forward to book a skype-sesson with you when the finances have improved after the holidays.
I was in a situation where it seemed like my partner only wanted to connect by sharing problems (family, medical, friend drama, etc) and just wanting me to empathize. When the relationship was early I was doing this but as the years went on after a while I started asking myself "why does this woman have so many problems?" "Can't she get it together? Can't she talk to me about anything else?" I guess I just got exhausted doing all the "thats terrible. Thats aweful. It will get better soon. That must be really frustrating. I understand how that is so difficult and sucks" because I felt like that was all that was happening, and to be frank I didn't feel connected at all when I was doing that. I felt like I was in a relationship with a child who seemed to only attract drama and negative feelings and always needed a cheerleader for everything. Its not possible to respect someone in that sense.That was how things were at best. At worst I felt like I was being forced to watch someone who was always suffering but not being allowed to do anything to help (since per your video that is seen as a negative thing regarding communication). Its kinda like that video on youtube called "its not about the nail" (look it up you'll get what I mean). I dunno part of me does wonder if women understand that when they complain about a problem to men, a man instinctively wants to solve the problem because that's what will end the distress. Isn't there some other better way to connect with someone that feels a bit more natural? Has anyone else ever felt this way or been in that situation? If so, how do you handle it?
My girl is still gone, but I've started to put in "the work" I think. Started watching relationship videos and not listen to break up / no contact videos all the time. I hope she does come back, I do, but I need to put in work
This is without a doubt one of your best videos and addresses a core problem in many relationships. Responding correctly to a partner who argues with you instead of telling you directly what they want and feel is an art, and not an easy one to master. It starts with avoiding a primary reaction and instead pausing, thinking and then thoughtfully responding to the underlying message your partner wants to get across to you, not to the apparent "issues" that make up the superficial layer of the arguement. In 15 minutes you provide so much clear insight, amazing.
This is gold! I knew that I needed to learn something like this. I always felt like I didn't have the skill to be supportive and felt awful about it. I just gave solutions instead of validating my partner's feelings. I'm so glad and grateful for this video. The best thing is that it applies to all my relationships. This is a blessing. 🤗
This video hits hard for me. This is the exact cause of the break up between my ex and I (same sex couple). I approached her with something I was hoping to work on as a couple - even explaining why it was important to me, how it had been affecting me up to that point, and why. We would seem to come to understandings and a compromise, but after 4-5 months of no change, I began to feel as though my feelings, wants/needs did not matter to her. It seemed when the conversation would come up, she would deviate to me being responsible, or bring up the same reasons (work and being tired, which concerned me because work is a constant, and I am of the belief that time needs to be made in spite of those factors that will be there long term). I began to feel hugely disconnected from her (emotionally and otherwise), and arguing began. I knew the fights were not about the surface issue, and were a result of the underlying issue of not feeling heard. Despite knowing this, and verbalizing this to her, she chose the easy way out and ended the relationship. It's unfortunate because I saw (not sure how I feel now) so much potential for her and I. We were together for 8 months, and had lived together for 2. She ended things in an email a month after moving out (as a means to try to repair things between us), and I didn't respond. I went no contact immediately. It's been almost 3 months.
Great video and I am coming to understand and appreciate the Mirror, Validate and Empathize sequence. Maybe a question to address in a future video is what happens next after I've responded to her in this fashion, then what? What is her likely response to such effort at understanding? It kind of seems like MVE may lead to an awkward silence or pause in conversation. What to expect from her, and/or what to carry on with next in the absence of a response from her to my MVE?
Dear Coach Craig, thank you for the coaching mail you sent yesterday and guiding me here. I understand that this is the thing that I didn't handle right with my Borderline boyfriend, but I'm learning with my therapist, with your videos, with books about communication. I get it now and think I could make such a difficult connection work now if I could get another chance with him. Will follow your advice and hope he'll come back - not just for me but also because after all I've learned also for him, so that he won't get hurt over and over again but has someone who hears and validates him. Much love and biggest thank you from your coaching client :)
I've been struggling on the workbook lesson for this video. I've been stuck on some of the questions. I want to go on to the new notebook soon instead of reworking this one. I've been stuck more than a month. I love the video.
@@biaten Sorry. My life is so full and busy I stopped trying on this question and the workbook. But now I don't want to forget and want to start working on it again. I'm having trouble on distinguishing between mirroring, validating, and empathizing in scenarios 3, 4, and 5.
Should someone send this to their ex to help them understand why there was so much arguing in the relationship?? I would like my ex to see this video idk if it will back fire.
Timeless14 why dont you call him up and try to figure it out with him? If he was your fiance, at one point you thougjt your future was with him.....ask him to see you and watch some videos with him. Its worth the effort!!!
So what's the scientific term or the scientific reasoning for why we can be good friends with people and never argue or anything like that but when it comes to romantic relationships it all seems so difficult sometimes? For example when talking to a friend you're much more conscious of what would upset them or what not to say but when it comes to romantic relationships we really put our foot in our mouth sometimes. I'm curious as to why that is if we should know better. I have a big issue with keeping and maintaining romantic relationships yet I can maintain friendships without a single sweat. I do many right things in romantic relationships like give gifts and give lots of affection and I dedicate as much time as I can when it really matters or when I know it will matter to them but when it comes to arguing...... sometimes it's too easy to argue and for some reason I quickly start displaying toxic behaviors. I don't know why. I'm not the type that never learns but it seems like I only learn when it's too late. I don't want to continue being that way. I think maybe I'm insecure but I wouldn't understand why... 🤔
I just have to say this, after watching 99.9% of your videos ( that is an exact percentage btw, go ahead and test me :D) I believe that this, and "Be Her Superman" should be your 2 most viewed videos. After suffering through my own bad break up and initially focusing and watching solely "how to get an ex back" videos, I began to feel a shift from wanting her back, to wanting to get better mentally and emotionally for myself. Now I watch your "how to be a master in relationships" playlist on repeat every week and it has changed how I think and taught me so much. I'm sure you've saved a relationship of a couple who will go on to give birth to a child that will cure cancer, .... Or something prophetic like that. Anyways. Thank you for what you do, I don't even know if you'll see this comment Coach Craig, but you and Coach Margaret are true blessings and your words and insight are food for our souls. Thank you times a million
ThatKidBryan Could be my words. Also made that transition into relationship skills. Right now I’m going to my local therapist to exercise mirroring, validating and empathize for an hour a week.
True. I listen to him nowdays in.2020 and it helps so much. And its spaceless i m in france. We struggle all with same issues in our lives. It just helps reflect onus and be aware. :)
This section from the first workbook is one of the best IMHO - Mirror/validate/empathise!
Possibly the most important video on your channel right here
After watching this and many other episodes I don’t see how I held any relationship. I’m always in survival mode. Thanks for your guidance.
This video just brought me and my sister back together.
Just had a Skype session with Craig, he mentioned watching this video......omfg!!!!!
If I would've seen this 3 months ago I wouldn't be in the shit storm I'm currently in with the LOVE of my life. PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!!!!
shootinandlootin, Craig makes sense in what he says but it's all about us men listening to what the ladies want and they are hard enough to understand at the best of times, i know of a lady and nothing against ladies where she was on the phone to her mum the guy said Hun no house work done yet she said just on the phone to mum, hours later she got side tracked and forgot the house work, they fell out and she started the argument nothing the guy said to his woman could calm her down, he had a night on the sofa
i've learned to let go of expectations because expecting too much can hurt you so much💔
I was trying to talk about something with my Ex and he let me talk for just a bit..I wasn't even done talking and he said "okay enough about that"!! What a Jerk!! My EX LoL
RUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Almost finished with my first run on the knowledge, and starting the elite-series later tonight! This have given me alot to think about, help me focus on something positive and I look forward to book a skype-sesson with you when the finances have improved after the holidays.
I was in a situation where it seemed like my partner only wanted to connect by sharing problems (family, medical, friend drama, etc) and just wanting me to empathize. When the relationship was early I was doing this but as the years went on after a while I started asking myself "why does this woman have so many problems?" "Can't she get it together? Can't she talk to me about anything else?" I guess I just got exhausted doing all the "thats terrible. Thats aweful. It will get better soon. That must be really frustrating. I understand how that is so difficult and sucks" because I felt like that was all that was happening, and to be frank I didn't feel connected at all when I was doing that. I felt like I was in a relationship with a child who seemed to only attract drama and negative feelings and always needed a cheerleader for everything. Its not possible to respect someone in that sense.That was how things were at best. At worst I felt like I was being forced to watch someone who was always suffering but not being allowed to do anything to help (since per your video that is seen as a negative thing regarding communication). Its kinda like that video on youtube called "its not about the nail" (look it up you'll get what I mean).
I dunno part of me does wonder if women understand that when they complain about a problem to men, a man instinctively wants to solve the problem because that's what will end the distress. Isn't there some other better way to connect with someone that feels a bit more natural?
Has anyone else ever felt this way or been in that situation? If so, how do you handle it?
Every guy ever has felt this way
My girl is still gone, but I've started to put in "the work" I think. Started watching relationship videos and not listen to break up / no contact videos all the time. I hope she does come back, I do, but I need to put in work
Matthew Peluso did she came back?
Matthew Peluso any updates??
Update?
This is without a doubt one of your best videos and addresses a core problem in many relationships. Responding correctly to a partner who argues with you instead of telling you directly what they want and feel is an art, and not an easy one to master. It starts with avoiding a primary reaction and instead pausing, thinking and then thoughtfully responding to the underlying message your partner wants to get across to you, not to the apparent "issues" that make up the superficial layer of the arguement. In 15 minutes you provide so much clear insight, amazing.
This is gold! I knew that I needed to learn something like this. I always felt like I didn't have the skill to be supportive and felt awful about it. I just gave solutions instead of validating my partner's feelings. I'm so glad and grateful for this video. The best thing is that it applies to all my relationships. This is a blessing. 🤗
This video hits hard for me. This is the exact cause of the break up between my ex and I (same sex couple). I approached her with something I was hoping to work on as a couple - even explaining why it was important to me, how it had been affecting me up to that point, and why. We would seem to come to understandings and a compromise, but after 4-5 months of no change, I began to feel as though my feelings, wants/needs did not matter to her. It seemed when the conversation would come up, she would deviate to me being responsible, or bring up the same reasons (work and being tired, which concerned me because work is a constant, and I am of the belief that time needs to be made in spite of those factors that will be there long term). I began to feel hugely disconnected from her (emotionally and otherwise), and arguing began. I knew the fights were not about the surface issue, and were a result of the underlying issue of not feeling heard. Despite knowing this, and verbalizing this to her, she chose the easy way out and ended the relationship.
It's unfortunate because I saw (not sure how I feel now) so much potential for her and I. We were together for 8 months, and had lived together for 2. She ended things in an email a month after moving out (as a means to try to repair things between us), and I didn't respond. I went no contact immediately. It's been almost 3 months.
Great video and I am coming to understand and appreciate the Mirror, Validate and Empathize sequence. Maybe a question to address in a future video is what happens next after I've responded to her in this fashion, then what? What is her likely response to such effort at understanding? It kind of seems like MVE may lead to an awkward silence or pause in conversation. What to expect from her, and/or what to carry on with next in the absence of a response from her to my MVE?
Dear Coach Craig,
thank you for the coaching mail you sent yesterday and guiding me here.
I understand that this is the thing that I didn't handle right with my Borderline boyfriend, but I'm learning with my therapist, with your videos, with books about communication. I get it now and think I could make such a difficult connection work now if I could get another chance with him.
Will follow your advice and hope he'll come back - not just for me but also because after all I've learned also for him, so that he won't get hurt over and over again but has someone who hears and validates him.
Much love and biggest thank you from your coaching client :)
Wow! So I *wasn't* the one that sucked!! How many times.I asked him, "When are *we* going to do something?".
I've been struggling on the workbook lesson for this video. I've been stuck on some of the questions. I want to go on to the new notebook soon instead of reworking this one. I've been stuck more than a month. I love the video.
What part are you stuck on. Maybe I can help you. I am working on the workbooks as well.
After work, I'll see what questions are still blank. You probably can help. Thanks so much.
@@biaten Sorry. My life is so full and busy I stopped trying on this question and the workbook. But now I don't want to forget and want to start working on it again. I'm having trouble on distinguishing between mirroring, validating, and empathizing in scenarios 3, 4, and 5.
Should someone send this to their ex to help them understand why there was so much arguing in the relationship?? I would like my ex to see this video idk if it will back fire.
This is gold material, but makes me realize that my ex was an awful boyfriend
My ex fiance just didn't understand how to reassure me when I felt disconnected from him. I'd show him this vid, but we're apart now.
Timeless14 why dont you call him up and try to figure it out with him? If he was your fiance, at one point you thougjt your future was with him.....ask him to see you and watch some videos with him. Its worth the effort!!!
Excellent information coach
this video was really good
Great info!
So what's the scientific term or the scientific reasoning for why we can be good friends with people and never argue or anything like that but when it comes to romantic relationships it all seems so difficult sometimes? For example when talking to a friend you're much more conscious of what would upset them or what not to say but when it comes to romantic relationships we really put our foot in our mouth sometimes. I'm curious as to why that is if we should know better. I have a big issue with keeping and maintaining romantic relationships yet I can maintain friendships without a single sweat. I do many right things in romantic relationships like give gifts and give lots of affection and I dedicate as much time as I can when it really matters or when I know it will matter to them but when it comes to arguing...... sometimes it's too easy to argue and for some reason I quickly start displaying toxic behaviors. I don't know why. I'm not the type that never learns but it seems like I only learn when it's too late. I don't want to continue being that way. I think maybe I'm insecure but I wouldn't understand why... 🤔
Loved the video., I have a lot to work on
The big question I have is what do I do after I empathize? I feel like it might come to an abrupt end/pause
Great video
Fml i wish I'd watched this before my relationship
Fantastic!
It's crazy how few views and likes this video has lol
Thank you for a great site and video!!
This video! ❤❤❤
Take a few pointers there..top man
Sounds like trying to maintain homeostasis- makes sense!
Relationships would be easier if women just told men what they want